God is Faithful

His Arms

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 04:29:00 +0000

I haven't really posted much detail about our annual January fast. As I've said before, God met us during that fasting time and it was by far the most breathtaking January we've ever had.

God not only spoke to us with such love and patience and grace, but also with defining clarity. Just as He promised He would.

Although the calendar month of January is over, we are still seeking Him and thankfully He is continuing to clarify more and more for us.

Tonight my sweet four year old wandered in from bed, still mostly asleep. I scooped him up, but Mr Daniel came over and took him. There was an immediate relaxation that flooded Rocco. He nestled into Daddy's arms and buried his face in the crook of his neck. Arms and legs gave way to sleep. Daddy held him tight and secure and toted him back to bed.

I watched him walk down the hall with our little man. I thought of how I felt every time my Daddy swept me up in his arms. How wonderful that strength and security felt! How comforting the scent of his cologne in the crook of his neck. It was home. It was familiar. It was safe. It was trustworthy.

I watched him walk with this totally surrendered four year old. I thought of my God. I thought of how He has repeatedly called us to rest during our fast. A rest that is synonymous with trust. I thought of how He is asking me to allow Him to scoop me up and take me there- to rest. He is asking me/us to relinquish everything we know. To give it all up and take these massive steps.

I am reminded of how sweet and safe and strong and comforting His embrace is. I am reminded to be childlike in my faith by simply trusting and letting go.

I am reminded that although the vision He has set before us is too big for us to accomplish, He is still my Father. He has and won't call us to anything that He hasn't equipped us for and planned to walk it out with us in full.

I am reminded that even in the worse case scenario, if everything failed and fell apart - He is the one that can bring beauty from our ashes.

Although He is calling us to God-sized things and we may feel it is too risky, there is really no risk but the risk of self.

Self. What we are called to lay down continually in His service. So in truth there is no real risk in service to Him.

In Him, with Him, by Him, through Him I can do all things.

We approach this upcoming season with excitement and honestly, anxiety. Excitement because our Spirit man knows Him. Anxiety because our self can't comprehend how any of it is possible.

So here we are trying to stay in His arms, resting, trusting, rejoicing, and knowing Him more. His word is our manna and His spirit our drink. Let us not grow weary or complacent but let us hunger for more of Him so that we might cast out more of this self and fill it back in with Him, Abba Father. Faithful One.

Friday Night Special

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:46:00 +0000

Wish you were here to join is in "Safety Dance"

It's Friday night and normally that's family night with dancing etc. unfortunately Dad is at work again tonight... But we are keeping things going here.

Please note Safety Dance is probably Rocco's favorite.

Make sure you dance a little every day.

The Beautiful

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 02:57:00 +0000

Many times a day I look at these miraculously beautiful faces. I wonder how I have them. How was I bestowed with so great a treasures! Some days I do need to be reminded.

I marvel that God still creates. Life is His to create. I marvel that we are allowed to participate in.

This Magnificent Creator of ours still creates and moves among us. He still allows us to bring forth and to influence. He still allows us to touch and hold and care for His creation. His spoken word. His words with "skin on".

His words are so powerful. He issues them and life begins. He issues them and provision is. He issues them and waters part. He issues them and walls fall, and nations tremble, and glory fills.

He still walks and talks with us, His creation... If we will stop and listen, stop and commune, stop and dwell.

The beautiful is housed in these little children. These innocents. These spoken word creations who enjoy life. They giggle and play and dream. Hope is automatic and endless. Joy is their bread and Trust their water.

Oh to be childlike and shuck off the mess this world stirs up. Oh to trust Him. Oh to dine on His Joy and be fed with His word and soak in His presence by simply being open and honest and pure of heart. A pursuit that takes years to remember.

The older we get the more we realize how much of this drama and conflict an challenge and filth is so much of nothing.

Why does it take us so long to give up our self serving quest and surrender to Him fully?

He knows this fault in us. He called us to be childlike

"I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” (Luke 18:17 NLT)

He knew we'd need reminding.

You'll probably find the beautiful in your back yard like I did today. Squealing and laughing, cartwheeling and swinging, digging dirt and eating a bit too. Covered with rainbow Popsicle goo and saying, "I love you."

Find that beautiful innocence again. Trust fully and deeply and joyfully in all your endeavors and do them all unto Him, the Creator of the beautiful.

Little Foxes

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:29:00 +0000

You know little foxes come in many shapes and forms.
A simple call
A sports competition
A Facebook post
A harsh word
The lack of a word
Gossip circulating about
Lies told
Hurting people hurting other

So often it's painfully obvious who or what the fox is. However, many times they sneak in... That word spoken innocently begins to burrow through heart and head corridors slowly stripping walls of resilience. Joy reserves intended for strengthening are consumed with heart weariness as we "mull over" those distractions.

All those distractions pull our focus from The Truth. From the One who knows all, sees all, rights wrong, protects His beloved. Hiding under His wing provide protection and safety from word arrows aimed at cutting us off mid stride.

Pulls from our resting spot. That place where we meditate on Him and dwell on and in His word. Pulling us out of that place sets us in full target range.

Target of the enemy. Target of those still untouched and transformed by His pure grace and mercy. Target for those professing but not dwelling.

To not be a vulnerable target we must be deep rooted. Our vine must penetrate deep into His word and that growth must be constantly tended to.

For the vine grower, one season of not tending their vines can take up to two, three or more seasons to get a vine back to full growth production. Weeds, fungus, parasites, sun scorching, poor watering, lack of nutrition all spoil the vine and to recover a vine that has been spoiled takes time.

My parents used to have a vineyard. It took many years of digging, planting, watering, feeding, and pruning to get the vines at full production. After selling their property we saw what one season of foxes can do to years of work. After one season left untended, their entire vineyard is a field of dry vines, tall grass, and abundant weeds. It's a good hiding place for foxes.

