Gardner’s Feed

The Death Penalty, More Weight Loss and Other Stories

Matt Gardner — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:20:00 +0000

I nearly spat out my food last night. It's not a wheat intolerance or selective Tourette's, just surprise: there's a show on tonight called The Execution of Gary Glitter, a "thought-provoking" mockumentary about the death penalty. I mean, really?

Okay, so Gary Glitter, aka Paul Gadd, is likely the most hated man in Britain, though he's got plenty of competition (Ian Huntley, the Baby P gang or Vanessa George, for example. And Piers Morgan). Still, what does this TV show possibly serve, aside from the chance to see a roughly-similar actor being put to death by the state for the purposes of entertainment?

This is a weird one, when you think about it. Far be it from me to defend Glitter for anything - the love boat in Cambodia, the Vietnamese pay-off, the PC World blunder, the lot - but I think I'm one of the few people who doesn't understand the angle Channel 4 are going for. While many people see paedophiles at the bottom of the chain in terms of humanity, perhaps understandably (and correctly), is it really a crime punishable by death, or should we be rehabilitating them?

I'm undecided on the death penalty and a programme of this nature's not going to change my mind any time soon. If I believed in it, though, I don't think Gary Glitter would be there. I mean come on; surely Steven Barker is the face of pure evil and a more deserving target of the documentary, also quenching the general public's thirst for pederast blood? He killed a kid over a long period, raped a two-year-old and tormented his grandmother until her eventual death.

It's just the most surreal thing I've ever seen advertised. Sadly people won't have the balls to complain for the reason they're being "sympathetic" with Glitter's wrongdoings. I just think it's pretty poor taste, really. I'm just baffled.

Aside from that palaver, everything is starting to look a little better. After plotting my ideas for Christmas presents and cleaning the house, I've tried to figure out something to allocate my expense budget to this month. I've just seen Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2's Prestige Edition and I think I managed to pass out several times in succession over how amazing it was. I mean, NIGHT VISION GOGGLES? THE HARDENED BOXSET? CoD CLASSIC? Hello. Shame it's £120. Or is it worth it? I'll find out tomorrow, when I check my bank balance. I've temporarily halted my self-imposed Overdraft Reduction Plan™ because of Christmas anyway, so I should be good to buy it. I mean ffs, look at it:

A bit of a no brainer, really.

I'm also in the mood for a celebration. Not only did I go below 16st this week - something I haven't done as a consistent thing for around eight years - but I also bought a t-shirt in LARGE. No XLs or XXLs here - I truly am a lot smaller than I used to be. Several of my friends have commented on it too, and I genuinely didn't realise until I saw my graduation pictures. I honestly thought I was able to pull it off, but in comparison to how I am now, I'm positively rotund back then.

No more, though. The things I can do with a slimmer and healthier body now are unbelievable (including holding my weight off the ground on escalator handrails all the way to the bottom of TK Maxx and Primark in Leeds. No mean feat, I tells yer), so I have to continue. Only another stone to go before I seriously consider if I can hold it at that level.

Oh, and Beatles Rock Band is f***ing amazing. Nuff said.

Good News Biblog

Matt Gardner — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:07:00 +0000

Firstly: FML. Seriously. It's getting beyond a joke now. Still, given that my life continues to be a) fast-paced and b) full of shite, I'm putting together a list of things which have made me laugh over the last week or so. Here's the Good News Biblog.

Chapter I: Burn After Reading is one of the most amazing films I've seen, despite it being one of the worst for all of about 45 minutes, until Brad Pitt's character encounters George Clooney in the bedroom (oo-er). Then it builds up so much momentum. It's the classic reverse film; everything happens towards the end, it doesn't end happily ever after but it's still perfectly tied up.

On top of that, the cast is great, the running themes of sex, loss and double-crossing are prevalent, as is the one of people being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Definitely the best film I've seen this year.

Honourable mention: Observe and Report. One off the strangest films I've seen to date, yet one which somehow pays off, despite there being no truly concurrent storyline. It may have 50% exactly on Rotten Tomatoes, but it's definitely worth the glass half-full view.

Chapter II: Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling, which is currently on new Freeview channel Vibe, is one of the most surreal shows ever created. It wasn't the fact that Hulk shouted "You're a gibroni, get out of my ring!" as an equivalent to Trump's "You're fired!", nor was it the big man declaring at the end of the show: "What you gonna do when Hulk Hogan's CCW goes wild on you?!" to the wrong camera; it was Dustin Diamond getting his arse handed to him by Dennis Rodman. I'd pay to see that again.

Chapter III: Life on BBC One, the only nature show that was able to knock Planet Earth off its perch. It's hardly surprising: they're both done by David Attenborough. Last night's episode, about fish, was one of the weirdest things I've ever seen, whether it was the Sarcastic Fringehead fighting an octopus, mudskippers having a fight and then digging homes out of the floor with their mouthes, or the sardines avoiding prey in huge packs. It's shitting awesome.

Chapter IV: The notion which me and Carey pioneered of having sex with Michelle Obama then hiding in Leeds and seeing if Barack Obama would try and find us in Leeds, Enemy of the State style. It actually arose, so to speak, from this article about how much the president and his wife love each other (curiously from the Daily Mail). I don't think I could do it to him, though it'd make a good videogame.

Chapter V: Hellen, Yuliya and Tanya, my wonderful Ukrainian friends who I originally met when I was out in Hungary. I went to meet them in London as they were visiting and they were great fun, despite the language barrier. During the two days we saw Portobello Road market, Westminster, Trafalgar Square, Whitehall, Strand, Covent Garden, Leicester Square, Camden market and finished at Mornington Crescent (no, the irony is not lost on me). Sadly I didn't have my camera with me, but Hellen did, so photos will follow. They're all lovely, I'm missing them already.

Additionally, they got me an awesome FC Dynamo Kyiv training top, which is beautiful. In return, I got them a taste of the UK: an I <3>HP Sauce Bird's Custard powder A bar of Cadbury Dairy Milk A bag of Dairy Milk Shots (for added funsies) A jar of Robertson's Golden Shred marmalade Six Tunnock's Teacakes
A leather wallet with the Union Jack on it A framed picture with each name on it in Chinese script (courtesy of Covent Garden market)
Who could argue with that collection? It's only fair they get close to the things that are truly British that they may overlook otherwise. Anyway, I look forward to the pictures!

Chapter VI: Sadie Higham. Okay, she's my friend and thus doesn't have a link to Wikipedia, though as much as I love her to bits anyway, I heard her sing for the first time this weekend. Sweet f***ing Jesus: I've never been so shocked in my life. You hear people singing all the time and while some are good or impressive, they often think they're better.

Not Sadie. She knows she is, and she can back it up. She's the only person I've met that I know would destroy X Factor. Not that she would - she wants to get famous the "proper way". Well played to her. You'll probably be hearing her sometime in the future.

Chapter VII: The phrase "BAM!", when inserted at the end of a sentence which contains a joke that doesn't quite work, is a great way to salvage everything. I learned this from Sadie's friend Andre, who is one of the funniest guys I've met and also found it particularly hilarious when I used it as a last-ditch attempt to save a shite pun merely five minutes after meeting him. He's Maltese too, which makes things even cooler. Plus he's carrying on the phrase in my absence at TVU.

Chapter VIII: Yesterday I dropped below 16 stone for the first time since 2000, or earlier. To celebrate, I had fish & chips with a jumbo sausage and curry sauce. Because I can, as I've done it before despite the weight loss - quite a few times in fact. I am now in charge of my diet and, by extension, my body.

Chapter IX: Starbuck's and its vanilla lattes and rocky road. It ALWAYS delivers after a bad run of luck, as I rediscovered today, converting my good friend Steve in the process.

Chapter X: Parliament, specifically their song Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker), which is impossible to avoid dancing to. I dare you to try it. I dare you to lie and say your body isn't arrested by the 200cc's of funk, delivered straight into your face.

See? Sometimes, you have to look past the torrents of shite to really get a hold on the things that make you most happy. Despite everything that's trying to get me down, I'll still find happiness from something, somewhere, or some people.

BAM!

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - Gorilla Manor sampler (Local Natives)

Matt Gardner — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:04:00 +0000

It's not often that I get samplers, so this is not a full representation of the finished product. Nevertheless, it's still a pretty solid effort for what's been submitted.

Find out what I think about Local Natives by clicking here.

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - Sweethead (Sweethead)

Matt Gardner — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:40:00 +0000

The guitarist from Queens of the Stone Age has gotten together with a few other guys to launch a new project: Sweethead. They've been practising for a while now but nothing major until July when they released an EP, though their full release isn't out until now, two years after forming.

Worth the wait? Check it out here.

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - Fear of a Wack Planet (Brainlove Records)

Matt Gardner — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:34:00 +0000

In this release, I was assigned to cover the work of the eclectic Brainlove Records, which supports a number of underground musicians across the UK and beyond. Having already sampled the likes of Kippi Kaninus, I decided to give a few more artists from their catalogue a try.

Read my review for the label here.

inthenews.co.uk: Is NFL losing appeal?

Matt Gardner — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:00:00 +0000

In a piece which was pretty much my bread and butter - writing about something I love - I talk about the highs and lows of this year's NFL regular season game at Wembley. It was an event of mixed emotions for me, so I proposed a comment piece about it. What's more, I got my first (relatively) professional photo published alongside it after I decided to put my developing camera skills to the test.

To read the article, click here. You can find a version of that photo, alongside many others also in a higher resolution, here on my blog.

