Geekanerd

Panel Discussion - Scans from The Great Ten, Secret Six, Psylocke, and More

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:37:00 +0000

Best Historical Revisionism - The Great Ten #1

The 2008 Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremonies were already one of the most mind-blowing spectacles I've ever seen. How much more awesome would it have been with actual Superheroes involved? We'll never know cause all we get to see is the Great Ten standing in the center of the Bird's Nest, or whatever that mega-stadium was called. What a rip.

Fearful Symmetry - Psylocke #1

Do not wan. We get a lot of these split-screen Psylocke shots, and I suppose they serve a thematic purpose, but I don't see a reason to expose us all to this ugly smooshfest.

Oedipal Issues - Secret Six #15

Is it really necessary to show us via flashback that Floyd's mom once dressed up EXACTLY like Floyd's future sex partner, the inimitable Jeanette?

Movie Moment - Dark Reign - The List: Wolverine

This issue is actually from last week, but I couldn't let a There Will Be Blood reference go unmentioned. Especially one that doesn't go for the easy milkshake meme. Great body language from Normie here.

The Magic of Comics - Age of Reptiles: The Journey #1
I can't begin to tell you how excited I was this week when, while scanning the new books, I came across this title. As a kid, Delgado's previous Age Of Reptiles series were 2 of my absolute favorite books. The middle school me nearly died inside when I saw this. If you want near flawless visual storytelling, pick up any of the Age of Reptiles books-the entire story is told sans text, and without the conveniently recognizable expressions of the human face. Plus Delgado's always good for a clever, and unique visual cue to get a story point across. Take, for example, the middle divider with the dinosaur eyes-it took me a moment to understand what I was looking at, but it's a brilliant little moment. The first panel is the T-Rex, with the angry mama Triceratops reflected, the second is the round eyed, terrified baby dino with nothing but a full view of terrifying teeth. And the last is the determined mother, with the T-Rex and baby reflected. A great, and efficient, way to quickly get across 3 very different points of view.

Another example of great visual storytelling-we have the adorable little baby Triceratops shouting at the threatening T-Rex, the classic "is-this-kid-serious?" look on the T-Rex, followed by a quick barked out threat that sends the cute little guy shaking behind the legs of the grownups. Nearly every page of this book has a little gem like this.

In-Joke Alert - Assault on New Olumpus #1

Wheatcakes! Cause that's something Aunt May talks about...in the past. Sorry folks, slow week.

More Dangerous Real Life Superpowers

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:31:00 +0000

In the tradition of homemade Wolverine claws, here is an even more dangerous DIY superpower.

Don't try this at home, kids! Unless you really want to, in which case detailed instructions can be found here.

Please use these powers for good, or at least lawful neutral. What I want to know is who would win in a fight between this guy and the Wolverine claws guy. I think Wolvie is more likely to inflict harm without burning his own arm off in the process, but I'm willing to hear other theories.

Via Gizmodo

Left 4 Dead Pumpkins-Reunited at last!

noreply@blogger.com (Degan) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 22:46:00 +0000

I was really excited to carve some L4D zombies this year, but was bummed when no one opted for my Tank stencil. But bummed no more! Thanks to Evan, I got to see my L4D Tank in action! I have to say, great job man! It looks pretty abominable-as anything with the Tank's gruesome visage should be! So, at long last, the Special Infected are reunited in pumpkin form! (except for the boomer-but really, if you imagine the special infected throwing a party, do you really think they're gonna invite the boomer? Yeah, I wouldn't either.) Thanks for making this happen Evan!

Now I just have to figure out what next year's batch of pumpkins are gonna be... any satisfactorily geeky ideas?

Panel Discussion: Scans From Blackest Night, Detective Comics, New Avengers, and More

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:30:00 +0000

Click the pix for high res. No real spoilers this week, but still tread with caution if you're not up on your books.

Worst Splash Panel - Blackest Night #4
Now is the time to come clean; just about everyone on the Gnerd staff hates Blackest Night. So many splash panels like this. A sea of obscure characters made even more obscure by the fact that they're wearing stripped down black versions of their costumes. I LOVE zombies, I do, but splash pages likes this are so cluttered they're not scary, they're not shocking, they're just ill-defined and unpleasant. That's how I feel about Blackest Night as a whole, really.

Arkham gets a facelift, thugs get kicked in the face, and Jean Loring is awesome even in death, after the jump...

Most Unfortunate Remodeling - Arkham Reborn #1
So as you may or may not know, Arkham Asylum recently got destroyed for the, I don't know, 6th time? and some hotshot young doctor is trying to rebuild it as a more enlightened healing facility. Perhaps he will find out ideals are no so easily applied to reality in Gotham! But all that aside, I have to say making the entry way look like a giant mouth is probably not the sort of visual metaphor that is going to soothe the criminally disturbed mind. Not that it matters, I'm sure this building will be blown up or burnt down or frozen or eaten by a giant plant before the scaffolding comes down.

Signature Move - Detective Comics #858
In the past, I may have made light of Renee Montoya's fighting style, which mostly consists of kicks to the face. But I've reconsidered. Renee is a lady, a non-superpowered lady, and as any female member of a varsity crew team will tell you, women pack most of their power in their legs.

So I guess what I'm saying is, Montoya has found a move that works for her, and she's sticking with it. I respect that.

Most Triumphant Return - Blackest Night #4
Okay, so maybe my attachment to Jean Loring stems entirely from this fanfic/parody/deranged piece of performance art, but let's look at the facts; she shrank herself and stepped on someone's brain, and then proceeded to go crazy and became a god and spent a long time orbiting the sun trapped in a space diamond. She's pretty badass. I was saddened to learn that unlike every other comic book character, when she fell into shark infested waters and was presumed dead, she actually died! But on the plus side, Jean's status as deceased means she can come back as a Black Lantern and punch people's hearts out of their chest, like that guy in Indiana Jones. Ray, how did you ever let this one get away?