Tend your vineyard. Keep the foxes at bay. They will come. They WILL come. Don't allow them to ruin the work of the Lord in and thru you. You can be repaired, but the process to strengthen is a process of time and great effort. It takes time to recover a lost vine. It is possible. It is tedious.

So when the foxes come run them off! Be aggressive about protecting the work of the Lord in you. Be diligent to root yourself deep in the word. A hearty vine withstands more.

Lord help me today. Well meaning words have been trying to invade my vine. Hateful words have led a full on attack. I battle it out in my mind. My heart is grieved. I'm fighting to focus on You Lord and give these things no place, I am so challenged in that endeavor. Lord come to my rescue and help me. Amen.

and then there was the dance...

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 03:52:00 +0000

Some days are just hard. Today was. Sometimes there is no pulse to put a finger on why, it's just hard.
I fought a downcast heart today.

My beautiful Proverbs 31 mother called me to check in, I hung up after a brief but encouraging conversation and tears flowed. I may be a grown woman with babes of my own, but still long to be near my mom and talk with her and let her reassure me as she faithfully always does.

My babies asked why I was crying, I told them I missed my mama and loved her so much.

Fast forward through a rough afternoon, frazzled exhausted mama, and the hustle of life's demands.

Everyone Finally gathered home after dance lessons et al. After dinner and after the evening bible stories and prayers...
My daughter asked if she could do a dance for us, a soft slow dance just for her family.
Dad agreed to let her dance for Jesus and her family. The music began and I watched and wept as my six year old lover of Christ worshipped and danced for us. Soon the four year old and 19 month old joined in in their own way. The dance was lyrical in style but reverent and worshipful in heart.

She ran to my lap where I sat with tears flowing and burst into tears. The boys promptly left the room as we held each other and sobbed.

She probably repeated her verbal message to me no less than 5 times. Here was the message in random order.

I love my family so much.
You all are in my heart.
I danced so you would know I love you in my heart.
So my heart would tell your hearts that I love you and Jesus.
That God put us together and all I need is my family.

Then she looked straight at me with those hazel eyes. She spoke, but the message came from far far behind those golden glimmering princess eyes. The words came from her mouth, but the message was from someone else... She was simply a dainty messenger with an open heart.

She said, "God made you. God made you to be my mommy. I love you so much. You are in my heart."

Her repetitive messages continued. I cried harder. He shared His heart to me through one beautiful child's open receptive heart. He shared His heart through His heart in her. The message was clear. I was remembered, loved, and made. Uniquely made in divine depths for such a time as this. For such gifted annointed little ones like this tiny wonder.

My day had been thick molasses and rough uphill terrains. I had failed an fallen and repented more than once in this day. Apologies had been offered by this broken momma but my heart knew I had hurt little hearts and failed and te whole thing made me question if I can do this. Could I be as gentle as they needed? As patient as they needed? As forgiving or loving or fun or creative or anything else that they truly needed.

I cannot. I am not enough. I never will be. Thus the need for relationship with Him.

This is where my amazing godly mother comes back in...
She taught me her key to motherhood.
Swiss Cheese.
It's a prayer offered repeatedly most every day this mother lives. The Swiss Cheese prayer.

"Lord help. I have left so many holes me gaps in this day and I know I have left holes. Holes in the day, in my time, in my responsibilities, but painfully most of all I've left holes with my children. Where I could not be enough mentally, spiritually, physically... Lord God Almighty, Maker of all, please fill in the gaps I've left."

Tonight I'll be praying it again with thanks added. This gifted worshipful daughter of mine is so amazing and a beautiful reflection of Him because He is filling in those Swiss cheese holes I've left.

The day was really rough
And then there was her dance. Offered in grace, pure of heart, surrendering, and turning this mother's downcast face up to the Lord.

Selah.

Rivers of Faithfulness

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 04:59:00 +0000

Its been literally months since we've had significant rain. I lay in bed now listening to rivers pouring from the eve of our roof.

I'm encouraged. I am reminded.

Today Rocco asked how he was made. I said God made you, but he wanted to know exactly how. I told him one day we can ask Him for specifics. I said that God speaks and things come in to being. I said that I suppose God said, "let there be Rocco!" and then there was. This only slightly satisfied My little learners questions.

God speaks and things just simply are. They become life. They become real... They just are. His word NEVER returns void.

I am His word spoken and His breathe in action.

How faithful is our God?!?!

His purpose divine and every action and choice of His with eternal multifaceted intent. Faithful One. One who speaks truth and life. Who sends glorious rain on dry grounds so that long planted seeds might be nourished and fortified and prepared for a magnificent awakening!

Isaiah 55:8-13 NLT

""My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. "The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it. You will live in joy and peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands! Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow. Where nettles grew, myrtles will sprout up. These events will bring great honor to the LORD's name; they will be an everlasting sign of his power and love.""

See it at YouVersion.com:

http://bible.us/Isa55.8.NLT

This scripture fortified most of the 31 years it took for me to meet my groom. Here it is in pure liquid form singing a song above my place of slumber. Singing me to sleep and reminding me...

He keeps His promise

He knows my heart

He waters the dry one

to a bursting spring song

He remembers

He alone is ever faithful

Hot Tea

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 22:12:00 +0000

Hot Tea… perfect any time of year, night or day. I love to wrap my fingers around a warm mug – it’s soothing.

I’ve just boiled water in my favorite kitchen gadget… the electric hot water pot. Instant hot – lovely!
I pour my steaming water in this favorite earthenware mug with a bag of Earl Grey tea.

I think of where the children are to make sure they are not close at hand. Hot water burns.

