Genesee County Matters

Fourth Hour Dedicated to Boz!

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Sun, 06 Aug 2023 12:49:00 +0000

One hour.
Set the timer.
Go.
Write.

I hope you don’t get sick of me.

For a special, unique treat this time, hop on over to David’s Facebook page to listen to the B-Side of this post! (B-Side? It’s about music! What can I say?? Note: Clue to topic in that last sentence!)

Let us know what you think! Well, unless you hate it! LOL

*****
“Ugh! This letter C. It has stopped working.”

“Click… harder click… POUND.”

I think I read somewhere that the letter C is often the first letter that quits on a computer keyboard.

Can that be true??

What is verifiable is that it’s hard to write on a computer without a working letter C. You would be surprised how often that QWERTY key is used - a hard or soft consonant in a remarkable number of words. All meaning can be lost with a jibberish non-message that doesn’t include that third spot in the alphabetic line-up.

Our cat, Boulpaep, scrambles as a frustrated C-less David suddenly blasts the now-capless space on his maimed keyboard with canned air.

Boz Scaggs is quietly playing in the background this morning, a thoughtful touch from my husband of 29 years. He knows of my invite to see Boz tonight at the Capitol Theatre. Just a half-second into that faint-playing Lido Shuffle as I come down the stairs convinces me I need to be there. I HAVE TO BE THERE!

And strangely, it convinces David that he absolutely CANNOT be there!

While Georgia immediately transports me to the hill at Pine Knob in 1979, David is driven down another path he tries to explain to me. But it’s like a foreign language. I don’t understand a word he is saying. And my mind is drifting, honestly, as I still hear in the background lyrics I haven’t heard since high school. I try to hide my smile as I remember when a crowd of friends crammed onto blankets and probably annoyed every single person around us as we stood and sang every single word.

My friend Dawn, who invited me, told me that Boz is 79 years old now. I admit, his age stung a bit but not like finding out that Mick Jagger is 80 - he just had a birthday! Mick Jagger! Come on! My neighbor just went to see Willie Nelson perform at the Soaring Eagle. Well, at 90, she said he didn’t really perform. He sat and spoke the lyrics instead of sang them! Maybe that is still considered performance. Who am I to say?

As I thought about the completely opposite feelings David was trying to describe, I encouraged him to write about where Boz takes him emotionally. Annoyed, he said his C is broke! How can he write?
But I see him over there now on a intact-C laptop. I hope he is click, click, pounding something out - maybe others will understand his thoughts far more than they understand my ramblings of these sweet memories.

It’s indisputable, right, that music is able to heal the body, mind and soul in ways that even the most powerful medicine cannot? It is able to remove barriers and transport us to different places, spaces and maybe even the heavenlies at a good Sunday morning service. Music helps us lose ourselves, the demands of self-consciousness, and releases our suffering in favor of pure, unadulterated honey-baked reverie. It can
PUMP
US
UP!
Shoot, Dancing Queen can quickly change my mood, my night, my day, my week in its entirety. Music has that kind of power, a force, a way of unifying a body of believers whether they are gathered in a sanctuary or at a sold-out downtown Flint concert venue full of people looking for … hmmm

looking for …

Well, I suppose I’m looking for stolen moments of sheer joy as Boz replays the past, awakens a forgotten world, and helps my soul travel to a heart-warming place without antagonists. After all, music is the language of the spirit. It opens a secret of life bringing peace, abolishing strife and reminding us of all that is right with the world…

I can’t wait!

The music still drifting in from the kitchen speaker syncs with my heart today,
“Look, look what you’ve done to me.
Never thought I’d fall again so easily
Oh love, you wouldn’t lie to me,
Would you?
Leading me to feel this way?”
❤

Post-Show Note: WOW!! Absolutely the best concert of the summer!

Second Hour, Ramping Up Writing for Pee Wee - RIP

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Tue, 01 Aug 2023 18:18:00 +0000

Bear with me as I start playing with words again, those musings flitting around my brain, my heart.

Today, this is on my mind. I wonder if it is on yours as well…

I spend far too much time thinking about the lives of celebrities. I’m 62 for crying out loud! What is it about their lives on AND off screen that fascinates me??

Today, of course, it’s Pee Wee - or I guess, truthfully, it’s Paul Reubens, but I really only knew him as Pee Wee. And I feel like I knew Pee Wee. I spent countless hours - maybe formative years! - watching Saturday morning Pee Wee Herman in his crazy-creative, animated and highly kinetic playhouse. Most times, at the end of an episode, I was akinetic, somewhat stunned by the brilliance of whoever thought all that stuff up (Today I learned it was Paul Reubens and Phil Hartman, or Captain Carl as I knew him in those days! By the way, I have all five seasons on cd if you haven’t seen it!)

Many years that have passed since then as well as definitions of proper and right when it comes to the news. I remember, though, that something strangely mysterious happened to Reubens in the ‘90s. I only caught bits and pieces back then but it seemed sexual and I remember hearing that it had occurred in a sexual place. In my innocence, I wondered how many others might have done something sexual in a sexual place - No one? Ever? Just Pee Wee?

Maybe I should be grateful today for the reprieve from my mentally-looped video of Cardie B throwing her microphone at the apparently malcontent fan who had just seconds before, thrown a drink at her. I don’t think that is the first time Cardie B has thrown something either. I’m not saying she is a grade-A player for the microphones team, but sister-friend was no stranger to a passion-filled windup pitch. I’m just saying. Was it warranted?

Was that Will Smith slap warranted? I know someone who thinks so much of the “comedy” performed by “comedians” today is deserving of a slap of some kind. For the record, that line of not allowing the name of his wife, Jada, in offender Chris Rock’s mouth is the whip! Oh how I wish we had such power some days.

And then there is the great prophetess Cher, who recently created her own brand of gelato. Ain’t that grand? We are going to soon be eating the same gelato that Cher eats! I can’t wait to buy it! Because, well, it’s Cher! I so clearly remember some of my earliest memories, sneaking down the stairs and sitting on the last step, straining to hear every joke and line of the televised Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour. To this day, I really don’t understand my fascination with them - I named my pet Gerbils after them, for crying out loud again! (And did my mom really let me listen to those very provocative songs about tramps and thieves? I’m telling you I missed her edginess back then! Was I blind? Note: I also have the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour on cds.)

Btw, the latest headline says Cher leads the tributes for Paul Reubens today. She knew him. She loved him. Her and I share a special grief for someone who undoubtedly made us laugh, maybe at the same characters and maybe at the same lines. Could that even be?

I think it could be, especially back then. It seems indisputable that we were more unified in the days before 62, finding levity and escape in the shared experience of Saturday’s episode of Pee Wee’s Playhouse. Today, everyone watches any number of shows, all at once, at their own pace, sometimes pounding through a whole season in one sitting. There are so many different channels, apps, and websites that we rarely even watch the same shows any more.

Add it to the reasons for our lonely lack of connection these days. Are we even laughing at the same things?

While Pee Wee nearly always made us laugh, I felt a deep sadness when I read about him passing today - I also felt a melancholy for a shared experience I may never know again. How I long for only three choices on my tv (and Channel 50 on a good day!) We use to share universally experienced moments like “Na-nu, na-nu” from a rainbow-suspendered alien or a “pork chops and apple sauce” delivery from a smart-alecky teenager to his very Brady family. The next day every single person was talking about these moments in the halls as we passed from class to class.

Today I am fascinating on Paul Reubens, grateful for the way he made me laugh as his character Pee Wee awkwardly burst out laughing and swung his body wildly during the tequila dance. Did he enjoy it too? His last post on social media makes me think so: “Please accept my apology for not going public with what I have been going through the last six years. I have always felt a huge amount of love and respect from my fans, friends and supporters. I have loved you all so much and enjoyed making art for you.”

I felt that - did you??

The undertow of love...

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Thu, 18 Sep 2014 16:54:00 +0000

So my spiritual advisor likened it to Lucy and Charlie Brown, Lucy promising to hold the football for her dear friend Charlie Brown, him believing her - again - and then regathering himself to finally experience kicking a football like he has always dreamed.

Most of us know the rest of the story. Most of us intimately so. Charlie trusts the word of his friend. He runs with great freedom and excitement and faith that Lucy will hold the football in place while Charlie kicks it from his dreams into reality. (Is it only me who while watching this scene unfold holds my breath hoping the outcome will somehow, miraculously, be different? I mean after all, there aren't that many episodes!)

At the last minute, for reasons that seem cruel and inhumane, Lucy removes the football from Charlie's path - and the full force of his dream ends up throwing Charlie on his back in a humiliating reality - while Lucy laughs or mocks or dismisses. Honestly, I don't even remember WHAT Lucy does because I am so focused on Charlie. And how Charlie must feel - again.

That is how my advisor described it. My description was more direct: it's like being invited to come close, I do, then I'm slapped. Time and again.

"Come close!"

I size up the situation ... Think it through. Tentatively move closer.

SLAP.

