God Praise Place

I'M STILL AROUND

2025-10-15T10:13:00.004-06:00

Yes, I'm still around. Still reaching. Still seeking. And being filled from within. This transition has been completely filling and revelatory. I'm more than I ever knew, even with the miraculous I've experienced, sometimes ignorantly. Touching the eternal. Walking in that realm. Listening to it teaching me. We are so much more than we were ever taught or knew.

I've written 5 books under the pen name Faith Living. They are available on Amazon. I also stay active on Facebook periodically under the name Faith Rockrimmon.

Blessings.

Marna Mitchem

BOOKS BY FAITH LIVING

The Kingdom of God at Rose Rock - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01APUCZXO

Outside Rose Rock - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B089LZDLDX

My Seat, Learning to Live From the Kingdom Book 1 - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1974398862

My Kingdom, Learning to Live From the Kingdom Book 2 - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CG97V2H

Rejection & Identity - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DSN0PXW

Rejection & Identity, Book 2 - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1535106093

2015-10-25T13:57:00.003-06:00

This just seems like a divine picture full of so much beauty. I wanted to share it.

Listening

2014-12-23T11:41:00.002-07:00

Today I understood how marvelous it is to hear from my Father God personally - and NOT have crowds of people standing around me waiting to hear what Father just said to me. This is the way most people treat Pastors and Preachers. They sta...nd in silence with their eyes glued to him waiting to hear what he has to say. Imagine how annoying that could be. You wouldn't have a moment of real privacy with your Creator because everything He said to you would be slated for sharing. All the real intimacy would be ruined with the responsibility to feed all the sheep. What a heavy responsibility. What a stupid responsibility.
Seriously.

First thing I would do is pray a prayer for Father to help them get past their own box so they could hear Him speak (since He's speaking all the time). Then I would tell them all to close their eyes and repeat the first words that came to mind.

Ha, ha, ha, ha! Then we would all have a huge laugh when they realized they had all just heard similar words meaning the same thing but said in different ways. They would look around at each other in shock and awe until it dawned on them the only differences were that each message was heard in the exact dialect, slang or accent they would understand personally.

Suddenly the light would pop and the glory of the Lord would fill the place. What an awesome sight that would be.

DO NOT BE AFRAID

2014-12-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

Did you know that God doesn't like cowards?

Revelations 21:8 Amp
"...as for the cowards,...cravenly lacking in courage,...cowardly submissive;...they shall have their part in the lake that blazes with fire..."
...
This scripture lumps cowards together with liars, unbelievers, murderers etc.

Imagine that! Does that mean everyone who is ever afraid? Nope, I don't think so. Difference is that even while afraid you can move forward and face the thing that is scaring you and then you aren't a coward. A coward is someone who is afraid and won't move forward to face it.

Now why do you suppose God feels that way about cowards? We are all cowards at some point about some thing.

I believe it's because a coward has no faith, no trust, no hope, no integrity. Fear has defeated all those things in him.

One thing I know about God and His Word; there is no place where He is defeated. No, not one. There is nothing that exists that CAN defeat Him. Not even death.

So, as it says all thru the Bible "do not be afraid". And if you are - move forward in faith, trusting that nothing can defeat you when God is with you.

