He promises you the world on the first date. A few weeks later: he is busy saving the world.
a. He is Superman. Continue dating.
b. You don’t believe in Superman. Move on to the next.

Your conversations went from versatile to a detailed discussion of the current weather conditions.
a. Weather is your favorite topic. Have another date.
b. He works for the weather channel. Don’t trust people from the weather industry. Next, please.

He is avoiding making plans with you.
a. He is making plans with someone else. You need to plan accordingly.
b. He is Superman. Continue dating.

He says he will call you right back. A few days go by without a trace of him.
a. You phone is broken. You need a new phone.
b. He forgot how to dial your number. You need a new date. Preferably more tech-savvy.

He is down for the late night special and out when it comes to walks in the park.
a. He is scared of parks. Try botanical garden for your next date.
b. He is a late night special type of guy. If you are an early bird, your schedules will always collide.

You have a feeling something is just not right.
a. It is probably because something is wrong. Next!!!

Based on Busted… Gotta Go…

Hordes of fans began bombarding the set as early as 7 a.m. on the first day of shooting, and it seems that the return of the fashionable foursome – and their hunky male co-stars – has caused a little too much excitement. Film security has had to tighten its game when dealing with the crazed Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda wanna-bes.

“They looked more like they were protecting the President than Sarah Jessica Parker,” said an onlooker at 84th St. and Park Ave., where the leggy leading lady was repeatedly being filmed hailing a cab. “At one point, teenage girls were practically trampling each other trying to get to Sarah Jessica as she was walking back to her trailer, but her security team was shoving everyone out of the way.”

When SJP noticed her detail’s tactics, she implored them not to “hurt her fans.” Said the onlooker: “She looked upset and extremely concerned. The guards were getting pretty rough.”

The muscles aren’t concerned only about the “SATC” ladies. By 9:30 yesterday morning, they were already fighting off fans who had lined up on 52nd St., where Chris Noth and SJP were shooting a scene inside an office building that’s reportedly serving as Mr. Big’s.

“The security team looked really anxious when a male fan approached Chris for a photo,” another spy says.

Like Parker, Noth told the detail to back off and happily stopped for the fan.

At least the fearless followers got reassurance that Carrie and Mr. Big are back on track – they were both sporting wedding rings during filming yesterday, while that accessory was conspicuously missing from Parker’s hand on Tuesday.

Later yesterday morning, the hysteria continued as fellow “SATC” star Cynthia Nixon (l.) had to be rerouted to her trailer when crowds began aggressively approaching her. “People were screaming and trying to push past guards,” a source said.

Onlookers were then told that she wouldn’t be filming her scene after all. “The fans were just too much,” continued the snitch. “Security looked legitimately concerned for her safety.”

As Miz Bradshaw would say, hey, that’s New York.

Source

An excerpt from “The Alchemist” written by Paulo Coelho.

They crossed the desert for another two days in silence. the alchemist had become much more cautious, because they were approaching the area where the most violent battles were being waged. As they moved along, the boy tried to listen to his heart.

It was not easy to do; in earlier times, his heart had always been ready to tell its story, but lately that wasn’t true. There had been times when his heart spent hours telling of his sadness, and at other times it became so emotional over the desert sunrise that the boy had to hide his tears. His heart beat faster when it spoke to the boy of treasure and more slowly when the boy stared entranced at the endless horizons of the desert. But his heart was never quiet, even when the boy and the alchemist had fallen into silence.

“Why do we have to listen to our hearts?” the boy asked, when they had made camp that day.

“Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.”

“But my heart is agitated,” the boy said. “It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it’s become passionate over a woman of the desert. It asks things of me, and it keeps me from sleeping many nights, when I’m thinking about her.”

“Well, that’s good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say.”

During the next three days, the two travelers passed by a number of armed tribesmen, and saw others on the horizon. The boy’s heart began to speak of fear. It told him stories it had heard from the Soul of the World, stories of men who sought to find their treasure and never succeeded. Sometimes it frightened the boy with the idea that he might not find his treasure, or that he might die there in the desert. At other times, it told the boy that it was satisfied: it had found love and riches.

“My heart is a traitor,” the boy said to the alchemist, when they had paused to rest the horses. “It doesn’t want me to go on.”

“That makes sense,” the alchemist answered. “Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won.”

“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?”

“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”

“You mean I should listen, even if it’s treasonous?”

“Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you’ll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.

