gingerplease

General Honor Student: Review for Easy A

2011-01-28T07:14:00.002-05:00

Being a normal, slightly pessimistic, whiny, intolerant teenager, one wishes that their life was directed by none other than John Hughes. A legend and landmark director, Hughes managed to define a generation without stereotyping them or belittling their ideals, and did so by presenting realistic storylines and situations. So, if life is so tumultuous, one might as well have some professional handling thing “up there”.

That seems to be the wish and desire of one Olive Penderghast, a normal teenager in public school whose notoriety is to a minimum at the beginning of the film. That is to say, she is virtually invisible. Luckily, the whole “finding yourself” clichéd plotline does not beleaguer the film. Instead, we get to see Olive make a fool of herself and watch as she makes stupid decisions (with good intent) and watch as she is guilt ridden, much like a real teen. As heartless as teens are made out to be as a species, we do experience guilt every so often.

It all started with a small rumor, in which Olive tells her best friend Rih (Aly Michalka, in a notably raunchier role than Disney would approve of) that she lost her virginity to some guy named George, who does not even exist. And the rumor spreads like wildfire, as rumors do in high school. Here, the director Ivan Reitman decides to speed up the process by following the rumor in its tracks. While it may be nauseating for some, it’s all around fascinating. This is a good 15 years after Clueless and 10 Things I Hate About You, a good 30 after the films of John Hughes, and 7 after mean Girls. The Rumors are the same, but the method by which they are passed has evolved.

And from there, she meets a boy named Brandon, sweet as he is, he is incredibly gay. He is bullied by everyone, tormented by his fellow students, and he decides to ask Olive to lie for him. Instead of merely saying that they had sex, Olive makes her lie a bit more elaborate. The stage is set at a popular girl’s party, and they make it as bombastically fake and over exaggerated sequestered in a room, as possible. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what your kids are up to: having fake sex. Or not. Or something. (You know, I actually have no idea what your kids are up to. Just don’t watch Skins.)

And the web of lies becomes more elaborate and more “profitable”, as she is able to take bribes from poor schmucks who can’t get laid any other way than lying about a previous, albeit brief encounter. And as the rumors fly, instead of cowering because of her newfound reputation as a hussy, she plays it up by dressing like one too, with a scarlet letter embroidered to her questionable top. “Give them what they want, and then leave them asking for more” as they say on the stage. And as the story progresses, her rep bites her in the ass and not only does she become the most sought after female in her school, she also becomes one of the most hated. And she hates that. Feeling sorry for herself for something she got herself into.

This last bit is kind of annoying. What did she expect? But besides this, the film rolls smoothly along with clever and snarky dialogue. Emma Stone is incredibly charming as the sarcastic, biting Olive, and her eyes and delivery enhance the performance. She handles the biting sarcasm well. But as memorable as the screenplay is, it bears scant resemblance to The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, from which it is loosely adapted. The resemblance to the classic is a scant as the clothes covering Emma Stone’s body.

My only real problem is really a critical one. I just find the story morally regnant. The film epitomizes what I hate about my generation. Its loose views on sex and that sex means nothing…but the acting is good. I was, however, disappointed by the lack of substance in the film. Olive’s parents were probably the funniest, with Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci nailing every line. The interaction between Stone and her parents is undeniably realistic. Perhaps the reason why I didn’t like this film was because it was too realistic. Otherwise, it was fairly amusing.

The music is fun and ranges from classics like “(Don’t You) Forget About Me” from Say Anything to a new rendition of "We Go Together" from Grease and it pays delightful homage to the films that Olive wants to live in. The music is really fits the atmosphere of the film. Cinematography may not be the main aim of the film, but the color palette, a warm and sunny tone, suits the California based film. The acting is great, with another highlight being Amanda Bynes playing the uptight Christian zealot, whose quest to call Olive as many names meaning “slut” as possible and whose uppity, pretentious religious views remind me of pas experiences I’ve had with people. Top notch ad very funny!

In a generation where sex is anything goes, this film fits the bill. Although the dialogue and the screenplay aren’t nearly as memorable as other teen films, and the storyline wasn’t as nearly relative to The Scarlet letter as it was claimed to be, it’s an amusing breezy movie. Maybe it’s better for people to claim they had sex and not actually do it, maybe it’s not. But, like all teens, all we want is John Hughes to direct our lives, if only for a while.

Grade: B

Its a Zombie Apocalypse!

2011-01-17T21:15:00.001-05:00

Note from The author: I or anyone else haven't posted anything in like a week and for that we sorely apologize, so we have come up with this post in a hope of making up for our lack of new posts.

   So you find yourself trapped in a middle of a graveyard and 1 in the morning, trapped in a closet that you assume is used to store caskets, while your friends are trying to eat you. What do you do! I said what do you do! well, we have an answer to that.
   So what is this zombie apocalypse? well, you see its a game, not an actual zombie apocalypse but simply a game. The basis of the game is that 1 person is a zombie and everyone else is a human. the job of the zombie is to attack and eat the brains of a human and create a zombie out of him. The game ends when either A) a human makes it to the designated safe house or B) everyone is devoured and turned into a zombie. So, to play this game you will need a set list of requirements and so without further adieu.
Requirements
1. A graveyard: this is the most crucial part of the game, if you aren't in a graveyard then it loses its creepiness and therefore the entire point of the game is void. If you are squeamish about graveyards don't play this game
2. 10-15 people The more the merrier with this game, if you have less than 10 then someone will get an amazing hiding place and it will take FOREVER to find them.
3.Dark atmosphere for same reasons as requirement 1
4. A cynical view of religion: If you are profoundly religious then walking around a graveyard in the middle of the night may seem perverse and/or deeply disturbing
Nerf gun (optional): will be explained latter under variations

Pretty simple right? the rules are equally as simple.
Rules
1. your gonna need to choose a safe area it could be anything from a large tree to a large tombstone.
2. Once the safe area is decided then the humans must go on one side of the graveyard while the lone zombie goes onto the other side.
* note you may not go near the safe house for 15 minutes (one person should have a timer or something)
3. and what if your a zombie? well its easy, to infect someone you must immobilize them through a hug, tackle, or surprise attack. oh, and you cant  get within 10 feet of the safe house. Touching or scratching a human will not infect them. Also you have to wait until the humans are on the other side of the graveyard.
4. You must be honest about whether you are human or a zombie (not responding is allowed)
5. YOU CAN'T LEAVE THE GRAVEYARD UNTIL THE GAME IS OVER.
6. This game depends on your word, so don't be a dick and be honest about anything described in this article.

