You recently turned 3 years old, and I can’t actually believe how almost instantly you have grown into a young boy. Last year, there was still so much baby in you. Chubby cheeks and babbling, non-sensical sentences. Now you are tall and thin (besides, much to mama’s relief, that adorable pot belly you’ve refused to shed. Still hanging onto a small sliver of toddlerhood!). Now you speak in complete sentences, complete paragraphs, full complete thoughts. Come to think of it, you never stop talking these days from the time you wake up in the morning (running and laughing and jumping from the moment you open your eyes, I might add) to the time you reluctantly read the last story at night and go to bed.

I love that about you right now. You love to talk to anyone who seems approachable. You love to share stories about your day to anyone within earshot who is willing to sit and listen. It is so endearing to watch you at a birthday party corner a mom or dad and just talk their ear off while your peers are off throwing sand at each other and eating cupcakes. You want to tell everyone about all the cool things you’ve experienced, like how brave you were when you got your blood drawn recently (you watched and marveled at the whole process), or finally being big enough to reach the peddles on your tricycle, or about one of the fun “treasure” adventures we’ve been on during a recent geocaching outing, one of your favorite new hobbies. You’ve got stories about it all. And I’m all ears, little guy!

Not only do you like to talk, but you like to DO. You love to tell people all about life, but you mostly want to be out there living it. That’s one of my favorite things about you. You are so alive, so vibrant, so willing to try anything. You and your sis get in plenty of mischief this way: dismantling and flipping over your toddler slide in the backyard to create a pirate ship, hiding under your bed together and giggling until I’ve searched the whole house to find you, creating choreographed dance moves in the bathtub that result in these big puddles that somehow neither of you can explain. But you’ve got this huge charming grin that somehow gets you off the hook more often than not. Hmm…I think I’m on to you, buddy!

I love to simply hang out with you. The cute mispronunciations like “ah-cuz” instead of “because” and “I not know” remind me that you’re still standing on the edge of two very cool, but different, worlds. On the cusp of graduating into a full-blown big kid, but still very much that tender baby boy who has always wants to snuggle and hug and sometime still sneak into mama and daddy’s bed in the night.

And of course, you loooove cars, trucks and trains. We were in a hurry to get somewhere the other day, running late, when we got stopped at the train tracks waiting as a very long train passed by. What a thrill that was for you — front row seats to one of your favorite things! It totally made me forget the stress of being late and focus on the joy of the moment, something you help me do regularly.

You also love all superheroes, from Spiderman to Buzz Lightyear to the firefighters you met last week. You run around the house yelling “to the RESCUE!” all day long and constantly try to save your sister’s Barbies from certain death, whether she likes it or not. You wear makeshift capes and masks and carry a plastic knight’s sword (all mandatory for the protecting biz). Thanks for always looking out for us! You are most assuredly a superhero in the making, and I feel safer just knowing you sleep down the hall from me.

Ian, I love being your mama. It’s one of my biggest joys in life. It’s challenging and rewarding and full of new adventures constantly. You rise to meet challenges — from speech training late last year to potty training just recently, you make each day something to be conquered. And I’m proud to know you.

It’s amazing how far you’ve come from that tiny (well, relatively speaking) infant snuggled in my arms three years ago in the hospital to that rambunctious and life-filled BOY who only has time to stop for a quick kiss on the cheek before you’re off on your big wheel to explore new corners of the uncharted backyard.

Really, it’s amazing. Just like you.

We made the whole big kid status official by getting you your very first bicycle. You hopped on first thing on the morning of your birthday — surprised and delighted, jammies and all – practicing until you were totally sure of yourself, despite your many falls.

This year has been a big one for you. You graduated from your preschool in June, and we have now entered into a new homeschool adventure together. You are really enjoying it, much to my relief. We’re still figuring it out day by day, but so far you have loved finding learning adventures out in the world together. This whole process has reminded me again and again that learning with you and watching you discover new things is absolutely one of my favorite things to do.

Another thing you are loving this year is ballet. You took your first class well over a year ago and really liked the concept of being a ballerina much more than the act of going to ballet class. This summer, however, you played dress-up ballerina almost every day so your dad and I decided it was about time to sign you up for another class and try it again. This time you are totally into it and it’s so fun to watch you concentrate, tongue hanging out of your mouth, in the big full-length mirrors.

This summer was also filled with lots of swimming in our little colorful pool and spending tons of time in our backyard. We ran around, played pretend, rode tricycles and bikes, and tended to our first organic garden. We had fun picking, cooking and eating green beans together and marveling at our huge pumpkin’s progress each day.

