Giggles & Goodness

Knit me together...

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Thu, 16 May 2013 16:30:00 +0000

I am a person who lays it all out there for the world to know. Every trial, every joy, I share it. I haven't always been that way, almost the opposite. So maybe I'm overcompensating for years of keeping things locked away inside but who else writes a personal blog besides someone who likes to share things. I do it for support, prayers, to help myself stay focused...I share most everything because that's who I am.

Well, for about four months I've kept something quiet, close to my heart, only letting a handful of select people know. I can't say there's been many things in my adult life that I haven't openly shared but this I've kept hidden away...even from my own self at times. Probably because of the incredible heart ache, sorrow, and emptiness it makes me feel to think about it, let alone write or speak about it. But...it's time. I need prayers, support, and love...

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

The passage above showed up as my passage of the day in my Bible app. Such a beautiful expression of the creation of a person...God's hand placing a baby in a mother's womb. Amazing. Awe-inspiring.

Or sometimes...saddening. Back in the beginning of January I had an early miscarriage. We were just maybe 6 weeks along, positive pregnancy test and all. Yet I just felt something was off, maybe even wrong. I couldn't get excited when I saw the positive test. For some reason I doubted we could be pregnant again. But I was. Less than 2 weeks after the positive test God chose to take our second child home before we could meet him or her.

To say I was heartbroken doesn't cover it. Devastated. In disbelief. Overwhelmed. Utterly empty. Maybe that's closer to describing that feeling. I wouldn't wish this on even the worst of enemies.

For a few months just Matt and my mom knew (she was here when I got the positive test). I just couldn't even say the word "miscarriage." Technically it's called a "chemical pregnancy" which is often referred to as the joke of the miscarriage world...in that it seems almost so quick and fast that you doubt you were even pregnant, that a child was for such a bitterly short time growing inside of you.

It took me two months to begin wrap my mind around what had happened or even say it out loud...it's taken my heart and emotions until now to be able to really feel the true kick-to-the-gut feelings that an early miscarriage brings with it.

We had a second child. I still have trouble even processing it sometimes. It's cruel and unfair. Our second baby would have been born in late September. I'm not sure how I'll emotionally handle that time when it comes. I've promised to allow myself to be sad when I feel I need to be sad but even that's tough.

I never thought this would happen...it wasn't in my plan.

But...it's not really my plan that happens ever, is it? No, this passage today helped me remember who creates a child. God, the almighty Creator, knits a child together in a mother's womb. God alone grows that life. No matter what I do or how I try to make that happen, only when God wills it to be is a life created. It's not up to me to make sure I'm doing all I can to make a life. How ridiculous to think my measly self could be the driving force to something so miraculous.

Sadly the questions have started: when will Laura have a brother or sister? Are you guys trying again? She needs a sibling. My hearts breaks just a bit more every single time someone innocently and unknowingly asks or comments about my family and our hopes. I often get angry just wishing people nowadays would just mind their own business and not speculate about our family. That's the hurt talking, I know, but it's just so painful. I can't stand those questions and words...salt in the wound.

So now I need prayers. I need to keep this passage in my mind and on my heart. I've wavered in my trust of our Creator. I've tried to be the one in charge of this part of my life. I need prayers for my aching heart. His plan always turns out better than mine but this one is a hard one to grasp. I need help to stay focused on Jesus being my everything...not having another child...

Dear Father,
You saw fit to bless our second child with a life without pain and suffering and brought baby to your side so soon. Forgive me for my anger and lack of trust. Ease my sorrow. Calm my weary soul. Give me strength to know that You are in control and the Creator of all life. If it be your will, bless us with a brother or sister for Laura. Above all help us to focus on Jesus as the source of our contentment, peace, and hope.
In Jesus' name, amen.

When You Look at Me, What Do You See?

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 18:51:00 +0000

I'm a reflective person by nature. Overanalytical. Deep. Constantly going back over how I've acted. Lately, I've been struggling...bigtime with this question: when people see me, what do they see?

I'm not talking about the frazzled mommy of a toddler. No, much more than that. Do people see Jesus when they meet me? In my words. In my actions. In my very being...do people see Jesus?

Jesus was all loving, ever-forgiving, selfless, humble, peaceful, and so much more.

Honestly, I don't even come close. I'd venture to say I'm the mere antithesis of Jesus by nature. It breaks my heart to think of how I've represented Him on a daily, personal basis. I'm a lazy, short-tempered, self-centered, speak without thinking, judgmental, gossiping sinner. There's no heavier feeling I've experienced in my life than when I'm completely honest with who I am by myself and have come to grips with how sinful I really am. Given the choice, I choose myself, instead of Jesus and others, almost every time. It's bringing tears to my eyes because I've failed so miserably to reflect the person of Christ. I've by nature done the opposite of showing Jesus 9.9 times out of 10. My sinful mind is definitely hostile to God and all that He is. When I come face to face with my sins like I have recently, I feel void, empty, destitute, hopeless.

"He (God) lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." Psalm 40:2, yup, a pit...heavy muddy, sin-filled pit of guilt and pure shame.

But He lifts me up. Thankfully, by inexpressible grace, Jesus took this weight and put it on His shoulders. He bore my burdens, this guilt and shame, all the sins I've wallowed in and washed them in His blood. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). Christ, who being God himself, died...because of me and for me. What grace. What love. It's incomprehensible to me. That by nothing of my own, by no merit or work of mine, He gave his life--his holy and perfect life--to pick up and take on my sins, die a horrid death on a cross only to be himself separated from God's love...to save me. Me, the worst of sinners, has been washed clean.

Now I have tears of joy & gratitude (those words don't even begin to describe). No more void but a heart and soul bursting with I want nothing more than when people see me that they see past me to Jesus, the Savior, full of love. Romans 15:13: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." What an undeserved blessing. Not only have I been saved from certain eternal death and unspeakable anguish in this world and after, but I've been filled with peace and hope beyond words without having to wait and suffer. Jesus' love is astounding. It actually changes my very way of seeing myself and others around me. My earnest prayer is that with His never-failing help I can cling to this so that others will see Him. Make me nothing so that He is everything.

Dear Jesus,

A thank you is not enough...words cannot say how thankful I am. Help me to be nothing to myself so that you and your love are everything. Make me see others with your eyes and your love. Help me see myself with your eyes, through your resurrection. Help me cling to you always so that my soul may be full of your grace so much that it can't help but pour out of me.

In your name, I pray. Amen.

A Little Something Extra

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 23:57:00 +0000

So I have been blessed with the opportunity to write a blog on a regular basis for the website Bread for Beggars! BfB is place to go where you can find all sorts of sound, Biblically correct media...songs, sermons, videos, stories, blogs, art, devotions. Anything you could possibly want to nourish your faith throughout the day. I know that I slack & therefore suffer when I don't feed my faith with the Word on days other than Sunday. This website is full of reviewed and evaluated Christian resources. We've taken the work out of sifting through the incredible amount of "Christian" resources on the Interwebs.

I'm just so proud of the work the men and women who are dedicated to this site have done. It's easily my favorite website out there. There is literally something for everyone, always full of the gospel, never sacrificing the meaty content we all crave, whether we realize it or not.

Building on the Rock is the blog I write for BfB. It's dedicated to parents, caregivers...really anyone with kiddos in their lives. Please check it out and share it with your friends if you find anything you like on Bread for Beggars. It's easy to spread the Gospel when all you have to do is click!

Here's a little snippet of my latest blog on BfB:

She’s teething. She didn’t nap well. She’s out of her routine. She’s just hungry. She’s just being the toddler she is. She’s strong willed. She’s extra independent. She’s feeding off my bad mood. She’s not being stimulated enough. She’s over stimulated. She must be getting sick. She’s just like her mother. She’s just like her father.

Excuses, excuses, excuses…

I’ve recently had a big “Aha!” moment, an embarrassing and shameful one at that. I am the Queen of Excuses and Analyst Extraordinaire when it comes to my child’s behavior.

Every time that Laura is the slightest bit fussy, naughty, or anything other than wonderful, my postmodernist psychology kicks in and I try to find the elusive “Why?” After all, if I follow any parenting pop psychology today there’s got to be some underlying reason why Laura is behaving in any way other than the good, sweet girl I know she is.

Laura Elisabeth, Meet Your Papi

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 01:56:00 +0000

My dearest girl, here are some of my favorite things about your Papi that I want you to know. Someday you will meet him in heaven. Until then, I will do whatever I can to help you get to know him. He was an amazing man and would have loved every single bit of you more than words.

