Genuine Randomosity...

You keep doin' what you're doin'...

2023-02-12T09:04:00.002-05:00

We've all heard Albert Einstein's definition of insanity. (Well, there is some disagreement whether he really said it or not but - whatever - you've heard it.) Like, a lot. I'll refresh your memory but I highly doubt that I need to. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

It's a pretty good quote really. You've probably used it during an argument...pointing out how someone isn't getting anywhere because they keep doing the same things. But, have you thought about how it applies to yourself?

We like comfort, and we don't like change. So we adopt certain habits or do certain things and then we become content with them, sometimes even when we KNOW that they aren't the best habits and things for us.

Some work jobs they hate getting up and going to.
Some stay in relationships that they know are toxic.
Some lie to keep the peace because the truth will flip their lives upside down.
Some start abusing drugs and/or alcohol or use food to fill an unmet need.
Some constantly spend way beyond their means.

... and then they complain.

They complain about having to work for a boss they can't stand at a job they don't even like to do. They complain that they're in an abusive relationship. They complain they don't feel well. They complain they are living paycheck to paycheck - all while refusing to make any changes.

...and then, in time, they pay "the tax" - the consequences of their own actions.

They wasted years at a job where they never saw their family because they hoped it would give them a big bank account. They let their kids witness years of toxicity in relationships and now they are in their own toxic relationship because this is what they were taught was normal. They are now in a huge snowball of a lie that is exhausting to keep up with because it just kept growing and growing. They are addicted to the drugs, alcohol, or food now and are very sick. They are desperately looking for ways to come up with the money to keep their homes or pay for an expensive car repair but they have a $150 bar tab every Friday and Saturday night and a closet FULL of high end clothes and shoes.

Maybe one of these "theys" is you. So let me ask - what if you made a change and it ended up being the best thing that ever happened?

What if YOU being so stubborn and stuck in your ways is the actual thing standing in your way.

Stop blaming other people. Take accountability for where you're at. Yes there are things that happen to people that are absolutely no fault of their own but that's not what I'm talking about.

You're not where you want to be? Nobody is going to come riding in on a white horse with a briefcase full of money offering you a new luxurious carefree life.

You won't get that cute house you love by maxing out all your credit cards and trashing your credit score because you can't say no to that $300 pair of shoes you saw.

You used substances to make you feel better today? - I guarantee you won't wake up tomorrow free of the urge to use them again.

You aren't happy with your body? No amount of money you spend on supplements or the latest diet craze is going to give you the body you want if you don't put in some effort.

Your boyfriend smacked you around yesterday for the 10th time but it's okay because he promised it was the last time.

YOU have to decide that it's time to make the change.

Surround yourself with positive people and music and tv shows and watch it transform your mood. Stop hanging out with the people who are sabotaging your growth or constantly critical of the changes you're trying to make. Stop the negative self talk to yourself. Start making ACTUAL changes in your daily routine.

You can do hard things. They will be worth it. You got this.

Sincerely,

Sober Day #869

The Traumas That Make Us.

2023-01-25T11:23:00.000-05:00

*Trigger warnings: Various traumas mentioned.*

I feel like I was kind of a weird kid.

I was the "teacher's pet" kind of kid. The "mothering" kind of kid. The (mostly) straight A's without even trying, "Talented and Gifted Program" kind of kid, and if you were a student that didn't like to do group work and you got put in my group well congratulations - I had no problem doing the whole project and letting you have half the credit. Most would say I was shy, and quiet. Never in trouble.

As an adult I think the word we use now is "neurodivergent" which covers a broad range of things. I haven't been diagnosed with any specific type of neurodivergence (haven't pursued it) but every time I see one of those memes that really speaks to me about being "weird" it's from an ADHD or Autism or Neurodivergent group page and it makes me go "ohhhh..hmm, we may be on to something".

Anyways, whatever it is - it has always made me feel like I didn't quite fit in anywhere but at the same time it has helped me to fit in everywhere. I got along with pretty much everyone. I still do, and it is something makes me successful in my business (I have had a cleaning service for 8 years this year). I can meet you where you are at whether it's old, young, stay at home mom, workaholic, adhd, hoarder, perfectionist, etc. I see you, and I don't judge you.

I got married when I was 19 years old (don't do it kids, you have so much to learn still - trust me you are NOT as grown up as you think you are). I'm still married to the same man, and we have 2 children. I had our first at 20, and our second at age 21. Then, in my mid 20s I discovered ALCOHOL.

I mean, I had had it before, but I discovered that alcohol numbed the stresses of motherhood, working, being a wife, trying to balance everything. And when I made the connection of alcohol and numbness that's where my drinking journey took off. In a post earlier this month I defined alcohol as being a "means of avoiding or coping with some kind of unwanted and uncomfortable feelings." which I think is a great definition - and definitely what I used it for.

Don't wanna feel bored? Drink!

Don't wanna feel awkard? Drink!

Don't wanna overthink social interactions? Drink!

Wanna be brave and sing karaoke in front of a room of strangers? Drink!

