Gentleman Bounty Hunter

The Gentleman Bounty Hunter Writing Project

2012-01-19T11:23:00.002+01:00

There are four writing projects that I am planning on completing this year. I would like to get them planned out and written well before the end of the year, but things do come up. However, I don't see any reason why they can't be finished up and ready to go for next Christmas.

I don't have any set order for completing them, although I am hoping to get The Easter Wolf up and running by Easter in order to give people an alternative history of the celebration of Easter from an American marketing perspective. Living in Germany has made me aware of the fact that not everyone celebrates the same holiday the same way. It's a much bigger deal here than it is in the United States. I have found a great vehicle for a new telling of the behind the scenes machinations of Easter that I thought was worthy of getting out there.

The oldest projects are the ones that center around Norman Rogers and his self-deluding trip through the popular culture. The two best stories I have are set in different times. I have a lot of source material for these projects.

The Chasseurs is at the full writing stage. There isn't much research left to do. I have enough source material to complete the project. All I need now is time. Because these portals exist as blogs, I have to keep adding material in order to maintain interest. Which is no problem--I have the chance to do this. But, really, these sites should be fully-realized websites, and not blogs. For now, Scribd is the preferred method of publication. I would expect that this will change in the future, although I would think that this would be because Scribd doesn't give me the flexibility to fully self-publish material as of yet.

Consider this the January update for these projects. More to follow.

Gentleman Bounty Hunter Preview

2012-01-04T11:48:00.000+01:00

Gentleman Bounty Hunter

Revised and edited. This reads a little easier, I think.

I Am Not Wrangling Dirty Plates For You

2011-12-29T22:39:00.000+01:00

True story--when I met my wonderful friend Babs Worthington in Switzerland last week, she had a small task for me. This required a day trip to one of the cantons of Switzerland I rather like so this was no hardship.

The task was simple--check on a young lady who was a student at the school they run in Switzerland for kids who study abroad. I won't name names, but this is the school that the Actor Billy Zane (I am told) went to for his education.

Anyway, the young lady has a parent in Florida and a parent in Michigan and Babs knows the family--this is how ninety percent of our work finds us. She knows everyone who ever used a travel agency in the 1980s and 90s to go to the fabulous Florida Keys. This is her thing. We were asked to look in on her and see that she was still attending the school and to do so over summer break.

I had thought that summer break was when they would clear everyone out; this is not necessarily the case for kids who live over here in Europe and go on normal summer breaks. This young lady had private accommodations and was supposed to stay here year-round (her parents would then visit her in the spring and over the holidays--there's a divorce situation here, but an amicable one with new step-parents and all that, which is totally alien to me, but who am I but a weirdo?)

Babs and I drove to where we were supposed to go (thanks to Karen, the Australian GPS lady who says "re-CAAAAAAAHLK-ulating" when I intentionally miss a turnoff on the autobahn) but we didn't find her. We went to the address, but she had cleaned out her things. There was not one scrap left. No one had seen her since June.

Come to find out, she had been bumming across Western Europe (the Eastern part is still pretty yucky, I gather) and was calling in phony reports to her parents. Had they arrived for Christmas break, what were they going to find, then? I have no idea.

We did think it was funny that, when finding her in Mannheim, drunk and sitting on her suitcase at a fish festival, she thought I was there to take her drinking glasses and her plates back for the Pfand or deposit.

Do I look like a waiter or a plate wrangler?

Perhaps I do. I blend in with the Germans; this is my lot in life to be normal in countries where I happen to live.

Gentleman Bounty Hunter Prologue

2011-12-27T00:07:00.001+01:00

Gentleman Bounty Hunter Prologue
This is a re-edit of a piece that I did last year. I think that this will work as a prologue to a collection of short stories in the Gentleman Bounty Hunter genre.

A Mission Before Christmas

2011-12-15T23:31:00.001+01:00

Babs stopped by this morning and we greeted her like a long lost companion; at one point, her whooping and pacing around caused a flappitystack of golf magazines to go into the water, right off the deck chair on the Admiral Hassenpfeffer. I suppose we should have filched all of them out of the water, but the current snatched them away and churned them out. At least the Captain Morgan stopped rolling long enough for us to pick it up. Her exuberance would light a city full of dark streets.

