But the most powerful stories in our lives are the ones we create, the ones that are so ingrained in us that we aren’t even aware that they are there. These are the stories of who we are, what we are worth, what we are capable of and what we are not.

There is one story in particular that is the root of all of the other stories we create to support it.  It is also a lie that keeps us chasing the carrot.

That lie is that the source of love is “out there”.

This story is so deeply rooted that it drives everything we do in our lives.  We search for relationships and a happily ever after because we want love.  We try to please everyone so they continue to love us.  We strive for success so we can prove we are good enough and worthy of love.

Even the story of who we are was created by us so that we could be accepted by others. We look to magazines, tv shows, celebrities and others to gage what is acceptable and lovable, and we try to mold ourselves to fit that standard.

These stories become masks that we wear so others will accept us. No one can see ‘you’ beyond the story, and pretty soon, you put enough faith into the story that you even forget who you really are.

So how did we come to adopt this story?

Reward and Punishment.

Let’s use a puppy as an example. When you first get a puppy, as cute as they can be, no one wants them peeing and pooping all over the house, or eating their shoes! (I have lost a shoe or two before to a new pup)

So in order to train the puppy, we use reward and punishment.

We set put the newspaper down, and try to have the puppy do it’s business on the newspaper. When it does, we reward them, “Good Girl!!”, and we give them a doggie biscuit.  When they pee on the floor or eat our shoes, we punish them, “Bad Girl!!! NO Biscuit for YOU!”

Eventually to pup gets trained, and we get to keep our shoes safe and floors clean and enjoy our puppy.

Similarly, as children we are also trained.

When I was young, when I did something good, I got an “At-a-Girl!” or I got the attention that I wanted.

When I did something that wasn’t “good”, I got punished. That could mean that I was grounded, hit, or worst of all – ignored. It hurt more than anything else when I was shut out completely, their love was taken away, because I was “bad”. It didn’t matter if they were just in a bad mood, I took it personally and thought that there was something inherently wrong with me.

I wanted the carrot of attention and love, and wanted to desperately AVOID the punishment. So, I started to become something I was not, so I could get more rewards and less punishment.

I created an image of myself (a mask) that I thought people would love, and when it failed for one person, I created a different mask. Pretty soon, I had so many masks, I couldn’t keep track! It took alot of energy to keep up with all the different stories of me I had created. Being me was exhausting!

Later in life, after many failed relationships, and hitting walls in every area of my life and frankly, being miserable with who I was, I began to look inside.

What I found was that who I was was based on lies.  Lies that I created and agreed to.  No one ever told me that I was not lovable or good enough (in so many words), but I made the agreement with myself based on how other people reacted (which really had nothing to do with me).

Because I had been trained to earn love and attention by being good, I created a story about what being good or lovable looked like, and then projected an image of me that I pretended to be.

Now, this was not my parents fault, because they did their best based on what they knew and how they grew up… and so on and so on. But once I saw the story I created and how that created the suffering in my life, I knew I wanted to find the me beyond the stories and masks.

After peeling back all the layers of stories, beliefs and fears (all the things that formed the story of who I was), one thing remained – Love.

What I found was that all along, I was the source of love. Any relationship or happy experience I had only awakened the love that was already inside of me.  So the truth was that no one could give me love and acceptance but me.  No one could give me happiness either.

Happiness was a choice once I knew I was writing the story.  

As long as we believe the story we created, that love and happiness is somewhere, out there, then we will always be searching fruitlessly. But when we move beyond the stories, and allow who we truly are to shine through then we will always have love and happiness, because love is what we are. Then there are no more carrots to chase, because you were the source all along.

Now that is a true love story.

Christine Vida is a Transformational Life Coach who helps women create the relationships, career and life they love by addressing the stories, beliefs and fears that keep them from stepping into their power and seeing the limitless possibilities life has to offer. www.christinevida.com

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The following article first appeared on Girls Guide to Swagger and is posted here with permission by author Cynthia Brown.

On the heels of One Billion Rising, celebrated on the 15th anniversary of V-Day, as one billion women and those who love them rose worldwide to bring awareness to the issues surrounding violence against women, I have been thinking about interpersonal violence in our own country. There appears to be a distinct disconnect between the message we want to send to girls and young women-that they can love and respect themselves and acknowledge that they have needs of their own that come first-and the message they are receiving-that they should look or behave a certain way in order to receive love and acceptance.