Notable Strategies
So lets say your a zombie and 4 others are zombies and you cant find anyone else. You could always make a joke, in a graveyard a laugh will carry out through the entire graveyard, so if a human laughs there cover will be blown!

Maybe a your the last human and are in the best hiding place but you cant reach the safe house without being infected. A decoy is always a good idea. take a sweat shirt over a tombstone and make a sound (maybe a laugh?).

Combing an area is also a good plan if at any point you cant find the last human. This is done by making a web of zombies 10 feet apart each and simply combing an area of the graveyard.

Grave sitting is similar to combing but the only difference is the zombies sit atop of tall tombstones 25 feet apart and keep watch for any type of movement.

Texting or using your cell phone as a means of communication is preferred for communicating from zombie to zombie or human to human because sound travels very well in a graveyard the quieter the better.

Variations:
Nerf gun special: To add a little pizazz to your article it is highly suggested that you arm your humans a Nerf gun for protection. To kill a zombie and therefore save yourself from being devoured you must his the zombie in the head with one of the pellets. The zombie is then immobile and "dead" for 2 minutes. Each player has 3 lives (one life is spent being turning into a zombie the other two are due to Nerf guns). when this happens the zombie is completely dead and cannot infect anyone until another game is played (he can be a whistle blower through)

Played correctly this game can be absolutely amazing!

-hgani

Top Ten Stupidest Pokemon.

2010-12-19T11:07:00.025-05:00

Pokemon was my childhood favorite, as it was for many other people. The variety to choose from within all the different Pokemon was staggering, and most were fairly cool looking. They all had their own types, movesets, stats, and abilities that made them unique from one another. For the most part, all of the Pokemon were, and still are, ascetically pleasing. The keyword in that sentence? MOST. NOT ALL. I'm here to count down the top 10 most unnecessary, and, quite frankly, idiotic Pokemon that Nintendo ever created. Keep in mind that I don't put anything that evolves into something else; Magikarp may suck, but Gyarados is kickass.

#10

Farfetch'd

I honestly don't understand why they had this. Most Pokemon that are terrible evolve into something that's slightly more reasonable: the Pokemon you trade in for Farfetch'd is Spearow, which sucks. However, if you raise it to a lousy level 20, it'll evolve into Fearow. Fearow is better than a Farfetch'd. Along with not having an evolution, Farfetch'd sports very horrible base stats for a one of a kind Pokemon. Even Mr. Mime, who I did consider putting on this list (he's a fucking MIME), has OK stats. Farfetch'd, admittedly, learns quite good STAB attacks such as Brave Bird and Air Slash, which is why he isn't #9 or below. Kudos to you, you pathetic, leek-twirling creature, you've made #10.

Pokemon like Farfetch'd: Mr. Mime (Traded a potentially better Pokemon for it.)

Lickilicky

Lickitung was a fairly bad Pokemon, but I decided to put its evolution, Lickilicky, up here instead. Why? Because Nintendo had 3 generations, or roughly 8 years, to make a substantially better evolution for Lickitung. Was Lickilicky a better evolution? NO. The fatter, much creepier looking evolution of Lickitung was still stuck with fairly average stats, insultingly average attacks, and average abilities, Oblivious and Own Tempo. The point of having a Pokemon, to me, was to get really excited when it learned a new, awesome attack. Would you begin to hyperventilate if your Lickilicky learned Slam, one of its best moves? Hopefully not.

Pokemon like Lickilicky: Probopass (Barely decent evolution of even worse Pokemon)

Grumpig

Why did they need this? It wasn't cool looking, NO ONE had it, and it had, yet again, very average base stats. However, this isn't the reason I put this on here. The actual reason is that it has VERY good attacks. It learns attacks like Zen Headbutt, Psycho Shock, Psychic, Psybeam, etc. Why is this a bad thing? Well, let me put it like this; if you were skipping rocks onto a lake, and your little brother, who can't skip rocks for shit, finds the BEST skipping rock in the ENTIRE world, would you want him to throw it? No: It would be a waste. Would you give exceptionally good attacks to a Pokemon with base stats of 45 (Attack) and 90 (Special Attack)? While 90 is admittedly alright, it isn't great. With psychic Pokemon like Espeon and Alakazam, who have outrageously high Special Attack, there is no reason to have a Grumpig in your party.

Pokemon like Grumpig: Girafarig (Who has them? Seriously)

Flygon

Before you get angry, hear me out. You've spent, maybe, 7 hours training your Trapinch into a Vibrava and your Vibrava into a Flygon. Getting to level 45 doesn't take 5 minutes. So, naturally, you should expect a fairly amazing Pokemon, right? Well, as was the case with Grumpig with Psychic-types, Flygon has fairly average stats for a Dragon-type Pokemon; Dragon-types normally have Attack around 120. Therefore, it would be a mistake to replace a pseudo-legendary like Salamence, Dragonite, Garchomp, etc, with a Pokemon like Flygon. Couple that with the fact that Vibrava is a HUGE bitch to train, getting Flygon just isn't worth your time.

Pokemon like Flygon: Altaria (WAY too much effort with little return)

Lunatone & Solrock

To me, these Pokemon were just fillers. There's nothing good about them, and the only reason they existed was for those fucking annoying twins Tate and other bitch to use. Also, one of Solrock's best attacks was Solarbeam. My issue with this is that not only does Solrock have an inexcusably low Special Attack stat, 55, but it isn't Grass-type. Lunatone was OK, but only because it actually had a decent Special Attack stat of 90, and learned good Psychic-type attacks. But, yet AGAIN, it isn't good enough to replace other Psychic-types.

