Glory to God

Counting My Blessings

2012-02-26T07:00:00.002-05:00

~ Our sweet barber gave Peter a copy of Birds and Blooms magazine. It didn't take long for him to fall in love and wonder how he could obtain his own subscription. I awoke this morning to find this notice taped to the cupboard:

Peter's Propotey Mantanence

- vacuming
- weeding
- digging
- planting
- transplanting
- folding
- dusting
- raking leaves
- making beds for other people
- organizing
- dead heading
- I can trim some things

Job prices depending on size of job.

I kissed him on the cheek and told him how precious this was to me. He smiled and said, "I thought you would think that. My first draft was terrible. You wouldn't have liked it."

Getting him to do second and third drafts is a nightmare, so just knowing he improved it on his own made me silently thank God for his faithfulness to me, a homeschooling Momma desperate to help an unconventional learner like Peter! I needn't fear; He is with me!

Whenever you fear, this might help. It's an excerpt from Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts, p.161. She imagines God having this conversation with her:

All fear is but the notion that God's love ends. Did you think I end, that My bread warehouses are limited, that I will not be enough? But I am infinite, child. What can end in Me? Can life end in Me? Can happiness? Or peace? Or anything you need? Doesn't your Father always give you what you need? I am the Bread of Life and My bread for you will never end. Fear thinks God is finite and fear believes that there is not going to be enough and hasn't counting one thousand gifts, endlessly counting gifts, exposed the lie at the heart of all fear? In Me, blessings never end because My love for you never ends. If My goodnesses toward you end, I will cease to exist, child. As long as there is a God in heaven, there is grace on earth and I am the spilling God of the uncontainable, forever-overflowing-love-grace.

~ As Beth nursed at bedtime last night, I could feel my body relax from the day's stress. Several minutes into it I said softly, "I love you, Beth." I could feel her body relax further and then she put her head up and returned, "I love you too, Mommy." Then she continued nursing, only to stop again and put her head up, telling me, "I really do, Mommy."

Sometimes it takes a whole day for a moment like this to arrive. This mothering thing can seem so hard. But then God sends these graces, these gifts. I really do believe they are His words, tucked into a child's vocabulary. For the moment I hear them, I am certain being a Mommy is exactly where God wants me to be.

The world's voice can be a cacophony in our heads sometimes. A woman should do this or that important thing, not spend 24/7 with her kids. But God asserts His voice above it all, from the mouths of the babes we nurture. And then it becomes clear, crystal clear, once again.

~ Another moment of purpose clarity came with Mary at bathtime. She seems so wise all of a sudden, like the Holy Spirit's begun to dwell in her:

"Mommy, sometimes when I cry it looks like I'm sad, but I'm really happy."

"Yes. That's true. We cry when something touches our hearts, not just when we're sad."

"I think it's God that touches our hearts, Mommy."

Yes, child. That's exactly it.

~ A cold, snowy Saturday meant no outdoor play so we made sugar cookies and chocolate chip cookies while Daddy worked his half-day shift. When Daddy arrived home he noticed the chocolate chip cookies first thing and munched away. "These are so good. Thank you, Honey." His love languages are quality time and physical touch. I've known this since the first year of marriage. But the true way to his heart--something I've learned in the last couple years? Food. He's 5 foot 8 inches and 158 pounds. Don't ask me where it goes, but he does work very hard 55 hours a week!

~ Mary and Beth are best friends. They even share their pink-eye infections. They're happy about it too, since it means they can keep playing together. Let's hope there are enough drops in that minuscule little bottle, because every time we go back to the doctor we come home with some new and uninvited germ, no matter how much hand gel I slather on. Tough February for illnesses; we're on round 2 with colds, too.

Have a blessed Sunday, friends. Fear not, count your blessings, and know that motherhood is the highest calling.

4 Ways To Love Your Neighbor

2012-02-24T16:57:00.002-05:00

We all know this command by heart:

Mark 12:31
³¹The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] There is no commandment greater than these.” source

But how many of us really know how to love our neighbor as ourselves? What does it look like? My husband and I discussed this a lot recently, based upon the times we've felt unloved. Those discussions led to the four How To Love Your Neighbor points I'm sharing today:

1. Acknowledge Your Neighbor

The first step in loving your neighbor is to acknowledge your neighbor. Don't drive by your neighbor without waving. Say hello to fellow employees and churchgoers in the halls. Shake hands with newcomers at church. Greet the check-out employee, the meat workers, the produce workers, the mailman, the custodian, the support staff at hospitals and cafeterias. If you're shy like me this doesn't come naturally, but that's no excuse for leaving these simple, loving gestures out of our social repertoire. God created us to need love and the first step is to be noticed.

Did you know that 60% of Smart-phone users are addicted to their phones? (A fact gathered from the John Tesh radio show featured on my Christian radio station.) Do you go to the library with your kids and see all the moms with their eyes on various electronic devices, rather than on their kids? That tells you a little about the human need to be noticed. Are they checking e-mail or social networks? Some of them are self-involved to a fault, but others are isolated daily with their kids and simply feel unloved. They're looking to see who acknowledged them.

In the past people lived in one place longer and interacted with their neighbors more. Mothers were mostly homemakers and they networked around the neighborhood. We've become more mobile and more diverse, but our love needs haven't changed. It's just that now we meet our needs in other ways, such as online. This method comes with drawbacks, but used wisely it's a blessing.

2. Acknowledge Their Pain

I sent Christmas letters out last year to friends and family, some of whom hadn't heard from us in two years. Simple information about Beth's arthritis diagnosis was tucked into a paragraph. Even though we got reciprocal letters or cards back, not a single person acknowledged that my daughter suffers from something painful. Not a single person said they'd pray, even. My husband took it in stride, but I was hurt. Beth's life changed drastically, as did our whole family's, and it meant nothing to people, or so it seemed. Pain is an expected part of life, but it still smarts. It still needs to be acknowledged.

Recently I've come across a few well-written blog posts detailing an individual's or a family's pain and suffering. Countless comments mentioned how inspiring the stories were, but very few people added, "I'm sorry you've experienced such terrible pain...I'm sorry your husband left you...I'm sorry you deal with chronic pain...I'm sorry you're suffering from a broken heart, etc.

When we comment that a story is inspiring, we're writing from our own perspective. We're focusing on how it helps us. It's a nice thing to say and the writer will feel glad they've taken the time to recount their story, but will they feel loved?

If someone loses a baby, a spouse, a job, a home, mention it in conversation. Ask how they are doing in the grieving process. Dana, who lost her son when a dresser crushed him, mentioned early on how it hurt when people skirted around the death of her son in everyday conversation, as though the topic were taboo. Nothing hurts more than saying nothing. If you can't find the words, simply give a hug and whisper "I'm praying"; or send a card that says, "I'm so sorry you're hurting. I am praying for you." Nothing elaborate or poetic required.

Usually the people who acknowledge pain are those who've experienced pain. If you've been spared serious personal pain, you'll have to try harder to acknowledge the pain of others. Pray for a compassionate heart. Pray that you'll not judge, but love.

3. Lend Your Support

~ Don't ask the new mother just home from the hospital if she needs anything. Of course she does. She needs meals, diapers, babysitting, grocery runs. She also needs laundry folded. If she knows you and trusts you, just show up at the door and tell her you love her and want to be her maid or babysitter that day. "Don't worry about the house", you add. "I've been there."

~ If you know someone is having a surgery, bring a meal. Or call and ask how it went. Pick up some milk, bread, and fruit for them and drop it by. People don't often ask. Maybe they're too overwhelmed or too disorganized to know they need help, until it feels too late.

~ If someone lives alone or is still single, invite them to your home. Or stop by and visit. Give the gift of your time, especially to those with little or no family around. The sense of isolation can be terrible for them, but they may be too ashamed or proud to articulate it.

~ If someone is struggling with infertility, don't ask if they're pregnant yet, but do ask how they're doing.

~ Participate in a prayer network and really commit to praying. Or start a prayer network if your church or friend group doesn't have one.

4. Learn The Love Languages

Have you heard of the Five Love Languages? We all have a primary and a secondary way we'd like to receive love--quality time, physical touch, acts of service, affirming words, receiving gifts. We tend to express love the way we'd like to receive it, rather than the way our neighbor needs to receive it. I encourage you to learn more about the languages by clicking the link and having each person in your home take the love language quiz. Apparently we all have an apology language too.

So there you have our two cents on loving your neighbor.

1. Acknowledge your neighbor
2. Acknowledge their pain
3. Lend your support
4. Learn their love language

What have we left out? Please share what's been important to you over the years.

photo source

Blessings To Count

2012-02-21T12:35:00.004-05:00

~ Girls who will finally let me fix their hair with bows and ties. oh the joy.

~ Miss Beth's eye inflammation, associated with her arthritis, did not return. What a weight off our shoulders for now! We go back in three months for another check. She's sleeping much better but her weight is dropping fast; that's still a huge worry. The eye doctor mentioned that cancer and inflammation patients can get incorrect "I'm full" signals from the brain. He suggested I ask the rheumatologist about appetite stimulants, or possibly getting a referral to an endocrinologist. She's skin and bones only and looking at her is so painful! The rheumatologist thought the weight loss was due to her medication so she changed it six weeks ago.

~ Miss Beth telling the eye doctor that when she grows up, she will be a doctor like him. Next, Mary said she would be an animal rescuer, a cowgirl, a farmer and a mother. Doctor giggled. Peter said he would be a farmer and Paul promptly added that he would be a teacher. So there you have it. The future is planned and I get to spend lots of time at a lovely two-sibling family farm, which is just what I've always wanted. I kid you not.

~ Miss Beth crawling between us on Sunday morning and hugging us both, telling us we're her "best frens forever."

~ Miss Mary praying for Hunter's fat, injured lip at dinner. "He's not my friend at AWANA but I just like being nice to people. His lip looks just like Paul's did when he hurt it."