DO NOT BE AFRAID

God's enjoyment

2014-12-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been thinking about Jesus living in me. I used to describe it using a toothpick stuck in the middle of my fist. And I'd say the toothpick was Jesus and the fist was me. But as I let Jesus grow inside me the toothpick would expand into a branch and then a log and my fist had to open up to let this happen. So, every day in my prayers I would ask Him to help me LET Him grow; that I would surrender more. Then I would ask Him to use me however He wanted to use me that day. Sometimes He actually did. And that was awesome! It was the greatest high ever! And I would crave it. I'd crave for it to happen again . . . soon. No, soon wasn't soon enough. And I kept thinking about how I could LET Jesus grow inside me and actually become more of Him and less of me.
Now, He says to me that I'M LIVING IN JESUS. Not the other way around. Ok. Wow. That took my mind and bent it all around into a totally different direction. And I had to let that settle into my heart. I'm living in Jesus. I'm living through Jesus. That means I'm not the one making the choices anymore. I don't have to beg Him to use me; He's the one orchestrating my day already. So, if He's using me to talk to someone, or using me to stand and stare at the beauty of the mountains. I thought that if I wasn't actually talking about Jesus to someone, then He wasn't using me. I thought that all the chores and things of the day were really getting in the way of Jesus using me. But now that I think He's already in charge here; well, then, maybe He likes doing chores. After all, He doesn't have a body anymore - except ours. Imagine if you didn't have a body. Maybe after awhile, you'd actually miss those mundane things like washing your face, cooking dinner, doing the laundry, walking the dog, cleaning the carpets . . . and such.
OK, no, no, no I'm not being sacreligious. I'm not. I'm saying that Jesus loves LIVING through us. And if we really let that sink into our hearts we could actually enjoy being ALIVE.
Maybe linger longer over that beautiful sunset, instead of rushing away to . . . find someone to "witness" to about Jesus. Besides, that only works when the Holy Spirit directs you to do it because He's already been working on them and got them to the point that they need to talk to someone now . . . and usually that's only to confirm that they are already way ahead of you.
You see . . . there's that REST "thing" that He told us to do. Why? Because I think originally before Adam & Eve messed it up, God said He rested. What was He doing while He rested? He just ENJOYED. He enjoyed. He enjoyed everything He created. He enjoyed strolling along in the cool of the evening just chatting. He enjoyed looking at all the beauty and saying things like "that's really good".
The whole point of all the years between then and now . . . is to GET IT BACK. Get what back? The RESTING. The enjoying.
Remember that tomorrow . . . Jesus loves living through you. So, sit back and enjoy the ride. See where He goes. He'll probably go do all the things you've been doing all along, but He'll enjoy them.
Hmmm?

Come on get up & go forward

2014-12-23T11:31:00.003-07:00

As I walk along, I glory in the Word of God that brings me
messages of comfort and direction along the way; often specifically designed to
speak to my situation. God, in His
unfailing and uncompromised Love, directs these messages to reach me at just
the right moment when I need them most.
I glory in this; that He loves me this much to take the time, take the
initiative, and take the energy to send me a message. How awesome is that thought?

God sent me – just me specifically – a message. It was FULL of love. It was SO FULL of love that it overwhelmed
me. GOD!
GOD, HIMSELF! Who would have
thought that God, Himself, would bother to send ME a message? Who am I?

Well, apparently, I became His beloved Daughter when I
became born again. All these years I
thought of myself as a tiny, little piece of God’s creation, floating along
somewhere in His vast universe, hoping to just be a good enough follower to
hear Him say “Well done, good and faithful servant.” when I reach the throne in
heaven. But other than that, not very
worthy of anything at all, let alone His attention to actually send me a
message; especially not during something that is just my own emotion hang-up
I’m trying to overcome.

But, it has happened so many times now; and still I’m
overwhelmed when it happens again. It
ABSOLUTELY humbles me! It drops me right
to my knees. God is not only caring
about my struggles with my own imperfections and mistakes that He cares to
encourage me, Himself! He isn’t judging
me or wagging His finger at me or even advising me, oh so gently.

No! He only tells me
with SO MUCH LOVE just to be assured that He loves me and everything is going
to be just fine. So I can go ahead and
get back up off my self-imposed floor of guilt and condemnation and
“butt-kicking”; and forgive myself so I can go forward.

Go forward. That is
His only advice. Go forward.

Really? What about
berating me? What about wagging a finger
at me in disappointment and shame? What
about telling me “you knew better, didn’t you?”? What about . . . ?

None of that.
None. Just plain, none. Zip.
Nada.

Just “come on, I love you, go forward”. Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Really? REALLY?

REALLY!

Wow!

September 19, 2011 at 6:09pm

I'm limiting God!!!

2014-12-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

In my amazement at His messages, I wallow around chewing on them for hours and days.
Then this morning I realized how much I would love to hear from Him ALL THE TIME! And my first thought was that I was asking too much.
Wow. How we limit God.
Why do I know that I want to hear from Him all the time, but think that He doesn't want to talk to me all the time? Why would I think He's too busy? How silly is that?
He created us to have relationship with us. And personally, I know that getting a message from Him is better than getting a message from anyone. I love it. I hold it and grasp it. I marvel at it. I'm thrilled by it.
I want more . . . and more . . . and more.
Today, I'm going to try to stay in His presence . . . which is actually another silly thought because His presence lives inside me and He's with me all the time. So maybe it's better to say that today I'm going to try to invite Him to walk and talk with me every moment today. Just like I would If I asked a friend to go shopping with me. I would be aware of their presence and I would be making effort to communicate and share all during that time. I wouldn't speak to my friend for a minute and let them speak to me for a minute and then just ignore them the rest of the day. How awful!
Why would I do that to God? Why would I think that He doesn't want that kind of relationship too?
I remember that song "I am a friend of God". The Bible says so.
So, I'm going to treat Him more like a friend.