Pokemon like Lunatone & Solrock: Luvdisc (Completely unnecessary and under-used)

Castform

Castform was an experiment gone wrong. It was supposed to make the weather conditions around the trainer effective during battle. So, Nintendo made a Pokemon that was directly affected by the weather, turning into either Ice, Water, or Fire-type. The issue was that they made Castform's stats the same in each category, 70. This meant that it was a piece of shit. Its moveset was horrible, either learning something as weak as Powder Snow, or something as ridiculous as Blizzard. But, hey, look at those jugs!

Pokemon like Castform: Kecleon (Sad attempt at originality)

Chimecho

I hate it. It has a good Special Attack stat, but if a fucking Pokemon pokes it, it's pretty much dead. The designers had the balls to give it a lot of physical attacks, even though it has a base-stat of 50 in Attack. And, to make it worse, something evolves into it. Chingling. It really, REALLY pisses me off when an extremely shitty Pokemon has a pre-evolution, because that means some poor idiot spent a long time training it into this thing. And what's worse, Chingling evolves from Happiness during night! That means that the Trainer has to put in a LONG time to evolve it! Into a fucking Chimecho! GUH!

Pokemon like Chimecho: Mantine (Too much effort into evolving baby Pokemon)

Delibird

I FUCKING HATE IT. It has HORRIBLE stats, it learns ONE fucking HORRIBLE move, and it's fucking SANTA. There's nothing conceivably good about Delibird. NOTHING. It isn't even a good HM whore! And yet, it's only the third worst.

Pokemon like Delibird: Smeargle (Only one, pretty crappy attack)

Lumineon

The creator of this must have been really fucking lazy when he made this Seaking wannabe. Nothing about this Pokemon is original. It's a fish with giant testicles. That's it. It learns extremely average attacks, it has very average stats, and it is, OF COURSE, an evolution of something. At least Delibird sported some amount of higher thinking. Not much, but some.

Pokemon like Lumineon: Beautifly and MANY more (Copying other, older Pokemon)

Dunsparce

Why? What is it? Who thought that ANYONE would want it? Dunsparce is horrible. Nothing about it makes sense. I understand that it was based off of some fucking mythical creature, but WHAT THE FUCK IS IT? I thought it was a legendary when I was a little kid, so I was really excited when I caught it. Then I used it. Turns out, it's just a rare, shitty, shitty, shitty, SHITTY Pokemon. It's a Normal-type, which means that it isn't good for anything, and it has a ridiculously horrible moveset! It's best attack is TAKE DOWN! It has the most average base-stats I've ever seen, and the creator of it knew it was SO bad, it was given the abilitity RUN AWAY. This means that it can run away from any wild Pokemon battle. It's so bad, it's been given a handicap like Run Away. God dammit, Dunsparce, I HATE you.

Pokemon like Dunsparce: NOTHING! IT SUCKS! (There's nothing to compare, no one made ANYTHING like it again)

-Mr. Santorini

The iPad 2, a Mini Tablet?

2010-12-17T15:07:00.005-05:00

A Note from the author: After the apparent success of my first Apple installment, I felt it was time to write my second installment of my Apple segment. I hope you guys like it

Answer to the Title

Short answer: No.
Long answer: No, but a lot of other interesting features are bound show up.

The iPad
Earlier this year Steve Jobs stepped to the podium in his classic black turtle neck and jeans and introduced something that would change everything: the iPad, a tablet, something that was not implemented well earlier. This would then spawn dozens of competitors that would point out the glaring flaws of the iPad. So, now, with a new iPad imminent, what will Apple do to silence the opposition and reassert its domination of the tablet market? Well, in order to understand what the iPad 2 will look like then we must first look at their glaring errors.

Lack of a camera
iPad competitors have had a field day with this, and personally this is the biggest mistake Steve Jobs made when he first came up with the iPad, but was it a mistake? Even though Steve Jobs says that Apple tries to make the best possible product they can, in reality this isn't so. They probably could have put a camera in the iPad but this wouldn't really make sense to a business: if it's the best product they can make, then what are they going to put in the next generation? It makes much more sense to dole out the upgrades in a way that puts them ahead of competition, while at the same time having enough features to upgrade the next generation and hence replenish sales.

Lack of Flash
More and more people are seeing their tablets and smartphones as full fledged computers, so it doesn't make sense to cripple the iPad by not allowing Flash content. Although Steve Jobs has a personally vendetta against everything Flash and says Flash will never be available on either the iPad or the iPhone, he must concede to markets eventually or risk being left behind in the tablet market.

Capacity.
As I said before, the iPad is seen by most as a computer, so, again, why would any computer have a max of 64 gigs? For some, that's not even enough to hold their music library, let along everything else!

Apple haters may see a dozen more problems with the iPad but for me, an Apple fan boy, these are the main problems that are facing the iPad. Hopefully, these problems will be addressed with the iPad 2, along with a few other miscellaneous improvements. Thanks to Apple's closed-lip policy, speculation about EVERY SINGLE APPLE PRODUCT EVER is frenzied, fanatic, and filled with mostly myths. So lets see if we can take a step back and look at the possible improvements with calm speculation.

Say Cheese
I believe its time to dole out the camera upgrade and I think every other iPad user agrees. Chances are that the iPad 2 will have both a rear and front facing camera. It will also be FaceTime enabled and allow for people to communicate through an ever expanding list of Apple products.

It's gonna get bigger.
As the title suggests, we are going to get a higher capacity iPad. The question is, why wouldn't Apple increase the volume? In fact, by having a higher capacity option, the 16 and 32 gig versions will almost surely be priced slightly lower. So everyone wins, people will have a cheaper iPad and higher capacity iPad, and Jobs can parade this around as giant accomplishments like he did with the arrival of the Beatles to iTunes.

It's still a really big iPod touch 4th gen
Apple enjoys spreading around a particularly successful innovation and spreading it across all of its products to make more uniform, simple, and innovative products. Retina display will probably be one of those innovations. Having been debuted with the tremendously successful iPhone 4 and now with the iPod Touch 4th generation, it only makes sense to bring it to the iPad 2.

