What defines “sexy?” You know you are sexy, you are still complimented by random strangers/friends, but has your man forgotten how sexy you are? What do men find insanely attractive? By following some quick, simple tips, you will forever remain sexy in your man’s eyes (not to mention the other guys turning their heads when you walk into the room!).

1. Maintain Your Independence – This is a no brainer. Men love when women seek their own independence. Keep your own set of friends, work to advance in your career, enjoy your own “me” time, away from your man. No guy seeks a clingy chick, as this is viewed as needy, and perhaps even desperate.
2. Be Competitive -  When you hear the word “competitive”, you likely think of numerous negative connotations. In fact, the first image that pops into my head is a roomful of guys, drinking beer, wearing sports jerseys, and throwing darts or shooting pool. How can this possibly be transferred to a lesson in uber-sexiness for a woman (besides the obvious mud wrestling or pillow fights)?? When was the last time you challenged your man to a game on the XBox, go-kart racing, or bocce ball after dinner? One of the best dates I’ve had in a while included an air hockey challenge! (Yes, in case you were wondering, I did put the smack down on him!)
3. Sustainable Confidence – It is in the way you walk, your posture, your take-charge attitude in a conversation, a meeting, or planning a dinner outing with friends. The manner in which you are self-assured about your choice of an outfit, a career change, or even in meeting with his mom will drive him wild.
4. Intellect – Yes, we know that men love the hair in a bun, dark rimmed glasses, a book on our lap, and an engrossed expression on our face…. The classic librarian look. However, besides the appearance of intellect, are you maintaining an open mind, engaging his brain, and bringing up topics that are important to him? If not, get started!
5. Appearance- From the obvious sex appeal in your favorite LBD, bare legs and crazy-high heels to your attention to hygiene, appearances matter with your guy! Does your hair still smell fruity, like it did when he first met you and loved winding his fingers through your hair to help you fall asleep? Is your breath minty, every crack and crevice is clean, fresh, and moisturized? These little things are items that your man noticed when you first started dating…remind him of them every day and show him the effort you put into your appearance is for your own benefit, but you certainly love it when he notices also!
6. Girl Next Door–  Men often grow up saying they want to marry a stripper. In reality, they grow out of this very quickly. They want a classy chick that can be one of the guys when a big game is on, one who maintains wholesome qualities most of the time, and yes, one who has a stripper side to her in other rooms of the house (or yard, parking lot, hallway, whatever…).
7. Get Dirty! – Can you change your own oil? Do you get down on your belly to clean the lime out of the water heater? Have you ever been caving, played flag football, camped at a “primitive” site, or had dirt under your nails anytime recently? If not, get on it! Bonus points if you do it short shorts and a cami!
8. Get his advice – Going car shopping? In the market for a new laptop? Ready to switch up some investments? Ask your man’s opinion about any topic in which he has expressed his own confidence. I’ll admit that I don’t really know why hockey players get in fist fights during a game, what type of bait is best to catch a good catfish, nor do I understand what an HDMI cable is, but isn’t that what men are for?
9. What “won” him over initially? Think about how you “upped” your game a bit when you were single and you “beat out” all the other women that may also have wanted your man. Does your man always stare at chicks wearing low cut tops, or those with long, painted nails? Girl, a mani/pedi may be in order!
10. Stay secure. As I focused on in a prior article, jealousy is NOT sexy! Rest assured that your man chose to be with you. If you’re in a healthy relationship, staying sexy, and chose the right man, you have no need to fear when his eyes stare at a waitress, or he suddenly gets three new female friends on Facebook. Remember that you are the one who he warms up the car for, brings you your fuzzy socks and a pontytail holder after work, and buys your favorite wine even though he can’t stand it. Just as confidence in your own attitude and appearance are sexy to him, staying secure in your relationship and not begging him to talk about “where this is going” or “do you still love me anymore” on a regular basis are also not insanely attractive to most men.

It is impossible to summarize how to maintain sex appeal in just 10 short tips. All sexy, sassy chicks that read these trendy online mags bring something special to the table. Learn to recognize your own assets, determine what made him fall for you in the first place, and play it up! Here’s to a sexy week ahead!

Image from 3D Wallpaper Studio

About the author: 

Mandy Chapman is a native Midwesterner who has taught several dating seminars and written materials for numerous columns, dating materials, and message boards. She co-organizes a social networking group, the St. Louis Friends. As a dating coach, she has reviewed hundreds of online dating profiles, providing guidance, support and networking to struggling daters in the St. Louis area.

Traditionally dubbed the day of love, what do all of us single girls do on February 14^th? We should be celebrating Tuesday! We’re smart, sexy, and sassy….and a day to celebrate love won’t be depressing this year. Bring it!

