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More than a feeling... I love that song

Dallas Shelby — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 07:15:07 PDT

Red State Update's response to your Secretary of Homeland Security's "gut feeling."

A message from Barack Obama

Dallas Shelby — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 18:43:58 PST

This was on Salon's Video Dog today. Director David Guy Levy and writer/actor Wyatt Cenac (who plays Obama) give us a message from the candidate on launching a Presidential campaign.

The beauty of being a pundit

Dallas Shelby — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 13:02:07 PST

Saw this on Salon this morning. It's funny... not funny ha-ha. Hmmm... perhaps this could be Pope George's answer to climate change.

Click on the sample below to get the full cartoon...

Bush's super top secert Iraq plan

Dallas Shelby — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 12:27:31 PST

It's always sad to see old folks lose there grip on reality. Take this piece in the Washington Post. Looks like former Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, is convinced that Pope George has a secret plan to end the war in Iraq. Take a listen...

"I am convinced, but I cannot base it on any necessary evidence right now," Kissinger told the senators, "that the president will want to move toward a bipartisan consensus" to stabilize Iraq through diplomacy.
Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) was suspicious of such assurances. "Is there any place that you're familiar with where the administration has articulated this strategy?" he asked.
"I don't know any place where the administration has articulated this particular strategy," the octogenarian diplomat admitted. But he added: "From my acquaintances with some of the people, I think it is possible that they will come to this strategy."
Obama asked Kissinger if "you are suggesting that they have some secret strategy that we have not been made privy to."
"I would be disappointed and surprised," he reiterated, "if they did not accept some of the elements of what has been discussed here."

Welcome to the club, Mr. Secretary.

Colbert out-O'Reillys O'Reilly?

Dallas Shelby — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 07:44:20 PST

Colbert on O'Reilly. O'Reilly on Colbert. Not sure if you caught this, but Salon has a few snippits. Not sure who got the better of whom, but I think one of them should have worn a goatee.

The madness of Pope George

Dallas Shelby — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 11:03:49 PST

I know I keep harping on this, but it bothers me, and the press [or at least the headline-writing lackeys] don't seem to pick up on the subtleties of our president's so-called frankness. Take this story in yesterday's Washington Post... please!

President Says His Iraq Policy Was Failing

This was the headline, but what our president really said was...

"I had a choice to make," Bush said. "Do what we're doing -- and one could define that maybe a slow failure. Secondly, withdraw out of Baghdad and hope for the best. I think that would be expedited failure. And thirdly is to help this Iraqi government with additional forces -- help them do what they need to do, which is to provide security in Baghdad."

"One could define that maybe a slow failure..." one could, not I, George Herbert Walker Bush, define that as a slow failure. And, not definitely... one could define that maybe as a slow failure.

His reluctance to admit his own fallibility is frightening. Hmmm... Pope George.

The more one thinks about it the further one could maybe be driven into madness.

Rice brings peace to Germany... finally

Dallas Shelby — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 10:39:06 PST

From today's Washington Post...

Rice, German Officials to Discuss Peace Process

I first saw this and thought, "Wait! Did we declare war with Germany while I wasn't paying attention?" Then I realized that after 4 unsuccessful days in the Middle East, Condoleezza moved on to Germany where the administration assumes its "peace by whatever means necessary" strategy will be more palatable.

And, freedom marches on!

Barack's announcement more telling than you think

Dallas Shelby — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 10:19:27 PST

Ok, so I was listening to NPR yesterday in my office and caught this piece about Barack Obama forming his exploratory committee. It's a pretty straight-forward story, save for the fact that Obama sounds like DARTH VADER!! What's up with that?

Follow the link, click on listen and tell me that Barack has not gone to the dark side.

Noooooooooo!!

Good thing we're not too funny

Dallas Shelby — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 11:33:20 PST

This from today's Washington Post. Good thing our president doesn't like to read, he might get ideas. Not just about silencing his critics either... I mean he might get an idea about anything.

Humor Article Leads to Conviction of 2 in Morocco

A Moroccan court convicted a magazine editor and a reporter Monday on charges of defamation for printing heard-on-the-street jokes about religion and politics, the latest case in which journalists here have been punished for trying to make readers laugh.

The resume you have vs. the resume you hope to have

Dallas Shelby — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 10:58:24 PST

Caught the following on the Onion. You've gotta love the fake news.

Rumsfeld Leaves Most Recent Job Off Resumé
"'Defense Secretary? Great. Can he type 85 words per minute?' That's what they're thinking," Rumsfeld added.
After including his four terms in Congress, a two-year stint at an investment banking firm in the early 1960s, and all the volunteer work he did in college, Rumsfeld said he simply "ran out of room" to mention the high-ranking Cabinet position. Instead, the second-longest-serving Defense Secretary in history only indirectly addresses the past six years under the "Skills" portion of the resumé, touting his extensive experience with "strategic policy, international conflict management, and PowerPoint." He also mentions several awards he won in 2003.

