Get Fit AFTER 40

Best Intentions Don't Get it Done

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:43:00 +0000

Do you ever wake up with the best of intentions and it just doesn't end up like that? Were you wondering if you are just living in the land of make believe?

I wake up every morning with the best of intentions as of lately and it all goes to pot by the end of the day.

I start the day with my favorite breakfast..usually egg beaters, mushrooms, diced bell peppers, bacon or turkey sausage, with a bit of salmon cream cheese, I bought hash browns again this last grocery trip, some Lite Silk, and Tropicana 50 or Motts Light.

Then I start cleaning house..you know cat boxes, vacuuming, feeding the animals, dumping all the trash cans, doing dishes, cleaning counters, sweeping floors, cleaning bathrooms.

I wander back into the kitchen around lunch time and lately not wanting the salad. Can you have salad burn out? I seem to have. Then I stare at all the vegetables in the fridge and wonder what I can fix with it? Then I walk out of the kitchen not fixing anything. Did I get overwhelmed? Did I get turned off? Did I just give up?

Then it's the afternoon, and if I'm not helping youngest with her homework, you might find me working on genealogy and noshing on popcorn or mini pepperoni and crackers.

I stare at the workout tapes thinking well I didn't get my walk in this morning..I should do a tape..and that's where it stays..My headache I wake up with is getting stronger and I wind up going and laying down..only to get up make dinner for everyone and then back to bed after dinner is over. At least dinner is from the menu I made up before grocery day.

I lay in bed and make plans for the next day..I'm going to wake up pain free and do all these things. I'm going to have an on plan day..I'm going to do great things.

I'm so wrapped around this cancer thing it's almost like I say I want to live but quit living. Quit pushing myself. Quit trying. The waiting is killing me. Waiting for a procedure that takes an hour or more pending what else they find.

It's not the right attitude to have right now.

I'll be going to the community college in the coming weeks and talking with an advisor regarding an Accounting Degree. I have much experience in Accounting, prior to being a stay at home mom. I had taken Accounting courses before and enjoyed it. I've taken aptitude tests that point me in the direction of Accounting. Now if I can make a home business out of it.

Best Intentions doesn't make it happen. I have to make it all happen.

Student?

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:08:00 +0000

My mom, grandma, and childhood friend have experienced life changing events this year. It has got me to think about my future seriously.

My mom has been out of work for 8 months gone on countless interviews and lied to her face about why they won't hire her. Stating they went with someone that lived closer to the job when they told her she had the best qualifications.

My childhood friend lost her husband. The soul source of income to their family. The provider. Her best friend. The father to her children. Her lover.

It got me to thinking..I want to go back to back to school and get a degree, so that I can go back to work and build up a nest egg for retirement and a savings that if anything happens to husband we (the kids and I) will be okay.

I checked online degrees for Accounting. Looking at two year and four year degrees. I researched Penn & Foster but came up with a message board that says when employers see this on the resume they throw it away. I don't want that. So now I'm looking at community colleges and transfering to WWU (Western Washington University) or WSU (Washington State University) or CWU (Central Washington University) or UW (University of Washington) after the two year degree.

Am I crazy for wanting to do this with 20+ left for retirement? Am I crazy for wanting to take on this task now when two kids will be graduating in 2012 and 2013? and my last one graduating in 2020.

My smallest one is terrified of me going to school because I won't be there for her.

I've discussed this with hubby and the older kids who want me to go back, because it's something I've always talked about. They are for it. But am I taking on too much with all that I do and am responsible around the home and neighborhood for? This would better our family in the long run. This would help out for hubby and me in the long run. Should I wait until after grandma passes? Should I wait until the older two graduate? Should I wait until I am declared cancer free? Should I look into signing up Winter or Spring quarter? Should I just forget the whole thing and say I'm acting on emotion and not logic?

