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		<title>Silencing Your Inner Critic (&amp; a love letter)</title>
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		<comments>http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/silencing-your-inner-critic/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 29 May 2013 10:31:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Liz</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Self-Growth]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://gentlelivingonline.com/?p=8713</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>I’m reading an amazing book by renowned author Martha Beck called Steering by Starlight. It’s about finding the life that’s meant for you and it&#8217;s incredibly insightful, I highly recommend it (and all of her books for that matter). In it Martha teaches the most interesting trick to silencing your inner critic and I had to [...]</p><p>The post <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/silencing-your-inner-critic/">Silencing Your Inner Critic (&#038; a love letter)</a> appeared first on <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com">Gentle Living</a>.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: center;"><a title="Silencing Your Inner Critic" href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Silencing-Your-Inner1.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-8731" alt="Silencing-Your-Inner" src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Silencing-Your-Inner1.jpg" width="515" height="563" /></a></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I’m reading an amazing book by renowned author Martha Beck called <em>Steering by Starlight</em>. It’s about finding the life that’s meant for you and it&#8217;s incredibly insightful, I highly recommend it (and all of her books for that matter). </span><span style="font-size: medium;">In it Martha teaches the most interesting trick to silencing your inner critic and I had to share it with you as I think you might benefit from it as well.</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #008080;"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Martha explains the significance of the battle for our brain between the “lizard” and the “wizard”, as she calls them.</span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The wizard is the part of our brain that sees our endless potential, that knows exactly what our soul wants and is capable of, our purest essence, our childlike enthusiasm and wonder, our wildest unfiltered imagination. Our wizard is our truth, shining brightly as our core, before life came and smacked us around.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The lizard on the other hand is our inner critic. It is the neural structure in our brain that first evolved in reptiles. It literally wraps around our brain stem like a serpent. This part of the brain’s sole function is to trigger survival fears, constantly telling us that we don’t have enough and that we’re in danger.</span><strong><span style="color: #008080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></em></span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Back in our caveman days this part of our brain protected us from threats and starvation. But now we use it to control our perspective on so many other areas of life &#8211; love, friendship, time, money, occupation, etc.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">It’s the voice that constantly tells you to hold on too tight to what little you have, to give up on love because it’s clearly not meant to be for you, to stop looking for supportive friendships because clearly everyone is really just out to hurt you, to not reach for your dreams because you’ll never get them. It causes you to approach life from a starvation, destitute, defensive, attack mode mentality.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">We all have this voice screaming over at least one area of our life. It’s the root of all insecurities, jealousies, comparison addictions, love mishaps and career paranoias.</span></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-size: medium; color: #008080;">Martha’s technique for taming this beast is to give it a name and identity. </span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I’ve heard of giving this nagging alter ego a name before but I always brushed it off as somewhat silly. </span><span style="font-size: medium;">But Martha has shed some serious light on this tactic. She states that you can literally change the structure of your brain by naming your inner critic. In fact, the more clearly you create an image and identity for it the better.</span></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-size: medium; color: #008080;">She explains that by calling on your brain to observe this lizard identity you’ve created, “you subtract neural energy from survival fear and move it to a more highly evolved portion of the brain&#8230; The neuron pathways that carry lizard fears become weaker the more we observe them. Patients with ‘abnormal’ brains, such as those with obsessive-compulsive disorder, have actually reconfigured their brains to ‘normal’ by using self-observation techniques.”</span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So if you know you have a battle going on in your brain with the voice that’s constantly telling you you’re not enough, people are out to hurt you, you’ll never be appreciated, you’ll never find love, you’ll never get what you want, etc., stop and identify this voice. Name it, picture it, and observe it.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So many changes have been happening in my life over the last few weeks and I&#8217;ve found myself working back in a law firm (I&#8217;m an attorney and spent 6 years at a law firm before the economic collapse). It&#8217;s a good thing, I hope to write about it more soon. Being back in my power suits I&#8217;ve been thinking a lot about the battles I&#8217;ve had to win with my own inner critic and I&#8217;ve felt such a sense of pride in knowing it didn&#8217;t get the best of me.  </span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium; color: #008080;"><strong><em>The battles within often throw the hardest punches.<br />
Learn to love yourself and you will win the war. </em></strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I want you to win those battles. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Being that my name is Liz, I’ve decided to just go ahead and call my inner critic, Lizard. I was asked once to write my inner critic a love letter as a healing exercise. I&#8217;ve decided to share that with you here. It may seem silly but writing it did prove to be very healing.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I hope my love note helps change the way you speak to yourself when you&#8217;re feeling a sense of lack&#8230;<br />
</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">My Dearest Lizard,</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">Thank you. If it weren’t for you, what would I know of inner strength, of perseverance, of overcoming obstacles, of the power of positive thinking and self-love? Would I be able to empathize with others so deeply? Would I long to help others heal so strongly? Would I have truly understood that our greatest battles often lie within and that winning these battles is where true freedom lies?</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">You’ve played such a prominent role in my self-growth and for too many years I wasted energy hating you, pushing back on you, fighting you, resisting you&#8230; which only made you stronger. I see now how exhausting that was for me, for both of us. How unnecessary. My hatred of you merely reflected how much I was listening to your harsh words and how much I was letting you win our inner battle.</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">You never intended to hurt me, as much as your words did in fact burn. You were simply trying to protect me, from failure, from disappointment, from others, from myself, from life&#8230; You were going about it the only way that you knew how; loudly and brashly.</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">But my dearest critic, you don’t know what I know. You’re buried so deep within that you don’t see anything other than darkness. That’s not your fault. Occupational hazard.</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">If you could see what I see you would know that there’s so much light and beauty in the world and that in trying to protect me so vigorously, you were actually robbing me of all the world has to offer and of all I have to offer it. And in spending so much time fighting with you and succumbing to your darkness, I was also robbing myself. We were both at fault.</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">I want you to know that I forgive you and I truly understand why you treated me the way you did for so long. I also want to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the years I spent hating you, resenting you, wishing I could vanish you. Because in hating you I was really only hating myself, which hurt us both.</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">You are a part of me dearest critic. And to truly love myself, I have to love all of me, the good and the bad, the light and the dark. I don’t get to pick and choose. So, while this has been really hard for me to say, I’m just going to say it, I love you.</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">I hope you’re not offended that you no longer get quite as much of my attention. I hear you, I really do, but now that I’ve accepted you, your voice is a bit softer, a bit kinder, and a bit less persistent. Were you just looking for a little acceptance all along?</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">Since deciding to love you, I’ve felt more free, more alive, more bold and more empowered. And you’ve played a big role in that. You seem more comfortable allowing me to shine my unique light. It never occurred to me that all of your yelling and harsh words throughout the years may have just been a cry for help, a longing to be seen, to be loved.</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">Well, I see you. We don’t need to battle so relentlessly for me to remember that you’re there. You will always be a part of me. I’m just so glad that we’ve learned to respect each other more and set some boundaries. I know we’ll still fight sometimes, but I’ve accepted that too so even our fights don’t seem as overwhelming.</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">You’ve taught me so many important lessons about myself, about life, about love, about self-worth, and for that I am truly grateful. For in your harsh dealings with me you deepened my soul and gave me insight into the complexity of humanity. In “seeing” you, you’ve truly helped me to see into others. I often wonder if I’d have any of the gifts I have if it weren’t for you.</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">So hopefully we have no hard feelings and we can go forward together in harmony. Here’s to our future together, one of peace, acceptance, respect and understanding, with the occasional rough and tumble.</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">Thank you, for everything. </span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">xo</span></em></span><span style="color: #000080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></em></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">We all have inner critics. They put us down, sabotage us, and block us from achieving our potential, if we let them. But in resisting them too strongly, we often just fuel them on.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So once you give yours an identity instead of fighting with it and hating it (because that really just means you’re hating a part of yourself), I challenge you to make peace with it. Stop focusing on the ways that dark voice inside your head has held you back and instead think of all the ways it has actually helped you to grow as a person.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Identify your inner critic and accept it. In the process you&#8217;ll change your brain and change your life.</span></p>
<p><em><span style="font-size: medium; color: #000080;">In what ways has your own inner critic held you back? Can you make peace with it? </span></em></p>
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		<title>5 Steps to Trusting Yourself More (When Making Big Decisions)</title>
		<link>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GentleLiving/~3/6wDhIFBnE0w/</link>
