Gertie's Dictums

Declutter - Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 17:45:00 +0000

Hello! How are you getting on? I hope you're ready for another dose of hormental cleaning to do’s!!

Let's get started!

Gertie’s Guide to a Clutter Free Life (Part 2):

1. Crap Boxes. Invest in small boxes, name label one for each member of your family. Each day, go around the house picking up dumped crap and putting it into the relevant box for the owner to put away at the end of the day. This also has a pavlov’s dog effect and will eventually “train” your family to put their shit away more regularly!

2. Calm Kitchen. Restructure your kitchen and larder so that it makes sense to you. Chuck out ingredients that are out of date and utensils and anything you don't use. Put anything you use on a daily basis in the most accessible places. Box and label cake decorating accessories, put spices together, cans together and make sure you can see everything easily so it is a piece of cake to do shopping lists from now on.

3. Bathroom Bits. Go through everything in your entire bathroom including makeup and hair crap. Throw away anything you have had for more than a year and never used. That cellulite mask, left over nipple cream etc etc. This also goes for over stretched hair bands, make up bought before 2005 and heated hair appliances unused since crimping was fashionable. Now have a look at what is left and split up into categories. If you haven't got enough existing storage, think about an over the door unit or wall shelves. Make a note to try a new makeup look with all your previously M.I.A. stuff next time you go out.

4. Loving Linen. Old, worn towels either get thrown away or put somewhere else for practical uses. Drying wet dogs etc! Bed linen can be organised by set and then by room so you can find it quickly and easily. Sort table linen into set and throw away anything with never resolved stain issues!

5. Garage Clearout. Do this with your other half after checking out storage systems for garden implements, bikes and camping equipment etc. This way you can come to the party with the genius ideas and he can put them into practice!

More to follow on storage ideas, painting, decorating and revolutionary DIY plans!

G x

Mind Your Mindfulness

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 10:08:00 +0000

Do you ever get the feeling that you're constantly running around and at the end of the day you don't feel like anything was accomplished? Or that you blink your eyes and your children have grown a foot and you can't remember the last time you just stopped and marveled at them? Or you find that everything you do is done while multi-tasking at something else?

I think a lot of people would agree that in this day and age of technology, speed and efficiency, stopping and taking time to appreciate life in the moment and one moment at a time is nigh on impossible. I've had enough!! I am frustrated and tired with it all. And if I ask myself if I am giving my children the time that I could, I know that a change needs to come.

1, To Do List. Pare it down! How much of it is essential for today? Make a list of daily things you want to accomplish. Include spending time with family, calling friends, eating more fruit, going for a walk and reading to your children before you even think about adding anything else. Everyone can fit these things in, even if you are juggling work and family. It's about time management and getting into good routines.

2, Meditate. Morning meditation is excellent for quietening your mind. It allows you to focus on your daily tasks and you'll find you perform them more efficiently due to your new levels of focus and concentration. If you're not quite there with meditation and you don't think it's maybe for you, how about yoga? Whether you go to a class or you use a DVD at home for an hour, not only are you strengthening, toning and realigning your body, you are also focusing on your breath, taking an hour for yourself and enjoying the post practice relaxation, which has all the same beneficial qualities as meditation and will lead to a more productive day. Not to mention you'll get really bendy! And you will inevitably lose weight, feel better about yourself and often change not just the shape of your body as your muscles lengthen and lean but also your outlook. I know that I have so much more patience and deeper resources of calm when I have done yoga.

3, Mindfulness! Mindfulness itself is a real discipline that takes lots of practice. This is something I have just started in earnest and I know that it will take me a long time to master.

Declutter - Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 08:12:00 +0000

I'm pregnant which means a few things; i’m allowed to eat cake at any time of day, I am prone to irrational outbursts of rage and/or anxiety, I would get away with the murder of my spouse and I have a spray bleach permanently attached to the belt of my towelling dressing down and I am well within my rights to whip it out and clean in regular, manic bursts... Probably before having a well earned nap!

So that's me! But seriously, it’s time to spring clean anyway so i’m going to take advantage of my state and season combined to inspire you to do the same. It is so cathartic and mood enhancing. Living in a clean, clutter free environment is good for your soul... And your stress levels!

Gertie’s Guide to Getting Spring Clean (Part 1):

1. Style Purge. Go through your wardrobe item by item and for each ask yourself these questions: Does it fit? Make me feel fabulous? Express who I am today? If you answer no to any of these questions, put the item into a black bin bag destined for the charity shops.

2. Kids closet chaos. Go through all your children's clothes boxing too short trousers, binning broken items, reorganising relevant clothes into an orderly, easy to find things fashion. I also find that this is a good time to have a browse through the clothes of my other half. He’ll never notice if his checked 90s shirts find their way into the charity bag or if his old shin pads end up in the bin. He hasn't played rugby for over 10 years. He a grip of yourself man!!

3. Room with a View. Clean your windows. Inside and out. It makes a huge difference. This will motivate you enormously so now clean your skirting boards while you’re on a roll... And all your mirrors if you have the energy. Reward yourself with a cup of tea and a biscuit(s).

4. Sort out your Piles! Walk around your house and have a look at the crap piles lying around the place. Identify the items that are homeless. Get online and find cool, creative ways to store them. Eg. I need key hooks, sunglasses storage, a pin board to stick post/items needing to be actioned. Whatever it is, you can find a way!