Wanna become a great dancer? Drink! (It's a lie. I saw the videos - we can't dance.)

Don't wanna think about that time you were sexually assaulted by a family friend when you were three years old? Drink!

Don't wanna think about that time you were robbed at gunpoint? Drink!

Don't wanna think about that time *_____insert traumatic event here_____* Drink!

...and HERE lies the problem. We've all been through a lot of crap. Maybe you think the things way in the back of your mind at night that haunt you aren't as "bad" as the things that someone else is dealing with and so it's stupid to talk about them but I don't believe that. If it hurt you, it hurt you and your feelings about it MATTER.

Did you know that PTSD can be seen in brain scans? Trauma creates an ACTUAL physical change up in your head.

The problem is, we make this CONNECTION between the relief of the thoughts of the things we don't want to think about - and once you make a connection it's hard to disconnect it. (I'll bet you never touched a hot stovetop twice on purpose!) This, my friends, is where the journey to alcohol abuse starts.

The problem is a lot of us accumulate traumas throughout life but we are too worried about what people will think if we get a therapist. Or, maybe we tell ourselves we don't have the money or time. Maybe you're that proud person that says, "I'm not talking to a stranger about my problems, they don't even know me. How is someone who has never met me going to help me?" (Ok my dude, but you're "helping" yourself by downing a 12pk and 8 shots how exactly?)

We make EXCUSES. We think these excuses are perfectly good excuses and so instead of getting mental health help we slap a band-aid on instead. I chose alcohol. Some choose food, sex, gambling, porn, meth, heroin, pills, shopping - you get the point. We CHOOSE something ELSE to help us escape. And often times these things we use to escape cause MORE traumas. You end up with an eating disorder or a disease. You lose all your money, your house, your teeth, your family, or worse - lose your life.

The band-aid you're slapping on is COVERING your festering wound so you can ignore it and so others won't see it but you and I both know it's still under there.

Before you know it - you feel like you're stuck. It's like a cute little snowball that starts rolling down the hill and suddenly it's picking up dog crap on it's way. It just turns into one big ugly mess.

Then you're left with a choice. That's right - you have a choice my friends. You can either keep doin' what you're doing - or decide that you want to get your life back under control.

Make the choice to make a change. I'm a Christian so for me part of this was getting back in touch with God (because you know - I like to pretend He can't see me when I'm doing things I know aren't good for me). For others, it means something different but it all starts with a choice.

I managed to be sober for two years before I finally got mental health help for the first time in my life. I had hit the tipping point. If I'm honest, it was at least 20 years overdue. I found a local therapist through the Psychology Today website. I've never seen her in person - we meet via video call weekly, which is great for me because I have trouble leaving my house more often than not (shoutout to anxiety and IBS! 💩). It has been AMAZING. The second best gift I've given myself (the first being sobriety).

I found out that there's a name for the mental hell I'd been going through and it's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (it happens to more than just veterans, y'all). While some recognize "Complex" PTSD (PTSD as a result of more than one event) and some don't, mine was definitely a culmination of MANY traumas all sitting beneath the surface.

As part of my treatment, I wrote my own trauma narrative and I'll have you know that I hold the record with my therapist because that baby is NINETEEN pages single spaced - normal sized font. I was SO stuck in a cycle of the ways I thought about myself and the things that had happened to me that I couldn't break. I'm still working on it but I'm starting to be able to catch when those thoughts are creeping in. Every week I take that TIME to check in on my mental health. To learn ways of changing my thought patterns and to FEEL the things that hurt instead of slapping a band-aid on them.

It's life changing. Truthfully, I think it should be mandatory.

Anyway, I'm here telling you - you don't have to be out there acting all big and strong and keep trying to carry all that weight. You'll hit a point where you can't, and you'll reach for something to patch the pain. The band-aid you pick will numb you for awhile, but over time with it will come more and more weight to carry, and you'll either have to continue to increase the size of the band-aid or come to terms with the festering wound beneath. You don't have to live that way.

There's nothing wrong or shameful about reaching out for mental health care.

It's OKAY to feel.

Sincerely,

Sober Day #851

Find a therapist near you: www.psychologytoday.com

Your Time is Precious So Stop Giving It To Alcohol.

2023-01-24T15:26:00.001-05:00

Something I feel like doesn't get talked about enough is the amount of TIME that we waste as alcohol abusers.

I drank heavily for a period of about ten years. I am now going towards 2.5 years sober and I've been loudly spreading the news far and wide that sobriety is an amazing gift and trying to help people start or stick with their journey when they come to the decision that alcohol doesn't deserve a place in their life anymore.

I am also a former smoker - and if you've ever quit smoking, you've probably felt the "free time phenomenon". It's like all of a sudden you actually notice all the time you spent smoking and like you have all this extra time now. Smoking, however, is allowed in the car while you're driving down the highway and in public places long as you abide by the rules - so I don't think it takes up as much space in your mind because you don't have to "figure out" anything you just go outside and do it and grab a pack when you get gas. You don't have to go to a special store to get your smokes.

But have you ever really considered all the TIME that alcohol gets to take up?