Do you realize the history behind Valentine’s Day? If you did, you’d likely not want to celebrate it either (even if you are in a great, loving relationship)!

Traditionally, it is believed that a priest, later martyred as St. Valentine, married couples in secret, against Roman Emperor Claudius’ ban on the exchange of vows. (Claudius believed that marriage distracted men from their civic duties and from serving as honorable soldiers.) According to legend, this same priest, while jailed for this treasonous crime, fell in love with the jailer’s daughter and exchanged love notes with her daily. They signed the notes, “From your Valentine.” Thus, when this obscure priest was stoned and then beheaded (also very romantic!), he was memorialized as “St. Valentine.” This grotesque, public death was carried out on… you guessed it… February 14, 270 AD.

This year, let’s celebrate Singles Awareness Day! A movement started in the south a few years ago, this non-traditional holiday is really picking up! They pegged it S-A-D – Singles Awareness Day. However, what is sad about being single? I can think of some advantages:

-          You don’t have to “report” to anyone. No checking in with someone when you’re running late, decide to spontaneously go to a happy hour, or you just don’t feel like cooking or doing laundry tonight.

-          You can spend a lot more time with your friends. How many of your married friends get to go out anytime they get the whim?

-          More time to focus on your career – working late, on a weekend, sleeping with the laptop in bed next to you…all acceptable when you’re single…not so much when you’re involved.

-          Your money is your own. No nagging about having too many pairs of shoes, spending too much at girl’s night last night, or booking a last minute flight to see a friend.

-          Don’t you remember how much you hated the way the last guy you dated was always late, or drank too much, or slept in too late? No more dealing with anyone else’s annoying habits! (Whew! Now I don’t have to fight about the direction the toilet paper is hung on the wall, squeezing toothpaste from the middle of the tube, nor even standing there with the door to the fridge open for 10 minutes before selecting a bottle of beer!)

-          Be Thankful. Send a note to your friends/family, reminding them of how much you care for them. Everyone loves being the recipient of gratitude, so why not send some? Post on Facebook, send a few handwritten notes, make a couple of phone calls to other singles, or send a few emails. Personalize each one to ensure the recipient realizes how much they mean to you.

Keep in mind that you are probably single BY CHOICE. You are a sexy, sassy, smart diva. Women definitely have the advantage in the dating world (ask any guy!). We can bat our eyelashes and find a man willing to buy us a drink, walk us to the car, or fly us to the beach for a quick weekend trip. But then we’d have to deal with all the hassles listed above. It’s fun to be single and a little less stressed than our attached counterparts. If we wanted a date (or a boyfriend for that matter), it wouldn’t be hard to find one in a week (maximum). However, we’d miss out on the quality time with ourselves, our family/friends, our careers, and yes, even with the Ben & Jerry’s hidden in the back of the freezer. Enjoy the time now… love may fall into your lap unexpectedly and you may crave your single days a year from now!

So this year, 2012, Valentine’s Day is on a Tuesday. I’d suggest you celebrate this glorious Tuesday in any number of ways:

-          Indulge in an all dessert dinner at home (you know, warm sugar cookies, sherbet, and of course! – chocolate for the third course.

-          Give yourself a mani/pedi. You know you want to…but never have time anyway.

-          Shop online – make an Amazon wish list – you’ve been meaning to for a while anyway.

-          Invite a few single friends over and enjoy cocktails, finger foods, and board games.

-          Watch a scary movie in bed.

-          Get outside! Hike, walk, bike, ice skate, sit in a park and read…doesn’t matter…Just let that Vitamin D soak into your skin and feel the fresh, crisp air. If it snows, even better! Hot cocoa will be waiting.

-          Catch up on your Words With Friends games (and Mafia Wars, CafeWorld, etc.). Don’t you have animals to feed?

-          File your taxes. Hey, why not get them done early this year?

-          Indulge in a looooong bubble bath… wine, candles, and scented oils required. Follow up with the expensive lotion you’ve been saving and the pillow/linen spray on the bed.

-          Go to the shooting range. I love shooting a box of 22’s…why not on Valentine’s Day?

-          Rejuvenate your New Year’s Resolutions to work out more. Take a kickboxing, yoga, Zumba, or Boot Camp, or schedule your first session with a personal trainer.

This year, let’s celebrate Tuesday! After all, isn’t that much more cheerful than going out to eat at an over-priced restaurant, served by frustrated waiters, waiting for 90 minutes for our table next to the door, complete with the frigid draft and all? Happy Singles Awareness Day to all of my sexy peeps out there!