5. Toy Boxes. Children make clutter and chaos free houses exceptionally challenging. Too often people go out and buy storage system for their kids rooms and expect the mess to fit in. This is the wrong way around. Go and sort through your children's toys. Chuck away broken items and Barbie’s with no limbs... And the limbs! Barbie legs multiply in my house. It's bizarre! Maybe all the lost socks turn into Barbie legs... hmmmm, I digress.... Box up toys that are too young for your children and take them to the charity shop. Group the remaining toys into categories. My little pony, dress up clothes, sylvanian families. And then decide how many storage boxes you need and in what size. It's better to have more boxes than less and make sure they are labelled. It makes it easier for you to keep everything organised as well as quicker for your kid to find what she/he wants without destroying the entire room.

A proper spring clean is an enormous project so I will leave it there for today. It also gives me the opportunity to spew more tidy crazy next time! ;)

Things to Start Doing... No Excuses!

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 10:36:00 +0000

1. Drink lots of water and green tea.
2. Have at least 8 hours of sleep a night (before the baby arrives!).
3. Meditate daily.
4. Avoid processed food.
5. Concentrate on the positives instead of negatives.
6. Have sex at least twice a week (before the baby arrives!).
7. Think the best of others.
8. Laugh more.
9. Eat more fruits and vegetables.
10. Appreciate the small things.

This is my list. I have another 10 points at least but these are the ones that I will concentrate on for now.

Now you do it... Go on!

If you put the points into practice then in two weeks you'll notice that you are much more mindful of ways you can improve your mood and perspective. In a month, habits will be forming and you can hone your list to meet your needs.

Welcome in a positive, vital, mindful new you!

Send me your lists and we can inspire each other. Gx

eBay Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 09:12:00 +0000

I am currently OBSESSED with eBay... This obsession isn't a new one although I do go through phases (the dry periods are usually imposed by GF!) This latest binge has been brought about by a last minute wedding invitation. I need a dress for my bump - it'll be so big by then it'll require its own, boom boom... And I need a dress on a shoestring because GF thinks that this is the last baby he will have and so I shouldn't be wasting money. It's not the last but let's not tell him! Shhh!

eBay can be your best friend. It can also be the bitch who stabs you in the back and then laughs in your face when your crying! It's all about knowing how to handle yourself... Having said this, I have been spurred on to write this guide due to me making a seriously amateur blunder this morning, and overbidding for an item I was convinced I could not live without so I am not portraying myself as the frugal eBay expert but I'm getting much better! (Also this mornings slip up can be entirely blamed on pregnancy hormones!)

A good friend of mine is exceptionally good at eBaying and her self imposed rules have inspired me. This week, she bagged herself a real leather coat in a Kate Moss style for 99 cents & a Missoni scarf for £5. Amazing deals are possible but to avoid the empty, conned slightly nauseous feeling you get when an auction ends and you are the "proud owner" of a partially soiled item of clothing with missing buttons that you're not sure is going to fit anyway for 50 Euros, ignore these rules at your peril!!

Gertie's (Borrowed Guide) to Grabbing an Online Bargain

1, DON'T Browse! (Unless you have a very specific remit such as the designer bags on deal of the day) It is so dangerous to stumble upon eBay blind. This can lead to a need for random things previously never heard of, or the revival of a must have crush from ten years ago. You've lived this long without it, you won't die now if you don't get your hands on one.

2, Be Specific.If you want a dress for an event, think about what you want exactly before you search. Narrowing down the field really helps, not just by eliminating irrelevant items that can take your attention away from your mission but so you can look at the different prices, conditions of the item you want making it easier to get the best value for money.

3, DON'T Rush! Give yourself loads of time. An eBay search will not work if you feel under pressure of a time deadline. It makes you desperate and when desperation sets in, you'll claw someone's eyes out at the end of an auction for the item you want. Girls, there is no satisfaction in winning an auction if you've paid over the odds!

4, Value the Item. What is the item worth to you? Step away from the computer, get a figure that is reasonable, write it down and STICK TO IT! Never let yourself get drawn into a bidding war. If your top amount is overtaken, then it's fate. It was probably rubbish anyway, and you don't need more crap in your life! Who does?!

5, DO Save Searches. Saving your specific searches takes the pressure off as you are presented with the new items to bid on whenever you check back in. Newly listed auctions are fab too as they allow you to peruse things at leisure with plenty of cooling off time to change your mind or set your maximum budget.

6, Review. Frequently review your saved searches. If they no longer apply, delete them to avoid temptation!

7, Low ball! On items you don't value anything above the minimum bid for, chance your arm bid the lowest amount and then forget about it. This avoids the adrenaline fueled bidding war overspend and gives you some lovely surprises if you win!

Playground Bullying

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 08:55:00 +0000

We know it happens and as parents we dread having to deal with it but I think it's a necessary, if horrendous, childhood experience and as parents we need to be armed with how to deal with it in the best way. I was personally shocked at how early it started and how much it affected my little girl who is a naturally sensitive being.

She came home from school one day and told me that two other girls in her class had been mean to her. I asked how they had been mean and she told me that they wouldn't let her play with her other friends, they had taken her hair clips as payment for their friendship another day and generally been unkind. She didn't seem to be upset about this but as she had told me about it, i knew it must be an issue for her so I hit google!!

There have been loads of times when I have just been stuck as to what to do with my kids. General baby advice, how to juggle work and a toddler at home, terrible two's, tantrums at 3 etc and i love the fact that our generation of mums has such a wealth of information at our fingertips.