It's hard not to hate Lucy. Even though Lucy might have her reasons. After all, Charlie shared his dream with her. In today's self-help, self-actualized jargon the dude mustered up the courage to ask his friend to help meet his need, as silly as the need might have sounded to Lucy. And while Lucy may have judged kicking a football as insignificant, her decision to pull the football away at the last minute without considering the impact on Charlie likely did damage to more than his ego-pride. It undoubtedly impacted his heart - if not his soul.

The application here is vast as I sit in Flint, MI, surrounded by individuals who were encouraged to come close to corporations like General Motors and others. Fill in the blank with names of individuals who promised to hold the ball for us as we ran full tilt toward an agreed upon dream. Yanking the ball back at the last minute crosses racial lines, political lines, religious lines - every line that deals with our humanity. We all feel the pain of Charlie Brown laying on his back morally, psychologically and mentally defeated. I suspect even Lucy feels his pain -- for a minute anyway -- until she reverts back to her own logical reasons for the decision without saying a word to her friend Charlie.

I read a line this morning that described such things as an undertow, "giving with one hand while taking out from under with the other. More than sleight of hand, it’s slight of heart.”

And I'm left to wonder.

What in the world does Charlie Brown do with Lucy? How do we as souls on a common journey respond to capricious acts that impact far more than the moment?

The spiritual advisor reminded me that all people respond out of love or fear. And while I cannot imagine why Lucy would be afraid, I do know that her actions were not born of love. The sting of the most recent slap is that reminder. The bruise from falling to the ground instilled within Charlie a mistrust of anyone who offers to help hold that football while he kicks it - possibly forever more.

"So what in the world should I do," I asked my spiritual advisor while rubbing my still stinging face?

"We are to live our lives as totally loving beings," he responded, noting the staggering number of times even Christ was slapped and betrayed. "We are to live as totally forgiving beings. Only love has the power to change the world, to replace fear, to keep us centered in moments of our pain and despair and shame."

... what??? ...

Dang!

Maybe I should buy a face mask...

Hoping for something more...

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Fri, 12 Sep 2014 15:32:00 +0000

"When we feel suffering, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong. What a relief. Finally somebody told the truth. Suffering is part of life, and we don’t have to feel it’s happening because we personally made the wrong move.

"In reality, however, when we feel suffering, we think that something is wrong. As long as we’re addicted to hope, we feel that we can tone our experience down or liven it up or change it somehow, and we continue to suffer a lot.”

I wrestle a lot with the idea of hope - or maybe it is the experience of hope.

And yet, how in the world can a person wrestle with "hope?"

It seems I was raised with this idea that longing for something more, or better, or some days simply hoping that this day would end and that tomorrow would bring some relief ... My faith journey has included Christian teachings that promote the sustainable hope of heaven, somewhere far better than the suffering we encounter, at times, on this earth. Hope has become an acceptable and seemingly effective way to pound through pain and disappointments. We fantasize of our rewards once we leave this place.

Ahhhh yes heaven ... Where there will be no challenges or pain or suffering...

Am I addicted to hope? Have I turned to hope instead of considering the larger message to be heard? Have I falsely considered, even subconsciously, that my circumstances are meant for someone, anyone else? Do I refuse to even acknowledge that "heaven" may be found in the challenge - a greater truth that will be overlooked and/or unaccepted because I think the associated pain is too much - far too much for my heart and soul to bear?

Does a 21st century faith call for such retreat?

I was asked yesterday of circumstances where I have become disheartened - and I fell in love the word because it so captured my literate mind.
Oh yes, disheartened!

And I quietly recited my list to myself, almost laughing at the sheer number of life-altering experiences of late.
Umm... SO yes! Disheartened!

So few of the challenges of life can be undone, I mean, right?? We don't have a rewind button that will take us back to the challenges of yesterday - that now seem like luxuries if we were to take time and compare! We reach the summit of this mountain and turn around to marvel at our path - only to see a range of mountains that needed to be scaled in order to get to this one.

Why can't I enjoy this amazing view? I can see things from here I have never seen before, above the tree line, where the air seems extrordinarily thin...

Instead, foolishly, I spend far too much time hoping this leg of the journey will end - that I will soon be on flat ground where I need not be concerned about my footing, or becoming lost, or falling into a deep and bottomless pit where no one will ever find me - or even know that I am gone!

Every single choice I have ever made has brought me to this moment, writing this sentence, suddenly being enheartened that I have made it this far on the journey... From this peak where I have found my heart again ... How could I hope for anything more?

A life of expression for a larger harmony...

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Tue, 09 Sep 2014 17:02:00 +0000

I have been thinking a lot about what it means to “express” what is on our minds or on our hearts. Express. What does the word we use rather freely even really mean? I googled and discovered this: convey (a thought or feeling) in words or by gestures and conduct. Expression is defined as the process of making known one's thoughts or feelings.

What of those who choose to express very little? What of those that express way too much? What if we do not feel comfortable expressing anything at all?

I don’t have to be told that I express too much – though I have been told as much by others who are uncomfortable or bored with my expressions. I have been told that my more emotional expressions are off-putting, that I can be critical or angry or too syrupy or too loud or too much or too little or too forward or …

Geesh! Give me a break! Why is it such a challenge to find someone who allows me to express whatever (within reason, mind you) - whatever is on my mind or heart without attempting to challenge it, fix it or completely shut it down? Can we really be in a relationship with anyone who chooses not to express at all? Is it really a relationship when one expresses and the other remains silent?

But then I read this: “In a similar way, what we feel, think, and experience is often inaudible until it’s expressed. The life of expression that moves through us allows us to hear a larger harmony. When we ground what we feel by touching another, the interwoven nature of things is amplified and we’re brought closer to what matters.

"When we don’t give voice to what moves through us, we become entangled with life, but not connected to life. When silent with our love and pain, we can’t distribute what we feel and so our heartaches and pains are intensified as they only bounce around within us. The way a lightning rod standing in the open attracts and grounds the lightning, the life of expression grounds the intensity of what we feel on any given day.

"To practice the life of expression enhances all the other practices, the way blood is needed for each organ to do its work."

And I am emboldened.

And while my relationships may change and I no longer feel the freedom to simply say or be or speak what is in my thoughts or on my heart, the desire is still there – and maybe still there for all of us human beings who have not shut off their own expressions due to fear or boredom - or the inability to find someone who will simply listen.

The author suggests we keep trying, we keep looking, we search for a larger harmony discovered when we can touch one another and be brought closer to what really matters.

wrestling…

As his zen koan sunk in...

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 19:01:00 +0000

"If you are given a mango. just eat it and enjoy the taste. Don't bother about the size of the tree or how many years it took to grow - otherwise you will miss the taste, the essence of mango-ness!"

While holding a glass of cool water - and then sipping it - my friend told me how much he LOVED that glass of water. He went on to describe it, noting that there are so many times in his life when a nice glass of cold water is the most refreshing drink he could have. Better than iced tea, he said, better than coffee - better than a beer!

And I just continued to stare at him wondering what point he was attempting to make with his zen koan.

When one is longing for a nice, tall glass of iced tea, however, that cold glass of water falls a little short.

I spend too much time wondering why my glass of water isn't a Red Bull or Diet Coke. I can down a mango while wishing the whole entire time that I was eating a plum or a Granny Smith apple.

Someone told me recently that she attended a conference where the speaker described relationships as a big bowl of spaghetti - with meatballs. The speaker went into detail about the nice, added extras that meatballs provide - and how meatballs are a must for the Italian dish. The meatballs complete the recipe, she told me exasperated. "It wasn't until then that I realized that I didn't have a single meatball in my spaghetti," she said dismayed.

In almost every area - or at least too many areas - I am thirsty or hungry for something more, wanting the extraordinary - the very best, the brightest, the most meaningful, the greatest love, the preeminent experience in every way. I forget that plain and simple water has its place - and in fact, water is good - IN FACT, a glass of water truly might be the best, given the situation! A good plate of spaghetti without the meatballs can be delicious - especially if one is a vegetarian! I should try to eat a Northern Spy instead of a Granny Smith!

"Stop expecting that this glass of water is going to be Guarana Antarctica (my favorite soft drink!)," my friend admonished me while taking another sip of the contents of his glass. "That person is a glass of water - nothing more. Let them be water. Enjoy the water! They CAN'T BE Guarana Antarctica!"

I sat and stared while his zen koan sunk in.

Can I accept the provision of water when my heart desires something with a little more carbonation? Why do I consistently reach over the nectarines to gather the best purple plums? How would my life change if I simply accepted what unfolds before me - if I simply explored new tastes and textures and smells with appreciation for the provision and diversity. In this moment, when I think I NEED a Diet Coke, perhaps I can walk a shorter distance and fill my cup with icy water.

And perhaps I can intentionally enjoy the water - appreciate the water for all that it brings instead of longing for something more.

Listening...

Surrendering to the Guiding Hand...

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Tue, 02 Sep 2014 15:35:00 +0000

I read this morning of an AA meeting in Kinsale, Ireland, where a man named Tony said, “If I had to choose among all the diseases that afflict human beings, I would choose mine [alcoholism], because I can do something about it.” At that meeting (as at each meeting) he introduced himself as “a grateful recovering alcoholic.” When asked why, he said, “Because without the Twelve Steps of this program I never would have found God.” Likewise, in the book of Job, that ruined man of God said, “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” (Job 2:10) …

Job again!