Another thing you love to do is play with your little brother. He idolizes his big sis, but you never take that for granted and usually try hard to earn his respect. It’s fun to watch you with him — teaching him new tricks . . .

taking him for rides in the backyard . . .

“reading” to him . . .

and just generally goofing around . . .

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You two are loud and hilarious and frustrating and heart-warming. I hope you stay as close as you are now. It sure is convenient to have such a great friend in your own family.

Your other love in the family is, of course, Sarah dog. While your brother spends his days chasing her around the house, you spend time cuddling her and talking softly in her ears, telling her how much you like having her around. She likes having you around, too. She appreciates your calming presence as much as the rest of us.

You got to be a flower girl this year for the first time, too. You took your responsibilities very seriously. You primped and practiced and did a really great job. And now you’re a pro at weddings, having gone to a few this year. You definitely know your way around the dance floor, for sure.

You would sing and dance all day, if you could. And mostly you do. Perhaps we have an aspiring star on our hands, or maybe just a mini diva. Either way, the world is your stage and you always seem so thankful that your family is such a willing and eager audience.

How can I sum up this tender yet exuberant age? It is in a category all its own. Five is full of energy and life: exhausted at the end of the day, but not wanting to go to bed because there are too many stories to tell and songs to sing and and whirls to twirl. Five is independence: setting the table, making your bed, helping your brother wash his hands. Five is unconditional love: “Mama, I love you to the moon and back. I love you more than ice cream. I love you forever and ever and ever.” Five is still timid, but braver with each new day: meeting new friends wherever you go, deciding the swings are finally OK. Five is personality and then some: dress-up and make-believe and sparkles. Lots and lots of sparkles.

Five, we think you’re pretty darn great.

You make me smile, kiddo. Constantly. You challenge me each day. You make me slow down and open my eyes wide so I don’t miss what matters. To you, it’s family, friendship, love, and laughter. And I think that sounds just right.

]]> http://www.veen.com/amy/2010/09/18/5-years/feed/ http://www.veen.com/amy/2010/05/20/2-years/ http://www.veen.com/amy/2010/05/20/2-years/#comments Fri, 21 May 2010 04:47:45 +0000 Amy http://www.veen.com/amy/2010/05/20/2-years/ Wow, 2 years old already. Happy birthday, sweet guy!

This month you turned TWO and have suddenly grown in my eyes from a baby into an energetic little kid.  So much has changed about you in such a short amount of time. From walking to running to talking to singing, your second year of life was full of milestones and accomplishments, both big and small.

I think all of us can agree that one of the biggest milestones of recent weeks has been the talking. It’s not just the talking, it’s how MUCH of it you’re doing now! You were sort of a quiet one-year-old, happy with your occasional babbling but mostly content to let your sister tell your stories for you. You let her share with us your thoughts and feelings and were just fine with that. So fine, in fact, that we started working with you in speech therapy to make sure you didn’t get behind. You thought that was so funny, and just to keep us on our toes, as soon as we were assigned placement with a speech therapist you started talking up a storm. So much to say! So hard to keep up with how much you know!

Your favorite thing to say right now is “NO WAY!” and you are quite emphatic when you say it. You also love to talk about choo choos, moo moos, woo woos (fire trucks, ambulances and the ice cream man) and going poo poo. Are you sensing a theme here? Not sure if you know you’re rhyming yet, but you really seem to love those words the most. Besides saying mama, daddy and sissy (which we all love), you just recently learned how to say your own name. To hear you say EEEEEEEEE-AN is about the cutest thing ever, although you prefer to just call yourself “me”.

Another thing we can all agree on is how very much of a boy you are. You love dirt and trucks and super heroes and bugs and yelling “poo poo” and crashing things into other things. Seriously, all boy.

I had no idea what to expect about boys before you came along. But you have made my job pretty easy. If you are crabby, usually all we need to do is grab you a truck from your huge stash and all is right with the world again. You, my sweet son, are the biggest fan of planes, trains and automobiles I have ever met! Your favorite phrase is “trash truck,” and every week trash day is one of the biggest events in our house. We hear the trash collector coming down the street and we all make a beeline for the front yard, waving and cheering to him as he goes by. I think maybe it’s the highlight of his day, too, because he seems to go extra slowly as he lifts our trash into his dumper. You’ve even gotten your girly, princess-loving sister totally into it, which I have to say is quite a feat!

You just got a new big boy bed for your birthday, which I think was a huge turning point for you. No more crib. No hand me downs from your sister. Something new and nice and ALL YOURS. Your daddy and I (but, um, mostly your daddy) put it together the night before your birthday and we whisked you into our bed so it would be a surprise. In the morning, we opened your bedroom door and let you see it for the first time. And what did you do? You hopped right on, beaming and chanting, “mine, mine, MINE!” And besides the first nap after which I found you on the floor (all the newfound freedom and so much room to explore, of course), you’ve done great and haven’t once looked back!

