GarThai

Ending 2014 with hospitals and hermit crabs.

2015-01-02T19:06:00.000-05:00

So I'm back guest blogging, which can only mean one thing--SOMETHING WENT WRONG! You all must have wondered why the blogs abruptly ended, and you will now find out why.

We left the idyllic floating bungalows and went on a two and a half hour drive to our final destination--the beach resort. The first night we were in one resort, and then the next three nights we were to stay at one down the beach. This was clearly the part of the trip I would excel at, because, duh. We got to the resort around 4:00, got settled and did some exploring. See, that's the hotel's New Years/Christmas display. Pretty cool, huh?

Around 5:30pm, however, disaster struck. And by disaster, I mean every traveler's worst nightmare--I got sick. Very sick. Very very very sick. Stomach bug/virus/parasite/bacteria/whoknowswhat sick. I was sick for hours and hours with no end in sight and it just kept getting worse. Somewhere in the midst of it all I remember being really glad Dave had already proposed, or he surely would have rethought the whole "forever" thing with me. He saw some things that cannot be unseen. The only other thing running through my head during this time was the chicken soup with little chunks of chicken in it that I had at the floating bungalows. The same chicken soup that Dave DIDN'T eat. Even typing it now makes my stomach flip.

Anyways, after lots of back and forth telemedicine with Dave's dad in the US (thanks Gary!) we decided it would be best that I see a doctor. However, at this point it was about 10:00 at night and there were no doctors. My only option was the hospital. Since I was in so much pain, was shaking like crazy and had lost so much water, we had no choice and headed out to our next adventure--exploring the Thai medical system. On the way, the really nice cabdriver confirmed my diagnosis and said it must have been something I ate in Khao Sok. The rest of the way, he was just worried I'd puke in his car (which I did not, thank you).

We got the hospital. This was no Mt. Sinai, guys. This was not even St. Vincent's (and I mean after it was condemned). This was a hospital/mass casualty zone. I don't really even know what that means, but you can see for yourself:

At the time, I didn't tell Dave to take a picture, because talking was a lot of effort (further proof I was REALLY sick--when do I not talk?), but I remember wanting to tell him to take a pic because I knew at some point this would be really funny. Dave pulled through and took a photo even without me asking. What a nice guy!

The doctors(?) gave me some much needed meds for my pain, fluids for my dehydration, and treated my fever with some very special stuff they called Tylenol (all double checked over the phone by Dave's dad, Gary the Hero). About two hours later we took the thirty minute cab ride back to our hotel, laden with a panoply of Thai medicines to ease my symptoms. All of this cost $8.50 USD Don't worry, they gave me a form to file with my insurance when I get back to the US.

The next two days were pretty much a blur. We switched hotels. I slept a lot. I watched some Sons of Anarchy on Dave's iPad. I slept some more. Basically, whatever was in this chicken soup at the floating bungalows had run me over like a semi and I was totally and utterly wiped out. Dave spent those next two days mostly watching me to make sure I didn't die (spoiler--I did not). He also dispensed the panoply of Thai medicines to me. He was a real trooper and a great nurse. He also spent some time alone on the beach, watching the sunset, while I was passed out:

Slowly but surely, I came around. On the 31st we went to the beach for a few hours. Dave found a cool hermit crab for me:

We then went to a really odd New Years Eve party thrown by our hotel. Needless to say, I did not make it to New Years--but made a decent showing, all things considered.

On our last day at the beach I was finally feeling back to normal. Back to conquering the resort, Erica! I went into the ocean and in literally under a minute was stung by a jellyfish on my entire left leg. It was at this point, I quit trying to excel in Khao Lak. I just sat in one place and read my book for the rest of the trip while Dave googled "how to get your fiancee out of Thailand alive."

Dave's googling worked and yesterday we got out of Thailand alive! We spent the night in Taipei and are exploring the city today until we leave for NYC at 7:30 tonight. Here's some pics from Taipei (which is a really cool city. one with no jellyfish and hopefully no parasitic food)

I hope you all enjoyed our blog. It was a great trip with some really memorable moments! See you back in NYC!

Day?!: Leaving Chiang Mai & the Flungalows of Khao Sok

2014-12-29T07:12:00.001-05:00

Hi guys! A lot has happened since we last spoke--when Erica told you about our mountain biking debacle.

We spent the next day largely relaxing. Erica got a massage and I hung out at the pool of our sorta-janky-but-fine hotel. It was relaxing:

Later, we went to the chiang mai night market, which was cool! There were tons of locals ware-peddling.

Erica liked it

We also saw this sign showing how far we are from home--or it would have if "kilometers" was an acceptable form of measurement.