		<comments>http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/confidence-self-growth/5-steps-trusting-yourself-more/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 09 May 2013 03:45:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Liz</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Confidence]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://gentlelivingonline.com/?p=8688</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>There’s a voice deep inside us. A soft voice that tells us our truths. An all knowing voice that comes from a place of self-love. Not the shallow but louder voice of self-doubt but a voice born into our soul that comes from love, purity, compassion and wisdom. Let&#8217;s call it our &#8220;soul voice&#8221;. It [...]</p><p>The post <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/confidence-self-growth/5-steps-trusting-yourself-more/">5 Steps to Trusting Yourself More (When Making Big Decisions)</a> appeared first on <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com">Gentle Living</a>.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Trust-pic2-edit1.jpg"><img class="aligncenter  wp-image-8693" title="5 Steps to Trusting Yourself More" alt="5 Steps to Trusting Yourself More" src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Trust-pic2-edit1.jpg" width="480" height="480" /></a></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">There’s a voice deep inside us. A soft voice that tells us our truths. An all knowing voice that comes from a place of self-love. Not the shallow but louder voice of self-doubt but a voice born into our soul that comes from love, purity, compassion and wisdom. Let&#8217;s call it our &#8220;soul voice&#8221;. It wants to guide us, it wants what&#8217;s best for us, it wants us to fulfill the longings of our soul.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">Yet too often we ignore it. We hear the opinions of others, loudly washing out that quiter inner voice of love. And those outside opinions create a conflict with our soul voice, often paralyzing us when it comes to making important decisions. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">Trusting yourself is particularly difficult for people who feel things deeply. People who bruise easily. People who absorb the emotions of those around them, who feel the pain of others as if it is their own.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">This ability to feel deeply, empathize, absorb, and take it all in so profoundly (the very qualities that help us <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/sensitivity-2/art-of-being-healer/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">heal and serve others</span></a></span> so well), is often what leads to our own self doubts and blocks. Blocks that prevent us from feeling <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/19-positive-affirmations-self-confidence/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">secure</span></a></span> in ourselves, from feeling trustworthy in our own eyes.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">Just as easily as we can absorb someone else&#8217;s sadness, we also absorb criticism, especially if it was given during vulnerable times in our life. We take it in, deeply, and let it perculate through our cells until it becomes embedded in our programming.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">The qualities we&#8217;re able to give so well and freely to others are often the hardest things to give to ourselves. So while we so easily help others to feel comforted, secure, understood, validated, and respected, we dump the doubts of the world upon ourselves. We can help others connect to their own soul voices but we often can&#8217;t hear our own.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">And so we wonder around in confusion when important decisions are on the line.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; color: #af697b;"><strong><em>It doesn&#8217;t have to be this way. We can use the gifts we give to the world and direct them to ourselves.</em></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">We can learn to trust ourselves and make decisions with clarity. But this is not a switch you turn on and off, it&#8217;s a practice, a nurturing.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; color: #003366;"><strong> Here are five steps to growing your sense of trust in yourself: </strong></span></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-size: large; color: #af697b;">1. Connect with Your Soul Voice.</span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">It&#8217;s not easy to hear our soul voice through all the <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/9-actions-when-nervous-insecure/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">doubt and confusion</span></a></span> circulating around in our head.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">To access it think of when you&#8217;re helping someone you cherish with a problem. You see them struggling, you want to fix it all for them, you want to heal every aspect of their pain, you see nothing but their potential, you offer nothing but helpful solutions. That place of love you&#8217;re approaching them from is often straight from your soul voice.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">When your attention is directed outwards towards helping someone else, your blocks are often released, allowing you to approach their problem with purity and clarity.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">Find that voice. That egoless voice born of pure compassion and respect. Find that voice and practice using it on yourself. This is a practice you must do every day until your soul voice is the loudest one you hear.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: #af697b;">2. Substantiate Your Trustworthiness.</span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">Think back to times when you followed your inner instincts against the opinions of others and you experienced a favorable outcome. And think back to the times when you followed the opinions of others against your inner instincts and you suffered because of it. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">List out those times. What impact did each of those decisions have on your life? What would your life be like if you had chosen differently?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">Your soul voice never lets you down. When you truly connect to it it will lead you to where you need to go time and time again. You may not realize it as it&#8217;s happening, but if you look back at some of the decisions you&#8217;ve made in the past based upon a longing deep within you, you&#8217;ll like see just how knowing your soul voice truly was. You&#8217;ll likely see that it&#8217;s been guiding you effectively all along, helping you to grow and evolve along the way. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">When you&#8217;re faced with a big decision, think of those times and your trust in yourself will grow. </span></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-size: large; color: #af697b;">3. Stretch and Expand. </span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When faced with an important decision, ask yourself which path will stretch and expand you the most. Which path will challenge you to grow &#8211; professionally, spiritually, personally, or in whatever way your decision focuses on.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Which path pushes you outside of your comfort zone in a positive way versus the path that makes you feel like you want to crawl inward, shrink or run. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The path that challenges you to grow may be <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/how-to-overcome-fear/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">scary</span></a></span> but it is likely the path you&#8217;re being called to take. In analyzing it this way you&#8217;ll be able to see if you&#8217;re basing your decision on fear based thinking or on the deeper voice that believes in you and sees your potential.</span></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-size: large; color: #af697b;"><strong>4. </strong></span></strong><strong><span style="font-size: large; color: #af697b;">Align Yourself with People Who Understand and Support You.</span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">There&#8217;s no faster way to stifle your soul voice than if you&#8217;re surrounded by <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/relationships-2/bad-relationship-patterns/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">people who don&#8217;t get you</span></a></span>, who criticize you, who belittle your opinions and smother you with theirs, who make you shrink. This can be particularly damaging if it&#8217;s coming from family members.</span><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">It&#8217;s hard to hear your soul voice in such a hostile environment. And so you shrink, smother and quiet your inner wisdom instead of working on expanding it. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">Surround yourself with people who love, support and nurture you, people who help you stretch and expand, and your soul voice will thrive.</span></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-size: large; color: #af697b;">5. Let Go and Look Forward.</span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">Make your decision. Make it from a place of love. And then let go. Don&#8217;t try to move forward while looking backward. Trust in the process of life. Trust that your soul voice is conspiring with the Universe to get you to go exactly where you need to be.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #333333;">The more faith you put into your decision, the better your outcome will be. Make your decision and then only look forward. See the end in sight and your soul will continue to conspire with the Universe to get you there. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">And when voices of doubt and judgment inevitably come flooding back through, just stop and pause. Close your eyes. <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/life-lessons-video-meditation/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Meditate</span></a></span>. Go for a walk in <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/sweetthoughts/if-nature-was-a-religion/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">nature</span></a></span>. Go through these steps again and wait for your soul voice to rise back up. </span><span style="font-size: medium;">Welcome it back in.  </span></p>
<p><strong><em><span style="font-size: medium; color: #003366;">What are your biggest struggles when it comes to trusting yourself and making important decisions?</span></em></strong></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
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		<title>The Art of Being a Healer: Sensitivity, Tragedy &amp; Beyond</title>
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		<comments>http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/sensitivity-2/art-of-being-healer/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 18 Apr 2013 03:26:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Liz</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Sensitivity]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[<p>Many sensitive people don’t realize it but one of our greatest powers is our ability to heal those around us. And in healing others, we often heal pieces of ourselves.   After the attacks in Boston on Monday I was reminded of the power in healing one another; the power that radiates outward in simply [...]</p><p>The post <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/sensitivity-2/art-of-being-healer/">The Art of Being a Healer: Sensitivity, Tragedy &#038; Beyond</a> appeared first on <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com">Gentle Living</a>.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Healer-Pic-21.jpg"><img class=" wp-image-8668 aligncenter" alt="Healer Pic 2" src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Healer-Pic-21.jpg" width="480" height="480" /></a></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Many <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/11-powerful-ways-protect-sensitivity/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">sensitive people</span></a></span> don’t realize it but one of our greatest powers is our ability to heal those around us. And in healing others, we often heal pieces of ourselves.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">After the <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/17/us/boston-marathon-things-we-know/index.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">attacks</span></a></span> in Boston on Monday I was reminded of the power in healing one another; the power that radiates outward in simply offering to help those in the midst of crisis. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I lost my <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/learning-from-death-dealing-with-loss/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">best friend</span></a></span> on <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/11-years-ago-911/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">9/11</span></a></span>. That was one of the hardest times of my life. And of course I remember the horror of it all. But those aren’t my only memories. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Just as prevalent are the memories of the love that seemed to surround everything and everyone. The people who stood outside day after day handing out food and drinks to those searching for their loved ones. The endless offers to help. The teams that rallied to search every hospital. The loved ones who knew when to simply hold my hand, tight, and not say a word. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">It’s not easy to find beauty in tragedy, but it’s there. It’s then that we give the most love. It’s then that we rise to our potential because we’re able to let go of all the nonsense that pulls us down spiritually. It’s then that we call forth our deepest ability to heal others. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><span style="color: #008080;">And the more sensitive you are, the more you are able to heal those around you.</span></strong> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">There will always be people in our lives who need healing. But sometimes we get so lost in our own struggles that we forget about what a gift this is.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So if you often feel like you’re <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/highly-sensitive/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">too sensitive</span></a></span>, focus instead on the powers it brings to you.  One of those powers is your ability to heal others. This gift is so essential, especially in times of great suffering or tragedy. </span></p>
