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Women Prefer Prestige Over Dominance In Mates

2012-02-20T17:21:00.001-08:00

A new study in the journal Personal Relationships reveals that women prefer mates who are recognized by their peers for their skills, abilities, and achievements, while not preferring men who use coercive tactics to subordinate their rivals. Indeed, women found dominance strategies of the latter type to be attractive primarily when men used them in the context of male-male athletic competitions.
Jeffrey K. Snyder, Lee A. Kirkpatrick, and H. Clark Barrett conducted three studies with college women at two U.S. universities. Participants evaluated hypothetical potential mates described in written vignettes. The studies were designed to examine the respective effects of men’s dominance and prestige on women’s assessments of men.
Women are sensitive to the context in which men display domineering behaviors when they evaluate men as potential mates. For example, the traits and behaviors that women found attractive in athletic competitions were unattractive to women when men displayed the same traits and behaviors in interpersonal contexts. Notably, when considering prospective partners for long-term relationships, women’s preferences for dominance decrease, and their preferences for prestige increase.
“These findings directly contradict the dating advice of some pop psychologists who advise men to be aggressive in their social interactions. Women most likely avoid dominant men as long-term romantic partners because a dominant man may also be domineering in the household.” the authors conclude.

Men Behaving Nicely: Selfless Acts by Men Increase When Attractive Women Are Nearby

2012-02-20T17:19:00.000-08:00

Men put on their best behaviour when attractive ladies are close by. When the scenario is reversed however, the behaviour of women remains the same. These findings were published February 2, 2012, in the British Psychological Society's British Journal of Psychology via the Wiley Online Library.
The research, which also found that the number of kind and selfless acts by men corresponded to the attractiveness of ladies, was undertaken by Dr Wendy Iredale of Sheffield Hallam University and Mark Van Vugt of the VU University in Amsterdam and the University of Oxford.
Two experiments were undertaken. For the first, 65 men and 65 women, all of an average age of 21, anonymously played a cooperation game where they could donate money via a computer program to a group fund. Donations were selfless acts, as all other players would benefit from the fund, whilst the donor wouldn't necessarily receive anything in return.
Players did not know who they were playing with. They were observed by either someone of the same sex or opposite sex -- two physically attractive volunteers, one man and one woman. Men were found to do significantly more good deeds when observed by the opposite sex. Whilst the number of good deeds made by women didn't change, regardless of who observed.
For the second experiment, groups of males were formed. Males were asked to make a number of public donations. These increased when observed by an attractive female, where they were found to actively compete with one another. When observed by another male, however, donations didn't increase.
Dr Iredale said: "The research shows that good deeds among men increase when presented with an opportunity to copulate. Theoretically, this suggests that a good deed is the human equivalent of the peacock's tail. Practically, this research shows how societies can encourage selfless acts."