I feel like I have bumped into him again and again in recent years. Why does it feel like this book in the bible was written for me?? Do I need any more proof that nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know?

The late Brennan Manning spoke to my heart this morning with this: "To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives—the good as well as the bad, the moments of joy as well as the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures, the rewards as well as the rejections—that requires hard spiritual work. Still, we are only grateful people when we can say thank you to all that has brought us to this present moment. As long as we keep dividing our lives between events and people we would like to remember and those we would rather forget, we cannot claim the fullness of our beings as a gift of God to be grateful for. Let’s not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God."

Ok.
Take 415 (415,000!).
Action!

Let's try this scene again. Relying on the Spirit of God more than my mind or sheer grit to get through the times we may not understand. I am too often assigning value to my circumstances. This is "good." That is "bad." "Bad" we too often push away and refuse to even acknowledge sometimes. We just want it to go away - or end.

But I am just beginning to grasp that everything - and everyone - is a teacher, revealing areas within ourselves that need some redemption. Even those teachers who make us scream with frustration reveal our own shortcomings on the journey to becoming whole, to becoming more fully aware of His very presence in our lives. IF He is with us, we need not be so consumed with the externals.

I want to be more like my brother Job, like the late Brennan Manning - like the "grateful recovering alcoholic in Ireland" - more fully consumed by Love rather than consumed by all that makes me uncomfortable, resisting my circumstances that are merely challenges to my ego rather than gateways to a greater awareness of my soul.

May my outer world become a sacred threshold to my inner journey.

He has brought me to this present moment...

Some movement in my paralysis

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Sat, 30 Aug 2014 16:30:00 +0000

Maybe it is all about starting all over, starting anew, with a clean slate of sorts.

I have been resisting - and resisting - what feels like a wholesale shattering of many aspects of my life. But in truth, it has been the shattering of illusions, false images propped up by hopes, desires - fears. We keep "living" in too many situations because we don't like change, we fear that what comes next will be worse than the current churning. We smile fake smiles while secretly hoping that one day the circumstances will change - that somehow God will move a mountain and our hearts will no longer feel discouraged or confused.

My spiritual advisor just stared at my emotional dismay recently. In between my demands for answers as to why ALL the shattering at once, he looked puzzled. He reminded me that on my spiritual journey I have been earnestly seeking truth and clarity. Why now was I resisting the truth - and clarity? Was it easier to live with the illusions??

Um, YES!!

He continued to stare at me.

And I have been sitting in this strange, formless place of spiritual suspension - totally uncomfortable with moving forward - because what else is to be shattered? I fear my heart could not take a shaking involving my children, me having to walk them up the hill to be placed on a makeshift altar of sticks and fallen leaves. This too, Lord? Them too?

And so I have sat. Suspended. A spiritual paralysis hoping the dark cloud would soon pass, that the curse would be lifted, that any satanic spirit would eventually tire of taunting me and leave. I have considered whether there be anything evil residing within my home - I should search for it so I can crush it or set fire to it in my backyard. I have run the gamut trying to blame SOMETHING for all this shattering!

And still my spiritual advisor just stares at me.

Because I have longed for Truth. I have sought Clarity. And though ALL THIS is not exactly what I had in mind, it does seem more real than the illusions I have been propping up - for all kinds of reasons. There is something far more solid about this reality.

And if it is true that I have 20-30 more years of life, if I am lucky, perhaps all this shattering simply lays the foundation for all that I want my life to truly be. Perhaps it is a second chance to get things right, to begin again living a life as it was meant to be, to start anew with Truth and Clarity as my guides rather than the empty illusions that only promise an equally empty life.

Who do I want to be? What do I want my life to say? In the death of all these aspects that I believed would bring me life, is Life being truly born? In this moment of death and letting go, can I find Life and have the courage to receive?

Lord, help my faith on this spiritual journey be far more than a hobby. Help me to live according to my faith and values - and to live fearlessly regardless of the fiery trials and the shattering of every illusion. Help me to not be dismayed by death but encouraged by the new Life being born in every moment of transformation and change. Here and now. In this moment.

I think I see some sunlight...

Miley sends in wrecking ball on behalf of national crisis!

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Wed, 27 Aug 2014 20:45:00 +0000

When I have a minute, my mind ends up drifting back to Miley Cyrus.

I know, right?? Crazy!

But her move at the VMAs this week moved me.

The backslidden Disney star eshewed center stage that night for a 22-year-old homeless guy she met at a homeless center. Though was described as model-handsome, I was strangely attracted to the message both he and Miley conveyed while accepting an award for her wildly popular "Wrecking Ball" video.

In classic wrecking ball fashion, Miley sent Jesse Helt up to collect the award for the video. Jesse told attention-grabbing crowd of musicians and artists that he was not accepting on behalf of the singer/performer that night, but “on behalf of the 1.6 million runaways and homeless youth in the United States who are starving, lost and scared for their lives right now.” Salon.com described him as arresting as he spoke about stark realities - during an awards show that honors the furthest thing from reality.

I am blessed to work every day on social impact solutions in Flint, MI, often involving homeless people - and structurally unemployed individuals who are otherwise forgotten - or worse ignored - due to a wide variety of circumstances.

But I also chair the Committee overseeing Young Life of Genesee County, an outreach to youth in 6th-12 grades. In that capacity, I regularly hear of the population that Miley and Jesse referenced at the VMAs.

It's the "1.6 million runaways and homeless youth in the United States who are starving, lost and scared for their lives right now" that can keep me up at night. My kids are 17 and 16. They already both know at least one of their friends who are already homeless.

I heard a presentation last week that underscores this crisis in Flint and America. Diplomat Nate McGregor reported that while LGBTQ youth represent only five percent of the overall youth population, they comprise 15 percent of those in juvenile justice system and 40 percent of homeless youth. He weaved into his presentation the suicide of a bullied youth from Fenton.

I can never ever consider this problem without thinking I need to do something more to change the hearts and minds of our youth who are deeply troubled and "starving, lost and scared for their lives."

And while I have criticized Miley at times for her jarring antics, today I applaud the 21 year old who ended up sharing her moment to address a problem that otherwise would be dismissed if she had not. That night, she leveraged her celebrity to draw much needed attention to a crisis we all choose to ignore far too much of the time.

Will those 15 minutes of VMA solve the problem? No but it will raise the much needed awareness far better than any other costly means.

Jesse closed his acceptance speech with, “a dream we dream together is reality.”

May we together step one step closer to reality...

Defining "community" in the wake of pushing for it...

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 21:45:00 +0000

For the last four weeks – or so – I have sat in church services focusing on community; the need for community, the role of community, what community is supposed to look like, what the leadership wants it to look like.

Every service, every week.

We all leave the services nodding our heads affirmatively, hoping in our hearts that this would be true – but knowing deeper down in our hearts that it is not.

For the last five years, I have been a regular “member” of what I consider to be a bit like the “community” the leadership keeps espousing, coming together with a group of somewhat likeminded people and talking about various aspects of life.

It’s all good when we can agree. It’s great when we can write prayer requests on the board and someone prays for the request in class. We all leave feeling somewhat lifted, maybe even heard.

But what happens when someone shares real life stories that include pain and despair? How do members of the “community” respond once the doors of the church are closed until the following week when even more desperate needs for support creep in?

My experience hasn’t been all that stellar, I gotta say – and I think I am going to scream if one more person talks about the importance of community – while ignoring the deep personal needs of the one sitting next to them

every service,

every week,

for five years.

Not that I am whining. I am just being honest. I keep thinking of this repeated empty push for “true community” that of course sounds good, but in practice … well, I am not sure we YET truly understand what it means

– or maybe I don’t.

Our discomfort with mess is never more telling than when someone shares a truth we would rather not hear, for all kinds of reasons. We are drawn to easy, comfortable, convenient shoes, clothes, food – and relationships. We love finding things in common with other people, laughing together, shared values, mutual admiration.

But our lives don’t go the way of comfort for too long. Eventually, we begin to notice differences – and more differences, interspersed with the things we initially had in common. Suddenly it seems like work just being together. We’d rather believe the romanticized version of loving our neighbor as we love ourselves.

Lots of times, as we all know, relationships end over the differences rather than grow on the strengths of the in-common. We dump those people whose challenges are too great, too time consuming, too painful to be shouldered through the dark valleys. My truth, after all, is scary. Your truth is scary. When we start to meet another human being in truth, it can be freakin scary as it triggers something deeper in each one of us. I read recently, “Truth has bad breath at times. Truth is boring. Truth burns the food. Truth is all this stuff. Truth has anger. Truth has all of it."

The quote went on to say, "And you stay in it. You keep working with it, you keep opening to it, and keep deepening it."

But we aren't taught that. Instead, we trade up spouses, friends, churches, neighborhoods, political parties - even countries! We dump people who become more challenging - sometimes in their darkest hours.

And we keep asking, When am I going to find the place, the person, the experience where this doesn’t occur? When will I find a person, a community, that will not dump me when it goes from fun to scary, from challenge-free to challeng-ing? From a loose group of individuals who all desire the same thing at our core and truly fulfills the true essence of community?