I wonder what our president's resumé looks like?

Mr. President, no deal!

Dallas Shelby — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 10:13:26 PST

Ok, you've no doubt already seen this, but I only just came across it on Wonkette. Monday night after our president's address NBC returned viewers to their regularly scheduled programming already in progress. The result was much better than any rebuttal Dick Durban could have come up with.

A moment of silence?

Dallas Shelby — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 07:30:39 PST

A glitch in my media feed brought this old story from the Onion back to my attention. It was funny in August. It's just as funny today.

Bush Urges Nation To Be Quiet For A Minute While He Tries To Think
"Every American has an inalienable right to free speech and self-expression," Bush said. "Nonetheless, I call upon the American people to hold off on it for, say, 60 seconds. Just long enough for me to get this all sorted out in my head."

Yeah... that should take about a minute, right?

Bush's national address

Dallas Shelby — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 07:04:02 PST

You might have heard, but our president had a televised Come-to-Jesus meeting on Iraq. The Post has a full transcript here. The basic plot: sure the situation in Iraq is bad, but it could be worse... just watch.

Here are some highlights...

The situation in Iraq is unacceptable to the American people, and it is unacceptable to me. Our troops in Iraq have fought bravely. They have done everything we have asked them to do. Where mistakes have been made, the responsibility rests with me.

I've heard and read this quote a lot this morning. The most telling part for me is the last sentence. I love our president's refusal to admit a mistake outright... mistakes were made. There's a Clinton-esque exactness of word usage.

It is clear that we need to change our strategy in Iraq. So my national security team, military commanders and diplomats conducted a comprehensive review.
We consulted members of Congress from both parties, allies abroad, and distinguished outside experts.
We benefited from the thoughtful recommendations of the Iraq Study Group, a bipartisan panel led by former Secretary of State James Baker and former Congressman Lee Hamilton. In our discussions, we all agreed that there is no magic formula for success in Iraq. And one message came through loud and clear: Failure in Iraq would be a disaster for the United States.

Remember all those people in 2000 who said things like "Sure Bush is an idiot, but he'll surround himself with capable people who will tell him what to do?" If you happen to run into one of those people today, please slap them.

From Afghanistan to Lebanon to the Palestinian Territories, millions of ordinary people are sick of the violence and want a future of peace and opportunity for their children. And they are looking at Iraq.
They want to know: Will America withdraw and yield the future of that country to the extremists, or will we stand with the Iraqis who have made the choice for freedom?

Actually, we won't know exactly what they want to know until we can get all those tapes translated... about 18 months tops.

Victory will not look like the ones our fathers and grandfathers achieved. There will be no surrender ceremony on the deck of a battleship.

Dear Bush speech-writers,
Do you really think it's a good idea for a man whose father was a more successful statesman and who staged an elaborate [and ill-timed] "Mission Accomplished" photo-op on a aircraft carrier to read those words on national television? Really?

Sincerely yours,
Dallas Shelby

Fellow citizens: The year ahead will demand more patience, sacrifice and resolve. It can be tempting to think that America can put aside the burdens of freedom.
Yet times of testing reveal the character of a nation.
And, throughout our history, Americans have always defied the pessimists and seen our faith in freedom redeemed. Now America is engaged in a new struggle that will set the course for a new century. We can and we will prevail.
We go forward with trust that the author of liberty will guide us through these trying hours. Thank you and good night.

The author of libery was unavailable for comment.

Et tu, SMU?

Dallas Shelby — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 09:16:30 PST

More bad news for our president.

S.M.U. Faculty Complains About Bush Library

“There’s been a lack of transparency from the beginning,” said Tony Pederson of the journalism faculty, urging the university’s administration “to be more forthcoming with detailed information.”

A lack of transparency? Withholding information? This administration? Never!

James K. Hopkins, chairman of the history department who was co-chairman of the meeting with Ms. Blair, a professor of theater, said he had asked Dr. Turner under what circumstances the university would “walk away” from a deal with the library.

So, the cochairs of the meeting were from the history and theater departments. Am I the only one who finds that particular combination amusing?

Bird flu, don't mess with Texas

Dallas Shelby — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 11:28:02 PST

In the headlines...

Folks, I give you our administration's new strategy to combat bird flu.

Provide your own tagline in the comments.

Going after the easy targets

Dallas Shelby — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 07:37:06 PST

This from everyone's second-favorite satirical magazine...

