Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

The Best of My Ex Girlfriend Advice

2012-09-05T13:43:00.001-04:00

After 5 years and 50+ posts, the time has come to archive this blog. The good news is that all of the tips and ideas will remain here for everyone to read. The thing you won't see from this point forward are new posts. Quite frankly, I don't think there is much to add that hasn't been covered already. So instead of rewriting information that already exists, I thought it made more sense to simply outline my posts in a more readable fashion.

As much as the world around us changes, the rules of love and relationships have stayed the same for hundreds of years. While we now use tools like email, text messages, and facebook to communicate with each other, our pursuit of the opposite sex still follows the path defined by historic romances like Romeo and Juliet or even Adam and Eve.

The point is, there are simple needs all women have that, if not fulfilled, will lead them to pursue another partner. Ideally guys would recognize this before their girlfriend leaves, but the truth is that many men get lazy and have let things spiral out of their control. And that lands them here - looking for ways to get back the love they once had.

The challenge to fixing a relationship after a breakup (as opposed to before getting dumped) is that you now have to prove your ex wrong. Instead of simply apologizing for your mistakes, you have to prove that she made the wrong decision to leave. In other words, you are asking her to accept that her response to your behavior was irrational.

This means you are fighting a war on two fronts: your mistakes and her pride. Not only do you need to show signs that your relationship can improve, but you'll also need her to symbolically admit she was wrong. As hard as it all this may seem, thousands of couple get back together every day - so don't give up!

Here are my favorite posts from over the years. Hopefully you'll find some advice that helps you attract your ex girlfriend back...

Where to Begin After She Dumps You

Why Did Your Ex Girlfriend Date You?

Sending Flowers After a Break Up (Don't)

How Video Games Can Get Your Ex GF Back

Make Your Ex Girlfriend Miss You Like Crazy

How the No Contact Rule Works

6 Ways to Get Your Ex Girlfriend's Attention

Asking Your Ex Girlfriend Out

The Secrets to a Happy Girlfriend

Cheering for You,

Elliot

Don't Embarass Your Ex Girlfriend

2012-05-02T18:56:00.003-04:00

Embarrassment is a real killer in the quest to win back an ex. And I'm not talking about you being embarrassed for getting dumped. No, what I am referring to is the silly things people try to get another chance with their ex girlfriend.

Stalking, sending flowers, texting too much, etc. These things embarrass your ex. Seriously, how would you like to be sitting at work and suddenly have a huge pile of flowers dropped on your desk. Every single person in the office is going to ask who they are from. What is your ex supposed to say then?

Now imagine if you are at dinner with your parents an someone kept texting you. Someone you are upset with right now. Your parents are going to wonder where all the calls are coming from and ask about them. Do you feel like explaining your dating problems to your parents? No... and neither does your ex.

Use your head and come up with ways to get your ex's attention without looking like a jackass. Because once you become "embarrassing" you'll lose any chance of getting her back.

Earn the Trust of Your Ex Girlfriend

2012-04-02T13:06:00.000-04:00

Once you start talking to your ex girlfriend again you should be careful not to slip into some of your old bad habits. No matter how confident you feel about getting back together, the first month or two after the break up is a fragile time. Earning back her trust is something that will take time but LOSING her trust can happen in matter of seconds.

Here are some essential tips for winning back the trust that was lost during your break up...

1. Give Her Your Full Attention
This might sound obvious but a lot of guys blow it right from the beginning. Look at her when she is talking. Try to understand her viewpoint and give feedback during your conversations. Don't even think about looking at the other women who walk by when you are together! Seriously, pretend you have blinders on that block everything from your line of sight except for her face.

2. For Better or For Worse
The point here is recognize the highs and lows of your ex's life. If she has a good day then do something special to celebrate the moment. If she is facing a difficult challenge then you need to be the one she leans on. Can I tell you a secret? 90% of time all you have to do is listen. A good way to begin is to say "tell me everything."

3. Tell Her Why You Love Her
It is easy to say "I love you" but sharing why has a bigger impact. Women want to know they are making a difference, so it is up to you to make her feel empowered. Are you a better person when she is with you? Tell her why. Has she made your life better in a special way? Tell her about it. Women need more from a relationship than just someone to hang out with. Prove to her that your time together is much more.

