Gina Hendrix-Matchmaker

Why Are Men So Angry?

2012-01-23T13:42:00.000-08:00

Why Are Men So Angry?--reprinted from The Daily Beast

Men in their twenties and thirties are fed up with women, but author Kay Hymowitz says you can't blame them when women are demanding equality except when it comes to romance.

Men in their twenties and thirties are fed up with women, but author Kay Hymowitz says you can’t blame them when women are demanding equality except when it comes to romance. Plus, Jessica Bennett on the modern male's identity crisis.

About a week ago, The Wall Street Journal published an excerpt of my new book, which argued that the new stage I call pre-adulthood—the twenties and early thirties—was not bringing out the best in single young men. Some men didn’t like it. As in, “cancel-my-subscription-the-writer-should-contract-such-a-bad-case-of-carpel-tunnel-syndrome-she-never-writes-again” didn’t like it.
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But a lot of the responses unwittingly proved my point—and another one: Men are really, really angry. Consider: “We’re not STUCK in pre-adulthood, we choose it because there aren’t any desirable American women. They’ve been bred to abuse men.” This fairly typical response that appeared at the Seattle Post Intelligencer website: “Sorry ladies. In the age of PlayStation 3s, 24-hours-a-day sports channels, and free Internet porn, you are now obsolete. All that nagging, whining, and stealing our hard earned cash have finally caught up to you."

Shocked? I wasn t. During the last few years researching this age group, I’ve stumbled onto a powerful underground current of male bitterness that has nothing to do with outsourcing, the Mancession, or any of the other issues we usually associate with contemporary male discontent. No, this is bitterness from guys who find the young women they might have hoped to hang out with entitled, dishonest, self-involved, slutty, manipulative, shallow, controlling—and did I mention gold-digging?

Check out the websites like names like MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), Nomarriage.com, or EternalBachelor.com (“Give Modern Women the Husband They Deserve. None.”). Or read popular bloggers like the pseudonymous Roissy, a ferociously caustic dissector of female “sluttiness” and “shit tests” (attempts to manipulate men). There are dozens upon dozens of gurus and counselors who publish posts like “42 Things Wrong With American Women” while chat forums ruminate over how “American Women Suck.”

Women may want equality at the conference table and treadmill. But when it comes to sex and dating, they aren’t so sure.

So, is this what Susan Faludi famously called the backlash? Is it immaturity, as my own book seems to suggest? Is it the Internet as an escape valve for decades of pent-up rebellion against political correctness? Or, is it just good, old-fashioned misogyny?

A bit of all of the above, probably. But there’s another reason for these rants, one that is far less understood. Let’s call it gender bait and switch. Never before in history have men been matched up with women who are so much their equal—socially, professionally, and sexually. By the time they reach their twenties, they have years of experience with women as equal competitors—in school, on soccer fields, and even in bed. They very reasonably assume that the women they are meeting at a bar or café or gym are after the same things they are: financial independence, career success, toned triceps, and sex.

That’s the bait; here comes the switch. Women may want equality at the conference table and treadmill. But when it comes to sex and dating, they aren’t so sure. The might hook up as freely as a Duke athlete. Or, they might want men to play Greatest Generation gentleman. Yes, they want men to pay for dinner, call for dates—a writer at the popular dating website The Frisky titled a recent piece “Call me and ask me out for a damn date!”—and open doors for them. A lot of men wonder: “WTF??!” Why should they do the asking? Why should they pay for dinner? After all, they are equals and in any case, the woman a guy is asking out probably has more cash in her pocket than he does; recent female graduates are making more than males in most large cities.

Sure, girls can—and do—ask guys out for dinner and pick up the check without missing a beat. Women can make that choice. Men say they have no choice. If they want a life, they have to ask women out on dates; they have to initiate conversations at bars and parties, they have to take the lead on sex. Women can take a Chinese menu approach to gender roles. They can be all “Let me pay for the movie tickets” on Friday nights, and “A single rose? That’s it?” on Valentine’s Day.
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Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys By Kay Hymowitz 248 pages. Basic Books. $25.99.

Far worse in the bait and switch category is women’s stated preference for nice guys and actual attraction to bad boys. Now, clearly this is not true for all women. Many, maybe even most, want a guy with the sweetness of a Jimmy Stewart and sensitivity of Ashley Wilkes. But enough of them are partial to the Charlie Sheens of this world that one popular dating guru, David DeAngleo, lists “Being Too Much of a Nice Guy” as No. 1 in his “Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Men Make With Women.” At a website with the evocative name Relationshit.com, (“Brutally honest dating advice for the cynical, bitter, and jaded,” and sociological cousin of Dating-is-Hell.com) the most highly trafficked pages are those asking the question why women don’t like good guys.

PlayStations and Internet porn? For a lot of guys, they seem like the better way.

Kay S. Hymowitz is the William E. Simon Fellow at the Manhattan Institute and a contributing editor of City Journal. Her new book is Manning Up.

Celebrity matchmaker’s controversial new book says it all

2012-01-12T17:22:00.000-08:00

“Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend” is this year’s most honest, straightforward and hilarious relationship advice book.

With years of experience working as a matchmaker for the most eligible bachelors around the world, relationship expert Gina Hendrix holds nothing back in her debut book, “Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend” (ISBN 0615571999).

This dynamic relationship advice book lays out for its reader 16 different “bitches” – assigning tongue-in-cheek names to the various archetypal behavior categories that women who self-destruct in relationships tend to fall into. Everything from: the all business bitch to needy bitch to freaky bitch and beyond.

