New Years Resolutions don’t make ANY sense to me.

If there’s something you need or want to change, why wait until a New Year to resolve to make that change? Why not start right now, in the present, immediately, as soon as you realize something isn’t working out the way you expected?

If you’re someone who swears by New Years Resolutions (and even if you’re not,)

I DARE you not to wait.

What positive change you can make in your life right now, changes that will help you get real right now?

Maybe you need to get real about school and finding a healthy balance between academics, work and fun?
Or do you need to stop making excuses for that guy who calls himself your boyfriend but doesn’t show up in the relationship like you want or deserve?

Whatever it is for you, take a good look at the choices you are making, and if those choices aren’t working for you, it’s simple —

Redirect, start fresh, and make another choice, right now.

Yeah, change can be scary but not as scary as looking back and realizing how much time you’ve wasted sticking with something or someone that’s clearly not working for you.

No more waiting.

Get out there and start gettin’ real about change, wherever it is that change needs to happen in your life!

Forget about New Year’s Resolutions and resolve to be a conscious and active participant in your life, to strive to be your best you every day. And if you choose to continue to wait or to put off changes until New Year’s… or the weekend or Monday or the beginning of next month or next semester, I have one question for you.

What the hell are you waiting for?

You failed the test.
He broke up with you.
He never even called.
She was unbelievably rude and hurtful.
You didn’t get the job.
You got fired from your job.
She blamed (it) on you.
He shared your secret.
You didn’t make the team.
They lost, again.
They’re choosing favorites, again.

The leadership sucks.
School sucks.
He sucks.
She sucks.
It sucks.
It really sucks.
Whatever it is.

And I ask…are you sure? Are you sure it sucks? I know you think you’re sure, but are you REALLY sure? Really, really sure? Because if you’re going to give this thing the power, whatever it is, I want you to be really, really sure.

What do you believe about this thing (or situation or person) that sucks? How would you describe this thing that sucks, this thing that wants to take your power? How do you know your description is right? How can you be so sure it’s right?

If you’re going to give it the power, let it ruin your life, break you down, keep you in bed for three days, turn you into a freak, totally overwhelm you, take your focus away or take you away from your best friend, you better make damn sure you’re right.

Remember the last time? Remember how after it was all over you wondered why you had given it so much power when, OMG, it SO did not deserve it or he so did not deserve you or you had no idea what she’d been going through or…

Next time you find yourself feeling the emotions and saying the words and gearing up for battle against that next thing that sucks — and it will come, remember these ten syllables, this affirmation of your power:

Truth, girls:
So it sucks?
Power’s yours. You choose!

Women are emotional.

This can be our biggest downfall or our largest advantage.

From a young age, as girls, people expect us to show our emotions. Then, as we get older, the tides shift a bit, and the world begins to suggest to us that

Being emotional may, in fact, be a bad thing.

When we believe these messages the world conveys, we begin to wonder if maybe we should hide our emotions. Afterall, if emotions are bad, we certainly don’t want them to get in the way of a successful career, finding love and all of the other things we desire in our lives.

This is crap. And here’s the reason why.

While being overly emotional can create problems for us if we let it, emotions themselves Are. Not. Bad. In fact, not only are they not bad, but they are, in their nature, very, very good.

Emotions serve a grand purpose for each of us. They keep us safe and align our lives with our values and with our greatest truth. They keep us aligned with our soul, with our most authentic self, and with our purpose.

Our emotions can give us a big advantage in school, professionally and in life.

Some people like to generalize that all women are emotional and, therefore, have the potential to turn into an emotional basketcase if the appropriate situation arises. But here’s the thing. It’s not our emotions but rather our often misled and sometimes irrational reactions to the emotions that can make us basketcase-prone — or not.

The great news is we get to choose how we react to our emotions. All of them.

Basketcase or best-case, which will you choose?

Emotions can put us on the emotional edge, or in turn, they can give us an emotional edge that can help us become more successful and happy in all areas of our life.

