Gentle Parenting

The Science of Attachment Parenting

2017-12-04T22:47:00.003-08:00

"Attachment parenting," or AP, is an approach to child-rearing intended to forge strong, secure attachments between parents and children.

For many parents, this approach feels intuitive. And anthropological research suggests that practices associated with AP -- such as baby-wearing and co-sleeping -- have deep roots in our evolutionary past

But does AP contribute to better child outcomes?

Not surprisingly, it depends on your definition of "attachment parenting."

If we use the definition first proposed by William and Martha Sears,

then "attachment parenting" is essentially another term for "sensitive,

responsive parenting."

Among other things, it appears to protect children from the effects of toxic stress

helping children develop resilience in the face of adversity. It may also reduce a

child's risk of developing behavior problems, and promote the development of

moral reasoning.

Attachment parenting in its original formulation: What does it look like?

According to William and Martha Sears, attachment parenting is associated with a range of practices and approaches, including

· the frequent holding and carrying of infants ("baby-wearing"),

· breastfeeding,

· the avoidance of strictly-timed,adult-imposed feeding schedules,

· nurturing touch (including skin-to-skin "kangaroo care" for infants),

· being responsive to a baby's cries,

· being sensitive and responsive to a child's emotions (e.g., by helping him or her cope with nighttime fears), and

· co-sleeping (e.g., infants sleeping in the same room with caregivers, or young siblings sharing a bedroom).

In addition, care-givers may attempt handle misbehavior through techniques sometimes identified as "positive discipline." These may include distracting or redirecting very young children; providing patient, timely reminders; emotion-coaching; reasoning;including empathy; and using language that motivates kids to bounce back from mistakes.

What's the scientific case for attachment parenting?

Advocates of attachment parenting make two major claims:

1. sensitive, responsive parenting leads kids to form secure attachments, and

2. securely-attached kids are healthier and happier

Links between attachment parenting practices and secure attachment

Several aspects of responsive parenting have been associated with the development of secure attachments.These include:

· High-quality communication. A study of Dogon mothers in Mali found that the quality of communication between mother and infant was associated with more secure attachment relationships.

· Maternal sensitivity during infant play. A study of premature infants reports that infants whose mothers were unresponsive or more controlling during playtime were more likely to be insecurely-attached. Securely-attached infants were more likely to have mothers who were sensitive to their children's' interests and needs.

· Insight into a child's mental and emotional states. A study of mothers and their 12 month old infants reports that mothers who showed greater insight about their babies' psychological experiences were rated as more sensitive and were more likely to have securely-attached infants. Another study reports that mothers who showed a more accurate understanding of their infants' mental states at 6 months were more likely to have securely-attached infants at 12 months.

· Sensitivity to an infant's distress. A study analyzing data collected by National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) reports that American mothers who showed greater sensitivity to their infants' distress at 6 months were more likely to have securely attached toddlers at 15 months . By contrast, infants are more likely to develop insecure attachments when mothers "close up their faces" -- looking away from the baby, and failing to respond with sympathetic facial expressions.

· Baby-wearing. An experimental study randomly assigned American mothers of low socioeconomic status to either wear their newborns in soft baby carriers or to carry their babies in portable infant seats. At 13 months, babies in the soft-carrier group were more likely to be securely-attached to their mothers.

· Emotional availability. Research suggests a link between secure attachment and emotional availability—being open to discuss emotions, and being ready to respond sensitively and appropriately to the emotions of others. An Israeli study observed mothers interacting with their infants and found that moms rated as more emotionally available were more likely to have securely attached children.

POSITIVE PUSHING

2017-12-04T22:09:00.003-08:00

Parents

Pushy parents are a very touchy subject to talk about. When it comes to the welfare of children, people are always ready to jump and point fingers at others without gathering the facts. The parents of theater gifted, and talented children get these nasty fingers pointed at them and most are due to the generalization that the media has made portraying these parents as mean, self righteous, and abusive. The honest truth is that parents care for their children and are not pushy, but instead they direct their children in becoming good adults by protecting them, encouraging them, and being dedicated to them.

The role of the parent is to protect their children and provide for them all they can to insure that they have the proper tools in order to be successful in life. These tools include such things as having good morals, strong work ethics, phenomenal character, etc. Providing their kids with the mentioned tools, parents protect their kids from becoming failures in life and give them the option to make something of themselves, which far exceeds the expectations of their parents. Parents have to do these things in order to direct their kids. This is believed to be an “absolute moral imperative” (Lord). If your parents did not provide you with these tools, where would you be?

