Glorious Sixty Year Olds

The Disappearing Saree

2011-10-04T11:59:00.000+05:30

Where has the saree gone?

It is true - saris seem to have vanished from the dressing scene. Any parties you go to, there may be just one lady wearing a saree - probably me! Everyone else is either in a suit or in pants. Except for weddings - where the saree makes a fabulous appearance, all my friends and acquaintances seem to have locked their sarees into old stores somewhere, only to be aired on marriage occasions, and then sent into hibernation again.

Personally I find a saree the most graceful national dress in the world. It looks so good, it swirls and it sways, it wraps around with such grace and shimmer, and it comes in every color and shade possible. Can we say that of a suit? Sarees should never go out of fashion, but unfortunately it seems to have happened!

Is there are any other dress that can be borrowed so easily. Get a blouse and petticoat that fits you and borrow your friend or your sister's saree, and you are set to woo the world. If you have great figure - unlike me - you can use it to enhance the look. Remember Priyanka Chopra's saree in Dostana when she sang Desi Girl - she looked sexy and fabulous - it could not have been achieved with any other outfit.

Above all, a saree manages to camouflage all your bulges and extra fat. It is true, you can look slimmer, not much, just a little bit. After all, you can wear it in such a way that it looks good but does not cling to you.

We got married in sarees, no one had heard of lehngas in those days. Our trousseau was all sarees, with an occasional suit thrown in. We started wearing them when we attended our farewell parties in school, and made them part of our daily lives once we got married.

I love wearing a saree, and I wish it would not vanish from the social scene, as it seems to have done now. I wish people would not look surprised when I wear one for just a casual evening, I wish more of these slim and elegant youngsters would wear these and above all, I wish the designers would bring out more sarees as part of their collection.

Ruby Tuesday Printable Coupons

2011-10-04T11:22:00.000+05:30

Here is something new - and not quite so new, New - in that these coupons can be printed at home and used - not so new in that they are for Ruby Tuesday - a very popular restaurant chain.
Ruby Tuesday Printable Coupons
Go ahead, have a great evening eating some really good food and saving some money while doing so. Fun and economy all rolled into one.

Irene & Fashion Night Out & Harley Davidson's

2011-09-22T10:15:00.000+05:30

Holidays in the US generally follow a standard mode. There is a lot of eating out, an inordinate amount of time spent at Macy's and Target, and of course above all, just sitting around with Anu and Will. But this time there were two unique occasions, or three to be exact which left some memories behind, and made the day or night for me.

Hurricane Irene - there was so much noise about it - - everyone seemed to be preparing for a total devastation of their areas. there was so much discussion about the speed of the winds, the probable lack of electricity, the problems that may occur. Maybe it was was an overload of information, but to some extent it was better than the Indian attitude of let us see what will happen, and of "chalta hai, sab theek ho jayega". We also went out and bought a lot of ready to eat food - which would not need the microwave, a lot of torches were put in strategic places and candles and matches came out of the cupboards.

At 2 am I woke up and sat at the window for about an hour and watched nature at her furious best. She ranted and she raved, she shook all the trees around and she poured at her terrifying best. Somehow, she did not scare me, but I enjoyed just watching her show her dominance over mankind. There was nothing anyone could have done at that point. I have rarely seen winds at that speed. I have rarely watched huge pine trees swaying, and I have rarely enjoyed sitting and watching a thunderstorm with such delight and awe. It was worth the loss of sleep. I do not have the ability to describe it, no words seem adequate, but it was something to keep stashed away in my memories as a night of amazement.

Macy's of New York is still one of my favorite haunts. I know exactly where I will get trousers to fit me, where the Starbuck's is located and where to get my tourist discount coupon from. But this time was different. New York was celebrating Fashion Night Out. Every floor had some celebrity on it, there were DJ's and musicians in various corners, and needless to say there were multitudes on each floor. There was a festive atmosphere everywhere, and much to my surprise even the customers were dressed in their finest clothing!

The mystery was solved only when we discovered that on that evening every clothing store was going to be open till 11 pm, and that there were free hop-on and hop-off buses to take you from store to store so that you can to your hearts content.

Fifth Avenue had even more people, and it was such a delight to just stand and watch the exuberance and the enthusiasm. Justin Bieber was in one of the stores ( we did not see him - there was no way to get past the screaming girls), the GLEE actress was there, the store windows of other stores had DJ's playing great music in them. What a lovely idea this was, you dress up in your latest clothes, you get to see your favorite icons, there is a festive atmosphere all around and of course, you shop till you are satiated. I love watching people, and this was a new look at the youngsters of New York. Another memory to store within my depository.

In Norwalk, 9/11 was honoured by a motorbike parade. It started from a parking garage very near Anu's home and all morning you could hear this loud machines going past to gather there.The parade was preceded by a fire engine and an ambulance and police bikes with all red blue anfd lights flashing. Then cam the 4000 bikes, yes that is right, there 4000 bikes. the sound was deafening, but the machines were spectacular. My special favorite was a golden mob ike, which was the size of a small car, then there was one where the rider had one a mask - he looked like something out of a horror movie. For over an hour we sat on the roadside just watching the riders go past, waving flags and victory signs.

Memories are made of days such as these - these are what make visits to other parts of the world special.

Anna Hazare and His Magic Wand

2011-04-11T16:54:00.004+05:30

The euphoria of the victory of the so-called common man, and the jubilation with which we have greeted the formation of the new team, has made me pause and think about the implications of this whole process.

Will we really achieve a great deal with this Lokpal Bill, if it ever comes into existence?

Can corruption levels really be brought down just by the passing of a new law or regulation?

And above all, if a new bill does come into effect are we not concentrating too much power in the hands of a few people? What if they turn out to be corrupt? Who will bring them under control?