“You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow.”

The boy continued to listen to his heart as they crossed the desert. He came to understand its dodges and tricks, and to accept it as it was. He lost his fear, and forgot about his need to go back to the oasis, because, one afternoon, his heart told him that it was happy. “Even though I complain sometimes,” it said, “it’s because I’m the heart of a person, and people’s hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.

“My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

“Every second of the search is an encounter with God,” the boy told his heart. “When I have been truly searching for my treasure, every day has been luminous, because I’ve known that every hour was a part of the dream that I would find it. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I’ve discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a shepherd to achieve.”

So his heart was quiet for an entire afternoon. That night, the boy slept deeply, and, when he awoke, his heart began to tell him things that came from the Soul of the World. It said that all people who are happy have God within them. And that happiness could be found in a grain of sand from the desert, as the alchemist had said. Because a grain of sand is a moment of creation, and the universe has taken millions of years to create it. “Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him,” his heart said. “We, people’s hearts, seldom say much about those treasures, because people no longer want to go in search of them. We speak of them only to children. Later, we simply let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate. But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid out for them—the path to their destinies, and to happiness. Most people see the world as a threatening place, and, because they do, the world turns out indeed, to be threatening place.

“So, we, their hearts, speak more and more softly. We never stop speaking out, but we begin to hope that our words won’t be heard: we don’t want people to suffer because they don’t follow their hearts.”

“Why don’t people’s hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams?” the boy asked the alchemist.

“Because that’s what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don’t like to suffer.”

From then on, the boy understood his heart. He asked it, please, never to stop speaking to him. He asked that, when he wandered far from his dreams, his heart press him and sound the alarm. The boy swore that, every time he heard the alarm, he would heed its message.

That night, he told all of this to the alchemist. And the alchemist understood that the boy’s heart had returned to the Soul of the World.

“So, what should I do now?” the boy asked. Continue in the direction of the Pyramids,” said the alchemist. “And continue to pay heed to the omens. Your heart is still capable of showing you where the treasure is.”

“Is that the one thing I still needed to know?”

“No,” the alchemist answered. “What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up. It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one `dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.’

“Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.”

The boy remembered an old proverb from his country. It said that the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn.

~ Paulo Coelho

~ Peace Pilgrim

In the meantime, Kate, hopeless to meet the right guy, is on a blind date, set up by one of her friends and co-workers. Harvey can’t wait to get back to New York for a very important meeting, and decides to only attempt the ceremony and skip the reception. Yet, nothing goes according to his plan. His second encounter with Kate Walker is about to change his life.

I definitely recommend to watch this movie. Yes, it is a romantic comedy. Yes, the end is happy. Yet, there was something about this movie that made you want to believe and not to give up hope. If you start crying easily in emotional situations, make sure you have enough tissues.

My most memorable quote of the movie was when Kate said to Harvey: “I think I am comfortable with being disappointed. And I think I am angry at you for taking that away.” I think many women can relate to this one.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Movie status: anytime movie to watch in the theatre, on dvd or cable. Great for first dates or a night in with your girls.

While you were busy worrying about “muffin-topping” over the waistband of your jeans or the “cottage cheese” on your thighs, you should have been fretting over the shapeliness of your ankles.

A growing number of Americans are working to eliminate unwanted ankle fat. “Cankles,” or less-than-svelte ankles, are the thunder thighs of the new millennium.

Summer staples like shin-length capri pants and ankle-accenting gladiator sandals have made the area where the tiba and fibula meet the latest place to obsess over.

With ankle-mania in mind, the fitness chain Gold’s Gym has humorously declared July Cankle Awareness Month. While the fitness chain is poking fun at the latest body obsession, it still offers some trimming exercise tips, including calf raises and dumbbell exercises.

LiveSteez: Your book is a genius! What inspired you to write “Ms. Typed?” What sparked the motivation?

