Gay To The Bone

QueerCast.Net Launch Party!

2007-04-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

QueerCast will be throwing our official launch party for our new website, QueerCast.Net on 21 April 2007 (Saturday) at Pelangi Pride Centre @ Bianco, which is right above MOX Bar and Cafe!

We have planned our program for a month now, and we are proud to say that everything will be fantabulously fun! We have special recording slots throughout the party, as well as some special performances that we've prep'ed up painstakingly! There will also be games, and yes, we have prizes to giveaway too! *hint* branded stuff *hint*

Party Details:
Date: 21 April 2007 (Saturday)
Time: 4PM onwards
Venue: Pelangi Pride Centre @ Bianco (above MOX Bar and Cafe)
Address: 21 Tanjong Pagar Road, #04-01, Singapore 088444
Admission: FREE!!!!

We welcome everyone! No matter who you are in the LGBTIQ, you are invited! Not to forget our lovely straight friends too!

We are also opening special performance slots for LGBT groups that are interested in performing for a short item on that day! If you are interested in getting your community group involved in a performance activity, contact us at contact@queercast.net! We will be providing video recording equipments on that day!

For more information about the party, visit: http://www.queercast.net/show/2007/03/28/were-throwing-a-party/

A sharing by a Catholic priest on homosexuality

2007-04-12T23:49:00.000+08:00

Date: 17 April 2007, Tuesday

Time: 730pm

Venue: Free Community Church

The Catholic church calls homosexuality an "objective disorder". A disorder because obviously it contravenes their moral sensitivities because the bible (and hence, the church) says so. And objective because there is no leeway for interpretation. For example, if you were to get involved in a car accident that results in a fatality, there is no arguing that someone has died. Similarly, if you've engaged in homosexual sex, you can't deny that it's not real sex because you are straight.

So where does this leave us gay Christians, or Catholics? Do we hide in the closet whilst living a double identity, pious Christians on Sunday, and heinous men-loving deviants the rest of the week?

Safehaven is proud to present a session of intimate sharing by Fr. Albert Renckens, Dutch by birth, Singaporean by residence (of over 30 years), and Catholic by religious beliefs. Learn about his personal opinions on homosexuality, and ask him the hardest question of them all: "is it ok to be gay and Christian?"

Don't miss out on this rare opportunity to understand the Catholic's church's stand on homosexuality. A must for Christians from all denominations!

Please RSVP by emailing Alphonsus at fonsus@gmail.com :)

Calling Animal Lovers - Pelangi Pride Centre 14th April 2007

2007-04-05T14:12:00.000+08:00

Are you an animal lover or a pet owner? Want to know more about how others are helping out to care for little animals? Care to know more about the work of these volunteers and their experiences?

As part of diversity outreach, Heartland and Pelangi Pride Centre has invited Michelle Lee from the Cat Welfare Society and Lynda Goh from Noah's Ark Animal Sanctuary to join us at the Bianco on 14th April 2007.

Come join Michelle & Lynda and hear their views about responsibilities of a pet owner and their personal experiences as volunteers. Find out how their work have improved the lives of the animals. Learn from them we can do and how we can raise our own awareness and that of others.

They will bring some souvenirs and gift items which you can purchase to help benefit their causes.

Cost per person: $6 (cost of 2 soft drinks and finger food).

To sign up, please email [pelangipridecentre at yahoo dot com] to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests.

How to get to Pelangi Pride Centre @ Bianco -
21 Tanjong Pagar Road #04-01.
Map - http://www.pelangipridecentre.org/contact/contact.htm

About Cat Welfare Society and NANAS

Cat Welfare Society
Its mission: "To Save Lives Through Sterilisation".

"The Cat Welfare Society is a charity dedicated to promoting the effective and humane management of the community (stray) cat population in Singapore.

It recognizes that the presence of a large community cat population can be a source of problems, but believes that the best way of keeping the population in check is not by trapping and killing them but by sterilising them.

Michelle Lee is the current president of the Society and has been with the Society since 2003, first as a volunteer and subsequently as a committee member.

Noah's Ark Animal Sanctuary (NANAS)
Their mission is to provide a safe and secure home for the animal residents where they can live out their lives in happiness and eventually, die with dignity. To this end many of the animals are allowed to free run, and we create a natural settings for the others, more often than not resorting to using natural materials around us for example, bamboo stalks and attap.

Noah's Ark Animal Sanctuary (NANAS) is one of the few private animal sanctuary which started in Singapore in 1995. It moved to Johore located in Pekan Nanas in June 2000 to an area with 10 hectares of land.

Noah's Ark CARES (Companion Animals Rescued & Education Society) was established in June 2005 to continue its work in Singapore. It runs educational program for schools, Project Catsnip and Project Industrial Dogs to help manage the population of stray dogs and cats.

Lynda Goh has been a volunteer with Noah's Ark since March 2002 and she has been working with animals for the last 20 years. Come hear how Noah's Ark got started and what it is been doing now. And how Noah's Ark Cares runs it programmes for stray dogs and cats.

OC English Talk: Share your stories – being gaily single

2007-03-14T11:29:00.000+08:00

You wished you had someone to spend the last Valentines Day? Or you longed to bring someone special home for Yuan Xiao Jie (Lunar Calender Valentines Day)?

There has been so much talking about having love relationships. Some even said that having a partner completes your life. Others give you strange look when you tell them you're single. You have gone for lots of internet blind dates and begin to worry you may be single for life...

How much truth is in that? Do you really need someone to complete your life? How do others stay happy being single? How do those in a relationship feel when they were single? What would it be like, staying single for life?

Come listen to our panellists' stories. Come share with us your thoughts.

Oogachaga's First English Talk of the Year 2007

Topic ：Share your stories – being gaily single

Date ：24.3.2007 (Sat)

Time ：4.30-6.30 pm

Admission: Free!!! For anyone keen to listen and share, light refreshments available Venue ：Pelangi Pride Centre @ Bianco (above Mox), 21 Tanjong Pagar Road
(Location Map: http://www.pelangipridecentre.org/contact/contact.htm)

· Be the first 30 to pre-register at contact [at] oogachaga.com to receive a free drink at the event!!!

This event is brought to you by Oogachaga and supported by Action for AIDS.

Pink Adventures & Travels @ Pelangi Pride Centre

2007-02-06T18:10:00.000+08:00

ADLUS = Adventurers Like Us

Yup, so it is all about a bunch of adrenaline junkies with a real slant in some body parts.

Come NEXT Saturday 10th Feb, over at the newly relocated PPC at Bianco, 4pm, we will be reminiscing through our old trips :-

1. Ah Boy diving in clear blue seas in Asia

2. Nam Khim survives backpacking through Thailand with a new stranger of a companion

3. Nick Evol screaming through the jungles of Malaysia aka How Ave Got Her Name.

4. Mei Mei cussing Akasha for being stuck floating
down the Pahang River for 8 days and nights

5. how Miak screamed her head off in Berkelah Falls

6. Eileena's coming out of her ku-niang closet in the caves of Van Vieng, Laos

7. Cactus girls gambling on the slow boat up the Mekong river

8. Dragging on the bus up to KL and not running in the bloody marathon

Naaaahhhhh, it won't be just show and tell of other people's holidays.

We wanna talk about traveling and adventures issues like :-

1. gay, mixed or straight travel companions
2. queens, kings or dunnos
3. setting itineraries
4. tasks and duties
5. DIY to commercial tour packages
6. roughing it out Akasha's Longkang, Martina's Frequent Flier or Prada's Platinum Class.
7. history, socio-archeology vs street life vs sex spa & shopping
8. travel safety and health tips
9. surprises: nice or nasty, how to make the most of whatever shit you're in.
10. pure holidays or combined with missions & work.
11. religion, meditation & travel
12, underwater, seaside, overland, waterfalls, hills, mountains --- choices

We will be having our discussion Fishbowl format, you'll find out what it is later.

