Glorious Eighty Years Young

Magpie Murders by Anthony Horowitz

2017-08-19T09:38:00.000+05:30

Magpie Murders by Anthony Horowitz
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

A really great book.

I am an Agatha Christie fan! I love whodunits where mysteries are solved using grey matter rather than technical aids. This book is very much on those lines. Time Magazine called it the best murder mystery of the year (that is why I bought it !) It truly is an enthralling book. The story is fascinating and no matter how hard I tried I was unable to guess the villain.

Spoiler alert - there are two stories in one book - two killers - lots of murders and many clues thrown here and there.

Enjoy it!

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When breath becomes air by Paul Kalanithi

2017-08-15T13:21:00.001+05:30

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book could have been very depressing but it is not.
You know how it is going to end, yet you read it and feel his pain and his sorrow, and realize that he lived and loved life.
The tears come unbidden, be prepared for that.
But also be prepared for a beautifully written life story, be prepared to be touched by his courage and faith, by his fluency as he describes the progress of his cancer and the inevitable ending.

Do not miss this book, it is one of the finest I have read in a long, long while.

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If you can walk, you can dance by Marion Molteno

2017-08-15T13:07:00.003+05:30

If You Can Walk, You Can Dance by Marion Molteno
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

If you can walk, you can dance

By Marion Molteno

A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted at the end. You live several lives while reading."

William Styron

Music is such an essential part of my life, it surrounds me, it makes the world seem gentle and rollicking (based upon what I am listening to!) and when I find that music is the main theme of a book, it makes that book even more interesting and enticing. It is easy to relate to the book, fascinating to connect with the people in the book and to live the story as it unfolds through the pages.

Marion Molteno’s book “If you can walk, you can dance” is one such book. Music is the binding theme of the book and as we follow Jennie’s life from South Africa to Zambia and London and back again, we realise that there are many more who believe that music is an important part of their lives too! Sounds simplistic doesn’t it, but think about it. All our memories of good days and bad days have some connection with a song or a piece of music. It just sneaks into the memory and remains a part of all the images and sound we connect with those days.

But I digress. What about the book?

The book is about a young lady named Jennie and her life as she moves across decades and counties and continents. Her journey is not just of places but also of her transformation from a young girl escaping a regime in South Africa to one who teaches music and travels to remote villages to transform the lives of others. The story weaves through South Africa and England and Zambia and Malawi, through villages where music is handed down through families and choir schools where the children learn from books and annotations and classical cello players.

In Swaziland, the land of her and Kevin’s escape, she meets Charity who introduces her to the mbira, and to the music of the villagers. And as she listens to them and joins them she realises –

"---- and I recognise the sound immediately, something that is natural to me, not their way that I am borrowing. This is the way I should always have been singing, but for the accident of having lived too much inside buildings."

It is in London that Jennie really come into her own. She lives in a large sprawling house for some time where there are innumerable people and
“the systems all look as if they have been cobbled together by a set of hopeful amateurs, electric flex trailing, pipes disappearing into and emerging from strange places”. (Reminds me of some of the student gigs we have stayed in.)

Marion’s book is slow-paced but her fluidity with language keeps you engrossed. I am not sure as to how much of her own interesting life is a part of this story, but she obviously knows alternative music well. When Neil plays music for the little boy Michael he talks about
“It’s a profound mystery we are touching on. We need silence to shape the sound and sound to shape the silence. Neither exists without the other.”

Books fascinate us not only with their characterisation of people but also with their characterisation of places and stories. This book is not only about music (Though I love the fact that music is the main theme that sings and dances through the book) it is about how we as human beings adjust and adapt to new surroundings and people, sometimes easily and sometimes with immense difficulty. I empathised with Jennie as she thought about Time –

Time is there, an underlying measure of the seasons. People move within it
Time was being given back to me, in this place where there is more of it than anyone would think of counting.

Zambia and Malawi are no longer just names in papers of maps, here they are a part of our lives. Kiluleli is not just a large village woman – she is the one who believes Nyoko ni nyoko – your mother is still your mother – no matter how long you take to come back. Neil maybe her on-off, on-off boyfriend but he is also the man who teaches her how to make music and play music.

Enjoy the book for the story of a love between two very different protagonists; read it because:

The water is wide – we are alone again, each on opposite sides of that vast ocean we have crossed and recrossed to find a way of being together. The aloneness has travelled with each of us, through all the dismantling of walls and becoming one flesh. We come onto the world alone, and have travelled to meet each other by different routes; and each alone we will leave it.

We shall leave this world alone but as we go through this book, we understand that the end may be alone but the journey is sprinkled with people and places, some who matter like Neil and Jennie and some who flit past our lives like Jaswinder and Muhib.

Enjoy the book!

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The 7th Decade - is it really so different ?

2017-06-22T12:31:00.000+05:30

Turning 70 – is it really such a great milestone?

Last year I entered the 7th decade of my life and was very excited about it. Somehow it seemed such a great occasion. A friend of mine had SIX birthday parties – held by her friends and family. I was determined to really have a birthday in style – in Rome with some close friends. But as luck would have it, our program got cancelled a day earlier and I spent my birthday on a flight from Delhi to New York! So much for best laid plans.

But today as I come close to my 71st birthday, I wonder – am I any different?

Oh, the bones do ache, there is a reluctance to do work in any form and like most of my friends we make a beeline for the nearest chairs when we go somewhere. Physically, a lot has changed, not for the better, I can assure you!

But am I mentally any different? I am a little more tolerant – my children and husband may not agree with me, but I have become more accepting of people. I do not keep trying to change them, I have learnt how to move away if someone offends me, without trying to shout them down. This is a good thing, is it not? It is really not worth it, trying to change the world.

I am more accepting of my own figure and looks! I have stopped trying to fight a losing battle with my stomach bulges. I enjoy going to the gym, but know that it is not going to help me lose weight – since I really do not try very hard! But I have also realised that it is not a happy situation if I avoid mangoes and litchis and chocolates and my potato chips! These are a few of my pleasures in life.

I have learnt to value my friends even more. The children are busy in their lives, that is an accepted fact of the lives of all of us elderlies! Friends have become an essential part of our daily existence. And honestly, we are too old to make any new friends! So, the old ones are treasured like gems. They make our evenings worthwhile and there is a comfort in spending time with them.

Our children now look after us! It’s a good feeling, to know that you are cared for, it’s a good feeling to watch them make a success of their lives, it’s a good feeling to watch them become such lovely people. What more can we ask from them? Nothing more than love and caring and loving to spend time with each other and the family.

Between Pran and myself there is a contentment and peace in being with each other. There are no major ups and downs, thank heavens for that! I do not think our slowing down metabolism could deal with that. Knowing each other very well, accepting each other for what they are and above all loving each other, warts and all is what makes our life better.

So, is being 70 and over really any different?

No, it is not! To the world outside we are senior citizens, with wrinkle and aching bones and all, but to ourselves, we are just the same as we were 10 years ago, when I started this blog.

I am glad I am alive,

I am glad I have a loving family and great friends, what more can I ask for.