Dr. Michelle: Thank you! It was kind of two things, I was in between television and, you know, my own clients and radio. Talking to a lot of women about relationships, and they were always saying “this guy did this” and “this guy did that” and “how do I make this guy do this?” And I say to them, you can’t control what the guy is doing, you can only control what you’re doing. And so, that was part of the initial idea, which was how to help women figure out what they can do differently. Like get over the whole idea of trying to manipulate a man into becoming what you want. Start at the beginning by controlling the situation as much as you can. Which goes back to how are you behaving, what are you thinking, what are you coming into the relationship with and what are bringing to the table? This helps set the stage for dating. And then when I thought about that, I thought about the second issue, which is a lot of times women don’t come to the table being their true selves, they come to the table pretending to be the type of person they think the guy wants them to be. And that’s how you end up being “Ms.Typed,” sometimes you’re doing it on purpose and sometimes you’re not doing it on purpose, it’s just a result of what you’ve been through. So if you’ve had bad relationships, bad dating and family relationships, if you’ve had difficult times or problems in your life, sometimes you build wall around yourself, you have a lot of emotional baggage, you don’t trust people. You think you have to move in a certain kind of way to be successful, see, not even being your best self. You’re not being you on your best day, you’ve become who your circumstances have created. That’s how I came up with the concept of being “Ms. Typed.” A lot of us have been out there dating and it didn’t work out and you go “why doesn’t this person like me?” And it’s like, because you weren’t being you, they didn’t meet you, they went out on a date with angry girl from wherever, who just broke up with somebody and thinks every man is about to cheat on her. As opposed to this wonderful happy person that’s hiding inside that may feel afraid to come out and allow herself to love again.

LiveSteez: Wow, that’s deep.

Dr. Michelle: It is deep. I really feel like it’s true for so many women and it was important for me to write the book because I didn’t want women to feel bad about that and I didn’t want them to think that they were their circumstances. So you know, I always tell people to figure out what their type is. Your dating type is not like your blood type. So just because you’ve been dealing with this stuff. Let’s say you’re somebody’s second girlfriend or mistress and in your head you going, “why does this happen to me? Why is this ALWAYS to me? How did I get in this place? I know I deserve better. Yet, somehow I keep tolerating this.” There’s always this little voice inside of your head that saying, “this isn’t right. Why are you doing this? Why are you putting up with this? What, you feel like you don’t have any options?” That why I wrote the book to say don’t feel bad about that. You have options. It takes time. But start by recognizing that you’re doing it and that you need to stop. And here are some of the reasons why you’re doing it. That it’s not who you are, it’s what you’re doing. And you can be that person you want to be once you stop what you’re doing and start doing and thinking something different.

LiveSteez: That’s heavy. There are so many things that you talk about that we’d like to touch on. For starters, do you think that there’s a healthy amount of time women should take to themselves before dating after a break-up?

Dr. Michelle: Yea, I do think women should take like three to six months to kind of chill out and date. When I say date, I mean date if you want to, but don’t jump back into a relationship. Some women are serial daters that go from one boyfriend to the next boyfriend and they never take the time to be single and enjoy dating. So I would say a good three months without dating anyone but a minimum of one month. Give yourself some time. Some people go from one relationship to the next. And men do it all the time to distract themselves. They don’t want to be home lonely; they don’t want to be depressed. The first thing they do is go out looking for another girl. But that doesn’t works as well for women, because the usually have their feelings caught up in the last relationship and they drag that right into their new relationship. Until you figure out what was wrong with the last one and until you process it so that you’re no longer dealing with it emotionally, you just take it right in with the new guy. So you need that time. And one of things that I put in the book is called the “Ms. Type Makeover Kit.” So for every type I give specific advice. But then there are people who really need a full on makeover, a couple of tips is not going to be enough for them, because they’ve been something the wrong way for too long. It’s a part of their lifestyle, like it’s a part of where they go, who their friends are a part of how they might dress. The identity of the way they live. The makeover, I think, is ideal for someone who just went through a break-up and really needs to rethink their life. Because sometimes we integrate that other person into so many aspects of our lives. We share friends. We share living space. In some cases, we share money. You share so much but then when you’re trying to start over, and break-up with that person, you really need to take a step back and look at your life and figure out what kinds of things I might be doing encourage me to be in this situation. So like if you’re someone who’s always dating players and you’re always at a club and that’s where you’re meeting these kinds of people, well hello? That could have something to do with it. Or if you’re always dating men who seem really controlling, when you step back and think about it, there’s always a financial situation where he’s got all the money. Or you’re always the one that needs a little bill paid here or he’s buying you everything you need. You’ve got to figure out a way to stand on your own two feet. All that information is in the makeover kit, where you stop and you say, “let me look at every aspect of my life. My health, my finances, my career, my education. Where do I need to make changes that will reduce the vulnerability that I find in all my relationships?” Depending on your dating type, you have different kinds of vulnerabilities. Some people’s are more emotional and psychological, while others are more practical, they’re about money. For example, somebody will say, “hey, I can’t break up with this guy because I’m living with this guy and I drive his car, he pays my tuition, he pay my bills,” and what have you. You need a permanent solution, otherwise you’re going from one guy who takes care of you to the next. A lot f times that guy might be a controlling and abusive kind of person, who look for women who have financial needs. So the make up kit is for someone who knows they need to get a hold of things and knows they need to take concentrated to think about how they got to where they are.

