Gheorghe: The Blog

Footy Filler

noreply@blogger.com (rob) — Sun, 19 May 2013 14:00:00 +0000

In typical Gheorghian fashion, we've waited until the final day of the Barclays Premier League season to bother writing about soccer. We'll make up for it with a mishmash of semi-related footie items.

In Paris yesterday, David Beckham played what will likely be the final match of his storied career, as Paris Saint Germain topped Brest, 3-1. While his international celebrity outpaced his on-pitch performance, Becks will go down as one of England's all-time greats. Very few in the history of the sport can match the accuracy of his service and his ability on set pieces. Check out arguably the most famous goal of his career, the 2002 strike against Greece that sent England to the World Cup and inspired the movie, 'Bend It Like Beckham':

David Beckham goal - England v Greece 2002 by fatv

If you're reading this before 11:00 you've still got time to turn on Fox Soccer Channel to catch Tottenham Hotspur taking on Sunderland in a final bid to overtake Arsenal and snare the BPL's Champions League berth. The Gunners play at Newcastle at the same time, needing a win to ensure the all-important 4th place finish.

Matheson's late goal gave Canada bronze at the 2012 Olympics

Closer to home, the Washington Spirit beat the Seattle Reign, 4-2, earlier in the week to capture the franchise's first-ever National Women's Soccer League win and improve to 1-2-3 on the season (combined with DC United, local professional soccer squads are a dismal 2-11-4 in league play this year). Canadian national team stalwart Diana Matheson scored the Spirit's first goal, her league-leading 4th of the season. Matheson also paces the NWSL with 10 points. More importantly, she's also my daughter's favorite player. We've attended two Spirit games this season, and the 5'1" Matheson was, by far, the smallest woman on the field. Nonetheless, she tallied goals in each of those games, inspiring my little one, who will be lucky if she makes it to 5'1". You can have 'Bend It Like Beckham' - we're Driven Like Diana up in here.

Finally, if you want an entertaining (and far more knowledgeable) take on all things footie, check out FOG:TB John Day's stylings over at Dangerman Futbol. Maybe next season, anyway.

This is My Wife

noreply@blogger.com (rob) — Fri, 17 May 2013 10:13:00 +0000

You're undoubtedly aware, at this point, of the many ways that cancer (you motherfucker) has impacted Team G:TB. Today's guest post comes courtesy of Work Jerome von Dumbarton, a long-time FOG:TB and current Buffalonian (may not be a word). This post is actually reposted from Jerome's blog. It'll both impress you (at one woman's courage) and piss you off (at fucking cancer, again).

If somebody tells you that 36 hours from now Angelina Jolie is going to temporarily flip your world upside down would you believe them? I wouldn't but that's what happened to my family. Yesterday morning the world awoke to find that Ms. Jolie underwent a double mastectomy. As sometimes happens the local media jumped to find ways of bringing a national story home.

Not everybody knows this but approximately six weeks ago my wife, Madeleine, underwent a double mastectomy at the Roswell Park Cancer Institute. Somebody from Roswell got a hold of my wife's story and she spent the better part of yesterday and this morning making the rounds on local media. It's worth noting because women are making this same decision every day. This is her story.

My wife broke the news to me in the summer of 2012 while we were still living in Washington, DC. It was, in a word, stressful but her OB's recommendation was clear. Double mastectomy and, for kicks, removal of both ovaries. There was a lot going on at the time so we put off the inevitable while contemplating the next phase of our life, which include relocating to Western New York. It was a little abstract but it was always there lurking in the shadows. I'm fairly certain it was attached to the U-Haul trailer.

Jump ahead to February 2013. We're sitting at Roswell meeting with the various surgeons. Shit just got real. I quickly learn how courageous my wife is to go through this for her family. It's important to note that if you have a strong family history you have options and you should investigate them all. For the few, including my wife, with the BRCA1 mutation it means statistically the best option is a double mastectomy. We (meaning my wife) reviewed all the research, considered all the options and then we consulted with the surgeons; who confirmed what we already knew. We made the decision to have the surgery primarily for the twins. Kids need their mother. I think Madeleine explains it best to the listeners of WBEN (here) and viewers of WIVB (here). What the hell - here too.

The surgery was Tuesday, March 26th. We arrived at 9:00a. Madeleine went under the knife shortly before 1:00p. I saw her next at 8:00p. Over the next two weeks, including three days in the hospital, I really understood Madeleine's strength. She took a short walk less than 24 hours after going under, was eating and sitting up shortly after, and off her pain medicine less than a week after the surgery. Then it was just clearing drains regularly, rebuilding strength, a few weeks of physical therapy and visiting nurses and we are done...with Part I.

Then it was regular filling of the expanders (you can Google it). At the end of July Madeleine begins the reconstruction process. The entire show should be over by the end of the calendar year. The twins, at the ripe old age of 3, have been remarkable through this process. The support of friends and family is immeasurable.

I am telling this story to brag. Not about my connection to Angeline Jolie or about Madeleine's 15 minutes. I am, however, bragging about my wife - her strength, her courage, her love and sacrifice for others. We are telling this story so others have a better understanding while making this important decision. Hopefully many other women are telling their stories as well. Also, F-You Cancer.

Us - 1

Cancer - 0

Drink With Me

noreply@blogger.com (rob) — Thu, 16 May 2013 10:02:00 +0000

An ode to the ingenuity of man. One of these was particularly enjoyable.

Old Time Hockey

noreply@blogger.com (rob) — Tue, 14 May 2013 12:26:00 +0000

I don't usually post random pictures of hockey players as filler, but when I do, it's usually something sensational. As you all know by now, the Boston Bruins came back from a 4-1 third-period deficit last night, scoring two goals in the final 82 seconds with their netminder, Tuukka Rask, pulled for an extra attacker, to tie the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Then, 6:05 into the do-or-die Game 7 overtime, the B's Patrice Bergeron (below, center) - who scored the game-tying goal with less than a minute to play - tallied the game-winner to send Boston to the Eastern Conference Semifinals against fellow Original Sixer, the New York Rangers.

We've written about overtime playoff hockey before, but I can't imagine what the TD North Garden was like in the frantic last minute-plus last night. I just saw the video and I've got goosebumps.

Sports, man.

Metal Lullabies

noreply@blogger.com (rob) — Mon, 13 May 2013 10:16:00 +0000

Rachel Barton Pine won her first major international violin competition in 1992 at the age of 17, becoming the youngest person and first American to ever win the Johann Sebastian Bach International Competition in Leipzig. She's since toured with a number of the world's great orchestras, recorded with a baroque group called Trio Settecento, and performed at nearly ever major classical music festival.

She just released a new album, entitled Violin Lullabies, which reached number one on the Amazon Bestselling Classical list on the day of its release.

I'm quite certain a readership as refined and erudite as ours already knew all of this. I'm sure most of you already bought her new record. But I'd be willing to bet that very few of you were aware of Ms. Pine's alter-ego and the breadth of her musical interests.

The same woman who records as part of the Jupiter Chamber Players is also one of the keys to the sound of Earthen Grave, about whom no less an authority than HellrideMusic.com said, "If the doom gods are with us, this band will stay around and continue to produce the kind of unique, powerful and thoughtful music contained on Dismal Times." I don't always listen to doom/thrash, but when I do, I prefer mine heavy on the metal violin, as in the recording below for Blood Drunk, the first single from the band's self-titled 2011 release. I didn't expect to like it as much as I did.