I think of it steaming here… valuable in it’s place, dangerous when misused.
Everything has it’s own place. Preempting His plan and timing to get what I think ought to be… disasterous… worse than the scald of the hot water out of the pot.

Hot water on the bag… brown currents flow

Scent rises

Mouth waters

Warm exudes…

It’s right. It’s good. It’s proper.

I’m lessoned in my cup today. I’m reminded that good things in the wrong place are made wrong. Good things in the right place are sweet and savory.

This life I lead cannot be about me. It just cannot be. I become dust and the “about” of me fades with no value.

The life lead in worship and sacrifice to Him… it is permanent, eternal, a sweet.

Let my life be a cup of warm to comfort those that hurt.

Let my praise be a sweet fragrance before Him.

Let me bring joy to those that partake.

Rocco, my four year old… he’s hit the 19 month old in the tummy. Little man has tears flowing.
Time out mat instigated. Frustrated Momma.

The same lesson just different scenario.

Rocco why?

“Cuz I want my own way.”

That’s not what this life is about. Now what this household is about.

Tears flowing… “It’s about Jesus!” He cries.

He knows the truth but battles his flesh daily.

Every challenge with my children is just a gonging symbol to the truth of my own inner life.

This battle that many generations before me battled… and those after me will continue to battle.

The self battle. Relinquishing self and letting it be about Jesus.
Trusting Him as Soverign and worthy.

Admitting to the dirty rags of self.

The battle continues still within me.
Rest He says. My heart knows its truth, my head still fights it… truth be told I keep trying to make my life about me. Unwittingly, habitually, in need of rescuing … Still in need of Him leading.

This is enjoying life!

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 19:00:00 +0000

Honestly

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 18:36:00 +0000

to be honest, the last few days have been progressively harder.

This January fast has been the most amazing ever. Mr Daniel and I talked about it just the other night. We have never longed for January to come so much nor anticipated it so. Our King has faithfully met us here.

God has been faithfully meeting us here and sharing things with us that are knocking our socks off. It's awesome!!!!

There are also quiet days where we wait and there isn't a specific word... Just time with Him, sweet and gentle... Both are His nature... Strong and mighty, soft and gentle.

In the midst of all this awesomeness we are still living life. High demands on our creativity and time, make for a fast draining of our resources. Part of the ebb and flow of life when both of you are artists.

Just life alone can punch you in the gut. This morning was one of those moments. Money pulled from a dwindling reserve, groceries purchased, items unpurchased... Makes for a momma that is AGAIN challenged to lift up my head and thank Him.

Yep, I am challenged many times over...
Challenged to not worry
To hope
To not yell at unruly lil hands and feet
To not burst into tears and weep
To not be downcast

I understand David's songs. I understand His self stirring to get his inner man set straight and focused rightly. That focus, somedays, for me, is allusive. Then other days it drifts in and we waltz together.

There has been no waltzing today. The day isn't over and I'm still trying to muster.

I wonder like many others in the word... Why do I continue to do what I know I ought not to do? Why does this sin nature continue to challenge me? Why!

I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate. (Romans 7:15 NLT)

Then I remind myself of the truth:

The LORD directs our steps,
so why try to understand everything along the way? (Proverbs 20:24 NLT)

Let everything that breathes sing praises to the LORD!
Praise the LORD! (Psalm 150:6 NLT)

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25 NLT)

"We are never done until we see Jesus." - Patty Vallone

Yep, I'm not done yet... I'm still a work in progress.

It is well with my soul.

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 03:16:00 +0000

It's been a few days since my last post, but so much has been happening that I haven't stopped to write.

I am tempted to say "People! God is moving!!!"

We've heard that plenty in our church-goin' lives. But I'm cautioned to not say that but pause and recognize that God is always moving. He is at constant movement with deft action and fluid grace He is orchestrating. The real question is, are we listening?

Not asking. Not talking. Not flailing and fumbling. Not fidgeting and wondering. Not distracted. Not at movement ourselves... But listening.

How often do you pause and listen? The Lord graciously talks to me in the shower, in the car, in bed, and while I'm busy with numerous other things. Thank you Lord for that communion.

But there is a selah that He calls us into as well.

Selah: stop and listen.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selah

It's when He is priority and all else falls to the side and you become one with Him and you stop and listen.

The act itself is a declaration of trust. Trusting Him. He exists. He loves me.

God has clearly been telling Mr Daniel and I to rest in Him. Rest as in FULLY trust Him. Rest as in, go about the Father's business knowing He has everything taken care of. Rest as in fall into Him and REALLY live!

So take time today to Selah. It will be well with your soul. It will be rivers of peace and floods of glory. It will be shoring to your structure and strength for your day and hope building for your tomorrow.

How do I love thee...

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 20:39:00 +0000

9 years ago today (roughly) I met Mr Daniel while on a job interview.
8 years ago today I married the promise of God to me
7 years ago we were nesting in our first home
6 years ago we were mesmerized by a bundle of joy and answered prayers, Sophia
5 years ago we longed for a child and grieved the loss of two
4 years ago we rejoiced over a healthy son full of curly dark hair, Rocco
3 years ago we painfully journeyed through hip replacements
2 years ago we anticipated the birth of another son, Dominic
1 year ago today we celebrated and started our seventh year of marriage-not an itch insight
Today I celebrate again the adventure that started one cold rainy winter night when I became forever one with you-my love, my prayer answered with skin on, my peace bringer, my joy mixer, my calm instiller-my love

I love you more each day Mr Daniel!!!

Repose

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 13:55:00 +0000

Broken hearted.
Broken self.
Poured out before Him.
A quiet repose.
Early morning breaks through and I think of Him.
Setting new rhythms and patterns to life ... This is good and I am aware of what I truly have been longing for.