Here are the main points to remember if your child comes to you with social school problems:

Don't fob them off or be dismissive. If your child is talking to you about it the chances are they have been building up their confidence to do so and actually this is a pivotal moment in your future communications. Phew, the pressure!!

Sit them down and make time to discuss the situation at length. This is hard when they're little as for every word of sense that comes out spews 25 of nonsensical chat about irrelevant info so keep your patience strong and steer them gently back to the point when necessary.

Ask them how it makes them feel. Expressing emotions is so important as a child. Frustration soon builds and can turn into anger and learning how to communicate emotions stands then in good stead.

Justify how they're feeling. Say that you can totally understand why they feel upset by this behaviour. It is not nice and noone deserves to be treated that way.

Suggest tactics to solve the issue. For me, it wasn't simple but obvious (to an adult) that the fact that she overreacted so badly to comments was acting like fuel to the bullies flame so I suggested that when they said something mean, she could try to shrug it off.

Practice. We took this a step further and did role plays so that she could practice a response of "so what?" or a dismissive look. We had lots of fun doing this and she picked it up quickly.

Follow up. When asking how school went when I picked her up, I'd also ask if she'd had any dealings with 'the mean girls'. I didn't push for a response and for a week after our chat she didn't want to talk about it. One night shortly after she told me how well she'd been doing at dealing with the situation. She'd been employing our dismissive techniques and had seen a marked improvement.

So for this minor case of bullying, hopefully, we caught it early. Self esteem intact and a small life lesson learnt. I know there will be cases of bullying in the future, I can only hope that my daughter will now feel like she can come to me for help. And I in turn can go to my amazing mate google for some sensible solutions!

Restaurant l'Indyana, Nice

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 10:48:00 +0000

I recently went to l'Indyana with a girlfriend for lunch and it made me wonder why a) I don't go more often as it never disappoints and b) how this place is still a secret, mostly frequented by French professionals.

Situated in the heart of the city, a stone's throw from Nice Etoile, the decor is sumptuous and understated and from the minute you walk in you are so well attended to that you cannot help but feel like you're in safe hands.

I had a truffle and parmesan risotto which was beautifully creamy and decadent without being over facing and my friend went for a dish of slow cooked lamb, served with creamed truffle polenta (pictured). Fabulous food was washed down with a chilled, crisp glass of Chablis and followed by two homemade tiramisu. They were way too good to share!

This place is great for lunch or dinner but you may need to book especially if you'd like an evening weekend meal.

http://www.indyana-nice.com/

Nails 2013

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 12:20:00 +0000

2013 is all about bling nails and 3D nail art.

Essie Nails bring out their own range of nail wraps this year and although nail wraps are all over the place, I think that their offerings are far and away more fabulous than others on the market. Essie have named their wraps "Sleek Sticks".

That said, Loreal brought out a fabulous festive range before Christmas and they are still available. They give the illusion of 3D designs without the fuss and they are perfect for a glam night out.

Celebrity favourite Nazila continue to make the most fabulously outlandish 3D nails. The pictured set are called "Your Royal Highness"! How very patriotic. Unsurprisingly celeb fans such as Rihanna and Tulisa don't have to do the school run!

Maternity Style

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 11:33:00 +0000

Since my first pregnancy, maternity clothes have advanced immeasurably in quality, style and availability but I still have a problem with the price of some of the "cooler" labels. It's wearable for 6 - 12 months for goodness sake! Having said this, I do invest in a couple of new pieces for each pregnancy. Just so I don't feel like an old bag lady swathing myself in any elasticated garments that fit me. I get enough pitying looks at the school gates as it is!

My favourite maternity ranges are Topshop and ASOS. Both provide great quality garments but Topshop are no. 1 for maternity jeans which really do last forever and look good. ASOS provide an amazing range so whether you need gym wear, pyjamas, maternity shapewear or glam evening dresses - you can find it all.

Daytime winter looks must be easy and here are a few items I think are perfect!

Ikat Arrow Flippy Dress (Topshop)

Style with tights, flat black boots and a tailored jacket for a stylish but easy look perfect for lunch with the girls.

Tile Print Vest (Topshop)
Dress up with trousers and heals or team with boyfriend jeans and trainers for the school run.

Lace Back Vest (Topshop)
Wear with jeans, heals and statement accessories for a dinner date.

Knitted Wrap Cardigan (ASOS) Warm, easy to wear and a great shape throughout your pregnancy, this is my essential piece.

Skinny Jeans Distressed Vintage Finish Comfortable, fashionable, daily wear. Great colour too!

Rock that bump!

Is It Just Me?

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 10:28:00 +0000

January is nearly done thankfully and February beckons, the month for love, romantic gestures and lighter evenings. In my house the roses aren't red but the bills most definitely are. This is the wrong time of year for frivolous expenditure!

On that note, Nice, can you please cancel this years Carnival? Endlessly bizarre, badly organized and a catalyst for furious road rage, I can think of more useful ways of spending the millions of euros. Like maybe setting up self sufficient farms in South America designed to sustain the populous when the euro crashes. Apparently "people in the know" are doing this! People I know who know people who know "people in the know" assure me that this is the only way to guarantee safety in the inevitable turmoil and rioting. Can't I just stock pile sterling?! The thought of being a cast member of 'The Good Life' with added drug lords and nuclear bunkers makes me feel overwhelmed and frankly exhausted.