~ Paul, age 8, telling me during bath time, "Mommy, I just don't know if I will have a happy family when I grow up." "Why do you think that?" "Because there just aren't any girls I like. Boys like to do things I like to do, like wrestle and be wild." "Well, Honey, you just aren't at the age yet for God to give you an interest in girls. You don't need to worry about this. When you're older you'll find the perfect girl and she won't care about wrestling and that will be just fine with you. You'll appreciate her gentleness. I am certain you will make a wonderful husband and father and have a happy family. Do you understand?" "Oh, yeah. You're right Mommy."

~ A husband to hold after a bad dream. I was running in a parking lot, chased by a stranger. I awoke while struggling to get my keys into the car door's keyhole before the stranger overtook me.

~ A freshly vacuumed rug. Always a welcome sight.

~ Fresh strawberries and blueberries in the store now.

~ Miss Mary planning a butterfly class and making a chart to record who would attend. When class started we circled which of her drawn insects were butterflies; each of us had our own handmade worksheet. Next we colored our butterflies. Then we had circle time, consisting of a hot potato game with teddy bears (because we don't have stuffed butterfly toys you know). Then we had snack, consisting of our regular breakfast food--oatmeal or shredded wheat squares. Then recess and later today we'll finish with other activities. Paul, intrigued by the idea, is now planning a ladybug class.

~ Peter with his head in nature garden books for days, planning a container pond, with a promise from Daddy that when Beth gets older, we'll have a bigger one. My hard-working would-be farmer dug that big whole all by himself! He also peruses nursery sites pining for a colorful maple tree. Our three large maples turn a boring light yellow in the fall, but provide plenty of summer shade. No, Peter, we cannot chop down all our trees so you can replace them with a more colorful variety.

~ Daddy took the boys to a college basketball game for the second time. Mary went this time also and had a wonderful time, despite my concern that she'd get fidgety. She's been cheering for the college every day since then. Our township is small, without even a post office or its own zip code, but nearby is a college town that affords us some perks.

~ Cuddling with Paul and Beth in the easy chair first thing in the morning.

~ Miss Beth awoke at 3AM because her legs got caught in the sheet and they were too sore and stiff to untangle on her own. I went into her room and untangled her and cuddled her. She asked to nurse but nursed only a few minutes before putting both her hands around my neck, lovingly stroking my skin. The moment was so sweet I marveled at the blessing she is to me! She fell asleep with her hands still cuddling me. Then I fell asleep and dreamt that a black menacing cloud was an impending tornado. I tried to shout at the children to get in the hallway, but my throat couldn't get the words out. Then I woke up, noticing that Beth's hands were tighter on my throat.

~ My yearly perm, long since due, makes me feel like a million bucks! Who cares that studies show straight-haired girls get the most dates! My stylist sported the loveliest curls so I complemented her, only to have her laugh and thank me and say that she usually straightens her natural curls. We always want what we don't have, she marveled.

~ We've begun to reread the Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones at dinner and we're still lovin' it. Even the boys get a lot out of it.

~ At the hair salon I started reading Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark. I've long wanted to take writing-craft classes but there's no time or money. Writing is a some-day dream--something I hope to do instead of going back to teaching. My teacher's retirement will help us a lot after I hit 55 years old (it will make the house payment), but I'll need some side income. Husband will likely retire in about 15 years.

So far I've learned I use too many -ings. It's best to stick to simple present or past tense and avoid the progressive. I also write too many short sentences. Ideally, long, medium, and short sentences should be mixed. Too many commas interrupt flow and irritate the reader. (Yes, I know. I use too many commas.)

Fear not the long sentence, he opines.

I also learned that J.K. Rollings, one of the very few writers who actually makes a full living at it (she's very rich in fact), writes in juvenile fashion, using too many silly adverbs. He provides examples from just a few of her pages:

"said Hermoine timidly"
"said Hermoine faintly"
"he said simply"
"said Hagrid grumpily"
"said Hagrid irritably"

I long ago learned that adverbs should be cut unless they change the meaning of the verb, like "she smiled sadly". And I guess I've known that the best writers aren't necessarily the ones on the bestseller lists, but this is discouraging. I haven't read J.K. Rollings and don't plan to. A good storyteller can sell books even if she can't craft the best sentences. The opposite is not true.

Married With Children: A Healthy Marriage Bed, Part 2

2012-02-20T10:22:00.005-05:00

1 Corinthians 7:3-4
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Scripture teaches that once married, we do not have authority over our own bodies--our spouse does. That means we come together when at least one spouse has the desire. That would seem to indicate spontaneity?

However, when children come spontaneity flies out the window unless you employ maids, nannies, and shoppers. A mother's nurturing instincts coupled with a child's biological needs, would indicate not spontaneity, but planning. Parents can nurture children, day and night, and enjoy one another in the bedroom. They're not mutually exclusive. You may find it works best to schedule your lovemaking days.

Forgive me for a little diversion here regarding the night nurturing of children.

We enjoy nurturing our children at night starting with story time, then as we tuck them in we spend time cuddling, praying, talking about their day, dealing with any sin (ours or theirs), praising their hard work, and generally sending them off to slumber with their cups running over. Some days can be so busy that cups fail to get sufficiently filled. As a result, the next day can go sour. Spending a little one-on-one time before bed, or another time of day, prevents a lot of family-dynamics problems.

When families grow it can be harder to give babies and toddlers the amount of cuddling and individual attention they need. As I've mentioned before, when discussing what God desires for our marriages and families, we have to look at Scripture together with the divine design of our bodies.

Research seems to imply that babies and children need parents who respond and nurture during the day and at night. You may hear that if you don't let your children "cry it out", your marriage will suffer. It's often the number one argument against attachment parenting styles. As a long-time night-nursing parent, and one who is there for my children at night, be it bad dreams, stuffy noses, pain, bedwetting, etc., I disagree. My husband appreciates my commitment to nurturing and he'd have it no other way. His support is key.

Dr. Allan Schore of the UCLA School of Medicine has demonstrated that the stress hormone cortisol (which floods the brain during intense crying and other stressful events) actually destroys nerve connections in critical portions of an infant’s developing brain. In addition, when the portions of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional control are not stimulated during infancy (as may occur when a baby is repeatedly neglected) these sections of the brain will not develop. The result – a violent, impulsive, emotionally unattached child. He concludes that the sensitivity and responsiveness of a parent stimulates and shapes the nerve connections in key sections of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional well-being.

Researchers at Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress early in life can alter the brain’s neurotransmitter systems and cause structural and functional changes in regions of the brain similar to those seen in adults with depression

Decreased intellectual, emotional, and social developmentInfant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings at an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, concluding that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.”
Researchers have found babies whose cries are usually ignored will not develop healthy intellectual and social skills. 19

Dr. Rao and colleagues at the National Institutes of Health showed that infants with prolonged crying (but not due to colic) in the first 3 months of life had an average IQ 9 points lower at 5 years of age. They also showed poor fine motor development. (2)

Researchers at Pennsylvania State and Arizona State Universities found that infants with excessive crying during the early months showed more difficulty controlling their emotions and became even fussier when parents tried to consol them at 10 months. 15

Other research has shown that these babies have a more annoying quality to their cry, are more clingy during the day, and take longer to become independent as children 1.

source

Most of the world keeps babies and toddlers close for some time, thanks to the use of slings and close sleeping. Studies show that this closeness benefits children, possibly best approaching what God desires for a child's development.

Many Americans parent far differently; there's formidable pressure--especially from older folk like mothers and mother-in-laws--to force a child into independence. Strong feelings abound about these issues and I have no desire to engage in mommy wars. Instead, I just wanted to present research that might give us some clue as to God's desires. For the sake of other readers, feel free to leave opposing research links in the comments. All moms give these issues countless hours of consideration and I don't seek to change anyone's carefully crafted views.

Moms who have high sleep needs often have to make tough decisions. The same is true for working moms or those with other difficult circumstances. Husbands and wives don't always agree on parenting issues; if your husband has different ideas, abide by his wishes and pray for a change of heart? My heart goes out to you.

Every family's needs differ--just don't assume you have to shortcut your children to satisfy your husband.

If you decide that scheduling lovemaking is a good idea, start preparing for lovemaking days first thing in the morning:

Prepare your mind and heart: Get your mind ready to be one with your husband that night--recall your favorite passionate memories from special times of old. Perhaps read from the Song of Solomon. Anticipate the passion, knowing that no matter how tired you are, once you're in his arms, it will be breathtaking. If there's anything to forgive him for, do it early in the day. Pray for help with this if you need it.

Prepare your children: Plan for dinner, baths, and nighttime nurturing by starting everything early on these days. Can you bath them before you start dinner? Can you read a number of stories after the bath, and save just one for before bed, along with prayers and a bit of cuddling--or whatever your routine? By planning ahead we've never once been interrupted by our children, in all these years. Babies have cried and needed soothing right before, or right after, but never during. God has been faithful to preserve this time, and allow us to be responsive parents.

Don't be selfish with your time: Many moms have an outlet that potentially steals time, be it reading, writing, sewing, social networking, etc. Strictly control your interests on lovemaking days. If chores get behind on these days, it will give rise to crankiness, leading to the same in the children. They feed off of our emotions. Be as efficient as possible on lovemaking days. Avoid scheduling shopping or multiple errands on these days so your energy remains high.

A word about the quality of lovemaking: If it's still early in your marriage and you don't know each other well yet physically, try discussing technique out of the bedroom, if this works better. Society leads us to believe that lovemaking happens naturally and that fireworks explode on that wedding night, as though you've known each other for years. The truth is that a honeymoon can be awkward. We don't know our spouse's body, or even what our own may need.

We would do well to prepare our children for this, just before their own honeymoons. The anticipation of that night can lead to disappointment if they expect their best lovemaking right away.

Without communication honeymoon awkwardness can continue, causing trouble in the bedroom. Your husband wants you to feel unbridled passion. Discuss what you need even though it may be uncomfortable. In the long run, meeting your needs is what blesses him most.