2017-06-21T10:07:00.001+05:30

All Eyes on Her by Poonam Sharma
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

All Eyes On Her
Authored by Poonam Sharma

‘Revenge is sweet but sabotage is more entertaining’

With a blurb like this, you pick up this book, and look forward to an entertaining tale of revenge and mischief – a bit like a ‘chick-lit’ novel.

This is definitely a light, airy novel, dealing with the life of a young girl of Indian origin, living in Los Angeles and working with a law firm which deals with celebrity clients. Somehow it reminds you of ‘The Devil Wears Prada’, for there are many references to brand names, and high society going-ons, even though it is based on the legal fraternity rather than the fashion writing industry.

This is Poonam Sharma’s second novel. She acknowledges it ‘To the females who have made my difficult, because you taught me how to protect myself and, incidentally, gave me another idea for a book’. With an acknowledgement like that she strikes a chord with most women, and specially the ones who work in an office!

The story meanders through the life of Monica Gupta, her efforts to deal with Camydia – her firm’s superstar clients, and her efforts to deal with her on-off relationship with Raj, her Indian boyfriend.

What sets this book apart from the other novels written by Indian authors living in the US, is that the Indianness of the protagonist is not emphasized too much. It is just one facet of her personality, the rest of the time she is dealing with all the problems that most young single females living in the US do. She has her relationship issues, her family issues, and problems with difficult colleagues.

Poonam Sharma does not seek to produce intense brooding books, she hopes to entertain us and keep us enthralled with the lives of her characters. She writes well, her control over the language is flawless, and the fact that it makes for easy reading is one of the book’s assets.

Read this book to enjoy the time you spend with it, because it is definitely an enjoyable story

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2017-06-21T10:06:00.000+05:30

That Woman You See by Sujata Parashar
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Look around you; you are surrounded by fascinating women, women who will charm you, women who will rebuff you, smiling women and some who look like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. Maybe you are one of these fascinating women, maybe you are one of the men who are fascinated by these women, whosoever you may be, That Woman You See is somewhere connected to your life and home.
Sujata Parashar has ventured into the field of short story writing with a glimpse into the lives of these women who are a part of our world. Her book That Woman You See attempts to fathom the complexities of women in India, complexities which are a part of women worldwide.
Frankly I am not a short story fan, somehow I am often left with a feeling that there must be more to this story – the author maybe needs to elaborate upon it more. But while reading Sujata’s book I soon realised that her exploration of the various facets of women in India could only be covered in a short story form – and she has managed to make even me into a short story reader – at least to some extent!
Many working women will empathise with the story of Sheeba – a story of unequal rewards for an equal amount of work. I have often wondered about the women in the red- light districts – what happens when they get pregnant – do they know who the father is? Even if they do – is there any acceptance of the child by the men who pay for their services? The first story is about Ganga – she who is pure. The eventual rejection by a regular client leaves you uncomfortable and unhappy, but then this I think is the probably the reality of their lives.
There are nine stories – and with her now familiar dexterity Sujata gives each protagonist a different story and a different personality. I have enjoyed reading and watching Sujata as her stories become more complex and her characters begin to acquire a life of their own, I have watched her play with words and draw us into the world of her characters. The story of Shivangita will touch a chord in the hearts of mothers who may wonder whether they should tell their children why they do what they do! And how I wish so many of my friends would take charge of their lives and do something that would give them satisfaction the way Shikha plans to do.
If you get drawn into the lives of the characters in a book and begin to see mirrors of your own world then a book is really worth reading. This is one of those books where I felt that many of these women are around me or that some of them have been a part of my world at some point. This is the reason why I feel that this is a lovely book – probably the best one by Sujata - so far! Sujata’s poetry is beautiful as always and I am glad she leaves us with these lovely words:

Accept her as you accept yourself;
With care and respect
Love her as you love yourself;

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2017-06-21T10:04:00.002+05:30

The Saga of Muziris by A Sethumadhavan and Prema Jayakumar
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The Saga of Muziris

Lost in this land of myriad cultures and communities there are some stories which carry within them a narrative of an era which is similar to our present day yet different in so many ways. They show us a mirror image of what our country truly was – a collage of religions and beliefs and a nation that had lived in harmony with communities with different identities through centuries. I have often wondered where did those communities disappear to ? Is it possible that we only visit them in our books or do we find remnants of their buildings and artefacts around us – something that we can touch and feel and maybe hear voices from many generations ago.
The Saga of Muziris, written by Sethu in Malayalam under the name Marupiravi, and beautifully translated into English by Prema Jayakumar is a book that delves into a lost civilisation in Kerala, a maritime port which drowned under the same water which had earlier been it's lifeline. The book traverses between the present day lives of the residents of the Chendamangalam, the village of our protagonist Aravindam.

The blurb of the book states that “it is a tale of the glory and declined a major port, a hub of maritime trade in Kerala, which had mysteriously disappeared from the face of earth during the fourteenth century. Historians, archaeologists and academics, from the world over, had been looking for the lost Muziris, ever since.” Using this as the basis of the story, Sethu has woven a tale which traverses centuries yet does not take on the shape of a historical book. In the beginning itself Perumal, one of the main storytellers speaks about going to the village “To recall a place, a time, to regain it, to awaken history again.” We are drawn into the Saga of Muziris through the tales recited by the main characters – each one having his own story to tell .

What I loved most about this book is not only that it is a story within a story, but the fact that the author does not place you within a certain time frame. He takes you on a journey spanning the history of the Muziris without you realising that many centuries have passed as you read about the story. Azad’s statement about Egypt as a “ a land of bodies that never decay” summarises that beautiful country so well. When Perumal tells you the story of the Muziris the author says that “Some forms slid into the room from beyond the smoky curtains of history. Shapes that had not been seen before, words that had not been heard before”. The migration of the Jews of Chendamangalam reminds you of the fact that here was a community where many religions thrived together and that “ the story of mankind can be narrated in terms of great exoduses and migrations. A never ending search for greener pastures; a journey to find new places to feed oneself ; a journey to save one’s life”
The story is about the excavations at Pattanam, and how they encourage Aravindam to meet his friends and delve into their past history. Rambhadran and Appukuttan, Azad and Josa (and his eaglet) and “beyond generations…beyond centuries “ Kunkamma and Kichan they all are integral characters in the story.
Why do we enjoy reading a book? Because it takes you away into a world where fiction or fact blends into a story or a narration, where words are used to describe what you may have seen but have been unable to describe, where a fabric is woven using people, words, stories and unforgettable characters. The Saga of Muziris is one of those books where the author takes you through generations and centuries of Kerala history, enthralling you with deft sentences and gentle stories about his people. His words about the book describe it best -that it would not be a historical novel but “it would rather be a mix of history, fiction, myths and legend” .

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2017-06-21T10:04:00.000+05:30

Ajmer sharif Awakening of Sufism in South Asia by Reema Abbasi
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Ajmer Sharif - Awakening of Sufism in South Asia
By Reema Abbasi

There are a few places in this world which hold a very special place in my heart. Three of them are precious because of their sanctity, because they connect me with someone who takes care of me and watches over me. The three places are Vaishnodevi Shrine, Jerusalem and Ajmer Sharif Dargah.

To find a beautiful book about Ajmer Sharif with amazing pictures and a lovely history of Sufism using the Dargah as the focal point was like receiving a treasured gift. It was as if I had been taken back to a place that I love to visit often. Suddenly I was introduced to new aspects of a much loved friend and it was as if he had been given a new face and I was discovering new facets about him!

