In my last post I mentioned that I would be refraining from blogging (as well as many other activities) for the sake of focusing on my family. I felt God calling me to pull back from as much as possible in order to follow Him even though I wasn’t quite sure why He wanted me to focus more on my family. I am a stay-at-home mom. I carpool, I take my kids to their taekwondo classes, drum lessons, and soccer activities, I home-school my son, cook dinner for my family almost every evening, participate in my daughter’s school activities, and generally take care of my family’s needs so WHY was God calling me to spend more energy and effort in this area??

Turns out he wasn’t. He was preparing me to let Him take over in walking my family…ALL of us…through this next season. He wanted me to focus on all I was doing for my family in order to help me see that it was time I step back and let Him take over.

In a previous post I shared that sometimes in order to move forward we have to let go of what’s comfortable and step out into something new. It is comfortable for me to take the lead…to dive into myself and let God teach me first and then show the way and shed God’s Light into a struggle I have experienced for others. This time the struggle is not going to be for me alone to work through…my whole family is being affected; we are learning individually and collectively as we walk through this together. It is not a comfortable place to be…for any of us. They are used to me helping and I am used to being the helper. This is a whole New Normal we are embracing!

Sometimes though, we need to take a step back and allow God to walk us though something with our families rather than take them through it ourselves.

This is one of those times.

I have said all I can say. I have done all I can do. I have been the mother God created me to be up to this point. Now, it’s time to step back and tackle something together as a family. No leading allowed. I do not mean to imply that I am the leader for our family…I have always sought to follow God and my husband in that, but it is usually me listening to God and then guiding my family as I believed He was calling me to do, and I feel no sense of conviction that I have been off-base in any way in doing just that. However, I am being called to be a follower in this new part of our journey along with the rest of the members of my family. And, while it’s an odd place to be for me (and for moms in general I would venture to guess) I feel…free; relieved of a burden I have been carrying that I didn’t realize was weighing me down so much.

I have no idea what will be coming at me and the rest of my family in the next weeks and months. But I know this: I am following the ONLY leader who always has my and my family’s best interests in mind. He can be trusted, and I am choosing to follow Jesus and trust Him to take care of me and my family better than I ever could hope to do.

I hope you will understand if I am quiet a little while longer.

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

Just Lead! A No Whining, No Complaining, No Nonsense, Practical Guide for Women Leaders in the Church by Sherry Surratt and Jenni Catron (see bio information below), is everything the title implies: a guide for encouraging and challenging women to lead effectively. But, its is also so much more than that! As I read through it’s 158 pages I became more and more convinced that the wisdom in this book is for EVERY woman whether she is a leader within her church or not. In reality, all of us lead in one way or another. As wives we lead our husbands with the strengths we bring to the marriage in those areas where our husbands experience weakness. As mothers we lead our children in how to grow up into the men and women they will become. We are leaders within our families for how to run a household. We are leaders for other women in our lives when we share our experiences and help them see how to move from a place of fear into a place of freedom. We are leaders within our workplaces, whether in the church or not, in specific leadership roles. In the world on a daily basis we, as Christ followers, are leaders of the lost to the freedom Jesus offers. WOMEN ARE LEADERS, whether in a specific role called a leadership position or not!

As I shared before I have been called to step back from my leadership of Peace of Mind Ministries in order to step into a season of leading my family (post link). Most of my family’s life I have tried my best to manage everyone and everything, in order to keep things running smoothly and stay in control. Leadership is an entirely different set of thoughts, actions, and reactions. Just Lead! is  a great resource for learning practical leadership principles for my family. There is so much useful information within the pages of this book that I believe every woman needs to read it for herself. If you are a stay-at-home, homeschooling, twice-a-month-volunteer woman, I KNOW you are reading this and thinking “I’m not a leader!” Go back and re-read my first paragraph: YOU lead!