What kind of environments are we creating, am I creating? Am I accepting of the challenges that are guaranteed to rise in friends, family, the person who sits in front of me every single week at church, school or at my job? Do I feel accepted with mine? Do I even care what they are going through? Do they even care about me? Is that acceptance and caring what it is meant by community? Instead of leaving people when the going gets tough, do we simply need to learn how to better support them, especially in their darkness, during their suffering that makes us feel uncomfortable?

After four weeks of hearing about community, the question remains: What IS our obligation to being a member of a particular community - to our fellow humans whose physical presence already indicates a shared journey? Are we obliged to help take care of one another? What happens when we end up feeling burned or burned out by the impurities of the community in which we reside?

I am less interested than ever in communities that look more like country clubs, friendships that embrace only my strengths. With that comes a deeper understanding that I, too, will be called upon at inconvenient times to enter into people's personal pain as readily as I enter into those times when they make me feel good about life. If I am uncertain how to respond, or afraid to respond, or don't have the time or the skills to respond, I want to respond regardless. I must reach out to others if I want them to reach out to me ... especially when I see they may be suffering. Anything less in a community of so much need is unconsciously - or maybe even consciously dismissively ignoring the existence of a fellow human being.

... You stay in it. You keep working with it, you keep opening to it, and keep deepening it.

But I have my doubts it will ever change...

Ugh!

When the giver stops giving and asks for help

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Tue, 12 Aug 2014 22:06:00 +0000

For the life of me

I cannot understand

why somebody who so skillfully made others laugh

for so many years,

so consistently,

could die

of a broken heart,

alone

in his room

by his own hand.

I use to laugh – belly laugh – with Patrick, too. He was the funniest real-life person I have ever known. He was kind, generous, thoughtful – and ridiculously funny. I truly enjoyed simply being in his presence. His stream of consciousness was light and airy and blissful delight. I was so drawn to how he made me feel. Whatever mood I was in, dissolved into his many, ongoing amusements.

I never one time considered him sad – or saw any signs of depression.

I thought of Patrick as I read about Robin Williams sending “care packages of laughter” to his friends who were struggling, of him dressing up as a wacky doctor and sneaking into the hospital rooms of friends recovering from surgery.

I cried when I read about Robin Williams.

I felt like I was reading about my friend…

And it makes me think about how well we really know one another.

And it makes me think about how much we like being around those who make us laugh,

who make us forget about our troubles,

who make the room light and airy and blissful delight

– even if for a moment…

And it makes me think about how all that shifts when that someone becomes troubled and changes the dynamic of the relationship, from giving to needing

– I mean, really needing.

And how bothered we can be with needy people.

And how the room can be filled with laughter one moment, loving the one who takes them away from their pain,

but the room suddenly changes

almost instantaneously

when the giver

stops giving

and asks for help

if they even have the courage to ask

because most don’t.

They suffer in silence

On Sunday, Aug. 10, the world wondered what happened to Robin Williams?

Where did he go?

How come we haven’t seen him around

As much?

We miss him.

Today, we miss him.

We will miss him.

And I wish I had known that Patrick was suffering

That Robin Williams was suffering

Because I would have done more

I should have done more

We need to do more

To do better

In helping one another

In good times

And in bad.

And I am haunted today

This moment

By these words of both friends perhaps:

“I use to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone.

It’s not.

The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”

Please help me change the world…

I choose love...

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Mon, 11 Aug 2014 16:18:00 +0000

I often write about human dilemmas - choices and outcomes that leave me puzzled. Human nature often leads us to a quandary, awkward moments and sudden uncomfortableness that cause our hearts and minds to race.

As of late, I feel as though I am a student of juxtaposition. It seems most of my illusions and perceptions about life have been challenged by slamming deeper truths - from friendships, to family, to jobs - and my marriage. What I have long believed about so many facets of my day-to-day have been challenged if not shattered by a truth I seem powerless to stop or change.

Life rolls on.

Today while talking with a friend before the start of a church service, another person interrupted our conversation to ask my friend to join a gathering tonight on behalf of their mutual friend. Truth be told, their friend in need is experiencing much of the same challenges as my own. And while my heart breaks for her pain, I also was struck that the Inviter was totally unconcerned about my circumstances despite being of the same nature and degree. And I wondered why.

And I wondered why God would have me experience that moment, exposing the rawness of my own heart in an awkward moment where I ended up feeling embarrassed and shame -- shame that I felt jealous of a group of people who thought that much about this woman to take time from their busy schedules to buoy her during these challenging days. In my heart and head, I knew no such effort would ever be made on my behalf - for so many reasons.

It's the grand juxtaposition once again.

In truth, God has provided all that I need as I enter my eighth week of separation from my husband of 20 years. The days have been dark - and light. I have mourned - and I have rejoiced. I have had days of despair - and days full of a deeper kind of love than I have ever known before. I have learned much. And unlearned perhaps even more. I have cried many tears - and I have experienced a different kind of joy.

This seems a very personal journey to me as I learn to walk differently. As I think of the gathering tonight on behalf of their friend, I can't help but think of the friends who have come alongside me and have buoyed my heart and soul at different times - suddenly when I needed it most, and surprisingly with some I have not talked with in many months.

I am looking at the models of friendship differently these days - shoot, I am looking at every model differently. At 53, I am poignantly being shown that most theories I have had about life didn't hold up under the fierce testing that comes with age and experience. Going from books to application has blown most of my ideas away...

Truth is, the overriding emotion I have for the person they are gathering for tonight is compassion. And while I was not invited to join them, I prayed for her - and will continue to do so as she journeys through upcoming weeks that may include her most challenging days ever. She will need sudden friends, surprising friends - and a fortitude that comes from becoming her own friend when there seems to be no one else around.

No two journeys are a like as much as we think them to be. Sometimes we need the juxtaposition to remind us, to poke us, to show us those too human parts of ourselves that instead of feeling awkward or uncomfortable, instead should spur us on to deeper introspection of our hurts and motives, our reactions, to consider more deeply the path we choose to live out our faith in a world overflowing with opportunities to build even more barriers to protect our hearts from offense and pain.

Instead, this day, I choose love. In the human dilemmas, the many awkward moments in the midst of racing hearts and minds, may I escape the temptation to flee the discomfort and choose love instead. May we always choose love... instead...

Tongues of angels...

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Sat, 09 Aug 2014 17:37:00 +0000

When I entered the Saint-Étienne de Metz in France, I was profoundly struck by the more than enchanting soulful notes emanating from what seemed the center of the historic Cathedral. The absolute majesty of the historic church aside, the Gregorian chants drew me in a way I had never experienced in a lifetime of seeking. It wasn't the first I had heard - the first occurred at St. John Cantius Church in Chicago over the holidays several years prior. Even then, I was moved, stirred, drawn by notes that seemed beyond my thinking, logical mind. The Latin words carrying the notes spoke directly to my heart and soul, the tongues of angels, as all sense of time and place melted into One.

In Metz, it was as though my heart lead me to the source of these angelic sounds - and I sat among the other saints and sinners who also found themselves in the presence of the supernatural. Though I knew not the words, tears filled my eyes - with a beyond-me all encompassing joy. And I could have listened there in that eternal moment for the rest of my life.

Since then, I have read much about chanting, about some human notes that take us into the presence of God. Our minds cannot conceive, yet our hearts and souls are jarred open by the peaks and valleys of such sounds.

I remember a Pastor once telling of his parent who had just lost a child, sitting at a piano for many hours, slowly tapping out the notes - and barely able to sing the words to the hymn "It Is Well With My Soul."

In the quiet of my car this week, it seems as though I have experienced a similar soulful chanting with the very same words, slowly, deliberately listening to the notes as they draw me closer to the very presence of God...

"It is well

with my soul.

It is well,

it is well

with my soul."

And my heart and soul has danced as I experience the notes more slowly, more deeply, longer, more soulfully than ever before -- and the veil has parted with the understanding that comes with that one verse alone.

"It is well

with

soul.

It is well,

it is well

with

soul..."

What is love anyway?

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Mon, 04 Aug 2014 14:16:00 +0000

“Souls love. That’s what souls do. Egos don’t, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and you’ll be amazed—all the beings around you are souls. Be one, see one.”

I'm was sitting at the Olympic Grill on Court Street, reading about the true essence of love. The quote from Ram Dass above moved me, challenged me as it stretched my understanding of my own identity. What is more talked about, sung about, written about - longed for - than love? It seems to lie within the very core of every being.

Yet we know so very little of what it is - how to capture it, make last, find it, let it go. It seems never far from our thoughts, our actions, our ponderings.

While considering how often my own attempts at love are thwarted by ego, I suddenly became very aware of the number of times I was called "Sweetie" from the waitresses who greeted me at the door, who filled my endless cup of coffee, who wanted to make sure my every desire was fulfilled - at least in terms of my appetite. Every pass by my table included some warm and endearing term that each time warmed my heart. Even the owner stops by to greet me and call me "Beautiful."

Souls.

I saw them that morning.