September 20, 2011 at 7:49am

Are you kidding me? I did that.

2014-12-23T11:26:00.002-07:00

It popped into my mind out of the blue and was just as clear as if it happened yesterday. I was 26 yrs old again and my Momma had just died. I was so heartbroken and devastated, not to mention afraid. Yeah, even at 26 it frightened me that my Momma was gone. Who would be praying for me that I would be safe? Who would I call when I was confused, hurt and alone? I had a husband and I had children, but there's no one like your Momma. And I wasn't sure that God heard anyone else except my Momma.
In remembering that moment, I also remembered the decision I made in that fear. It was this: "I will continue to walk forward and try to raise my kids, but I know I will be a terrible Mom because I don't know what I'm doing, so I'll just hope that loving them and praying for them will be enough and God will do the rest."
It wasn't such a horrible thought/decision except for the part that I would be a terrible Mom. Looking back on that moment from 30 years later, I can see how that one thought trailed through my life and haunted me. But I didn't remember it until yesterday. I wondered why I couldn't be a good Mom, or why I thought I was such a bad one. And OHHHHH the guilt. Guilt is an evil, ugly, cruel companion that will never go home until you expose him for the liar he is.
Seeing this scenario yesterday, I welcomed it like I welcome my feet touching the ground after flying. Finally I know where this came from. I'm stunned that I did it. I'm usually more analytical about my thoughts and decisions. But I remember the emotional trauma I was experiencing at the time. My thinking was far from clear and I was desperately grasping for something to "ground" me and take away the fear.
I know that fear comes from my evil enemy. It never comes from God. And I also know that I can actually "TELL IT" to leave me by telling "him" that he's a liar and that I am a Child of God full of God's love and protection. It took me a long time to learn this. But it has released me from many emotionally "freezing" episodes of fear. And I have found such wonderful peace in doing this.
But I didn't know these things back then. I didn't recognize the lie and I didn't recognize the fear. I only knew that I was living in desperation.
Blame is usually the next step in our society. Find the source and place the blame. But we don't seem to understand that this piece of the process is the smallest part of healing. Nor do we seem to realize that it doesn't take hours of tears and additional re-living trauma to place the origin of the trauma, the lie and the result of believing it.
My revelation came from a simple statement I had made to God in prayer the day before. I had asked Him to show me where this "terrible Mom syndrome" had come from. I didn't travail in prayer. And when the revelation came, it was a simple scene that popped into my mind while I was busy doing something benign. When I saw it, I didn't stop what I was doing and grab my chest as my heart palpitated. No. My reaction was "are you kidding me?". "I did that."
My next step, I already knew, was to simply renounce that old decision and cast it into the sea of forgetfulness never to be retrieved.
By that I mean, that I will not blame myself, berate myself, carry guilt over it, and suffer any consequences for it. I refuse all of that in Jesus name. Why would I treat it that way when we usually expect those reactions as the normal course of human emotion to spend lots of time "dealing through it"?
I won't because I don't have to. Jesus set me free from the bondage of emotionally "dealing through it". His healing was not the result of that course of action. His healing was a result of my faith that He is real and that He not only made healing available to me, but that He did it already 2000 years ago and all I have to do is claim it as my own and believe that it is done.
This whole trauma and life-long lie was the result of my enemy taking advantage of my weakness and seeing it as an open door to tell me a lie that I wasn't mature enough to recognize. So, it's not my fault. I will not carry any fault for it. Not only did Jesus make my healing available, but He also healed the results of that lie - at the moment I recognized it and placed it in its proper category. (In my weakness, He is strong).
Why do we think that we can fix anything emotional by "working through it"? Where did we get this power to heal ourselves? Recognizing the source of the problem and placing blame doesn't do anything for us except when it is approached through Jesus' terms of healing.
See it, Place it, Renounce it, and be Healed.
Too simple for you? Yeah, I know, I battled that argument years ago and persisted in fighting emotional issues the "normal" way for so long. Then I realized how much time I was wasting. We have work to do promoting the Kingdom. And this is part of it. Healing is simple. It really is. Just do it. You have the faith the size of the mustard seed. Use it. And if for some unknown reason your healing doesn't manifest in some area, keep believing and keep walking forward. You WILL know why later. He promises that to us.

He will lead me.