Nursing is another God-designed activity that doesn't happen naturally. Like lovemaking, it takes time and patience and self-sacrifice, and in the end, the process blesses and matures us in and of itself.

Pray for your love life, that it will be all that God designed.

Later as changes happen, either because of illnesses or surgeries or childbirth, continue praying, knowing that God will never forsake you! Give this area over to Him, just as you would every other area of your life.

photo credit

Married With Children: A Healthy Marriage Bed

2012-02-18T17:45:00.001-05:00

In presenting material about marriage, or any other Christian topic, it's important to contemplate both God's Word, and his design of our bodies and minds. Looking at all the clues, what is God's desire for marriage?

The next question is, how closely are we adhering to His design, and lastly, how can we honor Him more in this area?

This article lists a number of Scriptures pertaining to marriage, though we won't discuss all of them today. Today's topic will focus primarily on the marriage bed.

Western culture presents a battleground for any Christian, especially in the area of purity. Immodest clothing alone causes many a men to give up on holiness. They're not even free from the visual battle on a Sunday morning in church, thanks to the tight and baring styles teens and young women covet. Even among the Christian population, defiled marriage beds are the rule, not the exception, when you consider the wandering eye and mind. Matthew 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

A married couple should frequently check in with one another concerning purity, especially after children come along and intimacy becomes less frequent. Though difficult, this topic cannot be ignored. Naivete, like secrecy, invites trouble.

God designed a husband's passion to center around the visual, while a wife's passion centers more around her feelings--feeling safe and unconditionally loved in a committed marital relationship. Husbands might have more of a purity battle in the confines of marriage, but both spouses, especially when working outside the home, must take care to avoid emotional bonds with the opposite sex. These bonds are always a mistake. They defile the marriage by dishonoring the emotional bond it represents, eventually leading to ingratitude and infidelity.

When children go through especially needy periods, such as the baby, toddler, preschool, and teen years, it's harder to remain emotionally bonded to a spouse. There may be more opportunity to talk to the woman or man at work, then to one's spouse. Avoid alone time with the opposite sex at work or church, and when that's not possible, keep the doors ajar. We must guard our hearts and minds and our eyes.

Remember that God always provides a way out of temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I can't emphasize enough that communication becomes especially important after children come and distractions abound. A naive husband or wife is dangerous. Understand the pitfalls in order to avoid them.

What's also dangerous is a spouse with a low standard of holiness. Husbands can come to believe that since all men look at attractive women, it's okay. It's normal and healthy--part of being a man, in fact. Check in with your spouse's heart in this area. What is his standard for holiness? Is it a biblical standard?

An important question to be asked is this: Has he learned to automatically avert his eyes from another woman's body? If he hasn't, he could be comparing his wife's body--specifically, her post-baby body--with what his eyes feast on daily. When God blesses a couple with children, great joy results. But there are sorrowful things as well: post-baby bodies can be less visually appealing. A mature Christian man expects this and takes it in stride, feeling grateful for his wife's amazing body. Malachi 2:15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.

Learning to bounce the eyes is one tactic holy men use to keep their hearts and marriage beds pure. Kristen Welch's husband, addicted to pornography for years, used this tactic to gain freedom. I urge you to read this link. No man is immune until he develops fighting tactics. Sadly, most affected men began their addiction in the middle school years.

We are more likely to be satisfied with what God has given us, if we avoid comparison. And as always, counting our blessings keeps our hearts thankful.

Women are not immune to focusing on the physical. An acquaintance of ours recently revealed, concerning his failed marriage:

"We haven't had relations in a year and a half because she said I was too fat and she couldn't stand to look at me."

Sadly, it was a Christian woman who uttered this grievous insult...to her non-Christian husband.

While it's always a good idea to care for our bodies, which are temples of the Holy Spirit, weight control is harder for some people, and harder for all of us after age forty. Our genes determine, to some extent, how quickly we gain weight and how easily we lose it. Stress and a busy lifestyle contribute to weigh issues.

When a spouse is confronted about weight control, that only adds stress, which makes the battle even harder. The best approach is to be thankful for all of our spouse's good points, and then to pray that both spousal bodies remain as healthy as possible. Loving one another unconditionally contributes to physical and emotional health--there's no question about that.

Scripture teaches not to deny one another "except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Scripture also teaches that men must "live with your wives in an understanding way." Something between these two Scriptures is what God desires for the frequency of marital relations. If a wife nurses a baby every two hours for weeks, or nurses the entire family back to health after a nasty illness, her husband should look upon her with compassion, allowing her time to recover before approaching her for relations.

God designed a woman's body such that breaks in marital intimacy are inevitable. After childbirth, during menses (depending on the couple's preferences), and during morning sickness, are just a few examples.

During the first eight to ten months of nursing, a woman's secretions dry up, causing pain during relations. The presence of pain, possibly designed to make relations less frequent, coupled with the dryness which prevents a man's seed from traveling easily up her body, make it more likely that babies come with a healthy spacing. A woman's body needs to fully recover before carrying another baby. God designed us so that our developing baby's health, and our own health, are maximized. Nursing and childbearing are integral parts of that divine design: women who are fruitful, and those who nurse, are less likely to get female cancers.

Though a man should dwell compassionately with his wife, understanding her body and her emotions, a woman must communicate with her husband about his needs. If he's already struggling in the area of marital purity, the wife should give of herself sacrificially, despite her exhaustion or the presence of pain.

How overwhelmed moms can hope to meet this expectation is a topic for another day. This post is Part 1.

The key ingredients for a healthy marriage bed are holiness, communication, compassion, and sacrificial love.

Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

1 Corinthians 7:1-40
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ...

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;

Malachi 2:15
Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.

Matthew 5:28
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Genesis 1:26-28
Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

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Nourishment

2012-02-16T16:57:00.003-05:00

"Even though we've never been together, and may not be until heaven, you feel like family. We love you."

How my heart needed these words!

A missionary couple came to visit us today. They'd just visited a supporting church in Indianapolis and were on their way to Liberty.

Such nourishing, dear people. I miss them terribly already.

I'd been corresponding via e-mail with the wife. She's been a short-lived, but lovely Titus 2 influence in my life. I'd never met her before today, but my husband knew her while in his teens. My husband's father, Luther, worked for her grandfather as a farm hand in PA while in high school. He was given room and board and treated as part of the family.

Luther's own mother and his sister were mentally disabled. He left home in his teens, to work and live with this family and be closer to the high school. His disabled mother never forgave him and there was no further contact with her. Sad. So sad were my husband's beginnings.

Though a Christian, Luther doesn't know how to love. Any real love and nurturing he'd received was too short-lived. Somehow, his relationship with the Lord didn't penetrate his heart deeply enough, perhaps due to his own stubbornness.

All this makes my husband's heart a miracle. He loves so deeply. So genuinely. He lost his mother at age sixteen, but in those sixteen years, her heart taught him much.

The missionary couple are in their mid-sixties. They've been working in Brazil for 38 years and they love it, though recently they spent a year in the States caring for aging parents. Now a brother takes that over and our friends return to Brazil next month.

I have weekly e-mail contact with my mother, and less often with my sister and brother, but since all my family are non-Christians, except for my father's sister here, there's a hole in my life. My husband and I cling even tighter to each other because of the support holes in our lives, and that's a blessing. Leaving and cleaving proves quite easy when the emotional ties to family are weak to begin with.

But the holes still hurt. Every holiday is spent alone; just the six of us, which tugs at all of our hearts. My aunts here have their own families to accommodate in their small homes on holidays. One spends the winter in Florida.

My friend's words nourished. I will remember them long. She won't have e-mail in Brazil, but I'll put pen to paper and stay in contact, hoping we can bless them in some way. The kids will love corresponding with them, too. Having real missionaries in their home today ticked them so much.

"Even though we've never been together, and may never be, except in heaven, you're like our family. We love you."

Each time my children lament about not having family around, I remind them that when they grow up, they'll have three sibling families to share holidays with--families with the same values and love for Him.

Praise God for that! Warms my heart just thinking about the blessed holidays and gatherings they'll enjoy. I pray that life closely knits their hearts and miles don't separate them.

Married With Children

2012-02-14T17:23:00.003-05:00

She appeared at church, alone.

"Jack and I are separated," she offered. "I'm living at my mother's."

Three years ago they planned their wedding. Betrothed to a non-Christian, the bride hoped their romance would be just the thing. The impetus to push him toward church, and to the Lord. Their first major argument occurred at their wedding reception.

They just spent a year and a half renovating a fixer-upper. She picked white carpet. He wanted beige. She's at her mom's. He's at the house with the white carpet. He thinks she loves her dog more than him. Maybe she does. She thinks he complains too much.

Maybe your own marriage isn't as troubled as theirs. Maybe you haven't spent a single night at your mother's house. Maybe you're equally yoked.

But still, a thought will come to you sometime during marriage: "He isn't who I thought he was."

It may take seven years for this to surface, or seven days, but surface it will. Maybe children will bring it out, or a crisis. He will disappoint you; and you, him.

What's next then? Do you spend the balance of your days in misery? Or do you cut your losses and move on?

Stay put, the Lord says. Forget about who you thought you married, and love the person in front of you, stinky socks, morning breath and all.

But I want to be in love! I don't want just a roommate. Is obedience to God worth it? Living in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life, while everyone else is happy? Isn't he a forgiving God? Can't he forgive me for divorcing, so that I can remarry? I won't make this mistake again!

The world is full of lonely people, Christians included, who just couldn't bring themselves to live the gospel.

Marriage exists, in part, to grow us in Him. It's about agape love mostly; eros love less so. Eros refers to romantic love, philia to brotherly love, and agape to sacrificial love...His Cross love.

It's been twelve years since I uttered it shy: "I do." Some days I look at him proud, certain he's the best man alive. Other days I lie next to him and feel nothing. Rarer, I even hate him. I believe all these emotions exist in healthy marriages.

