Maybe it’s hindsight, but you can just feel that Carrie and Berger just don’t quite fit – they care for each other, but it’s too much hard work of the wrong kind. Because no matter how it shakes out, relationships do take dedication, work and effort. And boy can that be so worth it. But with these two, it’s a struggle to really embrace each other, especially it seems from Berger’s side of the fence.

The flavour of the episode is whether the men of today are less threatened by women’s power.

When it comes to Smith Jared (aka Jerry Jared), he is more than happy and grateful for Samantha to step in and  help boost his career – he sees her skills as an asset and is happy for her to go for it. On the other hand, with Berger, Carrie’s book success at a time his book is experiencing the opposite, is something he just can’t get a handle on.

So I find myself asking the same question as Carrie – are men secretly (or overtly) threatened by successful and intelligent women who know who they are and what they want? I went looking for an answer and came accross this interesting piece from relationship blogger Evan Marc Katz:

“When a man goes out with a woman, he’s not as concerned with whether she’s articulate and on track to make partner at the law firm. That’s what women want in men and they assume it’s of equal importance to them. It’s generally not. Men DO value intelligence, but they also want from their girlfriend what they CAN’T get from their business associates. Warmth, affection, nurturing, thoughtfulness. If he finds himself constantly hearing all the things he needs to change, he may just determine that he wants a bright woman who is less challenging. Not a Stepford Wife. Not a bimbo. Not a maid. Just someone who makes his life EASIER and more pleasant.”

Hmmm… So it’s not success that is the problem, it’s more our attitude and the delivery of our thoughts and opinions. Isn’t this the crux of so many relationship crisis points? That we are up for hearing and accepting things about each other we don’t exactly love, but it’s all in the delivery… and that some things just don’t need to be said. Evan goes on to say:

“This is a real dilemma. You’re undoubtedly a great catch. You can teach us a thing or two. You are a go-getter and worthy of everyone’s respect. But if that go-getter side ends up emasculating your man, or makes him feel insignificant, or second-guessed, he’s not really getting what he wants out of a partner. Men want to feel masculine. We want to feel needed.”

And maybe therin lies the biggest clue. Men have and perhaps always will want to feel strong, masculine and essentially, needed. So whoever we are, it’s not about giving up our strength or playing dumb, but it is about letting the man feel loved and supported rather than niggling at him for every little thing we know “for sure” would make life better if he did it our way. We can be strong as long as we let him be strong too.

Wow – that really is kind of simple. And makes perfect sense. This one little idea could totally turn a relatonship around… now to go practice it!!

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

It brings out three fundamentals about men (and of course in the process, relationships) that if I could just get, deep within my core and never ever forget, maybe life would be a little smoother, a lot happier and I would feel pretty smug!!!

So what am I talking about?

Well Carrie and Berger are in a lovely fresh new relationship and she introduces him to the girls. This goes really well and they love him, especially Miranda. Why? Because he gives her a few wise words straight from the male mind:

If he doesn’t come upstairs, doesn’t chase you, “He’s just not that into you – guys are simple. If he’s into you, you know”. Cue BIG Miranda aha moment. And here we are at fundamental number 1.

How many times have myself and my girls gone round in circles about what he means, how he feels, what’s really behind what he said (and didn’t say), what’s going to happen next, tomorrow, in 5 days and 5 years. And overcomplicating it as we go. Missing the moment.

I’m not saying always. But for me and my friends, most of the time. I think deep down you know when a guy is into you. You feel it. You don’t question it, because there is nothing to question. When you analyse and turn yourself upside down about what he really meant, you often end up creating a picture and a story that probably isn’t true,

Don’t you find we live in stories a LOT? We think about what something means, is, will be and so on and live in our minds as though all that is true. We feel what it would feel like, see how it will look. And yet none of it has happened yet. Most of it may never come to pass.

So Berger and Carrie say I love you.
Charlotte loves Harry so much it hurts.
These couples know how they feel!

Carrie reads Bergers book.

And so we come to fundamental number 2! Whilst Carrie absolutely loves his book (and sighs relief that she does), she quickly focuses on a teeny tiny detail – that the New York woman in the story wears a Scrunchy in her hair. If you remember this episode, you know this doesn’t go too well and all the trying to saying nice things later doesn’t do much to undo the damage that the nit picking caused.

Some things are just better left unsaid. Or at least left for a better time. A better delivery. This goes for all relationships. If there was one thing I would like to master it would be this – give myself a few moments or better yet, a few minutes before responding. You know, that time later in the shower when you think of all the ways you would have preferred to respond, the kinder words you could have used. The do-over. Well I want to do it a little better the first time!

Meanwhile Charlotte goes to a lot of trouble to impress Harry with her skills in learning his culture and traditions. She sweats over a special dinner for him. He comes home and wants to watch the baseball. And here comes fundamental number 3…

She goes all cranky pants on him for not appreciating the meal and all the trouble she is going to so that he can marry her.