Just in case you are still not sure, here are my main take-away’s from Just Lead! Read these and see if any relate to what you are trying to do within your family:

• God has designed me to be a leader within my family. I want to receive His wisdom and strength to do it well.
• I am not being asked to lead alone. God has given me Encouragers and Challengers (Chapter 1) to help me keep moving forward and grow upward.
• I will experience fear (will I mess my kids up?), but what I do with it is important: Taking it inwards is destructive, projecting it outward onto others spreads it, taking it upward defeats it.
• I will receive criticism (from my kids when they don’t like the restrictions I place on them for example). Strength to face them comes from learning to sift through each criticism for encouragement and wisdom, and root out the lies I can toss away (like remembering that I am responsible for challenging my children to live obediently, not be their friend, when my son gives me an ugly reaction to a limit on video games).
• Sharpening my focus on just Who (God) I am working for makes all the difference between finding joy and peace in all I do instead cultivating bitterness and resentment.
• Accept that I will always have to learn and grow, that I will not reach a place where I have arrived (like when I get frustrated that I just figured out how to be at peace with a stage my kids are in and they are already moving to the next stage).
• Remember that I have been given the tools and strength for “Just such a time as this” (Chapter 6). No one can be a better wife to my husband, no one can do a better job at raising my children or taking care of my home. This is not a pride-filled reaction, but a challenge to take on what I have been given with conviction that with God’s provision, I can do it.
• It’s a good thing to dream big, then ask God to help me make a plan of action that follows His will and timing.
• I set the emotional tone within my family, therefore I must learn my emotional triggers and develop appropriate ways to release my emotions.
• Learing to be a good listener and communicator with those in my family is important for the emotional health of my relationships. My husband hears best when I “bullet point” what I need instead of giving him the whole emotional rollercoaster. When my kids feel I am actually listening to them they feel comfortable sharing their hearts. These parts of my family’s dynamic are important to pay attention to.
• Comparison and judgemental reactions  to other women (how do “they” always look so cute? or I would never let my kids do that!) limits any potential for developing myself and other women in their leadership roles. As a woman I can do much as an encourager and challenger to help another woman and allow them to do the same for me.
• I am raising future leaders. What I do is important!

My friend and fellow wife, mom, and do-everything-for-everybody woman, listen. You are a leader. The questions to begin asking are “How am I leading?” and “How can I grow from there into the leader God wants me to be” This book, Just Lead! can help you sort through your own season in order to answer those questions. Sherry and Jenni offer real, vulnerable experiences of their own and share with you experiences of other amazing Godly women as they have struggled to embrace and learn how to be a leader. They then offer personal, practical strategies to try. Throughout each chapter they encourage and challenge in such a way that at the end I left feeling empowered to move forward. Just in case you need still more reason to go out and purchase this book, I have tried several of their strategies with my husband and children…they WORK!

I hope you will take a few minutes now to check this book out for yourself. I know you won’t be disappointed that you did!

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

Sherry Surratt is the President and CEO of MOPS International. She has deep experience in church ministry and learning from women leaders. Her most recent position prior to MOPS International was the Director of Leadership Network’s Radical Future Innovation Labs. Her church ministry experience includes Children’s Ministry Pastor and Central Support Pastor at Seacoast church based in Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina. There she developed multisite ministries at their 13 campuses. Sherry has a degree from Sam Houston State University, and worked as a teacher and administrator in the Houston (TX) Public School system. Sherry and her husband Geoff have two adult children and a grandchild.

Jenni Catron serves as the Executive Director of Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, where she leads the staff and oversees
the ministry of five campuses. She loves a fabulous cup of tea, great books, learning the game of tennis and hanging out with her husband and border collie.  Jenni’s passion is to lead well and to inspire, equip and encourage others to do the same. Jenni blogs at www.jennicatron.tv.  Her new book, Just Lead! A No Whining, No Complaining, No Nonsense Practical Guide for Women Leaders in the Church, co-authored with Sherry Surratt is available now.

This blog post has been that task for me.

I have to take a break from writing for a while. There. I said it.

Several months ago I felt a nudge from God that change was coming. For awhile I fought it; I liked what I was doing and didn’t want to follow God in His new direction, but soon accepted God’s plan over my own. The first months of 2013 I wrote a blog series called Embracing a New Normal (I posted every Wednesday in January and February if you want to find them in my archives) in which I explored how to move from the direction I was going into the direction God had for me instead.

My continual prayer in this transition process has been for God to show me how to let go of my self-controlled comfort zone in order to more fully follow Him. He has been so faithful! I have received literally hundreds of confirmations that not only am I hearing Him correctly, but that where He is leading me is exactly where He wants me to be.

And yet, in keeping with my goal to remain transparent, I will tell you that despite all His confirmations I am still scared. I am scared that all the work I have done to spread God’s message of peace will not continue to grow or become fruitful. I am scared that I will be forgotten. I am scared that nothing more will come of the message that peace is available to every woman no matter what her circumstances.