<p><strong style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #008080;">Below are some of the healing strengths I bet you possess that you can focus on so you give the most to the people you love. And in doing so, you nurture and grow the very best of yourself.</span></strong><span style="font-size: medium;">   </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; color: #000080;"><span style="color: #af697b; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>Intuition</i></b></span> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If you’re sensitive, your intuition is your superpower. You sense things others miss. You can sense exactly what someone needs to hear or needs to happen. It’s that intuition that will guide you to help someone exactly as <i>they</i> need to be helped. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When I was looking for my friend immediately following 9/11 (when it wasn’t yet clear just how few survivors there would be), my very intuitive friend stayed by my side day after day. There were a ton of people around me, but it was her healing ability that got me through it. It was her intuition that often told her to hold my hand and not say a word. Without having to ask she knew that what I needed most, was silence. Without her I’m really not sure how I would have gotten through that agonizing time. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I don’t think my friend fully realized how powerful that was for me. She was simply following her intuition and doing what came naturally to her because of it. I wasn’t ready to hear comforting words, they made me want to run, her silence is what kept me grounded. </span><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Follow your intuition and you will likely have the same affect on someone who needs you. You will sooth in profound ways without even trying.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: x-large; color: #af697b;"><b><i>Energy</i></b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Sensitive people seem to read energies. They can read the feel of a room the second they walk into it. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">After I gave birth to <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/parenthood/privilege-of-parenthood/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">my daughter</span></a></span> we spent two nights in a room with lovely roommates. The energy was wonderful. My baby was peaceful. She wasn’t, and isn’t to this day, a big cryer (we are blessed). It was all love. But our nurse was terrible and my husband insisted we switch rooms. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">As we walked into our new room and heard the couple we’d be sharing space with I immediately turned to my husband and said “this was a mistake.” He didn’t know what I was talking about. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The couple were nice people, telling each other nice things, but their energy was off in a really bad way. I could feel their energy coursing through my body just from the few words they spoke. And apparently so did my baby; she wailed mercilessly the entire night. To date, that was her worse night ever. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Our ability to read people’s energies can feel overwhelming at times. As it should. But it’s also one of our greatest strengths.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If someone needs your help you can use that strength to see what’s blocking them, what they’re attracting, or what they need to release.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The more in tuned you are to people’s energy, the more affectively you can respond to their specific needs. And the healing begins.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"> <b><i><span style="color: #af697b; font-size: x-large;">Listening</span> </i></b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If someone needs you, your ability to listen deeply to what they’re saying, how they’re saying it, and equally as important, what they’re <i>not</i> saying, is essential.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Sensitive people are natural listeners. We hear what’s spoken and we hear what’s not spoken. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Use this strength to guide your intuition, your actions, your words. Listen, deeply, and you will heal with your response. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><i><span style="color: #af697b; font-size: x-large;">Strength</span> </i></b></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">As I mentioned in a <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/11-powerful-ways-protect-sensitivity/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">previous article</span></a></span>, I think sensitive people are some of the strongest people out there. We’re sensitive, but we can actually handle a lot more than most. We just get it done, whatever it may be, for whoever needs us. And it’s this strength that rises up when people need the most help.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Whether big tragedies or small personal tragedies, the world needs healers. Healers can take what’s broken, sooth the sore spots, and slowly put things back together. Sometimes it won’t seem like much, but your actions can change the life of the person you’re helping.</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I will never forget the comfort of my friend, holding my hand, and standing with me in silence. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #008080;"><strong>If you are a healer, you are gifted.</strong> <strong>The world needs you.</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #008080;"><em>Have you ever felt like you have a gift for healing others?</em></span></p>
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		<title>5 Keys to Breaking Bad Relationship Patterns</title>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 04 Apr 2013 03:31:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Liz</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[<p>“A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction&#8230; But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons.&#8221; ~ Richard Bach I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. About the unhealthy patterns we sometimes weave into them. [...]</p><p>The post <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/relationships-2/bad-relationship-patterns/">5 Keys to Breaking Bad Relationship Patterns</a> appeared first on <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com">Gentle Living</a>.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Heart-edit.jpg"><img class="aligncenter  wp-image-8634" title="5 Keys to Breaking Bad Relationship Patterns" src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Heart-edit.jpg" alt="5 Keys to Breaking Bad Relationship Patterns photo" width="594" height="396" /></a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><em><span style="color: #008080;">“A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction&#8230;<br />
</span></em></strong></span><strong style="font-size: medium;"><em><span style="color: #008080;">But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds,<br />
</span></em></strong><strong style="font-size: medium;"><em><span style="color: #008080;">and you will know, too, when you lift yourself high enough<br />
to see beyond horizons.&#8221; ~ Richard Bach</span></em></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. About the unhealthy patterns we sometimes weave into them. So many of us seem to repeat the same relationship stories over and over again throughout our lives. They look different at first, but before we know it we’re right back where we were however many years ago, dealing with issues we’d sworn we put behind us. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">It doesn’t have to be that way. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Perhaps you’ve experienced this. Maybe you keep dating the same type of guy/gal. Maybe you keep finding friendships that make you feel uncomfortable, taken advantage of, not listened to, or that generally bring out the worst in you, instead of the best. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Repetition. Recycling. But the garbage here is of the emotional kind. Garbage you can’t seem to get out of your life. Out of you. And so it shows up, again and again, stinking up your world.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Didn’t you just date a guy who brought out these same exact issues a few months ago? Wasn’t he basically the same guy you dated three years ago? Didn’t you just dump that friend who always uses harsh nasty words to describe other people, only to find a new one a year later? </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">And so, it keeps happening, over and over again&#8230; </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Sometimes it feels like it’s our destiny to relive endless versions of the same situation. As if the Universe is trying to hammer in some kind of message. As if she’s trying to imprint an ugly pattern into our soul.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Stuck in the <em>‘eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’</em>&#8230; but with different characters every time. Different players, same outcome.     </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Nothing is accidental. Nothing is coincidence. And no one is conspiring against us. It’s all devised by our subconscious. We’re calling for this repetition. Deeply. It represents something unfulfilled, unresolved. And it’s in our control to change it. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Below are 5 ways to challenge those bad patterns so you can focus on weaving more beauty into new and existing relationships. </span></p>
<p><span style="color: #008080;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">1. Forgive Yourself. </span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">We obviously play a huge role in the creation of these bad relationships. And while they often go disguised for awhile, when the pattern finally rears it ugly design, we’re left wondering what’s wrong with us. How did we allow this to happen, again. We must not be destined for anything better. We must deserve this. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">That kind of self talk certainly doesn’t help end the bad pattern you’re hoping to break. If anything it reinforces it by robbing you of all power and hope. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Understand that it’s not your fault.  Our subconscious minds control so much of what we do. And often we don’t know to challenge the subconscious beliefs that bring us to dark places until we’re already there, knee deep, buried in emotional garbage. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">You didn’t ask for the unhealthy relationships you’ve found yourself in. You’re not a masochist. You’re not an emotional cutter. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">What you are is someone who hasn’t learned the lesson you were meant to learn quite yet. Someone who wants deeply to resolve something but who just needs the right tools to do so. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So forgive yourself. Forgive all the times you’ve entered into a relationship that wasn’t healthy, that caused you to feel hurt, unworthy, or unnoticed. Or that caused you to hurt others. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Start with forgiveness. Only after you forgive yourself can you take steps forward to weave a new pattern. Forgiveness will help you put the past where it belongs &#8211; in the past &#8211; so it stops tainting your future. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So close your eyes. Tell yourself you forgive. Feel it wash over you. Then take the next step forward. </span></p>
