The Ultimate Review

2012-02-22T14:28:00.002-05:00

This has been around for a little while, but nonetheless, this guy sums up about every flaw in Episode 1, and does so with some of the more disturbing humour I've ever seen.

George's Trilogy of Awful

2012-02-15T14:27:00.000-05:00

OK, so first of all, I have a weird take on the new trilogy. Not that any of them were any good, but unlike many out there, I firmly believe Phantom Menace is the strongest of the 3. Sort of like Return of the jedi in terms of quality, except instead being the worst of the series it's the best. Think about that. Phantom Menace, slightly worse than Return of the Jedi is the best George could come up with nowadays. That motherfucker. And it's not even a good movie, but all the scenes on Tatooine at least feel like a Star Wars flick. Not the charactors, or story, or events, or direction, or script, or acting, but just the sand. That's it really. The major redeeming point of the new trilogy is the fact that the first one featured lots of scenes with sand... you know what? To hell with that, I'd like to propose a new favourite Star Wars film. The Hurt Locker. That movie had WAY more sand, and I gave a shit about some of the charactors in it. Sure it doesn't actually have anything to do with Star Wars, but neither does the Phantom Menace, so how can I complain?

In all seriousness, most would say Revenge of the Sith was the best of the 3. BULLSHIT! Yea that's right, it was badass when Anakin turned evil. Because of all the cool things he could have done, maybe get into an epic battle, throw around his force skills a little. Nope, he goes to cap some little kids. And not even big kids, or so many that it`s like when Neo fought a thousand Agent Smiths. No, instead he goes and commits a crime that any asshole with a baseball bat could accomplish. Even Ted Bundy would call this guy a pussy, and that`s supposed to be the big segue into the original trilogy.

And speaking of segues into the new trilogy, George actually managed to turn me against 2 of my favourite charactors from the originals. Chewbacca and fuckin`R2D2. I know. George made me hate R2D2... that scruffy looking nerf herder. But hear me out. At the end of Revenge, Yoda talks to Chewy about Luke and Leia, and same thing goes for R2D2. That means those 2 guys are the most knowledgable about everything that happens from there on out. All those meeting in a New Hope, not a coincidence, not even the force. No it was all just a man-dog and beeping trash can meeting up with people they've long known. How long? Apparently longer than George Lucas has known his charactors. Boom.

Patton on George

2012-02-15T12:48:00.000-05:00

Patton Oswalt joins the fight against George!

George Lucas Must Die

The Ultimate Review

George's Trilogy of Awful

Patton on George