Recently, I had an engaging conversation on the Girls Can’t WHAT? Facebook page where a woman was convinced that women should be “Keepers at Home” – meaning they should be homemakers and nothing else. While I recognize that for some women this is a very rewarding and enjoyable role, it is not for everyone.  You cannot put all women in the same box. I’d be cutting an escape hatch out the back and I bet you’d be right behind me.

I would go absolutely stir crazy if I couldn’t do the things I love, which include playing drums, programming computers and playing sports. Oh and did I mention that I do all that while managing the household and taking care of my family?  Yes, it can be done.

Anyway… during the course of conversation, I began to point out life-saving contributions by women throughout history. Had these women chosen to stay-at-home and forego their amazing careers, the world as we know it would be a very scary place to live. I don’t recall ever studying any of these women in history class. Did you?

Rosalind Franklin (1920 – 1958): Mapped out DNA

In the 1950′s Rosalind Franklin helped map out the first double helix, a landmark event that opened the door to DNA research. Her work has helped us solve crimes more effectively, pinpoint disease more efficiently and make giant leaps in healthcare technology.

Dixie Lee Ray (1914-1994): Nuclear Energy Safety

Dixie Lee Ray was a Standford grad who became a marine biologist. She became the chairperson of the Atomic Energy Commission, where she created the Department of Safety and helped make the use of nuclear energy safer. She was also the first female governor for the state of Washington.

Lady Mary Wortley Montagu (1689 – 1762): Discovered the Small Pox Vaccine

When Mary saw that many children were dying of small pox, she went off in search of a cure. She came across a Turkish folk remedy and brought it back to England where it became the foundation for the first small pox vaccine. Countless lives have been saved from Mary’s discovery.

Helen Greiner (1967 – Present): Designed a Bomb-Diffusing Robot

Helen Greiner is a mechanical engineer with a master’s degree in computer science. She was one of three people who invented a bomb-diffusing robot that has spared a countless number of lives. In 2011, she was listed at #7 on the MIT150 list of the top 150 innovators and ideas from MIT.

Antonia Coello Novello (1944-present): First Woman Surgeon General

Antonia spent most of her childhood in and out of hospitals. Determined to help others, she studied to become a doctor and eventually became the first female Surgeon General of the United States in 1990.  Dr. Novello helped improve health care for women, children and minorities, as well as increasing education about AIDS, alcohol, and smoking.

Ellen Richards (1842-1911): Founded the study of Ecology

Ellen noticed that everything in the natural world was affected by pollutants in the environment.  She was the first to raise awareness of pollution. She went on to found two new fields of science: “Ecology”, the study of how living things are affected by the world around them, and “Euthenics”, the idea of improving people’s lives by improving the world.

Stephanie Kwolek (1923 – Present): Invented Kevlar

Stephanie was a chemist at DuPont and her research led to the invention of Kevlar, which is the material used in bullet-proof vests. This material has saved tens of thousands of lives around the world.

Now imagine a world without these ladies…

Ugh – I can’t do it.  It’s too awful. Heck, I’d probably be dead from smallpox by now.

Now it’s your turn – who else would you add to this list?  What other women can you think of that have made great life-saving contributions to our world?

I majored in music at a fairly prestigious music college and we had at least 2 double bass players that I recall and they were extremely talented ladies.

I did a quick stroll through youtube looking for female double bass players, but I came up empty-handed.  If you know of any clips, post them in the comments below.  Let’s highlight these women and let people know about them.

Oh and I have to admit, I really enjoyed drawing this particular design.  I really like drawing musical instruments, probably because I grew up around so many of them and I think they are all beautiful works of art.

This double bass player design was requested by several Girls Can’t WHAT? fans, and I’m so happy to finally get to add it to the shop.  You can see a few product examples below or click here to see all of the designs and gift items.

Upright String Double Bass Girl Posters

Upright String Double Bass Player Woman Posters

Upright String Double Bass Player Woman Gel Mouse Pad

Upright String Double Bass Player T Shirts

Upright String Double Bass Player Fridge Magnet

Upright String Double Bass Player Coffee Mugs

Upright String Double Bass Player Girl Puzzle

Upright String Double Bass Player Woman Custom Necklace

Upright String Double Bass Girl Mugs

Upright String Double Bass Player Tote Bags

Upright String Double Bass Player Woman Mugs

Upright String Double Bass Player Round Stickers

When I told my family that I would really want to do bull riding, they just looked at me and said “sure you do”.

It made me so mad that they don’t think I can do something like that. I would always say I know what to do and I practice with my friends, but they just won’t let me go. My dad is the worst of them all, he says that if even just sit on the bull that he would pull me off and beat my butt. Wow, dad, what a threat!

My dad would tell me stories about when he use to pull the gate for the riders, he said they are nothing but jerks, but I know that that’s not all true. My dad has even pulled the gate for Lane Frost once or twice when he was younger. I thought that was awesome!

I know my parents are just scared for their little girl to ride a big bad bull, but I just wish that they would have a little more faith in me. I also wish that they would understand that if I can go and get stomped, crushed, and kicked by the calves at our place and still get back up that I can survive in that arena.