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The fact that I am scared and completely overwhelmed as I write this post is the last confirmation I need to stand, forward-facing and unwavering, in the middle of this new path God is taking me on and move forward with His plan. God NEVER  magnifies my fears. He ALWAYS brings me peace when I am focusing on Him. Making us so afraid that we hold on to what we believe we can control is the goal of the enemy to keep me, and every one of us, from fully embracing God’s plan over our own. I choose to not let that bugger win…ever.

So, what does all this mean? It means I will be quiet for a while. It means I will be letting go of doing anything outwardly in regards to writing or ministry work unless that is part of God’s plan for me in this season. While I secretly hope that God will regularly send me zingers of Truth to share with you, I have a feeling I will be kept busy focusing on the main priority God has centered me on for this season of my life: my family.

While God may be separating us for  a little while, He has many more amazing, Godly, inspirational, and encouraging women in store for you to gain wisdom from and dive deeper into God’s love with. I hope you are already receiving blog posts from some, but in case you aren’t, here are a few of my favorites, who I will be listening too while we are apart:

• The  Mom Initiative 
•  Joanne Ellison
• Amy Carroll
• Sherry Surratt
• Elana Faith of The Bay Area Momma
• Mary DeMuth
• Michael Hyatt
• Jenni Catron
• Lysa TerKeurst

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If you are a parent you know it’s the toughest responsibility we will ever take on. Filled with high highs and low lows, parenting is all-encompassing and forever changes us. From the conception of each of our children we are charged with growing and shaping another human being…a task far beyond any of our capabilities yet we take the leap anyway. We are given hundreds of tips on how to parent well, how to take care of ourselves after becoming a parent, and how to protect our marriages, but until we actually experience the journey for ourselves we walk into this role completely naive at best.

No matter what season you are in as a parent, new challenges appear regularly. It’s almost as if as soon as we are comfortable with one season, our kids enter into a new one and we are off again to learn just how to navigate it effectively and according to our personal standards. The challenge of continually trying to stay one step ahead are daunting and exhausting. Can I get an AMEN!?!

Why then do we insist on doing it alone?

Throughout this entire series, Joanne has been trying to help us see that when we make space for God, the ares in our lives where worry, anxiety, doubt, frustration and fear creep in can be filled instead with peace and joy. In my I have found this to be entirely true, especially in my parenting! 

I was one of those parents who believed she had it all figured out. I am not kidding. From when to conceive, to what to feed my child, to how I was going to parent her (I was so much better than all those parents who let their children act crazy in a restaurant!), I had a plan and it was all going to be great. You can imagine my complete sense of failure when it inevitably all fell apart. My daughter was so strong-willed that she began controlling everything…even when I could leave her room after I put her to bed! She refused to eat the good things I had prepared and refused to wear what I had laid out for her (or some mornings even get dressed!). I was a complete wreck, she was out of control, and my marriage was in real trouble. Add to that the after-effects and emotional havoc of a miscarriage and you have a real mess.

Four and a half years after my daughter was born I was blessed with a son and the real challenge began. In the next 6 years I experienced one major change after another: a cross-country move from California to South Carolina, a complete cultural adjustment, the death of my father, a personal health scare, and (the big one for me as a parent), our entrance into home schooling when my daughter was in fourth grade and my son was a first grader. My mess had gotten so big I could hardly breathe.

I needed help in a BIG way. Maybe you do too.

I believe with all my heart that God allowed me to get to the end of me so that I would seek Him. When I did, not only did He rescue me, but he rescued my daughter and my marriage as well. That’s the importance of making space for God. It’s not always about giving you what you need, but it is also about giving your children, husband and marriage what they need too.

When I re-trained my brain (and it is a process) to ask God for His plan for me as a parent and for His plan for my daughter, and then sought the example of Jesus to follow and listened to the whispers of the Holy Spirit, EVERYTHING changed. There is no way I could have survived all those changes, especially homeschooling that strong-willed child without Him. There is also no way my marriage survived that dark time without Him. Making space for God is THE most important thing I ever did as a parent, as a wife, or as a woman. It is THAT important!