Babs is sending us on to St. Kitts. In the early morning of Thursday, the 22nd, we will raise up the anchor and sail as quickly as possible from St. Thomas to St. Kitts. Once there, I will go ashore and look for a young lady who left her mother in the lurch over some credit card bills. It totaled around $400,000 I guess. Really, that's trust fund money. Shift some funds, my dear. This is a family that doesn't use trust funds, I am told. Ah, that old saw. Give them a generation and they certainly will.

The young lady has shacked up on St. Kitts and some family friend is, apparently, supporting her. Illicit sexual favors are being exchanged, according to the gossip that passed into the hands of the capable Babs. Old men, young ladies, sex, and boredom. It's the Caribbean. It's like having fish for dinner; it's what you do down here.

Miranda has crewed the Admiral Hassenpfeffer. Twenty new crewmembers have moved aboard and will report to her for assignments. They look weird. I think some of them are either American or Dutch; they have a lot of piercings and whatnot. No way are they Canadian.

I have on my Gentleman Bounty Hunter clothes, and my duck pants are looser than they were last spring. My blue dress shirts smelled of mold when we pulled them out of my quarters. Washing them twice with Dreft make them tumble-dry soft. My nunchucks are feeling good. I did forty minutes on the deck, moving from iteration to iteration, and I feel frost. Peej says I can pass for a badass. This has always been the case with me, sir.

All I have to do now is leave Germany. Well, perhaps after Christmas.

Baby, I Never Meant to Break Your Heart (But I'm Glad I Did)

2011-10-03T00:02:00.002+02:00

Listen, baby.

I know we've been through some things, but you have to believe me. I didn't mean to break your heart. I was trying to break my own heart.

That's right. Me leaving you was a case of what we like to call self-sabotage in this whole crazy dating life. Sure, we had some laughs. But when you moved in and put your stuff where I keep my stuff, that's when I realized that our stuff was always going to infringe on my stuff. And my stuff is pretty neat, at least to me. Your stuff is soft and smells weird and takes up A LOT of space.

So I couldn't have that baby. I had to break your heart. I had to sleep with both of your best friends. Yes, I slept with the fat girl who you keep as a backup best friend to the best friend who really did a lousy job of pretending to be interested in me in bed. I think your first best friend has commitment issues because when I asked her to move in with me, she wanted to know what I would do with your stuff and I said, hey, baby, let's take it one day at a time.

Your fat best friend, wow. She was like a hyperactive short order fry cook on meth in bed. She went like a tiger for about three hours and I ended up getting sick on myself trying to match her animal energy. I think your fat best friend has a thyroid condition or something because, wow. She is in spectacular cardio shape.

Anyway, baby. I'm sorry I broke your heart. If you can forgive me, let's you, me, and that fat best friend of yours go away to Catalina together. Bring the lubricants this time. The last time, you screwed up and brought nothing.

Oh, wait. THAT'S why I dumped you.

My bad, baby.

[the previous posting was written by Norman Rogers after logging into his Blogger account after several months of inactivity. I have received word that Norman wishes to start blogging again. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it sure is something worth putting up, so here you go]

Travel Scams For the Butt Pack Impaired

2011-09-18T23:28:00.001+02:00

I know that Rick Steves is popular and all, but I live in Europe and these things sound kind of far-fetched. If someone came up to me in Munich, for example, and tried to be my friend, I would think that they are clearly not normal. There's a scam that happens to people with German license plates when they drive through the Czech Republic. Czechs will pull them over, steal from them, and run away. At least I think that's what the scam is. A street thief will just steal from you and run away. All of this talk about being clever and all is just talk, I think.

Look, if people are going to scam you, there's a good chance that even the savviest person will fall for something that is clever and well-executed. Nobody can hope to be completely immune to the things that will be pulled on them. That's just wishful thinking.

Gentleman Bounty Hunter isn't about scams because those sorts of things read like tricks to me. Tricks are easy to come up with. Economic desperation, shame, and degradation are harder to work on.

Gentleman Bounty Hunter "Fred"

2011-08-23T23:23:00.002+02:00

Gentleman Bounty Hunter "Fred"

The Gentleman Bounty Hunter Image Library

2011-08-23T23:18:00.000+02:00

I found the GBH folder, archived long ago. These images were in it. At one time, most, if not all of these, figured into the "back story" of Norman and his strange hobby.