Let's take one scenario - you're invited to a BYOB party.

You spend time thinking about what you will want to drink that night.

("Beer, wine, 4Loko *yikes*, White Claws, liquor? Little bit of everything?")

You spend time thinking about when you'll stop to get whatever you're gonna drink.

("I'll swing back through later because I can't take the kids with me to the liquor store.")

You spend time deciding how much money to spend on alcohol.

("Last week that bar tab was ridiculous I gotta NOT do that this week.")

You spend time thinking about how much you plan to drink.

(You won't stick to this probably btw. You know it. I know it.)

You spend time thinking about who can drink as much as they want and who can't because they are driving. Should you find a DD? Get an Uber? Spend the night?

You spend time actually drinking.

You spend time thinking about how many drinks you're having WHILE you drink.

("Should I have ONE more? It's still early.")

You spend time thinking about whether you're sober enough to drive.

("ZYXWVUT..... I can still walk a perfectly straight line.")

You spend time thinking about how many hours of sleep you have before work tomorrow if you go home right now.

("If I get home by 1, I'll still get 5 hours. That should be finnne!")

You spend extra time visiting the bathroom for one reason or another - you're either peeing a lot or you overdid and you're sleepin' in there on the floor sometimes.

You spend a lot of time feeling like crap the entire next day.

You spend a lot of time regretting all this time that you're giving to alcohol and negotiating the moderation of your drinking.

("This week I'm not having ANY til Saturday night! And I'm STICKING to beer.")

I'm not gonna lie - when I quit drinking it took some adjusting to all the down time. Like, there is a lot of time where you feel, well, bored (and cranky). But, with time - you'll start actually enjoying things again.

Your mind will wake up instead of being numb and you'll start being creative again. You'll think about things you can build, or ways to make money, or adventures you could go on, or pictures to paint. You will feel RESTED when you wake up in the morning instead of that CONSTANT cycle of trying to balance inadequate sleep with hangovers and partying. (Oh, you can't sleep unless you drink? Guess what - that's a post for another day - but alcohol WRECKS your sleep. FACTS.)

I know it gets said over and over but LIFE IS SO SHORT. Like, if you are around my age (I'm headed towards 40 😮) - how many GOOD summers where we can still get around good and have no major health problems do you think we have left -- even if we live to be 100?

I don't mean it to be depressing - and I try not to think about it TOO much myself because the more you do the sadder it seems, but it's FACTS. Nobody is living forever.

You are SPENDING your minutes each day out of a limited total number you get and even worse you are ROBBING your own account by ingesting a drug that will likely only STEAL more of those minutes in the end as a result.

Spend wisely.

Don't waste too many of your minutes wasted.

Sincerely,

P.S. I have people in my life that I love dearly that are heavy drinkers. Please don't think that my posts are meant to call you out, nor do I think I am better than you because I don't drink.

There are people that are perfectly happy with their drinking habits and don't plan to quit or feel they need to and that's fine. My posts aren't for you. My posts are for those that are dying inside from the stupid choices they've made or drinking to escape the things that have happened that alcohol will NEVER
be able to numb enough. They are to try and help you see alcohol for what it is and help you if you're considering a sober life. If it FEELS like I'm writing these posts specifically for YOU it's because you're already feeling some kind of way about your relationship with alcohol. If you want to stop, you can stop. It is worth it and YOU are worth it. <3

Let's Call it What it is.

2023-01-16T19:46:00.006-05:00

Until today - I've shared this photo with only a handful of people in my life because, well, it's embarrassing.

The people that I shared it with - were my closest friends. My drinkin' buddies! The people I spent the most time with at that point in my life - I actually looked through a Facebook message thread today to track it down because I had remembered sending it to them. Oh, how we had laughed.

You wanna see it? Well, here it is! This was a brand new all white t-shirt the night before - and those darkest spots - are blood.

Let's call this picture what it is...

sad.

stupid.

dangerous.

Those are the first words that come to mind.

Although my friends and I joked about it as we'd done so many times before about one of us doing something really freakin' dumb - there is actually nothing that is funny about this picture.

I had been drinking the night prior. I woke up like this. I sat up and shook my husband awake and I said, "What the HELL happened to me?" and he didn't know. I got up and got myself into the shower and realized my hair was so matted with blood that it was running out red with the shower water! Once I got out and assessed myself I noticed I had a small cut on my chin - and if you've cut your head or face before you know those will bleed real good.

I could NOT remember what had happened - but eventually - my brain came alive and I came across a memory of me misstepping and falling and I remembered the new boots I had had on and sure enough they were scuffed up. I had gone upstairs and gone to bed after that and I was covered up - and so my husband didn't know.

I had also fallen backwards in my driveway once about a year prior to this event and cut the back of my head open a little. My drinkin' buddies and I laughed about it.

I'd once stripped down into my skivvies, swam in a pond, and then proceeded to get out, get dressed, and WALK the half a mile from there to my house. Alone. In the dark. On my road that has no streetlights and very few houses.