Good on Gerard Depardieu I say. You have to admire a man who stands up and says that tax brackets should not be decided on the size of one's hooter (sorry, I'm a large child!). Even Belgium tried to point out that the new french tax legislation doesn't make this country an attractive prospect for the wealthy. Well done that man for finishing top of your class at stating the obvious.

Didn't anyone realize that we'd all be affected by ridiculous voting choices? Maybe the voters were trying to suggest that the country Holland should have a go at ruling?

One thing we should be spending our harder and harder by the minute earned cash on this month is the ski season. Ski, board, snow shoe, bobsled, hike... Whatever you fancy just make the most of the amazing local facilities.

Due to having a baby on board this year I am out for skiing this season but will instead be throwing snowballs and making snow angels the outline of which will be akin to Humpty Dumpty.

Followed by raclette and hot chocolate. Bliss!

Dinner at Monaco's Hotel Hermitage

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 08:55:00 +0000

Belle Epoque style at Hotel Hermitage

I had the fortunate experience of dining at the Hotel Hermitage in Monaco a few weeks ago. An example of "Belle Epoque" at its finest, the Hotel Hermitage sits just behind the Hotel de Paris and the Monte Carlo Casino.

I had a small flurry of butterflies as I tried to gracefully step out of the car and make my way into the grand entrance. The Hotel Hermitage was transformed into a luxurious hotel in 1900 complete with frescoes and a glass roof designed by Gustave Eiffel, of Eiffel Tower fame. We passed by the Salle Belle Epoque which seemed to be hosting a cheesy Porsche convention group. We wandered along the long corridor to arrive at the Vistamar restaurant and were ushered into a private dining room where waiting staff kept appearing out of all sorts of doors.

The restaurant is known for its seafood so I chose a scallop and cep dish to start with. When it eventually came the scallops were very nice though I was surprised to find that the ceps were pickled adding a strange flavour to the dish. For my main course I chose the John Dory (St Pierre in French) which is usually a fish that does not require fancy dressings or sauces to stand out. The dish was disappointing as the fish was overdone and slightly cold. One of our group sent back his beef as it was too overdone and they then took half an hour to another dish back to him so we had all finished by the time he received his dish! The wine, however, was excellent to wash everything down with. I suppose a few sips of Corton Charlamagne solves anything in life. (Hmmm, I sense a new motto coming on!).

Overall, the decor and scenery were excellent, the wine list stunning, but I felt the food could have been better, especially considering how much my host must have been paying. Still I feel very fortunate to have experienced a meal at the Hermitage. A friend of a friend had a wedding up there. Now that must have been spectacular!

Have you visited any restaurants where your expectations were greater than what was served?

Galette de Rois

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 09:34:00 +0000

A.K.A. 'King Cake'. This is what we ate last weekend and because the weather was so lovely we actually changed the location from my extremely snug flat to a picnic on the beach :-).

The Galette is to celebrate Epiphany in France. For those of you who are not particularly religious (I had to look this one up in Wikipedia), that is when the 3 Wise Men found the baby Jesus.

The tradition of the Galette is a lovely one. Hidden inside there is a 'fève', what used to be a dried bean and nowadays is a porcelain figurine. The youngest of the family distributes the slices of Galette to the friends and family. Whoever gets the slice with the 'fève' inside gets to wear the crown and be King for the day. Beware when biting into your slice of Galette as it may not be worth losing a crown in order to win a cardboard version!

Happy New Year everyone.

New Year's Resolutions and All that Jazz

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 16:39:00 +0000

Well strike me down with a Galette de Rois and call me Baby, it's list making time again! I am a big fan of lists. A list of things to do, a list for the shopping, a list for the Indian Shop (it merits one of its own), a list of exercise timings (oh, ok, a bit of an exaggeration, I'll get back to this one). By jingo, I could even make a list of my lists but I digress.

Traditionally, the dawn of the new year is associated with choosing goals on how to make yourself a better person. Whether it's quitting smoking, losing weight, working out, becoming more successful, we've all inevitably subscribed to one or other of these resolutions at some point in our lives. I think it's natural really. The holiday period is a time when most get together with friends or family and take a break from daily routines. This allows us the time to think about ourselves for once. And ways in which we can each try to make ourselves that little bit happier, whether that be by stopping smoking, eating less, exercising more, or working more efficiently.

I'm not usually one to commit to New Year's Resolutions (NYR's). I'm not sure if it's because I don't proscribe to improving oneself only once per calendar year or, if I'm brutally honest, have a fear of utterly failing. Not sure. So I was surprised when taking a break at the lovely Terre Blanche near Fayence (more on this in a later post) recovering from 'le gastro' that I found myself having a conversation in the jacuzzi with GF (my Gentleman Friend) about just that. Once baby-dependency is over I want to drink less. I would still like to enjoy a glass of wine at times, and for times when there's a party, well, I want to party. But I also would like to remove the daily dependency that was there before this new sprog-seed was sprouted. GF agreed entirely and I was secretly pleased - it's so much easier facing a challenge together!

My other goal is to better control my tendency to stress (which I've written about here, here and here). I'm a big fan of blogs Zen Habits and A Flourishing Life. Because I freelance my schedule ranges from being completely empty to frantically hectic. What I have realised is that both of these apparently opposing states of existence are simply in my mind. It is my thoughts that are making things seem hectic, simply my approach, so the trick is to ignore these thoughts. My goal is to have the same head space, the same level of calm and focus, no matter what my work schedule is.