The Mama's Boy Who Wore a Cape

2011-08-07T10:48:00.000+02:00

A new short story for the "Gentleman Bounty Hunter" line of short works.

"The Mama's Boy Who Wore a Cape"

Gentleman Bounty Hunter

2011-06-20T22:36:00.000+02:00

This piece is what I plan on using to sort of introduce a series of stories that will eventually become "Gentleman Bounty Hunter."

Gentleman Bounty Hunter

A voice-over:

Norman Rogers was sentenced to serve nine months in a minimum security prison for a crime he most certainly did not commit intentionally. When his time in prison ended, he had no prospects, fewer friends than before, and various family members who bothered and annoyed him.

With what remained of his fortune, he used the family sailing yacht, the Admiral Hassenpfeffer, to leave America and travel to the Caribbean. Once there, he looked for a way to practice a trade known only to a select few individuals. He became a Gentleman Bounty Hunter.

[then, what would follow would be a montage of travel images, the Caribbean, people stumbling around, and a silver-haired, distinguished man reaching up out of the darkness to tap a man on the shoulder. The man turns with dismay and then sees what's happening. Without a word, his shoulders go round and he slinks away. Norman and his weird family wave goodbye to the man, who gets on a cheap plane and flies back to the United States. Norman turns, expects high-fives, and gets a knee to the groin from his daughter Miranda. No one helps him. A small child walks up and throws an ice cream cone on him and runs away. Someone shuffles by and takes his wallet, his hat, and one of his shoes]

Then, we go into the story. I don't like cold openings.

Each story is going to center around Norman, his family, the people he works with in the Caribbean, and the various people he has been asked to find. At some point, my lazy ass will start writing those stories.

Format: Norman is the center of everything. His voice can be heard in quick voice overs, but, sometimes, there is an editorial rebuttal from the family members. These stories are quick, first person accounts.

Characters:

Norman Rogers
Miranda Rogers, Daughter
Miranda Penn Rogers, Ex-wife
Barbara Worthington, Girlfriend and Confidante, Organizer and Travel Agent
Peejamod Rogers, Half-brother of Indian descent
Scott "Scuddy" Agrew, Barkeep
Byron Rogers, Son
Minerva, Local Whore
Major Evan Lucas Davidson, US Army, Southern Command

Setting: 1995, the Carribbean

What the Hell Do I Do Now?

2011-06-09T23:44:00.001+02:00

Okay, you're going to have to bear with me on this one.

Gentleman Bounty Hunter is one of my favorite ideas, but it never got off the ground. I came up with a story that involved Norman Rogers, his family, and regular episodes where he would use his weird skills to work as a "gentleman" bounty hunter.

So, the central premise of this "blog" is to show the gentleman bounty hunter character's stories as a kind of creative writing project. I don't know how long these pieces will be, but the main theme of this project is Norman Rogers doing his thing.

This will be an infrequently-updated sort of thing, but what I will drop on here are pieces that will, hopefully, add up to a larger project.

Never Fly American Eagle, Sir

2011-03-23T07:25:00.001+01:00

I have heard a few stories like this, and, when I fly to the Caribbean (rarely, because we take the boat or a private plane), I never consider flying on the discount or "cut rate" airlines:

I recently posted a trip report that was glowing. We love St. Croix! We do NOT love American Eagle, however.

Our trip down was uneventlful. Out of 30 people who were coming in for a wedding from various places in the continental U.S., only 3 had delays of more than 2 hours.

The trip back was another story.

Eight of us were scheduled out on the first flight of the day (6:50 a.m.) on Saturday, June 21. We arrived at the airport 90 minutes in advance as recommended by the American website, to find that there were about 15 people in line ahead of us. No problem, so we thought. About 10 people checked their bags without any delay, then a man with three bags got to the counter. One of his bags weighed 85 pounds, and the desk attendant told him all bags over 75 lb. were embargoed. He pointed to a sign that said all bags over 50 lb. would require payment of additional fees. The attendant said that is the American Airlines policy, not the policy of American Eagle. The debate went on for about 30 minutes. At 6:05 the attendant was still haggling back and forth. Then she looked at the rest of us in line and said, "This flight is closed. No one else will be allowed to board this flight."

