FWDitON.com

FWD: Whether you're a dog lover or not, these pix are great.

2009-11-11 11:23:40

submitted by jnw925 on 2009-11-11 11:23:40

I really love these pix.

Whether you’re a dog lover or not, these pix are great.

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FWD: Russia_Honor_USA-911.pps

2009-11-09 11:15:22

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-09 11:15:22

Windows Live: Friends get your Flickr, Yelp, and Digg updates when they e-mail you.
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691817

FWD: The Worst TP dispenser Ever!

2009-11-09 11:15:18

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-09 11:15:18

Ready. Set. Get a great deal on Windows 7. See fantastic deals on Windows 7 now
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691818

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FWD: HEART ATTACK SLIDE SHOW--WORTH 45 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE

2009-11-09 11:15:17

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-09 11:15:17

Ready. Set. Get a great deal on Windows 7. See fantastic deals on Windows 7 now
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691818

Slideshow attached:
125776531705_HeartAttack1.pps

FWD: Who says Religion can't be funny?

2009-11-08 23:20:49

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-08 23:20:49

Who says Religion can’t be funny?

How to tell if a Catholic is driving too fast!

Jewish Olympic Swimmer

____________________________________________

_______________________________________

______________________________________________

Church can be hilarious!

______________________________________________

________________________________________

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______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

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_______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

The Woodpecker Might have to go!

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May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door!

Windows Live: Keep your friends up to date with what you do online.
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FWD: Crack in windshield

2009-11-07 23:37:40

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-07 23:37:40

I’m driving along on the highway
at 65 miles an hour
(the speed limit), minding my own business,
when outta nowhere there’s
this big crack in my windshield!!

I swerved right,
and then left,
and it was still right there!!

Crack in my windshield!!

There just ain’t NO words for this!

Ready. Set. Get a great deal on Windows 7. See fantastic deals on Windows 7 now
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691818

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FWD: Priceless Embarrassing moments

2009-11-07 23:37:39

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-07 23:37:39

> A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find the Most
> embarrassing moment in listener’s lives. The final three were:
>
> 3rd Place
> It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my
> parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for
> a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
> telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her
> a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call,
> we didn’t have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the
> stairs, the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled
> ‘SURPRISE’. My entire family parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles,
> cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I
> were frozen on the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what
> seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any
> surprise parties.
>
>
2nd Place
> A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally Got
> up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag.
> The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out
> across the store for everyone to hear, “Price check for Tampax supersize.”
> But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently
> misunderstood word ‘Tampax’ for ‘Thumbtacks’ , and replied in a business
> like tone, his voice booming over the same public address system: ‘Do you
> want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind one would belt in with
> a hammer.
>
> 1st Place .
> And the winner is . . ..
>
> This happened at a major Australian University , during a biology
> lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in
> semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, “If I understand you
> correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in
> sugar?” The professor responded, yes, that’s correct adding some
> statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why
> doesn’t it taste sweet?” After a stunned silence, the whole class burst
> out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red, and as she realised
> exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and
> without another word, walked out of the class. However, as she was heading
> for the door, the professor’s reply was a classic. Totally straight
> faced, he answered her question. “It doesn’t taste sweet because the
> taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back
> of your throat”.
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> Please consider the environment before printing this email.
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FWD: $20.00 BILL

2009-11-07 23:37:38

submitted by tonemega on 2009-11-07 23:37:38

$20.00

Sometimes we just need to be

reminded!

A well-known speaker

started off his seminar by:

holding up a $20.00

bill. In the room of 200, he asked,

’ Who would like this

$20 bill? ‘

Hands started going up.

He said, ‘ I am going to give this

$20 to one of you

but first, let me

do this.

proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, ‘ Who

still wants it? ‘

Still the hands

were up in the air.

Well, he

replied, ‘ What if I do this? ‘

And he

dropped it on the ground

and started

to grind it into the floor with his shoe.