The book is laugh out loud funny and is structured around the question, “Which bitch are you?” and urges its reader to identify what she’s been doing wrong. “The way the advice is given is very unique,” Hendrix says. “I don’t patronize or coddle; I deliver the straight scoop that women need to hear. But, I do it in a funny and real way, similar to what a close friend would want to say, but can’t.”

Straight scoop is certainly Hendrix’s mantra. For each chapter or “bitch” that Hendrix introduces, she shares relevant real-life stories that she has encountered in her life and career. “These are the worst-case scenario versions of each of these destructive behaviors,” says Hendrix, “I have seen women do some things that even I couldn’t believe!”

Accompanying these anecdotes is a bounty of sound advice from Hendrix, who clearly has compassion for the women she’s trying to help. Hendrix dispenses her words of wisdom in a way that is relatable, lively and funny, but is ultimately constructive, informative and very worthwhile.

“Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend” is available for sale online at Amazon.com and other channels.

About the Author: Gina Hendrix is a highly regarded personal matchmaker. Her clients are some of the most eligible men in Hollywood and around the world. She is often regarded as the “Billionaire Matchmaker.” Hendrix is the founder of Exclusive Introductions, an ultra premium matchmaking service located in Los Angeles. In addition to matchmaking, Hendrix has a weekly radio show called “Beyond Beautiful,” where she has candid conversations with the world’s most beautiful and intriguing women about life, love and the pursuit of happiness.

MEDIA CONTACT
Gina Hendrix
Email: info@exclusiveinla.com
Phone: (310) 293-9203
Website: www.exclusiveinla.com/ladies

REVIEW COPIES AND INTERVIEWS AVAILABLE

Are you still single?

2011-12-12T10:36:00.000-08:00

Don't you hate that question! Then you say, "Yes" and it's usually followed by a suspicious look followed by the question "why?" AWKWARD!

Well, how do you respond, wait..I already know...you hem and haw and then finally just give them some BS excuse just to move the conversation along to another subject...fast.

So, between you and me....what is the answer? What seems to be keeping you from being in a loving and healthy relationship? Well, that is exactly why I wrote the book Stop Being a Bitch ad Get a Boyfriend....so you can finally get to the bottom of why a relationship eludes you. Here is an excerpt from the chapter called

Insecure Bitch

Coming soon to a theatre near you…

A horror story of epic proportions! When a beautiful girl with winning qualities is bitten by a mutant bug it plants a parasite in her brain. This particularly terrifying parasite eats away at the brain of the poor unsuspecting girl, and worse: the only way to keep the parasite from eating her alive is to feed it compliments and validation from poor, unfortunate, unsuspecting humans. The infected girl tries as hard as she can to avoid feeding on her friends and boyfriend, but before long, the parasite (more commonly known as insecurity) is growing and growing and GROWING! And as the insecurity grows, it gets HUNGRIER! The once wonderful girl is quickly transformed into a practically unrecognizable creature! BEWARE! It’s the Insecure Bitch! She’s running loose, and she’s taking her friends and boyfriend hostage! She’s feeding on their compliments and validation, and it won’t be long before she’s hungry for more! Her victims, meanwhile, are running scared!

YIKES! Unfortunately, for many girls, this is more than just a movie—it’s real life. Could this crazed creature be you?

My new book Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend is available on Amazon

6 Surprising Libido Boosters

2011-08-18T15:36:00.000-07:00

I found this today on CNN and thought you might enjoy this news!(Health.com) -- You've heard (and tried) it all before: down a dozen oysters, watch a marathon of sultry movies, get a couples massage.

Even if these usual turn-ons work for you, sooner or later they start to feel tired -- which may make you less likely to respond to them, says Irwin Goldstein, M.D., director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego.

Luckily, science has discovered a few more offbeat things that crank up your desire. Try one out tonight!

Scare yourself

Consider taking a surfing lesson together instead of a romantic walk on the beach. After being in an adrenaline-pumping situation (say, watching a suspenseful flick or going zip-lining), men and women find the opposite sex more alluring, suggests a study in the "Archives of Sexual Behavior."

"When you're doing something exciting, your heart is racing and your nervous system is activated, much like they would be if you were sexually aroused," explains Cindy Meston, Ph.D., the study's lead researcher and co-author of "Why Women Have Sex." Just don't use up all your energy riding the waves!

Health.com: The secret to hotter sex

Swap bubbly for red wine

Romantic dinner? Order a glass of Pinot Noir or other red wine: Women who drank a glass of red daily reported higher levels of sexual desire and vaginal lubrication, compared with those who sipped any kind of alcohol only occasionally or those who didn't drink at all, according to a study in the "Journal of Sexual Medicine."

Researchers suspect that red wine's high levels of polyphenols, a type of antioxidant, may help blood vessels widen, which can increase blood flow to key arousal areas. Stick to one glass, advises lead author Nicola Mondaini, M.D.; any more may extinguish your libido.

Health.com: 7 foods for better sex

Be a poser

Yoga does more than just get you limber -- it may boost your libido, too, suggests a review published in the "Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy." Getting your om on makes you more familiar with your body, which in turn can help you get more in touch with your sexuality.

While the report looked predominantly at women with sexual problems, "certainly anyone can benefit," says Lori Brotto, Ph.D., the lead author. Bonus: Yoga may also improve your orgasms by increasing blood flow down there.

Health.com: 10 best workouts for your sex life

Get hands-on

Locking fingers with your sweetie is, well, sweet -- but can it make you hot and bothered? Absolutely. "Even little acts of touching your partner release oxytocin, a hormone that may boost closeness and arousal," Goldstein says.

The trick is to be spontaneous, he adds. That out-of-the-blue excitement is what prompts your body to pump out oxytocin and other neurotransmitters related to sexual response, so choose unexpected times to get a little grabby.

