Get Out North Idaho

North Idaho Time Machine: Coeur d'Alene in 1887

2014-10-20T15:42:00.002-07:00

Caucasians first crawled over the Great Rocky Mountains into the Inland Northwest in the early decades of the 1800's. Fur traders and land explorers, along with their faithful French-speaking Iroquois scouts, wandered onto the homeland of a native tribe who called themselves "Schitsu'umsh".

The Schitsu'umsh (bless you) called home a beautiful spot of minty green land where a river met a lake. As soon as the traders and the tribe got down to the business of trading and tribing, the white men quickly realized they were dealing with a bunch of shrewd-as-serpents kinda cats, not unlike Thomas Edison, or the late, great QVC huckster Joan Rivers. So they nicknamed the tribe "Coeur d'Alene", meaning "heart of an awl" or "pointy hearts". The name stuck.

Cut to a hot mess of white boys flooding onto the land. With with them came a bunch of icky white boy diseases that were significantly worse than just catching boy cooties. Having lived for hundreds of years in blissful harmony with nature, the Coeur d'Alene people's naturally healthy bodies weren't able to kick some of these nasty microbial funks. and by the middle of the 19th century, the tribal people's population had been decimated by almost eighty percent.

Father Pierre-Jean Desmet

Coeur d'Alene Chief Circling Raven had a vision, possibly induced by some killer Purple Vanilla Kush, of men in black robes showing up someday soon to heal their broken spirits. Right on cue, page-boy haired Father Pierre-Jean Desmet and his tap-dancing troupe of kooky Catholics showed up and arranged to meet with the Coeur d'Alene Tribe. The natives picked a hot little meeting spot they referred to as Yap-Kheen-um ("the gathering place") for some little getting-to-now-you time and maybe a cocktail or two, just to see if there was any electricity between them.

They hit it off so well that DeSmet decided to bring the show east, over to the Coeur d'Alene River, where they built what is now Idaho's oldest standing building, the Cataldo Mission. The Catholic clique began teaching the natives some white man lessons, like "what's this Jesus business all about" and "how to mix the perfect Peach Appletini".

Everything was going swimmingly up until the 1850's when the tribe was getting a little pissed because too many people from the east began coming out of the woodwork and harshing their mellow by crashing the party. So the US Government decided it was necessary once again to do that very not-so-nice thing and round up the "crazy Indians" onto a reservation so they wouldn't upset the oh-so-delicate sensibilities of the uptight whites who were moving onto lands that didn't really belong to them in the first place.

General William T. Sherman

General William T. Sherman, who was by all accounts kind of a jackass, came to Yap-Keehn-um from back east in 1877 and threw down some serious shade on the tribe, telling them to stay on their new little reservation or they would be killed to death by loud, smelly American guns. He brought over a bunch of his military homies and they built Fort Coeur d'Alene (it was later named after Sherman, probably by Sherman himself - he was just that kind of insufferable ego tripper), which consisted of 52 military buildings and a throbbing discotheque.

Soon, the soldiers' families and other various stragglers began showing up. People from Spokane and all over the area began taking the train to the nearest drop-off station up in Rathdrum, then would catch a horse-and-carriage down to Coeur d'Alene for some lake time fun. Before long, people got tired of the long bumpy horse trip. So in 1886, train tracks were built that led directly to Coeur d'Alene Lake near what is now Independence Point.

Coeur d'Alene's first year as an official city was 1887, and according to the first Cd'A City Directory (which was all of six pages long), only around 40 people resided within city limits. That year saw the construction some important new buildings. CdA's first church was the uber quaint Fort Sherman Chapel, which still stands today and is now used mainly for Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and must-do historical tours by noted local historian Robert Singletary . In the back of the chapel, which is already tiny to begin with, they somehow managed to squeeze in a classroom, which served as the town's first school.

The area's first sawmill wa also constructed that year, in a prime location where the Coeur d'Alene Resort now sits. Unfortunately, the Saginaw Mill burned to the ground after only two years and was soon replaced by the Coeur d'Alene Mill, which also burned down after two years, and that was replaced by another mill which also went up in flames, and so on and so forth for several decades to come. Steamboats were built, not only for the purpose of transporting necessary objects to the other side of the lake, but so that visitors could catch a little r-n-r and sunshine while experiencing the untouched beauty of the scenery. The Coeur d'Alene Tourism Industry was born.

Around the same time, Mr. V.W.Sander, who had already been appointed as one of the newly birthed city's first city trustees, became Postmaster General, and was also a "dealer in general merchandise" (dry goods, boots, hardware, groceries, porn) at his shop on the northwest corner of Sherman Avenue and 3rd Street, current home of the Painter's Chair Art Gallery. He must have been one hot postmaster, because he eventually had the best beach in town named after him (Sanders Beach, of course).

Downtown CdA, 1890s (MONI)

In 1887, you could slip into a druggist or pharmacy and put down the cash you had earned logging or mining for all varieties of crazy concoctions that were sold as "beneficial to health", but were comprised of at least 50% alcohol and usually fortified with nutrient rich supplements such as cocaine and opium. Mr. Silas Smith was the town druggist, whose shop was located on the north side of Sherman Avenue, near the fort. His motto: "A Full Line of Fresh, Pure Drugs Always on Hand". A little headache? Period pains? Feeling a tad bit under the weather? Mr. Smith would hook you up with something that, if taken at the correct dosage, would make you so blotto you'd forget what a damn headache even was

Research has made it apparent that the entire population of Coeur d'Alene at the time (outside of the fort) had nothing better to do than get totally crocked and squander away their cash on gambling, hookers, and blow. And if that wasn't giving them their jollies, some robbery and murder might have done the trick. With all the stress that came with nearly dying on the job every day in the pre-OSHA days of the logging and mining industries, who could blame them for needing a constant flow of booze, hookers, and bloodshed?

Carroll's Variety was an establishment that sat on the northeast corner of Mullan and 4th, at the foot of Tubbs Hill (back when Mullan Ave apparently ran through what is now McEuen Park). Along with proprietor James "Fatty" Carroll, the place was staffed by bartender A.J. Coffman and pianist James C Smythe. Smythe was basically the 1887 equivalent of a superstar DJ, but with ivory tickling instead of record spinning and beat dropping.

Fatty Carroll was a notorious figure in the early Wild West days of Coeur d'Alene. He possessed a ripe combination of an entrepreneurial spirit and a depraved mind. Carroll's Variety served up a sinful smorgasbord of gambling, prostitution, and alcohol in one handy location, not to mention the heavy use of cocaine, heroin, and other mood altering goodies that were omnipresent back then in establishments such as Fatty's.

Even more intense was Fatty's habit of disposing of people he didn't take much of a liking to, or who flaunted money he fancied should belong to him. He resided in a room over the Spokane River, and if he invited you over for tea, you may have wanted to think twice about going; rumor had it that some folks never made it out alive. Anyone who was giving Fatty trouble or had overly deep pockets was taken to the river room and dropped through a trap door into the water, never to be seen again.

According to local folklore, a few of his doomed customers also turned up years later beneath another one of his former cathouses at 4th and Sherman Ave., when construction workers were preparing the foundation for Wilson's Pharmacy. Supposedly found behind an obscure basement doorway which led to a long unused tunnel were the decomposed corpses of three unnamed Indians, plus five soldiers from Ft. Sherman that had long been listed as deserters. To this day, visitors to that basement say they feel an unearthly chill down their spines when they explore the rock-walled room.

Not folklore is the actual fact that skeletons were found in the early 1900's near Tubbs Hill where Carroll's Variety sat, buried underneath the lumberyard. Bones were also found while grading an area in preparation for a train station, only a foot or two deep (without the courtesy of even a pine box) in the dirt underneath Sherman Avenue. Although he was clearly a man for whom gratuitous murder was a trifling pastime, we can't pinpoint the killings directly on Mr. Fatty since these types of incidents were commonplace in the gun filled, booze fueled early days of Idaho.

Part of the reason why Fort Sherman was eventually closed, along with the fact that it wasn't needed to protect the settlers from the basically peaceful Indians after all, was that soldiers kept disappearing in the night, met by an untimely death at the hands of a Fatty henchman or other Wild West hooligan.

The newly formed government of Coeur d'Alene was none too happy about the wild bawdiness that was going on down at Fatty's and the other rowdy saloons that peppered the downtown area. A large section of the incorporation charter for the city of Coeur d'Alene was devoted to provisions and clauses meant to tackle what the early city trustees referred to as "nuisances."

They resolved to "prevent, restrain, and suppress bawdy houses, gambling houses, opium dens and other disorderly houses; to preregulate and prohibit gambling; and to provide licensing and regulating dram houses, tippling houses, saloons, gambling houses, theatrical and other amusements, travelling shows, circuses, and other exhibitions and shows." In other words, they were a bunch of fun-hating fuddy duds who even looked down their snotty noses at actors and circus performers, putting them in the same category as drunks and druggies.

They had some work ahead of them. For such a small town, Coeur d'Alene was plump with drinking establishments and dens of iniquity. Among the other places serving Old Crow whiskey by the wagon load was the Transfer Saloon ("The Most Popular Resort in the City"), found at the southwest corner of Sherman Ave. and 3rd St. (now Resort Plaza Shops), which was established by Fort Sherman Major D.E. Ballard, with Stephen G. Whitman serving as bartender. Further west on Sherman Ave. between 1st and 2nd Streets was the Exchange Saloon, opened by John Dingwell and with whiskey mixologist extraordinaire Henry Farley behind the bar.

Located further south, between 1st and 2nd, was the Dividend Saloon on the north side of Lake View Dr. (not sure exactly where that street was, but it no longer exists), John H. Brown, proprietor and Samuel Barlow, bartender. All the way in the northern part of town on Coeur d'Alene Avenue between 2nd and 3rd was the Rathdrum Branch Brewery, owned and operated by W.A. Reininger. Maybe Reininger was the annoying craft beer hipster of his time, droning on for hours about aeration and fermentation and infusion mash. A stronger possibility was that he made watered-down nasty swill to serve to the gambling addicts, train robbers, and patrons of prostitution. In other words, everyone in town.

The Arcade, which sat at the corner 3rd and Sherman, is listed in the city directory as selling wines and liquors, which seems to indicate that proprietor C.S. Claflin and his bartender Theodore Link were operating something a little classier than the rest. So in other words, in addition to serving fine wines and absinthe, the whores at the Arcade bathed more than once a week and wore silk camisoles instead of burlap.

In the Pioneer days of the 1880's, dining out usually meant a menu filled with items like roast beef and potatoes, boiled cabbage, fried fish, bread and butter, porridges and puddings, and of course a pig's head with all the trimmings. This is most likely the type of stick-to-the-ribs fare that would land on your table at the Palace Restaurant, on the north side Sherman between 2nd and 3rd, J.C. Chamberlain, proprietor. It appears the only other eatery at the time was the Coeur d'Alene Bakery and Restaurant on the south side Sherman between 3rd and 4th, established by William Wagner.

Bender & Dillard Market (proprietors William H. Bender and William Dillard), which sat on 4th Street between Sherman and Front, had a butcher named William Hooper, and you have to wonder about the confusion in the air when someone would walk into the building and yell "William!" Back then, meat was most likely raised and slaughtered only a few blocks away, and you had to have a very strong appetite to still be hungry for steak after walking into the butcher shop and getting an eyeful of a dozen fresh half-cows hanging behind the counter dripping with blood and gore. Neatly wrapped in disassociative styrofoam and plastic it was not.

A.L. Davis ran a livery stable, also located on 4th St. between Sherman and Front where you could keep your horse for the night or rent a horse-and-buggy kind of situation if you needed to go on an out of town trip. Kind of an old-timey cross between a pet hotel and an Avis car rental office, but with a lot more poop. Those horses needed fancy footwear, naturally, and R.R. Mann was just the blacksmith to do it, there at his store on the southeast corner of 4th and Sherman (now Sports Cellar/Dingle Building).

Let's hear it for the ladies, actually the only two listed in the city directory at the time. Miss Tilla Ellis and Mrs. Owen Russie combined their dressmaking powers and opened a shop on Sherman Avenue right at the end where it turned into Fort Sherman. In 1890's America they used bolts and bolts of thick, wooly fabric for dresses with draping and layers and folds for days. Bustles around the waist were popular and gave modern gals some serious booty. The hot colors were black, grey, and black-grey, shirts were buttoned all the way to the nose, and collars were starchy white and looked like the doily on Granny Franny's tea table. It's no wonder their men were haunting whorehouses.

W. Morris made clunky chunky shoes and boots in his shop on the southwest corner of 1st and Sherman, and if you needed to get your hair did, you would need to drop in to see barber J.C. Scott, who worked out of his shop on the east side of 3rd St. between Front and Sherman.

Once the ladies and gents were looking sharp, they might have wanted want to be wed in holy matrimony, so they would go to see J.E. Russell, who was the Justice of the Peace (north side of Front Ave between 3rd and 4th, currently Quicksilver Photography). Speaking of photography, the happy couple would want someone to capture the moment on sepia daguerreotype, and they had at least two photographers available to handle it. Henry Purcell's studio was located next to the dressmaking ladies of Sherman Ave., and W.N. Hall took pictures up at his place on Coeur d'Alene Ave. between 2nd and 3rd Streets.

While it was quite rare in 1887, our married couple might have eventually wanted a divorce. Maybe the husband got caught cheating on his wife with one of Fatty's hos. Or maybe the gentleman would get tired of having to dig though nineteen layers of fabric to get busy with his lady. Either way, as the only lawyer in town, Issac S. Daly would be the man to help file the paperwork and arrange the settlement. That is, if you could squeeze in an appointment between all the murder, robbery, druggery, and prostitution cases flying across his desk.

Another busier-than-busy man about town was Dr. J. McGrail. As was custom at the time, Dr. McGrail had no clinic to speak of, but made house calls to all the locals afflicted with some type of pox or dropsy or syphilis or whatever ailments were in vogue at the time. He would show up at your sickbed up with a frightening bag of penetrative tools and a nice mercury cream or bottle of alcohol-rich opium elixir, and you would hopefully be cured of your sickness (probably not).

And where exactly was Dr. McGrail showing up to? There were very few private residences listed in the city directory, although there were plenty outside of city limits near Fort Sherman and on the farmland that existed north of Coeur d'Alene Avenue. For the most part, city residents lived in boarding houses and hotels.

The Lake View Hotel was the main residence house, located right on the lake next to the area that is now the 3rd Street Boat launch in McEuen Park. The Cochrane House was on the north side of Sherman Ave. between 2nd and 3rd, and must have been where the party people resided, since the directory lists a bartender (Michael Martin) as the only staff member besides the fabulous "paper hanger" who went simply by "Ford" (the only gay in the village?). This commands the question: what were they doing at the Cochrane House to go through so much wallpaper that they needed a full time staff member to handle it? Maybe we're better off not knowing.

Sources Used:
In All the West No Place Like This by Dorothy Dahlgren and Simone Carbonneau Kincaid, 1996 Museum of North Idaho Publications.
Coeur d'Alene City Directory, 1887 (Hayden Library)
Coeur d'Alene Press, Idaho Centennial Special Edition, 1990.
Coeur d'Alene Press, Coeur d'Alene 100 Years.
Coeur d'Alene Press, "Coeur d'Alene Was a Dangerous Place in the Old Days", Syd Albright, April 20, 2014
The Spokesman-Review, "Lake City’s Murder Mystery Unearthed Bones Bring Coeur d’Alene’s Violent Past To Light", Susan Drumheller, December 31, 1995

Guest Review: Owl Cafe

2014-10-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

Owl Cafe
9178 Government Way. Hayden
(208) 772-4912
facebook

(review by Gary Schultze)

We decided to have a Sunday lunch at The Owl Café in Hayden on Sunday afternoon. When we arrived close to 12:30 the place was quite full, but we were able to find a table immediately. The couple that came in before us reviewed the menu, and then left after about 10 minutes.

It did take a little while for our server to come and ask us what we wanted to drink. She was an interesting woman with an orange fake tan and dark lipstick, I thought at first that maybe Lil' Kim was getting some side work in Hayden Idaho.

After taking our order for drinks, our waitress was pretty much all business (let's say she had the personality of a brick). It took a while, maybe 10 to 15 minutes to take our order.While it was busy in there, there wasn't a line out the door to get in, so the wait was a little irritating. I ordered the Belt Buster burger with onion rings. This consisted of a 1/3 lb. patty with ham, turkey and bacon on it.

After another 10 to 15 minute wait, our food was served. This burger was worth the wait. Lettuce, tomato, pickles and a red onion adorned this delicious treat. It had just enough mayo and I added a little mustard and catsup to finish it off. Every bite was wonderful. The onion rings were tasty too, with just enough breading and dipped in oil to perfection.

If you can handle the wait and you don't care about friendly banter from your server, this quaint café on Government Way in Hayden may be just the place for you. Excellent meal with ample servings for about $10 and it is locally owned and operated.

Lavadog

2014-10-06T14:32:00.003-07:00

Lavadog
180 W Hayden Ave, Hayden
208-818-9564
facebook

Hmm, how ever shall I dress up my wiener? Ketchup? As blah and boring as a beige basement. Mustard? Dull as dust. Sweet pickle relish? Even Grandma thinks that old fashioned stuff is played out. What can be done about this yawn-inducing condiment crisis? Hayden's Lavadog Hawaiian Hot Dog restaurant has come to the rescue, with a battalion of unique, unusual, and just plain odd mustards, sauces, and relishes.