When the children come and time alone is once a year or less, the marriage is especially vulnerable. Husbands want more intimate nights and wives just want to sleep through the night. She may understand her husband's needs, but she feels overwhelmed at all the obligations, intimacy included, in addition to mountains of laundry, endless cooking and cleaning, grocery shopping, nursing everyone back to health, and managing paperwork.

It's only Tuesday. Johnny made Sally cry twice before lunch. In the throes of potty training, Sally peed on the floor and the living-room carpet. Johnny wet his bed four times this week, causing all other laundry to pile up. James can't write his name like all the other kids in preschool. What's wrong with him? The bank account's overdrawn because when the whole family had the flu last week, no deposits were made. The baby still nurses every three hours at night, though she's ten months old. Sally turned on the outside water faucet and no one knew. The water bill rose $100. Momma signed up to help in the nursery and then missed church for three Sundays because someone was sick or another crisis arose and she couldn't get in the shower in time--she could only get everyone else ready. None of these Sundays were her's to work, but what will they think of her?

The husband says on Tuesday night, "Can we be together tomorrow night?" Tomorrow night comes. James throws up twice by midnight and has a fever.

The husband says on Friday, "Can we be together tomorrow night?" Tomorrow night comes. A friend calls to say he's getting a divorce. Husband talks to him for two hours. The wife falls asleep and then at 11:00 PM, she gets up to change another wet bed.

The husband, off the phone now, makes advances. Frustrated by all the bed wetting and night wake-ups, she's not in the mood. He gets mad. She feels guilty and has insomnia.

Intimacy feels wonderful, but getting there is a battle for the overwhelmed mother.

When the husband has some time off to observe the chaos that can be child-rearing, his empathy for his wife increases. But vacations end. Time lapses and he forgets. When intimacy is the last thing on her mind at night, his heart grows resentful, or at the very least, sorrowful.

Without regular intimacy, including talking, misunderstandings pile up. A couple can lose touch, while not wanting or meaning to.

How does a couple survive the child-rearing years? That's the question.

Happy Valentine's Day, by the way! If you're like us you'll be blessed to have one date in the next year. Valentine's Day becomes just another day, save for chocolates and fun for the kids. But don't despair. This season will pass all too quickly. Before you know it, you'll entwine in a romantic booth once again.

I plan to do a couple posts on marriage this month. But understand: We don't all have the same circumstances. These posts may be irrelevant to you and yours. I read a post from Ann Voskamp this week about marriage, and though I thought it splendid, I couldn't relate. Husband and I have never felt insecure in our marriage. We never wonder if we're loved enough. Each couple's background and challenges are unique; one size doesn't fit all, save for Biblical mandates on love, respect, and submission.

Jennifer Dukes Lee, an Editor for The High Calling, put together a linky on marriage this month. Highlights will be published on The High Calling on February 15th. Here is Ann Voskamp's marriage piece, published at incourage. Perhaps something on these sites will resonate with you and your marriage.

My advice on this Valentine's Day? Read a few chapters from the Song Of Solomon today. Your passion will bless him more than anything else.

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Cherish His Word

2012-02-13T08:33:00.000-05:00

JOHN 14:23-24 Rieu
23 Jesus replied: 'If anyone loves me he will cherish my word; my Father will love him and we will come to him and make him our abode.
24 He that does not love me neglects my words. Yet the word you hear is not my own but that of the Father who sent me.scripture source

John 14:23-24 NKJ
23 Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. 24 He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father’s who sent Me.

scripture source

Do you love God? Show Him. Cherish His Word. Open your Bible today, friend. Only the enemy is standing in your way.

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A Story of Faithfulness

2012-02-12T07:00:00.001-05:00

The Lord gave me a story today. Though dinner dishes and clothes need tending, I believe I'm supposed to share here first.

Sit with me a spell, friend?

A winter storm warning in effect, the forecast promised snow, wind, cold. It delivered, starting early.

Husband left right after breakfast for his half-day Saturday shift at a local church.

Twenty minutes later, the cell phone rings. His 1986 Buick broke down on the corner of a busy intersection. In the driving snow, with a real feel of 2 degrees outside, a mile from the church.

He calls our mechanic and tries to push the car completely off the road. The back end doesn't cooperate.

He'll walk to the church he says. He adds, for the millionth time, that the cursed white stuff from the sky better not show up in Heaven.

My spirit droops at the negativity. And he hangs up.

I pray for him because I know how much he hates snow, and that car, and being American-poor.

Then I remember something else he said. Walk to the church?! He's going to walk to the church in a driving snow in single-digit temps?

I call back, telling him we'll pick him up and drive him to the church. He's too mad to object.

We pile in the van, most of us still in our Saturday pajamas. The roads aren't plowed, so it's slow travel. A couple of the kids sit nervous. They'd looked forward to drawing, coloring, painting, and baking, instead of this.

We find Daddy. The two of us together try to push the entire car off the road. But no, the back end still sits on the road.

Husband, calmer than I expected, drives with us for the mile to the church. The children sit happy and relieved, glad he's not too angry. (Except at the white stuff, which he mentions.)

Before he gets out of the van we discuss going back to the car in a few hours to try starting it again. We hope to save the tow truck costs.

Daddy safely delivered, the kids and Momma travel back home to our Saturday morning pursuits. Me, writing; the kids, creating.

Husband calls about two hours later. I expect to pile back in the van.

Even more distressed, he reports that his 1986 Buick--the ugly one without any paint--got towed away by the State Police according to our mechanic, who thinks he saw the tow truck driving away with it. A member of the church confirms that he, too, saw it getting towed. It's ugly enough that there's no mistaking it. Or shall I say humble enough?

It will cost about two hundred dollars to retrieve it and get it towed to Gary's garage. And that can't happen until Monday night, due to the severe snow this weekend.

Husband tells me about something else, too. A forty-car pile-up on a nearby freeway. He thanks the Lord we weren't in it, repenting about his anger and complaining spirit.

A kind staff member grieves with husband--the one who watched the car get towed. A music banquet going on, the pastor is there too, mingling in between working on his sermon. He walks up to my husband. "The church wants to help you with this."

This isn't our church, mind you. It's a liberal, watered-down gospel church, functioning like a universalist organization. Holiness isn't important to them, but social justice? Very important. They put Christian churches to shame.

My countenance falls at this offer of help. "Do we have to, Lord? I hate accepting help! It's so dreadful, Lord! Please don't make me do this!" (Not that it's my decision anyway.)

But there's something else.

A few days before this minor fiasco, we'd sent $200 to El Salvador for Nelson's family. (Part of tithe on some gift money.)

Did you get that? Because I didn't at first. We sent $200, and now we needed $200--which God graciously and quickly provided. He had a tidy plan the whole time!

When it hit me, I felt such shame.

I wanted Nelson to be blessed by the $200. By blessed I mean happy. Uplifted in spirit. Praising God, from whom all good things flow. Maybe obtaining a mattress with it and enough bedding for all three of them, or something to keep them safer in their urban gang area. I don't know their actual needs.

Just anything that would make daily life better. They need to know God cares. That He loves them!

My Heavenly Father desired the same for me...that I would feel happy and blessed. And yet I grumbled and complained. I didn't want to be that humble. I'm so dirty, still, after three years of American-style poverty. So headstrong and ugly about humility. I'm so sorry, Father. Change me!

For me this story means one thing. But for you, perhaps another?

In telling the boys about the helping hand from Daddy's church, I reminded them that we are to give generously, regardless of what little we have. God is always faithful, just as he was to the Widow of Zarephath, who gave up her oil and flour to feed Elijah.

We needn't fear as we give. We can give from a cheerful, excited heart!

And if you're like me, tell yourself this: When God gives to us through others, we should be wholly grateful and cheerful...not prideful, as I was. He loves to give good gifts to his children!

What about you? Is there a story of God's faithfulness you'd like to share? It will encourage us, friend.

1 Kings 17:8-16
⁸ Then the word of the LORD came to him: ⁹ “Go at once to Zarephath in the region of Sidon and stay there. I have directed a widow there to supply you with food.” ¹⁰ So he went to Zarephath. When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her and asked, “Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?” ¹¹ As she was going to get it, he called, “And bring me, please, a piece of bread.”

¹² “As surely as the LORD your God lives,” she replied, “I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.”

¹³ Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. ¹⁴ For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD sends rain on the land.’”

¹⁵ She went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. ¹⁶ For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the LORD spoken by Elijah.

Scripture source

A Mother Muses

2012-02-11T12:28:00.002-05:00

~ I love February for the hours spent creating--Valentines, heart cookies, cakes, funny poems, memories.

~ Every night lately the girls want to hear Salty Dog, by Gloria Rand. It's a long read and we're not quite sure what they love about it, except that the main character? A dog. Kids love dog books. Period. They don't have to be especially unique or cute, although that helps.

It also provides schemata on sailing, which presents a new world for them.

We will have to get a dog in the next couple years. Our kids will never forgive us otherwise; dog ownership never strays far from Peter's mind, especially. When he turned five we told him we'd get a dog when he turned ten. That seemed so far off and we thought surely we'd be ready, but now we have to consider the cost of dog food and health care. Smaller dogs eat less food, so we'll settle on something naturally small, but not too foo-fooish. It must have life and love fetching. No pampering some pink-bowed pooch around here! (Not that there's anything wrong with that...in case you have one in your arms right now.)

It's an understatement to say we're not house-pet parents. Cages? Okay, I guess; the hamster only got loose once. But a loose running animal? Shudder. The idea haunts our over-worked bones.

Like our Heavenly Father, however, we love to give good gift to our children. We're mentally preparing for a huge dose of sacrificial loving, as soon as our youngest can treat a pooch humanely. I think that means she'll allow the poor thing some occasional peace? I'm not sure you can have an entirely outdoor dog in northeast Ohio, especially without a garage. Just the muddy paws stretch my sacrificial parenting commitment.