Cost per person: $6 (which includes 2 soft drinks and finger food).

To sign up, please email contact@pelangipridecentre.org to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests. [pelangipridecentre at yahoo dot com]

So see you all NEXT Sat 10th Feb at Pelangi Pride Centre at MOX Bianco , 4pm-6pm.

Host - Sheung aka Akasha,
Queen of Longkang Holigay Tours & Travels

Overseas Chinese Talk 1/2007 - Living in a foreign land

2007-01-31T19:45:00.000+08:00

Many of us have dreamt of living and working in a foreign land, desiring a new experience or even a new life.

What about foreigners who are working or even settling here? What are their views on living in Singapore?

Some Singaporeans have spent years working and living overseas and returned to Singapore. Do they think that living in a foreign land is more exciting?

The next OC Chinese talk, two Malaysians and one Singaporean will share with us their experiences and how they integrated into the local communities, so do join us at this event.

Topic - Living in a foreign land
Date - 11.2.2007 (Sunday)
Time - 7pm
Venue - Xpose @South Bridge Road

- FA free drink will be given to the first 30 persons (who register or arrive?)
- For pre-registration, please email to bryan [at] oogachaga [dot] com
- This is an event catered for a Chinese speaking audience.

This event is brought to you by Oogachaga in collaboration with Action for AIDS.

Pelangi Pride Centre has MOVED!

2007-01-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

Pelangi Pride Centre is now open every Saturday from 4-8pm, at Bianco.
(5th Floor, 21 Tanjong Pagar Road, Singapore 088444).
http://www.bianco.com.sg/
(space sponsored by MOX Bar & Cafe)

Want a place to hang out?
Want a place where you can be yourself and enjoy
the company of friends whilst doing a spot of reading?

Come by for an afternoon of community, friendship, books and cheap beverages!

Selection of Teas (Camomile, Darjeeling, Earl Grey, Iced Tea, Iced Lemon Tea, Peppermint) and Selection of Coffees (Coffee, Double Espresso, Iced Coffee, Latte, Single Espresso) at $ 4 only!

Juices (Cranberry, Fruit Punch, Lime, Orange, Pineapple) at $3 only!

Soft Drinks at $2 only!

For more information, please email
[pelangipridecentre at yahoo dot com]

See you at our new home!

Charmaine, Eileena and Nam Khim.

Pelangi Pride Centre's Event in January

2006-12-31T17:56:00.000+08:00

Myths about same-sex domestic violence -

"Domestic violence happens only in heterosexual relationships."
"Gay men cannot batter as there is no female to serve as victim and lesbians cannot be battered because there is no male to serve as perpetrator of the violence."
"The law can't help me and the police aren't interested."

This month at Pelangi Pride Centre, join us for talk by Deeksha Vasundhra, Programme Manager, Helpline and Support Services at the Association of Women for Action & Research (AWARE), as we delve into the seldom talked about issue of abuse in same-sex relationships.

Topics Covered include:

Unique aspects of same-sex domestic violence.
'Outing' as a method of control.
What is emotional abuse and how does it happen in
same-sex relationships?
Why people stay in abusive relationships?
How do you support a friend or a family member who is
experiencing domestic violence?
Where to seek help?

Never thought it could happen? Come and get the facts! The talk will be followed by a question-and-answer session.

Date: 13/01/2007 (Sat)
Time: Begins at 4:30pm
Venue: MOX Bar and Cafe,
21 Tanjong Pagar Road (4th floor)
Cost: $8.00 (includes handouts and 2 soft drinks + finger food)

To sign up, please email [pelangipridecentre at yahoo dot com] to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests.

Pelangi Pride Centre celebrates the launch of SAFE

2006-11-30T00:27:00.000+08:00

About SAFE -
Supporting, AFfirming & Empowering our lgbtQ friends and family

Provides a support network where parents, family members and friends of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people and those who are questioning their sexuality can come for information and resources, learn from accepting families, share stories and experiences, keep communication channels open, and most of all to build strong and close relationships with loved ones. With these activities, SAFE hopes to promote a society with a healthy respect for human diversity that will in turn build up the well-being of all gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning people.

website: (to be launched on 9th Dec 2006)
****

... and everyone’s invited!
Come by for an afternoon of community, friendship and books!

WHERE?
MOX BAR & CAFE
21 tanjong pagar road #04-01
map - http://www.mox.com.sg/contact.htm

WHEN?
Saturday, 9th december 2006, 4–8pm

PLUS...
COMMUNITY FAIR
with ECA-style recruitment booths from different gay + lesbian groups - come meet the peeps from ADLUS, Free Community Church, Heartland, Oogachaga, PLUME, RedQuEEn! and Women's Nite --

Special drink prices for the day! (4pm-8pm) Juices (Cranberry, Fruit Punch, Lime, Orange, Pineapple) at $3 only!

Soft Drinks at $2 only!

DONATION...
We welcome book donations. If you have a favourite glbt book to share with the community, bring it along to the launch.

Enquiries: pelangipridecentre [at] yahoo [dot] com

Pelangi Pride Centre's Event in November

2006-11-04T11:14:00.000+08:00

Communicating With People You Love
Speaker: Mr Alan Yeo, Counsellor

Date: 11/11/2006 (Sat)
Time: Begins at 4:30pm
Venue: MOX Bar and Cafe
21 Tanjong Pagar Road (4th floor)
Cost: $6.00 (includes 2 soft drinks and light refreshments)

It has been said that we often treat the ones we love with the least amount of kindness. Is that true? Or is it perhaps more true that we are just less careful with our words and how we say it?

Come to Pelangi Pride Centre (PPC) this November and learn ways to better communicate with partners, family members and friends. Learn tips on how to let the ones you love know that you care about them, in a basic but difficult activity: communication.

Topics Covered include:

I Hear You... Are You Listening To Me?
Fighting the Good Fight
In Praise of our Partners
Being Your own Best Friend
Question & Answer Session

About the Speaker:

Alan has a MA (Experimental Psychology) from the University of Arkansas, USA and an MEd from the Nanyang Technological University. In addition, he also holds Specialist and Graduate Diplomas in Counselling and has since 2003 run his own consultancy,
counselling on personal and family issues. He is also an Associate Lecturer, Clinical Supervisor and Personal Therapist for some local training centres.

Alan also sits on the Films Consultative Panel (Minstry of Information, Communication, and the Arts) and is a Family Life Ambassador (Ministry of Community, Youths and Sports). As the Editorial Consultant for the teen magazine LIME, he also wrote a 2 page monthly advice column.

To sign up, please email:

contact[at]pelangipridecentre[dot]org to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests.

Pelangi Pride Centre presents conversations with Suchen Christine Lim

2006-10-03T12:22:00.000+08:00

"Writing captures our elusive changing self so that we can look at the self, appreciate and embrace who we are." Suchen

Join Pelangi Pride Centre for an afternoon with well-known, and award-winning Singaporean writer, Suchen Christine Lim. On this special occasion, Suchen will share with us stories she has written – gay, lesbian and straight – as well as her thoughts and feelings on writing.

Ever wanted to write a story? Perhaps your story? Why is it important to tell our stories? Why is it important to write our histories?

Come ask Suchen questions about writing, and share ideas you might like to explore for stories. This is an excellent opportunity to learn how to express yourself, and connect and communicate with others.

