http://www.getoutofthemud.com/ The Get Out of the Mud Show with Host Tamara Johnson en Copyright 2007 Get Out of the Mud. All Rights Reserved. Sat, 11 Jul 2009 23:36:54 +0000 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Copyright 2007 Get Out of the Mud. All Rights Reserved.Tamara,Johnson,self,help,therapy,help,feelings,self,worth,happy,sad,fulfilled,life,counseling,personal,growth,counsellor,adviceHealth/Self-Helptamara@getoutofthemud.comTamara JohnsonTamara JohnsonnoTamara,Johnson,self,help,therapy,help,feelings,self,worth,happy,sad,fulfilled,life,counseling,personal,growth,counsellor,adviceGet Out of the Mudhttp://www.GetOutoftheMud.com discussing why we have feelings, how to figure out what our feelings are and how interpret them. I'll be giving you a practice exercise that will assist you in keeping regular contact with your feelings so that you can learn to balance between thoughts and feelings toward a more happy, fulfilled life.

Today I turn 43 and between thanking friends and family for birthday wishes and making jokes about being an "Old Bag", I've been thinking about my legacy. When I wrote my book Pull Yourself Out of the Mud: Know and Love Who You Are and Get MORE Out of Life! my focus was on helping women overcome those difficulties that come from difficult childhoods and traumatic experiences so that they can lead happy, fulfilling lives. Like most authors, I had big dreams of changing the world. Daily, I was making a difference in the lives of women in my private practice psychotherapy office and my dreams led me to strive to expand that influence to every woman I could reach through the miracles of modern internet technology. Then, financial realities set in connected with a difficult economy and the truth that caring for a special-needs child takes more time and energy than my dreams of changing the world would allow. I finally admitted to myself that I needed to go and find a JOB! With a regular PAYCHECK! I found one working with abused and neglected children. Now, my weekdays are spent tending to broken hearts of the children I've met. I love the struggles, the challenges and the intensity of my daily work helping these children heal.]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2009/07/what_is_your_legacy.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2009/07/what_is_your_legacy.html Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Adoption Birthday Child Abuse Economy Mental Health Mistakes Special Needs Spilled Milk Women Sat, 11 Jul 2009 23:36:54 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson)

