Last week you turned 4 and we celebrated to the nines. Family barbecues and dinner in your favorite restaurant, lots of cupcakes and princess dress-up tea parties with your friends. It was quite a celebration for quite an amazing kid. In fact, you’re still celebrating, which doesn’t surprise me at all in a family that celebrates birthdays for a whole month!

I have to admit though, I’m a little wistful lately about the toddler you used to be — that chubby, precocious little bundle of energy and baby sign language and a crib bursting with dollies. Now you are a preschooler who goes to her very own “drop-off” school, making new friends all on your own. A preschooler who teaches your brother — while both running naked up and down the hallway, of course — how to hit the high-pitched screeches (or while in the bath or car or grocery store. Have I mentioned you guys like to make noise together? Yeah, a bit.) Now you are this smart little kid who memorizes your books so you can read them to yourself during rest time, which you tell me passionately “is NOT nap time, mommy. Just a rest!” thank you very much!

You have come so very far in one year. You’ve given up your nap. You’ve started preschool. You’ve embraced big-sisterhood and little-brother-training to the max. You write your name and blow bubbles and feed your fish and go potty by yourself (mostly) and dress up like a princess or act out the scene of your favorite movie whenever the opportunity arises. You played soccer and danced ballet. You have learned how to introduce yourself when you see a new kid your age that you think you’d like to play with. So much life lived in just four short years.

You rock my world with your new-found assertiveness and bravery. This has definitely been your year. Whereas mommy-and-me swimming lessons scared the death out of you last year, this year you jumped right in with the instructor and never looked back. New people and situations used to make you a shy ball of fear before. Now you love new environments and friends because you see it as a chance for new adventures. “Where are we going today, mama?” you asked me expectantly almost every single day this summer. And every day we’d come up with a game plan of what sorts of excursions we could go on and what kinds of adventures we could find. You love that stuff. You love to get out there and explore your world! And I love exploring it with you.

You are turning into a beautiful young girl. I know mamas have to say that, but it’s really true. This summer, we welcomed the new addition of freckles. They now cover your whole little nose and the tops of both cheeks. They’re everywhere and they are adorable. Long gone is the day when we found and named your very first little spot, Michelle the Freckle (pronounced Meeeeshell the Freck-ell, by the way, an apparently French freckle on your back).

This summer you also decided that you could part with your long lovely locks. I explained to you about the woes of chlorine and beachy wind and sand and hair-pulling ponytail holders and that basically there was not enough conditioner in the whole world to help us through those thick tangles. Thankfully, you agreed. (I didn’t mention that you were looking way too sassy and grown up with that long hair. I figured the threat of tangles would do the trick.) And so it was that as our summer adventures were just beginning you got yourself a cute little bob and cut off about 7 inches of thick hair. Whew. Bath time drama thwarted!

And now, here we are. Four years from when we brought you home on a rainy weekend in September. A couple of newbie parents terrified and confident at the same time. We have grown with you. You’ve helped us slow down on walks to enjoy treasure collecting and hurry up while eating ice cream to lick every last drip. You’ve helped us learn how to relax at night with the soon-to-be-patented Sophie technique of “just snuggle me one more minute.” It sure helps, kiddo. A couple minutes of snugly love from you and all my worries are forgotten. And most importantly, you’ve helped us to see the world with fresh, hopeful eyes — the thrill of fireworks and new library books and learning to spell R-E-D and getting to hold a new baby.

I am blessed to know you, baby girl. And however much you fight me when I call you that — “I’m NOT a baby anymore. I AM A BIG KID!” — I keep telling you that you’ll always, always be my baby girl. And it’s true. No matter where you go or who you become, you’ve got a mama who remembers that first little baby in her arms all those years ago and marvels at the beautiful big kid you have become.

It has taken me over a week to write this to you because you keep me running all day long! You are one busy little guy. We are all breathing a big sigh of relief that you’ve actually made it this far, what with your crazy daredevil antics that you freak me out with all day long. I can turn around for 4 seconds and you will already have done one (but usually all) of the following: pushed the kitchen stool to the den to climb the bookshelves, eaten a handful of dog food, climbed on top of the table and squealed with delight, sneaked out the back door, eaten any foreign objects you can find on the floor, licked the trash can, lifted the toilet lid to explore inside, sorted the trash. And that’s just the first part of the morning. This list usually repeats itself about 3-4 times a day.  So yeah, baby’s are cute, but maybe just not fail-proof.