Lavadog had their signs up and Facebook page all ready to go about a year before they actually opened for business, so there was a lot of wonder and anticipation leading up to it. It's not actually that easy to get a gourmet or unusual hot dog in our neck of the woods, and with the much beloved Dangerous Dogs shuttering suddenly a few years back, people were ready to wrap their mouths around some serious surreal sausage.

Downtowners know about white-haired Bernie and his Bernie Dogs at his cart behind the Iron Horse, but his presence there is unpredictable, and Sonic's "gourmet" dogs look a lot better in the ads than they hot mess they are in real life. We love Gittel's Grocery 3 for $1.69 dogs, but with only plain ketchup and mustard as condiment options, they are the exact opposite of gourmet.

So when Lavadog finally announced their opening, the excitement among local hot doggers was palpable. Do they live up to the hype? Well, yes and no. One recent afternoon, I met my friend Gary there, in the little building on the east side of the Super 1 parking lot in Hayden, for a spontaneous lunch date. I walked in and my first impression was "OH THE YELLOWNESS!"

The walls are an almost disturbingly bright canary yellow, but the scenic photos of Hawaiian palm trees and sandy beaches do temper the effect slightly. The nouveau retro plastic chairs and linoleum tabletops come off as more cold classroom than beachy lounge. Overall, the decor is quite minimal and the place feels a little cavernous, more function than fab.

So Gary and I adjusted our eyes to the shock of the yellow and saddled up to the counter to place our orders. One of the best things about Lavadogs is the affordability of their combos. Just a dog alone is $3.50, which seems a tad bit high to myself and others who I've mentioned it to. But throw in a cold can of Coca-Cola and a handful of Hawaiian style potato chips for another measly buck seventy-five, and for $5,25, you've got yourself a reasonably priced lunch situation.

The menu itself is economical in its scope, with only nine main choices, and a kids dog. Of course, one of those options is the "Naked Beach Dog", which is a bare dog you can then dress up with whichever two specialty condiments you'd like. These house made relishes and mustards are mainly fruit based and are really the main reason for Lavadog's existence. They inject the Hawaii into the core of its heart. Without these flavorful fruity sauces, they would just be some strip-mall joint slinging boring basic dogs.

Speaking of "naked beach", I have a sidetrack story. I've been to a nude beach once and only once. Years ago when I was living on Spokane's South Hill, my friend Grace and I decided it would simply be a riot to get dressed to the nines and visit Spokane's nude beach at the infamous People's Park. So I went and rented a tux for the day (it was a fairly cheap thing to do twenty years ago) and she put on a fabulous forest green velvet formal dress, donned diamond earrings and a pearl necklace, and put her gorgeous red hair in a beautiful updo. We packed a picnic basket full of brie, caviar and champagne and headed off to the park.

It was probably a hundred degrees out so every hippie in Peaceful Valley had decided to come down to the nude beach that day. Because of all the brush surrounding the beach, you don't actually see it until you get right to it, and as soon as we came through the bushes our eyeballs were assaulted with enough saggy old lady boobies and bouncing hippie balls to last for more than one lifetime. Still, we were determined, and although we were getting tilted heads, side glances, and shady looks from every direction, we laid our picnic blanket down bravely near the volleyball court, sat down and poured the champagne.

We were as hot and sweaty as gorillas wrapped in Tyvek, but overall it was quite a lovely experience once we got used to it and learned how to tune out the deflated genitalia flapping about around us. That is, until a rogue volleyball careened over from the volleyball court, knocked the champagne right out of Grace's hand and landed right in our caviar! Well, we were kinda okay with the caviar part because both of us realized that day that we don't much care for caviar, or at least the el cheapo version of it we had purchased at Rosauers for the occasion.

Anyway, you won't find caviar of any caliber on the menu at Lavadog. But you will find these sorts of things: lemon garlic sauce (spicy and regular), guava mustard, pineapple relish, guava relish, passionfruit mustard, and etc. Gary, my lunch partner, decided he wanted to go for sincerely spicy, so he chose the Naked Beach dog with hot chili sauce and jalapeno mustard.

As we were eating, I could see major tears welling up in the lower part of his eyeballs, and unless he was just extremely sensitive regarding the subject of our conversation (the weather), I knew the spice must have been flowing hard. "That's pretty hot", he said, shoving the final bite into his mouth. I was in the mood for a sweeter option, so I had chosen The Surfer Dog, with lemon garlic sauce, banana relish, and mango mustard.

We both agreed that our Lavadogs were generally quite tasty, with a couple of minor flaws. For one thing, there's almost too much going on in the bread department. The buns are fresh and lovely, but they are different than a regular bun you'd pick up in a package at Safeway. They're closest relative is a bagel bun in that it envelops the entire dog, with no slit or opening at all, except the hole at the the bottom end where the wiener slides in (sometimes it's hard to write a hot dog review without sounding a little dirty, isn't it?) It's a puffy, fluffy bun and it does throw off the meat-to-bread ration in a slightly noticeable way.

Also, they only gave us a few wee teaspoons each of the mustard and relish. They come on the side, served in those little 2 oz plastic cups, and each one was a little less than halfway full. Their dogs are pretty significant in size, and this was really not at all enough condiment quotient to work with.

Plus, with the bun being sealed, there was no way to really get the mustard and relish onto the hot dog in an efficient way. You either have to just smear it on top of the bun, which is way impractical and makes for messy eating, or attempt to dump what little there is inside the small bun opening, which doesn't really work because with such a little amount to work with, it would never get deep in there enough to become involved with every bite.

Similarly, the lemon garlic sauce seems to be piped into the bun before the dog is even inserted, so there's a huge glop of it on one end of the thing, but none on the end where the opening is, and no way to remedy this. INEFFICIENT! The Hawaiian chips were crispy and delicious (although there weren't a lot of them to speak of), and overall Lavadog made for a good, affordable lunch.

If they could just work out the minor glitches, they could be a real hot spot for Hayden. Not as hot as the nude beach in formal clothing on a hundred degree day, although with all of Lavadog's semi-beachy decor maybe I should show up there naked for lunch sometime soon. OKAY, I promise I won't.

Panhandle Health Hit List

2014-09-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

There's been some talk recently about the city of Coeur d'Alene developing stronger regulations regarding food trucks and mobile kitchens. I perused the list of eateries who have received marks against them in the last three years while undergoing inspections from Panhandle Health District health and safety inspectors.

As far as food trucks, the violations were extremely minimal, with just a few of them listed as having one violation, but nothing more dramatic than that. However, there were plenty of brick-and-mortar restaurants with three or more violations. I've saved you the work and have compiled these particular eateries below.

Please bear in mind, many of these violations are likely for minor offenses that were most likely easily remedied in fast fashion, so take this list with a certain amount of levity. But, as the PHD website explains, "such public reporting reinforces positive practices in eating establishments."

It is interesting that some of the most "fancy" local restaurants have a lot of boo-boos. And what's up with all the golf courses? And how is Harvest Foods in Wallace even still open?

The entire list of food inspections can be viewed here.
PHD's explanation of their food inspection process can be read here.

Aebleskivers, CdA (3)

Beverlys, CdA (3)

Blue Heron Cafe, Sandpoint (5)
Broken Wheel Restaurant (3)
Brooks Restaurant, Wallace (3)
Canton, CdA (3)
Captain's Table, Sagle (3)
CJ's Restaurant, Rathrdum (5)

Country Nook, Rathdrum (4)
Dish at Dover Bay, Dover (3)

Doc Holidays, Hayden (3)
Dos Amigos Taqueria, Plummer (3)
Eddie's Bar & Grill, Harrison (3)
Eichardt's, Sandpoint (3)
El Paisa, CdA (3)

Fork at Lakeside, CdA (3)
Gateway Cafe, Plummer (3)
Gem State Grill, St. Maries (3)
Golf Club at Black Rock, CdA (3)
Gozzer Clubhouse, Harrison (3)
Harvest Foods Market & Deli, Wallace (9)

Hayden Lake Country Club, Hayden (5)
Hayden Quik Stop, Hayden (Hayden & Ramsey) (3)
Highlands Grill & Tap House, Post Falls (3)
Jalapenos, Sandpoint (3)
Jimmy's Down the Street, CdA (5)
Kelly's Irish Pub & Grill, CdA (3)

Kootenai Coffee, CdA (3)
Kynrede Cafe, Hayden (3)

Links Golf Course, Post Falls (3)

Nosworthy's Hall of Fame , CdA (4)

O'Malley's Sports Pub & Grill, Rathdrum (4)
Paul Bunyan, Hayden (3)

Pizza Factory, Wallace (3)
Silver Rapids, Wallace (3)

Spragpole Steak & Ribhouse, Murray (3)

Stein's Market, Osburn (3)
Susie's Home Kitchen (4)
Taco Time, Silver Lake Mall, CdA (3)

Top of China, CdA (3)
Toro Viejo, Hayden (3)

Waterfront Restaurant, Priest Lake (3)

Well-Read Moose, CdA (3)

Guest Mini-Review: Fleur de Sel

2014-09-28T11:12:00.001-07:00

Fleur d Sel
4365 Inverness Dr., Post Falls
208-777-7600
facebook

(review by Jay Carkhuff)

Last night Jake and I went to Fleur De Sel with our friends, Mark and Jason. We had a great time and the food was terrific. The view from the Highlands at dusk was accented by a thin crescent moon as we arrived. The menu was a bit daunting but the waitress spent lots of time with us explaining the various dishes.

I think we all enjoyed the artichoke soup. For appetizer I had snails with mushrooms and Mark had something quite complex with summer squash, sliced duck and a nearly raw egg on top. I'll stay with the snails.

The dinners were all very different and delicious. I think the best was the beef bourguignon. Tender and perfectly seasoned. I had the Hawaiian fish special and it was good but not special. Jake's chicken and truffles was pretty interesting and tasty. Other items were a sausage and potato dish and mac and cheese. The pasta was perfect.

We were too full for dessert. Overall a wonderful experience although I need to avoid butter and salt for a while now!

Soap You Want to Eat from Pheasant Creek Farms

2014-09-09T11:03:00.001-07:00

A good friend of mine came into the bar I work at last weekend. She's always got something fabulous going on, so when I noticed her shuffling around objects in a big box at her table, I had to bop over and check out what she had. Oh. My. Golly. What were these delicious looking treats? Brownies? Different varieties of fudge? Oatmeal chocolate chip cookie bars? My sweet tooth was rabid and my salivary glands were starting to disco to the beat of the music emanating from the dancefloor in the other room.

"Mmmmm. Yummy. What do we have here?" I asked, with all seriousness. She laughed, "ummm, I don't think you want to take a bite. It's soap." And then I remembered. Ah, yes. Her family makes handcrafted soaps. Still craving sweetness, I stuck my nose in the box and sniffed deeply. The scents of the different soaps combined together to at least quash the sweet tooth in my nose. (The sweet tooth in my nose? I don't even know...)

Anyway, truth be told, she let me pick out a few bars in trade for a little free advertisement. So I guess this is a disclaimer: you are reading said free advertisement at this moment. But wait! These soaps are worth selling out for. In all honesty, after using the "Eucamint" soap for the last week, my morning shower life has improved so much! It has a "slap me awake" effect and an organic, fresh vibe that, along with my black coffee ritual, gets me all kinds of perky and ready for my day.

Pheasant Creek Farms offers over a dozen "flavors", including Peppermint Kiss, Orange Clove, Lemoncello, Cucumber Mint, Urban Cowboy (loved that movie, btw), and Swank. Their soaps are made with goats milk (now that's different) and contain lots of vitamins, emollients, and triglycerides that are great for your skin and they do not contain nasty mysterious corporate satanic chemicals that dry you up and make you smell like the boys locker room at a suburban middle school from hell.

I know you're simply starving for suds now, so get on over to pheasantcreekfarms.com for more information and to order this delicious foodie-fab soap. Thanks for reading this commercial announcement and I promise an actual restaurant review by the end of the week! Hint: Lavadog.

Comments Roundup-o-Rama

2014-08-06T13:12:00.000-07:00

My recent review of Uva Trattioria inspired some mild cattiness in the comments section regarding how authentically authentic their Italian cuisine is. Maybe I'm just a Scottish/Norwegian/Russian boy (no, I'm not Irish, contrary to popular belief) who has never traveled to Italy or Little Italy or any sort of Italy, who was born and bred in dear old Idaho, but it seems to me Uva's cuisine is as authentic as any other Italian eatery in the area (I'm not counting Olive Garden's cookie-cutter corporate "Italian"). It's about 32 times more authentic than the Lean Cuisine Spaghetti and Meatballs I had for lunch yesterday. Anyway, after a little back and forth, Uva's Chef Steve pops in to shut 'er down:

Giucchi said...

If you are talking about Californian Italian cuisine, maybe it is up to their standards but please DO NOT say it is an authentic Italian restaurant!!!
If you want to taste authentic lasagna or Tiramisu or any genuine Italian dish, please come to my house and I will gladly educate you. I will even bake fresh bread to go with your meal.
So far the closest I have found is Tony's by the lake or Angelo's...or my own cuisine...

August 1, 2014 at 1:36 AM

Anonymous said...

@Giucchi: Angelo's might be close to authentic, and up until about three months ago I would have rated the place well despite the cost of his food. But last three months I've personally noted a decline in quality. Portions, while not huge at one time were adequate. They have gotten smaller, with the veal dishes being the ones that seemed to have shrank the most. The last time I ordered the smoked salmon pasta dish, the salmon was way oversmoked. Finally, a few weeks ago I ordered spaghetti with meatballs. They claimed to be out of meatballs (They don't make them to order?!?), so I let them switch it to sausage. To their credit, I got three sausages, two whole ones and one cut up within the sauce. But all of the sausages were overcooked and way too dry, the one in the sauce the worst. I don't know if the food caused this or if I picked up a stomach flu, but my stomach was in horrid shape for a long time after that meal as well.

So in short, I no longer wish to even consider Angelo's. Maybe my experience was unique, I've seen other recent reviews that did praise the place. But I don't wish to go there now.

And another point. Show me where in the blog that the reviewer says the food is authentic. Maybe I missed it, but I don't ever see said claim. Even if they do, so what? I do like trying the "authentic" versions of cuisine. But I am not such a food snob that I can't enjoy Americanized versions of various cuisines if it is done well and tastes good. Often the Americanized versions become their own cuisine as well, many would argue such for Americanized Chinese for instance. There seems to be this food snob attitude that if it isn't 100 percent authentic to the nation of origin, it's crap regardless of the truth. I guess I don't need to be such a snob.

August 2, 2014 at 8:24 PM

Jim said...

"If you are talking about Californian Italian cuisine, maybe it is up to their standards but please DO NOT say it is an authentic Italian restaurant!!!"

Don't think that was ever said...

And I highly doubt your cooking is as good as you'd like to think.

Dunning-Kruger much?

August 4, 2014 at 3:01 PM

Anonymous said...

I guess you have to define authentic Italian. If your definition of authentic means my recipes came from a man who immigrated from Puglia, Italy in 1966, opened his own restaurant in 1968 and has been running strong ever since, winning numerous awards along the way, is authentic than yes we are AUTHENTIC.

I also make some pretty darn good rosemary fennel focaccia house bread fresh every day. Maybe you should give us a try.

ciao
Chef Steve
Uva Trattoria

August 5, 2014 at 11:16 AM

A lot of people lost their cool and their minds a few months ago when I revisited Mexican Food Factory and gave them a less-than-flattering write up. MFF has a very, VERY devoted following and I may have ended up on yet and other hit list or two after I hit the Blogger "publish" button. Ah, well. I can take the heat, and I always hope readers keep things in perspective and realize that I only represent one little person's point of view in a big, big world. If people don't enjoy my opinions, they can start their own food review blog and get whatever they need to get out of their system.

MFF owner Dan Franks himself was gracious enough to chime in on the Get Out North Idaho facebook page saying that he appreciated my comments and would treat them as constructive criticism, inviting me back for a (hopefully) better experience. Still, this long winded rant:

Scott Cardwell said...

Please, let me throw down on this. As a former employee and close personal friend of Dan Franks, (yes, the same Dan of the Franks family that has owned MFF since 1981)and Galen, (the same Galen that has worked in that kitchen for over 12 years and now manages MFF)I am more than slightly offended by your review. Let's be real, every single item you ordered was made in that kitchen from scratch. The cheese you get on those tacos? Comes in 40 pound blocks that they hand shred. The lettuce? Hand shredded. The shells? Trust me on this as I have HOURS of personal experience; they are fried daily in-house. You want a Taco Bell taco for $1.37? Be my guest. But comparing the two tacos is asinine to say the least. You enjoy the taco carts on 4th street? Then go hit those carts, ask to see their health report and food handlers permit (which Dan Franks has hanging on his wall) and enjoy a cheaper meal. Oh wait, quesadillas at those places run $5-$6 as well... To obviously exaggerate the shortcomings of your meal is petty and a disservice to Dan. Tell you what, get your ass out of bed at 5 am and run on down to MFF some weekday morning to get a breakfast burrito from Dan. He will go ahead and stop prepping food in the back to come out and make from scratch the bacon and scrambled egg burrito that you will get filled with cheese and tater tots that you can then drench in their signature salsa. And when you get your cup of fresh, hot coffee, and pay your $5, (which is less than you will spend at McD's for breakfast) then leave, Dan will go back into the back to shred more cheese, or cook another giant pot of refried beans, until the next tinkle that announces a customer has walked inside looking for that little slice of the Southwest. Please sir, keep your negative opinions to yourself unless you are willing to give Dan a chance to address your concerns. By the way, that $2 beer? You would be charged at least $4 if you bought it anywhere else. And what taco truck or Taco Bell has a beer license that you can buy a cold one at? That license right there could run into thousands of dollars yearly. When was the last time you could buy a bag of chips at the store for under $4? Cheese for under $6? It looks like you'll pay $10 for that chips and cheese right there. So yes. I am offended by this article that shows you obviously wielded your pen as if you were fighting some monstrous injustice. But it just as obviously shows that you have poor taste and could use some class. The problem with "food critics" such as yourself? Well, anyone can pop a blog online and write a review and call themselves a "critic." I've seen 5 year olds that can do that. Doesn't make you a better human being, and it sure as hell doesn't make you right in your review of MFF!

