Other nights I’m literally speechless when Kevin asks.  The question catches me off guard and I find myself scrambling to come up with an answer just so I don’t come across as being unconnected or “unspiritual”  for the week. 

Truth is. . .though I’m always aware of at least a portion of the “God activity” going on around me and in me, I’m not always close enough to my Father to discern what He is trying to mess with and move in my life.  Have you ever been there?...this place where you know God is trying to pry something out of you like the splinter that my daughter, Claire, got in her finger while playing in the fields in KY last month?. . .she was aware of it. . .she felt the twinge of discomfort. . .but she would rather let it sit there and fester than to go through the trauma of digging that thing out.  And as soon as someone tried to hold her down to pry out the splinter, she would scream and run. . .retreat to a safe place.  I think that’s where I’ve been lately. . .aware of the splinter, but choosing to sit back and retreat in a safe place, hoping it would just pop out on its own.

But what I have discovered lately and throughout this church planting journey is that there are some things that God lets us choose on our own.  He gives us freedom and wisdom to make lots of our own choices and moves through life.  And then there are times when He chooses to completely push us into a corner and hold us down in order to get the results he wants (lovingly, of course).  It’s sometimes difficult and He has to push really hard.  For me, often there is a lot of pride that has to be stripped away.  And like Claire’s splinter, it can be pretty stinkin’ painful. 

That is where I have been lately.  For those of you who have read this blog for a while, I’m sure you have noticed that I have written less over the last few months.  I’m a little bit embarrassed by that.  But in all honesty, retreating from a lot of things is where I have camped out lately.  And it hasn’t been a bad thing.  It’s actually been quite freeing as I am now at the tail end of this funky season in my life.  But it has been painful.  My pride has been broken at the realization that I’m not the super woman who can “do it all” that I so desperately want to be.  My pride has been broken at the realization that I only have the ability to do a very few things in life with the excellence (but not perfection) that God wants.  My pride has been broken at the fact that God intends for me to do the main things he has called me to do truly WELL before venturing into more commitments and responsibilities.  I’ve questioned a lot.  I’ve fought God on a lot.  I’ve played the comparison game as I have seen other women of God seemingly do so much more than I can manage.  But I have come to a really good and healthy place through it all.  I am confident in what God has called me to be. . .a disciple, a wife and mom, a teacher and a light to Superior, Colorado.  Satan often fools me into thinking this is not enough.  But I know in my heart that is it SO MUCH.  And as an honor to God and to the lessons he has taught me through this season, I am choosing to let you know that this will be my last Church Planting Wives blog entry.

As I look at my list above and see all that God has called me to be, I know that he has given me a heart for loving on and encouraging you, the church planting wife, as well.  I won’t deny that.  If my list were to continue, speaking life into you, my sisters, would follow next on the list.  I love each of you so much and have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you and your stories.  But for today - for this new season in my journey - God is calling me to focus my energies on “calls” that he solidified in my heart long ago and I never fully gave my best efforts or commitment. 

In my heart, I really do hope that doors will open again in the future for me to share my stories with church planting wives.  You do have a piece of my heart and always will.  But for today. . .it’s time to step out of that safe place of not moving at all and back into the journey. . .my road is twisting and turning in another direction yet again.

Thank you so much for reading.  Thank you to Glocalnet who is an absolutely fantastic group of people genuinely after the heartbeat of God.  It has been an honor to serve with you.  My love and blessing to you all. . .

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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

YES, the Facebook group will continue, so please come over and check us out.  There you will find over 200 church planting wives in conversation daily.  Also check out Twitter - cplantingwives

 

For example, I have a closet that I would absolutely die for anyone to open during a party or life group.  Because of that closet, my house looks spotless.  Okay, “spotless” is going a bit too far.  I have 3 kids and a dog.  Nothing is ever spotless.  And if that closet is opened, watch out! to anyone in it’s fallout path.  Still, I have a 10 minute house clean up job down to an art.  And that closet has saved me more times than I care to admit.

Also, because I have 3 girls and they have lots of long hair that rarely gets brushed before we get to the school for Sunday setup, I have a box in my mini van trunk full of brushes, hairbands and ribbons marked “Sunday Scramble.”  It’s also equipped with gum for when we fail to brush teeth, small boxes of cereal for when we miss breakfast and a few toys to pass the time for when they are waiting for people to arrive and church to start.  It saves me almost every week.

A final good one is that I keep a package of thank you cards and stamps in the glove box of my van and post it notes above the visor.  I’m not sure if you are like me, but often times it’s drive time that I get my only opportunity in the middle of a crazy day to sit down and think.  Typically what happens is that all of a sudden a “to do” list starts to flood my thoughts.  I think about tasks I have put off once again, people that have blessed me whom I want to acknowledge, phone calls that need to be made and food that needs to be bought.  So stop lights and drive thru’s and 30 minutes of waiting for Emma during piano lessons quickly become my most productive times of the day.