Trust is an essential component of lasting love. However, it does not grow without some help. Use this tips to shine some light on the special connection you have together.

Emotions that Attract Your Ex Girlfriend Back

2012-02-29T14:18:00.004-05:00

When thinking about what it will take to get your ex girlfriend to come back, you should change your mindset to that of a salesman. In this case you are selling a better life. Now that may sound like a difficult task at first, but focus only on the short term aspects. You don't need to promise a lifetime of love and happiness because most of us are only looking ahead to what we will be doing this weekend.

Most of the things that people buy are designed to help them NOW. Only a small percentage of our purchases are made for the long term. With that in mind, you want to target emotions that will bring immediate benefits to your ex girlfriend.

This includes emotions like...
excitement
surprise
hopeful
anticipation
trust
admiration
serenity
curiosity
ecstasy

These are high-range emotions that can completely change a person's thoughts and opinions. They are also somewhat addictive, so the more you can provide improves the odds they will come back again.

On the flip side are negative emotions that we all try to avoid...
anger
frustration
fear
disgust
boredom

Obviously if you are trying to sell a "better life" using these emotions you are going to struggle. This is why taking the pathetic approach to getting a girl back never works out.

Prove to your ex that you can make her feel the highest of highs when it comes to emotions. We all want to feel good inside and if you become the provider of good feelings then she will stick around.

Be Prepared for Her Meltdown

2012-02-01T10:28:00.004-05:00

There are two ways your ex girlfriend's new relationship can go - happily ever after or a return to ashes. Believe it or not, the latter is more likely. Rebound relationships have a high failure rate because they typically begin for all the wrong reasons. So the odds are in your favor that your ex girlfriend will face a meltdown at some point in the near future.

This can be a golden opportunity for you to make a positive impression on her if you plan accordingly. The hard part is planting the seeds for success long before your time comes. Basically you have two roadblocks in your way... trust and desire. These feelings need to be in place when her new love disintegrates.

How do you nurture these feelings after a breakup? The most effective way is to just be there for her. It sounds easy but of course there is a catch. You have to play it straight without pushing your feelings on her AND stay away from the friends zone. Being honest from the start is your best option.

Sometime after the break up, when things have cooled down enough to call her, tell her that you understand why she needed a break. Be supportive of the break up (even if you have to lie about it). Let your ex know that you still love her but you promise to give her the space she needs. Remind her that if she ever needs anything she can call you anytime... and then walk away.

This simple strategy will rebuild her confidence in you and create some mystery as to where your paths will cross again. Stay in her thoughts by being friendly from a distance. Let her experiment with the new boyfriend. This will be difficult I know, but keep in mind that you are setting yourself up for another chance down the road.

The time will come when your ex girlfriend needs someone to talk to. It might be when her new boyfriend dumps her, or it could be a different life-changing event where she needs to lean on a trusted source. If you do the right things she will look to you for support... and the opportunity to get her back will be there.

How to Harness Your Ex's Rebellious Side

2012-01-11T21:55:00.004-05:00

For a lot of women, coming out of a long-term relationship leads to a stretch of rebellion. They start going out to clubs, partying more, and sometimes they'll even hook up with your friends :o

Obviously this doesn't help you feel any better after being dumped, but what if there was a way to make it work in your favor? Well there is, but you will need to let loose of your own inhibitions before capitalizing on it.

The premise here is that your ex girlfriend was bored with your old relationship. This launched an insatiable urge for adventure and new experiences. Now it doesn't mean she won't return to "normal" after getting it out of her system. In the meantime though you should embrace her wild side. The best way to do that is by joining in the fun.

Let me explain here. So your ex goes out to the club, dances her butt off and has a blast. Meanwhile, you spent the night at home playing video games by yourself. Before you go to bed you send her a message on Facebook saying "I miss you." The next day she's online chatting with with her friends about the fun they had. Somewhere in there she sees your lame message. What kind of impact are you making here?

