Psychotic blogger in the wild

So here I sit. Savouring the last of my double full fat Swiss cheese, triple ham, French’s classic yellow mustard, on wholemeal. Thinking and musing. You know, I think to myself, I was a real dick. My endless agitation over the poor Telstra coverage at home and our in-store embarrassment ended in almost hysterical fervor and, to be honest, ended with me achieving just slightly more than hypertension and disharmony at home. Yep, I was a dick.

So here I henceforth agree to disagree with the mighty T and apologise to the poor complaints officer for my ridiculously demanding email – yeah the one before the apology email. I’ll also endeavor to channel more happiness into the blog in an attempt to right the listing towards mania. We’ll call it a new year’s resolution.

So for those who’ve been following my rambling passage towards capitulation – where did we end up?

In a nutshell we received an email from the Customer Resolution Coordinator that began, chillingly, with the statement “Further to our recent conversation”.

Things didn’t warm up from there either.

What followed were phrases like “I confirm”, “Telstra does not provide coverage prediction”, “you will need to sign a release agreement…service will not be guaranteed…sign this…before handset will be issued”, and there were dot points too. Boy did I upset the apple-cart.

In the end we’ll have to say thanks for the good-will credit and make sure the boss has my home phone number.

Sure we have questions left unanswered and some importantly logical issues outstanding, but hey, I’m moving on to my happy place. If the other members of the household have problems then I’ll leave it to them to deal with it in a more civilised and adult manner.

So Telstra, cheers for your patience. Cheers for at least listening. Have a great year.

Big business is such a complex beast of many heads and separate brains. One head speaks to the public, selling wares and providing the Ryan Gosling-esque white toothed grin of confidance. Another is the elusive, complex and often brilliant mastermind, finding solutions and planning new creations. They don’t often speak to each other and this often shows. So continues the drama with Telstra that began months ago.

So there we were last Sunday, heading off to Telstra to put to rest the dramas that have been dogging us for months. We’d received an email from their complaints team that was faintly scented with frustration but came quickly to the point stating that Telstra would replace our phones, we’d receive a goodwill credit or if this was not good enough they’d cancel our contracts. Interestingly the cancellation fees were less than was stated previously by about $200 – but I digress. This was supposed to be the final solution.

On entering the first store we started to feel dread as the staff member had trouble following the months worth of history and then the clincher – he could not find any trail of the final promises that had been made. He went on to say that because the Telstra branded store we were standing in wasn’t owned by Telstra we’d be better served heading over to a Telstra owned store. They advised that these other stores were better placed to deal with issues like ours – so we ambled over to a Telstra owned store which  looked remarkably like the one we’d just left.

The second store ended in a predictable carbon copy farce as well. They couldn’t make heads or tails of our story, couldn’t find the details of the latest offer from Telstra complaints and after some arguing among themselves as to what was a blue-tick phone or not  we were left confused and really embarrassed. Yet again, after multiple visits to stores, we left angry.

So what’s the issue here?

Like I said, big businesses like Telstra have so many departments, arms, groups, sub-groups, franchises and tech support teams that the consumer is left bewildered, confused, and ultimately willing to give it all up out of sheer frustration. You’d really be hard pressed to prove that this isn’t a deliberate ploy to ward off the irritating customers.

According to their own staff, Telstra owned stores and franchised stores follow different rules. One type can offer discounts, the other just wants simple sales without the problem solving. For anyone, other than the simple walk-in purchaser, this makes a Telstra store visit a treacherous affair and a visit that has potential PR disaster written all over it.

The internal and external communications at Telstra, a communications provider, is also another pitfall the customer must navigate. My last three visits to a Telstra store ended with us feeling embarrassed because the problems we were explaining to the staff appeared as a story of fiction. The staff could’t verify any of the details with their customer database in-store and interestingly none of the staff took the time to even offer to ring complaints on our behalf. As far as external email correspondence goes, replying to emails ends in a dead end. Telstra’s apparently randomised emails addresses, like F1105133@team.telstra.com, appear to be disposable to prevent spam and the like but you are then forced into calling via phone which is a time wasting game.

So now, due to my erratic work life, I’m stuck again. It’s nearly impossible for me to contact the complaints department by phone and as I’d said to them before email is my preferred method of communication. I tried emailing them back as a reply to the email they’d sent me but it’s like dropping a stone down a big black hole – you just don’t know where it’s headed. Could this be another time wasting ploy designed to frustrate the consumer into simply disappearing?

Anyway, in the end I sent my own resolution to Telstra. It was sent to F1105133@team.telstra.com which was where their final resolution had come from. I sure hope they find it otherwise I’m happy to forward it to any email address they nominate.

We’ll keep you posted on how this all turns out.

Cheers.