Those are just a few items in my church planting wives bag of tricks.  I bet you have some tricks up your sleeve as well.  We wold love to hear them!  I hope you’ll leave a comment.  Also, check out the new discussion topic, “Your Bag of Tricks,” in the church planting wives group on Facebook to hear what other ladies are saying..  I hope you are enjoying your summer!
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

I also remember how I was such a young mom during those days.  We had a 2 year old, a 6 month old and only about a year into it we found ourselves expecting #3.  I was in mommy mode constantly.  And in all honesty, so much of our first days of planting are quite a blur.  I remember the BIG moments - the markers that propelled us to where we are today.  But most of all I remember chasing kids.  I remember sitting up chairs at the school with baby #3 in a baby backpack while the other two cried or disappeared into the depths of the school, thus prompting an all out search from the entire setup team.  I quickly became the queen of getting three little ones to church on my own.  Potty training and dirty faces, nap time and trips to the zoo were typically the events that seemed to fill my days as Kevin did his thing and worked so hard to put roots in the ground for the Kingdom and the church in our community.  I had friends and I built relationships and I did all of those hospitable things like get the house clean for small groups, but I’m here to tell you that the mommy card trumped the church planting wife card many more days than not.  Looking back, I think my role was much more about holding us all together in the middle of starting a church than the actual act of starting the church itself.

Today life is different.  The adrenaline rushes seem to come and go instead of come and stay.  The new adventure we journeyed into has become our life.  It’s an amazing life.  The flow is more constant.  The days have become more predictable.  We are exactly where God wants us to be.  We have made this place out home. . .the kids are older (now 9, 7 and 5).  And though I still live in mommy mode most of the time, it’s different.  The girls can wipe themselves and make their own breakfast and play on the computer, read and pretend and play outside with their friends.  And now for the first time in this journey I find myself with the opportunity to discover ME in the middle of church starting. 

You see, I still consider us to be in the throws of church planting.  We are more stable now. . .but even that comes with it’s own set on new challenges every day.  We still meet in a school.  We still set up every Sunday.  MUCH still looks the same.  Yet, MUCH has changed.  I have changed. 

What sustains me now?  Not adrenaline. . .Coffee!  hehe Seriously, now I finally have time to sustain myself in having meaningful time with God that I never seemed to master as a young mommy.  I sustain myself with exercise. . .lots and lots of exercise.  It just makes me mentally and physically more confident.  I sustain myself by being with friends and truly sharing life together instead of spending every conversation talking about teething and sleepless nights and soy vs. milk formula.  I sustain myself by truly enjoying my kids instead of just keeping them alive another day.  I sustain myself by resting, by sitting outside with Kevin and enjoying a quiet evening, by reading a good fiction book instead of feeling like I had to make every moment of reading count since the quiet moments were so few and far between.  (I used to only read to learn).  I finally have time to think about me.  And it’s the first time I think I have had the opportunity to really invest in the people and flow of Cool River.  And it’s becoming a pretty fun experience.

So, to all of you young moms out there jumping into this church planting thing. . . I just want to encourage you today to embrace where you are, whatever stage it may be.  Be faithful with what is in front of you today.  Resist the temptation to feel guilty for not being able to do more.  Take care of your family.  For your day WILL come.  Some day you will have the time to lead a small group.  Some day you will have a meaningful conversation with an adult.  Some day you will get to take a nap.  Some day you won’t have to go to the McDonald’s play place.  Some day you will make it to the gym.  Some day will come faster than you ever thought it could.  Enjoy your today. . .tomorrow will be another new and different chapter.  If you just let him, God will sustain you through it all.

So, ladies, what sustains you today?
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

But I must say that my most favorite way to jump start my day is with God.  I find myself able to focus and connect with Him much better when the world is still quiet.  My current challenge is that this year, when January arrived and new year’s resolutions were the topic of everyone’s conversations, I vowed to join a gym. . .  And yes, I admit, that quickly my typical time of going to Starbucks in the early AM with my Bible, iPod and journal had to be tweaked because there was no way I could possibly get up any earlier to get in a workout AND my God time and still be alive by 2pm.  This has proven to be a challenge.  I messed up my groove once again.  I seem to be the queen of change - of trying something new - of getting bored with routine.  I suppose God knew what he was doing when he called me to be a church planting wife.  I actually like it when no day is the same.  But I must say, the ability to embrace change and movement as the next thrill ride on the journey has it’s advantages AND its disadvantages. 