Reema Abbasi is a young journalist who has won awards for her gender sensitive reporting. She has written a book on “Historic Temples in Pakistan: A call to conscience “ , a book that is so relevant during these troubled times. Her bio-data states that she has “maintained a rabid focus on the values of secularism “. Her book about Khwaja Moinuddun Chisti and his Dargah takes this focus many steps further as she tells us the history and beliefs and teaching of this amazing teacher.

First the visuals – the photographs – taken by Syed Salman Chisthy, Gaddi Nasheen and the Chishty Foundation among others, capture the sanctity of this place so beautifully. The crowds, the sanctum sanctorum, the ancient bylanes unfold before you as you turn each page. The titles given to the pictures such as ‘ dome shelters a resting soul’ , ‘hope hangs on fragile threads’ ‘ past the Door of Paradise into the sanctum’ make them seem even more relevant and enticing.

Reema Abbasi has written a book with love and devotion and I commend her not only on her ability to use words to present an amazing narrative but also to be able to entice her readers to enter a world occupied by one of the greatest mystics of this world.

“Like the mystic mesmerised by the image of a pattern on a snowflake, one moves in a trance through a valley of senses – every sight, a stamp on a captive soul. As classical Islamic mysticism blends with folk traditions and customs of ancient faiths, boundaries in humanity break down in tenderness. Some cling to him, others to hope “.

Follow her as she takes you to the Ehaata Noorani, into the Ehaata Astaana where he has been laid to rest in 1236 CE at the age of 95. Many people – kings and simple devotees added to this shrine as the first tomb was in wood, but today it is covered with marble and with a silver and mother-of -pearl canopy built by Emperor Jahangir. When Reema asked a Hindu lady as to what she finds here, her answer resonated with what all of us believe when we go there: .

“ You cannot see Allah. We don't know Eeshwar, but Gharib Nawaz knows God. He can take our prayers to Him. Can't you feel the power?”

What I truly loved about this book was that she traces Gharib Nawaz’s journey and thus shows us how Sufism was awakened and how it was and even today is, a gentle belief it is a “conduit of harmony and justice “ . Khwaja Sahib taught the world about how important it is to accept everyone and how to forgo the belief that our own religion is superior and that patriarchy is the only way to go.

I learnt so many new things about Khwaja Sahib and about this hallowed place – that it is the only memorial where prayers are ceaseless; that more than 65% of the visitors are non-Muslims; that over forty Sufi elders who accompanied Moinnuddin Chisti on his journey into Hindustan are interred in the veranda; that the qawwali which is unique to the Chisti Sufi Order was born and nurtured here.

Read the book if you have never been to Ajmer, and very soon you will find yourself at his doorstep asking for his blessings. Read the book if you are one of the believers in him and learn why along with you many believe in his blessings and in the power of a prayer offered there.

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2017-06-21T10:02:00.001+05:30

Lata Mangeshkar...in Her Own Voice: Conversations with Nasreen Munni Kabir by Kabir Munni Nasreen
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Lata Mangheskar – in her own voice
Conversations with Nasreen Munni Kabir

What an absolutely beautiful book!!

It is one of the most enjoyable ‘coffee-table’ books that I have ever read or seen. To relegate it to the level of ‘coffee-table’ books would be doing it an injustice – because it has some amazing photographs that I have seen, and it brings one of our most famous icons closer to us. The black and white image of a very young Lataji on the cove, sets the tone for a memorable book.

Nasreen Munni Kabir did a six-part documentary series on Lata Mangheskar in 1991 for Channel 4, titled ‘In Her Own Voice’. In 2008, she began to update the conversations she had with Lataji and convert them into a book.

Lataji is one of the most reclusive of Indian icons. She leads a sheltered life and rarely do we see her in film magazines, nor has her life been enmeshed in any scandal at any point. Hence, it is always a pleasure to read about her, specially stories written by people who have spent a good amount of time with her, and who have had the rare privilege of being able to interview her many hours.

The book is a series of conversations with her, covering almost all aspects of her life. Ms. Kabir, in her introduction talks about her phenomenal memory, and her knowledge about all her colleagues in the music industry. Here is a woman who has had no formal schooling whatsoever, but who has sung more than 27,000 songs in many Indian languages.

At one point the author says –
‘Lata Mangheskar’s songs are living history – so strongly tied to all our life stories and articulating our many emotions ‘

Lataji while talking about the difference between Western and Indian music says :
‘I like both traditions. I listen to Western classical music to hear how well it is composed and I listen to Indian classical to hear how well it is sung or how well it is played on say the sitar or sarod’

There are a lot of pictures which cover the many years of her life. One picture that I really enjoyed looking at was with Raj Kapoor, Dev Anand and Dilip Kumar in the late 1950s. Those were the legends of their time – and what a great occasion that must have been.

Buy this book, read it whenever you think of music and of the Indian film industry. Legends like her illuminate our lives very rarely and we are fortunate to be able to hear her, and read about her.

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I LOVE DELHI – IN ALL ITS VARIOUS FACETS – GOOD, BAD AND UGLY!

2017-06-21T09:58:00.000+05:30

My city is a fascinating city – and I wish more people would love it rather than keep complaining about it. Oh, I do agree that it has bad traffic problems, its citizens have major attitude problems and the pollution is enough to make you want to run away. But there is so much to love in this city – there is so much to enjoy here – let me tell you some of the reasons why I feel that there are few places like it!! 1. Music everywhere – it is winter and the music season is becoming very active. Where else can you sit in the Nehru Park and listen to phenomenal musicians such as Amjad Ali Khan, L. Subramanian, Kishori Amonkar and many others for free. Which other city can boast of free Percussion festivals, where you can just sit back among amazing greenery and get lost in the sounds around you. Now they are also going to have a Food Palate festival at Nehru Park. What I love is the fact that during these concerts the audience ranges from the very young to the very old, proving that our music al traditions are not dying or becoming extinct. 2. The food – what can I say about it? There are food walks to sample the immense variety of food available in Old Delhi – from the laddoos at Chaina Ram to the dahi bhallas at Natraj. From the Nihari at Jama Masjid to the 100 varieties of kulfi at other places. And this is only in Chandni Chowk. Move to South Delhi, where I live and every colony has its own sweet shop, its own chaatvala and of course the not to be ignored noodle vans. I am sure all towns have great eating places, but few of them boast of the variety that we provide. 3. History in every corner - everywhere there are old monuments which stand in mute testimony of the centuries that have gone by. Turn a corner and you will find an old tomb nestled next to a market. Walk down one of the many parks in the city and there will be an old broken down mosque there. It is a historical city and everywhere we are witness to the fact that many generations have built for posterity. Try the Khirki Masjid in Saket, visit the Nizammuddin Tomb, spend hours at Humayun’s Tomb, just walk through the very lovely Lodhi Gardens, there is so much to see here. Spend time in my city and you will realise why I love it so much. I have not forgotten the traffic problems, the water and pollution problems, but occasionally forget about them and just enjoy the many pleasures my city offers you.