Best Visual Foreshadowing - Detective Comics #858
As we learned in the last issue of Detective (SPOILER ALERT!), the creepy Alice in Wonderland villain who faced off against Batwoman in the previous arc was in fact BW's own twin sister. Suspension of disbelief powers, activate! Writer Greg Rucka is now giving us some good childhood backstory, where we see the Kane twins growing up like normal military brats, except for a horribly traumatic kidnapping ordeal.

It's pretty hard to tell the two apart for the first part of the story, but when we get to this scene, all is made clear. Little Kate's winter gear mirrors Batwoman's costume, right down to the red boots, and Beth's pink and white ensemble foreshadows her psychedelic babydoll Alice outfit. With an art team of J.H. Williams and Dave Stewart, you expect these sorts of cool visual touches, but it's still nice to take a minute and savor them.

Best Arial Stunts - World's Finest #1 and New Avengers #58
I'm a sucker for when people are launched from moving vehicles by a sudden stop in momentum. Robin handles it a lot better than Motorcycle guy. I have to admit the Red Robin costume is finally starting to grow on me.

Meanwhile, here we have a classic case of unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. They bounce off each other with a resounding KTANG, leaving bystanders dumbstruck and gasping out censored curse words.

Cardboard Hobbit Feet FTW

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 23:28:00 +0000

Ladies and gentlemen, the best Halloween costume I saw of 2009. While they may not win big in the the Topical or Original categories, there is a lot of good going on here. The hobbit/right wraith height differential, the gender swap, the props (they had killer backpacks as well), and more than anything else, the FEET! That is genuine cardboard with hair glued on. This is DIY craftmanship at it's best. Awesome.

A few more photos of notable nerd costumes, after the jump...

Is it sad that I immediately recognized this as a Shy Guy and not just a spooky ghost?

Star Fleet uniforms are easy to come by, but you have to admire the dedication the accuracy displayed when it comes to hairstyles/facial hair grooming. There is no mistaking these guys for generic redshirts.

Given my unique relationship with Anakin Skywalker, seeing his doppleganger walking around in the flesh was a little terrifying, especially with little kids running around all over the place.

Panel Discussion: Scans from Beasts of Burden, Thunderbolts, Spider-Woman, and More

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 05:28:00 +0000

Cute Overload - Beasts of Burden #2
This book is actually dark and sad and terrifying, but come on, CUTE DOGGIES! The really remarkable aspect of this sequence, in which neighborhood dogs bug our animal heroes with a bunch of frivolous cases, is how Jill Thompson's dog drawings perfectly evoke the personalities Evan Dorkin has written for them in just one panel. We've got the thuggish bull terrier, the dopey briard, the gossipy Pomeranians, and the paranoid Chihuahuas. Anthropomorphizing animals never seemed so true to life.

Pretty girls, crazy supervillians, and cop abuse, after the jump...

Excessive Force - Azrael #1

Gotham is just a mess since Batman died. Robin is slicing faces off with a hacksaw, and Azrael is beating the living crap out of a room full of cops! This isn't even the old crazy Azrael, it's some new perfectly sane guy who just happens to be down with kicking cops in the nuts and punching their noses into their brains.
This scene makes it all better.

Fun with Montage - Power Girl #6
Why are trips to Ikea always fun? Actually sometimes they're horrible and boring, but I've definitely had trips much like the ones experienced here by Power Girl and her galpal whatshername. Amanda Connor continues to turn out the most lighthearted yet densely communicative art on the stands today. I love all the Swedized words - it took me a while to get "tasty rolls" from "tejsti rohls". What is the name of the store, "Aidja", supposed to be?

Best Visual Metaphor - Thunderbolts 137
This panel completely sums up Norman Osbourne's role in Dark Reign. Sitting on his Green Goblin glider (why not?), setting up dominoes, boozing it up. He's completely given up any pretense of pretending to be sane around his underlings. It's kind of classy, somehow.

Photo Reference Done Right - Spider-Woman #2
I don't understand why some comic fans get upset about photo referencing. The model in this case, Jolynn Carpenter, is actually credited at the head of the book along with the writer and artist. I've never seen this done before, but it's a good idea. If you're going to have someone "playing" a comic character, they should get a credit. These panels are beautiful, thanks both to Carpenter being really gorgeous and to artist Alex Maleev's beautiful colors and shadow effects. There's also some very subtle compositional touches that link the panels together - check out how the outline of her shoulder in the top panels becomes the edge of a shadow in the second panel.

More Geekanerdy Pumpkins: BONUS L4D Stencils Included!

noreply@blogger.com (Degan) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:12:00 +0000

This year saw an amazing batch (or should is say patch? no I shouldn't) of Jack-o-Lanterns-some geekanerdy, some halloweeny, and some...thing else too. I may have been up all night working on stencils, but it was worth it! Everyone really pulled out all the stops and carved some crazy pumpkins. Also, the pumpkin squares and mulled cider were pretty tasty.

Here are the two Left 4 Dead pumpkins we did-I worked on the Hunter pair and Christine did the Smoker (in loving tribute of fellow G'Nerd Bishop-who was stuck in stinky old California... like some other G'Nerd editors I know...) Generally, I don't support anything that could be construed as zombie-hugging-lest we forget that they are unholy abominations-but the lure of violating these perfect orange gourds with the foul silhouettes of the special infected could not be denied! Plus, added bonus of seeing them deteriorate into shriveled messes! Take that filthy zombie kind! Hit the jump to see details, more pumpkins, PLUS BONUS Left 4 Dead stencils so you can make your own!

Some Detail shots of the two L4D pumpkins. I also designed a Tank stencil, but no one chose to carve it. Alas.

Mad props to Dave T, who masterfully carved this challenging Larry David Pumpkin I designed for him. I think he did a Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good job.

