Dear Candice,

How do I take my ex off my thoughts? It’s been three years? How to forget an ex? She was my first and only. It sickens me to think of her but it still happens. And everywhere from real life to social networking, I’m always worried about how I appear to her…  So yeah, how do I get this toxic clog out of my arteries? Thanks – Will

Forgetting a past relationship can be difficult, it’s not really a matter of time.. but how you spend your time after your relationship went downhill. It seems that there’s nothing you can do, but to forget her. It’s definitely not as easy as it sounds, but surely there are ways to forget an ex and start over again in no time.

Have closure. It is important to definitively cut any desires of getting back together. And if you cannot get that into your head, your ex owes you the courtesy of it even clearer than the crystal. You need to realize you do not have feelings for each other anymore and will never reconcile.

Get bad emotions out on paper. Write a letter pouring out your bad feelings, then mentally remove them from yourself. Bin the letter or better, burn it. You must never send the letter to her. It may just cause you more harm than good.

Exercise your new-found freedom. Freedom is always invigorating. There is a lot of things that you can partake in that you weren’t able to enjoy since your girlfriend didn’t approve. So comfort yourself. Travel. Go camping. Play video games with your friends. Do things that you weren’t able to do because you are considering her presence. It could be ideal to find an activity that will let you put out your anger and relieves stress.

Hang out with your friends. Let your buddies provide you with a reality check on how your ex wasn’t everything to begin with, and that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just a little male companionship can definitely go a long way in order to get your head straight.

Forgetting an ex is a mental and emotional challenge.  However, the tried and true guidelines above should have your heart mended soon enough.

Well I really need help I really want to fix My relationship with my spouse. She is easily upset by anything that I say that to her is not correct. I am running out of a way to help our communication between each other. If I forget to do something she gets furious I feel like she can’t stand me sometimes. I know there is still lots of love there for both of us. But it seems because of things that have happened I’m the past. She is scared to show how much she loves me I have changed my attitude, my friends,practically my whole life and I’m happy but she still seems timid to open up to me. I’m scared I’m going to lose her I need help some advise would be most appreciated right now in my life or better said our life…… – alexis moris

Dear Alexis,

She maybe losing interest and withdrawing from you. It’s really awful to be in a situation where you feel like you’re doing everything to make things work but then the other doesn’t seem to give any care about it. Relationship problems come in different forms and in an unexpected time, it’s best to know the signs your partner is losing interest before it actually happens to avoid serious heartbreak.

Your partner is losing interest when you start to notice that you argue more with her and that she turns every little thing into an argument or a disagreement. If she’s constantly picking fights, it definitely a sign that she’s losing interest. If you feel like your talking less and arguing more and she starts  to use “I” instead of “we” when talking about the future, meaning that he does not see a future with you in it anymore.

Women are capable of much tolerance, including totally ridiculous habits, ex-girlfriends and trying to manage a home. Women are practically professionally trained in tolerance. So, if the woman you love has all of a sudden noticeably lowered her tolerance level for your little mistakes, the level of her love and/or interest has lowered with it.

If your partner become less willing to cooperate or compromise, it signifies a serious change in step. Oftentimes, this can simply mean that she is frustrated with something you’ve done and feels too scorned to say it. That is why it is essential that you handle the situation delicately. Approach her at a respectful time and ask sincerely ask her what’s going on.

When it comes to evaluating relationship problems and the demise of it in its aftermath, hindsight is always better than foresight. But by then, it could be useless. This is why it’s important to take some time to understand the signs you partner is losing interest so you won’t be taken by surprise.

Once you’re in a relationship, getting hurt or causing someone to be hurt is inevitable. What’s important is you know how to apologize effectively and sincerely, especially during a breakup. A friend once told me, that an apology is just like a scalpel. Used correctly, it saves lives. Used badly, and it will sever the heart – for GOOD.