We even stumbled upon a sassy Thai dame lipsinging.

We thought about having dinner at the night market--specifically in an Iraqi restaurant--but thought we were due for some pampering: and the Le Meridian was just a block away. There, Erica met Santa

Then, we found the Le Meridien restaurant, where we both had cheeseburgers. They tasted like America (i.e., awesome ).

Erica also had a few sips of wine.

After dinner, we walked home through what can only be called Prostitution Row. Literally every bar on this block was filled with ostentatious displays of the oldest profession. We took a few home with us and went to sleep.

TO THE SOUTH

The next morning we left Chiang Mai and the North of Thailand to head south: to Phuket, Khao Sok and Khao Lak. This is a whole different Thai experience: instead of mountains and tribes, we'll see beaches, resorts and tropical lakes.

The latter was our first stop: floating bungalows accessible only by long-tail boat deep in the heart of Khao Sok National Park, an area of exceptional beauty. This is a view of the area from the longtail boat:

After about an hour boat ride, we arrived on the floating bungalows:

So many things about the flungalows (Erica's word, I called them the bungs...) were cool. For example, the dining room had a whole in the floor that revealed a ton of fish:

We spent the night on the Flungs, and the morning was stunning:

Here I am in the morning.

And here is Erica, from our "deck"

We then went on a morning boat-safari to look for monkeys, hornbills, and bears. We mostly just saw monkeys, but they were still quite cool and jumpy:

These monkeys are called "Dusky Langurs", which everyone agrees is a cool name.

The whole area basically looked like Jurassic Park

Guest Post: Erica's (Many) Thoughts on Mountain Biking in Chiang Mai

2014-12-27T07:41:00.001-05:00

[editor's note: what follows are Erica's contemplations on the nature of mountain biking in Thailand]

Thus far Dave and I have been kicking ass in Thailand. We haven't gotten lost, haven't fallen off of elephants, haven't been run over by cars in the anarchy of Thai streets and, most importantly, haven't drank the water (thus not having any bouts of you know what.)

However, after six days of kicking ass, yesterday, Thailand kicked our ass. Big time.

It started over breakfast the day before. I had pulled all the biking-related brochures to plan our next day trip. The conversation was as follows:

Me: want to go mountain biking tomorrow? We can go in the national park and even do a hike there first. You love national parks, Dave!

Dave: I don't care. It may be nice to just do an easier bike trip on roads. But whatever you want. [Dave returns to eating his Thai omelette which is just eggs over rice]

Me: nah, let's do this "hike and bike" trip. It looks awesome. Plus, I really like mountain biking.

Here's where I must stop the reader. I do like mountain biking and I am very good at it. However, this was when I was 12 at Jewish sleep away camp. I was so good that I passed the test to go on an off-site bike trip. And I crushed it. I was the best little Jewish camp bike rider there ever was.

However, cutting your mountain biking teeth in Asheville, North Carolina at the age of 12 amongst pre-teen, awkward Jewish kids does not prepare you for biking the trails of Southeast Asia when you are 32. (This is foreshadowing).

ON OUR WAY [erica's posts have subheadings --ed.]

The next morning we departed for our adventure. First we picked up a motley crew of people who clearly did not have the training or skill set I possessed for the art of mountain biking. One French guy in a Wu-Tang tank top only brought a half-full bottle of water and nothing else. What a chump. We had TWO full bottles of water, snacks bought from one of the 3 million 7-11s here and a backpack. (Another thing I learned at Jewish sleep away camp is to never run out of snacks. Ever).

So we all get deposited at the cycling center where we get our helmets and just wait around. The Thai do not appreciate timeliness. Then they split us into groups "regular riders go to this car. Hike and bike to that car." Wu-tang Frenchie does not join us. Only two other couples amongst the masses join us, in fact. This is when I realize I have made a mistake. A huge mistake.

The first couple is a nice Norwegian man and wife who are both built like they have spent their whole lives running and skiing through the snow covered mountains outside of Oslo, subsiding only on fish and the occasional salad. Which, coincidentally, they have. In fact, our Nordic friend said he dislikes heli-skiing because he enjoys the climb to the tops of mountains too much. The climb with all his skiing gear. In the snow. To the top of the mountains that most everyone does not want to climb (hence the use of a helicopter).

The second couple was no better. They were a ridiculously fit duo from Singapore. The wife had recently returned from a month cross country ski trip across the entire country of Greenland. But not to worry, she hasn't been training too hard since then. Only running--and by the looks of her legs, a lot of "only running".