Now let's say you went out with your friends that night instead of staying home. You had to push yourself to do it, but in the end it felt good to have some fun. You stayed out late and never sent that "I miss you" to your ex. The next day your friends comment on your Facebook page about the good times. Your ex sees you've been having fun and letting loose. She begins to wonder if you have already forgotten about her.

Do you see how this can work if you play the right cards? If your ex girlfriend has gone rebellious then the best move is to find your own outlet for adventure. Perception is the key here. If she sees you as a loser then she won't be coming back anytime soon.

Maybe She Was Just Bored?

2011-11-08T14:26:00.004-05:00

It is easy to over-analyze why we got dumped. Selfishly we think of ourselves in the highest regard, which is why we have trouble imagining why anyone would leave us.

But what if the reason your ex girlfriend left was really no mystery at all? This happens more than people think...maybe she just got bored.

When was the last time you took your girl somewhere different?
How often were you genuinely excited about the date you had together?
Did you notice her telling friends and family about the fun you had?

It is easy to create excitement and curiosity when you put your mind to it. But when you start to get comfortable in a relationship you get lazy. Just remember that not all girls will wait around for you to make the most out of life.

Dating in some ways is not much different than shopping for electronics. The new gadgets and capabilities always seem to catch your eye. The television you bought just three years ago has been replaced on the sales floor with new models that have sharper images, more features, and likely a higher price tag. The price portrays the risk you must take to own the new model. If you can afford it then you might just cast your old one aside.

Complacency may have killed your relationship but it also holds the key to getting your ex back. It will be harder of course. You'll need to show a commitment to embracing all that life has to offer. If you can do that then she just might come back to you.

How the No Contact Rule Works

2011-10-06T19:53:00.004-04:00

You've probably heard of the "no contact rule" if you have been searching the internet for advice on how to get your ex back. It simply states that you should stay away from your ex as long as possible in order to make them miss you.

This is really good advice, especially if you went through a rough breakup. It takes a while for negative feelings to simmer down and even longer for the good memories to surface again. Obviously your gut is telling you to beg and apologize to your ex girlfriend, but none of this will work if they still resent you. So you can see why the no contact rule has its place.

Now I like to throw another element into avoiding contact. I believe you need to stay in their subliminal thoughts and this requires some ninja-like tactics. The short version is getting people in your girlfriend's inner circle to talk about you. Things like where they saw you, who you were with, and what you were up to.

The good news is you are a guy, which means you'll be relying on girls to do the gossiping;) The thing is though, you need to do something newsworthy in order to attract the gossip. Does this mean hooking up with someone new? I don't think that is necessary if you think outside the box. In fact, you might be surprised at how much attention you'll attract by simply having fun.

What about talking to your ex's friends? This can be a powerful weapon if you use it correctly. The first rule is never talk about your ex! You are guaranteed to get questions about her, which is when you politely decline with "I'm not here to talk about that." The best part about having no comment is it can really fuel the rumor mill. But back to her friends for a minute, try having a regular conversation with them. I promise that you will throw them all off their rocker when you end your chat without ever speaking your ex's name.

I'm rambling a bit here but I hope you see the point. Yes, the no contact rule is recommended. However, you can enhance the power of no contact by keeping your name in the news. Find a way to showcase your assets without exposing your true intentions.

How Video Games Can Get Your Ex GF Back

2011-09-04T12:29:00.003-04:00

A thought occurred to me the other day while shopping at GameStop. There are a lot of similarities between video games and how an ex girlfriend feels about her previous relationship.

Think about some of the biggest franchises in the video game world: Madden Football, Call of Duty, Halo, etc. Each sells thousands of copies of every time a new version is released. Consequently, thousands of old versions suddenly become almost worthless. They get tossed into a drawer, never to be played again, or they die a slow death as a used game on store shelves.

So what can you learn from the video game industry that will help you get your ex girlfriend back? The lesson here is that we will always love Madden Football, but our excitement gets renewed each year with the latest release. The core game play never changes much, but having new graphics and options gives the "same old game" an addicting new feel.

Picture coming home to last year's Call of Duty after playing the new one at your friend's house. Sure it is comfortable because you already know the boards and secrets, but the excitement level is minimal. All you can think about is how to get your hands on the new version.