Mr Daniel and I talked again last nights about how one decision changes generations. We yearn for His direction so we set things clear and wholly holy unto Him. We discussed how many decision our parents have made have affected us and are effecting our children and will effect generations to come. We are reminded of
Adam's decision,
of Noah's obedience, Abraham's attempt to try to fulfill God's promise on His own-Ishmael,
Abraham's submission to eventually trust God - Isaac,
God's decision to give Jesus,
Christ's decision to walk it out and be The Sacrifice...

Many others but all made a decision that altered the course of history and generations. (Romans 5)
It's a weighty thing.

We are praying for His wisdom-according to scripture.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking."(James 1:5 NLT)

We know He will supply it... We are to wait upon Him in reverence and trust.

Communion with Him is sweet and fortifying even in the silent times. It is the water from a rock, the heavenly manna, the sweet honey - this Rhema of His, it truly does supply every need.

You may be in a wilderness in your life, but recognize He has provided His word to feed you and answer it all.

January of Fast

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 21:41:00 +0000

“I am so in this.
I am so with you.

Hang in there.”

Sweet words. Encouraging words. I holy breathe to fan a small flickering flame of hope.
His encouragement is always timely and clear. A weighting pressure lifts more.

“You came crooked. I’ve made you straight. My arrow. A miracle started you. You are a straight arrow. Straightly flying. Aimed purposefully at a chosen target.”

I am reminded that my cross hairs must be aimed on Him… that my life must center on Him, focus on Him. This January of Fast has reminded me of how sweet communion with Him is… how desirable, needed, and clarifying.

I long to be with my help mate 24/7. I think this desire is there to remind us that the bride should long after her Groom the same. Oh how He desires for us to long for Him and a 24/7 communion. I long to sit with my love and talk about everything and nothing. I love to sit with him in silence or in the raucous laughter of life. I long to know what’s in his head and heart and to feel his warm touch and his breath at night, as he sleeps. The Father longs for us to yearn for Him the same. Am I?

I am challenged in the January of Fast to intently long and yearn for Him… His touch, His silence, His embrace, His breath of life, His strength of hand, His bubbling of joy, His stillness, His heart and His ways. I am challenged to yearn and long for my first love… Abba Father.

Because He loves us...

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 15:53:00 +0000

That is what the Scriptures mean when God told him, "I have made you the father of many nations." This happened because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who creates new things out of nothing.
Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping—believing that he would become the father of many nations. For God had said to him, "That's how many descendants you will have!" And Abraham's faith did not weaken, even though, at about 100 years of age, he figured his body was as good as dead—and so was Sarah's womb.
Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises. And because of Abraham's faith, God counted him as righteous. And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn't just for Abraham's benefit. It was recorded for our benefit, too, assuring us that God will also count us as righteous if we believe in him, the one who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was handed over to die because of our sins, and he was raised to life to make us right with God. (Romans 4:17-25 NLT)

Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory.
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. (Romans 5:1-5 NLT)

Never Separated

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:36:00 +0000

This was good to read today, because yesterday i fought fear, fatigue, and depression. I am glad for new mercies this morning and that in spite of my self, I wasn't separated from His love.

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38, 39 NLT)

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 16:52:00 +0000

Stillness.
Quiet.
Reverence.

Where we are now. Where we fight to stay. A morning doing books was like a battering ram to the front doors of a house of peace we are trying to create and dwell in. It's hard not to panic. Many times I have. Today is another opportunity to live Psalms 100.

I sense an urgency to get our ducks in a row yet I'm challenged to know how to do it. So yet again we wait in the quiet place, longing for a sweet morsel from His mouth. We are ever aware of how short we fall. Amazed by His grace and mercy and forgiveness.

This ever faithful God loving us on spite of our selves.

In various ways...

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:02:00 +0000

The Lord is definitely speaking to us. Enjoy some of the following blog posts to see what has made an impression on us as of late…

http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/2012/01/one-little-penny.html

http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/2012/01/stepping-forth-in-faith-in-a-new-year.html

http://www.aophomeschooling.com/blog/daily-focus/prove-it/?utm_source=dailyfocus20120105_v2&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=enews&utm_content=ktardibono@cox.net

Fast day 3

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 05:06:00 +0000

God is speaking and its pretty amazing that He allows us to have ears to hear.

We have both listened and both heard. We are encourage in correction and drawn closer to Abba's heart.

Just sitting in His presence is enough.... It's so hard to get there with the plethora of to dos and responsibilities that seem to be swallowing us alive- yet there... There is where we must dwell to survive.

Why does it take us so long to get there? Why do we fight it so with an ungodly fear of what may be?

Yesterday with all my kids quietly in their rooms to observe "quiet time" I knelt at the sofa and buried my head and waited. What delight when He met me there. What delight that He wanted me there! For a few moments I paused. I selah'd . I breathed in and listened. His Words were clear and tried true. His Word followed to seal what my heart knew. I have not been left or forsaken. I matter. I am wanted. I am unconditionally loved in spite of this bruised self I slug around. He delights in me and I am alive in Him.

What love. What love.

He calls us for a sacrifice. He calls us to trust Him and His great love. He asks us.
We wait. We listen. We respond. We wait again with joy and renewed strength. He has met us here.

2012 Fast Day 1

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 01:43:00 +0000

The day has been a whirlwind of chores and to dos but there has been a constant underlying realization of our fast. A calling out of my heart to Him. An awareness of our situation and a hunger for His heart, direction, encouragement and answers. We are at a major life crossroads and The mister and I are intensely aware of it.

We long to please Him. Long to worship Him at every turn. We are aware of how short we come up and how needy we are for His intervention, His voice, His reassurance.