In memory of a very dear friend - SUNITEE SONDHI

2013-08-25T10:43:00.001+05:30

Sunitee, you were a very special and cheerful lady and we were blessed to have known you and be loved by you.

You smiled whenever we met you, you smiled even after your home was robbed in 1984, you smiled when you lost your precious jewellery to scamsters and above all you smiled when we met you after you had just been diagnosed with cancer. How did you do this? In my over 40 years of friendship with you I cannot recall a single day when you looked angry and upset, when you raised your voice or when you felt that you had not been dealt a good hand by fate. You smiled even when you gently told us that you were not happy with what we were doing or saying. My last memory of you is when I met you in the ICU, even then you smiled and greeted all of us one by one.

You really and truly were a very caring person.

Today, everyone remembers your grace and dignity, your ability to light up a room just by walking into it, your ability to talk to anyone and everyone at every party, your ability to remember names and all the details of people’s lives and above all your ability to care about all of us, even while you were in pain and unable to get out of bed. You asked about all our family members when we sat down near you while you were in bed, you made sure that the coffee was served in the correct manner and that we were all given something to eat, despite being bedridden.

Sunitee you were a very realistic and level-headed lady

Practical and down to earth, you never hid your illness from anyone. You discussed it with all of us and prepared everyone to face the inevitable outcome. Your immense concern for others can judged by the fact that you requested that your prayer meeting be held at such a time that your bridge friends should not have to change their programs, you told the doctor that your organs and eyes were to be donated, you discussed all the arrangements with your family members even while all of us were wondering how we were going to live without you. When I asked you how I would live without you, you just said that I will have to do it and not to worry about it.

You truly were something very special.

In your own gracious way you took us all under your wing. You taught me more than my mother ever could, you showed me what innate courtesy was, how important it was to say thank you after every visit or every party, how important it was to keep your spirits up even in the face of a rapidly nearing end and above all how important it was to remember that no matter what happens in your life, there is always a silver lining somewhere and that is what we have to hold on to. Malice was never a part of your life, and none of us have ever heard you speak ill of anyone else. You accepted and loved everyone for what they were.

Sunitee you were such a special person that today we feel an empty space in our hearts and it does not seem possible that it will ever get filled by anyone else. Who else will meet us with that radiant smile and make us feel that you were really looking forward to meeting us, who else will offer sensible advice to me whenever I ask for it and above all who else will I call at 8 am every morning.

Sunitee, you may have tried to prepare all of us for life without you, but it is not going to be easy, and when we falter and miss you, when we feel depressed and lonely, there will be no one there to tell us that it is ok, these things happen and we have to learn to live with them. Every morning I still think of calling you and telling you that I am feeling sad, before I remember that your absence is the reason for my sadness.

Sunitee you were a very special and precious person.

Holidays which begin with nostalgia and end with new memories

2012-10-06T13:53:00.002+05:30

It never seemed possible - it was just an idea thrown to a couple of cousins and relatives, but very soon it transformed itself into an an impromptu holiday. Going to Dalhousie with 40 people was not one thing that we had planned initially, but very soon like a rolling stone it began to gain momentum and soon we had to start saying - no more - we do not have the space !

Dalhousie has always been a very special place - maybe any place which is connected with our childhood is like that. We forget the discomfort and the bad infrastructure, we only remember the laughter and the bonhomie and the presence of our family around us. Others may wonder what we saw in Dalhousie, but we wondered why they could not see the charm and beauty of this serene hill station.

This holiday had some very special memories - days that are etched in our minds and still bring a smile to our faces. The breakfast at Mama's Rasoi was a forerunner of all the noise and food that was to become the norm of the trip. It is amazing how much food we consume, while loudly talking about the fact that we are on a diet and that parathas are not good for us.

The first evening dinner at Ganganiwas was as if time had stood still. Everyone sitting around the garden and talking about family members and about childhood memories. The excellent management of Vinny, Manju, Abha, Seema, Anu and Malavika (have I left anyone out ?) made sure that everything ran smoothly. Serving cups of tea all day long, serving pudas on a rainy day, parathas that were delicious and hot, and all this with a smile, did we need anything else?

Kalatop will probably take a long time to recover from the onslaught of the Ganganiwas / Tejniwas/ Dhoopgarhi Khandaan. The photographs are fabulous, but they do not capture the attack on the young boy bringing pakoras! I wish someone had photographed that - a bunch of hungry family members confiscating the pakoras before anyone else could get to them.

Khajjiar was just a wish in our minds. We had not been there for a long time, and once the day dawned bright and clear we decided to go there for the day. Spontaneously and within a few minutes, everyone joined us and what a beautiful day it turned out to be. Khajjiar was exactly as we remembered her from our childhood, clean, bright and beautiful. She welcomed us with all her ethereal charm and took from us a promise to come back again some other day.

For me there are many memories that form a part of this unforgettable holiday. The dinner at Dhoopgarhi where everyone sat around and sang and danced. The space was constricted but no one complained - after all we were all family ! The impromptu breakfast in the mist in the garden, as everyone came back from their walks, mithe chawal and shahi tukras, capes from Lallji and noodles at Sharma's dhabha, Rekha's poetry and Renu's performances, Reva and Savita Bhabhi's immaculate attires, watching TV while eating lunch at Khajjiar, the clear streams by which we had a couple of picnics, I could just go on and on!

Will a holiday like this happen again - I am not too sure. This was spontaneous combustion - it does not happen too often. But we have realised that it can, and maybe some other day we shall try it again!

70 year old advice - it is pertinent even today

2012-02-13T10:13:00.001+05:30

Letters to our father, Mr. S.D.Bhasin, written by his teacher,

at Benaras Hindu University.

in the year 1943

Advice that is pertinent even today!!

June 6, 1943

Regarding your search, I have only one thing to say, look for a heart and not for a body. If you can get both in one, consider yourself extraordinarily lucky. But many young-men can hardly judge young women. It is a supreme test of your intuition and your intelligence. Quite often girls who are outspoken, whom people sometimes miscall forward, are very sound at heart. Girls who flirt or connive at flirtation will be found worthless, in that sense a forward girl will be no good. Sometimes, or rather quite often, girls who are otherwise quiet and look like ‘budhoos’ (only look like them) are very intelligent and they know their job. Mind you have to win a heart and it is no joke to do so. I am no believer in love at first sight. It is very, very rare. More often one or the other heart falls to the body of the other. A good heart will be found only in a good soul. It is a soul’s virtue.

July 19, 1943

After you get married – go slow – it takes some time for the girl to understand another man. Don’t assert your conjugal rights – win over the bride and you will find that she will be your slave for life. Girls do not like attempts at early mating. Give her time, when you have gained your point, do not waste yourself. The first children are the best children, get them in regular succession, one every three years. They will be of immense help, if they are born early, in your later life. If you must cohabit without a desire to produce children, keep the health of your wife in view. A woman cannot bear the strain as much as a man. To prevent children coming too quickly, do not resort to modern methods. Whatever people may have to say about them they are positively harmful. The best method is to cohabit only between the period 18 days after the start of mensems and 2 days just before mensems. Excuse me for writing so plainly. It is rarely and only luckily that one can get such sound and sure advice and I have given it in the interests of your Mrs and your progeny.