I am now starting to get better over time, and have been practicing every chance I get. I am looking forward to one day joining the other women in the ring, so wish me luck and thanks!

At the time I only rode my little pony he was only 11.2 hands high. It was quite a sight watching me run him around three barrels in a clover leaf pattern as he had a strong head and I would often stop next to a fence and wedge my leg in between him and the fence and not move. He really is a big sweetie though.

Anyway…. I kept begging mum and dad to let me ride a poddy calf at a rodeo. When I was eleven I started riding a bigger horse as well as riding Ticko who will always be my favourite. Her name was Misty and was 14.2 hands high. She was very young and I was the very first kid to ride her. As we all know nobody’s perfect but I have to admit Misty and Ticko were to horses that weren’t far from it. I rode Misty bareback a lot and gained a lot of trust in her. We’ve gotten lost in acre paddocks and stuck in storms.

When I was twelve we went to another rodeo and this time I couldn’t help it I came home that night telling mum and dad how much I wanted to bull ride. They finally gave in and said at the next rodeo we promise. One day a big box arrived in the mail I opened it up to find a bull riding vest. I was delighted. The next rodeo came round and I nominated for the rodeo. When I rode my first poddy calf my mum had hoped that it would turn me away but I was hooked. I loved the adrenalin rush and had stayed on for four of the six seconds. I couldn’t wait for the next rodeo.

When it came round we had organised an entire weekend to camp at the rodeo grounds with some other people. I called the National Rodeo Association office to nominate but the phone call resulted in tears. I’d just recently ridden with their association but all of a sudden I can’t. They said it was something to do with someone complaining about a girl riding a poddy calf. I couldn’t believe it. After my first ride we’d bought all my bull riding equipment and now I believed I’d never be able to use it.

Instead at the rodeo I competed in my first official barrel race on my horse Misty. We did our very best but Misty was one of the youngest horses competing and we were up against massive quarter horses. Misty is big but she’s a smaller thoroughbred and doesn’t have much muscle as she’s still filling out. I was still proud of competing in it and super proud of Misty.

When the Gympie show turned up I nominated Misty and me in all the novelty events and the barrel race later that night. I tried nominating again but they said no ‘GIRLS CAN’T BULLRIDE’. A man who runs some of the rough stock events tried to talk them into letting me ride but they said no to him, too. I competed at the show and we won Misty’s first ribbon, we came second in keyhole event. Barrel race went well, I got a faster time than last time but the girl who won the junior barrel race also won the open ladies barrel race.

The man who had tried helping me nominate told me about another rodeo association that would let me ride, the Queensland Rodeo Association (QRA). Their rodeos are further away but are worth it. We own a little pony with a bad temper so I would often hop on him and hope he’d buck like a maniac so I could get some practice it wasn’t the same but there was still some adrenaline rush. I nominated for the Gin Gin Rodeo. This has been my biggest and best rodeo yet. I rode my first Juvenile Steer here. I stayed on six second out of eight but it was a mighty fine ride. I think people will remember me for that one. I also rode another poddy calf at this rodeo. Let’s just say poddy calves are a lot harder to ride than steers. Again I showed the boys how it was done at that rodeo.

I also competed on my Dad’s horse in two barrel races. This was quite a big rodeo and we did okay but didn’t place in anything.

One of my most recent rodeos was in Mulgildie. I rode two steers. One was for a ladies steer ride. For this one they got me to stand up on the back of a truck along with five other ladies and people they bet money on us. This was scary to me and I was under a lot of pressure thankfully some people put money on me, one person had 100 dollars on me. When we got to the easy bit I reckon I did pretty well and my steer bucked like a maniac. I still didn’t ride time but came forth; none of the girls rode time. With my second steer ride I was disappointed in the way my steer bucked. If I had ridden time I wouldn’t have won anyway I don’t think. It’s the luck of the draw.

To all the people who said I couldn’t do it here I am, and I’m doing it well. I’d like to also thank my Mum and Dad for all their support and time they put into this and also my Grandad for his encouragement. To any girl who has ever been told you can’t do it, you can as long as you put your mind to it.

To find my videos on youtube just search Girlbullrider2011 on youtube.

I have to admit, I was far less supervised than my children. Times were different. There weren’t so many child protection laws. I had three older siblings who were all attending private colleges at the same time. My parents weren’t wealthy and both had to work in order to pay the bills for three tuitions. In fact, my earliest memory of my oldest brother is the day he left for college. For the most part, I was left to myself, to do what I wanted.

My seventh birthday was my first recollection of not accepting “no”. My parents had a simple rule; I could do what I wanted as long as it didn’t cost anything. Throughout kindergarten and first grade, it seemed all my friends were having birthday parties and I wanted one too. I knew if I asked my parents would say “no”. Not to be deterred, one day I took some drawing paper and made party invitations for my classmates. I invited every girl in my class of 120 students. I handed them out at school the next day. Then I told my parents I was having a birthday party at our house and I handed them the list of things – birthday cake, party decorations, prizes – that I needed. I don’t recall them saying anything, they just did as I asked and it was a great birthday party. Of course, my parents not saying anything just encouraged me. Finally, I saw how to get what I wanted!