There are many times, my sweet baby, that I watch you and think of how much I wanted your Papi to meet you. But God was so good to him and took your Papi home to heaven so he wouldn't be in pain anymore. Jesus died for Papi's sins just like he died for yours and mine and everyone's. When Jesus rose again he gave us the promise and sure hope that we will get to go to heaven, too. Jesus loves us that much! So read this and know that as much as I miss him, your Papi is free of all pain and suffering and living eternally in heaven by Jesus' side and I wouldn't want it any other way.

So, Laura Elisabeth, meet your Papi:

He loved melty ice cream and cookies. He ate one (or both!) every night.
He snored so loudly and made humming sounds in his sleep all the while holding the remote control.
He loved flannel shirts from Cabela's and jeans.
He always ate with a napkin in his hand or right by his plate. He hated messy hands.
He had one small, plastic cup that he kept above the sink and drank water from right before he went to bed...it was always there.
He was a great athlete--basketball, football, track. He did it all. (I didn't inherit any athletic ability. I hope it skipped me and you still get some!)
He loved kids. He had lots of patience...except for when he didn't, then we had to drink hot dog weenie milk. I'll tell you that story sometime.

He loved (wink wink) all the self-portraits that your Aunt Mollie and I made him take.
He had a secret love of Cher. I used to call him late at night and sing some Cher to him.
He would curl up on the couch before he'd go to work at night and we used to snuggle by his legs. We called it his pit. He used to toot on us. It was gross...but funny.
He was drafted into the army and fought in the jungles of Vietnam. He was hard on him and he didn't talk about it much. He did go to some reunions eventually and came back laughing and telling stories that he hadn't told us before.
He was the family photographer, always taking pictures alongside your great Uncle Ray.
He lived for Christmas time. Grandma would actually have to try to stop him from spending tons of money buying us presents. He loved watching us open them even more than ever receiving a gift himself.
He used to bring home donuts on Saturday mornings or sometimes pies that he'd have in a brown paper bag on top of the fridge.
He'd eat a sandwich and Made-Rite potato chips every night while he was at work.
He used to watch the Spanish channels on tv. He claimed he knew the story lines but he didn't know Spanish.
He didn't know your daddy all that long but he knew Daddy would take good care of me.
He loved you Grandma very much and they were married over 30 years.
He loved your Uncle Mike, Uncle Ben, Aunt Mollie, and me so very much. He'd have done anything for us.
He taught us about Jesus and made sure we went to church to hear about him. He did everything he could to send us to Christian schools so we'd had strong faith in Jesus.

I hope that I never forget all the things that made your Papi the great dad that he was. My Laura Love, you remind me so much of him and I'm so thankful for that. Anytime you're wondering about him, I will tell you all you want to know and more.

A New Addition

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 09:05:00 +0000

9 months. I can't believe it's been 9 months since I left my teaching job to become a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). There isn't a doubt in my mind that it was the right decision--the best thing for Laura, for Matt, and for me.

But just because it was the right decision doesn't mean I don't notice the drawbacks. (Now before anyone gets their undies in a twist about what I write here know a few things: it's 3:30am and I can't sleep, I'm just being honest, it's my own personal blog so don't come back if you're bothered, and honestly if something I'm writing is making you upset or defensive...maybe you need to figure out why my words struck a cord....there I think I've covered my bases.)

Here's the truth: I'm lonely. While I spend my days interacting with someone else all day long, my little babbling toddler only carries on a certain level of conversation. I actually am craving adult interaction so badly that I do the following just plain sad things...daily:

stalk Facebook for ANY glimpse of the outside world
go grocery shopping and strike up long conversations with the cashier (yeah, I'm that person you wish would shut up and move along.)
take a gazillion pictures of Laura (I'd venture to say at this late hour and in my sleep deprived state that it's because I'm thinking I need to prove that my job is worthwhile)
watch reruns of various shows...over and over and over
text, email, call anyone who will spare five minutes and make my day engaging in adult convo even if I don't have anything to say
interject myself into random strangers' conversations. Oh how I wish I were joking but nope, I actually do that. How weird...and totally embarrassing.

And here's my second truth of the night & this might be the one I feel the most guilty about: I crave something more for myself, something all my own apart from Laura. Here's where I feel pit-in-my-stomach guilty because after all, this is supposed to be the most fulfilling job on the planet...one I should be so grateful I'm able to do & thus never complain about. At least that's what's portrayed by all the SAHMs I know as well as every blog or ode to SAHMhood that I've ever read. But...

I miss having a purpose outside of this home. I miss having a job that entailed a pat on the back, kudos, or obvious appreciation & rewards. Deep down that's probably the reason I post on Facebook so freaking much (I'm even annoying myself at this point...must.cut.the.cord.)

Just this past week I wrote a blog on Parental Pride for the website Bread for Beggars (a HUGE thank you to the creators of that site for giving me something extra to do & making me feel worthwhile!). I think this craving for adult interaction & the desire to do something "more" is a driving force toward my pride in my child. I think when Laura does something new & exciting, that's like my quiet, just-for-me reward that I've chosen the right path. Pretty skewed, huh?

Something's got to give. I've either got to remind myself somehow every day all day, especially in the loneliest moments why I chose this job & how much better Laura is because of that choice...or I've got to add something into the mix. Since I know myself fairly well, I'm opting for the addition. I'm going back to finish what I started. 3 more semesters of graduate school to get my Masters degree in Reading. Truthfully I'm not even sure I ever want to teach again but this is something I vowed to finish, something we've invested so much money in already, and something that is all my own.

And here's the best part: this new addition doesn't take absolutely anything away from my job with Laura. I can work around her schedule, do homework while she naps or at night. I don't have to skimp on my work with her at all. I'm still a legit SAHM. That's the most important part for me. I've looked into working from home and nothing fit ME that didn't take away from Laura.

I would never trade what I have in this SAHM gig for anything. I get to see every little new development in Laura's life firsthand. I get to be the one who's there every time she falls down. I am the one who gets to spend countless hours talking nonsense and getting deep into her world. It's one of the biggest blessings God has given to me. But to curb my sinful tendency to bemoan this privilege this is the perfect solution. I'm ready. It's game...back...on!

Dear Father in heaven,
Thank you for giving our family the means for me to be home with Laura full time. Forgive me when I'm selfishly needing and wanting more. Forgive me for sometimes begrudging this privilege. Please bless my work towards my degree. Help me to be satisfied with all the abundant blessings you've given to me.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

A Gift

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 02:13:00 +0000

Today I wept. Not sad tears but my-heart-is-full, going-to-burst with happiness tears. I was given a gift during a stinky circumstance that I thought I'd never get.

Laura fell sound asleep, as peaceful as can be...in my arms.

I probably need to explain myself a little bit. When Laura was a newborn and my postpartum depression and anxiety hit like a hurricane, I literally couldn't snuggle my baby girl. The feeling of anxiety that I felt, the disconnect was so great that to simply say I couldn't hold her or rock her to sleep doesn't do it justice. Probably the only two people in the world who understand specifically what I'm talking about are Matt and my mom. Laura cuddled on my mom about ten times more than she did me for the first four months of her life.

There is just one single picture of her sleeping on me...and sadly I don't have a real memory of it. The memory-annihilating fogginess of depression has clouded over so much of those first four or five months that the only way I have any even slight recollection of Laura's life is by the thousands of pictures I'd taken. My heart has an ache and huge void because of how PPD robbed me of those precious moments with my little newborn. I've cried so many tears over worrying that she and I wouldn't bond well or that I'd harmed her by not being able to be fully present with her.

When I was pregnant I dreamed of snuggling that sweet little newborn baby girl. All the stories I'd heard from other moms about how amazing cuddling with a new baby is, all the pictures I'd seen of other new moms glowing as they held their babes day and night...I didn't get any of that. Instead I got a rapid heartbeat, head-to-toe sweating, stomach-churning nausea...sheer terror and total overwhelming disconnect.

I've been sad for far too long thinking I'd missed my chance to create that bond where my baby would only be satisfied in MY arms. Well, today I got that moment.

Laura is fighting a cold and was running a fever today and the only way she was calm and comforted was...by Mommy holding her. She cried for me...she wanted just me. I didn't have to do anything other than pick her up. My eyes are welling up with tears just thinking about it.

Not only did my sweet little love snuggle, cuddle, and want only me...she fell sleep in my arms for over an hour! It was the most amazing gift that I never, ever thought I'd get. After all the postpartum depression and anxiety took from me...God gave me this beautiful moment.

I am a mommy. I'm a mommy whose daughter needs her. I'm a mommy who can meet all of her needs. I'm a mommy whose little girl loves her.