And then there’s you and your sister. Oh, what to say about that, really? There are almost no words for how cute you guys are together. Even as I type this, I can hear your squeals as you tickle each other in the other room. Of course, it usually ends with someone mad about some injustice. But as with all good friendships, the grievances are usually quickly forgiven and hugs abound. Your sister teaches you all her big kid things. And you let her impart her knowledge to you because she also shares her snacks.

Oh, the places you two will go…

You are a really fun guy to have around. Always laughing that hilarious cackle of a laugh. Quick with that infectious and mischievous grin. Even quicker with a hug and a kiss for anyone sad. Or just anyone who wants one, for that matter. And always up for an adventure. We call you our little vegetarian because of your enthusiasm for fruits and veggies, always eating your salad first before touching anything else on your plate. You’re to bed on time and up early with the rising sun (No matter how much mama groans. Thank goodness your dad is also an early riser.) You love to dance and play instruments together as a family and your favorite place to be by far is in our backyard stealing your sister’s tricycle or just playing in the dirt and running in the grass.

You are sunshine in our life and bring joy wherever you go. And man, you know how to snuggle. From your first day in the hospital to today, you have been right there in my arms letting me squeeze you. Thanks for indulging a sappy mama. You sure do it well. Happy birthday, sweet boy. Here’s to many more smiles, snuggles, laughs and muddy adventures!

]]> http://www.veen.com/amy/2010/05/20/2-years/feed/ http://www.veen.com/amy/2010/01/08/2009-year-in-review/ http://www.veen.com/amy/2010/01/08/2009-year-in-review/#comments Sat, 09 Jan 2010 02:41:08 +0000 Amy http://www.veen.com/amy/2010/01/08/2009-year-in-review/

Yes, I know. We are already well into 2010 and I’m still reflecting back on last year. But really, I find that this time of year — the whole end of December and most of January — puts me in a very contemplative and reflexive mood. And this year it has taken me a little longer than usual to process all of last year. For me, a very hard one. It was a great year, too, in so many ways. I got to experience my kids as they grew and hear all of the hilarious things that go through a 3(now 4)-year-old’s mind as she processes the world around her. And I got to be there for important milestones in my son’s life — crawling, walking, and now running FULL SPEED. But, as always, along with the amazing there was plenty that was frustratingly challenging, and the answers to my yearly survey will likely reflect some of that, too. Like many other people, when 2009 finally ended I was filled with relief. But man, if I’m not so excited for this next year. Bring it on, 2010. I’m so ready for new challenges and adventures. And I think I’m in a better place to deal with them and experience it all. So without further ado, I wanted to answer this list of questions so I can remember 2009 in all its glory and angst. (If you’re interested, 2008’s answers can be found here.)

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? Celebrated the 4th birthday of an awesome little girl and the 1st birthday of a cool little dude.  Joined a CSA and supported our friends’ local farm. Enrolled my daughter in “drop off” school.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? In 2009, I made a goal to take things a bit more seriously with my photography, going further than the couple photo shoots I managed to pull off the year before and to sell even more of my work. And I did! I ended up licensing some of my work through Getty Images and….wait for it…SOLD some. I think before even being flattered, my first emotion was surprise. “People are going to buy these?” I thought as I listed the photos. And then they did. And they kept doing it. And so I keep shooting. I also made a resolution to try  ”to be present and aware wherever I am at the moment” (my words from last year). Hmm…I think I struggled with that one. I had a really hard time sometimes just staying present when things started getting crazy, as they do with toddlers and preschoolers, and I think I mentally checked out more often than I’d like to admit. My last resolution was to focus back on myself a little bit, most specifically with health and fitness. And although it took me until the summer to get my act together and start working out again, I did finally get around to it. And you know what? It feels fantastic! Dear lethargic, sleep-deprived Amy: get yourself on an elliptical machine and stop complaining already!

For next year, I think it’s about time I stepped it up a bit. I don’t have specific goals in mind for fitness yet. I do want to lose a few more pounds, but mostly I want to feel strong. I was getting there last year until I made that unwise decision to take December off. But it feels good to start up again with a new perspective. And I’d like to compete in some physical challenges this year, whether that be a race or a team sport or something else equally challenging that makes my lungs bleed and pushes me a little farther than I think I can go. As far as photography goes, I’d like 2010 to be the year where I officially get my business rolling. I’m pretty unofficial right now, with a photo shoot here and there. But 2010 is the year for websites and calendars and proofing options, oh my! I’ve also resolved to take and post a photo every day to get myself back into the habit of shooting and editing (and learning!) on a daily basis. And, most importantly, 2010 is the year for me to back off myself with all the pressure and simply allow myself to enjoy life and my kids and time with my husband.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My dear friend Teresa had a beautiful son in May. And in August, my adorable nephew Finlay was born to Jeff and Julie.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My Uncle Bob passed away of colon cancer on January 1, 2009.