Flash?
Although I truly hope Flash is brought to the iPad 2, the markets don't truly call for it... Yet. Apple still has millions of devote fans that will buy the iPad 2 to with or without Adobe Flash.

A Mini iPad?
Like the beginning of the article suggests, Apple won't shrink the screen size of the iPad. The screen size is just too valuable too shrink. Samsung's Galaxy Tablet has already been ridiculed for its smallness. Being deemed by some as a "Retard Tablet" because it's too big to be a phone, yet too small to be an effective tablet.

What does this all mean?
The iPad 2 (if its even going to be called that) will probably be a rather safe product refresh with a bunch of expected feature upgrades, but it still doesn't mean it's going to be any less awesome. :D

-hgani

Aggron. The shit is here.

2010-12-17T15:02:00.002-05:00

I really really loved this picture and felt it should be shared with the rest of the world... So, without further adieu....

-X-Nathan-X_4

A photo colage by Mista Santorini

2010-12-14T18:57:00.000-05:00

This angry black man goes by the name of Fat Cop. He is both a cop and an angry alcoholic. Expect to see a comic starring Fat Cop in the near future.

This is Pikachu's much less popular cousin Chikapoop. He is believed to have lived in Misty's basement.

chickapoop in his mid 20s

According to Mr. Santorini the entire series of Pokemon is a lie. In reality Pokemon is just the sick twisted fantasies of a Schyzophrenic man named Ashie K. and it turns out Pikachu was simply a crocodile skull Ashkie. K. found in his youth.

....

This is satnorini's rendition of what the main character of "Baby Shoes" may have looked like

Its a footbal player that is missing the lower half of his body, nuff said

Absence of Pokemon Government?

2010-12-13T20:41:00.086-05:00

This is my first post so I figured I would touch upon a more abstract subject: the absence of any form of government whatsoever in the Pokemon world. How are they controlled? Are they closed off to the surrounding countries? Are they socialistic, communist, or maybe democratic? Who are their major leaders? The only figures of constant authority appear to be gym leaders. Do they separately control each town, and who commands them? I feel like the Elite Four are the only remotely powerful figures along with the Pokemon champion. Yet, how do they enforce their laws and are there any laws to begin with? The police force is in shambles. With puny Growlithes on their side, they can be beaten by the average ten year old child wandering out after dark, who has some how been able to obtained a level 40 Charizard. Doesn't that pose as some sort of hazard - a ten year old with a large flaming beast? When the police are defeated, they don't call in any back up or put the perpetrators at gunpoint. They simple say, "Oh well, do illegal things. I cannot stop you." So I don't believe they help very much at all. Major political figures only seem to be the professors along with the gym leaders. Gym leaders are chosen by illegally pitting their captured creatures against one another...doesn't sound to be very trust worthy. However, the professors at least have some smarts but feel it's safe to send ten year old children to travel the world without parental guidance.

Lastly, terrorist groups run amok. Multiple teams (Rocket, Galactic, etc.) are attacking the world of Pokemon unopposed, considering the police are more occupied with ten year old children wandering after dark. These people have destroyed monuments, raided towns, and have plotted mass destruction. Yet, after being defeated in battle they run home in defeat. I don't think a simple loss would change their mind about world domination, but a long sit in jail may. But oh well, leave that to the ten year old, who also defeat the government. Lets just say many things are wrong with the Pokemon world. Some that may result in mass destruction, but who cares when they know the ten year old will come to their rescue! "Go level 100 World-destroying-Pokemon! defeat that Caterpie!"
- X-Nathan-X_4

I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 again today. I noticed some new things:

2010-12-12T14:56:00.002-05:00

The lighting and camera work at Grimould Place was noir-esque.
The only one who can really act is Rupert Grint.
The movie gets really slow sometimes.
The imagery is still freaking gorgeous.
The digital versions of Harry and Hermione looked like video game renders.
The Tale of the Three Brothers is the best sequence in a film in the last few years.
There are so many seasoned actors in these films. It’s like the Royal Shakespeare Company with wands.
I want Luna Lovegood to be my friend. She’s fun.
Wow, they left a lot out. Darn adaptations.

Cheerio,

Rots28

Baby Shoes: A Story of love, jealousy, and quadriplegics

2010-12-06T18:56:00.003-05:00

A note from the Author: This is one of my shorts stories that I've had for a long time. It was originally and English Essay but obviously devolved into something much worse. Although this uses I, I'm not in any way the character in this story. Any resemblance to anyone in real life is purely coincidental. I hope you enjoy the story :D

Baby Shoes

It’s Tuesday and I begin my day the same as I have for 9 out of 12 of my years. I awake, shower, dress, and then wage an internal battle with myself, this battle is to whether or not I wear a pair of grimy baby booties. If I wear them I face the ridicule of a misunderstanding school, if I don’t then I have to face the consequence of being starved and locked in a dusty closet until I agree to wear the booties. On some days it’s a more difficult choice than on other but today I decided to wear the baby shoes without visible complaint.

As I walk into the kitchen my dad shouts “Hey, retard (his pet name for me) you like to wear those little baby booties don’t you?” This was followed by a gale of laughter.

I looked at the floor and muttered “yes, sir.” All of a sudden my dad stopped laughing and got this crazy look in his eye.

“Don’t you mutter at me boy, you look straight at me and say ‘yes, sir” he then promptly spat in my cheerios. After I finished my cheerios I went to school for a day of torment.

It wasn’t always like this. Way back in my memory I remember my parents being upstanding citizens that paid their taxes and didn’t put out their cigarettes on me for fun. Back then it was normal for me to wear booties and my parents thought it was cute. Then there was the accident. 45 people were killed in a freak car accident but my parents survived in critical addiction. The only lasting effect was a morphine dependency which opened them up to meth. They would also sometimes sniff lines of this white powder (preferably somewhere on my body) this make them all crazy and angry. That’s when they would just lock me in the closet for fun.

My school day went the same as most, which was being tormented and tease for wearing baby booties. Yet this day was different. That day there was a new student in class, his name was Philip. Philip was probably one of the few people that were worse off than I was. He was a quadriplegic (missing his arms and legs)that also happened to be blind, deaf, and mute. The teacher said the cause for his current condition was because of a horrible pogo sticking accident. The teacher decided it would be fun to partner me with him for the science fair.