White House Had Prior Knowledge Of Cheney Threat
Aug. 2005 Briefing Warned, 'Cheney Determined To Shoot Old Man In Face'
In a statement released Monday, White House press secretary Scott McClellan pointed to the number of times that random Cheney attacks have been prevented or stopped by the administration.
"We assure you that protecting senior citizens from vice-presidential shotgun blasts was, is, and will remain the highest priority of this administration," he added.

Looks like Brownie got a new job.

Stop of my vice president will shoot

Dallas Shelby — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 12:34:03 PST

There has been a lot written about Mary Matalin's performance on Sunday's Meet the Press, but most interesting to me was Maureen Dowd's take on why the furor over our vice president's hunting accident isn't going away.

The reason this story has evoked such fascination is because the vice president is like the phantom. You know, we hear the creak of the door as he passes, but we don't really know what he's up to. We don't know his schedule. We don't always know where he is. We don't know what democratic institution he's blowing off at any given minute, and so this allowed us to see how his behavior and judgment operated pretty much in real time -- with the delay, but pretty much in real time. ... And it covered all the problems of the Bush/Cheney administration: secrecy and stonewalling, then blowing off the rules that are at the heart of our democracy, then using a filter to try and put the truth out in a way that would most suit their political needs, and then bad political judgment in bungling a crisis. I mean, if there's one thing the Republicans are great at since Reagan, it's damage control. But he is such a control freak, you know, he doesn't even care about the damage. ... Mary, it isn't only the press. He blows off the FISA courts, he blows off the Geneva Conventions, he blows off the U.N. to go to Iraq. He wants to blow off everything. He's got a fever about presidential erosion just the way he had a fever about going into Iraq.

The Phantom Fever... catch it in 2008!

International Crisis Response

Michael "VendorX" Heaney — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 20:01:40 PST

Friends, now that the Zombie Invasion has been thwarted or at least postponed, I had planned to begin my political writing again. I had some choice words to say on the topic of Muslims who MARCH to protest the writing of a political cartoon against their dipshit little religious founder. I also had a few thoughts on the nature of a government which investigates a woman for sedition merely for writing a letter to the editor criticizing the feds (Albequerque. Look it up.)

Then I stupidly did what I always do before I write a post. I went to a political chat room to hash these ideas over with my ‘peers’ a bit, flush them out a bit.

The liberals…the LIBERALS on this chat room were confused as to why I cared.

Friends, the world has grown terminally stupid. I have some ideas as to why this is the case, but I’m going to have to ponder them, write a bit more and get back to you. I intend to talk at length with the fun party directors and come this weekend, I expect to get back to you all with the new face the party will be taking to deal with what is now the obvious and apparent crisis; that the vast majority of humanity does not deserve to survive.

Self-love and rockets

Dallas Shelby — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 07:21:59 PST

Pentagon Review Calls for No Big Changes

Does anyone else find this NY Times headline funny? Suprising? No. But funny.

What's next? President's Self-Approval Rate 100%? Wait... did The Onion already do that one?

State of our union is...

Dallas Shelby — Wed, 01 Feb 2006 11:32:57 PST

You might have missed this in the State of the Union, but probably not this...
[Read the whole darned thing.]

"A hopeful society has institutions of science and medicine that do not cut ethical corners, and that recognize the matchless value of every life. Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research — human cloning in all its forms ... creating or implanting embryos for experiments ... creating human-animal hybrids..."

Sweet Jesus! It's a madhouse. A MADHOUSE!

"Human life is a gift from our Creator — and that gift should never be discarded, devalued, or put up for sale."

Unless, of course, you are poor or black or a "suspected terrorist"... then all bets are off.

The Chocolate Message

Michael "VendorX" Heaney — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 00:45:22 PST

Chocolate. We have to make New Orleans Chocolate again! The mayor of New Orleans said so!

To be honest, I can’t figure out what people are so upset over. So the Mayor liked having a large black population and wants it back. That’s not racist. Hell, that’s the same policy Israel operates under, only without the use of military force and international immigration. I like black people, too, Mayor!

I was never that big a fan of the newspaper cartoon The Boondocks. It always struck me as topical in all the wrong ways, hung up on cliché and popular culture in ways that I didn’t have much use for, and I rarely found it that funny. In contrast, it translates into a half hour long adult swim cartoon with grace and flourish.

To be frank, it may be my favorite show on television right now, funny as hell but moreso because it may be the only relevant social commentary the idiot box has to offer outside of the Daily Show, anymore. To the naked and unwary eye, The Boondocks may seem like some kind of post-modern response to ‘black culture’, but I think that’s just the façade. It does expose the fact that much of Black Culture has simply become a shade of consumer culture, true, and it does it well, and humorously (though it’s a black humor,) but the underlying message is one not too far removed from more extreme voices such as the Discordian Society, Church of the Subgenius or even the more wide awake branches of the Green party: that racism, really bigotry in all forms, is simply one of the many terrible symptoms of a human culture crafted upon a foundation of ignorance and fear for over a thousand generations.

