Finding balance

Fresh start

2008-08-25T12:18:00.002+10:00

I can't believe its not far off a month since I last posted. Its been a difficult month for me, being stressed from the move, eating badly and feeling depressed. But I think this weekend just gone was the end of the phase, feeling more happy about things. I have had a full-ish week of exercise, eating well, and I think whatever chemical imbalance that was making me feel depressed has finally been corrected by the good living. My weight got back up to 75kg, so was happy to drop 1.5kg this week gone to start the journey back down. Hopefully this is a trend that will last longer than in recent times... it should be, hopefully I'm heading into a bit more of a settled period so I can concentrate on myself.

Looking forward to hearing from my new PT this week hopefully- he must be pretty busy, as he hasn't rung yet. In the meantime, I am practising my studies on myself, coming up with the most sophisticated program for myself yet on the weekend, so hopefully I'm on the right track! I am enjoying Fitness First and the the impressive range of facilities they have. Scoop is enjoying going to the gym- helps break up the mid-week boredom, hopefully he'll see the benefits healthwise in the near future as well. He is certainly motivated by the possibility of ditching his blood pressure medication.

Derailment

2008-07-31T12:39:00.002+10:00

I've been off track for a few week now- so much has been happening, but the big thing is we are moving. Our landlord put our place on the market, and rather being subjected to our privacy being invaded every weekend with open houses, we are beating them to the punch and moving. We are also taking the opportunity to move areas- further west. Scoop has a couple of mates who live out that way, so hopefully he'll have the opportunity to socialise a bit more to keep the homesickness at bay.

And another big development- I got Scoop to join the Penrith Fitness First with me! Yay!!! I think that will be something else that will help him be a bit happier being a bit more active. He is looking to lose some weight for the wedding, so this is a good first step. I'm looking forward to the change in gyms to hopefully get some fresh inspiration- in the form of a new better equipped gym and fresh input from a different PT.

So my weight has been mostly up, with convenience foods and no time for exercise the main problems. So looking forward to getting settled!!

Right direction

2008-07-14T13:21:00.002+10:00

Despite eating loads of junk on the weekend, I still managed to drop a kg this week just gone, so must have put in enough work during the week to stay in front. Just have to keep moving in the down direction and I'll be happy!!! Feeling pretty happy as my work pants are definitely feeling looser... they could be loose pants normally, but I don't care, I'm just going to roll with it :) Cause if I feel good, then I'll do good!

Struggled last week

2008-07-07T12:54:00.002+10:00

I struggled to get back to some form of normality last week after the events of the previous weekend- lots of emotional eating. I finished it up yesterday, with a good day of eating and a big 40 min jog.... my left hip is a bit sore today, so I obviously over did it. Looking to have a very good week this week, after my 0.5kg gain on last week.... I am seriously over the rollercoaster I've been on.

Insert swear word here

2008-07-01T07:14:00.002+10:00

I am up 1.5kg. But I have a good reason as I had the weekend from hell. My Mum collapsed on Saturday night and was rushed to emergency in an ambulance. She is ok now, but gave us one almighty scare. I decided the best way to feel better was red wine and a block of chocolate on Sunday night. So I'm not too concerned about the gain, as I am sure it will go in time. The good habits are otherwise firmly entrenched at the moment, so I am sure in a week or two I'll be back to 71kg at least.

Still feel skinny...

2008-06-27T12:20:00.002+10:00

I've had a pretty good week this week... well other than the bag of Clinkers I ate at the soccer on Sunday night! Ummm-mahhhh!! I felt so weak, but was quickly back on the bandwagon again, and even with TTOM I weighed in at 71kg today! Yippeee! More temptation likely to be on offer again this weekend as I am going away to my sisters, so will be trying to "think skinny" ie not pig-out. At this stage I am heading for a 3kg loss for this month... as long as I don't put on over the weekend. A highlight of this week was 20 min jog I managed to do on the treadmill fairly easily... with no pain during or after in the hips, so hopefully I can ease back into the running over the next month.