So, to get a head start on the project we decided to walk over to my house (I walked and sort of carried him). The project started to a good start although he didn’t really contribute all that much. Soon I began talking about to him about my life. He was so supportive and listened to everything I had to say without interrupting me and I could sense he didn’t think any less of me for what I had to say

Although this probably goes without saying me and Philip began a strictly sexual relationship. After school we would walk (I walk he took a ride in my backpack) to my house and begin our sexual relations. I would start off by sucking on one of his stumps for up to 15 minutes and then I would finish him off by licking his blind eyeball until we both reached orgasm. Then one day my dad caught me sucking his thump, got jealous, and killed Philip.

After that I stopped going to school, or talking, or eating. I spent all day just punching the wall. I either slept or punched the wall.

I am now 21 years old and my baby shoe days are long gone. My parents are still assholes and I will never ever forgive them.

- Hgani

Give ‘Em Spell: Review for “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1″

2010-12-04T19:29:00.010-05:00

Expectations when entering a theater showing an adaptation of a novel are either extremely high or extremely low. There is often doubt set in the mind of the pessimist, one of those “You can’t top the book” mindsets. The optimist has hopes that the filmmaker will include every minute detail from the novel, regardless of its impossibilities. And when the credits roll, more often than not, both people walk out of the theater with the same regard to the film. “The book was better.”

In the case of the Harry Potter films, the books have always been better. The screenwriters and producers have too often sacrificed character development and linear narrative for action and melodrama, making Potter fanatics furious everywhere. When Warner Brothers announced that the final book in JK Rowling’s fantastical series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, would be split in two, their audience was frothing at the mouth with pure rage and indignation. The reason, the producers said that splitting Deathly Hallows into two parts would enhance the film and allows for more detail, so that the narrative wouldn’t be as rushed and that the filmmakers could make it as faithful to the book as possible. Of course, fans refuted this claim, saying it was for money reasons.

As to whether or not the intention was to make it more faithful or to make more money, it doesn’t really matter in the end. We follow our hero after the sixth film and book, after Dumbledore has died, and the sense of foreboding and darkness is immediate. The first shots of the film are the trio, Harry, Ron, and Hermione (Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson), prepping for their journey to find the Horcruxes that contain pieces of Voldemort’s soul. Every ounce of emotion is put forth, and then we are tossed into the throng of the War Against Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes).

When we first experience the action, it’s during the Seven Potters scene, where members of the Order of the Phoenix transform briefly into Harry in order to act as decoys. It’s perhaps one of the most exciting scenes this year, not merely from the glitz of the special effects, but from the movement of the camera and the blood rushing music by Alexander Desplat. It’s loud and fun, as any Michael Bay film, but in its way, slightly more meaningful. Look at it; a troupe of people willing to risk their lives for the sake of the Greater Good, being led by a seventeen year old.

The film continues and is, by far, the darkest film of the series. It’s darker than Half-Blood Prince, which, for some reason, concentrated more on melodrama than character or story development. It’s nearly pitch black. But this is a good thing, considering that the heavy tome is filled with emotion and darkness throughout. The darkness does not overstay its welcome; rather it adds an interesting and suspenseful dimension to the film. From the moment it starts, the suspense never lets up, in a good way, and you can’t take your eyes off the screen. It’s action packed and makes your heart pound, but moving all the same.

While calling the film “Part 1”, the filmmakers did manage to put in a lot throughout the film without really sacrificing too much detail. It successfully went through the first three fifths of the book without stopping or hindering the immense pleasure one feels when watching a seemingly serialized film. The acting was top notch, which I am surprised to say. All three actors are blooming into delightful thespians upon the screen. Unlike the first few films where it seemed like the three were trying too hard and exerting too many facial muscles in each scene, the actors seemed more comfortable and it seemed like it was easier to show emotion rather than force it out. The senior actors, such as Helena Bonham Carter and Alan Rickman, exude their character’s traits with ease and flamboyance, Bonham Carter playing Bellatrix Lestrange and simply hissing at the camera with hate and causing a rush of fear within the viewer. Rickman plays his usual sardonic/deadpan lines well, as usual, but his role is underwritten.

This is, without a doubt, the best looking Harry Potter film. The cinematography is simply astounding; with some of the most gorgeous shots I’ve seen in a long time. The camera sometimes slowly creeps and pans from one angle to another, and at other times is frantic within a chase scene and heading towards characters, as if the actors will collide with the screen. One could easily create a photo book just from the beautiful shots from the film. Eduardo Serra, whose cinematography has been seen in such films as The Girl with the Pearl Earring and The Wings of the Dove, epitomizes perfection for such an emotionally complex film that adds action to the mix. I think the film may have been shot in high definition, for the picture was clearer and sharper than one I’ve seen in ages. It added more depth and feel to the film. I swear, the imagery was the best I’ve seen in a long time.

The visual effects have improved greatly since Chris Columbus had to use a computer animated Radcliffe during the troll scene in the bathroom. Now, things look more fantastical and realistic than ever. The serpent Nagini looks even more frightening as it lunges at the camera, both fangs so horrifying one jumps. Kreature and Dobby return to this film, Kreature first appearing in Order of the Phoenix. We haven’t seen Dobby since Chamber of Secrets in 2002. That’s nearly eight years, and there has been vast technical improvement since then. He looks more realistic, like a little midget who just so happens to be an actual elf. And because of this realism, he provides one of the most emotionally moving parts of the film.

Perhaps one the most important aspects of the film is the subject of what the Deathly Hallows are. For those of whom that haven’t read the seventh book, I say, “Are you waiting for an invitation?” Get with the program, people! This was newsworthy in 2007! Anyways, the Deathly Hallows were three objects that were created by Death to evade Death Himself and to grant power to three brothers who had met Him. It’s almost like a Grimm fairytale, with a lesson and wit violence and comeuppance. As to how they would have made this integral part of the book a legitimate part of the film, I was expecting a rather shoddy and sepia drowned flashback. I could not have imagined how fantastic this sequence was going to be. Blending traditional geometric shapes and shadow puppetry with 21^st century technology, the silhouetted sequence plays like a frightful dream, basked in deep monaural colors and deep shading. Not only did it perfectly illustrate the fairytale and convey the needed message of the fable to the audience, but it did it in an imaginary and brilliant fashion; a fantastic hybrid of two art forms from completely different eras. The short, called Tale of the Three Brothers was directed by Ben Hibon.