Yes, Harry you should show respect and appreciate Charlotte. I want to make that clear. And also remember that Harry thinks the world of Charlotte and treats her beautifully more often than not. But for me, the thing that stands out is the classic case of a girl doing everything she can, sometimes overdoing it, losing herself, giving up her own life and things she likes to do in order to get some reward, adoration or something like that from her man. I’m talking generally, not Harry specific now.

And then we end up being disappointed if that someone doesn’t react how you expected. We set the expectation bar so high. And we do so because we have set the bar TOO HIGH on ourselves. We give too much up. Usually of our own accord. And then we complain, bitterly, later. Why do we do that to ourselves?

You can imagine when Charlotte asks Harry if he knows how lucky he is to have a girl like her, he walks out. Not the best feeling to be made to feel less than her. But as write, I know I’ve done a version of this. Hmmmmm…

It’s amazing to show someone you cherish them. It’s wonderful when they value and appreciate you back. Just don’t set the bar so high, neither of you notices just how great it can be.

Carrie finally realises it’s in her hands and in her words to turn it around with Berger. And show some appreciation.
Problem Solved.

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

When you have sex, the first time you have good sex and when you see a guys apartment who you’ve just starting dating.

And so far so good with Berger when it came to these three – except the past returning to the present in the form of his ex. And Carrie wonders if their past really has to have a present.

Even their friends ‘purse party’ they go to ends up being more about her ‘baggage’ and less about the bags. It’s an interesting thing, baggage. Does it ever really fully leave you?

Carrie finds out Bergers past still gets a reaction because of the hurt his previous relationship caused him. And by bringing the past up and finding out more, Carrie feels closer to him than ever. And just like that they “moved out of the past and into the future”. Which meant calling BIG and leaving ‘those’ calls in the past and staying “friends, good friends”. Ouch. BIG feels it. And I can’t helping adoring him.

Moral of the story – well in Carrie’s case it seems moving on and out of the past was the trick – which also included understanding the past a little more. And I can’t fault her for that. I also feel like your past is what brought you where you are today. It’s not to be dwelled in or dredged up at every opportune moment (as I know I am prone to do), but it is who you are and what’s shaped you, in all ways. And that’s worth some understanding.

You’ve got to take all you can from your past experiences, reminisce about the best of times and learn from the worst. And then be the best you that today brings…

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

But the first time in bed wasn’t so good – and Carrie wonders if she has too high sexpectations?
She hopes the second time will have the sexual chemistry she expected.

Meanwhile the four Girls go to RAW Restaurant and meet Smith for the first time.
And Samantha goes back and gets her man! We know where that goes…. Sam’s long term love.
Charlotte has decided to convert for Harry – the man with whom she feels most happy and at ease.
Miranda’s broken TiVo can be repaired.
But her broken ‘Steve’ heart is a little more tricky.

So Carrie decides if she is a sex columnist, then she can heat up their sex life, and tries a little lingerie and liquor.
But they are a little too drunk and fall asleep instead.
In the morning Berger is honest and open enough to say it sucks and he is better than this
“We should be smokin not chokin” is the actual words he uses…

And after being ok to talk about it, it suddenly got hot, very hot…

So what does this all mean. Maybe it’s a simple as this. We need to be a little more patient in this I want it and can often have it now world. But also, to remember it’s our expectations that often let us down more than anything.

You know, it’s my birthday and I want the day to be perfect, to have the best night of my life, for everyone to act a certain way and so on. When we place those exacting expectations on life, we set ourselves up for missing out on so much. We are so focused on how it should be that the magic moments and opportunities pass us by.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t know what you want and go for it (great birthdays, great sex…), but let it unfold, let it be better, different, even more than you could have hoped. Let it take you somewhere you couldn’t have even imagined. But most of all, laugh, experience every moment, be present and be excited about what is possible.

And if something’s not working. Change it.

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

She is rushing to get downtown to open the Stock Market on time. Note to self, I am always rushing. It’s self inflicted. I have still yet to work out why? We get frustrated when our children ask for the millionth time (or so it feels!) for “5 more minutes”. But I’ve just realised that’s why I’m almost always rushing, I want just 5 more minutes too!

Does that mean I haven’t lost my youthful spirit or is it just how some of us are built? I’m thinking I’ve just let it become a habit that no longer serves me – it feels like my desire to have just 5 more minutes has actually left me with less. Something to work on…

Meanwhile, Miranda gets upset with Steve. But really it’s because she loves him. Another moment of “why do we do the opposite to what we want, what’s good for us”? She meets him for dinner and wants to tell him, but she is a little late – he is dating someone else and she doesn’t tell him. And Carrie gives her her the same advice I would have. Tell him anyway. Don’t have expectations of what will happen as a result, but just be free to get rid of one too many “what ifs”. I think this is a lesson for just about all of life – if something is true for you, whether others believe in it or not, go for it, take your time, give it your best. Try not to “expect” a certain outcome. Instead be kind to yourself, however it turns out, because you followed your dreams and your heart. You were YOU.