So why aren’t girls and women getting the message that they are fine just the way they are? Perhaps those of us trying to send this message are getting drowned out by the sheer volume of socially constructed messages bombarding girls and young women every day. Examples of objectification and violence are thrown in our faces constantly. While the recent charges of rape against high school football players in Steubenville, Ohio–young men who allegedly raped a 16-year-old fellow student last August while other students videotaped the unconscious girl–may seem extreme, we see other seemingly unimaginable stories day after day. Take the story of the “fantasy team draft” created by ninth-grade boys at the elite Landon School in Maryland in 2010, where the boys chose girls, rated them, and planned sexual conquests as part of a competition in which money would eventually be exchanged. Then, there was the violent murder of a University of Virginia lacrosse player by her abusive ex-boyfriend, a former Landon student.

It is no wonder that young women are so confused. If boys today are being sent to prestigious private schools like Landon only to be taught to objectify and debase young women by drafting them to teams with such names as “The Southside Slampigs,” and the punishment for planning sexual conquests is a slap on the wrist and a “boys will be boys” mentality, then the cycle will only continue. The former Landon student who murdered his ex-girlfriend had been seen previously choking her. He had also attacked a male teammate he thought had kissed her, and he became so out of control with a female police officer during a drunken rampage that he had to be tasered. But apparently everyone looked the other way, and through silence, the behavior continued to be condoned.

To be the Object of Desire means to have no core self, no clear autonomy and self-determination that are under your command…. By contrast, being the Subject of your own desires does not preclude having an attractive appearance or a pleasant manner. But appearance, manner, niceness, self-sacrifice are never the central motivators for the woman who is a Subject. She…speaks confidently and clearly even in the face of challenge, conflict, and her own anxiety. Because she wants to be known for who she is, instead of how she appears, she is straightforward and direct.

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In this 15 minutes of awesomeness, Tish tells us how Daisy Rock guitars got started and whose drawing became the inspiration for the signature daisy-shaped guitar. She also gives us the scoop behind her passion and how she is helping girls around the world to learn to play guitar.

As a mother of two girls, Tish knows the importance of supporting your daughters. Daisy Rock was born in part by Tish’s desire to make the world of music more approachable to her daughters and draw more females into the music business. And she has definitely achieved that goal!

Daisy Rock guitars are made with women and girls in mind. Not only are they gorgeous instruments (who says all guitars have to be brown and boring?), but they are designed to be lighter and smaller and better fit women and girls who may be shorter or have a smaller hand-size.

Want to know which celebrities play Daisy Rock guitars? Tish reveals a few, plus some of her memorable moments including some amazing awards. She also gives us some insight on what it’s like to be a female musician in today’s music industry. Is it still a “boys club” or are girls getting more respect these days? Watch the video and let Tish explain.

Click here to view the embedded video.

P.S. – this is my very first attempt at doing a video interview. Hope you liked it!

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Everyone said “no, you’re crazy… it’s a guy sport…You’re gonna get hurt…” Sure enough I broke my arm in 9th grade but that didn’t stop me at all. Football is something I love and no one can stop me.

The guys on the team are my brothers. They have my back and they tell me everyday. And just like they have my back, I will always have theirs. You mess with one and you got us all.

This fall I’m going to be a senior and I’m playing for the varsity team. I’m super excited! It’s a challenge having to change with the boys so I go to the restroom and change but other than that I have fun and we get along.

There will always be that one person that will tell you don’t do it, but if you set your mind to it you can do anything. I go by this quote “be strong because you never no who’s looking up to you .”

I hope I inspire other people to try things that are not common to all the females playing football with the boys like me.  Work hard and play harder! If you have questions, feel free to ask me I’ll be more than happy to help. Thank you!

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Wouldn’t it be great to live in a world where we women prioritized ourselves on our to-do list, amongst all the roles and demands placed on us?

Checking in on your goals and emotional health can be life changing. Taking this moment to dig deep to figure out why you are doing the things you’re doing, and why you struggle with the issues you struggle with, really helps to create a strong foundation — so you can stand proudly as you look forward in the direction you want to go, and most importantly take action that is aligned to get you there!