 Image from AprilBeyer.com

About the author: 

Mandy Chapman is a native Midwesterner who has taught several dating seminars and written materials for numerous columns, dating materials, and message boards. She co-organizes a social networking group, the St. Louis Friends. As a dating coach, she has reviewed hundreds of online dating profiles, providing guidance, support and networking to struggling daters in the St. Louis area.

Image Credit: bookwormofedwards.com

Sometimes I read a book, see a photo, or happen upon a blog post and I can’t help getting green with envy-wishing I had thought of it first. Reading The Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown did just that. Brown’s book follows the tale of three sisters who must learn what it means to be themselves, and how essential familial bonds and trials are to self-actualization.

In her book, Brown layers together the narratives of the three daughters of an overly devoted Shakespeare scholar (responsible for the Bardian inspired names Rosalind, Bianca, and Cordelia) in such a way that their tale is told from the perspective of the group-a unique literary device that subtly allows the reader to give shape to the relationship they share. The book alludes to the poetry and plays of Shakespearean throughout, with old-English couplets being slung left and right and even the title alluding to the ancient meaning of the word “weird” or “wyrd” which is explained by the sisters early in the book as meaning fate, a conceptual theme central to the book.

The sisters grew up in a small Ohio town anchored by a university, in a home that can only be described as splendidly cluttered with literature. Through a series of individual twists of fate they come home and to the side of their ailing mother. Each sister brings with them their burdens and unique personality: Rosalind, or Rose, clinging to her dutiful martyrdom; Bianca, or Bean, struggling with a loss of not only her integrity but also her gently slipping youth; and Cordelia, or Cordy, coming to grips with the twists of an unexpected pregnancy. All three become the dutiful daughters who guide their parents through their mother’s battle with breast cancer.

Brown’s book is told with enough lightness to pull the reader through some dark topics, but without losing the gravity of the situation and revelations. And Brown handles the characters enough love and grace, even when they are at their worst, that it is easy to relate to all of them and hope to see the best for them.

As the oldest of three sisters, sisters who share a relationship not unlike the “weird” Andreas sisters, I was immediately drawn to this story. And like any piece of art (which I deign to confess that I see all books are art, no matter how big or small) it reflected back at me my relationships in a way that made them more clear and valuable to me. Though be you a sister of three or a sister of one, I recommend reading The Weird Sisters and sharing it with them.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own. You can join in on the discussion about the book over on BlogHer’s site by visiting http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-weird-sisters

Image credit: insidetv.ew.com

With about a month and a half to go before the season five premiere of AMC’s hit television drama, Mad Men, and approximately 52 hours to catch up on if you haven’t joined the millions of fans who have already become obsessed with the comings and goings at Sterling Cooper, it’s time for a plan.

For those who are newcomers I highly recommend a ride on Netflix and some dedication-it will pay off in so many ways. For those who are primed and ready, might I suggest a premiere party? And I have just the guide to help you throw it.

Mad Men has inspired so much in today’s pop-culture vernacular. From reviving mid-century modern architecture and furniture trends, to a whole clothing line from Banana Republic, to the latest resurgence of couture cocktail culture, Mad Men has been the inspiration for more than just appointment television. In fact the series is one of the horses that helped lead television into the revived golden age it is in now. The latest addition to the Mad Men lexicon is The Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook: Inside the Kitchens, Bars, and Restaurants of Mad Men, co-written by veteran cookbook author Judy Gelman and jounalist/author Peter Zheutlin.

Gelman is no stranger to tying food into other forms of entertainment. Her first cookbook, The Book Club Cookbook, is a fun foray into reading and eating that has turned into a sometimes franchise for the writer and cook, with the latest installment Table of Contents featuring book-related recipes from famous authors. The Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook was born out of Gleman’s fascination with the show. She explains, “I’ve always been curious about how writers use food to tell something about the characters and plot in literature and I enjoy culinary history. Naturally, that curiosity extends to the foods seen on television, but particularly with Mad Men, which is so stylistically accurate and all of the dishes and drinks [in the cookbook] are from the era.”

Though not officially endorsed by AMC or the show’s creators, the book reads as one part episode guide, one part American history, and one part guide to some of the show’s essential ingredients-food and drink. Each recipe is book-ended by the story of the episodes in which it appears and the historical context from which the recipe was born. While many of the meals and drinks are adapted from recipes that were cooked on the show in the Drapers kitchen, other recipes come from some of New York’s finest, storied eateries-including an exclusive first publication of the famed steak tartar recipe from Sardi’s.

For the budding chef or burgeoning mixologist, the recipes in The Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook are a chance to really test your throwback brawn in the kitchen with style, flair, and a touch of mid-century glamor. While for the seasoned foodie it is a walk through the history of the American table. And overall it is a definitive guide to all the best cocktails and snacks for your Mad Men premiere party-the party for which I am anxiously awaiting my email invitation.