The only particularly problematic thing in the film is the introduction of new characters that should have appeared several films ago. Mundungus Fletcher (Andy Linden), the notorious thief and scoundrel, was introduced in the fifth novel but only appears in this film, and very briefly. There’s the new Minster of Magic, Rufus Scrimgeor (Bill Nighy), was brought on from the sixth novel and now only appears a few times in this film. This is more the fault of the writers from the past, who neglected bring in characters from the past.

This film is spellbinding because, amongst other reasons, it is so incredible; it can be set apart from the rest of them and be taken upon its own glorious merit. It has all the right ingredients and then some more. Moving, exciting, and gorgeously shot, this is the best Harry Potter film thus far. The dark and eerie feel, foreboding what will come next; will make you hungry for more. I cannot wait until Part 2 comes out. Director David Yates does a fantastic job, making one of the best films of the year.

Grade: A-

- Rots28

"Social" Butterfly: Review for "The Social Network"

2010-12-04T12:26:00.004-05:00

It’s interesting that in the last ten or so years, new verbs have popped up and become a legitimate part of the English vernacular. “Google” is a verb. “Text” as well as “sext” has entered our vocabulary. There’s “e-mail” and even “tweet” for Twitter. And probably most recently and with one of the biggest windstorms is “friend”. This means “to add as an acquaintance after you’ve met once, on a social networking website”. This is all thanks to the complex, conniving, and incredibly narcissistic Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO and co-founder of Facebook. Anyone reading this review probably has a good idea of what Facebook is, even if they aren’t a member. So, David Fincher, the spectacular director of layered and extraordinary films like Fight Club, Se7en, Zodiac, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button has assembled one of the best films I have seen in years. It is an incredible commentary on society, obsession, narcissism, plagiarism, larceny, and the idea of the wunderkind, the young billionaire.

Mark Zuckerberg is played with gusto by Jesse Eisenberg. We first see him at Harvard in late 2003 basking in self-love on a date, and it is his hyper intelligence and fast talking lack of humbleness that gets him dumped. He vents by blogging about the poor young woman and then creating a special website called “FaceMash”, which allows people on the Harvard campus to compare women by “hotness”. This is before Facebook was even invented. As he hacks into the Harvard system, he attains a whopping 22,000 hits on “FaceMash”, crashing Harvard’s seemingly safe network.

The film then jumps to what we can assume is present time, where Zuckerberg is in the middle of two court depositions for “stealing intellectual property” by the Winklevoss twins (Armie Hammer) and by his ex-best friend Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield). Fincher uses the jumping back and forth between depositions as a method of plot narrative, blending storyline and dialogue within the story with the testimony that Mark, Eduardo, and the Winklevosses give. This is similar to what he did in the nursing home in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but done a bit cleaner and more consistently. However, like most films that choose to have someone tell the story or have something going on to tell the story, midway through it gets caught up in itself and loses that part. But it comes back in the pivotal end. A good example of how one balances polot narrative and actual storyline is in Christopher Nolan’s physcholoigical thriller Memento. Nolan balances the narrative out in pleasant and concise flashbacks between the main character’s memory and what seems like present time.

As the story progresses, the evidence unravels, leaving the audience to decide what the verdict should be. The basic question being that, while the Winklevosses have sued Mark for stealing the idea of “The Facebook”, is it true? There was no coding that was copied, but does exact coding matter? If Mark had a, shall we say, more likable personality, then perhaps we would jump on his side. But, for better or worse, Zuckerberg is so infatuated with himself; it seems that he is in the wrong. ‘

Fincher, who normally has created a very stylized kind of film with glorious cinematography and quaking visuals, has stepped away from letting the camera take place of the story. He lets the film become very character centric, letting every character- tell their side of the story without distracting the audience with annoying and visually cumbersome movements.

Aaron Sorkin, who used the supposed exposé The Accidental Billionaires by Ben Mezrich as his foundation for the screenplay, presents a witty, dark, funny, and incredible screenplay that is as fast talking and non-stop amazing as any dialogue Quentin Tarantino has ever written. He particularly is adept at writing the lines for Mark’s character, who suffers from what I like to call “motor mouth”, which is about self explanatory.

The interesting thing about Eisenberg’s character and portrayal is how changed Eisenberg has become. Eisenberg usually plays the gawky and wallflowery nice guy we’ve come to love in Adventureland and Zombieland. But here, his cute face and adorable curls give way to a sulking, egomaniacal character, whose sullen facial expressions as lawyers go over the evidence in his case completely sway us in how we perceive him as a person. It’s very fascinating: Eisenberg is usually very charming looking, but he descends into a pale and gaunt ghost of a man. Zuckerberg is a not someone I would like to meet. He is so narcissistic that whenever someone asks him a question he doesn’t feel like answering, he circumnavigates trying to confuse and condescend the questioner. He speaks at nearly 100 miles per minute, and uses his hyper intelligence to belittle everyone around him.

The film then becomes the central idea and fable of obsession and how it eats us. After being approached by the Winklevosses, Zuckerberg becomes completely obsessed with the idea of “The Facebook”, spending every waking hour writing thousands and thousands of lines of code. He becomes consumed by this idea, and once Facebook gets off the ground, he becomes consumed with making it as viral as possible. Another interesting thing is that he doesn’t really care about money. Rarely do we see a wunderkind that isn’t obsessed with greed. He seems to be more obsessed with the idea of viral identity; making known to everyone who he is and what he has done.

Zuckerberg is so conniving and so egotistical; he doesn’t even realize how conniving and egotistical he actually is. That’s his weakness. That’s why he only has one friend. The tagline of the film is very revealing: You don’t get to 500 million friends without making a few enemies. But they aren’t friends. Just as we can hardly say that the 500 or more people we “know” on Facebook are actually friends. Zuckerberg redefined the word, and not in a particularly good way. He wants to expand it so everyone can be part of this huge hurricane of technology. And I haven’t even begun to talk about Sean Parker.