But our group is friendly and they don't seem to be judging our level of athleticism in the same way I am judging them. I make a joke about Frozen and the Norwegians are nice enough to laugh. I then ask them if Santa brings children presents in shoes. They look perplexed. Looking back, I think I was confusing Norway with the Netherlands. Or maybe France. I don't know. [it was the Netherlands -ed.]

Also, they don't even know about my training at Camp Blue Star. I don't tell them either. I'll make it a surprise.

THE HIKE AND BIKE BEGINS

We start on what the guides tell us will be a 10km hike. Dave uses an app that tells us it will be about 6 miles. I know it's supposed to be mostly uphill, but hiking is just walking, and I'm really good at walking. Not to mention we did a 16 mile hike in August in Yellowstone. 6 miles? No. Big. Deal.

Dave and I scamper off and lead the pack through the jungle. We are mostly going downhill and are doing great. We climb over trees, wade little rivers and see cool trees that look like elephants

Finally we get to a beautiful waterfall and take a photo break (not that we need a break since we are kicking butt).

But in Thailand the laws of physics are reversed and what goes down, must go up. Way up.

We begin our ascent, starting with an almost vertical climb up that once-idyllic waterfall. Legs get tired, trees are grabbed as makeshift ladders, feet slip, and the Singaporeans and Norwegians begin to get smaller and smaller. Our hike consists of the following pattern: walk, climb, stop for water, tell the worried guide we are okay, talk about hitting the gym hard when back in NYC, gather energy and repeat. Every so often our foreign teammates will stop and wait for us--which is nice in a very patronizing, humiliating way. Walking up to them panting and covered in sweat makes me feel like in some way I am giving credence to whatever stereotypes they have about lazy Americans. Sorry for that America.

But we finish the hike! And all things considered, we really didn't suck that bad. Now all we have left is what the guide described as an "easy downhill ride" to rest our legs.

We then ate some cool noodle/pork soup in a H'mong village.

MOUNTAIN BIKING

We gear up for the biking section. My time to shine! We put on our helmets, knee pads and elbow pads. No ones pads stay velcroed because the equipment is about as shitty as it could possible be. No problem though. I just remind Dave to keep his butt back and his feet parallel--things I learned back in the mountains if NC--so he doesn't fall. There was no formal training on the bikes, so good thing I was there to help Dave out.

And then we start. The road is uneven, rocky and so steep that rocks kicked up by bikes fly down the mountain with great speed. I am scared. I was not prepared for this. I squeeze my brakes as much as I can without having my bike flip forward. This is nothing like Jewish sleep away camp.

We stop for a quick lesson. "pump your breaks" says our guide "if not the rubber burns." And the rubber was burning--you could smell it. Me and the other girls all expressed our fear, but then we were off again. I don't think they were as scared as they had said.

And then I had my first fall. I was going pretty slow, since I was fighting my hardest not to give into gravity and let the mountain zoom me downhill. That's when Dave started getting scared too--not for himself, but for me. And he was right to be fearful.

We press on, but I fall again. A lot harder. The nice Singaporean man removes my bike off of me. I got a cool scratch. I say a lot of not cool phrases, mostly beginning with "fuck" and ending with "I hate this."

After this fall, Singaporeans and Norwegians go ahead of Americans, and I feel as if I am in some sort of horrible Olympics where America continues to suck at all events and shame their country.

The rest of the ride goes a bit like this: Dave asks me if I'm okay. I reprimand Dave for talking to me. Too scared to talk. I fall a little. Dave checks on me. Dave asks if I want to walk. I say no waking! I want this to be over and get back on the bike. Then things get steeper and I start to walk. More curse words. Rinse and repeat.

At one point I took my water out of Dave's bag to rinse out my shoulder wound. I forget to zip up the backpack all the way. Two minutes later--crash! This time it's Dave. He is covered in both mountain bike and water bottles. The water bottles fell out of the backpack and caused him to get off balance and fall. Great. Now I am not only going to kill myself on this mountain, but I'm taking Dave with me. [this hurt a lot. -ed.]

Finally, we see a truck. In what was the guide's best English he says to me "safety first" and motions to the car. I crack a quick joke that I want to keep going, but everyone knows that is a lie. "Halfway" the guide exclaims and we hi five. The guide breathes a sigh of relief that he won't loose (probably another) biker this week. We get in the car. I am carrying a big piece of humble pie on my lap.

On the way back to the lake to meet those who actually finish the ride, we see the Singaporean lady. She wants to quit too! as she gets in the car I tell her how much better I feel that she quit too. She and Dave both give me odd looks. Dave whispers that she is not the Singaporean lady and was doing a different trail. Further disgrace to America.

We made it to a pretty lake and hung out there for awhile.

