My Blog!

Redirect!

2007-10-14T15:51:00.000-06:00

I have changed from blogging via Blogger to blogging via Wordpress. You can find the wordpress blog at:

WWW.YOULOOKJEWISH.WORDPRESS.COM

So Long, Blogger

2007-09-25T21:10:00.000-06:00

I have made the decision to switch blogging platforms from Blogger over to Wordpress. This may be temporary, but if I like it, it may also be permanent.

I will keep you updated.

Name Change?

2007-09-25T20:01:00.000-06:00

About a week ago, I accidentally spelled my MSN name 'Garrret' instead of 'Garret'. Normally I would have changed it after I noticed the error and not thought anything of it. But on that specific day, for some reason, I decided to leave it and see if anyone noticed. After about a day, two people out of the 50-some on my list noticed. This made me think. If only two people noticed, how far could I take this?

So, I'm thinking that I should start to write my name like that all the time. On everything that I would need to write my name on, I would simply throw an extra 'r' in there. It's an interesting thought, especially if I could get teachers at school to start spelling my name like that.

It will definitely need some more pondering on before I implement it, though.

I'm Sorry

2007-09-25T18:16:00.001-06:00

I apologize to anyone who read my last post about stool samples. It was really gross and I'm aware that it probably put a damper on the awesome day you were having. In apology, here is a picture of a fucking cute panda:

Stool Sample

2007-09-25T17:26:00.000-06:00

I was at the doctor's office today and I overheard a conversation between one of the nurses and a very old person. I couldn't see the whole situation, but I knew that the old woman was sitting down and the nurse was telling her things that she needed to do. Most of it was just doctor-lingo, but there was one part that made me feel sick. This is an exact partial sentence-quote that the young-ish nurse said to the old woman:

"...so, you just need to level off about half a teaspoon of your stool sample..."

Immediately, the acronym 'WTF' strode into my mind. In that small sentence fragment, there were at least three things that I just couldn't wrap my brain around.

First, is the size. Half a teaspoon? What the fuck?!! What kind of silly nurse measures human waste in the same measuring utensil as one would eat their soup with? Personally, I don't think I'll be able to eat a bowl of soup without throwing up in my mouth a little bit ever again.
Secondly, the words 'level off'. Not only is having to scoop some of your own stool out of the toilet bad enough, but the big-shot doctors need it so precise that you need to level it off. Now, I want whoever is reading this to feel as grossed out as I am right now, so here's a quick picture I put together to help picture the situation:

3. And finally, the worst of them all. This woman needs to take a teaspoon of stool. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a teaspoon for measuring flour an a different one for measuring stool. Yes, that's right; SHE'S USING THE SAME TEASPOON FOR STOOL AS SHE IS FOR BAKING! You have no idea how sorry I feel for her grandchildren when they are eating the next batch of Grandma's special cookies.

Blehk. That's enough stool-talk to last me a lifetime.

Technorati

2007-09-23T21:03:00.000-06:00

I am joining Technorati. So, they are making me implant a top-secret tracking device on my blog. I don't really want to, but they have given me very few options. So, here it goes:

Technorati Profile

It's like I'm a robot.

Sesame Street

2007-09-23T20:26:00.000-06:00

I can remember back to the days when I used to watch the Sesame Street on my barely-colour 15" TV. It was educational, fun, and there was no bad language that would tarnish my vocabulary and overall innocence. Now, 15 years later, Sesame Street is still on TV. This is a pretty big accomplishment, although it's a bit creepy if you imagine the same actors playing all the different characters. I really wouldn't want to meet someone that has played Big Bird for the last 15 years. Anyway, I was browsing the iTunes store today when I saw this free podcast ready for download:

The first thing, literally, that popped into my head was 'Why did they have to specify that it was 'Clean'? Everyone has taken a stroll down the friendly Sesame Street, so I thought it was a bit of a slap to the face of North Americans to have to label the content of this cute little show.

Then, I realized. What parent, in their drunken, acid-tripping minds would buy their Sesame Street-age kid an iPod?! Especially an iPod capable of viewing videos. I would sort of understand if they bought them maybe a shuffle for some Disney sing-a-long songs or something, but an iPod VIDEO/CLASSIC/NANO?! What a massive waste of 200+ dollars.

To all parents who would even think about buying their toddlers an iPod: Paris Hilton called, she wants her brains back.

Tongue Brushing

2007-09-23T17:30:00.000-06:00

It makes me gag.