NFL London 2009: BAM

Matt Gardner — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:23:00 +0000

Okay, I'm writing an article about this in the next couple of articles so you'll get a more in-depth view of the match-up if you visit World sometime soon. Anyway, the Patriots won, which is rubbish as expected, and the game wasn't as good as last year's between the Chargers and Saints, but not as bad as the Dolphins/Giants game the year before that, which was awful even though we saw the Super Bowl champs of that year.

Ho-hum.

What was amazing, however, is the quality of photos I managed to wrangle with Liam's awesome camera with a 10x zoom and crystal-clear auto-focus. I've put a few underneath and the first one already graces my desktop like the glossy bitch it is. I mean, look, it's perfect. Lining up, Brady buggering about, right in centre-field. I call it Dreams of a Fourth-Time Underachiever:

The rest are in rough chronological order:

On the way to Wembley

Bathing in the magnificence of Wembley Stadium

Sadly the dirigible helmets were unable to take Calvin Harris out

Soldiers prove to be a valuable asset yet again, helping put on the show

Cheerleaders line up to flank the anticipated Buccaneers

Britain proudly displays the Union Jack...

... and America sucks, with its seven-star flag.

Toni Braxton: "...and the fish in the sky, and a, um... big... mmmonkey pie..."

Calzaghe (#1) helps out with coin toss

First play of the game; last to show any hope for the Bucs

Spot/stop the ball

Basking in the magnificence of Wembley, again

Pushing for the touchdown (and actually getting it)

...and the extra point is good.

That's all for now. I'm so tired and after cropping all these pictures, I think my eyes are bleeding a little.

Leeds Guide: A Skate To Victory

Matt Gardner — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 18:11:00 +0000

A while ago, I got together with the guys at The Works Skate Park to cover an event going on there and get a feel for what it was all about. It turned out to be a massive success and in order to give something back to the community, I decided to cover it for Leeds Guide, the definitive magazine for the area.

It should be in print soon, though until then, here it is in all of its online glory, sans line breaks.

Nick Griffin: The Best Guest on Question Time

Matt Gardner — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:21:00 +0000

This'll be a stream-of-consciousness post so forgive it if it doesn't make any sense. I'd just like a level of immediacy in response to tonight's great programming.

I'm absolutely loving tonight's episode of Question Time. There's been a lot of media furore over the last six or seven days about Nick Griffin's appearance on the programme, even though I don't really understand why. I mean, why deny someone operating within the political system from going on there? Isn't that a bit ironic, stopping someone on the grounds of them being elitist and exclusive in their ways?

I'm a trade union man and I know many people have to stick up for their views as a matter of being representative to their wider members; the likes of Dave Prentis have stood up and demanded the BBC reverse their decision. Why though, out of fear that Griffin'll win people over? He's on there to be attacked; if anything, the BNP may twist it to show that everyone else is intolerant. Not that it'll happen, though. Not after tonight.

He's proved to be the joke that everyone knew him to be anyway. Shaking like a shitting dog throughout proceedings (seriously, does he have a nervous problem? I actually feel a little bad about saying this, even if he is a tool) and with a lip that twitched forcefully just as much as his arsehole likely did, Griffin practically sat there and laughed at and flat-out denied everything that was thrown at him for the first 20 minutes.

What kind of things? Well, his holocaust denial. Oh, and the way he tried to get money out of Colonel Gaddafi. Not to mention his meeting with ex-KKK leader David Duke (the leader of a "non-violent" division of the KKK, apparently). Regardless of this, those on the desk were on form. Bonnie Greer is a scholar and a saint. Jack Straw bodyslammed Griffin about him being the Justice Secretary when the latter mentioned the judicial system without any real understanding of it. Huhne was okay but a bit superfluous. Baroness Warsi struggled at first but made a couple of great points on religion (and the way Griffin sullied the name of Christianity indirectly).

I suppose you have to watch it. The sheer amount of uncomfortable laughter from Griffin was, in itself, hilarious. What was proved was a point Straw made: each party aside from the BNP does not stress race as their morals are shared, instead just having differences in policies.

The biggest let down? People in the audience let their hate get on top of their points of view. It undermined them, just as much as the BNP undermine themselves with their prejudiced points of view. In some cases, it was simple statements akin to when a musician goes on stage and shouts the name of the city/country they're playing in - it gets a cheap cheer. One man even "accidentally" referred to the BNP leader as Dick Griffin. F***ing hilarious.

Greer got it right, though. Will the BNP ever be elected or popular? No. Why? "The British people have too... much... common... sense."

I thought Griffin would've done better. It would've been nice if he actually answered the questions put in front of him, but as my mates and I think, it's the first time he's had the chance to do it so he's unseasoned in his abilities in a public forum, unless it's with the ignorant sheep-like people who follow him.

Nick Griffin is the best guest on Question Time. Why? Because it was entertaining to see him nervously shuffle in the face of information he simply couldn't deny. He's been found out. Maybe more people will vote for him, but only because they're as stupid as him. That's how life is. Deal with it, everyone. It's not only Griffin that's a prejudiced fool.

...And Again. Oh, and Have Some Facts About Me Too

Matt Gardner — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 20:40:00 +0000

Yeah, it's like this barrage against the Daily Mail never ends. Ladies and gentlemen, Jan Moir (oh, and RIP Stephen Gately and all that, though HOW WEIRD IS THIS?):

All the official reports point to a natural death, with no suspicious circumstances.

But, hang on a minute. Something is terribly wrong with the way this incident has been shaped and spun into nothing more than an unfortunate mishap on a holiday weekend, like a broken teacup in the rented cottage.

The circumstances surrounding his death are more than a little sleazy. Cowles and Gately took a young Bulgarian man back to their apartment. It is not disrespectful to assume that a game of canasta ... was not what was on the cards ... What happened afterwards is anyone's guess.

Once again, under the carapace of glittering, hedonistic celebrity, the ooze of a very different and more dangerous lifestyle has seeped out for all to see.

Jesus Christ. And yet Jan still doesn't walk away from her job, even if the Irish Daily Mail has disowned her. Oh, not to mention the record 21,000 complaints registered by the PCC. I mean, that's more than Robert Kilroy-Silk.

I'm writing this in the vain hope that someone who comes across this didn't know of it before, but also because I'm struggling to talk about anything that isn't boring because the last five days have been an utter trudge-fest, aside from an Otley Run which saw me dress as Aquaman. Good night, so it was.

I mean, I'm going to London two weekends in a row: firstly for the NFL game between the Bucs and Pats on Sunday, then to meet my friends Hellen and Yuliya as well as my Hartlepudlian counterpart Sadie the following week (which I'm really looking forward to).

Still, there won't be anything amazing to reveal until the big days have passed, so until then, here are some facts for you that you may not know about me:

1) Out of left field
Left-handed, left-footed, left-eyed (not in the Lisa Lopes sense, in the strength test), Left-wing, left tackle and I'm one of the only people I know to use a computer mouse in my left hand.

2) Radio's number one
In the last ten years, I've listened to about 30 times more radio hours than I have spent hours in front of a TV. TV isn't engaging enough for me and the choice available on radio is absolutely phenomenal, plus the presenters have to actually work because they can't rely on their looks.

3) Hungary for more
If I could go to any country right now, it wouldn't be the USA, despite my allegiances to its sport and culture. I'd go back to Hungary. I'm seriously considering learning, or at least trying to learn Hungarian and perhaps get a flat there some day.

4) The gambler
I think I've only put about 12 serious bets on in a bookies my life, and never for more than £5. Still, I've won over £1,000 altogether on them (seven wins, 3 losses), including Amir "glass jaw" Khan getting knocked out in the first by Breidis Prescott and on the Giants to beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl by 3. Despite this, I still see betting as a bit of a joke and only reserve it for very special occasions. Besides, £5 is a lot of money for nothing.

5) This is all time that could be spent getting me my beverage
Alcoholic drinks I love: Maker's Mark, White Russian, Newcastle Brown Ale, Abbot Ale, Banana Bread Beer, Efes, Lucky, Mint Julep, Budvar, Bombardier, Bombay Sapphire, Benedictine, Hoegaarden, Amstel, Heineken, Tokaji.
Alcoholic drinks I hate: cider, vodka, tequila, sloe gin, palinka (sorry, Hungary).

6) Morning cocoa ban
If I had my say, chocolate breakfast cereals would be banned, especially the ones that turn the milk the colour of diarrhoea water.

7) Cheese it!
Cheese is, quite simply, the most overrated foodstuff in existence. Unless it's cooked into something enough for the rancid edge to be taken off it, I'll not touch it. Absolutely foul.

I'll come up with more in the future and keep adding to this. Sometimes it's best to leave some mystery about me.

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - How To Do Battle (Senser)

Matt Gardner — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:24:00 +0000

Senser have been going for absolutely ages and have soldiered on to make a new record. Does it match their decent pedigree over the last few years?

Click here to read more.

gamezine.co.uk: Game review - Halo 3: ODST

Matt Gardner — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 18:02:00 +0000

I was assigned to cover this game with fellow reviewer Chris Capel, who got the first look-in due to his longer experience with the job. I get the second opinion to Capel's excellent summary, though we agree and differ on a few things.

Click here to read the review and remember - scroll down. Mine is the second!

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - All My Mistakes (Teitur)

Matt Gardner — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:15:00 +0000

Teitur's surprisingly well-known for a few songs, though you'll probably not associate them with his name. People get the chance to listen again with this collection.

Is it any good? Click here to find out.