Food for Thought

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:57:00 +0000

This has been on my mind and no one I've talked to seems to be able to come up with an answer..They all say I don't know. So here goes:

Is cancer a Man-made Disease, a God/Higher Power-made disease or a disease created by the Adversary?

If it is a God/Higher Power disease, why was it created? What are we to learn from it? Why do we die from it? Why do we survive from it? Why was the disease allowed?
If it is a man-made disease how did we create it and why? If we created it can't we cure it?
If the adversary created it why did God/Higher power allow such a disease? How do we fight it without the negativity of emotions that come with it? How do we not give in to the psychological thoughts that go with this?

Monday Morning Weigh In

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:00:00 +0000

A +1.0 gain this week.

What did I learn this week?

I am burning the candle at both ends so to speak. Trying to take care of sick kids, household chores and helping a parent, I put me last.

By putting me last my exercise fell off Fri., Sat., and Sun.

By putting me last my eating was poor.

By putting me last I am worn down and don't feel strong but weak.

I woke up nauseated..

The cat boxes weren't cleaned for two days by the kids so I was doing that at 6am this morning because I couldn't stand the smell. There were dishes from the kids and hubby piled in the sink that nobody seems how to remember to rinse off before putting them in there (or better yet, just cleaning them?) that I was cleaning because it was giving off a smell at 6:30am. I came back to crawl into bed only to find out my daughters cat decided to use my bed to throw up in. Thanks

Between husband getting up all night and running to the bathroom, and oldest coming to wake me up every time she coughed she popped her ribs out and wanted me to take her to the emergency room, I got very little sleep last night.

Today's agenda:

Take little one to the bus-stop (already made her lunch and will wake her in 30 minutes)
Take oldest to the clinic and have her looked at.
Dinner is planned (mini pizza's using sandwich thins)
Lunch is planned (salad of some kind)
Breakfast is somewhat planned. (if I can get it down and don't sit in a Dr.'s office all morning.)
Check in with oldest school. (Wrote in her excused absence)
Tend to sick one.
Help youngest with homework when she gets home.
Vacuum upstairs.
Take nap if time allows.
Wash bedding.

I feel like my immune system is weakening. I can't let that happen. I have to remain strong. Still waiting for a date on my procedure. Will have to call today or tomorrow if I dont' hear from them.

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 00:53:00 +0000

I have been going non-stop since 6am..But I can't say that time was set aside for myself. My caretaker, errand, and super mom hats were on today.

I finalized the menus and grocery lists.

I taxied son to the high school for him to go off to his final band competition this year. I wanted to be there but having sick children at home calls me.

I went to the grocery store in the pouring down rain, spending two hours in the store weaving around boxes being strewn about in the isles as shelves and freezers were being restocked.

I came back to mom's place and checked on her babies.

I came back home and unloaded the car putting the groceries away and really wanting to collapse. But had to leave again. This time to find double edge razor blades for husband's razor. He has a razor from his father he refuses to get a electric razor. It's very hard to find the double edge razor blades around here. After the 6th store I found some and they only had two packages left. I bought both.

I went to the library and picked up a book on the Family History Library that I had on hold for me.

Came home, put stuff away and then made my breakfast at 12:30pm. Read and finished the book in a couple of hours. Took notes.

Dusted and cleaned the bedroom, living room, dining room, and kitchen.

Then went back to mom's and checked on the babies.

Came back home and then here I am collapsed. In between all of this checking on oldest. Fever is starting to come down. (YES!!) Now youngest has the sniffles. (NO!!!)

I don't think I'll be going to church tomorrow. Oldest still needs rest..Son won't be home until 11:30 tonight and I'll have to go get him. Which means I won't get to sleep until after Midnight. I Know I should go, but I'm so exhausted..I have to check on mom's babies tomorrow and take care of my sick group.

Supermoms cap is coming off and I'm going to pull open my genealogy program and go into my world for a little while to offer myself some peace, relaxation, and good mental stimulation.

Out of Whack

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:59:00 +0000

Nothing like throwing another wrench into things and make you go out of whack!