5. What countries did you visit? Does Candy Land count? How about Sesame Street? Those are places, right? The only world exploring I did last year was with Dora. I think that will likely be the case for at least a little bit, while the kids are still so little. But soon. Soon! We will see the world again.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? A little more gentleness with myself. More motivation. Firmer abs. A toddler who is not constantly trying to find new ways to kill himself. And, as always, more sleep.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Nothing really stands out for me this year. As far as news goes, I wasn’t the greatest at keeping up with current events and trends. But when remembering back on this year, I really loved getting away with Chris for our anniversary to a gorgeous little bed & breakfast on the beach. That was amazing.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I think finally taking myself seriously as a photographer and beginning to sell my images on Getty. Also, taking control of my wellness–both mental, emotional and physical.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not reaching out sooner when I was in a dark place. Having a short fuse with the people I love.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious. Just a cold or two.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My beloved 24-inch iMac. Yes, 24 inches of monitor goodness. It is bigger than both of my children combined.

Oh, and this for Chris. Awesome.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? There are so many people in my life that inspired me last year. My best friend who has two small kids went back to work full time and is a rock star at balancing it all. A couple close friends with babies took brave steps towards making connections with me and other moms who had gone through it all before. My husband decided after too long of inactivity that he’d dust off his recording equipment and start making music again.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? That balloon boy’s parents, FOX News commentators, those hacks who steal my photos.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent, groceries, lots of miscellaneous sundry from Target. (I wish I could quit you, Target. You complete me.)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I really loved getting back into a fitness routine. And although I sort of fizzled out for all of December, I suffered the consequences that month with stress and poor health and depression again and have quickly jumped back in with both feet. I really like the way I feel when I’m taking care of myself (duh, really?), and I don’t want to be reminded the hard way again that getting my heart pumping and my body sweating is the best drug out there for me.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? Chris got himself all inspired this year, too. He started writing music again and recording. And he even played live a couple times at an open-mic night. In December, for a Christmas themed open-mic he wrote a song for me. When I hear it forevermore I will think back to the end of this year.

Oh yeah, and I kept hearing this darn song everywhere last year. And now it remains permanently lodged in my brain.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier, getting there each day.

b) thinner or fatter? Thinner. I heart you, elliptical machine.

c) richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I’d taken more photos and that the ones I did take didn’t just get lost into the black hole of my computer files. I took a photo a day in 2008 and then sort of put the camera down for a good part of last year. I also wish I was more consistent with blogging. And, of course, sleep. Always more sleep.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Less wishing. More doing.

20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve dinner at my brother’s house. Christmas Day at home with my family — some snuggling, some cookies, a big bowl of chili. With Ian being 19-months and just starting to “get it,”and Sophia being as into Santa and Rudolf and Frosty as a kid could get, it was pretty great to see both of my kids experience Christmas and everything leading up to it this year as much as they did. We celebrated with something small each day through our Advent calendar and the build up to the actual day of Christmas was pretty special.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? I love you, Beatles Rockband.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Battlestar Galactica (R.I.P.), Biggest Loser, Community, Flash Forward, 30 Rock and any show where someone decorated a cake with fondant.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No.

24. What was the best book you read? I read a lot this past year. It was one of the things that kept me sane. I think I’d choose Love Walked In and Belong to Me, both by Marisa de los Santos.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Beatles. I mean, I was always aware of them as a band. But I really never loved them way they deserved until last year. Again, thank you, Rockband.

26. What did you want and get? To lose some weight. I didn’t lose as much as I wanted, but I did gain a new perspective on where and how fitness fits into my life, which to me is far more valuable than how many pounds I lost. Besides, it’s a whole new year, right? Got to save something to resolve in 2010.

27. What did you want and not get? Oh Nikon D300, you haunt my dreams with your loveliness. Soon we shall be together at last.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Since I just saw it and remember it most vividly I’d definitely say Sherlock Holmes (and also, I have a toddler and a preschooler so I saw like three movies last year in the theater). We also rented Julie and Julia recently, and although it wasn’t necessarily my favorite of the year it definitely stuck with me as inspiration to start up my daily photo challenge again. I mean, if this woman could cook over 500 of Julia Child’s recipes in a year and blog about it every day, I can pick up my darn camera and take a picture once a day, right?