Health.com: 28 days to a healthier relationship

See (him in) red

Turns out, your man wearing this fiery hue can put you in the mood, suggests a University of Rochester study. "Red is a signal of status and power, and that turns women on," explains psychology professor Andrew J. Elliot, Ph.D., lead author of the study.

So, crazy as it sounds, urge him to wear the red shirt on date night -- you may want to tear it off him before dessert.

Take a whiff

Chances are, the smell of a sweaty gym does not get you all worked up. But the scent of your man post-workout might do just that. Sniffing his sweat can increase your level of the stress hormone cortisol, which may boost arousal, reports a study in the Journal of Neuroscience.

Consider hitting the gym together (exercising has also been found to flip our switch), or just snuggle close when he walks in after his workout. Then hit the showers -- together.

Copyright Health Magazine 2010

Don't Online Date That Guy

2011-07-20T11:37:00.000-07:00

First let me say, online dating is great for most people. However, the majority of my clients prefer to keep their dating life anonymous and private, therefore they don’t usually use online dating sites. As for me, I’m more like you. I work a lot, most of my friends are in relationships and I spend all day in front of the computer. So, naturally, online dating is an easy way for me to meet people whom might not normally cross my path. Unfortunately, the majority of the men I see online are men I would rather NOT ever cross paths with online or off.

That being said, I know there are really great, marriage-minded catches out there that are using online dating sites; you just have to know how to spot the keepers.

A great way to weed through the possibilities and move you one step closer to finding your love match is by scoping out profile photos. Of course, we all use these photos to decide which men to contact. However, I’m sure many of you simply look at the photo but don’t see the whole picture. Some of these photos might seem appealing, but don’t be fooled. A photo can help you determine which guy might love himself more than he could ever love you or who might not be exactly what he seems.

Here is a list of things to look for when perusing the photos:

• Any man who is just too cute or too sexy: Avoid this guy or you will be in a long line with every other woman on the site. And he knows it! Why would a kid want to ever leave a candy store?
• Any man who has his shirt off.
• Posing and making cutesy or weird faces or just being too silly.
• Too stylish.
• Too perfect of a “headshot”: Airbrushing and Photoshop can be very deceiving.
• Too much of a bad boy.
• An overgrown kid.
• Photo resembles a mug shot or Wanted poster.
• Any man who has 10, 12, or 20-something photos of himself.
• His screen name can be a window to his psyche as well, so be ware.

Now, that we’ve gotten that out of the way. Here is what you should be looking for when you view the photos:

• A guy with a genuine smile.
• A guy who isn’t trying too hard.
• A guy who just looks like a regular guy—not a model, not an actor, not a bad boy, or a comedian, or James Bond.
• A guy who isn’t too put together, but not disheveled either. Just simple, not flashy or too cool.
• A guy who only has two or three photos.
• A guy who’s photos might be a little out of focus, because he’s just a regular guy who isn’t that concerned with “perfect” photos.

Finally, a guy who looks too perfect or sounds too perfect is also looking for perfection in his lady. So chances are, even if you go out with him, he will be looking for any flaw and he will find it, because no one is perfect. Look for a guy who looks like a “good guy”. Going for just the shiniest object on the page will prove to be a waste of time and energy.

God Bless Him for Trying..but...

2011-06-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

Men, please read the following email sent to a woman (as a first email) on an online dating site. I truly feel bad for him, because he sounds like a good guy. Poor guy, he's just saying waaaay too much, it's all about him, it's clear he never even read her profile and it's obviously a "cut and paste" job that he sends out to every lady. So read his email below and take heed!

"nibbling on sponge cake...watching the sun bake....

"nibbling on sponge cake...watching the sun bake...all the tourists covered with oil"...
that's me an island boy...just did a gig in Key West, Florida...singing tropical songs...
I'm Matt, my profession is an architecture, I'm a lead designer in a major LA architectural firm...
I'm what everyone calls a 'creative'. I'm a song writer, poet and artist. In fact all those three come out
in my designs. smile. I'm putting together a benefit for a horse rescue ranch...in late June so I'm working
on the song list for the evening of wine, food and music...it should be a lot of fun...talking to a lot of my musician
and singer friends to volunteer for a good cause.
Driven but easy going...strange combination...most people just view the easy going part...but a lot gets accomplished
this life is way too short to waste it. Have begun to show my paintings...just did a small show in Soho, NY. People were
great and receptive...love to paint people...very figurative in my art. Published my first two children's books last fall
and they are now available on Amazon...funny my kids had no clue I was going to do a series of tales I used to tell them as kids. They had a bang when they found dedicated the book to them...they were tickled.
I've been blessed...no other way to say it...5 gorgeous and talented grown kids...I love my work...love my hobbies...
still I want to find that special someone to explore with and live this fun life.
Have fun this week...I am.

Serendipity

2011-05-13T14:36:00.000-07:00

Serendipity is when one finds something that one was not expecting to find.

I was talking to someone recently when (surprisingly) the subject of online dating and matchmaking came up. The person said they’d been resistant to online dating because they believed in serendipity. Well, I believe serendipity comes in many forms. Just because one puts forth the effort to meet someone, through an online dating site or a dating service or a matchmaker, if you ultimately find your soul mate in the process, then it’s still serendipity in my book.

And let’s face it, as we get older it gets more and more difficult to find that needle in a haystack. The needles get smaller, the haystack gets bigger! The people who I have known or worked with who have made up their minds and who have made it their mission to find love, have found it. There is something almost magical that I have personally witnessed when someone becomes willing to do anything and everything to find love. They find it. And usually it’s within 6 months or a year. I have seen it time and time again.