Hubby called in sick this morning. Reason? The storm we had last night with major thunder and lightening kept him up. (I on the other hand, had taken 1 happy pill, and 2 Tylenol pm before bed and was knocked out until 12:30 and promptly back to sleep to wake up again at 2:30 and then again at 4:30 and didn't hear it!) At 5:30 I was awakened with oldest in tears, shaking and I was trying to wake up to comprehend what was going on. She was on fire but shaking from her fever. Took her temp 103.1..Well she won't be going to school.

Middle did go to school. I was relieved.

I must of fell back asleep because oldest came in at ten minutes to eight and asked why her dad was home. I had to jump in the shower, get dressed, wake up little one, make her lunch and breakfast and get her out the door in less than 30 minutes. Hubby was still sleeping.

I got it all done in record time and got her the bus-stop, all while hubby still slept. My neighbor asked if I was going on my walk. The smell of rain was in the air, and with a sick one at home and hubby sleeping I didn't dare. So I came back home. Made breakfast for myself, got some cold compresses, ice-water, and some Tylenol for my oldest. Woke up hubby and asked him to keep an ear out for oldest while I was gone.

Mom came by and picked me up for a pedicure date. (My birthday present) It took almost 2 hours. By the time I got back home I didn't have time to go grocery shopping, before having to go pick up youngest from school. It wasn't supposed to take that long.

Then hubby had a Dr. appointment. Dr SAYS: LOSE Weight..According to his lab work his Triglycerides and LDL are way out of whack. He as to go on cholesterol meds. He has to go back next week for a 2 hour glucose test for a check on diabetes. Dr. feels he doesn't have it yet but he's a prime candidate for it. I hope he now starts listening to me..After all I'm just a "wife".

I've been running non-stop, and going nowhere. Tending to a sick kid who's fever can't make up it's mind. Tending to a husband and two other kids who whine.

Nothing has gone right today. I'm ready to go back to bed..But do not to wish repeat today..I'm wearing down.

When I get everyone better is probably when I'll get sick..And then no one will be around to take care of me..The life of a mother..The benefits never end do they?

Emotions coming to the Surface

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 03:55:00 +0000

The weekend can't get here fast enough. I'm exhausted. I think Mentally and Physically. But unsure which is it.

I did not walk outside today because the rain came. It started just after I returned home from taking little one to the bus stop. I could smell it in the air at the bus-stop and knew it wasn't far away. It opened up big time and dumped.

Oldest is taking ASL (American Sign Language) for her foreign language credits in high school. She has picked it up so much that she's decided now that this is what she wants to do with her life. She wants to be an ASL Interpreter. Tonight I spent the last 4 hours shopping for slacks, shoes and tops that she has to wear for testing and presentations in front of the class. Very tight restrictions because of distractions in clothing and patterns to the deaf culture.

While she was trying on clothing and scouring racks I walked the inside of the mall for 40 minutes. I discovered something. I don't like the mall. Which means I probably need to keep forcing myself there. I saw mirrors of myself. I compared myself to others. I cried silently to myself. I wanted to run to food. I wanted to eat. But what would that solve? Nothing. Except guilt, anger and further frustration.

I vow to keep working on myself to get healthy. To get fit. To get tone. I will not go backwards.

I've recorded my meals and exercise. I did well (I think).

Went to lunch with grandma, her friend and momma. That's where I fixed my salad. Interesting conversations that took place between the ladies. They kept talking about burial plots and death. Really it's not a conversation I want to partake in right now. But I guess it's the only thing they have to look forward to. Still I fought back the tears and looked across at momma hoping she would change the subject. She did but grandma and her friend kept reverting back to the topic of death. Grandma doesn't know and we are keeping it from her. It would just make things worse for me. So I tried distracting myself with the television across the room. Too bad I couldn't read lips.

I still haven't got my menu's and grocery lists done. I'll do that tomorrow after I come back from getting a pedicure with Momma. Then I'll go get groceries.

