FWDitON.com

FWD: Forrest Gump Goes to Heaven

2009-07-03 10:41:01

submitted by kimmie_dee on 2009-07-03 10:41:01

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FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN
The day finally arrived.Â Â
Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.Â
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.Â However, the gates are closed, and
Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said,
‘Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.Â
We have heard a lot about you.Â Â Â
I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination
For everyone.Â
The test is short, but you have to pass it
Before you can get into Heaven.’

Forrest responds,
‘It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
But, nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.Â Â
I sure hope that the test ain’t too hard.
Â Life was a big enough test as it was.’

St. Peter continued,
‘Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

Â
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God’s first name?’

Â
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.Â Â
He returns the next day and
Sees St. Peter,
Who waves him up, and says,
‘Now that you have had a chance to think
The questions over, tell me your answers’

Forrest replied,
‘Well, the first one --
Which two days in the week begins with the letter ‘T’?
Shucks, that one is easy.Â Â
That would be Today and Tomorrow.’

The Saint’s eyes opened wide and
He exclaimed,
‘Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but
You do have a point, and
I guess I did not specify, so
I will give you credit for that answer.’
‘How about the next one?’ asked St. Peter

’How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,’ replied Forrest, but
I thunk and thunk about that, and
I guess the only answer can be twelve.’

Astounded, St. Peter said,
‘Twelve? Twelve?
Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?’

Forrest replied,
‘Shucks, there’s got to be twelve:
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd ... ‘

’Hold it,’ interrupts St. Peter.
‘I see where you are going with this, and
I see your point,
Though that was not quite what I had in mind ... But
I will have to give you credit for that one, too.Â Â
Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God’s first name’?

’Sure,’ Forrest replied,
‘it’s Andy.’

‘Andy?’
Exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
‘Ok, I can understand how you
Came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name
Andy as the first name of God?’

’Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,’
Forrest replied.Â
‘I learnt it from the song,
‘ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN..’ ‘

St. Â Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:
‘Run Forrest, run!’

Â
Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folks

Windows Liveâ„¢: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.

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FWD: Who needs a Harley when you have a CAT

2009-07-03 10:41:00

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:41:00
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FWD: English Countryside

2009-07-03 10:40:58

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:40:58
Slideshow attached:
124661765804_England_countryside..pps

FWD: Condom ad...

2009-07-03 10:40:48

submitted by kero on 2009-07-03 10:40:48
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FWD: Tale of Three Idiots

2009-07-03 10:40:41

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:40:41
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FWD: Motorcycle Ride on The Autobahn]

2009-07-03 10:40:11

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:40:11

The first 10 seconds of this clip, the rider is doing a ‘wheelie’, so you only see sky; but then, hang on! The speedometer on the left is in Km/H ... here is the conversion:

100 Km/H is equal to 62 MPH

200 Km/H is equal to 124 MPH

250 Km/H is equal to 155 MPH !!!

300 Km/H is equal to 186 MPH !!!

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FWD: Ten most expensive cars in the world

2009-07-03 10:39:55

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:39:55
Slideshow attached:
124661759578_10XpensiveCars.pps

FWD: Arabic christening

2009-07-03 10:39:44

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:39:44
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FWD: FAMILY DAY OUT IN ALABAMA

2009-07-03 10:39:37

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:39:37
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FWD: Meet hummer's DAD !!!!

2009-07-03 10:39:22

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:39:22

Inspired by the Gurkha military vehicle, the KNIGHT XV is an ultra-luxurious handcrafted, Bio-fuel powered fully armoured SUV. The KNIGHT XV is powered by a V10, 6.8-litre engine and sits on a super duty Ford modified platform chassis. It provides 400 hp and 498-ft lbs of torque.

The KNIGHT XV is priced at $310,000 USD. Only 100 will be made available as a limited first run. Each vehicle takes 1,500 hours to build by hand.

The KNIGHT XV offers interior appointments including Wilton Wool luxury carpeting; Andrew Muirhead leather; 6-way electric leather boardroom-style seating; Tandem sunroof glass with privacy shades; Personal side-mounted lap top stations; LED cabin lighting; Alpine AM, FM, CD, DVD navigation and Bluetooth equipment; TV Monitors; Night vision and rear op camera system and Playstation 3 (PS3). The cabins 283-cubic-foot interior is larger than the interior of most SUVs on the road today and can comfortably seat six professional basketball players.

The KNIGHT-XV is built using ballistic hardened steel making it fully armoured including ballistic fiberglass fenders, bumper and up to 64 mm. (2.5 inches) transparent armor (glass).

The KNIGHT XV is 240 in length, 98 in width with a ground clearance of 14 and stands at 100. Its wheelbase is 141 and has an armoured curb weight of 10,000 pounds. The vehicle holds 40 gallons of fuel and sits on four, LT40X13.50R20 Mickey Thompson Baja Radial ATZ tires with ballistic run flats.

Additionally, the KNIGHT XV contains an E-85 Ethanol conversion system (Flex Fuel) with California emission certification, thereby making it certified in all 50 States.

---- Specifications ----

Price $310,000 Production 100

Engine 6.8 liter V10 Weight—
Aspiration—Torque 498 lb-ft
HP 400 hp HP/Weight—
HP/Liter 58.8 hp per liter 1/4 mile—
0-62 mph—Top Speed—
Comparison of KNIGHT with HUMMER..
THIS is an IRON DEVIL …..!!!!!!
.