But, the key is that you have to be ready, willing and open to all of the possibilities. It might mean, improving your appearance in order to attract the type of person you want. It might mean going through therapy and working on your issues. It definitely means going to social events, doing online dating or even hiring a matchmaker. For example, have you tried Chemistry.com? It’s a more serious version of Match. And it certainly is another great resource to use if you haven’t tried it yet.
The point is, to use any and all resources available. The more you do, the better your chances are. There is also a very valid psychological part to all of this too. Once you make up your mind and commit to a process of finding love (whatever that process might be) you begin to see everything and everyone in a new way. You begin to date with a purpose, but also with more optimism and determination. And when you give anything 100% and you refuse to give up, you will always get what you want.

Are You Happy?

2010-12-01T12:59:00.000-08:00

Are you happy? Do you look on the bright side of things? Are you approachable?

If you want to attract a healthy positive type of love, then you need to project happiness.

But, how do you do this if you’re lonely, sad or jaded? It’s as easy as making up your mind to choose being positive in your every word and action. You must find happiness and fulfillment in your own life in order to attract the “one”. That means having hobbies, a job, and friends that fulfill you in a healthy way. It’s so easy to sink into bitterness and complacency and before you know it, you’re in over your head and you’re stuck. It takes a bit of effort to choose happiness everyday, but it’s worth the effort. And while you’re at it, expand your mind in new ways. Read a new book or magazine that is completely out of your regular routine. In fact, while you’re at it, start a new routine all together! March to a different drum, listen to new music and make new friends. The potential for expanding your life and happiness is limitless. Soak in all of the life you can, we only get one shot at it, so go for it!!!

On a more personal note, from my own observations these days, I have discovered that when I go to events or parties I have more fun than ever and so does anyone who comes with me. Why? Because I move around the room, smiling and talking to everyone I see. I’m interested in meeting new people, I love to hear their stories and it’s just fun talking to people. Before I was a matchmaker, I was like you: I would go to a party and just stand in one place with my friend and people watch. Then we’d leave and we never really ever met anyone new. Yes, we observed a lot of people…but, so what? We weren’t going outside of out comfort zones. Let’s face it, we go to parties and events to meet new people…so hell…get out there, walk up to someone and just start talking! What do you have to lose? Worst-case scenario: there’s not much to talk about, it might be awkward for a minute and you move on. Big deal, life is all about awkward moments, it’s what makes life most interesting, the unexpected. And the endless possibilities that each day brings, is what makes me happy! That and my animals ☺

Onward and Upward

2010-06-15T12:56:00.000-07:00

Hello out there!!! I am sorry that I haven't posted a new blog in a very long time, but I have a very good reason. I have been working on several books. And therefore have been using my ideas and advice for the purpose of a long form self help book or a few books, in this case. I finished my first book, Love Life Makeovers and am working on my next two. So, that is what I have been up to, I haven't forgotten any of you :)

But, I have recently been inspired to write a new blog on one of my favorite subjects: getting back together after you have both already called it quits.

It doesn't make a difference who is at fault or who breaks up with whom. The only thing that is important to remember is that there is drama and discourse, enough that one of you or both of you have decided to pull the plug on the relationship. And I firmly believe that you should never go back. Once a relationship ends, it ends for a good reason. And those that try to go back or do go back will end up sooner or later breaking up again and usually for the very same reason or issue that you broke up for, in the first place. Life is not about going backwards, life is about learning from your mistakes and moving forward. The longer you remain in a bad, turbulent relationship, the more time you waste. Time that you will never get back. I know several women who have wasted many, many years in an unhappy relationship with the wrong guy, only to now be in a place where, they are too old to have kids. They literally wasted those years thinking that they could change the guy or that by some magical power their relationship would get better. It never did.

And it breaks my heart to see people that I know stuck with their feet in quick sand watching life pass them by, while they struggle in a bad relationship that prevents them from having a happy life.

Life is about being happy and being a positive contributor to the universe. And how can you be positive and happy when you live a life filled with drama, misery and sadness? I say, "Onward and Upward!!" This is the only life you get, so make it the best you can.

Why Are You Single?

2009-04-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

This is a question that I have been asking people for a while now. Let’s face it, we all have our reasons. Or are they excuses? According to my married friend Karen, the ONLY reason anyone is single, is because they want to be. Hmmmm. Well, I guess if we took Karen’s theory completely literally, we could all be married if we were willing to grab any old jackass that looked at us and smiled. But, I think that the majority of us aren’t THAT desperate to get married that we are willing to marry the first parolee who crosses our path and asks us to marry them. But, then there is the other side of the coin. And on the other side of the coin is what I consider to be the number one reason why most of us are single, UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. It is a very very big problem. I notice this especially at my various singles events. When you put a group of single people in a room together and ask them to list who they are interested in, you can bet that EVERY guy will pick all of the prettiest women and all of the women will pick ALL of the cutest guys. Now, when it comes to attractive people…there’s no problem there. Attractive people will always be attracted to each other, of course. But, the problem with unrealistic expectations lies with those people that aren’t a 10 or a 9 or an 8 or 7 even a 6. I’m talking about people who are on the 1 to 5 scale. 5 being just average, not unattractive but not attractive either. The people in the 1 to 5 range NEVER seem to want each other….EVER. And I’m not sure if it is because they are completely unaware of their “number” or they know their “number” but, feel that in spite of their short comings they are entitled to someone way out of their league. Or maybe they want a trophy to prove to the world that they are much more than an ugly duckling. I’m not sure; I just know that people are way too concerned with someone’s temporary shiny outer shell rather, than look past the superficial. I really wish more single people who want to find love would choose their dates and future mates on what really matters most and what is not going to change with time, and that is a person’s intelligence and moral character, within their “number range” whether it’s 1 to 5 or 6 to 10. So, tell me, what is your number? Do you think you have unrealistic expectations? Why are you single?