Financial Tips For Unmarried Young Couples

2012-01-25T08:47:00.001-08:00

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New York - For young adults, living together involves more than cross-eyed passion and deciding who takes out the garbage.
There are financial considerations, even for a couple kept in cheese and crackers by graduate fellowships or just beginning a career.
Seven financial tips for shacked-up young adults
"I encourage newer couples to draft a domestic-partner agreement that spells things out," says Sheryl Garrett, a certified financial planner and co-author of Money Without Matrimony: The Unmarried Couple's Guide To Financial Security. "Both parties should keep a copy. If the relationship ends, the agreement can be enforced by going to small-claims court or a higher court if large amounts of money are involved."
The U.S. Census Bureau reports that the number of unmarried couples living together increased 72% between 1990 and 2000, underscoring the need for an unknotted pair to get the financial basics right. Unmarried couples now make up about 5.5 million U.S. households. That's 11 million people or about 5% of the nation's population.
If your partner doesn't see the need for financial planning, try this: Estimate what you spend weekly on groceries, utilities and other household expenses. Multiply by 52 and toss in the rent. That's real money, even when divided by two. A little planning now can avoid arguments later.
Keep the domestic-partner agreement simple, because too many clauses and footnotes will kill the spark in the relationship. The pact should state that personal property brought into the relationship remains that person's property if the relationship ends.
You can update or completely rewrite the domestic-partner agreement any time you see fit. Just tear up the old copy and start fresh. Both your and your partner should sign and date the new agreement.
If one partner has begun a career while the other remains in school, it's still best to split household expenses 50-50. But if that's not possible, state in the agreement that the person with the job will contribute a greater amount to rent and household expenses with the expectation of being reimbursed in the future through catch-up payments or a lump sum payment. Keep a record of all contributions to the household account and make sure the other partner agrees.
Prepare for the worst. While you are committed to each other at an early stage in your life, things change and you may not be together forever. In the domestic-partner agreement, state that you will be civil if the relationship ends and split expenses equitably. You might consider including a paragraph that states that you'll go to a mediator and split the cost 50-50 if you can't reach an agreement on your own.
If you live in a dream apartment, make it clear in the agreement who has the right of first refusal if the relationship ends. You might consider a paragraph spelling out how you'll handle relocation for the former partner who will leave the apartment. It could include first and last month's rent on a new apartment and a portion of moving expenses. It's up to you, but put it in writing to avoid the possibility of future acrimony.
If you have children together or accumulate significant assets or debts jointly, it's time to get an attorney involved after you've penciled out what you want. At this point, the relationship is no longer simple and it's important for both partners to understand their rights and responsibilities under the law.
Many young couples choose not to get married for personal, financial or family reasons, believing it will simplify their lives. But they don't have the legal protections that cover their married counterparts. Garrett says there are about 1,140 federal laws that apply to married folks but not to unmarried couples. Then comes state law establishing community property and inheritance.
Sometimes living together is a trial marriage, especially among young couples. Some researchers say 53% of women's first marriages are preceded by co-habitation.
"Most of us have been in a committed relationship when we were young, but often it wasn't with the person we married," Garrett says.
If you're about to embark on your first live-in relationship, keep the finances simple. In addition to splitting the rent 50-50, each partner should kick in another $250 or so a month to cover household expenses such as utilities, groceries as well as basic phone and Internet service. It might be wise to set up a joint checking account for household expenses. Establish it as joint tenants in common so if one of you dies, that person's share goes to family rather than your roommate. If you later split, divide the money in the joint checking account 50-50 after paying all final expenses. For basic information on joint checking accounts, go to the Web sites of major banks, including Wells Fargo (nyse: WFC - news - people ), Bank of America (nyse: BAC - news - people ) or JPMorgan Chase (nyse: JPM - news - people ).
But at this stage in your life, keep all credit, savings, brokerage and retirement accounts separate. There is simply no need to merge such accounts at this point.
Don't buy a car together. If one of you gets sued after an accident, both could be on the hook if the car is jointly owned. Keep auto insurance separate, too, but check on coverage if you partner occasionally drives your car.
"Sometimes, vehicles last longer than relationships," says Garrett, who wrote the book with Debra A. Neiman.
Personal expenses such as the health club, golf, tennis lessons, cell phone, CDs, overseas phone calls and, obviously, clothes should be the sole responsibility of the individual who incurs them. Make that clear in your agreement. Going out to dinner and a movie is a snap: Take turns going Dutch.
It's OK to buy small kitchen items and household goods jointly, but larger items, such as artwork, large-screen TVs or antiques should be clearly marked. Include a paragraph in the domestic-partner agreement stating who bought what and who will retain it if the relationship ends.
Breaking off a relationship is never easy and you don't want to destroy the fond memories by bickering over money and household goods. A clear, concise agreement will help avoid arguments if the relationship ends.

The Six Key Steps to Healthy Finances in Your Relationship

2012-01-25T08:45:00.001-08:00

If you’ve ever been in a relationship for very long, especially if you were married or living together, I can almost guarantee that you’ve had a money fight.
One of the biggest causes of problems in relationships is differences in values and goals and habits when it comes to money, and especially communication about money issues.
Money can’t buy you love, but it sure can tear it apart.
And while I can’t claim that my wife and I are perfect when it comes to money and relationships, I can say that we’ve come a long way, and we rarely ever have money disagreements anymore. It wasn’t always that way, and we’ve had our share of fights along the way, but we’re in a much more solid relationship these days because we learned how to talk about money, and how to align our financial goals.
That’s the crux of this post, in two simple steps: learn how to talk about money, and learn to align your financial goals. If you can do those two things, you’ve done more than most couples, and you’ve done a lot to keep your relationship on solid ground.

