I got a chance to talk to Patti on the phone today. What a treat! I’m so very thankful for the amazing people God has brought into my life through the chaplaincy. I hope someday we can be stationed together!

And then clicked the upload button.  Here are a few of the albums:

Just Me

Pregnant and new babies - Oh yeh, I even posted the “fat” photos.

Army - And then I posted the “bad hair, no make up out in the field for days” ones.

Family

Twins - Jami and Amy through the years.

Jeremiah and Mommy

Sarah and Mommy

Friends - I really need to start taking more photos with friends.

Coffee - Not just caffeinated beverages… some photos of me and Sarah.

Joel’s Homecoming

A Few Photos - Totally random stuff I see and decide to share.

License Plates - I don’t know why… I like to take pictures at intersections.

Let me know what you think of it.

Joel wrote the sweetest letter nominating me for the Wind FM’s Mother’s day contest.  I actually got runner up and won a beautiful floral arrangement from Village Flowers & Mercantile.  His words are the greatest gift though.  Thanks Joel!

While we were shivering, Joel was flying to California.  He’s gone for a few days of Army training.  He’s gone a lot since returning from Afghanistan.  I miss him.

As soon as we returned from the frozen tundra of Nichols park, I fell into a four hour coma.  Upon awaking, I enjoyed a soy green tea latte and stared at my computer screen for a couple hours.  I feel ever so productive…

I did learn more about Burma and Aung San Duu Kyi.  You can too.

P.S. Did you notice that I’m blogging again?  I’m not actually writing anything worth reading… but I did rediscover the publish button.  Baby Steps.

I found this watercolor of a dragon guarding his treasure in Jeremiah’s backpack yesterday. I’m terribly impressed with it. I think I might have to frame it.

Then we got serious and she prayed that Jesus would fill her with his Holy Spirit. She asked the Holy Spirit to help her be like Jesus, to show her what to say, what to do and where to go.

Not only was it cute, but it was a big deal. Sarah rarely prays out loud. She’s really growing up.

I wasn’t fond of the Pentecostal questions… either I’m not as Pentecostal as I thought or the quiz-maker has confused us with a bunch of theologically clueless crazies… which well… I’m only 57% 64% crazy.

One of the quiz statements which we’re to agree or disagree on is, “Speaking in tongues is one of the most important parts of being saved.” While I know that’s one of the Pentecostal indicator questions… and I do value speaking in tongues… I can’t say it’s ‘one of the most important parts of being saved.’ Gracious. [erm… no offense to those who disagree.]

A few of the other questions are hard to answer, but overall it’s a fun quiz if you’re a geeky seminarian like myself… [who now has to read up on Karl Barth and Neo-Orthodoxy… and reexamine my views of the emergent church.]

Here are my results however accurate or inaccurate they might be:

————
I scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan
“You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God’s grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavily by John Wesley and the Methodists.”

UPDATE:

After researching a little bit and rethinking the questions [including one or two that I accidentally answered the opposite of what I meant] I’ve retaken the quiz.  The biggest change:  I’m not Neo Orthodox.  And I’m a tad more Pentecostal than before. Some of the questions are worded in such a way that you can’t accurately express your opinion… ah well it’s all for fun right?  [Yeh, it’s all fun and games till someone gets burned at the stake as a heretic.]

The Call

As a young girl, I dreamed of becoming a military officer. In junior high and high school I prepared to attend the Air Force academy. Late in my freshman year, my parents invited a missionary family into our home. That brief visit with Craig and Jadine Fritzler impacted me. Soon, I felt an undeniable calling to the ministry. That summer, I spent a life changing week at a Full Gospel youth camp in Wyandotte, Oklahoma. During the Wednesday lunch service, Brother Freddie spoke about the call into ministry. My heart burned within me. I knew that he was talking to me; that God was calling me. Instead of the military, I would go into the ministry.