In a radio appearance on The Bob Edwards Show, Pine spoke at length about the similarities between doom/thrash and classical, and how her passion for the former informs and expands her ability to connect with audiences of the latter. I don't know a thing about either genre, but hers is a cool story. Rock/chamber on, Rachel Barton Pine.

Until Gheorghe: The Music Festival Happens, This'll Do

noreply@blogger.com (Clarence) — Fri, 10 May 2013 19:31:00 +0000

Sometimes it all comes together.

Music festivals abound these days, and although not a single one seems to have popped up in my hometown yet (yet . . . business plan forthcoming), they seem to be weekly occurrences in most of the country, at least in the warmer months. A few hometown friends recently embarked upon the Allmans' Wanee Music Festival in Florida with great success, and I'm hearing about other such rocking gatherings all the time. So, I'm giving another music fest a little G:TB press . . . ho hum, right?

Well, this one seems to have several very Gheorghian elements to it. Although I think pigeonholing this event as a "music festival" is likely giving the weekend's other aspects short shrift, it's several days' worth of Appalachian folk/bluegrass/rock/whatever music on the edge of the Pisgah National Forest not far from the Smoky Mountains. Right up rootsy's alley, right?

It takes place down in the Tar Heel State on Memorial Weekend -- in Transylvania County -- not the same Transylvania where Gheorghe: The Dude hails from, but an interesting coincidence.

In Brevard, North Carolina, to be precise, and Rob knows what comes next. Brevard is the newly opened east coast home of Dale's Pale Ale. Oskar Blues Brewery expanded east last year, opening a post in Brevard to serve the massive mid-Atlantic demand stemming from Leesburg and Norfolk, VA. And the brewery is one of the festival's platinum sponsors, natch.

Good music and voluminously hopped mutha of a pale ales in Big Gheorghe's homeland namesake? Need one more G:TB hook? Okay.

What's it called? The White Squirrel Festival, of course, celebrating certain inhabitants of Brevard trees and parks. Our very own white squirrel would be right at home.

There's a parade, 5k/10k White Squirrel races, a white squirrel photo contest, and something called the SquirrelBox Derby. (Different than the one from our undergrad days.) They even have Pisgah Pete, a white spokesquirrel who is reputed to be able to kick Punxsutawney Phil's ass.

So, until we get off our duffs and create our own brewery-sponsored music festival, this will have to do. Anyone looking for something rather Gheorghey to do over Memorial Day (other than hanging in DC with Abe Lincoln Whitney), head on down to western Cackalacky and take in the White Squirrel festival.

In the meantime, here's a highly compelling video of white squirrel Rob (not to be confused with White Power Bill) and his family. Gripping stuff. SFW. SFCP. (Safe for church picnics.)

You're a Peach

noreply@blogger.com (rob) — Fri, 10 May 2013 10:19:00 +0000

South Carolina, you magnificent asshats*, you've done it again. Just when we were convinced we'd seen the limits of your bugfuck crazy political culture, you push beyond any rational barriers into whole new levels of inappropriate buffoonery.

* - The asshats in question do not include my mother, a resident South Carolinian. She just ~~sired~~ birthed** an asshat.

** - EDITOR'S NOTE: As an eagle-eyed and grammatically inclined G:TB reader pointed out, my Mom didn't sire me. That was my Dad. He had asshat tendencies, too.

He looks like a...Harpootlian, doesn't he?

Earlier this week, former state Democratic Party chairman Dick Harpootlian (oh, come ON) made news when he suggested that voters should send GOP Governor Nikki Haley, "...back to wherever the hell she came from". Haley, the child of Indian immigrants, is no stranger to Harpootlian's 19th Century grasp of societal norms. Last year, he drew condemnation when he compared Haley with Eva Braun before backing away with grace and subtlety, saying he, "...wasn't trying to insinuate that Nikki was a Nazi. I was saying that she was hanging out in an insular bunker in Charlotte when she won't give access to the press here in South Carolina. So she has some hurt feelings? I didn't know she had feelings."

As you might imagine, Harpootlian's class shone through in his apology for his most recent mouthfootery.

"I'm the grandson of immigrants. She's not from India," Harpootlian said in an interview. "She's from Bamberg, South Carolina, where she was an accountant in her parents' clothing store called Exotica. All I'm suggesting is she needs to go back to being an accountant in a dress store rather than being this fraud of a governor that we have."

It's a measure of South Carolina's colorful politics that the Harpootlian story wasn't even the week's most unlikely. That honor goes to the good folks of South Carolina's 1st congressional district, who returned Haley's predecessor and noted Appalachian Trail aficionado Mark Sanford to the U.S. House of Representatives.

Sanford, who left the Governor's mansion in disgrace after lying to citizens and staff members about his whereabouts while flying to Argentina to visit his mistress, defeated businesswoman Elizabeth Colbert Busch in a special election. (Yes, she's related to that Colbert.)

While we're generally supporters of a more European view of prominent citizens' personal lives (live and let live, none of our business, and all that), we find it ironic that a party so very interested in telling people who they should sleep with would conveniently turn amnesiac at a moment of convenience. Without question Sanford is a talented politician who worked his ass off to erase Ms. Busch's large, late lead. I'm sure he'll represent his constituents well in Congress, a place where he served three terms before ascending to the Governorship in 2002, and I don't begrudge the highly conservative citizens of SC01 their choice of a legislator who best fits their political worldview.

Just spare us the 'family values' bullshit going forward, mmmkay?

Muppetry

noreply@blogger.com (rob) — Thu, 09 May 2013 16:23:00 +0000

Just got this in from one of our roving reporters. Are we positive this isn't Clarence?

[h/t The Clearly Dope]

Holy sh*t, I can't believe this is real...

noreply@blogger.com (T.J.) — Wed, 08 May 2013 12:22:00 +0000

Everyone remember Jimmy "The Rent Is Too Damn High" McMillan? Well, the man has really outdone himself now:

That's just, well, wow. Wow.

The Boundless Influence of Gheorghe

noreply@blogger.com (rob) — Tue, 07 May 2013 10:27:00 +0000

For such a seemingly inconsequential little filler/dipshittery purveyor, Gheorghe: The Blog has made an outsized impact on the larger world. As Clarence has repeatedly pointed out (via the comments section, naturally, so there's no link I can use to prove the notion), the editors of Grantland routinely scour G:TB for new ideas. And it's pretty obvious that we turned Sports Illustrated on to Elena Delle Donne's greatness. A whole anti-CERN cottage industry has sprung up around our coal mine canary efforts regarding the Large Hadron Collider.

After those and other influential campaigns, we've turned our efforts to a far more fundamental pursuit. We're changing math.

In partnership with Briton Rob Eastaway, our very own Zman has pioneered an entirely new way to think about computation. Friends, we give you zequals ().

Let's allow Eastaway to offer a description:

Zequals means you have to reduce any number to a single significant figure, followed by Zeroes (so the Z is for Zeroes, and also for the ZigZagness of the symbol). For example 67 becomes 70, and the calculation 7 x 8 = 56 becomes 7 x 8 60.

