I went to see my midwife this morning for our 36-week look-see. Baby Benjamin is doing well, hanging out upside-down just the way he ought to be, and kicking like a mule! You’d think I’d be extremely happy, wouldn’t you? But I’m not. I’m so mad I could spit.

I love my midwife. She has been there for all three of my previous deliveries, even though two of them required a doctor to step in. (Birth stories will posted eventually, I’m sure.) She is, by all accounts, one of the most competent, caring people you can find in women’s health care. I have no doubt that the High Country has a ridiculously large number of little girls named “Carrington” running around, thanks to her influence in the community. Her reassuring presence has sustained me through the three most awesome days of my life–the 3 times I became “Mommy”.

And that’s why I’m angry. She can’t deliver my baby this time. Out-dated hospital policies and (I think) malpractice insurance rules are forcing me to drive an hour farther down the road to give birth to my next son. Our local hospital doesn’t allow VBACs.

Many thanks to The Common Room for the link to this article: Women Need Chance to Avoid 2nd C-section, which includes the disturbing statistic that “Among 19 states that track VBAC, 92 percent of women had a repeat cesarean for their next delivery in 2006.” This is despite the fact that 60-80% of these women could successfully give birth vaginally, saving them weeks of difficult recovery, thousands of dollars, and (most important to me) giving them a better chance at carrying subsequent babies to term.

My last delivery was via c-section. My little girl decided it would be polite to shake hands before presenting herself to the world, and stuck her precious little arm out just a little early (all the way up to her elbow, by the feel of it). The doctor attempted to stuff the little hand back in so her head could get out, but she just wouldn’t pull it back. (Sorry for the mental image that must bring up, but “stuffing” is precisely what he was doing. Can’t say I enjoyed that.) So off to the operating room we went. I hated it, of course, and would like to avoid doing that ever again.

My midwife and I agree that I’m a good candidate for a VBAC, and that it would be foolish to schedule a c-section without at least attempting to labor on my own first. So down the mountain I go, to a hospital that will allow a trial of labor. It’s a great place to have a baby, and I love the doctor who is going to be taking care of us, but I’ve shed a few tears over losing my midwife.

I don’t entirely blame the hospital, since malpractice lawyers have made it nearly impossible for doctors and hospitals to have any confidence at all that they can do what’s best for everyone involved without becoming the target of a lawsuit the minute something goes wrong–and things do go wrong! I do, however, blame them for not having more flexible policies that allow them to waive these rules when a woman can be shown to be fully informed about the risks and benefits of VBAC.

I’m not a lawyer, but I have a hunch if they’d get some of their legal people to put their minds to it, they could come up with a waiver that states that the mother accepts that that VBAC comes with some risks, and agrees not to sue the hospital or doctor should something go wrong. When are doctors going to start treating women like adults who are capable of making their own decisions? I don’t need to go to medical school to understand that I could lose my uterus or die, OK? I’ve weighed the risks of VBAC (uterine rupture, having to have an emergency c-section) against the certainties of C-section (scarring, pain, long recovery, more difficult breastfeeding, expense, and on and on). I’ve decided to trust God and my body to get this baby out in the usual way.

My midwife, God bless her, is the kind of woman who moves mountains. She’s still hoping to someday convince the decision-makers at this hospital to loosen up their policies. Hopefully, by the time our next baby arrives, there will be a more up-to-date policy in place for women like me, who have a good chance of delivering their babies naturally after c-section.

I didn’t cry or hug Carrington or anything when I left the office this morning. That’s just not how I do things, but I felt like bawling. I am really, really frustrated with my lack of choice in this situation.

Here we are at 36 weeks gestation! Want to see my tum? Too bad. You’ll have to go somewhere else for belly-shots. My camera is useless.

Technically, this pregnancy is considered full term now. My babies don’t have a history of making early appearances, so I don’t expect to see this squinchy little face for five weeks, at least. I’m blissfully healthy when I’m pregnant, so I don’t mind very much. Every pregnancy I’ve had has been super-easy, despite my having thyroid disease. I thank God for it, and pray for this to always be the case! Thyroid hormone levels can very hard to manage for some women, but I’ve never had a problem. Many ladies with hypothyroidism have trouble even conceiving, so I am blessed, indeed, to have had four healthy pregnancies!

I keep having to remind myself how blessed I truly am, because I am also very, very impatient. Here I am with 4 or 5 weeks to go before our baby makes his debut, and I want him out NOW! I will wait as patiently as I can, since I have no say in this, but I’m ready to get my body back now. As much as a breastfeeding mama with 4 kids hanging on her can be said to have a body of her own, anyway. There are plenty of people with legitimate claim to the use of my body right now, but somehow I don’t seem to be one of them.