Ladies, if you are single..you MUST get in on my New Coaching Club. I am going to share with you everything I've learned from being a Matchmaker and working with successful men! Space is limited.
Get more info here http://www.selectiveandsingle.com/coaching.php

"Women Have a Shelf Life"

2009-03-22T23:42:00.000-07:00

It boggles my mind at how many people walk around with a false sense of reality. Unbelieveable...and sad. I had a man yesterday, tell me about how women have a "shelf life" and this was from a man who said he was 49..and had clearly had a facelift and WAY too much botox! Good God! Or how about the woman who entered her info to be part of my database, said her age was 48...then showed up to my recent event....and was not a day under 60! Men in their 50's and 60's think it is reasonable to only want to date women 30 to 40. Well...I'm here to tell you then.....you better be RICH. Because there ain't no woman 30 to 40 looking for a man 50 to 60...unless he is going to upgrade her lifestyle, substantially. And women....the only reason most younger guys will date an older woman, is either they think she'll be an easy lay or she'll be their sugar momma. Here's another thing....you don't look younger when you get all of that crap done to your face. In fact, it makes you look older...you look like an older person who's trying very hard to look young, except you really just look freakish.Do yourself a favor, keep it real..be happy the way you are and get a grip on reality. What is most important is what is on the inside...and no amount of plastic surgery or lies will help you find love and happiness..if you're not happy with yourself anyway.

Love Life Tips

2009-02-28T09:28:00.000-08:00

If you aren't following me on Twitter, then you miss my daily love life tips. Here is a compilation of my recent tips:

Your Love Life Tip of the Day

Nothing you do will change anyone but you

Men want to chase and hunt it’s their nature

Like the one who likes you

Cheaters never change, they just get better at it

Like who you love and love who you like

Character lasts longer than looks

Be careful who you fall in love with

Sleep naked

Love the way you want to be loved

Expect nothing in return

Appreciate the little things

Do one new thing each day that you wouldn’t normally do

If you’re not happy find out why

If you’re lonely reach out to those who need your help

Love and respect yourself first

A healthy relationship is lifts you up

An unhealthy relationship holds you back

Don’t waste your love on a loser

Pay attention to the actions, not the words

Don’t forget your friends, they with stick with you through it all

Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Be Glad You’re Single

2009-02-10T11:38:00.000-08:00

My top ten reasons why you should be glad you’re single.

10. You can date, talk to and kiss anyone you want.

9. You can look any way you want to, any time you want to.

8. You look younger. Research has found single people look younger and are usually in better shape.

7. You can have sex with a different partner every night of the week, if you want to.

6. You don’t have to deal with any relationship drama.

5. Being single means you are constantly meeting new people and going new places.

4. Your possibilities are endless.

3. You can take over the entire bed.

2. Your hand or your vibrator never disappoints.

1. The possibility that you could marry George Clooney or Cameron Diaz is still a possibility.

Smile

2009-01-31T22:20:00.001-08:00

Here is the easiest way to meet more people and improve your dating life...smile and make eye contact with everyone you see!

Check His/Her References

2009-01-22T21:16:00.000-08:00

This week I have been talking about how we are so eager to open our arms…and our hearts to someone merely based on what we see in front of us. As if, that persons history has no bearing what so ever on the here and now. And let me tell you..it does and it should! We have historians for a reason….so, that facts and information..good and bad..will NEVER be forgotten. Why is someones credit history so important? Because tells a story of a persons character and accountability. Yet, why is it…when a man or a woman shows up..in the right clothes…with the hot body or beautiful car..or just telling us what we want to hear in that moment…that, that is all it takes. We choose to ignore or even look into the persons history or moral character. Has he/she ever cheated? “Well, he/she won’t with me!” Has that person ever neglected their child? “Well, they wouldn’t do that to our child!” Has that person ever committed a crime, had drug convictions, gotten fired from jobs or even been irresponsible with their pets?

If you were worked for a car dealership and you reviewed the persons credit report, would you be able to give him the car? If you were interviewing this person to work for you, would you hire them based on their work history and personal references? Stop and think for a minute…..if you wouldn’t even consider hiring this person….based on their proven track record…then why on earth would you allow yourself the possibility of falling in love with them? The answer is simple. You place more value in protecting the interest of a company, than in, protecting your own heart and future. Isn't your heart...your life...a little more valuable than a car? Of course it is! So, in the future..before the "I love yous" get the facts, ask the questions, listen to the answers and let their story..their personal history...be the deciding factor...not the wine and roses. Because once the romance is gone..all that you and your heart will be left with..is the persons moral character.

Prince Charming

2009-01-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

When I ask women to tell me what type of man they are looking for, they describe what all good fantasies are made of..tall, handsome, smart, funny, fit, wealthy. And basically, what they should just say is…”I’m looking for prince charming”. Because let’s face it..since we were kids..every happy ending was the average girl, damsel in distress, slave or princess..always being rescued and riding off into the sunset with prince charming. So, it has become in grained in our subconscious, when asked of our ideal man..to say, prince charming. But, I think the key is not that he is a prince or good looking, tall, smart, or George Clooney…the key to getting any lady, is the “charming” part. And if you’re charming enough, she will see you as her prince..no matter what you look like or how much money you have.
So, I started wondering what is charm?

And here is what I’ve come up with so far…feel free to add your own ideas of “charm”.

Confidence…combined with smart…quick-witted….polite banter.

I think is one form.