What I Can Do In One Day: Test #1

2007-09-23T17:17:00.001-06:00

In one day, I could tap my index finger on a table 1346400 times.

*All tests are proven by advanced mathematics. Do not question the mathematics.

Best of White Ninja #3

2007-09-23T17:11:00.000-06:00

You are bread. I am love you.

Chinese Food

2007-09-20T23:05:00.001-06:00

Today I went to the Great Buffet of China. To me, it's like the Futureshop of food. It's like heaven when you're eating, but after a couple hours the unhealthiness of the food (for me, primarily chow mein) starts to kick in.

It feels like my stomach is making a snowball.

Creativity Expander

2007-09-19T20:38:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been feeling pretty shitty. So, as I was browsing the Internet, I fell upon this awesome article by the good fellows over at Copyblogger.

Three Easy Ways To Expand Your Creativity

It's not that long of an article, and after reading it, I felt really good. Being able to think like a kid is probably one of the best things anyone can do. Here's the three points in case you don't feel like moving over to the site:

Connect the Dots
Find connections between seemingly unrelated concepts, such as a cardboard box and copywriting.
Change Your Perspective
Put yourself on the other side of an argument, or imagine yourself as a spectator. Even more wild, what would the world be like from the perspective of a small child, or even a paper clip?
Switch Modality
If you tend towards the visual, attempt to think in terms of words and feelings. Writers habitually emphasize words so grab some crayons and draw instead. Logical left-brain people might spend time daydreaming to gain a fresh perspective, while intuitive right-brain people might try to solve a complex puzzle.

So, I think I'm going to start throwing these things into my daily life and see how things turn out.

Death To Pirates

2007-09-18T17:29:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is the worst day of the year. Tomorrow is "Talk Like A Pirate Day".

I cannot express my hate enough to type out how much I hate pirates and days that are invented for their purpose. EVERYONE knows that Ninjas are a million times more awesome than pirates, and they can also kick 200% more ass.

"Talk Like A Pirate Day" is a blemish on the face of unofficial holidays. Boycott it or die.

The Answer

2007-09-17T23:19:00.000-06:00

I circle/highlight every number 42 I find in my textbooks because a little piece of me hopes it will give me something better than what I'm doing.

X

Textbooks

2007-09-17T23:18:00.000-06:00

I write jokes in my textbooks because I don't want someone else to go through the mind-numbing, soul-swallowing boredom that I endured.

Am I Missing Something?

2007-09-17T23:16:00.000-06:00

I expected the "best years of my life" to have more parties and less science.

Sigh.

Best of White Ninja #2

2007-09-17T16:27:00.000-06:00

Mighty fine indeed White Ninja. Indeed.

Out Of This World Album Art

2007-09-17T16:01:00.000-06:00

Of all the album art I've seen in my almost-17 years of existence, I have to say that the band 'Boston' has the most absolutely amazing album art I've ever laid eyes on. Check it out:

I had to shrink the size down so that it fit on the blog nicely, but I think it's obvious that hours of careful planning, design, and maybe acid went into the creation of such art.

So Don't Look Back. This is More Than A Feeling.

EDIT: I guess I NEED to have that invisible little barrier between text/images and the left side of the post column, so the pictures are pushing the right-side of the post box. Well know what? I say good. The pictures are pushing the side like Boston PUSHES THE LIMITS OF AWESOME ALBUM ART.

I had to colour that shit man.

Best of White Ninja #1

2007-09-16T23:56:00.000-06:00

Damn those people that are always dying.

Heaven

2007-09-16T23:25:00.000-06:00

I believe that the streets of heaven will be made of Underarmor.

I would rejoice every time I fell down.

I Change My Mind

2007-09-16T23:05:00.001-06:00

A lot.

Cover Your Eyes

2007-09-16T19:45:00.000-06:00

It's my cousin dancing like a girl.

Gross, but hilarious.

Crab From Hell

2007-09-16T15:11:00.000-06:00

I can't even imagine if a gang of these things started to attack you. Not only are they the scariest thing with an exoskeleton I've ever seen, but those pincers could probably pinch the whoreness out of Paris.

Now that's what I call REAL ULTIMATE POWER!

This Is What I Think

2007-09-13T15:22:00.000-06:00

What A Historical Picture

2007-09-13T10:35:00.001-06:00

Probably the only picture this guy will ever get taken of him, and his eyes are closed.

What a stoner.