I went to a private school for K-8 and my parents decided that I would attend the public high school. I remember having an introductory meeting with the guidance counselor. The counselor was to advise me on what subjects to take and the academic levels for each subject. In my high school, there were 5 levels, the fifth was by invitation only and was reserved for those students thought to be promising enough to attend the top private colleges. I remember telling the counselor I wanted to be in the 5th level and the counselor saying, “No, you didn’t go to the right elementary school. You should try the 4th level”. I stood my ground. I insisted on the 5th level. I graduated 9th in a class of 700+ students and I did attend one of the top universities.

My older brothers helped me get admitted to those top universities. They came home from college during breaks and told me that straight A’s wouldn’t be enough. I had to do more. So I found the city-wide science competition. I still remember researching and devising the experiments, using the yellow pages to call around and find all the necessary supplies, and enlisting my mother’s help to drive around and get them. My science teachers had to sponsor me for the competitions. Every year they just glared at me and rolled their eyes as they signed the paperwork, but I always brought back the awards.

When I applied to colleges, I applied to engineering schools. I loved computers. They fascinated me. Personal computers were just starting to make headway into the everyday lives of the average person. It was exciting times. It turned out to be a technology that would change the way people lived. Computer Science was a new field and many colleges stuck the fledgling subject under the electrical engineering or mathematics departments. I remember an alumnus of an Ivy League school coming to my high school to speak with me. I was called to the guidance counselor’s office, the alumnus said they received my application and wanted me to change my intended major. I was bluntly told that they don’t accept girls into engineering. The alumnus suggested I try the pre-med or pre-vet programs instead. I didn’t attend that college, but did pursue engineering and computer science through both undergraduate and graduate school.

These types of incidents have continued throughout my life, and they still happen today. It doesn’t stop. What have I learned both from my reflections and from observing my daughters?

The ability to stand against the tide of no’s starts early. These won’t be the easiest kids to deal with as parents or teachers. As children, the ones that will change the “You can’t” into “Yes, I can and I will” will drive everyone around them nuts. They are uncontrollable. They are independent. They don’t give in – ever. These traits don’t just suddenly appear in adulthood.

There will always be naysayers. Until you are successful, the naysayers will vastly outnumber those that encourage you. To succeed, one must fail first and likely many times. Those naysayers will be quick to point out, “I told you so”. Once you succeed, no one remembers all those failed attempts. Once you succeed, those naysayers are quick to point out again, “I knew you could do it.”

If you can, disassociate with the naysayers. When you are constantly bombarded by people saying you can’t, your mind begins to focus on failure instead of success. Instead of planning how to achieve your dreams, you start to concentrate on contingency and risk management plans, imagining all possible failure points and what-if scenarios.

Just ignore the people who tell say, “You can’t do that”. As long as you are not trying to break the laws of science, you can.

Cynthia Kocialski is the founder of three tech start-ups companies. In the past 15 years, she has been involved in dozens of start-ups. Cynthia writes the Start-up Entrepreneurs’ Blog www.cynthiakocialski.com.

Cynthia has written the book, “Out of the Classroom Lessons in Success: How to Prosper Without Being at the Top of the Class.” The book serves up tips, insight, and wisdom to enable young adults and parents of kids to know what it will take to forge a successful career, no matter what their academic achievement.

Ever take one of those personality tests on Facebook? They always tell you what you already know. And what is a 5 question manipulative test created by a bored teenager really going to tell you about yourself?

Life is a journey of self-discovery. You probably already know that. But how do you know who you really are beyond a simple test? Beyond what people tell you and beyond what you think about yourself? Do you know how other people see you?

It’s not an elusive concept. You can discover the real you and learn exactly how other people see you. But do you know what the best part is? You can use your discovery to take charge of your life and your relationships. You can learn to read people, handle situations that make you uncomfortable, find a rewarding career and much more. This is not a magic potion, it’s as simple as doing some research and making a few honest observations about yourself.

What’s the catch?

Yes – there is a teeny, tiny catch. You can’t just take a little test and get the answer. The journey starts with a test, but true discovery doesn’t stop there. You don’t want someone’s arbitrary questions to pigeon-hole you into someone you aren’t meant to be. Real science requires that you do research and analyzation. If you really want to know more about yourself and why you do the things you do they way you do them and why people react to you the way they do, then you have to really commit to this process. You’ll have to experiment. That’s why I didn’t title this post “Discover who you really are in 5 minutes“.  It’s going to take some time to put all the pieces together before you get to see the big picture. I’m not trying to just throw out a cliche here for kicks, but you really are only going to get out of this what you put into it. Fair enough?

My disclaimer

The foundation you are about to lay will be worth it in every aspect of your life.  I can promise you that much. I’m not out to sell you anything.  I don’t have an ebook or a coaching package. I’m just offering you my experience and insights and pointing out the shortcuts and pitfalls you’ll want to watch out for along the way.

No, I’m not a self-help guru, a therapist or life coach. I’m just someone who has been there, done that and is willing to share my experience and my resources with you so you can make the same discoveries. Consider me a guide who’s here to help because I enjoy this subject and I enjoy helping others learn about it as well. If you’ve got questions, post them below. Feedback is going to be a huge part of this process for you.