June 17, 2014 at 8:29 PM

Alrighty, then. I'm supposed to "get my ass out of bed at 5am" and go to a place I don't even work at because I wrote a mediocre write-up of your former place of employment? Oh, no you bettah don't. I don't rise until 8, I mean 9. I mean 10. And where are these food review blogs written by 5 year olds? I NEED to see them, that sounds totally entertaining. Anyway, good old Anonymous came in to argue in my defense:

Anonymous said...

@Scott Cardwell: I am not the author of this blog, nor have I ever met him. But firing off a rant at a food critic/blogger over a negative review is NOT the way to drum up more business. It just makes you come off as angry and defensive. A critique of a place isn't an attack, it should not be taken personally. It is only a post about one person's experience with a place at that time. Ranting about it does nothing. What you SHOULD do if you are a former employee and friend of the owner is point out this review to the owner so he can THEN decide if 1) It may have merit, 2) It is just one bad review and has no merit.

Or to put it another way, if you want to see what happens when a restaurant review by a critic or blogger is taken as a personal attack? Go watch the "Amy's Baking Company" of Kitchen Nightmares.

June 22, 2014 at 8:12 AM

Now THAT is perfect. I am totally in love with that episode of Kitchen Nightmares and I am totally in love with Amy because she is my kind of crazy and she brings it hard. Last on the subject of Mexican Food Factory, Miss Alisha came along to sum it all up in a nutshell:

Alisha Anderson said...

The point is Mexican food factory is not what it used to be anymore!! The prices now would be okay if the quality of the food was what it used to be, that place did used to have a family quality that reminded you of home and love.

I love Dan and have known him since I was 14 as a customer there which was 21 years ago!!! I won't go there anymore. The restaurant has gone down hill, it's insulting to be expected to pay the money they charge for what's on the plate. I want the old Mexican food factory back! When the food they made wasn't just about the money, and throwing something on a plate quick style. When their food was made with love, passion, and inspiration!! Lortus was the cook back then and she was amazing. I would love Mexican food factory to come back to life and be that place again.

July 31, 2014 at 8:09 PM

Applebee's was given a mini-review by a guest pen here a couple of months ago, and his experience was bizarre indeed. A chain restaurant like Applebee's survives on a combo of low expectations and by constantly bombarding the TV airwaves with endless annoying advertisements. The two anonymous commenters on this mini review were brief but merciless, and confirmed that the best plan of action is probably just to avoid, avoid, avoid and hit a locally-owned establishment instead for less commercialized fare.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I went to that same location the other evening and the only flavor the shrimp had was the cocktail sauce! It was pretty bad.

June 27, 2014 at 9:49 AM

Anonymous said...

My family went there and while waiting to be seated the hostess told us they didn't have any tables big enough to seat our family. (My family is a family of 6 skinny people!) Never will I go back there!

June 27, 2014 at 11:40 AM

Lastly, I did a piece about my thoughts and experiences of growing up in Coeur d'Alene during the 80's in 2008 and it remains one of the all time most popular posts on the blog, always gathering new comments. And I always enjoy the comments a ton, reading about other peoples memories of the same era and being reminded of details I'd forgotten about. You can click the link to the original article to read all the comments, but here are some of the more recent totally tubular highlights.

Me said...

I cut my teeth for surviving life in CDA in the 80's. I had an apt above First interstate typewriter on 4th and Sherman. I loved rustler roost's fried potatoes. and when I was at the lowest point in life I was living in a tent up fernan.

Amazing to read about it all.

August 28, 2013 at 9:35 PM

William Jack said...

The Sheep House was my only taste of downtown. Didn't do the clubbing or the cruising. I lived in Dalton Gardens so there was lots of vacant land to party on. The woods up by Honeysuckle Beach which is now full of McMansions had many a party. We would grab pallets from various places and have big fires.

I remember the Bookseller and Hobbit Town (in the basement of the long-gone Interstate Typewriter building). Pre-Resort we would go to Cloud 9 for the Sunday chicken dinners.

December 19, 2013 at 2:27 PM

patrick said...

in the late 70's, early 80's i lived in "the cabin" on 17th and young ave.
does anyone here know any of these people?
roger or terry ore, sherry adkins and mary jane maxwell or tan diane, queen of sanders beach.
john and madie, chuck and kathy, jack and fran,ray and jeanie.
so many people that come to mind when think of north idaho times.

i wonder if i could still live in a sleeping bag on tubbs hill for the summer?

how nice to run across this site … many wonderful thoughts come to mind of north idaho and the people of those north idaho years.

April 27, 2014 at 12:58 PM

Anonymous said...

It was an easier life. I recall the sign outside of town stated 13600 population when I was here. Moved here in 1967 from Wallace ID. I was the lead bouncer at Peabody's for several year working for Terry and his associate . (Can't recall his name). It was an easy job as I knew most regulars as friends. One night my door bouncer Dan Worthington waved at me for help at the front door. He had a rowdy with a 45 and his buddy with a Bowie knife. These two were threatening Dan as he wouldn't let them in with these at their hip. I calmed this scene by stating I'd buy them their first drink after they take their toys to their rig. Those were the days TR

July 27, 2014 at 4:05 PM

North Idaho Frankenfoods & Other Oddities

2014-08-04T14:12:00.000-07:00

You'd be forgiven for thinking that every last possible freaky food-based reality show idea had already been used up, but SpikeTV recently debuted a new one which appears every Sunday evening at ten o'clock. It's called "Frankenfood" and it's billed like this:

America is hungry for the next great food sensation and superstar executive chef Josh Capon eats his way across the country to find the best “Frankenfood,” revolutionary creations that mix outrageous and unexpected ingredients in delicious and unique flavors.

The hosts travel from city to city and local home cooks and professional chefs compete to have their Bizzaro World creation featured on the menu of a local hot eatery. I am addicted to food-based reality shows like Joan Rivers is addicted to botox, and "Frankenfood" qualifies as one of my recent favorites.

So, I thought it would be a bit of fun to waste hours of my day away poring through webpage after webpage, closely examining local menus for culinary creations that are crazy collisions of flavor, the unexpected and unique, or things that we make you feel like how C& C Music Factory felt in 1990.

I'm sure there were others, but one genuine North Idaho frankenfood pioneer that comes to mind from a sadly long-gone establishment is Dangerous Dog's (CdA) #6, the P.B. Dog. This was a gag-inducing item for some, a beef hot dog smeared with Chunky Peanut Butter and honey, lined with sliced bananas and sprinkled with chopped peanuts. Jesi B had enough bazongas to order this the first time we went to the place. I had a bite, and the flavor combination was surprisingly divine! I highly recommend this for home consumption, especially if your little stoner cousin is in town visiting from Walla Walla.

The weird hot dog idea has recently been resurrected at Lavadog (180 W. Hayden Ave, Hayden), where you can get a 1/4 lb. all-beef frank topped with various combinations of these sorts of fruity mind-bending options: lemon garlic sauce, passion fruit mustard, banana relish, wasabi mustard, spicy lemon garlic sauce, coconut relish, you get the idea. Hawaiian hot dogs? I googled the concept and yes, there are similar style hot dog places scattered around the Hawaiian islands, apparently originating from American soldiers who first whipped out their wieners on the beaches of Hawaii during WWII. "Onolicious" is Lavadog's motto, and while I was hoping that was a reference to Yoko Ono's recipe for pickles, Google tells me it's simply Hawaiian slang for "totally frickin' tasty, dude!"

Personally, I'm not afraid of them because I love things that are soaked in briny vinegar water for days, months, and years, but for many people I know, the thought of eating a pickled egg is as frightening as seeing Lola Hagadone without her wig. And in these parts they're also as rare as a Lola Hagadone sighting, period.

Last year, I randomly found myself having an especially wild night involving, karaoke, my pal Q, and a big white cockatoo at the Kings Inn (43073 Riverview Dr, Kingston). The cockatoo belonged to the barmaid and this bird somehow decided we had the best shoulders to jump around on that he had seen in ages. We had pulled right up to the counter at the 120 year-old bar and eventually I noticed a big, weird jar filled with alien green fluid and mysterious white ova. Pickled eggs! I needed one. Wait, I needed two.

While the barmaid was fishing them out with giant tongs, she told me that they hadn't actually created a fully fresh brine since at some point during the Eisenhower administration. They just kept adding more hard boiled eggs, and occasionally a cup of vinegar and spices whenever the juice started to get a little low. I was served my eggs (50 cents each!) in a little boat with some pickled carrots, onions and peppers and they were gloriously raunchy, especially on the drive back home (Q couldn't roll down the windows far enough).

There's a famous scene, or should I say an infamous scene, at the end of John Waters cult classic 1972 film Pink Flamingos, where 300 lb. drag queen Divine bends over and pops in her mouth something very fresh that the doggie just dropped out of its south end onto the street, then gives the camera haunting s**t-eating grin and a wink.

Thanks to the Dog House (76607 Highway 3 S, Saint Maries), you can re-live this bad taste moment in cinematic history, minus the e-coli and intestinal parasites (well, one would hope). Dog House serves several variety of "Dog Turds", hot dogs wrapped in flour tortilla deep fried. There are four varieties, naked ($3), giant (18" German dog, $5), and the especially appetizing sounding runny turd (chili/cheese, $5), and giant runny turd ($8). Let the coprophagia begin!

To me, sometimes all you need to create a frankenfood is a weird or disgusting body part. Believe it or not, I was once a vegetarian for six years, and I am still quite squeamish about the meat I put in my mouth (don't go there, gurl). I stick with the boring basics.

A dumb stupid chicken clucks around the barnyard eating bits of rock, gravel, and who knows what, so baby Jesus had to give it a damn gizzard to break that stuff up so it could actually digest that crap without croaking to death. Then, at some point in time, a desperately hungry fool thought "Oh yes, that creepy sac looks delicious, let me deep fry it and chew and chew and chew that chewy thing and then swallow it!" I'm sorry, I just can't, but I know there are gizzard freaks reading this, and the only local place I could find for you to get your fix is the White Horse Saloon (6248 W Maine St, Spirit Lake) where they serve their gravel sacs with celery and ranch ($5.95)

Anytime I hear about someone eating frogs legs, I think of the classic Looney Tunes cartoon starring the singing frog with a top hat and cane (real name Michigan J. Frog) who ends up stuck in the cornerstone of a building during construction and is re-discovered over 150 years later when the building is demolished. The image of poor Michigan as a wheelchair-bound paraplegic croaking "Hello ma baby hello ma honey hello ma ragtime gaaaal" would haunt me for the rest of my life, so again, I just can't.

"Tastes like chicken!" goes the cliche, but if I want chicken, I'll eat some damn chicken because chickens don't know how to sing old show tunes and dance. If the idea of slithering frogs legs down your gullet doesn't horrify/mystify you, you'll want to head to G.W. Hunters (615 N Spokane ST. Post Falls) for their Creek Bottom Frog Legs, "fried until crispy and served with a sweet mustard sauce ($12)".

Meltz Extreme Grilled Cheese (1735 W Kathleen Ave Suite 3, Coeur d'Alene) is well-known for coming up with concoctions that qualify as top of the heap in the frankenfood pantheon. In fact, the strip-mall giant won an award last year for a sandwich which fuses East, West, and acid flashbacks. Their Korean Krazy ($11.75 Full) was the 2013 National Grilled Cheese Invitational Winner and is made up of all this jazz: provolone cheese, pepper jack cheese, bulgogi BBQ beef, house made kim chi, crushed sesame sticks, scallions, hot pepper ketchup, cilantro and a cucumber-jalapeno dipper.

Also planned for this sandwich was grilled samgyeopsal, a tube of Aquafresh, three extra knobby beets, sprinkles of Margaret Cho's dandruff, the blood of a blind Siberian Wapiti, green maraschino cherries, a voodoo doll of Kim Jong Un, and lark's tongue in aspic, but they ultimately decided enough was enough.

And finally, a frankenfood dessert. Or...not. When one thinks of aebleskivers, variously flavored round Dutch pancakes, one thinks of something sweet for breakfast or dessert, or every single minute of the day between breakfast and dessert and beyond (they are delicious!). Aebleskivers is the easy name of the shop in CdA's Silver Lake Mall and normally they served them sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar or berry compote or a sweet glaze of some kind. They have chocolate ones too! They're kind of donutty, really.

But those crazy kids up there thought: why not make a savory variety. for dinner or lunch or every single minute of the day between lunch and dinner and beyond? So Aebleskivers invented aebleskivers with Sausage and Havarti Cheese and that sounds like something I could chow down on whenever and wherever with whomever. Finally, a real reason to visit the cavernous, echoing empty mall other than riding the coin operated kiddie carousel after a fifth of Fireball. Hurrah!

Uva Italian Trattoria

2014-07-31T15:03:00.002-07:00

Uva Italian Trattoria

2605 N 4th St, Coeur d'Alene

208-930-0573
Uva Trattoria on Facebook

People sometimes talk about this particular building at the corner of 4th and Appleway in CdA as if it's had a zillion occupants throughout its history, but the story is actually surprisngly brief. Built in 1984, it was Godfather's Pizza for 20 years (and OMG do I still miss a good taco pizza every day, always). Fast Mexi Los Sanchez lasted about two years until Fiesta Mexicana cha-cha'd in, where it stayed until last fall. So, unlike several other buildings in town, I don't believe this one has THE CURSE (*cough* 1801 Sherman).

After remodeling the interior to the point of being utterly unrecognizable, owners Steve Van Zeveren, his wife Crystal, and his sister Lisa opened Uva Trattoria to the public in May. Steve has an extensive background in Italian cuisine, having studied at the California Culinary Academy and residing as head chef for many years at Napoli Pizza in Vallejo, CA.

Uva is Steve's debut starring role as a restaurateur/owner, but after my recent lunch date at his place, I can see how his history and knowledge have made for a solid culinary point of view: food made fresh, using organic, locally sourced ingredients whenever possible to create an intimate, memorable dining experience.

My first run-in with Uva was at the Riverstone Street Fair, where I help my mother peddle her jewelry. The owner and several employees had set up a booth directly next door to us where they were handing out menus and coupons and giving out free samples of their homemade meatballs. "Meatball shots! Try 'em here", the guy barked repeatedly, "I've got the tastiest balls in town!"

Naturally, my ears perked up, and after telling him how much I was enjoying the scent of his balls wafting over, he handed me a sample cup, along with a hunk of their signature herbed bread. Delicious indeed, but just a tease. I knew I had to check out more Uva goodness, and soon. So, the timing was just right when I got a message from a fellow local food writer asking if I'd like to join her for a lunch date. She suggested Uva, and I answered her back: yes, yes, yes!

So far, the early reactions I've read about the Uva Trattoria experience have been mostly positive, but a couple of close friends recently visited and posted a very less-than-enthusiastic review on Facebook:

"Our server seemed disconnected and went through the motions without actually rising above a fast food mentality. When the food arrived it was presentable but after a few bites we realized that it was standard fare and overpriced. My pesto penne pasta with sundried tomato topping was actually penne bathed in marinara with cheese and herbs sprinkled on top. I hate marinara. My partner ordered chicken pasta with white sauce. They don't have a white sauce dish on the menu so that costs $3 extra. The server didn't ask what kind of pasta so it was just plain spaghetti. I had high hopes, but 40 bucks for Chef Boyardee is a little pretentious. I hope they up their game."

Ouchy mama! Well, bad nights happen to the best of places, so I when I arrived for my lunch date, I walked in with an open mind and an extremely robust appetite. As I sat waiting for my friend, I took a gander around and was quite impressed with what they've done to the place.

Colorful wine bottles line the half-walls that divide the place into several distinct sections.The walls are a serene slate blue, and the ratty carpeting has been replaced with contemporary faux wood laminate flooring. Lighting is comfortingly dim (we all look better in the dark, right?), and classic crooners like Tony Bennett and Frank Sinatra blared through overhead speakers. Certainly, they've put a lot of effort into giving the place the feel of an authentic Italian eatery, and basically it works.

My lunch partner arrived and after perusing the menu for five seconds, we both agreed right away on a calamari appetizer. "Nobody ever wants to eat fried food with me!" she lamented and I was happy to oblige. A deeper look into Uva's somewhat minimalistic menu revealed a handful of classic pasta dishes (spaghetti of the marinara, bolognese, and primavera varieties, $8-12), entrees (chicken of the marsala and parmesan varieties, $14), pizzas of the build-your-own or specialty varieties ($10-15), as well as some lunch sandwiches ($8ish), and a smattering of soups, salads, and appetizers.

My accomplice decided on the meat lasagna ($12), saying that since it was a hundred degree day out side, she wanted something she could never muster the effort to make on such a hot day. Also, we found out later after our server brought the dish out that that day happened to be National Lasagna day, It was like kismet, meant to be.

