A few weeks ago, I explained in a post that I had decided to retire since so many younger teachers were losing their jobs.  Although it was difficult to walk away from a job I loved and students I adored, I cleaned out my classroom a couple of weeks ago, and I’m moving on to the next stage of my life.

In the next couple of months, I’ll write about the lovely retirement reception that the kind souls in my department held for me, and I’ll write about how it felt to walk out and lock my classroom door for the last time. For now, however, my emotions are still spinning, and descriptions of those last days of teaching will have to wait until I can think clearly and without all the tears that keep welling up whenever I think of not sitting inside my own classroom in August.

Thank you for reading my teaching blog! I sincerely appreciate your support and enthusiasm. If you want to follow my thoughts during my retirement, I’ve started another blog that you are welcome to read. I may not be a teacher in the future, but I suspect that many of my posts will revolve around teaching, teachers, and students. It’s impossible to just walk away from teaching after 32 years!

Leaving School

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My seniors take the AP English Language and Composition test at 8:00 tomorrow morning. They are prepared and ready to go, but every year I worry myself sick as I sit alone in my classroom and wonder about how the kids will perform. Did tell them . . . ? Did I spend enough time on . . . ?

I’ve been teaching so long that I know I have covered everything the kids need to know, and I am sure that they are as well prepared as I could possibly desire. Tomorrow, morning, however, I will still be nervous and sick to my stomach. I will still reach panic mode when one of 140 students walks into my classroom because he forgot the test or was late for the test (happens every year).

A couple of months from now when the scores come in, I will celebrate and congratulate the kids who makes 3′s, 4′s, and 5′s, but I will blame myself if kids don’t pass.

Why is it that teachers always think it’s their fault when students struggle?

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I have been thinking of retiring for the last year or so, but I love teaching too much and planned to teach probably another two to three years. I have great kids and teach in a wonderful school. Unfortunately, however, because of the terrible economy, my school district is laying-off over 500 teachers.

500 teachers will lose their jobs in a school system that has never layed-off teachers.

Last week I turned in my retirement papers and will end my 32-year career next week when my seniors graduate. I wanted to stay, but it’s hard to justify holding on to my job when I know that my retirement will allow another teacher to keep his or her job. I know many teachers who dream of the day when they can retire, but I’ve never been one of them. I thought I would teach until someone had to drag me kicking and screaming out of my classroom.

I never thought I would have to leave because of the economy.

I wanted to keep teaching, but sometimes we just have to walk away and make room for the younger teachers who follow us.

This week is hard as I bring the semester to a close with my seniors. Next week will be even harder as I say good-bye and watch them walk across the stage at graduation.

In all of my years of training as a teacher, I learned volumes about how to walk into a classroom and begin my teaching career. I never learned, however, how to lock my classroom and walk away at the end of my career.

Lord, give me strength!

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Today we returned from Spring Break. As an AP teacher, my interior clock is already ticking away: 22 class days until the AP English Language exam. Because my school operates on a block schedule, we are forced to teach an entire year’s curriculum to students during only one semester of 90-minute class periods. We’re always running or cramming or screaming in frustration because we have too much to teach in so little time.

But we manage.

Then I returned today to discover that an administrator is pulling some of my students out of class tomorrow in order to conduct a pep rally to encourage students at a local elementary school to do well on their standardized tests. As if we don’t have enough class interruptions for our own students who are involved in tests! I asked administrators to reduce how many times our classes are interrupted so students are in class for the 22 remaining days before AP exams. One administrator sees nothing wrong with pulling kids out of class so long as they have A’s and B’s, and another administrator never responded to my concerns.

What I would give to work in a school where all administrators were truly instructional leaders! Why should I have to fight to keep students in my class?

Another email flew out to teachers this afternoon. Since the school will hold an honors day next Friday during school, followed by the junior-senior prom that night, we have a special form students must complete in order to check out at noon.

One more interruption! Sometimes I think it is amazing that our kids learn as much as they do.  I can only imagine how much our kids would learn if learning were indeed our primary focus!

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When I tell people that I teach high school seniors, they often respond by rolling their eyes or by telling me that they could never teach seventeen and eighteen year olds. I always laugh and state, “There the easiest group to teach because they already know everything!”