We had a little celebration for you on your actual birthday with just our family. Your sister was delirious with excitement for you to open presents! and play! and sing the birthday song! and eat your cake! (which she helped make and decorate for you: blue frosting/purple sprinkles, natch.) You had an absolute blast with your cake, too. You couldn’t believe your fortune that we gave you a whole piece and you kept looking at us suspiciously like we would snatch it away at any moment. Naturally, you didn’t waste any time getting the goods in your mouth (but mostly on your face and lap. Thankful again that you are so washable.)

I really can’t believe that you’re already entering full-blown toddlerhood. You’re not quite walking yet, but you really want to. You push your walker all around the house trying to balance upright, or anything else that happens to be in front of you that you can grab onto (toddler chairs, stools, baskets, the dog). I think I’m actually in denial that the baby part of you is slowly slipping away, being replaced with a rambunctious and babbling little boy. A kid.

It was only just over a year ago that you were tucked safely inside me. Warm. Comforting. Huge. Ready to take on the world. And then there I was, walking, walking, walking trying to get you to come out and meet us, your anxious and adoring new family. You just didn’t want to come. It’s not that you didn’t like us yet. I think you were just so content to be with mama. To just hang out, you and me. That’s the way you still are now. We snuggle close and you sigh happily. Peaceful. You open your eyes and smirk up at me while you nurse, grateful and always amused to see me there. You grin at everyone who passes by with that insanely flirtatious and mischievous grin, but always look back to make sure I’m watching, that I’m always near. You cry when I have to leave you for any amount of time (oh the abandonment issues you one-year-olds deal with!), but once you are in my arms again all is right with the world. You are my boy. My sweet, laid-back little guy.

But it’s not just me that you love. You are so completely enamored with your big sister. She is your best friend and you are her little sidekick. You have no idea how much it warms my heart to watch you two begin to play together. There’s lots of grabbing and frustration still, but you guys are getting there. You’re figuring out the importance of this team. And sometimes I’ll look in the backseat of the car while I’m driving and see you two holding hands in your car seats or just making each other laugh and squeal with delight. This is impossibly cute. And loud. And also, did I mention LOUD? Yeah, you guys are loud together. There’s no other way to explain it, and I’m afraid there is no way to stop it either. But that’s fine with me. I cherish the silence of nap times, but I would never trade the noise and mess and dirty faces and perfect chaos you guys create for anything.

A year ago I had no idea what to expect. I was a veteran of raising a girl, but I knew nothing about boys. I had no idea how our family would change. Ian, you have transformed our family. Your giggles, your nonsensical babbling that makes complete sense to you, your lightening speed crawling (knees of steel!), your sweet, soft snores. All of it has rounded out our family in such a unique way. The photos above show how far you’ve come. The first one was taken the day after you were born. I was smelling your sweet baby smells. Savoring you. The photo below it was taken last week on your birthday. There I am, still savoring. Still painfully aware of how fast this time goes.

And there we are, one year ago. Meeting each other. Figuring each other out. We still are. And I love every minute of it. Happy birthday, big guy. I hope this next year is as full of fun adventures as the last!

“Is that so?” I said. “Hmm…maybe I should just stay home then. You know, sit this one out.”

“No, Papa!” said Sophia. “You need to go to the castle because there’s a beast there that I need to meet and I’m going to dance with him nice and we’ll be friends. Yes, you should go.”

Well, since it’s for a good cause, I guess I’ll brave the forest and wolves!