In the mean time I'll rest my weary feet and lay my head on a pillow and crash and not think of food (I Hope)

Today's Accomplishments

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 03:11:00 +0000

Today's Accomplishments include:

Walking 2.77 miles with Momma
Washing the cabinets down
Sweeping all floors
Vacuuming the entire upstairs
Changing 2 cat boxes
Dumping all Trash
Dishes
Dumping Recycles
Refilling Cat Food Containers
Cleaning kids rooms
Helping Mom with her computer again (some people shouldn't touch computers)

My knees are hurting tonight but I don't think it's from the walks. I think it's from the storm that is coming in. Rain is forecasted for the next few days.

I'll have to do a tape tomorrow because of the rain. Which is fine. I'm tired. But a good tired. Feeling confident the scale will go down. Feeling confident that flab is toning.

Food and Exercise is recorded.

Walked a little bit further today

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:03:00 +0000

Exhausted but in a good way I think. Food and exercise is recorded.

I did a 2.77 mile walk today. I walked to mommas house this morning. She looked like she had a bad night. I asked her to go on the walk with me. Bad weather is supposed to hit Thursday. Let's get out and enjoy NON-rain for right now. She still didn't want to. She said she couldn't get motivated. I then said okay here's the reason I'm doing this, and I told her about the cancer returning. She got teary eyed and then understood why this was important to me. It was motivation for her. She got her shoes on and we went for a walk. Hopefully we can keep this going and build momentum. By next spring/summer my goal is to walk around our lake.

I've made a couple of other goals for next summer. I'll post those at New Years.

I made a huge salad for lunch and to tell you the truth I really didn't want to eat dinner but I did. Now hopefully I won't get a stomach ache because of it.

I think I'm gonna have to get new cross trainers again too. These ones feel like they're breaking down again.

My body keeps signaling to me to take a nap today and I have fought it. I want to sleep through the night. Yeah Right Good luck with that one.

I'm off to snuggle under the blankets and find a good tv program.

Goals for the Week

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:29:00 +0000

Goals for this week:

continue posting in clubhouse daily
continue posting food journal daily
eat 5 salads this week
walk minimum of 1 mile or 1 workout tape 6 days this week
wash cabinets with Murphy's Soap.
make Dr. Apt for grandma (follow up)
inventory food in freezer
create two week menu
create grocery list
grocery shop

Monday Morning Weigh In

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:17:00 +0000

Success with the scale this week. -2.7 lbs down. And success will continue. I vow to make this week successful for me as well. It already is. Today I am alive. Living, breathing, walking, talking, writing, enjoying, laughing, singing, complaining, praying, thinking, grateful. Alive.

Be alive today. MOVE..

Emotional? Stressful? Comfort Eating?

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:21:00 +0000

Didn't get my salad in today. Did some emotional, comfort, stress eating and a lot of crying today. Got the call from the Dr. they are trying to bump someone else before New Years for me to go in and have the cancer polyps removed. It was confirmed with all the lab work we've had done that the cancer has returned. Now we just have to see where it all is and has it spread from last time.

Hubby came home early to be with me but with our schedules with busy kids, and trying to get dinner on the table early tonight we haven' t had much time to reflect.

Stress seems to be exacerbating the IBS attacks, and anxiety attacks.

Still have to tell the folks and I don't know if I can do that without crying today. So I'm holding off for a day or two to process.

Uncle sent out an email last night. His PSA is 92..His blood is too thin and treatment is delayed for a week. He won't be able to come here on Thanksgiving. That's got grandma upset, and that is a lot to deal with.

I did get my walk in this morning before I got the call. So that is good. Right? I went over by 4, I think on points today.

I'm off to watch son perform at halftime football game.

Dragging Feet but I did it!

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:31:00 +0000

Pouring rain today I could not go for a walk. The little one was worried about me as she saw rain running off my forehead and into my eyelashes. I promised I would go home after she got off onto the bus.