Corruption is so much a part of our lives that we have ceased to raise an eyebrow or even utter a protest if someone asks us to pay them extra for just doing something that is a part of their job. If they do not ask us for any money we are surprised; if we want them to do our jobs faster and more efficiently then we automatically offer them money; and we try to wriggle out of difficult situations by offering some monetary rewards.

This is where my disquietude and my sense of us traveling on a roller-coaster which may pick up speed at any time becomes even more pronounced. All of us are a part of this mess, the politicians much more than the others, but none of us can claim to be "doodh se dhula hua" - or being the person who can throw the first stone.

This Bill may and probably will scare most people from asking for a bribe, but will it stop us from offering one? Watching Anna Hazare late in the evening at Jantar Mantar, I was also filled with a sense of being a part of history. The enthusiasm and fervor were infectious, and all day we waited for news about when he would break his fast and about when the government would capitulate.We felt that we could conquer the world that evening. A frail man on a dais, a lot of slogans and placards, and an all round feeling of "let's do it ", all these combined together to make me feel proud and exhilarated.

However, today a sense of reality is beginning to seep in. Santosh Desai's excellent article in today's Times of India made me think about what is happening and whether this can really be termed as a victory for the common man. The politician has recognised that the common man has recourse to other means to make his voice heard. The shout has gone out loud and clear that the present breed of politicians have made the word politician itself into a dirty word.

"The support is not really for the Lokpal Bill, for few understand its ramifications, but for the act of serving the government with an ultimatum, to do something tangible and show visible intent ".
Santosh Desai - Times of India - April 11, 2011

Let us not misuse this power, or try to use it too frequently and thereby dilute its efficacy. Let the new committee do a good job and somewhere, at sometime, let us do our part also by restraining ourselves from using money as a means of greasing palms and getting our work done.

I look forward to an India which is corruption free - it is a dream, and it may never become reality, but at least Anna Hazare has given me the chance to dream an impossible dream.

Rituals and Ceremonies

2011-02-25T15:59:00.000+05:30

Do Rituals and Ceremonies really matter?
Do they signify anything?
Or are their origins lost in the annals of time and we just follow them religiously or as tradition demands without understanding the whys and the wherefores?

While attending a "kriya" ceremony for a cousin's husband, I was wondering about the reasons behind these ancient rituals and whether the next generation or the one after them will slowly let them just die a natural death.

Here are some of the ones which I can understand and which to me are important and significant:

Rakhi & Tikka - It is much more than the tying of a band and giving and receiving a gift. At my daughter's wedding when she asked the priest why "mamas"- (my brothers) were such an important part of the ceremonies, then he told her that this was an extension of the promise they make to their sisters during Rakhi and Tikka. They tell their nieces and nephews that as we have promised to take care of your mother, in the same way we shall look after you. It is a beautiful thought, whether the 'mamas' are able to fulfill it or not is not important. What is important that they happily take part in all the wedding rituals and be a part of the immediate family. I know of no other country where the bond between brothers and sisters is made stronger with just a piece of thread or coloured band.

Immersion of the ashes: If you go to Kankhal near Haridwar to immerse the ashes of a loved ones, you will come back with a feeling of a closure on the funeral process. There are many bones in the crystal clear water there, and you realise that this is where it was all meant to end. This is the reason why the Ganges is sacred to us - this is where nature takes us into her folds and lets us become one with her. Nothing else is so peaceful and comforting as the immersion of the ashes in any sacred river.

Touching the feet of the elders: This does not seem to happen too often nowadays, except maybe in the soap operas or traditional homes. But just bending down in front of the elders is enough for them to put their hand forward and bless us. There is a lot of love in those blessings and we are fortunate to receive it. If you do not feel like touching their feet, then just lower your head and let them shower their prayers and best wishes on you.

Boisterous Marriages: I agree that our weddings, especially the Punjabi ones are noisy, boisterous and chaotic, but then that is what we are - noisy, boisterous and chaotic. The gathering of the clan, the loud conversation, gallons of booze, tons of food - all of these just combine together to give us days to remember.I would rather have all this than a peaceful, quiet wedding where everyone remains solemn and composed. Let us celebrate the way we like to - after all it is merriment time.

Saptapadi - The Seven Steps of marriage:
All of us go through them, but while the process is going on we do think of the significance of each step. The first step is for food and resources for the family; the second step is for strength - both physical and mental; the third step is for wealth and prosperity together; with the fourth step they ask for happiness and harmony; with the fifth step they ask for a happy family with good children; during the sixth step they ask the Gods to give them a long and peaceful life; and with the last step or phera they seek the blessings for companionship, loyalty and understanding among the two of them. Every aspect of their new lives is covered in these prayers and the beauty and significance of the words is evident only when we think about them later.

There are so many more traditions which I can think of which are beautiful, yet I have not really tried to understand them before I follow them.

Yet, I know that I have missed out by not trying to inculcate the value of these traditions and rituals among my children. My grandchildren will not be conversant with them since they are not observed in their lives. This is something I will regret always - we should have always shown them what the rituals were and the significance behind them. Then maybe they would have made them a part of their lives also and our grandchildren would have absorbed it as part of their heritage.

I also miss those days - when met people over a cup of coffee - not over Facebook!!

2011-02-15T11:18:00.000+05:30

शायद ज़िंदगी बदल रही है!!

जब मैं छोटा था, शायद दुनिया

बहुत बड़ी हुआ करती थी..

मुझे याद है मेरे घर से "स्कूल" तक

का वो रास्ता, क्या क्या नहीं था वहां,

चाट के ठेले, जलेबी की दुकान,

बर्फ के गोले, सब कुछ,

अब वहां "मोबाइल शॉप",

"विडियो पार्लर" हैं,

फिर भी सब सूना है..