Let’s get started…

One of the keys to a happy, fulfilling life is knowing who you are and how you best interact with the world around you. When you know what your preferences are and how to be on your “A game” at all times, life becomes much easier to manage for you and those who interact with you. We’re all wired differently. Sometimes what we think we are… isn’t the whole picture. Sometimes we act certain ways because our thinking is backwards or we’re modeling behavior that doesn’t suit our preferences. Some people are completely miserable in life because they are on a path that makes them feel out-of-control, lost or just plain angry all the time. Does that sound familiar?

We’ve all been there at some point. What I’m about to share are some insights to move you out of that rut and onto a path towards a more enjoyable life.

Preparation

You may want to keep a pen and paper handy or be prepared to take notes in some fashion.  You are about to become a serious researcher and you will be collecting a lot of information along the way. Because we are all individuals using ourselves as the subject matter, I can only point you in the general direction. You will have to assess the data and determine which items are worth saving for further evaluation, exploration and experimentation.

Now would also be a good time to go grab your favorite beverage.  This is going to be a fairly lengthy post which is why I suggest you bookmark it or email the link to yourself for future reference.

Moving beyond the personality test

Yeah, you have to take a little test first. Stop rolling your eyes.  This is the entry level task. If you already know your personality type, that’s great.  You’re ahead of the game.  However, we are going to delve much farther into this than reading the results of a personality test. Bear with me. We have to have a starting point so for those who have never done this step before, we’re going to start with the Meyers-Briggs test.

You can actually take this test online, however I want to add one caution: DO NOT RUSH THROUGH IT! It’s pretty lengthy at 72 questions. When you first dive into this, it’s easy just to skim down the list and start marking yes and no without thinking it through.  This is the biggest mistake people make with this type of test.  They think they know the answer, but it’s not their true answer (more on that below). Even at a slower pace, you may still answer these questions in a way that is not true to your nature.  We’re going to fix that on our journey but for now, do the best that you can and copy/paste your results into your notes.

Click here to take an online version of test. Go ahead.  I’ll be right here when you get back.

No really  - who ARE you?

By now you’ve probably read through your type description and nodded your head, smiled and agreed with a few of the assessments. You may have even laughed at yourself. If you were really curious, you probably Googled your type and read a few more descriptions and maybe even discovered a blog or two by people with your same type. Good for you. You’re hot on the trail of self-discovery.

Now I’m going to throw a wrench into this whole process. Your test results could be wrong. You may not be who you think you are. You may be doing things that are contradictory to what you would find comfortable and pleasurable and not even know it. You may be subconsciously making yourself miserable. And the worst part? Your test “results” could be reinforcing concepts that rub you the wrong way and sabotaging your style.

But they’re close enough, right? And it’s not a one-size fits all so I really think this is me so why are you trying to complicate things?

For some people, the results of the Meyers-Briggs testing are pretty accurate. But for others, the test results are slightly skewed and they just don’t know it yet. This is where the journey really begins.

How you can accidentally flunk the test

A personality test is just a set of questions. It doesn’t know you.  It can’t see you objectively and most people can’t see themselves objectively either, which is why the results of these tests can be skewed. Many times, participants will answer a particular question according to what they would ideally like to do in that situation rather than what they truly prefer to do.  That is one of the really difficult things to discern. And there’s no built-in lie detector on the test to help you out. Not that you’re outright lying, but let’s face it, we humans frequently deceive ourselves.

So there are 2 camps – people with correct results and people with incorrect results. How do you know which group you fall into? I can’t tell you. This is where the self-discovery part starts to take shape. This is where you start to research and evaluate. If that makes you mad because you wanted a quick answer, then you’re probably not cut out for this. That’s fine. You’ll do ok in life but you’re probably not going to be fully aware of how you can make it better for yourself and for others.

For those of you still with me… you’re the trailblazers, the ones who will improve the world beyond what we know it to be today. You’re the ones that truly care about others and how you can help them live better lives. You’re the ones who will take the time to begin to analyze your results and decide if they really suit your true self. You won’t put yourself in a box because some description says you’re square. You will persevere until you find out precisely what makes you tick and create your own shape. You will follow the trails below because you are driven to know the real you and how you can make an impact in your world.

If you flunk and find out (after completing a few of the trails below) that you really aren’t who you thought you were (or what the test result said you were), don’t be mad. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You’ve simply done what a lot of people do when they answer questions of that nature in that type of scenario. By accepting that and being real about who you are and how you perceive the world, you are ahead of the pack in living a creative life that you enjoy to the fullest.

How to discover the real you

We’ve covered a lot of ground so far and now we’ve come to a fork in the road.  Actually, there are many forks in the road from here. They are all trails designed to provide you with the most thought-provoking material you can imagine.

The paths are not always going to be easy.  You have to take the good and the bad. I’m going to explain each trail and tell you what you should be looking for along each one. Take as much time as you need. You can go in any order that makes sense to you. I’m always here to answer questions so you can refer back here as your starting point.