We have eagerly flung ourselves into our annual January fast. We long. We hope. We pray and fast for His voice and hand to move us into position to go, be, do as He has commanded.

We must fulfill His call. We seek what that is for our family, mister's career, our marriage, our future. We were made for a divine purpose... Now we seek Him to fulfill it.

Time...

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 17:03:00 +0000

Time is ticking… I’ve been off the blog route here for a bit. I’ve posted new recipes to my recipe blog, http://tardibonotable.blogspot.com/, but that’s about it.

There is a lot happening here, but it’s not time to share it all. Soon I hope. I’m so grateful for His grace, mercies, His provision from the most surprising of places, and the fact He knows my name!
I’m continually humbled by His love for me, unconditional love for me… it’s amazing and undeserved ---- trust me it’s undeserved! I’m temperamental, melancholy, anxious about things I shouldn’t be. I fight fear. I cry more and more the older I get. I’m finding I’m far more fragile than I ever thought, and this is good because I’m realizing as capable as I am with many things, it’s never enough. When I rest and trust in Him, this is a wonderful thing that moves like a well oiled machine. When I fight trusting and try to take over and control things – a horrid mess ensues…HORRID MESS!

But there He is loving me just the same… this become my anchor… my place of peace, my strong tower, and a beacon in what has seemed like a long LONG night.

God is moving. We hear His voice. This fact alone is breathtaking and humbling. He is moving on our behalf and we know some things about our path at this point in our life…other things we are waiting on.

God is so very faithful and we hope to share soon the long list of His recent work on our lives. Maybe by that time we’ll have a little bit more of the big picture for us.

Love to all this beautiful CHRISTmas season. God is worth our every praise! Glory to the work He has done among and in us!

I'm your mother...

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 15:24:00 +0000

This morning as I dressed my six year old, Miss Sophia, she went on a bit of a tangent. I put on a long sleeve shirt she had picked out and she began fussing with the sleeves. They fit her perfectly well but her perception was that they were too long. She quickly went into a bit of a fit. As usual, I had to direct her to calm down. “This is just a shirt. It’s not worth all of this.” She proceeded to tell me that the sleeves were too long, they were not. Our dialogue continued:

ME: “Sophia am I your mommy?”

S: (frowning and huffing) “No! Yes.”

ME: “I am your mommy right?”

S: “Yes.”

ME: “Am I older than you?” (see here I’m making her use those new found math skills we’ve been working on!)

S: “Yes”

ME: “Do you think I know how clothes should fit?”

S: “Yes”

ME: “Yes, I know how to dress you and how to put the right fitting clothes on you. This shirt fits just fine. It is not worth this.”

We resolved by removing the shirt and putting it in our giveaway pile. Although it still has some fit until it’s outgrown, I explained that clothes are not worth wasting tears on or getting frustrated with… they are simply clothes. So we put a new outfit on and she was off on her merry way.

Tomorrow is my birthday and my love, Mr. D, loaded the kids up this morning for their annual trek to the donut shop and a visit to Dollar Tree where each child is given a dollar to pick out a gift for mommy. The kids love this because they get to pick whatever they want. It always makes for an interesting gift-opening session the next morning – some things speak volumes and some things need some explanation – but each gift is filled with thought and love and every time I look at it I think of my tiny little person walking around thinking of me wanting to get something just for me that they chose and thought was great. There is a lot of love packed in that one dollar gift – I adore this tradition.

So while Mr. D was away with the kids I had an unusual moment to sit in the strangely quiet house and nestle in my chair and read my daily scriptures…. One of which is posted below.

“When a servant comes in from plowing or taking care of sheep, does his master say, ‘Come in and eat with me’? No, he says, ‘Prepare my meal, put on your apron, and serve me while I eat. Then you can eat later.’ And does the master thank the servant for doing what he was told to do?

Of course not. In the same way, when you obey me you should say, ‘We are unworthy servants who have simply done our duty.’” Luke 17:7-10

I read this and flashed back to just an hour before and my dressing session with Miss Sophia. There was a story there and I knew I needed to rethink the morning events with this scripture.

I heard God…

GOD: “Katrina, am I your Father?”

ME: “Yes”

GOD: “Am I the one who made you?”

ME: “Yes”

GOD: “I know your beginning from your end. I know the path in between. I know the secrets of your heart. I know the challenges you have and do face. I know the hopes and dreams and fears you fight. I know where you are. I know where you’re going. I know all of the lovely and the bad. I love you in the light of all that. TRUST ME!

I know how to clothe you and how to feed you. I know how to open doors and close them. I know how to GET THROUGH TO YOU when you’re butting your head against a wall. I know you. I made you. I’m your Father. I know how to ‘dress’ you.”

I find that every single interaction good, bad, frustrating, hilarious, and all the bits in between always speak volumes about me and God. My challenges with my kids always relay a message to me about where I am with God… usually it’s a glaring message to just trust Him… just love Him… just be patient and wait on Him… just relax and enjoy Him… stop and recognize the many blessings He has bestowed… take a deep breath, this situation isn’t that major! Oh, the list of lessons could go on. I find myself more and more listening to our family scenarios and reflecting on them and finding a multitude of lessons in them. For every challenge I face with the kids each day… there are ten lessons the Lord is trying to convey to me.

The Luke 17 scripture above just struck me. More and more I’m realizing that my American modern day culture really throws some sick kinks into how we ought to correctly think and live in accordance with scripture and God’s relationship with us. There is such a prevalent entitlement mentality today.

“I just worked the field man. What do you mean I have to come in and cook you dinner to? I’M HUNGRY! I’m not serving you now… I’m hungry, I want to eat NOW. I’m not your servant. Didn’t you see me sweating and slavin’ out there all day. I need a break.”