Tell me there's a special halo in Heaven for mothers who say yes to this childhood obsession?

I do admit that the love between a child and a dog--the theme for many a famous novels--warms my softest places. It's a conspiracy, these books. All penned by adults who slept with their dogs all through childhood, no doubt.

Dog hair and dander and E. Coli germs, oh my!

I caught her "reading" Salty Dog on her own. Upside down. That blessed me so! I had to rush to get a picture before she looked up.

~ Two brothers. Their relationship? Far from perfect, but blessed nonetheless. I do everything I can to make sure it lasts forever.

These two started writing e-mails to each other the other day, mostly so they'd both receive more e-mail. I suggested they express love and caring in their letters. Peter bullies Paul regularly, arising from academic and behavioral jealousy, and a lack of impulse control. The air needs to be cleared daily between them. Paul needs to know why Peter finds his brother special, and vice versa. In the first letter they listed four things they love about one another.

An hour or so later, I saw them sitting like this. When I suggested Peter sit in the adjoining chair so he'd be more comfortable, he declined. That blessed me so.

Dear Lord, you are so faithful to mothers!

The scene changed about thirty minutes later, when Peter got to the saddest part of Where The Red Fern Grows.

My heart skipped when Peter walked up to me, crying hard. I noticed the book in his hand. All he could manage was this: "His dog died, Mommy." He sobbed and sobbed, just like the main character in the novel. He couldn't bring himself to finish the last several pages.

I held him and finished the novel through my own tears. Was it attachment to the characters that started the flood in my own eyes? Not necessarily. Seeing my son overcome with such grief hurt deeply. I felt exactly like the mother in the story. She watched her son grieve from the depths of his heart. Through her own tears she offered that the Lord has reasons for everything. The boy's heart, broken, couldn't accept that answer just then.

I knew finishing it would provide some closure for Peter, and for the heartbroken boy. The Lord did have a reason; the author weaved one into the story.

And the ending? It satisfied and amazed.

My children will face many trials and sorrows in the years to come. A mother's heart hurts sharply all the while! We can only hold them, cry with them, and remind them of the Truth.

A reason for everything? Yes. He uses everything.

And in the end? It's all for our good and His glory.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

When a daughter or son looses a child, or a spouse, or a home, these words won't provide any more comfort than they did for the boy in the story. But as each sorrow unfolds and begins to hurt less, they'll see.

In the meantime we hold, we cry with them, and we remind them of His love, remembering that His grace rests on them in ways we can't immediately understand. We trust in His grace for their darkest moments.

When you see your own child suffering, you understand better how our Heavenly Father feels when He sees us suffering. He suffers with us.

Purple Towels And Princesses

2012-02-10T07:00:00.003-05:00

A gift certificate to spend, Mary tells us on the way to the library:

"I'm getting princess things so I can wear them to AWANA. I want to be a princess when I grow up and you have to dress like what you want to be."

Peter tries to change her mind, hoping she'll pick something at Toys R Us that all the siblings can enjoy together.

Peter: "Mary. You can't be a princess. We're not a royal family. "

Mommy: "We're not a royal family? Oh. I thought we were. We have purple towels, you know."

Peter, exasperated: "Mommy!"

Paul: "Yeah, Mary. There's no such thing as royalty in America. You can't be a princess here."

Mary: "Yes, I can."

Beth: "I want a princess dress too!"

Peter: "You have to have a father and mother that are King and Queen, to be a princess. We don't have Kings and Queens here."

Mary: "You guys are hurting my feelings."

Mommy: "Mary, when you get married, your husband will think you are his princess. And in God's eyes too; we are all his favorites, like princesses and princes in a way, because He is our King. And of course, you'll always be my little princess.

The van falls quiet for a few minutes. I vow to remember this conversation always, like so many we have in the van. Life is lived in the journey, not the destination.

I love journeying with this bunch.

Peter: "Well, if she plays princess, can I pretend to be a prince?"

Mommy: "Sure you can."

My sweet Peter has a foot in both worlds--childhood and adulthood. On the one hand, he thinks more like a grown-up now: if there's no royalty in America, then his sister can't be a princess. But a big part of him still loves fantasy and pretending. He'll come up with some grand scheme for all the siblings to be part of a royal court. They'll have a enchanted time, just as siblings ought to.

He's my imaginative one. I pray when he grows up, he'll be able to slip easily into an enchanted world.

With his own children.

I mourn the loss of play in my own life. I've fallen for adulthood. Fully.

Father, may my children never stop dreaming. May they always feel the possibilities.

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A Few Big Blessings

2012-02-09T10:18:00.004-05:00

~ My sweet Mary, excited after exchanging Valentines at AWANA, talked long last night in bed. She whispered in my ear, so as not to awaken little sister: "We're supposed to wear clothes next week for what we want to be when we grow up. I want to be a princess when I grow up, Mommy, so I'm going to wear my princess dress." Oh, the sweetness of a five-year-old whispering that in my ear. My heart wanted to bow down at the Lord's feet right there, thanking him for my two daughters--conceived when I was 40 and 42 years old. They have a wrinkled Mommy, but she's an incredibly grateful wrinkled Mommy.

~ Peter received his Time Tales DVD two weeks ago, and he's progressed more in multiplication in that time than in the previous year and a half. I can't recommend this program enough for memorizing the more difficult multiplication facts http://www.triggermemorysystem.com/. The student learns a few simple stories and recalls those stories when faced with a multiplication fact. The numbers become the characters in the story. For example, 9 is a tree, 4 is a chair, 3 is butterfly, etc. At first, to the parent, it might seem too simple and a waste of money ($40), but the child soaks up the mnemonic devices quickly and learns the facts in no time. Praise God for this resource, created by two moms!

The Lord patiently reminded me that every child can learn; it's just a matter of finding the right method. This philosophy has been mine all along, but the more Peter struggled and raged, the more I began to lose faith. God was faithful to lead me to the right source and provide the money.

Homeschooling blesses all involved, no matter how hard individual days might seem. Just like any aspect of parenting, we are incapable on our own, but with His strength, wisdom, and blessing, our imperfect efforts bear much fruit. No one cares more about your child's spiritual walk, heart, or success, than you do. The pull of your heart toward your child drives you to give up your own way quickly, seeking Him for answers. All blessings flow from seeking Him. The less we challenge ourselves, the less we seek Him.

There are many reasons to say no to homeschooling, but don't let insecurity be one of them! Our insecurity is a sign that our eyes are on ourselves, rather than on Him.

~ Peter's AWANA verse teacher told Peter that he was missed last week. My kids were all absent due to Mary's illness; she was too nauseous to ride in the car. Peter smiled shyly as he told us. I felt so blessed I had to plant kisses on that soft cheek. Praise God for a ten-year-old who still lets me plant kisses! And praise God for loving AWANA helpers.

~ Paul said that one girl, Loralee, really loved the foamy Valentine he'd designed. She told him she would use it as a Christmas ornament every year, remembering that he gave it to her. No romanticism here, just one child showing appreciation for another. He really worked hard on his Valentines and they were very special. "They all liked the Valentines, Mommy. I didn't know they liked me so much. I thought I was just normal, like everyone else." Praise God for little Loralee, who made my boy feel so special. He will remember that his hard work blessed; he' ll remember that it feels great to be a blessing.

The power of Love, expressed through words and action, always amazes. For another testimony to the power of Love, read this: http://blog.compassion.com/equipped-for-the-future-from-cry-baby-to-respected-leader/

~ Daddy gets home at 7:00 PM and we're alone with Beth for an hour on AWANA night, before he leaves to pick up the others and I put Beth to bed. That time blesses all three of us. She soaks up the extra parental love and attention, charming and blessing Mommy and Daddy. Her daddy is such a treasure to her!

Loving Difficult People

2012-02-08T07:00:00.020-05:00

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Do you ever think of this verse when a child tries your patience?

Every mother deals with a difficult child at times, especially in the toddler, preschool, pre-teen, and teen years. I have three impulse-normal children who occasionally misbehave, and a fourth who sends me to my knees daily. A lot of space could be wasted here explaining how irritating and relentless ADHD children can be, but that still wouldn't put you in my shoes. I keep most of the ugliness unpublished, choosing instead to highlight his heart--a heart that blesses me tremendously.

Yesterday Peter did a myriad of irritating things. Around 4 PM he came in with snowboots on, tracking thick mud from the garden area, all over the entryway and all the way down the hall.

Already emotionally exhausted, I let loose:

"I don't understand how you could do such a thing! Even my three- and five-year-olds know better! When can I count on you to use your head? What. is. the. matter. with. you?!

After my shameful display of indignation, I gave him a damp towel and the Resolve carpet cleaner.

Then, heart pounding, I escaped to my room and locked the door. Incredibly convicted, I slumped to the floor.

How can I do this, Father? He can be so unlovable, so irritating. How can anyone do this? How can my words be love- and mercy-filled, despite so many days full of this and worse?

His lack of impulse control continues to be a serious matter. He knew he would mess up the carpet, certainly. But without proper impulse control, he can't quickly change his course. He had a question he wanted answered and that's all he could focus on at that moment--finding me and getting his answer.

He doesn't set out to irritate me, or to disappoint me. That's not his heart at all.

And yet he does irritate and induce stress for all of us, sometimes for hours a day. The smallest things set him off.

I see his sweet heart, his imagination, his unique gifts. I feel the blessing of him. But so often it's as easy to despise him as love him.

As I pleaded, God put this verse in my head...while we were sinners, Christ died for us. He encouraged me to handle Peter by rephrasing this same verse:

While he tracked in mud, Christ died for him.

While he bullied his brother, Christ died for him.

While he made his sister cry, Christ died for him.

While he stomped around and raged, Christ died for him.

While he fought me over school, Christ died for him.

While he asked the same question relentlessly, Christ died for him.

While he stole my peace, Christ died for him.

Jesus didn't want to suffer and be abandoned on that cross, anymore than I want to raise a difficult child.