LiveSteez: What type of research did you have to do to come up with the different types?

Dr. Michelle: Wow, you know, I’ve been doing research on relationships for about 15 years. So I’ve been collecting information that helps support this from survey research, interviews, quantitative analysis, some from my clients, the many many women that I’ve talked to on television shows for the past seven years, between the Tyra Show, Ricki Lake. Spending concentrated time on these shows with so many different women, you start to see patterns and similarities. The problems come up over and over again. The same questions come up over and over again. LiveSteez: So there really is a science to dating? Dr. Michelle: There is! There’s just certain things that we fall into, putting a name on it and putting it into a type helps people psychologically understand. People like to organize their thoughts. Putting things into categories and explaining things to them in that way then they go, “Okay, that makes sense. I get it. That’s what I do, got it.”

LiveSteez: In your studies do you find that certain ethnicities are more of a certain type? Black women in particular?

Dr. Michelle: We are all the types in the book. But I think some of the types we’re particularly vulnerable to. One is “Ms. Mom,” and that’s because she’s a woman who often puts other people ahead of herself and take care of others. I think so many of us have grown up in families and communities where we’re taught to be nurturing and always helping out your neighbor and your third and fourth cousin or people you have to help out. Somebody who is raised by a grandmother or an aunt. There’s always these people around you who helped out. We’ve learned to be community oriented and communal with our things. What happen when a woman meets a guy, who’s kind of down and out, then you have the issue of the number of available black men to date. You meet a guy who’s always in progress and you think “okay, this is cool. I’ll help him get to where he need to go and then we’ll balance at some point.The problem is “Ms.Mom” never asks for the balance, she’s always helping, doing everything for him, taking care of him, caring for him and it never balances out. What happens is he never has to reciprocate because you’re always giving and never receiving. He’ll just keep on taking, so why should he do things if you’re going to do them? Like if you always cover the rent then he doesn’t have to worry about paying his share. If you’re like, “oh, I got it,” then he can always be like “oh, okay then, get it. Do that, and keep on doing that.” You can’t buy love, as much a you try. You know, you try and be sweet and it doesn’t work. I think another one that effects us, and every type of woman, is “Ms. Second Place.” Some women allow themselves to be second in a man’s life, often time we’re second in line to other women, but often times you could be second to his job, his friends, to playstation. A relationship with you is not his priority. It’s your priority, but not his. Instead of being able to walk away from that and say “fine, I don’t want to date somebody like you.” You’ll wait in line behind whomever or you’ll date a man even though you know he has a wife or a girlfriend. Or you know he’s dating other people but you think he’s going to change his mind and put you first at some point and wait around for that to happen. But it never happens.

LiveSteez: Is it possible to be more than one type?