“Pageant moms are the worst,” is something that I heard once. This I have to say is false. The moms and dads of the performing art children have to be the most dedicated parents I personally have ever seen. These parents spend all of their time and energy helping their kids exceed and they always remind their kids of how much they love them.These are almost the craziest and most fanatic parents of them all.They follow their children from competition to competition, from performance to performance, from dance class to rehearsals. These parents are always there and are always willing to help.

Should Parents Push Their Kids To Succeed In Tasks Beyond Their Abilities, And How Far Is Too Far?

There has been a great controversy about the tactics and methods that parents use in order to raise their children for many years. Some of the most pressing questions include inquiries about how far a parent should try to push their child. Should parents push their children to succeed in tasks, events, or activities, beyond the point that their individual abilities dictate that they can go? How far is pushing your child too far? These are common questions that are extremely difficult to answer. Some of the most important factors to consider include the fact that you have to think about whether or not the limitations are set by physical factors, can the child demonstrate potential without being pushed, does the child have a genuine interest in the elements of these tasks, and considering the negative implications if the child is pushed too far. These are just a few of the key factors to finding your own answer to these challenges.

In regards to raising children, as long as there is not an element of abuse present, then one cannot tell another person how to raise a kid. One of the most important pieces of the question to consider includes if the child has physical limitations or not. The ability of children to accomplish tasks includes the element that the child has to be physically capable of succeeding; otherwise it is a negative reinforcement of the pain of physical limitations. A parent would end up negatively impacting the emotions and mentality of the child by forcing him or her to repeatedly fail at a hopeless task. Instead, parents should identify physical limitations and push the child to excel within his or her means. Finally, the personal desire of the child to excel in various tasks will greatly impact the success of a parent pushing the child to succeed. If the child is not interested in the activities then struggle and failure is more likely to happen.

When it comes to how far a parent should push his or her child, there are varying answers for each unique situation. However, some of the most important elements include the fact that you have to think about whether or not the limitations are set by physical factors, can the child demonstrate potential without being pushed, does the child have a genuine interest in the elements of these tasks, and considering the negative implications if the child is pushed too far.

100 Ways to be Kind to Your Child

2017-11-30T22:48:00.002-08:00

When I wrote this list of 100 Ways to be Kind to Your Child I was in one of those exhausting phases of parenting where days were going by in a blur and I often went to bed feeling defeated and guilty. Thus, these ways to be kind are not complex or fancy; they are basically a reminder to myself of the simple ways I can connect with and be there for my children. Many of them will remind you of ways you already are showing your love to your kids.
Thank you for spreading kindness for our children.

100 Ways to be Kind to Your Child

Tell your child:

1. I love you.
2. I love you no matter what.
3. I love you even when you are angry at me.
4. I love you even when I am angry with you.
5. I love you when you are far way. My love for you can reach you wherever you are.
6. If I could pick any 4 year old (5 year old, 6 year old…) in the whole wide world, I’d pick you.
7. I love you to the moon and then around the stars and back again.
8. Thank you.
9. I enjoyed playing with you today.
10. My favorite part of the day was when I was with you and we _______.

SEP 23

100 Ways to be Kind to Your Child

By Alissa Marquess | 470 Commentsbeing present Connection showing love

100 Ways to be Kind to Your Child

Tell your child:

Share:
11. The story of their birth or adoption.
12. About how you cuddled them when they were a baby.
13. The story of their name.
14. A story about yourself when you were their age.
15. The story of how their grandparents met.
16. What your favorite color is.
17. That sometimes you struggle too.
18. That when you’re holding hands and you give three squeezes, it’s a secret code that means, “I love you”.
19. What the plan is.

20. What you’re doing right now.

Play:

21. Charades
22. Hop Scotch
23. Board Games
24. Hide & Seek
25. Simon Says
26. Twenty Questions
27. I Spy on long car rides
28. Catch Pretend:

29. To catch their kiss and put it on your cheek.
30. That their tickle tank is empty and you have to fill it.
31. That their high five is so powerful it nearly knocks you over.
32. That you are super ticklish.
33. That you are explorers in the amazing world of your own backyard.
34. That it’s party day!

Try:
35. To get enough sleep.
36. To drink enough water.
37. To eat decent food.
38. Dressing in a way that makes you feel confident and comfortable.
39. Calling a friend the next time you feel like you are about to lose it with the kids.
40. Giving a gentle touch to show approval.
41. Dancing in the kitchen.
42. To get your kids to bop to the music with you in the car.
43. Showing your kids that you can do a somersault or handstand or a cartwheel.
44. Keeping the sigh to yourself.
45. Using a kind voice, even if you have to fake it.