Norwegians and Singaporeans join us, talk about how invigorating the ride was. Whatever, at least I see more sun than the Norwegians do in the winter.

We head home and Dave and I fall asleep and sleep through dinner--and the night. What a great wedding diet!

[nice post, Erica! Very loquacious. -ed.]

Days 5: A Christmas Stroll around Chiang Mai

2014-12-26T20:59:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas, gentiles! We were supposed to go to an elephant rescue Park today, but we decided nothing could top the elephant experience we already had, so we skipped it. I'd already paid for half of it but everything is cheap as fuck here so no big D.

Instead, we took an aimless stroll around Chiang Mai, a cute little city with temples and Buddhas around every corner.

It's pretty cool -- the temples and wats just pop up out of nowhere.

These are the three Kings, who founded Chiang Mai eight hundred years ago.

This was a lovely walk.

Later, we went to an insect museum, because Erica loves bugs. For lack of better words, this museum sucked.

This is the museum. Like all of it.

All the bugs were dead, and it took about five minutes to see everything, all of which was boring. Notably, this spot has a 4.5 rating and is ranked #15 of over 500 spots in Chiang Mai--our first indication that the ratings system here may be a little out of whack. More on that later.

We then headed back to our hotel via a Thai bridge (meaning it was pretty ramshackle).

Next we went to an expat bar, where I tried and failed to teach Erica chess. Uncomfortably, there were two separate tables of old white men with young Thai women at the bar. Prostitutes abound! This made Erica unhappy.

We closed out the day with a Thai massage (Erica), some Thai beer (Dave), and dinner of Indian food, our first non-Thai cuisine of the trip.

More fun in Chiang Mai

2014-12-26T20:08:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the short blogging hiatus. Riding elephants was so exciting that we just slept for the next 48 hours. Not really--but we do sleep a lot.

Anyway, the elephant shiz was actually just part 1 of our day on Wednesday. Parts 2 and 3 were a hike to a waterfall and longneck village, and a bamboo whitewater rafting ride, respectively. Both of those were varying shades of cool, but couldn't hold a candle to the shadeless elephant experience #weirdmetaphor.

I didn't really take too many pictures of this part, but here are a few.

This isn't a waterfall, but it is a sign about a waterfall.

This is the longneck tribe. So this part was pretty odd: the longnecks are not giraffes, despite what the young U.S. Military guy traveling with us thought (sidebar: this guy had a paid-for Thai female "companion" with him, and it was pretty uncomfortable for us to see). The longnecks are tribal refugees from Burma who wear these bad rings around their necks that lengthen their necks. It's a real thing, but the village we hiked to was not authentic. There were a handful of people who maybe lived there but likely did nit--despite professing abject poverty, they seemed pretty clean and well put together, and one was conspicuously covering her left hand to obscure her digital watch. So this part was pretty scammy. You can sort of see the purported longnecks in the picture above, but we didn't get any good shots because it feels weird to take pictures of humans like their in the zoo. In fact, just like the zoo, there was even an informational kiosk:

The hike was still cool though. Here's a picture of Erica in front of a rice paddy field.

We went to a second village of the Karen Tribe, which was only slightly more authentic. It had no smoking signs, satellite dishes, and a lot of pigs.

They stank.

Day 4: Elephant Experience

2014-12-24T07:49:00.001-05:00

Five years ago, when I was in Cambodia with Christopher Capuzzi (British, illiterate), and Danielle Petrilli (charming, good trip planner), I threw a bit of a hissy fit when they denied me my wish to climb a mountain on an elephant. Fearing the wrath of a Grumpy Gart, they quickly reversed course, and we rode the elephant. However, the truth is that the ride was pretty lame and tame.

Today was different.

Today, this happened:

That's me handfeeding a baby elephant, named Pacman

And this:

That's me and my pal, Pacman.

Pacman liked Erica too. So much that it made me make my first gif!

Then we met Big Joe, our elephant carrier. Erica and him got a little too intimate.

Erica and I then climbed aboard and rode the elephant through the jungle. This was awesome, exciting, and bumpy. We had a guide who sat on the elephants head while we sat on his back like Kings of Siam or western colonists. But then things got wild: the guide asked whether I would like to sit on the elephants head while it walked. I hesitated but then exclaimed, "Yes sir! I've never wanted anything more in all my days." The guide then leaped right off the elephant head and asked me to slide on down. So I did

There were a lot of cool events after this, and I tried out all my best poses.

The head scratcher.

The victory.

Downward facing elephant.

The Royal Wave

Swinging an imaginary lasso.

Along the way, our elephants got thirsty and hungry, so we stopped off at a watering hole and fed them some bananas.