My go-to favorite dish at an Italian joint is always seafood fettuccine, but since this does not feature on the Uva menu (nor do any other dishes with a white sauce unless you want to pay an extra $3 to convert a menu item), I picked the closest thing I could find. Steve's specialty Cave Bay pizza ($15).

Time flies when you're blah-blah-blah-ing happily away, but our calamari seemed to arrive in fast fashion. Served with a side of lemon aioli, as well as a ramekin of their sweet and tangy marinara sauce, Uva's calamari is dredged in a delicate rice flour and fried lightly. And perhaps that was the problem. The calamari just seemed like it wasn't able to enjoy its full due time in the deep fryer, and the coating was overly delicate to the point of near non-existence.

Still, we both agreed that the squid itself was very fresh and tasty, and not at all rubbery like calamari-gone-south can sometimes be. A liberal sprinkling of prosciutto shavings added a lot of helpful flavor, but the lemon wedge looked like it had been sunbathing by the lake too long: mushy and old. A thicker coating, a little more cooking time, and a fresher lemon wedge, and this would be a perfect dish.

Again, we were caught up gabbing, but our main courses showed up tout de suite. Or should I say, they showed up subito, as they say in Italia. My pizza was gigantic! For some reason, my dizzy brain was expecting a Fire-style pizza with a flat crust, more of a personal sized sort of thing. But what landed on our table was a glorious 15-inch beast, gleaming and beaming with cheesy joy.

Sometimes I like to go for the weirdest thing on the menu, and I think the Cave Bay pizza might be it. It's a traditional hand-tossed crust coated in a lemon cream sauce, shrimp, clams, prosciutto, fresh parsley, fried capers, and topped with a generous amount of fresh mozzarella. This glistening beauty, with gentle brown burn marks scattered across it like love bruises, was still so hot out of the oven and melty-fine, that I had to dig in with a fork instead of just shoving it into my mouth like a rabid raccoon.

It was as kind to my mouth as it had been to my eyes. Oh, mio dio! The shrimp and clams burst a rich, fresh seafood flavor onto my tongue, which mingled with the salty umami of the prosciutto, the tanginess of the capers, and the uber super duper cheesiness of the mozzarella to create a sensation my brain's pleasure center had never quite experienced.

In short, it was a remarkable pizza, and there was way more than I could tackle in one sitting, so I was able to re-live the glory later that evening at work. And unlike many more corporate-oriented pizzas, it was just as divine after a trip through the microwave.

My lunch date was nice enough to scoop out a slice of her lasagna onto a little plate for me to sample as well. Lasagna has never been something I have deep cravings for or really love much at all (sorry, mom), but the freshness and quality of Uva's version of the Italian staple was undeniable. She had commented that there was quite a bit of spicy bang to the sauce, and right she was.

We both agreed that one problem with a lot of lasagnas was imbalanced ingredients, but this had a perfect ratio of cheese to marinara to pasta to meat, and there was no way this dish had spent any time at all in Hotel Freezerburn, which is an increasingly rare thing to find. No, this thing had clearly just hopped off the tasty truck today, and as a non-fan of lasagna, I would actually return to Uva just to order this and eat it up yum.

Service was superb, by the way, and that's most likely always the case, but I think it was slightly enhanced after our server realized that she was dealing with a couple of semi-sell known foodie writers. That's okay, it good to be treated special once in a while, and with food as fab as Uva has, they would have gotten a kind review even if they thought we were just Joe Generic from Cincinnati.

Our server tried tempting us with their house-made tiramisu, but our full tummies couldn't bear such a delicious idea. I told her I would return one night just for that legendary dessert and a glass of wine, and I meant it (oh yeah, their wine list has about eleventy hundred options).

After hearing mixed or mediocre reviews about a place, it's always fantastic to investigate the situation myself and find that the restaurant is actually a treasure and we are lucky to have it around. Such is the case with Uva Trattoria. Chef Boyardee. go jump in the lake.

Guest Review: Applebee's

2014-06-26T00:45:00.001-07:00

Applebee's
280 W. Hanley Ave, Cd'A

A Facebook friend of mine braved Applebee's this evening and shared this rather shady experience:

My significant other and I went out for a little celebration dinner and it was late so we went to Applebee's. They had a good happy hour price on drinks ($4 jaeger bombs) and the waitress was super real honest about how the food was gonna be.She talked us out of 2 for 20 and recommended the rather bland portobello mushroom chicken thing which my significant other had.

I ordered the pasta and three cheese with chicken thing which she warned "has a lot going on flavor wise". It was like a crazy experiment I would have tried in college. It was mac and cheese with watered down maple syrup poured over it and chicken strips and bacon bits thrown on top.

The quesadilla appetizer had just enough cheese to hold the mystery meat filling to the lower tortilla leaving the other tortilla to fend for itself all dry and tasteless. Also it became a joke that none of the silverware was clean at all.

After bringing us several new utensil sets we chose the least soiled ones to eat with and sent back the ones with the largest most recognizable food chunks.

Our waitress said "you have to go to Chili's to get clean silverware". She went on to explain "at least the silverware is sanitary it goes through an extremely hot sanitation process in the dishwasher so the food that's stuck to it is definitely clean." Lol!

Luckily the drink special and cool candid server kept us in a good mood or we would have flipped out.

Golden Corral

2014-05-19T14:51:00.002-07:00

Golden Corral
3458 N. Fruitland Lane, CdA
(208) 665-5628
website

When rumors started fluttering around that Coeur d'Alene was next in line on Golden Corral's short list of places to build a restaurant, an oddly numerous amount of local folks started freaking out with excitement. Granted, our town hasn't had a corporate buffet style eatery since...um, I can't even remember.

I think the last local entry into the World of Many Sneezeguards was Granny's up in the dog end of the Silver Lake Mall, which mercifully died at least a decade ago. So, it's been awhile since Coeur d'Aleneians have been able to give up on life via sweatpants and five hours taking gluttonous trips to the trough of bland, sub-cafeteria style foodstuffs.

If you're one of these buffet queens yourself, I'm sure you're glowing bright with joy that the Cd'A Golden Corral has finally hung their "line starts here" sign and have flung open their doors for business. I'd been to the North Spokane Corral several years ago and I'd be lying if I said I walked out of there in fits of culinary bliss.

In fact, it was so blah, even bleh, that I couldn't wrap my brain around why people think the place was worth getting worked into a frenzy about. After my maiden visit to the new Cd'A restaurant, I certainly can't say I've had any major positive breakthroughs in regards to my opinion of the place.

The Golden Corral buffet concept was hatched in West Virginia in January 1973, and 41 years later, there are over 500 locations all over everywhere. I'd imagine that the Cd'A location is a typical specimen, but I did find it odd that the very first thing one encounters immediately after wandering inside and getting in queue is not a hostess, or even a cashier, but a tall pile of clear plastic cups and a row of soda pop dispensers. Yes, you pour yourself a beverage (at $1.99 for a bottomless situation) while in line to pay.

There's only one option here once you're face to face with the cashier: buffet buffet buffet. I arrived at lunchtime and my total came to exactly $11.11, including my Mountain Dew. In a sea of 73% senior citizens, it wasn't easy to find a table which promised any semblance of peace and privacy, so I just went for the gusto and took a seat right in the middle of it all.

I landed between a solo dining gentleman whose Dep-drowned hairdo must have made all the ladies go tingly in 1958 but was now a grey, slightly askew birds nest, and a physically shaky couple in their eighties who both had their daily pharmaceuticals laid out neatly before them, ready to swallow with a spoonful of instant mashed potatoes and gravy. "Eileen! Take your goddamn crazy pill", coughed the man at one point, struggling to point a wedge of pink ham into his face with his 6.2 Richter Scale hand.

My waitress Miss Katie shashayed by with the promise of unlimited soda refills and instantaneous evacuation of my rejected, dirty plates, and her service was weary but excellent. I fought off a couple of bratty, unsupervised grandchildren and grabbed an industrial plastic plate from the giant stack.

Round One: salad bar. You've got to a little careful with the salad portion of a corporate buffet experience; salad can be deceptively filling and the last thing you would want to do is devote the majority of space in your intestinal tract to leafy greens and veggies that may actually provide some kind of vitamins and healthful benefits. No, you need to save most of your tummy space for processed and deep fried crap.

So I used the tongs to gingerly place a light dusting of spring greens atop my artfully minimalist chunks of iceberg lettuce. There's a lot of stuff to choose from, nothing unusual for a standard salad bar, but I tried to keep it simple with just some mushrooms, carrots, olives, and sunflower seeds with Caesar dressing. Not bad, but it's hard to rate a self-created salad situation as either toot or boot. I also tried the seashell pasta salad, which was surprisingly OK, but naturally it pales next to my mother's version, which I had just enjoyed at a BBQ a few days before. Winner's column! Last up for Round One, a couple of deviled eggs that were THE most boring deviled eggs in the universe, no tang, no twang, just bland and slightly rubbery. Not today, Satan, not today.

Round Two: Pardon my (non) français, but there is a LOT of shit to choose from when approaching the main heat tables at the Corral, and I mean that quite literally. So, it's kind of a game where you eyeball an item and try to suss out whether or not it's going to a) taste okay and b) give you a case of painful gastroenteritis. I suppose if you frequent the place (and many of the patrons I encountered seemed like they make it a daily event), you would kind of get to know what's good and what's full of hate. But I wasn't even sure where to begin with it all, so I just took random grabs of this and that and hoped for the best.

Each item in brief: "Spicy Pagoda Pork". From the tiny "Asian" section, this was anything but spicy, anything but flavorful, and covered in some kind of spongy sliminess. The pork (I hope it was actually pork) was like chewing on a chunk of someone's cold elbow. If it was possible for a food item to have the opposite of flavor, the Spring Roll, which surely came instead from the winter of our discontent, had it.

The Mac n Cheese was crying, CRYING, for some salt and once I did that it almost reached the front gate of the realm of frozen microwaved Stouffers Mac n Cheese. I do like Brussels sprouts, and these Brussels sprouts tasted pretty nice and buttery, but their texture was like a optical illusion for the mouth - it looked like a solid but was mushier on the palate than a jar of Gerbers.

The melancholy and pointless red potatoes (flecked with suicidal flakes of dry parsley) were approximately 57% cooked through, so they had a raw earthy crunch. Far more enjoyable, perhaps the first enjoyable item since the green salad, was the cheesy garlic bread strip, which was a bit on the limp side but had a thick and yummy layer of mozzarella and a significant bang of what at least tasted like real garlic. Winner's column!

It takes someone with a real culinary purple thumb to turn a simple comfort food like meat loaf into a DIScomfort food like the meat loaf offered at Golden Corral. It would be unkind to pick on the wearisome taste buds of our senior community, but this product was clearly designed for their pleasure and their pleasure only. After two quick nibbles, I became convinced that this meat loaf was jointly sponsored by the Soy Council of Canada and Iams ProActive Health Large Breed Dog Food, bereft of flavor, crumbly and dry like a stale granola bar. I. Just. Can't.

The "Awesome Pot Roast" wasn't, like, totally tubular or anything, but it was a hair more edible than most of what had come before, closer to Marie Callender's frozen than Budget Gourmet frozen. The hush puppy was at least semi-passable in that it tasted like a ball of wet air fried in fresh oil, but at least the oil was fresh and a ball of fried anything is going to be at least semi-passable.

Round Three. Overall, I had the most rewarding moments of the whole Golden Corral experience with this brief round. The Mini Steak Burger was actually done incredibly well. The juicy beef patty had a sufficient thickness and was grilled to a perfect medium rare. The pickle was a nice touch and the bun had a nice brioche-ness to it. Winner's column! Tasty deep-fried popcorn shrimp is a hard item to screw up and they didn't! Winner's column! My tongue woke up fully with the delicious steak fries. OMG! Finally! Salt! Winner's column! Lemony, buttery asparagus cooked to a toothsome, non-mushy consistency! Winner's column! And a yummy tart strawberry. Winner's column!

It's easy to lose track of time when you're inside a slow-motion day-mare like Golden Corral, so when I looked at my iPhone and realized it was 12:24 I panicked a little. I had an optometrist appointment at 12:30, so I had to wrap things up quick. If there was one thing I had learned from my previous experience with the Spokane Golden Corral, it was that the dessert bar alone was pretty much worth the price of admission. So, I decided my optometrist could wait and headed over to the "Brass Bell Bakery" section of the restaurant to do a quick graze-through.

As far as I could notice, the Cd'A Corral doesn't have one of the chain's infamous chocolate fountains, which was a slight disappointment. With the clock-a-ticking, and minimal time to really go deep with the MANY sweets on offer, I just went right for the vanilla/chocolate swirl soft serve with hot fudge, a rice krispies treat, and the worlds most microscopic slice of cheesecake. All very nice, very nice indeed. Winners column! If I could have gotten away with it, I'd have stuffed my pockets full of krispie treats, cookies, etc. on my way out the door, but the eye doctor was waiting, so I just had to blow Miss Katie a goodbye kiss and book out the door.

Like I said earlier, if you decide to give in to Golden Corral, it needs to be visited with some regularity just to figure out what's hot and what's not and what hits the spot and what gives the gut rot. I had a fair level of success with some of the items, but others made me long for the days of having "lunch" with my grandma at the LaCrosse Health and Rehabilitation Center cafeteria. Personally, I doubt I will devote the future time, dollars and nerves into making Golden Corral a very regular haunt.

North Idaho's Most Interesting...Burgers

2014-05-04T20:04:00.000-07:00

Having recently indulged in a bit of Schmidty's love (see full review), now seems like as good a time as any to pop out a list delving into that most gorgeous and versatile of American culinary staples, the burger. From a Mickey D's lowly atomic hockey puck to a $38 gourmet specimen made with beef from cows that were hand massaged by naked and sweaty Japanese men and sprinkled with white truffles, we carnivores simply cannot resist the savory flavor of a hamburger patty piled with various random other accouterments and stuck in a bun.

As you may have already gathered, there are plenty of unique and noteworthy burgers to be found right up here in ye olde Idaho panhandle. By the way, I'm skipping over a popular 107-year-old downtown CdA burger joint. Too obvious, and while beloved and delicious (especially with gobs of that spicy ketchup and mustard), just kinda basic.

Cut to five blocks east from that particular establishment and sashay into Scratch (501 Sherman Ave, CdA) for a Snake River Farms Kobe Burger, eight hefty ounces of tender, fatty beef. At $16, it also comes with the heftiest price tag of any burger I could find in the area. The fancy doesn't stop with the meat. Balsamic onions, goat cheese, marinated tomato, and baby spinach also make an appearance between this one's buns. Shoot, that almost sounds healthy or something. If I'm going to plop down that much cash for burger, I want something that's going to make me reach for the Lipitor.

Like the music of Tom Waits, Gouda cheese is kind of an acquired taste, and I've got a lot of love for both. A nice Gouda can emit an odor reminiscent of an unwashed sock that's been through a hardcore workout or two, if you know what I mean. Once you make it past that particular pungency barrier, it has a rich, nutty flavor that likely serves as a perfect compliment to the sauteed onions, bacon, and spicy BBQ sauce it joins on the Gouda Ciabatta Burger served at MickDuff's Brewing Co. (312 North First Ave, Sandpoint). Ah, yes. Umami overload alert!

Nosworthy's Sluggo Burger

Nosworthy's Hall of Fame (4045 N Govt Way CdA) features the pork-a-riffic Sluggo Burger decribed on their menu as "piled high with ham & bacon. Clugston's favorite - formerly known as the Miss Piggy" ($10.50). I don't know who this Clugston fellow is, but I have a feeling Miss Piggy wouldn't be too happy about the rename, and if he has anything to do with that decision, he ought to be expecting a "Hi-ya" karate chop to the knees. But looking at this photo of the beast itself, with its healthy pile of delicious pork products, maybe she should just be thankful she's not involved anymore.

I remember one hazy summer evening when I was about 8 years old and my grandmother, hearing sirens and spotting smoke in the sky coming from the general downtown area, dragged me by the hand to the corner of 4th & Sherman where a large crowd was already gathered. Disaster! Our favorite store Woolworth's was a blazing inferno, all our comforting retail memories going up in clouds of smoke into the sky before our very eyes. The remaining rubble was eventually razed and replaced by a tiny park.

For some reason or another, the Corner Cafe in Post Falls (203 E Seltice Way) has a burger named after this long-ago incident. The Woolworth Fire Burger is a 1/3 pound burger, topped with onion straws, pepper jack, jalapenos, with pickle, lettuce, and tomato, and mayo ($8.59). So it has a few jalapenos and some wussy-ass pepper jack thrown on it. That heat could never match the actual Woolworth fire heat that melted all the 45 RPM records and turned all the magazines and comic books into ash. No, I'm sure makes for quite a tasty meal.

For you smarty pants that don't indulge in the sweet pink flesh of dead animals, Trinity at City Beach (58 Bridge St, Sandpoint) has you covered with their Root Vegetable Burger. Seven kinds of roots, walnuts and spices, breaded and fried on a fresh toasted Kaiser roll with jalapeno mayo, pickled red onions, spinach and Gouda cheese. ($10.50) Is Gouda cheese a happening trend? Anyway, this sounds delicious even for bloodthirsty creature eaters like myself.

Another menu item at Trinity that has my teeth juices flowing is the Popper Burger, described as an "all beef patty grilled & topped with sliced fresh jalapenos, cream cheese, cilantro, fresh squeezed lime juice and honey chipotle mayo on a toasted burger bun." ($11) Oh no they better don't! With this masterstroke of genius, they've managed to combine two of my favorite guilty pleasures: a fat ass burger and the always addictive jalapeno popper. I'm even willing to forgive their use of 2007's old buzzword "chipotle" and wrap my tongue around this burger anytime.