शायद अब दुनिया सिमट रही है...
...

जब मैं छोटा था,

शायद शामें बहुत लम्बी हुआ करती थीं...

मैं हाथ में पतंग की डोर पकड़े,

घंटों उड़ा करता था,

वो लम्बी "साइकिल रेस",
वो बचपन के खेल,

वो हर शाम थक के चूर हो जाना,

अब शाम नहीं होती, दिन ढलता है

और सीधे रात हो जाती है.
शायद वक्त सिमट रहा है..

जब मैं छोटा था,

शायद दोस्ती

बहुत गहरी हुआ करती थी,
दिन भर वो हुजूम बनाकर खेलना,

वो दोस्तों के घर का खाना,

वो लड़कियों की बातें,

वो साथ रोना...

अब भी मेरे कई दोस्त हैं,
पर दोस्ती जाने कहाँ है,

जब भी "traffic signal" पे मिलते हैं

"Hi" हो जाती है,

और अपने अपने रास्ते चल देते हैं,

होली, दीवाली, जन्मदिन,

नए साल पर बस SMS आ जाते हैं,शायद अब रिश्ते बदल रहें हैं..

जब मैं छोटा था,
तब खेल भी अजीब हुआ करते थे,
छुपन छुपाई, लंगडी टांग,
पोषम पा, कट केक,
टिप्पी टीपी टाप.

अब internet, office,
से फुर्सत ही नहीं मिलती..

शायद ज़िन्दगी बदल रही है.

जिंदगी का सबसे बड़ा सच यही है..
जो अक्सर कबरिस्तान के बाहर
बोर्ड पर लिखा होता है...

"मंजिल तो यही थी,
बस जिंदगी गुज़र गयी मेरी
यहाँ आते आते"

ज़िंदगी का लम्हा बहुत छोटा सा है..
कल की कोई बुनियाद नहीं है
और आने वाला कल सिर्फ सपने में ही है..

अब बच गए इस पल में..
तमन्नाओं से भरी इस जिंदगी में
हम सिर्फ भाग रहे हैं..
कुछ रफ़्तार धीमी करो,
मेरे दोस्त,

और इस ज़िंदगी को जियो...
खूब जियो मेरे दोस्त.

What do you do?

2010-11-20T08:50:00.000+05:30

What do you do?

How often I have been asked this question by people who I have met for the first time. It encompasses so many answers within it that often I am left wondering about how to answer it. All of us have encountered a question like this, specially the older women - people generally just assume that that younger ones have a job somewhere - they are asked : "Are you working somewhere? "

Personally I feel that there really is no straight forward answer to this question.

At any given time of the day, like so many of my friends we play different roles.

Early in the morning, I am the relaxed housewife, having a cup of tea with Pran in the verandeh, enjoying the weather and the garden.

A little later I am the cook and the home manager, sorting out the day's schedule.

A little later I am the content provider writing my assignments, doing the projects assigned to me.

By afternoon time I am the grandmother indulging my grandchildren and watching them play or chatting with them.

In between I am a full time daughter and and wife.

Then of course I am also a friend, the lady of the house, the memsahib ordering the servants around, the head cook and bottlewasher of my home, a social worker in a small way, and so many other things.

I feel that we tend to compartmentalize people too often. We put them into slots which are determined by our perceptions of them. We do not realise that like me they do different things at different times and there really is no one answer to this perennial question. The men in our lives also play different roles at different times, only they do not have to juggle so many of them all through the day. They may differ with my opinion, but frankly there are no better multitaskers than women in this world !

Hence I am back to the beginning of my story - What do you do?

I would love to hear from others - to find out how do they answer this question. Do they have a simple answer such as - I am an HR Manager in a multinational firm? Does that really define who they are and what they do?

Or should we only state that aspect of our lives which we excel in? I am not sure what I excel in -maybe talking - I can out talk anyone else; maybe being a mother - I think I am a good mother; maybe being a writer - at least my clients seem to think so.

I have no answers - or maybe I have too many answers to this question. If I have confused you with this blog - then welcome to my world !

SILENCE

2010-10-05T09:53:00.000+05:30

I do not know who wrote this - someone just sent it in my email. But it is beautifully and simply written.

( If anyone knows the name of the author, please do let me know. Thanks)

Too many women in too many countries

speak the same language of silence.

My grandmother was always silent, always aggrieved

Only her husband had the cosmic right (or so it was said)

to speak and be heard.

They say it is different now.

(After all, I am always vocal and my grandmother

thinks I talk too much)

But sometimes I wonder.

When a woman shares her thoughts, as some women do,

graciously, it is allowed.

When a woman fights for power, as all women would like

to, quietly or loudly, it is questioned.

And yet, there must be freedom - if we are to speak

And yes, there must be power - if we are to be heard.

And when we have both (freedom and power) let us now be

understood.

We seek only to give words to those who cannot speak

(too many women in too many countries)

I seek to forget the sorrows of my grandmother's silence.

Are we care-givers or care-takers ?

2010-09-13T13:26:00.000+05:30

Care-givers are people who spend their time taking care of others - and care-takers in this context are individuals who are recipients of the concern and care from others. A bit different from the normal connotations of these words, but this does make more sense doesn't it?

They took care of us - and today we miss that care and concern

As we get older our responsibilities seem to increase. When the children are young, we keep waiting for them to grow up so that we no longer feel responsible for every action of theirs. But as we and they grow older we realize that worrying about them and thinking that all their problems have to be solved by us has just become a habit. We constantly think of ourselves as care givers - giving care, taking care of children and grandchildren and parents and everyone else around us.

Is this just a habit?

For me this is definitely true - I am just one of those people who loves to organise everyone's lives. Do this, do it this way and let me help you do it - just come naturally to me. But, now having become much older I have learnt with immense difficulty that I need to step back and offer advice and help only when it is asked for.