That last shot--handfeeding an elephant while riding on its head--is pretty nuts. Let's also see it in video form.

And here's that shot from another angle.

Next, Erica and I switched places.

Unfortunately, most of the good pictures of Erica riding were not taken on the iPhone, so I can't share them yet. [editor: OR CAN I!]

Erica was a true natural riding Big Joe, second only to the Elephant Whisperer, David Gartenberg.

Look, ma, no hands!

Twins.

And here is Erica with Pacman. Btw, Pacman is a pseudonym that I made up. Anyone get the joke?

Lastly, here's another pretty funny video that captures the Elephant Experience:

Blast from the past: Some picture of Buenos Aires / I can't really think of anything witty

2014-12-24T05:50:00.001-05:00

My blogging app had saved Un unpublished post from FIVE YEARS AGO, when Andy Frolich, CJ Capuzzi and I spent a month in Buenos Aires. I felt like posting it. The pictures are kind of artsy, no?

Day 3: We Arrai in Chiang Mai

2014-12-24T05:16:00.001-05:00

Spoiler alert: We escaped Bangkok. That travel agent was not a fraud. We left Lamphu Tree and the feces canal early Tuesday morning and flew north to Chiang Mai, "The Jewel of the North" (a name I just made up).

A quick aside: the airports have weird food here. There are mainstays, like McDonald's and Starbucks, but with a Thai twist. Here are some examples

Dried durian chips

Seaweed Pringles!

McPorridge from McDonald's!

Dried fish!

Enough of that. Did you come here for airport blogging? No! On to Chiang Mai.

Chiang Mai is legit great. The air is cleaner, the streets are less crowded, and the canals are less fecal.

We are staying in the Old City, which warrants a comment, because it is cool. The old city is a square area surrounded by a moat and a wall (the wall has since fallen into disrepair, but it's still there).

The wall.

The Moat.

This moat-and-wall setup used to keep out invading Laotians, Khymers, Andals, and White Walkers; now it is just pretty, as everyone knows White Walkers are not real...

Our hotel here is called 3sis, which is kind of a spicy name. It's much nicer than Lamphu Tree, and the employees actually speak English!

We had a great lunch in the Old City at a place called Huen Phen.

Then we booked some adventures (we are on the way to one right now but I'll keep you in suspense as to which [it involves elephants]).

We then napped. And in the evening we had a great cooking class! It was led by this cool chick named Miw. The tour started with a trip to a less slummy market, which still had some choice selections.

That's Miw

Pink eggs

A pig head.

A crab.

Then Miw took us to her home and taught us how to make eight different things.

I even made an spring roll.

It was a lovely time. Thanks Miw!

Some of the cookers were from Montreal, but they didn't know my Canadian sister, Alyssa.

This post wasn't that funny, I guess. But it was more of a wholesome day. No bloody johns or slums or tuktuk abductions. Maybe the next post will be funnier. Hasta la vista, baby!

Day 2: Logistical Hurdles, Wats and Prostitutes

2014-12-22T17:28:00.001-05:00

I feel like Sarah Koenig, seeding hints of what's to come in past blog posts. Previously, on GartThai, "we encountered some logistical challenges."

Said challenges: the plan was to on Tuesday do a (prepaid, non refundable) boat and bike tour to the former capital of Thailand, Ayutthaya, followed by an overnight train to Chiang Mai in the north.

Stock photo because we aren't making it to Ayutthaya. We learned on Monday morning after Slumdog Walkionaire that the train was SOLD OUT, despite what Google had told me ahead of time. This led to a major quandary: we had no way to get to Chiang Mai, and we're already kind of over Bangkok.

After being legit kidnapped by a tuktuk driver, we wound up in a semi-sketchy travel agency (everything is semi-sketchy in Bangkok), and met with a fellow who advised us that we could book a flight--through him. We did--and paid in cash, received a one page fax, and departed. Wise Erica then commented that the whole transaction could have been a scam.

Hmmmmm.

Anyway. We had Wats (temples) go visit so we put that to the back of our minds.

Oh wait! First we saw a pair of giant water monitors swimming in the feces canal!

That was cool. They were like 5 feet long.

Anyway, the first Wat we went to was called Wat Arun or the Temple of Dawn. That's the one Erica is pointing to above. It was super cool and we climbed to the top of it.

That's me and a fat golden Buddha, in case you couldn't tell.

Next, we took a longtail boat across the river, and headed to the Grand Palace, where the King used to live. The Thais loooove their King, and there are pictures of him everywhere.

You can be arrested for badmouthing him. Does that extend to online posts? Or blogs? Should I test it?