It’s a great line, but it is far from the truth. No, they don’t know everything, and few of them behave as if they do. In fact, it is fascinating to teach high school seniors who are about to step out into the “real world.” They are so inquisitive about what will happen next, and they usually realize that today is the last chance they have to prepare for that huge step into college.

Research papers are due Wednesday, and we spent part of the class period going around the circle so students could tell the topics for their papers. Students often mentioned a topic that was unclear, and I tried to help them clarify the focus of their papers. Other students selected topics that were too broad, and I encouraged them to narrow their focus so their papers would be more informative. Most students were appreciative of my help, and I have no doubt that they will take my advice and write better papers.

However, there is always at least one student who rejects suggestions. When I told one student today that her topic was too broad, she immediately challenged me and told me that she had already done the research and the topic was not too broad. I tried to gently explain to her how she could write a better paper by narrowing the topic to something more manageable for a short (4-5 page) research paper.

Much to my surprise, she rejected every suggestion I offered, and all I could do was smile and move on to the next student.

I wanted to caution her about the importance of listening to a teacher’s suggestions. I wanted to reminded her that after having taught and graded the research paper for almost twice as long as she has lived that maybe I might know a thing or two about research papers.

Instead, I smiled and moved on to the next student who was much more receptive to my ideas. After more than three decades in the classroom, I know that some students have to learn the hard way.

I just hope she learns before she turns in the final paper on Wednesday!

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A few weeks ago I wrote about an explosion of theft I experienced years ago in another school.

Watch Your Pocketbook

I thought of those terrible days when I walked into my classroom this morning. As I placed my satchel on my desk, I saw my pocketbook on my chair, right where I had left it the previous afternoon. Indicative of how worn out I am in these days when we’re sucking wind and awaiting spring break, I left school yesterday without my purse and never realized it until I found it this morning.

Years ago when I saw so many thefts of purses, I started leaving my pocketbook locked in my car each day. I continued that practice for years – never bringing my purse into the building until just recently, just in the last year.

As I looked at the pocketbook this morning, I immediately worried about stolen credit cards, stolen money, stolen identity and all of those fears we all have. I had no one to blame but myself. Much to my delight, when I opened the purse, all of my credit cards and money were still there, right where I had left them the previous day.

Sometimes I do really dumb things.

Usually, the good Lord takes care of me when I do dumb things!

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I strongly believe that good teachers are highly organized and well prepared for class, and maybe that’s why it is stressful to me when school leaders are disorganized. This week we have an adjusted schedule for Monday through Thursday so our juniors can complete their graduation tests, the tests over math, English, science, and social studies that they must pass in order to receive diplomas next year. Even though I detest the change in schedule (two hours in first period, followed by 40 minutes in second period), I understand why we need to adjust the schedule.

We have known about the test and the schedule change for several weeks, and we were prepared.

Late Friday afternoon, however, we received an email that our sophomores would also be taking a practice test on Tuesday and Thursday during the long test period.

We found out on Friday afternoon after the students had gone home!

Friday afternoon!

Did administrators decide on Friday to make sophomores take the test? Surely not!  I have no idea why we were not told previously.

In homeroom today, I apologized to the kids for telling them so late and assured them that their performance on the test on Tuesday and Thursday would let us see if they would benefit from tutoring or extra help in preparation for next year’s graduation tests. The kids were initially upset that they had not been told  about the test, but they are good kids and took the information well.

Everything went well and I reviewed with then where they need to sit tomorrow and Thursday when they take their tests.  They were happy when they left homeroom this morning.

Two hours later I received a revised plan for sophomore testing. Tomorrow I have to tell the kids that the tests will be given on Tuesday and Wednesday instead of Thursday!

Disorganization drives me crazy, but I suspect it bothers students even more.

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Yesterday I checked my email early in the morning and discovered an email from a parent who asked me to reconsider only giving her son half credit for a late quiz he had made up the previous day. The email initially angered me, and I spewed, “You have to be kidding me,” as I sat in my empty classroom at 6:30.

I calmed down and reread the email where the parent expressed her concern that her son’s grade was so low because he was juggling so many extra-curricular activities and had a valid reason for not taking the test a few days before as he should have.

Years ago when communication with parents was limited to telephone conversations, teachers were often blindsided with such requests and forced to respond immediately. Oh, how I hated those phone calls where parents expressed anger or concern or fears about their child’s grade. I often felt trapped.

E-mail is so much easier because we have time to calm down and think about what we need or want to say.