Someday they will have to play the role of parents - we hope we taught them well

Hence the question in my mind - at what point do we become more care-takers and less care-givers. At what point have I taken over my mother's life? When did she cease to become the master of her own decisions? When did our children take over their own lives and when did we begin to take a seat on the sidelines.

This is a natural corollary of life. The world has moved like this for generations, as you grow older you hand over the reigns to the next generation.

The problem is that we are reluctant to do this. We do not think that the children are capable of making their own decision, we do not think that they know better than us as to how to handle their problems, and above all we do not accept the fact that the roles have now been reversed.

As parents and as older people we have to learn how to accept their concerns and care for us. They do their best to look after us, but to talk about how children no longer care is wrong. They do care - they just have too much on their plates. They do worry about us but do not keep talking about it. When we need them they will be there - as long as we do not keep making extraordinary demands on their time.

Four generations

This is the reason why I feel that as parents we now need to accept our role as care-takers most of the time and as people who are care-givers less and less. Once we have mastered this knowledge, life will become less stressful and we will no longer look at our children or our friends or the younger people around us with a jaundiced eye. We will understand them better and they will love us more for not interfering in their lives.

It is not easy - but once we become senior citizens we have to move to the other side slowly but surely. Enjoy this reversal of roles - and be thankful that there is someone who is willing to take care!

Of Bugs and Beaches and Missed Flights

2010-07-22T10:32:00.002+05:30

The Beach at Langkawi

Holidays give you so much to cheer about. There is a change of surrounding, a relaxed time to spend with friends and an ability to do what we want and when we want. There is so much joy in them, that even a 15 day bug cannot take away from good memories and happy times.

Thank heavens for friends and for the gift of being able to go away when we want to and where we want to.

We are truly blessed.

Kuala Lumpur or Langkawi or Colombo - where did we pick up the bug from? Did it travel in our suitcase or in our wallets or was it just something which decided to come and give all of us some painful and tiring memories.

Eagle Point at Langkawi

An explanation is needed.

We traveled for nine days in a group of eight to Kuala Lumpur and Langkawi and Colombo. The holiday was very nice - KL was more of a shopping expedition than anything else! A day spent in Genting Highlands was interesting - we played roulette and won enough to pay for our lunch - and the hotel was very interesting to look at and the ropeway was a joy.

Langkawi was like most beach resorts - a lovely hotel, lovely rooms, good food all around and a nice beach. There was of course, jellyfish in the sea - which did attack Sunitee, but fortunately not very badly. There was great music every evening in the lounge. We had gone on a holiday to just relax and we did just that - ate, slept, sat around and gossiped and occasionally ventured out to have a look at the town around, Do not go there expecting an exciting holiday - this is a sleepy town, but a pretty one.

The highlight of the visit here was of course the missed flight. How could we do a stupid thing like that? We are "veteran" travelers - at least we claim to be, all of us were taking it easy and had got the wrong info about the flight. We should have double checked - anyway - we were down a couple of thousand rupees each and it is all water under the bridge now!!

The view from Taj Samudra at Colombo

Colombo - the highlight was the presence of a film unit in the hotel - Salman Khan being the star attraction. The city was so much like all Indian cities - I wish we could have spent more time in Sri Lanka - maybe some other time in our lives!!

As soon as we came back all of us came down with some kind of weird viral fever. Initial worries about H1N1 were put to rest by the doctor, but the symptoms were the same for all of us - high fever, a debilitating weakness - lack of appetite and an overall feeling of All Izz Not Well. Antibiotics, bottles full of cough syrup and loads of other medicines - it helped to some extent but it was two weeks before we were able to call ourselves well. The doctors were just as confused as we were - and all of us talked to each other and shared daily bulletins.

Anyway - hopefully the bug has gone - and even more important we have not passed it on to others in our households.

Cheers to the next holiday !!

New Surroundings - maybe they are not so new after all !

2010-06-06T10:03:00.001+05:30

S-145, Panchshila Park

Vasant Vihar seems a bit like home now, not completely but the areas are beginning to look familiar, I do not wake up and wonder where I am any more and I still call S-145 my home but then I also call C 6/6 home.

Why do we get so attached to bricks and mortar? Why is it that some place gives you great vibes and welcomes you, whereas in some homes as soon as you enter there is a desire to leave. We have always hoped that our home will be a welcoming one, a place where people were welcome to come when they want and stay as long they want - to some extent!. We feel that we have achieved it where ever we have lived and maybe our friends feel that to.

Homes are our lifeline, they make or break our moods. They are places where we can look for happiness for ourselves or just sit back and make ourselves miserable. But we forget that each home is a new place and we have to establish the atmosphere and the ambiance ourselves. We can carry memories of our previous homes, but we should not let them overshadow the mood, the tone and the environment in the new one. No matter how large or how small the space is, it is ours and it is up to us to make it a joyful and pleasurable surrounding.

I am hoping that Vasant Vihar will also give out great vibes to all those who enter this home. The grandchildren seem to enjoy it a lot, they have place to run around, they are not worried about the road and the noise and they are also happy just being able to play in wide areas.

Pran seems to be enjoying setting it up - making sure the water systems work correctly, that his office becomes a haven of activity for him and he has enough storage space for his various collections.

I am hoping to have a lovely garden and to be able to make space in my bedroom to sit and read and maybe watch television, but just be able to stretch my legs, without having to sit on the bed to do so.

The maids are happy since they have a very very large staying area and they have a connection from the inverter during power breakdowns.

But I still miss my road, my Malviya Nagar market and all the people around my area. We made good friends there, who we hope will remain friends no matter where we stay. I miss my independence, since here I have to answer for every move I make and have to give explanations for all my actions and receive unwanted advice on every aspect of my life.