We can't extend grace and mercy toward difficult people, unless we view them as Jesus does. When we look through our own flawed lens, of course they don't deserve our love. They deserve our condemnation. Our wrath. For they steal our peace, our time, and in some cases, our health.

We all have difficult people placed strategically in our lives.

We are called to take the cup, as Jesus did. I can pound my fists all I want, but the thing is, Peter is here to sanctify me.

We need to pray thus:

Lord, help me to love as you do. While we were sinners, you died for us. Help me to die to myself and be a grace-filled lover. Thank you for placing _________ in my life to sanctify me. Help me to give up my anger and indignation, and instead, to heap blessings (grace gifts) onto ____________.

In your name I pray, Amen.

And God, thank you for chocolate and may I not run out of it.

If you live with an abuser, you're not called to stay. Get to safety. If you live with a drug- or alcohol-addicted person, you're not called to enable. If you live with a misbehaving child, you're not called to give up on discipline.

We must discipline in love, with grace-filled words, rather than with angry, insulting words. We must forgive, letting go of tight-fisted anger because it poisons our relationship with God and prevents us from loving our neighbor.

John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

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A Child's Prayers

2012-02-07T10:43:00.000-05:00

I asked the children to update their prayer jars this morning. Few things bless me more than their prayers.

The last time we updated their jars, Peter put in a prayer asking God to provide money for us to visit our Compassion children. It surfaced a few weeks after I told the boys a story from the Compassion blog, detailing one sponsor's visit. We kept praying it all these weeks, and then yesterday we got a Compassion e-mail telling us that an El Salvador sponsor trip is scheduled for October, 2012, costing $2,650 per person for the entire 7-day trip. It could be just a coincidence, but we all wonder what God is up to. Could we be so blessed? It would take a miracle for even one of us to go, but we know He is big enough. May it be so, Lord!

We recently received a pamphlet telling us more about Nelson, our 7-year-old child who lives in El Salvador. Gangs and violence are a major problem where he lives, and many children fall into this lifestyle in exchange for regular meals. Nelson has no father in his life, so it would be such a blessing for my husband to go and speak Life and Love into Nelson's heart.

A child's prayers come straight from the Holy Spirit. I strongly believe this!

Peter

- That animals will come to my shelter (he made a lean-to with wood boards so birds, squirrels, and chipmunks can get out of the rain and snow).

- That Joey at AWANA will become a Christian.

- Bless the church teachers and keep them from getting sick.

- That my leaves will make compost quickly.

- For Jayden's father to be a good Christian father.

- Please help Matt and his family find a church they are comfortable with.

Mary

- Please help Raphael to have good meals and have a good night's sleep with no bad dreams.

- Please help Divya to have nice dreams and wake up to a lovely morning and have a bow for her hair.

- Please help Nelson to have a nice bed and a TV to watch movies and enough food until we can visit them.

- Please help Divya, Raphael, and Nelson to become Christians and know Jesus.

- Please help them to have a nice house with lights.

Paul

- For discernment for our family member and for her boyfriend to become a Christian

- For the AWANA father with the unsafe job to come home safely every night.

- For Jayden to stop using the computer late into the night and for his Dad to stop too. (A little boy at AWANA told Paul that he and his dad were playing a computer game until 2 in the morning. The mother was very mad at the father about it. I don't know if our boys completely understood the tragedy in this, but husband and me found it profoundly sad. Computer-game addiction is very powerful for those involved. We are losing a lot of good men to it.)

- Please bless the new Pastor at the AWANA church. Bless his ministry.

Children have so much to teach us! I pray that we mothers, despite floors needing sweeping and laundry needing folding, stop to really know their hearts--to speak life and love into them. It feels good when laundry's caught up, but what could be better than a child's heart seeking Him? There's no comparing that joy to anything. We must daily die to ourselves to separate the eternal from the temporal.

God has us in our homes all day not to be housekeepers, but to be heartkeepers.

photo credit

Praises

2012-02-06T15:39:00.002-05:00

Hebrews 13:15
Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.

~ A sign of wellness when Miss Mary declares, "May I have more of that yummy oatmeal? Yummy, yummy for my tummy!" Thank you, Lord, for her wellness, and for the precious week I concentrated on knowing her heart better. Middle children can easily be forgotten, especially when the oldest and youngest are special needs. Mary and Paul need special attention. Her illness was His way of meeting her heart needs. I can't notice every heart need myself, but I can pray that my mothering honors him and hurts no one. He is faithful to parent through us.

~ A sweet little girl brushing Teddy Bear's teeth, covering him up, and adding a pillow.

~ Ordering used Sonlight American History novels/books and having my kids amuse themselves the whole while. We have plenty on hand for World History, but needed more selections for American History. Buying used is a time-consuming headache. Usually the kids interrupt every five minutes, sending me into a nervous frenzy as I try to concentrate on what website I just visited and what books they listed and what I already purchased. But this last time, His grace reigned.

~ A husband who understands how hard daily mothering is. "Honey, you have more daily stress and pressures than most mothers; just handling Peter can be frighteningly difficult." Being understood makes all the difference. Both of us have bodily signs of stress and we know it's time to come up with a multi-faceted battle plan, by His grace and wisdom.

~ Mary picked up the stomach virus from AWANA Cubbies about two weeks ago (her Wednesday night preschool church class). The incubation period is about 5 days and so far, the rest of us seem to have escaped The 2012 Stomach Virus From Hades! Praise God! We haven't seen the likes of it around here since April, 2006, when I was 3 months pregnant with Mary. I remember that month well. Three days after the boys, ages 2 and 4, were fully recovered, we went on a family outing and had to get McDonald's hamburgers because we'd missed dinner. A few hours later both boys threw up from the grease in the french fries. I learned my lesson then and will give Mary no fatty/greasy foods for a full five days.

~ Beautiful women writing beautiful words to inspire me, awe me, and send me to my knees in prayer.

~ The van now has a working driver's-side door handle and a working ignition keyhole. And a radiator that doesn't continually need fluid.

~ Sunshine and a winter mild enough to get the kids outside regularly

~ Paul getting one side all green on his Rubik's Cube

~ A green crayon made its way into the dryer, staining many garments in the 80-minute cycle. Thanks to a Good Housekeeping tip advising me to wash the whole load again in hot water and soap and a cup of baking soda, all is well.

~ Valentine kits from Walmart that resulted in beautiful Valentines for the kids to give out at AWANA. And enough chocolate left over for the Momma and Poppa here. Now that's something to smile about.

~ When my husband hugs me long, I can feel the tension release. One thing we definitely need is more hugging time. Husbands are such a grace!

~ I ordered and received a Compassion Sunday packet to present at my church. I'm praying for the courage to speak before a couple hundred people.

~ A letter from India. Divya has a quilt to share with her family and a new dress. Praise God!

~ I don't have anything to share for Caldecott Medal Monday. Nothing's really captured me in that category lately. The committee seems to choose illustrations they like, rather than what kids might like. Here are a few we've loved lately, for both the paintings or photos, and the storylines. One Magical Day; The Handiest Things In the World: How Big is The World?

Her Smile

2012-02-05T16:15:00.000-05:00

Deuteronomy 7:9
Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.

Her smile is back!

Learning His Ways

2012-02-04T16:48:00.001-05:00

The timer beeps every ten minutes and I give 2 teaspoons of liquid. When she sips an ounce serving from a cup, she vomits. So we live slow.

"Life is so hard," my mind whines, as I rinse out the medicine dropper yet again. Day six and another incident of vomiting again this morning. And Mary? She's my hero. Anyone else would come unglued by now--no food, no energy, no fun. And wondering if it will ever end. When will life be normal again? I remember the depression of illness. The personal, bodily lows teach us to give thanks for the gift of today, for the gift of wellness.

She endures with nary a complaint. "She's like you", my husband remarks, when I tell him what a strong daughter we have. "Stubborn like you, too", he chuckles.

Yes, I see the resemblance. Stubborn people have strength. We're both prone to anxiety, yet have steady endurance that surprises everyone.

Husband and I sometimes feel like Job. Often, so many things go wrong at once. We wait for the downhill after the long uphill, but it never comes. What is the purpose, I wonder? What are we to learn? I always seek the meaning of the lesson...to get it over with quickly, I suppose.

~ When life is lived in ten-minute intervals, I learn how easy time runs away.

~ When I must recite Psalm 23 many times a day to control my body's response to stress, I learn to access His power. The power of the Word.

~ When I watch my daughter grow stronger as she gets weaker, I learn who she is on a deeper level. I appreciate the wonder of her. I see the beauty and strength God gifted her with.

~ While the laundry piles high and the folding piles grow even higher, I stop to hug my daughter and pray strength into her. To kiss her beautiful cheek. The moments matter. Each act of kindness, each act of love, of discipleship, makes the most of the life God gives. He wants life lived in the moments. Not the hours, or the days, or the weeks, or the years, or the seasons. Live love now.

Nothing happens by accident. Not for the Christian. Every incident begs us to learn. Yet, we feel like throwing our hands up at God, complaining "What's next, God?"

Instead, He wants the opposite. Be my disciple. Matthew 10:39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. Learn to bow low and serve. Give thanks and praise in all things.

And in each hard day? There are always blessings. Always. I'm thankful for Miss Beth sitting on my knee as I kneel to wipe the floor. She hugs tight and tells me, "You're my best friend, Mommy."

I'm thankful for my husband, who passes me in the hall as we both serve. "Let me stop to hug you at least," he whispers. And we squeeze strength into one another, gather it from one another.

I'm thankful for 8-year-old Paul, who has a servant's heart. He makes toast. He's the first to pick up around here, and not because he cares about neatness. He has an acts-of-service love language. I learn this in the hard days here, and I make a mental note to serve him more. To fill his tank this way.

I'm thankful for what's happening between Mary and God. The other day Miss Mary vomited after a 12-hour reprieve. To my bent head and more of my desperate prayers, she responds quiet: "It's like God isn't even listening." At the time this crushed me, but I know God has a plan for Mary's faith.