This is a day I will never forget. No fogginess, no depression, no panic attack robbed me of these heart-filling moments. God is so good.

Dear Father in heaven,

Thank you for this indescribable day.

In Jesus' name. Amen.

Early to rise...

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 12:24:00 +0000

I woke up at 5:30am today. I didn't need to but I did. Matt decided to wake up at 5am (those that know him...yes, I was shocked, too. I also repeatedly asked him if he was ok;). When I wake up anytime after 5, I'm up for the day. I was fully expecting Laura to wake up at 6:15ish as she seems to be shifting her sleeping schedule despite my best efforts to maintain a normal wake-up time. But...it's 7:11am and I'm sitting here in a very quiet, darkened home...and LOVING it!

All my life I've been borderline perky in the morning to the point of absolute annoyance of others. But it's because I love love love the quiet peacefulness of the morning time before the sun comes up. A cup of coffee, my warm bed, and occasionally the news...that's all it takes for me to relax before the day really begins.

So here's a another beautiful day in God's grace!

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:22-24

Calling for Daddy

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:23:00 +0000

There is a game that Matt plays with Laura every night that he's home when she's going to sleep. She sits on my lap and as he turns to leave her room she calls out, "Daddy!" He will come running back over and give her a kiss and say "Goodnight! Jesus loves you." They will go back and forth about five times before he finally leaves the room. She just giggles with happiness and love for her daddy. And I'd venture to say that these few moments are some of Matt's most precious, favorite times. No lie, almost every night I get tears in my eyes as I watch this show of pure love and affection.

Laura has this amazing love and trust in her Daddy. Already at just 18 months old, she knows that he is her safe place, her little clown, and her protector. While I hold my breath sometimes at the games he invents with her thinking surely this will end in a broken limb, she trust him completely. Just like I have my little games and secret jokes, Matt and Laura have their own little routines and games.

Since we are so blessed to have Matt working from home, Laura gets to see him for brief moments throughout the day. She's just recently started to go to the bedroom doorknob and try turning it to get to Matt while he works. She goes up to the door and says, "Daddy" whenever she hears any noise coming from the office area. She just adores her time with him. Again, I'm almost 100% positive that Matt loves these times just as much, or maybe even more.

In the moments after their little goodnight game I sing to Laura and rock her for a while. I find myself reflecting on how much love Laura has for her Daddy and he for her. Many times my mind wanders and I think about how God, our heavenly Father, must love the times when we remember call to him. Through the work of His Son, Jesus, we are His sons and daughters. We get to call the Almighty Creator our Dad. Galatians 4:4-7 But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.

As a now redeemed child of God I know I can talk to Him whenever I want. I can have time with Him by simply seeking Him. When I am scared, hurt, or in need, I find it easy to call out to my Father in heaven. Prayer flows quickly when I an falling and need help. But when things are well and I don't have any major hardships to endure, I don't find myself calling out for my Father all the often. I wish I were more like Laura is with Matt when it comes to craving my heavenly Father's love, to delight in reading His Word. I want to be filled with pure desire and joy at the thought of hearing God talk to me through His Word.

One of the most amazing things about God's love for me is that it never waivers, is unconditional, and doesn't depend one ounce on my efforts towards Him. He will love me regardless of how often I remember to pray. He will love me even when I'd be considered unlovable by others. One of my favorite old hymns, "Children of the Heavenly Father," says it so sweetly:

Children of the heavenly Father
Safely in His bosom gather;
Nestling bird nor star in heaven
Such a refuge e'er was given.

God His own doth tend and nourish,
In His holy courts they flourish;
From all evil things He spares them,
In His mighty arms He bears them.

Neither life nor death shall ever
From the Lord His children sever;
Unto them His grace He showeth,
And their sorrows all He knoweth.

Though He giveth or He taketh,
God His children ne'er forsaketh;
His the loving purpose solely
To preserve them pure and holy.
Lyrics: Karolina Wilhelmina Sandell-Berg

While I count the love between Matt and Laura as one of my biggest blessings, there is nothing on earth that will ever compare to the indescribable grace and overflowing love that God has for us, His children. He is our Daddy that heals all wounds, removes all sin, and greets us with patience and mercy as we seek Him. He has prepared the most amazing place for us in His heavenly home. There is nothing sweeter than the Father's love for us.

Dear Father,

Thank you for loving me despite all my shortcomings. Thank you for being the Daddy I can always turn to, the one who never leaves or forsakes. Thank you for the small reflection of Your love for me when I see Matt and Laura together. Help me to remember You when things are good and easy as much as when I call to You in times of need.

In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen.

A Look in the Mirror

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 17:55:00 +0000

At breakfast this morning I was sitting next to Laura. She was enjoying her waffles & yogurt, and I my almond-flax cereal. While eating I was reading a news article on my phone. I glanced over at Laura and saw a strange sight. She was completely hunched over her plate, rounded shoulders and all, staring at me. In that moment I realized something...she was mimicking my every move. I was so concerned with reading that I had hunched over within inches of my bowl, completely absorbed in what I was doing. We had a similar moment the other day when after I had put on my make-up for church, Laura took my mirror and pretended to be putting her own make-up on. She's done this with hand washing, cooking, and countless other things.

Usually I think it's completely adorable and so observant of her to notice my little nuances & behaviors. Today was different. It made me realize that not only does she pick up on the good, but also the bad, and even the ugly. She is a mirror reflection of those around her, especially me since her entire day is spent with Mommy. Yes, she has a free will which she utilizes constantly, but she is a product of her environment. She will learn what she sees modeled for her in every day life. My values, beliefs, attitude, way of life--all of it will become her frame of reference, her "normal" that she will use to compare to the world around her. It will become her "known."

There's a huge responsibility that comes with this realization for me. What do I want her to see? What do I want her to mimic? What do I want her point of reference to be? I've been working hard on this idea. It's been swirling around in my mind for months now. What kind of woman am I & what do I want Laura to see are two questions that go hand in hand.

Rather than write a list of what I definitely don't want to see in my little reflection (which I interestingly find much easier to come up with), I'm trying to compile the qualities of a Christian wife and mother. There's no better place than God's Word, especially Proverbs 31, which I've been pondering and trying to make practical on a daily basis:

The Wife of Noble Character

10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax

and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,

bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still night;

she provides food for her family

and portions for her female servants.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,

and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff

and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;

she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Verses 25 & 26 seem to strike me every single time I read this section. "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." On my best days, Laura seems some of this. She seems a mother who is gentle, soft-spoken, playful, wise, and faithfully trusting in God's plan. On my worst days, I shudder to think of what she sees: a mother self-absorbed, angry, short-tempered, demeaning of her husband, loud, cruel, burdened with worry, and foolish. And sadly what do I see in my little mirror, Laura, on those days, the same behaviors--meltdowns, tears, anger, frustrations, fear, and sadness. May God forgive me of those times and wipe them from my daughter's eyes and mind.

I'm thankful that lately, through reading more of God's Word and lots of prayer, He has helped me to have many more good days that bad. However, Proverbs 31 is still a tall order, overwhelming sometimes. I fall short every day, multiple times a day. If I don't like how I see my daughter acting, I'd better take a very close look at myself and our environment. I'm hoping that by finally writing these thoughts out I'll remember to keep in mind that I have a little reflection and shadow following me. I want her to see Jesus' love and grace coming from me--unconditional love, patience, and gentleness. Thankfully, I'm not working on this alone. God has placed people in my life who see the tremendous privilege that motherhood is and they strive to act in a manner worthy of being called noble. He's blessed me with a husband who is forgiving and patient, who points me in the right direction. He has given me His Word to guide me as I make a million choices a day. Most importantly He's given me forgiveness and grace as the most motivating blessing on earth.

Colossians 3:15-17: Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Dear Jesus,

You were all I want to be. Your perfection has granted me eternal salvation. Help me to live my life as a reflection of my thankfulness. Help me show Laura how to live a godly life in every way. Help me to become a mirror of Your goodness and love so she may show Your grace all the days of her life. Give me strength to admit when I fail and the courage to try again.

In Your name, I pray, Amen.

18 Months of Pure Blessings

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Mon, 07 Jan 2013 18:00:00 +0000

As I was just sitting down after a not-so-pleasant, semi-stressful morning, it dawned on me. Today is the 7th which means my little Laura-love is 18 months old. How can that possibly be? Where on earth did the last year and half go? The tumultuous start to mommy-hood that we survived, the job change to stay-at-home mom, the sicknesses, the healthy last 8 months, the crawling, walking, running, blabbing, talking, singing, laughing...how did it go by in a blur??? By God's grace alone, I have grown through pains and joys more than I ever imagined. I'm sure I've done just as much growing and changing as little Laura has...maybe even more.