Date: Saturday, 14 October 2006
Time: 4 – 6 pm
Venue: MOX Bar and Cafe
21 Tanjong Pagar Road (4th floor)
Cost: $6.00 (includes 2 soft drinks and light refreshments)

To sign up, please email [contact @ pelangipridecentre dot org] to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests.

Suchen Christine Lim
Mother, dreamer, tree lover, beachcomber, balcony gardener, stargazer, writer...

Suchen Christine Lim is also the author of Fistful of Colours, awarded the inaugural Singapore Literature Prize in 1992. Subsequently she was awarded a Fulbright Fellowship to the University of Iowa Writers’ Programme in 1996 and was invited back as its International Writer-in-Residence in 2000.

Since her inspired escape from the Ministry of Education in 2003, she has been writer-in-residence in Myanmar, Australia and the UK. In 2005, she was the first Singapore writer-in-residence in Moniack Mhor, a writers’ centre in the Scottish Highlands where she conducted fireside readings and writing sessions in Scottish schools and villages. Besides, Fistful of Colours, her other novels are Ricebowl, Gift From The Gods and A Bit of Earth. Her latest publication is a non-fiction book published in 2005, Stories of the Chinese Overseas.

Her work-in-progress are a collection of short stories that include Morning After and My Two Mothers, and a novel about love, grief and music.

GTTB is now PLUME

2006-08-28T11:07:00.000+08:00

A letter of encouragement

2006-01-22T13:32:00.000+08:00

From: Anonymous
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Firstly, I would like to thank you, for your work on this project; it is uplifting to see such candour with regards to the gay individual.

I think I was lucky in that I didn't have much problems coming out to *myself*; I was able to accept the fact, and move on with my life. It was the moving on bit, however, that posed the problem.

Excited by the notion of meeting like friends, I started accounts at both Sgboy and Fridae.

It's been over two years, and I have yet to meet anyone with whom I could hold a decent conversation with, let alone a friendship.

The reasons are wide and varied, but it suffices to say that various individuals embody the most extravagant stereotypes propounded by society of the gay man; I started to question if my view that such were merely unjust assumptions was accurate.

I needed, and still do, people with whom I can talk freely with. I have a few friends with whom I can, but try as they may, it is impossible for them to see things from my point of view. I do not fault them; I doubt I could view the world as they do either, but having someone close *not* heterosexual would, or may, help.

Being a teen, and a student, I'm not out to many. I suppose I appear ambiguous, neither confessing nor dispelling accusations/rumours. I'm not going to betray myself by outright denying who I am, but neither am I confident enough in outing myself to a mini self-contained community filled with zealous homophobic sentiments.

Reading this blog, however, give me hope that perhaps here I could find other teens with whom I could relate, and equally as important, just hang out with.

Thank you.

I agree that most heterosexuals do not understand how we really feel as gay people. I came out recently, and many of my friends and relatives have said to me that they will never be able to think and feel like they are in our shoes; the possible "sufferings" and tribulations we endure.

Coming out may be a homosexual's most difficult time in his/her life, next to the start of a homosexual relationship. Coming out is especially difficult with your own parents. I think it is perfectly fine to not tell anyone about your problems, or at least find a listening ear to ease your "pain"; I don't know, but what I know is that coming out does relieve some of your pent up frustrations, and it makes you proud of who you are. What a homosexual should not do is to betray him/herself because it will, in the end, make him/her feel worse.

My personal relationships with my parents went downhill recently, perhaps it's due to my coming out, or perhaps it's just me, who needs adjustments of my parent's new knowledge about me. I spoke less and less to my parents, and ever since the day I came out, they have not mentioned the word "gay" even once.

Perhaps they are still in the phase of accepting me.

Nevertheless, please continue to submit your articles. To find out how, click here.

Homosexual teenagers

2005-11-29T10:50:00.000+08:00

This is an email sent on the 30th of October.

From: Lim
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

I came across your blog some days ago, and decided that I had a need to email to you.

I'm a gay teen, in one of the junior colleges in Singapore. It has been tough living as a homosexual, so to those all out there, here are some pats for living it up in our punishing conservative Asian society.

I will like to talk about my homosexual experience.

Perhaps it all started during puberty when curiosity really killed the cat. The inquisitive nature to find out all about dick lengths and whether I was normal made me got hooked to surfing pornography, and I guess it all started there.

Yet many a times, I hated myself for who I was. The issue has always received the thumbs-down during every family dinner conversation. Being a rather popular dancer in school, it will be disastrous if my friends ever discover the 'dark' side of me, or so it seems, if it is indeed an evil repercussion of choosing the wrong pathes and surfing the wrong sites. Yet my friends have time and again questioned my sexuality, asking whether I had any flaws in my lifestyle. They couldn't understand why I can be so gentlemanly & sensitive to guys and girls (a starking trait I find in almost all gays) and well, the ability to entertain (like to sing and dance). I'm not a narcissist, trying to promote that I'm an outstanding student. I have flaws like a short fuse, a boastful and insensitive side, as well as an effeminate nature which, thank God, has changed due to His mercy after salvation.

I hated being homosexual. I couldn't understand why I had to be gay. I couldn't even try to stop looking at guys. Every visit to Cineleisure will see my gaze moving from the attempted peer at our female counteparts to the akward gawks at beefcakes across the road at the Carlifornia gym. I felt it would be devastating if my homophobic pals ever had to chance to sniff out my 'horrible' nature.

I had my first sexual encounter which I can never forget. I had consensual sex with this guy whom I met on the net 2 years ago. Not that I was so into sex, but I was keen to experiment all that I had seen from all the net clips. I didn't enjoy sex at all. It was really millions of thoughts running through my mind. I felt so confused and alone. It left a deep spiritual cut in my heart. I never even check out whether I got Aids from him, because I was afraid of the truth. I was alone and scared. Somehow, I felt raped, even though it was consensual sex. I stopped all interactive sexual activities with men from then all, hoping that I will turn heterosexual and become 'normal' one day.

It never happened. Once again, the familiar stares at cute boys or hot hunks, everywhere and anywhere possible, happened again. & visits to public pools just to peek at hot bods. Seducing, or attempting to seduce guys everywhere. I know what I had done contradicted to all my beliefs in Christ - something which meant breaking the Law, about not committing adultery, through lusts in the heart.

Yet I was scared to confess. I was alone. I have never visited sgboys.com, nor fridae.com till I stumbled upon your site since my sexual awakening, because of my denials. I thought if I ever ask fellow gays about my sexuality, they will further confirm that I'm a homosexual, once and forever. And my guy-buddies are sure to turn a blind eye to me if they discover my sexuality. I told my female classmates that I was gay, who quickly dismissed it can never be possible, perhaps because of my huge denials, cover-ups, the change from effeminate nature, and perhaps I was someone they thought unlikely to be homo in this society.

Yet, through your blog, I feel the need to address this once and for all. I care less that my A levels are just round the corner (it's just 2 weeks away). Yet my sexuality is for life, at least in flesh on Earth. I guess I have to face this once and for all. I've prayed many times and asked God to answer me. I know He will definitely answer me, through all these evaluations and dissemination of information over the net. I know I must confess one day. The stress of denial is taking a toll on me, ever since I started denying my sexuality in my jc days.

I admit I'm homosexual. I didn't like sex - without love, like my first encounter. All these secrets - only God and you all know. I really have no idea what my friends will react if I ever spill the beans at this crucial moment. I pray for all of us to know the Truth one day, and to all readers, God bless, for I guess it's God's will that I'm here, having the courage to post up my pent-up frustrations. So long, farewell, and take good care.

To the author, thanks for putting up a blog for enlightening all of us. God bless. Oh, you can check for all spelling errors + edit them. My G.P is gross. It's super horrendous.