Isn’t that the very best we can hope for ourselves? To be our very best self as much as possible, flaws and all. And don’t the flaws help us be our best self more and more as we learn about who we want to be?

Carrie eventually gets that her best self doesn’t mean her “perfect” self as she goes on her first date with Jack Berger.

Live a little slower. Be ourselves a little more each day. Can we do it? I hope so.

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

If you are a fan of the show then you will remember the Bitsy and Bobby Fine wedding… and the question of whether Bobby is in fact gay and as I watched this episode, I wondered about how I felt and what I would write. Did it matter what side Bobby batted for, it appeared to be love, whatever form that took? That precious commodity we can’t help but want. But then I got what this episode means for me.

Charlotte is falling in love with Harry despite him being the opposite of what she thought she wanted. Hairy, bald Harry! But the love of her life anyway. Carrie and BIG, whilst not together in this episode, eventually drawn together by something unameable. Bitsy and Bobbie, happy, whatever the situation. Miranda and Steve, also eventually drawn back together.

The girls judged at first, made assumptions about what did and didn’t make a great relationship, was companionship enough, or did you also need that certain ‘zaa zaa zoo’?

In my kitchen as a reminder of what it’s all about…

But could Carrie explain just what kept the ‘butterflies’ alive with her and BIG after so much turmoil? Whilst you definitely can’t understand what makes someone else’s relationship tick, sometimes it’s even difficult to define your own. What you would never accept with someone else, you find endearing or worth it with another.

And maybe it’s ok that you can’t explain it, even to yourself. Maybe all you need to know is that you are happy. That the love is enough.

And whatever works for everyone else is… what works. As Carrie sums up:

“Maybe we are all in glass houses and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies…”

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

A lot happens on their way to San Fransisco – but it’s what they both discover and share about themselves that is the most fascinating and a little… unexpected. Carrie has one BIG wish whilst in San Fransisco – she wants some BIG action! Meanwhile Samantha is feeling “Same York”, she is over the bachelors, and agrees to going with Carrie on that basis.

Life is how WE see it…

The train ride is not quite what they hope but the lessons are pretty profound. After a 3 day very un-sexy train ride, Samantha realises that it’s not New York that is the problem, its her. That’s a big realisation. Only because it’s the hardest and yet simplest one to come to – when we realise our part and responsibility in this great life journey, we can do something about it, we can finally take our power back. Yes, it’s a lot cliched, but so what if it’s true!

So what is Carrie’s profound moment? Well while she thinks sex, BIG thinks dinner and dissecting her book – and working through every article and apologising for the hurt and pain he caused her while they were on again off again. But Carrie suddenly doesn’t care. She says it’s all writing, in the past,  and she is interested in the present. First BIG call!

And then Carrie says something else very interesting. She says what happened in New York was all her fault. She didn’t read the signs. He made it very clear he was unavailable. WOW. BIG call number two! REALLY REALLY BIG CALL.

Some seriously profound things to remember – taking responsibility for how you show up and react, the part you play in the parts of life you don’t enjoy so much and living in the present, the only place the good stuff truly is.

NOW THAT’S BIG…

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

Carrie gets the “Nina Katz”!!

Don’t you find we almost love our bad reviews in some strange way? In the sense we focus on them, dissect them, give them meaning that may be totally off base. Obsess over them. Carrie let’s it bother her no end. And yet no one can top the bad reviews we often give ourselves. Actually, not just often, sometimes it’s moment to moment.

She also obsesses over her book review in the newspaper. She right royally carries on. And in the process she takes her time to notice her friends have got challenges going on too. Ones that are bigger than Nina Katz and the face she pulled.

Here’s something I heard. Its something I’ve never forgotten and share often. 50% of the world will love who you are and what you are about, which leaves potential bad reviews from the other 50%. So be sure to be true and real to who you are, because no matter what you do, the split will work out the same.

This has been profound for me. What if its true? What if regardless of how you are and how you choose to live, you are always guaranteed equal good and bad reviews. How would that impact your choices? Would you be surer to do what you love? Would you let less of the bad reviews in?

Just like Carrie asks “When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?”

The problem that Carrie gets caught up in, as we all can, is that we can get so tangled and torn by just the slightest perceived criticism, that we ignore more important things and more importantly, people. People we love.

Carrie is so busy with her own story, she can barely notice her friends around her.