Penny's Pit's The Gosman

I've yet to actually visit Penny's Pit Pub & Lounge (14319 Hwy 53, Rathdrum), but following them on facebook is like a parade of amazingly creative, gigantic burgers that make me want to gas up and head up north to Rathdrumville. Most notable (for sheer size at least) is The Gosman ($12.59). This burger was apparently masterminded by a brilliant customer by that name. I was so impressed my this creation that I tried facebook stalking this Gosman guy to tell him he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for Burger Insanity, but alas I couldn't find him.

I mean, look at it! Double patties, double bacon, fried egg, onion rings, fire buffalo sauce, bleu cheese dressing, jalapeno, handful of fries, double pepper jack cheese, and Penny's house sauce. How do they expect anyone besides a water buffalo to even begin taking a bite of that beautiful pile of calories? I will need a knife, fork, small shovel, 31 napkins, and several take out boxes, but damn it, finishing a Gosman burger is high on my bucket list and I know I can do it!

Wallace's Fainting Goat (316 Bank St) puts a twist into the boring old basic burger scene by venturing outside of the beef realm and into the elk. Personally, I've always been a bit standoffish about wild game meats. Gamey tastes turn me off and also, I'm still suffering from the childhood trauma of dealing with poor Bambi's Mom, taken out brutally by an off-screen hunter for the sake of what? To be served with a side of brussel sprouts and Rice-a-Roni? Not right.

Anyway, I'd be willing to face my fears and try out Fainting Goat's Elk Sliders - 3 sliders served on homemade steak rolls with sweet & spicy tomato jam and baby arugula ($11). I had to Google "steak rolls" (sort of fatter, flatter hot dog buns), and the tomato jam sounds just piquant enough to cover any suspicious gaminess. Very sorry, Bambi's Mom (did she even have a name?). I think your mystery hunter might be winning me over after all.

Michael D's Eatery

Michael D's (203 CdA Lake Dr, CdA) is known primarily for their ultra dank breakfast platters (three cheers for the Honnell Special!), but they do remain open until 2 pm and they've got some terrific lunch items on the menu as well. I've enjoyed several of their burgers, and they do them well, but there's one that makes my eyebrows twitch and go true north on my face.

The Marsala Burger carries this explanation: "Smothered in mushrooms marinated with Marsala wine and creamy American cheese" ($11.50). Mmmkay. I love mushrooms and in certain contexts I love American cheese and I most certainly LOVE Marsala wine. But I'm having a hard time with the idea of putting these particular flavor profiles together with a burger on a bun.

Wine and cheese are great together but pairing the oak-y booze taste of Marsala with the artificially creamy taste of plastic-wrapped orange slices of cheese just makes my mind blip a little. Maybe it's some of that frou-frou fancy American cheese (it must exist).Here's a case of -try-it-and-see, which I will do sometime, and I expect it to work like anything else Michael D's does, quite fantastically.

I wouldn't want to leave you without giving you a virtual whiff of the stank of pure onion breath. All the way out in East Hope, Sweet Lou's (477272 N Hwy 95) is serving up the AWN-YAWN and hard in the form of it's aptly named Ultimate Onion Burger ($9.99). Ground steak patty with fried onions, pickled onions, and smoked onion ranch with jack cheese. Why stop there? Let's throw on some Jack-n-the-Box onion rings, maybe a few of those pickled baby onions you put in cocktails, some Funyons for crunch, and a bowl of French Onion soup to dip it all in. No, I love onions so to me this is like cake to a chubby kid. Wait, Onion Cake. Let's slap a slice of that on there too.

Schmidty's Burgers

2014-04-17T13:53:00.001-07:00

Schmidty's Burgers
206 N. 4th St, Coeur d'Alene
208-292-4545
Facebook

I was parked on Sherman Avenue killing some time before a business meeting, playing Candy Blast Mania on my phone (because Candy Crush is so over.) Suddenly I've got Cd'A Mayor Steve Widmyer running across the street headed my direction.

"Hey, are you still writing reviews, because I just checked out that new burger place up here and I thought it was pretty good. You ought to check it out". A week earlier, I'd had a Facebook message from longtime city councilman Woody McEvers telling me he missed my reviews. "Daaaaamn Gina" I thought as the merry mayor carried on into the morning with his business. "If the government is getting involved, I'd better get on it and start cranking out a food review or two every now and again!"

My birthday had arrived a few days later, and my dad came to scoop me up for our regular annual birthday lunch. "Did you have anywhere in particular in mind?" I asked, hopping into his truck. "Well, I was thinking about someplace new, like the Golden Corral or something." I shuddered a bit and answered, "How about 'or something'". I laid out to him the many various nightmare elements involved with navigating a newly-opened chain buffet restaurant like GC and told him the news about Schmidty's, suggesting that idea instead. And off we went.

Schmidty's Burgers hung an open sign on their front door a month or so ago in the former home of Scrud's Gourmet Grub near the corner of 4th and Lakeside. When the owners of Scrud's decided to pack their spatulas and vintage sodas and return to their homeland of Utah last fall, their many fans cried real oniony tears. Personally, I'm still kind of pissed about the whole deal. They turned us all into addicts of their jawdroppingly fabulous burgers, then despite their immense popularity, they turned their backs on their faithful junkie hordes and disappeared without any sort of legitimate excuse. I will forevermore mourn deeply for the artichoke heart, bacon, jalapeno and cream cheese/parmesan stuffed Coeur'Alene Burger. Sigh.

So, when a new burger place with a somewhat similar name opens in the same spot, it's hard not to try and compare the two. Based on my birthday visit, I can say that Schmidty's is certainly no Scrud's, but taken on its own it's a mighty fine establishment which provides an experience quite worth having repeatedly and often.

When we arrived, the room was peaceful and quiet-ish with two other tables full of lunch-goers at around 11:30 am. I like what they've done with the place so far, with the calm watery blues of a fresh repaint covering over the customer-sponsored graffiti that was starting to look so ghetto on the Scrud's walls. Otherwise not much has really changed, in fact the ancient booths here have been through at least four different tenants and could really use a little love.

The menu itself feels a little bare bones. Nine burgers are listed, including the Schmidty Burger (pepperjack, jalapenos, spicy mayo, $10.69), Mushroom Swiss (with grilled portabello, $10.59) the Grumpy Burger (American cheese and all the fixings with "grumpy sauce", $9.49), and the ultra caloriffic Hangover Burger (hashbrown patty, American cheese, fried egg, Canadian bacon, $10.79). A slider trio is available for the indecisive ($9.49), with a few salads and appetizers such as drumsticks and loaded cheese fries rounding things out.

And you're probably thinking "wowee zowee, those prices are kinda high, is it worth it?" When our lunch baskets arrived at our table I was thinking the same thing. We have become so used to humongous portions these days, that when we are actually able to finish our meals without having to ask for a to-go box, we feel slightly cheated. But no, I think Schmidty's portion size was just right and we left feeling sufficiently full in our bellies and with gleaming happy taste buds to boot.

My burger of choice was the "Mrs. Schmidty's", which I ordered loudly and proudly despite the risk of emasculation. To me, it was the most interesting choice on the menu, with a sweet vs. spicy combination of pineapple, Canadian bacon, lettuce, red onion, banana peppers and Swiss ($10.69). My dad, always trying hard to watch his caloric intake (can you imagine?), ordered the basic grilled chicken burger ($8.79). We were offered our choice of three styles of bun (I can't remember the other two, but we both chose onion buns), and fries or onion rings (we both chose the latter).

The thick beef patty in my Mrs. Schmidty's was so dense with flavor, as if she'd had a wild, juicy love affair with Mr. Worcestershire or some other kind of rich, good looking guy. The bright flavor of the pineapple ring rubbed against the mild bang of the banana peppers in a singular scrumptious effort, and the melty Swiss and thin-cut Canadian bacon provided the swingin' background muzak in this elevator to burger joy. Good stuff. Only six hand-battered onion rings came along for the ride, but they were delightful and crisp, made even better by the tangy fry sauce accompanying them.

My father inhaled his chicken sandwich before I'd even gotten too deep into my basket, saying it was one of the tastiest and freshest he'd had in recent memory. He chased it with a nice cold bottle of Shock Top, one of the small selection of beers Schmidty's offers. He seemed surprised that I hadn't ordered an adult beverage myself, but it wasn't even noon yet on my birthday and I had a long LONG day/night of crazy adventures ahead of me (and it did get crazy, but I'll save those sordid details for another time).

Our waitress wasn't overly dynamic in her approach, but sometimes that's a nice way to do it, and her attentiveness and friendly attitude were tops. She brought me a nice TALL icy glass of Pepsi, which I appreciate since I don't have to worry about timing refills as much, and she had read my mind by asking if I needed fry sauce right when I was thinking "Hmm, I think need fry sauce." At the end of it all, she attempted to upsell us a dessert (no idea what that might have been since dessert isn't listed on the menu), but there was no way. I'd initially worried about not having enough food to satisfy my gaping maw, but afterwards I don't think I could've even fit as much as a Tootsie Roll down there.

I like Schmidty's, and I may not return to visit quite as much as I did with Scrud's, but I think they will do just fine. Some restaurant or another eventually has to stay put in that seemingly cursed location, and I sincerely hope that in a year's time I'm not writing a review about whatever place moves in after Schmidty's has gone pear shaped. I want this one to stick around awhile. Mr. Mayor, you were correct. Schmidy's just might be a keeper.

Get Out Goes West: Thai Kitchen

2014-04-03T14:09:00.002-07:00

Thai Kitchen
621 S. Pines Rd.
Spokane Valley, WA
(509) 926-8161
Thai Kitchen on Facebook

While it's always important to exercise a certain level of patience, and while the horrid cliche that good things come to those who wait might be true, it's not always quite so easy-peasy.

For example, delicious mangoes can take quite awhile to ripen enough to eat, but the sweet juiciness makes it worth it in the end. Counting the minutes until season two of Orange Is The New Black finally appears on Netflix has been nothing short of torturous, but in a few short months we will finally learn Piper's fate. Or, the years-long wait until you get that final letter from Sallie Mae letting you know your student loans are paid in full. Must be such a great feeling, one that I will likely never experience myself, unfortunately.

I've got something else to add to the list - the simply divine cuisine at Thai Kitchen out in the Spokane Valley. Recently, I had to jet over that-a-way to give my roommate a ride to work after his car went on the fritz. We left in plenty of time to stop off for lunch somewhere and we decided that some tasty Thai food sounded mighty fine. I'm not terribly familiar with all the dining options west of the border, so I decided to Google that shizz. The first place that came up on Yelp for Thai food was Thai Kitchen on Pines, with a nearly perfect 4 1/2 star user review score overall. Bingo! And off we went.

We were lucky our timing was at least right enough to actually get a table. It was only about 11:20 am but people were already filling up the place like a cat house on free tuna day. Here's the thing we figured out later on: Thai Kitchen has weird, limited lunch hours (11 am - 1 pm, M - F), so what regular patrons do is call ahead earlier in the morning, place their orders ahead of time, and let the staff know what time they'll be showing up to eat. That way, their meal is brought out pretty much right when they pull off their jackets and sit down. Being a small place with limited hours, Thai Kitchen likes to get 'em in and get 'em out fast.

So we're sitting there seeing all these folks that were sat WAY after we were sat have their food brought out to them right away and where in fresh hell is OUR lunch? A mild agitation set in as the seconds turned into minutes, the minutes turned into about an hour and my roommate was panicking because he had to be to work in about 19 minutes and still no food!

Let me keep you in suspense for a bit while I share a little history, etc. The Thai Kitchen opened (in another Valley location) in 1990. Owners Paul and Benjamas Hall hail directly from Bangkok, Thailand, and came to the USA to share their delicious take on Thai cuisine with us Inland North-westerners. Paul waits tables solo in a mad kind of rush, greets regulars with his enormous enthusiastic grin and helps new customers decipher the exotic dishes. Wife Benjamas also works solo in the kitchen cooking up her unforgettable dishes all from scratch. That's right, this place is literally run by a husband and wife, two people, with no other staff that I noticed at least.

Thai Kitchen (aka ครัวไทย) is located in (I think) a small converted house about six blocks south of Sprague on Pines. The decor is simple and airy, a bit of modern, a touch of retro. People don't call hours ahead of time and make reservations because of the decor; it's the soul-satisfying, dream-state inducing food! On the menu, curries abound, including the popular Jungle Curry, and a rainbow of Red Curry, Green Curry and Yellow Curry (all $9.95-$12.95 depending on choice of protein).

Of course noodle dishes play a major role as well, and the Pad Thai ($9-95-$12.95) is a staple of any Thai Place - in fact without Pad Thai, would a Thai Place still be a Thai Place? I don't think so. The delicious combo of rice noodles, chicken or pork, and green onions smothered in sweet, hearty peanut sauce and sprinkled with crushed peanuts deservedly put Thailand on the international culinary map way back whenever.

House specials include Prawns or Squid in Chili Oil ($12), Moo Tod (crispy fried pork with garlic, $9.95), Pad Prik Khing (don't even go there with the male anatomy jokes - it's a curry flavored green bean dish with choice of meat, $9.95-$12.95), and Tom Yum Soup (spicy soup with lemongrass, mushrooms, and an assortment of meats, $8.95-$10.95).

So, while we were waiting for our main courses to arrive, before the time panic set in, we did receive our appetizer of Thai spring rolls ($7) in a reasonable amount of time. They were light and crispy, with a delicately flaky outer shell and stuffed with flavorful ground pork, transparent noodles and flecks of carrots.

I will give Paul credit for keeping us updated on the status of our order. "Coming soon, coming soon" he kept saying, pointing his finger in our general direction. Finally, with literally no time left to spare before my roommate had to show his face at work, we caught him and asked if we could get our lunch in to-go containers since we were running suddenly so late.

He leaned over our table. "Yes, yes, No problem, to go. Let me tell you secret. You call plenty ahead of time from now on, you get food right away!" He snapped his fingers and smiled wide as he handed me a business card. A-ha! That's the little trick we missed. Well, now we knew.

He arrived momentarily with our to-go containers and we zoom-zoomed the five minute drive to my roommate's work, getting him there literally in the nick of time, lunch in hand. I drove back to Coeur d'Alene, got home, nuked my food for a minute just to freshen it up and dug in to my container of heavenly fragrant Chicken Mussamun Curry ($9.95)

The chicken morsels were succulent, tender to the teeth, fresh as spring, and so very, very tasty. The red potato action is perhaps why the whole affair took such a long time, since they maybe take a bit to soften and cook to an edible consistency. Yet, oddly, only one small potato emerged from my carton. A minor discretion. The big, tender hunks of white onion and crunchy peanuts in this dish really played a strong supporting role rather than acting as a garnish, and they served to enhance the performance of the main superstar (the chicken).

The curry sauce itself was beyond perfect, blending a deep rich spice with hints of bright coconut milk sweetness lurking underneath. Thai Kitchen uses a spiciness scale of 1-10, and I could have actually stepped up the level from a 7 to an 8 (or even a brave 9). Level 7 was a terrific balance of flavor, but I truly love it when my Thai is so spicy I am literally bawling my eyes out and begging for mercy. Perhaps it was best that it was a little mellow, as I did have a job interview directly afterwards and it's never a good idea to show up to those with red, puffy, cried-out eyes like you've been watching old re-runs of One Life to Live (I may or may not be guilty of this).

I'm not a big fan of CdA's Thai Bamboo, and the new Asian Twist is quite promising with its selection of Thai food, but with such limited options in our city for GOOD Thai cuisine, it's comforting to know that the best in the area is just a quick 25 minute drive away. Forgive me for the all-caps moment I'm about to have, but I must emphasize, CALL AHEAD TO PLACE YOUR ORDER OR YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT. AND WAIT. AND WAIT. Still, for me the wait was fully worth it.

The Lowdown: Asian Twist Restaurant

2014-02-03T11:49:00.003-08:00

This weekend, I sent my dear friends Jay and Jake up to the new Thai/Fusion eatery Asian Twist, located in the Albertsons complex in Coeur d'Alene (226 W Ironwood Dr.). I wanted to join them, but alas and alack, I was stuck at work pouring boozy drinks for the party kids. I was fortunate enough to sample Asian Twist's Hot and Sour Soup and Yellow Mussamon Curry the day before when my pal Gregory brought in some take-out to eat at the bar where I work, and the few bites I had were awesomely delicious.

Anyway, I told Jay to let me know if the place earned a thumbs up or a thumbs down from him and he went ahead and wrote up a little paragraph describing the experience. He also took some photos that really work the saliva glands of a hungry so-and-so like me.

"We tried a new place called Asian Twist. Jake had the pad drunken keemow and chicken. I had the chicken basil. It is affordable Thai in a casual setting. Five stars does mean hot so consider a four. Very tasty with good portion size for around $10 per person. It was amusing to see Lawrence Welk, golf and a kung fu fighting movie all playing at once in the dining room."

Looks delicious, right? Then there's that totally bizzaro thing about the Lawrence Welk and golf on the TVs. Perhaps they were trying to be post-ironic or something, but it seems odd for a place that's trying to attract a young hip crowd to show old fart stuff like this:

Ah, well. Bubbles and balls never hurt anyone, and it sounds like this place is already causing ripples of delight in the Coeur d'Alene food community. Let's check out a couple of reviews from Asian Twist's page over on Yelp...