I personally loved this piece a lot. His story could somehow relate to my life and my personal experiences - just that I didn't have sex before 16.

Then again, sorry for the loss of updates recently, as this piece of email came in some time ago.

Thank you for your contribution.

Loss of updates

2005-10-30T23:18:00.000+08:00

I am very concerned that recently this blog has been lacking in updates, while we still have 2 contributions at hand that needs to be settled.

Me, GayGuy, is a 17 year old Chinese GCE "O" Level candidate. My exams starts in a few days time, but I promise that the contributions will surface on this blog soon.

Zee, is a 19 year old Malay Polytechnic student. He is currently busy writing up an article, while he still needs to juggle between his studies.

I believe this blog has been a great blessing to many readers out there, and I promise that we will be as dedicated as we are to bring you articles from our contributors. We really need your help to spread the word. We want to target our blog on teenaged homosexuals, and therefore, if you know any of them, tell them about this blog.

Meanwhile, I felt the recent article "The keyboard activist speaks" featured on Tomorrow.sg is worthy of publishing on this site.

-----

the keyboard activist speaks
THIS IS NOT A LIST-THE-NEGATIVITY EXERCISE AND THERE ARE A NUMBER OF COUNTER-EXAMPLES BUT THEY ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. I FIGURED A FAIR NUMBER OF PEOPLE READ MY JOURNAL AND IT MIGHT BE A GOOD PLACE TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT HOW MUCH HATE THERE IS OUT THERE. THIS IS NOT SO MUCH ABOUT SCREWED-UP GENDER ROLES BUT BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

(Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.)

A heterosexual look into homosexuality

2005-10-15T17:20:00.000+08:00

We are excited as we recieved this submission from a heterosexual female. The letter talks about deeper issues, rather than just "what queers can do".

This is an email sent on the 9th of October.

From: Cher
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

There is a thin line differentiating from what is ‘natural’ and ‘unnatural’.

‘Natural’ is what is defined as “conforming to the usual or ordinary course of nature”. ‘Unnatural’? “Inconsistent with an individual pattern or custom”. The definitions itself are blurry, the lines oh-so-vague. How does one come to the conclusion that something is ‘natural’ and some other thing is not? How does society as a whole deem something as accepted because it is ‘natural’ and shun it when it is not?

And so goes the gay community in Singapore, and to a certain extent, the world. They are ostracized for “going against the norm” and looked upon with disdain because they are perceived as ‘unnatural’, amongst a sea of human beings who are heterosexual and ‘normal’. Homosexuality is seen as a ‘bad habit’, sometimes even a ‘vice’, and just ‘wrong’, whereas ex-convicts, drinkers, gamblers, drug abusers and adulterers are given second chances in life. It seems that once you come out as a homosexual, your life is destined to be doomed, all your dreams and aspirations slowly seeping down the drain, and you are subject to a life of discrimination and stigma.

I am a heterosexual female living in Singapore. I have never been homosexual before, and will never be, because I simply do not have such inclinations. I want to speak out for the homosexual minority here, they who are being judged upon and looked down on without being given a chance to shine, to contribute to the society and community as a whole, and for the majority out there to accept them as human beings and human beings alone, without any labels attached to them. It saddens me greatly when I see people forming their own judgments on what gay people are really like, and to lump everyone in the gay ‘category’ into a stereotype, calling what they have a ‘lifestyle’.

If there really is a gay ‘lifestyle’, where is the straight ‘lifestyle’? When we see straight men going to clubs to pick up girls for one-night stands or to visit call girls in Geylang, why isn’t this defined as a “straight lifestyle”? And why aren’t all straight men seen as typically being this way? When we see the gay men who have lots of sex we immediately jump to the conclusion that ALL gay men are the same. I understand that one rotten apple infects the entire box and all that, but we should take a step back, take a breather, and examine everything from a wider point of view.

It is because of this stereotype that the gay community is suffering. I believe in equality for everyone. This translates to me believing that everyone should have the exact same rights by default, regardless of their race, religion, social standing, and sexual orientation, on the sole basis that they are human beings. Being a human being is a right in itself, and there should not be any social bias as to what you “should do” and “should not do”. Of course, we draw the line at criminal offences, which harm others, but does being a homosexual harm other people? Homosexuals should be given the same rights as heterosexuals. Just because they are attracted to and fall in love with members of the same sex does not mean they are committing a heinous sin. Artificial insemination is not natural, so does it mean it is wrong? Along the same lines, how about abortion, sterilization and contraception? Are they not “going against” the natural cycle of life too? Homosexuality is not a disease that breeds or a phenomenon that snowballs.

Being gay is not a choice, and neither is it a ‘lifestyle’ that people CHOOSE to adopt. They are gay because they just are, and they cannot help it. Think about it – in a society that is mainly made up of heterosexuals, why would anyone suddenly decide, “Hey, I want to be gay,” and subject themselves to discrimination? Homosexuality HAS been observed in animals, so who is to judge that such and such is not ‘natural’ anymore?

“Heterosexuality is not normal; it’s just common.” Food for thought, no? I seriously hope that everyone will start accepting homosexuals for who they are, and let them have their place in society. Everything is subjective; so let them have a chance to live their lives just as rightly as every other human being should. Who they decide to sleep with at the end of the day does not affect their morals or who they are as people.

I have to say that I totally agree to all the points stated.

After everything that was said, I still believe that it is entirely up to an individual to choose if homosexuals should be accepted or not. I feel that a gay individual should not force, but rather to gradually affect the lives of heterosexuals around them, show concern over their lives.

Logic will tell anyone that if a heterosexual has good homosexual friends, they tend to be pro-queer. Those without homosexual friends, wouldn't have a living example for them to see that we are not "disgusting sodomites" after all. Therefore, I believe, to press for gay rights, we have to make ourselves visible. Even so, there is a long way to go, for along with it, is a web of the individual's personal issues.

Starting early is better than not. I believe that coming out raises self-esteem too. Although the road ahead of a person out from the closet may be bumpy, coming out proves to everyone that you are happy of what you are, how you are made up, and the things unique about yourself.

I do believe that a large number of Singaporeans are open minded people. They tend to be more positive and receptive about queer issues. The so called "conservative" Singaporeans with the said "age old asian values" are like us, as they belong to the minority. I believe a huge irony exists when age-old asian values says homosexuality is wrong, because we are largely affected by modern Western values.

Western? Why western you may ask.

As of what I know, ancient China does not discriminate homosexuals in any of it's Dynasties. Even in the imperial court, homosexuality wasn't deemed as a crime. Portrayals of same-sex relations have been found in Chinese art, in particular, silk paintings and handscrolls which have survived the massive book-burning of the Cultural Revolution. Eunuchs had superior powers in China, as their castration added value to their status. Though it remains to be seen if a man turns gay as a result, due to the lack of hormones most are effeminate by nature.

In the Western context, especially among evangelical Christians, they view it as "sodomy", and "a sin of unhealthy sexual perversions, lust and desires". I respect what they believe in, but as everyone will know, a lot of their ideologies and teachings suddenly became "mainstream" belief. Christianity may not have originated from the West, but they seemed to be the group of people that "glorified" the religion in a greater way. One good proof is that the number of English translations of the Hebrew Bible wins all other language translations.

Also another Bible teaching that went "mainstream", was the infamous quote, "Spare the rod, spoil the child". It has been used widely in western Christian churches and, was further passed down to be used widely, even among non-religious people. The original quotation, which I will quote from the New King James Version of the Bible, Proverbs 13:24 - "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly".

Many people hence view homosexuality as "bad sexual perversions".