Sean Parker was the founder of the music file sharing website Napster, a predecessor to iTunes and even LimeWire. He approaches Mark with a business deal, and he wins him over the moment he struts into the restaurant. Parker, played with perfect pizazz and malevolent charm by Justin Timberlake, seems less of a serious entrepreneur and much more of a player, juvenile party boy. If Zuckerberg were a jerk Adam, then Parker was the snake in the Garden of Eden.

The incorporation of the evolution of how many of the features and terms that we use today are done fantastically and often very humorously. Eduardo breaks up with his girlfriend (Brenda Song, yes, from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody) only after she noticed his relationship status as “single”. “Writing on the wall” takes on a new meaning and Parker comes up with the idea for the Facebook Wall.

After Parker nabs Zuckerberg and allows him to betray Eduardo, their life becomes…less than exemplary. Never has the life of being a wunderkind, an unusually young and unusually successful person, been so unappealing. People getting stoned and drunk at their house in California, going to annoyingly loud night clubs, etc. It seems incredibly bad.

Fun part of the film: during the end credits, the Beatles’ song “Baby, You’re a Rich Man” plays, noting that, as McCartney and Lennon intended, it’s obvious that you’re rich. Here’s no need to point it out further. Zuckerberg flaunts his IQ and his Facebook around like a new sports car.

Entertainment Weekly called Mark Zuckerberg the new anti-hero. But is he really? Don’t we have to root for an anti-hero, like, say, Roxie Hart in Chicago, John Dillinger in Public Enemies, or the titular characters in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid? Even though they did bad things, we still want them to win in the end. But Zuckerberg is so unlikable; he makes it almost impossible to like him. Garfield’s Eduardo on the other hand is much more sympathetic, as we see him get screwed over time after time. The film is sure to get Academy Award nominations for Best Picture, Sorkin’s great writing, and Fincher’s masterful direction. But with the social commentary on obsession, trends, and society’s egomaniacal tendencies, Aaron Sorkin and David Fincher present one of the most landmark films to ever make a statement about tech obsessed, egomaniacal, narcissistic, lack-of-attention-span, multitasking society, while Eisenberg gives a portrayal worthy of a Best Actor nomination and the title of one of the most interesting, complex, layered villains in recent cinematic memory.

Grade: A

- rots 28

So what's up with apple?

2010-12-03T20:31:00.001-05:00

A note from the author:

Iconic Rainbow symbol for apple 1977-1995

I figure doing a segment on Apple could be helpful for some people. Plus, in blogging 101 they say you should write what you know, and apple is something I know a lot about. So lets see how it goes. I hope y'all like it.
P.S. I know this may seem trivial or unnecessary because who DOESN'T know about Apple but I figure it would be best to just do introductory article to make absolutely sure everyone is on the same page.

Apple - a multi-billion dollar company that somehow has been able to capture the hearts of souls of thousands. How does it do it? Why does it do it? And are there products really that good? Well, I will try to answer all of these questions and then some within this article and hopefully in articles to come.

A Brief History of Apple
You see, Apple started effectively on April 1st, 1977 with co-founders Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak with the introduction of the Apple I, An "OK" machine at the time of its creation. Yet things didn't really start until the introduction of the Apple II, the computer that began the idea that computers should be available to the people (and was successful at it). In 1985 internal disputes led to Steve Jobs being ousted from Apple. A period of rocky sales and not so great management until Steve Jobs came back to Apple in 1996 with a new philosophy in hand. His philosophy would reform Apple into the company we see today. The philosophy was a focus on simple, aesthetically pleasing design and a new focus on quality. This would soon spawn a road of successful products. The Apple products which would soon follow include the original iMac, Mac OS X, iPod, a revitalized Mac product line, iPhone, and now the iPad.

A Look at Apple's Main Product Lines
The iPod, this amazing little music player has revolutionized the mp3 player and continues to dominate the market. I mean seriously, what's its competition, the Zune? Currently, Steve has decided to keep about to have four models of iPods for different types of consumers. The iPod shuffle for the less fortunate, the iPod Nano, for a mid range consumer, to fit between the shuffle and the touch (The most current Nano has touch technology but only by dropping certain features like a camera an video playback.), the iPod Touch the "Tour de Force" of iPods. The philosophy of this product is to be everything like iPhone without a phone, and is typically marketed towards the teenage population. The iPod Classic is the fourth iPod model and is for that one true music lover we all know that has around 30,000 songs. I would discourage buying the classic for I have a feelings the classic will be dropped in favor of higher capacity iPod touches.

The iPhone. Lets just get this out of the way before I begin, I LOVE the iPhone. Apple has done something that Nokia would kill to have been able to do: show up on the smart phone scene and completely revolutionize the product. Introduced in 2007, the iPhone was the smartphone of all smartphones. With its multi-touch format, vibrant app environment, and a powerful operating system to boot. In the past three years the iPhone has been an ever increasing force in the smartphone market and has spawned powerful competitors such as Google's Android.

Mac. It started with computers and it makes sense that the Mac line would (in my opinion) be the cornerstone of Apple, with four models to complement the Mac name. The Macbook being the first in the line, and like the shuffle is the budget Mac. Although, when further researched, is almost a confusing marketing pitch. The MacBook Air the super light-weight, stylish side of the Mac, which starts at the same price as the supposedly "budget" Mac. I put that in air quotes because the MacBook beats the Air in specs in almost every aspect but its simply not as sexy looking as the Air. The MacBook will probably be discontinued or updated at a lower price sometime in the next year. It will probably make sense as time goes on. Now, for the creme of the crop, the MacBook Pro, with its powerful processor, graphics, and uni-body design is a sleek powerful choice for anyone interested in buying a laptop.