I know your time is short Mama, so here are my bullet point ideas for HOW to make space for God in your parenting (FYI, I wrote a whole chapter on peace in parenting, along with peace in many other areas of a woman’s life, in my book Cultivating Peace: Revealing God’s Peace within Your Chaos):

1. Pray for God to help you become the mother He created you to be for the children He has given you. Stop comparing your parenting to other’s children. You are the woman God chose to parent the children He gave you. Once you accept that you ARE cut-out to parent the children you have, you will be much more at peace. The verses Joan reverences tell us not to worry (Matthew 6:25-34). One of the easiest ways worry gets into our hearts is when we compare ourselves to another mom. Stop! EVERY mom has her difficulties! NO mom is perfect..EVER! YOU ARE ENOUGH for the children God has given you! If you do not feel that yet, ask God to help you trust Him in His wisdom to give you the children He has blessed you with.
2. Listen to the nudges of the Holy Spirit. You have access to the entire wisdom of God! The Holy Spirit is always present to guide you. When you ask for guidance, help or wisdom, listen to what He tells you, especially if it makes no sense! Home schooling sounded like the craziest, cruelest joke ever, but I listened and that has made all the difference! (No, I am not telling you to home school…I am merely using this as an example…). What has God been whispering into your heart that you are ignoring? Is it supported in Scripture? Is there confirmation? Move forward!
3. Take a break regularly. When I stopped trying to get everything done while the kids were napping or in “Room Time” and instead took a time-out for myself I was a much better mom! When I take time to get out with my girlfriends and get away with my husband I am a much better mom! While parenting is a 24/7, life-long responsibility, I believe God-centered parenting allows for rest! Think of it this way: what type of example does it provide for your children as future parents if they never see you have a break, have any fun, or rest?  My kids have seen how much more patient, energetic, and calm I am with them once I have had a break and now they encourage me to get away!
4. Share your struggles with and support other moms. So often we become afraid that we will seem un-fit, horrible, or somehow be ridiculed for the parenting mistakes we have experienced. That is a lie from satan himself to keep us from being encouraged! EVERY mom makes mistakes. EVERY mom wishes she had done things differently! EVERY mom struggles with her own limitations and fears and doubts! Instead of stuffing our imperfections away and presenting a false facade, perpetuating the myth of perfect parenting, SHARE and SUPPORT! How incredible it is to know we are not alone!

1. Embracing a New Normal 
2. Getting Ready
3. Cultivating HOPE
4. Shifting the Balance to Embrace a New Normal
5. Letting Go to Move Forward
6. Beauty out of Ashes
7. Take that Step of Faith
8. Overcoming Doubt
9. Roller Coaster Faith

I am not sure where you are in the process of embracing your new normal today. Maybe you are only just now realizing that you are at a crossroads. Maybe you are still looking back with longing, not wanting to move forward at all. Maybe you have stepped out and are experiencing the adrenalin rush of taking a leap of faith. Wherever you are, God is right there with you. He has sent Jesus to lead you around the curves, over the mountains, and through the valleys. He has sent His Holy Spirit to remind you of His Word, the faith of those who have gone before you, and how special you are to Him. He is looking at you with compassion, love, and expectation…He knows you make it through my friend, because He is already at the end of your journey waiting just for you.

No matter what changes you face today in order to embrace the new normal God has in store for you, you can rest in the fact that He has already prepared a way for you to move through them. Yet, I know you still have your doubts because I sometimes have them too. I think that’s why the song “Already There” by Casting Crowns resonates to deeply within me:

From where I’m standing
Lord, it’s so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You’re leading me

I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are going to play out
In a world I can’t control
(Lyrics from elyrics.net)

Do you ever feel like this too? 

Sweet sister, He is already at the end of this time of transition, and the next, and the next. He has already seen the hurts and triumphs. He has already made the changes that need to be made, pruned away what stands in your way, given you wisdom and discernment, banished your fears, and wiped away your tears. He has already gone before you and has prepared a way for you to follow Him to where He is waiting for you. He knows it’s not easy. He knows you will be tempted and distracted and will veer off course once in awhile. He knows you will need to rest. He knows you will need to be encouraged. He KNOWS you and has already gotten everything you will need ready.

One day I’ll stand before You
And look back on the life I’ve lived
I can’t wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit
(Lyrics from elyrics.net)

One day we will stand before God and we will get to see how ALL the pieces of our lives fit together. The messy ones, the ones we believe now to be mistakes, the fear-filled ones and the ones where we out-and-out disobeyed Him. We will see too all the moments of triumph, all the times we trusted and listened and obeyed, and all those moments were we knew we were in His presence. We will get to see the after-moments as well…those periods where we influenced the life of another and how that affected their influence and the whole ripple-effect will be shown to us.

In light of all this my sweet sister, why on earth are we still afraid? What can possibly still hold us back from moving forward? How can we grip so tightly onto the things of yesterday?