I am not kidding. Needless to say we all got quite upset and asked to speak to the manager. That got us nowhere. After about an hour of discussion we were allowed to check our bags for the 9:11 flight out and told that we would all be on standby. We went through security and waited to see if any of us could get on the flight, but only one of us did. We were told the next flight was at around 12:45. We asked to leave to go get something to eat since we had 3 hours to kill.

We took some time to calm down and eat and also found out that we could extend our stay by a day at the villa we had rented since no one was checking in for a few days. We returned to the airport with hopes of changing our flights so that we could be confirmed for the next day. We were told that if we wanted to do that we would have to pay for new tickets.

It helps to have money, and lots of it, I suppose.

When you travel in a pack, it makes you more vulnerable, did you know that? Rich and powerful people travel by themselves; the weak and timid move in a shuffling stack of gut meat. When you see a half-dozen American tourists anywhere in the world. their voluminous body fat proportions frighten and confuse foreigners. Can the human body really hold that much blubber, water, and gristle? And when service-sector people (like airline employees) see a mass of quivering, panicked, skanky middle-Americans appear before them, they cannot help themselves but to make them startled and angry. Ever seen a fat lady from suburban Chicago lose her shit over some supposed customer service slight? Ah, heaven.

American Eagle can push around poor passengers, make them hop on one foot when they have to go to the bathroom, stand in lines that are never serviced, and pay for their own food and drinks--that sort of thing. They cannot do that to a savvy traveler. I like to go up to the American Eagle desk, make a series of complicated reservations, put the ticket counter crew through their paces by having them connect and reconnect my various flights as if we were tracing the "flight of the bumblebee,' and, when it comes time to pay, I say, in a very childish voice, "but my Mommy won't like me fly by myself!" and skip away.

I know, I know. I'm a scream, are I not?

This is Why I Hate Traveling Without My Nunchucks

2011-03-08T22:45:00.001+01:00

I believe that it was a couple of years ago that I realized that I had to stop strapping my nunchucks to my thighs when traveling. The truth is, I rather dislike being without them. I must have gotten onto two or three dozen flights with them on my person--no problem. Mine are made out of hickory grown somewhere in Japan, I think. No metal. The chain, I would always dump into the plastic tray when going through security. I actually stopped carrying them before the "don't touch my junk" era of American travel.

This is why I wish I could still do so:

In-flight movies may feature martial arts, but some airline passengers apparently got to see the real thing on a recent flight that ended with a man being subdued by air marshals.

The incident happened on a Delta Air Lines plane en route from Paris to Atlanta last Thursday, according to a complaint filed in the U.S. District Court of Georgia.

A woman said she was asleep when the passenger seated behind her, identified as Brian Louis Pomykala, woke her up by "forcibly fondling and grabbing her face and head and then gesturing toward his crotch area indicating that he needed some sex," according to the complaint.

Drunk? Yes, I would guess that he was drunk, or perhaps on drugs. Crystal methamphetamine, I would suppose.

Here's the part where you want to cringe:

When they approached Pomykala and asked him to go to the rear of the plane to explain what happened, he said he was not going anywhere, court papers allege.

Pomykala then struck one of the air marshals in the throat "with a bladed, karate-style thrust strike" and followed with a choke hold move, according to the complaint.

The air marshal was able to put Pomykala in a head lock and handcuff him with the help of the other air marshal, court papers say. Pomykala spent the rest of the flight in the rear galley jump seat. Law enforcement officials met the plane when it landed in Atlanta.

He might have been a buff fellow. He might have been able to pull a few quick Jean Claude Van Damme moves and then wait for his eventual ass-kicking. Who knows?

It would have been nothing for me to drop my duck pants (the belt is really easy to undo--it's one of those mesh belts that has a military-style clasp on it), undo the velcro straps that hold the nunchucks to my thighs, attach the chain to each of the rings on the ends of the nunchucks, and then hand the nunchucks to someone for a moment so that I can pull my pants back up and take care of my business. Once that's done, I'm ready for anything. I can do forty-six full-body nunchuck passes in mere seconds. Usually, when you have that sort of thing down pat, the perp or the weirdo or the maniac or the goofball pees himself and goes to his knees.

Should I have been an air marshal? No. That's menial labor for thick-necked wannabes. I have lived the life. I have done things. I should have been the man who sells the airline off piecemeal and puts the air marshals out of work while making a tidy profit.