In preparation for the ministry, I majored in Biblical Studies at Evangel University and graduated in 1999. Once or twice a year after graduating, I considered joining the Army Reserves as a chaplain. I thought it was a great way to pay for seminary, and a cool job to have one weekend a month. I visited GoArmy.com and mentioned the idea to my husband. I couldn’t get past that last step. Joel didn’t like the idea. He said our kids were too young and having both parents in the Army was too risky. Since I knew Joel didn’t approve, I never let myself think too seriously about being a chaplain.
On December 1st 2005—after learning about dual military families in an Army Officer Basic Course—Joel called from Fort Jackson and suggested that maybe I could become an Army Chaplain. I contacted a recruiter that day.

I had a lot of questions. I talked to friends. Some were surprisingly supportive. Others were just as upset at the idea as I expected. Still others didn’t really say anything at all. I interpreted their silence as disapproval. For everyone, there was one major cause for concern: my children.

I had chosen to stay at home with my kids. Joining the military seemed a complete contradiction of the stay-at-home mom role I valued so highly. While I refused to leave them with a babysitter, now I was choosing to leave them for months at a time. I wouldn’t get a day job, but I contemplated volunteering for deployment. It took four weeks of prayer, research, conversation, doubt, and more prayer before I finally decided to become an Army chaplain.

Confirmation

After years of ignoring it, and a month of struggling with it, I finally chose to answer the call. Peace flooded my heart, offering immediate confirmation that I had made the right decision. The chaplaincy brought together my seemingly incompatible childhood dreams of military service and ministry. This peace became the first of many confirmations.

A few weeks later, we joined my husband at Fort Jackson, South Carolina. We lived there for three months while he finished officer basic and attended postal school. This new exposure to soldiers and their families ignited a passion in me that wasn’t there before. I enjoyed living on post; I loved hearing the cadence and bugles and talking to soldiers at the park or PX. While at Jackson, I went to MEPS to get a physical. I spent the day with young recruits and came home excited about ministering to young heroes like them. My time at Fort Jackson served as a second confirmation of my call.

In the fall of 2006, I officially entered the Army Chaplain Candidate program. My husband’s unit mobilized, my son entered kindergarten and I enrolled in seminary seven years after taking my last college class. I had to put my daughter in childcare. That’s something I never wanted to do. All of these changes and challenges caused me to evaluate my call to the chaplaincy. Once again, an answer came. One morning as I read the Army Times, I found myself growing emotional over the photos of soldiers who had died in combat the week before. The story of a young son receiving his daddy’s Medal of Honor caught my heart next. An article about the lack of chaplains accompanying casualty notification teams closed the deal. While I wasn’t normally one to show emotion, I found myself weeping uncontrollably over these stories and others. This passion caught me by surprise and offered one more confirmation.

In January 2007, as my husband prepared for war, I left my children with their grandparents and drove 1,500 miles to Fort Jackson for the Chaplain Basic Officer Leadership Course (CHBOLC). I found great peace despite the stress of having a husband deploy to Afghanistan and leaving my children for six weeks. Every moment at Fort Jackson served as confirmation to my call. I absolutely loved being there. One thought went through my head as I stood in formation, did PT, marched in freezing rain, and sat through endless classes. I thought, “This is where I’m supposed to be.”

A call to ministry needs more than personal conviction as evidence; it must also be confirmed by other believers and the work of the Spirit. While the previous events assured me personally that I’m going in the right direction, confirmation should also come from the outside. Several mature Christians have provided encouragement and confirmation. They offered these words after watching me ministering or hearing me share my passion for military ministry. When someone who knows me best says I was made to be a chaplain, those words reassure me of my call. When the Holy Spirit helps me in times of ministry and military training, that too offers confirmation.

Commitment

While I’ve remained sure of this call since December 2006, I don’t always like it. As my husband served in Afghanistan, and I attempted seminary and parenthood alone, the sacrifices I agreed to became all too real. Deployment, war and separation weren’t just distant possibilities, they were harsh realities. I know the pain Joel’s deployment caused my children. I held them as they described nightmares about mommy and daddy going to war. I know the fear that comes with having a spouse in a combat zone and I don’t want to put my husband through that. I’m living through the stress of reintegration. I don’t have to imagine how hard a military career might be on our family. I get to taste it each day.