Sometimes, life is very hard and we endure and we believe and we love and we do the next thing. Steady. Faithful. Thankful. If you love God, He will teach you this. She is young yet, but He thinks she's ready for the hard lessons of faith. That's what 6 days of nausea, followed by slowly gaining strength, followed by living with sheer joy for the wonder of it all, teaches.

Psalm 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

A Time for Everything

1There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

2a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Scripture source

Still Battling

2012-02-03T00:33:00.001-05:00

Please pray for Mary and for the mommy and daddy here? She went a day and a half without vomiting, then vomited again tonight. We're worried about her and so very frustrated. We gave her only bland foods, and in small amounts, 24 hours after the last vomiting. We followed all the advice.

The ER doctor, whom I called for further advice, warned that it could last 5 to 7 days. I told her Mary now has a fear of vomiting, and she said to avoid pushing her to eat. Just push fluids, I'm told. When she feels well enough to truly eat, she'll ask for food, regardless of her fears.

How thin will she be, then, after 5 to 7 days? I'm worried for her, and for her tiny little sister, who can't afford to lose an ounce. No one else has it yet, but Beth got a hold of a cup today that Mary had used. God, please intervene here?

Please pray that Mary drinks the fluids offered her, and that God takes away her fear of vomiting? And that little sister won't get it? Thank you, friends.

Correction from the other day: Stomach viruses spread feces-hand-to-mouth and also through saliva. I neglected to mention the saliva, but I'm sure you already knew that info.. Someone asked about apple juice. Here is an article that discusses juices:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/childhood-illnesses/vomiting

Vomiting in Older Children: Care Guide

2012-02-01T11:44:00.003-05:00

Mary is resting comfortably today, but last night at 8:30 PM she needed an IV for dehydration and low blood sugar. There's a right and wrong way to care for children suffering from stomach viruses. Since I found so much conflicting information out there, I want to put out some good information to help exhausted moms.

Thankfully, no one else is sick (yet).

After Vomiting

~ Wait 2 hours after vomiting, then give 1 tsp. of Gatorade (for older children), every 20 minutes. I tried a pediatric rehydrating solution (generic pedialyte), but since she didn't like it, it didn't work well. Older children prefer Gatorade, but it is second choice as it has too few electrolytes and a little too much sugar, especially for babies and toddlers. ER nurses say it's better to give Gatorade and give up on Pedialyte if you have to, to avoid a 5-hour ER visit for rehydration. The calories in the Gatorade do help if a child is sick for several days and must go without eating.

~If you don't have Gatorade, here is a recipe. Water by itself won't work well; they need sugary liquid, but not too sugary. Don't try homemade sports drinks containing orange juice.

~ Nothing acidic; and of course, no dairy.

~ Avoid apple juices and cherry juices.

If vomiting doesn't return after giving the teaspoons of Gatorade:

~ Slowly rehydrate by giving 1 - 2 ounce of Gatorade every 1 to 2 hours while awake (drinking slowly).

~ If vomiting returns, wait another 2 hours before trying 1 teaspoon of Gatorade, every 20 minutes.

Wait 24 hours after last vomiting to introduce solid foods - The most common mistake is to add solid foods too soon.

Rules for adding solid foods:
~ No dairy for 3 days
~ No fatty foods for 4-5 days
~ Nothing too sugary
~ Small amounts to start
~ Bland foods first, like saltine crackers, Cheerios, plain toast (Goldfish, Ritz, and other flavored crackers are too fatty and rich)

Signs of Dehydration
~ rapid heart rate
~ decreased urine output (no urination for 6 to 8 hours)
~ difficulty waking
~ dry tongue and dryness inside the mouth
~ no tears
~ can't keep eyes open or seems too lethargic
~ not wanting to talk

What To Expect At The Hospital

~ They will check for signs of dehydration and listen to your history of the illness.

~ Next, they'll take a small blood sample, while at the same time starting IV fluids, with an anti-nausea medication included.

~ If the blood test comes back with a low blood sugar reading, they'll add extra sugar through the IV.

~ After administering all the fluids, they'll give an ounce of Gatorade and wait to see if your child tolerates it. If no vomiting, they'll try another ounce of Gatorade and wait. If no vomiting and your child seems more alert, you will be discharged, possibly with a script for anti-nausea meds to get you through one day.

There's a 12-hour stomach virus, and a 72-hour stomach virus. Dehydration is more likely when vomiting lasts longer than 24 hours.

I've slept very little in 3 days, so my next piece of advice? Call in reinforcements, if you have them!

Avoiding Stomach Viruses

Transmission is always feces-hand-to-mouth, or through saliva, with stomach viruses.

~ Avoid sharing towels.

~ Try showers only until everyone is well.

~ Disinfect bathmat often, and especially after illness begins.

~ Never stop training them to wash hands after using the bathroom and before eating.

~ Wash hands when coming in the house from an outing, before preparing food, and after touching laundry or changing diapers.

~ Use hand sanitizer (alcohol-based) in the car after picking them up from school or events. Anti-bacterial hand gel/soap doesn't kill viruses.

Gratitude On Tuesday

2012-01-31T09:56:00.000-05:00

Poor Miss Mary has thrown up now for thirty hours. She can't even keep the rehydration fluids down. In her desperate thirst, she keeps sneaking water. Too much too fast, I suspect. She can keep down teaspoons at a time, but when she goes to the potty and sneaks a whole cup of water, all my rehydration efforts go down the drain, literally. I have to watch her like a hawk.

The blessing here is that I get to hold her for hours a day and read the 23rd Psalm to her. I am learning it rapidly and I recited it in the night several times last night. It's still having an immediate calming effect on me. Praise God! He is faithful!

Mary has no official signs of dehydration and hopefully the turning point will come soon.

Meanwhile, Momma is making everyone walk around with throw-up bowls, just in case.

Mary: "I wish I was God, Mommy. I would make this go away."

Last week when Beth gave me trouble about taking some medicine, Mary prayed from the playroom, unbeknownst to me. When she heard the fussing stop, she looked up, asking, "Did she take it, Mommy? I prayed."

I am so blessed with these signs of her developing faith, and of her knowledge of God's power! She doesn't understand a lot of theology, but she knows the most important things for her life: God is faithful. God is powerful.

You're having a lovely day, I hope? How can I pray for you this week?

photo credit

The Christian And Stress

2012-01-30T10:54:00.002-05:00

Be still and know that I am God.

Hello there, friend. Can I ask about your stress level? How are you doing, really? Are there signs of unraveling?

As Christians it's hard for us to reconcile high stress levels with our professed faith in God. If I have faith, why am I having serious problems with stress? Why isn't my faith helping? Surely there's something God can do for me?

I've already revealed that many in my family have stress disorders. As early as college I had my first incidence of vertigo, in which the room spins rapidly and shortly after that, the lovely vomit. I'm not sure I had ever heard of vertigo at that time, but a doctor visit revealed that my spinning room and nausea were harmless. Just one of the many ways our bodies respond to stress.

Vertigo resurfaced recently. As well, three times in the last two years I've had psychosomatic illnesses. Once my ear hurt acutely for two days. Convinced if I didn't get treatment I'd have trouble caring for my kids, I went to urgent care. We don't have adequate support here and caring for my kids while sick is an ongoing fear, based on past difficult experiences (namely, a bad flu experienced in fall, 2009).

Your eardrum looks perfect. It's your Eustachian tubes causing the pain, probably, the doctor said. Inflammation from allergy can cause pain. As soon as I got home--knowing nothing was going on and my mothering could resume uninterrupted--all pain stopped.

There were two incidences of frequency and urge with my bladder. I went to urgent care thinking I surely had a UTI and would have trouble caring for the kids if I let it become a kidney infection. With no insurance, how would we deal with a kidney infection? The money involved in health care promises a new set of worries.

After giving birth to Beth I did have a UTI, along with my first and only C section and serious nursing difficulties. It was a ghastly time around here; my recovery was too slow for our needs.

People will give their money when you're in hardship, but their time? That's another story. I've learned first hand the importance of offering people your time, after first assuring them you've seen messy houses and had them yourself. Your messy house won't shock me. I come to love you, not judge you. Adding these words is so important when mothers are in great need.

Elderly people can be reluctant to help for fear of contracting illnesses themselves. And younger people are often overwhelmed with their own families; it's not hard to see why help is not always available. Still, I have felt the need and I pray that I will extend my love and services to those in need, without regard to myself. God, may it be so!

Anyhow, both times in the last two years, my urine was crystal clear. I was given a prescription anyway, based on my symptoms. The first time I took the medicine, but this last time I figured something out: I'm a stressed out dork, imagining illnesses.

The doctor, though admitting that last time they were unable to grow anything in a culture, insisted I leave with a prescription. I threw it away because by the time I'd driven home, I knew what was up. My stress and anxiety are out of control. All frequency and urge stopped as soon as I got home.

I could see what was coming. If I don't do something to stop this stress process, I'll end up with panic attacks like my mom, brother, and many others in the family line. That's the next step up from psychosomatic illnesses (just my hunch).

My silly mistake will cost about $200, due to no insurance. It was too late to keep the sample from going to the lab and the doctor visit itself was $130.

Last night at 1:00 AM Mary threw up. Our hunch? She ate all her dinner food at Daddy's insistence, so she could get a donut for dessert. But she was simply too full.

I cleaned her up, changed her bed, showered her with kisses, and tucked her in again with a throw-up bowl. Then, after rinsing out the yucky stuff and putting the sheets in the washer and disinfecting everything, I went to bed myself.

My thoughts were thus: If she throws up again in the next couple hours, it's probably a gastrointestinal virus. If not, she was just too full.

I thought about the prednisone Beth had for a week, knowing that it weakened her immune system. What if Beth gets a virus? Will she end up in the hospital? What if we all get it? Will I be able to adequately care for the children with husband gone 12 hours a day? How will we manage? What if husband gets sick and we lose income (only one of his part-time jobs offers sick time).