Some days I find myself envying that person who is so consistent and steady.  I’m steady in a lot of ways, but in a lot of other ways I miss the steady boat completely.  I’m easily distracted.  I’m a thinker.  I’m always intrigued with bettering myself and my family and finding balance in my life, and yet, some days all of my striving is in vain.  Some days I find myself feeling so guilty for all of the things that I don’t do well that I wake up only to realize that I’m doing nothing well at all.  And on those days - like today - I have no doubt that Satan starts to throw a party because of the open door that I tend to give him to mess with me yet again.  I’m great at letting guilt overtake me.

As a church planting wife and just a wife and mom in general, I have a list of all the things that I feel like I want to incorporate regularly into my life in order to be balanced and effective and available to do and be what God wants of me.  I must stay physically fit.  And in turn, this is my personal best way to stay mentally fit.  I must spend time with God regularly, read good books, rest, challenge myself and allow myself to always be in a position of readiness for whatever God might throw my way.  I must move slowly and gently and not over commit my time so that my children and husband get the best of me.  Yet, I must also be aware of others around me that God has placed in my path and invest in them as well.  There are so many other “duties” or “responsibilities” that fill my days, but these are the overarching values that I try to keep intact in the middle of it all.  And though not many, it is an absolute full time job dancing through my days and hoping to stand firm on each and every value.  Many, many days I fail.

And like I said earlier, that is when this ugly monster of guilt creeps in and bears his ugly face.  Have you ever had a day where you have truly accomplished a lot of things that you know were important to you and also to God, and yet because you failed to accomplish everything on your list you feel ashamed and frustrated?  You start making excuses as to why it all didn’t get done, only to find out that no one else cares but you?  So, the bathroom didn’t get cleaned?  No one else even noticed, but because you personally know it didn’t get done and “needed” to be, you feel as if you failed somehow.  This has been my struggle the past 2 years of my life.  This is where Satan is screwing with me.  This is my fight.  I tend to listen to a lot of lies.  Have you ever been there?

And yet, this is what I am learning. . . there is a reality that guilt does not come from God.  My God is a God of freedom.  It’s one of those things we all know to be true.  But until that knowledge finds its way from your head to your heart it means nothing.  For so long I have sung the songs and read the scriptures about freedom in Christ and never allowed them to penetrate my soul.  My list of “to-do’s” and “should’s” and “ought to’s” have burdened me for far too long. 

So today I’m choosing to say, “no.” to the guilt.  Granted, I may pick it back up tomorrow, only to have to throw it off yet again.  But for today, I know that I am doing my best to keep in step with the dance.  I am going to stumble.  I’m not always going to be as graceful as I would like or imagine myself to be.  I may not get the beds made.  I may not make all of the phone calls I should.  Someone may be left in need today because of me.  Someone may get mad.  I may not have a six pack under my belt and for 24 hours my Bible might gather just a bit of dust. . .but I am free. . .and I am dancing. . .and tomorrow I have another shot at doing it all over again.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”  Romans 8:1-2

Church planting wives like me. . .my prayer for you is that you will find rest in the freedom that Christ is offering you today.  It is such a sweet and refreshing gift just for you!
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

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Here’s another great site for you to check out!  These ladies are a lot of fun.
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

So, Pete, here’s a little link love going out to you today. . .he’s in India on a Compassion International blogging trip.  I hope you will follow Pete and his team through May 2.  Click on the picture for the blogging link.

And I’m wondering. . .do you sponsor a Compassion child?  If so, how has that experience blessed your family?

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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

After creating a Twitter account, scroll to the bottom of your homepage and click on “search.” 
Search “cplantingwives.” 
Click “Follow.” 
It’s that easy!  Tweet ya later!

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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

The moment the reality show’s audience and judging panel saw the small, shy, middle-aged woman, they started to smirk. When she said she wanted a professional singing career to equal that of Elaine Paige, the camera showed audience members rolling their eyes in disbelief. They scoffed when she told Simon Cowell, one of the judges, how she’d reached her forties without managing to develop a singing career because she hadn’t had the opportunity. Another judge, Piers Morgan, later wrote on his blog that, just before she launched into I Dreamed a Dream, the 3000-strong audience in Glasgow was laughing and the three judges were suppressing chuckles.  Click Here for more

BUT…

Grazie Susan Boyle! from seb fil on Vimeo.

In the world of church planting we are often willing to enlist anything or anyone that moves and breathes if they are willing to help fold chairs and change diapers and make coffee.  But I wonder, how many Susan Boyle’s do we overlook in our church plants and our towns every day?  Who are we failing to allow to shine? I think I’m a bit embarrassed.  Way to go, Susan!!!