When I’m lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
‘Cause You’re already there
You’re already there

Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You’re already there
You’re already there
(Lyrics from elyrics.net)

Change is happening all around us, every day. It is happening within us too. Right now there is snow on the ground outside, but underneath I know all the trees and plants are growing their roots deeper in order to ready themselves for the flourishing return of Spring. Right now you may feel covered by the unknown, but underneath God is growing your roots deeper in order to ready you for the flourish of the next season you are entering on the journey of your life. Take the next step. Let your fears and unanswered questions propel you to move forward. Seek the answers. Break through the unknown.

There is one thing left I wish to share with you that I have learned on my journey to identify just how to embrace a new normal: When I commit to following God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my strength, no obstacle, no fear, no worry or doubt or uncertainty matters anymore. In the eyes of God I am already there too!

I didn’t plan on writing these words today. I claim none of them as my own. I pray they have touched your heart. Encouraged you. Inspired you.

Father, thank you for giving us the time to stop and examine what You are up to in our lives. Thank you for your patience with us as we seek to make sense of Your ways. Help us to remember that in You we can rest from fear and worries that we are not good enough. Thank you for reminding us that no change is too great for You to handle for us. Please help us to be brave Father. Help us to trust you more deeply. Help us to rely on Your strength more regularly and to readily recognize and demolish every tactic the enemy tries to throw on our path. We love you and we are so grateful for Your Presence in our lives. Amen

Here’s the story behind the song, Already There

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

PS: Please plan on joining me next week as I share what’s coming up next!

This week Joanne references the time when Mary was visited by the angel Gabriel and told she had been chosen to give birth to our Savior, Jesus. You can read that account here: Luke 1:28-38

Although, because of the benefit of time, we see what Mary went through as something incredibly amazing, I have to wonder if at first she considered it something completely overwhelming. Enduring the stares, whispers, and cultural shame that surely came from those who didn’t believe her story day after day would have to have been difficult, a trial to endure until what she was experiencing made sense in light of what God had told her through the angel Gabriel. 

The Bible tells us that because we live in a fallen world we will face trials in this life. We will experience times where what we have been told by God gets overshadowed by what we experience. Mary had been told:  You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”  (Luke 1:31-33) That was her Truth. But enduring the world’s reaction to that truth could be considered a huge trail to endure. We face similar trails of God’s Truth versus the world’s reaction to it as well. Truths like “We were made in the image of God” (Genesis 1:27) become crowded out by the world’s ideal of beauty, and Christ-centered priorities such as “Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-40) are tangled in the influence of the world to seek only that which makes us happy.

While we are not given many details of the day-to-day experiences Mary encountered, I have to wonder if, after she accepted God’s plan for her life, she at all had moments of fear or panic or doubt. Did she ever question God or what He had told her, or why He had chosen her? She was human after all. Was it easy for her to daily make the choice to trust God at His word? The trials we face almost always involve the choice of whom to trust: God or the world. Do we really trust God at His word? Do we take the time to examine what we are thinking to see if it’s God’s truth or the world’s lies? Do we do as Paul suggests and“…demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)?

I believe that more often than not we do not take the time to examine what we are believing as truth. Our fears, worries, and complaints when we encounter a trial reveal the many lies embedded in our hearts; what I call WEEDS. These lies, like weeds in a garden, take over and twist the Truth into something we think we cannot trust. We all have them. Thoughts like “I deserve to be happy” to “I am in control” to even “I have done too much wrong to ever be forgiven” are all examples of weeds growing in our hearts. These lies then dictate choices and actions which pull us further and further from God’s Truth until what He says comes across as lies.

How do we battle the lies? How do we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ? With wisdom. Wisdom is what separates the weeds from the Truth. How do we get that wisdom though?

1. Read the Bible. It’s not enough to get snippets of Scripture in church or from blog posts or Daily Bible apps. We have to read it for ourselves, and not just parts and pieces; the whole thing. Don’t freak out…we don’t have to do it all in one day or even cover to cover. There are many different Bible reading Plans  (Here’s another one) as well as One Year Bibles that are organized to be read daily either Chronologically (according to history) or by topic, or simply as the Bible is put together.
2. Memorize Scripture. Simply reading the bible without remembering is a waste of time. The Truths of the Bible are meant to be embedded in our hearts in order to keep us from believing lies. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. (James 1:22). Once we have the Truth in our hearts we have the beginnings of Wisdom.
3. Act on what the Bible says. We have to take our thoughts, compare them to what the Bible says, and then trust God’s version over our own one lie at a time. It takes a little while to undo the damage the lies have caused enough to trust God at His word but, little by little, one lie at a time, we CAN come to trust Him and His word over the screaming lies of the world. That is the process of developing wisdom.