I’d said that we’d moved from another carrier to Telstra to fix the issues that we’d had with poor coverage – but alas the issues have continued – only this time we’re paying a premium for it. At this point I may be acting like a dog with a bone but the solutions offered have been both less than appealing as well as seriously insulting.

We’ve been told to either cancel our services for the grand sum of $965 dollars or buy new blue tick (rural) mobiles. The latter option comes with the caveat of “this should fix your issues”. Now we hardly live in suburbia and the choice of mobile replacements is hardly electrifying.

In a nutshell Telstra wants us to gamble with our money to fix the premium service we pay for, but at the end of the day we signed up with the phones we have and they were happy to take our “premium” priced dollars.

So now I’ve done a little speed test to show what we’re paying for:

Not too snappy hey! Anyhoo, I wait with baited breath for a solution to our issues.

Well as it turns out, at least according to the Sea Shepherd captain when interviewed on The Project and in this The Age article, the Japanese government is handing over $28.5 million dollars to support the Japanese whaling fleet. This money had been slated to be spent on the recovery efforts post Japan’s March natural disasters.

Some Japanese non-government organisations have condemned the move but the extra security the whalers need, due to conflicts with Sea Shepherd, has overridden their cries. I’m almost certain the majority of the Japanese people would also be upset by this move on their behalf.

So what can be done?

What could you do?

Perhaps, as the government of Japan has excess cash, we could boycott products made by Japanese manufacturers. In this way the Japanese government would not be able to claim taxes on the profits these brands will be making. Surely if enough people boycott products exiting Japan then we could make up the $28.5 million. Perhaps you could donate the equivalent GST to the mob over at Sea Shepherd. Don’t buy that $400 camera – buy a Samsung and donate $40 to Sea Shepherd.

Done.

Japan must realise there are consequences for supporting the destruction of harmless mammals.

Tell us what you think. Got any other ideas?

It all began some time ago with a house move. A move on to a hill. Our then mobile phone provider, we’ll call them 4 to maintain their anonymity, appeared to offer little or no coverage at our suburban home. Undaunted we fought them in the trenches and open fields until the spectre of the telecommunications ombudsman smote them. When the smoke had cleared we found that we’d been released to continue our mobile journey across to our savior. The bringer of coverage. The charger of premium prices. But that was okay with us, for coverage is what we desired. End dramatic monologue.

Bright eyed and filled with the joy of new SIM  cards we headed home. But 4 was to have the last laugh. Poor coverage continued at home.

I’d say it’s now been nearly 2 months of communication with Telstra. Twitter, email, in-store and on the phone. From what I’ve gathered we’ve been given a $20 credit for our troubles so far. The poor customer service representative, we’ll call her Roxy, has been patient and a delight to speak to, but is obviously working within a very restrictive set of rules that has led only to a stalemate and frustration.

So as it stands our options are:

• Pay Telstra $965 to exit our contracts (2 x BYO mobiles, homephone, Cable internet).
• Put up with poor coverage and pay the premium Telstra prices for the privilege.
• Buy 2 new “rural” or “Blue tick” phones to see if that will fix the problem.

Fired?

For the cherubs out there who’ve never heard of one Kyle Dalton Sandilands, he’s an Australian radio personality renowned for his outspoken and often abrasive comments about other public figures. The latest Kyle offensive was aimed at a female journalist and involved him saying that he would hunt her down. This followed comments, on air, about her weight and her cleavage. Ordinarily Kyle’s comments either boost his ratings or end with mild scoffs at his naughtiness. Not this time. This time he’s reeling after a shot to the kidneys by Twitter, the populist assassin.

With hundreds of millions of users worldwide, Twitter is evolving into a creature more efficient than government ombudsmen when it comes to holding businesses liable for their actions. The Kyle saga to date, as reported in traditional media, has mentioned little of the media watchdog’s views of his conduct – despite some some online sources pointing out breaches of broadcasting guidelines. Instead a remarkable thing is happening – the public are turning to social media, using hash tags like #vilekyle, to express their thoughts on companies that sponsor or support Kyle’s broadcasts.

Companies including Holden, Telstra, Vodafone, Medibank, Fantastic Furniture and Blackmores are reacting swiftly to audience concerns and are severing ties with Kyle. Wisely they’re confirming their divorces through social media like Twitter. It’s interesting to note that a lot of the sponsors, pulling the pin, have customer bases skewed largely towards females. Obviously the influence of social media is being noticed by media buyers, and Kyle is now a poisoned chalice. They’ll now be looking for the brew that is true.

So now the story rolls on. Kyle could potentially fall on his sword and take the newly dubbed Jackie the Enabler with him. It would really gladden the soul of media commentator Jeff Jarvis to know that the people have spoken and taken back the metaphorical occupy wall street tag. In this case #vilekyle will stick and the obscene media spends that these companies had been directing towards one man could now power the vast audience of bloggers, tweeters and other grass roots media. Viva La Revolucion.