I slipped on ice drunk and landed on my tailbone once and it hurt for THREE full years after. Do not recommend.

There are, unfortunately, many more examples, but you get the point.

Let's call it what it is - something many of you are familiar with.

If this isn't familiar to you - then this post isn't for you.

I wouldn't be putting this out onto the internet if I didn't think that a whole lot of you have your own drinkin' mishap stories. Maybe yours include falls, wardrobe malfunctions, dance parties, singing the best karaoke you ever sang, getting into fights, setting yourself on fire, breaking your arm, smackin' your significant other around, throwing up all over yourself, going home with a stranger, saying things that hurt someone, or betraying (or maybe being betrayed by) a friend.

Couple of these are harmless and fun (I mean drunk me was a real karaoke superstar, guys!). Most in fact though, are definitely not.

The ones that are not - are followed by regret. If you carry a lot of these stories of regret then you are the target audience of this post and if you are in fact part of the target audience of this post then you KNOW what often happens when you wake up -

--You come to in the morning--

*Head hurts... and mouth is SO dry.*
*Opens one eye and rolls over to see if there's some water nearby*
*Head HURTS HURTS and you need some ibruprofen*
*Wonders why heart is pounding so hard*
*Begins collecting flashbacks from the previous night's events*
*Checks to see if you have your phone*
*Checks to see who you drunk texted*
*Checks your social media activity to see if you posted anything stupid*
*Checks your bank account to see if it's still in the green*

*Checks kitchen to see what kind of food binge was had*
*Thinks if you ate something maybe it would help*

*Also thinks eating could go either way and you might just throw up instead*
*Excessive visits to the toilet*

*Considers staying in bed all day if possible*

*-Insert any other favorite hangover symptom here-*

and then what do you say to yourself while you're feeling like trash? Say it with me -

"I HAVE GOT TO STOP DOING THIS."

You tell yourself you're only drinking beer next time, having a glass of water between each drink next time, having no more than 2 or 3 max next time, you'll eat more before drinking next time, you'll buy a smaller bottle of wine next time, you'll get to bed earlier next time, etc.

But us humans, see, we don't learn too fast and by the time Thursday rolls around you have somehow forgotten how awful it felt when you woke up that morning after partying hard all last weekend. Some of you forget by afternoon each day and stop right back at the store on your way home from work. Some of you throw a shot of something in your morning coffee before work because you swear by "the hair of the dog" method and you just need it to feel straight and keep that hangover from creepin' up.

Maybe some of you are "lucky" enough that you don't really get too hungover regardless of how many you throw back but you still have an arsenal of regrets from drinking.

Let's call it what it is - abusing alcohol.

Let's call abusing alcohol what it is - a means of avoiding or coping with some kind of unwanted and uncomfortable feelings. (I mean, I don't know if the dictionary says that - but I've been on my own journey, and talked to enough people and done enough research that I think it's a pretty good definition.)

I don't want to include everything that I have learned from my alcohol abuse journey in one post but I do want to leave you with two things to start -

A LOT of people are doing this to themselves, and they want to stop - not just you.

A sober life is the very best gift that I have EVER given myself and I am convinced that it can be that for you too if you'll put in the work. You are worth it.

Sincerely,

-K.

If you liked this post - be sure to bookmark and stop back now and then because I will be sharing more of my journey with you. #DAY842

Oh, Hey! I'd Like To Reintroduce Myself

2023-01-15T09:02:00.001-05:00

I abandoned this blog about 10 years ago.

My life has changed considerably since the stayin' at home with kids days. I am now the mother of two teenagers, have been married 18 years, own my own business, and know a lot more about life due to MANY lessons that I've learned over the course of the last decade.

I've unpublished nearly all of the old posts that were here - as they are no longer relevant, or they were boring or just kind of cringey (you know, like when Facebook reminds you of the really dumb posts you wrote 13 years ago and you're like WHAT?!)

The content will be different here now as I've resolved in my life to help people wherever I can. I will share things on a lot of different topics - so the "Randomosity" title is still fitting - hence keeping the page rather than starting over.

I am 842 days sober from alcohol as of the writing of this post and will use this platform in part to help inspire others to start or maintain their own journey of sobriety. I've also got an anxiety disorder, have struggled with IBS for over 20 years, and most recently - I've been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after a series of unfortunate events that wrecked my mental health. I'm here to make people feel like they are not alone.

I am a work in progress and I have learned that writing is therapeutic for me, which is why this blog was started to begin with.

I hope you can find something here that resonates with you.

Love,

A Funny Little Piggy Cake! (and how I made it)

2012-07-01T11:11:00.000-04:00

Heres what I did...

I got up in the morning and separately stirred up 2 white cake mixes, which I dyed pink with red food coloring. I put one whole mix in my midsize (greased and flour dusted) stainless steel bowl. The other mix I divided up between my small stainless steel bowl and a shallow loaf pan.

I just kept an eye on all of them until they were done in the middle. The large bowl took close to an hour and the smaller ones only about 35 minutes. I let them cool off a while and then flopped them out onto my "cake board" which is just a piece of cardboard with tin foil and saran wrap over it and I spray it with a teeny bit of pan spray so I can move things around if I want.