17.8.1943

I am in receipt of the happy news of your engagement. Let me congratulate you very warmly on the choice of your bride. From the description you have given me, I am pretty certain that your life is made and will be well determined by your wife. I know the trepidations of heart that overcome young-men of your age, but youth is so elastic and so unbounded that there is hardly anything in the nature of difficulties that it cannot overcome.

Meet your bride as though she was brought up in your own family. She will be new to you but let her not perceive the newness. Make her feel that she has only exchanged her mother’s love and the father’s care with the husband’s all enveloping affection and with your parent’s consideration. That is the thing for which she will long and long eagerly. Let not formalities stand in your way. It is by giving your heart and affection that you can get and take hers and you have to, not she.

I am glad you too my instructions sportingly. I was half inclined to throw away that letter after I had written it but I took the risk after all. It was much too intimate and I was afraid that it might offend your susceptibilities.

I am glad that you are progressing with your work. Let me assure you that give all your leisure to the care and attention of your wife, she will understand and never interfere. Those who tell you that such interference is natural are quite wrong. It is only foolish wives who do so. Plan your moments of pleasure in advance, expectancy and its fulfilment at the end is the key to win a woman’s love. A woman is essentially all surrendering, provided one does not abuse such surrender.

Sept 11, 1943

I am in receipt of your two letters. Let me once again congratulate you on your good fortune in getting a loving and sensible wife. The language of your letters reveals to me the ecstasy of your love for her and it is a pleasure to me that both of you are so happy. Let me hope that the affectionate understanding between you two will develop to greater and greater heights.

Old Dhruvji used to say that “Life is an adjustment”. No remark has stuck to me so much as this one and no sphere of life is more important than the family to observe this all important formula of life. Culture consists in this, education consists in this, love and duty consist in this and surely courtesy and good manners consist in this. Life would be impossible to live without adjustments.

Youth and love (whether night-love or love at first sight or a love-plate exposed in daylight and developed in darkness) are great forces but there are people and people; these forces have been known to lead some to hell and others to heaven. What is bigger therefore is the factor that operates this high-speed aircraft. It is a wireless instrument that contains almost everything. The perfection of this instrument depends on the individuals concerned and the tools that lead to this perfection are education, culture and an innate imbibition called ‘sanskar’- a cumulative effect of heredity, environment, tradition and all that. I will advise to cultivate this innate sense and take it from me that nothing is a greater guide to happiness than this factor. In society you are obliged by law to observe certain regulations, in family life there is no greater law than the law of adjustments.

The Disappearing Saree

2011-10-04T11:59:00.000+05:30

Where has the saree gone?

It is true - saris seem to have vanished from the dressing scene. Any parties you go to, there may be just one lady wearing a saree - probably me! Everyone else is either in a suit or in pants. Except for weddings - where the saree makes a fabulous appearance, all my friends and acquaintances seem to have locked their sarees into old stores somewhere, only to be aired on marriage occasions, and then sent into hibernation again.

Personally I find a saree the most graceful national dress in the world. It looks so good, it swirls and it sways, it wraps around with such grace and shimmer, and it comes in every color and shade possible. Can we say that of a suit? Sarees should never go out of fashion, but unfortunately it seems to have happened!

Is there are any other dress that can be borrowed so easily. Get a blouse and petticoat that fits you and borrow your friend or your sister's saree, and you are set to woo the world. If you have great figure - unlike me - you can use it to enhance the look. Remember Priyanka Chopra's saree in Dostana when she sang Desi Girl - she looked sexy and fabulous - it could not have been achieved with any other outfit.

Above all, a saree manages to camouflage all your bulges and extra fat. It is true, you can look slimmer, not much, just a little bit. After all, you can wear it in such a way that it looks good but does not cling to you.

We got married in sarees, no one had heard of lehngas in those days. Our trousseau was all sarees, with an occasional suit thrown in. We started wearing them when we attended our farewell parties in school, and made them part of our daily lives once we got married.

I love wearing a saree, and I wish it would not vanish from the social scene, as it seems to have done now. I wish people would not look surprised when I wear one for just a casual evening, I wish more of these slim and elegant youngsters would wear these and above all, I wish the designers would bring out more sarees as part of their collection.

Irene & Fashion Night Out & Harley Davidson's

2011-09-22T10:15:00.000+05:30

Holidays in the US generally follow a standard mode. There is a lot of eating out, an inordinate amount of time spent at Macy's and Target, and of course above all, just sitting around with Anu and Will. But this time there were two unique occasions, or three to be exact which left some memories behind, and made the day or night for me.

Hurricane Irene - there was so much noise about it - - everyone seemed to be preparing for a total devastation of their areas. there was so much discussion about the speed of the winds, the probable lack of electricity, the problems that may occur. Maybe it was was an overload of information, but to some extent it was better than the Indian attitude of let us see what will happen, and of "chalta hai, sab theek ho jayega". We also went out and bought a lot of ready to eat food - which would not need the microwave, a lot of torches were put in strategic places and candles and matches came out of the cupboards.

At 2 am I woke up and sat at the window for about an hour and watched nature at her furious best. She ranted and she raved, she shook all the trees around and she poured at her terrifying best. Somehow, she did not scare me, but I enjoyed just watching her show her dominance over mankind. There was nothing anyone could have done at that point. I have rarely seen winds at that speed. I have rarely watched huge pine trees swaying, and I have rarely enjoyed sitting and watching a thunderstorm with such delight and awe. It was worth the loss of sleep. I do not have the ability to describe it, no words seem adequate, but it was something to keep stashed away in my memories as a night of amazement.

Macy's of New York is still one of my favorite haunts. I know exactly where I will get trousers to fit me, where the Starbuck's is located and where to get my tourist discount coupon from. But this time was different. New York was celebrating Fashion Night Out. Every floor had some celebrity on it, there were DJ's and musicians in various corners, and needless to say there were multitudes on each floor. There was a festive atmosphere everywhere, and much to my surprise even the customers were dressed in their finest clothing!

The mystery was solved only when we discovered that on that evening every clothing store was going to be open till 11 pm, and that there were free hop-on and hop-off buses to take you from store to store so that you can to your hearts content.

Fifth Avenue had even more people, and it was such a delight to just stand and watch the exuberance and the enthusiasm. Justin Bieber was in one of the stores ( we did not see him - there was no way to get past the screaming girls), the GLEE actress was there, the store windows of other stores had DJ's playing great music in them. What a lovely idea this was, you dress up in your latest clothes, you get to see your favorite icons, there is a festive atmosphere all around and of course, you shop till you are satiated. I love watching people, and this was a new look at the youngsters of New York. Another memory to store within my depository.

In Norwalk, 9/11 was honoured by a motorbike parade. It started from a parking garage very near Anu's home and all morning you could hear this loud machines going past to gather there.The parade was preceded by a fire engine and an ambulance and police bikes with all red blue anfd lights flashing. Then cam the 4000 bikes, yes that is right, there 4000 bikes. the sound was deafening, but the machines were spectacular. My special favorite was a golden mob ike, which was the size of a small car, then there was one where the rider had one a mask - he looked like something out of a horror movie. For over an hour we sat on the roadside just watching the riders go past, waving flags and victory signs.

Memories are made of days such as these - these are what make visits to other parts of the world special.