I guess not.

The Grand Palace was cool but a total zoo

Maybe the best part of it was that I had to rent pants to show respect!

Next, we walked down the backpacking Mecca of Khao San road and had a Thai massage.

Afterwards, we had a beer and saw a really drunk drug addict and a really old Thai prostitute doing their eternal dance of groping and bleeding all over the floor from random gashes. The prostie almost picked a fight with Erica, but we begged off.

We then returned home and promptly fell asleep, and slept through our dinner reservations. I had to be up for an 11pm work call, which I rocked, and then we had dinner at the Rolling bar up the street.

Lastly, here is a crazy sign. I feel like CJ Capuzzi will appreciate it.

Did Dave and Erica ever get out of Bangkok? Tune in next blog post. Boop boop boop boop [serial music].

Meat Market

2014-12-22T12:00:00.001-05:00

A lot of you have been asking for some video evidence of those infamous slum meat markets. Ask and ye shall receive.

http://youtu.be/vJ309ax-4XM

Slumdog Walkionaire

2014-12-22T05:45:00.001-05:00

Good title. Erica felt less lagged this morning, so after a wholesome breakfast at our hotel, we went for a walk around the block.

And what a walk it was! I semi knew this from a pretrip Google Street view, but our hotel --while centrally located and pretty nice --is legit in the slums. Fortunately, slums are cool. (like bowties #doctorwhoreference #onlyhumphreybrogartgotthat).

For example, here is one of dozens of abandoned cars parked along the street.

And here is a street market, where the locals peddle their wares. (I feel like the only thing you can in good faith peddle is wares).

Said wares include chicken heads.

There were some random shrines.

And even a chess board, not including chess pieces.

And a caged bird who did not know how to sing (I do not know why).

Eventually, we looped back to our block and walked along the feces canal, where we met some chickens and even a caged bunny.

Some of you may be shocked to hear this but Erica was really into the slums. Not in a poverty tourism kind of way, more just curious about the lifestyle, so we continued further to some new slums! This time, we came upon an open air butcher market, which smelled great.

Fortunately, our patron saint, the Mouse of Mickey, watched over us and kept us safe.

Later, we encountered some logistical challenges.

Day 1: Jetlag

2014-12-21T14:14:00.001-05:00

Taking a 24+hour flight is known to risk jetlag. Thus, I have actually already slept tonight: we fell asleep at 9pm Bangkok time (9am NYC time), and now I can't sleep (at 2am). Thus, I wander to a bar:

Erica has it worse. She crashed midway through dinner and is in a coma now (a figurative coma, parents, don't worry).

Our first day in Bangkok was pretty cool. The thing about Bangkok -- which everyone we know who've been and all the guidebooks say -- is that it's kind of a shithole. And it is! For instance, our hotel, Lamphu Tree, sounds nice on paper: it's along a canal, has a pool, etc. But the fact is the canal smells like feces, so that actually is not a good selling point. Here it is.

It's also surrounded by what I like to call "abject poverty." But that's ok; at least there is a friendly cat.

After arriving, we took a ferry tour of the City. It actually was more water taxi than tour (we missed the tour boat by a minute), but was still cool. The river, Chao Phraya, is the heart of Bangkok--a polluted, smelly, but still scenic organ.

After dinner we walked to this fancyass hotel for dinner.

(above, Erica, 5 seconds before falling asleep in her nan).

Dinner was good (but that's where Erica crashed), but the walk to dinner was even cooler...because we walked through a bunch of open air fish markets that sold such illumaries as catfish, lampreys, crabs, prawns, snails, and other grotesques--all stored in very confined quarters:

Well, that's about it for day one! I got kicked out of the bar, because apparently even in Bangkok bars close at 2am, and made it back to the hotel safe and unmugged. Tomorrow we will go to temples.

Taxi Cab Confessions ;)

2014-12-21T01:54:00.001-05:00

We made it to Bangkok! Flight wasn't even that bad. We are now in a cab with an English-challenged cab driver heading to Lamphu Tree House, our first hotel. Thailand is so far pretty cool.

Blogging about Thailand

2014-12-20T19:56:00.001-05:00

The last time I actually successfully blogged a trip was last time I was in Southeast Asia ("SEA"), long before I even knew how to use parentheticals with aplomb. A lot has changed! I started working, lost 20 lbs, started dating Erica, quit my job, went to the Galapagos, went to some other places, gained 20 lbs, and got engaged (last week) to Erica.

Now we are spending two weeks in Thailand where we hope to visit temples (without offending the monks), befriend elephants (without making the acquaintance of leeches) and eat delicious local cuisine (without contacting local food borne illnesses).