I have to admit I had my doubts going in, but food was fresh, authentic, and flavorful. Teriyaki chicken was just so so. Wish it was cut in longer pieces and grilled instead of chopped small and sauce was thin. My wife's Soup had all the usual suspects to see Galangal, Lemongrass, Kaffir Lime Leaf, & Thai Bird Chilis. Good stuff. Prices were fair, of course I'm always wanting a bit more for my money, but I understand the costs of the restaurant business. Friendly Service. The decor doesn't really match the name and concept, but as long as the food is good I'm there. I did wish there was a few appetizers. Maybe some gyoza or Thai pnut chicken skewers. I will be back to try the Pad Thai. ~ Joe M., Post Falls

This place is fantastic, the prices are great and the quality of food is superb, fresh and delicious! I highly recommend Asian Twist, you won't be disappointed. ~ Michael F., Mead WA

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE! Great prices, great food, so many things to try.. and if you like REAL spice or no spice at all they can accommodate all spice needs! One of my new FAV places!!! ~ Linda I., Coeur d'Alene

AND...lastly, here's the Asian Twist menu for you to gander and gawk and drool at...

North Idaho's Most Interesting...Salads

2013-09-16T17:24:00.000-07:00

So. I haven't really been out to eat much lately, and I don't have an actual review in me at the moment, so I thought I would scour the menus of North Idaho and start a new blog series: "North Idaho's Most Interesting...". You can say the ellipsis out loud if you'd like, "dot dot dot". Let's start with salads. Join me, shall you?

Salad bars have been slowly going the way of the dodo for several decades now, but don't tell that to the kids at Dockside (CdA Resort). $10.99 really isn't a bad tab for 18 feet of pure salad bar excitement. Their website has this teaser of a tidbit: "We use fresh and organic ingredients for our 'From Scratch' salads, a large selection of dressings and 'Follow the Harvest' seasonal ingredients from our local farmers."

It's true, I used to work in the resort garage and random hippies would come through all the time with smelly broke-down Toyota trucks full of fresh-picked fruits and veggies. It's not like me to endorse anything Hagadone related, at least dining-wise, bit as a salad bar fan, I will put it out there that Dockside's salad bar is the only reason to visit the resort. Besides the cool new aquariums.

Cafe Carambola (610 Hubbard St/Harbor Plaza, Coeur d'Alene) is always an unusual and charming (and crowded) place to have lunch. Their take on "Nuevo Latin Fusion" includes primarily tortas and wraps, but they always have gorgeous fresh ensaladas hanging out in their deli case. One notable entry here is their Poblano, Orange, and Black Bean Salad ($5.99 half / $9.49 whole), which is like a hit of sweet sunshine even on a crappy rainy fall day. Carambola tosses together sweet orange with black beans, poblano pepper, spanish onion and tomato and spikes the whole thing with cumin-citrus marinade. Viva el verano!

Also from the Department of Weird But Delicious is Carambola's Incan Quinoa Salad ($5.99 half / $10.49 whole). It has a tangy tomatillo-herb dressing over quinoa and kañiwa, sweet corn, radishes, cucumber, queso fresco. Quinoa and Kañiwa sounds like the headliner performers at a Colombian drag queen show, and I had to use the Google to figure out what kañiwa even was ("a remarkably nutritious grain of the high Andes that has been described as helping to “sustain untold generations of Indians”). Huh. Trippy.

Lake Pend Oreille is gorgeous any time of year, but summertime in Sandpoint is perfect for lounging around on a spacious deck, nibbling on food and drinking a specialty cocktail or two (or nine), and gazing out across the water. Trinity at City Beach (58 Bridge St., Sandpoint) is a long-time local favorite for this type of activity, and along with many other gastric treats, they offer a fabulous Seared Scallop Salad ($15) Fifteen bucks is a little on the spendy side of a salad, but this ain't your usual plate of lettuce with Hidden Valley Ranch slathered across it. Jumbo scallops are seared to a golden brown and are splayed on a bed of mixed greens, tossed with strawberries and doused in honey-lime vinaigrette. Seafood and strawberries, who'd have thunk it?

Both farm animals and human beings are practically passing out over the fabulous Spinach Salad ($9) at Fainting Goat Wine Bar (516 Bank St.,Wallace). Some folks blanche at the idea of spinach, but this line-up will turn you into a regular Popeye the Sailor Man with fresh spinach leaves, caramelized walnuts, manchego, pear, charred shallot, pancetta vinaigrette.

Yes, I had no idea what manchego was either, but good old Google tells me it's a cheese made in the La Mancha region of Spain from the milk of sheep of the Manchega breed. In other words, don't expect to see it in the deli case at Peterson's Family Foods.

I can't get the new Britney Spears single out of my head this week, so it's natural that the next restaurant would invoke one of the pop queen's masterfully poetic verses: "You wanna live fancy/Live in a big mansion/Party in France/You better work bitch!" Hate to break it to you, Brit Brit, but we can party French style right here in North Idaho at Fleur de Sel (4365 Inverness Dr, Post Falls) and it's not going to take too much work to be able to afford their extra fancy Smoked Trout Salad (only $9)

Get this jazz: this salad is listed as featuring a 61° organic egg. 61°! I was unaware of the idea that a 61° organic egg is the perfect organic egg and a 59°oraganic egg or a 62° organic egg simply will not do, hunty. The rest of the line-up for this salad goes like this: Bob’s smoked Idaho red ruby trout from fisherman market in CdA, Belgian endives, greens, candied walnuts, lemon vinaigrette, Szechuan peppercorn. And then there's this disclaimer: "when available we will substitute the endives and greens by the salad of the moment from Gary’s garden in Sagle". Okay, so we know that this salad involves at least two industrious men (Bob and Gary) and international escapades to Europe and Asia. Amazing. Sounds like it does indeed take a lot of work, bitch.

Goat cheese isn't the thing for everyone, but I love it, I love it, I love it. The wonderful Moontime (1602 E Sherman Ave, Coeur d'Alene) features a delectable Lemon Vinaigrette Salad ($8.50 Half salad $5.50). Goat cheese, red onions, roasted beets, toasted walnuts, spiced pumpkin seeds and spinach tossed in a lemon vinaigrette. I'll have extra got cheese please, and while your at it, I'll have some extra roasted beets and toasted walnuts. And can I get some extra red onions and spiced pumpkin seeds as well. Heck, I guess I'll just order two of these suckers.

When I saw the Blackened Ono Salad ($15.99) listed on the Crickets (424 E Sherman Ave, Coeur d'Alene) menu, I recoiled with horror: "Oh my god, what have they done to my poor Yoko?!?" But no, Ono is a type of game fish also known as Wahoo (according to Yahoo, naturally). This sort of actually boring salad includes romaine, gorgonzola, dried cranberries, candied walnuts, rasp vinagrette, topped with Yoko Ono and apple slaw. By the way, I want to take a moment to address all the Yoko haters: she DID NOT break up the Beatles (Paul basically did, look it up), and she is a completely valid visual and musical artist with nearly a dozen number one hits on the Billboard dance music charts (I'm not lying, look it up). So there.

Thai Bamboo (2010 N 4th St, Coeur d'Alene) has what they claim is "the most popular salad in Thailand". This is a salad that gets a lot of dates if you know what I mean (wink wink nudge nudge). Her name is Som Tum and she could be all yours (for half an hour at least) for only $9.99. She may be a cheap ho, but she ain't trashy - this salad has green papaya, thai chili, fresh garlic, green beans, fresh garlic, green beans, tomatoes, and peanuts mixed together in lime juice, served with fresh vegetables. She may be popular, but she's basically a simple girl, raised on a pastoral farm near UdonThani. She was always a little spicy, and certainly very fresh, and her mama tried to tell her not to move to the big city and get involved with the mafia in Phuket, but she was driven to share her special "gifts" with the world and there was nothing her tearful mama could do.

Speaking of Thai-ness, to wrap this whole mess up, here's a salad that I have had several times and really, really dig. Capone's (various locations) Thai Chicken Salad ($10) is something you wouldn't expect me to order off a menu that is soaked with the grease of delicious pizzas and burgers, but every now and then you gotta take it light and easy. It's mixed greens in garlic ginger dressing, chicken breast tossed in spicy Thai peanut sauce, topped with carrots, sesame seeds, fresh cilantro, chow mein noodles, and peanuts, served with focaccia. Yeah, the focaccia is a bit of a throw off, but Capone's likes to break the rules so why not mix Thai with Italian? Anyway, the bread is dank, and the garlic ginger dressing on the salad is somehow rich and refreshing at the same time. When I am craving a salad (yes, it has been known to happen on occasion, this is my go-to situation).

Happy salad-ing and if you have a favorite local salad you have a fetish for, feel free to leave your story in the comments below.

Top of China Buffet Mini-Mini-Review

2013-08-09T10:12:00.001-07:00

A friend visited Top of China Buffet on Appleway in CdA recently and posted this brief-yet-memorable review on his Facebook page. I got him to send me a recording of himself recreating the whistle he mentions. I found the whole thing so amusing I had to share:

Dear Chinese Buffet:

I quite enjoyed the butter laden seafood. The server was attentive. The fortune was a bit materialistic. The other patrons were unobtrusive. 13 angel fish is perhaps an unlucky number for the tank. But what in the heck was the deal with the kitchen worker who loudly whistled the same seven notes over and over. It was obviously some very catchy riff from a song that I will never buy on iTunes. For 45 minutes I listened to this hypnotic and distressing septatonic torture device! I may not be the same ever again.

(Click below to play audio of reviewer recreating the kitchen worker's whistling tune)

The Big Yellow Mobile Kitchen

2013-07-18T12:30:00.002-07:00

The Big Yellow Mobile Kitchen
1212 N 4th, Coeur d'Alene
208-457-2408
facebook

"Bacon bacon bacon! It's meat candy and free today on any item!" This is just one of several totally cute and enthusiastic text messages I've received on my iPhone in the last few weeks from the folks that run the Big Yellow Mobile Kitchen. While waiting for my food, I was prompted to join their text list by a sign in their window asking me to do so, and I was bored so why not? Who am I to say no to such a request. Now I feel like I've got a new friend, someone who actually texts me once in a while about something way more interesting than what any of my other friends text me about: delicious, greasy food truck food. I love it.

If you live in Coeur d'Alene, you've probably seen this yellow food truck many times. If not in the parking lot at Goodwill on 4th and Harrison, then at one of the many events they get invited to serve food at (most recently at the dog show at the fairgrounds, according to once of their friendly texts). It's been there for a few years, but I never bothered to get out of my Mercury Mystique and visit it until recently - it just felt a little off to me, like a carnival wagon or something, with all of its loud, wild-font banners flapping at me in the wind and rows of dry-erase signs announcing never-ending daily specials.

Also, I frequently wondered, does this sun-yellow grease truck even have a name? I finally figured out that indeed it does. In a stroke of simplicity and obviousness, owner/operator Timothy Patterson christened it the Big Yellow Mobile Kitchen. Why bother with formalities like a creative name situation when you have dank food and catchy friendliness on your side, I suppose.

"Tim Patterson is the quiet hero we should all look up to. Forget drugged up Hollyweird celebrities." CDA Press commenter "heatherfeather" wrote this in response to an article reporting how the yellow food truck owner foiled a knife attack in the Goodwill lot by politely pointing a gun at the crook's face and shouting "drop it, or I'll shoot you". As much as I do love drugged up Hollyweird celebrities, I will give kudos to Mr. Patterson for stopping the creep from stealing the woman's valuables and cash.

Mr. Patterson is also quoted in the article as saying that he lives by what he calls the sheep dog, sheep and wolf theory.

Wolves, he said, are the bad people. Sheep are the innocent ones. Sheep dogs are law enforcement and other "good men not willing to stand by and let evil triumph."

Incidentally, wolf burgers, sheep burgers, and sheep dog burgers do not appear on the menu at the Big Yellow Mobile Kitchen. BUT. Other wild animal burgers do. Specifically, the Buffalo Burger, which is a 1/3 pound real ranch grown USDA buffalo, and the Elk Burger, a 1/3 pound locally grown USDA certified elk patty on a bun with all the accoutrements of a normal, boring cow burger (which is really my personal preference, as I'm not much of a fan of gamey style meats).

Elsewhere, their miscellaneous list of options includes Italian rope sausages, pulled pork sandwiches, hand dipped corn dogs, big pretzels with cheese, steak and chicken wraps, nachos, hot pastrami sandwiches, a $2 grilled cheese, and even a PB & J sandwich for the kiddos (or for the grown up PB & J junkies like myself). For such a little "big" food truck, they really do have a diverse line-up of guilty pleasures to choose from.

On the "have you lost your damn mind" side of things, the "Formidable" offers to tickle your taste buds and plug your duodenum up with 3 burger patties, 5 slices of cheese, 6 bacon strips, lettuce, tomato, ranch sauce, served on a toasted hoagie. It's enough to make Fred Sanford clutch his chest and say. "Oh! This is the big one, Elizabeth!"

On the (very slightly) lighter side is the Postman (grilled French bread, beef patty, ranch dressing, 4 bacon strips, grilled tomato, topped with melted Swiss cheese). It's like a Sourdough Jack from Jack in the Box, only much more delish and minus the post-meal e-coli diarrhea attack.

Breakfast is served here also, and you won't find anything extravagant, but the basics are well-represented: biscuits and gravy, chicken fried steak, hash browns, breakfast burritos, and a breakfast bowl that is most likely a mish-mash of all of the above. With most every breakfast item hovering in the $2 - $4 range, it's got to be better than spending your cash on a sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddle. No, wait. Sorry, a sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddle is the universe's most perfect breakfast food ever invented in the history of time. But I'm sure the yellow truck does fine work as well.

I figured out after my one and (so far) only visit to the Big Yellow Mobile Kitchen, through the advice of friends, that I pretty much screwed up and ordered the wrong thing. The culinary specialty they are most known for, apparently, is their classic Philly Cheese Steak (grilled chopped steak, sautéed green peppers and onions and their "special cheese". At the risk of bring gross, I normally don't indulge in green peppers because, without fail, they give me wretched green pepper burps for up to several days afterwards. So, I avoided it. After hearing people rave about this Philly Cheese Steak jazz, I think I am willing to give it a whirl and just suffer through the green belchies.

What I did end up packing home with me from the Big Yellow Mobile Kitchen was the "Monster Cheese Burger" with the addition of bacon and a side of curly fries. As far as monsters go, this burger was more of a King Kong rather than a Godzilla, but a messy, angry monster it was indeed. While I will return for their storied Philly Cheese Steak, I was really only half-impressed with this particular burger.
Between my buns were two comparatively thin beef patties which seemed cooked within an inch of their lives, slightly tough but with a nice rich, meaty flavor. These patties did actually taste like beefy beef, but the dry, overcooked texture was hard to overcome and I wish they were thicker, juicer, and greasier. As a very wise man once said, "Grease is the word, is the word that you heard. It's got groove it's got meaning." To put it in math terms, greasy > dry.

The tomato slice was nice and thick, the lettuce fresh and plentiful, and there was a sweet vinegary taste to the special sauce, which slightly overwhelmed the flavor of everything else. The bacon had a hickory smoked flavor, but was kind of ropey and chewy, unfortunately. The bigger deal for me was the giant, delicious mound of curly fries, which were done to perfection and included lots of crispy little burnt bits, which I adore. I think the fry sauce was the same thing as the "special sauce" on the burger, but worked much better in the context of being a fried potato condiment.

All in all, my Big Yellow Mobile Kitchen lunch was a little hit-or-miss, but not awful by any means, and for $5, it was an incredible bargain. Five measly bucks for enough food to put me in a food coma for the rest of the day. Mr. Patterson and his wife were incredibly nice and seemed like the type of folks that people would want to come back and visit again and again, and have a nice chat with while your waiting for your meal.

I will report back with an update once I tackle their Philly Cheese Steak and in the mean time, I am looking forward to their chipper text message on my phone, that will cheer me up like an old friend when I'm caught in a dark moment and I need the thought of greasy food truck grub to put some yellow sunshine in my soul.
.
(As an aside, the venerable Mr. Harry Crase (who works at Fleur de Sel) wrote this on the Get Out North Idaho facebook wall recently: "I can't believe you keep reviewing fast food and have NEVER been to Fleur De Sel for a review, in almost 5 years of business." Well, here's another fast food review for you, my dear, with apologies. I will make a promise to you that I will haunt Fleur de Sel by the end of summer, but I need to start saving up my bar tips because that place cost A LOT of cheddar to visit. I will see you soon.)

Theater Review: Mary Poppins at CdA Summer Theater

2013-07-08T17:09:00.001-07:00

Disney & Cameron MacIntosh's
Mary Poppins: the Broadway Musical
Coeur d'Alene Summer Theater
North Idaho College Schuler Auditorium
880 W Garden Ave, CDA, Idaho 83814
(208) 769-7780
(Runs though July 14th, 2013)

When the bacon cheeseburgers finally catch up to me and I fall onto my deathbed of chocolate cream pies, please throw a copy of Mary Poppins into my grave. I love the 1964 Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke film so very, very much. I remember riding my bike to the long-gone Wilma Theater in downtown CdA to watch it every time they showed a matinee (seems like it was at least 10 times a year) and by the time I bought my current DVD, I had worn out my VHS to a thin see-through ribbon of tape.

The film is as comforting to me as my mother's tuna casserole (the only thing she could cook decently) or a ratty old favorite blanket (mine is a Wonder Woman throw). It's something I put on the TV when life has me all blue and feeling all put out by the big bad world and another bottle of vodka is nowhere near my reach from my spot on the bathroom floor. Like "I Love Lucy" or "Bewitched", for me it's like Prozac in an audio-visual format.