Got that skinny feeling back

2008-06-20T13:21:00.002+10:00

As the title suggests, I am feeling skinny today- my work pants are feeling more comfortable! Its a good thing I am feeling so skinny. I'm relying on that feeling to prevent me from having blowouts on the weekend. If I can maintain this weekend, I will be on track to lose the kg I want next week for the dress fitting- very good motivation!

Chipping away at it

2008-06-19T12:19:00.002+10:00

I had a sneaky look at the scales this morning- looks like am about 1kg in front of last week's official weigh-in, so very happy about that! That puts me at ~71.5kg. If I can drop another kg next week, that means I'm down to 70.5kg in time to try on a wedding dress I have been eyeing off, Sunday week. Success is such great motivation- the snowball of positivity is happening. I resisted biscuits and tea buns at a training course this morning at work which I haven't done in quite a few months. I have some socialising to do this week, so that will be the real test for me.

Feeling bleugh

2008-06-18T12:13:00.002+10:00

As the title suggests, I am feeling a bit off- sore back and in the dumps emotionally. I am sure its mostly hormones gearing for P next week. I did go for another swim last night, and did perceive that I was slightly better than on Saturday, so happy to take that. And the scales say I am inching down, so happy about that as well! My food was spot-on yesterday, but I did succumb to the afternoon munchies the day before. The results on the scales are encouraging me though, and I am already psyching myself to take on the temptations coming up in the next couple of weeks.

Fabulous weekend and new routine

2008-06-16T12:58:00.003+10:00

I just had the best weekend in ages when it came to my food choices. My only dubious choice was Saturday night tea- Indian takeaway! I did make the best choice off the menu (spinach/cottage cheese curry- Palak paneer) and went easy on the rice, but still it would have been extra calories I could have done without. And I finally went for a swim. So glad I did! I was absolutely crap at it, but I could feel my heart rate was through the roof, so happy to be doing something like that doesn't hurt me afterwards like running. Looking forward to incorporating it into my regular routine. The routine I have come up with is:

Monday: Crosstrainer/bike + weights
Tuesday: Swim
Wednesday Pilates
Thursday: Crosstrainer/bike + weights
Friday: Yoga
Saturday or Sunday: Rest day and swim

I am really happy with the balance in this program- cardio, strength and flexibility training, all low impact on my sore and battered body.

Better day

2008-06-13T12:35:00.002+10:00

I nailed yesterday food-wise... I even ate less than I planned. That sounds unhealthy, I know but truly, all I had planned that I didn't eat was celery and salsa :) Ermmm, thats not much calories! It was just on the plan to help distract my mouth and hands during my notoriously bad snacking time of when I am preparing dinner. So mentally I am slowly getting back into old good habits again. I did some else I haven't done in ages: planned my weekend food diary! Shocking! Who knows- I might just lose some weight for once :)

Good day

2008-06-12T12:41:00.002+10:00

I had a good day yesterday... a particularly good day! I sat and watched the State of Origin last night next to a block of chocolate and did not have one piece! Amazing! That is a first for me in recent times that I have done something like this. Since getting to goal I have been the queen of "little bit won't hurt". I currently have the motivation courtesy of getting my measurements taken for my wedding dress in probably 16 days time! When I was last measured, I would have had to get a size 14 with a custom bust of a size 10 :( I at least want to try to get my ideal weight of 70kg... I am 2.5 kg away at the moment. The challenge is on.

Long time, no post

2008-06-11T12:26:00.002+10:00

Its been a long time, and I am quite sure no one will read this unless I widely advertise it! But I guess for now I am happy to use this as a personal journal of sorts. I have been AWOL as I have been struggling to maintain my weight... for a few different reasons:

1. My hips- I still have issues with my hips and exercise. It got so bad I had pain just sitting at the computer at work. I have been to a physio/exercise physiologist for a gait analysis and custom fitted orthotics... fingers crossed it works! But in the meantime, looks like swimming needs to become my friend. I am a useless swimmer, and with the advent of winter, immersing myself in a big body of water is very unappealing!