But, we have to move on and make ourselves cheerful and joyful, have a home we can be proud of.

Some thoughts on moving house after 20 years

2010-04-09T09:51:00.001+05:30

As we prepare to move to a new home in Vasant Vihar, mainly due to family obligations, both of us are going through a period of introspection and of wondering what the future holds for us.

We are getting older, an undeniable fact! We are getting slower and more lethargic, another undeniable fact! We are happy to move house - now that is where the facts begin to get muddled up, that is where we are not too sure about what is happening and whether it is the correct decision to make.

The decision was not an easy one - my husband agreed to move faster than I did. I wavered back and forth. Spoke to many friends and relatives, took too many opinions and spent many nights just sitting and staring at the walls. What finally made the decision for me was one evening when I could not even turn round into my road for 30 minutes because of the traffic mess all around. Then it felt that enough was enough and a decision was confirmed.

Do our children agree with us? I am not too sure, they are also ambivalent about the whole situation. Their concern is for us and about the stress of moving. They do feel that the new home is a better one - nicer surroundings, quieter road and a garden in front and at the back. They worry more about the three moves and frankly that is the one main deterrent in the whole process. But after seeing a friend of ours who has just gone through the process, well, it does not seem so much of a problem now. If she can do it - so can we !!

The heartburn and the thoughts are not about whether we should move or not, they are about leaving a home we built ourselves. It was our money, all earned by us and with no other monetary support from anyone else. Every nook and corner was planned or badly planned by us. It will always remain our home, and frankly our pride and joy.

But we have to learn to detach ourselves from these attachments. The new home is beginning to look very nice. It is taking good shape, and every time we walk in, there is a good feel to it. For once I will be able to look out from my bedroom and see a garden and plants, something that I have always wanted. There will be a lot of space for the children to play in, and Chutki shall enjoy running around.

It may be a long time before we shall stop feeling the tug at our hearts when we come to Panchsheel Park, a long time before we stop coming to Malviya Nagar for all our shopping, but it will happen.

We hope and pray that C 6/6 will always remain a happy home, and one where everyone will always feel welcome. We hope that one day it shall also be our final living space and we shall grow older happily and peacefully

A book on Beethoven - and about Western Classical music

2009-09-01T13:00:00.001+05:30

Beethoven and Friends:

By Kishore Chatterjee

Those who are familiar with Western Classical Music in India, will also be familiar with Kishore Chatterjee's

radio talks about them. He has also anchored various shows on this subject and has also taken part in talks about it at Calcutta University and Jadavpur University, among other places.

His book, Beethoven and Friends, is all about the history of Western Classical history, through the unusual format of stories about those who were a part of it.

I have enjoyed the book as much as I have enjoyed listening to Western Classical music, which is a lot. Music for me has meant peace and relaxation, it has meant a transcendence into a world of joy and blissful sounds. I have never really attempted to understand the nuances of symphonies nor of operas, Mozart and Beethoven were just my lifelong friends who gave me some amazing music.

However, after reading this book, I have begun to pay more attention to what I am listening to, it has made me realise that there is a lot more to it than just the sound of it. His section "Simply About Symphonies"was a pleasure to read since, like the rest of the book,it is written in simple "layman" terms.

About Bach he says:

"Of all the great composers, the life of Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750) is, apparently, the least dramatic. All the drama took place in his mind and was reflected in his music"

All through the book, there are little snippets about the lives of the musicians, and about the history of music. Suddenly, you begin to understand why the tenors are the kings of opera; why the piano was not a part of the orchestra until the Romantic Ages; what were the Gregorian Chants and when was this very spiritual and very mystical music composed ?

If you are an avid fan of Western classical music, and even if you are not, read this book. It will make you want to hear the pieces of music that he describes so eloquently and also to pay a little more attention to what you are listening to.

He is a very good writer and he has put his years of knowledge and experience into a written format, for all of us to peruse and enjoy.

Beethoven and Friends - Niyogi Books

Sandwich Generation - a term that most women born in the 40s and 50s are familiar with

2009-05-12T10:18:00.005+05:30

" During my childhood, I was afraid of my parents. As I grew older my teachers bossed me. Once I got married, I was afraid of my in-laws and my husband. Then my children took over and again I was the subdued one. Now my daughter-in-law has arrived and even though she is a lovely person, I am afraid to say anything to her because she might get offended."

Does this refrain sound familiar? Does it touch a chord somewhere - or do you mock it and wonder which spineless woman is talking in this fashion?

You will be surprised at how many women feel that life has somehow passed them by. Somewhere their individuality has been submerged in the sea of family and obligations. This is the generation of women who we have termed as "the sandwiched generation."

Most of these women were born between 1945 and 1960. They were children when Freedom was achieved and were among the first few who were a part of the education system of Free India.

They grew up in the heady days of Jawaharlal Nehru, Dev Anand, Rajendra Kumar and of course the Beatles. Salwar kameezs were tight fitting, and the dress code was mainly dresses when you were in school and sarees as you grew older.

Many of them studied in colleges and completed their Bachelor's Degrees.

Few sought careers - and those who did found themselves limited to Medicine, Teaching or maybe Law. Marriage was the ultimate goal of the majority of these women, and by the time college had been completed - the process of arranged marriages had begun.

Social life before marriage was limited to films, an occasional group outing and very few mixed parties

There was a sea-change in their lives after marriage.

Suddenly they were asked to play the roles of housewives, daughter-in-laws, sister-in-laws and wives. Most of them were completely unprepared and definitely unqualified for this. But soon the majority of them learnt how to excel in all the roles they played. Their homes were immaculate, their children were nurtured and cherished, and their husbands were given unflinching devotion and support.

But, as they grew older they watched while their children realise their mother's dreams.