Sometimes I don’t like this call. I don’t want it. Sometimes the passion is hard to hold on to. I don’t see soldiers every day. I go to school, write papers and do laundry. My combat boots get pushed to the back of the closet. It’s during these dry spells that commitment becomes essential. I believe God has called me to be an Army chaplain. I’ve committed to do that regardless of how hard it seems or how I feel on a bad day. I must continually remind myself of Andrew Murray’s words in Absolute Surrender, “I pray you, learn to know and trust your God now. Say: “My God, I am willing that Thou shouldst make me willing.” If there is anything holding you back, or any sacrifice you are afraid of making, come to God now, and prove how gracious your God is, and be not afraid that He will command from you what He will not bestow.”*

This semester has been so very difficult for me.  These last two years have been hard, but nothing like the last 4 months.

Besides my homework, I’ve neglected a lot of my relationships.  I’ve forgotten to call and not replied to emails.  I’m sorry.  It’s not because I don’t care.

Sometimes I don’t talk to friends or family because I’m busy or tired.  At times, I don’t want to admit my weakness or betray the confidence of others.  Sometimes I stay distant because I’m hurting and don’t think they’ll understand.  I don’t give some people the chance to prove themselves understanding and caring.  Others have been given the opportunity and failed.

Whatever the reason, I’ve neglected some relationships for a couple years now.  I pray people will be as merciful and gracious as my professors.  I could use an extension.

This image was first posted on February 11th, 2008 after yet another Springfield ice storm. I’m posting it again for Photo Friday.

I’ve finally gotten a few opportunities to pull my ACU’s out of the back of the closet. Friday was Seminary Day at AGTS. Lunch and dinner were provided for prospective students by the Army, Air Force and Navy. Chaplain Candidates wore their uniforms all day and answered questions about the chaplaincy and about our Chaplain Candidate Fellowship Group. We also nabbed some swag from our recruiters.

Dr. George O. Wood, General Superintendent of the Assemblies of God, [aka the head AG guy in the USA] preached during chapel. This was my fourth time to hear him speak. He’s hilarious, intelligent and insightful. Really, he makes me happy to be in this denomination.

Saturday I spent the morning hanging out with single moms while they got their oil changed for free at Central Assembly… no uniform… but free donuts.

This morning our church focused on missions. We filled the lobby with tables representing many of the Assemblies of God foreign and U.S. missions ministries. Nicole and I manned the AG Chaplaincy Dept. booth. We shook hands, handed out pens and dog tags, and heard about EVERYONE’S couisn/brother/nephew/neighbor who has served in Iraq or Vietnam or Korea or the Civil war… People love to tell these stories.

We had several cheerful men come tell us how important chaplains were to them when they served their country.

I also had a few interesting characters insist on saluting me… I know you’re not generally supposed to salute indoors… but really what could I do? Sometimes I just smile, but sometimes it’s just better to place people over protocol and salute the crazy old guy eccentric gentleman.

—

Well… now I need to recover from all of this mandatory fun and start writing some papers! I only have 25 or 30 pages to write by Tuesday.

After happening upon one of his songs a couple days ago, I’ve become a big fan of Dustin Kensrue. I purchased six songs off of his Please Come Home album. Good stuff… not your average Christian music… In fact, it isn’t listed in that genre — though the lyrics reveal a deep current of theology and scripture. It’s rock… folky, earthy blues with an acoustic guitar.

Quote from a recent IM conversation. [Recreated from memory because logging was turned off…]

I really love this album.
I love the sound. I like folk.
I don’t like the overly processed music of late.
It sounds like Velveeta.

Bonus: 5% of his proceeds goes to Two Write Love on Her Arms.