I could feel my stress level rising. God, help me calm down so the room won't start spinning. I hate throwing up, God. Help me change my reaction to stress. It's the only answer, God. I don't want anti-anxiety medication, nor can I afford it. I'm a Christian God. Surely you can help me?

Then I took a deep breath. Closed my eyes.

What came to my mind next? Psalm 23.

I recited as much as I could remember. And the calming effect? Immediate.

Memorize it, He said. Recite it every single time something goes wrong. Be still and know that I am God, by the comfort of this Psalm.

My friend, I don't know your family history or your circumstances, but I urge you: Don't ignore your stress. Take the Lord's advice. Memorize this Psalm by yourself or as a family...two or three verses a week. I believe God can help, despite family history. If you truly need medication, take it. God gives man the ability to develop medicines to make life more comfortable, less tragic.

But first, try this.

Psalm 23 (KJV)

1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Scripture source

Photo source

Gratitude on Sunday

2012-01-29T16:00:00.000-05:00

So we thy people and sheep of thy pasture will give thee thanks for ever: we will show forth thy praise to all generations.
Psalms 79:13

My gratitude List

~ Reading My Great Aunt Arizona over and over.

~ A weekend spent entirely at home because the van needed repairs. At first we felt trapped, but its been a pleasure.

~ Reading Ladybug Girl and Bumble Bee Boy over and over. It reminds me of my own kids' play schemes. Even my boys listen over my shoulder.

~ The whole family folding laundry together.

~ Boys digging out old science books to make modeling dough in the kitchen, and then accidentally doubling the amount of oil in the recipe. And by God's grace, their little bowls and frogs and spiders hardened nicely after baking.

~ Sisters having oodles of fun together.

~ Showering eight-year-old Paul with little comforting gifts after he suffered a nasty skin flap wound on his lip. (Ahem. Playing football in the house.) Hopefully they won't decide it's advantageous to cut your lip around here. I bought him a rare liter of root beer from the store, and Daddy brought home donuts for him and even bacon, their favorite poison. Daddy won't admit it, but the bacon was for him too, since no van meant no outings and that man hates to be in the house.

~ The fragrance of my girls' hair in my nostrils as I read to them.

~ Sisters comforting each other when one is sad.

~ The Institute for Excellence in Writing's Student Writing Intensive A DVD course. It's every bit as wonderful as we thought.

~ Peter making much progress in spelling, thanks to Avko Sequential Spelling.

~ Finding a mnemonic device program for memorizing multiplication facts: Times Tales

~ Huge progress on some stressful paperwork.

~ A husband who loves, plays, and even cooks and vacuums when I'm smothered in paperwork. He hates housework, yes, but paperwork he's absolutely allergic to.

~ A good friend's sister will live after a tragic accident. Please pray for this unspoken request? She has a long recovery road ahead (her name is Lisa). And pray for her two children during this transition? Thank you. No Mama wants to be gone from her children so long.

~ Peter having a calm day. Did you pray, friend? Thank you! It worked and I must say, I actually felt the prayer!

~ Still enjoying Isaiah and Ephesians. I've never been very motivated to read the Old Testament, but this year I'm going to read chapters from both Old and New at each sitting.

~ Beth's join pain and stiffness returned today, but by God's grace, her smile and her giggles remain.

Perspective

2012-01-28T00:44:00.004-05:00

Most days, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I can list having special needs children as a blessing.

Peter's heart couldn't be sweeter. Beth couldn't be more of a joy.

But when my emotions crash for other reasons, I struggle.

Why, God?

Why must I deal with a son who rages? A son whose mind tortures him with OCD lies? A son who, though incredibly bright, can't seem to learn his multiplication facts?

I know the deadliness of comparison and I avoid it routinely. Tangible, incredible blessings flow here. I count them daily.

Sometimes my emotions stoop so low, comparison creeps in like a poison.

She doesn't have a single kid with a problem, short of a messy bedroom. Why, God? Why were we chosen for this hell? And how will my son make it in life? How will any of us make it, without stress disorders raging?

What's missing on days like this? Days when I say...No thanks, Lord. Rather than...Yes, Lord. Let it be for me as you say.

Perspective.

My mind is not sharp enough to say, "Oh, I just need some perspective...that's all."

But my testimony is this: God always provides it, at the most needed moment.

I began reading the Mercy House Blog, about a maternity home ministry in Kenya--a ministry begun by Kristen Welsh.

Currently, seven girls are being served, three of whom are new to the home. The three new girls experienced the worst kind of abuse and trauma the ministry has seen. These girls' presence in the home? A miracle.

One young girl recently left unexpectedly due to the negative influence of her witchcraft family. She chose to leave the safe haven of a maternity home with her new baby...even after professing Jesus as Savior. To go back to a horrible hell on earth.

Suddenly, my mind filled up with new names to pray for. My heart broke. My spirit groaned with all humanity for the collective suffering this earth knows.

How will God fix the broken young hearts and lives in Kenya? Outside of a miracle, I don't know.

But I know His power prompted Kristen's family to leave their comfort zone and take on incredible stress in this ministry endeavor. To learn things about the depravity of man that haunt their minds. May God Bless them and refresh them. May he shower them with blessings large and small, as they love the broken and the lost.

I have small potato problems. I thank God for them now, knowing He is mighty to save.

Please write down these names and pray? Lucy, Elizabeth, Violet. Violet was violently attacked and suffered burns, for which she's still being treated. She has a long road ahead, including surgeries. Her baby, still in the womb, survived the attack, thank God. Also pray for the young girl who left, named Felistas, and her baby, named Emmanuel.

The Problem With Exhortation

2012-01-25T15:30:00.000-05:00

What I really want to spill out on these pages is poetry. Somehow, though, it just doesn't come out of me.

Instead, I have the spiritual knack of exhortation. I sit down, heavy with something the Spirit said, and I write. When it's all done, it is not poetry, but a pleading with you, the reader, to do something. To perform in some way.

The problem with exhortation is that sometimes, grace gets lost.

I have been exhorting you to open your Bible this month. I am doing much better in opening mine, and I hope you are too.

Last year, I put more discipline into my prayer life and learned much about the power and blessing that prayer can be. I wrote a series of posts on prayer.

And then do you know what happened? My daughter began having problems. When a diagnosis was given, I didn't have the words to pray. Though I communed with the Spirit, it wasn't traditional prayer, in which I put forth effort. He poured into me. Currently, He has me doing a lot of intercessory prayer. It isn't organized like a traditional "quiet time". The miracle is that the names pop into my head, along with the prayers. He is giving me the gift of prayer, through no effort of my own.

The other day I told you I was committing myself to laughing every day with my children, to bless them and assure them that everything was going to be okay. And do you know what happened the very next day? My emotions crashed, as they're apt to do some months. No laughs that day, and maybe only a few times this week. Tears come easily at these times for me. Laughter? Not so much.

Oh, the irony.

The notion that I have power, that my striving is the answer, always gets shot down. He reminds me that all power comes from Him.

He loves you. When you pray, when your open your Bible, and when you don't. We don't always adhere to our own best plans, because life is messy. Though I exhort you to do things, never suppose I'm saying that your striving is the answer. Sorrowful things happen, no matter how you "perform". Grace triumphs over sorrow. Grace triumphs over our failings.

There will be times you possess spiritual discipline that surprises even you. God's power is upon you then, possibly preparing you for a storm. Other times, it will seem like you're incapable of discipline. You're too frail. You might have four mothering days in a row that knock you out, and your Bible remains unopened. On the fifth day, you open it.

God doesn't condemn you for days one through four; He rejoices with you on day five.

The enemy wants us to believe this: it's all or nothing. He convinces us we're pitiful and we sometimes believe him.

Let me repeat these words: He rejoices with you on day five.

Let us keep that in our heart, always.

My Cinderella

2012-01-24T07:00:00.015-05:00

Cinderella at her ball? Very blessed, but only until midnight. What a challenge...to live like there's no tomorrow, to embrace every single blessed moment, knowing there really is a tomorrow, and it's a sorrowful one.

Cinderella knew she'd go back to her mean step-sisters, her evil step-mother. But while she danced, she danced with joy, with abandon, even forgetting her deadline, until she heard the striking clock.

My little Beth? My very own princess? Thanks to prednisone to get her through a medication transition, she has a week to live like Cinderella at the ball. No pain, no swelling. She can finally run, and jump. She can keep up with her athletic sister.

I watch her run around the house, around the yard, and I marvel. Just how it used to be. My little girl with the contagious giggle, the contagious joy. I am so happy for her, tears spill.

But oral prednisone is dangerous, only to be used for emergencies, for small doses of time. It carries with it potentially serious side effects. Many mothers, I'm sure, praise it and give thanks for the miracles it works in their asthma-weakened children. But they grieve too, that it's needed in the first place. They think about the future, about the damage it might do.

In about five days, my girl will probably feel the thorn in her flesh again. She might get out of bed, plant her feet down, only to slump to the floor, unable to put any weight on her achy knees. Not quite this bad every morning, but often enough that she knows the pain of defeat, first thing in the morning.

Our challenge, my princess and me? To savor these days as a gift from Heaven above. To thank our precious Lord for a body that works, if only for a week. To live like there's no bitter tomorrow. To embrace it all, even the ending, while still praying for spontaneous remission.

And to trust Him, in all His plans, knowing that they're beautiful, purposeful. Like Cinderella marrying her prince, Beth will have her reward from Him, and it will be sweet.

Friend, I don't know what sorrow has come your way. But I know Him. He is mighty to save. Embrace your today, clinging to Him. I'd be honored to pray for you. You can leave your request in the comments, which I've switched to blog-owner approval. I'll be faithful, friend. Your prayer request won't post to the public.

James 1:12
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

James 1:2
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.

Romans 5:3
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;

Linking with Jen today