I thought it might come in handy to prepare a little guide then for non-stress NYR's.

Gertie's Guide to making NYR's

Be happy. You want to loose weight? Then exercise more and eat less, but choose activities and foods that you enjoy in the process. There are loads of delicious healthy foods to discover out there, and there are loads of fun ways to become more active. Have fun on your journey. Zumba anyone?
Be forgiving. You are human, you WILL make mistakes. But don't kick yourself when you're down and give up on everything. Get back up, brush yourself down and keep going. Focus on the positive goal rather than the momentary stumble.
Laugh and sing. Laughing and singing are the elixirs of life. The energy that comes out of these simple activities is infectuous. Be conscious and try to incorporate them into your everyday life. One of my current pick-me-up favourites is Good Feeling by Flo Rida. I dare you to keep your toes from tapping!

2013 is going to be an exciting year! What are your NYR's? I'd like to hear if you've made any.

x G

Secret Christmas Ingredient 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 12:07:00 +0000

I just found this! Cointreau cuisine... I checked it was still fully boozey before purchasing! It's amazing, smells so festive and can be used to make anything seasonal from chocolate mousse, puddings and yes cocktails.

Spray it on your tongue when you get stressed!

The Social Club

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 12:24:00 +0000

'Tis the season!! And what better excuse to whip up a cocktail for your party guests.

I stumbled across this recipe on the BBC Good Food website and have simplified it somewhat. We went through 2 litres of vodka on this cocktail alone at last Friday's drinks party!!

Recipe for the Social Club Cocktail (trust me it's awesome):

50ml of vodka (any kind will do)
35ml apple juice (the freshly pressed stuff obviously tastes better, but any kind will do)
20ml vanilla syrup (or just add a dash of vanilla essence into a sugar syrup)
10ml fresh lime juice (this probably will taste better from fresh!!)
2 raspberries, to garnish

Shake over ice, pour into a sexy glass and serve with two raspberries. Couldn't be simpler.

Let's talk about banks, baby!

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 09:15:00 +0000

I promised to tell you why I ended up having a jaunt to London the other day. It was for a very important cause as my friend has written a book! So I thought it would be most sensible if I joined up with her to help celebrate.

The launch party was held in the private room at Zizzi's restaurant at St Katherine's Dock. Accompanied by loads of wine and scrummy Italian snacks, it was good fun catching up with old friends. I had meant to surprise Julia, the author, and it worked!

Julia Streets has spent over 20 years working in the City and now runs her own public relations, marketing and business development company. In her own words, "'The Lingua Franca of the Corporate Banker’ is designed to offer a seriously light-hearted view on corporate language, how it is regularly abused, used to confuse and why I would choose to ban it."

The bulk of the book is taken up by a glossary of words used in the corporate banking world with light-hearted explanations attached, for example:

"Fruition - To bear fruit. Pronouned frooo-ition - not fuitshun (one who avoids their five a day)";
"Hats, wearing many - Having many different roles and responsibilities. Like a dressing-up box.";
and rather ruthlessly, "Family, spending time with - Fired. Often used in employee communications after someone has left the organisation. See also pursue other interests, downsizing, rightsizing and redundancy." You get the drift.

I think the 'Lingua Franca' would make a brilliant Christmas present for anybody who works or has worked in the City. You can get it on Amazon here, and it's available at Barnes and Noble as well.

Now, I just need to figure out how to encourage more of my friends to write books in order to give me a good excuse for having a weekend away on my own! ;-)

Tapas tasting

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 14:37:00 +0000

I was in London the other week and my fabulous mates brought me to a little tapas restaurant called Barrica on Goodge Street they thought I would enjoy. I was a bit puzzled at first why we traipsed up through Covent Garden, Soho and Charlotte Street from Embankment and when I enquired they said "because we think you'll love it."

*sigh* I love it when my mates know me better than I do. A glass of excellent Cava was a good start followed by Iberico Pork (Jambon cedo - like thick Parma ham), and Chorizo. The boys had the ham croquettes which looked scrummy but I stuck to deep-fried Pablo peppers which I adored. I ordered a second plate. I also had melt-in-the-mouth aubergine that was chargrilled, served with fresh goat's cheese and drizzled with a honey dressing. If ANYBODY out there can tell me the secret of keeping a slice of aubergine soft in the middle and chargrilled on the outside PLEASE let me know! I'm thinking I'm going to have to sacrifice a few aubergines on my quest to find out!

We finished with a selection of cheeses and a glass of sherry. I know a thing or two about sherry and can honestly say this has got to be one of the most extensive sherry menus in London.

I'll share the reason for me bumming around in London with my mates in my next post!

Crazy Mama

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 19:17:00 +0000

After a bit of a hiatus languishing in a heady state of depression, I am now at least conscious enough to string a sentence together and motivated enough to sit up at an angle conducive to typing. Hello there! I apologise for my absence, I will make efforts to keep up with my blog for my lovely readers and my own sanity.

Enough of my cloud of depression, I will elaborate on that another day, for now I would like to talk about fertility.

I fell pregnant with my first two children very easily and I have always been confident in the fact that I am just one of the lucky ones... A fertile Myrtle... Proudly wearing my childbearing hips as a badge of honour and always being very careful not to take unnecessary risks like rubbing up close against hairy men in bars... Well it is a sign of virility!

