I grew up in a generation where preachers and teachers were highly respected, but very different in delivery. The preacher was forceful, always passionate and dogmatic. The teacher was more conversational in tone, never overtly passionate, and allowed questions.

Raise your voice with your teenager and he will turn elsewhere for advice. Learn the art of asking questions. For example, “How do you think most students reacted to the burning of the American flag last week?” Affirm their ideas before sharing yours. “That’s an interesting way of looking at it. Let me share my perception.” With teenagers, conversations are more effective than sermons.

Answer: Yes, I don’t know what it is, but there is a reason. Perhaps she has been unhappy in the relationship for some time, but did not make a move to break up until she met someone else to whom she was attracted. The high emotions of the “in love” experience usually last around 2 years. If the couple does not learn to speak each other’s love language, then the emotional love tank gets empty.

Then, they are prime prospects for another relationship.

That is why in my book, The Five Love languages: Singles Edition I encourage dating couples to learn how to speak each others’ love language. When this is done, you keep warm emotions alive and can make an intelligent decision as to whether you should move to marriage. Often couples break up simply because the emotions are gone, and never get around to looking at the more important issues. I doubt she’ll come back, but try to learn from this experience.

Answer: Jesus said, “You have heard it said, ‘love your neighbor and hate your enemy’, but I say, ‘love your enemies. Bless those who curse you and pray for those who use you and persecute you.’”  Sounds to me like your husband qualifies. Now, don’t miss-understand Jesus. He did not say “have warm feelings toward a husband who is angry, abusive, and bitter.” What he said was, love and bless such a husband.

Love is an attitude with appropriate behavior. Love says, “I’m married to you and I choose to do what I can to enhance your life.”  This attitude leads to positive actions. Now, love is not always tender.  Sometimes love is tough. “I love you too much to sit here and do nothing.” Therefore, I am going to take the kids and move in with friends until you are willing to deal with your anger. Have your counselor call me when he wants to talk to me.”

Love requires action.

Listen to their requests and you will discover their love language. If your child says, “Does my dress look nice?” Or, “Did I do a good job on my homework?” Their love language is ‘words of affirmation.’ If on the other hand, a child says, “Mommy can I help you set the table?” Or, “Can I help you make the bed?” Then, ‘acts of service’ is likely the child’s love language.

Listen to the requests of your child and you will discover what makes them feel loved. Discovering and speaking your child’s love language is the most effective way of keeping the child’s love tank full. A full love tank makes a child more responsive to instruction and correction.

For more, see my newly updated book: The 5 Love Languages of Children

If you want to know what Valentine’s Day is all about, it is sharing the good news of Christ, in spite of opposition. It is caring enough to share that Christ is the way, the truth, and the life; that he offers eternal life to all who are willing to accept Him. So, as you give your valentine’s cards, also offer a prayer and seek to plant a seed in the heart of the ones you love.

Also, don’t forget the Love Language Challenge starts today. If you haven’t yet signed up, I encourage you to do so here.

Answer: Well, Yes! But why not make the most of a day our culture has set aside to celebrate love? I wish we had a Valentine’s Day every month. Or, maybe every week. But if you don’t like Valentine’s Day, then just practice what you preach. Do something every day to love your spouse. But don’t omit February 14^th, just because everyone else has joined your team.

And, by the way, make sure you are speaking your spouse’s love language. Don’t assume that what makes you feel loved will make them feel loved. My book, The 5 Love Languages has helped millions of couples learn how to love effectively. Don’t give her chocolates, when what she really wants is for you to clean the garage. Speaking the right language can make or break Valentine’s Day.

Consider taking the Love Language Challenge this Valentine’s Day. It’s basically a jumpstart for the heart.  Click here for details.

Answer: I am often asked this question when I speak to military couples. The good news is that all of the love languages can be spoken long distance. I know you may be thinking, “How can I speak the language of ‘physical touch’ when we are half a world away?” It’s not that difficult.

In a letter, phone call, or e-mail you say, “If I were with you, I would put my arms around you and give you a kiss you would never forget.”

No, it is not the same as actually doing it. However, it communicates love emotionally. They know that you are thinking about them and their love language. One wife said recently, “Learning to speak my husband’s love language long distance has made a world of difference. And, he is speaking my language. He writes, “If I were at home, I’d vacuum the floor and take out the trash without your asking. Wow! That speaks to me.” So my advice? Try it. I think you’ll like it.

How do you learn a child’s love language?

Observe how they express love to others. If they are always wanting to help you do things, then ‘acts of service’ is probably their love language. If they say, “you’re such a good mommy,” then words of affirmation is likely their language. They are loving you in the language they wish to receive.

Another clue is what do your children complain about?  If Johnny says, “We don’t ever take walks in the park since the baby came.” He’s telling you that ‘quality time’ is his love language. If your daughter says, “you didn’t bring me anything?” she’s revealing that her love language is receiving gifts. Learn to speak your child love language and watch their countenance change.

For more, please see my newly updated book: The 5 Love Languages of Children.

If your children are secure in your love they will be far more responsive to your teaching and training.  Fundamentally, there are five ways to express love to children. I call them the five love languages. They are: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

Each child has a primary love language. One of these speaks more deeply than the other four. Ideally, as parents we want to give the child heavy doses of their primary love language and then sprinkle in the other four. We want them to learn how to give and receive love in all five languages. This produces an emotionally healthy child.

Answer: Well, as a parent, I can identify with the frustration. I do have one suggestion: make sure your son feels loved.  I know that you love him. That is not the question. The question is does your son feel loved? Sincerity is not enough. The deepest emotional need a child has is to feel loved by the parents. When that need is unmet, children often experience anger which shows up in their behavior.

Dr. Ross Campbell and I wrote a book that has just been updated and released called The Five Love Languages of Children. It shares information on how to identify a child’s primary love language and how speaking this language interfaces with the child’s anger, learning , and with discipline. Many parents have shared that when they started speaking their child’s love language they saw a dramatic change in the child’s behavior.