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - Songs About People I Know (Stricken City)

Matt Gardner — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 23:38:00 +0000

Sometimes someone you've never heard of before comes along and truly surprises you. Stricken City were like that with me.

Click here to read why.

Daily Mail Strikes Again

Matt Gardner — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:19:00 +0000

I don't really need to say very much in this post because of the obvious epic fail nature of the standard of news from a leading right-wing newspaper, so I might as well just post this up: the amazing story about how a celebrity wore the same dress for an entire day and as a result is now somehow unable to be a classy girl as per the laws of the unnecessarily condescending tools who act under nothing more than the moniker of "Daily Mail Reporter".

Dear Lord. I really wonder why sensationalism is, in today's news, regularly substituted for something engaging or interesting. That's the worst "news" story I've seen in months.

Thank god the likes of Charlie Brooker exist.

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - Tongue Tangled Hair (Bleeding Heart Narrative)

Matt Gardner — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 21:39:00 +0000

I took on a review of Bleeding Heart Narrative, who are listed with Tartaruga, a developing label. Are Tartaruga onto a winner? Is the release any good?

There's only one way to find out: click here...

Validation

Matt Gardner — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:53:00 +0000

Sometimes, it only takes a few good people to make you feel f***ing brilliant.

I went home to catch up with my mate Jon for his Returning Home from Australia do. It was fantastic; basically I rocked up to the King John's Tavern (a Wetherspoons, no less) and met about 15 people I hadn't seen in at least a year. The best thing? They were all amazed to see how much weight I lost.

It was great, first and foremost, because the return of Jon was actually a target for me. I wanted to have, by that point, a situation where exactly that would happen: people would know that I was different. Not only that though, it felt like people saw me as more approachable.

This was likely not the case at all, of course... the simple truth of the matter is that following half an hour of catching up with people, I was ten times more confident. Furthermore, I was able to carry this into conversation alongside my general couldn't-care-less-about-shit-that-annoys-me attitude I've developed since New Year. All-in-all, it was a fantastic night.

The biggest shock of all, however, came after we moved on and I was indirectly branded as something I never thought I would be: a threat. A friend of mine came over to me during the night, noted that I was getting along well with someone - and absolutely wonderful girl with all the right qualities, might I add - and told me not to make a move on her, as him seeing me kiss her would absolutely kill him.

I nearly died instead - the shock of being seen as competition to anyone else absolutely astounded me, though only really underlined the issue of me losing weight (which I've argued, tooth and nail, for years now) - that people take looks into account everywhere, regardless of morals, ideals and beliefs.

I thought about being selfish for the first time in my life and, despite fervent encouragement from practically everyone - with many believing I had the shot - I didn't go for it. I wasn't out for it and the night was too good to waste trying something that would a) hurt a friend, b) potentially crush a decent conversation with a top girl and c) change the night into something which I didn't want in the first place. I wasn't going out to find a girl, so it was no loss. Either way, I didn't doubt myself as much as usual - I just knew what the right thing to do was.

I'm back in Leeds now, refreshed and ready to continue the good weight loss work. Only another stone to go; 15 clem dead and I'll be happier than ever. I've already got the validation now.

Edit: what a way to celebrate 250 posts, eh?

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - I Am Chipmunk (Chipmunk)

Matt Gardner — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 21:32:00 +0000

Grime isn't exactly my strong point, though it'd be silly to turn something down on that basis when it comes to reviewing. This piece is about Mobo-winning Chipmunk, though is that ringing endorsement as correct as we assume?

Read the review to find out.

Consumer Whore

Matt Gardner — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 19:51:00 +0000

Tonight was weird. I had the overpowering urge to invest in clothing, which isn't like me in the true sense. After realising that my ridiculous trousers and jeans make me look more like MC Hammer following the weight loss (though I'm stopping short of becoming a Minstrel for full effect), I had to use my wage for the power of good and get some jeans.

I've lost 6in from my waist since New Year. I'm genuinely like that stereotypical ex-tubber that Weight Watchers tends to roll out, getting them to grab the button on their jeans and push out to prove just how much weight they've lost. Then again, there is one difference: I'm not a douche who spends money on getting someone to make them feel better about themselves by giving them an expensive approach to dropping the pounds such as branded foods.

That's the problem. Most diets are built around laziness. Why do people deny that exercise is necessary? I even underlined that when in town getting the sexy jeans (£28, two pair, 25% off, bargain), I walked around for another hour just looking at things I hadn't seen. I'm like an explorer. A shit explorer. I thought about a rubbish spin on a famous explorer's name but ended up coming up with gay pornstar names like Captain Cock and Christopher Cobumbus so I'll abandon that comparison right there.

Anyway, I'm now a bonafide consumer whore because I can finally shop in pretty much anywhere and not have to worry about something consistently not being in my size. I'm never going to have a 32in waist so I'm not exactly getting full access to the world of clothes, but why would I want to be that thin?

It sucks though. I've always said that I'd probably be gay if I had a fashion sense. If I get a fashion sense, does that mean I have to fulfil my own prophecy? A general indifference to men on a sexual level will probably undermine me being gay, I suppose, hetero-man-crush on Stephen Fry notwithstanding.

Back to Hartlepool tomorrow for fun and games. I might start blogging more. There is a good update, though: my dad's a lot better and my mum has a 95% flex on her knee joint, which is amazing given she had the operation on September 28th. I'll have to drink to that when I get home. Such a shame...

inthenews.co.uk: Tough at the top? Try the bottom

Matt Gardner — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 08:12:00 +0000

Darlington FC are facing a bit of a crisis so I thought I'd go along and show my support... for Macclesfield Town, their rivals on the day. It's pretty hard to ignore the serious issues the club are up against though, so I thought I'd knock together this next piece about how the team are struggling.

Have a read of my latest sport article by clicking here.

gamezine.co.uk: Game review - DiRT 2

Matt Gardner — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:08:00 +0000

It's safe to say that this game massively surprised me. It also led me to write over 2,000 words on it in my original draft, yet the powers that be (rightly) got me to cut it down.

So here it is: a comprehensive review of the new game in the Colin McRae series.

gamezine.co.uk: Has Turn 10 learnt anything from GT? (Forza Motorsport 3 preview)

Matt Gardner — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:55:00 +0000

In my first go at doing a preview of a game based on the demo, I was handed the opportunity to look at Forza Motorsport 3, the Xbox 360's equivalent of Gran Turismo. But does it match up?

Read more about it by clicking here.

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - Happens Secretly (Kippi Kaninus)

Matt Gardner — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:44:00 +0000

I was approached by Brainlove Records to review this effort shortly after I released the Pentatonik write-up last month, where I reckon they identified that I was well into my experimental electronica. Not one to disappoint but happy to point out that it could be a good or bad article about Kippi Kaninus - their latest offering - I reviewed the album.

Good or bad? Click here.

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - Tulipomania (Boy Crisis)

Matt Gardner — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 21:41:00 +0000

Pitchfork called them the "absolute worst band in the world right now" long before they released this album. So then, will Boy Crisis defy their critics?

Err, read the review here.

Tough Week

Matt Gardner — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 17:15:00 +0000

Yeah, it's been a tough week. I saw Kurtis Blow and the Furious Five in action at the Wardrobe, which I'd go into detail only I did an article about it so you might as well go there. Still, what I didn't mention was that I was the first person in Leeds to get a signed shirt, which was f**king brilliant. I'll be framing that after my next paycheck.

The only thing is, I've been working from home. My mum was in hospital from Monday until Wednesday - a much shorter time than even she had expected - for a knee operation to change out the knee cap, which was somewhat tripped up after my dad himself caught his foot and was sent plummeting, ribs first, into the stumps of a rose bush.

Luckily for him, it was well cut and didn't pierce the skin, but it certainly broke two of his ribs, which left him without sleep and in constant pain; it's the only time I've ever seen my dad like it.

It threw up a lot of emotions, genuinely; I was looking after him while fielding phone calls from my mobile and the house phone, while working on articles both in and outside of work and walking to the hospital to see my mum each day. It was a solid juggling act but one I got through.

My dad did worry me, though. I have a lot of love for the man, obviously, but most of all I have respect for him. I think he felt guilty as it was him that was meant to be looking after my mum when she got out of hospital, yet was out of action himself. Furthermore, my dad does so much work for the community it's untrue; it's the subject of one of my favourite articles I did back when I was studying my NCTJ.

Not being involved in the community aspect no doubt made him pretty sad, but he also worried a lot of people who realised that, for the first time in a good 30 years, he was unable to get back to them due to an injury. That was pretty tough to take for me, never mind everyone else.

Luckily, he's getting a lot better. With sleep, his memory and response times have hugely improved in two days alone, though he won't be at full strength for another few days as his ribs heal. Although I'm going back to Leeds tomorrow, my brother Andrew's down in about an hour for a chippy tea, a few beers and to take the reins in general until Wednesday. I'll be back again the following weekend as I'm seeing my mate Jon, who's returned from Australia (or 'Nam, as I refer to it).

Work passed by quickly and I have a lot of articles to do again this month, as I look to write about anything I can get a decent and enjoyable story out of. I'm treading a fine line between informer and gobshite, though my friends will likely say that in real life, the latter is definitely true.

Tomorrow I think I may even be going to see local rivals Darlington FC - who are winless, lolz - take on the mighty Macclesfield in order to proclaim "I WAS THERE!" (again, like a 'Nam vet) if they actually get three points, which seems an impossibility. Expect a follow-up article on inthenews.co.uk if I'm successful in attending.