Anna Hazare and His Magic Wand

2011-04-11T16:54:00.004+05:30

The euphoria of the victory of the so-called common man, and the jubilation with which we have greeted the formation of the new team, has made me pause and think about the implications of this whole process.

Will we really achieve a great deal with this Lokpal Bill, if it ever comes into existence?

Can corruption levels really be brought down just by the passing of a new law or regulation?

And above all, if a new bill does come into effect are we not concentrating too much power in the hands of a few people? What if they turn out to be corrupt? Who will bring them under control?

Corruption is so much a part of our lives that we have ceased to raise an eyebrow or even utter a protest if someone asks us to pay them extra for just doing something that is a part of their job. If they do not ask us for any money we are surprised; if we want them to do our jobs faster and more efficiently then we automatically offer them money; and we try to wriggle out of difficult situations by offering some monetary rewards.

This is where my disquietude and my sense of us traveling on a roller-coaster which may pick up speed at any time becomes even more pronounced. All of us are a part of this mess, the politicians much more than the others, but none of us can claim to be "doodh se dhula hua" - or being the person who can throw the first stone.

This Bill may and probably will scare most people from asking for a bribe, but will it stop us from offering one? Watching Anna Hazare late in the evening at Jantar Mantar, I was also filled with a sense of being a part of history. The enthusiasm and fervor were infectious, and all day we waited for news about when he would break his fast and about when the government would capitulate.We felt that we could conquer the world that evening. A frail man on a dais, a lot of slogans and placards, and an all round feeling of "let's do it ", all these combined together to make me feel proud and exhilarated.

However, today a sense of reality is beginning to seep in. Santosh Desai's excellent article in today's Times of India made me think about what is happening and whether this can really be termed as a victory for the common man. The politician has recognised that the common man has recourse to other means to make his voice heard. The shout has gone out loud and clear that the present breed of politicians have made the word politician itself into a dirty word.

"The support is not really for the Lokpal Bill, for few understand its ramifications, but for the act of serving the government with an ultimatum, to do something tangible and show visible intent ".
Santosh Desai - Times of India - April 11, 2011

Let us not misuse this power, or try to use it too frequently and thereby dilute its efficacy. Let the new committee do a good job and somewhere, at sometime, let us do our part also by restraining ourselves from using money as a means of greasing palms and getting our work done.

I look forward to an India which is corruption free - it is a dream, and it may never become reality, but at least Anna Hazare has given me the chance to dream an impossible dream.

Rituals and Ceremonies

2011-02-25T15:59:00.000+05:30

Do Rituals and Ceremonies really matter?
Do they signify anything?
Or are their origins lost in the annals of time and we just follow them religiously or as tradition demands without understanding the whys and the wherefores?

While attending a "kriya" ceremony for a cousin's husband, I was wondering about the reasons behind these ancient rituals and whether the next generation or the one after them will slowly let them just die a natural death.

Here are some of the ones which I can understand and which to me are important and significant:

Rakhi & Tikka - It is much more than the tying of a band and giving and receiving a gift. At my daughter's wedding when she asked the priest why "mamas"- (my brothers) were such an important part of the ceremonies, then he told her that this was an extension of the promise they make to their sisters during Rakhi and Tikka. They tell their nieces and nephews that as we have promised to take care of your mother, in the same way we shall look after you. It is a beautiful thought, whether the 'mamas' are able to fulfill it or not is not important. What is important that they happily take part in all the wedding rituals and be a part of the immediate family. I know of no other country where the bond between brothers and sisters is made stronger with just a piece of thread or coloured band.

Immersion of the ashes: If you go to Kankhal near Haridwar to immerse the ashes of a loved ones, you will come back with a feeling of a closure on the funeral process. There are many bones in the crystal clear water there, and you realise that this is where it was all meant to end. This is the reason why the Ganges is sacred to us - this is where nature takes us into her folds and lets us become one with her. Nothing else is so peaceful and comforting as the immersion of the ashes in any sacred river.

Touching the feet of the elders: This does not seem to happen too often nowadays, except maybe in the soap operas or traditional homes. But just bending down in front of the elders is enough for them to put their hand forward and bless us. There is a lot of love in those blessings and we are fortunate to receive it. If you do not feel like touching their feet, then just lower your head and let them shower their prayers and best wishes on you.

Boisterous Marriages: I agree that our weddings, especially the Punjabi ones are noisy, boisterous and chaotic, but then that is what we are - noisy, boisterous and chaotic. The gathering of the clan, the loud conversation, gallons of booze, tons of food - all of these just combine together to give us days to remember.I would rather have all this than a peaceful, quiet wedding where everyone remains solemn and composed. Let us celebrate the way we like to - after all it is merriment time.

Saptapadi - The Seven Steps of marriage:
All of us go through them, but while the process is going on we do think of the significance of each step. The first step is for food and resources for the family; the second step is for strength - both physical and mental; the third step is for wealth and prosperity together; with the fourth step they ask for happiness and harmony; with the fifth step they ask for a happy family with good children; during the sixth step they ask the Gods to give them a long and peaceful life; and with the last step or phera they seek the blessings for companionship, loyalty and understanding among the two of them. Every aspect of their new lives is covered in these prayers and the beauty and significance of the words is evident only when we think about them later.

There are so many more traditions which I can think of which are beautiful, yet I have not really tried to understand them before I follow them.

Yet, I know that I have missed out by not trying to inculcate the value of these traditions and rituals among my children. My grandchildren will not be conversant with them since they are not observed in their lives. This is something I will regret always - we should have always shown them what the rituals were and the significance behind them. Then maybe they would have made them a part of their lives also and our grandchildren would have absorbed it as part of their heritage.

I also miss those days - when met people over a cup of coffee - not over Facebook!!

2011-02-15T11:18:00.000+05:30

शायद ज़िंदगी बदल रही है!!

जब मैं छोटा था, शायद दुनिया

बहुत बड़ी हुआ करती थी..

मुझे याद है मेरे घर से "स्कूल" तक

का वो रास्ता, क्या क्या नहीं था वहां,

चाट के ठेले, जलेबी की दुकान,

बर्फ के गोले, सब कुछ,

अब वहां "मोबाइल शॉप",

"विडियो पार्लर" हैं,

फिर भी सब सूना है..

शायद अब दुनिया सिमट रही है...
...

जब मैं छोटा था,

शायद शामें बहुत लम्बी हुआ करती थीं...

मैं हाथ में पतंग की डोर पकड़े,

घंटों उड़ा करता था,

वो लम्बी "साइकिल रेस",
वो बचपन के खेल,

वो हर शाम थक के चूर हो जाना,

अब शाम नहीं होती, दिन ढलता है

और सीधे रात हो जाती है.
शायद वक्त सिमट रहा है..

जब मैं छोटा था,

शायद दोस्ती

बहुत गहरी हुआ करती थी,
दिन भर वो हुजूम बनाकर खेलना,

वो दोस्तों के घर का खाना,

वो लड़कियों की बातें,

वो साथ रोना...

अब भी मेरे कई दोस्त हैं,
पर दोस्ती जाने कहाँ है,

जब भी "traffic signal" पे मिलते हैं

"Hi" हो जाती है,

और अपने अपने रास्ते चल देते हैं,

होली, दीवाली, जन्मदिन,

नए साल पर बस SMS आ जाते हैं,शायद अब रिश्ते बदल रहें हैं..