Each time our eyes met and I responded with a how-could-I-not smile, I felt something unlock or connect or melt. And I thought how could it be that while pondering this stretched idea of love, that I find myself on this playground of unmerited affection and love? While it was true that I was a customer, it is equally true that not all businesses have such common approach to treating those they serve with such affection.

Thinking of those souls at Olympic the other day, I told Isi and Janelle how I wished I could be so free as to call everyone I met "Sweetie" or "Beautiful." And I remember my friend once telling me that her brother treated every single woman he ever met like she was the most wonderful person in the world.

Indiscriminate. Unmerited. Free-flowing.

Ram Dass and other spiritual teachers write often of an unconditional love that goes far beyond our human abilities. It comes from something far greater than ourselves, far more graceful than our too-often injured egos. And while we think others bring it to us - or take it from us - love is actually within us, deposited there by a God who designed us to experience love with one another. If another unlocks our love, we too often confuse them as the source rather than merely a key to finding the love that resides inside us - and all around us.

Souls love. That's what souls do.

Let me be one today...

Oh Holy Family

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Mon, 04 Aug 2014 02:21:00 +0000

As I look deep into the eyes of my now young-man son and soon-to-be adult daughter, it is so hard to hold back the tears of utter gratefulness for all that they are, for all that they bring to my life and the lives of others. I have never one time grown tired of their presence in my every moment. I miss them when they are not with me - yet joyously release them to whatever endeavor they might be seeking in the next moment.

In so many ways,
they are my heart.
They are my soul.

And I have yet to find a single parenting book or article that articulates this amazing experience in a way that resonates with me.

Tonight, I stumbled upon this, in an old classic Be Here Now.

It moves me so.

"Oh Holy Family

And as the children who are the fruit of the union appear, see them as divine avatars, holy beings who have come recently from our true HOME to teach. Nourish and feed them as they feed you. Listen for their tone, see their ray so as to help them fulfill their spiritual destiny, provide a matrix for their consciousness. Great care must be taken to guide the entity on this plane. Choose carefully the initial impressions which they will be registering as you would the food they eat. They are the hope and destiny of the universe. Respect and honor them. Guide them clearly. Keep the home calm and free of chaotic inputs. Let love burn in all the lamps. Thru all of this face and cope out the difficulties. For the woman there will be the heavy pull of the earth element. The children will feel any psychic withdrawal on her part. She must find a place a little removed for deep meditation. When they wake up during meditation explain clearly what you are doing. Read them holy stories to acquaint them with spirit life so that they may remember. Keep your practice regular and the children will stay in tune. Don’t trip too far too fast or psychic disequilibrium will upset months of work. Do not sacrifice relationships with the children for what you may think is spiritual necessity."

My children are indeed divine avatars that have already changed the world for good, holy beings who within their very hearts and souls contain the destiny of the universe...

I am blessed indeed.

I am not alone...

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Sat, 02 Aug 2014 22:23:00 +0000

There is this pulse, this beat, this call deep within me - something that pulls at me so much of the day, a hunger, a search, a drive to understand life beyond words and actions and situations and circumstances. There always- always- seems to be more than what meets the eye, the ear, the heart - our logical minds. Gaps in understanding. Pieces that seem to be missing. A curiousity about existence of this moment, that person, the soul I have not yet met, a soul I no longer know.

It's a whisper...

It's a knowledge that

surely

there is something more...

And how Divine to discover once again that I am not alone ...

“It is interesting that in the autobiographical accounts of the great breakthroughs in man’s understanding of the universe, the role of intuition, or some mysterious comprehension, led to the breakthrough rather than any systematic analytic process."

“I didn’t arrive at my understanding of the fundamental laws of the universe through my rational mind.”—A. Einstein

6:23pm

Hoping for the perfect companion...

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Fri, 01 Aug 2014 20:31:00 +0000

I can’t resist checking out the small animals at Magoo’s when going to get dog food for Hollister. They have quite an assortment of birds, lizards and rats (still gag!), guinea pigs and gerbils.

This time as I perused the aisle, I suddenly fell into a 45-year-old memory of me desperately wanting one of the little furry creatures that I could carry with me in my pocket and pull out any time day or night. Time suddenly stood still as I remembered picking out all the gerbils I ever had, baby gerbils so I could make sure I could tame them to my human touch. I so distinctly remember truly believing that these small little pets would be so wonderful to have with me. I would do everything I could to make their little lives perfect.

And it usually worked out great for a while. I fed them, bought them great little gerbil toys, cleaned their gerbil homes, and gave them great gerbil treats. They must have been happy with all my care and attention. I would take them out of their little homes frequently and pet them oh-so-gently out of great affection for their companionship. These little gerbils added so much meaning to my life. I loved having them as a part of my daily existence.

Until they bit me.

And they ALWAYS ended up biting me.

I stood there this morning staring at the gerbils, remembering how disappointed I felt with every single gerbil I ever brought into my life. I had hoped for the perfect companion. I worked hard at giving them a really great life.

But they bit me.

Every single gerbil I ever bought bit me.

And what is a gerbil if they just stay in their cage and run on that wheel? I wanted them to love me back – I wanted them to look forward to me coming home and pulling them from their tiny little homes into the far more comforting place of my hands.

Was that so awful? Did they have to bite me? Some drew blood!!

I lost interest in gerbils after a while. As much as those little furry creatures seemed to beg me to free them from the store, I knew they would turn on me, even after I had given them my very best.

As I turned away from them this morning, climbing the walls to get out of their cage, seeming to plead with me to take them home, I thought about the amazing ways God can speak to us about greater truths in life.

Am I still that little girl wanting perfect companions that won’t bite me? Do I do that with people too?

Maybe that’s why I like dogs and don’t mind hurting my back loading a 20-pound bag of dog food into my car. Hollister has never bitten me – at least not yet. What would I do if he did? Would I lose interest in caring for him?

I think I would.

So now what am I supposed to do with THAT??

For now, I’m going to look forward to going home tonight and seeing Hollister literally jump for joy at seeing me, like I am the greatest person in life, like he is so so grateful to just be with me, to have me pet him and take care of him – and to be a wonderful companion in a life that simply does not have enough shared moments of utter joy of simply being together…

Does he love me? Does she?

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Thu, 31 Jul 2014 12:52:00 +0000

And then

there is this.

“For when you say “I fell in love” with him or her you are saying that he or she was the key that unlocked your heart—the place within yourself where you are love. When the experience is mutual, you can see that the psychic chemistry of the situation allows both partners to “fall in love” or to “awake into love” or to “come into the Spirit.” Since love is a state of being—and the Divine state at that—the state to which we all yearn to return, we wish to possess love. At best we can try to possess the key to our hearts—our beloved—but sooner or later we find that even that is impossible. To possess the key is to lose it.

"Just as with every other method of coming to the Light, if it works we get attached to the method, failing to realize that it is the goals and not the method which we crave. A relationship starting out as one that awakens love can only remain a living vehicle for love to the extent that it is continually made new or reconsecrated. That is, each partner in love must always strain to see through the veils of personality and body to see the Divine Essence within—within himself and his partner. And he must come to see the veils as veils . . . without getting trapped into thinking them real. Such ideas are reflected in the highest marriages, or for that matter in the highest form of any relationship. Play your role in the Divine Dance, but know it to be such and worship its divinity.”

Even at 53 I still think a lot about love. In some ways, it is the center from which I measure most every moment. I often question - Is this love? Is that? Does he love me? Does she? Why does my love feel different when I look deep into the eyes of my daughter or son? Why is love so intoxicatingly alive at some moments - and yet seems so very, very distant at others.

Doesn't life really come down to - love or fear? Do we live in love or fear? Further, what is fear, after all, if it is not unloved? It seems the greatest fear too often reveals itself when we consider otherwise successful people on their deathbed looking well beyond the veils and illusions they have created

- and reach for love...

To consider love as a state of being ... Unlocked by another ... And ourselves wanting to possess it. This rings true to my soul. And I wonder why I haven't heard this before? And yes, of course, of course, we get attached to the method - the person - and wonder why it all stops working, where love goes, when the method fails to work, especially in challenging times - when all we really, truly want is the goal. We really just want to experience Divine Love, to return to this organic state of unlocked love within our hearts - where no fear resides...

The author seems imploring in his words to see beyond the veils of personality to see the Divine within those we love - which, in one sense, should be everyone. In our more intimate relationships and friendships, it takes a more intentional work - because it is more difficult, more frightening to consider that what was once so Divine is no more.

May each of us see the veils as veils today -- and not get trapped into thinking they are real.

Looking for the Divine Essence within...

Day 2 of friendlessness in the 21st century

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 12:08:00 +0000

The withdrawal from social media has me jonesing in odd ways. The reach to post or "catch up" on those constant streams of thought on Twitter and Facebook has been ridiculous - if not embarrassing. As if it somehow proves my existence to share my thoughts on that plane. Or worse, the worthiness of my existence.

But get this. Dude, it's so much quieter in my brain!

And, of course, some would say my posts here are merely a substitute; and perhaps this blog is the step down drug of my detox. But detoxing I am... Not reaching for that Twitter feed of Flint Police Ops after hearing sirens at 3am - oh yeah, it takes courage and determination baby!