I plopped the "body" out and then the "head" and then with the loaf pan cake I cut it up to make the legs and arms.

While the cakes were baking I whipped up my first ever batch of marshmallow fondant which seems intimidation for a total beginner but it was SO easy and fun! I melted a 10oz package of Jet Puffed miniature marshmallows in a Pyrex bowl, added 2 tablespoons of water, a teaspoon of vanilla extract and my red food coloring (3 drops I think). You stir it around a bit and then just keep dumping cups of powdered sugar in and stir and then dump another cup and stir and do that until you have what looks and feels like more of a "dough". I then greased and dusted the counter with powdered sugar, flopped the concoction out onto it and kneaded it a while until it was nice and smooth and kept adding more powdered sugar as needed. You will want to put shortening all over your hands or it sticks to them.

When it feels like a nice not-to-sticky not-too-dry ball of fun, you wrap it in saran wrap and put it in the fridge. I then went back to the cake - arranged it how I wanted to on the board, and once that cooled I frosted the whole thing with white frosting. It doesn't have to look good - nobody is going to see that part. It's just going to be used to keep the fondant in place basically.

When that was all done, I took the fondant out of the fridge (the recipe said to keep it in the fridge overnight but come on, I am not that patient). I kneaded it a little until it softened back up enough to roll out. I rolled it with a non-stick rolling pin onto a sheet of greased wax paper until it was pretty thin but not thin enough so it was tearing. Carefully, I flopped it upside down over the top of the cake and then peeled off the paper and smoothed the fondant over the body shape. (Sorry I would have taken pictures if my hands had not been a sticky greasy mess!)

I took a knife and trimmed off all the excess and rolled that back into a ball. I made the ears, the tail, and the snout with some of that, and then I added a drop of blue food coloring to what was left and kneaded it in until it made blue fondant which I made the necktie out of.

I decided I needed white for the eyes and tie stripes so I stuck 3 regular sized marshmallows in a bowl, tiny bit of water, and then just added powdered sugar until it was pliable just like the first time.

The eyes are brown M n' Ms.

I used chocolate frosting for the "mud" and then dyed some white frosting green for the "grass".

It was really fun and I really enjoyed making it.
The moral of the story is don't be afraid of fondant. This kind tastes good and it was really, really easy to make and work with. I will DEFINITELY be using it again.

Finished!

The Tragic Flaw - Inability To Change

2012-06-08T08:07:00.001-04:00

I just love this so much... and it is so fitting for many of us.

"The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.

I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels better somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be waiting out there. Chances are it could be even worse.

So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone...Except maybe yourself a little.

When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really, really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever...that you'll never have to change again." - Ephram Brown (Everwood TV Series Season 2)

Precocious Puberty - Update April 2012

2012-04-05T08:27:00.001-04:00

My daughter had her appointment at the Joslin Center in Syracuse this past Tuesday and we have decided to discontinue her Supprelin implant.

She will keep the one in her arm for now until all of the medication is used up (they actually can last almost 2 years usually). The doctor is going to check her again in 9 months at which time we will probably schedule removal of the implant.
The Supprelin implant has been wonderful for her and has worked perfectly with absolutely no issues or concerns, but as a mother - I have always worried about the long term effects of the medication considering in 2008 when she got her first implant, it was a fairly new option. (approved on May 3, 2007 by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration). We would really like her to use the medication for the least amount of time necessary and her endocrinologist agrees. If absolutely necessary, we can always opt for a few Lupron injections to keep things at bay should things start to progress extremely quickly once the implant is empty.

I will follow up here after her next appointment in 9 months.

Edited 2023 - I left this blog for a long long time. After the 9 months passed - we took her to have the implant removed. They were unable to easily locate it. The surgeon said if it were his daughter, he would leave it in rather than create a large area of scar tissue from digging around for it. It has been about 11 years since - and she has had no issues with it being there. She did not start getting regular cycles until 16 years old. I still have concerns about what long term affects there may be in areas of fertility, etc from the condition itself and from the method of treatment. But, so far, everything seems good.

100 More Songs You Heard as an 80's-90's Kid

2012-02-08T15:38:00.001-05:00

I was going to do a Part II of the original post I posted yesterday (you can find in the archives) with the YouTube embeds but as I sat and thought about songs, the list just grew and grew. So, I have decided to only list the titles and I hope at least one brings back lots of memories! I tried to only use each artist once, so the song might not be your favorite. ...Now hurry, run off to iTunes and download them all!