Everyday we are presented with so many opportunities to really cherish people. To show love. A kind word, a hug, someone who will listen, a laugh, a little surprise. Someone at work who always quietly and diligently gets on with their work, always smiles even though they have been very unwell. You don’t have to be their best friend in order to do something sweet and out of the blue. A little gift. A special thought. Can you imagine how that feels? For both of you?

Life offers these opportunities every day. They are a gift. Don’t get so caught up in stuff that won’t matter tomorrow, and miss them.

Samantha gives up her coveted hair appointment to Miranda and babysits Brady. Because in that moment it makes the world of difference. To both of them.

The greatest thing is, every moment you give to a friend, is a billion moments you get back. Today I called a friend. She is a very busy girl and doesn’t have nearly as much time as she would love with her friends. But I know how much friends mean to her, so I decided to give her call. We laughed so much, I don’t know what was better. Hearing her laugh or enjoying my own laughter. Either way, man it felt good.

A day well spent sharing your love with others – this is a day you can dish out the most important review – the one you give yourself. That’s the critic that matters most.

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

Carrie is at a great moment in her life – she’s just had her book published, she’s a great girl and life is generally sweet. Her current relationship is with her publisher! But the non-romantic kind.

At her magnificent and successful book launch, she asks

“Why does one minus a plus one feel like it adds up to zero?”

Her Editor from Vogue Magazine, Enid, looks to have it all, but compromises by sharing her man with another woman. And whilst it looks like this suits her, the deep down truth is, it doesn’t. She is torn when she sees him out. Turns out she’s chosen to settle for less than she really wants rather than feel alone.

Loneliness is real and painful. I know how important love is. I am no different to Carrie, Enid or Charlotte the eternal relationship optimist. She believes that love conquers all. I think that it can. Just not at the expense of ourselves.

Carrie heartbreakingly says “the loneliness is palpable” for her. And it’s in this episode she meets Jack Berger for the first time and even though he has told her he is in a relationship, she wonders about him. Why do we do that? Why do meet someone for a brief moment, someone we don’t know at all, and yet we begin to build a fantasy life where they play the starring role as the ‘perfect guy’. The guy that is “the one” even if he shows no interest, he’s not even available and we do all the chasing. We build a story around fragments of information and convince ourselves it’s real. In the process we can end up hurting ourselves by the unfair and unreal fantasy we create. It’s hard for a guy to live up to that even if things do progress.

So what’s my point?! In all the amazingness of the night, the wonderful launch of her book and a new phase in her career, Carrie’s night seemed marked by her lack of a date. And it took the limo driver taking her home to remind her this was a great night. Her night. A BIG night. Man or not. And that’s what we often do, miss the life in front of us, the celebrations, the people and yes, the love that is all around us. It may not be romantic love, but there is joy and magical people and experiences all around that we just let pass us by.

Through the many experiences my friends and I have shared, it is clear we fear being alone or unloved more than almost anything. That fear can override all sensibility. And possibly just as debilitating as staying with someone when you are unhappy, is the underlying fear that no one else will ever love you and you couldn’t possibly love anyone else like ‘him’ ever again. It’s an unfair limitation we harshly place ourselves. Deep love is beautiful, I don’t for a moment think people are easily replaced. And I happily believe in enduring and intoxicating romantic love with that one special guy. But if its not bringing you joy or he decides to go and you have no choice but to accept that, the fear that there is no more love in the world for you is a torture we place on ourselves. An unfair harshness that is self inflicted.

And it contributes to our feelings of loneliness. Almost hopelessness sometimes.

I love being in a relationship. I love being in love. I have had my share of heartache and truth be told, I didn’t care for it one bit… But eventually I was ok. I was me again. I valued myself again. And that’s when things changed for the better.

Lets believe in ourselves even just a little more. The way we believe in others. We deserve it.

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

It is said that it takes a lifetime to figure out who you are.

I don’t know that you ever fully figure it out. But I do think part of life’s adventure is learning more about yourself everyday. And importantly, wanting to learn more about yourself – I think that’s the key. How much stronger you are than you could imagine, just how much and how well you can deal with things. And also, how you can improve upon the way you did things yesterday, by giving it a better go today. Older and wiser!

As my friends and I like to think, not a better you, just the best version of you. You know, the girl you know you are. It’s just that sometimes you allow yourself to get so caught up in perceived drama, that you let yourself and your life become a little bit of a nightmare. I believe in taking charge of your own emotional well being. I’m constantly reading, researching and observing my own behaviour. I love getting closer everyday to that best version. Not perfect. But interested. Fascinated. Happier for giving it a go. Finding out amazing stuff!!

The girls of Sex and The City are finding themselves growing and changing. Their focus and priorities have shifted.

Carrie is getting ready for her book cover, and while once might she may have opted for a fun flirty, even outrageous photo, it just isn’t who she is or who she wants to portray to the world anymore. These days it’s more city and less sex!

Charlotte finds herself in the self help aisle of the book store, ultimately interested in directing her own growth and happiness.