I take a boatload of pictures...everyday. If people are annoyed by how many I share...they should see how many I don't! Still even with all the pictures in the world, it's hard to remember all the beautiful moments, even the not-so-beautiful moments, of parenthood that Matt & I have been blessed with through little Miss Laura. I wish I could put every little piece, every moment of the last 18 months into a treasure box, stored away so I can always remember how she's growing up.

I absolutely adore how Laura is growing and the little person she is becoming. She loves to laugh. She is so incredibly smart that sometimes it's a wee bit scary. She lights up the second Daddy walks in the room. She loves her Pepper-dog, almost too much sometimes. She wants to do everything on her own and in her own way but still needs hugs, attention, and love. She's playful and sweet. She talks up a storm like a little parrot now. She really is becoming a little kid, not a baby anymore. I couldn't be more in love with this little blessing.

My goal for this year is to spend more time in the moment, be fully with it, letting go of worries, cares, and concerns, so that I can be the best Mommy possible to Laura. God has entrusted me with the job of Mommy and it's not one I take lightly. I plan on reading daily parenting devotions, lifting up my worrisome heart in prayer, teaching Laura Bible stories, reading parenting books, and looking to God's Word daily for the reassurance of forgiveness for the times that I fail her and Matt. God alone is the key, the only piece of the parenting puzzle that matters.

Dear Father,
I humbly ask this year that you be with me every step of the way while I take care of Laura, the blessing You've given me. Help me to model grace and forgiveness. Keep me from getting wrapped up in this world's ideas of perfect parenting and help me focus on the perfect life your Son lived for us. Keep up in Your love and grace. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

Fighting the Feeling of Failing

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 18:31:00 +0000

It's been a few weeks now since my incredibly brave and strong sister, Mollie, published her blog, Peace in Perseverance. Her story is one of hurt, pain, grief, abuse, strength, perseverance, and most of all, faith. There are not words to describe how far God in His good grace has carried her and continues to do so.

I've waited a while to write about this because I wasn't sure it was needed. Well, today it is. I have to let this out...I feel like I failed her. I am her big sister, one who is supposed to guide, guard, and protect her. I spent 30 years of my life being so consumed by myself that I didn't see the hurting, sweet soul next to me, the one I shared a bedroom with, my best friend. I feel like I failed to save her from a world of mistrust, pain, violation, and overwhelming fear and sadness. I let you down too many times to count, Mollie. I'm so so very sorry.

If I could give anything to go back and have a redo, I would without hesitation, in a heartbeat. But I can't. I wish I could go back now and see the signs of abuse that I've learned about. I wish I could go back and look outside of myself and be the opposite of the selfish girl I used to be. I don't know how I would've stopped it but by God, I would try.

Even now, today, I feel hopeless to help, unable to take away the lingering fear and pain she goes through on a daily basis. Living in Florida while she's in Michigan makes this whole mess worse. When she has a bad day, I can't just hug her. When she needs a pick-me-up, I can't hand over her little Nuglet to play with. Most often I feel useless and helpless to fix this or make it less painful.

Thankfully today, a good friend (thank you, B) reminded me that I need to give it over to God. Leave it in His hands. Be there for Mollie, love her, and most of all pray unceasingly for her. Our gracious Father can pick her up. He can calm her fear. He can lift her up. There are no better hands to hold her tightly and carry her through the rest of her life. There is no better Comforter or Savior than God Himself.

What is it that God wants me to do for Mollie? Pray. Pray continually, without ceasing that she can turn to Him and hold fast to Him. Humbly I ask any of you who happen to read this or my sister's blog to pray for her. Give her strength through your petitions to our good and gracious God. He promises that those who ask, seek, and knock will find Him.

Dear Father,
Forgive me for not being there for my sister when she was younger. Forgive me for being so self-centered that I couldn't see her hurting and needing a protector and shield. Give her strength, peace, and faith beyond measure to face her daily demons. Heal her pain. Guide her and keep her close to You knowing that You alone can give her all she needs. Help her to find the life You've planned for her, health, happiness, and opportunities to serve You. Help her to know that I always here for her however it is in my power to help and love her.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

God is Our Refuge & Strength

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 02:24:00 +0000

Being a parent is truly a gift of God. He entrusted a beautiful little soul to my care. Every day I breathe a sigh of relief that she's healthy & growing and say a prayer of thanks. By God's good grace, Laura is thriving.

But I tend too often to say that being a parent today can be scary. The world is decaying rapidly. There seems to be a lack of conscience left anymore. Sin, death, and the devil seem to be letting loose on our world in ways that are unimaginable. Unfathomable evil is spreading horror without care or concern for those that are devastated in its path. It sometimes seems as if even within the four walls of my home, I cannot keep my child safe. When unthinkable acts like this past Friday's take place, my heart cries, "Come quickly, Lord Jesus."

It's easy for me in times like these to look inward instead of upward. I focus on how small I am compared to the evils of this world, instead of focusing on how big my God and Savior is. It's far too easy to become wrapped up in the what ifs and fears and lose complete focus on the One who is in ultimate control. When I start making lists of all the horrible evils that can happen, I stop making lists of the indescribable ways that God takes care of me and my family. If I listen wholeheartedly to the comforters of this world, how can I have any room left for the only One who can give true peace and comfort? My feeble human mind cannot be filled with peace when I'm stuffing it full of worries of this world. That's where one of my biggest sins lies, turning to the wrong sources of comfort, allowing worldly things to try and give me solace, knowledge, and peace.

Being a parent today doesn't have to be the scary job I all too often make it out to be. If I stop blocking myself from the only source of goodness and grace, then my mindset of parenting is not frightening but hopeful, calm, and full of comfort & peace through the work of the Holy Spirit. God calms the fears in Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." There is nothing in this world that can happen that will separate us from God's loving hand. "What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;

we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:31-39. He alone will see us through. He alone is our refuge.

"God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging." Psalm 46:1

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Dear Heavenly Father,
In these terrible times give me the peace that only You can give. Forgive me for turning into myself instead of looking to You for peace and strength. Calm my fears. Help me to trust your word and promises. Keep us safe in your grace. In Jesus' name, Amen.

What Type of Parent Are You?

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 17:52:00 +0000

Recently someone innocently asked me if I was someone into attachment parenting. Apparently some of my FB posts peaked their curiosity. While I didn't know I was supposed to pick a side when it comes to parenting, I'd have to say no, I'm not. I think highly of a lot of aspects of attachment parenting but I don't think it's the be all, end all when it comes to raising my child. If you were to back me into a corner and force me to brand my parenting style it would be this: I am a Christian parent.

Let me explain what that means to me. I have one end goal for Laura's life and any other future little Visaggio babies that fly from this nest: They have faith that Christ is their Savior and when their earthly times of grace are over, they will be with Him in heaven. John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." The most important absolute truth that I've made my life's mission to teach my children is right there in a nutshell.

It isn't always easy to keep this goal as the focus when the world around me is telling me so many other things are imperative to good parenting. It's truly difficult to be a parent and be in the world but not of the world, to be all things to all people. So what does being a Christian parent in an earthly world entail? Looking to God's Word for the answers:

From birth teaching my children God's Word. 2 Timothy 3:14-17 "But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

Discipline in love with grace and mercy. Colossians 3:12-14 "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Daily reflect Christ's love so my children may know our Heavenly Father. Matthew 5: 14-16 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

Pray for my children unceasingly. 1 Thessalonians 5: 17-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

Trusting that no matter how I fail daily, Jesus has my children in His good hands. John 14:1-3 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

Preparing my children to withstand temptations. Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Praise God for all His wonderful blessings with my children. Ephesians 5:19-20 "Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Bring my children to church to have their little faith continually strengthened. Hebrews 10:24-25 "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Use time as home to study God's Word as a family through Bible stories & devotions. Romans 10:17 "Consequently faith comes from hearing the message and the message is heard through the word of Christ."

So, yes, there is a guide that I strive to follow when it comes to parenting. It doesn't so much depend on recent research, studies, and philosophies, but rather on the ever-lasting, unchanging truth of God's word. I don't sweat the small choices and battles anymore because I have an eternal end goal as my focus.

Pondering

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 00:26:00 +0000

Singing and rocking Laura to sleep is without a doubt one of my absolute favorite jobs each day. I always sing Jesus songs or hymns to her every night. Tonight as I was rocking, singing, and thinking about our long day, I started wondering about the angels that visited the shepherds the night Jesus was born. They probably popped into my head because Laura got her Little Peoples' Nativity set from her Aunt Mollie today and she was infatuated with pressing the angel on top so "Away in a Manger" would play. I've got the angels' visit on my mind!