Now, I'm sure none of you would care, but my lovely wife wanted to do a pumpkin of our dog, Leo McGarry. How can you say no to such an adorable proposition? I think it turned out nearly as cute as the real thing:

Lastly, you'll find two of the four L4D stencils (we haven't finished stencil-fying the 2 Hunters). Since we didn't get a chance to do the Tank ourselves, I'd love for one of you to take a stab at it-send us a pic when you're done! I'm dying to know how it looks on a pumpkin!

Geekanerd Spotter: The Storm Troopers Rock Poster

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:21:00 +0000

Saw this in my new home base of San Francisco. August 19th? What a tease. And this band doesn't appear to exist on the internet. WHAT THE HELL. I know Star Wars took place in the past, but this is ridiculous. Clones need to get their shit together and post some MP3s.

If you didn't read the small print at the top, you're missing some brilliant stupid puns.

Ponyo, Ponyo, Pumpkin in the Sea

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 03:43:00 +0000

Last year's Best Geek Jack-o-Lantern post is getting a lot of attention this season (why are Stumblers always so late to the party?), and it inspired me to try my hand at pumpkin carving. My muse? My favorite movie of the year...
PONYO! Yes she's a weird superdeformed fish/bug/fairy thing, but she's so freakin cute!

I'm really pleased with how this came out, especially since it's my first attempt at pumpkin carving since grade school. I was nervous about cutting away the background, but it turns out that pumpkin hide is thick enough to anchor the entire design on Ponyo's thin little fish fins.

Here's what it looked like without the negative space backdrop...
Eh, maybe it looked better this way? Shaddup.

Are you carving a pumpkin inspired by a nerd icon this year? Send us a pic! We'll include it in this year's Geek Jack-o-Lantern post, and you too can have your work seen by thousands of people...one year later, on stumbleupon.

Zombies in the Mushroom Kingdom?

noreply@blogger.com (Degan) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 03:18:00 +0000

In celebration of my brand new Xbox, I submit to you some amazing custom maps for Left 4 Dead. Prepare to have all of your childhood memories drenched in vile, bloated-corpse vomit-because some sick geek has "lovingly" recreated the princess' castle from Mario 64 and added disgusting, god forsaken, zombie abominations. The crazies over at at l4dmaps.com have a whole of slew custom left4dead maps and campaigns. This isn't anything new of course-creating custom maps and mods for beloved games is a time honored tradition. But there's something blissfully disturbing about throwing screaming, defiled undead into your adorable childhood favorites. The mushroom kingdom map really earns its keep when you can get pipe bombs from question mark boxes.

But they don't stop there, they've also recreated the battle of Helm's Deep (see video below), recreated a Zelda dungeon-complete with puzzles and keys, a Night of the Living Dead homage... and there's a Wolfenstein, Starship Troopers, and even Michael Jackson's Thriller mod in the works! Because what cherished memory wouldn't be better when infested with zombies?

via kotaku

DJ Hero? More Like Passable DJ

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 04:37:00 +0000

Last Sunday, I stopped by my local GameStop to check out DJ Hero; the latest entry in the field of Pretend Musician Gaming. With this turntable sim, Activision is hoping to capture the attention of guitar heros and rock bandateers as well as a previously untapped market of music fans who like beats to their sweet guitar solos. They're throwing a lot of weight behind the game; talking up it's pre-sale numbers, hiring Jay-Z and Eminem as spokesmen, and buying up companies with competing DJ games and then firing half the staff. DAMN, guys! This game must be totally amazing!

After spending about fifteen minutes with the game, my gamer-sense detected a potential chink in the armor of this supposed juggernaut.

A semi-informed review after the jump...

After the initial thrill of discovering the new set of reflexes it takes to fade between tracks and scratch the little plastic turntable, I found myself thinking "this would be a lot more fun if this mix was any good." I don't want to pretend to be a DJ who mixes passable mashups of trashy pop hits and oldies; I want to pretend to be a DJ HERO! I played three demo tracks; "Hollaback Girl" vs Rick James' "Give It To Me", "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" vs "Feel Good Inc", and a third track I can't remember because, hey! it wasn't very memorable.

The DJ hero setlist includes tons of awesome artists mixed two at a time into "93 exclusive mixes". So who is actually mixing these mixes? They have a lot of professional DJs contributing tracks (DJ Shadow was the only one I knew or cared about), though I can't quite see pros bringing their A material to a children's video game. Go check out the DJ Hero website, and you'll notice something conspicuously absent; a music player that allows you to preview a few of these 93 exclusive mixes. The closest I could find is this video clip of a guest mix by Daft Punk, and even that is unimpressive.

A big part of what was great about previous Music Sim games is that they have all of music history to pull their setlists from, so the game isn't just about perfecting your twitch reflects, but also about enjoying cool tunes (Breaking the Wheel not withstanding). Knowing and loving a song also makes gameplay more intuitive, and sells the illusion that mashing plastic buttons is actually producing the musical artistry coming through your speakers.

It's definitely fun to pretend to scratch, but just because you can mix two songs doesn't necessarily mean you should. It's fun to listen to a DJ mix songs live because it's cool and technically impressive, even if you wouldn't want to listen to it over and over again. The kind of mixology that I DO like listening to over and over again falls into a more repetitive groove, and wouldn't make great gameplay. DJ hero feels more like a standard rhythm game where you're simply sitting on the couch with a stationary controller, and the gratification is getting your reflexes up to par. It doesn't capture the thrill of feeling like you are producing a work of musical art.

So from my limited demo playing experience, I don't see DJ Hero reinventing the Guitar Hero wheel. The wow factor that you got the first time you played Guitar Hero, or the first time you started pounding away on the Rock Band drums is simply not present. All the type and guest stars Activision can buy ultimately can't account for a music sim without great music. Of course it's possible they just picked three mediocre tracks for the demo, and there's some other really mind blowing stuff deeper in.