'Be yourself' became the mantra of the next generation and 'sacrifice yourself' remained the mantra of their own generation.

Trousers and Designer Suits became the fashion statement of the day, and new and extensive career opportunities became available for all the younger women.

But what about their emotions, their ambitions and their dreams?

Education showed them what they could achieve but society set the parameters of their lives. They went through college and an occasional professional course mechanically, knowing that marriage was the ultimate goal of their lives. The few who considered following a career found that their goals were limited. Any ambitions to do anything different were nipped in the bud by anxious parents and by traditional in-laws.

Today as these women reach their 60s and their children grow up and move out of their homes - the aimlessness of their lives becomes a sore point. Their mothers lived within the confines of their homes and families, quite happily, with few sounds of protests. Their daughters (with some encouragement from their mothers) had moved into careers or professional courses and were beginning to seek out lives of their own.

But sandwiched between them were these ladies - educated, savvy, and intelligent with no place to use their knowledge and expertise.

Where do they stand today?

"Aimless and drifting between family and home."

There will be many who will disagree with this statement - but look around you in the metropolises of India. How many middle aged women can claim to have led a fulfilling individual existence? As mothers, as wives, as housekeepers, as daughter-in-laws they have probably surpassed themselves - but as individual entities - there is an unanswered question there.

Where do we ( since I am one of them also) go from here? Today, we are entering the evenings of our lives - some contented and happy, some wondering about their faint sense of unease - of unfulfilled dreams and lost ambitions. Some have begun to seek fulfillment in avenues such as social work and 'good causes'; others have sought refuge in active social lives. Trim waistlines have been replaced by expanding girths, hair colour is something you generate from a bottle, and diets are something your children should adhere to.

But do not mistake this sense of disquietude for despondency.. We have realized that we are the bulwark of our families. We take credit for their successes - form their backbones when they need support - and provide experienced shoulders when they need something to cry on. We stand proudly and elegantly in society, respected and loved by our families; but with a faint sense of unease and unfulfilled dreams

Elections - why are the educated people not too concerned about them?

2009-03-24T13:05:00.002+05:30

What concerns and bothers me :
1. Is there really no alternative to crooks as politicians - surely there are some good ones out there?
2. Why are people so unconcerned about the elections - our vote affects only our area but surely we can raise awareness about the importance of these votes
3. How do we get the politicians to listen to us and stop fighting among themselves - this is definitely a hypothetical question - I must be foolish to expect an answer to it !!
4. Is our future going to be determined by the power of our votes or by the power of which party is able to buy the most members of parliament ?

Every newspaper seems to have nothing but election news as part of their coverage. This is to be expected and basically because elections are an important part of our system of governance.
Then why is it that most of the educated people do not seem to be concerned about it? Is there a sense of dejavu in this, or is it because they feel that their votes do not really matter. Or would they go to vote if they had they the option of voting for NOTA ( none of the above )

These elections are probably going to be the most important after the ones held after the Emergency. The regional parties are beginning to gain prominence and they may hold the key to who rules from New Delhi. We are all complaining about their policies and their ethics and the basis on which they are formed but we cannot ignore their existence. So it becomes imperative that we go out and cast our vote .

I believe - in a lot of what is written below - and in a lot more !!

2009-03-10T10:18:00.000+05:30

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born

A Death Certificate shows that we died

Pictures show that we lived!

Have a seat . . . Relax . . .

And read this slowly..

I Believe...

That just because two people argue,

It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.

I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is,

They're going to hurt you every once in a while

And you MUST forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow,

Even over the longest distance.

I Believe.....
That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.

I Believe....
That you should always leave loved ones with
Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe....
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,

Regardless of the consequences.

I Believe....
That my best friend and I,

Can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe.....
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down,

Will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry,

I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe....
That maturity has more to do with

What types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them

And less to do with

How many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe....
That it isn't always enough,

To be forgiven by others..

Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken

The world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe....
That our background and circumstances

May have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give,

When
A friend cries out to you -

You will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall

Do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life

Are taken from you too soon.

I Believe...
That you should send this to

All of the people that you love and believe in,

I just did.

'The happiest of people don't necessarily

Have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything.

Thank you God for all the wonderful people who have helped

Me throughout my journey of life..

What is a grandparent ?

2009-01-28T08:40:00.004+05:30

All of us have our own definitions of what define us as grandparents - but here is one from the viewpoint of 8 year olds - amusing, touching and very true.
Where do we get the patience to do all this - and where was this patience when our own children were growing up?

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(Taken from papers written by a
class of 8-year-old American kids)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''

GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

Why - an anguished cry ?

2008-12-03T15:38:00.002+05:30

Why did this happen ?

Why is it that we cannot teach people how not to hate so much, how not to kill innocent bystanders, how not to go around shooting people just because they happened to be in a certain place at a certain time.

I have no answers, I only have questions. I am seeking some words which will make me understand the carnage. I have watched the videos of the dead people at the station, their only fault - they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Surely life cannot be measured by the bullets of a young man in Versace T-shirt, who does not even bother to hide his face as he goes around with an AK-47 - or whatever it was.

I asked a friend of mine as to why and how do people develop so much hatred for others this is what she said :
People who can kill like those who did so in Mumbai lack empathy for those not "in my family/tribe". Dehumanize people who are outside your group enough, and get permission from an authority (Bush, scripture, Guru, Imam etc) and believe you are in some cosmic never-ending war, and there's no telling what a young man or woman will do. Permission is key - absolutely key.

All of us are now seeking answers. I am seeking to find some means of doing something to prevent this hatred from materialising in the form of killings. If I talk one person out of his antipathy to those of a different religion or region or caste or anything different, maybe I will have achieved something. I have signed all the petitions that came my way, I have written in all the forums that I am a part of, but then words are not sufficient. Does anyone have any concrete suggestion on what we as individuals can do - I would love to hear it. I join you in bashing the politicians. They really are the pits - but then we elected them - did we not? We share equal blame. Do we have too many alternatives?