Now that I'm not cruising the Twitter feeds for news, I came upon this - believe me, I wasn't looking for it, but it certainly seemed timely. Research has winnowed out the negative symptoms of social media addicts (like me - there, I said it!) There is that same jittery feeling when you can't check the status or look at the feeds. But the piece went on further to describe the deeper issues such as seeing an ex on Facebook can restrict personal growth and emotional recovery; excessive usage can be a contributing factor in divorce; spending more time on Facebook can lead to increased feelings of unhappiness with your own life; and passively scrolling through your News Feed can increase feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Who knew??

I also was struck by the human nature observation of a 25-year-old who had just been sentenced in a Grand Rapids court for his role in the murder of another man. As he was leaving the courtroom, the guy turns toward the prosecutor, police and the family of a murder victim and held up the middle finger on each of his cuffed hands and cussed at them.

Wow! I had to read it a couple times. I thought I missed something. Here was this adult male who had destroyed the lives of a family - and he was angry at them? He was facing the consequences of his actions - and he was angry - and made the entire situation even more deplorable.

There is so much I do not understand about life - about people. So much that is utterly confusing as we try to find logic in a very illogical world.

It seems the greatest hope we can have is to be a faithful person - to have faith in something greater than ourselves. To be known as a faithful person who can be counted on to help make the world a better place. To be the real deal to everyone we encounter.

But what makes a person truly genuine?

Apparently, researchers have figured this out too!

1. You have high self-esteem.

Genuine people, by definition, have a good sense of self-esteem, says clinical psychologist Guy Winch, PhD, author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts.

"Really, with self-esteem, it’s the ‘Goldilocks’ range: Too much is not good because that’s the narcissism range, that’s the arrogant, prideful range," Winch tells The Huffington Post. "Too little is not good; you want something solid in the middle. So genuine people are those who have solid self-esteem -- it’s solid, it’s consistent, it’s not brittle. And people who have solid self-esteem are much less defensive about things usually. They can feel authentic, they can be authentic, because they’re far less worried about the implications of exposing who they are, because they feel OK about who they are."

Research backs this up: In a 2008 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology, U.K.-based researchers explored the "authentic personality" and how other traits correlate with a person's sense of living genuinely. They found that people who expressed a high sense of authenticity also maintained higher levels of self-esteem.

2. You embrace vulnerability.

The psychological idea and societal construct of inner strength vary dramatically. Many cultures place great importance on maintaining defensive walls that hide or minimize personal weaknesses and imperfections, as a means of protecting oneself from harmful or unpleasant experiences. Science, on the other hand, supports using flexible coping mechanisms to face moments of discomfort -- opening oneself up to fears and failures in an attempt to learn and grow from them, rather than shut them out altogether. And it takes an authentic person with a solid foundation of self-esteem to be able to accomplish the latter.

"The stronger your self-esteem, the more able you are to admit that you’re failing, to receive criticism, to be able to receive negative feedback without it making you crumble," Winch says about the importance of maintaining such flexibility. "You can actually take on criticism, negative feedback, something not great about you, something that you don’t love about yourself, and it doesn’t really devastate you. It’s something you can admit, you can hope to work on or just take in, but it doesn’t affect your whole way of thinking about yourself."

3. You share your true thoughts, beliefs and opinions with the world.

Authentic people not only take the time to ponder their perspective on life and the experiences that led them there, but they easily share this "true self" with others around them. This outward expression is consistently characterized as an extroverted behavior in authenticity research. However, in a 2010 study published in the Journal of Personality, Wake Forest University psychologist William Fleeson established that both genuine introverts and extroverts alike feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, opinions and beliefs with the outside world.

“Authenticity is consistently associated with acting highly extraverted [sic], even for those who characterize themselves as introverts,” said Fleeson in a statement. “Being flexible with who you are is okay. It is not denying or disrespecting who you are. People are often too rigid about how they are and stick with the comfortable and familiar. Adapting to a situation can make you more true to yourself in some circumstances.”

His research also revealed that being genuine consistently goes hand-in-hand with being emotionally stable and intellectual.

4. You openly give and receive compliments.

Gratitude clearly flows in two directions: sometimes you give, and sometimes you receive. When it comes to the latter, Winch explains in his book Emotional First Aid that people with low self-esteem can sometimes struggle with accepting compliments. That's because they believe those compliments come attached to higher expectations from others, which results in feelings of stress. Those who are authentic and maintain a solid sense of self-esteem, on the other hand, don't view compliments with strings attached.

"You have to be able to see a compliment as just a compliment, and it takes a certain level of authenticity to receive that," Winch explains. "It’s about being able to take in and also give back in a way that’s unfiltered by all these kinds of other agendas."

When it comes to expressing gratitude to others, genuine people follow a similar path of not overthinking it.

"You want to reinforce people," he said. "It’s really merit-based. You’re doing it just because it's merited, and that comes across when you do it in a pure way, when you’re simply delighted that somebody did well and you compliment them."

5. You really listen -- and prefer deep conversations.

Genuine people find it easier to let go of distractions and focus intently in a conversation simply because they are truly interested in what the other person has to say. They aren't constantly checking their smartphone for text messages or letting their mind wander off to the day's to-do list. Everything else falls by the wayside.

According to a 2013 study conducted by psychological scientist Erin Heerey at Bangor University in Wales, others can tell when you are being genuine. The observational study paired strangers getting to know one another and monitored their reactions to any smile that was exchanged -- both genuine and polite. It found that the subjects responded much more quickly to genuine smiles than polite smiles, and viewed the genuine smiles a social reward to be valued.

"When we are authentic people and our self-esteem is strong, we are just much less burdened by agendas and baggage, and we can actually have a conversation that’s about the content of the conversation in a much purer way," adds Winch. "When people are authentic, there’s a certain purity to their interactions and conversations, and the conversations tend to be more interesting in terms of the content. You can get further, you can explore more, and you can discover more because it’s a much richer conversation."

6. You're driven by an inner voice rather than your surroundings.

One of the key components of authenticity is simply (or not so simply) knowing who you are and being comfortable with yourself. It requires taking the time to develop informed ideas about the things you care about, and not blindly adopting them from others around you. It is with this foundation that you are able to live those values -- stand behind them, represent them and feel strongly about them.

"When you have thought through what you think, what you feel, what’s important to you and why it’s important to you, that determines a certain sense of purpose and directive," says Winch. "We all have these operational directives -- we just don’t necessarily articulate them to ourselves. But if we look back on our behavior and examine what we do, why we do it , what we think, why we think it, we can figure out the principles that are driving us."

People who have really looked within to understand why they think and act the way they do are clearer about the principles -- and purposes -- that drive their lives, Winch adds. "It makes them proactive rather than reactive."

Let's do this! Day 2 of friendlessness in the 21st century!!

Friendless in the 21st century

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Tue, 29 Jul 2014 17:28:00 +0000

So I hit the button to deactivate my Facebook, and turned off my Twitter, deleted my Instagram and searched frantically to determine if I had any other lingering open accounts of social media.

I've decided I don't like a world where the number of friends listed on any of these "social" accounts belies the truth that people are desperately alone in the 21st century. And while I have long believed that social media can be largely helpful, I think far more challenges lie in their wake. The generation of words and not presence has created a discordant anxiety with face to face communication at any level. We hide behind all of these social media masks that make us sound more than we are, stronger than we are, more self assured than we are. And for those who dare be authentic, it is so much easier to be "honest" in our reactions that seek to confront rather than listen.

A friend of mine attended the Cannabis Cup this past weekend, billed as a two-day marijuana celebration at Auto City Speedway. He/she said some 400 people attended a concert Saturday night by Wyclef Jean, wandered through all sorts of vendors selling drug paraphernalia, and entered a "Medicinal Tent" where they were able to freely experience the "medicinal" effect of pot. High Times Magazine sponsored the event - and I forgot to ask if my friend saw a single doctor.

So my friend tells me they need an id to enter the medicinal tent "where the real action is." Of course, he/she didn't have an id, but their much older friend did. Forget the fact they look nothing alike! The old friend is granted access after the attendant checked the id. The old friend manages to slip the id back to my friend, poignantly reminding me of those days when fake ids granted access to every bar on college campuses. My friend flashes the id to the attendant who looks at it, looks at he/she, looks at id, looks at he/she - squints, then somewhat exasperated, says, "Whatever. Go ahead. Have fun." Entrance to the Medicinal Tent at the High Times Magazine Cannabis Cup is granted. No one even seemed the least bit concerned for the illness my friend was experiencing. In fact, my friend said they didn't see a lot of sick people attending the event.

WHAT?? This wasn't a modern day Bethesda with a multitude of sick, blind and withered, waiting for the moving of the water? (Scripture - look it up - John 5:2&3!)

It's all in the billing of this stuff, how we market it. The words on every social media program seems to promise all that we longed for in high school - popularity. Just how many friends do we have? Do they like us? Did they accept my friend request? Oh my gosh, what about that feeling when we discover we have "friends" who have "unfriended" us?

It is hard for me not to hear the echoing words of a Flint teacher when I am considering all this. At the time, I was struck by his progressive stance that social media is actually nothing more than the 21st century playground - kids do the same things online as they did when they were outside and beyond the reach and glance of teachers who would correct anti-social behavior. On both playgrounds, there were bullies, false friends, words were said that stuck for a lifetime. Sometimes they get caught. Lots of times they don't.