We changed the baby’s name, by the way. We had decided on Benjamin Graham, but Jesse wanted to honor his dad by naming the baby after him. Accordingly, we changed it to Mark Benjamin. But this baby won’t let me call him Mark! I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. My 6 year-old absolutely would not accept the name change, either. It feels weird to change his name after having called him Baby Benjamin for so long. So the boy’s name is Benjamin Mark Dyer, and if you prefer to call him Mark, you are welcome to! But I can’t do it. It’s just too late in the game for that.

I can’t say for sure whether I’ll be live-blogging or tweeting the birth. If I’m comfortable enough, I may do just that! Stay tuned for more news. 4 weeks to go!

My iPod Touch is grimy. I’m not complaining, though! It’s grimy because my little boys are loving the applications sent to me for review by PicPocket Books and Kids Math Fun. Their favorite application today (they change their minds a lot!) is BlueBeary, a story about a teddy bear who, to quote my 3 year old “is a very sad bear because his girl went to school so he got in trouble and turned blue”. That’s not a totally accurate description, but it’s close enough!

I particularly like Sleeping Beauty and its beautiful illustrations. My boys, being boys, prefer Big Rigs. The narration and illustrations in these stories are all beautifully done!

We’ve also been looking over a few applications from Kids Math Fun. My 6-year old loves Learn to Tell Time and Kindergarten Math, but (naturally) thinks the 3rd grade math is a smidge on the hard side. That’s OK! I’ll save it until he’s bigger.

So, enough about what I think. On to the giveaway!

Win it!: PicPocketBooks would like to offer one of my readers free codes for 3 of their iPhone/iPod applications from either PicPocketBooks.com or Kids Math Fun. There are tons of applications to choose from!

How to enter: Just leave me a comment telling me which app you think you’ll like best!

Extra entries: I’m no longer offering extra entries in the interest of fairness. Hope you guys don’t mind!

This giveaway will be closed for entries at midnight, August 20, 2010. This giveaway is open to US iTunes users. Please use a valid email address in your comment so that I can contact you if you win! Please use one email address per entrant, per household, per IP address. Cheaters will be permanently banned from this site, no exceptions. Good luck!

Disclosure

Swagbucks just sent me another $5 Amazon.com gift card! If you don’t use Swagbucks, you really are missing out on the easiest little income stream in the world. There is no work involved! Just do what you do anyway at other search sites like Google and Yahoo. Make it your homepage so you won’t forget. Or better yet, download the toolbar. I know, nobody likes toolbars. But this one is worth the real estate!

I’ve written a handy Swagbucks tutorial to give you a better idea how it works, and how to earn your prizes quickly. Use my link to sign up, please! It doesn’t change anything for you, but I win 1,000 Swagbucks to match your first 1,000. Think of it as a completely free-to-you charitable donation to our little homeschool. I always buy books and school supplies with my gift cards!

I always get the Amazon gift card when I get enough Swagbucks (it only takes 450!), but there are tons of other prizes and sweepstakes you can go for. You can even get cash sent your Paypal account. What are you waiting for? Sign up and start earning free stuff! Click below to get started:

Hi, my name is Cindy. I am a recovering couponaholic. Welcome to the first ever meeting of CCA.

I’ve learned to hate coupons. If I had to choose between shopping with a stack of coupons (as I did for nearly two years), or paying 3 times as much per week as my usual $40-$50 budget, I’d choose to pay the extra. I. Hate. Coupons.

Hundreds of mom-bloggers all over the United States are at this moment clutching their bargain-filled tummies, completely unaware of the cause of their collective indigestion. They think it’s just the Velveeta Shells and Cheese doing its usual gut-destroying digestive dance–but no, I did that! I spoke against the Mighty Strategy, the Holy Organizer.

How could anyone hate coupons? Are you nuts, lady?

Well, no! I’m clothed and in my right mind, thank God! I’m not really going to attack couponing. Couponing is one way among many to Food Nirvana. I’m Unitarian when it comes to money-saving methods. Whatever works for you is fine by me. But I’ve shopped every way known to man, and I’m telling you, this is not the best way.