To play me out, boot up Spotify and click here. The finest hip-hop gods of the 80s and early 90s - an all East Coast mix, aside for NWA - await your ears.

inthenews.co.uk: Gig review - The Furious Five with Kurtis Blow

Matt Gardner — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 18:17:00 +0000

I'm a huge fan of hip-hop, so to hear that Kurtis Blow and the Furious Five were heading to Leeds was an emotional discovery. Within ten minutes I'd bought tickets to my first gig in about eight months.

Thing is, was it worth it?

Check out my first gig review for inthenews.co.uk right here.

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - Routes to Riches (Mamas Gun)

Matt Gardner — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 17:54:00 +0000

This is one of the stranger efforts in the music scene at the moment and one definitely worth reading about; Mamas Gun are certainly different to the rest of the mainstream music scene at the moment, but are they historically speaking?

Read the review of Routes to Riches here.

gamezine.co.uk: Game review - Euro Truck Simulator Gold

Matt Gardner — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 17:50:00 +0000

Sometimes, you have to embrace things you'd not usually think to buy, listen to, play, taste, smell, etc. Euro Truck Simulator Gold is, as a gamer, one of these. The thing is, diving head-first into this kind of thing can sometimes surprise you into actually enjoying it; I had that with nectarines.

Anyway, whatever; here's the long-awaited review of Euro Truck Simulator Gold.

The Latest (Column): Campaign of hate, sir? Here, have the Daily Mail

Matt Gardner — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:44:00 +0000

A little while ago I had a huge rant about how the Daily Mail is essentially a swear word; you can read it here. As it was such an important point to me, I decided to convert it into an article for The Latest, which I haven't touched in a long time due to other work commitments. I'm hoping this changes soon.

You can see the sub-edited version here at The Latest or read the raw cut below.

Sometimes, there's a fine line between investigative journalism and a vendetta or grudge. However, certain newspapers, blogs, programmes and radio shows make it all too clear just how much they're willing to go out and get someone… even if it's clear that the truth has been bent out of proportion to get there.

The worst offender? Fascist tendencies aside - which, in my opinion, likely expels the Daily Express - it's the Daily Mail, bar none. One moment on Monday September 21st encapsulated absolutely everything I hate about the paper in one swoop.

Before I go into detail, let me get things straight. I hate the Daily Mail. I hate the snobbish, classist bile that has been known to flood out of its pages. I hate how it needs to convey to people to loathe the poor who they don't agree with by following their name with "jobless, three kids, living off benefits". I hate how they back the Tory party with increasing fervour despite them being led by David Cameron, the only politician incapable of making steadfast policies that aren't purely reactionary.

I'm a left-winger, sure, yet I like to think that reasoning comes into every facet of day-to-day life. However, in its bid to take over the world, the Daily Mail's slimy tentacles are reaching out into many pies, turning a once wholesome filling into one not even edible.

The poor quality of journalism at its best in the paper's so-called TV and Showbiz section - a cavalcade of hate, deceit, lies and anger directed at anyone in the limelight. It all starts to fall into trends. Katie Price is doing this, for example. Oh, hasn't (insert name here) aged badly? My goodness, why's that little angel now a slag? And so forth.

One strange trend seems to have been surrounding the airbrushing debate - or, as everyone else knows it, Marketing 101. Considering we live in one of the most developed consumer economies in the world, you'd think the press - which is known for doctoring images themselves - would be the last ones to criticise others, given that's how you promote things. A lift here, a smudge there and the job's a good'n - more sellable, at that.

But no. In the last year or so - and you can search the Daily Mail website as proof - there have been at least 15 stories on the cult of airbrushing. Well, I say cult. It's essentially times when promotions have needed someone that's not only a good actor, singer or personality, but one that's perfectly attractive too. They do their best, of course, though they need a little bit of a boost.

For example, one article went into intrinsic detail about the lack of Keira Knightley's breasts. It's actually pretty sickening, really. Okay, we get it, she doesn't have a bust. We've known that since Bend It Like Beckham.

But what about Ricky Gervais, the love/hate figure from comedy shows and films around the world? Well, those wrinkles certainly didn't show on his recent poster for The Invention of Lying.

Kate Winslet, despite looking in her mid-20s anyway - and utterly stunning at that - isn't apparently allowed to have blotchy skin on a serious photoshoot according to the Daily Mail, which is why they got an expert in to say exactly why she isn't as attractive as she blatantly is.

And the worst thing is, the Daily Mail makes itself out to be a bastion of justice; a freer of minds; a firm proponent of truth.

Yet one twisted sentence was all it took to show just how needless vendettas boil over to seemingly incandescent rage. Congratulations, Daily Mail - only you could ever make me feel sorry for Kerry Katona.

On the morning of Monday September 21st, the Daily Mail put up a story regarding the questionable character entitled "Laughing Kerry Katona swigs an alcopop during family trip to the beach".

The implication of her "swigging" from a bottle was already enough, making her out to be a booze hound which many people have alleged her to be. Regardless of whether or not she was, she still only drank one bottle of Smirnoff Ice - something kids drink at parties when they can't afford better and can't handle the taste of any real drinks.

In just three or four hours, the headline changed to "Kerry Katona swigs vodka on a family trip to the beach", which is how it remains. Of course, the Daily Mail seems too thick to cover its tracks, given that the original is in the internet browser header and the url of the page, which reads Laughing-Kerry-Katona-swigs-alcopop-family-trip-beach.html.

So not only did they drop "laughing" out of the title - god forbid she tries to have fun while she's bankrupt and likely to fight for her kids - but they made out like she was sat letting her kids prance around in between bear traps and needles while she sat on the kerb swigging neat white spirit.

Sure, there's vodka in there, but is it *really* vodka? Well, no, not in the eyes of pretty much everyone.

It's like them seeing me on a Sunday evening in my front room, squinting through hateful eyes, first writing "Happy Matt Gardner watches NFL drinking beer" then changing it to "Matt Gardner watches violent sport while drinking ethanol".

"Well, ethanol's in beer," the idiots would claim. Yes. It's just remarkably diluted.

What next for the Daily Mail Pain Train? Will Kate Winslet be seen eating a cheese baguette, resulting in the Daily Mail screaming "Kate Winslet eating a pure fat sandwich... probably time for the airbrush!"? Who knows.

And as for the Daily Mail comments section, which is usually filled with reactionary and gullible bile, we have some common sense from some in regards to Kerry Katona from Mary M of Manchester:

"No more Jordan. No more Kerry. Please please please. Find somebody else to write about."

Cora of Maidenhead did pretty well, too:

"It's one Smirnoff Ice! 5% at the most. OK, perhaps unwise if you are followed by the paps but hardly the crime of the century. I know she has brought all this press attention on herself but give the girl a break!"

I'm addicted to the Daily Mail now (online, of course... I'm never going to pay for it). It's like watching a car crash's aftermath. Except the car has the wrong number plates, someone's made a hasty paint job to hide important evidence and the reporters covering the scene all turn up in opaque sunglasses, carrying white sticks.

Oh, and they ignore it if there's even the slightest chance of an immigrant or an ethnic minority inside.

Even if they want to sell papers, it's just not right. There comes a time when journalism is not needed, when it's no longer news. The Daily Mail's desperation in its last minute changing of 'alcopop' to 'vodka' only cements the fact that it was not a story: just a violent stab at a celebrity who's already, sadly, the walking dead.

Lazy Journalist Slags...gate

Matt Gardner — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 19:23:00 +0000

Right. Firstly: f*** Watergate. As much as I happily admit that the Watergate scandal was one of the greatest instances of Journalistic Win, there's still a lasting legacy that stems far beyond politics. Perhaps the point I'm about to raise is, in itself, a pretty tired one. Sod it though; I'm absolutely sick of the lazy journalist slags who insist on such a knackered tactic of promoting a scandal.

This week saw CRASHGATE hit the headlines. The Times, The Daily Mirror, The Daily Telegraph, The Guardian and The Financial Times were among the awful purveyors of this suffix-based monstrosity.

Some of them tried to side-step the issue by putting it in single quotation marks, as if the term wasn't their doing but they were still allowed to use it, as if people didn't know what the story would be about otherwise. It's just an out-and-out shambles.

As a result, I've decided to float around a rumour which isn't true, but it should be for this alone. I think this is the only headline that could beat "Super Cali Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrocious", though through ridiculously contrived means.

Did you hear about that crazy night on the weekend? Did you?! Basically, Mark Hateley, the former Rangers striker and current Liberia manager invited around a few of his celebrity mates. There was Bill Gates, the Microsoft mogul, as well as Stephen Gately of Boyzone fame. To spice it up even further, the former stuttering Pop Idol finalist Gareth Gates was in on the action and, well, one thing led to another...

Anyway, they ended up stark-bollock naked in the hot tub and poured in the bubble bath for good measure.

On the papers the next day:

HateleyGatelyGatesGatesMateygate.

I shit ye not.

inthenews.co.uk: Interview - Simeon Bowring, a.k.a. Pentatonik

Matt Gardner — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 18:50:00 +0000

After having one of the best albums to review in a long time with A Thousand Paper Cranes, the man behind it - Pentatonik, or Simeon Bowring - was more than happy to get in touch with me and take some questions about his career.

You can see it on inthenews.co.uk by clicking here!

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - Leave This Town (Daughtry)

Matt Gardner — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:00:00 +0000

Not a genre known for its variety, the US mainstream rock scene is now the home to American Idol reject Chris Daughtry, who has led his band to their second straight number one album. But is it any good?