He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

’ Now, who still wants it? ‘

Still the hands went into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a

very valuable lesson.

No matter what

I did to the money, you still wanted it

because it did not decrease in value.

It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives,

we are dropped, crumpled, and ground

into the dirt

by the decisions we

make and

the circumstances that come

our way.

We feel as though we are

worthless.

But no matter what has

happened or

what will happen, you

will never lose your value.

Dirty or

clean, crumpled or finely creased,

you are still

priceless to those who DO LOVE you.

The worth of our

lives comes not in what we do or who we know,

but by WHO WE ARE and

WHOSE WE ARE.

You are

special

Don ‘ t EVER forget it ‘

If you do not pass

this on, you may never know the

lives it touches, the

hurting hearts it speaks to,

or the hope that it

can bring.

Count your blessings,

not your problems.

’ And remember:

amateurs built the ark ..

professionals

built the Titanic.

If God brings you to

it - He will bring you through it.

Pass this

message to 7 people except you and me.

FWD: Photo Enlarger

2009-11-07 23:37:37

submitted by Ken on 2009-11-07 23:37:37
Video attached:

FWD: Dastardly Crime

2009-11-07 23:37:33

submitted by Ken on 2009-11-07 23:37:33
Slideshow attached:
125763705331_DastardlyCrime.pps

FWD: Spread the Stupidity. :)

2009-11-05 11:44:18

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-05 11:44:18

Spread the Stupidity

Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America .....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER .

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens
our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...

Eligible CDN College & University students can upgrade to Windows 7 before Jan 3 for only $39.99. Upgrade now!
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691819

FWD: Homemade masks for Swine flu protection

2009-11-04 23:51:48

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-04 23:51:48

Last resort, if you don’t have a mask!!!

We are getting all types of warning about the flu thing going on.
They are telling us that pharmacies have already run out of masks, and that
masks are an almost guaranteed protection against the flu. So they are
showing us how to make homemade masks.
Here are 2 versions you might want to consider.

Windows Live: Friends get your Flickr, Yelp, and Digg updates when they e-mail you.
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FWD: Going to work face on !

2009-11-04 23:51:46

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-04 23:51:46

too funny

Windows Live: Friends get your Flickr, Yelp, and Digg updates when they e-mail you.
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691817

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FWD: Coincidence or Not!

2009-11-03 10:15:38

submitted by anonymous on 2009-11-03 10:15:38

Coincidence or Not!

Don’t know if this is just a sick coincidence but....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****

It gets worse........

next year......

2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

Save up to 84% on Windows 7 until Jan 3—eligible CDN College & University students only. Hurry—buy it now for $39.99!
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691635

FWD: Find YOUR best friend.....

2009-10-30 14:19:48

submitted by anonymous on 2009-10-30 14:19:48

CDN College or University student? Get Windows 7 for only $39.99 before Jan 3! Buy it now!
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691636

FWD: BEER (as seen by 7-year-olds)

2009-10-28 23:30:24

submitted by montem on 2009-10-28 23:30:24

A group of 7-year-olds were asked, ‘What they thought of beer’. Some interesting responses resulted. The last one by Jack is especially good.

‘I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.’

--Tim,

‘Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.’

-- Melanie

‘My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn’t think this is very funny.’

-- Grady

‘My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.’

-- Toby

‘My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn’t have too much.’

-- Sarah

‘My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.’

-- Lilly

‘I don’t like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.’

- -Ethan

‘I give Dad’s beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.’

-- Shirley

‘My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again. But that doesn’t make any sense.’

-- Jack

Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com

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FWD: History !! Mystery !! Coincidence ?? Interesting

2009-10-28 23:30:22

submitted by jnw925 on 2009-10-28 23:30:22

History !! Mystery !! Coincidence ??

Have a history teacher explain this——- if they can.

]

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln ‘s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln .

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

]

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born In 1939.