Probably not as mind blowing as this, though.

Geekanerd Spotter: Charlie Brown Car

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 01:41:00 +0000

This is definitely awesome, but if you paint your car to look like Charlie Brown aren't you just asking for a depressing, soul-crushing driving experience?

Spotted near the west side of Prospect Park, Brooklyn.

Geekanerd Spotter: 8-Bit Mario in Paris

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:52:00 +0000

Geekanerd Spotter has seen plenty of 8-bit street art, but what makes this mini-mosaic featuring Mario any different? It's French! Fellow blogger and loyal reader Lena was recently in Paris, and snapped these pictures of Mario in his unnatural habit.

I've always said those Parisians had class. Can any old schoolers tell me the name of the white figure Mario is facing off against?

Obama With A Lightsaber

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 04:26:00 +0000

Jeez, Obama. Why are you such a nerd all the time? You're talking to Spider-Man, you give DVD Box sets to visiting world leaders, you're hanging out with John Hodgman....and now you're waving a lightsabre around on the White House lawn?!

For the first time in my life as an American, I truly believe one day I could be President.

Boring Context: Chicago wants to host the 2016 Olympic Games, so Chi-Guy Obama did some photo ops with a few Olympians, including some fencers. But where did he get a lightsaber? Did some Olympic PR intern bring it along for LOLs, or does Obama carry one at all times for his own personal protection? I need an answer.

Panel Discussion: Scans from Secret Six, Red Robin, Dark Reign: The List, and More!

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 17:00:00 +0000

Every week (usually) we at Geekanerd rip panels from our comics and put them on display here, recognizing the best, worst, and weirdest moments of the week. Click for higher res.

Oh Hell No - Thunderbolts #135

Crazy unbelievable things happen all the time in comics, and this is how things should be. But every now and then there's a panel or two that just makes you go, "Oh hell no." These panels are fine examples. Lightsabers deflecting laser blasts, that I buy. Little metal bracelets attached to superhuman arms deflecting bullets, okay. But a thin metal blade deflecting a hail of near point-blank gun fire? You pushed me too far, comics. I just don't see it happening.

Best Punchline - Secret Six #13

So maybe this joke is actually not any funnier than any other bit in a Gail Simone book (it's a high bar), but the rarely used "PUNCHLINE SPOTLIGHT" really brings it home. If this were a cartoon, there'd be a wacky musical stinger and all the other Sixers would yell "waaaughh!" and fall down. This is why there should be a Secret Six cartoon. I will fund it.

Worst Peer Counseling - Red Robin #4

Regardless of whether or not Tim should be in therapy, Dick should not be suggesting it mid-fight as Tim throws a kick to his face. Tim is not likely to be receptive, and it's not going to defuse the the tension at that particular moment.

Most Unintentionally Hilarious Panel - Political Power - Barack Obama
But does young Barry Obama actually smoke that gigantic blunt? We'll never know, because this is the end of that scene. Either way, that picture of the beatifically young and innocent Mr. Obama with a huge joint in his face is totally awesome.

Best POV Shot- Secret Six #13
In case you ever wondered what it would be like to be Deadshot, here you go! Bursts of light, dead people, and bullet casings, in that order.

This one-panel sequence is just a idle daydream, but it's worth noting that in Deadshot's rebellion fantasy he kills his teammate Ragdoll along with his employers. Is that really necessary? I understand wanting to make a clean break of things, but Ragdoll tends to just go with the flow; I'm inclined to believe if Floyd decided to revolt against his employers (which I suspect he will by next issue), Ragdoll would switch sides just as easily - he's not much of a threat on his own anyway. I think the choice to include Ragdoll in the carnage is a way to indicating Floyd's distaste for the mission, and anyone who'd go along with it, despite how he himself has rationalized it.

Nitpick Alert - Red Robin #4
It's great that Tim hearts the troops, but I think he may be selling himself just a leeeettlle bit short here. This kid has taken on trained ninjas from the League of Shadows, not to mention all manner of alien/demon things during his Teen Titan adventures. I think he can handle a trio of soldiers.

Achievement in Rudeness - Dark Reign: The List #1

Context: Hawkeye (or Ronin or Clint or whatever) wants to pull a CIA style assassination on Norman Osbourne, cause why not!
DAMN! This is why people hate superheroes in your universe, Ms. Marvel. They're so damn superior! Can you please give whatshisname a real answer about why it's not okay to just kill Norman Osbourne? At least pull out the old "because we're better than that" or "it's a slippery slope" or "at what cost" or "who's next?". Don't just pick at your gloved fingernails and look at him like he just peed on the carpet. This is why I only read Marvel books for the villains.

Best Detail - Secret Six #13
Look, I know there are multiple scratches on the walls in Scandal's bedroom. She wears huge knives on her hands, it'll happen. I get that. But I just feel that it would be remiss not to point out that the wall above the headboard of her bed appears to be splintering apart. I appreciate that.

Doom Is Back in B-More! Gallagher Edition!

noreply@blogger.com (Degan) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 03:29:00 +0000

Dr. Victor von Doom is back in my hometown; terrorizing the unsuspecting citizens of Baltimore with comedic stylings straight from the early 80s. At least we now know that Latveria gets comedy central-cause it looks like Doom spends his daytime hours watching ancient Gallagher specials. I'm assuming he can't spend all that time plotting the destruction of the Fantastic Four; if that were the case you'd think there'd be some results by now. Either way, you haven't laughed at a smashed watermelon in decades! Live a little! Favorite line? "A big bowl of Trix... Because Sue Storm is a Whore!"