If this sounds familiar to you, you’re not alone. With the massive increase in our “in home” entertainment temptations we’re now being bombarded by reasons to stay home and blow out that BMI.

That’s why I fell in love with an online blog featuring, in her own words, a young professional who loves food, wine, wildlife and her dog Simba.

Mai Lin talks about her worldly travels in her blog, logically titled,  Mai Lin Talks. She tells us, often in lovable grammar shattering prose*, about her jet setting to all corners of the globe. She slathers her pieces with great photography of places and exotic foods and leaves her readers inspired to expand their own horizons.

So do yourself a favour. Read this blog regularly. Get inspired. Save your hard earned. Travel as far as you can and try those foods that scare you (like the Kopi Luwak).

Nice.

P.S Mai Lin just popped up in The Age newspaper today. Go Mai!

P.P.S If you found this post by searching “How to be a travel writer” or “How to be a food writer”, this is how you should start – with passion, gumption and a get out there attitude. Cheers.

* Before you say anything, my grammar has been universally researched and rated as laughable.

Buy Zee Phone

Oh God, here he goes again. Ranting. Exclaiming. Off on a tirade of expletive filled, self-referential, self-important drivel. But really all I want to do is stop the little voice gnawing away in my head. “Get a new mobile, get the latest, the greatest, your phone is old, outdated. Think of all of the ace things you’ll be able to do with your new one”.

“Stop it!”

You know we all do it. Suckered by the shininess, the speed, the touchy feely. This upgrading of mobile phones has become such a part of our lives. The thing I’d love to know is why?

Is the latest and greatest such an improvement over the archaic brick in your pocket?

This need for the newest new thing isn’t new either. The super funny sitcom Corner Gas, in its first season, made a whole episode out of this syndrome. We see the main character Brent and the local policeman, Davis, locked in a battle to have the smallest cellphone. Wiener jokes ensue. But the sad thing is that it’s still happening today and this episode aired in 2004.

So what I’ve done is pop down the 10 things you should be looking at to calculate your PRC – your phone replacement co-efficient. Sound official?

1. Does the battery on your old phone still pack enough of a punch?
2. Is the battery replaceable (damn you Apple and your conniving ways)?
3. Do all of the buttons work reliably?
4. Does the headphone jack still work without crackling?
5. Can your phone still make calls?
6. Is the screen dead pixel and crack free?
7. Do you still have free space on your phone?
8. Can you expand the storage on your phone?
9. Will you benefit, tax wise, if you get a new phone/contract?
10. Honestly, does the phone do everything you need (Angry Birds is not a need)?

Now let’s do some scoring. For all questions a yes gets you 10 points. A no gets you no points. Add them all up and disregard questions 1 to 9. Answer number 10 honestly and you’ll get your answer.

Seriously though, each year hundreds of millions of mobile phones end up in landfill. Sure some get recycled but the ones that don’t equate to large amounts of copper, gold, mercury, plastics and other pollutants being buried. You may think that it’s all out of mind and out of sight but some of these materials are scarce and expensive. Over time the new phone you want could be more expensive because the old phones weren’t reclaimed.

Don't drink phone juice

If the money thing means nothing to you then just think that the leeching materials could mean that your future offspring might just be a little different. In a bad way. How you like them shock tactics!

What do we mean?

If you don’t recycle your old phone properly the degrading phone could leech some serious gear, like heavy metals, into the environment. According to the World Health Organisation:

Heavy metals pose a particular health risk
because they may accumulate in vital organs.
Children are most susceptible to the toxic effects
of heavy metal poisoning. For example, arsenic
poisoning can cause nausea, abdominal pain,
vomiting, muscle cramps, heart abnormalities,
liver damage, anaemia and reduced motor nerve
function. Lead poisoning can cause weight loss,
insomnia, dizziness, swelling of the brain and
paralysis. Mercury poisoning can cause tremors,
insomnia, memory loss, slowed sensory and
motor nerve function, and reduced mental
function.

Think of the kiddies people before you get lured by that new offering from insert smartphone maker name here.

Do you really need it?

But remember if you do buy the new one – Recycle the old one. A friend might love it.

Whereas their opposition spruik street cred or frequency response curves, House of Marley has chosen to create something unique. Their push appears to have been to make a range of audio equipment that stirs both your creative side but also your social sensibilities.

Here’s the thing. It’s safe. But disappointingly so. Perhaps it was the waiting. The months of conjecture. The “holding out”.

But at the end of the day it’s no Samsung Galaxy S2 which upped the ante. Bumped up screen real estate. Got skinny. Changed the game.

Where the iPhone 4 appeared to smash you in the face with amazing graphics, a beautiful camera, speed, design to drool over – instead the latest iteration is just that. An iteration. The same, just bumped up a notch.

Let us know what you think.

iOS 5 on the other hand…