Read:

46. A book of silly poems.
47. A story and then act out the plot.
48. Your favorite childhood book to them.
49. When the afternoon is starting to go astray.
50. Outside under a tree.
51. In the library kids corner.
52. The comic book they love that you’re not so hot on.
53. About age appropriate behavior so you can keep your expectations realistic.

Listen:

54. To your child in the car.
55. To silly songs together.
56. For that question that means your child really needs your input.
57. One second longer than you think you have patience for.
58. For the feelings behind your child’s words.

Ask:

Show:

65. Your child how to do something instead of banning them from it.
66. How to whistle with a blade of grass.
67. How to shuffle cards – make a bridge if you can!
68. How to cut food.
69. How to fold laundry.
70. How to look up information when you don’t know the answer.
71. Affection to your spouse.
72. That taking care of yourself is important.

Take Time:

73. To watch construction sites.

74. To look at the birds.

75. To let your child pour ingredients into the bowl.

76. To walk places together.

77. To dig in the dirt together.

78. To do a task at your child’s pace.

79. To just sit with your child while they play.

Trust:
80. That your child is capable.
81. That you are the right parent for your child.
82. That you are enough.
83. That you can do what is right for your family.

Delight:
84. Clean your child’s room as a surprise.
85. Put chocolate chips in the pancakes.
86. Put a love note in their lunch.
87. Make their snack into a smiley face shape.
88. Make sound effects while you help them do something.
89. Sit on the floor with them to play.

Let Go:
90. Of the guilt.
91. Of how you thought it was going to be.
92. Of your need to be right.

Give:

93. A kind look.

94. A smile when your child walks into the room.

95. A kind touch back when your child touches you.

96. The chance to connect before you correct so that your child can actually hear your words.

97. Your child a chance to work out their frustrations before helping them.

98. A bath when the day feels long.

99. A hug.
100. You get to choose the next one! What is your favorite way to be kind to your child?

In case you’d like a visual reminder of this list…

What is Parenting like?

2017-11-30T22:02:00.001-08:00

Whats it to be like a parent?

Its alternating the feel that you made the best decision ever,and the feeling that you are barely surviving.

Parenting is like having tiny creatures following you everyday demanding you to be fed and then screaming at you for feeding them.

Parenting has become the most talked about matter of fact in the present situation. Parents are those who nuture a child in a rightful manner and guide him to lead a proper life.

There was time when there was joint family system in our country. In that set-up the responsibilities of parents were not so much prominent as it is today because now parents are solely responsible for the brought up of a child. But time has become so tough for the parents that they hardly spare time for their child.

It has created crises in our developing society. Parenting has become a mystery and people are trying to find out the ways of successful parenting.

It has always been a concept that family is the first school for a child. A child begins to learn everything from his mother, father and the people who surround him. Parents make all their efforts to provide their child the best of learning in this period.

The child imitates his parents. The values, morals, beliefs, manner, behaviour that a child learns from his parents prove to be the real way of his life. Wordsworth has rightly said, 'child is the father of man'. It means the habits, traits, virtues, nature-whatever the child adopts during his childhood is never missed in his grown-up life. Hence the making of a complete man begins under the close contact of a successful parenting.

The first step for a successful parenting depends upon their contact with a child. Parents should always watch over activities of the child. They should try to create healthy atmosphere in the family so that the child can learn to be compassionate and confident.

Confidence is the first trait of a successful life. Confidence building depends upon the way how a child is being brought up. A child should be taught in the beginning through mythological instances and the success stories of our great saints and warriors because lives of greatmen remind us that we can make our lives sublime and we can prove to be a guide for the coming generation.

The fast growing TV culture and westernized exposure of our life has corrupted all our values. We have forgotten our past. Parents have no time for their child. They think that money can solve the entire problem, money can make a child great.

It can bring all happiness to their life. But the fact is that money can make life comfortable but not valuable. If a child loses contact with his parents, he will be distracted and will try to find comfort in TV, clubs, films, markets, etc. These are just perversions and not construction. The child will have stress in life and sometimes would prefer finishing his life through illegal means.

Hence parents need to regenerate themselves and once again they will have to learn the art of successful parenting. They will have to spare their valuable time for their child. They will have to be friendly with their child. Otherwise they are bound to suffer at the loss of the future of their child.