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to Disneyland with my kids. My best friend and her kids came, too. We had a blast. After that I had dinner with my family. There was ice cream cake involved. Then we went up to Big Bear for the rest of the weekend to skip rocks in the lake and lie around watching movies. I turned 32.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A maid. Ha, no really it’s probably the same as last year, which would be us being completely debt free. We’re getting there. Slowly, but surely.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? I definitely started noticing fashion again last year. It’s been a while since I was not either pregnant or having someone hork milky fluids on me. So once I got past that stage I sort of took on a personal quest to revamp my style. I guess I’d say last year it was a random mix of hippy and preppy (with many days of jeans and a ponytail). But I’m sort of moving this year towards a more vintage, classic look. Ready to start dressing my age, I guess.

32. What kept you sane? A fantastic husband. Great friends. Working out. A well-timed glass of wine.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I’m going to go with Robert Downey, Jr., thank you very much.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? The whole healthcare debate. But again, don’t ask me for any fine details. Toddler on the loose, remember?

35. Who did you miss? I missed my best friend when she went back to work full time and got herself a busy life. Scheduling phone dates sucks.

36. Who was the best new person you met? My daughter’s preschool teacher. We really love her and feel like we totally scored in the teacher department. And little nephew Finn. Cool little guy.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. To be more gentle with myself. I am really critical when it comes to what I expect of myself. Like an over-demanding boss who needs things now now now and better better better. I expect that of myself, when I would never think to expect that from anyone else. I think I also (re)learned last year to take deep breaths and remember to find joy in the little things.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.  How about a quote instead that I came across again recently. “If you want to be happy, be.” - Leo Tolstoy. It’s not like that is so profound a thought, but it sort of is profound in its simplicity, you know? I think that sums up my year nicely. Or how about the really simple, non-Tolstoy version: I was tired and sad. I got help. I decided to be happy. Life is good.

There you go, 2009. All summed up neat and tidy. It seemed a bit messier as I lived it, but looking back I realize that it was a great year, even with a setback here and there. Here’s to a 2010 filled with inspiration and laughter and deeper friendships and gentleness! And of course enough chocolate to make all of that possible and fun.

Last week you turned 4 and we celebrated to the nines. Family barbecues and dinner in your favorite restaurant, lots of cupcakes and princess dress-up tea parties with your friends. It was quite a celebration for quite an amazing kid. In fact, you’re still celebrating, which doesn’t surprise me at all in a family that celebrates birthdays for a whole month!

I have to admit though, I’m a little wistful lately about the toddler you used to be — that chubby, precocious little bundle of energy and baby sign language and a crib bursting with dollies. Now you are a preschooler who goes to her very own “drop-off” school, making new friends all on your own. A preschooler who teaches your brother — while both running naked up and down the hallway, of course — how to hit the high-pitched screeches (or while in the bath or car or grocery store. Have I mentioned you guys like to make noise together? Yeah, a bit.) Now you are this smart little kid who memorizes your books so you can read them to yourself during rest time, which you tell me passionately “is NOT nap time, mommy. Just a rest!” thank you very much!

You have come so very far in one year. You’ve given up your nap. You’ve started preschool. You’ve embraced big-sisterhood and little-brother-training to the max. You write your name and blow bubbles and feed your fish and go potty by yourself (mostly) and dress up like a princess or act out the scene of your favorite movie whenever the opportunity arises. You played soccer and danced ballet. You have learned how to introduce yourself when you see a new kid your age that you think you’d like to play with. So much life lived in just four short years.

You rock my world with your new-found assertiveness and bravery. This has definitely been your year. Whereas mommy-and-me swimming lessons scared the death out of you last year, this year you jumped right in with the instructor and never looked back. New people and situations used to make you a shy ball of fear before. Now you love new environments and friends because you see it as a chance for new adventures. “Where are we going today, mama?” you asked me expectantly almost every single day this summer. And every day we’d come up with a game plan of what sorts of excursions we could go on and what kinds of adventures we could find. You love that stuff. You love to get out there and explore your world! And I love exploring it with you.

You are turning into a beautiful young girl. I know mamas have to say that, but it’s really true. This summer, we welcomed the new addition of freckles. They now cover your whole little nose and the tops of both cheeks. They’re everywhere and they are adorable. Long gone is the day when we found and named your very first little spot, Michelle the Freckle (pronounced Meeeeshell the Freck-ell, by the way, an apparently French freckle on your back).