Ultimately, zequals is extremely valuable when precision is less important than general directional sense. If we need to know roughly how many cans are in 18 cases of beer, 400 is good enough. If I need to figure out whether my kid's 98.8 degree temperature requires a trip to the doctor, 100 is probably a bit imprecise. But as Eastaway himself notes, "Many people develop the knack of estimating when they discover a real need for it: business people assessing the viability of a project, engineers looking at how long a job is going to take. In these examples, it’s the ballpark figure that’s important, not the number to its third decimal place."

Eastaway explains the concept in more detail in the video below. And while he doesn't credit Zman, we'll not take offense. We all know the truth, and that's good enough for us.

Work Jerry Filler

noreply@blogger.com (T.J.) — Mon, 06 May 2013 14:09:00 +0000

Work Jerry, who moved himself and fam back to Buffalo about a year ago, was in town this weekend for a brief mini-vaca, allowing us to catch up over some adult beverages. While imbibing, he shared the picture below with me, taken outside a Harley dealership in Buffalo. It is both baffling and glorious:

Go Sabres, I guess?

Friday Filler, from Our Namesake's Homeland

noreply@blogger.com (T.J.) — Fri, 03 May 2013 12:04:00 +0000

God bless ya, Romania. This is quite the ingenious way to get injured players off the pitch. Hell, based on this guy's excitement and the excited response of the crowd, I get a feeling these guys take a dive just to get a free wheelbarrow ride to the sideline.

Would Gheorghe fit in this device?

Our tiny dictator encounters Minnesota "Spring"

noreply@blogger.com (T.J.) — Thu, 02 May 2013 12:46:00 +0000

Sent to me on the tweeter machine via direct message, a photo of our fearless, height-challenged leader experiencing snowfall in Minneapolis on May 1:

Now, someone post something better, please.

Caption This

noreply@blogger.com (T.J.) — Wed, 01 May 2013 12:20:00 +0000

It appears some fine Colorado State students wanted to recreate the surprising box office success of "Project X" (not the Broderick/monkeys movie) over the weekend, and indeed they did throw a "legendary" block party. Unfortunately, it turned into a fucking riot and shit got out of hand quickly. You can read about it here...and please, make sure to at least skim the article all the way to the bottom, as the subject of today's "Caption This" is the highlight of the entire piece:

See you all in the comments.

DC's Best Sports Bar

noreply@blogger.com (rob) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 10:07:00 +0000

Lots of much better writers than we will type eloquent about the importance of Jason Collins' public acknowledgement of his homosexuality. Since we don't really do eloquent, we'll leave it at this: it's about time an active player came out. We fervently hope that this becomes a complete non-story as quickly as possible. Judging by the public's reaction, a mixture of support and 'what took you so long' with a pinch of bigotry couched in appeals to reverse political correctness (looking at you, Tim Brando), it seems a pretty good bet that gay athletes will soon be no more unusual than white NBA players - a minority, but not a lonely one.

If he or she is in Washington, DC's best sports bar, chances are really good that loneliness won't be an issue. The Washington City Paper conducted its annual Best of DC poll recently, offering readers an opportunity to weigh in on the Capitol's finest fare. In the category of Best Sports Bar, the natives eschewed local faves such as the Crystal City Sports Pub and Grevey's for a dark horse entrant.

Washington DC's best sports bar, apparently, is Nellie's. Located at 900 U Street, in the shadow of Howard University, Nellie's is a bit off the beaten path for DC sports fans, but it features authentic Griffith Stadium seats, a vintage scoreboard, and perhaps the only world-famous drag brunch hosted in a sports bar.

Nellie's, as it turns out, is a sports bar with a twist. Or a rainbow wig, whichever. It's aggressively...normal. People go there to watch games, drink too much, gather with their teammates, cheer on the local sides, and generally revel in the communal experience that's one of the most vital and enjoyable parts of being a sports fan.

I assume the folks at Nellie's are proud of Jason Collins. But they're probably proud of Bryce Harper, too. And the sooner we get to the point where the latter matters way more than the former, the better.

See you all at Nellie's.

Juvenilia, Part 1269

noreply@blogger.com (Clarence) — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 12:15:00 +0000

Enjoy.

A Bills Draft Preview and Review, Alternatively Titled "A Confederacy of Dunces"

noreply@blogger.com (zman) — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 10:09:00 +0000

The NFL draft kicks off tonight and despite my well-documented lack of college football knowledge I, perhaps predictably, present a few thoughts on what the Bills will do. Note that I'm the same idiot who joked that they would take AJ Green but wanted them to take Nick Fairley.

I had an email exchange with Teedge and Work Jerry that went like this:

Teedge: Buddy nix gonna f**k this up
Work Jerry: yup
zman: Was that ever a question?
Teedge: nope

We all reached this conclusion based on the following data, i.e., Buddy Nix's picks since he joined the Bills in 2009:

								Misc				Rushing			Receiving
Year	Rnd	Pick	Player	Pos	Tm	From	To	AP1	PB	St	CarAV	Att	Yds	TD	Rec	Yds	TD	Int	Sk
2012	1	10	Stephon Gilmore	CB	BUF	2012	2012	0	0	1	4							1
2012	2	41	Cordy Glenn	T	BUF	2012	2012	0	0	1	6
2012	3	69	T.J. Graham	WR	BUF	2012	2012	0	0	1	3	1	5	0	31	322	1
2012	4	105	Nigel Bradham	OLB	BUF	2012	2012	0	0	1	5
2012	4	124	Ron Brooks	CB	BUF	2012	2012	0	0	0	1
2012	5	144	Zebrie Sanders	T	BUF	2012	2012	0	0	0	0
2012	5	147	Tank Carder	ILB	BUF	2012	2012	0	0	0	1
2012	6	178	Mark Asper	G	BUF	2012	2012	0	0	0	0
2012	7	251	John Potter	K	BUF	2012	2012	0	0	0	0
2011	1	3	Marcell Dareus	DT	BUF	2011	2012	0	0	2	14								11.0
2011	2	34	Aaron Williams	DB	BUF	2011	2012	0	0	1	5							1
2011	3	68	Kelvin Sheppard	LB	BUF	2011	2012	0	0	2	10								2.0
2011	4	100	Da'Norris Searcy	DB	BUF	2011	2012	0	0	0	3							1
2011	4	122	Chris Hairston	OL	BUF	2011	2012	0	0	0	8
2011	5	133	Johnny White	RB	BUF	2011	2012	0	0	0	0	20	72	0	1	-3	0
2011	6	169	Chris White	LB	BUF	2011	2012	0	0	0	1
2011	7	206	Justin Rogers	DB	BUF	2011	2012	0	0	0	2							2
2011	7	245	Michael Jasper	DT	BUF	2011	2011	0	0	0	0
2010	1	9	C.J. Spiller	RB	BUF	2010	2012	0	0	1	21	388	2088	10	106	885	5
2010	2	41	Torell Troup	DT	BUF	2010	2012	0	0	0	2
2010	3	72	Alex Carrington	DE	BUF	2010	2012	0	0	0	5								4.0
2010	4	107	Marcus Easley	WR	BUF	2011	2012	0	0	0	0
2010	5	140	Ed Wang	T	BUF	2010	2010	0	0	0	0
2010	6	178	Arthur Moats	LB	BUF	2010	2012	0	0	0	5								5.0
2010	6	192	Danny Batten	DE	BUF	2011	2011	0	0	0	2								0.5
2010	7	209	Levi Brown	QB	BUF	2010	2010	0	0	0	0
2010	7	216	Kyle Calloway	T	BUF			0	0	0
2009	1	11	Aaron Maybin	DE	BUF	2009	2012	0	0	0	6								6.0
2009	1	28	Eric Wood	C	BUF	2009	2012	0	0	4	17
2009	2	42	Jairus Byrd	DB	BUF	2009	2012	0	1	4	29							18	2.0
								Misc				Rushing			Receiving
Year	Rnd	Pick	Player	Pos	Tm	From	To	AP1	PB	St	CarAV	Att	Yds	TD	Rec	Yds	TD	Int	Sk
2009	2	51	Andy Levitre	G	BUF	2009	2012	0	0	4	24
2009	4	121	Shawn Nelson	TE	BUF	2009	2010	0	0	1	3				20	181	1
2009	5	147	Nic Harris	LB	BUF	2010	2010	0	0	0	3								1.5
2009	6	183	Cary Harris	DB	BUF	2009	2010	0	0	0	1							2
2009	7	220	Ellis Lankster	DB	BUF	2009	2012	0	0	0	4							2	1.0

Provided by Pro-Football-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 4/24/2013.