Will you choose to be on edge or to have an edge – basketcase or best case? And what the hell is the difference, anyway? Well, let me tell you.

Let’s start with the Basket Case.

The basketcase gets on edge in tough, confusing or emotional situations.

• She feels out of control and, sometimes, hopeless
• She doesn’t stop to recognize what she’s feeling
• She simply reacts to her feelings, never stopping to consider the facts
• She takes these situations very personally
• She feels stuck, with no way out of the situation or how she’s feeling
• She immediately goes to worst case scenario
• She blames others for things that are going wrong in her life
• It never occurs to her to try reasoning with her feelings.

But you can’t help it, right? Feelings are feelings. They just are what they are. You can’t help them, stop them, or control them. And they’re valid. You have a right to feel how you feel. And on top of that, she was really mean or he broke your heart or (fill in the blank.)

Yes, your feelings are very valid. In fact, they are always valid, and you are absolutely right to think you should be allowed to feel how you feel. The thing is sometimes our feelings are misplaced, so the feelings are valid but they are not accurate for the current situation.

As a basketcase, we either don’t understand or don’t acknowledge this detail, and we let our emotions take the driver’s seat, letting them steer our decisions about how we will react to the situation in front of us. No questions asked, we let them rule.

Then there’s the Best Case. The best case girl tends to have a very different reaction to the same tough, confusing or emotional situation and that is what gives her the edge.

The best case girl catches herself before she gets on edge.

• She knows things are not always as they first appear
• She recognizes there are two sides to every story
• She stops to identify what she is feeling
• She attempts to de-personalize the situation by looking outside her feelings to consider the facts — asking questions like who else, what else, why else
• She looks for the silver lining
• She reasons with her feelings to figure out if they make sense for the current situation
• She thinks before acting, so she is able to respond instead of react.

The best case girl is destined to be happier and more successful overall, because she remains in charge of how her story will go.

She controls her emotions instead of letting her emotions control her.

And just so we’re clear, notice I didn’t say she ignores her emotions or hides her emotions or feels shame about her emotions. No.

By controlling her emotions, she takes charge. She learns to recognize her emotions and understand where they are coming from, what’s triggering them, and she learns to recognize the same in other people.

She gets to know how she is feeling — initimately.

She learns to show herself compassion as she begins to understand her feelings and the stories and beliefs within her that her feelings are based on.

She reasons with her feelings to make sure they are appropriate and accurate for the current situation.
And if they’re not, she considers what an appropriate emotional response might be.

She really focuses on staying positive,

giving the benefit of the doubt and considering different interpretations of the situation, always seeking out the possible best case scenarios.

Ultimately, and possibly her biggest saving grace, the best-case girl knows that things that happen in her life that involve other people are almost never really about her but about the other person. She knows and acts out of compassion and empathy and understanding, and she knows that doing all of these things doesn’t mean she has to agree when unacceptable behaviors and situations arise but only understand why they might be happening.

The best-case girl will almost never find herself on edge, at least not for long, because she has seen the edge and prefers to be confidently atop it rather than teetering upon it.

Yes, this is the girl who, when you see her on campus, you find yourself saying, “I don’t know what she has, but whatever it is, I want some of it.”

So that’s it. Basketcase or best case. Which one of these girls rings most true for you? The great news is that, no matter what edge you’re riding right now, ultimately, you get to choose. Every girl can learn to be a best case girl. Are you in?

—————————————————————————————————-
Now it’s your turn…just for fun —
Do you know how to avoid being an emotional basket case? Take this quiz to find out!

That thing that your heart is tugging at you to do.

That thing that you know will lead you down the right path. You can just feel it.

That thing your gut is telling you is the right thing for you to do, the right choice for you to make.

Yet, we don’t do it.

What is it about that thing?

Why don’t we do it even though we know in our hearts — and in our gut — that it is the exact thing we should be doing?

Not because it’s right according to someone else, but because our soul and every other part of us is screaming it’s right for us.