Nope, that doesn’t jive. But doesn’t this sound so much like what we hear today. Wifes to husbands, kids to parents, employee to employer… unfortunately it’s the common mentality. The true servant’s heart has become lost in our general population. We’ve become used to demanding something in return.

Luke 17:7-10 caught my attention this morning in light of my conversation with God… because the servant trusted his master. See in Luke 17, the servant knew his master, he knew what was expected of him… listen to the master’s orders and follow them. There is no second guessing the command. Obedience is required because your life and livelihood are at stake.

Obedience is a lesson we are constantly at work with in our children. It’s something God is constantly at work with me. I am His servant. I am His servant bought with the price of the greatest sacrifice, Christ Jesus. I gave my life to Him. He is the great Master. He cares for me, He provides and shelters me, He has given me good work to do to bring honor to Him and a work that will increase the harvest and fill His storehouses with the ones He loves so dearly. If He gives me a command His command is one from an honored faithful loving generous strong powerful Master. When we grasp the depths and beauty of the character of God WHATEVER He commands us to do is a pleasure and joy and honor. EVEN when it is a task that is long and arduous, thankless, tiring, emotional, seemingly endless… it is a task that He, the most high, requested of us. How amazing that we were chosen by Him for Him.

My prayer this morning…

Lord, I am an unworthy servant who wants to simply do my duty to you Lord God. I’m so unworthy. Thank you Lord for washing me and cleansing me and continually giving me another opportunity to obey. Thank you for never giving up on me when I’m hard headed and selfish and difficult. Thank you that when I’ve thrown a fit because the shirt doesn’t fit… You calmly reassure me that You know what You’re doing and to just trust You. Thank you for the bazillioin second chances You keep throwing my way.”

-Katrina

What's Up????

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 16:20:00 +0000

Well it’s been a too eventful week which landed me straight at the hospital for tests. Another random gallbladder attack over the weekend followed by another on Monday night landed me in my Doctor’s office for a battery of tests. Thanks be to God I do not have an infection and there is no stone blocking the duct… but TADA! I have a gallbladder totally jammed full of stones. To say the pain was severe is an understatement. The first attack I had was while pregnant with my last child about 22 months ago. It was a 20 on a scale of 1-10. No lie, birthing a child didn’t hurt as bad as that little bag of rocks in my side.

Thankfully this past weekend’s two episodes were more like a 8 or 9 on a scale of 1-10. But the aftermath of these two back to back attacks pretty much laid me out for two days. My beautiful husband stayed home the first day to cart me to the Doc’s office and took a half day the next day to tote me again to an ultrasound. I felt like I had been beaten by a brick bat and left in the middle of the road to be later run over by a mac truck. Isn’t it amazing how a teeny tiny little stone can waylay the most resilient! There is a lesson there for sure.

I’m back up today trying to catch up on design work. I’m so honored to get to design the newsletter for Jim King Ministries. If you’ve not checked them out, you can do so here http://jimking.org/ . This is a wonderful ministry that I’d encourage you to consider partnering with. Every month that I work on their newsletter I’m moved at the great need of children around the world to simply be loved and cared for. I look at my beautiful three children and our hopes for more and I recognize how overwhelming blessed I am. How blessed I am to have three healthy children with purpose and vision and passion. I’m moved at how much I’m not their mom but I’m the individual chosen by God to guide them into His glory and purpose for their lives… that I’m just a temporary caretaker of someone divinely created by the Master of All and that I’ve been given a mission for their time here to direct them and encourage them and most of all to LOVE them like He has loved me ---- unconditionally. I feel very much like my kids are not mine but His and just briefly in my care. That I’m nothing and TOTALLY dependent on HIM to fill in the gaps – because there are plenty of gaps. My mother used to say she prayed for God to fill in the holes she left every day… she called it her “Swiss Cheese” prayer… I pray that prayer daily!

I also have enjoyed following the blog A Place Called Simplicity. http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/ Please follow this blog! It’s wonderful and amazing. Again, I see these beautiful children needing one thing… LOVE! I’m challenged to die more to my self. I’m aware more and more that the American Dream is selfish… that my goal in life is to live God’s vision for my life… not a dream that man has made. Things are just things and absolutely not eternal. Do I still fight self over “things” or my own expectations SURE! Who doesn’t??!??!? I want to have a nice safe home for my kids where we all can spread out and be comfortable. Then I read this blog and the situation that some of these kids are coming out of… I’m so grateful I have healthy kids! I’m so grateful they have clothes and food and a roof over their heads and that my husband has a job. I’m so aware of the need of the orphan… they just need love! Do you have love to spare? Then consider adopting or consider contributing to ministries like Jim King Ministries or A Place Called Simplicity. There are numerous others… you can be a part of fulfilling the command of the Lord to care for the orphan and the widow.

Judging

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 22:37:00 +0000

Daniel's judging has been a financial help but I have to say it's been such an encouragement to him. I don't think I've ever directly put in print Daniel's current work. He's the founding director of a pre professional dance school that is Christian based.

He's incredibly amazing at what he does. He's creative and executive all at the same time. It's a unique combination and incredibly helpful when you're running a business. His business enters it's 13th year this year.

We entered this year with a lot a lot a lot of questions. We've been struggling for the last 4 years. We made a commitment that our kids would come first and we've followed through. But the path has not been easy. Four years ago I left my full time job to come home and focus on raising my two kiddos. My second was born and it was then that things were confirmed - it would take all of me ministering to both of them daily. I could not be an affective or effective employee AND a Godly mother and do both jobs to everyone's benefit - definitely not mine. Although the first two years of Sophia's life, I worked full time from home... I knew I could not continue with a second child. Work demands grew and home demands grew - something had to give, and my number one commitment was to the call of God on my life to be a wife and a mother. I've had to be reminded of that frequently over the years. When there is no money for food or clothing or gas in the car... I've had to remind myself that I am serving God in the home and that He is my provider.