2. Wedding planning- have been so engrossed in planning the wedding. It's going great, but it has also been a means of ignoring things I probably shouldn't. Like doing my PT course...

3. General "who cares" attitude... but this links back to the inability to exercise effectively. I guess I always have used exercise as a means to allow myself to splurge, then go make up for it later!

4. Lack of a tangible motivating goal

So anyway, I am going to try and come back on here more often to try and explore what's going on in my head... see you later x

RIP Mia

2008-02-24T13:35:00.002+11:00

My darling baby girl has gone... we found her on the side of the road after coming home from a BBQ last night, and looks to have been killed by a car. I am devastated... she was the most beautiful cat, and brought so much laughter and happiness in to mine and Scoop's lives. I will miss her dreadfully... for now I can't stop crying. Love you so much my baby- rest in peace xxxxx

Blog lazy

2008-02-14T13:25:00.002+11:00

Yep, I've been super lazy when it comes to blogging lately, but lots of stuff has been happening in my life, and just the effort of making myself move has been a task and a half! Slowly but surely over the last week and half the momentum is gaining to get back into the perfect weight loss/weight training routine. The scales are shifting slowly, but fast enough to give me heart that my efforts are being rewarded. The biggest thing I've had difficulty with is diet... constantly I've had this voice in my head going "Your not at goal weight anymore, and you won't be anytime soon, so what's the point?". I've finally put a sock in that voice and I am back to the positive mindset of taking one step at a time and celebrating the completion of one step, and setting the bar a bit higher each time. Deadset, it really is a simple process, but our minds make such a blooming who-haa about it

Looking forward to this weekend- Scoop and I are going up to Newcastle and the Hunter Valley vineyards to stock up on wine, port and cheese, scope out a possible wedding venue (*cheer*) and reliving memories or when we first met! Ohhh, doesn't that sound romantic? Bit late for Valentines Day, but who needs a commercial event to be all lovey dovey? Bring on Saturday!

Love you all lots- have been reading all of your blogs and glad to see that you are moving in the direction! Hope to be joining you all on the skinny minnie train soon xxx

Need a piccie...

2008-02-02T15:00:00.000+11:00

My blog is looking bare of piccies, so thought I would upload this cool pic of Cora, me, Scoop and Mark outside a Belgian beer cafe on holiday up on the Gold Coast :)

Please let this be the start of something good!

2008-02-02T14:33:00.000+11:00

Ok, so my challenge didn't get off to a very good start! Australia Day happened, and it saw me consume far more alcohol than planned, and I let myself in my inebriated state to buy so much junk food it was horrific.... so was the hangover the next morning! So for my first week, I gained weight... This week I have had to travel away for work, so had to fight the temptation of take away/restaurant food. I won about 50% of the battles, but I never got to exercise. I jumped on the scales this morning to psyche myself up for a good weekend, and see that I am 0.5kg in front of my original start weight... 1kg down from the gain of my first week! So really happy that I managed to do that with the trip away.

Since my last post I have done a meditation/motivation workshop. It really was an eye-opener. I have felt a lot things get on top of me lately, and part of this workshop was identifying the positive things in your life, and thus feeling grateful for them, turning my current thought processes 180 deg. Another of my problems is my poor self-esteem. This workshop taught about how we are a products of what happens to us, what we are told.... if someone tells us we are hopeless, or rejects us, we start to believe we are hopeless rejects. It is important to understand that these are other people's reactions to us... a product of their experiences, and in no way reflects on who we are as a person. It's a massive leap to start thinking like that, as it completely changes my self-image. 30 odd years of thinking I am a reject is a hard thing to give up... the workshop included a guided meditation as a way of connecting with our subconscious and starting to change long-held negative self-beliefs... I've tried a couple of times at home by myself and it really is freaky! I've always wanted to find an off-switch to my brain, and I think this is the way to do it, but my poor mind is fighting it all the way! I will persist though- it's worth it.