Hubby stayed home. He called in sick for some reason and stayed in the bedroom for over half the day. So I tried to remain quiet and stay out in the living room.

I really wanted to walk..Again Time and Distance make me feel more accomplished than doing a tape..I reluctantly pulled out a tape. Dragging my feet. I did not want to do this but knew I made a goal this week and posted it. I wanted to keep that goal. So I did the tape. It was Sit Tight. Rather than sitting though I stood and marched in place while doing the upper body movements. So I kept my goal.

I recorded my meals today. Made mini pizza's tonight..Kids liked these and it was healthier than Boboli Pizza crusts. I even had my salad today..

Just two more days. I can do this. Friday and Saturday..Sunday is fasting for church and day of rest. I can do this.

Fake it until I make it! :)

Wednesday Hump Day

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 01:06:00 +0000

So ready for bed.

I cleaned all the kitchen cabinets (food and dish) and the downstairs food storage and downstairs big freezer. I walked 1.75 miles this morning after taking little one to the bus-stop. I gave hubby a haircut, and vacuumed the entire upstairs.

Oldest went to school today. (Yahoo for miracles, although she didn't have a voice when she left but when she came home it had returned)

Middle came home from band practice early saying he didn't feel well. His stomach was churning and he was quite pale. So now I shall watch him.

I've recorded my food and exercise. I've met almost all my goals. Posted daily on the message boards, (after a phone call from Laura, she recognized I was going into my recluse mode before I did, and after talking with hubby, we decided I needed to go ahead and renew the subscription to the clubhouse), ate a salad Tuesday and today, exercised Tuesday and today.

Feeling motivated. Sunday is Fast Sunday for church. I'm going to participate in that. Need to get back into that habit again as I start going back to church.

TMJ is still flaring up and tonight I'm typing with a hot pack on the side of my face hoping that will ease some pain. I look quite funny. So go ahead and laugh.

Hubby went to the Dr. this last week. Dr. validated everything I've been saying to husband about what is happening to him. Dr. wants him to lose 140 lbs. I told him, I think he could lose 100 lbs this next year no problem. I've seen him lose weight well when he's dedicated. His b/p medication needed to be increased. Dr. advised him alot of his problems would go away with his weight loss. He came home and waited for me to say "I told you so"..I didn't. But it felt good to be validated. Hubby is making small changes. Hopefully he sticks with it. But regardless I am going to keep going for myself.

Downstairs Food/Freezer Done!! YAHOOO

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:48:00 +0000

Forgot to take before pictures of the above shelves

The top shelf of the freezer is grandmas. Mom took her grocery shopping today. I don't cook for her anymore. She uses the freezer stuff in the microwave for herself. Since school started this year we are lucky to eat by 5pm two days a week. The other nights are between 6-7 because of the kids schedules with after school band and homework. Gram refuses to wait that late to eat. (She goes to bed at 7)

Bread Shelf.

Meat Shelf, Chicken, Roast, pork, ground beef. F/F Whip Topping

Frozen Veggies and Fruit

Cleaned and umm Disgusted

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:27:00 +0000

After cleaning cupboards I was amazed how many spices or things I purchased that I had multiple of. What a waste! I bought them thinking that I didn't have them. Couldn't find them. Ugh!!

I found jello 2 years past expiration. YIKES!!. Molasses 1 year past expiration. Spices past expiration. Flour past expiration. I found oatmeal past expiration.

I'm sickened by the thought of food that must be thrown away today that was past expiration and wasted. Need to do a better job this year. I must.

But the bright side? My kitchen is purged and cleaned all cupboards. Clean eating. There is some cookies for the kids, and some "full strength" pudding and jello for them. I won't touch that.

I am going to make that birthday a bang..10/20/2010..Look at those numbers...It's gotta be a winner. Right?