The 10 Least Practical Superpowers

noreply@blogger.com (Degan) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 04:00:00 +0000

Who among us hasn't, at some point in their life, tried to bargain for super powers with whatever higher power they prefer. God, god, Allah, Vishnu, Xenu, Rama Kushna, a young George Lucas; you name it, some geek has prayed to it. Come on, don't act like I'm the crazy one here. And in the course of said bargaining, we've all come to the point where we say, "I don't need to be Superman-just give me ONE power!" Well, this post is dedicated to whichever lucky nerd out there gets his or her prayers answered... You don't want to be caught unawares and end up with some stinker of a power all because you were caught in the sway of its superficial coolness.

To that end, this list is, BY NO MEANS, a list of "lame" super powers. In fact, these might be some of the coolest superpowers out there. BUT, I'm judging these powers' practicality based on one's ability to immediately go out there and start "making a difference." How useful would any of these powers be when fighting actual crime, or helping actual people? Because, were any self-respecting geek lucky enough to be granted a super power, he or she is gonna run straight home, drape a bath towel over his or her shoulders, and dive straight into action! Would we have any other choice? Years of black and white comic book morality have left us emotionally crippled-I don't think we'd even be able to think of any other use for a super power. Anyway, read on to be sure you're any actual use to human kind once you've been chosen to defend it.

10: Flight

Though probably the most practical in a real world setting-who wouldn't jump at the chance to fly like the eagle and be forever exempt from layovers in Denver-flight, however, is not a great solo power in the world of costumed crime fighting. It would make for easy getaways, and I guess you could scout ahead; but what would you actually do to fight crime? Drop rocks? Hock a loogie? And you'd probably be as easy to hit as a low level duck in Duck Hunt [insert sound effect of that evil 8-bit dog laughter]. And imagine being in a super hero team fighting some sort of sinister alien menace or cybernetic demon... all your buddies will be in the fray while you flutter around and watch helplessly, hoping that you don't get swatted by a stray piece of urban demolition. There's a reason this power is always a compliment, and rarely the sole power... just look at the lamest character on Heroes (and that's saying something), Nathan Petrelli.

*UPDATE* To address the dissenters who argue that this power would be useful in a fight, I ask this: who says you can suddenly pick up people willy nilly just cause you can fly? You don't have super strength; so unless you are currently strong enough to lift a 200 lb. mugger with ease, I don't know why you think you could do it while hovering a few feet off the ground. Yes, you could probably save children and particularly light damsels in distress... otherwise, good luck trying to lift that flailing-with-a-knife lunatic outside the 7-11.

9: Invisibility

The second half of the classic philosophical dilemma: invisibility or flight? (obviously flight) Invisibility is another one of those powers that has a plethora of real world applications (almost all sinister) but isn't much good in the crime fighting department. Sure, you could spy on potential wrong-doers, but you couldn't do a lot more unless you back it up with some crazy karate skills or something. Upon closer speculation, it gets even grimmer. Best case scenario-you can turn your clothes invisible and you're stuck holding your breath and tiptoeing around killers and creeps.... worse case scenario, you're stuck covering your junk, and hoping no one bumps into your translucent, naked ass. Also, you're pretty limited to warmer climes.

8: Talking to Sea Animals
(or any animals really)

I feel bad about this one. Aquaman already catches enough crap from people who don't respect the King of the Sea... but really, talking to sea animals isn't gonna do you much good. The comics have us believe that there is an abundance of giant squid and blue whales; but really you'd be spending most of your time chatting with tuna and scad. And unless you're battling Somali pirates, the vast majority of crime takes place on land. And even if you could chat with land animals, in actuality you'd be mostly talking to the bottom of the food chain. Its not like there are bears and lions casually patrolling the streets waiting for your commands. Hope you know how to work with squirrels and pigeons, buddy.

7: Uncontrollable Monster Form

This one's kind of a "no duh" case; but it's still a common enough power that needs to be addressed. Sure, as a rampaging beast of a man, you could probably stop a whole lotta crime. You could also accidentally level a city street, squash a few misunderstanding cops, and kill your loved ones with an overzealous hug. If you were able to maintain your own consciousness, then obviously this one would be a winner. But if you give up control to the reptilian parts of your brain, then your alter ego is bound to be more of a villain than a hero. Also, the replacement wardrobe costs would bankrupt you.

6: Super Senses

Unless they're backed up by Daredevil's radar sense, super senses make you little more than a super stalker. You can listen to people have sex a mile away and try to check out some girl's butt (of course all you'll see are bones), but you really can't do much to fight crime. I suppose you could be some sort of Super Snitch, just listening to people plan crimes; but you'll probably spend most of your life sucking down aspirin for all the super migraines.

5: Any sort of Power Blasts
(laser eyes, laser fists, etc)

We have now exited the useless-in-the-field portion of the list, and entered the walking-death-factory stretch of the list. Power blasts are cool, and really useful when fighting robots and other invulnerable super beings; BUT not so great when fighting your standard crime. We all know that a stray blast from Cyclops' eyes can demolish a steel and concrete wall. Well, imagine that same blast making contact with the fragile, waterballoon-stuffed-with-organs that is your typical bank robber: Boom! People confetti. So unless you're looking to haphazardly explode people like so many cut scenes from District 9, Power Blasts won't get you much further than a jail cell (specially designed to hold you of course).

4: Sonic Scream

Another power that is great on 3-color-printed paper, but not so much in practice is the popular Sonic Scream-which has been relegated almost solely to female characters for some offensive reason I'm sure. However, it's hard to imagine any situation where this power doesn't just burst everyones' ear drums within a 5 block radius. Unless you plan on handing out ear plugs to all potential victims before any crime occurs, you're going to spend most of your costumed career being scorned for deafening an entire populace for a few purse snatchers and a car jacker.

3: Pyrokinesis/Self-Combustion
(e.g. The Human Torch)

Fire's totally awesome! And the thought of being enveloped in living flame while being unscathed is equally awesome. Plus, you can fly! Bonus awesome! Too bad you'll be responsible for the burn ward overflow at all the area hospitals. You probably couldn't even get close to anyone, victim or aggressor, without melting flesh from bones. Extra minus: do you know any super smart, stretchy guys who can manufacture your clothing from unstable molecules? No? Well, then you'll have to find someplace warm and private every time you "flame off," cause you'll be spending alot of time naked... and alot of money replacing charred jeans.