I think taking charge….combined with a big smile…..and an attitude of “Hey..Life’s great”…is another way to be charming.

Not being needy or foolish or rude or too cocky or too nice.

A man who won’t be taken advantage of…but, who also won’t trick or take advantage of a woman. He makes a woman feel safe, protected. He can be funny, smart and counted on. But, can walk away without being mad or hurt…because…he’s his own man.and doesn’t need a woman to tell him that. Or validate his worth. He knows his worth; he’s happy and secure..but, not cocky…or too cocky.

Improve your life and start now

2009-01-09T15:04:00.000-08:00

If you are like most people, there will come a time in your life where you are stuck, in your love life or just in your life. Are you alone? Are you in a bad or just boring relationship? Well, it's a new year and there is no better time to look back at what got you to this place in life and look ahead to where you would like it to go in the future. Now, take a good look at the present and the changes you need to make. I recommend, instead of the usual "baby steps" or "sticking your toe in the water".....if a change is what you what, then you must plunge into action. Now!
One of my big changes last year was starting my own internet radio show, called "Love Life Makeovers" where each week I have a featured guest who has insight or advice on anything and all things love related. And if you had told me this time last year, that I would have this show..(that has become hugely popular)...I would have said "no way." So, I speak from experience when I give you the following advice on changing your life for the better. I hope it helps.

Here are a few suggestions to get you started, although, everyone's "sticking point" is different..the idea is to take an honest look at your life and what is holding you back and to tackle it in a big way. But, I have listed big and small changes...for those who aren't quite ready yet.

Step 1: If you are tired of looking at you're same old place...change it. If you can't move (which would be the best way for a huge change, because it changes who you meet at the grocery store, gas station and changes your whole life) then just redecorate your place. Sell your furniture on craigslist..or trade it in..or just move it around and recover. Paint. Painting a room is an instant affordable, change. Put new or vintage knobs on your doors and cabinets. Get new pictures for your walls. You can even just start small, with your bathroom. Any change is change. FYI...changing your bedroom, even what you wear to bed...is a great place to start with changing your current love situation. Freshen it up, spice it up.

Step 2: Start going to new places...even just to run errands or walk your dogs.

Step 3: Smile and say "Hi" to anyone and everyone. I can't tell you how much positive attention I get from people when I walk around with a smile on my face. And not a huge "I'm crazy" smile..but, a pleasant, friendly smile. And make sure you are aware of your facial expression at all times. Even just smiling when you're by yourself..will put you in a better mood. This might sound strange...but, it works.

Step 4: If you don't like your career....do something about it. Look around for other work opportunities or even sign up to do community work. This might open new job opportunities and will most certainly allow you to meet new people.

Step 5: Change your love life. Change your life. If you are single and lonely or in a unhappy relationship ...nothing will change until you make it happen. The other person will never change....you are the only one that can make your life better. So, maybe you need to start going to therapy or you need to join a women's or men's support group (whether you're single or in a relationship). If you're single, join online dating sites and choose differently. Do not choose dates based on looks. Make choices based on inner qualities that you seek in someone. If you don't want to do online dating, then join a "meetup" (meetup.com is a free web site, where you can find a group for anything you like to do).

All of the steps mentioned above will change your love life in one way or another. Because when you start the ball rolling for any type of change, you will be amazed at how it just keeps rolling and rolling. The key is to keep it rolling, by making changes. Make an agreement with yourself to do something everyday or just once a week, that you normally never do. If you do this now, then next year at this time you will look back on your life and you will be so amazed and proud of all of the changes you have made.

The best thing that I did for myself last year..that started the ball rolling for me, was, I made a sign that said "What Did You Do To Change Your Life Today?" and I put it where I would see it at the end of everyday. I can't tell you how many many many changes that happened in my life last year, all for the better...and this year, there is still more change to come. It's fun, it's exciting and necessary. The best quote I heard recently was: "The only difference between a rut and a grave, is the depth". So what are you waiting for? Give yourself a love life makeover now!

And if you have any questions, I'm always here to help.

Dating on a budget

2008-10-18T22:50:00.001-07:00

Dating on a dime. How to date creative in a tough economy or anytime! These are creative and fun idea's for dating on a budget.

Don't be his momma

2008-10-17T21:26:00.001-07:00

Ladies, what are you doing wrong? Well here are two things...

How are you marketing yourself?

2008-10-17T21:09:00.001-07:00

The Power of a Woman

2008-10-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

Many books have been written over the years about the powers women have had over men through out history. But, is it still true today? Are women today even aware of their potential power and mystique? As the old saying goes ” You can catch more flies with honey, than you can with vinegar”. I think women these days are so concerned with “getting a boyfriend” or “getting a husband”, that they are willing to do anything, put up with anything, in order to be validated with a man’s love and attention.

I think there is something to be said about old-fashioned values. The days where men had great manners and the ladies were ladies. Ladies in waiting, if you will. If women could just be patient and happy with themselves or their friends, then they would be able to regain their power. It is when we lower our standards and except “crumbs” that we are teaching men how to treat us. We are telling them that we don’t value ourselves as much as we value them. And why, why would any woman do that? Fear of being alone, fear of being unloved or just low self esteem. I can’t tell you how many women today suffer horribly from low self-esteem. And unfortunately, they will pass it on to their children, then their children and so on.

If women only realized how men see them. They see them as goddesses. They see them as an almost mythical creature, that they spend every waking moment trying to figure out how to capture one for their very own. And if women played their cards right…and I don’t mean game playing. I mean, if women would just realize that not being so available would not only make the men value them more, but, it would also help build their own self esteem and ultimately help them regain their power as a woman, then we would be teaching men how we really want to be treated.