Have a look at the review by clicking here, here or even here.

The Daily Mail and Lazy Journalism

Matt Gardner — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:52:00 +0000

Right. Let me get things straight now. I hate the Daily Mail. I hate pretty much everyone who contributes to it. I hate its class system-based snobbery. I hate how it must mention after a potential sob story that they're "jobless, with three kids, living off benefits". I despise their incessant Tory propaganda when all it's doing is agreeing with David Cameron, the only politician incapable of making steadfast policies that aren't reactionary.

I hate how they're happy to go on about airbrushing as soon as someone they know is attractive is slightly pampered for an advert, AS IF WE DON'T KNOW ALREADY considering we live in one of the most developed consumer economies in the world. Oh look, Keira Knightley's got no tits, let's write about that. Oh, Gervais, your face is slightly less creased than usual. That'll do for 700 words of shit. Kate Winslet, it doesn't matter that you look utterly stunning for your age, you're still an airbrushed bitch and we've got an expert to prove it.

It makes my piss boil.

You know how much I hate the Daily Mail? I hate it so much that it's the only newspaper that's made me feel sorry for Kerry Katona. Yes, the coke-snorting, boozy second-class mother who's enough to make me sound like a Daily Mail writer. Except I'm not, because only the Daily Mail can change a headline that's been up for two hours to make it sound like she's practically got an IV drip of Russian Standard plugged into her eye.

Why? Read this story's headline. In fact, save you going there, it's "Kerry Katona swigs vodka on a family trip to the beach".

Except, well, it's not. The original title was, to accompany a photo of her looking happy with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice in her hand, "Laughing Kerry Katona swigs alcopop on a family trip to the beach". Proof's in the web url:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/.../Laughing-Kerry-Katona-swigs-alcopop-family-trip-beach.html

So she's gone from drinking something kids drink to get a little bit wobbly, to heavy alcohol. It's like them seeing me, changing "Happy Matt Gardner watches NFL drinking beer" to "Matt Gardner watches violent sport while drinking ethanol". "Well, ethanol's in beer," the idiots will probably claim.

What next? Kate Winslet seen eating a cheese baguette and the Daily Mail screaming "Kate Winslet eating a pure fat sandwich... probably time for the airbrush!"

Mary M of Manchester, I feel your pain...

No more Jordan. No more Kerry. Please please please. Find somebody else to write about.

Cora of Maidenhead, I completely agree...

It's one Smirnoff Ice! 5% at the most. OK, perhaps unwise if you are followed by the paps but hardly the crime of the century. I know she has brought all this press attention on herself but give the girl a break!

Thank f*** some of the Daily Mail's readers are able to see some reality every now and again.

Shame the columnists can't. After six months of complaints over the sacking of Arlene Phillips - who, of course, has gone onto better things with a fatter paycheck - Alesha Dixon has been given absolutely no chance of recovering after one episode of Strictly Come Dancing. Why? Because Amanda Platell insists on knocking someone down before they even have a chance to start.

The worst thing? I'm addicted to the Daily Mail now (online, of course... I'm never going to pay for it). It's like watching a car crash's aftermath. Except the car has the wrong number plates, someone's made a hasty paint job to hide important evidence and the reporters covering the scene all turn up in opaque sunglasses, carrying white sticks.

Oh, and they ignore it if there's even the slightest chance of an immigrant or an ethnic minority inside.

gamezine.co.uk: Feature - The Madden Curse strikes again

Matt Gardner — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:53:00 +0000

This article was a bit of a doozy for me as it combined two of my main loves: American football and games. It's about the strange coincidences surrounding cover title players on the Madden NFL series and injuries, a lack of form or other mishaps.

It's on Gamezine, of course, so click here to read it.

Community Spirit: Xperi-mental 09

Matt Gardner — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 15:10:00 +0000

I've had a couple of the busiest weeks of my life. However, yesterday was the pinnacle to say the least. You see, yesterday, I felt like a fully-fledged journalist for the first time ever. The best thing was, it was made all the more easier because after mingling with over 150 people in a crowded skate park, I didn't meet a single person I didn't like.

Basically, I've proposed an article to Leeds Guide, a publication covering the area I live in. It's a good magazine and truly promotes the work of everything in the city while highlighting key issues across the region, which I subscribe to. As a young journalist I still have morals (which I know I'll keep in future), so I'm covering the work of The Works skate park in Leeds, which is in danger of going under in the next year if much-needed charity/council funding doesn't reach it despite being the biggest indoor park in England.

The thing is, it really does. After seeing amazing skate competitions, free giveaways, general camaraderie and the platform it provides to kids, The Works needs saving. It's up to me to do the best I can to give the countless hours of hard work that little nudge it needs to get recognised.

Yesterday saw a huge event taking place: Nando's Xperi-mental 09 Skate Jam, a competition which genuinely went off without a hitch: no stolen gear, no injuries, free (unlimited) Nando's for all and free stuff for kids willing to show some amazing tricks, which a lot of them did to perfection.

I met up with the guys at the park (one of which being my housemate Liam, who was getting some great photos yesterday) before relaxing and figuring out what I wanted to do in regards to interviews and the like. After some milling around, eating, watching some demos in the midday heat and hooking up with Nick Stocker, a genius of a bloke from Wimbledon (working for the PR firm alongside Nando's), I ended up relaxing before the manager of the park, Elliott Turnbull, took me upstairs for a 30 minute interview regarding his stance on it.

The eloquence was perfect and his answers were clean cut, only making me want to help the guy out more. Despite the financial factor, all that seemed to run as an undercurrent was a certain element of philanthropy. All money made is being re-invested into the park after running costs are paid, such as fixing a leaky roof and, ultimately, expansion, becoming the biggest indoor park in Europe.

After that it was a breeze. The dictophone gave me a strange amount of power which can be quite arresting at times, yet in reality it was giving people a voice and with my personality, I made sure that people didn't think I'd be doing anything else but reporting a cause.

None other than Rodney Clarke, professional skateboarder and possibly the youngest-looking 37-year-old man to have ever existed, had a chat with me for a good half an hour outside of the park about what it meant to him alongside another couple of skaters, Jonny and Ryan, who were half his age. His words were almost speech-like; the man's clearly an incredibly talented man on and off the park.

No other time had community spirit been embodied as much that day as it had in that conversation. Rodney's well-respected across the globe, but you'd expect him to be quieter and speak with enough gravity to keep people a little more humble in his presence. Did he? Nope. The man was just like everyone else and talked to everyone as an equal. The half-hour flew by and I think everyone in the park was genuinely sad to see him go, myself included. Hopefully he'll be back again soon.

Marcel Khan, the MD of Nando's in North London, was next on the list. The strange breed of Dutch-Canadian only complemented his overall coolness; the man is an absolute legend. He orchestrated Xperi-mental 09 with his branch due to his understanding of corporate social responsibility and the nature of the sport, which he's into himself (purely on a flatland basis, he asserted). He truly believes in the cause. Not only that, he gave me 30 minutes of gold on the dictophone and then forwarded me to another person - my fourth and final interview of the day.

Deborah Lea is from St Helens and came along with her son, Matthew. He's had 16 operations, primarily on his cleft palate which he was born with. The lad's struggled at school and been threatened by his local council with fines after skating in public. He's found friends at the park and his mum's even moving to a home to accommodate a mini-ramp in the garden, but they're petitioning the authority for an indoor park. I'm going to do a separate piece for them; it's something that genuinely needs some thought.

After everyone cleared up, I had chance to do a little bit more chatting. Nick was a consumate gentleman and he introduced me to Hamish Duncan, the most Scottish-sounding man ever (with the least Scottish-sounding accent ever), who shares my medical highlight of a broken back (through snowboarding). Another legend added to the ranks, essentially.

And, of course, the skate park staff were sound as hell. All had a good sense of humour, good relations with skaters and their families, as well as having a genuine pride in the park. Some travel to schools to teach young people how to ride and others petition local and national sources of funding. They work tirelessly - something Elliott was keen to point out, though didn't really need to given their performance throughout the day.

All I know is that skateboarding is, for all of its injuries and perceived anti-social nature, one of the greatest - if not the greatest - individual sports of all time. Everyone works together and only have themselves to blame for falling. And yet the skaters get back up, over and over again, including one young lad in the under-14s who kept attempting a fingerflip, only to nearly land it on the fifth attempt. Everyone was behind him, and he was duly rewarded for his sterling efforts with a deck. Fellow skaters hammered their boards on the ramp in appreciation - it was a wonderful thing to see.

The event organisers were nothing but friendly, helpful and all help a genuine belief in the cause. I just hope it sets a precedent.

If it doesn't, I'll make damn sure it does. Expect a few articles in the next couple of weeks.

inthenews.co.uk: Music review - Backspacer (Pearl Jam)

Matt Gardner — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:30:00 +0000

In my month of article madness, I had the chance to cover Pearl Jam's newest offering. As a big fan of the band, I tohught it would be a winner after hearing the new single and a couple of other promos. But is it?

Find out here.

gamezine.co.uk: Wii to drop console price in October?

Matt Gardner — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 19:18:00 +0000

Will the Nintendo Wii drop in price next month? Will it? Will it? No, but seriously, is it going to?

Insider scoop alert: find out here in another cover story for Gamezine.

Day of Ultimate Win

Matt Gardner — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:16:00 +0000

Saturday was one of the best days of my life. What happened? Well, nothing much that sounds (on the face of it) particularly interesting, yet I still never stopped being happy the entire time I was out and about, enjoying the last vestiges of summer as the sun came out for what will probably be the final time before April or May.