<p><span style="color: #008080;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">2. Understand Where the Pattern Came From. </span></strong> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">After you’ve forgiven yourself you can start to do some work to correct this yucky pattern you keep sewing into your life. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If it’s a pattern you’ve repeated multiple times you should be able to pinpoint some of the traits, characteristics, and symptoms. Think about them, write them down, analyze them. What exactly do all these relationships have in common? What were some telltale warning signs that you missed early on but can now easily identify? What behaviors have these relationships brought out in you time and time again? What was it about those relationships that triggered such behaviors in you? </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Now think about what led you to enter those relationships. What was it you were longing for? What feelings were you enjoying? What results were you hoping for? What emotions were these relationships triggering for you? </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">A lot of times we enter into relationships because they feel familiar to us, like a story we know well, so we fall right into them seamlessly, without even giving it much thought. Sometimes that’s okay and other times it’s a reflection of a story that wasn’t good for us to begin with. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Understanding where the pattern comes from and how it was created is key to finding ways to break it.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; color: #008080;"><strong>3. Recognize the Warning Signs</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Now it’s time to take a look at some of the warning signs you may have overlooked in the past so you can quickly identify them when they come up again. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I used to long for love, badly. I wanted to feel adored. I looked for other people’s love to give me security. And that often led me into relationships with possessive and controlling men. These relationships felt amazing at first because they were so intense but before I knew it I was back into an old pattern. Why didn’t I see it coming? Now that I look back I can see how I missed a lot of clues. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So what are some of the warning signs for your pattern? You have to look hard for these, as they can be disguised as really attractive things that lure you in like bait. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Identify the warning signs and you won’t get trapped so easily. </span></p>
<div><span style="font-size: large; color: #008080;"><strong><strong>4. Clarify How You Really Want to Feel. </strong></strong></span></div>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">What kind of relationship are you really hoping for? Describe it. Flesh it out.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Most importantly, what does it feel like? Focus less on what the person looks like or what they do for a living. Focus instead on the feeling. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">One of the reasons I was fortunate enough to end up with my husband was because I had had enough bad relationships to really force myself to understand the underlying feelings I was really longing for. Not the on the surface feelings that were based on insecurities I had, like wanting to feel adored. But the real deep down feelings I hadn’t even realized I was longing for. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">For me, what I truly longed for, what my soul wanted to live forever with, was a relationship full of peace. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Peace. That’s all I wanted. Something so big, yet so simple, I didn’t even know to wish for it. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">And then when I met my husband and we fell in love in the <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/my-love-story-everything-i-know-about-love/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">unlikeliest of love stories</span></a></span>, it was the peace in our everyday dynamic that made it work.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So dig deep, what is it you are truly longing for? What are the feelings that would help you happily stay in a relationship/friendship forever. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When you identify the feelings you long for you won’t get as easily lured in by the triggers you’ve identified in #3 above. </span></p>
<p><span style="color: #008080;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">5. Move Forward. </span></strong></span><strong style="font-size: medium;"> </strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Don’t be fearful of getting into new relationships. We learn something new with every one, which is the whole point of life anyway; to live and love, make mistakes, learn, and go forward. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So take the lessons you’ve learned and trust that you’ll take the right steps forward. And if you find yourself back in a bad relationship, it just means that there was something else for you to learn. So take the time to reflect on it and correct course and you’ll be that much closer to filling your life with the feelings you&#8217;ve been longing for in your relationships. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #008080;"><strong>Forgive. Understand. Recognize. Clarify. Move. </strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Take these steps and eventually the threads of your bad relationship patterns will come undone from the cloth of your soul. </span></p>
<p><strong><em><span style="font-size: medium; color: #008080;">I’d love to hear from you if this resonated. Leave a comment letting me know of any bad relationship patterns you’d like to break. I hope these steps have been helpful. </span></em></strong></p>
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		<title>9 Actions to Take When You’re Feeling Nervous &amp; Insecure</title>
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		<pubDate>Wed, 13 Mar 2013 16:48:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Liz</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Self-Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[insecurity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sensitivity]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[<p>Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.  ~Arthur Somers Roche We all battle nerves and insecurities, and when we lose the battle, they rob us of our potential. Personally I&#8217;ve battled insecurities quite a bit in my life. [...]</p><p>The post <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/9-actions-when-nervous-insecure/">9 Actions to Take When You’re Feeling Nervous &#038; Insecure</a> appeared first on <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com">Gentle Living</a>.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/pic.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-8588" title="9 Actions to Take When You’re Feeling Nervous &amp; Insecure " src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/pic.jpg" alt="9 Actions to Take When You’re Feeling Nervous &amp; Insecure " width="470" height="303" /></a></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-size: medium; color: #2a2058;"><em>Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. </em></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; color: #2a2058;"><em>If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained. </em></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: medium; color: #2a2058;"><em>~Arthur Somers Roche</em></span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">We all battle nerves and insecurities, and when we lose the battle, they rob us of our potential.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Personally I&#8217;ve battled insecurities quite a bit in my life. I know what it&#8217;s like to go from feeling as powerful as a lioness, to feeling as meek as a caterpillar. And when you feel meek, you act meek, and so people perceive you as such. Little do they know there&#8217;s so much strength inside of you.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I&#8217;ve had situations, one extremely embarrassing one in particular, where nerves and insecurities took me over so tremendously that I could barely speak. My body shook, my words stuttered, nothing I said made any sense, and my ego walked away with its tail in between its legs. Not my most impressive moment.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I&#8217;ve come a long way in learning how to fight my security attacking demons but it&#8217;s taken years to learn the tricks and maneuvers that help me find my strength when I feel weakness starting to surface. In a world where first impressions are so important, it&#8217;s so imperative that we put our best, strongest, bravest foot forward. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Below are some of my best tips for battling the nerves and insecurities that arise just when you really need to shine the most. </span><span style="font-size: medium;">Since I started using these tips I haven&#8217;t had one of those crushingly ego bruising embarrassing moments that I wish I could erase from my memory. And each tip is incredibly easy to implement so I hope they help you a bit as well.</span></p>
<h2><span style="color: #2a2058; font-size: large;"><strong>1. Breathe Deep.</strong></span></h2>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/breathing-exercises/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Breathing</span></a></span> deeply is one of the absolute best ways to calm a nervous mind. Bringing in an abundance of oxygen deep into your diaphragm is a well proven way to reduce stress and anxiety (especially if you feel an anxiety attack coming on).</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When we&#8217;re anxious we start to take fast shallow breathes directly from our chests instead of our diaphragms. This prevents your blood from being properly oxygenated which throws off the oxygen/carbon dioxide balance. This then signals a stress response which results in an increased heart rate, dizziness, muscle tension and other physical symptoms of anxiety. So when you&#8217;re starting to feel anxious you need to consciously ensure that you are taking deep, long, even breaths straight into your diaphragm. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If you have an interview, or you need to speak in front of a group, or you want to approach someone you admire, or any other situation where you feel your nerves and insecurities starting to take over every cell of your body, stop and take a series of long deep breaths (preferably with your eyes closed) where you hold the oxygen in your diaphragm for a few seconds each time before releasing it. There is no faster or easier way to calm yourself down.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">It sounds too good to be true but trust me, it is so effective.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: #2a2058;">2. Check Your Posture.</span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When we&#8217;re feeling insecure, we often try to make ourselves appear smaller. So we hunch over, fold our arms, and let our eyes fall to the floor. Your body is simply responding to how your brain feels.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">What I&#8217;ve found is that your brain can just as easily respond to what your body is telling it. So when you&#8217;re feeling your insecurities come on immediately check your posture. Are you slouching forward? What are your arms doing? Be aware of your body. Throw your shoulders back and extend your neck upwards as if a string is lifting you up.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If you can, do some stretching exercises before the event that&#8217;s causing your insecurities to rise up. Stretch with your arms out and open wide. In doing so you are not only relaxing your muscles but you&#8217;re also making yourself as physically big as you can possibly be. Instead of letting your body cower in fear you are using your body to tell your brain that you are big and powerful, tall and proud. You are worthy.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: #2a2058;">3. Smile.</span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Another incredibly easy yet effective way to use your body to get your brain to relax &#8211; smile. Smiling is one of the most powerful ways to not only enhance the moods of those around you but to completely alter your mood in the process.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If you&#8217;re about to meet someone or do something that&#8217;s incredibly scary to you, start smiling. You may not feel like it, every cell in your body may be telling you that the last thing you want to do is put a smile on your face, but do it anyway. It will immediately relax you. It&#8217;s like a energy zap to your brain telling it that all is okay, there&#8217;s really nothing to fear, and you&#8217;re going to enjoy every second of what you&#8217;re about to experience.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Whether you&#8217;re feeling insecure, stressed, anxious, down, bored, whatever, just start smiling &#8211; big and wide &#8211; throw in a little laugh if you want to, you will immediately see things through a new, happier, more secure and relaxed light.