Truth be told, we don't really have as many friends as Facebook boasts. In a crisis, very few, if any, of my Twitter followers would be willing to drop everything to help me through the terror. And I have bemoaned the fact that hardly anyone ever likes my photos on Instagram - and I think they are great shots, darn it!

And there may have been a few sick folks in the Medicinal Tent, but I am thinking the great majority were not. They were in there trying to feel better about life, sliding in under a false identity, but hoping the subterfuge wouldn't be discovered.

This post represents my first day of not relying on words and truly seeking presence in friendships the old fashioned way. No false identities. No subterfuge.

It also represents not having any friends as defined by the 21st century...

A rare treasure, dazzling in delicate beauty

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 15:36:00 +0000

I started to read out loud Sarah Young's entry this morning in "Jesus Calling," but was truly overcome with tears. As much as I paused to choke back the tears, they came anyway and I handed the book over to my husband to read to our two children and me. I tripped on the words "those who yearn for me." They got stuck in my throat. And while I am somewhat embarrassed to tell you why, I think I must this morning because it has so profoundly impacted me today.

Before getting out of bed this morning, I watched and re-watched a struggling, desperate woman who hugged her friend in that way that says more than I missed you, more than I'm glad your here. She hugged her long, and hard and I imagined that in that moment something about the desperation of life was exchanged... because one of them did not want to let go ... And then in front of a club full of people, the desperate one took the microphone and began singing quietly at first, "Yes, Jesus loves me... Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes Jesus loves me - the bible" - and she more loudly repeated while looking deep in her friend's eyes, "the bible ... the bible tells me so." And in that club somewhere in Hollywood, the crowd went crazy. And I believe that woman was hanging on, you see, hanging on with all that she had to the only truth that remained in her life - when all was said and done, when all the fame came and went, when all the drugs stole everything from her, she rose to her feet and sang the only thing that brought any sense of stability in her life, "Yes, Jesus loves me." Confidently, hopefully, soul-strongfully ... fearfully.

And that less-than-two minute, unfinished song was all as she left that stage and humbly waved off the cheering crowd because her voice was not what it once was. And she knew it. And she knew the crowd knew it. But she had to sing it that night, the night before she died. The very next day we would learn of her untimely death and the world would stop and think of all that she had been through. And our hearts would break because it seemed the demons won.

Sarah's words this morning, "It is a rare treasure, dazzling in delicate beauty yet strong enough to withstand all onslaughts. Wear My Peace with regal dignity. It will keep your heart and mind close to Mine." And I thought of the regal dignity of Whitney the night before her death singing that childlike song, "Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible - the bible - tells me so." And I thought of my own times of quiet desperation when all I could do was repeat that thought, hoping that what the bible said was true - and putting everything I had on that one single belief. And while others may describe Whitney's last public performance differently, I saw desperation - and I get desperation. I know what it feels like to be that desperate, where the only thing you have is, "Yes, Jesus love me." And clinging to friends that care.

"A rare treasure, dazzling in delicate beauty yet strong enough to withstand all onslaughts."

Lord, may it be.

Ron Paul and me at Flint's Tim Hortons

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 18:49:00 +0000

Hey, I'm trying to steer clear of politics these days! I have decided there are too many people I love who claim to be from one party or the other. It's hard to keep my thoughts pure when I discover just who they are supporting for President -- and we're a long, long way from the finish line, folks!

Truthfully, I consider myself apolitical. And I have publicly declared to several different groups of people that my intention is to never again have a discussion about politics. I have privately been thrilled with the idea that I never again have to have such discussions - and that all judgments are off when I discover a person's loyalties. And I'm never going to again say for whom I am going to vote. The thought feels so amazing. So peaceful.

But I ran into Ron Paul this morning at the Tim Hortons at the corner of Ballenger and Flushing roads. Go figure.

Well, truth be told, a friend has been urging me to read his book Liberty Defined. The book has moved from room to room in my house - and finally out the door with me today as I determined I better take a look at the guy behind this third-place groundswell of Iowa Caucus support, an objective look into what makes this guy interesting - at minimum to my neighbor who proudly has a sign posted in his yard.

Because I am determined this year to write more often about the ideas that otherwise rattle around in my brain, here is my apolitical, objective reaction to Ron Paul's book. For what it is worth. This is what I have determined this book reveals about a guy who could maybe be the next President of the United States. I may or may not vote for him. But I wouldn't tell you now would I?

By the way, it's hard to get past the subtitle, 50 Essential Issues That Affect Our Freedom? 50?? And I did find it interesting - or strange - that envy is listed as an issue but none of other seven deadly sins!

The issues, by the way, are in alphabetical order. I skimmed abortion not wanting to talk about it because it is far too difficult to discuss without getting emotional. It's an issue that drives the vote of too many people on both sides of the aisle. I have friendships that have nearly been destroyed based on this one topic. Not going there.

I do agree with Paul's position on bipartisanship: Too few things the two parties agree on that would be good for country.

And tax-payer financed elections; financing goes underground. Yup I agree with Paul on this one too. Campaign laws won't solve the problems.

And I do like Paul's stand against capital punishment and empire building and aggressive wars. Abortion position? Not so much. (See?? I'm weak! Why must I even comment on abortion??)

Paul's CIA position - I have to say, "Preach it brother." We would probably all be safer without it and every other clandestine operation. How can anything be successful if it thrives on secrecy and lies?

Gheesh! I actually agree with Paul's thoughts on civil disobedience. We both think it is legitimate and an effective way to resist violence perpetuated by state.

OK, I'm now thinking Paul is not in the right party. He is SO Independent. Why would Ron Paul choose to align himself with the GOP? It seems inconsistent with his independent thoughts.

But I'm still reading.

Oops! Paul & I disagree on discrimination. And education! Local control by school boards? The thought is bone-chilling to me! Maybe good in Malibu but Flint, MI?? C'mon!

Oooo, I DO like his thought that the American Empire is an enemy of American freedom. Yup I'm with him on that one. He says it is every bit an enemy of American citizens as it is to the victims of world. Let us be reminded that leadership is so critical!

And so I ask, why would this person align himself with the Republicans when their system only seems to dilute his arguments. He seems to stand against necessary evils. Yet, why do what he must to get attention or elected? And yes, the system IS against him! I'm just confused about him injecting himself into that system. They don't like him there. It would seem more fitting for him to play at a different playground.

Focus.

I like Paul's stance on the deadly sin of envy: In a true free market economy, gain does not come at any one's expense. I just wish we could trust one another!

Paul's argument regarding evolution vs creation seems opposing to his argument regarding education. Again he talks about local power deciding but admits it might cause problems. Ya think?? How does a blue collar, largely high school educated-only town even stand a chance in competing with the academic giants of Ann Arbor's school board? It wouldn't. It couldn't. Local power dictating the future? Gotta say, that sounds frightening - even as I am trying to relax as I sip my Tim Hortons coffee!

I like Paul on this though: Any disagreement with government is considered unshared love of freedom. He says, "And that is exactly how fear works." Word! WORD!

Paul quotes CS Lewis in his section on Insurance. Interesting.

Ok, now I get it. Ron Paul likes liberty and/or freedom. He really REALLY thinks it is foundational to our government - and I cannot argue that it isn't indeed a constitutional right but, BUT his steely-gazed focus on liberty raises some red flags for me. It's like one of those airhorns that people obnoxiously blare at an indoor sporting event - and they have the freedom to do that! But for me, and this is my rub with Ron Paul when all is said and done (I may or may not vote for him remember), one man's liberty can and I gotta say, DOES infringe on my other constitutional and unalienable rights of life and the pursuit of happiness endowed by the Creator. And while I do LOVE Ron Paul's position on war, America's empire building, and Executive Power, some of his other ideas seem a bit idealistic for a 21st century America. I do not share his confidence in the goodness of people or corporations or government to step up and do the right thing.

I hear more and more people say they are supporting Ron Paul. He and his thoughts are compelling no doubt!! I WISH many of Paul's ideas would work, but the American political system seems too far gone to me. He carries with him ideas that would seem much more effective for rebuilding after a collapse!

There is no doubt, however, no doubt at all that Ron Paul makes this race far more interesting!

But hey, what do I know? I'm apolitical!

Living lawlessly in Flint, MI

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:35:00 +0000

So get this: the folks in my neighborhood have started writing about the infidels in the neighborhood that drive too fast. They are beginning to flood the listserve with alt means of stopping the "growing problem." The first post I ignored, though a little sheepishly.

You see, they are talking about me.

Some have even written about those who do not stop at stop signs or blow through red lights. And while that is not EXACTLY me, I HAVE joked that all laws have been suspended in Flint due to the budget cutting our enforcers. The truth is, I rarely see a police car any more. When I do, I automatically think it is serious trouble in this wild-western town, that they are chasing after some cattle-rustlers or bank robbers.

It could happen!