Trail #1: Bring a friend or two

If you can find a few friends willing to work through this process with you this year, then you will all reap the benefits of doing this as a team. I have an excellent working example of the team concept. When my band first got together in 2005, we spent a few practice sessions discovering our personality types and learning about each other. In the 5 years we have been together, we have used that knowledge to work through personal conflicts and move forward with our music.  We know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and we communicate and interact maturely and confidently with each other.  This has been a key part of our success in the music industry. Complete strangers have commented on how well we work together as a band so I’m not just saying it works. People can see very clearly that it works for us.

So feel free to take a moment and send this article to a few friends or co-workers. Warning: don’t do this unless you are prepared to see those friendships grow.

If you prefer to fly solo, that’s cool, too. You may be the type that likes internet groups or prefers to just research on your own. There’s nothing wrong with this other than you will at some point need to involve someone who knows you personally and interacts with you on a day-to-day basis.

Trail #2: Data Collection

The Internet is full of data on personality types. So is the library if you prefer books. Don’t read the first description of your personality type you find and accept it as doctrine.  Study it, make notes and then search for an alternate description on the same type. Study other similar types and see if any of those fit. You may find you fit into several of the types depending on the role you happen to be playing at the time (mother, student, co-worker, etc.).  What you’re looking for is the one that you prefer to be when no one else is around and society is not enforcing norms for you to follow. This can be tricky and you may bounce back and forth among a couple of them.  That’s perfectly fine.  The good news is you don’t have to be proficient in all the types You should be able to narrow it down.

If your friends are also participating, you can check the type relationships to see if your type makes sense based on your friend’s findings. With my band, we found these type relationships to be pretty accurate once we confirmed our true personalities and were able to understand how we each liked to operate and be treated within the group.

Trail #3: Feedback

I mentioned earlier that feedback was going to be important. Dont just phone the first person on your recent calls list.  Think about this choice carefully. The person(s) you are going to ask must be trustworthy and honest. They must not be afraid to provide you with the truth.

Show them the description for your test results. Ask if they think it fits or if any parts of it seem off or not in character for you. Listen. If your friend is open and honest, you will gain some pretty important insights into whether your results are mostly correct or if your answers were skewed. I would advise you try to get feedback from more than one person if possible. Each person sees a different side of you and will have a different perspective than the next. Tap into that as much as possible.

Trail #4: Acceptance

Each personality type has weaknesses. That doesn’t make you a weak person. Many people have learned how to compensate for their weakness or know how to avoid situations in which their weakness is exposed. Nothing wrong with that. If you’re doing this as a group, you can learn (as my band did) how to use these effectively.

What you have to do as an individual is accept the negative traits that come with the territory and learn how to cope with them in a reasonable and mature way. It’s easy to say “I don’t act that way” because you’ve overcome a particular issue while turning a blind eye to other areas where you’re underdeveloped.  Study your weaknesses and accept that you have some limitations and areas where you can grow. Knowing how this affects your interactions with other people can be life-changing.

Once you have accepted the weak spots, research coping mechanisms and find out how others with your same type handle them. You will find a lot of creative ideas from people who have been there and done that and are willing to share their thoughts.

Trail #5: Skepticism

Don’t buy into everything you read. You have to take this stuff with a grain of salt. Don’t be so serious with yourself. NO ONE fits these exact models down to the last detail. There will always be at least one item on the list that doesn’t really “fit” you. The personality types are merely a general starting point. They have been highly researched and can be very accurate. One person’s description is simply that – one person’s description. That’s why I highly recommend reading as many resources as you can find before confirming you “fit” a certain type.

That being said, it is still important to be skeptical of your first results. Especially if you are new to this sort of self-discovery.

Trail #6: Pop Quiz

This trail is annoying but necessary. You have to take the test again. And again. But not all at once.

As you learn more about yourself, you’re going to want to be sure you are answering the test questions as accurately as possible. I recommend taking the test from a variety of viewpoints. The first time you take it, answer as if all the questions relate to school or work.  Then take it again at a different time from the perspective of personal relationships, or your hobby, etc.

Give yourself a pop quiz every now and then. Take it when you’re on vacation.  Take it when you’re stressed. Take it at various points in your life and you will start to see patterns emerge.  You may fluctuate between two types depending on the situation. Some people even shift from one to another as they get older. Knowing your preferences and how they emerge in any given situation can help you make good choices and communicate clearly with those around you.

Trail #7: Test Drive

Once you think you know your type, take it for a test drive. This may sound weird, because if it’s your type then you’re already test driving it, right?

What I mean by this is to find a group of like-minded people.  Find other people with the type you think you are.  It may be someone within your group of friends or a forum on the internet. Interact with them.  Ask questions. Test the model. Do you get along well?  Does it fit you? If anything seems quirky or feels uncomfortable, make a note of it and keep testing.

For years I tested as a particular type.  I researched it heavily and could tell you every detail about it. But something never quite felt right. I did things the way that type was supposed to do things, but it never felt comfortable. It felt a little rigid and forced until one day I decided to find out exactly what wasn’t working.

It turns out I was testing as a type I thought I should be but in reality, my preferences were leaning in a different direction. Once I realized that and shifted gears, the world suddenly made a lot more sense and I felt a lot better about how I operated.

I failed the original test. It happens.