My background is in project management, so you can say for certain that I’m a goal-driven lady. I like to see results and value learning and achievement. Looking back at the last several years, working part-time, raising a family and having a large extended family, I was chugging along aspiring to reach my goals, but something was always tugging at me.

For one, I wasn’t even clear on what my goal really was… and for whatever reason I would say I wanted something … but then do everything I could (subconsciously) to prevent myself from actually achieving it. This internal battle resulted in years of me trying to figure out “what my problem was”. I kept asking, “why can’t I just get what I want?”

However, I was not prepared to be “counselled” or go into “therapy”. The thought of talking about my past was daunting and made me feel heavy. I wanted to focus more on the future. I wanted a plan and wanted someone to show me the way. I was willing to do the work, but I needed to figure out what it was that I really wanted, and what in the world did I need to do to get it?! Oh and of course, how do I get the confidence to achieve my goal? I was too scared to move forward but so frustrated with standing still. Something had to change!

Then through a series of some challenging life events, I landed in the world of “life coaching”. I trained to be a life coach because I knew I loved to help people and was always attracted to psychology and the power of our brains. There is a science behind our actions and it was so interesting to really understand what was going on in my mind! It finally all made sense to me.

To really understand my clients, I even partnered with a life coach myself, which created so many positive changes in my life. I’m doing things now that I only imagined in my mind for a few seconds because the idea of it happening seemed so far out of reach for me. I learned and continue to learn more about myself and what drives me. I know what my strengths are and what I have to offer to the world. I don’t need to “be“ anyone else. I know who I am. It’s through this understanding that I now have a roadmap to look to whenever I need to make a decision.

So, here I am today, a life coach and project management expert. My goal is to inspire, motivate and empower women to achieve their own goals, thereby re-designing their lives! Looking back, my whole life I’ve helped others and enjoyed it. It’s no surprise that a rush of excitement runs through my body when I talk to other women who are thinking about making a personal or professional change in their lives. In most cases, there is something that is holding them back. If I can in any way help them move towards their goal, I feel satisfied that I’m living my purpose and making a difference.

What have you been dreaming about, even if it’s for a second…? Challenge yourself to dream a little longer. See what could be, smell it, taste it, hear the sounds of happiness — and then do it!

Sonia Singh is a Personal and Professional Development Coach + Project Management Expert. In the Life Balance Project she has combined her project management expertise with her passion to support women to reach their full potential through self-discovery and goal-setting.

Sonia is the go-to lady for women who want to re-design their life by turning their goals and dreams into reality. Her clients walk away with a deeper understanding of what’s important to them, gain clarity on their goals and create an action plan to get what they want. You can visit Sonia at www.thelifebalancecoachingproject.com.

The post I have a dream … and a story. appeared first on Girls Can't WHAT?.

This year the football team has been closed, so he had to change of team. I was thinking about playing flag, but one day, I went to see my brothers practice and I saw two girls training. I ask my parents to let me play, it took a little while but they accepted.

I’ve been judged a lot of times; the guy I was dating also was playing football, when I told him I wanted to play, he got mad… I wasn’t really afraid of getting hurt, but he actually was. We broke up.

Now I’m training with a boys team with other two girls, I’m gonna play as cornerback and wide receiver.

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But there’s good news because there is an antidote to a media culture that is fixated on what doesn’t really matter. And every single girl that we have interviewed desires it deep down in her gut. That is to make her life count….to let her awesomeness shine through in a big way to make a positive impact in the world.

Teaching our daughters and nieces, granddaughters, students and friends to live like their biggest, boldest dreams are possible is one of the best ways to counteract all the negativity and objectification. They will be too busy having fun and living a meaningful life to spend time thinking about what size skinny jeans they can wear.

Here are just a few ways you can inspire the girl that you care about to follow her natural inclination to dream big. This list is meant to be easy, not burdensome, so start with just one and then try another.