Do You Need to Get Schooled?

2011-03-03T09:38:00.000+01:00

I suppose that, for those who actually have to deal with the criminal element, this is alright. For me, no. I don't use handcuffs. A simple tap on the shoulder and virtually all of the people I catch running from their responsibilities surrender meekly.

It must be difficult out there, dealing with hardened criminals. And you can't use nunchucks on everyone.

Should You Bother to Go High Tech?

2011-02-03T08:45:00.000+01:00

My opinion? No. But, things like this are helpful:

The newest GPS GSM tracker, the versatile Hardwired GPS Vehicle Tracking System is hardwired into your vehicle for versatile real-time tracking. What makes the Hardwired GPS Vehicle Tracking System different is the fact that it uses both GPS and GSM tracking capabilities so this tracker will work indoors and outdoors, where traditional GPS trackers fail. The web-based system lets you log in online and view your tracker in true real-time, as it's moving. Unparalleled versatility and ruggedness, the GPS GSM tracker works where other trackers will not.

Using technology to pursue someone is creepy and somewhat unethical. If you can't, in the capacity of a Gentleman Bounty Hunter, rely upon the good graces and dignity of whoever you are in pursuit of, then a gadget isn't really going to make much of a difference. Rich people know when they are being followed, so they switch vehicles.

I tend to follow formerly rich people who have run away from their problems. When they are down on their luck on Nevis or St. Thomas or wherever, they rarely have a car in their possession for very long.

This particular thing costs $349. I would recommend a fine meal instead.

This is No Way to Conduct Surveillance

2011-01-18T00:30:00.000+01:00

I have to perform surveillance work, on occasion. It's boring work. As much as I would like to put a camera somewhere and go get a Caesar's salad, I have to remember one thing--sticking cameras all over the place does not work:

A Yuba County convenience store’s unusual tactic to deter vandalism drew sharp criticism from customers who say the new addition to the men’s bathroom makes them uncomfortable.

The manager of the Circle K in Marysville said the surveillance camera mounted inside the bathroom has been extremely effective in curtailing vandalism in their store. The camera is a decoy and doesn’t record anything, store employees said.

The sight of the camera was still unnerving to customers like Robert Donaldson, who said he complained after spotting the electronic eye aimed straight at the sink and toilet area of the single-occupancy bathroom.

Unfortunately, perverts abound.

What could be one man’s decent attempt to keep the local hooligans from smashing his toilet in with a crowbar is another man’s attempt to sell urinal photos to Internet fetishists.

The Internet has always been, and always will be, a really, really bad idea.

I Couldn't Do Real Bounty Hunter Work

2011-01-12T10:37:00.001+01:00

I don't like mixing it up with the hoi polloi:

When you watch a news story that involves an arrest, you may hear something like, "Bail was set at $100,000." Bail money is set to ensure that the person who is charged with the crime shows up in court. The more serious the crime, the higher the bail amount. For the most dangerous criminals, no bail is set at all -- they must remain in police custody.

Not everyone who is accused of a crime can afford bail money, which can run into the hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of dollars. In those cases, a bail bondsman will step in and put up a bail bond -- sort of like a loan -- in return for a percentage (usually 10 percent) of the total bail. The bail bondsman will then secure a bail bond from an insurance company. The bail bond acts as insurance guaranteeing that the accused will show up for his or her scheduled court appearance. But if the accused decides to skip town and miss the court appearance (which about 20 percent do), the bail bond must be paid -- and it's the bondsman who must pay it. (For this reason, bondsmen usually require collateral from the accused, such as property or a car title.)

Because bondsmen are liable for the bail bond amount, and the police can't always find their man (or woman), many bondsmen hire a professional bounty hunter -- or bail enforcement agent, as they prefer to be called -- to track down "skips." More than one bounty hunter may be assigned to the same case, but professional agents tend to shy away from cases with too much competition.

In return for their services, bounty hunters typically receive anywhere from 10 percent to 20 percent of the total bail bond. An experienced bounty hunter who works 80 to 150 cases a year can earn anywhere from $50,000 to $80,000 annually. But the hours are long and grueling -- sometimes 80 to 100 hours a week, and the work is tough. "As bounty hunters, we're driving around bad neighborhoods, talking to stupid people, drinking cold coffee, and looking for bad guys -- and they talk about the glory of it all," says Bob Burton, director of The National Enforcement Agency. The real reward, he says, is the adrenaline rush that comes from making an arrest. Burton refers to it as "adrenadollars" -- "For every buck we make arresting someone, we make $1,000 in adrenadollars."