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: #2a2058;">4. Remember A Time When You Felt Really Powerful.</span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Even the most nervous and insecure have had <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/how-to-overcome-fear/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">one time or another</span></a></span> where they were at their best self, their most powerful, most self-assured, most secure. If you&#8217;re about to meet someone or do something that rattles your chakras, take a moment and close your eyes. Think about that time when for whatever reason all of your demons faded away and you were able to accomplish just what you hoped to accomplish, with an elegance and grace that suprised even yourself.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Who was that person? What allowed her to be so relaxed, so self-assured? What was she tapping into?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">That person was you. And you were tapping into your core. The true essence of who you are before all the life circumstances and ego bruising mishaps came along that try to smother your true potential.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">That strong version of you is still there, there are simply a few layers on top that you need to learn how to peel away. Picture yourself removing those dusty layers, one by one, so that the you underneath can shine.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So as you step forward into the big, bad and scary situation that has you feeling the jitters, picture the core you, dusty layers peeled away&#8230; the you that has shown so brightly in the past when you were feeling your best, picture that person stepping forward.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: #2a2058;">5. Accept it. Don&#8217;t Fight It.</span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When I used to struggle endlessly with nerves one of the biggest mistakes I made was to try and fight it. And so the internal dialogue would go something like this &#8220;Stop it. Relax. Calm down. Do not mess this up. OMG my body&#8217;s shaking, I&#8217;m not going to be able to speak, I suck.&#8221;</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">How do you think the end result of that internal dialogue went? Not good.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I&#8217;ve learned that if I&#8217;m starting to feel nervous, instead of fighting it and yelling at myself internally to calm the heck down (which only ever backfires), I&#8217;m way better off acknowledging my nerves in a loving way, respecting that they&#8217;re merely there to show me how important something is to me, and then giving myself permission to feel nervous.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">We all get nervous, it&#8217;s human nature, by accepting it you can lean into it, gently and lovingly, and then it simply does not take you over. I&#8217;m sure you&#8217;ve heard it a thousand times by now - <em>what you resist persists</em>. Once you stop resisting you stop becoming your own worst enemy.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I&#8217;ve learned to accept my nerves so much that I can now even joke, with a big smile on my face, about my own nervousness. And shockingly enough, instead of feeling like it&#8217;s doomsday when my nerves start to overflow, it can even feel fun and exciting. Yup, I said it, it can feel fun and exciting to feel nervous &#8211; sometimes <img src='http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' /> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: #2a2058;">6. Ask Yourself These Questions.</span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">A little perspective goes a long way. So whenever you&#8217;re feeling like your nerves are going to take you over, ask yourself what you&#8217;re really afraid of? What is the absolute worst case scenario? If that worst case scenario were to come true, would it be the end of your world? In five years, would you still be hating yourself for it? Would there be absolutely no lessons you could learn from it? Would it just completely annihilate your life?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Chances are, you&#8217;d live, you&#8217;d love and you&#8217;d move on. As they say,<em> the greatest fear is fear itself</em>.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: #2a2058;">7. Think About Who or What You&#8217;re Trying to Help.</span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Usually our insecurities come up when we&#8217;re hoping to get something from someone. Whether that&#8217;s attention, a better grade, a new job, a new client, admiration, applause, you name it.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The more we want something from someone the more reason for our nerves and insecurities to spike.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">A very simple way to take the edge off of that wanting is to reframe it in terms of how you can help the person you&#8217;re hoping to get something from. Chances are you are in fact trying to help them in some way. Maybe you&#8217;re helping them with a problem, or you&#8217;re helping to make a discussion they&#8217;re leading richer and more interesting, or you&#8217;re offering the skills that could make someone&#8217;s life easier.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Reframe what you&#8217;re presenting so that you&#8217;re coming from a place of generosity. The less you feel like you&#8217;re trying to take from someone, the more you&#8217;ll calm down and present what you have to give in a stronger and more abundant light.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Nerves and insecurities come from a feeling of lack. Focus on what you have to give and how you can help and your nerves will fall to the wayside.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: #2a2058;">8. Don&#8217;t Over Compensate.</span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When we&#8217;re feeling really insecure sometimes we try to overcompensate with extremely bold statements and outlandish promises or we try to be someone we&#8217;re not, because heaven forbid we just be ourselves.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Remember your core, the true you, you at your greatest potential. That you is not flashy, cavalier or arrogant. That you is calm, composed, graceful, relaxed and strong.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If you&#8217;re being fake it will be transparent and will only increase your own feelings of lack. You are better than that. Use these tips and you&#8217;ll be able to shine just as you are.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: #2a2058;">9. Breathe.</span></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Lastly, we&#8217;re back to the number one tip. If you forget all other tips above, just remember to take deep long abundant breaths into your diaphragm. </span><span style="font-size: medium;">That one thing alone will make whatever scary situation you&#8217;re walking into feel not so bad after all.</span></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #2a2058;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">Do you struggle with nerves and insecurities? What tricks work for you?</span></em></span></strong></p>
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		<title>How to Use Your Gentleness as Your Strength</title>
		<link>http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/GentleLiving/~3/2L7sHM4RE-M/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 28 Feb 2013 05:17:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Liz</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Self-Growth]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://gentlelivingonline.com/?p=8571</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.” St. Francis de Sales I’m not always gentle. But I love to be. My mother-in-law was in town for a few weeks after we had our baby. My step mother told me that she warned her ‘not to be fooled by Liz, she [...]</p><p>The post <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/gentleness-as-strength/">How to Use Your Gentleness as Your Strength</a> appeared first on <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com">Gentle Living</a>.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://followgram.me/i/392054860809881110_21570624"><img class="aligncenter  wp-image-8575" title="photo of my dog in the woods" src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/IMG_1922-1024x1024.jpg" alt="photo of my dog in the woods" width="517" height="517" /></a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #af697b;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><em>“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.”<br />
</em></strong></span><strong style="font-size: medium;"><em>St. Francis de Sales</em></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I’m not always gentle. But I love to be.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">My mother-in-law was in town for a few weeks after we had our baby. My step mother told me that she warned her <em>‘not to be fooled by Liz, she may come across as sweet and shy on the outside but don’t think you can push her around, she stands strong for what she wants.’</em> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The very next day my friend told me that one of her friends said to her, <em>‘I can’t picture Liz as a lawyer, she’s just soooo sweet.’  </em>My friend quickly corrected her saying <em>‘she is, but don’t be fooled, she’ll take you down if you mess with her.’ </em></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">While I found these back to back stories to be kinda funny, I wondered what the shareable message was. And which am I, sweet or fierce? Can I really be both simultaneously?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">People don’t usually associate being gentle with being strong. And I get it. But the more I thought about it, the more I started to wonder if there’s really anything stronger than being gentle? </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I used to think that to be a good person, a gentle person, I had to put up with everything, be nice no matter how I was treated, no matter how harmful the environment, no matter how unhappy I was inside. Now I know that in order for gentleness to be my true strength, I need to show it, and myself, the proper respect. </span></p>
<div><strong style="font-size: medium;">Personally, I view gentleness as a choice, a powerful one. I choose to be gentle, but that doesn’t mean I’m a pushover. And by making gentleness a conscious choice, I am making it my strength, instead of allowing it to make me a victim.   </strong></div>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When I’m able to be gentle with others, I know I’m with my people, because I get to be me, at my best, at my most peaceful, at my most helpful, at my strongest.   </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When I’m with those who make my gentleness fade, who place me on guard, who make me abrasive, or who transform my being gentle into a self-inflicting wound, I know I’ve strayed off course. I am no longer with my people, I am no longer in a healthy environment, and I am no longer at my best. </span></p>
