Japan Bash

KTM 690 SMC

2012-02-12T14:16:00.002+09:00

I debated long and hard whether to throw down the hard-earned cash on this beast. Then I twisted the throttle. The next stop was the bank.

The initial debate stemmed from my style of riding. I do a lot of touring, and the Honda CB1000 is a suitable match for that. The 250kg (dry) weight makes for a smooth highway experience. Harley riders will attest; a tank of a machine soaks up the minor imperfections of your average road. A 150kg KTM supermoto, on the other hand . . . this is gonna hurt.

But fuck it, this is pure adrenaline. A highly-tuned, wheelie-poppin' bike that may get me into more trouble with the law. Bright orange isn't the most subtle of color schemes.

Most of my motorcycle riding friends are pro this bike, though they say it is best as an addition to your stable. A Yamaha FJR for touring, something for the track, and a supermoto for causing trouble around town. Pending a couple promotions on that one . . .

Stay safe!

Kermit the Frog

2012-02-10T10:16:00.002+09:00

Kermie gonna make it rain!

What you got there?

It's ain't easy being green, better go orange.

Photo shoot and explanation coming soon.

January 2012

2012-02-01T21:43:00.002+09:00

Dear blog, sorry I've been so distant these past few months. I told you that my life in Japan had become a bit normal, un-postworthy, and the late nights out were spent with a glass of shochu in my hand alongside friends. You have no interest such day-to-day trivial matters. And thus I let you be.

But it's time to confess. I've been seeing someone else.

Not just seeing. No, it's more. I've been uploading almost daily. I've even uploaded to you mere minutes after uploading to my new obsession.

Ramen Adventures - and now you know.

What? You're cool with that? Really? You even admit to being approached by strangers who wanted to guest blog on you?

2012 is going to be a good year.

Satanic tax forms from one of my jobs.

Tonki is the raddest tonkotsu shop in Tokyo.

Candy.

Pre-packaged sammiches.

$600 cut of tuna.

New Year Snow

2012-01-23T23:16:00.005+09:00

A bit of rain at 6:45pm. Not really an issue, as my motorcycle can get me to my lessons in about 20 minutes. Waterproof riding gear is a given in this country. But as I edged out, the CB1000's headlight went off. The 20 year old wiring is on the outs. I debate what to do, choose to cancel my lessons (the train would take about an hour), and put on a Chinese rom-com to celebrate the New Year.

Turns out the bike is psychic. I would have been caught in this mess, though the nutters on facebook all rode around in it.

With a dry weight of something like 250kg, I'm not interested in a spontaneous drifting lesson. Maybe I should upgrade to something a little lighter . . .

These shots are all around my apartment in Shinjuku. After about 30 minutes the novelty wore off.

On a random note, I was thinking how carefreely I cancelled a couple evening classes. I don't do this often, but I never feel strange when something comes up (usually a bike issue, as I never get sick). But, being freelance, I essentially just tossed away a hundred bucks. More with the current exchange rate. Casual, like in all the hip hop videos that are hot right now.

But if I frivolously spend a hundred bucks on something, I feel really bad about it. There is a little sushi shop near my place, and for 5000 yen you get one of the best meals in town. But that shit is for special occasions.

Reverse the logic, and sitting in my underwear listening to podcasts counts as a special occasion. Correct?

Seasonal Work in a Fishcake Factory

2012-01-08T10:37:00.013+09:00

The bus was 12 hours, but at least I could sleep for about 6 of those. The other half were spent between watching Mr. Plinket reviews, facebook, and studying Kanji. Compared with the 4-across seating of the only other night bus I had had the misfortune to ride in Japan, the 3-across of the Setouchi Pirate Express (not sure) was bliss.

Upon arrival in the port town of Imabari (seems like every town is a port town out here) I noticed 2 things. No MacDonald and everyone talks like pirates. So I guess that explains the name of the bus. Seriously, the local dialect sounds like drunk Yakuza. I'm told later that it is a mix of Hiroshima and Osaka.