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.” -Luke 2:8-15

I can somewhat imagine how peaceful and still it was outside of Bethlehem while the shepherds were doing their every day tasks. I grew up in Michigan and went to college in rural Minnesota; I've seen my fair share of still, star-filled skies! But then a single angel came to them, an actual angel, sent by God.

I can't even imagine what the shepherds were thinking. I would have been terrified most likely. I'm a reason-it-out kind of girl and this would have been way too much for me to take in. Overwhelmed doesn't cover it. But the angel comforted them saying, "Do not be afraid." Amazing that God even accounted for their fear when He sent his messengers.

Then as if one angel wasn't amazing enough, a whole company of angels appeared. Incredible. I wonder what they looked like. I wonder what they sounded like. Many writers and artists have their interpretations. And I can't help but think about how far beyond their descriptions the sight and sounds of that night were.

One of my favorite Christmas hymns describes the angels singing their message:

Silent night, holy night!

Shepherds quake at the sight

Glories stream from heaven afar

Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!

Christ, the Savior is born!

This is the Stable is one of my favorite children's picture books. (Seriously, if you have littles, you should buy this book by Cynthia Cotten.) This book has beautiful artwork. There is the scene with the shepherds and angels that when I would read it to my students, they would "Ooo" and "Ahh!"

I wish I would've been there. That's what I can't stop thinking when I sing these hymns or read books like that one. What an awe-inspiring, life-changing experience with which God blessed those meek shepherds. But then again, He does the same for us. The words of the Bible, the description God gives, is incredible. Just finding myself in a quiet moment really, truly for the first time thinking about this part of Jesus' birth and I am in awe, filled with wonder, joy, and absolute peace. It makes me want to run and tell everyone just like the shepherds did. Maybe that's why I wanted to write this out...to get someone else pondering the glory surrounding the birth of our Savior.

Dear Father in heaven,

Thank you for quiet moments. Thank you for the gift of Your word. Forgive me for not stopping and pondering Jesus' birth more often. Give me more still moments where I can be in awe of Your glory. Keeping preparing my heart for Christmas through hearing and reading Your word.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Peace & Quiet

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 16:09:00 +0000

Every year when I was teaching I would inevitably get sick or lose my voice in December. Like clockwork, my life would become filled to the max with lists upon lists of things I HAD to accomplish. I would become so busy that I'd forget to eat well, sleep well, and take care of myself resulting in being worn down, sick, and tired. This year, even though I work at home with just one little to watch over, I find myself starting to mentally make those lists and find my patience wearing thinner and thinner. This time, thanks to my friend, Dana, and her advent blog, I have caught myself just in time.

It's become far too easy for me lately to neglect my daily time in God's Word. The opposite was one of the biggest blessings about teaching in a Christian school especially at Christmas time. I would get to practice the children's Christmas service songs & Bible readings every day with my students. Now I'm left a little lonely in that department. I'm really feeling the need to find a way to make that a part of my daily routine again, be it with Christmas music playing throughout the day or scouring the Interwebs for solid Advent devotions and meditations.

While I absolutely love my Christmas traditions from when I was little, there's something more important that I need to be focused on...preparing my heart for Jesus. Instead of worrying about cookies, I need to think about my sins. Instead of worrying about Christmas pictures, I need to think about my deep need for a Savior. Instead of worrying about creating every possible tradition for my little family, I need to ponder the grace & forgiveness that is mine through the birth of the baby in Bethlehem. Like Mary, I need to treasure the story of Jesus' birth and ponder God's amazing grace. That is real Christmas preparation.

So I'm checking out of the hustle and bustle of the Christmas prep, realizing that even if I don't bake a gazillion diary-free, gluten-free Christmas cookies, write & mail my first ever Christmas letter, or even get family pictures squeezed in...CHRISTmas will still come on December 25th with all its joy and true peace. I'm letting go of the idea that Christmas will be less special for my family if I don't get XYZ finished. The things I do happen to finish without losing focus will be in an effort to keep Christ at the center of my preparation & celebration. Because in the end, Jesus was still born; Jesus still lives; Jesus will still come again.

For some extra help in staying focused, check out the links below :)

Bread for Beggars:The mission and purpose of the Bread for Beggars blog is to share Christ centered devotional media with God’s people who desire to be fed and nourished by him on a daily basis.Bread for Beggars is a blog of hungry beggars who have bread and wishes to share.The contents of the posts will vary. Some will be devotions written by the bloggers, but most will be devotions, sermons, music, reviews, and visual arts that have been produced by other Christians.

A Different December: This blog is written by a friend of mine. Her goal is to write 25 posts leading up to & preparing for Christmas by focusing on the true gift of Christmas, Jesus.

Truth in the Tinsel: Truth in the Tinsel is a hands-on Advent activity ebook for littles to use their creativity to prep for Christmas. Saving this for one more year when Laura will be good and ready to craft away.

Advent Tradition

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Wed, 05 Dec 2012 01:26:00 +0000

I love Christmas. I love getting ready for Christmas--decorating, singing Christmas hymns, going to Advent church services. There's one Christmas tradition from when I was little that I was determined to recreate for my own little family...an Advent Calendar.

When I was little my sister and I would race down the stairs every day starting with December 1st. We would literally run through the house to make it to our family's advent calendar first. It was nothing amazingly huge, glittery, or even chocolate-filled. Nope, it was a simple felt & fabric calendar that had a Christmas tree on it with 25 red felt ornaments, one for each day of Advent leading to Christmas Day. We would actually argue over who got to flip over the ornament each day. On the underside of each was an old-timey Christmas picture relating to the story of Jesus' birth. Then tucked in a tiny pocket underneath the ornament was a Bible passage that led up to Jesus' birth. It is one of my absolute favorite things from my childhood.

I set out searching for something like this back when I was preggers with Laura. To my dismay, a quality, Bible-focused Advent calendar was pretty pricey...and, well, I'm cheap. So I decided to put my craftiness to the test and make my own.

I started by buying two ginormous pieces of felt, red and green, as well as a multi-colored pack of Christmas-themed smaller felt pieces. I traced and cut out 25 squares to make pockets for ornaments & Bible passages. I hand-stitched the pockets onto the bigger felt piece. (I also used hot glue because I am sure they'd fall apart otherwise!) Next was my favorite part...picking out all the right Bible passages (see my list below). I can't wait until Laura is older and can read them herself! I added Christmas buttons, ribbon, and the title "Joy" to the top. My mother-in-law added batting and sewed the back piece on to the whole creation. Now I get to fill the pockets with Bible passages & the awesome ornaments (all nativity pieces) that I found at JoAnn's on clearance. Laura's grammy also gave us a little, tiny tree on which to hang the little, tiny ornaments on each day.

This project may seem like a lot of unnecessary work but to me it's priceless. I cannot wait for Laura to grow up hearing the story of Jesus' birth one day at a time in preparation for Christmas Day each year. I hope she loves it as much as we loved ours as kiddos!

Here's the list of Bible passages I used for our calendar:

1. Genesis 3:15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”

2. Micah 5:2 “But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times.”

3. Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

4. Isaiah 53:4-5 Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

5. Isaiah 7:14 Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.

6. Isaiah 11:1 A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.

7. Psalm 95:6 Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the LORD our Maker.

8. Luke 1:29-33 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”

9. Luke 1:46-49 And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me—holy is his name.

10. Luke 2:1-3 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.

11. Luke 2: 4-5 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.

12. Luke 2: 6-7 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

13. Luke 2: 8-9 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.

14. Luke 2: 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.

15. Luke 2:11-12 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

16. Luke 2: 13-14 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

17. Luke 2:15-16 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.” So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.

18. Luke 2:17-18 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.

19. Luke 2:19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

20. Luke 2:20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

21. Matthew 2:1-2 After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him.”

22. Matthew 2:9-10 After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.

23. Matthew 2: 11-12 On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.

24. 2 Corinthians 9:15 Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

25. John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Parenting my Toddler

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 21:41:00 +0000

I always knew that when I became a parent I'd make connections to my teaching years. Well, as Laura has blazed into todddlerhood I needed to take a step back and reevaluate my perspective & "classroom management." ;)

For about four solid months, since Laura was 12-13 months old, we've seen her strong will come out in unsurprisingly large doses. From the moment I met this little girly, I knew two things: she is smart...and she is determined (I won't say stubborn because I think that can have a misleading connotation.) Laura has always been observant and quick to learn something just by seeing it once or twice. When she sees something she wants to do or have, she is hard to steer in another direction.