<p><strong style="font-size: medium;">I view gentleness as a barometer. Environments or people that don’t let it thrive get quickly avoided. Environments that allow it to flourish get indulged upon. But it took me years to respect my gentleness in this way.</strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Like most people, I haven’t always been surrounded by gentleness. And in many ways I’m grateful for that. Maybe you can never fully appreciate the power of something if you haven’t experienced it’s opposite. It’s because of this that I choose gentleness whenever possible, always knowing that fierceness has got my back if I need it.     </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">One definition of </span><em style="font-size: medium;">“gentle”</em><span style="font-size: medium;"> is being </span><em style="font-size: medium;">“free from harshness, sternness, or violence.”</em><span style="font-size: medium;"> When people are harsh, stern or violent with others, they’re coming from a place of weakness. Weakness that leads them to try and control, manipulate, overpower, condescend, criticize, demean, etc. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When you’re gentle, authentically gentle, you’re not looking to gain power over someone or something, you’re just you, being you, at your best, at your happiest, your most helpful, your most supportive, your most giving, your most inspired. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I meet so many women who seem to find shame in their gentleness. Shame in their sweetness. And unfortunately many of them have developed their gentleness because they were treated harshly or felt like an outcast at some point in their life. And because their gentleness arose from something bad, it gets casted with the shadow of shame. They forget that gentleness was their choice. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">It’s so easy to be harsh and mean, rash and cold, belittling and demeaning, dark and manipulative; in fact, there’s a laziness to it. It’s a lot harder to be kind; it takes more effort, more restraint, more consistency, more patience, more thoughtfulness, more determination, more soul.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>There’s no shame in gentleness. Gentleness is beautiful, no matter how it arose, as long as it’s accompanied by self-respect. If you were treated wrongly by someone, that’s where the shame lies. The harshness was the disease, your gentleness is the cure, not the other way around. And it must include being gentle with yourself.   </strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Being gentle doesn’t mean being a pushover, or a pansy, or a doormat. It doesn&#8217;t mean letting someone hurt you, manipulate you, control you, or push you around. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">It means putting your best side forward, treating others with kindness, and using your unique strengths to help others. It means accessing all of your potential, all of your <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/grace/" target="_blank">grace</a>, all of your ability. It means tapping into your patience, your ability to forgive, your limitless supply of love. It means working hard to rule over your ego, instead of letting your ego rule over you. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Being gentle is a muscle that you have to strengthen, nurture and respect. It takes work, patience and discipline. But tone that muscle and you’ll learn to appreciate the depth of the strength it can provide.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Being gentle because you choose to be, because you’re in an environment that lets you thrive, because you trust and believe in yourself, that’s when gentleness is a true power.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Gentleness is a choice. A brave one. And in choosing gentleness, and respecting it, you are boldly accessing your most authentic strengths. </span></p>
<p><strong><em><span style="font-size: medium;">Have you often thought of your own gentleness as a strength or a weakness?</span></em></strong></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
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		<title>The Privilege of Parenthood</title>
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		<comments>http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/parenthood/privilege-of-parenthood/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:46:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Liz</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Parenthood]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[<p>I never dreamed of having children. It just wasn’t something I thought about much when I was younger. I also never dreamed of marriage. I just wasn’t one of those girls who spent years fantasizing about their wedding. Yet I met a man. And we fell in love. And I can’t imagine being more happily [...]</p><p>The post <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/parenthood/privilege-of-parenthood/">The Privilege of Parenthood</a> appeared first on <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com">Gentle Living</a>.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/554982_10151396126284291_141858347_n.jpg"><img class="size-full wp-image-8556 aligncenter" title="picture of baby" src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/554982_10151396126284291_141858347_n.jpg" alt="picture of baby" width="403" height="403" /></a></span></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">I never dreamed of having children. It just wasn’t something I thought about much when I was younger.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I also never dreamed of marriage. I just wasn’t one of those girls who spent years fantasizing about their wedding.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Yet I met a man. And we <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/my-love-story-everything-i-know-about-love/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">fell in love</span></a></span>. And I can’t imagine being more happily married.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The same seems to be happening with my daughter. I didn’t dream of her, yet she’s beyond a dream come true. I never had much interest in babies at all, yet every cell in my body seems to be in love with her.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">After what I can only describe as an emotionally and physically draining <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/pregnancy-depression/"><span style="color: #0000ff;">pregnancy</span></a></span>, I worried that parenthood for this new mom would also bring a scary depth to its difficulty. I worried that maybe I wasn’t really meant for motherhood, and that this might all have been a big mistake.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Yet once she was born, that very day, everything changed. Everything.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I knew instantly that I was meant to be a mother. Her mother. The mother of this beautiful soul. This sweet girl who melts my heart with every toothless smile. Whose dark brown eyes seem to reflect the best part of my soul.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">During pregnancy you get bombarded with horror stories. Stories of early motherhood woes, all valid of course, and scary.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">For some reason I chose to ignore those stories. I would sit with my husband and tell him how I expected early motherhood to feel. What I described sounded unrealistic. I wanted it to feel <strong><em>peaceful, loving, nurturing, relaxed and beautiful&#8230;</em></strong> those were the feelings we always infused into our home and relationship. I chose not to see the chaos, the exhaustion, or the stress. Of course those things would come, but I didn’t want them to be my emotional foundation.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Before our daughter I had almost zero baby experience. I didn’t even like to hold other people’s babies, always worried I would drop them.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The first night in the hospital with our daughter, I changed my very first diaper ever, hers. And I spent the rest of the night watching her. Making sure she was breathing. Catering to her every need. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Was I exhausted? Sure, I hadn&#8217;t slept much in days. And like much of my pregnancy, the birth didn&#8217;t go exactly as planned&#8230; And yet, that first night felt just as I wanted it to&#8230; peaceful, loving, nurturing, relaxed and beautiful.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">And every night thereafter during those first 6 weeks when days and nights seem to flow by in a haze, those feelings stayed with me. A haze of loving, learning, nurturing, feeding, diaper changing, and praying to just keep this tiny little being alive. Through it all I felt infused with the feelings I wished for.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">People in my life have been surprised at how I seemed to just ease into to motherhood and so I&#8217;ve thought a lot about why that might be. Night after night as I sat with her at 3:00 AM, tired and groggy, looking down at her, the only thing I could think was <strong><em>what a privilege it is</em></strong> to feed her, to nourish her, to care for her. What a gift she is.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I was immersed in gratitude. And that gratitude helped me feel the peace and ease I hoped for as I dragged my tired body around the house at all hours of the night.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Perhaps it was my difficulties with pregnancy that helped me grab on so strongly to that feeling of privilege. For me pregnancy was so scary, so physically taxing and so full of unknowns. As cliche as it is, I truly learned what a miracle it is to birth a child.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Perhaps it’s <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/my-love-story-everything-i-know-about-love/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">the lessons</span></a></span> my husband have taught me about love that led to the ease I’ve felt with early parenthood. </span><strong style="font-size: medium;"><em>He&#8217;s taught me that no matter how difficult things get, no matter what life throws at us, the feelings we infuse into our relationship should never change. We can’t control life or others, but we can control what we bring to our emotional table as a couple, as a family.</em></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Whatever the reason, I made a promise to myself, and a promise to her, to never let go of that feeling of privilege. <strong><em>Because it’s that feeling of privilege that makes the hard seem easy, the tough seem peaceful, the exhausted seem manageable.</em></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">It’s that feeling of privilege that I hope will keep me smiling wide when I look into my daughter&#8217;s eyes &#8211; full, happy, teeth out, eyes dancing kinda smiles &#8211; even if things around us get rough.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><em>I surrendered to my daughter the day she was born.</em></strong> I surrendered to being her mother. To being all hers. I surrendered to her because she is my greatest privilege. And in that complete and utter surrender I found the peaceful, loving, nurturing, relaxed and beautiful start to motherhood that I had wished for. </span></p>
<p><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/DSC_0121.jpg"><img class="wp-image-8562 aligncenter" title="Baby picture" src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/DSC_0121-1024x1019.jpg" alt="Baby picture" width="523" height="520" /></a></p>
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		<title>A Baby Is Born…</title>
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		<comments>http://gentlelivingonline.com/uncategorized/baby-born/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 12 Dec 2012 17:41:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Liz</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[<p>My daugher, Rayne Ember, was born on November 20th at 6:25 PM weighing in at 6 pounds 12 ounces.</p><p>The post <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/uncategorized/baby-born/">A Baby Is Born&#8230;</a> appeared first on <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com">Gentle Living</a>.</p>]]></description>
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<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">My daugher, Rayne Ember, was born on November 20th at 6:25 PM weighing in at 6 pounds 12 ounces.</span</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">She is an angel that I fall more in love with every day. I&#8217;ll be taking a break from blogging until after the holidays to continue enjoying these first few weeks at home with my precious baby girl.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Below are some photos of our first two weeks at home. More on instagram <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://followgram.me/liz_gentleliving/"><span style="color: #0000ff;">here</span></a></span> <img src='http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':)' class='wp-smiley' />  </span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #008000; font-size: xx-large;"><strong>HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL! </strong></span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1023.jpg"><img class="aligncenter  wp-image-8448" title="photo" alt="" src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1023-1024x1024.jpg" width="553" height="553" /></a></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1170.jpg"><img class="aligncenter  wp-image-8453" title="Photo" alt="" src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1170-768x1024.jpg" width="415" height="553" /></a></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1186-2.jpg"><img class="aligncenter  wp-image-8464" title="photo" alt="" src="http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1186-2-1024x879.jpg" width="553" height="474" /></a></p>
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		<title>Nourishing Your Inner Introvert in an Extroverted World</title>
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		<comments>http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/nourishing-your-inner-introvert/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 24 Oct 2012 18:05:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Liz</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Self-Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[introvert]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[<p>&#8220;To have a quiet mind is to possess one&#8217;s mind wholly;  to have a calm spirit is to possess one&#8217;s self.&#8221; Hamilton Mabie Does too much social interaction exhaust you? You had a great time, saw old friends, wined, dined, laughed and reconnected. The next day, all you want to do is crash&#8230; You feel [...]</p><p>The post <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/nourishing-your-inner-introvert/">Nourishing Your Inner Introvert in an Extroverted World</a> appeared first on <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com">Gentle Living</a>.</p>]]></description>