This summer you also decided that you could part with your long lovely locks. I explained to you about the woes of chlorine and beachy wind and sand and hair-pulling ponytail holders and that basically there was not enough conditioner in the whole world to help us through those thick tangles. Thankfully, you agreed. (I didn’t mention that you were looking way too sassy and grown up with that long hair. I figured the threat of tangles would do the trick.) And so it was that as our summer adventures were just beginning you got yourself a cute little bob and cut off about 7 inches of thick hair. Whew. Bath time drama thwarted!

And now, here we are. Four years from when we brought you home on a rainy weekend in September. A couple of newbie parents terrified and confident at the same time. We have grown with you. You’ve helped us slow down on walks to enjoy treasure collecting and hurry up while eating ice cream to lick every last drip. You’ve helped us learn how to relax at night with the soon-to-be-patented Sophie technique of “just snuggle me one more minute.” It sure helps, kiddo. A couple minutes of snugly love from you and all my worries are forgotten. And most importantly, you’ve helped us to see the world with fresh, hopeful eyes — the thrill of fireworks and new library books and learning to spell R-E-D and getting to hold a new baby.

I am blessed to know you, baby girl. And however much you fight me when I call you that — “I’m NOT a baby anymore. I AM A BIG KID!” — I keep telling you that you’ll always, always be my baby girl. And it’s true. No matter where you go or who you become, you’ve got a mama who remembers that first little baby in her arms all those years ago and marvels at the beautiful big kid you have become.

It has taken me over a week to write this to you because you keep me running all day long! You are one busy little guy. We are all breathing a big sigh of relief that you’ve actually made it this far, what with your crazy daredevil antics that you freak me out with all day long. I can turn around for 4 seconds and you will already have done one (but usually all) of the following: pushed the kitchen stool to the den to climb the bookshelves, eaten a handful of dog food, climbed on top of the table and squealed with delight, sneaked out the back door, eaten any foreign objects you can find on the floor, licked the trash can, lifted the toilet lid to explore inside, sorted the trash. And that’s just the first part of the morning. This list usually repeats itself about 3-4 times a day.  So yeah, baby’s are cute, but maybe just not fail-proof.

We had a little celebration for you on your actual birthday with just our family. Your sister was delirious with excitement for you to open presents! and play! and sing the birthday song! and eat your cake! (which she helped make and decorate for you: blue frosting/purple sprinkles, natch.) You had an absolute blast with your cake, too. You couldn’t believe your fortune that we gave you a whole piece and you kept looking at us suspiciously like we would snatch it away at any moment. Naturally, you didn’t waste any time getting the goods in your mouth (but mostly on your face and lap. Thankful again that you are so washable.)

I really can’t believe that you’re already entering full-blown toddlerhood. You’re not quite walking yet, but you really want to. You push your walker all around the house trying to balance upright, or anything else that happens to be in front of you that you can grab onto (toddler chairs, stools, baskets, the dog). I think I’m actually in denial that the baby part of you is slowly slipping away, being replaced with a rambunctious and babbling little boy. A kid.

It was only just over a year ago that you were tucked safely inside me. Warm. Comforting. Huge. Ready to take on the world. And then there I was, walking, walking, walking trying to get you to come out and meet us, your anxious and adoring new family. You just didn’t want to come. It’s not that you didn’t like us yet. I think you were just so content to be with mama. To just hang out, you and me. That’s the way you still are now. We snuggle close and you sigh happily. Peaceful. You open your eyes and smirk up at me while you nurse, grateful and always amused to see me there. You grin at everyone who passes by with that insanely flirtatious and mischievous grin, but always look back to make sure I’m watching, that I’m always near. You cry when I have to leave you for any amount of time (oh the abandonment issues you one-year-olds deal with!), but once you are in my arms again all is right with the world. You are my boy. My sweet, laid-back little guy.

But it’s not just me that you love. You are so completely enamored with your big sister. She is your best friend and you are her little sidekick. You have no idea how much it warms my heart to watch you two begin to play together. There’s lots of grabbing and frustration still, but you guys are getting there. You’re figuring out the importance of this team. And sometimes I’ll look in the backseat of the car while I’m driving and see you two holding hands in your car seats or just making each other laugh and squeal with delight. This is impossibly cute. And loud. And also, did I mention LOUD? Yeah, you guys are loud together. There’s no other way to explain it, and I’m afraid there is no way to stop it either. But that’s fine with me. I cherish the silence of nap times, but I would never trade the noise and mess and dirty faces and perfect chaos you guys create for anything.

A year ago I had no idea what to expect. I was a veteran of raising a girl, but I knew nothing about boys. I had no idea how our family would change. Ian, you have transformed our family. Your giggles, your nonsensical babbling that makes complete sense to you, your lightening speed crawling (knees of steel!), your sweet, soft snores. All of it has rounded out our family in such a unique way. The photos above show how far you’ve come. The first one was taken the day after you were born. I was smelling your sweet baby smells. Savoring you. The photo below it was taken last week on your birthday. There I am, still savoring. Still painfully aware of how fast this time goes.