I've prayed for creative and witty inventions to try to help supplement our income and God has graciously and generously given me skills and ideas to help others and receive payment in return. I'm very grateful every time I sell something or book a design job for pay.

Daniel and I have worked hard to try to reduce debt year after year. And we've made headway, although recently things are pretty much at a hault. You can't work for 4 years straight in the hole and not hit a spot that you go... oh no! something has to change.

That's kinds of what this summer was. We depleted our last store house. We took on every extra job we could, sold everything we could think of, cut every bill we could that would penalize us more than we could afford...
In fact we are having another dreaded garage sale in two weeks to get rid of more and try to generate more to pay the bills.

I'm finding more and more people doing just the same thing. It can be a disheartening, discouraging, painful process. You find yourself wondering if you've been forgotten. If you've made some horrible mistake that you're paying for... oh the list could go on of all the lies you hear in your head and of the depression and fear that creeps about trying to settle in....

You have to stir yourself up as David did and be reminded of God's never ending faithfulness. Of His sovereignty. Of His perfect presence. Of His Father's heart.... this list really could go on.

His faithfulness is something that our lives are built on - that our marriage is built on and it is the place where we swivel around and stand at attention recognizing His infinite faithfulness to those who are called by His name.

See Daniel networked for three years trying to make a connection to find paying work that could support our family and nothing ever panned out. Then one year he made a connection with a new company that was willing to bring on a new dance judge. He did two rounds of judging. It provided some extra income but it wasn't exactly the environment he'd prefer to be in. But it WAS a stepping block. The following year, with work under his belt, a very established and reputable company contacted him. The story of how they got connected is just as miraculous as anything else... sufficed to say, God connected dots that we didn't even know existed and Daniel was hired last season by this great company. Ah, see here... more of God's hand at work beyond what we see or know - yet in His faithfulness there He is knitting pieces of our path together.

So Daniel spent last season with this company. Let me first respond as his wife - it was fantastic. It was hard on me and the kiddos every long weekend he was gone... but every weekend when he returned, a little more of the husband I knew returned.

See Daniel had been working long and hard. Much of it unnoticed, recognized, or appreciated. But valuable work nonetheless. 12 years can zap the most effervescent and optimistic of people - my husband is unequivocally both!

So here he was working these weekend jobs with this new company... the first weekend he came come exhausted and valued. He was so amazed that in just four days with people he'd never known he felt more validated and encouraged within the dance community that ever. See here, I think this is more of God connecting dots... encouraging a beloved son of His that yes, he really was designed to do what he does - and not just designed for it but designed to excel at it and that he wasn't some ordinary guy - he was extraordinary.

My husband returned from each weekend judging job more encouraged and more valued than ever. He made more connections and friends with industry leaders around the nation. Even a year later, we get calls from some of them checking on him to see how he's doing. When we had a bad snow storm, one of them would call to make sure the kids, myself and Daniel were alright. With recent heat and wildfires - we got more check up calls. This is amazing! They cared about ALL of us - not just what they could get out of an employees. (IF you're an employer or you direct employees take a moment to really learn this lesson - your employees are the greatest asset your company has. Invest in them and the product/service you provide will be provided and served by and eager and willing employee who will work tirelessly to sell what you've got!)

I don't believe we've seen everything play out yet - I think there are more dots God is connecting on this part of our journey. There are days I feel very down or fight fear because we don't have money to pay bills or buy milk... then a job will come in or someone will bless us with a gift and we make it. It may be JUST making it but we make it. If we sat down and really added up the numbers - they'd never make sense. But I believe God's economy is different than ours. We are learning life lessons (endurance, trust, faith, strength, hope, ingenuity...). We are learning lessons that we need now and probably will have need of in new dimensions in the years to come should the Lord tarry.

What a mighty faithful loving smart diving God we serve. Always listening. Always loving. Always willing for us to run into His arms. I've done a lot of that over the last four years. It's the safest place to be. We are moving forward in the final half of this 2011 year knowing the God is at work on our behalf. Connecting the dots. Encouraging us through His word and through His divine connections. He keeps reassuring us that He has everything taken care of - I know to the core of my being that He does. It is a daily effort to get my head to cooperate!

Be encouraged today as you look at the challenges ahead. God, Jehovah, Yah-weh, Maker of Miracles... see when we give ourselves to Him, we melt into Him and let Him orchestrate all the pieces of our life. Be encouraged that EVEN if you make a wrong turn or a less than stellar choice... He's still there waiting to receive you into His mighty arms and get you trackin' back on the right path. Give your life to Jesus - there is no where else greater to be! It's an adventure with ups and downs - but you have the Creator of the Universe to traverse the path ahead.

An adventure of epic proportions awaits you!

Too Long

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 22:12:00 +0000

Oh heavens! I've just looked and the last time I blogged was April 2010. I knew it had been awhile but I had no idea it had been THAT long.

A lot has happened over the past year and a half.