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #000080; font-size: medium;"><strong><em>&#8220;To have a quiet mind is to possess one&#8217;s mind wholly; </em></strong></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #000080; font-size: medium;"><strong><em>to have a calm spirit is to possess one&#8217;s self.&#8221; Hamilton Mabie</em></strong></span></div>
<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #000000;">Does too much social interaction exhaust you? </span>You had a great time, saw old friends, wined, dined, laughed and reconnected. The next day, all you want to do is crash&#8230;</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">You feel depleted, run down, exhausted. Maybe you drank too much, stayed out too late? Are you just frail, weak, lazy? Why does it often feel like you have to recover from having fun while other people can just keep going? </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If social activity leaves you depleted, you’re likely an introvert (or at least fall somewhere close to there on the introverted/extroverted spectrum). </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I used to drain myself endlessly. I love socializing but I didn’t respect or even fully understand my limits so I constantly overbooked myself (I also happen to have a very social husband who books us up constantly!). And so I struggled with always feeling worn down. Once I embraced my introverted nature I became better equipped to maintain a schedule that set limits, maximized my strengths and didn’t leave me feeling so drained.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #008080;"><strong>Introverts and extroverts are like an emotional ying and yang; we complement each other perfectly but we could not be more different. </strong></span>The interactions that drain an introvert, energize an extrovert. Introverts gain their energy from their alone time. Extroverts energize through social interaction. Introverts live inwardly. Extroverts live out loud; they think best when they can speak through issues with others. Introverts love to sit alone and think, quietly, pensively. Extroverts would rather talk to strangers.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #008080;"><strong>We live in a live-out-loud think-out-loud society. </strong></span>Being an extrovert is praised and admired and being an introvert is often viewed as a problem that needs to be overcome or pitied, particularly in childhood. The invaluable benefits of being introverted are often overlooked when people don’t look deep enough. And because we’re often taught as children to be ashamed of our introverted nature by society, we grow up constantly fighting against ourselves instead of maximizing our strengths.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><em>Does any of this inner dialogue sound familiar?</em> “Stop being so lazy, so needy, so emotionally high-maintenance, so withdrawn, so boring. Battle through, power up, keep it moving. Don’t be such a recluse. Why can’t you be more like so and so? …”</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; color: #333399;"><strong>Stop fighting yourself. Give your inner introvert exactly what he/she needs and your invaluable introverted qualities will thrive.</strong></span></p>
<p><strong><span style="font-size: medium; color: #008080;">Introverts are introspective, deep and complex. We are full of insight and reflection. We forge strong long-term friendships. We focus on projects intently. We are extremely self-aware. We’re incredibly observant, often picking up on things others miss, meaningful but less visible subtleties. We think creatively. We problem solve. We have no desire to be the center of attention, nor are we comfortable there. But we’re very aware of what’s happening there and all around us.</span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #333333;">Small talk can at times seem meaningless to introverts. </span>We want to jump into the intimate deep end, talk about life issues, emotional battles, topics we’re passionate about. We want to bond and share deeply. We splash around uncomfortably in the shallow end and do the butterfly stroke in the deep end. And that’s okay, thrive where you thrive.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The traits that distinguish introverts from extroverts are out of our control, our brains are simply hardwired differently. So wasting energy trying to change or be someone you’re not is just that, a waste of energy. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Introverts can thrive in small talk and at parties, and we can be very social but our greatest creations, our deepest thoughts, our most powerful reflections, our most sustainable energy, will always come from our alone time, our power zone. The more we respect this power zone, the more we thrive.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #008080;"><strong>I have a theory on introverts that has helped me become more accepting of my own introverted nature.</strong></span> I believe all living beings are connected, energetically and spiritually, and that introverts tap into this energy in a very unique way. It&#8217;s this particular energetic hardwiring allows us to see the things others miss, probe so deeply, analyze so intently, and self-reflect so thoroughly. And because we’re so internally stimulated by this energy, we get depleted quickly. The energy of others shoots us up like lightening to metal, and we need peace, solitude and quiet to recover and defuse.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So give yourself permission to be still, introspective, and reflective. And allow yourself down time to recover when you need it. Turn down social events when it gets to be too many. Set boundaries. Allow yourself to thrive according to your own rules. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: large; color: #333399;"><strong>You’re not frail or weak; you’re your own energy supplier. You’re the Con Ed of your soul. If you don’t pay the bill, you run all your lights out. Pay the bills and your deep introspective magic will illuminate the mind’s eye.</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #008080;"><strong>There’s no competition between introverts and extroverts. </strong></span>One is no better than the other. We simply form an emotional and intellectual ying and yang, two pieces fitting together in perfect synchronicity. The world would not be as complete, as balanced or as beautiful, if everyone was only one or the other. Most of my closest friends are extroverts and we balance each other out perfectly.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #008080;"><strong>Extroverts bring the pizzazz and sparkle; introverts bring the mystery and allure.</strong></span> Extroverts are bright and colorful rainbows, immediately capturing people’s attention with their beauty and shine. Introverts are the wind in the trees that touches your soul in profound, contemplative and peaceful (though less visible) ways. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #008080;"><strong>Both are beautiful and perfect. Each meant to live and thrive according to their own rules. </strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">So respect your power zone. Find the balance that works for you. Set limits when you need to. Allow yourself to be exactly who you are. Thrive in your pensive reflections, in your down time. And enjoy all the beautiful rainbows that walk through life with you.</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333399;"><strong><em><span style="font-size: medium;">Have you struggled with embracing your inner introvert? </span></em></strong></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium; color: #008080;"><strong><em>If you liked this post, please “like” it, share it &amp; leave a comment!</em></strong></span></p>
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		<title>11 Powerful Ways to Protect Your Sensitivity</title>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 11 Oct 2012 00:57:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Liz</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Self-Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sensitive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sensitivity]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://gentlelivingonline.com/?p=8351</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>Sensitive Soul,  If you identify as sensitive, whether you’re introverted, extroverted or somewhere in between, your sensitivity is your foundation. Or perhaps it’s your softly sculpted flowery edge. Either way, you carry it with you, and it either guides or derails you.   Sensitivity is so beautiful, yet so fragile and misunderstood. We spend so [...]</p><p>The post <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/11-powerful-ways-protect-sensitivity/">11 Powerful Ways to Protect Your Sensitivity</a> appeared first on <a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com">Gentle Living</a>.</p>]]></description>
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<h1><strong style="font-size: large;"><em><span style="color: #af697b;">Sensitive Soul, </span></em></strong></h1>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If you identify as <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/highly-sensitive/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">sensitive</span></a></span>, whether you’re introverted, extroverted or somewhere in between, your sensitivity is your foundation. Or perhaps it’s your softly sculpted flowery edge. Either way, you carry it with you, and it either guides or derails you.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Sensitivity is so beautiful, yet so fragile and misunderstood. We spend so much of our lives resenting it, fighting it, trying to smother it down, instead of nourishing it. And the more we resent and dismiss it, the more it sabotages us. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Sensitivity is a soft trait, with a powerful backlash if it’s not honored. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I’ve always been very sensitive. I pick up on other people’s feelings, emotions, and energies very quickly. I absorb them. I feel them internally. And so my reactions to people can be strong. Strong but patient, sometimes too patient, sometimes not patient enough. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">There are so many ways I didn’t honor my sensitivity throughout my life. Ways I’ve been learning to correct. I thought I’d share some lessons here, for your own sensitive self&#8230; </span></p>
<h1><span style="font-size: large; color: #af697b;"><strong><em>11 Powerful Ways to Protect Your Sensitivity&#8230; </em></strong></span></h1>
<h2><em><span style="font-size: large; color: #008080;"><strong>1. Flex Your Sensitive Fierceness. </strong> </span></em></h2>
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<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The funny thing about sensitive people is that they are some of the strongest people out there. They’re the ones you want around if you’re in a bind, if disaster strikes, if all hell breaks lose, if <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/learning-from-death-dealing-with-loss/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">tragedy hits you</span></a></span>. Sensitivity is often labeled as a weakness but in reality it cultivates a strength most people don’t ever experience. We’re used to feeling more so we can often simply handle more, when push comes to shove.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Being stuck in our own heads sometimes gets in the way making us feel weak, but put us in a situation that gets us out of our head, and quite frankly, we’re <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/shy-girls-manifesto-teenage-years-finding-strength/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">unstoppable</span></a></span>. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Take a person who outwardly appears “tough” and put them in a sticky situation and you may find them running selfishly for the hills, trembling the entire way, leaving everyone behind. It’s the sensitive soul who’ll be there to pick up all the pieces with focus and determination.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">All the years we’ve spent feeling, absorbing, and internalizing, builds up a thick foundation of bravery and strength, despite a sometimes soft exterior. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Honor that foundation, tap into it, explore the ways it works in your favor.  </span></p>
<h2><em><span style="color: #008080;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">2. Know and Respect Your Perceived &#8220;Limitations.&#8221;</span></strong></span></em></h2>