1. Tupac - Changes
2. 311 - Transistor
3. Firehouse - Love of A Lifetime
4. Seal - Kiss From a Rose
5. Tracy Bonham - Mother, Mother
6. Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit
7. Jamirquai - Virtual Insanity
8. Lou Bega - Mambo #5
9. Eminem - My Name Is
10. Dave Matthews Band - What Would You Say
11. Third Eye Blind - Jumper
12. Matchbox 20 - Push
13. Live - I alone
14. Tonic - If You Could Only See
15. Counting Crows - Round Here
16. Missy Elliott - Supa Dupa Fly
17. Puff Daddy feat Faith Evans/112 - Missing You
18. Green Day - When I Come Around
19. LeAnn Rimes - Blue
20. Oasis - Champagne Supernova
21. Goo Goo Dolls - Slide
22. Madonna - Vogue
23. Orgy - Blue Monday
24. Reba McEntire - Fancy
25. Blink 182 - All The Small Things
26. Alanis Morissette - Ironic
27. Monica - Don't Take It Personal
28. Brandy - Sittin' Up In My Room
29. Beastie Boys - Intergalactic
30. Fuel - Sunburn
31. Fiona Apple - Criminal
32. Kid Rock - Bawitaba
33. Ben Folds Five - Brick
34. The Wallflowers - One Headlight
35. Hootie & The Blowfish - Only Wanna Be With You
36. Bush - Glycerine
37. Christina Aguilera - Genie In a Bottle
38. Puff Daddy/Mase - Can't Nobody Hold Me Down
39. Jewel - Pieces of You
40. Rob Zombie - Living Dead Girl
41. N*SYNC - Tearin' Up My Heart
42. 98 Degrees - I Do (Cherish You)
43. Boys 2 Men - Motownphilly
44. Garth Brooks - Friends In Low Places
45. Kenny Loggins - Danger Zone
46. Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar On Me
47. Beach Boys - Kokomo
48. Richard Marx - Right Here Waiting
49. Tone Loc - Wild Thing
50. New Kids On The Block - Step By Step
51. Guns n' Roses - Paradise City
52. Spice Girls - Wannabe
53. Meredith Brooks - Bitch
54. Shawn Colvin - Sunny Came Home
55. The Verve Pipe - Freshman
56. Celine Dion - It's All Coming Back To Me Now
57. Tag Team - Whoomp! There it is!
58. Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven
59. Diana King - Shy Guy
60. Next - Too Close
61. INOJ - Love You Down
62. Chumbawumba - Tubthumping
63. Alannah Myles - Black Velvet
64. Tom Petty - Free Fallin'
65. Blackstreet - No Diggity
66. Sophie B Hawkins - As I Lay Me Down
67. Des'ree - You Gotta Be
68. Sara McLachlan - Adia
69. Usher - You Make Me Wanna
70. Sugar Ray - Every Morning
71. Brian McKnight - Back at One
72. Spin Doctors - Two Princes
73. Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise
74. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge
75. Whitney Houston - I Wanna Dance With Somebody
76. Snap - Rhythm is a Dancer
77. Crystal Waters - 100% Pure Love
78. Soul Asylum - Runaway Train
79. Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy
80. Savage Garden - I Want You
81. Melissa Etheridge - I'm The Only One
82. Robyn - Do You Know What It Takes
83. Soft Cell - Tainted Love
84. Olivia Newton John - Physical
85. Sir Mix-A-Lot - Baby Got Back
86. Pearl Jam - Last Kiss
87. Destiny's Child - Bills, Bills, Bills
88. Journey - Don't Stop Believin'
89. Metallica - One
90. Barenaked Ladies - If I Had A Million Dollars
91. Joan Jett - I Love Rock N' Roll
92. Whitesnake - Here I Go Again
93. House of Pain - Jump Around
94. Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time
95. Billie Myers - Kiss The Rain
96. Bryan Adams - Summer of '69
97. Merril Bainbridge - Mouth
98. Eryka Badu - On and On
99. Edwin McCain - I'll Be
100. Billy Ray Cyrus - Achy, Breaky Heart

Easy No Chill Sugar Cookies

2011-12-27T15:31:00.000-05:00

I made these last week and they turned out excellent! You don't have to chill the cookie dough. They won't work well with cookie cutters but they spread out nicely on the pan and taste really good.

You will need:
2 3/4 c. flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 c. butter (2 sticks)
1 c. sugar
1/2 c. brown sugar
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla

I sprinkled some colored sugar crystals in just for fun too but you don't have to.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit
Stir together flour, baking soda, and baking powder in a bowl
In a separate bowl, cream together butter, sugar, brown sugar, egg, and vanilla
Blend in dry ingredients
Bake 8-10 mins or until edges begin to brown

Super Easy Apple Crisp

2011-12-22T08:25:00.000-05:00

This is a pretty simple recipe for a delicious apple crisp.

You will need:

6 apples, peeled & cored
1 c. water
1 package white cake mix
1 c. brown sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 c. butter (melted)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Arrange apples in single layer in pan
Pour in water
Mix cake mix, cinnamon, brown sugar, and butter in a bowl
Sprinkle mixture over apples (will be crumbly)
Bake 50-55 minutes

Note: This apple crisp comes out very sweet - I sometimes cut the brown sugar down to 3/4 cup.

The Story Of Acrylic Teeth..

2011-12-11T09:20:00.000-05:00

Before I get going on this true story - I have to stress that desperate things are done during desperate times. What this means is - just because there were no adverse effects in this particular case doesn't mean there wouldn't be for someone else.