For your viewing, drinking, and dining pleasure I submit two recipes from the Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook, reprinted with the permission of author Judy Gelman, to get your Mad Men viewing started off right.

Image credit: Nina Gallant for the Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook

Don Draper’s Old Fashioned and Roger’s Martini – a staple drink of the show, an old fashioned can be made with either bourbon or rye. The Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook notes that we most often see Canadian Club in Mr Draper’s home and office, but a good Maker’s Mark or Woodford would work just as well.

Ingredients:

1 orange slice
1 maraschino cherry
1 tsp sugar
Few drops of Angostura bitters
Splag of soda water for muddling
2.5 ounces rye or bourbon

Directions: In a mixing glass, muddle orange slice, cherry, sugar, bitters and a little soda water: push around and break up cherry and orange until flavor is released. Add soda water so cherry is wet and sugar is melted. Add rye or bourbon and serve over rocks, if desired.

Image credit: Nina Gallant for the Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook

Toasted Parmesan Canapes and Homemade Melba Toasts – The Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook notes that these tasty treats were very popular in the 50′s and 60′s and were served during Season 3, Episode 9 during the Rockefeller Fundraiser at the Drapers’ home. The recipe is adapted from the Ladies’ Home Journal Cookbook published in 1963.

Ingredients for Melba Toasts:

1 loaf sandwich bread

Ingredients for Canapes:

3/4 cup minced onion
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, plus extra for sprinkling
Paprika, for sprinkling
20 Melba Toasts

Directions: Prepare Melba toasts by preheating the over to 275. If loaf of bread is unsliced, cut into very thin slices approximately 1/16-inch thick. Trim crust and cut bread diagonally into triangles, or us a cutter to make circles or your desired shapes. Arrange slices in one layer, preferably on one or two cookie sheets, and bake slowly in the upper-and/or lower-middle levels until the bread has dried out and is starting to color. Remove from oven and cool on a rack. (Yield about 60 toasts)

Once toasts are completely cool, mix onion, mayonnaise, and Parmesan cheese in a small bowl. Spread on toast pieces. Sprinkle with extra Parmesan cheese, and then sprinkle with paprika. Before serving, broil 3 inches from heat for 2-3 minutes or until golden brown. (Yields 20 canapes).

These are only two of the more than 70 different recipes in the Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook that have been culled from the television show and adapted from actual cookbooks and recipes of the time period. And as Gleman pointed out, “Many have focused on the cocktails in the show, which of course we include in the book, but I was interested to know more about dishes I saw or were mentioned as well especially those seen in restaurants, bars in hotels. I wondered about  the Hearts of Palm Salad that Don ordered at Sardi’s. What might the characters have eaten at Lutece? What were the recipes  for dishes prepared at home in the 1960s? I wanted to create a historically accurate book of the recipes and foods of Mad Men  - not just updated version of these recipes.”

Really inspired to ‘Dine Like a Mad Man’? The publishers of The Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook want to send five lucky foodies to New York to dine like the Drapers. Now through March 6, 2012 you can enter to win dinner for four at Barbetta, Taj Pierre Hotal, the Algonquin Hotel, Keens Steakhouse, or the Russion Tea Room-some of the top restaurants featured in the show. To enter just head over to facebook.com/unofficialmadmencookbook!

Source: Perezitos.com

It’s about time! Fashion Week has finally caught on to my mantra that moms are fashion divas, too! Perhaps our down economy has been chipping away at the coveted young, ingenue’s pocketbook leaving less expendable cash for fashion. Or maybe it’s the stylish and high-profile moms that have inspired the new direction. Rachel Zoe just had her little bundle of joy last year and proved that breastfeeding had no impact on her style icon status.

Fashionista.com asserted that it was the fabulous over 45 set, including hot mamas Julianne Moore, Jodie Foster and Madonna, and not the hot, new, young stars that really stole the limelight on the red carpet at the Golden Globes.  As the tabloid photogs anxiously await Beyonce’s first post-baby appearance, and speculate endlessly on a Kate Middleton pregnancy  (Kate would undoubtedly put high mommy fashion on the map, and personally, I can’t wait!), it does appear that the fashion industry will have to start recognizing that with 84 million moms in the U.S. this demographic is a large and potentially very lucrative category.

Well, duh.  What’s that old saying? If mommy isn’t happy, then no one is? Time to start making us happy, fashion industry. Baby steps.

Let’s start with a runway full of models past puberty, preferably moms that we can relate to, oh, and clothes that are stylish and functional for our chosen lifestyle, from stay-at-home to corporate mama. A mom runway at Fashion Week. Show me the Glamamommmys!