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FWD: The Dance.. just amazing

2009-07-03 10:39:17

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:39:17

Read this before watching -

In a Chinese modern dance competition on TV one very unique couple won one
of the top prizes.

The lady, in her 30’s, was a dancer who had trained since she was a little
girl....

Later in life, she lost her entire left arm in an accident and fell into a
state of depression for a few years.

Someone then asked her to coach a Children’s dancing group.

From that point on, she realized that she could not forget dancing.

She still loved to dance and wanted to dance again.

So, she started to do some of her old routines, but, having lost her arm,
she had also lost her balance.

It took a while before she could even make simple turns and spins without
falling.

Then she heard of a man in his 20s who had lost a leg in an accident.

He had also fallen into the usual denial, depression and anger type of
emotional roller coaster.

But, she was determined to find him and persuade him to dance with her..

He had never danced, and to dance with one leg....are you joking with me?
??“No way!”

But, she didn’t give up, and he reluctantly agreed thinking, “I have nothing
else to do anyway.”

She started to teach him dancing.

The two broke up a few times because he had no concept of using muscle, how
to
control his body, and knew none of the basic things about dancing.

When she became frustrated and lost patience with him, he would walk out.

Eventually, they came back together and started training seriously.
They hired a choreographer to design routines for them.

She would fly high (held by him) with both arms (a sleeve for an arm)
flying in the air.

He could bend horizontally supported by one leg with her leaning on him,
etc.

In the competition, as you will see, they dance beautifully and they
legitimately won the competition.

” When I watched this I didn’t even realize that she was missing an arm
because I

was focusing on the guy with only one leg.
Really quite amazing!

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FWD: OLD SCHOOL PHOTOS

2009-07-03 10:39:02

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:39:02

Eminem Angelina Jolie Bjork

Britney Spears Bruce Willis Cher

Christina Aguilera Demi Moore

Drew Barrymore Hally Berry

Elton John George Clooney Helen Hunt

Janet Jackson Jean Claude Van Damme Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Lopez Jim Hendrix Julia Roberts

Kenau Reeves Lenardo Di Caprio Madonna

Mariah Carey Marilyn Manson Meg Ryan

Michael Jackson Michael Jordan Mick Jagger

Nicole Kidman Pamela Anderson Patrick Swayze

Paul McCartney Ricky Martin Ringo Starr

Robert De Niro Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar

TINA TURNER TOM CRUISE TOM HANKS

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FWD: Very handy spreadsheet...for the true drinker!

2009-07-03 10:38:59

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:38:59

FWD: GREAT WALL OF CHINA

2009-07-03 10:38:58

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:38:58

Great wall of china ….very funny………………

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FWD: smart wife

2009-07-03 10:38:56

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:38:56

Smart Wife

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, ‘If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?’

‘No, I had to stop drinking years ago’, the homeless woman told me.

‘Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?’ I asked.

‘No, I don’t waste time shopping,’ the homeless woman said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’

‘Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?’ I asked.

‘Are you NUTS!’ replied the homeless woman. I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!’

‘Well, I said, ‘I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.’

The homeless Woman was shocked. ‘Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’

I said, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.’

You’re gonna send it on, aren’t you?

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FWD: Safety first

2009-07-03 10:38:54

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:38:54

How to hold on while the train is in motion in order to avoid falling.

I am referring to the older gentleman by the door!!!
(....but you already knew that...right?)

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FWD: Touchdown

2009-07-03 10:38:53

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:38:53
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FWD: Are Men & Women Born This Way?

2009-07-03 10:38:44

submitted by kero on 2009-07-03 10:38:44

__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature
database 4211 (20090702)

The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.

http://www.eset.com

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FWD: Itchy Old Lady

2009-07-03 10:38:39

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:38:39

Itchy Old Lady

One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch.

She told the doctor her problem and he said, ‘You have the crabs.’

She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin..

She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him.

The doctor said,

’You probably have the crabs’

’No’ she said, ‘I am an eighty year old virgin.’

Frustrated, she went to a third doctor.

She said, ‘Doctor can you help me???I have an itch in my crotch. Don’t tell me that i t is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs.’

The doctor said,

’Get on the table and let’s have a look.’

After examining, the doctor proclaimed,

‘Ma’am, you’re right, you do not have the crabs.

?
? ?
? ?

?
? ?
?

?
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? ?

?
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’This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies.’

Windows Live helps you keep up with all your friends, in one place.
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9660826

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FWD: Financial Crisis! - [O*]

2009-07-03 10:38:37

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:38:37

Financial Crisis!

The Question of the Day is…

Will the Dollar fall or not???

The moral is be a Tight Ass.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com
Version: 8.5.375 / Virus Database: 270.12.93/2204 - Release

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FWD: Another Classy Wedding

2009-07-03 10:38:34

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:38:34
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FWD: Gday from Vern : Carpentry meets engineering

2009-07-03 10:38:25

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-03 10:38:25

Ingenious

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FWD: who did 911

2009-07-02 23:54:10

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-02 23:54:10

FWD: poontos.

2009-07-02 23:53:58

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-02 23:53:58

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FWD: Ford Merger

2009-07-02 00:03:34

submitted by anonymous on 2009-07-02 00:03:34

RENAULT & FORD TO MERGE

Renault & Ford are working together to build a small car.
They are using the Renault Clio & the Ford Taurus as a
basis for the new zippy little car, the Clitaurus.
The car comes in pink, with or without fur on the dash.