What has the listserve jumping is a pretty serious accident occurred yesterday along the main drag. In fact, it was an entrapment that involved kids that were apparently just picked up from the neighborhood school. I saw the two little ones who looked a bit confused. I took the liberty to fill in the gaps on information and assumed that their mom was in the ambulance. That had to be confusing for those two kids...

Life can change so quickly.

Good Lord, now they are talking about installing speed bumps on the listserve!

So my guilt is getting the best of me here. The funny thing is I thought no one noticed how I drive! It's not like I have a memorable car - or do I? Could it truly be that as these folks are posting their passionate thoughts on this listserve they are envisioning ME nearly missing them as I pulled out of the neighborhood?

Dear God!

And so I am thinking about this principle I have long held with a fair amount of self-righteous pride. If left to their own accord, will people do the right thing? If suddenly there were no laws, would the goodness of people instead reign civilly and therefore create a safe, hospitable environment? After all, the law of our hearts is stronger than any law of the land! I mean, right?

RIGHT?

Oh great, now I'm thinking about that Edmund Burke line, ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph [of evil] is for good men to do nothing.’

I think I've been playing for the wrong team...

And so how in the world do we apply this concept to the greater problems of Flint, MI? Can we? Is this now tested and failed personal principle indicative of an impending collapse as our hired enforcers become fewer and fewer? Do we even stand a chance with civility?

I'm turning myself in to the listserve! We may not be needing those speed bumps after all...

Whole-hearted

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 20:36:00 +0000

There was a time in my life when I did not experience emotion. A person never would have known it by looking at me. I am sure that I seemed "happy." I smiled, chatted, could hold a fairly reasonable conversation, but honestly, I didn't feel anything.

I didn't realize it until one day, after removing myself from that which robbed me of my emotions, I suddenly felt something - in my heart - and I was struck by the power of the emotion that was suddenly there. It almost took my breath away.

I recall being in a church service some years later, after my emotions returned to me, when a beautiful woman stood to her feet and shared with the 50-some people there that she was grateful because that day she had experienced her own thought. She told the crowd that it had been quite some time that she actually had her own thought.

I cried. I cried maybe because I remembered my own joy when the ability to feel emotion returned to me - and I didn't have the courage to stand up and tell anyone - in fact I told no one - yet this woman rose to her feet and told a large group of people that she had her own thought that day. There were plenty of people who looked confused; I went and hugged her.

And I don't know why I am thinking of this today, right now. Maybe because it has been a particularly emotional week and I have had many emotional conversations - and I have cried more than I normally do over hard things - and good things.

This world can feel so overwhelming, so confusing, filling us with many emotions and thoughts. We can wake up and our circumstances seem exactly the same as they did yesterday - or our days are radically and painfully the opposite. And we rise to try and stand in the face of it all, without falling back ... or down. There are days this week when merely rising was a victory.

And I wrestled.

And I tossed and turned.

And I paced.

What is it that was churning in my soul??

And then I read this: "A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick."

We numb? Do we pace? Do we toss and turn when we should be sleeping?

And then I read this: "The root of the word courage is cor -- the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant to speak one's mind by telling all one's heart."

The words of Brene Brown suddenly spoke to my churning soul. Brene is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past 10 years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Brene spent the first five years of her decade-long study focusing on shame and empathy, and is now using that work to explore a concept that she calls Whole-heartedness.

Whole-heartedness.

Whole-heartedness...

Brene writes that the word courage today is more synonymous with being heroic ... And heroics are often about putting our life on the line. "Courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. If we want to live and love with our whole hearts ... our first step is practicing the courage it takes to own our stories and tell the truth about who we are. It doesn't get braver than that."

When I read those words I thought of the woman who shared with the congregation that she experienced her own thought - and the courage it must have taken - and her bravery...

And I thought of my own unwillingness to be vulnerable yet this strong, pounding desire to live whole-heartedly. Her words pierced my heart as I considered one of the latest books I read on connectedness and my failures to live out the principles.

Brene writes: "... Connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here."

Brene said through her measured research of collecting data, she began wrestling with how they, the whole-hearted, were making choices in their lives - and what they did with vulnerability. And why do those of the rest of us struggle with it so much.

"So this is what I learned," she writes (check out her blog http://www.ordinarycourage.com/). "We numb vulnerability ... And we live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability."

Honestly, my heart sank as her words whispered to my soul because I KNOW numbness and what it means to shut off emotions and to be afraid -- and to want connection more than anything else on any given day.

"We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history," she writes. "The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment, I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. I don't want to feel these.

"You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle."

But then, THEN, Brene starts meddling.

"One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up. That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort."

I read those words over and over again. And over and over again.

Her 10 years of research found that whole-hearted people, very simply, experienced connection as a result of authenticity - they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were.

And her research found that whole-hearted people fully embraced vulnerability. "They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they talk about it being excruciating ... They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say 'I love you' first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental."

The impact her research had on her own life was life altering - and how could it not be? "And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it? A: that's not me," she said. "And B: I don't even hang out with people like that. For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.

"We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives. We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry. We'll fix it.

Brene points to the data, the 10 years of research that just might be a key to life: "We need to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard ... to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, 'Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?' just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, 'I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive.' "

I sat down and wrote to my new friend Brene Brown with gratitude overflowing, with a thawing numbness, and a growing amount of courage to live whole-heartedly, against the odds that there will be some great payoff - a payoff any greater than living life as it was meant to be.

Whole-hearted ...

Whole-heartedly ...

Help, my brain won't shut off!

noreply@blogger.com (sue frownfelter) — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 14:07:00 +0000

So when my mind is not otherwise occupied with the demands of my tenant who rents just a wee bit of space up there (jobs are like that, aren't they? Our bosses rent our brain space for their purposes?)

When I am not responding to our rental agreement, my mind this week has almost immediately gone back time and again to a spiritual wrestling about truth. And I consider myself a seeker of truth. I can never shake this gut feeling that there is something more, something deeper, some innate drive, an inner impulse.

I have to be honest, I have not found this truth in the church - or at least not that often. While I regularly attend, I often leave feeling as if I had a spiritual snack that doesn't always even taste good. The promise is always there, but for me, very rarely delivers. The hunger for truth remains - and I keep seeking.

This week I began reading a 21st century biography about Jesus - He was a person after all. No one denies that the guy lived and walked on earth. The author said this: Jesus was a revolutionary who tranformed the entire Judiac religious scheme into an affair of the heart and an adventure of the spirit. He did not exactly repudiate the law. What he did was to extract its moral code and ignore the rest. Instead of the law he spoke of the Kingdom of God or the Kingdom or Heaven. A faithful soul was not one who obeyed the law but one who, by transforming his spirit, "entered" the Kingdom.

And then I thought, why do we get this so wrong?
Maybe it's just me who gets it wrong...

And then I came across an article - because my brain won't shut off - Quitting Christianity to Follow Jesus. The same kinds of revolutionary thoughts were there: "Instead of living out the value of a Christian life, we cling to theology and short catchphrases on what it means to be a Christian ... We wear our Christian t-shirts, listen to Christian music and attend Christian concerts, where we have a true experience of emotion, and thus we buy a lot of Christian-themed shirts. We go on retreats and return on spiritual highs. We buy devotional books that do nothing but gather dust. We support Republican candidates because they’re fighting to save the family and to protect us from the evil that is homosexuality. We abhor everything that doesn’t fit in our “Christian box” because of course it’s evil, and of course we’re supposed to flee from it, never mind that the actual person is a person. When hard times come along, we cite verses that people normally cite and we say that God’s testing us, or we’re just going through a trial and we remind ourselves that if we just have faith, we’ll get through it all. "

But get this. The author then writes: "Seems like we’re putting it all in a perspective that just makes us feel good. It just makes us feel better about things. Gives us warm and fuzzy feelings without breaking a sweat and putting on a fur coat. We orient everything so that we don't have to change our way of life. And we pursue what we want because it's our God-given desires. We distance ourselves from the reality of Christ's call because that's comfortable."

Wow! I did not learn THAT in Sunday School!

"I quit Christianity," the author wrote. "I'm no longer a Christian. I just wanna follow Jesus. I don't want the demands and the politics of being a Christian anymore. I don't wanna follow the church. The church could be great, but it's so uninspiring. There's no longer any room for imagination, but there's plenty of room for theology and doctrine. There's not enough space to be limitless and to believe in a limitless God, but there's plenty of time to chain God down into a series of statements and responsive readings.   The reason that we chain God down and we no longer imagine the possibilities, is because we like to think that we can control God and we can control what the statements of Jesus say. We can control the message of dilution. But when we encounter something real, something mystical that defies theological and doctrinal beliefs, we realize that we can't answer things with our prepared cliche statements. It's not enough."

Gandhi says: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

It's true isn't it? We don't look, feel, speak, smell like Jesus.

But I want to.

Honestly, so much of Christianity today seems foreign to me - at least this 21st century Christianity. I don't understand the language that Christians seem to use with fluency but feels isolating. I don't understand the judgment and condemnation. I don't understand the "bootstraps" we are suppose to use to help ourselves not one another.

As I read about Jesus, I don't think he would either.

Is this part of that inner impulse, that drive for something more?

Seriously?? The tenant is calling with yet another demand. What time is it anyway??