Online Dating Do's & Don'ts

2008-09-08T21:40:00.000-07:00

There are many online dating sites out there and everyone is doing it. If you are single these days…and you’re looking for a date or relationship, if you’re not dating online, you’re missing out.

The more comfortable we get surfing the web, the more comfortable we get dating online. It is just not as weird and mysterious as it once was…and the stigma is no longer there. In fact, there is more of a stigma if you aren’t dating online...”you are just behind the times”.

But, what is great about online dating is also what is not great about online dating. Your options are endless. So, there are those that just can’t stop looking and perusing their options. Why pick just one…when each day brings someone new to your computer screen. I mean, how great is it to be bombarded with compliments from strangers telling you how beautiful you are, while you read their gushing emails in your dirty t-shirt and sweat pants? It can be addictive. But, it doesn’t have to be. If you are online dating with the simple goal of finding a relationship, then there are basic things to do, not to do and red flags to look out for.

Number one: Take your time and fill out your profile completely.

Number two: Be honest, but, not too honest (it’s a profile, not a therapy session).

Number three: Don’t say that you are looking for someone intelligent and then have misspelled words in your own profile Or misspell intelligent. I have seen that more times than I can count. Always, use spell check!

Number four: Put up at least 3 recent...recent photos. One a bit closer and two body shots..or vice versa. NEVER post photos with your kids, or another person..or God for bid a head shot or you with a celebrity. Win them over with you….just you…an accurate you. I even prefer to “under sell” myself online.... because, if they like what they see online, when I show up in person..they are pleasantly surprised. I think underselling is always best. If you look too great in your picture..or if it is old or has been photo shopped…you are in for getting your feelings VERY hurt when you meet the date in person…and you have to see the look of shock and disappointment on their face. It is true.

Number five: Be open to meeting people outside of your usual “type”. After all, that is the beauty of online dating, you are able to meet people that you might not otherwise ever meet in your day to day life. So, take advantage of the fact that you can explore options that you had never considered before. The nice guy or girl, the geek, the older man or woman, the younger guy, the person with a child. The goal is to find someone with the “inner” qualities that you are looking for first. So, make that the top criteria, when searching the endless profiles. This might help narrow the search substantially.

Number six: Choose wisely and look for red flags. Here are just a few:

Someone who doesn’t have a picture posted and I don’t care what excuse they give you.

Shirtless photos or anything that indicates that they will be WAY more into themselves that they will be ever be into anyone else.

Whe someone emails you for the first time and they don't reference anything specifically about you or your profile. Chances are they’re just shooting fish in a barrel and doing the “copy and paste” to any and everyone that is new or halfway decent.

If they say, “average body type” beware. This is your first clue that they are probably a bit overweight. And that is fine, but just know that going in.

Number seven: Don’t let the emails go on forever. You don’t want to have this great imaginary email relationship…if A) It never produces a real date or B) When you finally meet the person..you suddenly discover they aren’t the person that you let your mind build them up to be…..then it is just a very awkward and disappointing situation for both of you.

Number eight: A few good email exchanges, followed by one brief phone conversation to pick a time and a place to meet…and then cut to the chase. Meet at a neutral public well populated place. Keep this meeting short and sweet, no more than 2 hours.

Number nine: After the date, (if you’re the man) follow up with an email to say if you want to see the person again. If you let her believe you were interested in seeing her again, but, you aren’t…then make sure you send an email to clarify. The same goes for the ladies. DO NOT mislead anyone. There is no point, since you can always be honest in an email. Be honest.

Number ten: If you want to be in a relationship, then do not have sex with anyone that is still actively looking online. Dating sites allow you to see when the last time a person was on the site, use this information to your benefit and be cautious.

There are many many more tips, do’s, don’ts and red flags. Email me if you would like me to help you fine-tune your profile or help you search for that special someone.

Online dating can be a great way to find “the one”, but only if you are playing by the rules and giving it your very best shot.

I’m here to help.

Finding the “one”

2008-08-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

I used to think that I knew who it was I was looking for. You know when you write down all of the qualities that you seek in a partner. Funny, smart, kind, ambitious. I never had on my list…broke, lazy, emotionally unavailable, messy, chaotic, and immature. But, yet, that was exactly the type of person that I kept dating. Now, don’t get me wrong..they didn’t all posses all of those qualities (qualities?) at once. Some had only one of those issues or maybe two. And I could never figure out why I kept ending up with these duds. I would say…”But, that’s not what I wrote down on my wish list.”

Well, I have recently discovered the answer. I may have written down and sincerely hoped for a great guy, a guy who had his life together, A MAN. But, what I wasn’t even aware of…was the fact that I was attracting the exact type of person that was my mirror image. Again, I didn’t have all of those negative issues all at one time…but, I can admit now, that I certainly was NOT equal to the person that I had always dreamed of marrying.

I was immature (check) lazy (at times) broke (too many times) messy (I have animals) and emotionally unavailable (check). Then something magical happened, I met a guy, that at first, I thought I wasn’t interested in….because he was the complete opposite of anyone I had ever been attracted to in the past AND he was a business man! Here’s the magical part..I fell for him and my entire life changed. Not because I married him, no, the relationship didn’t work out. But, here's what he did for me. For the first time in my life, I met a real MAN, who gave me an opportunity to see what life is like when you are an adult, with class and money. So, once I got a taste of that..there was no going backward. I took action. It wasn’t easy, I changed my life..dramatically. I changed careers, I became a responsible adult, I now have a cleaning lady. I have a passion for my business. I am doing very well. Now, I am ready for and equal to the person I have always dreamed of marrying. But, since I am so focused on my business, I’m not looking. And you know what they say about that….well, we’ll see. I’ll let you know.