Skipping the only breakfast that I really enjoy in Japan (200 yen for a sausage muffin and coffee at Mac), I went with some shitty karaage from Lawsons convenience store. A brisk ferry ride later and I am at my friend's fishcake factory.

The place is in full swing. The New Year holiday in Japan is spent eating. Eating, eating, eating. Traditional foods take center stage, and kamaboko (蒲鉾) is one of those. So you can imagine that a kamaboko factory would hit their yearly high at this time.

My cross-country, overnight trek counts for shit, and I'm handed some rubber boots, a rubber apron, and a hairnet. Seconds later, I'm elbow deep in a pink batter of minced fishmeat, flour, and a secret blend of 11 herbs and spices. Could just be salt though.

The mixing bowl looks like it could take my arm off. I inquire about some sort of... oh... training? A rundown on safety? A pamphlet perhaps? I mean, there is steam shooting out of pipes, an automated butcher knife, and a spinning wheel that is covered in nails. To name a few.

"Just don't get hurt. Don't touch the sharp things."

Safety training... done.

A question I've asked of myself a lot this trip was why? Why spend a priceless 10-day vacation doing manual labor? Why, when there are ramen shops to visit, booze to drink at the annual bonenkais, and the latest season of Breaking Bad waiting for me in Tokyo.

Maybe it was because I didn't want to deal with the mayhem of another Tokyo New Year. A little time in the countryside would be good. Right? Why?

There were a few assumptions I made about what would go down:

Work would start early, which means finishing early. Or at least early-ish. Lots of free time to explore the islands.
Stuff to do on said islands.
I would have internet access (I brought my portable WiFi device)

Let's debunk! First off my EMobile Pocket WiFi was, as Murphy would predict, out of range.

There was nothing on this island of 8000 people. The drive to the nearest 7-11 was over 10 minutes.

And the work. As predicted, it started early. But an 8 hour day of work is unheard of here. Some days were 10, some were closer to 13. Not exactly challenging work, but 13 hours of carrying trays of fishcake from A-refrigerator to B-refrigerator, power-washing industrial mixing bowls, and affixing labels on packages takes a toll. On my brain.

Needless to say, each day ended with beer and sleep.

I was invited by a friend I met in Tokyo. He spends a few weeks here and there selling this stuff at fancy department store food courts across Japan. He is also the owner of the fishcake factory. He asked, I went. That's the how of it all. In the end, it's a pretty simple story. If you want details about the making of fishcakes, here you go. A big machine shoots out fish paste, then you cook it in another big machine. I guess that's how most things are made these days. With machines and robots.

I did have a couple free days in the New Year. More food and drink. Here are some photos of Matsuyama Castle. Then I went back to Tokyo. Happy New Year!

December 2011

2012-01-06T00:52:00.002+09:00

Strange month.

I'm allowed one overblown HDR photo a month, right?

More to come...

Takaragawa and Ikaho Onsens

2011-12-12T18:37:00.006+09:00

Gunma is famous for a bunch of stuff, of which onsens is high up. I checked out a couple with some friends. 宝川 and 伊香保 to be exact. But first, no morning train ride to some far off place is complete without ekiben, those lunch boxes that are only available at the train stations.

I nerded out with a daruma theme. Yes, it was the most expensive one, at 1500 yen, but it came in a ceramic bowl that you can keep. Awesome!

I once got a ceramic chicken as a gag gift at a Christmas party. Instead of throwing it away, I started collecting ceramic chickens. You'd be surprised, it's a thing. Anyways, I have a problem with collecting what can be described as junk. Just thought I'd share.

Inside was some local Gunma grub, like a big bean and some chicken.

My buddy got the C6120 themed set. For those not hip to the scene, the C6120 is an old steam locomotive that was recently revived along a short stretch in northern Gunma.

Looks like the renkon was burnt to a crisp. Neat.

OK, on to the onsen.

Nothing like being greeted by some haikyo at the station. Minakami ain't the greatest, but it's where the bus picks you up. Shitty ramen was eaten. Not enough time to explore the ruined hotels. Sorry Mickey.