I say do it. All of us. We should do that thing.

Even when you’re scared, do it anyway.
Even when you have doubt, do it anyway.
Even when you don’t know exactly what to do or how to do it, do it anyway.
Even when others think you’ve lost you’re mind, do it anyway.
Even when you think they’ll say no, do it anyway.
Even when you think no one else will understand, do it anyway.

Whatever it is that is getting in the way of you doing that thing,

Do. It. Anyway.
And do it no matter what.

Your soul is talking to you.
Your soul is begging you to be courageous and honorable and brave.
Your soul is trying to lead you down the path to your hearts desires.

You say you want to be happy.
You say you want to be successful.
You say you want to be loved and accepted.
You say you want to be enough just the way you are.

I do too. We all do.

Your heart and your soul know how to help you get all of these things and more.
Listen to them.

They are speaking to you.

So even when you’re scared and tired and doubtful, and you will be when it comes to that thing…

Do it anyway.
No matter what.
You’ll be glad you did.
——————————————————————————————–

Share please… We would love to hear about your things, about your fears and doubts, and finally, about the thing you chose to Do Anyway, No Matter What. Start a conversation by leaving a comment.

I guarantee you other people have their own things and their own fears and doubts. Let’s rally together and support each in doing it anyway. Will you be the first?

* Want some help with doing it anyway, no matter what? Check out Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Dr. Susan Jeffers. I read this book when I was 22 years old and highly recommend it if you want to get real about this whole concept of doing it anyway.

In your life, you search and search for the right person. Every time you break up
with someone, you get one step closer to that person.
You should look at moving on as getting one step closer to the one.

— Ian Philpot

Recently, Tiny Buddha had a post entitled Lost Love: What It Means to Move On.

In the article, the author shared her own post-break up experience and the things she learned as she picked up the pieces and tried to figure out what it meant to move on without her man. In the end, she revealed the a-ha moment that shifted her perspective around her ex and her break up and gave her the clarity and closure she needed to finally move on.

Read the article.

Oh yes. This story of lost love and moving on is one we can all relate to, so I wanted to share with you both her article and my own thoughts on break ups and moving on.

Hopefully, our wisdom combined will help you hurt a little less and see a little more clearly the next time you find yourself breaking up and moving on.

Two more life lessons to help you move on from lost love and still have love in your heart

Although I’d learned something, or many things, from every break up, it was with my last break up that the monumental light bulb of enlightenment turned on. It was with this last break up that the most profound of all break up lessons came clearly into view.

These two lessons didn’t immediately make all of the hurt go away, but they did help me move on and begin the healing process more quickly than I could ever remember from break-ups past. They also prepared me to walk into my future not wounded but ready to love again — and still in love with myself.

#1 When a relationship comes to an end, always be completely honest with yourself about what you’ve actually lost

After a break up, while you’re replaying all of the things that were so wonderful about your relationship (the things that worked), you must also be willing to take a good honest and loving look at the things in the relationship that didn’t work.

Loss hurts and that’s okay. We just have to make sure the level of hurt we create around it honestly reflects the level of loss. And that requires that we look at all parts of the relationship (or whatever the loss is.) What it was, yes, but as importantly, what it was not.

#2 Love is real even if it doesn’t last

Admitting what didn’t work can never negate the things that did work. The parts of the relationship that were beautiful and loving will always remain beautiful and loving.

The love we feel in any relationship is real, even if it isn’t reciprocated and even if it doesn’t last. It was very real in the moment you felt it, and nothing can change that.

Remember how it felt to love, and then, be willing to gently release it and move on.

And in the words of Dr. Suess:
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

————————————————————————————————————-

Did you like this post? Please… Like, Share, Tweet, Comment! Thx!

Love may be what makes the world go ’round, but every February 14, Valentine’s Day has a way of knocking that sentiment right off it’s happy little axis.

On this very day that represents love, many of us find ourselves focusing more on hating the day than we do on all the things we have to love in our lives.