So today I started my day with a meditation to get myself into a positive frame of mind, it really does help... last night I was full of self-loathing, but today I am psyched to rip back into my challenge. I have two days to official weigh-in day, so want to make it count!!

Let the challenge begin

2008-01-21T12:38:00.000+11:00

I am ready to get psyched for another go at attaining the body I want- but this time its about looking super-fit to give potential clients the confidence I know what I'm talking about! I've set myself a 12 week challenge, for my course and for a transformation- to spend 10 hours a week on study and plough through the PT course material, and work hard at the gym and at planning my diet (and er, sticking to it!).

I weighed in at 75kg today for the start of the challenge, so I have the challenge of getting back to WW goal (68kg) and ditching the Christmas jelly-belly, and also of getting down to my lowest weight ever. The lowest I have been is 66.5kg. My aim is 65kg.

I realise I still have food issues that I have to work out. My bingeing over Christmas is evidence of that. But for now, I will focus on the challenge I've set myself as I know what it takes to do it... its the maintenance of my fitness and weight that I struggle with. It doesn't help that it feels like the rest of my life is on pause at the moment. I feel like I am stuck in situations I would rather change. But there are reasons why I can't just yet... ah yes, I am talking in riddles again! So all I can do is work at achieving goals that are realistic, and taking the positives out of that to fuel my happiness.

I'm a bit scared....

2008-01-12T19:56:00.000+11:00

of the scales! The holiday is over and I have a big belly! I am absolutely exhausted and could really do with another holiday just chilling out, but its back to work on Monday. I had a great time though, and managed to pack a lot in during the last couple of weeks with our mates from the UK: visited Scone to see my family so they could see some authentic Aussie bush, did a wine tasting tour around the Hunter Valley vineyards, spent a few days on the Gold Coast (actually scored some sunshine despite the floods up there!), and back to Sydney via Newcastle to show them my old uni stomping ground. But plenty of good food and wine consumed, hence the big sticky-out belly!!! I think I will weigh-in on Monday morning and take it from there... but seeing I was up from goal before the holiday, its not going to be pretty!

To turn my somewhat negative frame of mind around and try and focus on getting to where I want to be in 2008, my goals are:

1. Complete a 1/2 marathon (probably Sydney), and do the City to Surf again.
2. Finish my personal trainer's course.
3. Do a 12 week Body Blitz transformation, complete with awful before and after shots!

Long time, no blog...

2008-01-03T07:52:00.000+11:00

Well, its been a while! I'm still holidays, but have time for a quick blog...

Had a nice Christmas with the family and an absolutely fabulous New Years!!! The tickets we bought for the Botanical Gardens were worth every cent- good company, food, music and million dollar view! (see pic above :))

Poor belly is suffering from all the good living at the moment, so looking forward to getting back my routine. We are off to take my UK friends around the countryside for the next week to show them the sights. Hope everyone had a great Christmas/New Year!

A loss...

2007-12-11T08:21:00.000+11:00

When I snapped out of my recent bad habits, it was Tuesday last week, and I worked out it was exactly 3 weeks to Christmas, so I have decided to weigh in on Tuesdays to try and get back to goal for then (with Jenn). So today's weigh in, even with particularly bad TTOM bloat, is a loss of 1.5kg, which leaves me 2.5 kg to lose for the next two weeks. So its doable, at least I believe it is!! I do understand it won't be easy as it gets closer to Xmas... but I am willing to take the challenge on and do my best. Feeling very positive at the moment!

Is a pattern developing?

2007-12-10T12:30:00.000+11:00

I seem to desert my blog when I put on weight... not that surprising really! No one likes confessing their sins. Except when you are ready to put it behind you and get on with things. Which correlates with me returning to my blog :) So my slip up this time was associated with my birthday/enagagement revellery (read binging) that I wasn't particularly quick to end. That is such an awful word, binging. But it's an awful truth, that I still binge occasionally. I wish I knew why. In an effort to try and test why I binge, I am going to start introducing regular small treats eg small glass of red wine, few squares of good dark chocolate (still contributing something to my nutrition!!). This is to see whether or not the reason why I binge is because I feel deprived and "too good" all the time. I'll let you know how I go.