By their own accounts, bounty hunters are more effective than the police. According to the National Association of Bail Enforcement Agents, they nab nearly 90 percent of all bail jumpers.

My services are fairly basic in comparison. You contact Babs Worthington. Babs and I get together. We go find whoever you cannot find. We ask that person to go go home. They usually do. We do this for no money. Then, Peej says something wise and profound while Miranda tries to kill me.

Don't do it now. Babs is busy.

Living in the Caribbean

2011-01-03T23:01:00.000+01:00

I think these are all useful things to know:

1 First, you must realize that the Caribbean is completely different than the USA. Most islands only have had electric in the past 30 years, and others still have sugar cane from the slave days that grace the hills. Bugs are bigger, and I mean bigger! Giant centipedes grow to be up to a foot or more in length, and are very difficult to crush! Roaches are the size of a hand, mosquitoes are very stealthy, and ants can really turn any good day, into a bad one. Overall, the Caribbean is very laid back and the weather is just perfect.

2 You need to do some thorough, and I mean THOROUGH, research of the island that you want to attempt residing on. Each island in the Caribbean has their own style and flavor. What may be a common friendly gesture in Jamaica, may be a big no-no in Antigua. Knowing the cultural background is something that is wise, regardless of where in the world you may be traveling.

3 Your next step is to find suitable living conditions. Island homes are nothing what they are in the States, and it is common to see locals living in nothing but a single room with plywood walls and a tin roof. You probably do not want to live in a dwelling like this, so check websites of island newspapers or classifieds. You can also contact real estate agents on the island. They would be able to find you the most suitable home with your expectations.

4 You also need to be aware that the islands have a limited supply of almost everything. When and if you decide to move, make sure that you have a great deal of what ever items you cannot live with out. You can always try and have things shipped in, but the mail service in the Caribbean is extremely unreliable, and things go missing, or conveniently "get lost." And if you do receive a package, be prepared to spend a hefty tax. Some places charges almost as much as %80 for imports. Things like computers and mp3 players have very high tax rates, and others not so much. It also depends on the honesty of the customs officer. Some charge more for things, and pocket the difference.

5 You will need to have some way to finance your stay on the islands, especially if you plan to move for a long period of time. It is difficult to find employment, since jobs are limited, and the governments reserve jobs for locals. If you are lucky, you may get one, but the odds are slim. To live on the islands is almost about three times costlier than the median standard of living in the US. It is actually twice as much as NYC to reside in the tropics. Some islands are better, but those are usually the third world countries. You just need to be financially sounds for many reasons. You do not want to be stranded in a foreign country!

6 Have you thought about how you are going to get around on the island? There are local buses, but you are limited to where you can go, and at what times. Most locals walk, or take the bus. About half own vehicles. You can also purchase a bike, if you wish. It all depends on how close you live to a grocery store, whether or not you are willing to get some exercise, and if you have enough money to buy a car. Cars in the Caribbean are very costly, and many of them are in poor condition. And if something happens to it, you may not get it fixed...for weeks! And since many of the mechanics on the islands are self-proclaimed, you may pay a lot of cash, and the car may still not work!

7 You must also not expect from people what you would in the US. People have a different demeanor, and although many hold jobs, the rate that a job gets done is much slower. Small apartment buildings get built in a few years, and internet installation can take up to 8 weeks. But that s how it is, and you should not get upset, or you may find people being very rude with you.

8 Health care is decent on some islands, but not so good on others. Make sure you have emergency evacuation insurance in the event you need serious medical attention, should you reside on an island without adequate facilities.

9 Be prepared for natural disasters like volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, hurricanes, and the rare but occasional tsunami. It would be a good idea to also has a stash of bottled water and non-perishable food items, medical supplies, flash lights, and other emergency related things. Not only is it wise to be prepared in the event something does happen, but water and electric and a tendency to go off for hours at a time, and several days a week. Again, it all depends on where you go.