Loving to hate Valentine’s Day.

Based on my very non-scientific research, there appears to be a well defined and much talked about love/hate relationship with this holiday reserved for celebrating love.

Those on the hate side of Valentine’s Day use words like hate, loath, and dread to describe their feelings about this holiday of love, roses, chocolates and Cupid. You can read more about what they had to say here, here, here, here, here and here.

We get it.
You. Hate. Valentine’s. Day.

Well, we think it’s time for you to give V-day and yourself a break from all the hate, and maybe, just maybe, even take a peek at learning to love it just a little.

So what do you say? If you’re one of those people who dreads Valentine’s Day, let go of the hate and the negative emotions you like to give to this holiday of love.

It’s Valentine’s Day. Accept it, embrace it, make friends with it.

I’m pretty sure this day of celebrating love is here to stay, so it’s time for you to change your relationship with it. Come on, you can do it.

The bottom line is…

You get to choose what this day, Valentine’s Day, represents for you.

Let it represent love, in whatever way you want to experience it — whether you’re attached, single or oddly somewhere in between.

And if you’re feeling like no one loves you, for what it’s worth, I don’t even know you and I love you. I know, kind of weird, but simply the truth.

So from my heart to yours, let’s be Valentine’s. Cool?

We promised ourselves the last time would be the last time we’d ask for that thing, that thing that we’d asked for so many times already. Whether it’s money or a visit or a favor or whatever that thing is that seems far too big to ask,

We just. can’t. ask. again

— not even just one more time.

And we desperately don’t want to have to ask. We want to be able to handle things on our own. We want to be proud of ourselves, and we want those who have helped us in the past to be proud of us too. To know that we can stand on our own two feet.

Pride sucks because

Sometimes, we need to be brave enough to ask for help anyway. No. Matter. What.

No matter what they will think.
No matter how we will feel.

We have to ask no matter what, swallowing our pride if that’s what it takes, because we matter and it matters that much.

And because sometimes the consequences of not asking are far greater than the consequences of asking, even if it’s one more time.

This sucks too, asking one more time. But odds are, even if the people you are asking hoped last time would be the last time too, they’ll be really glad you asked again.

Because it matters that much to you and you matter that much to them.
——————————————————————————————————————————–

Here are five of my top go-to strategies for being happy and successful and making smooth transitions at any stage of life.

#1 Stand up for yourself and what you believe in — and know what you believe in.

Standing up for yourself and what you believe in educates the world on what you will and will not accept in regards to how they treat you, and it can arm you with tools to set a situation straight when it doesn’t feel right to you. Sometimes, this is simply about making a choice — saying “no” to something that doesn’t feel right or takes you off your desired path, even if saying “no” is scary.

And in order to stand up for what you believe in, you have to know what you believe. Start paying attention to what matters to you and really get curious about it. Make sure that the beliefs you are standing up for are your own and not just something you inherited or copied from someone else.

#2 Realize that life is about choices — make choices that ring true to your soul, every time.

There is so much power in realizing that life is about the choices you make. We can make good choices and bad choices, and yes, you will make both.

Own all of the choices you make and do the best you can to always make the best, most true choices for you. Oh, and let’s not forget that not making a choice is, ultimately, a choice, but when you don’t choose, you just may be leaving the door open for someone else to choose for you.

Your soul will ALWAYS help you make good choices. Listen to your soul and then follow it — as often as you can.

#3 Don’t wait for tomorrow — be an active participant in your life TODAY.

Make every today count. Be awake and aware to the things and people that are present in your life right now. Or as I like to say, “Live in the what-is.”

Source: NotSalmon.com
View image and full message.

If you spend every today thinking about how you can make tomorrow better, your life WILL pass you by. So be aware of tomorrow, but live in today — make all of your actions conscious and intentional.

My life coach once said something to me that made so much sense when it comes to being present and fully engaged in the present. This is what she said,

“If every choice you make today is authentic for you,
then why do you have to worry about tomorrow?
Won’t it just take care of itself?”