This bountiful harvest yielded only one Pro Bowl pick and only six players with a career AV in double digits. More importantly, only 5 out of these 37 players have been starters for more than one season, and 20 of them (54%!!) have started fewer than 5 games. This is remarkable given the fact that the Bills have been bad to quite bad over this span so it shouldn't be too hard to replace the incumbent starters. Instead they continue to misfire in the draft (and free agency, but that's another post) and start the same old dreck.

Even when Buddy hits the mark he manages to screw it up long-term. For instance, Andy Levitre was a nice find in the second round and helped solidify a shaky offensive line. Nix let him go in free agency. CJ Spiller is a great player but the Bills already had Fred Jackson and Marshawn Lynch so they didn't need a running back. The Bills took Lynch with the 12th pick in 2007. When Nix drafted Spiller, Lynch was 24 years old and had two 1000 yard seasons and a Pro Bowl trip under his belt. Nix traded Lynch to Seattle after 4 weeks of the 2010 season and got back picks in the 4th and 5th rounds. Those picks became Chris Hairston (part-time starter at LT and RT) and Tank Carder (awesomely named LB who never made the Bills' roster), respectively.

Lynch has, of course, gone on to be one of league's the three best running backs over the past two seasons. Seriously, look:

		Games		Rushing					Receiving					Total Yds
Player	Tm	G	GS	Att	Yds	Y/A	TD	Y/G	Rec	Yds	Y/R	TD	Y/G	TotOff	YScm	APYd	RtY
Adrian Peterson	MIN	28	28	556	3067	5.52	24	109.5	58	356	6.14	2	12.7	3067	3423	3423	0
Marshawn Lynch	SEA	31	29	600	2794	4.66	23	90.1	51	408	8.00	2	13.2	2794	3202	3202	0
Arian Foster	HTX	29	28	629	2648	4.21	25	91.3	93	834	8.97	4	28.8	2648	3482	3482	0
Ray Rice	RAV	32	32	548	2507	4.57	21	78.3	137	1182	8.63	4	36.9	2508	3689	3689	0
Frank Gore	SFO	32	31	540	2425	4.49	16	75.8	45	348	7.73	1	10.9	2425	2773	2773	0
Chris Johnson	OTI	32	31	538	2290	4.26	10	71.6	93	650	6.99	0	20.3	2290	2940	2940	0
Steven Jackson	RAM	31	30	517	2187	4.23	9	70.5	80	654	8.18	1	21.1	2187	2841	2841	0
LeSean McCoy	PHI	27	27	473	2149	4.54	19	79.6	102	688	6.75	6	25.5	2149	2837	2837	0
Michael Turner	ATL	32	30	523	2140	4.09	21	66.9	36	296	8.22	1	9.3	2140	2436	2436	0
Shonn Greene	NYJ	32	28	529	2117	4.00	14	66.2	49	362	7.39	0	11.3	2117	2479	2479	0
Matt Forte	CHI	27	27	451	2091	4.64	8	77.4	96	830	8.65	2	30.7	2091	2921	2921	0
Reggie Bush	MIA	31	31	443	2072	4.68	12	66.8	78	588	7.54	3	19.0	2072	2660	2712	52
Maurice Jones-Drew	JAX	22	21	429	2020	4.71	9	91.8	57	460	8.07	4	20.9	2020	2480	2484	4

Provided by Pro-Football-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 4/24/2013.

Second most rushing yards, third most rushing TD, fourth most all-purpose yards, and more receiving yards than AP! Maybe this explosion of productivity is due entirely to Seattle's system or supporting cast. Maybe the trade served as a kick in the ass to Lynch when he realized his value was only two mid-to-late draft picks. No matter how you rationalize this, it's really tough to watch your team draft a RB #12, suck for three years, then draft another RB at #9 and give up on the other highly drafted RB in return for very little so that the abandoned RB can go on and tear up the league.

Even the Marcell Dareus pick is starting to look a little suspect. Dareus is a nice player for sure, but take a look at who they passed on when they took him:

				Misc				Games		Passing						Rushing			Receiving
Pick	Player	Pos	Tm	AP1	PB	St	CarAV	G	GS	QBrec	Cmp	Att	Yds	TD	Int	Att	Yds	TD	Rec	Yds	TD	Int	Sk	College/Univ
1	Cam Newton	QB	CAR	0	0	2	33	32	32	13-19-0	590	1002	7920	40	29	253	1447	22	1	33	0			Auburn
2	Von Miller	LB	DEN	0	1	2	28	31	31													1	30.0	Texas A&M
3	Marcell Dareus	DT	BUF	0	0	2	14	32	31														11.0	Alabama
4	A.J. Green	WR	CIN	0	1	2	22	31	31							9	91	0	162	2407	18			Georgia
5	Patrick Peterson	CB	ARI	1	1	2	33	32	32							3	13	0	4	10	0	9	1.0	LSU
6	Julio Jones	WR	ATL	0	0	2	22	29	27							12	86	0	133	2157	18			Alabama
7	Aldon Smith	DE	SFO	0	0	1	18	32	16													1	33.5	Missouri
8	Jake Locker	QB	TEN	0	0	1	8	16	11	4-7-0	211	380	2718	14	11	49	347	2						Washington
9	Tyron Smith	T	DAL	0	0	2	16	31	31															USC
10	Blaine Gabbert	QB	JAX	0	0	2	7	25	24	5-19-0	372	691	3876	21	17	66	154	0						Missouri
11	J.J. Watt	DE	HOU	0	0	2	30	32	31														26.0	Wisconsin
12	Christian Ponder	QB	MIN	0	0	2	16	27	26	12-14-0	458	774	4788	31	25	88	472	2	1	-15	0			Florida St.
13	Nick Fairley	DT	DET	0	0	0	6	23	7														6.5	Auburn
14	Robert Quinn	DE	STL	0	0	1	9	31	15														15.5	North Carolina
15	Mike Pouncey	OL	MIA	0	0	2	12	32	32															Central Florida
16	Ryan Kerrigan	DE	WAS	0	0	2	14	32	32													2	16.0	Purdue
17	Nate Solder	OL	NWE	0	0	2	20	32	29															Colorado
18	Corey Liuget	DT	SDG	0	0	2	13	31	29														8.0	East. Illinois
19	Prince Amukamara	CB	NYG	0	0	1	5	20	11													2		Nebraska
20	Adrian Clayborn	DL	TAM	0	0	1	6	19	19														7.5	Iowa
21	Phil Taylor	DL	CLE	0	0	1	12	24	23														5.0	Baylor
22	Anthony Castonzo	OL	IND	0	0	2	11	27	27															Boston Col.
23	Danny Watkins	OL	PHI	0	0	1	8	23	18															Baylor
24	Cameron Jordan	DE	NOR	0	0	2	14	32	31														9.0	California
25	James Carpenter	OL	SEA	0	0	0	6	16	16															Alabama
26	Jonathan Baldwin	WR	KAN	0	0	0	4	26	9										41	579	2			Pittsburgh
27	Jimmy Smith	CB	BAL	0	0	0	3	24	5													2		Colorado
28	Mark Ingram	RB	NOR	0	0	0	8	26	9							278	1076	10	17	75	0			Alabama
29	Gabe Carimi	OL	CHI	0	0	1	6	18	16															Wisc-Eau Claire
30	Muhammad Wilkerson	DT	NYJ	0	0	2	19	32	31														8.0	Temple
				Misc				Games		Passing						Rushing			Receiving
Pick	Player	Pos	Tm	AP1	PB	St	CarAV	G	GS	QBrec	Cmp	Att	Yds	TD	Int	Att	Yds	TD	Rec	Yds	TD	Int	Sk	College/Univ
31	Cameron Heyward	DT	PIT	0	0	0	4	31	0														2.5	Ohio St.
32	Derek Sherrod	OL	GNB	0	0	0	1	5	0															Mississippi St.

Provided by Pro-Football-Reference.com: View Original Table
Generated 4/24/2013.

There was a lot of D-line talent in that round drafted after Dareus (Smith, Watt, Wilkerson) and studs like Peterson, Green, Jones, and Solder. Luckily the Bills had Ryan Fitzpatrick so they didn't need to waste a pick on Andy Dalton or Colin Kaepernick, who both went in the second round.

Continuing with their same theme since 1996, this year the Bills are again in need of a QB. Good QB's have appeared lately after round 1 (Dalton, Kaepernick, Russell Wilson) and I understand that Ryan Nassib could very well be available for to the Bills to pick at 41. Bills fans who like to argue with other Bills fans on Bills fans messageboards like Nassib because he went to Syracuse, which is geographically near Buffalo and thus is something of a known commodity because he was frequently on TV in western NY. Of course, JP Losman and Todd Collins were frequently on TV in western NY but that doesn't mean they were good fits for the Bills. New Bills coach Doug Marrone was Nassib's coach at Syracuse so he's seen lots of Nassib on TV too. And it honestly makes some sense for a rookie QB to play for his college coach--this has to help accelerate his learning.

The Bills need O-linemen and this draft is apparently chock full of them. They also need linebackers but apparently there aren't many in this draft. So in a perfect world (or at least my imagined perfect world) they would take a massive offensive lineman from the SEC like DJ Fluker or Chance Warmack at #8, then Nassib at #41 if he's available. If Nassib isn't there, take the best LB/QB/OL available and roll Kevin Kolb out there for a year.

In the real world, I expect Nix to draft Nassib at #8 and a WR at #41 (like Cordouroy Patterson from Tennessee, if he's available). It would be funny to joke that he'll then take Mike Glennon in the 3rd but Buddy really might do that despite signing Kolb and Tavaris Jackson.

Equal Time

noreply@blogger.com (T.J.) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:36:00 +0000

We're longtime and unabashed supporters of all things vajayjay, but as men (at least legally - we'll leave the question of maturity for another time), we're obviously concerned about our own, um, attributes.

So it's with no small sense of gratitude that we congratulate the San Francisco Department of Public Health for shaking the mothballs (wait for it) off one of the members (wait...) of its hard-working (wait...) staff (almost there...) in service of men's health. We're pleased to announce the return of The Healthy Penis to duty, doing his part to remind men of the need to be tested for STDs and HIV.

According to sfgate.com, The Healthy Penis caused some controversy when he initially debuted in 2002 (actually, three differently hued Healthy Penii were unveiled at that time), but became a beloved community mascot. From the sfgate.com story:

San Francisco may have banned the exposure of genitalia, but that’s not stopping the Department of Public Health from bringing back its giant Healthy Penis. Yes, the beloved six-foot-tall mascot for safe sex is literally coming out of the closet and will be back at parades and other city events – and this time he comes with free penis-shaped stress toys!

Most of us already have free penis-shaped stress toys, but anything that promotes healthy manparts is okay with us.

(Editor's note: we don't love that photo, but we'll be damned if we were going to do a Google Image search for 'healthy penis'.)

[Other editor's note: TMarls wanted the pic below added to the post, showing a plethora of penises (penii? penes?) and one STD crunchberry]

A Very Special G:TB Interview

noreply@blogger.com (T.J.) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 10:38:00 +0000

Way back when we were the internet's fourth or fifth-leading blog about dipshittery and W&M hoops, author and CAA basketball insider Michael Litos took pity upon us and gave us love on caahoops.com, legitimately the world's best online resource for the conference's basketball action. He's been a long-time G:TB supporter, and one of the major reasons why we're now the internet's second-leading purveyor of W&M hoops-related dipshittery.

Litos, a VCU grad, moved on from the CAA this season as the Rams joined the A-10 and he took over as the team's radio color analyst. G:TB was fortunate enough to grab a few moments with him and his friends (all named Stella, oddly) to talk about his first season on the radio, CAA Hoops, and whatever dumb questions the Teej came up with. (See if you can guess which ones.)

Aside from Tony Shaver's mustache and W&M's erudite yet futile superfans, what do you miss most about the CAA?

That collage you made and sent me with Shaver surrounded by the Futile Superfans and Tom Yeager bathed in sunlight is very helpful, and the live caterpillar was a nice touch, but I still miss roadies to Wilmington.

Every year the schedule came out I either sent Ron Bertovich (Ed. Note - the CAA deputy commissioner for basketball) a bottle of wine, or drove to Patterson Avenue and punched him in the nose. You see, “VCU at UNCW” on a Saturday meant three full days in ILM. Great food, Wrightsville Beach, and college basketball are a savagely intoxicating mixture.

True story: we landed in the middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania to play St. Bonnies and it was about 468 degrees below zero with a strong wind whipping rain (and our plane) sideways. When we finally got on the bus for the one-hour ride to Olean, Shaka Smart was the first person I looked for. I pleaded with him: "you've got to get Wilmington back on the schedule."

I hate to get all goofy on question number one, but I also very much miss the closeness and camaraderie of #CAAHoops. I'm not saying the A-10 doesn't have it, but it was a wholly different season from that perspective. I miss a lot of people and the basketball conversations we had. I miss going to road games and chatting with opposing fans and coaches an hour prior to tipoff, and the banter in emails and texts that weaved through the games, the season, the programs, and life.

I always used to say "we have it better" and in most every respect, we did. I feel like we all caught lightning in a bottle with that 6-8 year run but the reality of the world caught us. That's sad. It was an incredible time for anyone who followed the CAA.

Shaka Smart's been steadfast in repeating his 'don't mess with happiness' refrain? Is that good marketing, or does he really see himself making a long run at VCU? Do the changes in the college game (mids moving up into 'major' conferences, etc.) make such an idea more likely - will we see more guys like Shaka and Brad Stevens?

This is the first time I’ll put this in print: the next time I read that “Shaka Smart is different” or that “Shaka Smart is wired differently” I’m going to puke. On the spot. And make the writer come clean it up. I’m sick of that. That wholly disrespects who he is as a human being, other coaches who are thoughtful and not mercenaries, and thoughtful people in general.

People forget coaching college basketball is Shaka Smart’s career. Who—in any line of work—is made happy by chasing a BS opportunity? So yes, I can absolutely see Shaka Smart coaching his entire career at VCU. It isn’t as far-fetched as some may think.

However let’s be realistic: Duke or North Carolina opens up next year and he is gonzo. The thing that I believe gets shortchanged in all of this is guys like Shaka, Brad Stevens, Mark Few, etc. evaluate ALL PHASES of a job, not just salary and conference affiliation. People forget these guys are evaluating a career opportunity, not a college coaching job. There is a difference.

And let’s be honest: college basketball is very different. First, a conference doesn't necessarily define a program. Not anymore. I even think a conference protects certain programs—I’m looking at you, Auburn. These coaches are intelligent enough to see that. The conference as a be-all/end-all is no longer limited to six.

What’s more, the money has flattened out. You can bring home a few pounds of bacon at VCU, Butler, Saint Louis, etc. these days. Facilities for some schools continue to improve. More TV means more programming and more TV games for the “mid majors.”

I think it’s always a year-by-year thing for any of these coaches, just like you or me in our careers. (We can admit that, can’t we?) The gap that used to exist between a BCS job and any other is no longer wide, and it looks different.

Shaka Smart’s team won 27 games and finished second in a conference that sent five teams to the NCAA tournament, they won a game in the NCAA tournament for the third straight year, finished the season ranked in the national poll, and played on national TV something like 21 times. Toss in the competitive spirit of doing that at VCU versus a Notre Dame. You are in growth mode as opposed to maintenance mode. Now add in that your family is very happy in a middle-sized city where you are king, the media pressures are not taxing, and you made more than $1 million.

You’re leaving that for exactly what job?

But it isn’t just Smart. Any coach has these same opportunities. So yes, I think you’ll see more Smarts and Stevens.

Ginger, or Mary Ann?

Such an offensive, sexist, and downright trite but totally expected question. What’s next, plain or peanut M&Ms? Or better yet, how about Rose, Blanche, or Dorothy?

I will say PFChang's has a great Ginger chicken dish, and Mary Ann Moffet gave Dreyfuss that awful scar across his chest. So in that respect I'll have to go with Ginger.

What surprised you the most about the season as a broadcaster? What did you wish you'd known before you took the job?

The broadcasting part was easy, and I credit Robby Robinson, the VCU play-by-play guy, for that. He made it easy. All I had to do was to be prepared and describe what I saw. It’s exactly what I’ve always done, only this time somebody put a microphone in front of me so I had to watch my
language when helping the officials with their interpretation of the rules.

(And by the way, CAA fans, you may not believe this but it’s true. The CAA officiating was better than the A10 officiating. At least you know Bob Testa is going to call an illegal screen each half.)

I was surprised, though, at how little I actually knew about what goes into the 40 minutes we all love. The level of organization and attention to detail has to be high level. There are so many things you don’t immediately think about that have to fall into place, and each is connected to the other.

Every basketball fan should seek out and thank the SID, video coordinator, student managers, grad assistants, academic advisors, and everyone else that you don’t see sitting on the bench when the clock is running. Those people do an amazing and unheralded job, and if they screw up, it matters.

Again, I may be overly goofy here, but I don’t know that there’s anything I wish I would’ve known prior to taking the job. I very much enjoyed creating my own experience and watching what goes into a basketball program and its season. That includes learning what goes into a broadcast and when I should speak.

Don’t get me wrong, I have little notes everywhere that will help me do small things better, but there’s nothing huge. I tried my best to remain invisible off the air and intelligent on the air. Everything else was life.

On your journey to Brooklyn for the A-10 championship, was there any sleep obtained? Or no sleep (until arrival in Brooklyn)?

Well thanks to you I was more in the mode of the Avett Brothers, hoping Brooklyn would take me in. (Side note: they are playing in Richmond this summer, July 25. You are welcomed to join me.)

Sleep was easy during the season—the games were a ton of fun, but the travel was terrible. You would be surprised how quickly you move from place to place. The teams
are out of the locker room and on the bus and headed home in a flash. So you end up with a sprint, and I’m not one to sleep in transit. I’d get home and timber into the bed, sometimes after 3am.

If you ever have to go to New York take the freaking train. I had the best experience because I didn't have to deal with anything except crappy overpriced food in the food car.

Here's a note to the fans who whined that VCU wouldn't travel if the CAA tournament moved. You were wrong. Holy moley what a turnout.

I think I just wrote about 175 words without actually understanding nor answering your question. What exactly are we talking about here?

What was the best road environment you visited this year? Where do you never want to go again?

I could cheese out and say the Atlantis Resort, for no other reason than it was the Bahamas in November, but I won't do that. Plus, the resort was kind of Vegas By The Beach, and that’s not really my speed.

Saint Louis was easily the best roadie. They play in a great building that was filled, and it got loud. The fans were really into the game and took the viewpoint that their team never made a mistake. And that’s what you want. However the game itself absolutely stunk, and Saint Louis will never be confused with Wilmington. (Side note, part 2: Xavier was way overrated.)

Everybody said St. Bonaventure was such a terrible trip, but it was just fine. Oh it's out there, I mean out there, and the sun reportedly has not shone in Olean since 1957. But it wasn't all bad. We drove by the prison that housed Wesley Snipes, so we had that going for us. Tourism!

Rhode Island has great potential--the arena is steep and the seats right on top of you. I love buildings like that. They start winning and I can see that place becoming a zoo. The trip to ETSU was a dud--50 point wins are boring--but there's this old 1920s hotel across the street from the arena that's worth the trip. It's the anti-Marriott. Big rooms, old fixtures, just nice. Wait, does that even matter to you?

Worst trip had to be Duquesne--I don't need to go there again. It wasn’t that it was overly terrible; just a big fat zero. And I know Auburn Hills was the NCAA tournament and all, but I don't need to go back there. The Palace was built next to a landfill, which is a true story and all you need to know.

Is Havoc materially better in the Siegel Center than elsewhere? How has the Rams' hoops culture contributed to VCU's ability to recruit at an increasingly high level? And what's that place like when Havoc is humming?

You need to clarify what material we're talking about. There's a difference. That crushed/pressed particle board they used to use for driveway backboards that fell apart after it rained five times and the rim ripped off, leaving that odd semi-circle at its base, is one thing. Spectra fiber is quite another.

Shaka Smart has said more than once he's never been at a place where the fans have such a personal connection with the basketball team. And the team knows it and appreciates it. They most definitely play better in front of the crowd because each feeds off the other. That building gets deafening, and the players eat it up.

I'm not a 17-year old kid, but I'd be fried-egg-eyed if I walked into a basketball game and there was 7,700 loonies screaming their fool heads off, chanting youdontwannagotowar and It’s Havoc You Fear and the pep band bouncing all over the place with a trombone player on stilts and that big Havoc Lives Here banner.

And that’s before tipoff.

The administration has done a phenomenal job embracing the culture and allowing it to germinate. A VCU home game is a festival. Some national guy wrote it's awesome because it just looks like everyone is having more fun. And it's true.

There were so many occasions last season where I literally took my headphones off so I could take it all in. I didn’t want to miss out. It’s what the home court experience should be.

And when havoc is humming, you can feel the energy. It isn’t a tingling that stands your hair on end. It’s like an invisible force that everyone shares, pulsing around the building and increasing at it reaches each one of the 7,700 people. Briante Weber makes a steal and everyone lets out those odd little noises that you emit when you’re not entirely sure what’s going to happen next, but it’s going to be good. And when a three-pointer is in the air, you can feel everyone inhale at the same time, ready to burst with a head-splitting scream when it splashes down.

The anticipation of what’s going to happen next grabs you and pulls you onto the basketball court alongside the players. It grabs your insides first, and then your skin catches up. It’s really something you have to experience.

On a semi-related note, we think ODU's making a big mistake messing with a great hoops culture in pursuit of football dollars. Was that inevitable as soon as the Monarchs decided to field a football squad, or are they the victims of their rapid success on the gridiron?

I totally agree with you. It was inevitable, because the funding issues surrounding football are so powerful and so necessary to compete. ODU did an outstanding job getting football off the ground and they’ve seen great success, but there’s no getting around the fact that it’s a negative impact on basketball. That’s the biggest difference in BCS and non-BCS affiliation these days—the TV money for football. I’ve long said you should play 1AA football, or BCS football. Anything in between is a tremendous risk.

Here’s the real problem. ODUs quick success in football will only hasten the vise grip it puts on the basketball program. They felt they had no choice but to move up right now, probably 3-5 years before they wanted to. That exacerbates every challenge. It wasn’t a bad decision because it’s what they wanted to do. It was in all likelihood a very good decision. But it was a football decision.

It was going to happen. Now it will happen more quickly.

Care to share any stories about this year's Rams, or are you keeping them all for a new book?

I wish I had time or money for a book (ahem, Ed McLaughlin...you could solve both those issues).

I don’t know that there are any real stories that would be of interest. More moments, and there were a lot of them. I’d love to tell them all, but it wouldn’t feel right. Sorry.

Here’s a college kid story.

Before every game, one of the student managers lays a towel at the corner of the scorer’s table, right beside the bench. One night our radio position was at that corner—a great position because we get to hear the coaching staff and players, but a terrible position because Shaka Smart stands all game and he’s always in the way.

This is art made from used chewing gum. Carry on.

Anyway, the manager lays the towel down right in front of me, and I of course wonder why. I found out quickly. Briante Weber chews gum the whole game, but not when he’s actually in the game. When Weber gets off the bench to check into the game, he takes his gum out of his mouth and places it on that towel. When Weber comes out of the game he takes his mouthpiece out and puts it on the towel, replacing it with his gum. Because Weber is frequently in and out of games, this gum-to-mouthpiece-to-gum switch occurs over and over and over.

So I spent that entire game with either a live piece of chewing gum or a slobbery mouthpiece 12 inches from my face.

What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Do you mean an African or European swallow? See, now you’ve made me miss the CAA again. Bastard. The A10 just didn’t understand Monty Python.

What must happen for VCU's recent run of success to be sustainable?

For all the arguments and the over analysis and Excel spreadsheets and thinking and hand-wringing, it comes down to one thing: winning. Everything else will take care of itself if you win. Winning is the bass player in the jazz ensemble of success.

You win and people get fired up. People get fired up they give money to support the program. That money helps build facilities or charter flights, which helps to attract better recruits which ups the talent level which leads to...more winning. More winning leads to more people who want to be involved with the program, and those people have wallets.

I’ve oversimplified the cycle of success here, but you get the point. You can argue all you want about NBCSports versus ESPN television contracts, but neither truly matters when put against the pure value of winning.

For VCU, it’s kind of the Xavier model. You have to continue to make progress off the floor, and on the floor. That means both building the practice facility, and getting back to the Sweet 16. That’s sustaining. It all goes together.

What’s the best thing about knowing the G:TB editorial staff?

The prestige. Groupies. Knowing I'll always get the best seat in a restaurant and never have to pay for a drink. All I have to do is flash the G:TB sign with both hands like you taught me, and the world is my oyster.

It pays off for the team, too. VCU was losing to Xavier by 17 in the second half, and I flashed my G: TB sign to Chris Mack. He sighed, called timeout, and six minutes later VCU was in the lead.

But I should not say that. The first rule of G: TB—never talk about G: TB.

Who rode it better?

noreply@blogger.com (T.J.) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 13:10:00 +0000

zman:

or the Teej:

The Moving Rocks (The World's Second Greatest Rock and Roll Band)

noreply@blogger.com (Dave) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

I have decided that my new fictitious band name will be The Moving Rocks (The World's Second Greatest Rock and Roll Band), because the origin of this name is so incredibly cute that groupies will be throwing themselves at me when they hear the story.

The Moving Rocks also adheres to Principal Skinner's rule of thumb for a band name: something that sounds "witty at first, but seems less funny each time you hear it." You might remember Apu's perfect suggestion for Homer's band: "The Be Sharps." REO Speedwagon was also a big fan of this heuristic (You Can Tune a Piano, But You Can't Tuna Fish). Same with The The.

The Moving Rocks newest song is definitely inspired by this theme, and not only have The Talking Heads had an influence on the lyrics, but also the recording method. I made this recording after reading David Byrnes' book How Music Works, and used the classic Talking Heads method to create the track: I started by making beats and keyboard loops and interlocking them in various patterns until I got something I liked. Then I started writing lyrics and adding guitars over the beats and loops. It's the reverse of how I usually record, and it was a lot of fun.

Many Lives

You are living one of many lives, yes, you are giving flowers to your wife . . .
You are sipping glasses of champagne, you are selling watches in the rain.

You are living one of many lives, you are giving flowers to your wife . . .
You are tricking in a squalid room, you are shifting shuttles on a loom.
And you are dancing in a discotheque, you are diving deep beneath a wreck.
You are living in another time, you are thinking of another rhyme.

And the dogs they know and the cats they know,
and the bats they know and the rats they know . . .
what you don't know.

That you are living one of many lives, you are shaving whiskers with a knife;
keeping under wraps in Vietnam, singing lyrics to a foreign song.
You are stranded on a tropic beach, words and phrases just beyond your reach,
you are standing in ancient sea, your reflection staring back at me.

All the while you are sinking down, digging deeper into sacred ground,
ants are marching through your ragged bones, beetles feeding on your rotten clothes.

Yes, you are living one of many lives and the dogs they know . . .

Now you're winking at a pretty girl, on a cruiser circling the world.
You are drinking coffee with the pope, you are jabbing in the rope-a-dope.
Cargo sails from a foreign port, a man in Denmark scratches at his wart.
Mirror mirror hanging on the wall, how come I've got no invite to the ball?

And the dogs know and the cats know and the bats know and the rats know
and the wind knows and the tides know and the moon knows and the flies know . . .
What you don't know.

Resolve

noreply@blogger.com (rob) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:07:00 +0000

Boston's a special place for me, as most of the G:TB community knows. It's where my parents, grandparents, and generations of family members before them were born and raised.