A few years ago, I had a budget that worked. I gave myself about $90 every two weeks to buy groceries. I had a kitchen full of good, healthy food, and I was a happy cook. Then I won a a Coupon Binder System from some frugal living/mom blog. I was very excited to try this system, as I’d been assured by many brilliant homemakers (this one, for instance, whose shoes I’m not worthy to unlace) that I could indeed get my big, fat budget into a smaller pair of jeans using strategic couponing. I’m always looking for new ways to save money, so I jumped in feet first!

I started couponing with great enthusiasm. If I had been the usual shopper, running down the aisles of Harris Teeter like it was a timed shopping spree, throwing everything I see into the cart without regard to cost, couponing would absolutely have saved me a ton of money. For me, though, coupons didn’t change the amount of money spent. They just changed what I was able to buy.

After that first thrill of seeing how much brand name stuff I could bring home for so little money wore off, though, I started to notice that couponing was changing the way I fed my family. I never got dragged into anything as drastic as those frozen toaster pastries or anything, but there was a noticable decrease in the quality and taste of our food.  You know how the healthy-eating gurus (not to mention professional chefs) always say to shop the periphery of the grocery store for the most wholesome fare? Well, good luck finding coupons for carrots and milk!

On my previous, no-coupon budget, I spent about $45 a week and still got to buy wine and good cheese from time to time. With coupons, shopping the available deals still cost me about $45 a week, but there was barely enough room in the budget for milk. The quality of the food dropped off so severely that I started having trouble getting anyone to visit us for dinner anymore. That was just too much for me to bear. Couponing completely destroyed my reputation as a cook!

It was fun for a while, having a huge stockpile of condiments and canned goods I could boast of having gotten for so little money. I like to play games, and this is a fun one! Once I’ve mastered a new skill, though, I get bored. This was a game not worth continuing, in my (always-contrary) opinion. What I found out from my experiment is that you can bring home just as much stuff, for the same amount of money, without ever clipping one of those dirty little squares of paper again.

In my next post on this touchy subject, I’ll give you low-down on how I feed my family on a budget without driving myself crazy with scissors and baseball card organizers. For this post, I just want to say to those of you who have learned to hate the Sunday paper as much as I do that there is hope. You don’t have to keep doing this if you don’t enjoy it!

To be perfectly honest, I only quit the coupon habit in the last month or so (after threatening to do it nearly a year ago and then getting sucked right back in). My grocery budget has gone up in that time by $10-$15 a week. This is because I’m still re-stocking some things I’d neglected, and re-learning some of my old habits. I expect this to come down to my usual budget in the next week or two. In fact, I’ve bought a lot of extra food to cook and freeze for easy meals when the baby comes in August, so I can’t really say whether I’ve actually spent more. I don’t expect to be spending much at all in the last weeks of summer, so I’m really just spending ahead.

Even if my spending doesn’t come down much further, I can’t imagine going back to the binder. It didn’t just bind my coupons. It bound my creativity in the kitchen, and limited the quality of meals I was able to prepare. I’ll let you know if the budget improves! (I know it will, but I’m sure some will be skeptical.)

How about you? Love coupons or hate them? I’m not sure there is a middle ground!

A while back, I wrote a post kicking around the idea of actually blogging, instead of just promoting other people’s giveaways. Since I felt led to say more than just “enter here to win a piece of pie from Mama’s Best Bakery”, I bought a domain and jumped in. I’m not the most prolific blogger alive, but I’m convinced I have enough to say to keep this blog going for a while. I’m sure I can keep up my leisurely pace of one to three posts per week. (Incidentally, can really prolific bloggers be considered “alive”? Don’t you have to leave your desk to really live? Don’t you need to go do something to have something to blog about? All very existential bloggy-type questions, which have nothing to do with the topic at hand.)

Since I’m enjoying myself so much, and since I have, to date, a whopping 150 subscribers according to Feedburner–more than I ever dreamed of, even if it isn’t much to a real blogger–I’ve decided to actually put some time and effort into this blog. I’m curious how many readers I could get if I put an effort into it, so I’m going to work at it for a while. You know, if I feel like it. (Still doing that underachiever thing. Can’t help it.)

So far, I’ve put a couple hundred dollars and many hours into this blog. I’ve paid for a theme. Despite the fact that there are many free options out there, I’ve paid for hosting and a URL. Furthermore, my time is worth something–just ask my kids.  Given the amount of money, time and energy I’ve put into it, I don’t think it would be expecting too much to try to get this site to pay for itself. I’ve decided to join an ad network or two, and also sell ad space independently. Even if I don’t make a profit (almost a certainty), I’d like my hobby to take less of my husband’s hard-earned money. I’m researching how and what to do right now, and I’m as slow as molasses, so don’t expect to see any changes for a few weeks.