Takaragawa is one of the most famous mixed-sex hot springs in the Kanto area. It's been on TV, used in print advertising, and even gained a good reputation with foreigners because some guidebooks or websites or something recommended it. Apparently, soon after the white people started coming, a bunch of creepy Japanese dudes starting going, hoping to see some titties or something. Rad!

The place is fantastic, located in the middle of nowhere along a massive river.

Sorry, but apparently you aren't supposed to make videos of naked people enjoying their bath. Who knew?

When we were shown our room, the old worker pointed across the river to some cages. Two words. 熊, 旨い. Bears, delicious. Yeah, there is a mini bear zoo at the place.

What did he mean with the delicious comment?

Oh...

Yeah, that's local bear soup. It is said to be very healthy because the bears store nutrients for hibernation. Bon apetit.

Onsen hotels go all out with the food.

It's always local fare. River fish, barbecue, miso stew, pickled, mountain vegetables, tempura, sashimi. Super bomb.

The next day we went an hour south to famous Ikaho onsen. I'd been here ages ago, and remember it was cool. There is this massive stairway in the middle of the town, and in the evening it fills with people. People who have just finished drinking a ton of booze, eating a ton of good food, and enjoying some hot springs. The summertime vibe was chill.

Maybe it was the winter chill, but it was dead this time around.

Also, the town itself suffers from a common onsen city problem in Japan... it's falling apart on the outside. Most mega-famous resort towns in Japan are like this. Atami and Beppu come to mind. What's the deal? The hotels are outdated, and though the rooms are maintained, the exteriors are depressing. And the view of the rest of the town, from up on a hill or on the 10th floor as you consider jumping, is worse. Unused shacks litter the place. Just plain ugly.

But the natural spring water here, which is an unusual brown color, is legit. Drink some local sake and get in.

How about the dinner?

That's a lot of food!

A lot of cold food!

This was definitely a case of quantity over quality. Stale, cold tempura is unacceptable.

This particular hotel seemed to cater to company drinking parties, evident by the off-key karaoke singing that permeated every floor. Drunk people wanna eat. And I suppose this massive pile would be satisfying had I drank a lot more beforehand.

Breakfast the next day was alright.

Good luck!

By the way, Ikaho was ranked #10 in Japan by a recent survey. So I guess I'm wrong when I say that you should go somewhere else.

November 2011

2011-11-30T09:50:00.004+09:00

Awesome text message of the month.

Inventive sushi at Daidaiya, a slightly overpriced nouveaux Japanese spot. Good place to impress guests though.

Monkfish stew.

Official subtitle translation for Beyonce's track. Miryokuteki.

And yeah, we are watching Glee as part of our curriculum at my High School.

Found this skater-tatooist-artist guy completely randomly out in Kokubunji.

So ill.

F@#k You Jew!

2011-11-30T09:37:00.002+09:00

Yeah, so I found fuck you jew street.

This is what happens when you wander around aimlessly.

Donate to the Tokyo Toy Run 2011

2011-11-23T09:40:00.002+09:00

This is the 3rd year that my motorcycle club, Gaijin Riders, is organizing our charity toy run. What's a charity toy run you ask? We collect toys and money, strap all that stuff to our bikes, and ride down to an orphanage. And we are all dressed like Santa. It's rad on all sorts of levels.

You can see some pictures from the 2009 event here and the 2010 event here.

For friends in Japan, if you want to donate toys, hit me up before December 11th. For anyone else, please consider sending some cash. Last year, fan's of my blogs sent over $200. So awesome! I bought the kids a Nintendo Wii. But when we were down there, playing games with the kids and what not, we noticed that a lot of them had worn out shoes. This year we are looking to hook the kids up.

You can use the paypal link below:

Guy's Shooto (MMA) Semi-Final

2011-11-16T10:35:00.002+09:00

My boy Guy had been living in Tokyo for quite some time, teaching English to children and beating the shit out of dudes in the ring. Hey, sometimes after teaching a Kindergarten class, I feel like socking the first person (adult!) that I see.