It’s fun to play make-believe with a 3-year-old.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Took many, many pictures; birthed a son; stopped working for a paycheck.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year I didn’t make resolutions, I just focused on two words: delight and expansion. And I have to say, I tried as hard as I could with both of them and, for the most part, I think I did OK. I did, however, make a goal for myself at the beginning of 2008 to sell my photographs at some point during the year. And I did! So that was satisfying. For next year, I’d like to sell even more photos. I’d also like to be present and aware wherever I am at the moment. When I’m with my kids, I want to be completely focused on them. I think I could have done that a little better in ‘08. I’d also like this to be the year I focus back on myself a little bit. For all of last year, I’ve either had another human growing inside me, or a baby/toddler attached to my hip. I’ve loved it, of course. But that has left a few things neglected in my life. I’m looking at you, muffin top.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Besides me, several of my close friends also had babies. So many adorable and new little fingers and toes out there in the world right now.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Uncle Bob passed away of colon cancer. Not actually in 2008. He died on January 1, 2009. He will be really missed.

5. What countries did you visit?
Ha. Well, being pregnant and then having a newborn did not allow me much travel time outside of my own county, let alone country. Here’s hoping someday soon I can explore the world again, brood in tow.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A little more patience with myself. A little more patience with my kiddos, at times. A lot more sleep.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 6 was the day Ian was born. November 4 was history in the making.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Giving birth. It’s quite an achievement, really. I also took a picture every day this year. I still can’t believe I did that. It is so rewarding to look back over all the pictures of this extremely eventful year.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Having a short fuse with people I love; being impatient.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A few colds passed on lovingly to me from little noses.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Oh man, I LOVE (really, really love) my 50mm lens. Definitely my best photography purchase this year. We also just got ourselves a cute little Flip Video Camcorder for Christmas so we can finally record Sophia’s ABCs and Ian’s attempts at crawling. I love that thing.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband’s. That guy is a saint. He had quite a year of ups and downs and yet he still always thought of me before anything else.

(I think you could say this household also celebrated Obama a little this year, too.)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Oh, Sarah Palin. How did you happen?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, groceries.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Having my son was about as cool as it gets. I think adding on a second child rounded out our family in such an amazing way. I think, though, that besides holding him and nursing him and just generally staring at him, what made me most excited about having him around was watching Sophia become just the most incredible big sister. She adores her little brother and really looks out for him. It’s incredibly sweet for a mama to watch that kind of love between her kids.

I kind of got really excited about photography this year, too.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
That “You’ve got to move it move it” song from Madagascar. Sophia and her dance parties. And any song by Elizabeth Mitchell. We’re big fans at our house and anytime I hear her voice, I will always think back to last year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier, much
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner. It’s only because I was pregnant this time last year.
c) richer or poorer? I think we’re actually about the same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleep. Really, I need to get to bed much earlier.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I read too many blogs, get caught up on Flickr for too long, and generally just get way too distracted on the internet. I need to unplug a little.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve dinner at my parents’ house. Christmas Day at home with my family and a few close friends. Christmas and the whole advent season leading up to it was magical this year, especially through the eyes of my 3-year-old.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes. I met this new little guy in May, and I brought him home to live with us. He’s adorable. We’re definitely keeping him.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
30 Rock, definitely. And Battlestar Galactica. I also got really into Biggest Loser.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read?
Man, I read a lot this past year. Not so much in the beginning of the year when I was busy as hell and commuting 3 hours a day. But once I was home and had time in a rocking chair nursing my baby, I fell in love with one of my favorite pastimes again. I really liked Three Cups of Tea: One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace . . . One School at a Time and Water For Elephants. OK, fine. I also enjoyed the Twilight series. Yes, I am 14.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Rhapsody. The greatest thing ever! I can’t even describe to you what this has done to my music listening.

26. What did you want and get?
A happy, healthy baby. He is very much both.

27. What did you want and not get?
Besides a whole new wardrobe (not likely!), I can’t think of anything. I am really happy with what I have.

I know I’d love a Roomba though.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really liked Dark Knight, Iron Man and Wall-E. Also, I did see Twilight twice, if you must know.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
It was only about 2 weeks after I gave birth, so I wasn’t out dancing or anything. But I did get to go to a really nice lunch with my parents, mother-in-law, husband and kids. That night, Chris and I left the kids with Grammy and headed out to dinner and a movie. It was pouring down rain outside and was so romantic to be out with just him having wonderful, uninterrupted conversation over a glass of wine and some hearty Italian food. We saw Indiana Jones, if you were curious. And I turned 31.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being completely debt free.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Hooo boy, not much style for me this year. My wardrobe/waistband was pretty much elasticied for much of the year. Then, in this order: easy to nurse in, comfortable and fits, not stained, hopefully cute.