Recently someone asked me: "What is Love?" I answered the question as best I could, because love is a lot of things. But I haven't been able to get that question out of my mind. I suppose it is because in all of the questions sent to me from listeners to The Get Out of the Mud Show, I see a common theme. I have received several e-mails from young women in relationships who are very unhappy because their relationships do not meet their needs. Yet, they stay because they "love" the other person. Many of these young women are describing boyfriends, not husbands, but still cannot let go of the relationship although the boyfriends are not showing behaviors that could be described as loving. So I'm wondering about that . . . . ]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/10/what_is_love.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/10/what_is_love.html Answering Your Questions attraction committment friendship love lust romance trust Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:30:00 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson) A few days ago, I woke up to find a trail of ants leading up the side of my dresser, across one of the drawers and up to the top, where they were feasting on a bag of dog food I had left there several weeks ago. I had absent-mindedly dropped it there without making any other plans for it on the day I brought my adorable teacup Shih Tzu puppy home from the airport. Funny how ants remind us of our priorities. They have a way of making me stop and pay attention. Right now. A day or so before, I had found a trail of ants around the bathtub in the bathroom at 11pm, just before I had planned to turn in after a long day. Instead of going to bed, I ended up defending my territory with a can of Raid. When they came up on the dresser a few days later, there was a lesson in it for me. You see, once I found them on the dresser, I found myself grousing about how it's Michael's job to defend our home from intruders . . . . Grousing on my way to the Raid can. Then I stopped and realized something. How can I expect Michael to take care of the problem if I solve it before he even knows about it? It was an interesting thought. It actually brought me to another realization . . . . that I really do want to be in complete control of "my universe." And my attempts at control cause my shoulders to get tense, my stomach to hurt, my sleep to be of poor quality and my patience with my loved ones to wear thin. That I want to control makes me controlling. Yes, I might do it in a nice way, but it is controlling nonetheless. The most interesting thing about my interactions with the ants (or lack of it - should I choose to allow them to continue their work until Michael can stop them) was that I had also been thinking about this idea of control on a much larger scale. Somewhere along my path in life, I have come to believe that if I want to be "blessed," I must be "good." So, I've gone about trying to be good. The problem has come for me when I've evaluated my "goodness" as being "worthy" of "blessings" but the blessings don't seem to be proportionate with how "good" I've believed myself to be. Now, if you are reading this and thinking that I'm really not being very humble, I would agree with you. I'm sharing my process . . . . an interesting one. So in thinking and feeling this problem through, I've come to the conclusion that the "blessings" I receive are absolutely not related to how good I am. They are, instead, related to the Mercy and Goodness of God. I know this is a deep philosophical discussion, but stay with me . . . . The next thing that happened, was that I found myself awake at 3:30am with the thought that: If the good things that come into my life have little to do with how "good" I am, then I don't have any control over the course of what happens to me! Suddenly, I felt lost and like the great big world was simply filled with more chaos than I could face! The thought terrified me. I sat with it, not knowing quite what to do. Then, I realized something. As a child, I attempted to control my environment with my actions (and thought in my child-like logic that I could). I tried to be "good" so that everything would go right for me at home. It is something that I often teach my clients: a child would rather assume that their actions control their parents' behaviors (especially if the parent is non-responsive to the child's needs or abusive) than to believe that the (imperfect) parent would wish to cause the child harm (in the child's perspective). It's basic, "Understand Your Childhood 101". And here I sat, realizing that my efforts to "be good" were actually my attempts to control GOD into giving me what I want!!!! Wow! THAT is an eye-opener! What to do with a realization like that? Well . . . . here's what I did with it. I realized that I was using little-kid logic to make myself feel safe. I took a deep breath. I recognized that I cannot make the world nor my little "universe" safer with my efforts at "being good." I decided that I would rely on Christ, but instead of relying on Him to open the way for me to get a nice home because I'm so "good," I would rely on Him for comfort, for peace and for direction when I need it. In the morning, I told Michael about the ants and let it go . . . . http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/10/lessons_learned_from_ants_lear.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/10/lessons_learned_from_ants_lear.html Can You See My Underwear?? - Comments Welcome! ants blessings childhood_issues control God worth Wed, 01 Oct 2008 18:30:00 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson) Crystle won an autographed, advance copy of Pull Yourself Out of the Mud: Know and Love Who You Are and Get MORE Out of Life! by sharing The Get Out of the Mud Show with her friends and family. Thank you, Crystle and Congratulations! Here's what she has to say . . . . Hello my names is Crystle, I am married and a mother of two and learning how to get in touch with myself through The Get Out of the Mud Show. I was so excited to find out that I was the lucky winner of Tamara's new book. So far, I have found it very interesting and it has helped me to realize things that I didn't know before. I am also sharing the book with my 12 year old daughter so that she can grow to be a strong confident woman in her own right. Thanks Tamara. I look forward to your other helpful tools to help me improve the quality of my life. Sincerly Crystle C. P.S. Tamara, I do want you to know that the book is great! Even got my husband reading it. Thank you so much for everything. ]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/07/congratulations_to_book_winner.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/07/congratulations_to_book_winner.html Book_Giveaway Winner Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:05:38 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson)

Recently, I was toying with the idea of inviting people who watch YouTube videos to send me their video questions. I thought it would make a very fun project where I would answer those questions on video and just have a bit of fun with it. So, to begin I grabbed my video camera and headed to the Fox Coffee shop to recruit unsuspecting loungers into asking me a question on camera. I successfully cajoled one young person, who asked: "Why do I procrastinate so much?" Then, I arm wrestled a friend and won, so she consented to asking her question: "Why do I have so much trouble being motivated to do what I know I need to do to move forward in my life?" Hmmmm. I've been thinking about those two questions and the more I think about them, the more similar they seem to me. Both questions seem to imply that there is something each person wants to do but for one reason or another, does not do. ]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/07/priorities_out_of_balance.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/07/priorities_out_of_balance.html Exploring Personal Issues balance boundaries fun obligations overwhelm priorities responsibilities women YouTube Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:18:00 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson)