Mommy Style on the Runway

From The Fashionable Mom Show:

Introducing Strut–the Fashionable Mom Show. On Thursday, February 16th, 2012 during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week at Lincoln Center, we will be showcasing real and celebrity moms with a collection of attainable and contemporary fashion. No yoga pants, no mom jeans, just wearable and affordable great looks from the top contemporary designers and brands. The event will not only be live-streamed from Lincoln Center, but we’ll be hosting a fabulous twitter party that you’ll all want to attend.

Thanks, Fashion Week and The Fashionable Mom Show! I’ll be watching.

To learn more, follow The Fashionable Mom Show on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube.

Image Sources:  celebrity-parenting.com and perezitos.com

Jenna Petroff is Editor at Large and the fashion/style contributor at Girls Guide. A national public relations/social media spokesperson and speaker, self-professed Super Mom, accessories addict and insomniac, Jenna is widely recognized for her sass (definitely), class (usually) and big ole… pair of 4-inch stilettos (always). She is a lover of words and animals, a connoisseur of sarcasm and an aficionado of cheese, wine and vodka…usually in that order. For more of Jenna’s fashion favorites, check out her Pinterest Style boards. You can also find her on BlogHer, Twitter, Facebook and Google+.  

I have a least five different kinds of lip balm in my numerous purses and bags at all times. I’m addicted. And I’m not just stuck on a certain brand. I’ve tried them all: Chapstick, Carmex, Blistex, Burt’s Bees, you name it. Nothing seems to work. Every time I hear about a new lip balm, I get so excited because I think it might actually be the brand that actually cures dry lips.

But eventually I have to face fact that none of them work. Some offer short-term relief, but none of the store brands I’ve tried have offered any kind of long-term cure. In fact, many of the brands contain petroleum and menthol, which actually cause dry skin and irritation. And by applying these ingredients to your lips, you end up ingesting small amounts, which definitely isn’t good for you.

It was time for me to take drastic measures. I did a lot of research and trial-and-error, but I was able to come up with a 5-day plan for healthier lips:

Day 1: Throw out all of your lip balms. Sad to say, but this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. (I may have had an emotional attachment to my lip balms.) But removing your vice is the first step to ridding yourself of its hold on you.

Day 2: Make an effort to stop licking your lips. This may not be a problem for all people with chapped lips, but it definitely is for me. It’s my nervous habit. Some people bite their nails; I lick my lips. And it’s literally the worst thing you can do to dry lips.

Day 3: Wear lipstick. Not lip gloss, actual lipstick. Lipstick offers moderate sun protection and can act as moisturizer. But mostly I used it as a reminder to stop licking my lips. It tastes bad, and I didn’t want to smudge it, so it helped wean me out of my bad habit.

Day 4: Try natural cures. Use a soft toothbrush to gently buff away dry skin. Then try rubbing a cucumber slice over your lips, and dabbing on a little honey. And many people (including Dr. Oz) swear by using coconut oil as a great natural cure for chapped lips.

Day 5: Buy a humidifier. During winter months, the humidity inside most people’s homes is around 5%. This can lead not only to chapped lips and dry skin, but nose bleeds and sinus infections. Adding an air humidifier can help combat these conditions.

Also, remember to always apply sunscreen to your lips when you’re outdoors. It’s an area most people forget to protect, and it’s one of the most common areas treated for skin cancer.

So join me in my fight to end lip balm addiction. But please don’t apply it in front me because I might not be able to hold myself back.

photo credit: http://www.skincarebeautyzone.com/health-beauty/lip-care/cracked-lips-how-to-fix-the-painful-problem/

It is inevitable that you and your beau will at times disagree. You are two individuals with opinions, desires, differing priorities, and unique thoughts and personalities. You may have initially been drawn to each other for some of the same reasons that are now causing you to have disagreements (his innate desire to plan and stick to a budget, the adorable way he wears his sports jerseys…out on dates, or his laid back attitude that is now just a little *too* relaxed, never seeming to care about anything).

However, you are invested in this person, you have a solid relationship, laugh a lot, and they still drive you wild every time you see them. Having disagreements, or even fights, along the way does not mean that you should be throwing in the towel. I cringe every time a friend tells me they *never* fight with partner. Really? Does this mean you also never express opinions or communicate with each other? Maybe the two of you actually share one brain and one body?

We all need to accept that fact that disagreeing with others is a natural, healthy component of human interaction. Imagine if the Civil War had not been fought, or your employer went bankrupt as a result of the Board and President not engaging in some healthy, productive conflict, expressing their differences of opinions.

Disagreeing is part of effective problem solving and interpersonal relationship development. However, there are a few “rules” to follow if you wish to keep the fighting and arguing in your relationship at an acceptable, productive, and healthy level.