CdA Summer Theater's production of Mary Poppins is based on the 2004 hit Broadway version of the P.L. Travers naughty nanny epic, and it differs slightly from the film. Gone are several of my favorite elements: the clucking ladies who grasp for the china and knick knack shelves every time the bell rings, and the tea party on the ceiling at Uncle Albert's. Also, Mrs. Banks is now an unfulfilled actress rather than a suffragette, and in the stage production, Mary takes the kids to visit the ancient Miss Corry's candy shop, something which didn't exist in the film. No matter, the musical performances, stage sets, lighting and magic special effects are so incredible you never even have the opportunity to stop and notice the differences at all.

While the entirety of this CdA Summer Theater musical was breathtaking, two particular songs stood out above the rest for me due to the sheer mindblowing spectacle of it all. "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" (which must be such a well-known word at this point that my autocorrect recognizes it) had the entire ensemble performing verbal acrobatics, spelling out all 28 letters of the word in round style, complete with arm movements to represent each letter in a way that was a heck of a lot more complex than "YMCA".

Even more delightful was the performance of "Step in Time", which had Bert leading his troupe of power dancing chimney sweeps through something akin to a mini version of "Stomp" with everyone beating out rhythms on the set and the stage with their boots and hands to a powerful effect. I could feel the thumps in my chest and I liked it. Spoiler alert: the truly memorable moment of this particular act was when, through the miracle of wires and pulleys, Bert took a dancey little stroll up the right wall of the stage, across the ceiling, and back down the left side without missing a beat. It was a stunt that would make even ol' Lionel Richie proud.

One thing that's always blown me away about Coeur d'Alene Summer Theater is how epically huge the voices are for such a small venue in a small town. The utterly astounding Mallory King was channeling Julie Andrews so well, she managed to actually out-Poppins the venerable Miss Andrews many times throughout the show. Everything from her proper accent and tone of voice to her exact-replica costume created the illusion that the 1964 screen version of Mary Poppins had come to life and landed (via umbrella of course) onto the stage before us.

Christian Duhamel as Bert may not have quite reached the same Dick Van Dyke heights of mischievous mirth and cockney grace, but he was only millimeters away from doing so, and his inventive and charming approach to the role and incredible shone through like a beacon of positive energy.

Young CST veterans Sophie Anderson (Jane Banks) and Tiger Ashtiani (Michael Banks) made a superb return to the stage. their singling voices are in fine form, but my ears had a bit of occasional trouble understanding Anderson's chirpy dialog. Ellery Beggs Sandu as Mary Banks was like a gorgeous and delicate songbird, more so than the slightly brash Mrs. Bates in the original movie. Kirk Mouser handled the role of Mr. Banks with gusto, sometimes too much so, as his tendency to sing with overdramatic vibrato was a hair distracting at times. Still, the tenderness he brought to the role in the second half of the show won out and his acting performance was one of the most effective of the day.

I loved the witty British-flavored humor that was injected into the performance, especially from Krista Kubicek as the "holy terror" Miss Andrew, a nanny who replaces Mary Poppins when she disappears halfway through. Her "Brimstone and Treacle" is a riot, and her adorable nastiness and uptight witchy glamour got the most chuckles of the entire musical. Also notable was Kieron Cindric who portrayed silver-sprayed statue come to life Neleus. He was the highlight of a truly psychedelic trip though "Jolly Holiday" and his TinMan-esque affectations and fluttering flamboyance added that spoonful of sugary gayness that any good musical requires.

It's not something I find myself saying often about anything, but CdA Summer Theater's performance of Mary Poppins was virtually flawless. I detected not a single flawed line, missed cue, technical flaw, or bum note from either the performers or the incredible orchestra, which was conducted by the talented Stephen Dahlke.

Several times during the middle of the performance (most notably after the jaw-dropping "Step In Time"), the audience rose to their feet to deliver a standing ovation. I don't believe I've ever seen this happen in the middle (not the end, although that also happened) of a show and it was well-deserved indeed. Personally, I sat in the audience feeling utterly moved, with tears of joy welling up in my eyes through most of the show. You've only got five more chances to see this performance, and you owe it to yourself to do so. It's a magical moment you will remember the rest of your life.

Le Peep

2013-06-08T11:17:00.003-07:00

Le Peep
1884 W. Bellerive #101
Coeur d' Alene
208-664-0404

I found out a few interesting things about Le Peep restaurant when I visited their website.

1. Le Peep is not a franchise, it is a "philosophy". Instead of franchising, what they do is license a "concept".

2. The "Own a Le Peep" section of their website smacks of corporate creepiness, what with all the allusions to joining a "family", how you can "put your own spin" on their brand. and what a "mouth watering opportunity" it is to becoming an owner. Is this a hipster socialist sex cult or a breakfast joint?

3. The first LePeep opened in Aspen, Colorado in 1963 and now has over 70 locations in 15 states. Our Coeur d'Alene LePeep is the first to open west of the greater Continental Divide area. Based on Google images of their cuisine and their other locations, they are basically a Perkins on Prozac.

4. They love to mangle the phoque out of the French language. (Calm down, grand-mère, it means "seal" en Francais.) Well, they don't necessarily mangle it. They just love to place the word "Le" inappropriately in front of random items. From Le Peep's Le Delicious Menu, we have Le Omelets and Le Burgers and even Le Egg Sandwich. This kind of Franglish really makes the 6-year French student in me want to "gifler une chienne". (Look it up. )

What I didn't learn from their website, and figured out my own was that the Coeur d'Alene location is thoroughly gorgeous, located in Riverstone right plop next to the Spokane River on the ground floor of the Bellerive condos. The combination of the plaza-esque landscaping and the post-industrial European architecture of the 4-story glass, steel and slate blue sided buildings surrounding the front door of Le Peep makes for quite a breathtaking entrance.

Once inside, the par-Euro vibe continues, with lemon chiffon walls, semi-abstract Pier 1 artwork, and floor to ceiling windows that let in a maximum of daylight into the situation and provide a tranquilizing view of the river and it's many pine tree co-stars as well as making the experience feel al fresco, even of you decide not to eat out on their large and view-tiful deck. ("view-tiful" = ©D.F. Oliveria).

The open, exposed-duct ceiling and the cement floors commiserate to create a Breakfast Party ambiance by making the chat and laughter levels in the busy restaurant echo into a wild roar. If you're a Sunday Sally looking for a timid, peaceful brunch moment, Le Peep probably isn't your best bet. I enjoy the sense of liveliness it creates, almost like a big city sort of hubbub that goes together decorously with a couple of cups of their delicious dark roast coffee.

It was just this type of atmosphere my roommate and I walked into the other morning, and the sun was sorta kinda out so we decided to land on the patio, where a couple of other diners were also seated. This is North Idaho in late spring, so naturally a few minutes later the sun sorta kinda wasn't there anymore and our waitress led us to a booth inside moments before it started pissing rain, causing the waitstaff to scurry about humorously gathering the condiments and table settings from outside.

The menu at LePeep is one of those tome menus that gives the Kalamazoo phone book a run for its money for sheer number of listings. I'd been to Le Peep once before and I could swear the menu was less overwhelming, but perhaps that's because I had only been focused on the small lunch section of their menu on my previous visit. That time, not too long after they opened for business late last summer, I knew specifically I was in the mood for a burger, so I chose the jalapeno/cheddar "Caliente Burger" (hey wait, that's Spanish, not French!).

Memories are vague, but I remember enjoying the view from the deck immensely, the burger slightly less (although, it wasn't terrible by any means), and being slightly shocked that there were only about 6.5 measly French Fries on my plate. They were hand-cut and fresh, but minimal to say the least. Apparently the faux-Frenchiness does not also apply to the quantity of French Fries, or maybe they just don't give out a lot of "frites" in France, and Le Peep's authenticity is simply beyond me. I dunno.

The Le Peep epic menu includes pretty much all the usual family-restaurant typicalities in droves, but many are presented with an update or a twist of some kind, and the price points land somewhere between reasonable and overpriced. Highlights: the "Gooey Buns" (oh, myyyy) is an English muffin broiled with brown sugar, cinnamon and almonds and served with cream cheese and "Mom's Sassy Apples". Dirty, I love it. The Stuffed French Toast is described as "custard dipped French toast stuffed with a Vanilla ricotta and cream cheese filling with a touch of orange and lemon zest. Topped with strawberries and powdered sugar. Le Delicious!"

The Benedict section is noticeably creative with the offer of a Salmon Benedict AND a Crab Benedict, so seafaring Benedict Arnolds should find some delight in that. There are "Pampered Eggs", including the yum sounding "Green Fields Forever" ("Fresh spinach, mushrooms, chives, chicken and cream cheese sharing the pan with velvety scrambled eggs."). The unfortunate homeless in our community may enjoy the Skillets section of the menu, with selections including the "Drifter" skillet, the "Hobo" skillet, and the "Gypsy"skillet.

So, the other morning, shortly after my roommate and I were moved inside from the sudden inclement weather, our waiter showed up to take our order. Classical music swelled, doves flew out of rainbows, and nipples tingled as we struggled to remember our orders, our minds suddenly distracted by his sparkly charm, desperate good looks and tunnel-of-love eyes. My roommate went first, dreamily ordering the Harvest Benedict (English muffin topped with cream cheese, spinach and a veggie medley, served with two poached eggs and hollandaise.).

I composed myself and put in my order for the Monte Christo Crepes (two crepes filled with ham, turkey, melted Swiss cheese and bacon, topped with melted Swiss cheese and served with raspberry sauce and their trademark Peasant Potatoes®). Long time readers of this blog will know that I am a Monte Christo fanatic, a Monte Christo junkie, and a Monte Christo expert. these battered and dipped ham, turkey, and cheese sandwiches are retro for sure, and although they have made somewhat of a comeback are still rather hard to locate. they are extremely unhealthy and delicious, so naturally they are right up my (wide) alley. So, I was excited to try Le Peep's crepe interpretation of this American fatboy classic.

Our food arrived amazingly fast, so it was quite odd when I noticed right away that the Swiss cheese atop my crepes wasn't exactly what I would call melty looking. Hm. I poured my raspberry sauce across the entire affair and dug in. It was sort of on the semi-hot side in the middle, but my eyes weren't lying about the cheese - it was pretty much cold and rubbery. How did this happen? Our food arrived so quickly, it shouldn't have had a chance to get cold yet so it was obvious they simply didn't give it enough basic heat. A quick, secret zap in the microwave would've cured the problem for sure.

Despite this room-temperature conundrum, my Monte Christo crepes were still pretty darn good. I was a little on the fence about the addition of bacon to the mix (a real Monte Christo sandwich would never have bacon), but I decided the twang and double porkness of it did add something nice to the situation. The crepes were done nicely, and the combination of sweet and savory was addictively tasty. If only that damn cheese wasn't so rubbery, it would have rated a 4.5 out of 5.

The two tiny tablespoons worth of Peasant Potatoes® were hardly worth the effort to even type about right now - why so stingy on the potatoes, Le Peep? After all, this is I-dee-ho, right? The buttery garlic breadstick was fine, but its presence on my breakfast plate was just kind of oddball. Overall, the entire meal racks up a perhaps slightly generous 3.5 out of 5.

My roommate is normally quite a bird eater, and we nearly never make it out of a place without him clutching a weighty to-go box, but to Le Peep's credit, he shoveled up his Harvest Benedict and left his plate looking like it was handled by the Flintstones' octopus dishwasher. Since my first visit to Le Peep, I've been suggestinging it to people, and my position still stands after this most recent visit. Although it may not win any Michelin awards, for a chain Le Peep offers some fine breakfast and lunch fare, a festive atmosphere, and the tranquil river views are nearly as nice to look at as the waiters. And waitresses, I suppose. Recommended.

Riverstone MacDonald's: To Cheers It Or To Jeers It?

2013-05-27T14:52:00.001-07:00

White Colonial Mansion McDonald’s in New Hyde Park, New York. Could this be the same look planned for CdA's "fancy" new Riverstone McDonalds?

A McDonald's is a McDonald's is a McDonald's is a McDonald's, right? It's a little freaky that you can do the walk of shame into any McDonald's anywhere on the globe and have EXACTLY the same experience, an experience we've all had, whether we are loathe to admit it or not. You could fall into a wormhole and suddenly land at a McDonald's in Higashiomi, Japan or Flin Flon, Manitoba and you would end up with the same dispassionate brown plastic tray containing the same exact boxed Big Mac and the same exact non-biodegradable fries with the same exact "baked apple pie" (and btw: Dear McDonald's, for the sake of humanity, bring back the cherry pies!)

Personally, it's one thig I've always appreciated about the world's most inescapable fast food chain: they are consistent. Their drones are trained to run a clean, tight ship, and I can at least rely on the fact that my monthly Filet-o-Fish with extra cheese is going to be genetically identical to the Filet-o-Fish I had on this date seventeen years ago at the McDonald's on Madonna Boulevard in San Luis Obispo, California.

McDonald’s in Patershol, Ghent, Belgium

I've always had the theory that you can accurately determine an area's population growth rate and level of prosperity by how many Macdonald's exist there. The first CdA area McDonalds appeared on former farmland on Appleway at some point in the early-mid 1970's, when Appleway was basically considered to be somewhere out in the boonies on your way to Hayden Lake. Actually, things had picking up a bit in that part of town for a little while with the opening of Cd'A's tiny first indoor shopping mall a few years earlier, but I don't think Appleway was even paved until a couple of years prior.

Flash forward to 1993, and the significantly larger (but still not so huge) Silver Lake Mall has been been a few miles north of Appleway on Hanley Ave in an area that was once again considered to be the outer edge of civilization for those living close to downtown. McDonald's is to shopping malls as flies are to a fresh potato salad at a summer picnic, so naturally plans were eventually forged to install one across the street from the new mall but not everyone was thrilled with the idea.

Naysayers wanted to slap McDonald's with a bill for impact fees, and McDonald's whined that the city was picking on them because they were "so big". Somewhat insanely, the dispute was over a mere $25,589 in impact fees. But hey, clearly CdA was growing if people were worrying about big-town issued like impact fees for possibly the first time ever.

McDonald’s on Piac Utca in Debrecen, Hungary

Over subsequent years, local McDonald's restaurants have emerged in downtown CdA (shuttered quickly after failing to compete with neighboring Hudsons), Post Falls (2), Kellogg, and even that wee northern berg of Rathdrum. Now, ground has been broken and yellow bulldozers have been pushing earth around at the Northwest Boulevard entrance to CdA's Riverstone development, and ever since McDonald's announced this new location earlier this year, the McD's haters have been hatin' hard and harping like a bunch of bitchy Umbrella Cockatoos.

The always charming CDAPress.com commenter "concernedcitizen" wrote: "This is TOTAL BULL. Riverstone was to be higher quality than McDonald's. The one that is a mile away on Appleway isn't close enough? Nothing says come see our great downtown like McDonald's at the main entrance. The people that are ruining this city ought to be tarred and feathers for their stupidity." Also at CDAPress.com, "NAS4AH2" (his mama was a robot) commented: "Is this the mayor's new franchise? This town is going to he!! in a happy meal."

Colonial McDonald’s in Independence, Ohio

Over at Huckleberries Online, Randy Meyers was only a hair more enthusiastic, offering: "I think it will perform well. Too bad that's the direction Riverstone went." The whole subject had the reliably vegetarian Stickman stirring up one of his loveable rants. "Randy, it's too bad that society is leaning that way as well. Terrible food. And Sherlock, I am not an elitist food snob, but the food there might be okay for you, but not for me. I won't go there, and that would be nice, as I wouldn't run into you. You must love that stuff. Being a non elitist food snob that is."

I have heard it personally from all kinds of folks. What a ridiculous idea it is, they say, to bring a McDonald's into an area of town that was supposed to be some kind of upper crust food and dining concept involving only ceviche and satay, artisinal vodkas and sea urchin rolls. How dare a corporate elephant like Micky D's invade the air of this precious and exclusive space?

Guess what, I say. Coldstone Creamery, Red Robin, Aeropostale, Regal Cinemas, Zumies. These entities aren't exactly on the same scale as McDonald's, but they're hardly run by local farmer's market hippies either. Anyway, McDonald's has said they are planning a design that fits in with the aesthetics of the Riverstone area, so that's cool, right?

I'm not windex clear or what exactly the Riverstone aesthetic is, but at least we know that in a few months we're hopefully not going to end up with yet another one of their butt-ugly red-brick classic designs. Also, chicken that was processed, reprocessed, re-reprocessed, and then processed again tastes seven shades brighter inside of a "fancy McDonalds", versus a plain old boring McDonalds.

And for you Stickman, I swear by their $1.69 side salads with ranch dressing. They're fresh as freedom and although it might take two or three of them to feel satisfied, no animals died in the process of their creation. We won't mention the Monsanto pesticides and futuristic, evil preservatives used to keep these vegetables in these unnaturally crisp and pleasing to the discriminating American palate. Yum, see you all there!

Broken Egg Cafe

2013-04-01T15:46:00.000-07:00

Broken Egg Cafe
3650 N Government Way
Coeur d'Alene, ID
(208) 966-4399
Broken Egg Cafe on Facebook

The jumbo yellow sun was shining on our puffy little faces more dramatically than it had so far the entire year, sweeter than the sticky yolk of a Cadbury Creme Egg. Yes, it was Easter Sunday, and despite being up the night before later than may actually be legal in the grand old state of Idaho, my house mate and I were up at 8 am with full-on borborygmi happening in our tummies.