I've been going to Guy's fights, which are in the Shooto league of full contact fighting, for some years. And he's only gone up. Recently, he bloodied enough contenders to be eligible for the Pacific Rim belt.

This is the semi. This is big.

A crossover of Shooto and Shoot Boxing leagues (I don't really know what that means, wikipedia links provided) was the flavor of the day. This meant more fights, more pounding, more blood.

The event was officially called Shoot the Shooto. Check out the official coverage here if you are into this sort of thing.

Or maybe this is your sort of thing. This was the first time we had round girls.

Dude's crew was decked out East LA style. This is an actual subculture in Japan. Japanese dudes who rock lowriders and Mexican street fashion.

White dude in the back, a fighter in the European Shoot Boxing league, was very attractive, so we labeled him the ikemen.

He almost knocked the other dude out of the ring at one point. Crazy!

Here's why we came.

Guy was ranked significantly lower at #9 to Tamura at #4.

We weren't worried.

Naw, I can't lie. This was Guy's most harrowing match to date that I have seen. He dropped his guard at one point and Tamura opened his cheek.

The first round leaned towards Tamura. The 2nd Guy. The 3rd was all over the place. You're talking to the wrong guy if you want blow by blow reports.

It went to a decision.

I love this set of photos.

He moves on to the final in January. This is for a belt. Worldwide recognition. Not to make this about me, but I've been down with him for years. Which means that I get to be part of his crew. Trips to Vegas, doing coke off strippers, expense accounts. Right? Isn't that how things work?

After he destroys this dude in a few months.

Kanpai ya'll!

Day 70: My New Apartment

2011-11-09T22:55:00.004+09:00

Sometime in early September, 2011.

Apologies for not finishing this story earlier. The story of how I was illegally evicted from my apartment, treated like shit by the cops, and left to fend for myself more or less. Read more of this saga at Day 1, Day 2, Day 5, Day 6, Day 12, Day 16, and Day 31. I say, "fend for myself," but in reality I am grateful for the help from friends here in Japan.

The last part of the story is simple. I found a place, paid a bunch of money, and moved in. Located a stone's throw from Shinjuku's skyscraper district, this is a great location. If I hadn't spent all my money on the random move-in costs here, I'd be blowing it from the seedy drinking holes of Golden Gai to the penthouse bars of the Grand Hyatt hotel. Oh wait, I am doing that.

It was love at first sight, this apartment. Perfect size, newly renovated from ceiling to the floor, and an amazing view from the roof. And motorcycle parking for a mere 2000 yen a month to boot (most places wanted closer to 10,000). It's a 1DK, meaning 1 living/bedroom, and a kitchen/dinning room. My previous place was a 1K, which means that the kitchen wasn't big enough to do anything besides cook in. Upgrade!

But I lost the great view, the high tech bathroom with butt-spraying technology, and the 5 minute walk to one of my jobs. I'm all out of ginger, shoganai.

Check the tour:

So there it is, and the story here is done. I know I hinted at more of the story, and there is plenty. Just shy of 2 years of craziness. Sorry to say, I'm not going to write any of it. If I see you in person, I can fill you in on the highlights. Why no blog post about it?

Exhibit A, from a recent documentary about yakuza that I watched:

Exhibit B, an article about what public prosecutors were taught when it comes to yakuza and foreigners. The gist is that gaijin and gangsters have no rights. You can read more here. I witnessed this firsthand.

So why would I, a foreigner with no rights, spend even one iota of energy pursuing anything related to the matter of yakuza housing fraud? I was over it the day it began. I'm the type of guy who never complains about bad service at a restaurant, lest I get a big ol' booger in my food. This is a metaphor, with the booger symbolizing all sorts of unpleasantness.

Sure, I lost some money in the short run, but that's what jobs are for.

Stay safe, ya'll, and live life to the fullest!

Explain this Beer

2011-11-08T23:13:00.003+09:00

I picked up this line of beer at Tanakaya the other day. I wasn't drunk at the time, but I didn't realize how much I paid until later in the day.

Which one of those beers did I just pay over $40 for? This is not rhetorical question. The only time I ever payed more than 1500 yen there was for a bottle of 120 Minute IPA some time last year.

Sendai Enduro Riding Round 2

2011-11-03T21:00:00.006+09:00

I went up north to the mountains of Sendai for some enduro motorcycle riding over the summer. It sucked. I mean, it was cool and all, but we were on the outskirts of a large typhoon, and riding up 75 degree mud mountains is tough. Also, it was my first time riding in the dirt. I felt helpless, lying in the mud after a crash, waiting for someone of ability to come help me make it another dozen meters.

You can get away with excuses once, but what about the second time? And what if the weather is pristine?

Night and day, now I just need to work on my speed. These bikes can handle anything, and I think this type of riding is 10% basic skills, 10% advanced riding skills, and 80% pure balls.

I made a short video on the second day. The battery ran out, so I didn't capture any good crashes, of which there were a few. Skip in a minute to see actual riding.

This event is put on by KTM Saitama. One of the highlights (for riders of higher skill level) is a class with Mr. Koikeda, the All-Japan Enduro champ.

This is like getting half a day with Tiger Woods... except Tiger Woods doesn't warn you that the nearest hospital is an hour away.

A lot of orange.

KTM people are very brand loyal. There are even accessories for your best friend.

Stay safe ya'll.

On a related note, can someone donate $10,000 to my paypal account so I can get a (used) KTM 990 Supermoto bike?

October 2011

2011-11-02T01:02:00.003+09:00

Satanic mileage!

Deeze!

Refrigerator cosplay

Dude was on some other level.

He took off his shirt at one point. By the way, this is at a local festival.

Also, I know it looks like I'm making fun of a handicapped person, but he was totally normal by any legal standard.

Random dude at the bar took us out for some top notch sushi. Thanks random dude!

New ride.

More to come. Focused on ramen these days. www.ramenadventures.com

Neat art thing in Akihabara: 2k540

2011-10-19T10:49:00.002+09:00

I was killing time, cycling around along the Yamanote line's east side. In between famed Akihabara station and relatively unknown Okachimachi station, I found this rad artisan thing. Check it out!

Japanese craftsmen of any kind can set up a pop-up shop here. Rad design, the place is all black asphalt with white shops. Modern!

The shops are random. From hipster design toys:

To traditional Japanese pottery:

Umbrellas:

Some dude selling hats:

There are a few cafes with snobby coffee and a chill vibe:

And this place selling hand painted furoshiki from Kyoto:

I found one I liked, and went up to the counter to buy it. The ladies running the place were in the back, chatting, and when they noticed a customer, quickly quieted up. These two older gals had totally been crying about something! Awkward! What do you do? I didn't mean to interrupt what was probably some serious shit.

Well, I regaled them with some anecdotes, and I think the fact that I am a foreigner who collects Daruma themed furoshiki kind of gave them a laugh. Yeah... I collect Daruma and Daruma themed things.

Weekly Playboy

2011-10-09T10:24:00.000+09:00

Cop that shit! On newsstands now in 日本.

September 2011

2011-09-30T20:47:00.002+09:00

Dog approves.

The highest JR track in Japan. Exciting? There were hella tourists there.

Wrap some salmon in foil, with a few tablespoons of sake and top with salmon roe and butter. Bake. Eat.

It took about 50 shots and a dozen sparklers, but we got it.

From the Venus Line in Nagano. Go there.

Foreigner nose.

Greatest campaign slogan ever.

"So, ummm, if you're gonna commit suicide, make sure you donate your organs!"

Can someone tell me how to use どうせ in daily conversation? New grammar.

Mountain Hut Living

2011-09-17T19:56:00.004+09:00

Tent or no tent? Very few mountains in Japan are without a mountain hut. Basically a hotel you hike to. If you like travelling light, it is possible to do a week-long hike carrying nothing but clothes and snacks. The huts serve 2 square meals and have bathroom facilities. Nice!