Your ex girlfriend still likes you for the same reasons you still like last year's game - it's a sentimental attachment. The problem is she has seen the new version out there somewhere. He has some of the same characteristics as you...but he offers more features and excitement.

Bottom line: It is time to upgrade yourself if you want to win her back.

How to Make Your Ex Girlfriend Miss You Like Crazy

2011-08-10T14:40:00.003-04:00

Does she even notice you're not around anymore? It probably doesn't seem like it since she doesn't call or see you much. But inside her mind I can tell you that she still thinks about you. It is virtually impossible to completely forget about someone you have been in a relationship with for so long. The first time she goes to places you used to visit together her mind will drift back to those times. Same thing for the other hundreds of activities you did with her in the past.

But how can you get her to miss you like crazy? The simple answer is by disappearing from her life and creating curiosity about what you are up to. This isn't necessarily the easiest plan to pull off, but it is very effective for changing her feelings about breaking up with you.

The first thing you need to do is get out of the house and go make a name for yourself. Reconnect with old friends, get more involved in your social circles, and start creating your own fun. Don't wait to be invited to a party or event...come up with your own ideas and invite the people you know. Take advantage of every opportunity to be seen. Helping friends with their own projects is a great place to begin if you need ideas.

Now, while you are out having fun you want to make sure your ex girlfriend sees or hears about your activities. Facebook is one way to do this. Even if she has dropped you from her "friends" you can still find your way onto her page by appearing in other friends pictures and conversations. Remember that the more activities you participate in the better your chances are to show up on her radar.

If you do all this right you will build up a rock-star persona that will make your ex girlfriend think she was crazy for letting you go. The key for you is to play "hard to get" for a while and make her miss you to the point that she will ask you out!

You might have your doubts as to how effective this plan can be. Most people never put in enough effort for it to impact their ex's feelings. It is an all-or-nothing type strategy. Unless you achieve the highest levels of social prowess within the common friends you and your ex have then the results will be less effective. But those who do establish a high level of popularity will discover a whole new world of opportunity. Perhaps even enough to leave their ex behind.

Be Careful Who You Talk to About Your Breakup

2011-07-19T22:52:00.004-04:00

It isn't easy to keep all of your emotions bottled up inside after a breakup. Most people in this situation have a tendency to talk about their ex girlfriend to anyone who will listen, and this can be a big mistake.

You don't want to get exposed at saying one thing but doing another. For example, playing cool and confident around your ex is a good strategy for attracting her curiosity. However, as soon as she hears from her friends that you were crying on their shoulders she'll have a hard time falling for your macho man facade.

I wouldn't recommend talking openly about your ex to anyone except for maybe one or two of your closest friends. The fact is that the more you talk the greater chance you have of making a mistake. Rumors fly fast, and the last thing you need right now is having to apologize for something you said in the heat of the moment.

Unfortunately there are very few people you can trust when trying to get your ex back. Her friends are going to tell her everything you say, so don't think for a second they are on your side. As for the guys, you never know who will try to ask her out when they hear she is available. Last but not least is her family...and who's side do you think they'll take?

The bottom line here is that public perception is your best weapon. You want to keep everyone guessing about your next move. If you need to cry or feel sorry for yourself then keep it confined to your bedroom. When you're in social situations you should portray yourself as the trophy she let get away.

Understand That Girlfriends and Relationships Change

2011-06-15T22:21:00.003-04:00

There are countless reasons why a breakup can occur, but a common denominator you see in long term relationships is change. As life goes on you and your ex girlfriend go through many changes. Maybe you met in high school and now she is in college. Perhaps one of you got a new job that demands more time away. The list is endless, and it doesn't take much to upset the expectations you have for each other.

If any of this sounds familiar to your situation ask yourself how you feel about the changes. This is going to be the best place to begin after getting dumped. Can you handle the changes life has brought to your relationship? Do you see you and your girlfriend ever working things out under the current circumstances?

These are important questions to answer before trying to get your ex girlfriend back. If one side refuses to make sacrifices then the outlook is not good. If you are the one set in your ways then you have no choice but to accept the outcome. However, if your ex is being stubborn you can try to change their mind. This of course will not be easy, but if you can find out what your ex really wants you might be able to coerce them back.