I haven't added an entry to my diary lately because I've been in a lot of transition and reflection. I am not even quite sure where to begin this entry because I've been having so many thoughts about so many things. Perhaps, it is best to begin chronologically. That goes way back. Way, way back. I almost want to begin in January 2004, when I married my beloved, Michael. But it actually goes back so much further than that . . . . to my first marriage. During my marriage to my first husband, I began and completed my education. It was during the education that I began to catch a tiny glimpse of what my future could hold. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I looked forward to helping people change their lives for the better. But first, I had to change my own life for the better. Along about the time my training ended and I finished the licensing process, it became very clear that my first husband was unwilling to do the required emotional work that would allow us to maintain a marriage that was alive. When I left that marriage, I left almost fourteen years of being belittled by him (and in some measure by myself because I had to have agreed with him to stay, right?) and really began the work of re-building my self-esteem. In fact, the therapist I had already been working with for a year had this to say during my first session after leaving the marital home and moving back in with my parents: "Good. Now we can get the real work done." "What do you mean?" I asked. "Well, he replied, "Everything we have been doing up to this point has been to get you out of that marriage that was killing you. Now, we can start working on helping you heal." I had not even imagined that I hadn't even started working on myself until he spoke it! His comment really gave me pause. ]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/07/no_more_chameleon.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/07/no_more_chameleon.html Can You See My Underwear?? - Comments Welcome! anger boundaries compromise hindsight identity knight in shining armor manicure marriage pedicure poverty realization vacation Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:30:00 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson) we see the world is the way everyone else should see the world, as well! We assume that our way is the best way! However, when you understand that the differences between you and your partner are meant to enhance your relationship, you can begin to appreciate each other instead of trying to change each other. ]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/05/special_report_secrets_of_comp.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/05/special_report_secrets_of_comp.html Secrets competency conflict duty freedom marriage personality relationship temperament_theory Mon, 12 May 2008 23:45:45 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson) Special Report: Three things you can do today to know and love who you are! If you already took the Know and Love Who You Are test, you are probably ready to identify what you can do today to improve your score. Congratulations! You are on your way because the first step to improving your life is curiosity and an open mind. So, let me tell you the three things you can do today. Slow down and listen are the first two things you can do. What do I mean when I say slow down? Well, the interesting thing that I see that stops women from making progress when they come to me for psychotherapy is that they never take time for themselves. They are so busy running from here to there and getting all of their "work" done that they don't understand why at the end of the day they are unhappy, tapped out and feeling unfulfilled. Yes, we women hold the world together, but if we do not attend to ourselves, we will find ourselves out in the middle of the proverbial desert without any water! ]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/05/steps.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/05/steps.html Steps action assessment breathe inner_voice quiet self-esteem Mon, 12 May 2008 23:20:17 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson) Do YOU Know and Love Who You Are? Take this test and find out! Please rate how strongly you agree or disagree with the following statements. 1. I believe I can do anything I set my mind to doing. Strongly Agree = 4; Agree = 3; Disagree = 2; Strongly Disagree = 1 2. It is easy for me to stand up for my ideas, even of someone disagrees with me. Strongly Agree = 4; Agree = 3; Disagree = 2; Strongly Disagree = 1 3. I have one or two hobbies or interests that I spend time doing, which I find regenerative and fulfilling. Strongly Agree = 4; Agree = 3; Disagree = 2; Strongly Disagree = 1 http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/05/new_book_release.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/05/new_book_release.html assessment self-esteem Mon, 12 May 2008 23:13:13 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson) www.WorkSmartMommies.com. Or, read Tamara's diary at http://www.tamarajohnsonsdiary.com]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/04/reclaim_your_body_from_shame_a.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/04/reclaim_your_body_from_shame_a.html assignment body_image Sat, 26 Apr 2008 04:58:00 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson)