Though I cannot totally push blame towards the west, Christianity or whatsoever. The fact is as people got more educated, the more they think. Education may not always bring about open mindedness, but I believe it acts both ways, based on what was taught to the child.

The labelling of "lifestyle", has been the question on my head these few days. Is it appropriate?

I asked 2 of my gay friends if they think "lifestyle" was a foul word in the gay context. The first response I got from my gay guy friend, was a quotation of "lifestyle" from the dictionary.

life·style also life-style or life style n.

A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group: “It was a millionaire's lifestyle on the pocketbook of a hairdresser” (People).

Usage Note: When lifestyle became popular a generation ago, a number of critics objected to it as voguish and superficial, perhaps because it appeared to elevate habits of consumption, dress, and recreation to categories in a system of social classification. Nonetheless, the word has proved durable and useful, if only because such categories do in fact figure importantly in the schemes that Americans commonly invoke when explaining social values and behavior, as in Rachel Brownstein's remark that “an anticonventional lifestyle is no sure sign of feminist politics, or indeed, of any politics at all.” Fifty-three percent of the Usage Panel accepts the word in Bohemian attitudes toward conventional society have been outstripped and outdated by the lifestyles of millions of young people. An even greater number - fully 70 percent -accepts the word in Salaries in the Bay Area may be higher, but it may cost employees as much as 30 percent more to maintain their lifestyles, where the context requires a term that implies categorization based on habits of consumption.

Source: Dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=lifestyle)

As you can see, the usage of the word did drive up a sort of a "controversy" before. My friend stands that usage of this word with being gay, isn't correct.

I then moved on to ask my lesbian friend, who is currently in a relationship.

She explained that "lifestyle" is a safe word to use, when it is not mixed with living an "alternative lifestyle". She said also that "there is a negative connotation to the word gay lifestyle itself".

I agree with her that being gay is not a lifestyle at all, but the life I am living is a gay one. Should I be labelled as living a "gay lifestyle" too, if I don't drive up into the details? I think it's somewhat correct to label a person that's gay to be living a "gay lifestyle", because after all they are gay and they have to live with it all their life, and hence their lifestyle. "Alternative lifestyle" on the other hand, separates from the whole meaning of a "gay lifestyle" which was thought to be a "normal lifestyle". The word "alternative" suggests that there is "a way out", or "a way to change", this "gay lifestyle".

I would agree that every individual has their own opinions, and I felt the over-sensitivity of homosexuals towards little "labels" a little too much. Unless the labels are crude, or suggests a certain ideology (like how "Alternative lifestyle" did), I believe they are all fine to be used.

I do expect different people to have different opinions over this, which is ok. After writing what's above, I asked the same guy friend more specifically. I asked him, which poses a foul connotation: "gay lifestyle" or "alternative lifestyle". His opinions were different. He thinks that "alternative lifestyle" was less hurting to him than "gay lifestyle". His stand is that the word "gay" is more commonly used, whereas "alternative" may mean anything.

Ditch labels if you can. I choose to view everyone to have their own "unique lifestyle", queer or not.

Being gay = More contributions to society?

2005-09-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

When I received this email from someone who did not state if he wished to be identified, I felt confused, happy, encouraged and angry, all mixed together.

Read on and you will get what I mean:

This is an email sent on the 19th of September. Some minor short-forms has been corrected.

From: *removed*@hotmail.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi, this is *removed* who saw the website on Chubsg forum [Link].

To me, I feel that the growth of gay population would witness the drop in population because gay couples cannot help to accelerate the birth rates.

To make it up, I feel that members of the gay community in the community services should help out in programs that encourage straight couples to have more than just 1 or 2 kids in their family.

Also, because gays are not able to contribute to the increase in birth rates, they should make it up by contributing to societies by doing extra on their part in compensation in whatever areas they can.

My suggestion, I know may cause mixed feelings, but it is worth considering and I gladly accept your suggestions or opinions as to what I propose here.

Doing the extra bit for society should not be taken as a pressure but as a pleasure that gays are contributing more than others to the Nation! This is also a positive publicity for gays to clear some public misconceptions that gays are giving societies more problems with their loose morals and multiple sex partners as well as preference for One Night Stand in their open relationship type of lifestyle.

Best wishes!

The title of this email message reads: "Gladly Accept Your Suggestions (G.A.Y.S.)".

I am glad that you expressed your concern for us being unable to contribute to society in terms of Singapore’s birth rate, as we are homosexuals. The words you used, as you have predicted, aroused mixed emotions in me. I was quite shocked at the amount of misunderstanding expressed, although it oddly seems pro-homosexual.

Of course, I would like to encourage everyone reading this post to contribute to society, in any way we can, whether queer or not. There are a lot of homosexuals, just like you and me, living normal lives. I don't believe that our sexual preference should act as a determinant to whether or not we should serve in the community. I took part in voluntary work during the December 2004 Tsunami crisis, working as a packager for publicly donated items. I helped them prepare the items for shipping and it never did occur to me once that I am serving them as a gay individual.

To me, the letter sounded more like a bad ST Forum letter. I am not sure about your argument: "I feel that the growth of gay population would witness the drop in population because gay couples cannot help to accelerate the birth rates."

While it is undeniable that the gay population cannot contribute to the rise of birth rates, you seem to be implying that "being gay" is a genetic trait, rather than an individual's upbringing, where it is not affiliated with their parent's genetic makeup. The ubiquitous question of ‘nature’ versus ‘nurture’ remains.

I believe that doing community work is something that is self-driven, and you did state that it was not something that should be forced out of people. Doing countless good deeds to show others what we have done might be counter-productive, though I do understand that wasn’t your intention. Taking in consideration that homosexuality has always been the victim of careless criticism; the community’s efforts might not be taken seriously and objectives, unmet.

Public misconceptions are prevalent, as people often associate gay men with drag queens, transvestites, sissies, or just ‘gay’ with images of effeminate men in mind. Butches on the other hand are represented as “beer-bingeing” women, if a certain article from the English daily is to be quoted.

I do hope that the homosexuals and heterosexuals alike can cross that boundary of even having to name our sexual orientation at all. These terms, just like ethnic divisions, separates us, driving a wedge in society and causing good friendships to become distant, or even break apart.

I believe you have submitted this letter to us with good intentions, but I hope you do get what I have said in this post. Thank you for your letter, and we look forward to getting responses from everyone, including anonymous readers. We will be "Gladly Accept[ing] Your Suggestions" too. If you are new here and would like to have your say, click here to find out how you can reach us.
Thank you for your contribution.

-Edited

Ways you can contribute

2005-09-17T14:12:00.000+08:00

I would like to thank the editors over at Tomorrow.sg for featuring this blog. I would like to take this opportunity to highlight the ways you can contribute your submissions.

If you are new to this website, you may want to take a look at previous submitted letters. After which, if you would like your story heard too, please mail your letters to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com. Alternatively, if you wish to remain totally anonymous, you may leave an anonymous comment in the most recent post of this blog, posting as an anonymous user.

Email addresses will be kept private if you choose to send an email. Your identity or other personal information will not be revealed unless you state so.

We really need your help to make this a success as we have been receiving a low amount of contributions lately. Together with your contributions, we can then use them to encourage those still in the closet, and educate those that are interested to know.

Thank you very much.

We've got a new editor

2005-09-09T19:48:00.000+08:00

I don't really accept anyone as an editor, only those whom I trust. I need assurance that the person can take ownership of this blog, to manage it, and most of all, write logical arguments.

To date, I have come out to 3 people, of which I knew through this blog. I am greatly impressed at my own courage.

Again, I am still a student. I cannot juggle my personal blog concurrently with this one. I need someone to help me with this. Fortunately, a new friend of mine sent me an e-mail about his blog, http://homones.blogspot.com/ and just like how I started out, he had the same "About me" post, that described our own experiences.