10 And finally, enjoy the island life! Relax at the beaches, take in the breath-taking sites, and watch one of the most beautiful sunsets that will ever see in you life! Knowing what to expect makes the natural beauty of the island more enjoyable, instead of stressing out about all the surprises that popped up along the way! Now, go grab a Ting and a mango off the tree, and enjoy!

I would add that you need to be prepared to be frustrated. A lot.

Many of the people that I have had to go and find in the Caribbean would have been very self-sufficient if they had followed these recommendations. And, to be fair, a few of them were basket cases to begin with, but still.

How to Catch Someone on Foot

2010-11-24T11:09:00.002+01:00

Several years ago, some fool posted this:

Allright, I need some encouragement. I won't lie, that's what I'm looking for. This is like my 3rd footchase since I've been in Field Training. The First one I caught the guy on my own running through alleys and recovered the drugs that he tried to ditch on me. The 2nd one was a guy ran while cuffed and although he got pretty far, there were 10 of us Officers around when he ran so there was no way he would have escaped. Well, this one I had today was my first chase so far that I lost the guy.

My FTO was placing him in custody and as he was placing the cuffs on him and the guy shook off and ran. I immediately went after him and soon I was on my own running through the alleys.. Well, with my heavy boots and everything as we were running up hill in the one alley I just got exhausted and had to slow down to a jog, knowing there were 3 or 4 other patrol cars circling around the block. Well I couldn't see which way he went into a new alley so when I got to the end I looked right and saw some patrol cars passing so I figured they would get him if he went that way so I went left. When I exited the alley he was nowhere to be seen... So it is assumed he ditched into one of the houses in the alley because we didn't find him in any of the yards.

Anyways, although I know this probably happens quite a bit, it just frustrates me because it is my first foot chase I lost... I figured I'm in pretty decent shape (after all I did just get out of the academy 7/8 weeks ago) and am young so I should have got the guy. So, just lookin for some of you out there where the suspect has gotten away from you.. Just some of those stories so I don't feel so crapy about it. But at least I can say, when I see him next time I work, because yes he will be back walking outside on my post, he will not even have the chance to run.

Thanks in advance for your replies!

Bwah! Way to go, Johnny Law.

The thing you need to remember is this: if someone starts to run away from you, end the chase as quickly as possible. That's why I carry numchucks. I realize that Johnny Law can't carry them, but I can, and when I throw numchucks at the back of the knees of someone running away, I never miss.

That being said, never blame your footwear. Running in heavy boots is your fault, and not the fault of the fleet-footed felon who runs away. I run in boat shoes with no socks, when I run at all, and I would never blame my shoes if I lost a footrace.

Conditioning is important. It sounds like Johnny Law has, or may have had, a gut. If not, then he definitely had a conditioning problem. You should be able to sustain a half an hour or more of strenuous exercise. If not, start walking. Walk five or six miles per day. Per day. Walk quickly and establish a pace that will take you one mile every fifteen minutes. Then, refine that down. If you can't walk 4 or 5 miles in an hour, then you need to get cracking.

Once you have the ability to sustain a chase, avoid it at all costs. The best way to win a foot chase is to not find yourself in one.

Be that as it may, the way you win is by not giving up. If you can stop the chase early on, or if you can keep the suspect in your sights and outlast them, all the better.

Wait til They Get a Load of Me

2010-11-23T10:34:00.003+01:00

This is the group for me:

Bounty Hunter Station Abilities

Bouncer level locator Nite Club bouncer train secure garment unit patrol floorwalker. Bouncer trainee trainer progession society alert security.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Oblivion

2010-11-10T11:07:00.000+01:00

Over on Scribd, I am going to start uploading the pieces that make up the story of my efforts as a Gentleman Bounty Hunter.

This blog gets about fifty hits a month, if that.

So far, in less than two weeks, I have over 260 reads of two short pieces.

My question is, why bother blogging? Why bother with it at all?

Well, I'll tell you. This site will be a gateway to that work, and I have to sit and write these things down before I forget them. You will be able to find the pieces at Scribd or in the sidebar here.

I hope you are as thrilled as I am with my success.

Quit Being a Puss, Dude

2010-10-26T10:58:00.001+02:00

Due to my new love affair with Scribd, I'm going to post a few things in this format.

Love it? Hate it? Prefer a standard blog post? Please let me know.

Quit Being a Puss

Posted via email from An American Lion is on Posterous

Can an Air Marshal be a Gentleman Bounty Hunter?