For a few weeks in the summer I was losing my cool on my toddler. I would need to step away for a moment to gather my thoughts so I could figure out how to get Miss Independent to go in the direction I needed instead of the one she so adamantly wanted. I used to refer to Laura, semi-jokingly, as a Stewie Griffin wanna-be. I truly thought once or twice that she meant to inflict some sort of pain or angst on me. Then I had an "AHA moment" when someone in Target saw one of Laura's few public outbursts. This cashier said to me, "Oh Mommy, she's not doing this to torture you." Had this random stranger read my mind? Was it obvious that I was thinking my child had it out for me? Then I thought about the woman's statement when I got home some more. Was it even possible for a little toddler to plot evil??

I believe the answer is no. (Note: that is not saying children are not sinful. They are. They will make mistakes. They will sin. They will do the opposite of what God wants.) Laura has little to no impulse control. Granted she's come a long way in the "No touch" department but she still needs to be taught. Laura cannot possibly have enough higher order thinking to twiddle her tiny little thumbs whilst plotting ways to make me fume. It's just not possible. Can she know that I don't want her to touch the Christmas tree and choose to do in anyway? Yup, definitely. But the problem lies with believing her motivation is to make me angry or sass me. (Note: yes, she's sassy. When I say sassy, I mean spunky, silly, pushing of boundaries sometimes.) Her underlying intention is not to get under my skin or deliberately go against what I ask of her. No, she simply sees something shiny and pretty (Hence her constant, "Wow!" when she sees the tree!). She hasn't learned that instant gratification is not going to be the way she rolls for the rest of her life. No toddler at the wee age of 12 to 20+ months can think on the higher level in order to say to himself or herself, "Wow, if I touch this tree, it will make mommy really, really mad and I want to get back at her." It's absolutely absurd that in my transition to Stay-at-Home Mommyhood that this thought even entered my mind. I know child development better than that.

Making this realization has changed my daily relationship with my daughter. I no longer view her as a tiny human who's out to get me (Bwahaha, that makes me laugh to even think that I used to believe that...). Rather she is a tiny human who needs to be taught impulse control through redirection, modeling, and most of all grace & love. When Laura grabs Pepper's tail and pulls I say, "No pulling, be gentle." I take her hand and physically show her what gentle means. She's grasped it totally. When I am on my game enough to remind her before she gets to Pepper to be gentle, she's golden. When Laura does pinch or pull, she needs grace. I don't hold it against her. She's still learning to stop that part of baby brain that is saying, "Grab! Grab! Grab!" When she goes up to Pepper and uses gentle hands with, or even better, without a reminder she gets props from me!

A teacher who evaluated me once told me to keep an index card with me through one day. I was to mark a "-" sign every time I was getting after a student. I was to make a "+" sign every time I gave legitimate praise, props, kudos for students making good choices. I was shocked to see how overall negative I was in my classroom. The same applies in my home. If I am just constantly negative and on my child's case for every mistake she makes, we are absolutely miserable. It's like Laura can do no right. What kind of grace-filled parenting is that? It doesn't work well in our home. Laura thrives on being told she did a good job. Note: I am not throwing a party or planning a parade for every good choice my daughter makes. No it's simply, a "Thank you!" or "Good job putting away your toys!" It is amazing how much she smiles and has a better attitude when I am more positive and remember to say thank you. A lot of how Laura's day goes depends on my attitude, not the other way around. If I'm uber crabby, she will definitely push the boundaries more. Kids can be affected by negativity around them faster than you can blink. When Laura's having a rough day, most likely I'm the one who needs an attitude adjustment. I need to remember she's a small toddler, a young little child, who needs things put simply, in few words, and more positive talk than pointing out every nit-picking little mistake she makes.

Our house is a much more loving house when I remember how Laura needs teaching. She needs modeling. She needs her Mommy to remember that it really is as simple as she sees something she wants and can barely stop herself from going for it at this age (Note again: she is NOT out to get me or doing things intentionally against me.) She needs positive encouragement when she's doing something well. She needs grace and forgiveness (Note: She does NOT need a stigma that she is sassy or deliberately naughty. Those are hard parental mindsets to change.)

Remembering these ideas from my teaching days has made my parenting so much less of a struggle. My "classroom" on most days is a happy learning environment now. I enjoy the opportunities to help Laura learn impulse control and patience. Yes, there are times where I struggle to remember the paragraph above, but overall life is much easier for both of us when I do. When I view Laura's personality as determined instead of sassy, I have much more positive interactions with her. When I strive to show love and grace over a stern hand and loud voice, Laura thrives.

Dear Father,
Help me to every day, throughout the day, show unconditional love and grace toward Laura. Forgive me for the times when I think the blessing You've given me is "out to get me." Redirect me back towards positive, grace-filled parenting when I stumble. Give me patience to repeatedly show & model patience to Laura. Thank you for the woman in Target who stopped me from going down a bad parenting path. You always know what I need.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

What a Difference a Day...and a Prayer Makes

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 00:13:00 +0000

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever. Psalm 118:1

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

There are no adequate words to describe how I feel tonight when compared to how awful I felt last night. Lighthearted. Playful. Joyful. Happy. Rejuvenated. Content. Peaceful. Loved.

After the misery of last evening, I was sure I'd be in a funk. I have taken a step back from Facebook (other than to share this blog) for a while. I prayed for hours last night. I wept to Mathew as I told him what happened. I cut out those that were weighing me down (and let it be known, that I'm sure I weighed them down, too. It's never just one person.) I took a step back and looked at myself.

Am I living in the moment? Something I'd always sought to do. Am I being a good reflection of Christ's love? Something I can never do enough of. Am I being the sane wife & mother my husband & daughter deserve? After last night's ending, I can yes. I am no longer stuck in the muck of problems that are not my own.

Today was such a vastly different day. I had energy. I was playful. I laughed all day long with Laura. I finally felt back to my old self completely. Today was an awesome day.

I am so very thankful for God's grace & forgiveness. He has an amazing unconditional love for us sinners that I am in awe. He used this poor situation to bring me closer to Him. He helped me refocus on what's important. I was able to focus on showing His love to others by letting go of unhealthy feelings. Words still fail me in describing how incredibly different my attitude & perspective are now. I feel finally like I'm back to being an adult.

Will I go back to Facebook anytime soon? Who knows? I'm sure many people are betting I won't last through the weekend without posting something other than this blog. ;) I have learned so much through so many people on FB that I know I'll go back some time. But for now, it's very freeing to be away. Don't worry, diehard Laura-love fans, I'll keep taking pictures and noting all her amazing growth and fill you in later.

For now, I've got Jesus, my family, true friends...total contentment. God is so good.

Showing Love

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 02:38:00 +0000

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 1 Peter 1:22

Tonight I was deeply hurt by individuals I considered to be friends. It amazes me still to this day that people my age, into my thirties, can be catty, deceitful, and cruel. I joined a group for support for an issue very, very close to my heart. There as I was reading through past posts, I found references to me that were cruel & heartless, self-centered & unloving. I instantly broke down in sobs. I truly did not believe women my age talked about each other behind backs. I'm completely shocked & dumbfounded. I did not see this coming, especially about this particular subject, breastfeeding.

Anyone who knows me or read this blog or saw my Facebook page in the last year knows the emotional turmoil I've been through in regard to breastfeeding. And yet, there I was mocked and talked about.

I get it. We're all sinful. Every single one of us. None better than another. Really along those lines, I shouldn't be surprised or deeply hurt. I should expect nothing more than this type of behavior from myself as well as others. But man, this one hurts. I'm 30 years old. Can't people be adult enough to be honest with one another? Where's the love? Where's the self-sacrificing, looking toward others, love?

I'm trying to figure out what to do next. Do I go to these women and tell them they've hurt me (following Matthew 18)? Do I let it lie because the relationships have passed on naturally already? I can forgive but how I can forget? How can I stay in this group to gain the knowledge I need to successfully breastfeed the next time around when all I'll think about is the cruel words of others? I'm just torn and so very hurt. Tears spilled over breastfeeding yet again...Unbelievable.

I need to look to the cross. To Jesus' love for me and them. Lord knows, I've done much much worse against Him. Yet not only did He forgive, He willingly died on the cross and rose again showing His indescribable love for me. In the moment I read their words I felt unloved. Reminding myself of Jesus and I know without a shred of doubt that I have never been unloved. I will forgive. I will strive to forget. I will pray for them.