What can I do? What can my family and friends do?

Has anyone got any answers? I do not. My heart stumbles and bleeds, and I stare at the television with horror, and feel totally helpless.

Let us begin something - let us take this beyond words towards action - I do not know what kind of action.But let us do something - surely we cannot let this go into the annals of history as something beyond our control?

2008-09-29T10:24:00.006+05:30

After watching the film " Bucket List " with two great actors - Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman in it - I figured it was time I built a 'bucket list' for myself. It is unlikely that I am going to achieve even 10% of what I am writing - but it is good to get it down on paper.It is good to have something to look at and say - maybe I should do this - or maybe I should help someone to do this - or maybe Pran and myself should really try to do this. Most of these will just end up being words on paper, but then as in the BeeGees song - "words are all I have"

1. Open a school for children of construction workers. Most of them just play by the wayside while their parents work at the sites. They are not there for very long and the logistics involved in this are way too many. But maybe someday when I have enough money, I may be able to do this or maybe I can help someone who already does this.

2. Cut my hair short and let it go grey. Too much effort is involved to dye it and take care of it. Cut it short, stop coloring it and let it be. Life is so much easier then.

3. Go scuba diving - go down in the sea and have a look at the plants and fish around me.

4. Get a toned body - this involves too much effort on my part - so it is not likely to happen !!

5. Spend a few days in Rome - just walking around looking at history and the glory of the Roman Empire. The Sistine Chapel - the Pieta - Da Vinci's sculptures - Michaelangelo's pieces, and so much more.

6. Visit Jerusalem - just thinking about going there makes me feel good - the holiest of holies of three religions - can there be a better place than this to go for a visit ? I am not sure I would consider it a holiday - for I would spend too much time just going from place to place trying to imbibe as much as possible , but then how can you just sit back and relax in a place like this.

7. Teach children about Delhi - about the beautiful places all around it - about its amazing history and how every street seems to hold some new place to see. How it is not its malls and shopping complexes that are its face - but its mosques and temples and its monuments.

8. Teach my children and grandchildren about our religion. We did not do this when they were young and I realise that it was wrong. They have not imbibed a sense of tradition and have lost out on many old traditions and festivals. We should have taught them about the importance of festivals, of why they are held and what each ritual means. Maybe it is too late.

9. Meet Lata Mangheskar and thank her for the many hours of joy that she brought into our lives.

10. Meet - George Clooney, Richard Gere, Meryl Streep, Julie Andrews - again something that is not likely to happen - but the wish is there.

11. Listen to Pandit Jasraj sing all through the night at the ramparts of Purana Qila. I heard him once - for just a few hours - and I cherish that memory.

12. Open a trust fund to ecucate children through school and college. Pay for it at least 5-10 children through the years of their education.

13. Watch my grandchildren graduate through college - live long enough to see that and relish the moment.

14. Stay in a really fancy hotel for 4-5 days and not worry about how I am going to pay the bills in their restaurants. savour every moment of my stay there.

15. Buy solitaires for all three of my daughters - something for them to remember me by.

I will add more as I go along - these are but a few of them

Memories - what are they made of ?

2008-07-08T08:51:00.005+05:30

As you get older, memories become an inherent part of your life. Everything that happens around you seems to have a connection with something that happened years and years ago. A lot of sentences seem to begin with - when I was young; or with sometime back. Every experience seems to be compared with another one that took place years earlier. No wonder our children begin to roll their eyes heavenwards when we only mention the words - when we were young.

What are memories made of ? A weird question - but I have started thinking about what is it that we remember. I can recollect the name of my teacher in Class IV but I cannot remember what I paid for a certain vegetable today.

Let me do some correlations of memories and how I react to things today :

I remember spending a lot of summer holidays writing essays. This was considered by my mother to be the best way in which to improve our English writing skills. When I became an English teacher, I would never ask my students to write essays - cause I disliked them so much, that I did not even want to correct any !!

Swimming - As children we were so fond of swimming, that if my parents could not locate any of us, they would immediately come to the club to look for us. To this day I would rather take my grandchildren for a swim than anywhere else. They have also imbibed a love for the water.

Arguments - we were taught from childhood to discuss all matters clearly. This further degenerated into a tendency to get into arguments. Between my brothers and myself we can easily get into an argumentative situation at the drop of a hat. But it is fun, and makes for very interesting conversations - maybe not for the listeners.

Memories of a loss : These seem to linger for years. We can never forget when we heard of the loss of someone dear to us. That moment is etched in our minds - whereas the actual death may not be. We can always remember where we were or what we were doing when we first heard. We always remember with clarity the moment when we realised that one of our family members is very ill. Maybe God feels that these memories help to make the loss easier to bear.

Food items : We carry our taste preferences from our childhood - what our mothers cool well - we love all through our lives. Each vegetable carries a memory with it - of being forced to eat them - or of mouth watering dishes being made with them. Think back - and you will realize that some particular cuisines are an inherent part of our lives. They hold memories of happy gatherings, or of a sad incident that took place while we were eating them. Some dish will remind you of happy school boarding days, some you will associate with illness.

These are what memories are made of - snippets or vignettes of incidents and thoughts of long ago or of the recent future. They affect our thought processes in unknown ways and somehow unknowingly they influence our decisions.

Are we getting older faster or is the world getting younger

2008-05-01T18:37:00.004+05:30

As I tried to swim with my grandchildren this evening, I realised that it was really not so easy to do that. The strokes came more slowly, and the desire was to just stand around and watch the children play.
Suddenly there was a sense of having got older - I know, I know, we are older, but somehow age seems to have kept itself at abeyance for some years. So it was like a blast from the past - or from the sky - whichever metaphor we may prefer - hey, you are older !!