2010-10-22T07:22:00.001+02:00

No, but this is still pretty interesting:

Two U.S. air marshals who arrested the wife of a Brazilian judge on a flight to Rio de Janeiro -- and were themselves arrested and had their passports confiscated by Brazilian authorities -- fled the country using alternate travel documents rather than face what they believed to be trumped-up charges, sources said.

The incident has impacted air marshal operations on flights to Brazil, officials said, and air marshals contacted by CNN said the case raises questions about Brazil's willingness to support future law enforcement actions by U.S. officials on international flights.

The incident occurred on October 1 on Continental Flight 128 from Houston, Texas, to Rio de Janeiro. During the flight, a female passenger who appeared to be intoxicated tried to serve herself drinks by going to the plane's galley, one source said. The plane's crew asked air marshals to intervene, and two marshals approached the woman, who began struggling with them.

Two sources said the woman bit one of the air marshals, and she was handcuffed and placed under arrest.

Talk about your blatant corruption. This sounds like someone decided to turn a prominent nation into a banana republic just because she couldn't get her drink on. We have similar problems with our elites in this country; thankfully, when they flaunt the law and get away with murder and the like, they do it quietly, behind closed doors, by paying lawyers exorbitant sums of money.

In Brazil, I guess they do it by treating the shit-faced wife of some judge like she's the Queen of something.

As to my question, sure. Anyone can be a gentleman bounty hunter, even a woman, provided they do not already have a steady gig as a Federal law enforcement employee. I know, ouch. That's a tough one. But if you're already in a fairly prominent position protecting the public, you already have your hands full, Cletus. It's not a gender thing. It's a state of mind. Can you protect people from themselves? Can you tap someone on the shoulder, give them a wink, and take them back to their family? If so, you can be a gentleman bounty hunter. It's not like I have all the time in the world. I need help, from time to time.

So THAT'S What That Thing Is

2010-10-09T23:40:00.001+02:00

Orion Guardian ST820 by Cobham

As much as it pains me to have to admit this publicly, I feel like an idiot.

The item pictured above is a surveillance device. I've found several of these pesky little things on the various vehicles that I have owned throughout the years and I have always assumed that they were left there by the jackasses at PepBoys:

Several days ago a 20-year-old Santa Clara, Calif. student discovered a GPS tracking device hidden on his car. After his friend posted a picture of it online, speculating about its its ties to a secret FBI investigation, the feds themselves came a-knockin', according to Wired.com. They wanted their toy back.

Based on the discussion with the six FBI agents who arrived at his doorstep, Yassir Afifi believes he'd been under surveillance for three to six months. When Wired asked an FBI spokesman about the case, he did not acknowledge ownership of the device, but said that there was an "ongoing investigation."

That's pretty scary, is it not? Whenever I would find these devices, Peej and I would take turns hitting them with a hammer. Then we would carefully melt the pieces down and make a big pile of goop--plastic bits and metal and all that floating on a sea of hot crap. Then, we would pour the stuff into a steel bucket and let it cool. Then, we would throw the bucket off of the Bay Bridge. But, enough of my personal problems.

Is this all legal? Well, yes and no. Yes, there is a legal right for Johnny Law to track you, provided said Johnny Law has a court order to do so. If that's the case here, all well and good. If not...

It's a police state, after all. Johnny Law can do whatever he thinks he can get away with, and, brother, you and me just better keep our noses clean. Johnny Law can drive up behind you and shoot a dart into your car that will track you, too. Talk about getting a shock to your system on your way to the bread store. Who do we have to blame for this? You and me, brother, because we signed away our rights when they passed the Patriot Act. The liberals got one thing right--if you give up these rights, they will be abused. There, that's all I have to say about that.

Being an American Lion, I have to comment on the ethical considerations of all this. If you stand up for privacy, you're a dirty liberal. If you remember your American history, and come down on the side of the rule of law, you're a right-wing crank. If you're afraid that the Patriot Act has gone too far, you're some sort of weird progressive. If you're afraid that the government has too much power, you're in a Tea Party frenzy.

How about we adopt one consistent measure of commentary? If you think that this might possibly be an abuse of power by the government, you're an American. Can we merely agree that this warrants a further look?

Posted via email from An American Lion is on Posterous

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