32. What kept you sane?
Photography, the cathartic glow of my laptop, laughing, wonderful and wise girlfriends, having fantastic parents and mother-in-law who would babysit whenever I needed. But mostly, my husband.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Can I say Obama again? Yes, I can.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Pretty much the whole 2008 election. Man, that was intense and deeply moving. I got pretty peeved about the whole Prop 8 outcome, too. Ugh, California.

35. Who did you miss?
I missed some old colleagues and friends from my former workplace. I missed my husband a lot when he got a job that didn’t require working exclusively from home anymore.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I’d have to go with my new baby. But I met a couple cool new friends this year, too.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Being persistent and dedicated with my photography not only paid off, but it was also highly satisfying and fun. Also, adding another kid to the mix was a fantastic idea.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“Don’t worry about a thing
‘cuz every little thing
is gonna be alright.”

- from “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley (And also by Elizabeth Mitchell. She does a good cover.) It’s Sophia’s favorite song and she always wanted me to sing it to her at night before bed. It was pretty much the perfect song she could have latched onto. I can’t think of a better matra for a tired and sometimes-stressed new mama of two to have to sing over and over again.

Six months is wet with drool. Lots of drool. And lots of gnawing on little fists and feet and anything near, for that matter.

I adore this age. And that laugh, the giggle that gets caught in your throat. So happy and so totally boy.

I haven’t written much lately. I’ve been so immersed in life with this new little bundle of energy and joy and peace and mellowness. I’ve been watching and letting it all soak into me so that I can remember this. So I can look back and remember how you felt in my arms. How your whole body snuggled into me in bed in the early hours of the morning when you’d wake up in your room and not want to be alone anymore. How you sounded when you cried and how much I wanted to always, always be able to make it all better.

You’re lying in my lap as I type this. (Another reason I haven’t been as active on this blog–lots of baby lying in my arms makes it hard to type!)  And as I look down on your peaceful face, your sweet chubby cheeks, and those long gorgeous lashes that many women would die for, I listen to your your raspy adorable snores and am mentally capturing you at this age. At six months. An age that I love. I put my finger into your hand and it instinctively curls around me, holding on. I hope you will always want to hold on. And even when you’re physically ready to let go, please know that mama will always be holding your heart.

Oh, also? Sorry about that Halloween costume. But, you know, it kind of had to be done.

This week you turned 3 months old and I am still truly amazed by it all. You’d think a “seasoned” mom like myself wouldn’t find as much wonder in this stuff the second time around, but that is so not the case. I think I’m even more aware of these tender first months with you because I now have the hindsight of my experience with your sister to know how incredibly fast this all goes. First smiles and laughs soon become constant and adorable chatty conversation. Sucking on your fingers and pacifier quickly turns into munching down on grapes and string cheese and turkey sandwiches. Your sweet coos will soon be unrecognizable as you learn how to babble and then speak first words and then try to bargain your way into a later bedtime. It all goes so fast, Ian. And I am enjoying every moment of it. Every simple, beautiful moment.

Thank you for being such a sweet little guy and for letting your sister simply love you. She loves hard and knows no boundaries, but you take it all in stride. For that I am so thankful. I hope your mellow, easy-going attitude sticks around because I know it will serve you well.

Your newly learned giggle is infectious. You get the whole family laughing with you. Really, I never thought making a funny face could be so hilarious, but you have taught us to find joy in the smallest things, like plastic elephants and hearing your sister’s voice. Everything is cause for celebration these days. And that’s just the way it should be.

Thank you for being such a great baby, even if you do like to choke yourself on your own fingers from time to time. I’m so glad to spend my days with you. And I feel honored and blessed to help chub you up and watch you grow.  Here’s to many more months of chubby baby rolls that I can munch on and big blue eyes full of wonder that I can gaze into.

Today I told Sophia that I hoped they would be friends like this always. It was a mama being wistful, knowing that far too soon Ian will be old enough to swipe toys away from his big sister or tattle on her for some injustice. But for now, these first-thing-in-the-morning snuggle sessions are enough to remind me not to get ahead of myself and to enjoy these little ones at this lovable, snuggly age right now!