It started in the late 60's or early 70's when my dads sister shoved him during a race to be the one who would sit in the front seat of the car. BAM! My dads face hit the ground and it broke out both of his permanent top front teeth.

He had posts and caps put in and very rarely ever had any problems with them until this one particular day when they completely broke and there was no fixing them. It happened on a weekend when his dentist was not available. It was really bothering him and making him really self conscious so I brainstormed and told him to come on up to my house.

When he got here, I presented him with my DIY acrylic nail set. (They use acrylic in your mouth in dentistry - but I'm sure it usually isn't Kiss Nails brand.) At first I think he thought I was crazy but I proceeded to trim down two fake nails and shape them with a sanding tool until they were "teeth shaped" and then the fun began. We tried and tried to glue them with super glue to the next teeth over, on the posts, etc with no luck. We were both tired and kept laughing - as it isn't every day you do this kind of thing.

Finally, when we didn't think it was going to work at all - he said, "okay, just glue them in right at the top." There was a very very small part of the original teeth there I decided to try to glue to so he laid on my kitchen floor and I super-glued the "nails" into his mouth.
They seemed to stick pretty well and I knew if I got a good coat of acrylic over them they would probably stay.

Now, do me a favor...picture your dad, laying on your kitchen floor at 10pm, with paper towels stuffed in his mouth too keep the saliva away, holding his upper lip up off of his teeth as you paint on them and he waits for the acrylic to dry. It was hysterical and we still laugh about it.

Anyways, those "teeth" ended up working out great, and lasted over a month with only one touch up needed when he felt they were a little loose. Nobody ever noticed, even his close friends didn't believe him when he told them! His dentist got a kick out of it and said he had had other patients make similar attempts but never had one have it actually work out. I don't do my nails anymore, but I did keep what's left of the set and I have acrylic on hand..you know, just in case. :)

Easiest Peanut Butter Cookies Ever...

2011-12-08T08:26:00.001-05:00

I have the pickiest husband ever. This means for the first several years of our marriage I didn't need to learn how to cook. Now that our kids aren't babies anymore - I'm slowly learning a few things but I like finding recipes that are super simple sometimes. I came across this recipe online - I'm not taking credit for it, just passing it along. I have made them and they are great for how simple and quick they are!

Ready? Don't hurt yourself, now!

You will need
1 c. peanut butter (creamy or crunchy)
1 c. sugar
1 egg

Ya put 'em in a bowl and ya mix 'em all around - that's what it's all about (sing to Hokey Pokey tune - really...or the cookies won't come out right.)

Place by rounded teaspoon on a cookie sheet and flatten with the tines of a fork to make the famous peanut butter cookie crisscrosses.

Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Voila!
*UPDATE... These may not take quite 10 minutes - check them at 8 minutes to be sure they're not burning.*

(not my cookies my food never looks this perfect!)

"Singing with the Buttons." - A Family Story

2011-12-06T15:10:00.001-05:00

I have lots of fond memories of my grandparents but one of my very very favorite treasured memories is spending many Christmas Eve's with them.

About a week or two before Christmas, for several years, I always spent a day with Grandma and we would make wintergreen candies from scratch. These are mostly powdered sugar and water from what I recall - and you added some oil of wintergreen and red food coloring and rolled it out. After that, we always used the tops to salt and pepper shakers to cut out perfect little circles. They then went one by one onto big wax papered baking sheets and into Grandma's back room to cure.

Christmas Eve night my whole family and my grandparents and usually at least fifteen or more other family members (we're a huge family) would get together at their house. There was always a big table of snacks and usually sandwich fixins' and candies and nuts. We would all eat and then, every year my Grandpa and uncles would play their guitars and we'd all sing Christmas songs and hymns for probably a good hour or more. As a little child I loved this. As a pre-teen all that singing seemed a little corny, but you know as I grew up I looked so forward to "singing with the Buttons."

My Grandma Button passed away on December 11, 2008. The last time I saw her was a week or so before that. She was in her home on her couch and a lot of family members had come into town because we knew she was not going to survive. It was our evening to pretty much say our goodbyes to her. She was conscious but quiet for the most part. At some point someone suggested we sing for Grandma and about twenty or so adults and many of our children were jam-packed into Grandma and Grandpa's living room. We sang lots of hymns and some Christmas songs to try and comfort Grandma and she mouthed most of the words as she laid there listening.

My husband was ready to get our kids home and in their beds so we said our goodbyes and drove the 20 or so miles home. The minute we got in the driveway I decided I needed to go back. My husband took the kids inside and I headed back down to that house. I needed comfort as well. I needed to be there with my family and "sing with the Buttons."

After my Grandma passed away, my Grandpa took some time to really enjoy things. He did a lot of traveling and visited various places doing what he loved the most - spreading the word of God and singing.

After a triple bypass surgery complication in May of this year, my Grandpa spent several months in the hospital. He never got to go back home to his house, but he did go to be with his Lord and Savior on October 1, 2011. He had planned most of his funeral during his hospital stay and of course - there was lots of singing.