Dr. Michelle: Oh my gosh, yes! You can be “Ms. Mom,” you can be “Ms. Second Place,” you can be “Ms.Drama Queen.” Because there’s so many things that you learn over time that kind of all come together. Not only is he seeing someone else, you’re being super sweet, you may be acting like his sex machine, you’re giving up the sex too soon because you’re thinking that will turn him on. Sometimes you’re trippin’ a little being “Ms. Bag Lady,” because you’ve been through this so many times before, but you’re still trying. You can definitely be more than one type at one time. The way the book is laid out is in chapters based on your type. But what you do is you take a quiz, and then out figure out which types you are. You can read chapters on the types you know you are but you can be different types at different times in your life. You know, we grow with our experiences so sometimes you master one kind of relationship issue, now you’re on another one. You know what I mean? Like nobody’s perfect at this stuff, it’s a learning process. That’s why I recommend that women date. I always discourage women from trying to move so quickly to settle down to trying to lock down that first person. Keep dating, don’t limit yourself to that one guy you really like and not date anyone else. There’s certain things your mother can try tell you, your sister and best friend can tell you but you won’t know until your hear is broken and you’ve lived through that experience. You need to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. You need to date different types of men to find what really know works for you. The perfect looking guy maybe what you want, but not what you need. You know like a guy can tell you, “I’m not really into dating. I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m not looking for a girlfriend.” But then the girl’s like, “I’ll show him. I can change him. Because when he sees how great I am…I can cook. I’m great in bed. I’ll do his laundry. Then I’ll teach him to love again.” No. It doesn’t work. If you allow him, he will show you what he’s really about! If you take what he says on the surface that sounds good and ignore the bad. You’ll ignore him saying he’s not into relationships and that he has commitment issues. But then you counter it with, “but we have so much fun. We went to a club, he took me to dinner and pulled out the chair, and he bought me rose from the guy on the street. [Laughs] Women can be very romantic and we get excited about the little gestures. Men are masters at studying women and understanding what a woman needs to hear to unlock her box, okay? That could be the heart box or whatever. Whatever key he needs to get her open, he will say it. If she’s a church-going woman, then he’ll say he goes to church and he’s a Christian and his pastor said this and that. Whether that’s true he may not admit it, but if he knows to say T.D. Jakes and Juanita Bynum, he’s in. Then he can pick the career person, then he’ll talk about his company and how he reads Black Enterprise, then he’s “cool, I’m in.” Men will say what you need to hear. So you need to wait long enough for them to show you. It’s all about encouraging women to know and feel confident that whatever situation they’re in, they can get out of it. A lot of women have been unlucky over time and they really start to think “there’s something wrong with me.” There’s nothing permanently wrong with you, there maybe just some mistakes that you’re making in dating, you maybe making some poor choices, but there’s nothing wrong with you that can’t be fixed.

LiveSteez: I know we’re running short on time but we have just one more question, are you going to write a “Mr. Type” for men?

Dr. Michelle: Man, everybody keeps asking me that! I would love to write one for guys because they need it too! The funny thing is in the book I actually do talk about different types of guys. For each woman’s type, I talk about the type of guy she’s vulnerable to. So like, “Ms. Mom” is very vulnerable to a guy called “Mr. Under Construction,” because he’s that guy where when you meet him he’s always under construction. He claiming he’s getting ready to be something great. Like he’s in school for this and he’s going to start his own business doing this or he’s always about to move into a really nice apartment, he’s about to buy a car, he’s about to get a new job, you know, he’s always ABOUT to do something big, right? And we all know this guy, he steals our heart, cause we get excited about his dream. But he’s been about to do that for about three of four years now, you just didn’t know because you just met him. But he’s been about to everything for a while. So in the book I do talk about guy types, so I’ve been thinking about maybe writing it up. But you know what the problem is? Men aren’t as focused as women are on improving themselves.

LiveSteez: Would you recommend men read this book? Or should this be our little secret?

Dr. Michelle: I absolutely recommend men read this book, because a lot these things, they’re causing and they should care. There are all kinds of ways they can support and learn more about women, that emotional side. Men understand how to get to a woman, how to get a woman to have sex with him and how to manipulate them to get what they want, but they don’t understand what makes women tick beyond manipulation. Like what woman are really made of. I think it would help men gain a certain kind of appreciation for how much woman really are trying to accommodate him in a relationship. How important relationships are to women. So it would be helpful for them to gain a better understanding of women entirely.

2. As a best friend you are a source of trust, and receive plenty of undisclosed information. Don’t misuse this information to impress her boyfriend. If you can do it better than she does, help her with an advice instead of trying to prove your point of greatness to him.

3. Don’t flirt, send mixed signals or incorporate subliminal messages into your interaction with your friend’s boyfriend or man. It can, and most likely, will be misinterpreted.

4. Keep it short and friendly. You don’t have to like your girl’s boyfriend, respect or accept him. Just respect her choice.

5. Don’t get involved into their relationship. If asked for advice, advise without supervision. She has to decide what’s best for her. In the end she is the one to deal with the consequences.

6. Agree to disagree. It’s totally ok to have different points of view when it comes to dealing with men. Traditional or modern approach to dating and relationships, it shouldn’t jeopardize your friendship. Your friendship should have a stronger foundation than that.

7. If you happen to like the same type of guy, invent some guidelines. Whether ‘first come, first serve’ basis, ‘sharing is caring’ or ‘let the guy decide’ – whatever works best for both of you.

8. Prioritize wisely. Always remember that once the dude is history, you would probably need your girl’s support to get over him.