Miranda continues to adjust to a new life and new challenges as a mother.

And Samantha takes offence to her own behavior and wonders whether its time to make some adjustments.

The show ends with a song by DB Boulevard -

Point of View

It’s really worth listening and taking in the simple message this song has for us:

And I have included some of the lyrics here because I think they say it best. As we grow older and wiser, it’s not so much that we fundamentally change, maybe it’s more that we are willing to see things from another point of view. We get perspective. And boy can perspective help us grow. Grow into the person we always were underneath the fear, chaos and judgements.

I see life and light
All the colours of the world so beautiful
Won’t you come with me?
I see birds and trees
All the flowers of the world so beautiful
Won’t you come with me?

Can’t you see life’s easy
If you consider things
From another point of view
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah yeah
In another way
From another point of view
Ye ye ye eheh
Oh oh yeah
In another way
From another point of view

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

Anyway, back to the episode and Carries blind date is a no show and she decides to focus on her friendships instead. Against Charlottes desire to admit her age, they all go to Atlantic City to celebrate her 36th Birthday.

As she and Miranda make their way there by bus, Carrie wonders if their friendships will last till they are 70? Carrie suggests they need an emotional retirement plan. What am amazing thought. We put so much emphasis and worry on our financial future, but what about our emotional one? What about building our emotional resilience… And investing in ourselves more? Cliched or critical?

And Samantha does just that when she takes her heart off the table and says “I love you Richard, but I love me more”. Brave move and one that says she backs herself.

Meanwhile Carrie is thinking about skipping all the relationship drama and just enjoying the company of her girlfriends – but Charlotte doesn’t want to miss the ‘relationship’ drama – that’s all the good stuff to her. And there really is so much good stuff, maybe it’s up to us to pull the pin on some of the self inflicted drama. So we can be stronger for the drama that can’t be avoided.

When Carrie sees an old couple enjoying each others company she realises that maybe there are some things worth gambling on. “To hit the jackpot in the future you have to bet on where you are in the present.” Wow. This comment is so bang on for me!

Are you backing yourself right now? Truly. Madly. Deeply? I used to live much more in the future, and I am finally getting to that place where I not only know the present moment is where it’s at, I feel it for real. I just notice how many people around me can’t let themselves be happy. Won’t let themselves.

And for the most part, it is a choice. I listen to the way people talk who I spend time with through work or socially. About themselves. About others. So much complaining, so much rudeness, not enough celebrating the everyday moments and the big moments. All of them count. All of them are what make up our life.

Recently a friend had a baby. As I gathered around the first exciting email photo with friends, I was gobsmacked by the comments made by people I actually like. Rude little comments I won’t repeat to protect feelings, but uneccessary bad humour. Bad timing. Bad taste. Here was our friend realising a long held dream and his friends had nothing nice to say.

And then I have friends who are cherishing life in new ways. Who I can sit and have a cup of tea with, go for a walk and smile at where we’ve been and who we are right now as a result. And the conversation is enriching. It’s love. It’s joy. With all our ups and yes, many downs. It’s betting on the present just like Carrie said. Backing ourselves and one another.

Sure, you don’t have to paint the world in rainbows with every word spoken, but hey, isn’t it about time we started sharing what we love more often than focusing on what we don’t?

Is anyone else getting sick of hearing the same old dramas and judgements?

Cherish your friendships. Cherish those you love. Build the greatest currency you have, you, your time, how you spend it, who you spend it with and how much you choose love – yes Carrie, I couldn’t agree more – isn’t it time we focused a little more on building an emotional retirement plan?

The kind that will be with you for life.

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

Maybe I am about to go all cliched on you, but there is one huge relationship that I am always involved in, always fine tuning, can never escape or end and find completely frustrating as well as fun all at once. Even Carrie realises this in the very last episode.

Cue drumroll…. yes it’s the relationship you have with yourself. Cliched maybe. Absolutely. But it is incredibly important and yet we, myself included, seem all to often to shy away from this concept. We treat ourselves badly, talk down to ourselves and are always wishing we did it differently, were different etc etc and put much more effort, praise and energy into someone else. All that time spent and we could actually honour ourselves and put true love and effort into being the best version of ourselves.

Are you a pessimist or an optimist?

But we tend to do the opposite and in true Carrie and often true female fashion, we think the worst. In this case Carrie thinks her Editor calling means only bad news. Her not getting laid, means instead she is getting laid off.

But it turns out he is calling to tell her they want to turn her column into a book! When Carrie meets with her new Publishers, they ask if she is still hopeful about finding The One? She says she is, but deep down she wasn’t sure what she felt. She questioned her own belief in the future and wondered if optimism past the age of 35 was advisable.

And she asks whether maybe pessimism was worth applying daily when you fall and love doesn’t conquer all?