This is a coming out story extracted from the blog: Rose tinted lenses. Reproduced with permission.

From: Not applicable
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

As a gay teenaged Singaporean, coming out to myself and my social orb is a string of events, like pearls on a necklace. Each pearl is as beautiful as the last, yet unique in its own ways. Hung around with pride around a beautiful feminine neck, I intend to charge forth, into the unknown darkness of life clutching tightly to my pearl necklace.

Coming out to the world is something I knew would happen sooner or later. I'm 18, going on 19 in September. I have an older brother, aged 25 and elder sister, aged 24 and a younger sister, 15. All of them know I'm gay.

It was a step I knew I had to take, especially towards my brother for he, himself, is gay.

One day after returning from Bangkok on a short 4 day getaway with my sister, I texted my brother telling him I needed to speak to him urgently and that we meet up. He called me up sounding flustered and demanded I tell him what it was.

I tried resisting. I really did.

Until I blurted out, "I'm gay."

Silence.

I strained my ears over the cordless phone to hear his breathing. I expected his reaction to be that of shock and surprise, but being gay himself, I thought he would've been able to accept it faster than anyone else.

He was the third person I came out to, and the first person I said to verbally that I'm gay. The previous 2 were female friends, one of whom is a former lesbian and now bisexual (even though I'm gay, I think she drips with sexual appeal). I came out to them, of all ways, by typing the words on my cellphone. I couldn't say the words, "I'm gay."

"Oh my god why are you saying these things?" my brother asked. His voice was curt, cold. The voice of a person in shock and negative disbelief.

I closed my eyes. A tear seeped out of my left eye and took a deep breath to compose myself, "Because its true. Will it be a problem?"

"I don't know what to say. How many people know?"

"2, now you, 3."

Silence. A long deafening one that urged me to slam down the phone and pretend I didn't tell him anything.

"What're you thinking, how're you feeling?" I asked. My voice was calm and assured. Inside, my heart was crumbling into jigsaw puzzles of regret.

"I'm shocked."

Silence.

"I tell you what. You think about it first. I'll talk to you soon."

And he hung up. He didn't even say "Take care, bye."

In that 5 minutes, which felt like 5 dharmic life cycles, I knew, the person whom I've always wanted to connect with, was gone... at least for now.

I left home and took a walk around my neighbourhood aimlessly. I didn't know what to do. I knew he probably had to face some issues, like guilt, but I wanted him to ask me questions. I wanted him to know me as I am. Not as the straight-acting front I have to put up all the time.

For three weeks, he avoided coming home. He has his own apartment somewhere in town.
In coming out to him, I added another pearl on the necklace, a painfully beautiful one. And I hung it around my neck.

As you would also agree, this is a well-written entry. I can feel the emotions seeping out from this post and am really happy that he has come out to those whom he felt needed to know.

I then emailed him back with the request if he was willing to join me as an editor, and very fortunately, he agreed. We chatted a little on MSN Messenger and talked about various issues, and also touched on the further developments of this blog.

I have a few people in mind now that suits the position of being an editor, and I re-iterate my stand we would have a free share of this blog. It's not mine, nor is it theirs. This is a blog that could help those in need to gain more courage, and perhaps, bring about some emotional healing.

We discussed how this blog could gain more exposure, and he suggested submitting this URL to some of the more popular blogging websites, so that in a way, we could gain some recognition from their readers. What matters most is what I deem the target audience; be it homosexuals or homophobes, everyone could, in the end, benefit from the posts in this blog.

I would like to thank some of my readers, who have been helping me spread news about this blog, in one way or another. One of them, whom I do not know personally, but helped by submitting a post in sgboy forums, featuring this blog. Some of the other great helpers are nineaugust and willythecop, who have assisted in advertising and marketing, for creating a funny but informative video. Most of all, I would like to express my thanks to Lady Queer, http://queersingaporean.blogspot.com, for linking me up and giving me suggestions.

If you would like to link to us, there is absolutely no need for approval (unless you are linking it together with words of hate of course). You can link us straight at http://gaytothebone.blogspot.com. Do drop us an email (if you would like) just to tell us that you have linked us up. It's good to know that we are being linked.

In the meantime, if you are openly gay, you can help us spread the news about this blog to your friends. Do what you can to get this message out.

Please continue to submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

Revised by Zee on 18 September 2005.
Notes: Sentence structure corrections.

Out and about

2005-09-06T01:41:00.000+08:00

I am extremely happy today as I finally went out of the closet, to my new friend, through blogging:

This is a personal coming out experience I had.

From: *removed*@gmail.com
To: *removed*@hotmail.com

Hi *removed*,

I guess it must be a great surprise to be receiving this email from me, *for privacy reasons the following line as been removed*.

Yes, I am the editor of Gay To The Bone, and right now, I guess you are the only one that knows.

I was so surprised to see your comment on my personal blog, *removed*. Being a rather small scale blogger, with only a handful of dedicated readers, I was very surprised at how you managed to find my blog and that you actually read it.

I read your blog too. I realised that I have some similar interests as you and, I was therefore wondering if we can make friends. This I guess, will be a huge step for me. :-D

Awaiting your reply. Add me in MSN if you are willing? Here: *removed*.

Thanks. :-D

And oh, good luck in your "N"s too!

Cheers! ;-)

What I guess is that he is very shocked, and indeed:

From: *removed*@hotmail.com
To: *removed*@gmail.com

I was also astonished by the fact that you were the editor of GTTB! *for privacy reasons the following line as been removed*. Never did I imagine you to be the editor of GTTB.

I am quite open-minded on the net, so making friends with you will not be a problem. But I tend to be damn shy with acquaintances in real life...

Thanks for your concern for my N-Level. I appreciate that. =)

Cheerios!

Coming out only takes a simple step. It may be to someone you know or don't. Whatever it is, I believe it is always a great experience.

We met up on MSN, and exchanged numbers, chatted a little about ourselves, and man, the experience was great!

I certainly hope to take this friendship a little further, and lets see where it takes me.

About the previous post

2005-09-04T17:17:00.000+08:00

I have recieved quite a bit of feedbacks about the previous posting, as many people think that the contributor has contributed a letter that, in a way, portrays homosexuality in a very negative light.

I agree, and apologise for the offense anyone might have taken from that post, but surely, I am gay, and I am not a Christian, and I have my reasons.

This is NOT a contribution but a commentary worthy of publishing. The commentary has also been slightly edited for captialisation and short-forms.

From: *removed*@gmail.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Dear blogger, I have to say that the recent letter you posted really annoyed me majorly. The idea of the whole later was to portray homosexuality in a negative light. There are subtle hints dropped along the way by that City Harvest girl that by being a lesbian or gay you would need to CHANGE. I honestly would love to tell it to her face that it's a matter of choice yes, to be either gay or straight because we're born to be bisexual. It's rather apparant that she is promoting the idea that those who are confused (i.e lesbian or gay) with their sexuality should immediately seek help with their church elders and what's not.

I personally feel that the letter is in some ways a slap in the queer community's face. sigh. I don't know if you actually picked up the hints along the way when you read the letter but my friends and I did while we read through that entry. -_-"

Regards,
lady queer

I thank you lady queer for your continued support and feedbacks.

I am very sure to say now that I knew the hints from the letter, but I believe that what the queer community needs to pick from this letter isn't the small hints or hidden criticism. I believe that we need to realise the fact that she's changed, or at least from what she claims to be.

Christianity and homosexuality are both very sensitive topics, when mixed together.