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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

I believe that one of the biggest things that everyone forgets to prepare us for when jumping into starting a church is TAXES!  Boy did we learn our lesson the hard way.  Being a “self-employed” pastor definitely has some perks.  You can write off just about anything.  But let me just YELL out loudly. . .PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE make sure that you find a tax person who truly knows everything there is to know about PASTOR taxes.  Take it from the mouth of experience. . .you don’t want to make the mistakes we did.  It might cost you extra to go somewhere other than HR Block or one of those other chain tax companies, but it will be well worth it in the end.  It took us 2 years to dig out of a HUGE tax mess that was naively created simply because we didn’t get the right advice.  And believe me, there is more than enough to concern you in the middle of starting a church than Uncle Sam. 

Here is my #1 recommendation if you are just starting out or not fully confident of your tax preparer…Clergy Financial
You don’t have to live near them. . .they will consult and do everything with you over the phone, email and mail.

I hope I’ve saved you a few headaches today and in the future! 
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

From day one of starting Cool River Church, it has been our hearts desire to serve our community like crazy.  In a town of 12,000, we have seen about 6 churches come and go in the 7 years we have been here.  And yet, God has chosen to keep us alive in a place where 90% of the population is unchurched and there is no standing church building of any faith or denomination.  The ride has been absolutely amazing.  We have had to morph into a very distinct community of faith. . .one that seeks to meet the needs of a specific town in a specific region of our nation. . .Boulder County, Colorado.  And we have done this in one very specific way. . .service. 

Of course, service isn’t all we do, but in trying to seek a way to step into the lives of those around us - those who may never actually come to an official church service - Cool River has always tried to be the church apart from the Sunday morning.  It’s what we’re supposed to do, right?  And in doing this, we have had the opportunity to jump in with both feet into the activities and lives around us.  Cool River has never pulled off our own big event apart from Sunday morning.  Instead, we have chosen to come alongside the town in every event they plan and offer and do the dirty work that no one else wants to do.  We set up and break down festivals and Easter Egg hunts.  We flip pancakes on 4th of July.  We just try to be available.  AND the really cool thing is that we aren’t alone in this endeavor to love and serve Superior.

Today I’m sending out a GIGANTIC THANK YOU to NorthWood Student Ministry.  These kids and leaders have committed themselves, not to Cool River Church, not to spending a sunny Spring Break at the beach, but to working harder than I have ever seen a group of teenagers work in my life and truly changing the hearts and lives of those in Superior, Colorado with the genuine love of Christ.  Their hard work and commitment over the last few years and their willingness to invest in a place and keep coming back has impacted lives in our community in a way that Cool River alone could never do. 

This Spring Break I found myself in tears on the day of the Asti Park dedication ceremony in Superior - the park that over time these kids literally constructed by moving rocks and tearing down fences, digging dirt and doing absolutely anything else that was asked of them.  The conversations that I overheard amongst town leaders and officials praising their work was unreal.  Over and over I heard people say, “I’ve never seen a group of kids work so hard.”  And the coolest thing was. . . you could tell that they understood it was more than community service happening.  No none verbalized it, but I have to believe they felt it. . .the love of Christ being poured out on them by a group of teenagers willing to give and love without asking anything in return.  So “thank you” NorthWood for supporting and sending your kids to us.  They are making a huge difference!!!
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook

We are 6 years into the church planting process.  And for the first 4-5 we have literally been in survival mode like all church starts.  As a wife, you wear lots of hats.  You move fast.  You learn by trial and error. You hold your breath.  It is exhilarating. . .a journey like no other.  I learned to be a fabulous multi-tasker simply out of necessity.  And it has been great fun!  I am amazed at how much God has allowed me to “pull off” over the years.  Been there?

Now we find ourselves a bit more established.  The seasons of life are changing.  The journey looks different now as the church is becoming more solid.  The church itself doesn’t need me as much - not for things like making coffee and running the children’s ministry.  Though the season of “pulling it off” was necessary, God is bringing me to a place of really being able to hone in on the top things He has called me to.  The problem is, today I’m sitting here in this weird funk because I can’t seem to figure out what those top things really are.  Or maybe I know, but I can’t seem to lay down my pride long enough to accept them.  I’m so stuck on being MORE.  And God won’t let me move.  So I’m in the middle of making some decisions.  And in the middle of it all, I thought of you.

I guess more than anything I’m writing to encourage you if you are in the beginning stages of doing it all. . .enjoy every moment.  That season lasts for such a brief moment.  It won’t last forever.  And if you embrace it God will teach you so, so much about Him and about yourself.  And when the new season comes and your role begins to change, embrace that, too.  It’s just the next step in the journey.

What “season” are you in today?
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posted by Amy Colón
To continue to connect even more, check out the church planting wives group on Facebook