However, when I started applying all 7 ideas above, my true personality started to take shape.  Not that I was pretending to be someone else all along – that wasn’t it. I had been “me” the whole time. What I discovered is that it was ok to be me, even when “me” didn’t fit in with what everyone else was doing. I learned that my work style is ok and I don’t have to do things they way other people do them. My thoughts are my thoughts even if they don’t agree with other people. And that’s ok. But we all know that it’s ok to be ourselves, right?

What I really learned was what works for me. I discovered the way I really like things to be. I stopped trying to do things they way I thought I should do them and did them the way I preferred to do them.  What a world of difference! I was getting the same things done as before but with a lot less resistance.  I was happier. I was healthier and things started making sense to me.  I understood why I acted the way I did and why people reacted to me the way they did.  I learned how to accept my weak spots and then use that knowledge to make those relationships better.

Is life perfect now?

Not by along shot, but it’s easier to manage and it makes sense. And I sure needed it to make sense and make me feel like I fit in somewhere.  Don’t you?

Share the knowledge

Sharing knowledge is how we make the world better. It wouldn’t do us any good to solve world hunger and not tell anyone (yes, I stole that idea from the Grinch). When I share my thoughts with others, I learn from their feedback and their viewpoints. Discussions help me learn more about myself and how I function in the world. I’m sharing this with you, in part, because I enjoy the feedback just as much as I love sharing what I’ve learned.

So tell me, what have you learned in this process? What are you hoping to discover? Is there anything you’d like to learn more about?

June

Strongly interested in the womens movement, June founded the Institue for the Musical Arts - a teaching, performing and recording facility for women and girls.  The IMA teaches everything a musician needs to know from playing instruments to managing the business side.

Their music is genuine and catchy.  I would describe them as a cross between Heart, Bonnie Raitt and Tracy Chapman with a little India Arie thrown in for fun. It’s very rock/blues/folk oriented with a few twists.

Their latest CD features a track called “Play Like A Girl.” I usually run the music at my girls’ sports events and I am soooo going to play this one.  Check out this new tune in the video below. These ladies rock! This should be on every girl’s playlist…

What did you think?

You can find out more about June and Jean from their web site.

Thanks to the release of the new xxx domain extension, we non-porn people are being forced to pay to have our trademarked business names protected from being used by the porn industry.

That’s right – they get their own xxx extension and WE have to PAY to keep them from using it against us.

Extortion, anyone?

It was supposed to cost me $299 to “block” my domain.  Do you know what that really means?  It just means that when people click on GirlsCantwhat.xxx – they can get redirected to this site you’re reading right now.

How confusing will that be? That doesn’t “block” anything.

If people want to view or make porn – that’s their business. But forcing US to pay to protect ourselves from them abusing OUR business names is beyond ridiculous. Most people call that EXTORTION!

And why did the Porn Industry get FIRST PICK?

Oh yeah – and if this isn’t bad enough… the porn people got FIRST PICK of the domain names.  So even though I have a trademark, they can still snatch up my business name and force me to take legal action to get it back. More money wasted.

Ooops… it’s really going to cost you more than that…

If you read the fine print in this whole mess, you would see that some trademarks were allowed to block their names early, but not all trademark owners. My trademark didn’t qualify, so I didn’t even get an opportunity to block my domain. Instead, I’m one of the “lucky” ones who actually get to OWN THE XXX DOMAIN for $99/year.  Are they kidding me? $99/year for something I don’t even want?

I contacted my lawyer.

Be aware… most small businesses also fall into the supplemental category and could therefore be screwed out of protecting their names.  Seriously?  Who is running this show?

But who is really affected by this?

In case you’re wondering… no, this xxx domain thing isn’t a threat to everyone.

But it is a HUGE threat to me.  

The name of this site - Girls Can’t WHAT? – is a porn search magnet. I won’t list all of the disgusting search terms that infiltrate my keyword statistics on a daily basis. When your site name can be misconstrued, AND you have “girls” in the title, AND every post on your site mentions girls or women AND you cover topics like cheerleaders and Hooters – your domain gets listed in the search engines a lot when people are searching for porn. This post probably isn’t going to help in that department either.

In reality, this site is all about empowering women. Oh, the irony.

And you know what really concerns me? People search for my site by name. My brand name is recognized. What would happen if a xxx domain took my brand and then some innocent little girl searches Google for “Girls Can’t WHAT?” and one day that xxx domain somehow creeps into the top search results and she unknowingly clicks on that link, not realizing the xxx means to stay away? It WILL happen. Mark my words. It will be the next big Yahoo news story your friends are sharing on Facebook.

I’m furious.

And that’s probably an understatement. That $299 or $99/year could be put to better use. Girls Can’t WHAT? is not some huge corporation with deep pockets. We give a good chunk of the monthly profits to help other women with their businesses.  That $299 would have robbed us out of helping 12 women this month. That means 12 women would have gone without the financial assistance they need to get out of poverty, improve their business or feed their kids. I refuse to bow to the porn industry.

I don’t know exactly who gets to keep the $299 or the $99/year – I’m still trying to get to the bottom of that. I think the Hosting Companies are profiting somewhat, but the “registration fee” has to be going somewhere else. Anyone know the answer? Please comment below.