People tend to look at breakups as an action that occurred at a specific day or time. In reality though a breakup is the end result of one or more problems that were never solved. This is why there are no simple fixes for a breakup...they are all different in some way.

Look back at the changes you and your ex girlfriend have been through lately. How were they handled? Is it possible that something could have been done to satisfy both sides? Even if you blame her for everything you're going to have to satisfy her needs if you want to win her back.

What Does Your Ex Girlfriend Want in a Man?

2011-05-23T14:54:00.005-04:00

The simple truth behind your ex girlfriend leaving was that she wasn't getting what she wanted from your relationship. Sure there are many different excuses she might have used to breakup with you, but in the end no one leaves a relationship they are satisfied with.

One easy way to identify your short-comings is to look at the things most women want from a man. Not all of them will apply to your specific situation and some of them are difficult to achieve, but keep these ideas in mind as you try to win your ex back:

(Note: this is a random collection of survey findings I gathered from around the internet for entertainment purposes only.)

- The majority of women want to date a college educated man.
- The "ideal man" is about 6 foot tall and weighs 175 pounds.
- Over 60% list physical fitness as an important quality in a dating partner.
- Only 28% of women DO NOT care how much their man earns.
- Women think men look most appealing in designer jeans with a white t-shirt.
- Women rate desire for home and children much higher in importance than men.
- Only 1% of women would date a man who hates pets.
- Traits that women hate in men: hiding emotions, dishonesty, selfishness, and abusiveness.
- Most common reasons women ended a relationship: lack of commitment, cheating, and selfishness.

Maybe you see some things on this list that you can work on to save your relationship (or your next one). While this was a very simplified look at the things women want from men, chances are your ex girlfriend has spent time thinking some of them. Use this to your advantage when you are trying to win back their attention.

Your Breakup Was a Warning

2011-04-04T21:39:00.003-04:00

Instead of taking the standard approach of depression and despair after being dumped, you should distinguish yourself by accepting it as a challenge. Not only will this help motivate you on the way to getting your ex girlfriend back, but you might just spark her attraction by showing her that you got the message loud and clear.

Here's the deal on breakups...nine times out of ten they are the result of a festering problem. It is up to you to figure out what the problem was, but I can tell you that boredom, money, and quality time are some of the common ones. Now somewhere along the way your ex girlfriend got sick of waiting for you to fix the problem. Maybe she talked to you about...or perhaps she was justing waiting for you to get off your butt and make a change. When nothing happened she sent you a final warning by leaving.

Obviously you missed the boat on her needs the first time, so now is your chance to make amends. Yes it is going to be harder this time around, but in reality that's your fault. The real question is...are you ready to accept the challenge? Do you want to change your lifestyle in ways that will better accommodate her needs?

Every girl has a unique set of dreams and desires. If you truly love your ex then it is up to you to satisfy these wants. Maybe she wants a guy with a good job and plan for the future. Then again, maybe she just wants someone to make her feel safe and confident. Whatever her needs, you have the power to make it happen...but only if you want to.

The 2 Sides of Arguing with Your Ex

2011-03-06T21:40:00.003-05:00

Although break ups happen for a variety of different reasons, there is usually a core disagreement that brings on the tidal wave of strong emotions. It might be about money, time spent together, or even commitment. No matter what it is, the arguments that ensue go a long way to determining the fate of the relationship.

There is a competitive side in everyone...that internal desire to be right. It is a natural reactions that ultimately helps us be successful in achieving goals. But when you argue with your partner and both sides are fighting to win the result is you both lose.

Think about the arguments that you've had with your ex girlfriend where you "won". What happened afterwards? It probably took a few days for everyone to cool down - right? So although you proved your point, your relationship took a hit. You raised the defense level of your ex and likely lost some of her trust as well.

When it comes to arguments, the only way to truly win is to lose. Admitting your faults tends to lower the defenses of your partner, which allows them to see how silly the fight really was. This can open up the channels of communication, and often times will let you both laugh about making such a big deal over nothing.

Now I should add that being a push-over won't help you gain any respect, so you have walk a fine line when sensitive issues come up. Stand by your moral code and defend it as necessary, but when it comes to things like "who forgot to wash the dishes" you might find more peace by taking the higher road.