#4 If it’s not working, change it — as soon as possible and whatever it is.

Large or small, whatever it is, if it’s not working, stop. And I mean now, as soon as it starts to feel bad or off or just wrong. If it’s not working now, it’s not likely to start working simply because you give it a little more time or just one more chance.

Let. It. Go. Whatever it is for you. That thing that you are hanging on to, settling for, fighting to change — even though no matter what you try it just doesn’t fit or isn’t getting better. Start looking at your options and considering what other choices may be available to you.

It’s really pretty simple. If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something different. It’s your choice. Choose to stay? Stop complaining — about how bad things are or how hurt you are or how unfair things are.

And if you’re not sure, yet, imagine Dr. Phil standing in front of you and asking, with a smirk on his face and sarcasm in his voice, “How’s that workin’ for ya?”

#5 Be completely honest with yourself — always, no matter what.

In all areas of your life, always look at the whole truth of every situation, every encounter, every relationship and every choice — even (or maybe especially) the parts of the truth you don’t want to believe.

We lie to ourselves all the time about things that are going on in our lives. We make all sorts of excuses for the things and people in our lives rather than telling ourselves the truth about them, because we don’t like the answers that the truth will tell us. But the lies don’t help us. They trap us.

So know the truth, embrace the truth, live the truth, because as it has been said, the truth will set you free.
———————————————————————————————————————————–

Featured image credit: Ordinary Abundance

I don’t know you very well, but apparently, you recently came to visit me.

You see, I couldn’t seem to get any work done in my office, and eventually, I realized…

Having my back to the door meant every time I sat down to work I was turning my back on the world — and on the exact people I claimed I wanted to touch with my work.

Holy crap. Really?

I had searched for months for just the right desk.

That desk was going to make me feel like the creative and passionate business woman that I am. After I found that desk, I spent several days playing with and testing out different positions for the desk within my new sun room-turned-office. I wanted it all to be just right.

Then…Eureka! I pushed the desk up against the back wall. That was it. I would create my legacy in the world sitting at my just-right desk while happily facing to look out upon the world through my nice, new, big office windows. I couldn’t imagine a better set up for someone like me who loves the outdoors.

I imagined all the work I would accomplish and all the lives I would change at that desk.

Every time I sat down at my desk, loads of energizing natural light would pour in through the large windows that span the back wall of the office.

As I worked, I would look out over the lovely little set of woods just beyond the glass, soaking in the beauty and life of the sunshine and trees and gleefully enjoying the occasional visit from a Hawk or other small wildlife alighting or scurrying past on a tree limb in front of me.

It would be sort of like working in a tree house. That sounded good, even right. I was ready. Things were perfect.

But apparently, I Could. Not. Have. Been. More. WRONG.

I couldn’t get a thing done. Pretty much every time I sat down at the desk to work, I was overcome by distraction. I’m talking the you-name-it-I’m-distracted-by-it kind of distraction.

It was a bit, shall I say, disastrous and quite unproductive. I couldn’t stay focused for the life of me. I lacked clarity and confidence and courage to start on and/or finish the myriad of very important things that I continued to add to my mental to-do list. Let’s just say I was going nowhere fast.

Then, click. The a-ha moment.

Every time I sit down at the desk, I am turning my back on the very world and the very people I long to serve.

I knew what I had to do. And the minute I turned the desk around, everything felt better – immediately better. And right. Really right. It still felt like a treehouse, but now, I was sitting in the trees instead of looking out at them.

And then it happened. Feng Shui, we have a problem.

Everything was perfect with my new office arrangement except the glare from the windows on my computer screen. I’ve been tolerating it for a couple of days now, but I can’t keep working like this.

And guess what? If I really look at the glare instead of trying to look past it, do you know what I see?

The beauty and life of the sunshine and trees and the blue, blue sky. I love that I can still see all of that outdoorsy beauty while facing in the right direction for prosperity and productivity and sharing my message, but do you know what this new discovery equals for me?