And there we are, one year ago. Meeting each other. Figuring each other out. We still are. And I love every minute of it. Happy birthday, big guy. I hope this next year is as full of fun adventures as the last!

“Is that so?” I said. “Hmm…maybe I should just stay home then. You know, sit this one out.”

“No, Papa!” said Sophia. “You need to go to the castle because there’s a beast there that I need to meet and I’m going to dance with him nice and we’ll be friends. Yes, you should go.”

Well, since it’s for a good cause, I guess I’ll brave the forest and wolves!

It’s fun to play make-believe with a 3-year-old.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Took many, many pictures; birthed a son; stopped working for a paycheck.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year I didn’t make resolutions, I just focused on two words: delight and expansion. And I have to say, I tried as hard as I could with both of them and, for the most part, I think I did OK. I did, however, make a goal for myself at the beginning of 2008 to sell my photographs at some point during the year. And I did! So that was satisfying. For next year, I’d like to sell even more photos. I’d also like to be present and aware wherever I am at the moment. When I’m with my kids, I want to be completely focused on them. I think I could have done that a little better in ‘08. I’d also like this to be the year I focus back on myself a little bit. For all of last year, I’ve either had another human growing inside me, or a baby/toddler attached to my hip. I’ve loved it, of course. But that has left a few things neglected in my life. I’m looking at you, muffin top.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Besides me, several of my close friends also had babies. So many adorable and new little fingers and toes out there in the world right now.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Uncle Bob passed away of colon cancer. Not actually in 2008. He died on January 1, 2009. He will be really missed.

5. What countries did you visit?
Ha. Well, being pregnant and then having a newborn did not allow me much travel time outside of my own county, let alone country. Here’s hoping someday soon I can explore the world again, brood in tow.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A little more patience with myself. A little more patience with my kiddos, at times. A lot more sleep.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 6 was the day Ian was born. November 4 was history in the making.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Giving birth. It’s quite an achievement, really. I also took a picture every day this year. I still can’t believe I did that. It is so rewarding to look back over all the pictures of this extremely eventful year.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Having a short fuse with people I love; being impatient.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A few colds passed on lovingly to me from little noses.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Oh man, I LOVE (really, really love) my 50mm lens. Definitely my best photography purchase this year. We also just got ourselves a cute little Flip Video Camcorder for Christmas so we can finally record Sophia’s ABCs and Ian’s attempts at crawling. I love that thing.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband’s. That guy is a saint. He had quite a year of ups and downs and yet he still always thought of me before anything else.

(I think you could say this household also celebrated Obama a little this year, too.)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Oh, Sarah Palin. How did you happen?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, groceries.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Having my son was about as cool as it gets. I think adding on a second child rounded out our family in such an amazing way. I think, though, that besides holding him and nursing him and just generally staring at him, what made me most excited about having him around was watching Sophia become just the most incredible big sister. She adores her little brother and really looks out for him. It’s incredibly sweet for a mama to watch that kind of love between her kids.

I kind of got really excited about photography this year, too.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
That “You’ve got to move it move it” song from Madagascar. Sophia and her dance parties. And any song by Elizabeth Mitchell. We’re big fans at our house and anytime I hear her voice, I will always think back to last year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier, much
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner. It’s only because I was pregnant this time last year.
c) richer or poorer? I think we’re actually about the same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleep. Really, I need to get to bed much earlier.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I read too many blogs, get caught up on Flickr for too long, and generally just get way too distracted on the internet. I need to unplug a little.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve dinner at my parents’ house. Christmas Day at home with my family and a few close friends. Christmas and the whole advent season leading up to it was magical this year, especially through the eyes of my 3-year-old.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes. I met this new little guy in May, and I brought him home to live with us. He’s adorable. We’re definitely keeping him.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
30 Rock, definitely. And Battlestar Galactica. I also got really into Biggest Loser.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read?
Man, I read a lot this past year. Not so much in the beginning of the year when I was busy as hell and commuting 3 hours a day. But once I was home and had time in a rocking chair nursing my baby, I fell in love with one of my favorite pastimes again. I really liked Three Cups of Tea: One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace . . . One School at a Time and Water For Elephants. OK, fine. I also enjoyed the Twilight series. Yes, I am 14.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Rhapsody. The greatest thing ever! I can’t even describe to you what this has done to my music listening.

26. What did you want and get?
A happy, healthy baby. He is very much both.

27. What did you want and not get?
Besides a whole new wardrobe (not likely!), I can’t think of anything. I am really happy with what I have.