Kitchen Cupboards After

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:14:00 +0000

The Kitchen Cupboards Before

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:10:00 +0000

Randomness

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:59:00 +0000

The day is almost done. My food has been recorded. (Got my salad in for the day) My exercise has been recorded. (Yeah 1.24 miles walking and some cleaning and organizing)

I completed some of my goals for this week and for that I'm proud and feeling good about myself today. Got some things on my list accomplished and looking forward to what I can accomplish tomorrow.

Tired. Jaw still hurts. Think I have TMJ..IBS flare up is starting to calm down. (Thank goodness) Good gravy..Need an eye chart for all these initials of crud I have.

Oldest was home sick today. Wouldn't it be nice if kids never got sick? It would make it so much easier on life..No whining. No complaining. No tantrums. No demanding.

Heading off to do some reading and then hit the hay! Be good to your body. Don't want to destroy it before it's time.

Upstairs Freezer After

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:21:00 +0000

One of my goals this week accomplished!

Upstairs Freezer Before

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:17:00 +0000

Friday Fridge Day-Monday Edition!

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:17:00 +0000

Monday Morning Weigh In

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 22:43:00 +0000

What a week. It wasn't my best.

Monday told my colon polyp cancer has probably returned.
Tuesday my husband and children forgot my birthday. Cousin did call me (Thank you sweetie)
A blog from Jo. (Thank you Sweetie)
Wednesday a funeral for my friend. Cried. ALOT
Thursday a phone call from Laura (much needed..Thank you) A sick kid staying home.
Friday kid still sick, another kid came home sick. Running around trying to get a coat for band, church clothes for the other. Mom wiped out her hard-drive and called crying. I had to run over there and see if anything could be saved. She lost everything and doesn't know what she did. (brand new computer) So had to add her programs back, her virus software.
Saturday neighborhood pumpkin carving party
Sunday-Absolutely nothing. I did that on purpose.

A gain of 1.9 lbs this week.

It puts me at 241.7 this morning and I cried. I really cried. Does it count when you are in the middle of your cycle? I don't think so. I haven't weighed this in so long. It hurts to see this number. It's like saying you are 300 to me. I'm done fussing. I'm done crying. Time to move forward.

I know the number will change next week. I know I have the power to change it. I know that I can change it. I know that I will change it.

It helped so much with the phone call from Laura. I've been still mulling it over these past few days. I replay the conversation and some new idea or thought comes in my head on another level that I didn't think of before. It lit some fires under me.

I went to the grocery store today. (Pictures to follow on another post) I have dinner menus planned until next Friday. I found some seafood on sale and I look forward to eating it this week. Gonna figure this out. Husband doesn't like seafood and I quit eating it because he didn't like it. But if I like it and enjoy it I can incorporate it into another meal he's not here for. Right?

I'm going back to meals and menus that worked for me and brought me success. That I felt I wasn't being deprived and wasn't "dieting".

Goal(s) this week:

Clean cupboards out-organize and take pictures.(Done 10/28)
Clean up food storage-take pictures. (done 10/28)
Clean freezer-take pictures. (Done 10/27)
Clean big freezer-take pictures. (done 10/28)
If not raining - go for at least a 1 mile walk.
If raining - do an exercise video tape and make time for me.
Dice up peppers and put them in a container. (Done 10/27)
Scrub kitchen from top to bottom. (Done 10/28)
Work on mom's computers and get her back up and running. (Done 10/27)
Parent teacher conference for little one. (Done 10/26)
Eat 1 salad every day.
Post on the clubhouse message boards.
Post pictures of the cupboards and freezer for my own accountability. (Done 10/27-10/28)

Learned a new trigger

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:27:00 +0000

I discovered late last night, and I mean late..I woke up at 11pm and realized I did not eat at all yesterday. I was so on the go and overwhelmed with emotions and being in the moment I didn't eat.

So I found some l/f Ritz crackers and ate them. 1 hour later, I found a trigger. Not eating for an extended period of time, then eating something causes a MAJOR IBS Attack. Not pretty. Don't feel like doing that again.