I counted to ten yesterday morning and then started my e-mail:

Dear Mrs. “Jones,”

Do you realize that “Sonny” took the quiz three WEEKS late? Do you realize that even with all of the extra time to study, he still failed the quiz before I deducted points for his tardiness?”

A very concerned and frustrated parent responded several hours later and told me that she had no idea that her son had been that tardy nor did she know that he had failed it. The email ended with her expressing how upset she was with her son and how she and her husband would deal with Sonny that night. This morning I received a follow-up email to ask me to notify her if I didn’t see an improvement.

I definitely saw an improvement today!

After a zillion years in the classroom, I’ve learned to count to ten and calm down when parents intervene and jump to their children’s defense. Sometimes they don’t know the whole story. Once they learn everything they need to know, most parents are supportive of teachers. While some parents want extra privileges for their children, those parents are rare. Instead, they want what’s best for their children – the same thing that I want.

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I met with a teacher this afternoon who expressed her unhappiness about her job. She doesn’t like her school, her administration, or her students. She wants a new job and is frustrated because so few teaching jobs are open. Since Georgia has suffered from a teacher shortage for close to two decades, it’s hard to reconcile the fact that there are no openings for teachers.

As I drove home this afternoon, I kept thinking about how frustrating it must be to awaken every morning and prepare for a job I hate. What must it be like to walk inside a school I detest or to face children I do not like?

I’m blessed to teach in an outstanding school where I teach remarkable students. Whereas a few of them frustrate me periodically, I suspect I also frustrate a few of them as well. For the most part, however, we stick together. I take care of them and they take care of me. My job isn’t perfect, but I don’t know anyone who has a perfect job. With the exception of one year over a decade ago, I have always loved my job, regardless of where I taught. I have taught “challenging” students who were some of the most interesting kids I have ever met. I have taught in old schools with little money and poor facilities, but somehow we always obtained whatever we needed to help kids. I’ve worked with exasperating administrators, but we always found a way to laugh about their petty requirements.

Particularly in such dire economic times when few jobs are available, I awaken every morning and thank the good Lord that I have a job when so many people do not. I have always found that my attitude improves when I learn to be grateful for what I have, and I sincerely hope that’s one of those life lessons that I pass on to my students. Sometimes when I start to feel depressed or frustrated, I stop and count my blessings and realize just how fortunate I am.

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Having never had children, I have always respected young teachers who have to juggle the needs of their own children while they also struggle to help their students. How does a teacher with toddlers and babies find the energy and time to work all day at school and then go home and feed, engage, bathe, teach, and put their own children to bed? I suspect the answer is something along the lines of parents always find the way when you have no choice.

I’m not sure I could have done it twenty years ago, and I know for a fact I couldn’t do it today.

I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks as I met with a realtor and put my house up for sale. First I had to complete all the deep cleaning; then I had to get a plumber to install a new hot water heater. Next came the closets I had to organize and the trips to Goodwill to donate items I’ve coveted way too long. Then I had to call the plumber back to deal with a faulty new hot water heater. Meeting with the realtor and listing the house took several hours out of my Saturday morning. By Monday the house had been advertised and a bright yellow and green for sale sign beckoned visitors.

A day after I breathed a sigh of relief, the rains came and came again, and returned for a third day. I haven’t seen this much rain in Georgia since the early 1990s. My very dry basement that experienced its first leak in the fall with the heavy rains had been sealed back in October and remained dry throughout the winter.

Until last week.

The water seeped into the basement once again, and two days and $450 later I have a new catch basin outside and the guarantee that the basement won’t leak.

Then a wayward bird flew into my nice clean house . . . until my cat caught him, and I spent another hour of cleaning.

Finally, today I’m caught up! I came home with no papers to grade and planned to spend a night of leisure until the realtor called to tell me a caravan of local realtors will be visiting my house TOMORROW.

Back to the store to buy doughnuts and juice for the visitors.

Back to cleaning.

Back to stress and lack of sleep.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to deal with a child. I have my hands full with a house that doesn’t complain, doesn’t whine, doesn’t cry, doesn’t demand, doesn’t eat, and doesn’t need me to rock it to sleep, but I’m still exhausted.

Now, if you are interested in buying a house amid hundreds of trees in the mountains of North Georgia, I know where you can get a really good deal!

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