In May 2010 we finished our first year of homeschooling with Sophia in Prek-Kinder. She did great and although we weren't reading yet she was grasping things right and left and totally blowing me out of the water. I felt very inadequate for my eager learner.
In June 2010 we welcomed the amazing Dominic Daniel to our household. As my only blonde haired blue eyed child - he is a wonder to behold! The month was frought with fighting serious jaundice levels but, Praise the Lord, we overcame and Dominic is a VERY healthy boy. He has remained in the top 90+percentile of both height and weight. He is by far are biggest kiddo and will probably spank everyone on height and weight. WE LOVE IT! (coming from rather short parents)
The entire Summer of 2010 was a new build out for my husband's dance school that he founded. We've now decided that although it was good timing for the school... it was ridiculously stressful for our family with a newborn.
August, September and October we the start of a great new dance season for the school. But for some reason the season started out whonky and continued like that for the remainder of the school year. Molasses was kind of how it was. More to do than what you have time and energy to do but are still demanded to accomplish.
November provided a much adored trip to Branson, MO. An annual November trip that my side of the family participates in. It is a much needed escape and although we had a newborn and absolutely no money - we went anyway. My generous parents made it possible for us. Then Sophia became ill on the drive up and I became so stressed by it that I got sick too. So the entire extended weekend was poor Daniel trekking around Branson with just Rocco while I took care of myself and Sophia in a random hotel room with my 5 month old nursing around the clock infant - it was markedly the worst trip EVER!
December was a lovely holiday season that had lots of fun moments for us all. Dominic's first Christmas, the kids received gifts from Santa (two much desired scooters).
Lots of hard heavy snow trapped us indoors with Daddy for several days and this was a treat that couldn't be beat.
January 2011 - May 2011 was a normal homeschooling, dance class, dance competition season that kept us running. It was Sophia's first competitive season and she did well and enjoyed it. Daniel took on several extra judging jobs to try to pay our bills and although it helped A LOT and he had an absolute blast doing it, we found it extremely difficult with him gone. He'll be repeating that this January - May 2012. Something I'm not thrilled about because him being gone so much is incredibly difficult - but we have no other choice. We are so grateful he has found favor with this dance competition company and they love him so much that they are begging him to return. More about his judging later.
June 2011 was our year end production of Mary Poppins and all went well. Probably the smoothest show we've done to date. After 12 years of producing shows, we finally hit a stride.
June - August 15, 2011 was a quiet Summer. After the Summer of 2011 it was much needed. We saw so much of Daniel this Summer that it was a very enjoyable Summer. He was gone for 10 days to the National Dance competition - and this stunk to high heaven - but we had no money for our whole family to go, so I stayed home with the family. We knew we were making the right monetary decision but my heart hurt more than you can imagine. This trip to Orlando was a trip we had prayed and hoped for for over one year... but knowing the financial pickle we've been in for several years... there was just no option. Looking back - it's a good thing we didn't go, Daniel got a stress related cold while there. He was stressed beyond description there and we would of just added to it all if we had been there.
August 15 marked the start of our homeschool year and Rocco joined the school day with PreK and Kindergarten curriculum of his own and Sophia is in the midst of Kindergarten for this semester and will be starting first grade at the new year. It's an advantage schooling at home because we can speed up and slow down based on her specific needs. Rocco is doing great at school and really loves it. Sophia is stunning me! We set a goal to be reading by Christmas... we are three weeks in and she's reading! I'm amazed and the kids are asking me daily for more school - I have wonderful learners on my hands and I'm so grateful. I want to hone that desire so that they remain life long learners. For the first time, I'm really enjoying homeschooling. Trust me some days are a real chore... but overall it's been so wonderful. I feel more prepared that ever this year and since I'm finally seeing results from last year - it's making this year so much more enjoyable!

With him...

noreply@blogger.com (Tardibonos) — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 01:54:00 +0000

This was a big day. It wasn't necessarily that we intended it to be a big day but it just ended up that way.

We're in the midst of our production season and this season, like all the rest is massive and overwhelming. I've sewn til my fingers bleed, designed piles of advertising and marketing for the show... and it doesn't hold a candle to all the work Daniel has had to do. He's going constantly and there just isn't enough to go around! He has plenty on his plate with normal dance school leadership responsibilities... but ad to that 200 kids and their parents who have questions or anxieties or just know how to manage things... and we have more demand than there is Daniel to go around.

This morning, I sat on the back porch with black trash bags in hand as I watched my sweet husband mow... he is exhausted and physically tired and mental on overload... but he got out this morning and mowed... first mow of the season on our back yard and some parts were knee high. Needless to say it took a good bit of the morning. I watched him walking back and forth as the kids ran and played and had more fun than imaginable outside... and I thought...

I'm so glad I'm with him. He is the beautiful peaceful place that no matter what's going on in our lives... if I'm with Daniel everything is calmer and more at rest. He is an optimistic person by nature, and even in this really challenging season when there are moments he just wants to crash and cry... he still has this strength of hope and passion for his kids and dance that just keep him focused on where he's going. I'm so glad I'm with him.

You know, as long as we're together things seem calmer. Days when I've had all I can take with the kids and just can't manage any more... Daniel walks in the door and instantly I feel lighter and brighter and I sigh a big sigh of relief. Not because a second pair of hands just walked in the door... but because he walked in the door. I'm with him and I can't tell you what joy and peace that brings.

As I watched him walk back and forth this morning and thought of how happy I am that God made me for him and him for me... I thought of how beautiful it was to see the goodness of God and my relationship with Him in the midst of my relationship with Daniel.

Those morning where the to-dos have overtaken the morning and I've missed reading my daily scripture readings or I've embarked on the day without pausing to thank God for another day... those are the days that I crash and burn so fast it is mind boggling... but when I'm with Him there is a peace and joy and calm that is indescribable.

Daniel and I have had a lot of questions and concerns and prayers in 2010...we're fast approaching the midway mark and still don't have most of those answers... but we're with Him and somehow in the Kingdom of God, that God knit relationship is calming, peaceful, and sets our hearts straight and at ease... even in the midst of challenges, hurdles, health issues, financial strain... the list could go on... but we're with Him and HE is the beautiful peaceful place we're dwelling in... with Him is this fullness that is beyond words.

I'm with him and Him.