2: Adamantium Claws

This might be one of the most popular of all time... naturally thanks to one of the arguably baddest assest superheroes of all time. But let's be honest, the claws aren't what makes the mutant; it's his healing factor. That's why Wolverine is the workhorse of the X-Men, the claws are just the garnish. Also, when not coupled with a healing factor, they can be more trouble than they're worth (as this video clearly demonstrates). Even if we can ignore the massive amounts of personal blood loss, you basically just have 6 deadly knives attached to your hands. You can go out, right now, and try to fight crime with a knife in both hands, and you're practically there... and there wouldn't be too good. You're either eviscerating muggers and landing in jail, or you're just gonna get shot. Either way, the style points don't make up for the all the blood loss and severed digits.

1: Trust Fund and Anger Issues

This last one isn't so much a power, as it is a successful formula for superhero makings. It works great in the comics! Bruce Wayne, Tony Stark, Oliver Queen, Ted Kord, Danny Rand, whatever Moon Knight's name is (I won't even bother looking it up)... all turned out great thanks to their money and various emotional problems! Why is this not a practical "power"? Because it actually exists! And we don't have a single super hero! You're telling me, out of all the thousands of spoiled rich kids with rage issues, not a one of them bothered to dedicate their life and wealth to fighting crime? This isn't a formula for nigh-invincible, robot armor; so much as it is a recipe for date rape. Wealth and emotional problems are wasted on the rich and emotionally disturbed.

So that's my list of impractical super powers. I look forward to any arguments you may pose... as I'm sure you're all straining your brains to think of practical crime-fighting applications for these stinkers. Either way, when you do get that one wish from a genie, make sure you think long and hard about the power you choose. May I suggest super speed or a green lantern ring?

Geekanerd Spotter: Invincibility Star Street Art

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 21:24:00 +0000

This entire condo complex has an invincibility star! Does that mean that the people who live here will never die, as long as they don't leave their rooms? But what kind of life would that be? Actually that may be a scenario all too familiar to both you and me, dear reader.

And speaking of you, regular readers have certainly noticed by know that our posting schedule and regular features have slowed way down recently - a bit of excusifying after the jump...

The slowdown in production is mainly because I, AHR, am residing outside of NYC for the fall, and accordingly my nerd powers are only operating at about half capacity. You see, LIKE SUPERMAN, I draw my powers from a localized source, in my case the Manhattan/Brooklyn area. I'm currently in Charlotte NC, which has at least one amazing comic store, but sadly not as many amazing nerd events to keep me inspired.

That said, the NYC Weekanerd Event Calendar and our Twitter/Facebook feeds still get updated all the time. Geekanerd proper will still be updated with feature articles, though on a slower schedule for the next few months.

If you have any feedback, holla: tips@geekanerdblog.com

If I Hear One More Thing about Avatar I'm Gonna...

noreply@blogger.com (Degan) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 07:48:00 +0000

How I Learned to Stop Hating and Love the Uncanny Valley

Warning: The following post is little more than an incoherent rant. Read at your own risk.

That tears it! I'm officially tired of hearing about this stupid movie! This hype is driving me nuts, and we're still a good 4 or 5 months away from its release! I just read an article claiming that it'll "change the face of cinema forever." Really? Avatar? Granted, it is an English rag, they probably think Guy Ritchie changed-the-face-of-cinema-forever too.

Anyway, after reading about how James Cameron is going to single handedly alter the course of cinema history using nothing but his bare hands and a velcro suit covered in ping pong balls, I figured, "I might as well watch the stupid trailer." And I did. And I have to say: For shame geek world. This is what you're all getting excited about? Far be it from me to point out that the Emperor has no clothes, but this thing looks like garbage! Naked, parading-down-the-street garbage! I know, I know, trailers aren't the same as seeing the movie... it could be very different. I've hated the trailers for many movies I ended up loving (Finding Nemo, I'm looking at you!). BUT everyone in the world seems to be losing their shit over this trailer, and I just don't get it! There is a mythical 15 minute screener that was showed at ComicCon and select IMAX theaters... but unless the 15 minutes features an entirely different alien race that doesn't look like a glowing, zombie-eyed version of a furry's wet dream, then I'm not sold. Neither is Roger Ebert-who knew I'd ever agree with Roger Ebert?
First complaint: completely unnecessary and disappointing CG. We've been dealing with this for years now, and there's been some minor grumbling. But overall, modern day CG has been lapped up by movie going audiences. Sure they can complain about the appearance of characters like Jar Jar Binks-but that's because they hate the character to begin with. But people seem unable to accept the truth that Gollum was, in fact, a glowing, plastic monstrosity.

James Cameron has promised us that his movie would be different-he had created CG characters that were "photo-realistic." (apparently he's never seen a photo?). At this point, I almost don't care about bad CG anymore... the film industry is so enamored with its own technology that they can't see its downsides. That's fine. What's offensive is that the aliens in Avatar are blue skinned dudes with spock ears! There's absolutely no reason they need to be CG. None. Haven't we learned from Guillermo Del Toro that makeup almost always trumps CG? Why is it we always seem to forget how powerfully a well done makeup and costume job can sell a character. Maybe in a decade, CG will finally actually look right... but for now, people need to accept the fact that motion capture is a just a scenic tour through the Uncanny Valley.

Secondly (and I'm sure alot of you will disagree) can we finally give up on 3D? Yes, yes, its cute and fun when the Muppets at Disney World seem to come alive on screen, but in an actual movie, 3D inevitably falls flat (Hey-Oh!). At it's best, 3D is little more than a cute gimmick... at it's worst its a distracting, headache-inducing pain in the ass. Hollywood keeps trying to convince us that it "really works this time!" And, again, they are so enamored with their toys that they fail to realize they still don't work the way you want them to! I could complain more about 3D, but I haven't seen the actual 3D used in Avatar, and I'm open to the slim possibility that it may change my opinion about the whole ridiculous gimmick. Anything's possible.