I won’t, however, be doing a lot of the things that I’ve seen some other bloggers do for the sake of filthy lucre. Not that I’m above all that, but this blog is always going to be a personal blog, which means I don’t want my readers wondering if I really mean what I’m saying. I assure you, I always say exactly what I think. It’s a weakness of mine. Anyway, here are my advertising guidelines for now. I’ll let you know if they change:

• I am not going to do pay-per-post. I write for me. Sometimes I write for products or services I like. But I’m not going to write about products for money. If samples count as payment, then my review posts are exceptions to this rule. I like reviewing products. It’s fun for me, and I enjoy doing giveaways as a way of thanking my readers for showing up.
• I probably won’t post affiliate links, just because that amounts to an endorsement of a product. An endorsement is a commitment. I hate commitments.
• I am going to put a PayPal tip jar up, and you will be welcome to contribute a few pennies or dollars to the upkeep of this blog and it’s caretaker if you like.
• I’m going to post my Amazon wishlist, just in case someone has too much money and would like to buy me something. (A girl can dream, right?)
• I’m going to join at least one ad network. I’m still looking into that.
• I am not going to encourage my readers to click links. I’m not a salesperson.

Anyway, I’m letting you know so you can protest now, if you have objections. Not that I care what you people think, but speak now if you have thoughts on the subject. Also, bloggers, let me know what has worked for you, if you have time to leave a comment. Links to your own posts about monetization would be appreciated!

I have a confession to make. I’m not green. Not at all. Now, that’s not a real confession kind of confession, since I don’t really think that’s a bad thing. But I do like a lot of “green” products, because they are often better in quality than conventional products. When I was contacted to do a review of ecostore USA’s products, I jumped at the chance—not because I am green, but because I am cheap. I’m on a quest to never pay for dishwasher detergent again.

I asked to review the Auto Dish Powder and the Toilet Cleaner. Sometimes these review opportunities don’t go so well, so I was relieved to find that the products I tried out actually work!

The Auto Dish Powder:  The dish powder actually got my dishes cleaner than the detergent I normally use. My glasses don’t have a spot on them, which is unusual. Maybe it’s just my sensitive pregnant-lady nose, but my usual detergent also has a slightly unpleasant odor, kind of like feet, that ecoSTORE’s dish powder does not have. There’s no scent at all, as far as I can tell, and that’s just the way I like it. It seems a little pricey to me, but you only need to use a tablespoon of the powder per load. Given the small amount you use, $12.00 for a bottle isn’t quite as bad as it sounds, especially if you’re like me and use less than recommended. My dishes are still coming clean using half that amount. I doubt I’ll be buying this, because it is out of my price range, but I wish I could afford it!

The Toilet Cleaner: This stuff works wonders! My toilets get pretty yucky. I have two little boys who forget to flush. Since I don’t often use their bathroom, that sometimes means I don’t notice the yuck until it has sat there for a few hours. Our old, porous toilets seem to hold the stench in no matter what I use to clean it. The conventional cleaner I’ve been using masks the smell and makes the toilet look better for about 2 days. I last used ecoSTORE’s toilet cleaner a week ago. Still no stink! This product is not only worth the $8.00 price, I may just try to carve a place out in my household budget for it. It really is the best toilet cleaner I’ve used.

Unfortunately, I placed my order while ecoSTORE USA was in the middle of setting up operations in their new Michigan headquarters, so my shipment didn’t get here as quickly as I would have liked. I was a little disappointed at how long it took to get here. They did send a bar of yummy-smelling soap by way of apology. All told, my experience with ecoSTORE USA has been a positive one.

Throughout the month of July, ecoSTORE USA is having a BOGO sale. They’re automatically doubling every order, with free shipping for all orders of $25 or more! (Nobody asked me to say that, I just think it’s an awesome deal!)

Disclosure

Before I get started on this one, I’ll need to define a term. To most homeschoolers (including your humble blogger), the word “socialization” has a sinister connotation. It means, roughly, “becoming like the rest of society”. I think most of us agree that we don’t want our kids to become like the rest of society. Many of us have taken the measure of our society and found it pitifully lacking. In fact, it’s one of my top reasons for homeschooling.

But when someone not used to rubbing elbows with us homeschooling freaks asks “What about socialization?”, what they usually mean is “What about friendship?” The word “socialization” is rarely used, in my experience, except on homeschoolers’ blogs and forums where we’re all wearing the same choir robes and singing the same choruses over and over again.  We sometimes magnify the more rigid textbook definition while evading the real question: What about socializing?