Saying the word ”sorry” is easy enough, but only a few of us know how to make an effective apology. Many relationships end up breaking because we say “sorry” without really apologizing. For an apology to count as one, it has to be apology in the trust sense of the word – an admission of wrongdoing without excuses or justification.

“I’m sorry but…” just doesn’t hack it – it’s not an apology; it is an attempt at an apology. In rebuilding a relationship, what then is a genuine apology? One has to admit the responsibility. No matter what you do, never follow “I’m sorry” with a BUT. A “but” is a justification. Thus, showing your ex that it is a compromise rather than a genuine apology. It’s like telling your ex to shift the blame elsewhere.

Giving an apology must be just in time. The sooner you offer an apology, the lesser the hurt can become inflamed. Your apology should be made the following day or week, if not on the day itself. There’s no point in apologizing for forgetting your ex’s birthday three months ago. Be specific. Name what you did wrong and apologize for it.

“I’m sorry” is simply too generic, you must specify precisely what you are sorry for so she/he will know you know exactly what you did wrong. An apology must offer an explanation. Your ex may not be ready to hear this, especially during the raw days after a breakup. Tell your ex the truth that he or she deserves. Although it hurts, your ex would absolutely want your explanation later on.

A genuine apology must make amends. There is nothing physical to repair. But hearts and trusts shatter worse than any real object so make these the focus of your repair work. Ask her/him sincerely, “What can I do to make amends?” Once you have the answer, commit to it. If your objective is to heal the rift of your relationship and get your ex back, never use these phony apologies, as follows:

“I’m sorry if I offended you.” This phony apology implies two things, first, that your apology is conditional and second, that the person you are apologizing to is simply over-reacting so it really is her fault that he/she is offended. You’re not a politician but you sure have the art of double-speak down to a science with this line. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” This implies there was no mistake and that the only thing wrong with the scenario is that the other person’s nose is slightly out of joint. You are not apologizing for a mistake, this is you shifting the blame to the other person with the bad feeling.

“I’m sorry you misunderstood.” This is another way of shifting the blame. Rather than apologize for a mistake, this line points out it’s the other person’s fault for not getting what was really meant.

When you are in a relationship, you always apologize and you always explain to work things out. Certainly, loving someone means you’re willing to say you’re sorry… not once but always.

Dear Candice,

I’ve been in and out a few relationships. Lately I’ve been having dreams about a girl that I was really in love with a long time ago. My dream girl, she is. We never got together but we’re civil to each other until now. We don’t talk or see each other much but when we do, we get along really well. I thought I gave up on her a long time ago ‘cos she started dating some other guy. I think about her more often now. I wanted to tell her how I feel, but was scared to know that she doesn’t feel the same for me, or if she does, the relationship might not last long. So my question is… how to get your dream girl and keep her for good? – Oliver George from Texas

Dear Oliver,

If not all, most of us have someone that we dream of dating, cuddling and spending our time with. But not everyone has the chance to really get to meet and know very well that someone. It’s because most of us didn’t take the chance… often, we fear rejection. How can you possibly get your dream girl doesn’t involve how you treat women, but how you treat yourself, you got to be a real man.

Always look for something greater. Among the positive things about life, whether a situation is brought about by luck, fate or your past actions, you can always evolve to a better life. If you want to keep going, you certainly can, because there are plenty of levels to keep evolving to. Never stop dreaming and achieving for something greater than your life now.

Get rid of your ‘inner wussy’ . More often, inner wussy screws up your chances in getting the girl of your dream. You may need to take some time getting rid of it, because usually, it gets stuck and take away energy from you and going forward can be a lot difficult. Think about what benefits you can get by thinking like a wussy. Perhaps if you grumble about stuff it indicates you do not have to feel accountable for your life, which may feel good in the short-term. Or perhaps if you whine about how awful other people are will give you a slight feeling of being superior to others. Do yourself a favor, and get rid of this stuff. It will never serve you, and women don’t dig it.