Search Gentlewhisper.com for “Happy Birthday Jami”

2007 post by Jami

A year or two ago, my recruiter sent me the Every Soldier’s Battle kit for women.  This kit includes the book Every Woman’s Battle.  I never got around to reading it until now.  We have a 1,200 page reading requirement for our Military Chaplaincy class.  Some of that reading is left for us to choose.  We can read chaplain, ministry, and military related books.  Since this one came straight from my recruiter, I think it probably counts.  I’m only to page 71.  Much of what I’ve read so far doesn’t seem to relate to me personally… I think that makes it even more useful.  It’ll help me understand and minister to women who deal with different battles than I do.

Coincidently,  I just found a song by Dustin Kensrue that seems to fit some of the things I’ve been reading today.  If his words touch your heart… you might want to buy the book.

Dustin Kensrue - I knew you before

P.S. I’ll let you know what I think of this book and the others I’m reading after the semester ends.

Mondays: Spiritual Formation of the Leader Class.

The best part of this class is the small groups. Dr. Jay seemingly randomly split us up into groups. We spend from 20 minutes to an hour with these groups each Monday. In January, the three women in class were all placed in different groups. I wondered at the logic in this. It didn’t bother me to be in a spiritual formation small group with four men, but I wondered if it would mess up the group dynamic for them. How could they share about certain challenges with a woman in the room? I realized that there weren’t enough women to make up our own group, but Jay could have put all five or six chaplain candidates together, that includes all of the women. We all share common concerns…

A few months later I find myself so very thankful for this small group. These guys make Monday something to look forward to. They’re not the guys I would have picked out of the crowded classroom to share my semester with. I would have picked the future chaplains. I was wrong.

A few weeks ago, I realized that this is the perfect group for me right now. I didn’t need another group of women to share all my secrets with. I needed a male perspective on specific issues. Not just any male perspective, but these male perspectives. I didn’t need more time to hang out with future chaplains. I spend almost all of my time with those wonderful men and women but I couldn’t have shared certain concerns with people I intend to work with for the next two decades… I’m sure they probably would have felt the same about me.

That’s all… there’s no big fancy close for this story. I’m just amazed that even in randomly selected small groups, God has his hand on me. He knows my days. He knows what I need.

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Tuesdays:

Christianity to the Reformation
The second class in a series of three covering church history. I love these classes, partially because the subject interests me, partially because I love Dr. McGee. I imagine decades from now young seminarians turning green with envy when they hear that I got to study under Dr. McGee. I’m sure they won’t envy his legendary exams though… I better start studying.

Military Chaplaincy Class

I should have blogged about this class all semester. It’s an amazing opportunity. Our ecclesiastical endorser teaches the Tuesday night class. He brings in amazing chaplains and experts to help prepare us for the chaplaincy. I really need to tell you about each guest speaker. Maybe I can do that when the semester ends.

This week, I got to give the devotion at the beginning of class. That’s a basically 10 minute field sermon. I really enjoyed it. Really. I spoke on Psalm 139. That’s the passage I’ve been reading over and over and over to get me through these last few days of concern for my friend facing miscarriage. I should write out my devotion and share it with you all. I’ve preached it myself countless times in the last 24 hours. While you’re waiting for that post, I encourage you to read Psalm 139 in the ESV and NIV…. a lot.

Goodness, I miss my friend.

Update: It’s not an ectopic pregnancy. The baby doesn’t look healthy though… PRAY.