Or is it? I have only stayed at a few before, and can say that they vary immensely. Some are bunk beds. Some are bunk beds where one mattress is shared by 2 people. Some are bunk beds where they leave out the mattress, and cram 3 into the same spot. Some will have you feeling that you have been Shanghaied and are on a slave galley to god knows where. The one universal truth is the snoring. Get ready for a symphony of old men to keep you up all night. Obviously I am not trying to sell you on mountain huts in Japan.

The food is a mixed bag of bits and pieces. Tasty, bento-style meals. I prefer more simple, hearty camp food, but this will do.

Korean snacks. Thanks Dr. You! (nothing to do with the mountain huts)

Prices have gone up since the last guide book. By the time you read this, expect to pay over $100 for 2 meals and a spot to sleep.

Another example of the food. Seriously, curry and rice would suffice.

If you go as a group, you can reserve a private room in many cases. This would be the only time I would be pro-huts. Being pressed up like cigarettes, on a rock hard "mattress", did not work in the least. Also, everyone officially wakes at 3am. I un-officially woke at 10pm, 11pm, 12am, 1am, 2am, and a few times in between. Seriously, the snoring.

Conversation had by the snoring old dudes at 2am:

Atsui desu ne.

So desu ne. Atsui desu.

Ima chotto atsui.

So ka, atsui desu yo.

Anata mo atsui desu ka?

So desu. Atsui desu ne.

Atsui da yo.

Enjoy your stay.

Yarigatake Hiking

2011-09-17T19:50:00.007+09:00

槍ヶ岳

The mountain is iconic, often called the Matterhorn of Japan. But I prefer the literal translation of 槍... The Spear.

Most hike-in-Japan type guides recommend hiking early from the bus terminal in Kamikochi, ascending the mountain range one day, descending the next.

Hiking in Japan can be... challenging.

Enjoy the... trail?

Arrows and chains mean you are going the right way.

Meanwhile, down in Kamikochi, pretty ladies from Tokyo are walking around in high heels.

And back on the mountain, our hands are looking for solid rock to grab.

Terrifyingly amazing view.

Obviously, the sunrise ascent is a popular one.

A few hundred kilometers away, Mt. Fuji pokes out on the horizon. I should really get a zoom lens for these treks.

Check out this site for rad mountain stuff in Japan, including Yari.

Dragon Fruits of the Northern Alps

2011-09-17T19:42:00.005+09:00

Somewhere, deep in the mountains of countryside Nagano.

The logical conclusion, to what sounds like some ancient local lore...

Dragon fruit ice cream.

Thanks... dragon and moon?

Weird Attractions in Izu

2011-09-17T05:00:00.005+09:00

I planned on having a rad writeup about all the totally random attractions, theme parks, and dodgy bubble economy left overs in Izu. Timing was perfect. 3 weeks of summer camp work, with a random few days off in the middle. While the other staff would take the express rapid train back to Tokyo, I was going to slowly ride the bike around, camp, and visit 80s sex museums, ruined water parks, and turtleariums. All of which exist.

But a typhoon came for exactly the days I had off. So I too took said express rapid back to Tokyo. Upon my return, had a little bit of good weather, so the multi day tour was more like a few hours.

Anyways, here are a few oddities out of the many from the peninsula 150km from Tokyo. Enjoy!

Izu Animal Kingdom

Fairly standard, depressing zoo. But it has a...

... Shinto poo shrine? Elephant doodie if I recall.

メキシカンサンド - Mexican sandwich. A pita (?) pocket filled with taco meat and a chorizo. Hot! Spicy! New!

Some poor kid made an official wish at a shrine. The dream is to have an internet penpal. Why not include your mail address with the wish, T.S.? A no-brainer, ね?

Atagawa is rad!

Onsen vents all over the place. But is something special about this one?

Yes!

You can cook your own eggs in it. A natural hot spring dedicated to deliciousness.