That’s huge. Or BIG. Either way, there are no guarantees, but is pessimism really the answer? Should we choose unhappiness as a general standpoint from which to live our lives, or can we accept certain unhappiness and pain and find the joy in every other moment possible anyway? Not sugar sweet the world is rosy all the time happiness, but hey, I fall down sometimes, I don’t always get what I want, but life has it’s beauty as well and I’m not going to miss it.

That’s my general life standpoint and I hope I stick to it. In the end, I think Carrie moves towards that kind of thinking too. After going to a relationship seminar with Charlotte, Carrie decides to dedicate her book “to hopeful single women everywhere and one in particular…my good friend Charlotte, the eternal optimist, who always believes in love.”

If we can’t believe in love…. what else is there??

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

Miranda may be single, but she does have a new leading man in her life, Baby Brady. She is trying to adjust and feels a little lost and out of the ‘friendship’ loop.

Samantha is also trying to adjust – to a life without the one man she had actually allowed herself to love in a long time – Richard Wright. He turned out to be Richard Wrong, and she wanted to make him pay!

Charlotte is also embracing a new life – one where she is no longer married. She tells the girls that life only gives you one or two great loves. Which leaves Carrie wondering if BIG and Aidan were hers? She wonders if their carefree lives have passed them by. That the adventures are over.

So she relents and goes to a party she wasn’t really up for to prove to herself that life is still the same. And she realises she didn’t need to hang on to a world she used to enjoy to prove anything.

And then she nails it – in true Carrie style.

“Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were, to become who you will be”.

To me it’s all about the little things you force yourself to believe, the lies you tell yourself and the past regrets that are most definitely like an anchor dragging us down. That you hate him. That no one will ever be “the one” again. That you aren’t enough. Too old. Too fat. Too thin. Too tall. Too short. Too tired, too busy. Too… too many too’s.

See life in it’s full glorious colour

I don’t know how many great loves each of us is lucky to have. And as cliched as it sounds – we are only ever guaranteed to be with one person for all our lives. One real and lasting great love.

Ourselves.

Isn’t it time we started treating that person with the same love, energy, loyalty and passion we bestow upon others? To keep growing and transforming, not to be a better someone, but to be the best version of ourselves. Forget the cliches. This is it, a precious far too fleeting life.

We have the choice to laugh, to continue loving, to be kind, to look after ourselves, to share our talents and do good, to be in awe of the wonder and beauty of life. It’s always there.

Whether you are looking or not.

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

It’s because of how it makes me feel – happy, sad, nostalgic and hopeful.

It’s filled with emotion for everyone – all the leading players including NY.

And I love this episode…

Carrie and BIG say goodbye in full New York tradition – so classy and yes, cliched. I love it! It’s what makes NY such a great backdrop and key part of the show.

Miranda delivers Brady – and her emotions finally find an outlet.

Samantha, whilst having her heart broken by Richard, discovers what it is to let go and love.

Charlotte moves on and starts dating again, even though it is not a success first time around! And drops into conversation that she always thought BIG and Carrie would end up together (me too!).

And the show is dedicated to the city of New York.

BIG and Carrie share some gorgeous moments dancing to Moon River in his empty apartment as he makes a move to the Nappa Valley. There is still so much intimacy and love between them even in this phase as lovely ‘friends’. There is some love that endures it all. Together or not, what is entrancing is that Carrie feels safe around this great man in her life. And BIG, whilst emotionally unable to “be” with Carrie, knows he will miss her.  That just gets me – I am all about the LOVE… and the undeniable pull they have between them.

This episode has you thinking about the choices you make and the role of fate. The little apparent steps and mis-steps (or so we label them) that lead to who we are in this moment. It questions whether we are responsible for the course our lives take or whether it is just predestined. And if that is the case “Can we still take a wrong step…Can you make a mistake and miss your fate?

And so the episode closes, full of the emotion with which it began.BIG has left, but he has left Carrie the Moon River record and a plane ticket – and that beautiful note “if you ever get lonely, if I ever get lonely”
And so she walks down the street, autumn leaves falling, Moon River playing…. can you see why this gets me? And I too wonder about fate, the choices I’ve made, the ones I would do-over, but mostly do over and over in my head far too much, and then in her great narrative style, Carrie pulls me out of my glum and reminds me -

“It was official, a new season had begun
Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate
Without them, what would shape our lives?
Perhaps if we never veared off course we wouldn’t fall in love or have babies or be who we are
After all, seasons change, so do cities, people come into to your life and people go
But it’s comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart
And If your very lucky, a plane ride away”

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

New do (cool short cut Carrie!!)