After the birth of Jesus, the Bible records that ”…Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” (Luke 2:19) I have to wonder if “all these things” refers to all the experiences, both positive and negative, that she encountered on that part of her journey with God. Could she have treasured them now because she made it through that part of her trial and, because of the benefit of the wisdom of experience, she understood the reason for it? I believe so. Have you ever looked back at a trial and seen how God uses all the experiences, both the positive and negative ones, to accomplish His goals? I know I have and each time I do the wisdom I gain helps me to face the next one with less fear, worry and complaining.

God’s wisdom is within our grasp. It may take some time to develop, but God is patient with us while we work through the lies to get to the truth. Hang in there my friend. The weeds CAN be uprooted and God’s wisdom WILL be planted within our hearts.

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

Although I was excited about our trip, getting away is never easy. There’s all the cleaning to do, all the laundry, getting everything packed, getting the dogs secured at the kennel, and letting all the carpools and after-school activities know we won’t be around. Leaving behind the normal is never easy though, is it? It requires us to adjust our thinking and our schedules to prepare to do something different.

Our first day in Orlando I began to relax and we all got really excited. There were so many new things to see and do it was hard for us to focus. When we arrived at Adventure Island at Universal Orlando I morphed into a 7-year-old (the combined total of both digits in my age) and began making a fool of myself (according to my kids). I had no idea how the day would unfold but that didn’t seem to matter as much as the fact that I was going to be spending the entire day with my family. I had fully released myself from our regular normal and was ready to experience whatever new normal the day would bring. Once we take that first step away from the old I think there is a rush of adrenalin that propels us fully into embracing the new normal we are in, whatever the situation.

The rest of the weekend is a blur of laughter, dizziness, crazy conversations while waiting in lines, and new experiences. (Like experiencing 4 different 3-D motion simulation rides!) In my prayers before we left I had asked God for beautiful weather and for all of us to focus on each other rather than on our electronics. He blessed us in unexpected ways. While there was plenty of sunshine it was still really cold, but that only brought us together (literally!) as we stood in lines and walked around. My kids, more wise than I sometimes give them credit for, told my husband on the plane that his phone was not allowed and that he was not allowed to be negative either (both of which are ever-present for him). He listened and led the rest of us in keeping our phones put away and remembering how blessed we were to be on a vacation when complaints about long lines surfaced. Our kids thoroughly enjoyed one another and the four of us could not have been happier together. It seemed that once everyone was out of their comfort zones we all came together in a new normal. It was like doing something new together solidified us into something new.

Why am I sharing all this with you? Because I want you to feel secure in this truth: Once you take that first step to embrace your new normal, things seem a lot less scary.

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It’s like the roller coaster I went on with Taylor this weekend: Rock It. We spent 65 minutes in line watching car after car of screaming riders zoom past us. Each time we moved closer I got a little more anxious: the first part was a 4-story climb straight up after all! As we strapped ourselves in all I could think was “What on earth am I doing?” and then “Well there’s no turning back now!” As the roller coaster moved upwards I took a deep breath and prepared to scream when we plummeted towards the ground…only the scream didn’t come. Instead I was totally exhilarated and stunned into silence as I experienced a multitude of sensations while we spun, looped, and changed direction over and over and over (this coaster spans the entire length of one side of the park: It’s the red one in the picture below…)

click image for original location

Once the ride was over I walked away feeling like I had triumphed. Maybe it was the adrenalin, but perhaps it was in pushing past a fear, past worry and doubt (I have been having dizzy spells the last week or so and was worried I might get sick) that energized me.

I think the process of moving out of our comfortable normal into a new normal is a lot like making the decision to ride a roller coaster. We take some time checking it out, and then wait awhile for confirmation that we are headed in the right direction and to get our nerve up. Once the time to move forward is actually here we are filled with anxiety until the first step is actually taken. After that, it’s pure adrenalin until things slow down and we adjust. We forget our fears and focus on the moment, allowing God’s strength to propel us forward.