I had been trying to fall pregnant for a third time for so long that I couldn't even remember the old me. The new me pee’d on ovulation sticks regularly, charted my cycle, demanded sex with GF only when necessary and spurned his affections when he was no longer required. Post coital affection had been replaced with shoving him out of bed so I had more room to elevate my legs while scribbling a note of the encounter on my calendar. Needless to say, our previously functional relationship became seriously strained. We were no longer transmitting on the same frequency and the fault was mine. Hello, is anyone out there? These days you’ll be able to pick up my signal on radio hormental.

So I took a stand and ditched my crazy ways in favour of a happy home life. Fate took over and I am over the moon to learn that I am pregnant. I don't know whether it was my stress levels and preoccupation bordering on the obsessive that stopped me from conceiving, all I know is that I don't have to think about ovulation charts for a while, and that my happy news has lifted me out of the darkness.

Now I can focus on the future. And how big my bum looks in those maternity jeans!

Deal with your Debts

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 19:47:00 +0000

After spending WAY too much on a heady but frivolous Summer, I have crashed back to earth with a bump and a bollocking from GF. I freaking HATE it when he gets on his high horse and even more so if he's right! It is not, thankfully, a common occurrence!

Ps. On the down low, my last spend was on a new pair of Superga Unisex 2750 Cotu Lace Up Trainer. Promoted by Alexa Chung, they are effortlessly stylish and perfect with any shape of jean, chinos, skirts and day dresses. My preference is for the classic white ones and mine have been worn to death, so I invested in a new pair. He'll never know... I'll just say I put them in the washing machine!

SO anyway, the frugal hat is firmly back on and here is the plan d'action. Join me! It could be fun!!

1. Face Facts. Don't bury your head in the sand! Look through all your statements, rip the bandage off, find out how bad your situation is. NOW!

2. Plan of Action. Be positive! It's not the end of the World, there is always a solution (even worst case bankruptcy still means you are dealing with the situation). Let's hope things never get this bad.

3. FREE Advice! Well you're not going to pay for it if you're skint, right? The best site I've found is www.moneysavingexpert.com - It gives really easy to follow advice for every problem.

4. Work Together. If you're in a relationship, hold monthly financial house meetings. Have a real look at where the money goes and how things could be improved, where you could save etc. Make each other responsible. It's way too easy to forget about money problems in the hopes that they'll go away, and one of the main reasons couples fight is money. Turn that stress into a positive and work together to make your futures brighter.

5. Targets. Set realistic aims for yourself. Ask yourself where you want to be in 5 years time eg. I want to accrue a certain amount in my savings account, i want to have saved a deposit for a house... whatever you want, go for it!

6. Rewards. Lastly but most importantly, write rewards into the plan. Every month, if you hit your targets, allow yourself a date night out at a nice restaurant, a new item of clothing, a facial. Whatever it is, this is important. It's like dieting. You have to keep yourself motivated!

Go forth and prosper!

G x

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 10:18:00 +0000

Over the last year I've been spending significant amounts of time away from GF due to work commitments, family trips and a general need to get away from each other and i must agree with the old adage, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Not only do I miss my significant other when we're apart, I also have a greater appreciation for his contribution to the running of the house, in dealing with the children and in keeping me sane.

I think Tim Burton and Helena Bonham-Carter have it right! (if you can afford to live in adjoining houses next door to each other) Sadly, I can't so I am making the most of my time away from my man. The way I see it, there are some real positives to long distance dating...

1, Cut the BS. You're on the phone having chats that turn into an argument, you can hang up! He says something you don't like, hang up! You're just not in the mood to talk? Well you get the gist. I'm really enjoying the ability to switch off and in my opinion, it's an excellent tool to use in behavioural training.

2, Skype Sex. It's a revelation!

3, Ann Summers. Stock up on sex toys for you, lingerie for the Skype sessions and extras for both of you when you finally get to see each other. This is a great opportunity to spice up your sex life so make the most of it!

4, Catch up with yourself. Without the drain on your attentions, see friends you never get to catch up with, read more, watch the chick flicks he hates etc etc...

5, Zen. Think about your happiness levels and work out if anything needs to be changed or improved on. I always 'debate' more rationally when I have headspace to think things through and find that this is when I can really make things happen and affect positive change. When you live with someone it becomes easy to go on and on about the things you want to change until it becomes white noise and they stop listening. Instead, come up with a positive plan for change and put it into effect!

Having time away from your other half can be a really positive thing. Use the time wisely!

G x

He's Just Not That Into You

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Thu, 16 Aug 2012 16:08:00 +0000

Wow, I am sick of women today! And I love women normally, I'm a girls girl. What drives me stark raving bonkers, incandescent with rage however, is when cool, clever women become naval gazing, whiney, needy messes over unworthy men. Don't get me wrong, I like men too (a lot!)...

A good friend of mine, she won't mind me saying I'm sure(!), isn't the best at picking a good un when it comes to the male of the species. I really need to go on the pull with her disguised as a pot plant sometime soon to see what on earth she is projecting to attract such men. Commitment-phobes have followed ruthless cheaters, game players, straight up players, gypsies tramps & thieves etc etc... you get the picture...

In my day (circa 1900), there were rules. Follow them to success, ignore them at your peril ladies!! So girls, instead of boring your friends to DEATH analysing every conversation you have ever had with your man to see if he really loves you, can you please just read and stick to the following...