1. Never, ever attack the other person…only their actions. Instead of saying “How could you be so stupid as to put a steak bone in the garbage disposal?” Try “Putting bones down the sink wasn’t very slick.”
2. No name calling. No matter how innocent the name may be, just don’t do it. ‘Nuff said.
3. Stay physically close to each other. When you bring up the issue at hand, sit next to your partner-close enough to touch each other and maintain eye contact. It is almost impossible to raise your voice at someone when you have your hand resting on their knee, or their arm is behind your neck as you are laying on the couch. Try it… you’ll see that your arguments will automatically be taken down a few notches  if you just lightly touch each other and stay close enough so that you can’t shout.
4. Begin the conversation with something positive. Try “Babe, I noticed that you have been unrolling your socks before you throw them in the laundry basket. This really makes it easy on me to get laundry done faster. However, using the last bit of toilet paper and not putting out a new roll really puts me in a bad position when I’m home alone and can’t reach a new roll.”
5. Communicate, don’t procrastinate! If something is annoying you, you’re concerned, or if it is a pattern, it is noteworthy and therefore should be brought up. If you let what you consider “small things” fester, they will accumulate rapidly and quickly spiral out of control.
6. Choose your words wisely. Saying “I’d like us to talk about possibly spending more alone time together” is likely to be received better than, “You should stop spending so much time with the guys every weekend.” Be cognizant of the “I” and “you” patterns… Telling your partner that “I think ___” is much kinder than “You need to ___.”
7. Use this communication model. The best communication model, for almost any situation, will always be “When you do ___, I feel ____.” Someone may try to argue with what you “think” about something or what you want to happen. However, by expressing what you feel when something occurs, there is less of a threat to the recipient. There can be no argument that when he forgot ___, you felt ____. Keep it non-threatening and he’s more likely to listen, understand, discuss, and address.
8. Don’t be overly emotional. Crying, being dramatic, yelling, or throwing/slamming things will take the focus off of the point you are trying to make. Instead, the person you are arguing with only be paying attention to the fact that you are angry, sad, and emotional. If you want the take-away from the discussion to be the topic itself, keep your emotions in check. Know that there are some things that when we hear them will make us automatically cry, or want to throw something. Have a contingency plan ahead of time so this doesn’t become the focus and all that he remembers from the argument.
9. Know what you’re arguing about! Before discussing a sensitive subject, be armed with adequate knowledge. It’s easy to get carried away with an emotional reaction to something without first understanding all of the facts and the other person’s point of view.Before you fly off the handle about something make sure you fully understand what happened.
10. Role Reversal. When we are really upset about something, it is hard to take a step back from the situation. However, this is often the most crucial part of a “successful“  disagreement. When something has been festering for a while, the two of you should sit near each other and try to explain why you believe the other person is upset. Then allow them to correct you (if necessary), and explain how you feel. Once you have validated one another’s feelings, suggest a solution that will meet your partner’s goals (from their point of view). Maybe you can come up with something they had not thought of that will be amenable to you both.

The purpose of communicating is to share information. Sometimes, that information will include your own reaction and emotions to a difficult situation. Keep the above tips in mind to make sure it is on a healthy level though. In fact, I’d encourage you to have a “fighting ground rules” conversation with any significant other BEFORE the fight occurs. Be the fighting role model and keep the relationships moving in a forward direction!

Here’s to happy conflicts!

Image from www.datingsite.org  

Mandy Chapman is a native Midwesterner who has taught several dating seminars and written materials for numerous columns, dating materials, and message boards. She co-organizes a social networking group, the St. Louis Friends. As a dating coach, she has reviewed hundreds of online dating profiles, providing guidance, support and networking to struggling daters in the St. Louis area.

I like a smart cocktail every now and again. There’s nothing wrong with imbibing with friends on a nice evening with a trained professional bartender to play mixoligist. I like the idea of someone else doing the hard labor on my favorite drinks and my drink of choice is usually an infused vodka and club soda. It is my Achilles heel.

Never one to work too hard for a cocktail, it never occurred to me that making my own infusions at home could be an option. Taking fruits and vegetables and soaking them in vodka or tequila sounds so very good. What better way to get my daily allotment of fruits and vegetables?

The idea of making my own infusion conjured up thoughts of hours in the kitchen and a Le Cordon Bleu level of knowledge to create something worth drinking. Much to my surprise, making infusions at home is actually very easy. Way too easy. No culinary degrees needed.

I was introduced to homemade infused craziness at a party hosted by my friend, Kelly Hamilton. According to Kelly, his entre into the infused wonderland was piqued by the world’s authority on culinary delights. “I read an article in Bon Appetit about infusions and thought it seemed easy, fun and creative. July 4 was approaching, so I grabbed a bottle of El Mayor and some habaneros and tried my first infusion.” I can attest to the fact those suckers were hot!