Hello, I'm Tamara Johnson, your host of the Get Out of the Mud Show. Today, I want to take some time to share with you my personal exploration of body image and shame because it is a problem that is rampant for so many of us in this culture. So, let me tell you what happened for me and then I will tell you how this issue affects so many of us, even if size is not your particular issue. I think it is a discussion we need to begin to have to be able to reclaim ourselves from shame and self-rejection. I have also decided to re-structure the weekly assignments. Instead of having a quote, I'm going to create an assignment associated with the week's discussion topic. So look in your e-mail box this Friday (if you have signed up for assignments) for the assignment that goes along with today's exploration. Last Friday, I had the great privilege of returning to the wilderness for a 3-hour solo medicine walk in the wilderness of the San Francisco Bay Area. The insights and healing I gained there were, once again, tremendous. On this walk, I began my journey in the energy of pondering deep questions that had arisen for me while I was listening deeply to my own inner voice and setting my intentions for my journey. Before each of us set out on our solo walk, we shared our intentions as well as our growth since our last journey. .]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/04/reclaim_your_body_from_shame.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/04/reclaim_your_body_from_shame.html Exploring Personal Issues body_image chronic_fatigue fibromyalgia grandmothers healing hiking medicine_walk rejection rituals San_Francisco self-harm shame wilderness Wed, 23 Apr 2008 18:00:00 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson)

Asha is the creator of the Birth of Your Life System-- a Spiritual childbirth course and the creator of the Reclaiming Your Power Formula. She is a contributing writer for various publications, including the book Soulful Parenting. Asha is a speaker, mentor & coach, and is dedicated to assisting women achieve their personal and professional goals. For more on Asha, please visit www.reclaimingyourpower.com & www.birthofyourlife.com ]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/04/8_minute_preview_of_interview.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/04/8_minute_preview_of_interview.html Guest Interviews childbirth fear happiness power reclaiming Wed, 16 Apr 2008 22:49:08 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson) Survivor Psalm I have been victimized. I was in a fight that was not a fair fight. I did not ask for the fight. I lost. There is no shame in losing such fights, only in winning. I have reached the stage of survivor and no longer a slave of victim status. I look back with sadness rather than hate. I look forward with hope rather than despair. I may never forget, but I need not constantly remember. I was a victim. I am a survivor.]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/02/survivor_psalm_by_dr_frank_och.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/02/survivor_psalm_by_dr_frank_och.html Answering Your Questions Healing Rape Survivor_Psalm Fri, 29 Feb 2008 17:52:15 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson)

Hello, I'm Tamara Johnson, your host of The Get Out of the Mud Show. Thank you for joining me today. As a regular feature of my show, I answer a question that comes from one of my listeners and today, I am going to respond to a question from a woman who asked me about sexual assault. She wants to know how she can overcome the guilt she feels. She also tells me that she has tried to ignore her memories of the rape, but she just cannot forget what happened. Let me begin by stating that although you feel isolated, you are not alone. One in six American women are victims of sexual assault according to the National Sexual Assault Hotline. Let me also say that you can get free, confidential assistance by calling the hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE. This is such a sensitive issue and I will do my best to help you understand why being raped is such a powerfully negative experience -- even years after it occurred. And, I will do my best to help you understand how to cope and heal. I also want you to understand that it is very difficult to heal from this kind of trauma on your own. I would recommend that you find a caring, responsive counselor who can help you walk through the difficult process of healing after rape. Trying to ignore the problem will only insure that you will be struggling with the same feelings, symptoms and problems for years to come. ]]> http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/02/how_do_i_overcome_guilt_heal_a.html http://www.getoutofthemud.com/2008/02/how_do_i_overcome_guilt_heal_a.html Answering Your Questions Guilt Healing National Sexual Assault Hotline Post Traumatic Stress Rape Sexual Assault Fri, 29 Feb 2008 06:37:02 +0000 tamara@getoutofthemud.com (Tamara Johnson)