Today I spent making up menus and grocery lists. Tomorrow after hubby comes home from work I'll be grocery shopping.

Little one began running a fever in the middle of the night. No school today and no school tomorrow.

I still have to take little one out to get church clothes, and new shoes for me.

I'm off to bed.

The Legacy

getfitafter40@aol.com (Ang) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 04:08:00 +0000

This morning I awoke, with reservation. Should I really go to this funeral? Or was my place to stay home and take my son to the Dr. to get stitches removed and talk with the Dr. about what his concerns were.

I decided to go to the funeral. Texted my husband and told him that I left money on his nightstand for son's copay could he go ahead and please take him. Write down anything and everything Dr. says for me.

I walked to mom's after seeing little one off onto the school bus. Mom took me to TJMax where I tried on one skirt, two blouses, and three sweaters. None came home with me. Went to Fashionbug, where I tried on two dresses, three skirts, two sweaters, and eight blouses. I came home with one skirt, one top, and one blouse. I went to Ross and tried on two camisoles and came home with one camisole and 2 pairs of tights.

We came home where I quickly changed my clothes and put on a pair of black pumps I had from a couple of years ago. I was assembled and ready to hit the road, waiting for mom to show up and get out of here.

The drive up we experienced rain, downpour and then finally sun.

Mom and I made our way into the church. Never in all my years (not even for any of my grandparents) have I ever seen a church filled to standing room only. The chapel was filled, the overflow was filled, the relief society room was filled, other rooms wired for sound were filled. The chairs were filled. People were standing.

There was 45 minutes designated as open mike. At first some were hesitant but then once the first person started it seemed to be steady stream of people going to the mike. People knew him from his business, from bowling, from school, from him being at the kids sporting events. His sons are Motor Cross Riders, the boys that filed in one right after another, and parents talking about how this man reached into his pockets and gave him his last dime, his last part, his last bit of knowledge, his last bit of time helping them out so they could compete against his sons and get better, making his sons better. His wife there counseling friends, be strong, rely on their faith, remember the good.

I remember the day they got married. I was there with my parents. It would have been 21 years next month. We were young, he was the rebel so was she. My parents thought they were never gonna make it. He was the practical joker, and she defied her parents because she could.

I sat there and thought as I heard one by one come up..."What would they say at my funeral? How many people would even show?" I came up with nothing, then held my head down in shame and disgust at the thoughts.

This man changed through the years, we drifted apart and it wasn't until this last year when she and I hooked up again thanks to Facebook that I was able to have some talks with her and see her and listen to her. He was no longer the boy I remembered but a man that I admired. A man that I was proud to say he was my friend. A man that 4 children were proud to say "He's my dad". A man that his kids friends say he was a second dad to them. A man that put his family first and foremost.

I was able to visit with my friends, get caught up on some things, and vow to keep in touch. I don't want a funeral to bring us back together again the next time we see each other.

I gotta get to bed. It's been a long day and I want to reflect on it a bit more.

Before During [Flickr]

Get Fit After 40 — Sun, 24 May 2009 22:58:07 PDT

Get Fit After 40 posted a photo:

5/15/09 [Flickr]

Get Fit After 40 — Sat, 23 May 2009 08:30:49 PDT

Get Fit After 40 posted a photo:

updated picture

GetFitAfter40SummerChallenge [Flickr]

Get Fit After 40 — Tue, 05 May 2009 22:41:41 PDT

Get Fit After 40 posted a photo:

Get Fit After 40 Summer Challenge

Lose 15 lbs for June, July and Aug

1999 [Flickr]

Get Fit After 40 — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 12:25:00 PST

Get Fit After 40 posted a photo:

1999 Get Fit After 40 with Richard Simmons
@ Book Signing

2004 [Flickr]

Get Fit After 40 — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 12:24:30 PST

Get Fit After 40 posted a photo: