ghosty ghosty crocodile

Laying low for a spell...

2007-11-30T16:26:00.000-08:00

Obviously haven't been posting much. No particular reason other than I just kind of ran out of steam. Getting a real job will do that to you. Just wanted to say thank you to all you kind folks who visited the Good Ship Crocodile. You rock!

Wheeeeeee!

2007-10-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

We loves fresh figs! The little market I go to now that the Suckway has closed has all kinds of delightful things...including not just Hon's potstickers but also Hon's Potsticker Vinegar. Nit actually a vinegar made *out* of potstickers, but delicious nonetheless.

And, of course, fresh figs.

So A Lady Got Killed Across the Street

2007-10-02T18:13:00.000-07:00

Vancouver's 17th homicide of the year. Nobody's too sure what happened. It got me to thinking about all the things I know have happened on my street. I've only been here five years and I know of a homicide, a beating, a man shooting a rifle off for no particular reason, a rape, an armed stand-off, a disappearance, people going off balconies, numerous car accidents and sundry fires. I got to thinking about what else has happened on my street and figured it's an ideal research project as it's both an old street and a relatively short one.

Update, Wednesday Evening.

Tonight I was passing by the building where the lady was killed. I was told it happened in one of the ground floor apartments on the front. The last three days the curtains have been pulled shut and unchanged. Tonight there was a light behind them. I went around the side, in the parking lot, to see if there was someone inside. There was a very small ground level patio with a railing around it. Behind was a glass sliding door, and white curtains also pulled shut. I could see the light had a fan blade flickering beneath it.

Then I saw the cat. Big, long-haired and grey. Yellow eyes. Of the kind stalwart in the belief that being very still guarantees invisibility. I thought it could be a stray, prowling on the patio. Then I noticed the bottom of the curtain swaying with the beating of the fan, cat hairs stuck to its hem, backlit by the flicking light. The sliding door was open just enough for a cat.

So I either got the wrong apartment, or somebody is holding some kind of very practical vigil which includes proper care of the pets of the deceased.

Does My Soul Look Tormented In This?

2007-08-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

Even the more socially acceptable 'ironic' constant self-deprecation gets tiresome quickly in conversation. I don't have the time, inclination, or patience to take on propping up your evidently flat-lining self esteem. And really, why the fuck should I? It's called 'self' esteem for a reason. Deal already.

/rant.

Ran into a couple of friends over the weekend who both do this and it kind of did me in.

quick, hit the back button

2007-08-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

The above is the title this guy

used on his profile on a dating site I'm on. Click on ol' rikki to see the full extent of his wallowing.

So a while back he messages me:

it to bad that you just dont seem to have any strong opinions on anything. har har har. not that you would care but by page is all self defence. im afraid i have an overwhelming fear of rejection. so its best to be rejected on my terms. as i said not you would care, by now you are long gone anywayz. sorry for intrudeing

My reply:

Uhhh...what the hell are you talking about? Seriously. That made no sense whatsoever.

His reply:

sorry 4 the trouble. won't bother you again.

Here's my point. You can be homely, socially retarded, and take your own really bad digital-camera-at-arm's-length photos because maybe you just can't help it. But which, exactly, social horror was it (undoubtedly the fault of everybody but you, natch) that prevented your blubbering passive-aggressive ass from USING A FUCKING SPELL CHECK?

Yeah, I know. Easy target. But c'mon. The guy's probably a screaming masochist who no doubt would whazz himself into a dead faint if he knew an actual real live girl was being mean to him.

It IS possible this is a giant hoax...I mean "rikki"? If so, well done.

Wow....

2007-08-16T18:56:00.000-07:00

Breakup sex is great!

Finally Have A Job I like!

2007-08-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

I work now for a cool tech company that has a very nifty subscription-based thingy useful for realtors. My job? I'm getting the folks that subscribed to an earlier version to migrate to the vastly improved and shinier version. At a reduced price of course, as compared to the general unwash-ed.

So-so at it so far, but I know I shall improve. I've done it before, and will get my chops back.

Not a speck of food anywhere that must be touched by me. Halle-fucking-lujah!!!

Huh.

2007-07-28T11:49:00.000-07:00

I didn't get the job. Not sure why, but suspect they didn't like my bad credit. Not much I can do about that, so I had a quick bummerfest and then applied for something else that looked cool. Not as good a wage, but I could walk to work and it also is an internet business which always gets bonus points.

I went to the beach and beheld the wee beasts in the tidal pools. I've decided I have to make myself get the hell out of the house should I start brooding too much. I'm trying to find the balance between repressing things that bother me and thinking too repetitively about what's not going well.

Staying positive can only be good, I think.

Blessing counting time...

1. I don't have the headaches.

2. I don't smoke now.

3. I have a terrific best friend.

4. I have a job that gets me a roof over my head and enough food.

5. My kitties are healthy and happy.

6. My breakup was, and remains, civil.

7. I remain off the medication.

8. I am a decent person.

9. I live in a beautiful city in a country without war or famine.

10. There are baby skunks all over the place right now and they rule.

Just Back From My Third Interview

2007-07-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

...with Motherin' Huge Communications Company, and I think it went very well. They asked if I'd like to go onto the floor and listen in on some calls, and the employee they put me with says they don't do that unless they're pretty sure you're in. The last hurdle is a background check, but aside from lousy-ass credit, nothing much will pop. No record, not even the cliche parking ticket, so I should do fine.

The office is stunning. It's the company headquarters, built as a showpiece tower and finished only three years ago. State-of-the-art and ergonomic everything, open-plan, a view that gives any real estate type an instant woody, and about a ten minute walk from my front door.

So. I'm stoked. If everything goes as it should, I will start my training July 29th.

It's been rough, this marathon of job-hopping, but it's worth it. I know where I want to be, and a jive-ass kitchen ain't it.

Jeez Louise...

2007-07-23T01:10:00.000-07:00

This stuff is hard.

I know...duh!

The Man came by to talk and pick up some of his stuff. No matter what has happened, we still have a connection that I cannot throw away. I guess that's how us humans are wired. While we've drawn our boundaries - he's still moving out - we've also agreed that he will see somebody to help sort out some of his issues. I cannot turn my back on him, I just won't. Not can't, but won't. It's a choice, and I'll stand by it.

I don't know what the future holds, but I've always felt better making a stand than taking the easy way out. It'd be more convenient for me and everyone else to convince myself that he doesn't matter to me, but that would be a lie, and something I'd regret for the rest of my days. He does matter, and always will, whatever the form our relationship eventually takes.

I feel amazingly strong knowing I can take appearing weak to others. It's a pretty hard thing to do. But what the hell. Like I said before, one ticket, one ride. Make it count.

An Explanation of the Purge

2007-07-22T17:02:00.000-07:00

In a fit of spontaneity and ill-judgment, I gave this blog address to a potential employer. Not entirely crazed; it was a writing-type/internet job, and I was upfront about my former call girl incarnation...but I realized that there was info about other people on ghosty that could be hurtful in some way - not to mention waaaaay to much info about my periodic bouts of crazy - and thought it best to err on the side of caution and remove certain elements from view temporarily.

I will be bringing it all back, but it's time-consuming, so it'll happen in dribs and drabs. I have learned my lesson and will be directing future folk interested in my writing to my Vancouver blog and to a new domain called...cue Drumroll of Irony...hangontoyourman.com.

Heh. I have a good enough grasp on current pop psychology man-keepin' theory and such vast personal experience in picking the wrong ones that I'm sure I can spin out any number of short articles and a downloadable e-book or seven on the topic. I want to use both sites as testers for SEO techniques, internet marketing options and shaking a little moola out of them thar internet hills.

I'll set up my stats and see what happens. It'll give me something to show to all those places out there looking for internet marketing monkeys.

In the meantime, on the employment front, I'm going for my third interview with a vast communications empire trying to snag a customer service representative gig. Pays something around $15 an hour to start which beats the living snot out of the piddly $9.50 I'm getting at the Kitchen of Well-intentioned Clusterfuckery I'm at now.

I think it may be even more frustrating to work for nice people who cannot get their shit together than straight-up assholes. There are a lot of quietly sad lifers there. I have zero intention of ever being one of them. I also went into Kitchen World as part of the long range plans I was making at the time with The Man. Being he's a chef, we thought we might be able to work together, maybe see a bit of the world that way, since he's often worked overseas.

Since that's kaput, it's absolutely pointless to be doing something I really don't much like. I'm so off food, being up to my elbows in it eight hours a day that I've lost about twelve pounds in the two months I've been there. Good thing the place doesn't make and serve oxygen or I'd be really hooped.

I do really well in interviews, so I'm stoked this will go well. And speaking of oxygen, I'm quitting smoking at the end of the month. Luckily for me...sort of...my smoking is inextricably tied to my relationship with The Man, so when he goes, it goes too. I had been quit for thirteen years before I took it up again with him, so it will be relatively easy to return to a non-smoking mindset. Not that it won't fucking blow for a few weeks, but new single status, new job, and getting back into my old healthy routines will make the transition a hell of a lot easier.

And guess what? Best news of all...during all this - and there's some capital K crazy shit that went down I have not yet divulged - I still remain headache free! That, my crocodile friends, more than anything, tells me I'm making the right changes in my life and outlook. YAY!

A Quiet End to a Spectacularily Ill-fated Romance...

2007-07-22T15:37:00.000-07:00

So, gentle reader, a report.

I have broken up with The Man. He will be moving out at the end of the month. I just returned from the roof deck where I did a rousing rendition of;

Free at last, free at last, Good God Almighty, I'm free at last!

The seagulls whirling by were largely unaffected, but then again, I can't think of a more jaded bird.

This is the crux of it;

You can't keep loving somebody who can't love anybody back.

Pretty simple, I know, but that situation has a time factor. You can't know that's what's happening until some time goes by, and six months was what it took for me to know The Man just cannot love anybody. While it sucks for me, really, I'm the lucky one. I know I can love somebody. I just did.

And I'll do it again. Somebody else is one day going to be lucky enough to have me care about them. What I have to work on is not avoiding my own life by becoming involved with people who are incapable of dealing with their own. Not so easy. I'm sure there is a delicious, delicious brew of psychological reasons that predispose me to being attracted to men with serious problems, but you know what? Get back on the horse is what I say.

I have two options. Restock the moat of Castle Crocodile with all kinds of fuck you, or get back out there while I still remember the good parts about being with someone.

It's even given me a great new idea for a t-shirt slogan;

I don't put out for guys who won't hold hands

It may sound trivial, but it really is the small things that give the game away. I've got a list of deal-breakers that I'm damn well going to use next time out.

* Won't hold hands? Get over yourself.

* Any sign of excessive boozing? Forget it.

* Keeps people important to him segregated like Post-War Berlin? What the hell are you hiding?

* Makes you the last stop on the stress-rolls-downhill train? Blow me.

* Won't give out back rubs no matter how many they ask from you? Quit being so goddamn selfish.

* A great apologizer? No thanks, Zorro; I'd rather you weren't such a cock so often in the first place.

There are so very many of us who spend our lives doing anything we can to avoid acknowledging that life needs to be worked at, that it's hard, that it's short, but that it's all we have. You never get any of that time back. One ticket, one ride.

There are always problems, and always will be, but Jesus H. Christ, be an active participant in your own life. Sort it the fuck out, and keep sorting it. Hiding from it doesn't do a damn thing but isolate you from possibility. Our options are diminished enough; by circumstance, by physical limitation, by the assholes around us, that not acting in your own best interests to find a way to be happy with yourself is essentially suicidal.

There is nothing honourable about self-destructive behaviour. No integrity. Self-destruction is fear left to run rampant.

It is, to be blunt, a pussy move.

Well...2007 is on an upswing starting now

2007-07-09T13:46:00.000-07:00

For the rest of the year, the focus is on me. Not anyone else; not anyone else's problems. I'll be a listening ear, and a friend, but really, you can't do much for folks who don't/won't/can't help themselves, so my energy is going towards getting me where I want to go, as graciously as possible.

I'm very determined to get into something that interests me, and pays better. No kitchens! Ever!

So...I've been studying marketing in general, online marketing in particular, and copywriting from materials I've downloaded. I've also downloaded Open Office (a free Microsoft Office clone) so I can brush up on Microsoft Office and will adding keyboarding software to improve my touch typing skills. I've tracked down my references and am on Craigslist and Monster.ca before and after my shifts studying the job market and applying to suitable listings.

I bought a sweet pair of running shoes today and am taking advantage of the inadvertent stress diet that has lost me about twelve pounds over the last few months. May as well take advantage of circumstance and keep it off and build up some muscle. I'll start with some daily walking and build up endurance until I can do some serious miles every week, and also get back into my daily light weight training routine.

A lot of changes needed to be made, and they've finally been sorted...now I can concentrate on what I need to do, and it feels fabulous :)

Hooray for me, hooray for my verrrrry patient readers, and hooray for summer!

Doing Some Housecleaning on the Good Ship Crocodile...

2007-06-27T23:26:00.000-07:00

Some stuff is going, most staying, and comments can be seen by me but nobody else. They will return shortly. It's alllll fabulous :)

Somebody's Looking For a Shill on Craigslist Vancouver...

2007-06-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

Date: 2007-06-25, 9:40AM PDT

I am looking for a food critic to write a review of the restaurant chain here. The review needs to be written in a positive light and I will pay you $25 for the review. It shouldn't take more than 2 hours to complete.

More work to become available so this is not the only review.

Location: Anywhere
Compensation: $25
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

--------------

I've emailed and indicated my interest, seeing if they'll name the restaurant chain...you know this stuff goes on, but this is pretty darn blatant, no?

Burning Desire...

2007-06-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

I'm wildly curious about who owns the mighty pot of gold known as the giant empty lot on the corner of Robson and Broughton. Given Coal Harbour is pretty much wrapped up, and Melville and Alberni a-swarm with construction, Lot X must be worth gatrillions by now.

I plan to dig about wherever I can to find out who owns it...most folks I talk to figure it's Hong Kong-held, but who knows. Perhaps it's some dotty old local lady in an apartment crammed with 60 years's worth of National Geographics and snarling cats.

I will sleuth it out.

Well, Well, Well

2007-06-22T16:32:00.001-07:00

Excuse, please, the wallowing tone, but dang it, if you can't whine occasionally in your blog, where the hell else can you get all snotty-snouted in semi-public?

Also, I don't usually post when I've had a few, but what the hell...it seems to be a time-honoured blogger tradition. Me and the Man are on the rocks. He wants to leave, and I want to be the kind of girl, who in the movies at least, appears to not care.

But I do care.

My man asked me if he was a project to me. I said no. I said it was more like I knew who he really was, and what good and brave things he could do, and that I wanted to be there when these things happened, and that I'd stick it out through thick and thin while he sorted it out. I think that's different from being a project, because it's about having faith in what he can do for himself, not what I can make him do in spite of himself.

I think there's a difference, though I'm not really sure. It's hard to know, being in the middle of it.

UPDATE:

Things sorted; all well. Hooray!

2007-06-13T16:22:00.001-07:00

Every once in a while, I'll get an IM like this from someone who didn't get the memo re: my retirement from Escortville.

ndoraboy@hotmail.com says:
hia

blingin' in the rain says:
And you are?

About five minutes go by...

blingin' in the rain says:
A little slow, apparently.

ndoraboy@hotmail.com says:
sorry was away for a mo there.

blingin' in the rain says:
So...you are?

ndoraboy@hotmail.com says:
johny.had expressed interest in your services

blingin' in the rain says:
I'm retired.

ndoraboy@hotmail.com says:
since when?why

blingin' in the rain says:
Almost two months ago. Bored of it.

ndoraboy@hotmail.com says:
so what keeps you on edge now

blingin' in the rain says:
My newfound devotion to our Lord Jesus Christ. Have you invited Him into your heart?

ndoraboy@hotmail.com says:
erm no.why

ndoraboys@hotmail.com says:
?

blingin' in the rain says:
Gotta go...choir practice.

2007-06-13T16:11:00.000-07:00

I invited a cat to eat quiche with me in a little park, but he decided to sulk under a bush instead.

Well then. More quiche for me.

This, of course, was to celebrate my escape from work. What a clusterfuck. The supervisors there couldn't organize a blowjob at a drunken Pride party. More on that another day.

Anyhoo, I ate my eggy pie in the lovely little park near my house and watched several horrifying bugs doing inscrutable things among the grass blades and life was pretty good.

Feeling Much More Optimistic...

2007-05-31T22:55:00.000-07:00

They seem to have taken the hint at work and are giving me afternoon to closing shifts which I dig, so the Good Ship Crocodile is steaming ahead. The rest of the crap is out of my hands so I've decided worrying about it is a waste of my time and sanity.

Besides, I've realized that my job is a veritable fountain of free pie, and if that doesn't cheer a body up, I don't know what would. They stick all the expired stuff in the main back cooler, and the last few days have been Pietopia.