One of Kelly’s favorite infusions is cranberry infused vodka. As a participant in sampling this creation, I can honestly tell you it is DELICIOUS!!! Kelly was happy to share the details on how to make this concoction using a recipe from Michael Chiarello’s Cranberry Orange Vodka from Food Network.

Ingredients

• 1 pound fresh or frozen cranberries
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract, or 1 vanilla bean, split
• 2 oranges, peels cut into 2-inch strips
• 1 (750-ml) bottle vodka

To serve:

• 1 bottle tonic water
• Lime slices, for garnish

Directions:

1. Place cranberries, sugar and vanilla in a medium saucepan. Place pan over medium heat and stir.
2. Simmer cranberry mixture until the berries burst, about 5 to 6 minutes.
3. Place orange peels in a large glass container with an airtight lid, or large mason jars with lids. Pour vodka over the orange peels.
4. Allow the cranberry mixture to cool.
5. Pour the cooled mixture into the glass container(s). Cover tightly and set aside for 1 week.
6. After 1 week, strain out the cranberries sand orange peels and pour mixture into a clean bottle, using a funnel. Store vodka in the refrigerator.

This infusion is perfect with Sprite or club soda too. Kelly recommends garnishing with the vodka-soaked cranberries and a slice of orange. His advice for those wanting to start infusing is simple. “Look up recipes online and start with things that you like. Love Bloody Mary’s? Try a tomato and pepper vodka infusion. Berries? Go crazy with any berry you like, and don’t be afraid to mix them together. You can’t really mess this up.” He also adds, “I like to try two infusions at once- get one of the bigger vodka bottles and split it into a few mason jars and have two flavors going at once.”

This is a great idea. One of Kelly’s misses was a cucumber vodka but he also had a grapefruit version underway so all was not lost on one bottle of vodka. Another sage piece of advice, don’t skimp on the good vodka or tequila. Cheap liquor will have a cheap taste. Top shelf isn’t necessary. Try a middle of the road brand.

For Kelly, making infusions is about creating and sharing. “I think the fun thing about infusions is that people appreciate home crafted things. It’s fun to use the fruits and flavors of the season in this way—and you can bottle them up nicely and give them as gifts. Show up with an infusion for the host/hostess at a dinner or holiday party and you’ll be a guest that gets invited back!”

Image courtesy of Kelly Hamilton

Pamela is an assistant editor at Girls Guide. She is the owner of The Raymond Experience, an events and public relations company, and she moonlights as the Business Commentary eXaminer for St. Louis, and writes XXRay Vision for ALIVE Magazine’s blog posse. You can email her at raymondcreative [at] yahoo [dot]com, and follow her on Twitter.

I feel like I am about to die. Every movement produces an overwhelming sense of pain. I shuffle like an old woman, I cough or sneeze and think I am going to pass out. My body is in the midst of a mutiny; various muscular groups would feed my hand to the crocodile if they could.

It is January 4^th and I have been to the gym three days in a row. It feels awesome.

New Years is one of my favorite holidays. Every year, it affords a new beginning. A fresh start. It brings with it a sense that everyone can do better, be better. It’s an exhilarating holiday.

Most people have their resolutions laid out far in advance, at the ready whenever someone asks how they will improve themselves in the coming year. In fact, when I asked some of my friends what their resolutions were for 2012 and physical improvement topped the list. “Lose the baby weight,” “eat healthier,” get more sleep,” were just a few samples. I also heard several variations on self-advancement. One friend wanted to learn a new language, another to finally take the trip they’ve been putting off. One friend has simply decided to be more positive.

I think these are all admirable resolutions. I share some of them myself, as evidenced by my three-time gym torture. (We’ll see how it goes, but I don’t actually think it will be possible to go to the gym tomorrow morning. I am a block of petrified wood.)

I think it is wonderful that people want to continually improve their health and minds. But what about their hearts? I’m hearing how people are going to be better for themselves in spades, but you know what I haven’t heard? How people are going to be better for the ones they love.

No worries. I’ve given it some thought and come up with a few relationship resolutions for 2012. Feel free to use them for yourselves, or just ignore me and continue to walk around on your perfectly flexible, non-painful limbs. (Why do you torment me so?)