I know I’d love a Roomba though.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really liked Dark Knight, Iron Man and Wall-E. Also, I did see Twilight twice, if you must know.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
It was only about 2 weeks after I gave birth, so I wasn’t out dancing or anything. But I did get to go to a really nice lunch with my parents, mother-in-law, husband and kids. That night, Chris and I left the kids with Grammy and headed out to dinner and a movie. It was pouring down rain outside and was so romantic to be out with just him having wonderful, uninterrupted conversation over a glass of wine and some hearty Italian food. We saw Indiana Jones, if you were curious. And I turned 31.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being completely debt free.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Hooo boy, not much style for me this year. My wardrobe/waistband was pretty much elasticied for much of the year. Then, in this order: easy to nurse in, comfortable and fits, not stained, hopefully cute.

32. What kept you sane?
Photography, the cathartic glow of my laptop, laughing, wonderful and wise girlfriends, having fantastic parents and mother-in-law who would babysit whenever I needed. But mostly, my husband.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Can I say Obama again? Yes, I can.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Pretty much the whole 2008 election. Man, that was intense and deeply moving. I got pretty peeved about the whole Prop 8 outcome, too. Ugh, California.

35. Who did you miss?
I missed some old colleagues and friends from my former workplace. I missed my husband a lot when he got a job that didn’t require working exclusively from home anymore.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I’d have to go with my new baby. But I met a couple cool new friends this year, too.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Being persistent and dedicated with my photography not only paid off, but it was also highly satisfying and fun. Also, adding another kid to the mix was a fantastic idea.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“Don’t worry about a thing
‘cuz every little thing
is gonna be alright.”

- from “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley (And also by Elizabeth Mitchell. She does a good cover.) It’s Sophia’s favorite song and she always wanted me to sing it to her at night before bed. It was pretty much the perfect song she could have latched onto. I can’t think of a better matra for a tired and sometimes-stressed new mama of two to have to sing over and over again.

Six months is wet with drool. Lots of drool. And lots of gnawing on little fists and feet and anything near, for that matter.

I adore this age. And that laugh, the giggle that gets caught in your throat. So happy and so totally boy.

I haven’t written much lately. I’ve been so immersed in life with this new little bundle of energy and joy and peace and mellowness. I’ve been watching and letting it all soak into me so that I can remember this. So I can look back and remember how you felt in my arms. How your whole body snuggled into me in bed in the early hours of the morning when you’d wake up in your room and not want to be alone anymore. How you sounded when you cried and how much I wanted to always, always be able to make it all better.

You’re lying in my lap as I type this. (Another reason I haven’t been as active on this blog–lots of baby lying in my arms makes it hard to type!)  And as I look down on your peaceful face, your sweet chubby cheeks, and those long gorgeous lashes that many women would die for, I listen to your your raspy adorable snores and am mentally capturing you at this age. At six months. An age that I love. I put my finger into your hand and it instinctively curls around me, holding on. I hope you will always want to hold on. And even when you’re physically ready to let go, please know that mama will always be holding your heart.

Oh, also? Sorry about that Halloween costume. But, you know, it kind of had to be done.

This week you turned 3 months old and I am still truly amazed by it all. You’d think a “seasoned” mom like myself wouldn’t find as much wonder in this stuff the second time around, but that is so not the case. I think I’m even more aware of these tender first months with you because I now have the hindsight of my experience with your sister to know how incredibly fast this all goes. First smiles and laughs soon become constant and adorable chatty conversation. Sucking on your fingers and pacifier quickly turns into munching down on grapes and string cheese and turkey sandwiches. Your sweet coos will soon be unrecognizable as you learn how to babble and then speak first words and then try to bargain your way into a later bedtime. It all goes so fast, Ian. And I am enjoying every moment of it. Every simple, beautiful moment.

Thank you for being such a sweet little guy and for letting your sister simply love you. She loves hard and knows no boundaries, but you take it all in stride. For that I am so thankful. I hope your mellow, easy-going attitude sticks around because I know it will serve you well.

Your newly learned giggle is infectious. You get the whole family laughing with you. Really, I never thought making a funny face could be so hilarious, but you have taught us to find joy in the smallest things, like plastic elephants and hearing your sister’s voice. Everything is cause for celebration these days. And that’s just the way it should be.

Thank you for being such a great baby, even if you do like to choke yourself on your own fingers from time to time. I’m so glad to spend my days with you. And I feel honored and blessed to help chub you up and watch you grow.  Here’s to many more months of chubby baby rolls that I can munch on and big blue eyes full of wonder that I can gaze into.