Lastly, keep in mind that presentation is everything. They way you engage your ex about problems sets the precedent for their reaction. Instead of coming out the gate firing away, keep your composure and work on a solution together. For example, mentioning that dirty dishes are a pet peeve of yours might be enough to make your point without causing a firestorm. It is all about the way you communicate.

Help Your Ex Girlfriend Choose You

2011-02-05T21:00:00.002-05:00

Throughout the subject of getting your ex girlfriend back there is a common link to all of the strategies and advice given here. That is, to make the dream of winning back her love a reality, it must be her who chooses you.

Sure you might get lucky and beg your way back for a second chance. Perhaps you can even lie about your faults and con your way back. But the fact is your ex is not going to be at peace with the decision unless she makes it herself.

If you look at things this way then I think you'll agree that the best approach is to focus on becoming attractive to her. Somewhere down the line she lost this feeling about you. It could be a physical thing, but more likely it is an emotional obstacle. Only you would know, but whatever you had or did it is not there anymore.

Love, attraction and passion are feelings that can overcome any boundary. When you feel strong enough about someone then you forgive much more easily. Love accepts the bad with the good, but when the love fades the bad things become more distracting.

Find a way to attract your ex back. If you resurrect her feelings of passion for you then the rest will come easy.

Do You Really Need Your Ex Girlfriend?

2011-01-20T23:24:00.008-05:00

Understanding why you want your ex girlfriend back is an important step in the process of getting back together. Many guys fail at this and end up chasing their ex down the wrong path. In this video, Michael Griswold explains the difference between "Need" and "Desire" while showing you how it affects your chances to win your GF back.

Check out Michael's collection of breakup advice in The M3 System.

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Why Did Your Ex Girlfriend Date You?

2010-12-10T14:57:00.003-05:00

The most important part of getting your ex back is creating attraction between you. That being said, this can also be the most difficult task since it requires creativity and planning. A lot of people give up before they even try to re-attract their ex. If they don't succeed by begging for another chance (which rarely works btw) then they figure all hope is lost.

But did you know the secrets to attracting your ex girlfriend are easy to discover? It all goes back to the first weeks and months of your relationship. What was it that brought you together in the first place? It is easy to say there was a physical attraction, but in reality that only took you so far. There had to be a personality element involved or else you would not have gotten past the first couple of dates.

Think back to your time together and try to picture all of the things you said or did that made her smile. Also think about the things you loved to do together. These are the secrets to getting her back in your life. The more you can replicate the good times from the past, the better your chances will be in the future.

Now you will need to spin all of these ideas in a creative way. Just making her laugh for example is not going to get the job done. Try to repackage the ideas in a way that will call her attention to you. For example, if you were good at making her laugh then maybe a friendly/funny card or text would help you get your foot in the door. You aren't going to make her fall in love right away, but anything that takes away from the stress and animosity is a good thing.

Win Her Back from Another Guy

2010-10-31T22:57:00.003-04:00

Competition can definitely add stress to the dating game, but if you really love your ex girlfriend than competition should bring out the best in you. If you know she has found another guy then you should be prepared to work a little harder to win her back. But in the end it really does not change anything about your situation. She left you and you want another shot...whomever else is involved is irrelevant.

The first thing you should realize is that girls often go out with the first guy who is nice to them after a break up. They are tired of all the fighting and name-calling that likely occurred at the end of your relationship. So the first "normal guy" that steps up to them has a good shot at landing a few dates. This doesn't mean they are in love with them. What they really wanted was something different for a change. Keep that in mind when you are sizing up the other guy.

The key to stealing your ex back is to make sure you are getting attention from them. Now is the time to always look your best and go out of your way to make a good impression. If she isn't talking to you then get closer with her friends. Change your hairstyle, start working out, and invest in some new clothes. Make her see that you are still a hot commodity in the dating world.

At some point you are going to have to talk your way back into her life. The best approach is play it cool and totally ignore the other guy. If she says something about him then blow it off and redirect the conversation back to how much you miss her company. Tell her that she was the best girlfriend you ever had and let her know the door is still open. You don't want to beg for anything. Instead you need to leave her wanting more. The harder you make it for her to come back the more attraction you will build.