So I'm alright.

Hello GLOSS...

2007-05-21T15:34:00.000-07:00

Ha! Made ya look...to my loyal readers in Ghosty Ghosty Crocodile Land; I have emailed a magazine startup demanding to be a sex/relationship advice columnist. What do I have to offer them, you may ask? Well, a good command of the English language for starters, and that delicate quality known as cultured smartassed-ness we all know and love.

Additionally, I possess the necessary Bad Girl cred that your usual UBC Creative Writing Program drop-out just doesn't have; I really DO know what boys want, having dished it out in my previous incarnations at $2.99 a minute to $300 an hour. And I can also tell the girls what to do to keep their current men out of the sticky hands of my erstwhile colleagues.

Does it get any better? Me and my brass ovaries think not.

GLOSS...email me...

Heh...Screw Kitchen Bitch...Jumped Ship!

2007-05-07T18:33:00.000-07:00

They threw me on the line with diddly for training...and that's stress I don't need. I'm down for prep and production, but I'm no line cook and never wanted to be, so I told them it was not going to work out. I don't need to dread going to work. I was straightup about it, as I like to be, and told them the moment it became apparent.

They weren't thrilled, but I did my best and see no point in dragging this kind of thing out. That was yesterday, and already today I did up a resume, contacted my references and had a first and second interview with a really great fresh food market with a fabulous open kitchen deli/bakery. Awesome benefits and educational support, and the joint's just four blocks from my house. Tomorrow I have a final interview, and they have their orientation on Wednesday...unless something remarkably strange happens between now and then, I'm pretty confident I'll be hired.

I'm applying for Junior Cook which essentially means prep, production, and counter service which is what I wanted. I'll need either proof of a Hep A vaccine, or will need to arrange one, and I'll need my Foodsafe 1 certification but both are cheap and easily gotten, and they are aware of both issues.

It's nice when you walk into a place and immediately get a good vibe. That, and it's clean as a whistle with good natural lighting and people working there of all ages and from all over the world. Tends to keep the sketchiness level down to healthy levels. That and the salmonella.

Hooray!

I Be A Kitchen Witch Now!

2007-04-29T23:13:00.000-07:00

Haven't been in a kitchen for a looooong time...but it's all coming back. Thankfully Tada - fantastic Japanese boy and Kitchen Emperor - taught me how not to cut my damn fingers off. My previous times in kitchens were long on carousing and short on teaching actual useful skills, so I desperately needed some remedial skoolin'.

Forgot how much fun the smack-talkin' and trench buddy thing is. Of course the pay is shitty...not sure how much I'm actually getting, but obviously it'll be less than the $300 an hour I was getting. The other side of that, of course, is that I'll know WHEN I'm getting it. Another consideration is that given my honey is a chef, I may one day be able to work with him in some capacity. I've always wanted to work alongside my man.

In an employment situation I do best as a support system to someone I respect; I like to be the dependable second banana. I don't like walking point unless I'm my own boss.

I also like to stay the hell out of workplace politics. I like to keep myself to myself... and working at a bar, I think not being much of a drinker will make that muuuuch easier. A lot of the folks I work with suck it back pretty heavily. Part of the culture, I suppose. Still, doesn't mean I have to do it. In any case, I can't afford it anyway. I'll be saving up so we can move to a bigger place. Plus, I owe my best friend $1500. It'll take ages to pay it off. At least I paid off the other $1500 with the escorting.

That was the main point of the escorting, paying off the whole $3000. Thing was, playing it safe and not burning out in that game means you don't work that often, and there's a lot of expenses. Oh well. At least I don't have to worry about killing some ornery john with a lamp these days.

Best Craigslist Job Offer EVAR...

2007-04-27T14:49:00.001-07:00

Medical School Needs Male Participants
Reply to: job-318606513@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-25, 10:56AM PDT

The Boucher Institute of Naturopathic Medicine requires 7 male participants for the course requisites of students studying to become Naturopathic doctors.

Each model will be paid $100 for one hour of time in which naturopathic doctoral candidates will perform a digital genital and rectal exam. Each participant may be examined up to four times.

Participants are needed for June 4. Any medical results will be conveyed to them.

Please respond by, May 15, 2007.

I'M OUTIE!

2007-04-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

I have retired from the escort biz, as of 8 pm Pacific time today, April 20th, 2007.