So what are the symptoms or symbols of being over sixty - here are some of mine :

1. The shoes are comfortable - they may not be smart, but they are definitely comfortable !! Forget the high heels - those have been delegated to the interiors of the shoe cupboard. The first sign of aching bodies and tired legs - look at the shoes !!

2. Hair Dyes - what would we do without them. One of these days I am going to stop dyeing my hair - for a few months I am going to look like the reverse of a Zebra - half white hair and half black. But just think of the bliss afterwards - no dyeing your hair, no attempts to cover the roots which start looking white and and out of sync with the rest of you.

3. Meals - they become simpler - no complicated menus, no fancy recipes, anything that Dolma 9my apprentice cook) can cook is ok by me. Occasionally the urge is there - then I move my myself to open one of my innumerable cookbooks to find something new to make. It tastes good and sometimes is worth the effort. But honestly, both Pran and myself are very happy to eat a dal, a sabzi and some simple salad. When the children come, of course then the spread is laid out and it is fun to cook and serve.

4. Grandchildren - your life revolves around them. If they say they are coming everything gets dropped, all appointments are canceled and we are at their service. Do not deny it - all of you would do the same

5. Companionship - when you are happy just to be seated with your partner, just watching TV. Words are not really needed to tell each other what we are thinking, you automatically know. Where a certain comfort zone has been achieved and you are not looking for highs and lows, but just for an even keel in a relationship

6. Parent - You have suddenly become your mother's mother. She turns to you to hold your hand , not because you need the support but because she is nervous without your support. Suddenly you are watching her as carefully as she watched you when you were younger, you are tuned to every nuance of her voice. this is valid for all your parents!!

7. Senior citizen benefits - you are allowed the first in line, the airlines let you on the plane first, and the Finance Minister gives you special benefits !!

I will keep adding to this as I go along - but if you have any more suggestions let me know .

On becoming Grandparents, for the third time !!

2008-02-13T10:53:00.003+05:30

Hi,
Just thought I would write down some thoughts on becoming a grandparent again. We have two grandchildren ages 5 and 2 and a half. Our third grandchild was born on December 18th, a gorgeous little baby boy.

I spoke earlier about why is it different being a grandparent? Is it because we are only part time parents or is it because we are wiser and older ? Are they special because they are our children's children or is it also the realisation that time is fleeting and we have learnt to enjoy the children without being stressed about how they are being reared.

These are questions that I ask because I do not have the answers for them. All I do know is that they are our best stress busters, and just a hug or a flying kiss from them seems to be the greatest gift we have ever been given. Do you remember the hugs that your children gave you? Or the first time they turned round and said "I love you"? The grandchildren say it easily and artlessly and you respond in the same manner.

But if you have become a grandparent for the first time, here is some very sane advice. It may seem irreverant and inane, but believe me this is experience talking and writing !!

Do not offer any advice, unless asked for. They have read all the books, done all the research and they know all the answers.
Forget how you brought your children up. The rules have changed, the environment has changed, you have to adjust to their rules.
Always be there to lend a helping hand. They will turn to you, sometimes reluctantly s a last resort, but enjoy the moment !!
Do not give up your life for them. Adjust according to your schedule, but retain your interests. make the space for them.
Indulge your grandchildren. The parents will object, ( remember how angry you were when your parents indulged your children!!) But then what are grandparents for - for hugs and kisses, for chocolates and gifts and for broad shoulders to cry on.
Remember as we grow older, we have less and less time left. Enjoy it to the hilt - your bones may hurt and your mind may be slow - but adjust yourself to that and go ahead and enjoy yourself to the best of your ability.

Life after sixty - can be as slow or as fast as you want it to be. This is true for all ages, but once you are sixty, most of your responsibilities have been dealt with - hopefully. Now is the time to join your classes or courses, to watch all the plays and listen to all the concerts and to play with your grandchildren whenever you want to !!

Some good advice - specially for the days you feel down - ( those days seem to be growing in number , aren't they ? )

2007-08-27T12:32:00.001+05:30

You cannot get any younger - but you can feel young and less careworn and down . Here is some good advice - even if you do not follow it - enjoy reading it !!

Throw out nonessential numbers - this includes age, weight, and height. Let the doctors worry about them.. That is why you pay them.
Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)
Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!
Enjoy the simple things
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with him or her!
The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourself.
LIVE while you are alive.
Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.
Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

A tribute to Bob Hope - and thanks to his memories

2007-08-27T12:21:00.000+05:30

Everytime I read something that pays a tribute to the middle ages or to the Seniors - I upload it on my Blog - so here is a tribute to a man who made us laugh and even when we think about him - we smile and feel happy.

BOB HOPE - May 29, 1903 to July 27, 2003

ON TURNING 70 - "You still chase women, but only downhill".
ON TURNING 80 - "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."
ON TURNING 90 - "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
ON TURNING 100 - " I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon . Then it's time for my nap."
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING - "I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR - "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."
ON GOLF - "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."
ON PRESIDENTS - " I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER - " When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham."
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL - "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY - "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS - "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES - " I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."
ON GOING TO HEAVEN - "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

Some sites and blogs that I like .

2007-08-19T09:56:00.000+05:30

Here are a few sites that I like - some I work with - some are made by my friends and others are just something that I enjoyed surfing.

GOONJ - an NGO that I have been involved with for some years - we do a lot of good work and have won many awards.
Gourmet Dialog - a place to talk about food - we would like to make it an interactive website about food
Stained Glass - a beautiful site belonging to a friend of mine - she has some really beautiful designs there

I am going to add a few more as I go along. If you have seen any good sites that should be added here - let me know and I will have a look at them.