The Loophole… aka – Porn Wins Anyway

Oh and get this… if a porn site wanted to register girls-cant-what.xxx or any variation of my trademarked name, they can do so.  Because in order to block any different spellings or hyphenated versions, I have to buy each one separately for – you guessed it – another $99/year.  Anyone else see a problem here?

Beware of squatters…

I’m betting there are gonna be a lot of surprised people out there who wake up and find out someone has snatched up their business name with a xxx extension.  And the “squatters” (people who buy domain names with the intent to sell them) will be registering the xxx names like crazy starting today. If you find your business is now a xxx site, it could cost you thousands of dollars in legal fees to get it back.

That is, if you want it.

Something is seriously wrong.

I’m all for having the xxx extension because it provides a clear intent of the site and makes it easier to avoid accidentally seeing stuff you don’t want to see. I see the need for it and I approve (of the extension differentiation – not the porn – so don’t try to twist that around).

But why are we non-porn people footing the bill for this? My business name is trademarked. I shouldn’t have to pay to keep someone from using it. That defeats the purpose of having a trademark! I purchased a trademark to protect myself and now I’m being told I have to pay more money to further protect something I already own?

And why wasn’t I notified of this earlier? I guarantee this will be unwelcome news to a lot of people. Even worse for ones who wake up and find out someone else beat them to it.

So what will I do?

I am REFUSING to pay $99/year for a xxx domain I don’t want any part of owning. I would much rather invest that money into helping other women get out of poverty. That’s where my money is going. I am not going to be blackmailed by the porn industry!  

How about you?

Got something to say about this?  I’d love to hear it.  Post your thoughts below…

Edit: Ladies – the more I think about this, the more I think we need to do something and do it fast.  Share this post with as many women’s organizations as you possibly can. Tell your friends and anyone whose name and or business might be a target.

This is serious.  And I have a feeling it’s going to take everything we women have to change this.

I am still putting together a plan of action. Awareness is the first step so please post this to Twitter, Facebook, Digg and everywhere else. I guarantee you most people do not know about this “xxx land rush” and time is critical!

As many of you are aware, the Women’s Professional Soccer league (WPS) is under threat of not being sanctioned by the U.S. Soccer Federation (USSF) for 2012. The WPS has been given a deadline of December 5th to have secured a 6th team for the 2012 season. While this deadline could be extended again to allow for more time, the reality is that after the incredible summer of women’s soccer we all experienced, the WPS is still on the brink of folding, like its predecessor the Women’s United Soccer Association (WUSA) was forced to do after three seasons.Believe it or not, all major professional men’s sports leagues have been carried to fruition (some are still being carried by the way) by investors willing to fork over millions and even billions of dollars year after year, decade after decade, to see the league survive. Without going into the historic details of the NFL, NBA, MLB and MLS, let us just tell you that if they had given up after a handful of years, they wouldn’t exist today. And yet, when a very young women’s league is struggling, a common response is that, “it’s because no one cares about women’s sports and no one ever will.”We believe that if you build it, they will come. Billie Jean King has said on more than one occasion that women’s sports need female (or male!) millionaires and billionaires to support them, just like men’s sports have been supported by diehard investors who just want to be a part of the game in some way. WNBA President Laurel Richie remarked at this September’s espnW Summit that she lived in New York for 9 years and never got one letter asking her to invest in the New York Liberty. She said, “I want to make sure that doesn’t happen anymore.”This is not a call for a charitable donation. This is a call for investment in women’s soccer and the athletes that play the game. The market has been proven to exist – case in point, the response to this summer’s Women’s World Cup, the subsequent spike in WPS game attendance, and the ongoing spike in attendance at US Women’s National Team friendlies.We are calling specifically on Ellen DeGeneres and Rachel Maddow to invest in a WPS team. Whether they both do it, one of them does it, or they buy a team together (it could happen!) – however it happens, this would not only be a fantastic investment for them but also a huge boost in the mainstream publicity of the league and of women’s soccer. Why DeGeneres and Maddow? They both showed their support of the USWNT after the World Cup this summer, inviting players onto their show and talking about the tournament on air. And in general, they are supportive of others and have fought long battles to get to the top themselves.

Here’s what you can do:

1. Record a video of yourself telling Ellen DeGeneres and/or Rachel Maddow why they should #SaveWPS. The video should be NO LONGER than 15 seconds.
2. Upload the video to YouTube, making sure to include #SaveWPS in the title of the video.
3. Tell us where your video is by posting in the comments below, tweeting at us on Twitter (@womentalksports) or post on our Facebook wall. We want to know who helped #SaveWPS.
4. Use Social Media to tell everyone to watch your video, making sure to use #SaveWPS when you mention it on Twitter.
5. Tell Ellen and Maddow - on Twitter: (@TheEllenShow and @Maddow) and on Facebook: Ellen, Maddow.
6. Tell everyone else to do what you did. Email your friends, post on Facebook, Tweet (be sure to use the #SaveWPS hashtag), shout it down the hallways, write #SaveWPS on your forehead, write it on your car windows with a bar of soap…you get the drift.
7. Tell More People. Send them to this page.

Our goal is to reach 500 #SaveWPS videos. Let’s be loud enough that we can’t be ignored. And don’t worry about your hair, it looks fine. Just make the video!