Friday night was a great one in itself, and I'll be sneaky and factor in shenanigans after 12am. We basically got really drunk together as a house and played cards in the street, drank a lot, chatted a lot and watched cats and urban foxes. It was epic. I ended up retiring to bed at about 2:30am after my body practically shut down; essentially, I'd had two hours sleep the previous night due to enforced watching of Steelers action, which also went down a treat.

Anyway, I woke up, it was a beautiful day, so as a house we decided to do something different. Just over the ridge from my house, there's a valley with an urban farm in it. And so me, Bazyli, Carey and Sarah - the newest housemate whose presence was celebrated with said drinking the previous night - toddled off down to see the animals in glorious weather. Watch us toddle:

See, look. We're toddling.

Anyway, we made it through the woods - a beautiful prospect on a late summer afternoon but a rapist's heaven on an evening, no doubt - to get to the farm, tucked away behind a few houses near Meanwood Beck. This route, to be exact:

When we got there, it was a double win: we didn't even have to pay as it was an open day for English Heritage anyway! We still bought grass pellets anyway; after all, we wanted to feed goats and sheep. Yep, we're paying to do their job for them. Not that we cared, of course - it was sunny, the animals were plentiful and some of the views were obscenely nice, given we're in the middle of a top-five city in England:

And yes, I genuinely did feed a goat. It was f***ing cool:

After that, a trip to the White Rose Shopping Centre was made of win (mainly in that I bought Fallout 1, 2 and Tactics for a fiver), as was a trip to see Liam supposedly grafting at the Works skate park - something which sorted me out with another interview about the park's future as a charitable organisation (something I plan to work on for Saturday and, all being well, submit to Leeds Guide).

We returned home, cracked out sweet treats, watched Iron Man, had an ironic takeaway to celebrate the fact I'm now 16st 3lbs (over 5st GONE) and hit the sack.

Not a hair out of place, not a crossed word. All was well. All is well. Life is moving up. I have three interviews for articles (including another for the wonderful Dagger Dames), two music reviews and I may even get a free copy of Beatles Rock Band to cover.

Shabba.

District 9 Remembered Forever; Back Pain Pretty Much Forgotten

Matt Gardner — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 17:14:00 +0000

I went to go and see District 9 last night, which was probably the best sci-fi film I've seen in about ten years. It also marked the first time I've been to the cinema in over a year, with the last outing being Iron Man - a great film spoiled by prevailing back troubles which forced me to shift uncomfortably throughout the showing.

District 9 aside - which I don't have a review for, only the words "just f***ing watch it, fools" - I sat comfortably throughout the entire showing. My back was the bane of my existence for around two-and-a-half years following an innocuous-enough tackle at university in American football which turned out to be a fractured vertebrae and pelvis. It spread to my knee due to the weight misplaced on one side of my body, making it worse by the day to walk anywhere.

Now I walk everywhere. As of a week past Thursday, I'd dropped five stone - since New Year, no less - meaning that I now not only can sit through a feature-length film but I can do little things most people think are standard, such as turning over in bed, sleeping on my front, jogging for long periods of time, all that good stuff. I can feel my muscles toning up, my vital measurements going down and my confidence rising.

It's helping me get out of doors, too. I'm even treating myself to what could possibly be the best gig of my life when none other than Kurtis Blow, Grandmaster Melle Mel and the Furious Five hit The Wardrobe in Leeds. I don't think my life can possibly get any better after such a show.

This month's going to be great. Celebrate with me by enjoying The Breaks by a very young Kurtis Blow on none other than Soul Train.

Muggins Tries To Mug Me

Matt Gardner — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 16:49:00 +0000

I had a great night yesterday evening and came back after a few pints with my workmates with more money in my wallet than when I left to go to the pub, which is pretty good given I'm not paid until Monday and I have to watch my pennies until then (particularly with my foolproof Overdraft Reduction Plan... I'm saving £250 a month. BA-ZING!).

I was walking back from the city centre and I decided to go the scenic route. I decided to have a look around the Notre Dame campus - a private girls' school hidden away in Leeds. This already sounds dodgy, but it's not term time, so get to feck if you think I had other ideas.

Anyway, the buildings were nice, I was listening to Faith No More which made me happy and the six pints made everything gleam nicely. I had a pack of soda farls and a 2l bottle of Pepsi Max too, so things couldn't possibly get any better.

I got to the end of the road, banked left and crossed over to an old church near my house. It's got an overgrown cemetery and it's generally abandoned and in a state of disrepair, though it still managed to host a huge wedding a couple of weeks ago (I assume the bride and groom chose it for a laugh). Still, it's in a dark area without much lighting, with trees obscuring any street lights.

I then get a small pain. The back of my head gets thumped and dazes me slightly, from shock more than anything else. I look up thinking it's a branch before turning round to see some little scrote - about 5'7" or 5'8", hood up, 10st wet through and not much else. I take my headphones out just as he's screeching "gimme your f***ing phone". My reply, strangely enough in my tipsy state, was "what are you doing?"

He repeats his demand. "No." "I'll kick your head in." I laughed quite hard before repeating "No." He wasn't having any of it, took a swing for me and I swerved back (old skills coming back to me). As I'm left handed and I was in the regular stance I couldn't get purchase on my natural punch so instead, I used his momentum against him, gently placing my hand on the back of his head before pushing him into a faceplant on the stone wall around the church. As he recoils, I again couldn't punch or kick him and ended up delivering a solid knee to his shoulder, causing him to fall on the floor.

His face wasn't bleeding but he definitely seemed concussed. He was on the floor, trying to move but finding it relatively impossible. I stood over him, told him in no uncertain terms to try and mug anyone, before delivering my masterstroke (in, again, a tipsy state).

I don't support violence nor do I support the next part, though I just felt it was necessary.

I stood to one side of him, pushed him onto his face with my leg, reached in his back pocket, picked out his wallet and took £5 off him for the privilege. He was going to steal something of mine and has probably stole plenty before, so I thought it was only fair.

I put the wallet back in his pocket, muttered a cheeky thanks in his ear and turned round before walking off. I could hear him stumble to his feet before running away. I think he might've been crying. It's his own fault, though.

The booty won't be spent. I still have it in my room:

I think I might frame it.

Scum 0, The People 1.

There's Nothing Quite Like A BlackDonald's

Matt Gardner — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:08:00 +0000

Life never ceases to amaze me. Okay, that's the most open-ended start to a blog that I think I've ever done, but Jesus Christ, I think I've found the most baffling website I've ever seen.

I mean, wouldn't you be a little bit shocked if you found a McDonald's website which was for black people?

No, seriously, there's one. They call it 365Black. There are interviews with black employees, adverts solely aimed at the black community and even bonus pictures of Kevin M, a radio personality and former McDonald's employee from Washington DC. He does look like a pretty nice bloke, mind.

Still, in a world of positive discrimination, I find myself torn at this point. The obvious issue people would make is "oh, what about the white McDonald's website?!", which is so stupid it hurts, particularly given that McDonald's is the bastion of white trash families, as in exhibit A:

...but really, it's almost as if some white guy has had a nervous fit over perceived racial imbalance, or at least wanted to make McDonald's the new KFC (stereotypical I know, but it's blatantly crossed the minds of the powers that be at Maccy D's).

So is it positive discrimination? You'd certainly think so by the fawning What is 365Black? blurb:

At McDonald's, we believe that African-American culture and achievement should be celebrated 365 days a year — not just during Black History Month. That's the idea behind 365Black.com. It's a place where you can learn more about education, employment, career advancement and entrepreneurship opportunities, and meet real people whose lives have been touched by McDonald's. Plus, you can also have a chance to win exciting once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. So make sure you visit often - you just might get inspired.

It gets better. The next part is so cringeworthy, my toes are still curling:

Like the unique African Baobab tree, which nourishes its community with its leaves and fruit, McDonald's has branched out to the African-American community nourishing it with valuable programs and opportunities.

Great work, McDonald's. I'm sure there are people on both sides of the fast-food-manufactured race divide who take umbrage at that shite.

It was so over the top, I even thought they only shortened Kevin M's name to mirror that of Malcolm X.

I'm just glad that they haven't slipped too much with their spelling to try and break the stereotype mould further. Chicken McNuggets is only two letters from being an atrocity in itself, after all.

Where do I stand, though? I don't know. If I agree or disagree with the concept of a black-orientated fast food website, I'll probably offend someone. Heart says it's silly, head says it's fair enough. Take your pick on which one you want to cut out of my body and pick a fight with, if you're overly PC or a Daily Express reader.

Week of Hell; Weekend of Delights

Matt Gardner — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:22:00 +0000

My god, this week's been tough. I clicked about 54 hours of work from Monday til Friday and I still have no idea how I did it. Still, there's always something to look forward to, even if it took five days to get to it.

After finding out on Thursday that I'd lost five stone since New Year - I know, I'm f***ing amazing - I set about a tough Friday/end of month slog at work before heading back to the Motherland with three things at the forefront of my mind: seeing my bestestest friend Richard before his next inevitable trip to the Teutonic surroundings of Germany; catching up with my parents; and seeing my first Hartlepool United game of the season.

The results were: great time; very interesting and educational time; shite. Never mind about the last one; recovery came in the form of chilli, beer and a quick train ride back to L-Town to meet up with Nick and Richie - former housemates - to celebrate Nick's birthday today as well as use it as an excuse to catch up on games and have a laugh, which was only added to by the arrival of Danny Ohio, the single coolest man in the world with a name that mixes porn star with loan shark. He is neither.