It was early enough to beat the post-worship Easter Bonnet crowd to pretty much anywhere we wanted to eat, so I threw a hat onto my Hurricane Helen bed hair, and with bleary, hungry eyes we pointed the car north and rambled up an eerily vacated Government Way to the Broken Egg Cafe. As I had hoped, only ten or so vehicles lined the front of the building, and with an ample amount of tables and a long diner counter, we knew we wouldn't have any trouble at all getting seated pronto.

Last August, the Broken Egg blossomed like a stylish young butterfly from the dusty old cocoon of the former Rockin' Robin' restaurant, and it has become on of our go-to breakfast spots ever since. Not sure what happened to the good old RR, but according to chatter on the street, the story was a time-honored tragedy: owner decides to sell it, kitchen employee decides to take the risk and buy it, and the whole thing slowly crumbles due to a lack of experience and funds.

Last time had eaten at the Rockin' Robin, it had become the Grunge Central of the Northside and half the menu items were crossed out with a sharpie (Aw, c'mon. No waffles, really!?) . I knew they didn't have much vital spark left in them, and they didn't. I felt zero shock when I drove by the place not much longer after that to see the sign out front replaced and something new formulating. The Broken Egg Cafe seemed like a reasonable enough name, but I was still nervous. Unless they were to get a hazmat crew in to do a scrub down and fully purge the building of it's crusty-fusty faux 1950's rock-n-roll accoutrements, the Broken Egg was doomed.

Happily, the first time I stopped into the new place after it opened, I was pleased to see that it was cleaned up to the point of being nearly unrecognizable and that the decor style had been brought up to at least the late 90's/early 2000's era. Opposite walls are painted various bold earthy colors (pale green/rust orange/autumn red) and the decorative features adorning them remind me of what would happen if Target decided to open a chain of discount restaurant decor stores. That's not a complaint - the artsy, frameless black-and-white prints of enlarged eating utensils, and mirrors with retro-space age satellite frames are a thousand times better than the nicotine-stained Elvises and scratched-up vinyl 45s of the Rockin' Robin.

Then there's the food. Although the Broken Egg has kept the menu nearly identical, the quality of the meals they put out make anything that came before seem like a creepy distant memory. In my half-dozen or so drop-ins so far, I've been for the most part impressed - the food is classic and tasty American breakfast and lunch fare with no fruity hipster complications whatsoever (I love you Garnet Cafe, but yes I'm looking at you). Unfortunately, the Broken Egg's lack of adventurousness ultimately knocks a couple of points off their tally. I'd have loved to see them completely toss out the old menu out with the rest of the clean-up trash and start from scratch with some items that would serve to give the place an all-new culinary personality of its very own.

Still, it's like I said, what they do put out out in front of their many hungry customers is perfectly acceptable and frequently delicious. Breakfastwise, the menu has all the tried and true standards with a few slightly unusual items that stand out: a Taco Omelet with seasoned beef, a Breakfast Hamburger (patty, bacon, egg, swiss cheese on a bun). Lunch is served from 11 til 2, and is just as fine as their morning fare. The menu has a bundle of basic burgers; a stack of sandwiches, hot and cold; a salon of salads; and a flock of fried finger foods.

Prior visits, I've hit their pancakes hard, several times. The one GIANT pancake they serve that keeps absorbing all the butter and syrup like an especially bitchy thirsty sponge that keeps demanding you to apply more, more, more. Another very memorable Broken Egg highlight for me was their Cheddar Jalapeno burger, which I ordered at random one late morning when I was feeling way over breakfast. It surprised me by turning out to be the tastiest, juciest, fieriest, cheesiest Jalapeno Cheddar burger I ever put down my gullet. Served with an epic mound of fries, it was a fully awesome come-up for only $7.25.

This most recent Easter morning trip to the Broken Egg, it was definitely still the breakfast hour, so I went for the Kitchen Sink omelet, which like it sounds, has nearly everything but... Well, in trifling amounts at least. It's mostly ham, cut into cubelets so tiny and wee that they're nearly impossible to tackle and manipulate with a fork. Similarly, everything else scantily sprinkled through this omelet (green and red peppers, mushrooms, bacon, red onion, tomatoes) is chopped up into such bitsy pieces, that when you attempt to bring a bite of omelet to your quivering lips, various ingredients cascade down back onto the plate and onto your dirty shirt, leaving you with a bite of nothing but eggs and eggs.

Once I finally twas able to teach myself a few clever tricks on how to successfully eat the thing (scrape and scoop, fast!), it was pretty good. Sadly, my giant hash brown patty was nice and crispy on the very outer layer, but mushy and extremely bland inside. It was Easter, so I had to thank Jesus for green Tabasco and sprinkle it heavily across my great white plateau of boring potatoes. Much better, amen.

The Broken Egg's prices are easy on the debit card and the service is always super duper. The waitresses here are caffeinated and chatty and fun and shine bright like the Easter morning sunshine even on the rainiest day in April (don't let the gorgeous weather fool you, you know it's coming soon). For the first time in years, there's an aura of positivity and breakfasty joy that surrounds this utilitarian old concrete building on Government Way, and I'd definitely recommend basking in it.

Safeway Chicken Tandoori Samosas

2012-08-05T14:53:00.000-07:00

Rolling in to Safeway on my way to work today, I had a case of the frail hungries but I had no idea what I wanted to munch upon. I've never found the Safeway Deli zone, at least the one on 4th Street in downtown CdA, to be particularly thrilling. I won't get into details now (you can read my write up about the subject from a few years back here), but barring their fresh-made-on-the-spot sandwich situation (think Subway knock-off), I've found their selections to be blasé, overly corporate, and unappealing.

Still, when I'm hungry enough I have a look-see anyway, and today I found something there that threw me for a lit of a loop: "Nana's Kitchen Chicken Tandoori Samosas". I'd heard of the term Samosa before, but frankly, I had no idea exactly what I was looking at. (I later educated myself here). I asked the Deli Queen on duty if they were best eaten hot or cold and she gave me a blank stare for a moment before replying "uhh...both I guess". $4.99 was a bit of a high price point for grocery deli action, but I was feeling experimental and starvacious, so I threw it in my hand basket, filed through the check out line and headed for work.

I put the nuclear orangey-brown triangle up to my mouth and took a ginger little nip on the corner, not exactly sure what to expect. Wow, surprises are a kick, and this little odd pocket was substantially brimming with flavor right away. I'm putting it out there right now that this is the best Safeway deli item I've subjected myself to, miles beyond their dry bread/soggy tomato grab-and-go sandwiches or their bland-ass slimy-skin chicken parts.

I didn't exactly get the taste of tandoori chicken specifically, but a mish-mash of Indian cuisine flavors comes through in a way that's not overwhelming or uber spicy, but mellow, delicious, and kind of refreshing. Attempting to read the microscopic list of ingredients on the carton's sticker did me no good whatsoever. Honestly, it's never a good idea to get too deep into those things because even a plain Jane Safeway turkey-and-bread deli sandwich will list things like Pyrodoxine Hydrocloride among the ingredients, and that just ain't appetizing at all.

So I'm just guessing at ingredients a bit here, but along with a commendably tasty blend of curry and Indian spices, there are bits of chicken, potatoes, rice, peas, carrots, and some kind of vegetable protein filler (which works better here than that notion may suggest). The other lovely factor in this, my first Samosa experience, was the pleasingly oily and toothsome outer wrap itself.

I didn't know it until I bit in, but these babies got to be that weird color because they were deep fried! Hurray for for deep fried foods, right? I'm still eating my second Samosa as I type this, and I'm going to have to attack my laptop keyboard with Formula 409 when I'm done to get all the grease off the keys.

I could have popped them in the microwave I suppose, and I have a feeling they would be totally delish that way as well, but I found them to be perfectly fabulous right out of the deli cooler on a hundred degree August day such as today. My cold peach was a genius stroke if I do say so myself, such a great sweet accompaniment for the mild spice of the Safeway Samosas. It was like Peaches & Herb performing "Reunited" right there on my very willing tongue.

I hope the Powers That Be at the 4th Street Safeway Deli allow Nana's kitchen's Samosas to carry on being available forever and ever and ever. Because I'm hooked and the likelihood of another Samosa Spot popping up in this two-horse town anytime soon is pretty slim. I will not settle for Samoas or Mimosas or Samoans. Well, maybe a Mimosa or two would be okay...

Downtown CdA Food Truck Donut Burger

2012-07-22T14:36:00.002-07:00

Last night, for the first time in moons, I was visited by the Divine and Holy Burger Angels of Bliss. Well, that might have possibly been a hallucination brought on by the tequila shots that were working their mystical magic on my mind and mouth, but still. Bartenders often get hungry and clued-in bar customers know this fact. They may arrive at the bar with cartons of delicious food stuffs in hopes of getting a maximally delicious drink, and as a bartender, I can honestly say: it usually works.

Another trick that certain bar patrons know is to wait until the day bartender is off his shift and then pour shots of tasty booze down his throat until you’re his BFF forever and ever. Several folks tested this idea out on me last night and I can honestly say: it also works.

Anyway, I had already been done with my shift for an hour or so and was getting just a skosh tipsy wipsy and extremely tummy-rumbly. Suddenly, a figure emerged at me from out of the smoky darkness of the bar, carrying an armload of white Styrofoam to-go boxes. It was one of my most beloved regulars. “Hungry? You’ll never guess what I found at this food truck down on Sherman.”

I cracked open one of the boxes, not totally sure what to expect, and there it was, something I’d only ever heard of as a gluttonous internet food meme, something I was terrified of and delighted by simultaneously at the same time, something enough to make Paula Deen’s boobs bounce excitedly at the possibility of adding new calories to their bodacious bounty. It gleamed in front of me, reflecting the colored lights of the dance floor like a golden, sugary disco ball.

Behold: the Glazed Donut Burger.

If you’re afraid to experiment with new or unusual foods, just make arrangements for getting neatly intoxicated first and your anxieties will drift away like stream off the hot grill. “Where on earth did you find these little babies?” was the first question that fell from my now-salivating lips. “I don’t think it has a name. It’s just a plain white truck in that little parking lot across from Crickets by the big buffalo.” Oh, you big buffalo you, it’s all your fault.

Picking up the burger, it wasn’t as much of a heavy, sticky mess as I was expecting, and once I had my grubby mitt on it, I didn’t put it down at all, I just let it disappear deep into my mouth hole in fast fashion. Heck, I was starving and that poor little thing didn’t ever stand a chance at longevity, but I did pause briefly to make mental notes about the flavor combination and ultimate vibe of the wacky Donut Burger experience.

Basically, it was a lot like a really, really fantastic breakfast sandwich. Anyone who’s ever indulged in a McDonalds Sausage McGriddle sandwich will understand that the combo of a sweet “bun” with melty cheese and meat products is a conceptually odd but surprisingly winning flavor marriage. It's a maple love kind of feeling.

Similarities end there. The Food Truck Donut Burger is a thousand times more delicious than any kind of fast food garbage, and it would be appropriate to serve for breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch, linner, funch, midnight snack, daylight snack, or last supper.

The glazed Krispy Kreme bun (I am pretty sure it was the real deal) was toothsome and sweet. The beef patty was grilled to a nice char on the outside but was meaty-rich and greasy-hot inside. Smoky crisp bacon strips and a slice of tangy cheddar finished out the cast of players in the Donut Burger Show, and no condiments were involved, obviously. Only a loon would ruin this perfect (and perfectly fattening) collision of sweet vs. umami flavors with ketchup.

Yes, folks it’s a good ‘un and I promise it’ll be worth the effort to seek and find this late night food truck with no name. Word on the street is that if it’s not set up in the parking lot next to Art Spirit where my pal stumbled across it last night, it can be found in it's origianl home at in the parking lot of Hogfish Bar on East Sherman. Trust me, o fearful and retiring ones, the Donut Burger is worth staying up past the end of Matlock and fighting the rowdy drunk young’uns for.

There’s a lesson here (aka a hint): bring your bartender (me) amazing late night street food and you will become his number one favorite customer – he will make your cocktails extra luscious and you’ll always get served first before the unbathed homelss nutballs and collagen-lipped, peroxided bimbettes that never tip. As a very wise man (me) once said: a well-fed bartender is a happy bartender.

Grandma Zula's Kitchen

2012-07-02T15:33:00.002-07:00

Grandma Zula's Kitchen
306 Spokane St., Post Falls.
(208) 457-0228 -- facebook

A hunkering solid iron Victorian era wood stove looms near the door. Then there's this montage of objects on a display shelf behind the counter: St. Vincent du Paul dish room cookie jars; dust encrusted straw fruit basket from probably Shopko; Country Living magazine September 1987 she-scarecrow rag doll; a framed photo of a beaming cute baby in a little chef's outfit surrounded by vegetables. A clothes iron without a power cord or vertical steam surge or even a demineralizer.

Plastic tablecloths in retro avocado, mustard, and rust colors, patterned with pleasingly tacky acid flashback coffee mugs. Real-deal sugar shakers and syrup spouts. Double-wide chic stained ceiling tiles, bright overhead fluorescent lighting, and the spirit aura of wood paneling. Faded framed-and-matted-in-mauve-and-salmon floral prints. Forlorn country and western music drifting through behind the kitchen clang and clamor (cue Willie Nelson's "Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain")

So yeah, this place is basically all grandma'd out all to heck, but don't have fits of disappointment about the fact that you ain't ever gonna run into dear Grandma Zula herself around here. She's, uh...gone to a better place. But owner Kari Turnbough is Zula's granddaughter and the decor and home cooking she's been dishing up in her cozy Post Falls strip-mall diner since late last year are rooted in her fond childhood memories of, well, Grandma Zula's Kitchen.

Turnbough was quoted in the CDA Press last November as saying "I want people to walk in feeling like they're in grandma's kitchen." Well girl, mission accomplished. You are serving us up some serious grandma realness. In fact, if some big time marketing and design team was handed only the general concept of "grandma realness" to work with, it would have been impossible for them to come up with a plan to beat what's happening at this place.

Food as comforting as Nana's big pillowy bosoms is the mainstay on Zula's menu. Oatmeal is oatmeal, but I have a hunch it becomes something a little more dynamic and authentic than Quaker Instant here, with the addition of brown sugar, raisins, and milk ($4.95). I've literally received ecstatic text messages from two different friends, mid-orgasm, after diving into Zula's Chicken Fried Steak Two-Egg Breakfast ($8.75), and they're not the types to fake it.

There are four Benedict style plates of offer, including Salmon with cream cheese, tomato and their own dreamy hollandaise sauce ($9.95). Zula's does the lunch thing as well, and items worth investigation include the Pepper Jack Burger on Sourdough ($8.49), the Tuna Melt ("did somebody say tooooonahhh?" ~ my cat) ($6.95), the Buffalo Chicken Wrap (served with an unexpectedly healthful fresh fruit plate) ($8.25), and a "lighter menu". Since when is homemade mac-n-cheese ($3.95) considered light? Give me two orders then, I guess.

Naturally, upon opening up the menu, the very first grouping of words that caused my eyeballs to pop was "Original Monte Cristo". A cult resurgence has brought the Monte Cristo (battered and deep fried ham, turkey and cheese sandwich served with berry jam) slightly back into fashion, but it's still quite a rare thing to see on the menus of local eateries.

A deeper dive into the menu and my salivary glands were suddenly all pumped up about the possibility of Johnny Apple Cakes (unrelated to the porn star of the same name). This carbo-loaded breakfast dessert is two buttermilk pancakes folded with red applesauce and topped with honey cream cheese. Amazing, right? Not according to the waitress, who recommended "Zula's Fried Apple Pancakes" as a better option if I was truly interested in the apple scene. Okay, I'm easy. I ordered them as an upgrade of the "Hot Cake Breakfast" - two of the fancy apple cakes along with œufs brouillés and bacon.

My roommate likes an extra gassy breakfast mess, so he ordered all up on the chili-cheese omelet with a side of sour cream, hash browns, and biscuits and gravy. Mercifully for me, he was headed for work after our meal, so I didn't have to suffer the flatulatory consequences of this decision myself.

Our waitress and her co-workers fit right into the blood-relative homespun vibe of the place. In fact, I mentioned to my roommate that it was sort of like actually visiting your grandmother's kitchen and running into a handful of jolly favorite cousins all running about and being a little goofy while getting dinner out on the table while grandma naps. (Going to be a looong nap for Miss Zula - apologies, couldn't resit it). In other words, the service was well friendly and warm as a hot, fluffy biscuit.

Speaking of which, the only mild complaint was related to my roomate's biscuits and gravy, which arrived quite a few minutes after the main part of his breakfast, and when they did, he took several bites and poo-poo'd them as "just not all that". Of course, my roommate is also a picky bitch, and instead of taking his word for it, I dug in and tried them and thought they were tasty in a old-timey kind of way, but yes, they could have used a little extra pizzazz. He did say his Chili Cheese omelet was "so extra cheesy good" and that his hash browns had a "crispety crunch", so two out of three isn't bad.

My Fried Apple cakes were each as big as a three wolf moon and stuffed with humongous fried-in-butter red apple chunks. There was no way I could finish all of this hypnotically delicious pile of dough, pats of real butter, syrup, and thunder glory apple goodness, and I didn't. The bacon was perfectly bacony and the scrambled eggs were scrambled eggy, and I did manage to kill both of those, even though my Pyloric valve was about ready to call in sick and take an early leave for the July 4th holiday.

Stuffed and awestruck, we bid Kari and crew adieu and flopped our way back to the car like two overstuffed pink animatronic beanbag chairs waving happy little roly-poly marsupial arms.