I am the mother of three kids, and currently pregnant with a much hoped for #4. I prayed that God would bless me with another child, and he has. I found out on Easter morning that I am expecting again. My happiness was short-lived, as I was experiencing some bleeding. I went to the doctor the very next day, and he told me that he believed I was miscarrying. I was to come back in a couple of days to see if my lower than normal hcg and progesterone levels went up or down. He expected them to go down, because he believed I was having an early miscarriage. When I went back, my levels had actually went up. He still had little hope, and I was to go back for more blood tests a few days later. Over the course of the week, my levels continued to rise slowly, but my doctor continued to believe that I was miscarrying. He sent me for an u/s, but they couldn’t see a gestational sac or anything else. He told me he was sorry, but there was no longer a pregnancy. I had a hard time accepting it, and he told me I could come back once more to have my levels checked. During all of last week, I was very emotional. I was alternately grieving my baby and holding on to hope that my baby was still alive. Monday afternoon, I had blood drawn for one final check, and Monday evening I began bleeding. I tried to accept that I really was losing my baby. Tuesday morning, I woke up to more bleeding and intense pain. I finally told myself that it really was over. I was no longer even worried about my lab results. When I called the doctor’s office, I asked for instruction on what I could do for my pain, and told them I assumed it was really over. Instead of confirming this, the doctor told me that my levels had again went up, and it looked like I was still pregnant. He was worried about my pain, and feared it could be an ectopic pregnancy. After spending yesterday evening in the ER getting more blood work and an ultrasound, they have told me that I am not miscarrying. The doctor told me that I do have a viable pregnancy, but they are just not sure where it is. They could not see anything in my uterus, but it was possible that it was just too early to see. They did, however, see something on my left side where I was experiencing the most intense pain, and he said it could be an ectopic pregnancy. I got the feeling that was what they really suspected. I am to see an OB today, and I should learn more at that appointment.
My request is for as many people as possible to pray for me. I need a miracle. I believe that God is bigger than this situation. I believe that He is powerful and He is able to let my baby live if he wishes. He created this child inside of me, and I know that He had a purpose in that. That purpose may very well be just to make my faith stronger in my baby’s death, but, until I know that for sure, I am asking Him for a miracle. I know that if He wanted to move my baby to the safety of my womb He can do that. I know that He is bigger than the knowledge we already have. I know that He holds life and death in His hands. I ask you to pray for me and my baby.
Ectopic pregnancy can not be fixed. If the baby is in my fallopian tube, it cannot survive there. Normal procedure is to remove the baby before it bursts my tube. I value my baby’s life. I don’t want to have to face that decision. I want God to take care of it. I know He can if he wills. I covet your prayers, friends. If you have a blog and would be willing to ask your readers to pray, I would appreciate that more than words could say. I know God hears our prayers. I know He wants us to make our requests known. Please pray for me and my baby.

He took me to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. He reached across the table and held both of my hands as we waited to order and I couldn’t help but love him more than ever.

We’ve had a hard time over the last month and a half. Joel went right to work after returning from Afghanistan. We’ve not taken much time to just be together. Saturday was a good day for that. I won’t pretend that reintegration is easy. It’s not. But somehow, God has done amazing things for us in the last two weeks and I’m so excited to be married to my husband of almost 13 years.

So we had breakfast then drove for about an hour back to where my parents and sister live. Joel made pancakes for our kids and their cousins. He met and quickly fell in love with his amazing two year old niece. That little girl could steal any uncle’s heart. She’s never said my name but she started saying, “Uncle Joel” within a couple hours of meeting him. It must have been the pancakes.

After breakfast, Joel played video games with the boys. Keeping with the super uncle theme, Kurt soon set all of the kids up in a mass Easter egg dying production. One man, six kids, gallons of dye, dozens and dozens of eggs. He’s a brave man. He had to do most of the adult supervision alone since none of the rest of us get very excited about Easter eggs. If it were up to us we’d either boycott the event for stubborn religious reasons or toss candy eggs into the grass the day after Easter so we could buy them for half off at Wal-Mart.

We had dinner with my family and Joel’s dad and step-mom. After a late night trip to town, we tucked the kids into bed and finally got a few more moments together. The following morning we all went to church together then had lunch at Pizza Hut. Eventually we headed back to the airport. With many tears we dropped Joel off at the airport. My children didn’t care that it would only be five more days till they saw their daddy again. They’re tired of him being away. They’re tired of the Army.

We drove home Sunday evening. Driving so far on Friday and then on Sunday totally wore me out. I think I’m still recovering. I’ve been sick since then. I don’t have time to be sick. I’ve got so much homework to do. This semester is quickly coming to an end. I may drown in homework. I might have already done so. gulp. gasp.

Joel will be home soon. I miss him. I know I’ve said that for years. But now he’s in the USA and I miss him even more.