As Christmas draws near, I find myself thinking about them a lot - wishing I could flash back in time to make one more batch of wintergreen candies with Grandma, give both Grandma and Grandpa a big hug, and spend one more Christmas Eve "singing with the Buttons".

Click Here To View A Memory Slideshow - by Anna Yasharian

Precocious Puberty? What?

2011-12-03T09:48:00.003-05:00

This may not be of any interest to you whatsoever... it wouldn't have been to me if someone had posted it a few years ago - but I think it is important for people to know that it does in fact exist. Some of you already know - but others may not and it could happen to your children or future children so I'm writing in in hopes to help someone out.

My daughter, at 3 years old was diagnosed with precocious puberty.
This means - early onset of pubertal development...
It can be caused by the pituitary gland simply working much before it should.
Other causes are brain tumor, ovarian cysts, or exposure to estrogen via topical ointments or if a child got hold of birth control pills, etc.

I have not divulged the details of her story to very many.. but here we go..

My little girl was chunky when she was a baby ... always off the charts for her height and weight (but proportionate)..

The summer I realized something was wrong I noticed that when she would play outside and come in - she had smelly underarms. Not like... sweaty kid smell - like adult smell. Worse than I would smell if I forgot deodorant for a day!
I didn't think this was normal. Soon after, I started noticing other developments which would be normal in a much older child - but certainly not a 3 year old, so I made her a doctor's appointment.

I first found out about precocious puberty at the appointment. I was told the possible causes - and told that if we did not find out what her particular cause was - she could start menstruation cycles as early as 4 years old. She was scheduled for an ultra-sound, an MRI, bloodwork, and an x-ray to determine her bone age due to her already starting her growth spurt.

She did great for the ultra-sound other than a little discomfort because she had to have a full bladder. The MRI she did really good - I was SO proud of her. For those who have not had an MRI - it involves laying inside a claustrophobic "tunnel" in a huge machine that makes SUPER loud noises and you have to lay completely still as it takes pictures of your brain. At one point she said - "Mommy, I'm getting a little afraid in here." But she did wonderful.

The xray was obviously no big deal either.

Waiting to find out if your 3 year old has a brain tumor isn't fun. Especially considering my mom and grandmother both had one. It was normal, as was the ultrasound.

Her bone age, according to her x-rays, was 7 years, 10 months. This means her bones at the age of 3, were the size of and formed as those of a girl 7 years and 10 months old should be.

We were sent to an endocrinologist in February 2009 at the Joslin Center in Syracuse - who then referred us to a Pediatric Surgeon. There are 2 types of treatment for CPP (Central Precocious Puberty - meaning that there is no other explanation besides her brain is telling her much to early to develop)

Treatment option #1 involves a monthly injection which is very painful. This injects medicine which counteracts the hormones being secreted by the brain to slow or suppress the development.

Treatment option #2 is an implant. This works much the same way but is time released and full of enough counteracting hormone to last for approximately 12 months.

After discussing and researching both options, we decided to opt for the Supprelin Implant.It is about 1 centimeter long and slightly smaller than the diameter of one of those small glow sticks you get at the fair.

On May 4th, 2009 we went to Syracuse for her procedure. She was put under (was really hard for me to watch!) and the procedure took about 15 - 20 minutes. She came out grumpy and said her arm hurt - but by the time we were part way home she wanted McDonald's and didn't say anything more.

That following Tuesday, we went back for follow-up with Dr. Sills. We went over the results from her bloodwork in February. The luteinizing hormone, which is a pubertal hormone, was detected as 2.3. This hormone should be undetectable in a 3 year old. I asked the doctor at what age 2.3 would be a normal level and she said it would be normal in a 10-11 year old female. They drew some more blood so that we can be sure that the implant is functioning correctly. Lena had no problem with them drawing blood she said "ouch!" and that was it.

This will be an annual thing until she is old enough to continue developing where she left off. She is now 6 and is on her 3rd one. Each time it has gone smoothly with no issues and the implant has done it's job. We are anticipating that this will be her last implant.

I am handling it all okay. I am thankful for the Upstate Medical Team. Sometimes it is hard to explain to people and seems almost a little embarrassing to talk about - but in reality - it could happen to any one of your children and I am hoping that my blog will help someone else and let them know they aren't alone, or maybe you have a friend with a child who has some of these issues. They need to be taken care of. Not only would it be a serious social issue to be the the only Kindergartner wearing a bra - it can have health consequences as well as children who are left untreated can end up being of extremely short stature due to growing so quickly as a young child.

I thank God she is as sociable and outgoing as she is. She won't tolerate being picked on as the kid who is 6 inches taller than the average kid her age... (she is now 6 and is 70lbs and 48in tall)...she also has lost many of her baby teeth already and recently got braces because her front teeth came in very crooked! She is not shy or embarrassed about her implant - she will happily show you the scar. (At one point she thought it was going to make her stay 3 forever. :-))

If someone you know has any type of similar issues going on with their child - feel free to share this. It's nice to find someone who's in the same boat.