My sweet sisters, it is time to get in, strap yourselves down, and hold on. Stop fighting the change and instead embrace it. Let go of trying to have all the answers, all the plans figured out and instead let God take you where He has planned:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Your challenge:

In the comments section below, share with us the step you are willing to take this week. Don’t forget to click the box that’s says “notify me of follow-up comments by email” so you can see what we are all doing and be encouraged. I will share mine here:

Even though I have no idea exactly how I am going to do this, I am leading my family in creating the first-ever Haynes Family Healthy Lifestyle Challenge (HLC). I believe God has given me this direction, and with the added conviction, acceptance, and permission from everyone in my family, our current lifestyle will be undergoing a complete overhaul. It’s a change we will be experiencing together as well as a competition to keep things interesting. My first step will be to create a plan for us all to follow, keeping in mind everyone’s differing nutritional and physical needs. Prayers are definitely appreciated! I have amassed a lot of nutritional and physical knowledge but the time to create this will be the biggest challenge for me.

Ok, now it’s your turn!

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

Ladies, this is an issue that is very dear to my heart. I have lived the life where my husband was at the very bottom of my to-do list (if he was on it at all) and, honestly, I liked leaving him there. I believed that since he wasn’t doing what I thought he should be doing to help me in his schedule, I wasn’t about to “reward” him by making more time for him in mine. I lived a “tit-for-tat” marriage: I would do something for him only if I felt he had done something for me. It was an angry, bitter, lonely place to be.

It was nothing like the marriage I had dreamed of. We didn’t connect easily on any issue. I was a born-again Christian (after we got married), he wasn’t. We didn’t see eye-to-eye about how to divide household responsibilities.  Neither of us had a clue how to raise our children together and so our parenting was lopsided and inconsistent (which only added to our problems). We were a mess with a capital M and I was crushed. That feeling of disappointment, coupled with feeling like I had somehow failed, made me miserable.  We were headed for divorce within 4 years of being married.

Maybe you are wondering how you could ever have the marriage of your dreams, doubting whether anything will ever change and dealing with fears that somehow you failed as a wife. Know this sweet sister, God sees you. He knows your struggle, and He wants to help. The question is: Will you let Him?

That was a question I faced over 10 years ago. I wanted desperately to have a Christ centered marriage, but since my husband was not yet saved and we were still dealing with so  many unresolved issues, I had no idea where to start. All my efforts to fix my marriage (and my husband) had met with what I saw as failure and I was out of ideas.  But, one day while in prayer, I began asking God to make me the wife He had created me to be and to restore our marriage to the marriage He had designed for us.  I had no idea what that meant or what it could even look like, but I decided to let God lead. That one paradigm shift changed everything. 

Since that day I have committed to observing many different marriage situations.  I have learned that there is no cookie-cutter approach to a “perfect” Biblical marriage (which, by the way, doesn’t exist). There is only the unique plan God has for you, your husband, and your marriage. However one thing remains constant: Just as we need to develop our relationship with Jesus daily, so too do we have to make time every day to pour into our husbands and grow our marriage.

How do we do that when there are so many demands on our time? Here are a few things that have helped me:

1. Ask God for His direction in where to amend your schedule. If you are too overwhelmed each day to make any time for your husband something has to go. Choosing though can be overwhelming. Instead, seek God’s direction and commit to following His lead no matter how counter-cultural the idea seems.
2. Learn about your husband. This may seem weird at first (we are married to our husbands after all) but often life gets in the way of really getting to know our husbands. When our kids were small and I was struggling to learn how to parent them I learned about Love Language and  Personality Types.  Once I learned my own and my husbands I felt as if I had been given a key with which to open the door into my husband’s heart.

3. Pray for your husband throughout the day. Little prayers all day long can help you keep your focus on your husband, even if you are battling anger, frustration, and mistrust.  At first the my prayers went something like “Please Lord, help me see something good in him today.” Often I wouldn’t know what to pray for so I would just ask God to be with my husband and help him. Because I was focusing on thinking about my husband, I began to see ways I could help him. When I began to do that our relationship grew.
4. Make your husband your number 2 priority. (Second only to developing your relationship with Christ.). At first, I rearranged my time each day so that I wasn’t worn out when my husband got home from work (yes, this took a lot of trial and error but it has been worth all of it). Then I began to make sure I was not distracted when he went off to work in the morning.  I began to ask him if there was anything he need me to do for him that day. I also made the time and took the effort to date him.
5. Let go. We have expectations of what our marriage should look like and how our husbands should behave. When reality doesn’t measure up to our expectations we begin to try to fix what we see as broken. All that worry and fixing wears us down though and makes us the center, not God. We have to let our expectations go and allow God to give us His. When we commit to not worrying over whether or not our husband is doing what we think he is supposed to do, we free up our brains and stop the draining on our psyche that worrying creates.  Instead, if we continually ask for God’s help, for His vision of our husbands, for His strength to offer grace, mercy and forgiveness, we energize ourselves with hope that things can and will change. When we have hope we can follow god through anything.