But, here’s the deal….figure out exactly the type of person you want to be with….inner qualities, lifestyle, class, brains…whatever it is you want in someone else and make sure you take a real..I mean..real..honest look at yourself first. If you need to make changes, make changes. Because until you posses those qualities that you are seeking in someone else, you will never find the person you have always dreamed of marrying. Whew! Too much honesty for one night ☺ Thanks, Jay!

To hear more on this subject...you don't want to miss my internet radio show Aug. 27th at 11am PST. If you miss it, you can download it later. http://www.latalkradio.com and my show is called Love Life Makeovers

Just Do It!

2008-07-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

The road to self-help has many detours and many directions. In other words, there are many options...many routes to take. But, the goal is the same...everyone is trying to get to the same destination, which is called, health and happiness. So, if you are one of those that are constantly seeking this destination...yet it eludes you, then the problem may not be, the route you are taking or the directions that you are following, it just might be that your car is up on one of those mechanic platforms and in the garage. You're in your car, you're steering and giving it the gas, you even have the radio blasting and the windows are down.... but all you are really doing is just spinning your wheels. Your car is out of commission, you aren't leaving the garage. What???

What does this analogy mean? Well, it means that you can go through the motions and you probably think you are doing all you can, to "get there", but, just going through the motions isn't enough. If you can't leave the garage...then it is pointless to do any of the other steps. In other words, you can read all of the self help books you want, you can go to meetings, you can even see a therapist. But, until you...YOU...the inside of you...your brain, until you are ready, willing and able to actually receive the information and put it into action...(not just going through the motions) you are really just wasting your time.

So, how do you really "receive" the information and really begin to make actual changes in your life? The answer is very simple. Maybe too simple, that might be the problem. You stop making excuses and you take action! Now.... not later. You end that bad relationship. You stop dating the bad boys. You throw out the clutter. You exercise. You start making eye contact and smiling at people. You redecorate your place..or move! You find a new career that actually makes you happy! Basically, you take a leap of faith. But, the key is to make real tangible, physical and mental changes. Once you begin this proactive process and you can see the changes right before your very eyes, you will then stay with the process.... and ultimately change your life. You've heard it before...."just do it".

Oprah has said, that she always follows through with everything she wants to do. That means, if she has an idea to do something..she doesn't just talk about it, she does it. And because she has always been a person of "action"..... that is why she is, where she is, today. Change and progress are in the "doing" not in the "planning" or "just talking about it". It is better for you to take a leap of faith and "just do it" with no planning or thinking about it...rather than...talks and plan.... with no action. Just do it....today!

But, if you are still making excuses and not making any progress...is there any hope for you?
Well, I think you have to get to a point in your life, where you are just finally sick and tired of being sick and tired. Too many people get so caught up in the "journey" or "process", that they over look the fact that unless their car can leave the garage.... that all they end up doing for years, is just planning the trip. And then it will get to a point where your friends begin to get tired of hearing you talk about the trip..... that never happens! They will start to distance themselves from you. At first, you will complain...about your friends not being around anymore.... then one day.... when you are all alone and you realize that you've read all of the "books"...and yet your life hasn't gotten any better, in fact, it is worse and you aren't getting any younger...THAT is when you will finally be able to receive help and make great changes in your life. Stop making excuses and start making changes. I have a sign in my bathroom that says "Did you do anything to change your life today?". I look at that sign (that I made) every night before I go to bed and I ask myself that question and when I can answer "yes".... I feel so proud of myself.

So.... did you do anything to change your life today?

Sex & Marriage?

2008-06-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to be in a happy marriage? And is it normal for couples to rarely have sex or in many cases, not all, when they have been married for several years? What is normal sexual activity in a marriage? Is sex an important part of marriage? It should be!

I personally think, it is crucial to keep the sex and the passion alive in any relationship; long-term committed or marriage. Why? Because otherwise if the couple doesn't keep it fresh, doesn't keep the passion alive, then they just become relatives. To me, the reason to be bound with someone in marriage, is to make a permanent commitment to someone you love, respect and enjoying making love, to. The expression that comes out of that love and respect, is sex or making love. People seem to feel the need to get married and have a permanent connection with someone, only to drift apart and let their sexual intimacy and passion wane. I’m not sure why anyone would want to get married and then just be friends with his or her partner. What's the point of being married and not having sex with your partner and not being able to have sex with anyone else? At least that’s what it means to be in a conventional marriage. When you and your partner are very rarely having sex, usually, it is often the case that one person in the relationship and sometimes even both partners in the relationship, will go outside of their marriage for sex. And of course, this ultimately creates a wedge between the couple, which inevitably could lead to the demise of their entire marriage.

So why do people turn off their sex drive once they get married? I realize, that priorities shift once you become married. Children for example, enter the picture and often times, this leaves the couple with very little private time. At least, that is what couples tell me. So, here is what I say about that, why not steal moments with your partner as if you were doing something tawdry and wrong? Make it more of an "us against them" when it comes to you and your spouse and your children. Maybe the kids are playing in the backyard and you and your husband or wife, can run into the bathroom for two minutes for a quick and spontaneous lovemaking session. Or maybe it’s just simply 15 seconds of a crazy make-out session. If you’re in a happy marriage where you find that your partner is the love of your life, you respect them, you're best friends with them, you have children with them, why not make having sex with them one of the top priorities? What do you have to lose?

I’m sure the romance is not as hot as it was in the very beginning of your courtship and because you’re older, because you now have more responsibilities, money issues, children, stress, and lack of sleep. But, that’s is exactly why you need to make romance, passion and sex, much higher on your list of priorities, that is, if you want to keep your marriage, your love life alive.