The Boondocks uses what might be aptly termed by even the squarest of squares the ‘sell out’ of much of the black movement to illustrate the underlying failure of modern progress in any form. Through our characters, we see in rapid succession, the failure of the goodhearted but weak willed citizen(Granpa,) the success of the amoral and greedy who prey upon the former (Riley,) and foremost the failure of the wise, whose ability to see their world with perfect clarity without being able to influence, or even communicate, with it increasingly isolates them from their fellows, (Chomsk… I mea, Huey.)

The Boondocks MLK day special, a 'what if Martin Luther King were to come back today' notion, painted a fictional scenario which reflected the potential reality with an aptitude I thought only Tarantino capable of. A scene showing King in an Apple computer store, staring up at a large artistic advertisement of himself, Einstein and some other famous historic figure all wearing Ipod headsets alone cemented the message clearly. It has caused me to ponder furiously about the nature and method of the Fun Party, which in the end has mostly been devoted to ‘the pitch’ in order to move its message.

Is there another approach, a way to return, in some manner to the days of honest peaceful revolution, or do all revolutions ultimately result in the faces of their fallen warriors being sold on t-shirts for twenty dollars a pop to idiots? Is there really anyone in the US anymore that’s interested in a complex message of change, or are they mostly interested in a good laugh and a little righteous indignation. If we even had a solution, would attempting to find a real vehicle by which to convey it serve any purpose besides to begin the process of isolating us from others, until we become hermits, old men sitting on top of desolate mountains waiting desperately for someone who wants to learn the truth hard enough to seek us out?

Reports indicate that the CIA recently bombed a village of civilians in Pakisatan. Their supposed target, another member of Al-Queda, probably got away. Many civilians were needlessly killed. The attack took place without the permission of Pakistan, who is protesting and condemning the incident. Pakistan, by the way, has developed nuclear weapons. The people of the United States were outraged at the racist comments of the Mayor of New Orleans.

At the Golden Globe awards Chris Rock was quoted as saying, towards the end of MLK day, “don't worry, you only need to be nice to black people for two more hours.”

Letterman takes on O'Reilly

Dallas Shelby — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 19:59:22 PST

Ok, this is really old news, but if you haven't seen it you absolutely must... Bill O'Reilly's appearance on Letterman.

The video clip is here.
You may have to sign up for a free one-day pass, but it is well worth it.

Televangelists say the darndest things: Part XVII

Dallas Shelby — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 19:50:01 PST

Lord, if you read this blog please smite Pat Robertson.

I saw this item today about the increasingly nutty "700 Club" televangelist. This time he's claiming that Israeli Prime Minister Sharon's stroke and Rabin's assassination were God's little way of saying hands off the Holy Land.

The video is available here.

So, sayeth the reverend...

"For any prime Minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says 'no, this is mine.' … He was dividing God's land and I would say woe unto any Prime Minister of Israel who takes a similar course."

So, now if we could just get our president more involved in dividing God's land.

Why I Hate Florida and Everyone In It : Part XXXVII

Michael "VendorX" Heaney — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 19:37:27 PST

NEW YORK (AP) - The driver of a horse-drawn carriage was critically wounded after being thrown into the street when the animal suddenly bolted, galloped for blocks and then crashed into a station wagon in midtown Manhattan, witnesses said.

Jasna Tomasevic, visiting from Orlando, Fla., said she was so horrified by what she witnessed through the window while dining at the corner restaurant that she changed seats.

"This is really not something which I want to see," she said.

I want the people of states like Florida, or Utah, or Alabama, but especially Florida, to realize that I have kind of a Glengarry Glen Ross outlook on statehood. If I get into office, everybody's got two years. At the end of that two years, the ten worst performing states get dropped from the Union. Somehow, I just don't see Florida's chances as that good...

Unbelievable bullshit

Michael "VendorX" Heaney — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 20:05:20 PST

Man I had about fifty things I wanted to write about, and then I read this bullshit...

NSA Website puts federally prohibited tracking cookies on U.S. citizens' computers.

Check out this response, "... agency officials acknowledged Wednesday they had made a mistake."

No. The didn't 'make a mistake'. They committed treason against the citizens of the U.S. What the NSA has done is a high crime. 'Nuff said. No, wait, not enough said. Enough will be said when every single higher staff member of the NSA is either behind bars or slumped in a chair after a state sanctioned lethal injection. Then, maybe, enough will be said about what happens to shit heads who abuse their power and turn on the citizenry.