I believe in choice. If she's changed, and if anyone wants to be changed the same way as her, I would gladly send them off to where he or she finds suiting.

I don't quite know how to continue on from here, but what I wanted to say is that, the contribution may contain elements hinting that homosexuality is wrong, but my approach was to give everyone a freedom of choice.

Wouldn't it be very selfish if we only provide homosexuality from a homosexual perspective?

Look at the article again if you would like, and try to pick out things more "positive", like she's no longer the same, et cetra.

Still, posting that article up, I still felt that I am wrong in some ways, because wouldn't that post itself defeat the purpose of this blog itself? I realised that I would be committing a even greater mistake if I take away the freedom of choice from the readers.

What this blog needs to focus now is again, back to the homosexuality issue, and leave this "trials" behind.

Note that the choice I mention is NOT choice of sexual orientation, which I strongly believe that IT IS NOT A CHOICE, but I was refering to the choice of religion. Surely you can't order someone to choose a religion he or she doesn't like, right?

Please continue to submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

A testimony

2005-08-31T13:46:00.000+08:00

This contributor has been asked if she wants to reveal her identity, but did not make a reply.

This contribution has also been heavily edited, as the contributor wrote most parts of the post without capitialisation, proper sentences, short forms, and spelling mistakes.

I have tried as much as possible to keep the original meaning of this email.

From: *removed*@liquidcement.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi. I am not sure what your name is.

I was surfing the net and chanced upon your blog. I'm from City Harvest Church too and I used to be a lesbian myself too.

I guess all along, I was more guyish than girlish since young, but didn't know my behavior isn't really the norm compared to other gals. Anyway, I remembered telling myself and others that I will never become a lesbian but I fell into it at the later part of my secondary 3 life. I was from a girls school so to speak.

I got involved with my school team captain. I was the vice captain. Before I got into the relationship, I was really struggling to break free. Though I didn't read the rest of your blog, I understood what you meant when you said you wanted the people in church to understand.

It was especially tough because I came to church and got saved only in March, during the Easter period in secondary 3. So I didn't really build any meaningful or strong friendships that I can fall back on while facing this temptation.

I didn't know how to use the scriptures to defend myself. I didn't know how to pray. What I remembered was, for the next 3 months or so, I spent every night crying to God. I would play the little that I knew on my guitar and just cry out to God. I didn't know what to pray or what to say, so I just kept saying, "Jesus, take away this from me. It's getting really hard to bear..."

I guess I was too afraid to share with those in the cell group, and I ended up seeking advice from people who are already lesbians in my class. I am kinda like sealed my fate for the rest of the story.

They believed in God but didn't bother to persuade me out of it. Instead, they got real excited about me liking someone and tried to hook me up.

So I backslid after struggling to break free for months. No one knew why I backslid till my classmate (who brought me to church) found out that I was now attached to a gal. So anyway, I came back to church after the incident.

No one asked me to go back. Guess it was a hard and sensitive topic to talk about. I wanted to go back as I missed God. And so went through a lot of stuff before I managed to step into the church again.

I came back to church, my previous cell group member has risen up to become a cell group leader, leading the cell group am in. So she slowly opened up my life to share about the past. And I started to share bits and pieces of it.

To cut the story short, it took me 2 years in church to let it go to God. I was still affected and tempted time and again. I struggled to hide my past from my cell group members, and the things I faced in church. Yet, I knew they still loved me and wouldn't mind my past. I knew was my own barrier.

2 years later at a conference, I was really upset that day as it was supposed to be my "anniversary" date with her. I went for a church conference grudgingly and didn't listen to the sermon as well. But halfway through the sermon, God showed me a picture. Right in the middle of the preaching! I saw a broken and tattered heart being sewn back by a hand, and I heard God said, "I've sewn back your heart". I started to cry. I was very touched by God.

Fast forward 5 years later, which is this year, I won't call myself a lesbian anymore. I still do get tempted to go back to the previous lifestyle and once in a while, I can be moved by gals as well. I tried to believe that I was borned a male and not a female, and I tried to get my genes checked out too. I struggled with such thoughts every now and then.

I don't know if you still believe in Jesus now, but I really believe it is a choice we make. I used to think that perhaps, I should just leave church and become a lesbian for life, and that could really be my life. But I really feel it's more of a psychological, heart issue than our genetic makeup.

At the end of the day, we can argue all we want about us being born a gay or a lesbian, but a report once said, your body can never lie. If it's a girl, it's a girl. If it's a boy, it's a boy.

Right now, I'm a cell leader leading a group of young people. I have met many who are like me in the past as well. And now, I share my story and experience openly to those who wants to hear. I'm not saying I'm perfect now, because I do face temptations sometimes. That's how life should be.

But life is also a choice we choose to make.

Perhaps, you should try sharing with your closer friends in the cell group or you've made in church. It really helps to have friends in church or cell group to help you when dealing with this. I had my cell group leader who tried her best to help me, support me and encourage me.

Right now, I have a member who used to be a gay too. He shared openly about his past with me. I don't look down on him, but I watch out for him.

Pastor Sy Rogers said that we need to deal with our inner needs. Otherwise they will be manifested outwardly and we bear the brunt of it; the shame, the hurt and the guilt, and the helplessness.

I may be not into lesbianism now, but I still got to deal with it. He also said, the experience may be over, but there will and can still be residue in your life. Well, I do still have the residue in my life, but I don't allow it to dictate my life.

I'd better end here. I hope you've been blessed by my sharing. Look forward to your correspondence if you would like.

Be Blessed,
Someone Changed

I really appreciate someone having the same experiences sharing how her life was changed by a touch of God. Seriously, I am not jealous of her being a changed person, where I couldn't. I am happy for her that she's changed and no longer the same. If religion and God can seriously change a person like that, I would say that anyone should go for a try, or something like giving a chance to let God change you.

I am not sure if this contributor would like you to contact her if you would like a visit to her church, but I will be happy to convey the message. If you would like to visit her church, please feel free to contact me via my email: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com.

Alternatively, you can visit her church website at http://chc.org.sg for information about her church like the church's location, contact number and service times.

Other than that, please continue to submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

Today's Report

2005-08-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

When I saw this report on Today, a local media publication, I got mixed feelings:

This article is dated:
Friday, 26 August 2005

Why gay factor can't be ignored

by Vinita Ramani
vinita@newstoday.com.sg

IT'S about addressing the root of the problem, not gay advocacy.

And the problem, according to Senior Minister of State for Health, Dr Balaji Sadasivan, is that 93 per cent of the record 311 HIV cases diagnosed last year came from just two groups - the gay community and lower-educated single men who have casual sex with sex workers abroad.

Dr Balaji insisted that a "scientific public health" approach would be the most effective way to tackle the significant rise in such cases.

So, to prevent the spread of HIV/Aids the authorities would have to take gay sexual behaviour into account.

"The gay advocacy issue is different from the public health issue," he said.

When a question from the floor was raised with regard to a purported "rise in sexual activities" in the gay community and the possibility of a public campaign or education in schools, the Minister clarified his point.

"I didn't say sex among gays is increasing, I have no knowledge about the sexual habits of gays. What I said was one of the high-risk groups for HIV/Aids is MSM (men having sex with men).

Even in the US, 17,000 cases were reported last year was in the gay community. That's over 50 per cent of the total number," he said.

So the Ministry will stay focused on its targets. And if sex education advocates hope to see a condom parade down Orchard Road to raise awareness of safe sex practices, they are likely to have a long wait.

Dr Balaji said that such controversial approaches to addressing sexual behaviour and HIV/Aids "only generate a lot of controversy and news", which is not the ministry's aim.