I admit that I have whined a little here and there about Sophia’s princess obsession. She’s supposed to be above Disney’s attempts to teach her how a prince galloping onto the scene will ensure her “happily ever after” ending, right? OK, OK, if she wants to go all princesses and Disney, that’s fine. But I didn’t expect her to suddenly pull a 180 recently and start choosing dark lords and jedis over wicked step-sisters and fairy godmothers (I admit, I exaggerate - there has been no ditching of the fairy tales on Sophia’s part. She’s simply added galaxies far, far away to the mix.)

Sophia got her hands on a light saber recently at a friends house (it even had sound effects) and was beyond excited. It was as if a whole new world had been opened to her. Sure, her dad has been trying to teach her the intricacies of jedi, sith and droids whenever he had the chance. But the thrill of this other world didn’t sink in for her until the first swing of that light saber. Then her fate was sealed.

This morning, as we were getting dressed for the day, she started grabbing random books out of the basket by her bed. She was really excited about one in particular. One that had not previously been in her regular book rotation. A new book mama had not seen?

“Look at the robot book, mommy!”

Aaah, I see now that daddy had his hand in picking out last night’s story. She was happily waving around a Star Wars book. She pointed at each character and I racked my brain for their names.

Sophia: “Who’s dat?”

Amy: “Um, that’s C-3PO.”

S: “Tree-pee-o? Ah, OK! What’s that guy?”

A: “That’s his little pal R2-D2.”

S: “Are-tee-vee-o? Ah, OK! What’s that guy?”

A: “Oh shoot. What’s that guy’s name again? Oh yeah - that’s Obi-Wan Kenobi!”

S: “Wee-wan menobi?”

This went on for awhile, as I tried to explain Storm Troopers to a 2-and-a-half-year-old’s question of “What they do?” and as she tried to make sense of it all. (As a side note: you want a really good sci-fi story? Have a toddler write it. That stuff’s all kinds of crazy! Take note, Mr. Lucas!)

But then we got to the sticking point, and I realized this Star Wars thing might just have some lasting power after all for my queen of fairy tales. You should have seen her eyes light up when I mentioned that there was a princess in this story. You better believe she could point out Princess Leah on every page by the end of the book!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go read up on my Star Wars trivia so I can correctly name the rest of the characters in her book. Looks like daddy wins the happily ever after in this story.

I can’t believe we’ve reached this milestone so quickly. The time with you has flown by. I think that’s mostly because your big sister is keeping me so busy making sure she doesn’t suffocate you with her love. It’s a round-the-clock job, this anti-smother duty she has me on.

Don’t get me wrong, there has still been plenty of time for me to sit and stare at you. But of course I could never just stare. Because those chubby cheeks are starting to fill out and they just beg to be kissed. The rolls of thighs love being squeezed and those tiny, perfect toes need constant munching.

I knew from your delivery, which was mellow and extremely quick, to your first days in the hospital that you would be special. There is something so sweet about your little five sneeze extravaganza that you do a few times each day. And the way you stare into my eyes — even going so far as to cry when I looked away for a moment today — melts my heart.

You are a mellow little guy, choosing to sleep almost non-stop for the past month. Just in the last week, however, you decided to wake up to the world, and it was a little crazy. And by crazy I mean that you sleep a lot, but when you wake up, you wake up hard and HUNGRY. We were in the car the other day when you finally woke up, and it was loud. The only time you calmed down at all was when we were moving, but, of course, we were working our way through the city and were hitting every light red. At one particularly long red light while you screamed about the injustice of it all and as I tried unsuccessfully to shove in your pacifier, all of us — your dad, me and Sophia, all on the verge of major frustration — just started laughing uncontrollably. You were just so cute and so mad and there was not one thing we could do. If we wouldn’t have laughed, we probably would have cried along with you, all of us trapped in the car together like that. But that’s the great part about this family — we laugh a lot. We go through a lot of hard stuff together, but we get by because we laugh and love.

So Ian, I just wanted to tell you that it’s so cool to have you in our home and a part of our family. You fit. You make us that much better. And you give us more reasons to laugh.

Looking forward to many more car rides together!