Anyway, this post is sounding a bit solemn, when actually I am feeling fabulous! I am back on track (with the help of Jenn's lovely emails :)) with my food and exercise, I have started running again (yay!!!), I have an MP3 player so I have downloaded lots of inspiration tunes for my workouts, and this weekend my fiance and I have made some very relieving life decisions! I have been a bit worried about finances, and we have decided to put certain things on hold, so we can improve our financial situation, so we can choose what direction to move in next. All sounds a bit cryptic... it will be revealed in time :)

We're engaged!!!

2007-11-26T07:16:00.000+11:00

Hello fellow bloggers- well I ended up having a fab birthday as my boy proposed to me on my birthday eve!!! It was so exciting!!! He took me away for my birthday to Coogee. Coogee has lots of memories for us- we first went out for drinks in Coogee the first day we met in the flesh (we met online). So he popped the question there at the Palace in a quiet corner on a sofa. He apparently wanted to propose on the beach, but the weather was the pits, but it was still very lovely and very symbolic. We've come a very long way since we first drank there about 5 years ago! We've overcome lots of obstacles, the biggest one being 12000 miles (Scoop is from England)!

Oh Happy Day

2007-11-23T07:09:00.000+11:00

Good news- I lost 1.5kg, so I'm back down to 68kg (WW goal)! But even more good news is that I feel I'm more "in the zone" than what I have been recently. I have got back into using Calorie King to track my food, and next week I am starting running again! Yay! My two months off is up, so I am going to ease myself back into it gently- no hills! I've been doing a bit of reading, and I think the pain I got in my hips was from running for too long up too many hills too soon! So easy does it this time. But I just can't wait to feel how it feels to run again... I always felt so strong and free when I ran.

I went to the Dr's this last week to finally ask why I feel so tired all the time. I really struggle at work sometimes, and it is affecting my performance. I had a bunch of blood tests and it showed I was low on iron stores. The dr wasn't sure if that was enough to cause my fatigue, but I am going to try and sort it out and see if it makes a difference. I think if I still have issues, I might see a dietician. I am trying use all the stuff I know on nutrition to plan the most healthy diet I can, but maybe I'm missing something... I know I severely lack healthy fats! So that's one thing I am trying to redress at the moment.

Tomorrow is my birthday- I turn 29... the last of my twenties.... oh dear! Anyway, my lovely man is taking me away to the Crowne Plaza at Coogee for the weekend as my present, but it looks like we lucked out on beach weather! I'm not bothered though, as we can still drink, eat and be merry :) The hotel has a gym so I can still work off a bit of the eating!! The plan is to eat very light during the day, then treat myself at dinner tonight and tomorrow night, cause it is my birthday after all!!! Have good weekends my friends xxxx

Tagged by Nic

2007-11-18T17:27:00.000+11:00

Ohh, I've never been tagged before! How exciting!

Four dishes I like to cook:
1. Chocolate Brownies
2. Banana Bread
3. Chilli Carbonara
4. Butterscotch Pudding

Four qualities I admire in people:
1. Compassion
2. Tactfulness
3. Eloquency
4. Loyalty

Four places I've been:
1. Britain
2. Ireland
3. Sunshine Coast
4. Gold Coast

Four things in my bedroom:
1. Tower of magazines
2. Tissues
3. Phone
4. Laundry basket

Four dirty words that I like to use:
1. Wanker
2. Arsehole
3. Shithead
4. Twat
(I've used all of the above recently to describe my sister's cheating fiance....)

I have no idea who to tag... I know- Jenn! Other than that I have no idea, as I don't think many people actually read my blog other the Xmas challenge people and Jenn.