Getting your ex girlfriend back from another guy isn't any different from winning her back if she was single. If anything, it might be a positive because some girls want to take a break after the end of a relationship. If your ex if dating someone else then at least you know she is looking for a partner. Now you just need to turn her attention back to you ;)

How to Compliment Your Ex Girlfriend

2010-10-06T20:19:00.003-04:00

An easy way to start a conversation with your ex girlfriend is to give her a compliment. Most of the time this works to defuse the animosity left from your breakup. Of course depending on your situation she may still act cold towards you, but typically a compliment will at least give you the opportunity to get a few more sentences in.

The key to using compliments effectively is to make sure they are honest and not too aggressive. Don't compliment her hair, for example, if you don't actually notice any change in it. You'll also want to avoid sexual-type comments that may be offensive. If your not careful then you might end up with a slap to the face instead of a smile!

Here are some compliment ideas to get you back on speaking terms with your Ex GF...

"I really miss talking with you. You're the only girl I could talk to all day and night."

"It's not fair that you break up with me, make feel like dirt, and yet you get more beautiful every day."

"I know you are mad at me, but I really miss your smile and laugh. If you don't smile right now then I will be forced to do my magical happy dance until you do." (note: be prepared to do some dancing :)

"How do you do that? Every time I'm near you I forget all of the bad things in my life."

Let Her Breakup with You?

2010-09-03T00:18:00.002-04:00

It is a common reaction to try and prevent a break up before it is official. After all, if you still love your girlfriend then why would you want to see them leave? But believe it not, it can sometimes be easier to let your Ex GF walk away and try to repair things later.

In fact, if your relationship has reached a point where your girlfriend wants to separate, then my advice to you is to agree to the breakup. Your biggest mistake would be to try and persuade your ex to stay in the relationship and not to leave you. This psychological strategy is recommended because it surprises your ex, and makes them begin to wonder exactly what is going on.

Another benefit of mutually walking away is that it eliminates one of the biggest barriers to getting your ex back. This has to do with the law of attraction. As you may already know, humans tend to want the things they can't have and yet often fail to appreciate the things they already have. You can use this to your advantage by making it appear your ex girlfriend does not have a choice in breaking up with you.

Agree to the breakup, let her go and wish them well. From there you need to stay calm and keep your emotions in-check. Yes you are feeling sad, but you have to find a way to deal it in a way that will help you rekindle your relationship in the future. The best place to start is by thinking about what went wrong and identifying what it is your ex really wants.

I know it sounds like a contradiction to let your ex girlfriend go...only to try a win them back later. But if you can see how valuable this strategy is to the psychology of your relationship then you will have no problem trying to capitalize on what appears to be a bad situation.

Was Your Ex Girlfriend a Hunter or a Gardener?

2010-07-30T13:27:00.004-04:00

You have probably heard others use the term "comfort zone" to describe repeated activities and situations that make us feel confident about ourselves. Knowing your limits, both socially and physically, is important to ensure happiness but it can have adverse effects as well. If you feel like your ex girlfriend broke up with you to "move on" with her life then perhaps your comfort zone killed the relationship.

Think of your relationship in terms of repetition. Did you always do the same activities with the same friends? How often did you try new things that you ex girlfriend suggested? The reason for thinking about these questions is because the most loving relationships grow and change over time. Your ex may have come to a point where she felt like she needed to leave you in order to realize her own dreams and goals.

Of course only your ex can say if this was indeed the case, but it shouldn't be hard to recognize if you are a hunter or a gardener. Hunters are always looking for new challenges and opportunities, while gardeners are content to nurture what they already have. If your ex girlfriend had a hunter mentality then she may very well have been turned off by your gardener approach to the relationship.

You don't need to make changes to your life in order to attract women, but you will need to accommodate the hunters in your life. If you can't find excitement in new experiences then you should look for a partner who is content with the way things are.

Stop Trying to Control Your Ex Girlfriend

2010-06-09T21:23:00.003-04:00

Are you really giving your ex girlfriend enough space after your break up? Do you call or text her everyday? Are you always posting on her facebook page or checking up on her through friends? If this sounds like you then you have a control problem...and unless you change you'll likely never win her love back.