You guessed it. D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-O-N!

So what now, oh wise Feng Shui?

WTH is the Feng Shui way to address the quite-inviting-and-lovely-yet-disturbingly-distracting glare on my computer screen that was created, ultimately, by my attempt to Feng Shui in the first place? Please, please, just answer this for me so I can, again, get un-distracted and back to work!

Sincerely and thank you — and keeping it real,
Shannon

P.S. I have been dealing with the glare the entire time I’ve been writing — or trying to write — this letter, and it has been very, very distracting. Please, come quickly with a solution!
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Now it’s your turn!
I don’t know how quickly Fung Shei will get back to me on this, so I’m looking for suggestions on how to resolve this problem. Please Like, Share, Comment, Chant, or whatever it takes, just share your suggestions and invite others along too!

I’ll be checking back every five minutes to see who has made suggestions, because I’m distracted and that’s what distracted people do. Unless, of course, I get distracted by walking the dog, doing laundry, playing Words with Friends, or incessantly checking email, Facebook and Twitter.

Thanks for being here! And truly, I’d love your suggestions.

Interested in checking out Feng Shui for yourself? Check out this article for 10 common feng shui booby traps and how to avoid them.

Image Credit: greatdad.com and Daddy’s Home, the creation of designer Gary Markstein and New York-based writer and illustrator Anthony Rubino Jr. See the full comic image here.

Did you ever play connect the dots as a kid?

Until you learned about and understood the process of drawing the lines from dot to dot, that page of dots really had no meaning, no clear purpose. It was simply a bunch of dots.

It was only after you learned to connect the dots, and began to connect — dot to dot to dot, that the purpose of the dots, the meaning of the dots, began to appear.

And with each new line you drew, each new dot you connected, the picture, the sole purpose for each of those dots — and all of the dots together, began to make sense.

Each of those dots alone could exist only as a dot, but then the magic would happen.

With the intentional and methodical connecting of all of the dots together, with each new line, their most important purpose, their true meaning became more and more clear. Until, finally, with excitement and wonder, you no longer saw a page of disconnected dots but a lovely, purposeful image.

Life is like connect-the-dots.

I remember when I was in my late 20s saying to my mom one day,

“You know, I have all of the right pieces (in my life,)
but there’s nothing holding them all together,
making them cohesive, nothing that makes it all matter.”

As far could tell, I was doing everything in life the way it was supposed to be done. I was ticking away at the timeline of life — High school, College, Corporate Job, Big City. Check, check, check, check.

I had a great job with great pay, great benefits and great co-workers, a nice place to live, a large circle of close friends, and I had started exploring the world of travel.

If you’re talking dots, those are some pretty good dots, and they made for a pretty good life.

The only problem with my dots was that, no matter how great they were, they were all just kind of floating around on their own. There was nothing connecting them, no line from dot to dot that turned them from a disconnected set of dots into a connected, meaningful and fulfilling life for me.

For a 20-something, I had it all, so to speak. And sure, I was happy (enough,) and thankful — even grateful, but under the surface, I was quietly unsettled and somehow still unseemingly incomplete.

I tried and tried to connect the dots in a way that would create meaning for me, REAL meaning of a life that mattered.

Then, it became clear to me. These were not my dots.

See that image above. That is what life looks like (and feels like) when you have all the dots, but they’re not yet connected.

Imagine removing the numbers and then trying to figure out how to connect the dots in a meaningful way. This is what it feels like when you are trying to create a life out of dots that aren’t made for you.

These dots simply cannot be connected.

If you find your dots impossible to connect, then please, please rexamine where you’re headed and make sure you are creating a life — full of connectable dots — that will bring special meaning and joy intended just for you.

And if you like your dots — if your dots make you feel safe or maybe like you’re on the right track, then having them disconnected will suffice for a while, but eventually, if you want a life that matters, a life that has meaning for you on your terms, YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO CONNECT THE DOTS.
————————————————————————————————————————————————–