Addressing members of the American Chamber of Commerce yesterday, he encouraged businesses here to form an alliance with the Ministry to tackle the rise in HIV cases by implementing education programmes to prevent discrimination.

I couldn't say that I do not believe every single piece of statistics mentioned above, but do you think that 50% is too high a percentage for the gay community based on the total amount of HIV sufferers?

President Bush has been trying to suppress the legalisation of gay activities, as recently, he mentioned that he will not allow gay marriages, which was relatively similiar to Singapore. So has he been playing with the numbers to discourage people "not to convert to being gay"?

Singapore, on the other hand, took the statistics and magnified it. Like the recent NKF incident, the number of HIV positive patients may have also been jacked up, with special mention about the "serious rise" in gay communities.

That brings me to some questions: Does homosexuals get infected with HIV more easily? Based on the view of human's immunity system, will all homosexuals actually be "weaker" in a sense that we will contact HIV more easily? OR are homosexuals more ignorant than hetrosexuals based on safe-sex knowledge?

First question: Does homosexuals get infected with HIV more easily? Based on the view of human's immunity system, will all homosexuals actually be "weaker" in a sense that we will contact HIV more easily?

While assuming that everyone that is "normal" should be having a immunity system of the same level (homosexuals and hetrosexuals), doesn't that made it clear that the probability of anyone contacting HIV should be the same?

Take the 50% average for an example. If the US government haven't made changes to the statistics, 50% homosexuals, 50% hetrosexuals, does that make a difference? IF 50% are homosexuals, then it should in fact be perfectly fine, as the amount of hetrosexual patients is equal to the amount of homosexual patients.

So why the big fuss? Why do the Singapore government insist that HIV sufferers are mostly homosexuals? Though it was not specifically implied in the article, but anyone reading it will sure get an impression that MOST HIV sufferers are homosexuals.

No government in the world have records of it's citizen's sexual orientation, and take for granted that it is normal for males to like females and vise-versa. If anyone's argument is that the homosexuals belongs to a minority, and therefore the 50% is more like 80% of the whole gay community, his/her argument would NOT be valid.

Second question: Are homosexuals more ignorant than hetrosexuals based on safe-sex knowledge?

Hetrosexuals practice safe sex for two reasons: Birth control and protection of diseases.

Homosexuals practice safe sex for one reason: Protection of diseases.

I dare not say that homosexuals are actually more aware in practicing safe-sex, or will I say that hetrosexuals are more careful. I believe everyone is much the same.

I dare not take birth control as a probable and primary reason of why hetrosexuals practice safe sex MORE, that they will use condoms more often than homosexuals do. I am totally fine if you view it that way.

Even if the above are the reason why homosexuals do contact HIV more easily, will the ban of homosexual activities in Singapore contribute to a successful decrease in HIV cases? Absolutely not.

A ban, will firstly not be effective as sex is something people do in private. People do it and don't mention about them. How will a ban actually control over homosexual activities?

The government should in fact introduce some new safe-sex education targeted on gays and lesbians, so that it could have a better control of the whole HIV problem.

The government says that it will be actively taking part in the effort to decrease HIV infections, while all they did was to introduce bans on homosexual activities, and introducing safe-sex education ONLY targeted on the hetrosexual community. Isn't that an effortless "effort"?

The article did mention about "lower-educated single men" being in one of the high risk groups of HIV, next to the gay community, doesn't that sentence itself prove my point? If lower-educated men are the ones infected with these diseases, while educated gay people are also the infected bunch, doesn't that prove that the education on safe-sex between gays is not carefully enforced in Singapore?

If the whole aim of the government's new HIV education programme was only to "prevent discrimination", how is it supposed to work effectively to stop HIV? It is a great plan to educate the public about not discriminating HIV positive patients, but are they acting more to stop HIV from it's roots; getting infected in the first place?

I am certainly waiting for the next move by the government of whether it will introduce education programmes about safe-sex, not just for the hetrosexuals, but also for the homosexuals.

While gaytothebone is a anonymous writing project, such news will be featured on the site to increase awareness about the current issues affecting the homosexual community, from a gay perspective. Local press may not always be able to provide a neutral stand as all the news they published are government moderated.

WE seriously need your stories of coming out, being in the closet, being left out, and the problems you face living a gay life, your thoughts and whatever you have that is gay related. I may not be aware of such news everytime and if you see such articles that are gay related, feel free to send me an email at gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can simply write an anonymous comment in the most recent post. I will find ways to get to you in an event where I need additional assistance.

Submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

2 Writing Projects

2005-08-25T00:32:00.000+08:00

There are two writing projects currently going on targeted on gay and lesbians.

The first one, is a book, which will feature real photos and real names, and gay/lesbian coming out stories. The author of this book, Ng Yi-Sheng, has personally exchanged emails with me and we decided that the two projects could mutually "help each other", where I will be taking on the duty to help look for people that are willing to share their stories openly.

You will need to contact Ng Yi-Sheng at ngyi-sheng@writer.per.sg so that he can arrange an interview with you in order for you to share your stories.

If you are openly gay/lesbian, or are gay/lesbian that has decided to come out of the closet, do feel free to approach him through his email and tell him about yourself. Before the interview, all the information you provide will be kept private.

The second project, which is this anonymous writing project, targets closeted homosexuals or open homosexuals that choose not to reveal their identity. A very obvious trend is that although there are a lot of people emailing me, submitting their stories, not a lot of people actually used the commenting function to submit anonymously, where I wouldn't even know your email address.

I suspect this was the reason why not many people contributed as they did not want to reveal their email addresses to me.

You can use the commenting function to submit your stories anonymously, and you can also email me at gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com.

Please specify if you would like to reveal your real name if you provide one to me. If you do not specify whether you want to reveal your real name, unless you have specified it clearly, your name will be kept private.

Your contribution is mightily precious. Your stories can impact people.

Keep these projects going. Submit your entries in today.

Scientists proves that sexual orientation are genetically programmed

2005-08-20T15:36:00.000+08:00

I have been surfing sgboy.com forums for quite a while now as people post findings in science that somehow leads to the proof that any organism, either pre-programmed or genetically altered, have a potential for homosexual behaviours.

An interesting article that has been posted on the website is something you will never get to see in local press. It talks about a scientist that altered certain strand of genes in a fruitfly, which causes either a male or female fruitfly to court fruitflies of the same sex.

The scientist said after that, "I never chose to be heterosexual; it just happened. But humans are complicated. With the flies we can see in a simple and elegant way how a gene can influence and determine behavior."

As the whole article is very long, I will not post it here but would do a summary instead.

The article can be found here:
http://www.sgboy.com/sgboyx/index.php?showtopic=16268&st=30&#

You might be thinking now, "but that just happens in fruitflies."

Yes, it indeed happened in fruitflies and if you think deeper in, if it happens to fruitflies, why isn't there a possibility for it to happen in humans? If it's not the genes then what could have caused this behaviour?

Modern science versus age old values, I think you are more sure than me of which is the more relevant source. If you get your hands scalded do you put lots of toothpaste or soya sauce on your hands, or consult a doctor immediately?

If you have only seen these kind of article probably first time in your life, you have been in Singapore too long. Such findings will probably never appear in local press and newspapers, which is totally unacceptable. I don't know why the local press would hide almost anything gay related. Was it part of the guidelines of the government for them not to publish gay-related scientific findings, or have they taken a simple guideline of "no gay related content" too seriously?

It's a fact that has happened. It's not like some fake news that Singapore has just been bombed isn't it?

Support this movement. For me hiding same sex behaviour news is ok, but hiding scientific researches is definately not ok.

Your stories can't lie. Send in your stories to me. You can help us to remove this homophobic attitude in Singapore.

Submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.