Dear Father,
I am hurt, deeply hurt. Give me the strength to see myself and others as the sinners we are. Help me to live as the saint you've made me with your gift of salvation in Jesus. Give me peace & strength to rise above and show the love that You've shown to me in all I think, do, and say. Lead me to repent for the sins I've knowingly done against others as well as the unintentional suffering I've caused people. Bring these women to the same kind of repentance. Guide us to live & act in true love, your love towards one another. Heal my hurt and help me move on.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

No More November

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 16:05:00 +0000

I've never been a huge fan of November. Probably because growing up in Michigan, November is that month in between the incredibly beautiful fall season and the white snow-covered December that brings Christmas. Sigh, I just always seem to feel a little down in November.

This November was no different. I was on such a roll with exercising and eating well, losing weight and feeling so much healthier emotionally. Then...smack...here comes the November blues. Laura was sick for almost three weeks with 3 viruses back to back to back. My stupid foot couldn't handle running three times a week to the point where I was limping around the house day and night.

Halfway through the month I admittedly gave up. I started eating wheat, dairy, and desserts like they would be taken away from me. Sigh, I feel so guilty and awful. I saw pictures of me from our Thanksgiving camping trip this week and I just want to sob. I don't like how I look at all. Even worse, I despise how unhealthy I feel. I'm ready for November to be over.

I decorated for Christmas early but somehow the calendar didn't get the message. There are still four days left of my least favorite month. So it's time for another attitude adjustment for Katie. I am going back to my tried & true method of listing the blessings I'm thankful for. I did this somewhat on facebook with everyone else but today I need to see a big ol' list of God's goodness right in front of my face in order to snap out of this sad state.

Thank you, God for...

Your son, Jesus, who saved even me, the ever-failing & always flailing sinner.
My incredibly patient, understanding, and loving husband. I would be totally lost without him.
The undeserving privilege of being Mommy to my smart & lovable Laura Elisabeth.
My family, near & far. Each person has taught me so much, words cannot express.
My sister, Mollie, who is an amazing soul. (Please please please read her blog: Peace In Perseverance & pray for her & admire God's strength in her.)
A home overflowing with necessities & the extra luxuries. I take them for granted too often.
Date nights with Mathew (many thanks to my mother-in-law for that!) & time out of the house by myself (many thanks to my husband for that!)
My snuggle buddy, Pepper dog, who always seems to know when I need some love.
My church, Crown of Life Lutheran. We have been so blessed to find a church filled with people who love us & our very loud daughter.
Friends here in south Florida that make it seem like I'm not so alone.
Matt's work...all of it, even if it means he has some really long days & I may feel like a single mom sometimes. We can pay our bills & for that I am truly grateful.
Modern technology that makes it possible for me to stay connected to those I love who are a thousand or more miles away.
Good health, even if I am chubbier than I'd like. God has given me time without serious health issues...now to so my gratitude & get healthy!
Support from those in my life as I do what I can, when I can to be a better steward of the body God has given me.
Vacations with the family like Fall Family Fun Fest & our Annual Thanksgiving Camping trip. Those times are so important & I often forget how much I need my family's support.
My nieces & nephews. Bethany, Logan, Alyssa, Arabella, & Baxter are such blessings to our family.
Cooler weather. I need some change of temperatures from the wicked heat in Florida...November brought that bigtime.
My mom, The Debbers. She's a kid at heart but has come through for me in the big ways when I needed her.
My dad, Big Red. I miss him so much that sometimes I can't breath but I know without a doubt I will see him again in heaven.
Quiet moments when I can stop my mind from spinning and live in the present.
Pictures, new & old, that help my poor memory remember all that God has given me.
New friends who have taught me so much about healthier, more natural ways to live.
My bike complete with Laura's bike seat. Hopefully this will be something active I can do while my foot heals before I can run again.
God's promises to never leave or forsake me. Deuteronomy 31:6
The amazing ways Laura has grown this month. Her new words & skills make me so very proud & thankful for a healthy, growing girl.
Naps & sleep...the gift of rest. God knew what He was doing when He rested on the 7th day as an example for us. :)
Time over Thanksgiving to bond with Matt's side of our family. It was very needed & such a good time.
Coffee, big cups of coffee. When the nights are long and Laura is sick, coffee is one of my best friends.
God's forgiveness, grace, and love in spite of my sinfulness, self-centeredness, and tendency to doubt & worry.
The sure hope of heaven because of my Savior, Jesus. Ephesians 2:1-10

30 days of thankfulness instead of 30 days of moping & a self-defeating attitude. That's where my heart should have been. Thankfully God doesn't leave me even when I'm at my worst. Instead He continues to shower me with blessings, love, and grace. How blessed I am!

Do I Get a Day Off?

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 19:22:00 +0000

Maybe it's the feverish, pukey toddler refusing to nap right now or maybe it's the ever-growing feeling that I, too, shall be puking soon but I can't help but wonder: where's my day off???

Ever since I became a stay at home mom (SAHM) 6 months ago I've been told I have the best job ever and am so lucky to be able to do it. Truth. Amen. I don't debate that at all. I LOVE my job as a SAHM. I would not trade it for anything. But still: where's my sick day??? When do I get to sleep in until noon just because I could push off work until then??? Where's my break???

I could cry because I so badly need a day off. (READ: This by NO MEANS states that I don't love/want/care for my daughter...if that's what your reaction is, stop reading, and go away.) I just need some time. My job is 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. I am definitely feeling it as Laura-love is sick, not sleeping through the night yet (and yes, she's 16 months old), and has been by my side all day long every day for weeks on end lately. There comes a point in time for me (and maybe just me, maybe not all moms feel this way ever. Good for you. You win) when I need a minute to myself. No, let's be honest, more than a minute to myself.

Yet, as a SAHM, frankly as a mother, someone whom God blessed with a child, there's a slight twinge of guilt in writing that, in asking for a break from one of my greatest blessings just for an hour or two. Why is that? Why do I feel like it's something I can't ask for? Why do I feel like I need to feel ashamed for being honest about how I feel? Is it wrong for me to feel like I need a day off...especially when I'm sick, too??? Here's the big question: does it make me a bad mom because I want a break every once in a great while?

I've done a lot of soul searching about this and here's the conclusion I've come to: I live in a sinful, decaying world. In a perfect world, no I would not need a break from my child, husband, job, etc. Sadly, though I strive for perfection, I can't attain it. My daily struggles with my own sinful nature and that of my child's wears on me. It literally makes me weary. Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28. Jesus knows I will get tired. He knows I will struggle. He knows how I feel. At least my guilt is washed away there at the cross. I don't need to beat myself up for feeling like I'm tired and worn out. Jesus knows. Jesus promises an eternal break someday.

As for physical rest, I've got to ask for it. I've got to make it known that I need it. I simply can't work all day long, every single day, and not have a moment to myself. Hopefully it doesn't take me getting the full-blown flu to get a break or a sleep-in one of these days! I guess for now it's time to dig deep, suck it up, pray for some sleep tonight and stop the Me Me Me's because I have no extra help today & I have a sick little munchkin calling "Momma Momma"...as she jumps up & down in her crib.

Be Still

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 17:23:00 +0000

There's something that I do on a semi-regular basis that I'm sure drives people in my life bananas at times. When I don't get enough time to myself, time to be still, time to rejuvenate...I shut down, close off, become unresponsive. I'm not talking catatonic like Cameron unresponsive, more like I don't answer text messages, don't return phone calls, and let emails build up in my inbox. I'm not doing those things out of spite or malice. I just need a break. I need to be still. (It's so incredibly hard to find time to be alone as a wife and mommy...so, so hard.)

When I lived in Orlando and was seeing my counselor there we often would talk about my lack of ME time. Time where I could without feeling guilty tell people no and just do something (or do nothing) that belonged just to me. Some people may not understand that at all and think it's totally selfish. I envy those people sometimes. Some people reach out to others...I definitely do not do that. Being the stubborn, independent soul that I am, I want to be left alone. I wish I didn't need to take breaks like this but I do.

I've found that when I do step out and take my breaks it's usually because my brain is tired from trying to solve everything and my heart is heavy with worry. During the time I step away from everyone I tend to find peace & comfort from Jesus somehow. Whether it's a book, devotion, hymn, or prayer, God gives me peace. He helps me realize I can pick up and carry on because of Him alone. He never lets me stay away too long. He brings me back with a renewed strength to face whatever the trouble of the day is. I can't imagine how lost I'd feel without Him. I'd be destitute and a total recluse.