New Mortgage

And a new job at Vogue that isn’t turning out quite as she hoped

Miranda is looking for her maternal instinct as her pregnancy blooms

Charlotte struggles with too much maternal instinct and no baby

And Samantha is working out she really does want “Monogamy” and a relationship – things she had always avoided

Play the hand we’ve been given

The girls, like all of us, find themselves facing new challenges. And that’s the thing with life, sometimes we spend a lot of time waiting for things to “settle down”, that perfect moment when everything is just so. The perfect job we have coveted. But maybe we should stop waiting for that… maybe life just is fluid. Always. Maybe that’s what makes it rich, makes us rich?

So what does this all mean – Carrie sums it up beautifully:

“Its tempting to wish for the perfect boss or the perfect outfit
But Maybe the best we can do is not quit
Play the hand we’ve be given
And accessories the outfit we’ve got”

Perfectly said.

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

Meanwhile Samantha is trying to remain cool with Richard when really she feels something a whole lot more.

And Miranda struggles with the idea she is supposed to be excited about knowing she is having a boy just like everybody else is.

Carrie, Samantha and Miranda all have one thing in common. In their hearts they know how they feel, but they are scared to express it and show themselves. That, and they aren’t quite ready to decide how they feel. Timing is everything. Second to being yourself.

I am a big fan of author and speaker, Byron Katie. She says something that really helps me around making decisions. If you are finding it tough to decide – let the decision make you. What she means by that, is just wait until your are ready. You will know. The time will come when it becomes easy. Before that you may feel confused, stressed and wondering if you will ever know. But if you can free your mind, you can let the moment come when the decision is simply obvious.

Less Worry, More Time to be YOU

For Carrie she wonders if she is missing the bride gene and asks why do we even have to get married when she already feels secure. But she also wonders what she is afraid of – of everything changing once she says I do?? She is not alone in these fears and questions.

In the case of Carrie, we know from how the story ends that she isn’t missing the bride gene. The timing and the situation just aren’t right. And when they are, she happily says I do (albeit with a shaky false start) with BIG – the love of her life. And even BIG, who didn’t have marriage on the agenda finds the moment when he says to Carrie “I wouldn’t mind being married to YOU”, and we all sigh a collective aggggghhhhh…!!!

But for now Carrie decides she can’t take a vow when she is unsure. Unsure about societies and Aidan’s concepts of marriage and babies. When you know, you know and that day either comes or it doesn’t. With BIG, they shared the same vision of what marriage could be for them.

Samantha works out she does want a relationship with Richard.
Miranda feels the bay kick for the first time and finally feels maternal.
Carrie makes a bold decision to be herself and Aidan moves out.

All in good time – because it’s only when you know that the decision makes itself…

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

“They say opposites attract” – and Carrie feels like she and Aidan have opposite ideas on what constitutes a ‘rocking Saturday night’.

Meanwhile Samantha isn’t quite herself (or so she says) and tells Richard she is in love with him and then freaks out because she is afraid of what saying that means. She is hurt when Richard makes it clear her I love you didn’t matter – for the first time in a long time, she had put her real feelings out there.

Carrie is loving her new friend. He says he doesn’t expect to get everything from one man and this idea starts to appeal to her.
And she wonders why after we finally we find what we are looking for, are we reluctant to let go of our single selves and why becoming part of a couple implies settling down? She thinks maybe Oliver is onto something – “at what point do separate interests becoming separate bedrooms?”

With these ideas in mind, Carrie discourages Aidan from going to Bungalow 8 and she moves her engagement ring off her finger and onto a necklace instead. But once there she realises that what she thought she wanted wasn’t as enjoyable as she imagined. “And then I realised that my single self life had a shelf life and it had just expired”. She was surprised that she just wanted to go home and be with Aidan.

“That’s the thing about Manhattan, the most exclusive clubs only have a couple of members and they’re very hard to find”.

And that’s the thing for me. Sure, having the perks of single life can be fun and fabulous. But the thing is, you don’t have to give it all up. You can have fun together. You can and should have fun apart – as long as you are being respectful and honouring the commitment you have both made. But most importantly for me, being in a relationship with someone you truly love, having that unexplainable connection and a true friend with whom you can be your crazy kooky self is more satisfying than any random encounters ever could be. All that glitters is not always gold… especially when you already have something precious.

Number 1 Goal...

That’s what works for me anyway. And coming home to that is worth more than all the Bungalow 8 parties in the world!

Charlotte and Trey decide in this episode that their great divide is far too big – they want different things. And that’s ok too.

You decide how or with who you want to live. What it is that you love most. Go do that. Because only you know what that is. And if that includes telling someone you love them and not knowing how that will land, just do what’s in your heart and never compensate that because of how someone else might react.