]

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford’.
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘ Lincoln ‘ made by ‘Ford’.

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hide in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hide in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here’s the kicker…

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

]

WHO FIGURED THIS OUT?

INCREDIBLE
1) Fold a NEW $20 bill in half…

]

2) Fold again, taking care to fold it exactly as below

]

3) Fold the other end, exactly as before

]

4) Now, simply turn it over…

]

What a coincidence! A simple geometric fold creates a catastrophic premonition printed on all $20 bills!!!

COINCIDENCE?

YOU DECIDE

As if that wasn’t enough....
Here is what you’ve seen…

Firstly The Pentagon on fire…

]

Then The Twin Towers.

]
…And now .. Look at this!

]

TRIPLE COINCIDENCE ON A SIMPLE $20 BILL
Disaster (Pentagon)
Disaster ( Twin Towers )
Disaster (Osama) ???

It gets even better 9 + 11 = $20!

Creepy huh? Send this to as many people as you can, cause:

Hey, this is one history lesson most people probably will
Not mind reading!

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com
Version: 8.5.409 / Virus Database: 270.13.112/2390 - Release

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FWD: Halloween Costume Suggestions

2009-10-27 11:06:33

submitted by anonymous on 2009-10-27 11:06:33

Lots of fantastic Windows 7 offers, in one convenient place. Get the perfect deal for you now.
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691633

FWD: Showem

2009-10-26 23:24:46

submitted by kero on 2009-10-26 23:24:46

__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature
database 4539 (20091024)

The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.

http://www.eset.com

Video attached:

FWD: More Fail

2009-10-26 23:24:26

submitted by kero on 2009-10-26 23:24:26

__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature
database 4539 (20091024)

The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.

http://www.eset.com

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FWD: : There ..... I Fixed It

2009-10-26 23:24:19

submitted by kero on 2009-10-26 23:24:19

__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature
database 4539 (20091024)

The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.

http://www.eset.com

FWD: Makin Pumpkin Faces

2009-10-26 10:13:21

submitted by anonymous on 2009-10-26 10:13:21

That time of year again !

Save up to 84% on Windows 7 until Jan 3—eligible CDN College & University students only. Hurry—buy it now for $39.99!
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FWD: You want me to do what??

2009-10-25 11:46:42

submitted by anonymous on 2009-10-25 11:46:42

This is undoubtedly the most expressive picture I’ve ever seen of an animal.

You can almost hear him say these words;

You want me to do what??

The look on this dog’s face is priceless…
I’m not smellin’ those!

Get Windows 7 for only $39.99—CDN College & University students only. This offer ends Jan 3—upgrade now!
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691637

FWD: Your Application Failed

2009-10-25 11:46:40

submitted by anonymous on 2009-10-25 11:46:40

Lots of fantastic Windows 7 offers, in one convenient place. Get the perfect deal for you now.
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9691633

FWD: Halloween costumes!!

2009-10-25 11:46:38

submitted by anthonym on 2009-10-25 11:46:38

————————————————————————————————————————

A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in
a couple of days. So the husband tells his wife to go to the
store and get costumes for them to wear.

When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and
there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume.

The husband yells at his wife, “What are you doing? Have you
ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me
something else I can wear.”

The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume
and gets a replacement.

The Husband comes home from work goes to the bedroom, and
there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman costume. He again
yells at his wife, “What are you doing? Have you ever heard
of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I
can wear to the costume party!”

The next morning his irate wife goes shopping.

When the husband comes home again from work, there laid
out on the bed are three items: one is a set of three white
buttons, the second is a thick white belt, and the third
item is 2 x 4.

The husband yells at the wife, “What the hell are these for?”

The wife yells back, “ take your clothes off. You can put the
three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino.
If you don’t like that one, you can put the white belt on
and go as an Oreo. And if you don’t like THAT one, you can
stick the 2 x 4 up your @ss and go as a fudgesicle!”

————————————————————————————————————————
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