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<p><span style="font-size: medium;">There are many areas where you’ll feel limited as a sensitive person. Certain energies won’t jive with you. Some situations will overwhelm you. Don’t beat yourself up over them, respect them, create space around them. Give yourself the room you need to <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/breathing-exercises/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">breathe</span></a></span>, to flourish.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Here are some things that overwhelm me that I make conscious efforts to fix, avoid or reduce my time with: an overflowing inbox, too much time on facebook (lately I prefer <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://followgram.me/liz_gentleliving/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Instagram</span></a></span>, feels more intimate), too many open windows on my computer, people who consistently put others down (even if they&#8217;re joking), people who only talk about themselves, letting my snail mail stack up for a month (did this for years! now I check it as it comes in), too much clutter in my home (I am constantly <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/home-decor/gentle-spaces/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">de-cluttering</span></a></span> lately), too many social outings in one week, etc. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I used to ignore the effect these things had on me. I just tried to deal with them because otherwise it must mean I’m weak, I’m “too sensitive”, I’m being selfish, etc. But no, I’m stronger and happier now that my inbox consistently has less than 35 emails in it and now that I no longer hang around people who love insulting others.     </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">My limitations teach me things, so I respect them, and it makes life feel better everyday and far less overwhelming. </span></p>
<h3><em><span style="font-size: large; color: #008080;"><strong>3. Treasure Your Radical Intuition.</strong></span></em></h3>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Your sensitivity likely makes you extremely intuitive &#8211; radically so, I’d say. Sometimes we’re so wrapped up in dismissing our sensitivity that we shove our intuition aside in the process. Don&#8217;t, it’s an amazing thing to be so in tuned with the world around you. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">People who follow their intuition the most, without letting themselves get in their own way, seem to achieve endlessly. Your intuition is your guide, it’s your compass, it’s incredibly accurate, but it will go haywire if you surround it with negative self-depricating <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/travel-2/are-you-blocking-abundance-my-trip-far-far-away/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">mental magnets</span></a></span> (trust me, I know!). </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">When you feel your intuition pointing you in a certain direction, stop and listen. Pay attention and honor it. As your mental magnets start attacking, <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/19-positive-affirmations-self-confidence/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">stop yourself</span></a></span> and focus only on the intuition, let it guide you. </span></p>
<h2><span style="font-size: large; color: #008080;"><strong><em>4. Take Care of Your Health. </em></strong></span></h2>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If you’re sensitive, it’s likely not just mental, it’s physical as well. I’ve been meeting endless sensitive women lately and they have all experienced health issues throughout their life of some sort or another. Taking care of your health helps to take care of your mind. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">I’m not perfect and <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/pregnancy-depression/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">pregnancy</span></a></span> has definitely affected my healthy eating habits way more than I’d like to admit &#8211; sugar and carbs call to me like never before in my life! And I can see the affect they have on me, on my mood and my energy level &#8211; or is that just the pregnancy, hard to tell! Either way, I’m eager to get back to the old me!</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Pre-pregnancy, healthy eating and exercising was simply my way of life. There was no dieting, no starving, no resisting, just simply flourishing with healthy food. I’d get some weird remarks from people about my diet and I’m often made fun of at group gatherings, but it’s okay! I know what I need to thrive so there’s no apologizing. Instead I celebrate it and try my best to live by example. Now if only I could get my pregnant self to get more on board <img src='http://gentlelivingonline.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' />  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Learn how food and exercise affect you. Prioritizing your health helps you thrive in every other area of your life. </span></p>
<h2><strong><em><span style="font-size: large; color: #008080;">5. Accept that It&#8217;s Okay to Want to Please Others.</span></em></strong></h2>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Sensitive people often put the needs of others before themselves. We want to please, bring joy, satisfy. I used to view this as a weakness, a flaw. But I realize now that this trait in and of itself isn’t the flaw, it’s when we take it too far that it becomes detrimental to our well-being. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">But in and of itself, there’s a joy in pleasing others. It makes us hard workers, thorough, detail oriented, conscientious, caring, easy to be around, helpful, and more.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">If we disconnect from that too strongly, we lose something that brings a deep joy and sense of accomplishment. The trick is to combine our need to please with completely honoring ourselves and what we want out of life. It’s not pleasing just to please. It’s pleasing with purpose, with intention, with self-awareness and self-love. It’s about finding a please-others-please-self balance.</span></p>
<h2><strong><em><span style="font-size: large; color: #008080;">6. Practice Putting Yourself First.</span></em></strong></h2>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">While it’s okay to find the joy in pleasing others, if you revolve your whole life around it you’ll be living according to other people’s agendas, and your priorities will get lost in the shuffle.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Practice putting yourself first. State your opinion. Put your foot down when you need to. Choose the restaurant you want to go to. Tell people “no” so you don’t overextend yourself. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">You should always be your first priority. You&#8217;ll take care of others more effectively if your needs are being met.     </span></p>
<h2><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><em><span style="color: #008080;">7. Pay Attention to Your Environment.</span></em></strong></span></h2>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">A chaotic environment for a sensitive person is like living a waking nightmare. That chaos could be in the physical aspects of your environment or the mental/emotional energies of those around you.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">To me, this may be the most important way you can protect yourself. If you’re surrounded by ugly energy for extended periods of time (nasty coworkers, constantly grumpy family members, messy cluttered homes), it’s gonna be detrimental on your energy, happiness, sense of peace and overall well-being. Fix it. It’s imperative. It’s vital. You will absorb that energy more than most.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Sometimes I think about the reasons I consider myself so <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/my-love-story-everything-i-know-about-love/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">happily married</span></a></span>. And one of the main reasons (out of many, darling &lt;3) is the unbelievable peacefulness of my husband’s personality, and of the home we’ve created together. It’s not <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/transitions-twists-of-fate/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">our ideal home</span></a></span>, it’s too small, but it’s calm and peaceful, always. My husband may be an aggressive attorney at work, and he can certainly keep me debating and on my toes, but our relationship and home are always peaceful. Even our bickering feels peaceful. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">That’s not something I will ever take for granted and it&#8217;s no accident. I needed that so I followed my intuition to a man who could give me that.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Create peaceful environments for yourself and limit the time you spend in harsh environments.  </span></p>
<h2><strong><em><span style="font-size: large; color: #008080;">8. Be Selective with the People You Let Into Your Mental Space.</span></em></strong></h2>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Similar to #7 above, it’s so important to be careful with who you let into your life. I used to not discriminate, at least not enough. I have an extremely high tolerance for annoying and selfish personalities. I spent years just keeping my mouth shut and subjecting myself to any personality that came my way and wanted to be in my space.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">It’s taken a lot of self-honoring practices to learn that I can choose who I let in my life. And I find that the more that I choose, the more my life fills with wonderful, positive, happy, encouraging, nourishing, just plain lovely people. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">You only have a limited amount of space in your life. Make sure you leave that space open for <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/transitions-twists-of-fate/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">those who truly lift you up</span></a></span>. Fill up your cup with negative energies and there’s simply no room left for others to jump in. </span></p>
<h2><strong><em><span style="color: #008080; font-size: large;">9. Treasure the Lessons Your Past Has Taught You.</span></em></strong></h2>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Sensitive people often spend so much time caught up in the ways their sensitivity has held them back in the past. Understand that your past wasn’t always in your control. You were subject to the opinions, agendas, and preconceived notions of those around you. People weren’t taught to nourish sensitivity, they were taught to “toughen up”, “grow a backbone”, “be like everyone else”, &#8220;fit in&#8221;, etc. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">A lot of those lessons were simply just WRONG. And so we spent much of our lives fighting against our very natures. The very thing we should have been nourishing, we were condemning. And so we swam upstream and learned to resent the tide. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">The tide was going in the right direction all along, you just needed to learn to swim with it not against it.  Now that you know that, forgive your past. <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/25-self-care-tips-for-the-body-soul/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Learn from it.</span></a></span> It&#8217;s not a reflection of your future, if you don’t let it be. It&#8217;s just shown you how important it is to swim with the tide.</span></p>
<h2><strong><em><span style="font-size: large; color: #008080;">10. Be Bold.   </span></em></strong></h2>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Similar to #1 above, being sensitive does not mean you can’t be as bold as you could dream of being. Sensitivity is not weak. Sensitivity is not being a coward. Sensitivity is strong so <span style="color: #0000ff;"><a href="http://gentlelivingonline.com/self-growth/how-to-overcome-fear/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">take bold actions.</span></a></span> Do things you never thought you could. Extend yourself. Get out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Let sensitivity be your bold accomplice. Let it be your guide in unchartered territories. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">It’s not trying to hold you back, it’s helping you experience your life more deeply. It’s your subtle sidekick, the Robin to your Batman, the thing that separates heroes from the power hungry. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Embrace it as you make bold moves in life. The more bold moves you make, the more you’ll see what an asset your sweet sidekick truly is. </span></p>
<h2><strong><em><span style="color: #008080; font-size: large;">11. Choose to Love Your Sensitivity. </span></em></strong></h2>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">Love it. Embrace it. Celebrate it. Treasure it. Nourish it. And you will love, embrace, celebrate, treasure and nourish life a little bit more fully! </span></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #008080;"><em><span style="font-size: medium;">Soooo do you like or resent being sensitive? </span></em></span></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium;">To the wonders and joys of your beautifully sensitive heart!</span></p>
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