If your marriage is in trouble today, I encourage you to stop right now and pray. Pour it all out…all the worries and fears and frustrations, all the bitterness, anger and resentment, all the feelings of loss and failure and hopelessness. Ask God to fill you with His love for yourself, your husband and your marriage. Ask him to move into the middle and teach you how to be the Godly wife He created you to be. Ask Him to reveal the marriage He had in mind when he created you and your husband and brought you together.  Ask Him to help you make your husband the number 2 priority in your life. My sweet sister, with God in charge, things WILL change!

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

My friend Anna Marie has taken a HUMONGOUS step of faith and put herself out there as a champion of Jesus’ love and power in battling eating disorders. In honor of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (She is in Edinburgh, Scotland) she has begun the Love Your Body Campaign via Facebook. I would love for you to check out what she’s up to! 

This week as I was having one of my morning conversations with God, I felt Him download this for us:

In response to Joanne’s post:

It’s sad that we have to be reminded to make time to be kind, isn’t it? I mean, are we really that busy and self-absorbed that we have to be reminded to take the time to be kind to someone else or even ourselves? While there are times I believe we stop long enough to notice when someone else needs a reminder of how much they are loved or even when we take care to be kind to ourselves, I believe these instances are the exception rather than the norm.

Many years ago a campaign called Random Acts of Kindness began. The idea was to go out of ones way to show kindness without focusing too much on who or how. This movement has grown into a full-blown organization complete with a Kindness School, weekly Kindness Newsletter, and blog of Kindness Stories (Really! See HERE for details). There is even a Kindness Week! (Next week: February 11-17)

In honor of the upcoming Kindness Week and Joanne’s call to show kindness, my challenge to you is to take the time NOW to plan for what you will do next week (Kindness Week) to be kind.

Having to plan to be kind may seem a bit weird, but we do. We have to train ourselves to make space to focus on those around us and train our minds to be aware of the needs of others. Making an effort to plan to be kind is a first step toward training ourselves to show kindness regularly. When we do, the light of Jesus that lives within us will shine through, offering its Light to those who need it.

However, I know that sometimes it’s hard to think of ways to be kind so, I humbly present my

Top 10 Ways to Show Kindness list:

1. Pay attention to the signs and signals of your body. Kindness to ourselves begins with taking care of our needs. Is your body yearning for more sleep? Less caffeine? Exuberant exercise?

2. Refrain from texting while driving. Kindness to others on the road begins with following all the rules (including the speed limit) as well as paying attention to our surroundings. You cannot do that and text while driving.

3. Exercise your patience. While waiting in line, with others who move slower than you do, with your children, with your spouse, with your in-laws. Patience with others has a root in humility; are you humble enough about yourself to use patience with others’ weaknesses?

4. Go out of your usual way. If your normal day keeps you too busy to call your spouse just to say “I love you” or to make a special breakfast (or dinner) for your family, or meet a friend for coffee, then make a change to your schedule that would allow for it with no strings attached.

5. Express gratitude. There are many people in your life I am sure who have influenced you positively. Take the time to write them a note, send them a card, send them an email, or call them.

6. Pray for others. Instead of complaining about that frustrating relationship, pray for healing, wisdom, and restoration instead. Instead of complaining about another’s behavior (rudeness, gossiping, meanness), pray for God’s love to cover them instead and be willing to be used by God for that purpose.

7. Forgive daily. Forgiveness sets us free from the bitterness that can come from the hurts we will experience in this life. It doesn’t mean things have to go back to normal, but rather allows for new growth to develop within the relationship (where appropriate) and within ourselves.

8. Perform an act of service. Take over your kid’s chores on a rough day. Do something at work that another colleague would normally do. Take care of a responsibility your spouse would normally fulfill. The idea is not to take over, but to alleviate their schedule so they can relax a bit more than usual.

9. Focus on those around you. So often we get distracted by our cell phones, the TV, our computers, and even other people. Instead, turn it all off and give the people you are spending time with your full attention.

10. Tell others how you feel about them. If someone has been kind to you, tell them how it affected you. If they have taken care of something for you, tell them what it meant to you. If you love someone, tell them why.

(Here are some other great ideas from RandomActsofKindness.org)

How will you show kindness to others?

I hope that next week, as you show kindness to others, that His Kindness envelopes you ten-fold!

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

PS: Please leave a comment below sharing your ideas and experiences!