I’ve been asked a dozen times about friendships and socializing, but only once about socialization. Remember, please, that I’m not talking here about teaching our children to march lockstep with the world and its ways. I’m talking about learning to be around other human beings, peacefully and successfully.

Homeschooling Dirty Little Secret #3: Socialization can be a problem.
I’m almost scared to to say this for fear of being shouted down by the Amen Chorus of the Orthodox Church of Homeschooling. I’ve encountered the Chorus on this blog. It ain’t pretty, and I don’t like it. But I can’t do a series of things homeschoolers won’t admit without ticking off a few homeschoolers, so here goes.

Before anyone gets too upset about my saying that we worry about socialization, let me explain that I don’t think most of us have problems in this area, but that we know the problem exists in a significant minority of families that homeschool. Those who are worried about their own kids’ friendships will be fine. We’ll seek out friends for ourselves and our children because we know it’s important. But those who don’t think socializing is important are living in a dream world, and it’s hurting their children.

For the most part, socializing is an easy thing for homeschoolers. We just find an association and show up at the meetings and picnics and hope to find some kindred spirits. (I plan to do this soon, anyway. My kids are so small that family and Sunday School have been enough until now.)

The thing we don’t like to talk about is that subset of homeschoolers who truly have a socialization problem. I suspect that there are parents who keep their children home just because they don’t want their children rubbing elbows with anyone, ever, because YUCK! The world is full of nuts, isn’t it? But those aren’t really the people I’m concerned about. They’re going to warp their children no matter how they educate them.

I’m talking about otherwise very good parents who are just so comfortable in isolation that they never bother to form friendships of their own, let alone help their children seek out friends. Homeschooling is a very, very attractive option for introverted people. I am a proud introvert myself, so I know whereof I speak. I’m not shy, but I prefer a quiet life with a few good friends and a lot of space between me and crowds. There’s nothing wrong with that, but we introverts have to be extremely careful not to force those preferences on our children.

Children need friends the way they need sunshine and fresh air. I don’t know how anyone can reasonably deny that, but I’ve seen it constantly denied by a (small) number of homeschooling apologists. I am exhausted after a time of social interaction, but I do need friends! It was easy to forget that before I became a mother, but now I see the same need in my children that I’ve always had. Children need someone to be down on their level without having to stoop. Adults, no matter how loving and wonderful, make crappy friends for kids, so I watch carefully for opportunities to help them build friendships. Most homeschoolers do this, thankfully, but some don’t.

I’ve heard it argued that children don’t really need friends as long as they have siblings. Well, if they have 12 siblings, yes. That may provide enough diversity in personality that they can learn how to deal with all different kinds of people. If they only have one or two siblings, though, I’m afraid that just won’t be enough.

Similarly, I recently read on some blog somewhere (wish I could find it!) that, since we’re raising them to be adults, they only need their parents as playmates. After all, other kids will just encourage them to be (gasp) kids. Sounds like somebody has taken a perfectly good truth (parents are the best people to train their children in the way they should go) and twisted it around to justify their own social hang-ups, doesn’t it?

When we pretend that the socialization question is made up from whole cloth by people who just hate homeschooling, we are enabling a certain kind of family to wall their children off from the world and keep them emotionally immature. I think the homeschooling community would do well to admit that some parents have allowed homeschooling to become their way of avoiding painful interactions with the world. Whether it is because of shyness, bitterness, or control issues, they’ve used homeschooling to keep their children from having social lives.  These folks don’t need us to provide them with encouragement. They need a gentle reminder of a truth that we homeschoolers are apt to minimize: Socialization is important! (There. That didn’t hurt a bit, did it?)

This post is the third installment of an ill-considered attempt to bring to light some of the things the online homeschooling community seems to avoid talking about. I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself, but I’ve got my hand to the plow now, so I’m going to continue it as long I think I’m right. I’ll let you know if I change my mind.

Part 1 is here.
Part 2 is here.

This page is going to be a mess for a few days. Bear with me! I’m working on it! I did at least get something that shows pretty well in most browsers. I got tired of all the endlessly buggy free themes and did something I swore I’d never do. I paid for a theme. And I am happy with it! You really do get what you pay for, don’t you? Can’t wait to dig in and really see what else I can do.

Please let me know if something is way out of whack. Looking at browsershots.org, things seem to be in order, for the most part. Thanks for  putting up with me!