जब मैं छोटा था,
तब खेल भी अजीब हुआ करते थे,
छुपन छुपाई, लंगडी टांग,
पोषम पा, कट केक,
टिप्पी टीपी टाप.

अब internet, office,
से फुर्सत ही नहीं मिलती..

शायद ज़िन्दगी बदल रही है.

जिंदगी का सबसे बड़ा सच यही है..
जो अक्सर कबरिस्तान के बाहर
बोर्ड पर लिखा होता है...

"मंजिल तो यही थी,
बस जिंदगी गुज़र गयी मेरी
यहाँ आते आते"

ज़िंदगी का लम्हा बहुत छोटा सा है..
कल की कोई बुनियाद नहीं है
और आने वाला कल सिर्फ सपने में ही है..

अब बच गए इस पल में..
तमन्नाओं से भरी इस जिंदगी में
हम सिर्फ भाग रहे हैं..
कुछ रफ़्तार धीमी करो,
मेरे दोस्त,

और इस ज़िंदगी को जियो...
खूब जियो मेरे दोस्त.

What do you do?

2010-11-20T08:50:00.000+05:30

What do you do?

How often I have been asked this question by people who I have met for the first time. It encompasses so many answers within it that often I am left wondering about how to answer it. All of us have encountered a question like this, specially the older women - people generally just assume that that younger ones have a job somewhere - they are asked : "Are you working somewhere? "

Personally I feel that there really is no straight forward answer to this question.

At any given time of the day, like so many of my friends we play different roles.

Early in the morning, I am the relaxed housewife, having a cup of tea with Pran in the verandeh, enjoying the weather and the garden.

A little later I am the cook and the home manager, sorting out the day's schedule.

A little later I am the content provider writing my assignments, doing the projects assigned to me.

By afternoon time I am the grandmother indulging my grandchildren and watching them play or chatting with them.

In between I am a full time daughter and and wife.

Then of course I am also a friend, the lady of the house, the memsahib ordering the servants around, the head cook and bottlewasher of my home, a social worker in a small way, and so many other things.

I feel that we tend to compartmentalize people too often. We put them into slots which are determined by our perceptions of them. We do not realise that like me they do different things at different times and there really is no one answer to this perennial question. The men in our lives also play different roles at different times, only they do not have to juggle so many of them all through the day. They may differ with my opinion, but frankly there are no better multitaskers than women in this world !

Hence I am back to the beginning of my story - What do you do?

I would love to hear from others - to find out how do they answer this question. Do they have a simple answer such as - I am an HR Manager in a multinational firm? Does that really define who they are and what they do?

Or should we only state that aspect of our lives which we excel in? I am not sure what I excel in -maybe talking - I can out talk anyone else; maybe being a mother - I think I am a good mother; maybe being a writer - at least my clients seem to think so.

I have no answers - or maybe I have too many answers to this question. If I have confused you with this blog - then welcome to my world !

SILENCE

2010-10-05T09:53:00.000+05:30

I do not know who wrote this - someone just sent it in my email. But it is beautifully and simply written.

( If anyone knows the name of the author, please do let me know. Thanks)

Too many women in too many countries

speak the same language of silence.

My grandmother was always silent, always aggrieved

Only her husband had the cosmic right (or so it was said)

to speak and be heard.

They say it is different now.

(After all, I am always vocal and my grandmother

thinks I talk too much)

But sometimes I wonder.

When a woman shares her thoughts, as some women do,

graciously, it is allowed.

When a woman fights for power, as all women would like

to, quietly or loudly, it is questioned.

And yet, there must be freedom - if we are to speak

And yes, there must be power - if we are to be heard.

And when we have both (freedom and power) let us now be

understood.

We seek only to give words to those who cannot speak

(too many women in too many countries)

I seek to forget the sorrows of my grandmother's silence.

Are we care-givers or care-takers ?

2010-09-13T13:26:00.000+05:30

Care-givers are people who spend their time taking care of others - and care-takers in this context are individuals who are recipients of the concern and care from others. A bit different from the normal connotations of these words, but this does make more sense doesn't it?

They took care of us - and today we miss that care and concern

As we get older our responsibilities seem to increase. When the children are young, we keep waiting for them to grow up so that we no longer feel responsible for every action of theirs. But as we and they grow older we realize that worrying about them and thinking that all their problems have to be solved by us has just become a habit. We constantly think of ourselves as care givers - giving care, taking care of children and grandchildren and parents and everyone else around us.

Is this just a habit?

For me this is definitely true - I am just one of those people who loves to organise everyone's lives. Do this, do it this way and let me help you do it - just come naturally to me. But, now having become much older I have learnt with immense difficulty that I need to step back and offer advice and help only when it is asked for.

Someday they will have to play the role of parents - we hope we taught them well

Hence the question in my mind - at what point do we become more care-takers and less care-givers. At what point have I taken over my mother's life? When did she cease to become the master of her own decisions? When did our children take over their own lives and when did we begin to take a seat on the sidelines.

This is a natural corollary of life. The world has moved like this for generations, as you grow older you hand over the reigns to the next generation.

The problem is that we are reluctant to do this. We do not think that the children are capable of making their own decision, we do not think that they know better than us as to how to handle their problems, and above all we do not accept the fact that the roles have now been reversed.

As parents and as older people we have to learn how to accept their concerns and care for us. They do their best to look after us, but to talk about how children no longer care is wrong. They do care - they just have too much on their plates. They do worry about us but do not keep talking about it. When we need them they will be there - as long as we do not keep making extraordinary demands on their time.

Four generations

This is the reason why I feel that as parents we now need to accept our role as care-takers most of the time and as people who are care-givers less and less. Once we have mastered this knowledge, life will become less stressful and we will no longer look at our children or our friends or the younger people around us with a jaundiced eye. We will understand them better and they will love us more for not interfering in their lives.

It is not easy - but once we become senior citizens we have to move to the other side slowly but surely. Enjoy this reversal of roles - and be thankful that there is someone who is willing to take care!

Of Bugs and Beaches and Missed Flights

2010-07-22T10:32:00.002+05:30

The Beach at Langkawi

Holidays give you so much to cheer about. There is a change of surrounding, a relaxed time to spend with friends and an ability to do what we want and when we want. There is so much joy in them, that even a 15 day bug cannot take away from good memories and happy times.

Thank heavens for friends and for the gift of being able to go away when we want to and where we want to.

We are truly blessed.

Kuala Lumpur or Langkawi or Colombo - where did we pick up the bug from? Did it travel in our suitcase or in our wallets or was it just something which decided to come and give all of us some painful and tiring memories.

Eagle Point at Langkawi

An explanation is needed.

We traveled for nine days in a group of eight to Kuala Lumpur and Langkawi and Colombo. The holiday was very nice - KL was more of a shopping expedition than anything else! A day spent in Genting Highlands was interesting - we played roulette and won enough to pay for our lunch - and the hotel was very interesting to look at and the ropeway was a joy.

