George Burns and Gracie Allen

To All Other Presidential Candidates

Aaron Gardner — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 00:31:12 +0000

To all other presidential candidates; of the United States of America.

Gentlemen?

Well, boys, the jig is up. Election Day will be in November this year. Turkies will cost you 38 cents a pound cranberries will be 50 cents a bucket. Plum puddings will be 2 dollars each. But for my good friends it won’t cost a nickel so go out and vote for me.

Gracie, you are asking all the other presidential candidates to vote for you?

Sure, there are so many that even if I get half of them to vote for me I’m bound to be elected.

I see what you mean.

This letter is being dictated by a lady, typewritten by a lady so don’t forget to take your hats off while you’re reading it.

Gracie Allen
President of the United States

Gracie, you’re not president yet.

Well, I will be by the time this letter is delivered.

Make 50,000 copies and mail one to each candidate. Address the letters in girlish handwriting and send it to their homes. I want their wives to read it too.

Comic Portrait

Aaron Gardner — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 05:13:56 +0000

Dreaming on a Train

Aaron Gardner — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 12:12:36 +0000

[Scene: George has reluctantly taken Gracie as his wife. They are on a train from New York to Los Angeles and at night they are sleeping separately.]

Gracie: Oh, you know something: the more telegraph poles I count, the less I know what to do with them. Why is that?

George: Humph.

Gracie: Georgie Porgie, I couldn’t sleep last night; I had the strangest dream.

George: You had a dream and yet you couldn’t sleep.

Gracie: Well, sure, a daydream.

George: I see… last night you had a daydream.

Gracie: In the upper birth… I was so lonesome up there, and there weren’t any sheep to count.

George: The train stops in Wyoming to pick up sheep.

Gracie: Oh, goodie, then I won’t be lonesome tonight.

Eveready Ad

Aaron Gardner — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 20:19:07 +0000

A Funny Thing…

Aaron Gardner — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 22:59:33 +0000

Gracie: A funny thing happened to my mother in Cleveland.

George: I thought you were born in Buffalo.

Graduation from Radio to TV

Aaron Gardner — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 12:16:05 +0000

Oddly enough, the versitility of their acts allowed Burns and Allen to mold to any medium. Moving from the stage to the radio did not phase them one bit.

Ad-Lib

Aaron Gardner — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 16:26:13 +0000

In their debut episode on television, George explained their roles for those who may not have seen them before. He explained that he is the “straight man” whose job is to ask the question to which the commedianne hilariously responds. Then it is his job to pause…George’s true gift.

In this picture, George demonstrates on of his “ad-libs.”

Television-Era Portrait

Aaron Gardner — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 15:23:53 +0000

Following Instructions

Aaron Gardner — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 22:25:53 +0000

Gracie: You can’t eat these peaches, it’s twelve o’clock!

Harry Morton: What has that got to do with it?

Gracie: It says right here: should serve from two to four.

They DID Know Jack

Aaron Gardner — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 18:16:08 +0000

George was great friends with Jack Benny, a fellow performer. Jack was often a guest on the Burns and Allen show, as was George on the Jack Benny Program. And not only there in person, but their special relationship would often prompt each to make jokes on their shows at the other’s expense.

The Other Rat Pack

Aaron Gardner — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 12:29:00 +0000

Before Sinatra and his crew were heating up the stage and the screen, George had his own pack. The Pee-Wee Quartet was not something that made it big, and I think that many fans of Burns’ comedy can attest to his complete lack of singing ability. So what can we say about the other three?

[Top to bottom: George Jessel, Eddie Cantor (left), Jack Benny, and George Burns]

Logical Postage

Aaron Gardner — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 20:47:41 +0000

George: This letter feels kind of heavy. I’d better put another stamp on it.

Gracie: What for? It’ll only make it heavier.

Cary Grant

Aaron Gardner — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 22:26:42 +0000

As the years go by it is often hard to remember how different star power was back in those days. Burns and Allen made a great name for themselves, and was able to do it along with some other famous faces. Among them is romantic leading man, Carry Grant.

A Family Portrait

Aaron Gardner — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 20:13:52 +0000

While Gracie was never able to have children of her own, the Burns’ decided to adopt. Rather than choosing healthy and happy children, Gracie decided to choose children who needed the most care and love. A true testimony of the heart of gold that she had as a wife and mother.

It’s All Relative

Aaron Gardner — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 22:49:18 +0000

Real Estate Agent: I presume the bedrooms are upstairs.

Gracie: Yes, except when you’re upstairs. Then they’re on the same floor.