I ran my first (and I thought most likely only) marathon last November. I don't really know why I decided to do it, but I very clearly recall the emotions that ran through my mind as I crossed the finish line. I thought about my late father and how proud he'd be of me, and tears of both joy and loss flowed freely. Also, probably, of exhaustion.

And so, with these things in mind, Monday's attacks on the Boston Marathon felt particularly personal to me. People shouldn't lose their limbs, or be moved to scream in terror, or be killed in any venue, let alone a celebration of human endurance and resolve. For that to happen in my family's home was one thing. For it to rob so many of their hard-won feelings of accomplishment, and their emotional release as they crossed the finish line in honor of their mother, or in memory of their best friend, or in triumph over their own personal limits struck me as inconceivably cowardly and cruel, and made me nothing so much as angry.

I remember feeling after 9/11 that things had irrevocably changed; that the scale and scope of the attacks on America represented a sea change in how we viewed the world as a people. My overwhelming emotion was a kind of numb, fearful sadness. I think that feeling was widely shared, and history will look back unkindly at the last decade, about how we let fear and sadness dictate a national response that reverberates forward.

Today, though, I remain resolutely furious at what happened in Boston. In the best tradition of that town, with its odd mix of Puritan stoicism and Irish/Italian temper, its elitist intellect and blue-collar pugnacity, my reaction remains a hearty, 'fuck you' to the sick bastards who did this. Kevin Cullen from the Boston Globe said on CNN, 'We take only three things seriously here: that's sports, politics, and revenge.' He spoke of a deep sadness followed by resoluteness, and about the communal middle finger Boston was lifting towards the perpetrator(s). I sense a similar reaction from most of you, and a heartening percentage of the people I see writing, tweeting, and talking about the attacks. If the 2013 Boston Marathon is remembered as the moment in time when we regained our footing as a people, that won't be a fair trade for the three dead and scores wounded, but it'll be a worthy memorial to them.

Monday's attacks had another connection with the generations of my family. Tom Meagher has been the finish line coordinator at the Boston Marathon for the last 17 years. He's also been a summer resident of Brewster Park in Brewster, MA for more than three decades. Park families, including mine, know him as 'Coach' - he's been responsible for organizing kids' activities at BPC for 30 years, coaching sports, coordinating parties, and serving annually as the emcee for the Park's 4th of July parade. He leads the assembled Parkies in the pledge of allegiance before the parade, and he makes it a habit of introducing any veterans in attendance. He's organized the annual Brew Run for more than 20 years, raising more than $200,000 for charity (it's perhaps the only race we'll ever get Clarence to run - it starts and ends at The Woodshed, my friend). I don't know many that are more civic-minded and patriotic.

The Boston Globe profiled Meagher two years ago. They asked what he does when the race ends, and he gave an answer sure to please this readership, saying, "When it’s all over, I find my way back to the Copley Hotel. I go to the hospitality suite, put my feet up, and have a cold beer."

Coach was at the finish line yesterday, just like he's been for the last 17 years. You can see him in the video below:

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

He, like many others, ran towards the blast to help a fallen runner. He, like so many Bostonians, stood up against fear and terror. And he, like all of us, will cheer the runners that finish the 2014 Boston Marathon.

Hi, Gheorghies!!

noreply@blogger.com (Clarence) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 03:35:00 +0000

Well, given the shitty shit that went down in Boston, I was glad to have G:TB for updates about Beantown friends' well-being. In truth, in several cases Gheorghe was more current with that than Facebook. Thank you guys.

What the world needs now is another folk singer. And what Gheorghedom needs now is a distraction. A pointless, possibly confusing, YouTube filler to take our minds off the tragedy and into the bedroom. This Wednesday night I'd like each of you to make this clip happen with your respective lovers. And use the proper attire -- remember, that's why the call them business socks.

Oh -- it's got some NSFW brief blurry full frontal. Take note.

FOG:TB Request: Photos of Masters champion Adam Scott

noreply@blogger.com (T.J.) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 14:54:00 +0000

You can easily guess which friend of G:TB suggested this post...and we needed filler, so I am happy to oblige. Here's Scott after winning the Green Jacket:

And based on this blurb sent to me, it seems Mr. Scott also loves to surf, so we'll toss this pic in as well:

Aussie Adam Scott says he can't choose between his two passions: golf and surfing. One is his livelihood; the other is "Adam time." "Surfing is a way for me to switch off and get away — from the whole world, really," he told Golf Magazine in 2009

Vaya con dios, Masters-winning brah.

[Late edit] To keep this post fair and balanced, here is a pic of Scott's ex-girlfriend, tennis player Ana Ivanovic:

This Song Might Be Slightly Better Than Dana Perino's Rap

noreply@blogger.com (Dave) — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 10:00:00 +0000

Lately, I have been negligent in the writing department here at G:TB. To be honest, I've been struggling to keep ahead of the curve over at Sentence of Dave, and this is partially because my life has reached some absurdly American post-modern and perfectly normal level of busyness which everyone my age and economic status seems to endure. Enough with the bitching -- I'm glad that my family has the wherewithal and the energy to participate in so many fruitful activities . . . and the alternative is much worse.

But the OTHER reason I haven't been writing much is because I have been busy recording a bunch of loosely connected songs . . . loosely connected songs that sort of fit together . . . loosely connected songs that sort of fit together and might be sonically and thematically connected to a limited extent. A long time ago we called this an album. If it was a Yes album, then it had really cool cover art, but the music never lived up to the packaging.

While the bad news is my album will have no fancy cover art, the good news is that I will release it exclusively at G:TB (probably over the next sixteen years . . . I'd like to outdo Chinese Democracy). I will eschew the big labels.

I also have the grand desire to try to put a legitimate band together -- and if I keep injuring myself playing adult league sports, then I might have the spare time to make my dream come true. I am trying to write songs that can be played by a band, and I'd love to perform them with a real drummer and a real singer. Until then, these tracks are nothing but Dave . . . but I have replaced the monologues with guitar solos, and I am trying to keep the songs to a reasonable length. I was inspired by David Byrnes' book How Music Works, and instead of trying to throw the kitchen sink into every song, I'm just trying to record music that is entertaining to listen to. I hope there will be more songs to come soon.

Also, I am trying to think of a new fictitious band name for my music, since I love creating fictitious band names. I am sick of Greasetruck but I haven't been able to think of anything better. The Oozing Pustules and The Moving Rocks are the only contenders. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Cutter (The Sublimation Song)

She's a cutter -- she cuts herself,
instead of taking it out on someone else.
She's so quiet, with her headphones on,
nobody would notice if she were gone.

You punch the wall instead of your wife,
kick the dog, it's better than thirty to life.
Drink some beers and mow the lawn,
wonder how things might have gone.

He's a runner, he runs away,
instead of facing his problems each day.
And he's a loser, he's on his knees,
searching the floor for his keys.

They walk on by, she won't even meet his eye.
It's too bad, they could have got along --
happy ending for the song.

Guitar Solo! NOT a monologue . . .

Now she's a loner, she lives all alone.
Calls up her mom on the phone.
And she's a worker, she likes to work,
get her hands dirty and covered in earth.

They walk on by, she looks him right in the eye.
Doesn't matter what she does, doesn't matter who she loves.
She'll be alright, she'll get along --
good enough for the song.

She was a cutter, he was a runner,
now she's a loner and he's a loser,
she was a cutter, she was a cutter . . .

Secret Lyrics!