Be responsible. If you wish to have a tremendous success with women as well as life, be someone who makes things happen. Be responsible in every thoughts and actions you make. And if you find yourself trying to get away and not taking responsibility for your decisions in life, take a pause and remind yourself that you are the one responsible for your own life. Particularly in those times when it’s fairly easy to put blame on somebody else. If you take responsibility for your very existence, you’ll be a much better person who can create the life you hope for in the process.

Keep in mind that you can only change yourself, not others. Focus on yourself, not women. “You can’t change other people, you can only change yourself…”  is one great adage that we can all can live for. Whenever things go south or you weren’t able to get what you want, your immediate thought is “this other person should change, or else..,”  this is not how you should think. If you really want to be a lot more successful with women, quit from wanting women to change for you, and rather start changing yourself. Once you do, you’ll also change your own point of view and your results.

Dear Candice,

I’m awfully a shy person. Going up to a guy and initiate communication is difficult for me. A few days ago I met someone on an Internet dating site, please give me some advice on this. Can this be a good start? Thanks – Marah

Dear Marah,

Given the frantic lifestyle most of us lead nowadays, finding the ideal partner can often prove to be virtually impossible, irrespective of whether or you’re a man or a woman. Because of this, Internet dating sites have become immensely popular, but of course just as with many things in life, you get good sites and bad sites. This is exactly why so many people stand to benefit from having a reliable singles websites guide; in that they can do much in terms of helping you avoid some of the more dubious singles websites one comes across on the internet.

The most important thing of all to remember when you’re considering signing up with singles websites is your own personal safety. Admittedly, the vast majority of people who frequent such websites are in the exact same position as you are, and they are also hoping to find the ideal partner, but of course, there’s also that small minority who join such websites with nothing but ill intentions in mind. Once again, a good, informative singles websites guide can help you to avoid making contact with such individuals. For example, one such singles websites guide highlights the importance of avoiding situations where you could be required to share your personal information such as your physical address and your telephone number. As is mentioned in the guide, you should never consider sharing such information with anyone you meet on singles websites, at least not for a few weeks.

The same singles websites guide referred to above also explains why you should take extreme care when it comes to actually meeting the other person you’ve been communicating with, even if you’ve been communicating for a few months. For example, the guide explains why you should always insist on meeting in a public place where they will be many people about, and of course, you should always try to use your own transport if you have any. Alternatively, you should make sure you have enough money on you so that you can pay for a taxi if necessary. Let’s face it; even though the two of you may have been communicating for quite some time, that’s not to say that you know each other very well, so of course you don’t want to rely on someone for transport when you barely even know them.

These tips are of course just the tip of the iceberg, and that’s why you should make a point of finding a reputable singles websites guide if you intend signing up with singles websites. A good guide will explain in detail why you should never open up completely on your first date by telling your date your entire life story. Likewise, you should never start or encourage any form of conversation regarding sex with anyone you meet on singles websites. Also, the same singles websites guide referred to in this article explains why you should never lie when you meet your date, because after all, lies always tend to come out in the end, and it’s certainly not a good way of starting a relationship, particularly if you’re hoping to find a lifelong partner.

Providing you take this advice into consideration when you begin frequenting singles websites, and providing you follow the advice given in a singles websites guide, you should have no difficulty finding and meeting someone who may very well end up being your partner for life. And yes, it can be a good start.

Dear Candice,

I have a friend who always falls in depression every year, around Christmas, for personal reasons. I really want to know how to help her deal with it. How can I help my friend, who is in Christmas depression? – Farah

Dear Farah,

I also have a friend who falls in Christmas depression. During holiday season, when most us are out celebrating with friends and families, she would rather spend her time alone and not accept calls. I and the rest of our friends were at a loss as to how to console her. You see, the stresses associated with Christmas can bring about depressive illness. For those affected by depression, Christmas can be the very worst time of the year.

