FWDitON.com

FWD: Aussie Prison Visit

2009-11-20 00:13:07

submitted by Ken on 2009-11-20 00:13:07
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FWD: How to wash your entire car with only one bucket of water.

2009-11-20 00:12:45

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:12:45
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FWD: One pound deer - he is beautiful! ! !

2009-11-20 00:12:34

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:12:34

One pound deer

This tiny deer was delivered by Caesarean section at a wildlife hospital after a car killed his mother.

Little Rupert, who is so small he can fit in an adult’s hand, was born after vets failed in their battle

to save his mother.

At just six inches tall and weighing just over a pound, he is now in an
incubator in the intensive care unit at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in
Buckinghamshire. He has only recently opened his eyes.

Les Stocker, founder of Tiggywinkles, said, “Rupert’s mother had very
severe injuries. We brought him out and got him breathing, and then he
went into an incubator on oxygen. He is now being fed by a tube.”

Tucked up:
Rupert in an
incubator.

Rupert pulls
a
striking pose for the
camera.

Staff members are optimistic that Rupert, now five days old, will make a full recovery.

“Deer are very, very tricky, but this one has spirit. He’s an extremely feisty little guy and quite pushy,” Mr. Stocker said.

Asleep: Rupert takes 40
winks.

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FWD: Tennis coach

2009-11-20 00:12:31

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:12:31
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FWD: Guitar solo with a difference.

2009-11-20 00:12:19

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:12:19
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FWD: paragliding

2009-11-20 00:12:08

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:12:08
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FWD: Budweiser ad

2009-11-20 00:11:39

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:39
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FWD: Ad in New York Times...We need more "victims" like Alex!

2009-11-20 00:11:32

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:32

A must read. I love it.

This Ad. Was Posted in the Personals

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening our lives and me. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings.

I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my Jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.

Obviously you agree that it is a very Intimidating weapon when pointed at your head wasn’t it?

I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people’s in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what’s going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you’ve chosen to pursue in life.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

FWD: tooooo funny

2009-11-20 00:11:31

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:31
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FWD: laser guided attack

2009-11-20 00:11:11

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:11
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FWD: Clothes donation

2009-11-20 00:11:11

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:11

I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.

I told them to F#*k off!!

Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving!!

FWD: Woman/man POEM

2009-11-20 00:11:08

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:08

> A WOMAN’S POEM:
>
> Before I lay me down to sleep,
> I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
> One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
> One who loves to listen long,
> One who thinks before he speaks,
> One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
> I pray he’s rich and self-employed,
> And when I spend, won’t be annoyed.
> Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
> Massage my feet and help me stand.
> Oh send a king to make me queen.
> A man who loves to cook and clean.
> I pray this man will love no other.
> And relish visits with my mother.
>
> A MAN’S POEM:
>
> I pray for a mute gymnastic nymphomaniac with
> big t*ts who owns a bar on a golf course,
> and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
> doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a sh*t.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

FWD: Male - TAX CODE 2009 -

2009-11-20 00:11:07

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:07

Tax Code 2009

2009 Tax Code

The only thing that the Government has not taxed yet is the male penis.

This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in a hole.

On top of that, it has two dependants and they are both nuts!

HOWEVER: effective January 1st, 2009, the penis will now be taxed according to size:
The brackets are as follows:

5 - 10 cm. Nuisance Tax 20.00

10 - 20 cm. Privilege Tax 100.00

20 - 25 cm Pole Tax 200.00

25 - 30 cm Luxury Tax 300.00

Males exceeding 30 cm must file capital gains.

Those under 10 cm are eligible for a tax refund.

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION…

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FWD: Dear God

2009-11-20 00:11:06

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:06

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.

Can you please help me?

Sincerely,

Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.

We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful Gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those Bastards at the post office.

Sincerely,

Edna

FWD: The Devil

2009-11-20 00:11:05

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:05

The Devil

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, ‘Do you know who I am?’

The man replied, ‘Yep, sure do.’

‘Aren’t you afraid of me?’ Satan asked.

’Nope, sure ain’t,’ said the man.

Don’t you realize I can kill you with one word?’ asked Satan.

‘Don’t doubt it for a minute, ‘ returned the old man, in an even tone.

’Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?’ persisted Satan.

’Yep,’ was the calm reply.

’And you’re still not afraid?’ asked Satan.

’Nope,’ said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ‘ Why aren’t you afraid of me?’

The man calmly replied, ‘Been married to your sister for 48 years.’

FWD: Orthopedic Surgeon's Motor Cycle

2009-11-20 00:11:04

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:04

Bad to the Bone????? .................

CHECK THIS OUT!!! MADE BY AN ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON.

LOOK AT HIS HANDS AND FEET. THIS IS AMAZING!

I STILL CAN’T FIND THE GAS TANK THOUGH.

This guy has far too much money and time on his hands.

How would you like to see this coming at you in the rear view mirror?

(built by an Orthopedic Surgeon)

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FWD: Keep your Xmas spending under control this year.

2009-11-20 00:11:02

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-20 00:11:02

With the likelihood of Christmas being tight for everyone this year, I thought I would pass this excellent idea on.
Look at the house on the right:

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FWD: PLEASE GET MY BALL.....

2009-11-17 23:00:45

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-17 23:00:45

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FWD: Driving in Iraq.

2009-11-17 23:00:34

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-17 23:00:34

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FWD: Mini dancer - MUST WATCH.

2009-11-17 11:40:38

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-17 11:40:38

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FWD: Old Watch Parts

2009-11-17 11:40:29

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-17 11:40:29

FWD: Does Size Matter?

2009-11-15 23:23:24

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-15 23:23:24

Does Size really Matter? xxx

SIZE does Matter ! !

Sometimes it’s Better to have a
SMALL ONE!

What were you thinking???????

Have a GREAT DAY ! ! !

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com
Version: 8.5.425 / Virus Database: 270.14.52/2484 - Release Date: 11/06/09 07:38:00

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FWD: It must be hard to walk with shoes

2009-11-15 23:23:23

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-15 23:23:23

FWD: KEN BLOCKS TRAX STI CAR

2009-11-15 23:23:19

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-15 23:23:19

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FWD: Face-Off With a Deadly Predator

2009-11-15 23:22:39

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-15 23:22:39

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