Now that we're done with the form, let's get to the content! Really Mr. Cameron, this is the story you've been working on for 20 years? For a movie with so much hype, you'd think there'd be more of an attempt at giving us a unique story. Instead, we get another "noble savage" tale? Ignoring Dances With Wolves, Pocahontas, FernGully, and others-wasn't there a movie that came out a year or so ago that seems to have the exact same plot... you know the one... no one saw it... Oh yeah! Terra! It looks like basically the same movie. I guess James Cameron is lucky no one saw that. Even Cameron himself admits: "I don't know whether it will be a great film from a narrative and critical standpoint, the experience of Avatar will be an experience unlike any other movie.." Way to sell it! Really sounds like he's putting all his eggs in the "oooh-lookit-that" factor. Also, haven't people realized by now that the whole "noble savage" concept is just condescending, liberal racism?

I guess so much of this hype stems from the fact that he's supposedly been working on this film for 20 years. Ironically, if this had come out 20 years ago, it probably would have been pretty great and unique. But let's be honest guys, it's James Cameron. I love the first two Terminator movies, The Abyss, and Aliens as much as the next guy, but it's not like Stanley Kubrick or Orson Welles is returning from the grave to deliver us his true masterpiece. And hasn't enough time passed for us all to admit that Titanic really wasn't that good. It didn't change cinema like everyone wants to think, it changed cinema marketing. A 13 year old girl could enjoy the same movie as her 46 year old father-that's all that's special about Titanic. So let's quit acting like Cameron is some movie messiah, and Avatar is his Second Coming. On second thought, don't worry about it. Let the hype machine do its thing-it'll only make the inevitable letdown that much richer to us early adopting cynics. Rant over.

Battlestar Flashback! My Crazy Guesses for the Final Five

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:26:00 +0000

I'm well aware that all self-respecting sci-fi fans have already watched Battlestar Galactica in it's entirety, but I've only just reached the end of the third season. My laziness is your gain, because I will now guess the identities of the heavily promoted FINAL FIVE cylons, and you will be able to laugh at my stupidity, or in a less likely scenario, marvel at my near-prophetic intuition.

NUMBER ONE DRAFT PIX after the jump (with MAJOR SEASON 4 SPOILERS, obvs...)

Full disclosure: I have already been spoilered on the point that Starbuck is at least SORT of a Cylon, so I'll assume she counts as one of the final five. So I'm really only guessing the identities of four Cylons.

One more thing. I'm splitting this up into two groups. The writers could either go awesome with this and make really intense dramatic choices, or they could cop-out. The show varies in quality enough for me to think they could go either way, so...

FINAL FOUR: AWESOME EDITION

Billy
Why It's Awesome:
We'd have Billy back! And Roslin would totally lose her shit!
Why It's Possible:
The show is in dire need of a male cylon who isn't physically repulsive, at least when compared to the ladybots. Billy isn't exactly GQ cover boy material, but he's sort of cute and he certainly seduced and destroyed Duella (and Roslin, in a less sexy way).

Tigh
Why it's Awesome:
What sort of Cylon God would build a model so full of grossness and hate? Tigh is already nuts and ready to die, if he found out he was a Cylon he'd snap for sure and I'd love to see that.
Why It's Possible:
There was all that weirdness in his past with Adama, getting fired from the military or whatever happened behind the Scary Door...I was never satisfied with the non-explanation as to what was such a big deal, and why it warranted a million dramatic flashbacks.

Cally
Why It's Awesome:
Cally is one of the worst most boring characters on the show (and that is SAYING something), having her be a Cylon would totally spice up her life.
Why It's Possible:
Well, she loves her man! That's a very Cylon thing to do.

Anders
Why It's Awesome:
It's actually not that awesome, but he's the only other character I could think of that wouldn't be OBJECTIONABLE as a Cylon.
Why It's Possible:
Again, the cylons need a hot guy model, and he would definitely fit the bill. Also, what has Anders done for humans, REALLY? That guerrilla fighting stuff didn't seem to get us much in the long run.

FINAL FOUR: LAME AND STUPID EDITION

Dualla
Why It's Lame:
Dualla is a weak character who has never done anything interesting on the show except fret over boys, which is in fact a very Cylon thing to do, but there are no interesting ramifications to her being a Cylon. I mean, Lee would be sad, but who cares?
Why It's Possible:
See above.

Gaeta
Why It's Lame:
Again, a boring personality-less character, who is just under the radar enough to be poised for a big "surprise!". WHO CARES? It's almost as if they created a character, and kept him from doing or saying anything too engaging just so they could make him a Cylon later and not have to deal with why he would have been programmed to do anything unique or interesting.
Why It's Possible:
I think Baltar pretty much told him he was a Cylon when Gaeta came to visit him in his cell, so yeah, I think this is a lock. Booring.

Tory Foster
Why It's Lame:
Who is this person? Have we met?
Why It's Possible:
She's close to the prez, and she's inconspicuous enough to avoid any sort of messy plotholes the writers could be looking to avoid. And if fans cry foul they can just say, "Look, she was here THE WHOLE TIME, okay?"

Doc Cottle
Why It's Lame:
Just a boring, unadventurous choice. Yes, he's been in a lot of episodes, but having him be a Cylon leaves zero emotional impact, and feels very mechanical (haw).
Why It's Possible:
It makes sense; why not have a Cylon on board as a doctor? He's probably been impregnating all the ladies on board with Cylon babies for the last 50 episodes.

Those are my picks! Now to watch the Season 3 Finale and see where the chips fall.