温泉卵, them eggs were pretty damn tasty, with a little local sea salt on top.

Up above the onsen is a whole mountain covered with windmills.

But the highlight of Atagawa, in the South East of Izu is...

The Banana Alligator Farm. For like $20 you can check out a bunch of gators, then see banana trees. Thats about it. But it was still kick ass.

Not too crowded!

Souvenirs include a banana-croc-hybrid plush.

Rad banana ice cream.

And a plate of banana curry.

I will be back again, and when I do, I will be sure to hit up some enka music museums, wasabi farms, and other random things.

Izu... for when you did everything else.

August 2011

2011-09-04T21:40:00.002+09:00

Weird bubble economy theme parks in Izu.

Hiking the hell out of mountains.

Eating.

More to come...

The Japanese License Renewal, a Comedy of Errors

2011-08-23T23:36:00.004+09:00

I set out from the hotel at about 1pm, plenty of time to make it back to Tokyo via the winding mountain roads. The weather was a crisp 18 degrees, and the recent rain meant that countryside Japan was as green as it gets. To top off the 'normal' beauty of this day, I came across... Butterfly Mountain?

Pretty cool! The route I rode through Nozawa and Shiga Kogen was spectacular. I highly recommend it (the 292 and 502, for those keeping track). The day was winding down, and I descended into Kusatsu Onsen, the most famous onsen town in Japan. I had no plans to stop, so I just continued down the 292 towards Tokyo.

But then the 292 split into a pair of 292s, and I missed the one heading towards home. No problem, I busted a sneaky right onto an alley with hopes of making a shortcut back.

I turned onto a one way road.

With a cop on it.

Oops, my bad. I know the drill; license, gaijin card, big smile and some broken Japanese. At the worst it's a 6000 yen ticket.

Scratch that, at worst, your license expired 2 months ago.

Yeah... so that happened.

The cops were actually kind of cool about it. In Japan your first license will expire after 3 years. I think I thought that it was 5, but honestly the only time I've looked at my driver's license was to show people what I look like with a skeazy goatee. After a few hours of paperwork, the cops said I could leave the bike there (Kusatsu is about 3 hours drive from Tokyo, 5 if you take a bus). They also tore up the wrong way ticket. Thanks bro!

The police station was right across the street from the bus terminal, and every 2 hours there is an express to Shinjuku. Convenient! That's what the cop said as he walked me over to the station. 'In fact, there goes one now'.

That would be the the 5pm bus passing us. That would also be the last bus to Tokyo for the day.

I thought about hitching, but the minute I made my sign, the sky opened up and it started pouring rain.

Which meant that the only option I had was to wait around until 6:40, take a bus to some crazy countryside train station, then take local trains all the way home. It's not that bad, just long, and I finally got back home after midnight.

My bike is siting in the police parking lot, a few hundred kilometers away.

How to Renew a License in Japan

Easy! Apparently I should have received a letter in the mail reminding me about the renewal. But even if you didn't get that, just go to the local driving center. No appointment needed.

All I brought was my gaijin card and my expired license. And cash.

You will spend the first hour running around to windows. Eye check, pay them, take a photo for the application, take another photo for the license, pay some more, then head up to the classroom. Now get ready for the fun! A 2 hour lecture. It was some guy just talking about how seatbelts are good, and drunk driving is bad. There is a test, with 30 something yes/no questions. But no one checks your answers. Feel free to play Angry Birds the whole time. Also a video with some comically bad acting. Then they interview a mom whose son was killed by a driver. Then you are done. Go get your license, it's waiting for you.

By the way, it cost me 5800 yen, which is 200 yen less than the ticket that the police tore up. So... I made money! Right?

Day 31: Apartment Hoops

2011-08-04T01:12:00.006+09:00

July 24th, just over 1 month after I became homeless in Tokyo.

Here's where I rant about the hoops you need to jump through to get an apartment in Tokyo. Don't worry, it ends shitty!

So first off, recognize that you will be dealing with a lot of people. There are more players than you are used to if you are from America. Everytime I rented back in Cali, you just paid some dude 1st and last month's rent and you were good. Not the same.