Sit down and talk about financial goals and values. Many couples often neglect this step, even if it seems obvious and common-sensical. But because talking about finances can be uncomfortable, they leave these important things unsaid, and often don’t even think about it individually. They have goals and values when it comes to money, but they’re not examined. That’s a mistake, as one person might want to be frugal in order to save for future goals, while the other might like to spend and enjoy things now, while the getting is good. The differences often come from different upbringings, and they can be emotionally charged (see next step for more on this). It doesn’t have to be difficult, though. Just tell your partner you’d like to sit down and have a talk about the future — what your goals are and how you can work together, as a team, to achieve them. In the beginning, just start spitting out different things each of you wants — a house, kids, college education for the kids, a healthy emergency fund, nice cars, travel each year, nice clothes, gadgets and computers, etc. Then start to prioritize, and see if you can come up with things in common. If you want different things, it is important that you talk about why, and consider the other person’s desires. If that’s what makes the other person happy, you should want to make them happy — that’s the basis of a good relationship. But relationships aren’t one-sided, either, so you should be able to be happy too. The point is that both sides should be considered, and you should look for a win-win solution or compromise so that you can both be happy. It might take a few meetings to get to actual written goals, with a timeframe for each, but that’s where you want to be eventually.
Remove emotions from financial talk. From your first meetings about financial goals to your subsequent weekly talks (see Step 5), it’s important that the two of you stay calm, don’t get hurt or angry over any of the issues, and try to look at these issues objectively. Often financial issues are tied up in all kinds of emotional issues, stemming from childhood, from issues of security to feeling like your way is better to feeling hurt if your way of spending is criticized in any way, and much more. These emotional issues are all tangled together with financial issues, and it’s important that you untangle them and just deal with financial goals and habits. First, don’t use emotional, accusatory, or inflammatory language. Don’t blame the other person or even be negatively critical. Simply talk about your financial goals, developing a plan for getting to those goals, developing a system for dealing with finances, and so forth. Also try not to feel like you’re under attack if the other person talks about your goals or habits — let this be an open discussion, and if you feel under attack, stop and take a breath and remember that this isn’t a discussion about you personally but about how the two of you are going to meet your goals. Again, think of this as a team effort, not as a you-vs-me effort.
Come up with a plan to meet your goals. Once you’re able to come up with common financial goals (a huge step — celebrate!), you need a plan to get you there. This will take into account your joint income, your debt, your savings, how much you can put towards debt and/or saving each month, whether you want to cut back on certain things in order to meet your savings goals, how long you want to give yourself to meet financial goals, and so forth. Start by having a definite timeframe for each goal, and then figure out how much you need to save (or pay towards debt) each month to get to your goals. Create a spending plan (if you haven’t yet) for each month, and see if you can adjust it to meet that monthly goal. You might need to cut back on some things, or earn extra income, or both. Or you might discover that your goals aren’t realistic and you need to cut back on them, reprioritize, or push them back a bit in order to meet them. This plan to meet your goals is how you will align your daily and monthly spending with your long-term goals. It’s also a great way to resolve minor short-term disputes — you should definitely buy fewer shoes, and I should buy fewer video games, so we can buy that house in three years and travel to Europe in two years.
Develop a system for finances that works for both of you. In order to put your financial plan into action, you’ll need to figure out how you’re going to pay your bills, pay debt, deposit into savings, have money for various spending needs (like gas and groceries and eating out), and so forth. Someone will have to take responsibility for each part of the system (it’s better if you’re both involved, but you should find what works best for you as a couple). One person might go to the bank while the other updates your financial program (like Quicken or Money) or your checking register to make sure you’re in balance, for example.
Have weekly financial meetings. This is very important, and it’s a step that many couples overlook. Just because you have common financial goals and a plan and a system doesn’t mean that everything is fine. If one person takes responsibility for the finances, for example, and the other is out of the loop, then there will likely be problems down the road. I’ve known several couples like this — one partner took care of the finances and the other was blissfully ignorant … until it was revealed that they were way behind on payments and would soon have to file for bankruptcy. That wasn’t a good time in their relationship. To prevent problems like this, have a weekly meeting where you sit down and talk about finances. You can review your accounts, your spending plan, what is coming up in the next few weeks that you’ll need to budget for, any problem areas, what to do with your annual bonus, where you are with your goals, and so forth. Make sure you’re both caught up on everything, and that you’re working well as a team.
Above all, stay positive and be honest. Remember: you’re a team. You have the same goals and you want each other to be happy. Team members can help each other out and encourage each other, or they can rip the team apart by being negative, by blaming, by working against common goals. If you always stay positive, you’ll succeed as a team. Be encouraging, stay focused on solutions not blame, and make sure love is the foundation of everything you do.