There’s a lot of contributing factors of Christmas depression. Christmas can be a sad and gloomy time for those who live alone, they feel more isolated when faced with greater socializing going on around them. Holiday season, can be a worrying season as well, particularly for those on low incomes and benefits. Even those who work during the holidays, but are also expected to engage in the usual round of parties and drinks evenings, depression is more likely to come to them.

Many who do not wish to be reminded of their hardships at this time of year are still very much in need of a friend. The usual round of parties and drunken revels do not help much, or do not help at all. It is quite likely that we will have a drink at some time during the festive season. However, while one or two drinks once in a while may help people relax and cheer them up, remember that alcohol is a depressant and can exacerbate the symptoms of depression. Spending some quality time with your friend over a meal or an evening of movies and popcorn might be more helpful. Try something different but above all be sensitive to your friend’s needs.

Encourage your friend to talk it out. Your friend may be feeling sad and tired, but probably still look the same to you. Unless your friend tells you how she feels, you won’t understand what is wrong. And when she begin to share her emotions, be a listening ear for her. It’s an important treatment for depression.

Help your friend to plan activities ahead. If she’s worried about being alone, help her find out what is going on in your area. Check local newspapers or the Internet to find out what community events are going on. Volunteering at a local food bank, hospital, or church choir are some of the activities you may look into joining. Try to find out about this as early as possible. Also, see whether there is a good day or time for her to visit friends or relatives.

Lastly, make her remember that the Christmas holidays are only for two weeks. After that, things get back to normal. Reassure to her that while depression will last a little longer, it too will pass. It doesn’t last forever! Depression affects one in five of us at some point. It can be especially difficult to cope with Christmas depression, it will really be helpful to make her feel that she is not alone.

Dear Candice,

My boyfriend for eight years broke up with me six months ago because I said some things to him that weren’t too nice. I realize I was mean and have apologized sincerely but he said I went to far, he can no longer take me and is insistent that its over. So here I am, after six months, still feeling completely terrible for what I’ve done and that I lost someone I so love, who has been part of my life for a long time, over some harsh words. How can I get over this feeling? How can I bounce back from a breakup… to feel happy and whole again? I also tried to see some other guys, but just didn’t work out. Any suggestions on how to cope and feel better? Or even any good ideas on how to make up with him to fix the situation? — Sophia

Dear Sophia,

Thank you for your letter, I know a lot of people who can relate to your situation, and that includes me. I know how it feels like to be in a long-term relationship then in a snap be single again… it’s like a total reboot. And it’s never easy to get back up, bounce back from a break up, and start over again.

Going out with someone to cover up the absence of your ex? I have had fair share of that. And yes, none of it worked. It’s because we feel rather “naked” when it comes to dating men. Often, there are too much problems and drama whenever two people break up and there’s a lot of issues that’s hard to deal with, making it hard for us to invest our feelings once again.

One thing I’ve learned from this is to never loose hope that everything will get better with time. Time heals all wounds, and it’s best to wait for that time, when you’re totally healed and recovered, before getting into a new relationship. Putting yourself together can be really hard. It may take more than six months or years to feel like “you are yourself again” and ready to date men once again.

After a break up, take some time to clear your thoughts and mend your heart. How? First, and the most effective, is to clear your room with all items that may remind you of him. Then spend time with your family and and friends. Do the things that you missed doing with them, have fun! If at the end of the day, you feel like you want to cry, then let yourself cry. I assure you, there will come a day that you won’t feel like crying anymore.

Another thing that you can do to bounce back up after a breakup is to find new hobbies. Go out in the sun and get busy! Discover places or learn new sports or volunteer for charitable cause. This will give you so much time to turn over a new leaf and become a much better person.

You see, there are so many things that you can do to move on after a break up. You don’t really have to rush back into a new relationship. Perhaps there’s no need for a new relationship. Sure, there are ways to have that magic of making up with your boyfriend. But first, you need to be yourself again.