Hopefully, unlike my trips of the past few years, I will do a better job of documenting the happenings. To that end:

We departed NYC on Friday night at midnight en route to Taiwan for a layover en route to Bangkok. We skipped all of Saturday--when we landed, it was Sunday morning.

The Taiwan airport is pretty cool. There are kitties everywhere:

And things are just generally pretty Asian:

I'll tell you about the relaxation zones later. Gotta board now!

The Skinny

2013-04-29T14:09:00.000-04:00

Dear friends and colleagues,

That's how I started my farewell to FF email; but it's also how I'm starting my welcome back to blogging post. A lot has changed since we last spoke. For one, I use semicolons now. Be prepared, grammarphiles. For another, I quit my GD job, got a new GD job, and bought tickets to go to the Ecuador and the Galapagos (aka, for purposes of this blog, alternatively the Gartlapagos or Galapagart) with Erica. Be prepared.

Here's the skinny:
1) Mindo Cloud Forest (Wednesday - Thursday). We're staying in this ecolodge right in the forest. What is an ecolodge? A cool lodge with hammocks. Basically a jungle South American log cabin. Abrahamo Lincolno would be pleased. We'll mainly see birds, such as tanagers, quetzals, toucans, hummingbirds. I know what about half of those birds are. There are also Andean bears somewhere, but they're not generally seen in Mindo - that is, they haven't historically been spotted there, but I have faith that they'll come check me out.

2) Quito (Friday - Saturday). Quito is the highest capital city in the world, at 9000+ feet. It's also literally built on a volcano. Nuff said.

3) Galapagart Cruise (Saturday - Saturday). Darwin invented evolution at Gartlapagos, and Rick Santorum has been mad at him ever since. There will be plenty of pics and dialogue to share re: these special islands in no time at all, so I'm not gonna spoil it with excessive detail. Needless to say, I plan on being arrested for stealing tortoise eggs and/or trying to hug a sea lion.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, a blue footed booby:

RIP Kindle

2012-06-21T10:26:00.001-04:00

Don't drop your kindle.

- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:Millinocket,United States

Blogging is hard

2012-06-18T09:28:00.001-04:00

So once we got to Maine, I realized I'd rather hike and drink beer than blog. Also I get no service in most of the park. In conclusion, trip has been great so far but it takes too much work to tell you about it. And now, some pictures!

Lobsters in a lobster shanty. I ate one.

Adam in a lake.

Hiking.

Proof that I went to Acadia.

Purple flowers.

Our noise violation, for being "giggly motherfuckers."

Hiking Cadillac Mountain, the tallest mountain on the Atlantic seaboard.

A campground-made burrito for lunch.

Don't know.

After a 10 mile hike.
- Posted by Gartagnon

Connecticut

2012-06-15T15:28:00.001-04:00

So we're in Connecticut. Cool name, but not a great state. There are basically a lot of trees.

Obama's mini DREAM Act maneuver today is both great policy and politics. I was wondering when he'd start using immigration as a wedge. Good work.

Lee reminded me that I once went on a road trip with FIVE guys, which would make it more masculine than this one. However, one of the fellas cried about a girl (it wasn't me, assholes) so that is minus two man points, meaning this trip is actually way more masculine.

- Posted by Gartholomew

Location:Blue Star Memorial Hwy,Haverhill,United States

10:32 AM, 6/16/2012

2012-06-15T10:58:00.001-04:00

That's what time this summer's Great American Road Trip started. So far nothing has happened, but it's still great. Our car is packed. See?

That's the trunk.

- Posted by Gartagnon

Location:14th St Loop,,United States

Gourmet Trail Mix

2012-06-15T10:10:00.002-04:00

Two quick notes before we leave

1) Gourmet trail mix exists
2) I just bought 7 bags of it

OMG ROAD TRIP

2012-06-14T19:16:00.001-04:00

Hm should I keep a blog about going to Maine? OK! Here's what you need to know:

1) I'm going to Maine tomorrow for a week.
2) Matt, Adam and Lee are joining. They are all road trip veterans of a variety of stripes.
3) We're going to Acadia National Park and Baxter State Park.
4) I really want to do a whale watch, but it's $60/person and that is really expensive, which is why I didn't tell anyone how much it costs yet.
5) I still think Obama is going to lose, so this could be the last road trip of the Obama Presidency.
6) Last weekend I saw a rattlesnake while hiking. It was REALLY COOL and looked like this:

7) Being 4 guys and 0 girls, this is the most masculine road trip in the History of GARTs (Great American Road Trip™) and possibly the most masculine thing of my life.

NOW YOU KNOW.