When your ex asks for some space or time apart it means they are overwhelmed. It may or may not have anything to do with your relationship. Sometimes family problems or other stressful situations can strain a relationship. Everyone handles stress in different ways, and if your ex GF wants some time alone then you should oblige her.

It is during this time apart that you have to be very careful. As much as you want to help her you need to keep in mind that it is easier to make things worse at this stage. When someone wants time alone they are going to be extra sensitive to their surroundings. The more you try to sneak in their life the more irritable they will become. Before you know it they will consider you a stalker and do everything they can to avoid you.

Love can make us do some dumb things. Perhaps the dumbest thing is when it causes us to lose our patience. When this happens our natural reaction is to fight to control the situation. When you are dealing with a break up it makes you want to control your ex girlfriend. You might think you are giving them space by not seeing them everyday, but if you keep calling or texting them you are still trying to control their actions...even if you don't mean for it to be that way.

Does this mean you have to disappear from their life? No, but you must allow them time to get their own issues under control. Gently remind them periodically that you are around if they need any help, but other than that you should let them come back to you. Chances are they will miss you after a period of time, but you can't speed it up by forcing the issue. Focus on fixing your own broken heart first before you try to fix theirs.

How Friends Help Get Your Ex GF Back

2010-03-26T22:52:00.003-04:00

The period after a breakup is a lonely time. Your mind is obsessed with your ex and you don't really care to think about anything else. Even if you have good friends who understand your situation you might be hesitant to spend time with them because all you want to talk about is your ex. Most guys are kind enough to let their friends wallow in sadness for a few days, but after too long they will stop calling until you get yourself together.

It is unlikely that your friends know how you feel about your ex girlfriend and this can make it hard to hang out with them. However, the more you expose yourself to social situations the better you will feel. Yes it will be hard to enjoy yourself in a room where everyone is laughing and joking when you feel so sad. It will also be difficult to hold back your emotions and not talk about your ex. This is part of the healing process...and unless you force yourself to move forward it will take you twice as long to feel better.

So how can your friends help you get you ex girlfriend back? It's simple really...they will help you go back to being you. Remember that you met most of your buddies before your relationship. The confidence and personality you had back then was partly the result of their influence on you. They helped to bring out traits in you that your Ex GF found attractive. Reconnecting with your friends will help these traits resurface.

If anything else, being around people you like during this time of confusion will be beneficial. It is not always easy to remember what "fun" used to feel like. Getting back in touch with your roots will remind you of the things you enjoyed. This will improve your mood and ultimately change the ways others perceive you. In a perfect world your ex will also notice the return of the "old you" and remember what she is missing.

When Your Ex Girlfriend Loves Both of You

2010-02-28T21:17:00.000-05:00

Are you playing the role of safety net? Has your ex girlfriend severed your public relationship but kept you hanging with sweet whispers? It is easy to get sucked into this game. She says she still loves you but yet she is dating someone else..."because I can’t be in a serious relationship right now" she says.

So where does that leave you? If you love your ex then you are probably hesitant to close any open doors. After all, a small chance of dating her again is better than no chance at all. It is easy for your friends to say "let her go" when they don’t think of her every minute like you do. Their advice is logical, but there is one big problem with playing for second place - you have no bargaining power!

To succeed in this game you need to think like a poker player. It is a winner-take-all situation. Yes you have to win with the cards you are dealt which is uncontrollable. However a savvy player can bluff their opponent into making a mistake.

Here's how this translates into sharing your girlfriends love. It is okay to play by her rules in the beginning, but at some point you will have to shake things up. This is where the risk comes in. You will have to make her choose one of you...and there is a chance it won’t be you. Nonetheless you must not get comfortable balancing both of your hearts.

As time goes on you need to unexpectedly show up at places where you know she is with him. You should call at times when you know they are together. Most importantly, you need her to know that you are living life to the fullest when she is not around. If you do all of this well, you will become the focus of her thoughts (be them good or bad). Keep doing this until she is forced to pick one of you to maintain her sanity. The only catch is she might choose him.

It is here when you will learn who she loves the most.