A couple of things, aside from the weight loss, got me through the week. These included Cat in Box and Keyboard Cat. The latter is one of the few internet memes that's passed me by completely, but the idea is utterly genius. Clips below for you all as I recollect my thoughts and soldier on. I would love to have more things to talk about but I really, really can't think of anything. We're doing our Rock Band music video editing today - maybe results will follow.

Anyway, videos. Love to you all.

Edit: links to keyboard cat as my blog's too skinny. Something I plan to sort out soon. 1, 2.

The Power of Four

Matt Gardner — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 15:51:00 +0000

Things are going remarkably well. After a great performance watched at the Dagger Dames' burlesque show and a decent couple of days including a trip to see Sophie for a drink or two in Sheffield (a remarkably attractive city, might I add... a little better than Leeds in terms of aesthetics), I returned to Leeds to get on with work. Real work. Real, fun work.

We're filming our video for the music video. We decided on choosing Debaser by Pixies (can be heard here) to film on our Rock Band roof and we got some cracking footage last night, with me and Jake drumming and guitaring respectively while Liam and Carey avoided urban foxes, chavs and one bloke who was so high that he thought we were aliens before inviting us to a party "in a field four miles away". I think we got it on camera too - bonus features on our first DVD, no doubt.

The thing I love about the arrangement that Carey, Liam, Jake and I have is the way we're able to work together; it's the power of four. We've all got different strengths in humour, creativity and practical application all wrapped up in genuine teamwork.

We got some killer angles last night but we were still finding our feet. It'll be much the same tonight; we'll get plenty done over the next couple of nights and focus on a few more sketches which involve Bryan Ferry, Jake kicking ass, me cheering up to music and melted chocolate. Gasp! It's going to be amazing.

A Night at the Burlesque

Matt Gardner — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 18:03:00 +0000

And so I decided to shun tradition and treat myself to a midweek night out. I'm off to Subculture in Leeds for a bit of burlesque action - the Dagger Dames, namely - after Liam, Richie and co decided on going to the once-monthly occasion sponsored by Sailor Jerry, which will no doubt make the whole occasion even more of a delight to watch.

One of the burlesque maestros is actually from Hartlepool and wound up not only being interviewed by a friend at the Leeds Guide with the rest of the troupe but also bumped into one of our researchers in a recent street poll about one thing or another. Given the amount of coincidences, it only seemed right that I go along and get a piece of the action.

Other than that, the Rock Band Roof Plan is in motion and we should have something filmed by the end of the week, all being well, though this doesn't take into account production, which will likely take about six years given the lethargy in the house during the week.

I'd report other things but a bumper issue will no doubt be issued on here in the coming weeks... Tschuss!

Rooftop Rock-Out at Burchett Cinema

Matt Gardner — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 18:06:00 +0000

Sometimes, it's disgustingly ridiculous how certain things go completely overlooked for so long. This happened to be the case this week in Chez Leeds, where we realised that we could eek a little bit more out of the projector we've come to love with all our hearts.

You see, we bought the projector about a year ago - or at least the current unit's predecessor - which has resulted in hours of game-, film- and TV-based enjoyment for all. It's become a talking point amongst our friends due to the natural social meeting point it's created, particularly in relation to its pairing with Rock Band.

The thing is, we had a 6ft screen. We didn't realise we could just as easily have had a 16ft screen.

We live in a row of Victorian terraced houses in Woodhouse, Leeds. It's also the last row of houses running in the direction it does - over the road it the end of a couple more streets.

Opposite our house is the side of another end-of-row home.

Are you thinking what we're thinking?

Here's a basic diagram of our wicked plan:

And so it transpired that when placing the projector on Liam's bedroom window in a move so major that it takes quarter of an hour to set up (when taking the projector, speakers, Xbox 360, guitars and ourselves up), we could have an amazing game of Rock Band 2 on the roof of our bay window. Don't believe me? The images don't do the experience justice, but suck on these:

It's truly the best decision we've ever made. It's not only a case of playing Rock Band but also other games, films and planned misadventures to freak out any passers-by. We're going to make a music video soon and, given the upcoming launch of Beatles Rock Band, a true experience of a rooftop rock-out may be a minor internet sensation. If not, who cares? I bloody love our new set-up.

Lightwater Valley: A Matter of Life and Death

Matt Gardner — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 13:50:00 +0000

You know what I did with my last day of holiday during the week? I went to a bloody theme park, that's what I did. It was absolutely amazing. Lightwater Valley was the destination, one of the north-east's premier attractions (alongside Flamingo Land, which is arguably better yet still somewhere I haven't been).

It was an interesting experience. Me and Jake knew it was on the A1 somewhere and travelling north from Leeds, it was pretty easy. We got the Tom Tom out anyway, looked under theme parks and... it wasn't there. Yet bastard Diggerland was. It's a theme park in Durham (and a few other places) which specialises in terrorising locals with JCBs, with the Durham one being particularly famous after a ride rolled down an embankment and nearly killed someone. Ouch.

Anyway, Lightwater Valley's no better. The Twister - one of the few rides we didn't go on after Jake refused to - was only avoided after I informed him that someone had actually died on it. Oops.

This was only solidified by our experience on The Ultimate. This ride was opened in 1991 and was the world's longest rollercoaster for ten years before being usurped by Steel Dragon 2000. Still, its 18 years of service are showing, not least in my knees. They got absolutely destroyed, along with Jake's arm, as we flew through the forest. It was a mixture of the Speeder Bike sequence from Return of the Jedi (except with more danger), plus the mine cart chase from Indiana Jones, as I swear we were on two wheels for a lot of the ride.

It was absolutely brutal and the fear is only derived from the genuine mortal peril you feel you're faced with when the cracking, banging sounds are coming from the carts and track. There also doesn't need to be any form of physical pain either, but I found myself restraining movement so I could allow myself to walk away when I got off (I barely could, I shit ye not).

There's a video here to illustrate just how painful it is, even though this gliding camera does the bone-shaking antics no justice:

So instead, me and Jake dedicated ourselves to three rides: the Black Widow's Web (a glorified ferris wheel), the Eagle's Claw (one of my favourite rides ever, and one which saw a 12 year old boy cry on until he passed out - MEGA!) and the dodgems.

The Eagle's Claw was fantastic as I could just fit on it, given the height and chest size restrictions (losing weight allowed me to have fun, as the expense of a slightly torn pectoral and a bit of bruising to my shoulders).

Still, pretty damn good:

The dodgems were something else, though.

Me and Jake decided to be old-school bullies. Our idea came about after a truly repugnant child - who probably weighed the same as me, except was about 4'9" - refused to leave the cart after his turn and stayed on for another go. It was ten points if we hit him. We must've racked up about 100 each.

However, it was a lot more amiable than it sounds. His friend tried to stick up for him but after Jake and I acted as each other's wingmen, the buzzer sounded just as the kid turned forward to see me travelling head on at him. The force was so great that I bruised the base of my rib cage, while the kid got air time of about a foot. Excellent.

Still, The Ultimate will haunt my dreams for a long time.

As Jake said when he got off: "Any money The Ultimate is in the news in the next five years."

Tourist In My Own Area

Matt Gardner — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 21:11:00 +0000

I'm not really the tourist type. My brother Peter taught me well; he's been around the world countless times to places such as the US, Singapore, China, Italy, Brazil, Argentina, Australia and Japan, yet he always makes sure that aside from the basic things (tall buildings, historical monuments, World Heritage Sites), he does things that people don't usually do.

Luckily, my recent trip to Hungary didn't require me to do any of this thinking and as a result, I kinda lost touch with the element of making the most of an area's finer details, aside from the obvious. This week - a week off from work, might I add - I was able to do a little bit of exploring. The destination was none other than the north-east, a region twinned with Heaven and Hell.

It's a weird one, really. I love the area with all of my heart and I'm a proud Hartlepudlian, but I realised when I moved away that a lot of it was taken for granted. I mean fair enough, I couldn't live there now. It fills me with dread to think that I would end up back there with the oft-adopted soulless existence of many of its inhabitants, who think aspiration equates to having a bit of cash to spend in the town on the weekend in what seems to be a very introspective community.

However, this siege mentality is borne out of pride. Pride which, for all intents and purposes, is generally well placed (it's the ones who hate Hartlepool who are stuck there that I feel sorry for). But much of the region is like this; it's because there's a lot of cool stuff up there. Given my good friend Liam's fascination with Hartlepool ever since running into a billion facts about the place (and, seemingly, a billion more coincidences involving the seaside base of awesomeness), me and Carey, with the help of Jake - the latter two also being Hartlepudlians - decided on a whistle-stop tour of the area.

Our basic route involved the Transporter Bridge (Teesside), Hartlepool's Headland (Old Hartlepool to locals), Durham Cathedral, the Angel of the North (built in Hartlepool, sitting in the Team Valley), Penshaw Monument (near Sunderland) and Tanfield Railway, the world's oldest working railway with a huge train graveyard.

So yeah. We went and took loads of pictures. It was actually quite refreshing, particularly given that we also brought along the wonderful Richard and had Liam to provide us with a new understanding of the things we were seeing.

Photo time (but only in brief... a description if you're lucky).