Killing Osama

2012-04-27T12:10:00.000-04:00

Some folks are going to say this ad is somehow unfair:

It's not. One of the major divisions between both Obama and Clinton and Obama and McCain during the 2008 campaign was Obama's willingness to take out bin Laden if they know he were hiding in Pakistan. The operative quote, from one of his debates with McCain was:

"That, if the United States has al Qaeda, bin Laden, top-level lieutenants in our sights, and Pakistan is unable or unwilling to act, then we should take them out. Now, I think that’s the right strategy; I think that’s the right policy."

Seems like pretty much exactly what happened in Pakistan. It's entirely fair game to take credit for the things you said you would do, especially when you were attacked for those policies in the prior campaign, and your current opponent also intimidated he would not have taken the same actions.

Still, and this says nothing about the substance of the ad, which is good, but I really dislike Bill Clinton's post-presidential tone and presentation, where he emulates the role of wise, humble elder statesman. It just seems so transparent to me. Yes, it's persuasive and will appeal to almost everyone, but Clinton's routine is pure schtick. He's acting. Here's how Bubba really feels about the whole Osama issue:

"Increasing the Size of Government"

2012-04-26T12:13:00.002-04:00

One thing that gets my goat in political debates these days is when folks - generally conservatives and critics of the Obama administration - bemoan that Obama has "permanently increase the size of government." (approvingly linked to from Romney's top economic advisor, Greg Mankiw). The general critique goes something like this:

When he (Obama) came into office, he favored a massive injection of new government spending into the economy in the name of “stimulus” — counter-cyclical federal activity aimed at offsetting depressed consumer demand emanating from a recession-battered private sector. The net result provides little if any boost to aggregate demand because the states — and to some extent private citizens — simply pocket the federal money and reduce their deficits and debts. Meanwhile, what federal taxpayers get is a permanent increase in the size of government.

It would be interesting to parse out exactly how Obama has permanently increased the size of government. First, it would be useful if we had some consensus on what the "size" of government actually relates to. Is it the number of people the government employs? This seems unlikely, since, as Krugman has repeatedly highlighted, going back about 20 years, Obama's is the first that resulted in a sustained drop in public employment:

So it's not that. It could be that conservatives think that the $800 billion stimulus itself amounts to a permanent increase in the size of government - in the sense that once we start spending $800 billion, Congress will continually reauthorize that spending level, creating a new baseline. But that hasn't happened - the lion's share of the stimulus program was spend in the first two years, and Congress has made almost no attempt to reauthorize that spending (though, considering the underperforming economy, it certainly should have).

I think the only way it permanently increases the size of government would be by increasing government debt. I don't think this is an intellectual rigorous way of defining the "size" of government - when I think of size of government, I think of what it's permanent spending obligations are (not one-off spending, like the stimulus), or how many people it employs. Still, the stimulus did increase government spending for two years, and that will have to be paid for, so in a limited way it did increase the overall amount of government we'll have to pay for. Still, compared to other major fiscal events, it is minuscule:

So I don't understand the criticism that the stimulus permanently increased the size of government, when so many other recent programs and policies had a much greater increase, with far fewer critical peep to be heard from stimulus-critics. But maybe I'm missing something. Regardless, it would be nice if there were more consensus folks clarified what they mean by "size" of government.

Welcome Back

2012-04-26T11:19:00.001-04:00

I feel like I have stuff to say about politics again.

This is "silly season" in presidential politics - most voters, who are quite reasonably involved in more important things, won't focus on the presidential campaign until after Labor Day, giving them about two full months to analyze the candidates. This is smart and gives voters more than enough time to come to a reasoned voting decision. (In fact, well over 90% of voters have, whether they know it or not, already made up their minds, even if they haven't started paying attention yet.) Still the newsrooms and cable shows of America need something to report on, so we'll have oodles of absolutely meaningless stories about trivialities (i.e., Romney's dog's diarrhea and Obama eating a dog as a little guy). I won't be talking about that stuff.

But. There are tons of interesting things going on, both looking forward and backwards. Looking forward, there are huge domestic and international issues that will be resolved, one way or another, in the very near future. A nuclear Iran. The expiration of a number of tax cuts at the end of the year (Bush tax-cuts, Obama payroll tax-cuts). And yes, the looming presidential election. Looking backwards, we are reaching the point where there is enough balanced reporting on the past three years - contrasted with valuable but flawed versions that appear in the daily news - to start to evaluate how the Obama administration has fared, what it has learned, and how it will function if reelected for a second term.

These are the things I'll talk about.

The Real Test in 2012

2012-01-20T15:00:00.000-05:00

vs.