1. Be Kind.
   In all relationships, be they romantic or platonic, everyone could use a shot of nice in their every day and I’ll be damned if I’m not the one to bring it every now and again. (I believe this one may have been inspired by the yearly viewing of A Christmas Carol, by the way. Whatever. That Dickens dude really knew what he was on about.)
2. Be Present.
   I have the attention span of a drunken toddler and far too many portable tech devices for my own good. But when I am with my husband, I need to be with my husband, even if that means putting the iPhone away. We’ve even instituted a set quiet time, where we turn all electronics off at least 30 minutes before bed and simply talk or read together.
3. Be Fun.
   Confession: I am terrified of the day when my husband and I “get used to” each other. Not now, but ten years from now, when I pee with the door open and our kids have us so tired that we only have sex once a month. So, even though now is not that time, I have vowed to be more fun for us. Treat him to simple surprises. I drew him a bath when he got home from work the other day. I want to create memories that will warm the cockles of his icy heart when we’ve been married so long he can’t remember why he loved my ass so much.
4. Be Inspiring.
   My husband had a lot of dreams before I came along. So did I. Some of them have changed and some of them have dissipated. (That dream to never get married has died a swift and stupid death.) We’ve created new ones. My goal this year is to foster as many of those dreams for both of us as humanly possible. We’ve got a good start on some. He’s writing a book; I can edit it. We want a house; the credit situation is getting under control. I want a new car; he will grin and bear it as I shove as many Carfaxes as I possibly can in his face. We will inspire each other.
5. Be Clear.
   I have a hard time verbalizing what I want at times-I’m just so caught up in being nice all the time that I forget to be strong. I’m the kind of person that apologizes when someone steps on my foot. I am also the last person to tell you what I need in order to be happy and if I want you to love me. This year, in each of my relationships, I vow to cut through the B.S.  I will not be sorry that you stepped on my foot. Please apologize when you step on my foot? (Yes, this scenario played out in a movie theater the other day. Mall-Hair Lady glared and I stammered an apology. A week later, I am still ashamed. SHE stepped on MY foot!)

Thus far, it’s going pretty well, at least on the relationship front. I told a car salesman he was insulting me with his first offer today rather than just pay sticker on the car. (I said it nicely, promise!) It’s getting easier to put the Kindle down – and when I come back to it I realize that I really haven’t missed that much. I think I’m skipping the gym tomorrow, though. I really do feel like my thighs might want to murder my abs and then pillage my biceps. That can’t be good.

Image credit: www.microsoftfeed.com

I’m going to be honest—2011 sucked. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a year so much. But the good news is, now it’s 2012, and things can only go up from here—at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

With that in mind, my New Year’s resolution is to stop stressing out so much. While this may be easier said than done, here are a few good tips:

1. Work out—This is probably the most popular New Year’s resolution, but I think people make it for the wrong reasons. Start working out to boost your mood, instead of trying to lose weight. This takes pressure off yourself, and if you exercise to feel better, it’s more likely to become part of your daily routine. So start working out for you—not some unattainable beauty ideal.

2. Do yoga—I’ll admit it, I used to be a bit skeptical about the whole yoga phenomenon. It seemed like a lot of breathing and stretching and wasting time. But after taking a few classes I’ve been proven wrong. Yoga has improved my posture and strengthened my muscles, and it’s a lot harder than it looks (trying to hold those poses is killer)! But the best thing about yoga is it teaches you how to relax. It’s nice to vacate your problems for an hour and just focus on your breath and holding the poses. So give yoga a try, even if it’s just on the Wii. (I love Wii yoga).

3. Stop dwelling on the past—This is a hard one. My best advice is to write down what is bothering you then just let it go; it happened in the past, you can’t change it, so move on. Regrets are a waste of time and they will eat you alive if you let them. Learn from your mistakes, but don’t beat yourself up about them.

4. Don’t take things personally—One of my favorite quotes is this quote by Plato: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” If someone is rude to you for no reason, it’s probably because of something that has nothing to do with you. Maybe they had a bad day at work, or they are having family trouble. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt and a second chance. Don’t take things personally, and you’ll feel a lot better about yourself.

5. Find a hobby you really love—I recently read an article about a woman who decided to learn how to play piano, but it started becoming more stressful than it was fun. She wasn’t very good so she started freaking out about practicing all the time until she remembered that she had started playing the piano as a hobby-so she quit. Sometimes we get so caught up in our side projects we forget why we started them in the first place. If something isn’t making you happy, stop doing it. Find something you actually love to do.

6. Don’t forget to have fun—Having fun makes you a happier, more productive person. Sometimes we get so caught up in the work part of life that we forget about the play. No one is perfect. You can’t do it all, so it’s important to relax and cut loose sometimes. And the workweek goes by a lot faster if you have something fun to look forward to.

So let’s forget about 2011 and focus on 2012. Make it a great year, because according to the Mayans, it’s going to be our last. (I don’t really believe that, but it’s kind of a cool way to look at things, ya know)?

Photo credit: http://www.someecards.com/new-years-cards/new-years-bad-year-celebrate-2012-funny-ecard