We hit up Hartlepool via the so-called scenic route, i.e. through the industrial estates of Billingham, Teesport and Stockton. This leads us to the Transporter Bridge, a cantilever construction which is the only one of its kind still operating in the UK. It's been used in Auf Wiedersehen, Pet and a few other things relating to Middlesbrough, the arsehole of the universe.

It's quite a striking sight, particularly on the good day that is was last Monday (pardon the lack of side-profile shots, though they're boring as hell anyway. Moreso than this one. Anyway, there are plenty of links on here previously...). This also helped when we went to Hartlepool. BAM:

Hartlepool's a lovely place, though we didn't get chance to be arty at Steetley - an abandoned factory - or the Marina, which we somehow completely forgot to go back to on our rush to Durham Cathedral. KABOOM:

I genuinely think this is the most beautiful building in the world. It's absolutely fascinating - it's rightfully UNESCOed and proves to me the sheer power of Christianity, whether it's the right philosophy or a crock of shit. A powerful argument, if ever I saw one. I even took an arty photo or two, woop woop:

We also climbed to the top as we are largely made of awesome. It was a killer for me bbut worth it, especially when you see some of the views. Here's just one for you for now...

After that came the Angel of the North. It allowed me to take one of the most win-ful photos ever, by complete accident. Divine intervention due to the love for the cathedral, or just the predictable path of the sun? You decide...

We also saw a load of American and Japanese tourists taking photos with their arms out, like shitbricks who go to Pisa and lean sideways and chortle like the buffoons they are for their lazy, slack-jawed approach to tourism. The dicks. We had our own idea, which was wonderfully realised after my suggestion to my four comrades:

(l-r: Jake is Y, Liam is M, Carey is C and Richard is A.)

After a few more shots, we headed to Penshaw Monument, a folly created for no apparent reason in the 19th Century. It's a really striking building and one which features on the club badge for Sunderland AFC:

It's even better close up, looking like the Greeks settled down in the north-east when they were a bit bored of gods, homosexuality and slavery.

After a night at the pub, a few pints at Jake's house and a chuffing parmo, we woke up the next morning to go to Tanfield Railway, which is way too close to the Angel and Penshaw for us to justify the second trip up there. But we did, and it was well worth it. The place is like the Capital Wastelands of Fallout 3 or anywhere in Chernobyl. Most of it is simply abandoned, providing a load of colours and textures for photographers to have fun in. Filming there would be a breeze; it's a bit reminiscent of the train graveyard in Final Fantasy VII:

I even took fancy photos I was proud of, as I finally understood focus. WHOA! It's amazing! Wow!:

Oh, and we also saw one of the windmills outside of Hartlepool. Pretention was also high when taking this picture, but it looks nice, so get f***ed.

So yeah. After all that, we took the coast road home, taking in Saltburn, the utterly beautiful Sandsend and Whitby before heading in and driving across the moors, seeing the ominous RAF Fylingdales without its once-famous golf ball radomes and getting back into Leeds in the evening for a toast to the new house. All-in-all? Bloody great couple of days.

Nice to see the north-east in such a light, I guess. Maybe it's worth an article for Travelbite? Who knows... I have the history and knowledge, just maybe not the time. Yet. Watch this space.

Tour of the North-East

Matt Gardner — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 22:29:00 +0000

And so it happens that I have a week off from work. After celebrating in fine style with an Otley Run last night (I'd list the pubs but my memory has forgotten most things), I'm setting off to the sunny north-east with fellow homeboy Carey and relative newbie Liam to check out the sights.

I've also just had the brainwave to maybe look in greater detail into the area through a video. We're taking loads of equipment with us to get some great shots of anything from Penshaw Monument to the Angel of the North, Durham Cathedral and the finer points of Hartlepool. However, on the flipside we'll also be checking out Billingham, Port Clarence, the train graveyards of Teesside and Tynefield, as well as a few other choice spots of my hometown which aren't really up to scratch.

In between, we'll sample other delights for fun more than photography, but expect a few photos at least.

Apart from that, I have very little to talk about. Call it a lack of commitment to the overall cause of blogging or a hangover I know nothing of (as I never get them... I just become lazy. Part of the reason I don't drink often).

Here's to the north-east... probably the best place in the world. And I am very biased.

Busy Busy Busy

Matt Gardner — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 01:30:00 +0000

Sadly, due to absolutely everything on my plate at the moment, I haven't got the time to even bother talking about it all, so I'm going to leave you with a gem of a film to watch. It's on YouTube and I never thought to check, but I plan to lend the video to a friend and it popped back up in my head.

Enjoy... (at least watch the first eight minutes. Absolute genius.)

All Hail the Parmo

Matt Gardner — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 21:26:00 +0000

My God. It's happened. It's finally happened. I may be able to get a parmo outside of the north-east. Sweet Jesus. It's like Christmas come early, if Santa was a takeaway owner with a penchant for making boxes of heart attacks, instead of presents, for the general populace. An even fatter Santa.

Here, this is a standard parmo. BEHOLD:

"Wow, Matt, that looks shitting amazing!" I hear you cry. Well, it kinda does. In reality you'll always get them from takeaways and they end up looking like below. To be honest, I prefer them looking this way. You at least know what you're getting. And it looks a little bit sexier:

So if you've repressed the gagging, well done. If you think it actually looks good, then hold onto your hats - you may not have to visit the north-east (which I still see as genuinely unlucky, even though you probably won't).

That's because the Northern Echo rather gleefully reported that Asda - only bloody Asda - is rolling out the parmo in stores around the country, with plans to go even further. Take it away, Debbie:

Yesterday, Asda revealed that in the few weeks the Parmo – made with chicken and pork, cheese and Bechamel sauce – has been on sale in seven of its supermarkets across the UK, it has become its fastest-selling local product to be launched anywhere in the country.

The supermarket is now considering introducing the product in hundreds of its stores across the country.

Christ on a bicycle.

And yet, despite my location being in the city where Asda originates, the nearest one is about three miles away.

Bollocks.

If Children's Show Characters Took Over the World 3: Huxley Pig

Matt Gardner — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 21:00:00 +0000

If Children's Show Characters Took Over the World 2: Zippy

Matt Gardner — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 21:00:00 +0000

If Children's Show Characters Took Over the World 1: Pingu

Matt Gardner — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 21:07:00 +0000

Hartlepool United in the NFL

Matt Gardner — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:17:00 +0000

N.B.: this was created after many members of a Hartlepool United message board branded me as an American for my love of sports and the country in general - apparently it's illegal to like it.

Apologies for not posting more photos recently, but I've just got a job and a new house and I'll be moving soon. I'll try to get it back to normal soon, I promise!

N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton

Matt Gardner — Tue, 27 May 2008 18:02:00 +0000

N.B.: Cleveland is the name given to the area I'm from (although the county was abolished in 1996).

Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine

Matt Gardner — Wed, 21 May 2008 16:32:00 +0000

N.B.: In this picture is David Hodgson, former manager of Hartlepool United's rivals Darlington, who said that he was "burning, burning with rage" after getting hammered 4-1 at Hartlepool in 2002. Not through any fault of his own team, seemingly - just Hartlepool.

Rage Against the Machine - Renegades

Matt Gardner — Tue, 20 May 2008 13:35:00 +0000

NFL

Matt Gardner — Mon, 19 May 2008 10:05:00 +0000

N.B.: original can be found here.

The Assassination of Lee Harvey Oswald

Matt Gardner — Sat, 17 May 2008 20:48:00 +0000

Evian

Matt Gardner — Mon, 12 May 2008 00:12:00 +0000

N.B.: Eifion Williams was a player for Hartlepool United from 2002 to 2007. He also scored one of the greatest goals for Pools against local rivals Darlington in another fiercely contested derby - click here to see the clip (second goal of three).

Boots

Matt Gardner — Sat, 10 May 2008 16:00:00 +0000

N.B.: Pools is the shortened nickname of Hartlepool United, my football team of choice.

Half-Life 2 - Northern Petrol

Matt Gardner — Thu, 08 May 2008 20:49:00 +0000

N.B.: based on my nickname at university

Ajax Amsterdam

Matt Gardner — Mon, 05 May 2008 20:51:00 +0000

Sega

Matt Gardner — Fri, 02 May 2008 22:41:00 +0000

Halo

Matt Gardner — Thu, 01 May 2008 23:46:00 +0000

Donkey Kong

Matt Gardner — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 23:08:00 +0000

The Beatles - Revolver

Matt Gardner — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 20:57:00 +0000

Lloyds Bar

Matt Gardner — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 21:45:00 +0000

NB: "Loid" is an informal term used by supporters of Hartlepool United to refer to rivals Darlington (shortened from "Darloid"). Given their last 8 games have been without a win (including a 3-2 loss to Dagenham and Redbridge after being 2-0 up), they have slipped from automatic promotion into the playoffs. To "bottle" something (as slang in Britain) is to throw away an opportunity through one's own actions, or to back out of something - hence the sign in the window.

The Beatles - 1967-1970

Matt Gardner — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 21:34:00 +0000

Diagnosis Murder

Matt Gardner — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 17:35:00 +0000

Sign for Pripyat (town near to Chernobyl)

Matt Gardner — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:49:00 +0000

The original can be found here.

Hitler and Mussolini in Munich, 1943

Matt Gardner — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:20:00 +0000

One-line Self Portrait (with graphics tablet)

Matt Gardner — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 23:45:00 +0000

Not my best effort, but I thought I'd try something different with my new graphics tablet.

The Godfather

Matt Gardner — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 21:31:00 +0000

The Cat in the Hat

Matt Gardner — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:30:00 +0000