Happy Monday,

Women Talk Sports

In actuality, I’m pretty exhausted after literally spending weeks putting all of these items together. I really feel for Santa’s elves this time of year. It gets very busy behind the scenes at Girls Can’t WHAT? trying to prepare for the holidays and there’s only on elf at this Pole. And I don’t look all that great in the candy-striped tights.

There’s a LOT of new stuff so let me introduce what we’ve got in store for you this season. There are 12 new items in all.  I was going to break this up like the 12 days of Christmas, but I can’t wait 12 days to spill the beans. Besides, the deals that will be coming down the pipe are so good, you’ll want to be prepared.

So First Things First…Get Prepared with the new WISHLIST Tool!

There is one new feature you will find supremely helpful in the shop this year – Wishlists!  You can now add any product to a personalized wishlist. This includes any of the stock items and anything you create yourself using the customization tools. Just click on the “Add to Wishlist” button on the product page (right under the price) and save your list.

You will then be ready to purchase your personalized item when the right deal comes along.  And believe me, they will come. The last two sales were incredible and there will be a whole lot more coming.  Stay tuned to the newsletter, or follow us on Twitter and Facebook for up to date news on the sales.

Doodle Speakers for your Favorite Music Player

These are really sweet! Doodle by OrigAudio™ is a light and durable hard-plastic speaker with a vibrantly printed fabric face cover and kickstand for easy propping. Powered by USB cable (included) to power via your computer or 2 AAA batteries (not included), the Doodle speaker has a 3.5 mm. headphone jack that is compatible with any standard music device. This fun little speaker makes it easy to take your music and your style anywhere!

Shop Doodle speakers now!

Personalized 5.5″ x 6″ Note Pads (40 Pages)

Jotting notes is more fun with your own custom notepad! Printed in sharp and full color, these notepads look great with any color image, text, or design. Featuring 40 easy tear-away pages of FSC certified paper, custom notebooks are perfect for the home or office.

Create a custom Notepad now!

Notebooks (80 Pages)

Organize your day with a custom notebook! Made with your images and text on the front cover, this notebook is a great way to show off your personal style and keep track of all important notes and appointments all at once.

Create a custom Notebook now!

Coasters

Decorate your home with custom drink coasters! Simple, yet substantial, these coasters will look great in any room in your house.

Made to keep your tables scratch-free, our custom sandstone coasters have a cork backing, so you can use them on any surface.

Shop Coasters Now!

Necklaces

Keep your passion close to your heart with this beautiful sterling silver-plated necklace. Sterling silver-plated chain is 18″ with 3″ extender and lobster claw clasp.

Necklace arrives in a special black felt bag. Finished with UV resistant, waterproof, glossy coating.

Shop Necklaces Now!

Ceramic Tiles

Display your favorite Girls Can’t WHAT? character on this vibrant ceramic tile. Use as a trivet or to decorate your home.

Great for holiday, wedding, and office gifts!

Diameter: 4.25 inches
Depth: .19 inches
Weight: 3.75 ounces

Shop Ceramic Tiles Now!

Gift Boxes 

Display your passion on a vibrant tile inlaid into the lid of this beautiful jewelry box. Made of lacquered wood, the jewelry box comes in Golden Oak, Ebony Black, Emerald Green, and Red Mahogany. Soft felt protects your jewelry and collectibles.

Box Diameter: 5.5 inches
Box Height: 2.3 inches
Box & Tile Weight: 14.125 ounces
Tile Diameter: 4.25 inches

Shop Gift Boxes Now!

Cases

New cases for iPad, iPad2, iPhone3, iPhone4, Blackberry and Android. Customize any case by adding text or selecting any color for the case background.

These cases are hard shell for solid protection of your favorite electronic device.

Shop Cases Now!

Gel Mousepads

Shop Gel Mousepads Now!

Rectangular Magnets

Flex your style with custom flexible magnets from Zazzle! Perfect for refrigerators or any magnetic surface, these vinyl laminated magnets look great with your images, text, or designs vibrantly printed in full color. Stain and water resistant, our high-quality magnets are designed to stick around for a lifetime.

Size: 3″ x 4″
Vibrant, full-color printing
Flexible vinyl lamination contours to curved surfaces
Water and stain resistant

Shop Magnets Now!

Puzzles

Turn Girls Can’t WHAT? designs into a great game with customizable puzzles! Made of sturdy cardboard and mounted on chipboard, these puzzles are printed in vivid and full color. For hours of puzzle enjoyment, give a custom puzzle as a gift today!

Size: 8″ x 10″ (110 pieces)
8″ x 10″ includes storage tin with image printed on lid
Sturdy cardboard stock, mounted on chipboard
Easy wipe-clean surface

Shop Puzzles Now!

Plates

Perfect for celebrating a special occasion or creating a one-of-a-kind dining set, our non-toxic and dishwasher-safe plates show off your passion in vibrant full-color printing. Adorn your home with a custom plate today!

Size: 10″ diameter
Vibrant, full-color printing
Drop and break resistant
Easy-to-clean and dishwasher safe
Not microwave safe

Shop Plates Now!

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