Langkawi was like most beach resorts - a lovely hotel, lovely rooms, good food all around and a nice beach. There was of course, jellyfish in the sea - which did attack Sunitee, but fortunately not very badly. There was great music every evening in the lounge. We had gone on a holiday to just relax and we did just that - ate, slept, sat around and gossiped and occasionally ventured out to have a look at the town around, Do not go there expecting an exciting holiday - this is a sleepy town, but a pretty one.

The highlight of the visit here was of course the missed flight. How could we do a stupid thing like that? We are "veteran" travelers - at least we claim to be, all of us were taking it easy and had got the wrong info about the flight. We should have double checked - anyway - we were down a couple of thousand rupees each and it is all water under the bridge now!!

The view from Taj Samudra at Colombo

Colombo - the highlight was the presence of a film unit in the hotel - Salman Khan being the star attraction. The city was so much like all Indian cities - I wish we could have spent more time in Sri Lanka - maybe some other time in our lives!!

As soon as we came back all of us came down with some kind of weird viral fever. Initial worries about H1N1 were put to rest by the doctor, but the symptoms were the same for all of us - high fever, a debilitating weakness - lack of appetite and an overall feeling of All Izz Not Well. Antibiotics, bottles full of cough syrup and loads of other medicines - it helped to some extent but it was two weeks before we were able to call ourselves well. The doctors were just as confused as we were - and all of us talked to each other and shared daily bulletins.

Anyway - hopefully the bug has gone - and even more important we have not passed it on to others in our households.

Cheers to the next holiday !!

New Surroundings - maybe they are not so new after all !

2010-06-06T10:03:00.001+05:30

S-145, Panchshila Park

Vasant Vihar seems a bit like home now, not completely but the areas are beginning to look familiar, I do not wake up and wonder where I am any more and I still call S-145 my home but then I also call C 6/6 home.

Why do we get so attached to bricks and mortar? Why is it that some place gives you great vibes and welcomes you, whereas in some homes as soon as you enter there is a desire to leave. We have always hoped that our home will be a welcoming one, a place where people were welcome to come when they want and stay as long they want - to some extent!. We feel that we have achieved it where ever we have lived and maybe our friends feel that to.

Homes are our lifeline, they make or break our moods. They are places where we can look for happiness for ourselves or just sit back and make ourselves miserable. But we forget that each home is a new place and we have to establish the atmosphere and the ambiance ourselves. We can carry memories of our previous homes, but we should not let them overshadow the mood, the tone and the environment in the new one. No matter how large or how small the space is, it is ours and it is up to us to make it a joyful and pleasurable surrounding.

I am hoping that Vasant Vihar will also give out great vibes to all those who enter this home. The grandchildren seem to enjoy it a lot, they have place to run around, they are not worried about the road and the noise and they are also happy just being able to play in wide areas.

Pran seems to be enjoying setting it up - making sure the water systems work correctly, that his office becomes a haven of activity for him and he has enough storage space for his various collections.

I am hoping to have a lovely garden and to be able to make space in my bedroom to sit and read and maybe watch television, but just be able to stretch my legs, without having to sit on the bed to do so.

The maids are happy since they have a very very large staying area and they have a connection from the inverter during power breakdowns.

But I still miss my road, my Malviya Nagar market and all the people around my area. We made good friends there, who we hope will remain friends no matter where we stay. I miss my independence, since here I have to answer for every move I make and have to give explanations for all my actions and receive unwanted advice on every aspect of my life.

But, we have to move on and make ourselves cheerful and joyful, have a home we can be proud of.

Some thoughts on moving house after 20 years

2010-04-09T09:51:00.001+05:30

As we prepare to move to a new home in Vasant Vihar, mainly due to family obligations, both of us are going through a period of introspection and of wondering what the future holds for us.

We are getting older, an undeniable fact! We are getting slower and more lethargic, another undeniable fact! We are happy to move house - now that is where the facts begin to get muddled up, that is where we are not too sure about what is happening and whether it is the correct decision to make.

The decision was not an easy one - my husband agreed to move faster than I did. I wavered back and forth. Spoke to many friends and relatives, took too many opinions and spent many nights just sitting and staring at the walls. What finally made the decision for me was one evening when I could not even turn round into my road for 30 minutes because of the traffic mess all around. Then it felt that enough was enough and a decision was confirmed.

Do our children agree with us? I am not too sure, they are also ambivalent about the whole situation. Their concern is for us and about the stress of moving. They do feel that the new home is a better one - nicer surroundings, quieter road and a garden in front and at the back. They worry more about the three moves and frankly that is the one main deterrent in the whole process. But after seeing a friend of ours who has just gone through the process, well, it does not seem so much of a problem now. If she can do it - so can we !!

The heartburn and the thoughts are not about whether we should move or not, they are about leaving a home we built ourselves. It was our money, all earned by us and with no other monetary support from anyone else. Every nook and corner was planned or badly planned by us. It will always remain our home, and frankly our pride and joy.

But we have to learn to detach ourselves from these attachments. The new home is beginning to look very nice. It is taking good shape, and every time we walk in, there is a good feel to it. For once I will be able to look out from my bedroom and see a garden and plants, something that I have always wanted. There will be a lot of space for the children to play in, and Chutki shall enjoy running around.

It may be a long time before we shall stop feeling the tug at our hearts when we come to Panchsheel Park, a long time before we stop coming to Malviya Nagar for all our shopping, but it will happen.

We hope and pray that C 6/6 will always remain a happy home, and one where everyone will always feel welcome. We hope that one day it shall also be our final living space and we shall grow older happily and peacefully

A book on Beethoven - and about Western Classical music

2009-09-01T13:00:00.001+05:30

Beethoven and Friends:

By Kishore Chatterjee

Those who are familiar with Western Classical Music in India, will also be familiar with Kishore Chatterjee's

radio talks about them. He has also anchored various shows on this subject and has also taken part in talks about it at Calcutta University and Jadavpur University, among other places.

His book, Beethoven and Friends, is all about the history of Western Classical history, through the unusual format of stories about those who were a part of it.

I have enjoyed the book as much as I have enjoyed listening to Western Classical music, which is a lot. Music for me has meant peace and relaxation, it has meant a transcendence into a world of joy and blissful sounds. I have never really attempted to understand the nuances of symphonies nor of operas, Mozart and Beethoven were just my lifelong friends who gave me some amazing music.

However, after reading this book, I have begun to pay more attention to what I am listening to, it has made me realise that there is a lot more to it than just the sound of it. His section "Simply About Symphonies"was a pleasure to read since, like the rest of the book,it is written in simple "layman" terms.

About Bach he says:

"Of all the great composers, the life of Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750) is, apparently, the least dramatic. All the drama took place in his mind and was reflected in his music"

All through the book, there are little snippets about the lives of the musicians, and about the history of music. Suddenly, you begin to understand why the tenors are the kings of opera; why the piano was not a part of the orchestra until the Romantic Ages; what were the Gregorian Chants and when was this very spiritual and very mystical music composed ?

If you are an avid fan of Western classical music, and even if you are not, read this book. It will make you want to hear the pieces of music that he describes so eloquently and also to pay a little more attention to what you are listening to.

He is a very good writer and he has put his years of knowledge and experience into a written format, for all of us to peruse and enjoy.

Beethoven and Friends - Niyogi Books