Gertie's Guide to Guys:

1, Converse! No not the trainers. When you meet a guy, don't just mark his abs out of 10 before taking him home. Have a conversation! Make sure he can spell his own name, has a proper job, can make you laugh, hasn't got any gang sign tattoos or an excessively long criminal record.

2, Dress for Success. If you would like to attract a classy guy, don't dress like a bar tart.

3, Flirt. Bat your eyelashes, laugh with your girlfriends while sharing lingering glances with him, and then ignore him for a while before starting again. Play it out for as long as possible before making any kind of contact. You're worth waiting for... which brings me onto my next point.

4, Wait for it! Do NOT have sex with any man on the first night you meet. Kissing only please. I know, I know... the champers has been flowing and it's all you can think about but make him wait. Besides, he might say he will still respect you in the morning but he won't. Sex is FORBIDDEN until your 3rd date. And I mean date, not phone conversation.

5, Don't initiate anything. Don't offer him your number, let him ask for it. If he doesn't then he's just not that into you. Don't ask him when he's going to call, don't set up your first date, don't ask him for his number! Be aloof!! This beginning point is crucial... Don't compromise.

6, First date rules. He calls you and asks you on a date. Make sure it's something/ somewhere you're comfortable with... Not windsurfing or to an S&M party... Unless you're into that of course! Be aloof but fun, dress casually for your comfort, let your natural flirt out - stuff we all do when we are attracted to someone - eye contact, touching our hair and lips, brushing his knee with yours etc etc. It's animal instinct and doesn't need to be checked if it's natural. For the love of God, don't try to affect any of these things or you'll look like you've escaped from somewhere. Most importantly, be relaxed and be yourself.

NB. If he doesn't call you, he's just not that into you! Move on!!

7, Textuality. I will allow you to send him a text on the evening of the day afterwards to thank him for a lovely time. Then no more contact until he calls you for another date.

NB. If he doesn't call you, he's just not that into you! Move on!!

8, And so on. Continue like this, slowly but surely with him making all the moves until he's in love with you. It really is this simple. Make sure you capture control the first night and you hold onto this until you have sex when naturally, all your cards will be on the table. So to speak!

If something goes wrong... He doesn't call, he seems off on the second date, you fall over drunk and don't make it to bed on your third night, you accidentally burp after too much champers at dinner, let it roll. NEVER question his mood, admit to being wrong, draw attention to a faux pas. If he stops calling then you know what...

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! MOVE ONTO SOMEONE WHO IS DESERVING OF ALL YOUR WONDERFULNESS. BURPS AND ALL!!

G x

Vanity Project 1: I'm sexy and I know it!

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 13:28:00 +0000

I am hot! Well I think I am. Ok, I used to be and in some lights (ie. candle) I think I still am... Maybe, on a good day, when feeling good about myself and wearing spanx...

Sorry for the ramble rant. The crux of my issue is age, pure and simple. Vital, youthful beauty gets us through our troubling teens and turbulent twenties. We glide through the social sphere with ease, turning heads and attracting friends and conversation. And then one day (mid 30s), i realised that not only did no one glance up as i walked into the party but no one was interested in knowing my name either.

Deep in the despairs of my self pitying depression I realised something. I was never a classic beauty anyway but what I did have was self confidence and as we all know confidence is attractive. I was having a crisis and I needed to sort myself out so this is what I did...

Gertie's Guide to Getting Noticed:

Firstly I need to make the point that I'm not talking about going on the pull here, although the same rules apply. I'm talking about maintaining good relationships, meeting new interesting friends and opening up positive opportunities for yourself.

1, Fake it til you make it. I felt like shit about myself, but no one else needed to know that right?! Head up, shoulders back and glide! Tyra Banks tells us to imagine there is a chord attached to the tops of our heads, pulling us upwards. Try it it works! And it's great for posture and also gives the appearance of weight loss.

2, Smile. At everyone! You will feel like an idiot but when people start smiling back it'll be worth it. Plus, you look prettier when you smile and we all know it's better for wrinkles or something...

3, Analyse. Think about how you speak to people. If you constantly apologise for yourself you will be treated like you're an idiot. If you are defensive or aggressive, people won't want to be around you. If you are open, kind and confident, people will be attracted to you. Ps. If you are passive aggressive please stop it, it's really annoying for the rest of the world and it also usually means you'll attract other passive aggressive people. Please don't breed and make tiny silently angry babies!

4, Just do it. Don't put off until tomorrow what you could do today. Start a fitness regime, sign up for the evening class, buy a bike and start cycling... Whatever it is, just do it!

5, Count your blessings. And dont be grateful! Well do be grateful, but also appreciate that you have good things around you because you are a cool awesome and deserving person.

5, Pass it forward. Tell your friends how much you love and appreciate them and why. We all suffer from crises of confidence and the older we get, the less we get positively affirmed.

With lots of love and a wide smile,

G x

Eye Make Up - Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 19:28:00 +0000

Sorry, it's taken a while I know. What can I say? It wasn't the inspiration for this post that was lacking, it was the photography. Notoriously difficult to find unless advertising a brothel!

Anyway, you will not be disappointed. Here are two evening looks to wow and dazzle any audience.