Choose to keep being you and let everyone else be and react just as they will. The greatest heartbreak of all is not being the best and truest version of yourself…

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

Carrie struggles with the transition towards living with someone for the first time – She wants to be alone when she arrives home each day, doing girl ‘stuff’ nobody else sees! I guess we all have those habits that are just our little thing. Like we are afraid of being found out to be less than perfect…

But it’s when she struggles with space for shoes v’s Cavalli v’s Aidan, that she lets stuff get between them and they both forget what they are really fighting about. With high expectations, too much is said in the heat of the moment. Know that one only too well. Why can we so easily say untruths to hurt the ones we love? Its one of those unexplainable human flaws.

Meanwhile Samantha finds her own rules becoming more flexible as she stops resisting the idea of a relationship.

Charlotte attempts to go on with married life minus babies but Trey doesn’t realise how serious this is for her. When two people want something so different, is it ever possible to find the middle ground? I think you can, but there is a fundamental disconnect between Charlotte and Trey that makes that that much tougher. And giving up yourself beyond recognition is never fair on anyone.

Finally, Carrie goes home prepared to admit how silly she’d been, but changes her mind when Aidan didn’t show how sorry he’d been first. Another human flaw – we know we have acted unreasonably, we want to make it better, but we don’t want to be first. Why??? I think it comes back to that one BIG fear we all have in just about most situations.

REJECTION

We hide ourselves, we hide the truth, we pretend, we act angry, we become increasingly self righteous, we resist being vulnerable for fear of being controlled by someone or our feelings for them (which actually ends up controlling us) and we say and do things we actually don’t mean. But what really happens is that our rigid and fearful stance gets us the opposite of what we want. And we miss one of life’s greatest gifts. The vulnerability of LOVE.

And so Carrie and Aidan embark on 3 days of silent treatment, but seeing Charlotte and Trey argue pursuades Carrie to say those two powerful simple words, I’m sorry. And with that, the fued is over.

Don't be afraid to be.... YOU

She tells the truth rather than get angry and saying things she doesn’t mean. That she really is happy living with Aidan, she wants this. But she also needs her own space too. Trust in eachother to tell the truth – who knows what could happen when you do. My favourite line in this episode is said by Carrie towards the end when with clarity, Aidan is easily able to give her the space she needs once she loses the fear of telling him “Thats the thing about needs, sometimes when you get them met, you don’t need them anymore”.

Honesty about who you are and acceptance of that, that’s where the good stuff is, when we are brave enough to stop resisting and pretending. Once you can do that, it doesn’t seem to matter so much anymore,  because half the battle is the fight within yourself. And as Carrie says – sometimes when you get your true needs met, you hardly need them anymore.

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE

Carries apartment is going co-op and Aidan suggests they live together. This has a flow on impact that goes something like this – whilst considering her options, Carrie finds a ring in Aidan’s bag and throws up. She wonders, how she can marry a guy who doesn’t even know what ring she’d like? And more importantly ” in matters of love, how do you know when it’s right?”

Miranda tells Steve she’s pregnant and is very matter of fact about her decision and how she will handle it all. Steve just has to go along for the Miranda ride!

Charlotte is having hormone injections trying to have a baby with Trey, with not the best results for the hopeful parents. A Scottish Fling turns into another Bunny fiasco and Trey decides that maybe just he and Charlotte are enough – no more baby, adopted or otherwise…

Samantha, well she knows exactly what she likes and finds it on a plane with Richard “Wright” now.

It’s most definitely an episode fueled with BIG decisions (pun intended!). And the question of just how to make those life changing choices.

Hmmm... decisions decisions!

I am learning, when it comes to decisions, sometimes you just have to let them make themselves. Rather than ‘try’ to figure it all out, see what unfolds. Because something usually happens of its own accord, particularly when you stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

All you can really make sure to do is what is right for you, what deep down you already know is what YOU are all about. And that’s what the girls were faced with. Not settling for anything less than who they really are. That’s where you will usually find your answers to just about anything.

So Carrie decides to trust her heart. It never lets you down amd you can’t make a ‘wrong’ choice (even though sometimes it feels as though it does when things may shift and change as time passes). When it’s time, you will know, and just at the right moment, you say yes… or no.

Charlotte, well she still is yet to decide. What I can say is, don’t settle pettle – go for what you want, don’t beg for someone to stay and want what you want, when in your heart you know they don’t. It’s one of the hardest things, but I have finally (after much heartache) understood to stay firm and strong to the idea that I don’t want to be around anyone whoes not sure they want to be around me. No more convincing…

Miranda takes a very matter of fact approach to her big decision, but life with a baby brings out a more feelings driven Miranda later on… and I really like that Miranda, especially in the second movie.

And Samantha, well she’s just true to herself and finds an equal in Richard, well that is until her feelings open up more as well and he suddenly goes from Richard Wright to Mr Right. But that’s a whole other episode.

When you know, you know, so just say yes. And when you don’t, I like to buy a little space with a very handy friend called…. MAYBE.

Shine Brightly Live Lightly

Elli J x

To see where this post fits into the Sex and the City Lifestyle Challenge please go HERE