Psalm 46 is one of my absolute favorites. I feel like when I need a fortress to hide in during my breaks, this description of God shows the safe haven I have in Him.

1 God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.

6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see the works of the Lord,

the desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;

he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,

he burns the shields[b] with fire.

10 “Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

11 The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

God knows my weaknesses. He knows when I'm overwhelmed and need to shut down. His strength is beyond all that I could need to not just survive but thrive. He is always there as my defense, my safe place, my refuge.

My goal is to make sure that once a week, or more if I need it, I get time to myself, out of the house. Even if it's when Laura is asleep and it's to wander through a store or two. Just time to do something mindless outside of our blessed little home. I think that if I do that my big breaks will be fewer and shorter. The best part is knowing that even if I fail in doing that, God will not fail me. He will pick me up after the rest that I need and help me do the work He's blessed me with.

November Check-In

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 23:15:00 +0000

I cannot believe it's November already! Laura, the Ladybug had a blasty blast trick-or-treating for the first time and Daddy enjoyed all the loot she collected with her cute little smile. October held our big trip to Michigan and we're just now all settled back in and into our new routine.

Once we got back from our ten day fun fest I knew it was time to get to business with working out. My dear friend and kick butt accountability partner, Stephanie, is the most perfect person to help me workout on a regular basis. We started the Couch to 5K program on the Monday after we got back. Holy crapoly...I thought I was going to die during the first, and who are we kidding, second run. My only goal besides survival was to keep moving...just keep moving. It worked and by week two I was feeling awesome. Stephanie and I would meet up and do our timed runs according to the plan and since she's in better shape and just the get 'er done type, I was pushed and I LOVED it.

Then Stephanie went on a cruise...NOT BLAMING HER at all. I'd have gone if she'd asked me ;) My sinful nature took over and I made every excuse in the book to not do my runs. This totally sucks and I'm wickedly embarrassed and not looking forward to Stephanie's face when she sees me next (please, oh sweet Stephanie, have mercy!). The only consolation is that I've decided that in writing this I'm shaking off this past week and moving forward. No matter how hard the beginning of the week 3 runs are, I'm going to get back on the horse this week. People, any one reading this, HELP ME stay on course!

I've found this happens every time I notice that I'm losing weight or I get compliments on how I'm doing...I mess it up somehow. I sabotage myself. I'm just thankful I caught myself doing it this time and if that's the good that comes from skipping this week then I'm content with that. I've learned that if I continue to beat myself up for being human then I only defeat myself mentally and emotionally.

So I'm brushing it off and I'm ready to run... :)

October Stats:

Pounds Lost: 5.5! So, so, so incredibly happy about those 5!!

Clothing Size: 18/20

How I FEEL: Rededicated & Re-energized!

Back from Fall Family Fun Fest

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Sat, 20 Oct 2012 01:26:00 +0000

It's been almost a whole week since Laura & I have gotten back from Michigan and I'm just now having a minute to sit and write about our trip. Our trip was amazing. It was everything I hoped it would be...all the essentials of a true Michigan autumn.

Laura and I got to spend much needed quality time with my mom & sister (still didn't get to see my brother and sister-in-law and nephew as much as I wanted). We got to go to the apple orchard where I worked in high school & have delicious cider donuts & hot cider. We went to my old high school for their homecoming game...my first time back in 11 years. I bumped into some old classmates too. (I have to say it was uber weird that we're grown-ups (ha!) and have kiddos of our own.) We went to church at my old hometown church where I was baptized, confirmed, and married! We went to the BEST pumpkin farm with Laura's cousin, Logan. Laura licked a goat...yup, you read that correctly. Logan even had a sleep over one night at Irma's house (Grandma's house) so he could spend more time with his cousin. Laura LOVED playing with him and tried to do all the silly things he was doing. My sister and I made piecaken (pie baked inside of cake) because we had to ;) Mollie and I had a great lunch just the two of us at one of my favorite restaurants in Bay City. I got to finally help my sister with her mini-farm. Needless to say I'm not the best farmhand around but I held my own the temperamental rototiller!

I was just so happy to share my most favorite fall things with Laura. I know she won't remember them but hopefully these pictures will help as I tell her stories when she's older. Who know when we'll be able to spend that much time with my family up north again. This was such a blessing.

Ten days was a long time to be away from home. Truthfully I wasn't even paying attention when I bought the plane tickets as to how long we'd be gone. I was just going for the best deal...oops! I know it meant so much to my family that we came and actually stayed long enough to really relax and enjoy our time together. I did feel bad for my poor hubby. Mathew missed us so much and Laura & I both were so excited to see him in the airport. Every time we'd talk on the phone Laura would get this quizzical, almost sad look on her face. I can only imagine she was trying to figure out why she could hear her daddy but not hug him. I cried a little when they were finally reunited. I give mad props to any families that have to be separated for any length of time. You are far stronger than I am!

So we are glad to be home and settling into our new and busy routine of going running, going to music class, swinging by the weekly farmers' markets, and just enjoying every minute of our blessed little life.

Weight War Check-In

noreply@blogger.com (Katie V) — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 23:29:00 +0000

Alright, time for my first check in on my two year trek to better health! I was pretty nervous about this but nonetheless, it needs to be done to help hold me accountable and get me closer to my goal. I've decided the quickest and most efficient way to jot down the most important changes/improvements/set backs in bullet points. I heart bullet points. :)

Changes in Diet: Our house by necessity has been leaning towards gluten-free, dairy-free ever since Laura was born. Matt has a gluten allergy, borderline, yet untested, Celiac's Disease (Go get tested already, husband!!) so Laura has been kept off gluten and will be until at least January. She can be tested at age 2 but needs gluten established in her system before then. I digress. How does this affect me? Well, it's just plain dumb to buy two different types of bread and everything else that contains gluten. Also I've noticed I have WAY more energy, less headaches and fatigue, and less fogginess of brain since cutting gluten out. So we're sticking with it for now. The other big change is dairy-free. Laura is hugely allergic to dairy and won't be given any more dairy until she's at least 5 per doctor's orders. People with environmental/seasonal allergies also shouldn't be consuming dairy as it makes mucus thicker, leading to more sinus pressure and infections. I have wicked bad allergies so dairy-free we are! Honestly, I don't even miss it. I really thought I would because I LOVE LOVE LOVE me a good block of cheese. Well in the first week dairy free I lost 3 pounds. Now I knew it wouldn't stick but it does show how much dairy was affecting me. The one thing I need to get used to is being dairy free in my coffee. Let's just say I'm working really hard at thinking about how to be ok with out a little cream in my coffee. ;) We've also made a conscious choice after researching to use only grass-fed beef, free-range chicken, and organic cage free eggs in our home. It's choice we couldn't help but make after learning all we have. It's definitely affected our budget but we firmly believe it will pay off in less healthcare bills in the future. So all in all we've pretty much revamped our diet in the house. It helped a ton when halfway through the month, Matty boy jumped on board fully. He likes to not eat all day then get all three meals' worth of nutrition in the evening/night. I equate how that affects me like putting an alcoholic in the room full of open liquor bottles. I cannot be around someone eating a lot all at once. I'm a recovering binge eater. Not good. He's been amazing since I explained that to him (thanks, honey!).
Changes in Exercise: Welp, I worked out maybe 9 times total this month. I'm trying to avoid spending money on a gym membership since we just don't have it. However, without forking out some dough, I find it hard to hold myself accountable for exercising. SO......I have a fabulous friend, dear Stephanie, who's going to start Couch to 5K with me once I'm back from Michigan. I've secretly always wanted to be able to run, not necessarily a marathon, but more like a mile without feeling like I was going to die. Stephanie is the perfect, no nonsense, kick my booty, no excuses partner for this. (Thanks, Stephanie! I so need your help in this department!) I have the app downloaded onto my phone and I'm ready to go once we get back!
How I FEEL This Month: I finally feel like I'm back to myself. Going through all I went through this past year (see here for further explanation :) really took a toll on me and making these changes, I feel SO GOOD! I feel like by God's grace I'm a better steward of the body He's given me and also a better steward of our money by spending it on things that are nourishing and not just things that taste good. (P.S. Nourishing foods taste really really awesome, too!) I'm thankful for the support from friends, advice, and virtual hugs I've received after sharing the struggles I'm facing. I feel the love!
Stats for the month:

Weight Lost: 2.8 pounds (and I am so pleased with that! Before I've lost like 15 pounds in a few weeks and that sets me up for failure, so this time around slow and steady is my motto!)
Clothing Size: 18/20
How I Feel: Awesome!

Keep praying for me, friends! I've got a long road to go but I haven't turned around scared yet!