UPDATE:

I watched it! A little from column A, a little from column B. I was really hoping Chief wasn't going to be one, because they already teased us with that prospect back in the earlier seasons. It's s a bit anti-climactic to find out, "Yep, he was right the first time." Also, he was in love with Sharon! Cylons loving Clyons? That's just crazy. I'm really sad that Billy and Cally weren't in the Final Four, because A) Billy would have been such an incredible mindfrak and B) Now I have to deal with boring Cally for a whole 'nother season. Oh well. Season 4, ho!

Reviewed: Silber Media Comics

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 22:10:00 +0000

These are the smallest comics I've ever seen. Seriously, look at them. Their palmable size and tiny plastic baggies bring to mind illicit substances, or secret messages that you have to destroy after reading. Each page has only one panel and a line of text, requiring the storytelling to be as compact as the packaging.

These match-book sized comics are written by Brian John Mitchell and put out by his indie distribution company, Silber Media. Issues of each of the four serialized titles can be ordered for a dollar each, though several issues are also available for free on the Silber site.

The books cover a range of genres; XO is a hitman power fantasy, Just a Man is a slow burning western, Lost Kisses is an sardonic, self-effacing confessional about Mitchell's personal life(illustrated almost entirely with grinning stick figures), and Worms is a paranoid headtrip that invovles worms, questionably ethical medical treatments, and other unpleasant things.

The common thread in each book is an understated, almost deadpan style of narration. Take for example the narration that accompanies the opening three pages of XO:

"I just killed someone for free.

I guess you could say I killed some people when I was younger....

...but none since I consider myself an adult."

This irrisistibly macabre hook is made even more distincitve by it's context; an adorably small booklet with illustrations that look more like a daily comic strip than the sort angular grit usuallly found in a crime graphic novel. The story unfolds with similarly passive descriptions of crime and murder, and the series ends up feeling like a slice-of-life diary comic by a sociopath. Whether it reads as creepy or funny is probably a matter of taste, but it's entertaining either way.

While several issues of XO can be read online, the highlight of the Silber Comics stable really needs to be read in print for the full effect. Only a single issue of Just A Man has been released so far, but in that 56 panel issue Mitchell and artist Andrew White tell a wild west story of revenge that evokes dread and suspence on every miniature page.

The dramatic weight of Just A Man is entwined with it's formal elements; having to focus your attention on stamp sized panels creates an bond between the reader and the stark desert world of the story. The limitations of size and length force the reader to consider the meaning behind each image and sentence, and as the plot turns more and more grim, the effect is hauntingly intimate.

Just A Man is a serious tale in a small package, and I highly reccomending spending the dollar it costs to have one delivered to your house. Read it in a public place for maximum effect; people will wonder what the hell you're holding that has you so engaged, and you'll feel like you're getting away with something.

Fake Campaign Shirts 09

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 03:50:00 +0000

I'm still making my way through Battlestar Galactica for first time, because I refuse to watch good TV shows until everyone else in the world is already over them. Some of the election episodes got me itching for a good "Baltar/Zarich 01" shirt (01 of course referring to the calendar restart following the earth getting blowns up...that's how it works, right?) I couldn't really find what I wanted, except for this officially licensed merch by the Sci-Fi Channel, which you can't even get anymore.

Disappointing, yes, but it did lead me on a quest to find other awesome fake campaign shirts. Because nothing says "I Refuse to Draw A Line Between Fantasy and Reality" like wearing a campaign shirt for a candidate in an election that takes place in a made up fantasy land.

This is probably the greatest shirt ever. You don't need to read the rest of the post, cause it's all downhill from here. You don't even need to be a fan of Futurama to enjoy this shirt; anyone can enjoy the horrific comedy inherent in the idea of a Mecha Nixon running for public office.

More less good shirts after the jump...

This is a dumb cheesey font and unimaginative design. I think Zaphod would have his campaign team go a lot, A LOT, flashier. You should have to plug this shirt in. There's so much potential. It's a good thing D. Adams is already dead, because seeing this shirt would kill him. Someone please make a better one.

Sometimes a show does all the work for you in designing the campaign iconography; in the 3rd Season of the Wire, we saw this plain and simple campaign logo all over the place, but it took a weirdly long time for someone to make a decent shirt out of it.

You'd think there'd be like a million awesome Harvey Dent shirts online, right? Nope! The official viral campaign shirts are lame and no one has made any cool ones. This Obama knockoff is the best the internet has to offer. Sad sad state of affairs. Get it, state? State official, election, district attorney....eeheh. I guess there's no need for re-election campaign materials anyway, because one party with Bruce's friends and he'll never need another cent! Also he's dead.

Charting Tim Burton's Hits and Misses

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 23:45:00 +0000

After watching the Alice in Wonderland trailer, I started thinking about Tim Burton. What's his problem, anyway? What went wrong? I believe all questions can be solved with over analysis and charts, so...

Alice in Wonderland appears to be headed for the fearful nexus of visually stylized camp, but hope springs eternal.

More Anakin Skywaker Redux

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 03:24:00 +0000

Hey! Regular readers may be wondering where we've been...well, occasionally real life intrudes on one's commitment to fandom, but things are settling back down and we should be back to a regular posting schedule by next week.

Of course, there's ALWAYS time to write and record fun things for Anakin Skywalker to say. Here's Part II in the Anakin Redux series, with more dark humor and projected psychosis.

Anakin Skywalker: The Fan Dub

noreply@blogger.com (AHR) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 00:32:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a fevered analysis on the shared and disperate qualties of Luke and Anakin Skywalker. The conclusion was Anakin is a horrible, horrible person but also a victim of circumstance, because his formative years were a trauma-inducing roller coaster of highs, lows, and constant dehumanization.

With this in mind, I naturally decided to go back and redub some scenes from Attack of the Clones with new dialogue for Anakin that more acutely reflected this particular reading. Dark humor ensued.