Gertie's Guide to Glam Eyes:

The Smokey Eye. The most seductive of all eye make up looks and timeless to boot. It does take practice to get right. But it's not difficult to master if you know how. It's all about blending. Begin by applying a base to your lids and under eyes. Line your upper and lower lids with the darkest colour (grey/black/brown) and then apply shadow in your chosen colour to your lids accenting the sockets for definition. Then simply blend the outer line making sure not to be too heavy on colour in the inner corners. Add more liner around the eye with a thin kohl if you need definition. If it looks heavy, apply a light coloured nude, shimmer shadow above and all the way up to the brows. Lashings of mascara a must for the smokey eyed look!

The Uber Trendy Neon. Apply your base cream to lids and below your eyes. Use a nude shadow over your lids and up to your brown and then sweep a slat grey colour shadow from your outer eye up into sockets stopping half way and blending. Line your eyes with a liquid liner. Now using a chubby stick in the same/similar colour to the neon shadow you're going to use, draw under your bottom lashes from the outer corner to 3/4 of the way in. Follow with your neon colour. MAC pigment pots are amazing for brilliant colours and I would say that for brown eyes, purple green and blues work best whereas light eye colours can wear a multitude of colours. Don't forget gold, experiment with what works for you and be bold. Blue eyes can even handle pink. Apply it over the chubby stick markers, making sure you blend towards the inside of your eyes. Concentrate the colour to the outer colours and make sure there is no colour for the inner 1/4. Lash mascara on! This is my favourite look at the moment. Day or night, it's fresh and fun!

More Highstreet Picks

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 18:34:00 +0000

Yes, I am still shopping crazy on the highstreet. So manic is my lust that I haven't got time for a witty intro... the sales are calling!! I just have time to highlight a few of the new season goodies from Zara. Amazing colours, prints and handbags to die for!

Gertie's Guide to Zara's Best Bits (Rude!):

1. Statement Jacket. A beautifully tailored jacket with shoulder pleats and great fabric, this is the best jacket I've found on the highstreet. We all know the tell tale signs of cheap material, lining and badly cut, badly drawn designs. It's also available in navy and red.

2. Statement Bag.This item is going to sell out fast so get yours soon. A soft red leather shopper with stud detailing that oozes daytime chic and is great for brightening up your look. Pair with jeans and wedges (below).

3. Statement Shoes.I love a good wedge and these are fabulous! Comfortable, sexy and excellent for all occasions.

4. Statement Scarf. Tiger print, bright blue and with stud detailing, this scarf is officially over the top but the colours work so well together and the metal/animal combo is fresh and on trend. Even for the faint-hearted, just try it on and see for yourself!

5. Statement Dress. (Are you following the pattern here? I'm currently into making sweeping statements with my clothing as I am way too busy and important to actually speak!)I LOVE this dress! It's a really flattering shape and has fantasy style metal studded detailing to the shoulders making it possible to hide a multitude of sins. Dazzle in this little number!

6. Statement Accessories! Dress this silver, mesh and stone necklace with a plain neck dress or T-shirt to ease into fashionista first place!

Happy shopping! Love G x

Topshop Treats

noreply@blogger.com (Gertie) — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 12:01:00 +0000

Dearest Sir Philip Green, PLEASE bring Topshop to France, I implore you! I’m a sucker for Topshop, so when I travel home to England's green and pleasant lands, I have to find the nearest grey city where I MUST immediately shop till I drop. I love UK fashion and miss loads of clothing stores and brands, but Topshop is just a fabulous store and online shopping doesn't give me the same high as trawling the rails.

Here are my current crushes from good ol’ Toppers...

1. Hudson Ginko Chelsea Boots. Casual, sexy and fabulous with skinny jeans, jeggings, skirts and summer dresses. I just love them! They are super comfortable and I got the last pair in my size, seeing it as a sign that this love affair was meant to be. We’ve all been there!

2. Knitted Stud Jumper. Ok, so you can’t get everything on English shores including good weather. As soon as I landed I had to buy the whole family knitwear as we were shivering in our thin French layers. It’s embarrassing I know... my mum’s gadding about in shorts! Apparently we’re having a heatwave! I digress, check out this beautiful chunky khaki jumper, it’s longline so easy to wear over anything - dresses, t’s & skinny’s, denim shirts (see below) and it has stud detail to keep your warm wardrobes bang up to date, I love it. In fact, i’m typing in it!

3. Denim Shirt. Yes, they’ve been around for ages but Topshop has a new one which is baby blue and made of soft lightweight fabric which makes it a perfect addition to any wardrobe. It matches perfectly with my khaki jumper or can be slung over a plain t-shirt and pink skinny jeans for a cool day look.

4. Animal Embellished Racerback Vest. This vest has beautiful detailing to the back and dressed with black jeggings, a boyfriend jacket and sky high shoe boots (see below), this is your perfect outfit for a relaxed night out or after work cocktails. Accessorise with hoop earrings and chunky stack bangles.

5. Aristocrat Super-High Shoe Boots. There is no simpler way to elongate and slim your legs down than by wearing black skinnies and black shoe boots. Everyone needs a pair and these Topshop ones are my current evening staples. What can I say? They are so hot! Also loving the chunky heal which is up to date and will wear longer than the previous points. (These ones look really high but they are surprisingly easy to wear due to the platforms).

6. Skull Scarf. Topshop do have a great range of scarves and snoods in all fabrics and prints. Here is my latest crush. An excellent colour to take my wardrobe through the whole year. It also matches perfectly with the khaki jumper!

Sigh! Happy shopping folks... And to all the other expats missing Toppers, could we get a petition together do you think?! A scattering of French Topshop's would be marvellous!!