1. Show your daughter that you take her awesomeness seriously. Invest in a special notebook or journal where she can record her wildest wishes.
2. Expose her often to female role models that are making a difference in the world, particularly in non-traditional ways. The hip young woman, Debbie Sterling, founder of the toy company, Goldiblox is a great place to start.
3. Work to counteract media messages by pointing out how smart or kind or brave female role models are all the time. When a television commentator harps on a female world leader’s hairdo, talk to your daughter about how brilliant a negotiator the leader is instead.
4. Instead of just asking your daughter what she wants to “be” when she grows up, ask her what she loves to do. Notice her passions – what lights her on fire and mention how exciting that is! Write it down!
5. Encourage your daughter to take positive risks – to try something new like an athletic activity or public speaking. One of my favorite sayings is, “you aren’t ‘bad’ at it; you’re ‘new’ at it”. When she comes to an obstacle, remind her of a time where she improved in an activity that she once thought impossible.
6. Value and illicit your daughter’s opinion regularly… Not just about what to have for dinner, but about the presidential election or the latest Disney princess controversy.
7. Be sure she takes time out daily to dream and be creative. Start with just 5 minutes. That will impact her life in unexpected ways in our overscheduled, busy lifestyles. (If she doesn’t have 5 minutes, then we need to talk.)

Your daughter (and you too by the way) is one in seven billion which makes her naturally spectacular just by being who she really is. Remind her of that every day and you’ll inspire her for a lifetime!!

For more practical and easy actions to help your daughter to dream big join whatsyourbrave.com on Facebook or check out Take 5 for Your Dreams currently available on Amazon.

Paula Grieco is a writer and entrepreneur. She is co-author of the recently released, Take 5 for Your Dreams a project of whatsyourbrave.com. Made especially for teen girls, Take 5 for Your Dreams, is an engaging book that provides more than 90 five-minute daily exercises designed to inspire girls to think about their future, their goals, and how they can get there. Packed with beautiful photos, quotes, mini-essays, and resources, it’s a simple and elegant solution meant to break the idea of dreaming big into easy, doable daily actions.

The post 7 Easy Actions to Inspire Your Daughter to Dream Big appeared first on Girls Can't WHAT?.

My name is Sarah Moshman and I’m a reality tv producer and documentary filmmaker passionate about female empowerment! I have one question for you – how many film crews have you seen that are made up of all women?

That’s the basis of an exciting new docu-series project I created with my super cool business partner and bestie Dana Michelle Cook called “The Empowerment Project.” Our plan is to travel across the US this fall with an all lady crew and interview 10 inspirational women in a variety of career fields to create positive role models and motivate women and girls of all ages to after their ambitions. We are using an amazing site called Kickstarter to make our dream come true. Kickstarter is a site where people fund and follow creative projects, and people set fundraising goals to make their dream a reality. We are trying to raise $25,000 in 60 days, but we only have less than 2 weeks left! I know it sounds like a lot of money, but traveling across the US for a month with a crew takes a lot of resources and we want to make this series as amazing as we know it can be!

We want to ask questions of our subjects like: How did you get to where you are in your career? What struggles did you face along the way? What advice can you share with other women that want to be in the same spot? And what is your take on feminism today? We are going to make a 10 part docu-series to be shown on the web that spotlights these incredible women. Our first interview subject is Sundance Best Director Winner Jill Soloway and in our Kickstarter video she talks about how she thinks it’s easy for women to direct movies and how to follow your inner impulse. Her close friend and long time collaborator is Jane Lynch, and Jane is also featured in our first webisode of “The Empowerment Project” which is available to people who donate to our cause.

This project is very close to my heart and is the culmination of a lot of hard work. I want to inspire and empower women to go after their dreams whatever they may be. I often ask myself this question and I think other women should do the same: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? If I wasn’t afraid I would travel the country for a month with strong women and make a documentary! What would you do?

Please check out our Kickstarter and donate any amount you can so we can make this project happen! Spread the word!

You can find us on Facebook at: facebook.com/HeartfeltProductions or on twitter @SarahMosh

Sarah Moshman has been a reality TV field producer for ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” for the past 10 seasons. She is also a documentary filmmaker who grew up in Chicago and now lives in Los Angeles. Female empowerment is her passion and her mission and she wants to inspire girls and women to go after their dreams! http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/531137895/the-empowerment-project-a-docu-series-about-women

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As a child I grew up with labels such as lazy, good sleeper and good eater – guess how I grew up? I grew up feeling lazy, sleeping alot (to escape) and eating alot (finally realising that this was a suppression mechanism). I got fat and felt unworthy and undeserving.