The iPad, the newest edition to the Apple fraternity, is a tablet with a similar layout to that of an iPod touch or iPhone. This is credited with creating the tablet market and plenty of competitors. Most notably being the Samsung galaxy tab, Blackberry PlayBook, and the Cisco Cius. Although some critic the iPad for being a bloated iPad touch without a camera, it is much more than that. It is a powerful device that allows you to do thing that you would not, or probably should not do on the much smaller screen of the iPhone and iPod touch.

Apple TV: Apple TV is a...you know what, who cares about Apple TV?

Good Stuff or Just Over Hyped?
The short answer is a little bit of both. Apple employee's smart marketing schemes help to provide a score of devoted fans or fan boys (I am one of them), yet at the same time Apple has almost a fanatical obsession with aesthetics and quality. Although some say lacking in features, all of the Apple products are undeniably strong pieces of technology that will hold its ground on whatever field Apple decides to go into for years to come.

- hgani

Review - Fallout: New Vegas

2010-12-02T15:29:00.039-05:00

A note from the Author:

Yes I know this game is a month old and I should be reviewing something more recent such as Black Ops or Brotherhood but I have yet to buy Brotherhood and I would prefer to play more Black Ops before writing a review.

Game's Score

Graphics: 8/10

Gameplay: 7/10

Sound: 8/10
Is it worth buying: Worth the 60$ price tag.

When I first played New Vegas it felt like I was playing the same old Fallout 3 again. The graphics appear to be an updated version of those of Fallout 3, which in no way was a bad thing. You start off as a courier for the Mojave Express, the postal service of the Wasteland. Your mission: delivering a platinum poker chip to New Vegas. You're then attacked by Benny, a casino chairman on the Vegas Strip, who takes the platinum chip and shoots you in the head. Then the real gameplay begins. You awake in Doctor Mitchell's house where the standard character creation occurs. You choose your appearance as well as your base stats. You then proceed to go outside and meet Victor, the RobCo securitron robot who is the one who took you to Doctor Mitchell upon finding your body. Your main goal is to find out information about the man who shot you, which leads you to the town of Primm, and then into New Vegas.

The three main factions in the game are The NCR (New California Republic). The next faction, which is at war with the NCR, are Ceasar's Legion. These two factions are fighting for control over the Hoover Dam. The Final major faction is Mr. House and his army of securitron robots. His main goal is complete control over the New Vegas strip, which he already has, but feels threatened by the presence of the NCR and Legion. The Brotherhood of Steel also returns living in secrecy after being run out by the NCR. Some other minor factions are the Boomers who have taken control of an air force base and remain isolated from the rest of the Wastes. There are also the Kings who live in Freeside, who are a gang of Elvis impersonators.

One of the important things in the game that cannot be forgotten is the gambling. It's an easy way to make a large amount of caps in the game and is also very realistic. Each casino has its own chips that the player can exchange for either standard caps or currency which can be used for the NCR and Legion. Some games involving gambling make themselves almost pointless to play by making very low max bets in an effort to combat the fact that some players enjoy saving their games, betting high, and then loading back up if when they lose. Instead of taking that excitement out of the game, when you can put a lot of caps on the line, the casinos have a limit on the amount the player can win, which is around ten thousand caps per casino. Once that limit is reached the player can no longer gamble at that casino. There is also a one minute wait time to use any of the tables or slot machines to prevent saving and loading if one loses.

Overall I would say that this game was worth the sixty dollars. Its graphics were appealing and the gameplay was on par with that of other games in the Fallout series. Aside from some minor glitches, which future patches will likely remove, this game is definitely worth it and will keep you entertained throughout the story.

- Paka

The Legend of Shucka: Chapter One

2010-12-01T18:25:00.014-05:00

An artists rendition of what Shucka Shucka may have look like.

Note by the Author

Hello everyone! So I’ve been thinking about what I should do with this blog attempt and me and my buddies have agreed it should more simple than whatever the fuck we were talking about in our first article. Its gonna be 50% funny (or what we think funny is) and 50% actual stuff and in the future its not gonna be so split but for today it is. Be warned, this story is not politically correct, or morally clean, but anywho I hope you enjoy my story

Chapter One: In The Beginning There Was One

There I was, a normal school day, except for the fact my friend was currently summoning an ancient creature, known in some cultures as Shucka Shucka. Although I didn’t know this at the time, Shucka Shucka was far more evil than I could have ever have imagined. But let me back up a little, I guess this all began in 1756.

He is called many things Lucifer, Sugar Daddy, "The Green Popsicle", and of course, Shucka Shucka. Although exactly what he was was never figured out, he was one hell-of-a bad ass. He was known for stumbling around an area in Africa the locals called *click* *click*,or however Africans talk, every 50 years or so. Whenever he would come across a village he would do three things. The first thing he would do was systematically eat an ear off one village baby, not any other part of the body, just the ear. The second thing he would do is spit in everyone’s oatmeal, yes, they had oatmeal in ancient Africa. He would then impregnate one virgin in the village for the final step. Then he left without a trace and by morning everything was set. When the villagers woke the only mark Shucka Shucka left was the one eared baby.

How does this fits in with the first sentence? How did my friend summon Shucka Shucka? You'll just have to wait for Chapter Two.

- hgani

What We're All About

2010-11-30T18:10:00.004-05:00

So, you're probably wondering what in God's name is this blog all about. Some vague topic only a few people on the Earth know about?, maybe gingers?, or maybe a bunch of fools making a blog? Well, in actuality our purpose is simple. We view everything as pieces to one big puzzle, our job is to put all the pieces together and create something that makes sense, but through the eyes of a teenager. Why the last part? You see, it all began while we were talking in class about how dull and boring everything the teacher was saying was, even when the topic was genuinely interesting. Later that day it struck me like the slap from an offended woman, why not create a blog about it? We figure it is more interesting than reading a dry article about whether or not Obama likes Provolone cheese or Amer'can cheese. I mean c'mon, who would enjoy reading that? We write about anything which seems important to share with the public. This can range from politics and social issues to our version of comedy. And furthermore, things that will blow your mind. Our Blog is by teens for teens. We write about anything which seems important to get out to the public. Our perspectives will be simple enough to be digested, profound enough to be taken seriously, and in the end, funny enough to actually be enjoyable.

- hgani & Ynmiz