Break it down!

Real Estate Company - Fudosan - 不動産

When you rent an apartment, you do it through a real estate company, rarely direct from the owner. These companies are everywhere, especially near the stations.

Management Company - Kanri Gaisha - 管理会社

The company that... manages stuff. Not sure, but they probably maintain the grounds and security and what not. If you, the tenant, have a problem, you go to the real estate company. I guess they go to the management in turn. Whatever. It's some dudes who take a cut.

Guarantee Company - Hoshonin Gaisha - 保証人会社

This is some old bullshit going on, so let me explain it. If you are a foreigner, or a woman, or young, you need to have someone co-sign your place. Fair enough. But they have to be Japanese, and usually rich, and usually a relative. If you can't pay rent, they are liable. Since most poor people don't have rich family, you can pay a guarantee company, like an insurance policy.

Owner - アスーホル

This is the guy who actually owns the place. He can take a backseat the whole time, and usually does. Just some guy collecting a check, maybe living in the same building. You don't deal with them directly. Sometimes the owner subleases to another owner, who then rents it out to you. This is the homeboy who get's your reikin as well. The no-explanation gift-money that only exists in Japan.

When I first started looking, I was yet to be homeless, and very casually expressed interest in a room in Higashi-Nakano, a few minutes train from busy Shinjuku station. I dragged my feet at all the expenses; the gift money, the real estate fee, the 2 month deposit. When I became homeless, I quieted the stingy little man inside and said, 'Whatever, I just want a room. I'll pay.' Money talks, bullshit walks.

So... first month's rent is $1000, yachin, 家賃. Fine. Deposit, shikikin, 敷金, is another $1000. Ok. $1000 for the real estate company, chukai tesuryo, 仲介手数料, and $1000 for the owner's gift money, reikin, 礼金. This is normal. Now, $500 to the guarantor, hoshokin, 保証金 (?). Not bad, I thought it would be a whole month's rent. Like I said, I don't really care, I just want to move. I'll think about all the cool stuff I could have bought with that cash at a later date.

Then came the hoops. My visa renewal had been OKed, but since my passport was stolen, I needed to wait for that to arrive before I could get the new visa. Also my Alien Card shows that I have overstayed my legal welcome in Japan. So the Alien Card is waiting on the visa stamp, which is waiting on the passport, which is waiting on the American embassy. And, I don't have a stable address, so I'm relying on my work address. A job that I am now on summer holiday from. Every one of these steps requires roughly half a day of riding trains and filling out forms. And every one of the aforementioned companies is confused as hell as to what is going on, so I'm trying to explain to them the situation on a daily basis.

Then came more hoops. All the aforementioned companies want proof that I can pay. The fact that I'm about to give them like $7000 up front isn't enough, they want my tax slips from last year. Proof of income. Which is normal, but remember, all my stuff was stolen. That includes paperwork. So now I have to go to my job and request some papers. More time. Oh, I have 4 sources of income. More time times 4.

I actually don't mind wasting time on this stuff. But in the summer, I go away for almost 2 months to work at summer camps, far away from Tokyo, and don't have internet. My dream was to get the ball rolling, then be able to move the day after I got back. I was working from 9am until 9pm, and didn't get cell reception anyways, so I was out of any sort of loop that might exist between all these people who want my money.

Then the waiting game. A week later, standing on the top of a mountain in Izu (only place with cell reception near my camp), I got word that the guarantor gave the go ahead. Later still, the management company decided that I was worthy. Then, a week after that, the owner himself chimed in.

Rejected.

No reason. Just rejected.

The place had multiple vacancies, so your guess is as good as mine. I'm trying to stay away from the 'He must be a xenophobe' angle, but I can't think of any other possibility. Fucking racist. Maybe?

So now I'm jumping through hoops, again, with a different room. And going back for another couple weeks of summer camp.

Read more of this saga at Day 1, Day 2, Day 5, Day 6, Day 12, and Day 16.