I married the man of my dreams, I thought that I was so lucky – feeling like how does someone so generous love me (we will celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary this year) and our life together is amazing!

Living with those labels inspired me to drive to achieve. I am very driven and the point was to dispel those notions and to conquer the feelings of unworthiness – however, this was always from the outside in – not from the inside out. I was looking for outside validation.

So my achievements included reaching an executive level in a government job which I absolutely loved, losing lots of weight and achieving weight loss goals of 23kg and 27kg (remember I was born to be fat – it was very unnatural of me to be light as I was born to be heavy), running 4 marathons which people said I couldn’t do (my first was a monumental feat – I was lazy????? – this label gave me doubt that I would complete the training – let alone the whole marathon – the last two were particularly hard each step of the way – for the whole 26.2 miles (42.2km) as I brought into the notion that I was LAZY – ridiculous!!!!

I became a Weight Loss Consultant, Personal Trainer, Pilates Instructor and Remedial Massage Therapist – entered the realm of bodywork. The cost of all this drive was ill health in the form of suffering chronic anxiety, depression, breaking 3 bones on separate occasions all in 12 months, adrenal exhaustion and being exhausted all the time.

After suffering immensely for the last 10 years, I feel like I have finally conquered the notion of “not being good enough” and would love to share. LESSONS I’VE LEARNED – the main one is all you need to know is that I need to shout this out – YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!! You were born out of love and self care/self love is essential and needed. Know that the feeling of not being good enough or if you like inner critic, come up as protection.

1. My advice is to embrace these feelings, try to not to feed them by resisting and say a little thank you to them.
2. You don’t need outside validation – the only validation comes from the inside.
3. Listen to your heart and not your brain. Your heart knows best. Intuition is you being in tuition.
4. When you need a moment take it – you are worth it.
5. Know with every step in your journey, a story is created.

You are the story and enjoy the feelings which come from your existence, consciousness and finally bliss.

Find me at: http://www.embodimove.com

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The following article first appeared on Girls Guide to Swagger and is posted here with permission by author Cynthia Brown.

Have you noticed that while some people seem to achieve their goals and live their dreams, others who appear equally talented do not?

In my life working with non-profit and for-profit agencies, as well as college students, I have watched many people advance in their careers and seem fulfilled in their lives, while others are left behind wondering what happened. As I think about the reason for the differences, I remembered something a work colleague once said to me. “Those who succeed have the will to complete what they start.”

So here are my suggestions for how to be someone who completes a project they begin and succeeds!

Have a big vision – learn how to tap into your inner voice for guidance

Look inside and see your particular talents and gifts. What are your deepest dreams? How would you like to be part of making the world a better place? Ask yourself these questions and take some time to write down your answers and come back to them, as your life evolves.

Make goals and work on them every week

After you are clear on your big vision, note the steps you will need to take this year and next year, in order to reach your goals. Then schedule small steps on your calendar, starting now. Every week, take some time to plan your time and be sure to note the steps you completed last week and what you want to accomplish in the coming week.

Keep your word and do what you say you will, especially when it is hard

I know so many people who respond with enthusiasm, but don’t follow through. They may say “Sure, I would love to write a guest post for your website or interview you for mine.” But when you send a time to talk, there is no reply or worse yet, they schedule a time and then are not there when you call. Sometimes it is hard to keep your word. It is nice outside and you would rather go out for a walk or you feel tired or overwhelmed. It happens to all of us. If you can find the discipline to keep your word, especially when you don’t feel like it, you will find that it energizes you and opens doors for you. Follow through. If someone offers you an opportunity, respond! You never know which opportunity will lead you to the right connection with the right person who helps move your project forward.

Finish. The will to complete

There is a joke in the construction world that the last 10% of the job takes 90% of the time. Beware of the approaching end of the project when your energy seems to evaporate and there seems to be too many obstacles to finish. I know so many people who became discouraged part way through writing a book and starting a business. We all get discouraged and may find we need a break or some help. But don’t let a slow down or a series of obstacles become the end of your project. Break the steps down so that they become feasible and then keep doing! Keep your eye on the goal and surround yourself with those people who energize and support you. Feel your swagger rise and keep going. You’ll see your dreams become reality!

As Christopher Reeve said:

“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and  then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.”

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