2014-12-23T10:48:00.001-07:00

I must say "thank you" to my Lord for the amazing fact that He is willing to take the time in His "God running the Universe" duties to guide me personally in my many questions and curiousities. Just like my children were full of "what's that?" questions that sometimes tried my patience, I find a whole new set of inquiries each day I am alive. But unlike me dealing with a 'work day' schedule, He always has plenty of time and interest in my questions. And even when I don't understand His direction and instruction the first or second time, He is willing to keep explaining the same thing in a new way until I finally "get it".
I didn't have 'church' to answer all my questions through the years. I was isolated. But as I look back through those years, I clearly see His very personal and very intimate guidance. He didn't have a problem with the fact that there wasn't a 'church' guiding me. And now that I have learned so much from Him directly, it reminds me of children who are 'home-schooled'. They have actually surpassed children in conventional schools only because their learning was so personally guided.
There have been those who think my faith has a tendency to the 'radical' view only because I cannot accept at 'face-value' any "widely accepted mainstream Christian doctrine" when presented to me. Telling me that "this is what the most theologically-educated say" does not impress me; not because I am rebellious or controversial as a chosen character trait. No, on the contrary; I will remain silent in preference to 'peace' rather than open my mouth and cause a 'ruckus'.
But when it comes to choosing a path of belief, I consult my closest confidant, the person who was there through it all and never failed me; my friend, my creator, my God. This is not to place a crown upon my own head in some kind of awesome, wonderful, great holiness of my own; ha! This is the simple fact that I was terrified and lost so horribly that I threw the reins of my life at Him in panic and fear; and He didn't flinch; He guided me completely for so long now that I don't know any other way to do it.
I chose to have a 'church' recently. And when I hear my pastor or other teacher reprimand the congregation for failing to spend time with the Word and with God, I glance at the floor and wonder how they do it that way. Then I remember when I did too. It was before. It was what lead me to throwing the reins at Him.
I honestly don't know; maybe other people don't ever come to that point in their lives. Maybe making all their own decisions and figuring out life on their own actually works out for them. I just don't know.
It sure didn't work for me. I failed so horribly. And I would not have survived it if He hadn't stepped in to stop me from ending it all. I guess that's what the phrase "broken" means.
But I'm not "broken" anymore. And I know I don't ever have to be again because it's been a long time since that happened and He taught me how to lean on Him completely and He showed me how to "live".
There is a word - codependent; that seems to describe me and my relationship to God. Apparently in the psychiatry circles codependency is a bad thing and we must overcome it. Well . . . that's just not happening here. I'm doing just fine in my wonderful little codependent world. It works. And I feel pretty special sometimes when He gives me the gift of a unique message just for me. I have found there to be no other "high" that comes anywhere close to the "high" that results from that situation. . . . God, Himself, gave little 'ol me a message all my own; it's specific to me, it's concerns only me, and it's targeted to only me. Well, when that happens all I can say is . . . .
WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!
Oh, and one more thing. If you don't have that kind of relationship with Him and it sounds far-fetched and impossible to achieve . . . I just have to chuckle. You really think I'm a lot more special than I think. It's just not that hard. It's a choice, not an achievement.

Parable of the Minas (Oct 2010)

2014-12-23T10:41:00.003-07:00

November 6, 2011 at 3:39pm

Parable of the Minas (Oct 2010)
Luke 19: 12-26 Parable of the Minas

Please read the story first. It’s a very short story.

Luke 19:12-27 (Amplified Bible) 12He therefore said, A certain nobleman went into a distant country to obtain for himself a kingdom and then to return. 13Calling ten of his [own] bond servants, he gave them ten minas [each equal to about one hundred days' wages or nearly twenty dollars] and said to them, Buy and sell with these while I go and then return. 14But his citizens detested him and sent an embassy after him to say, We do not want this man to become ruler over us. 15When he returned after having received the kingdom, he ordered these bond servants to whom he had given the money to be called to him, that he might know how much each one had made by buying and selling. 16The first one came before him, and he said, Lord, your mina has made ten [additional] minas. 17And he said to him, Well done, excellent bond servant! Because you have been faithful and trustworthy in a very little [thing], you shall have authority over ten cities. 18The second one also came and said, Lord, your mina has made five more minas. 19And he said also to him, And you will take charge over five cities. 20Then another came and said, Lord, here is your mina, which I have kept laid up in a handkerchief. 21For I was [constantly] afraid of you, because you are a stern (hard, severe) man; you pick up what you did not lay down, and you reap what you did not sow. 22He said to the servant, I will judge and condemn you out of your own mouth, you wicked slave! You knew [did you] that I was a stern (hard, severe) man, picking up what I did not lay down, and reaping what I did not sow? 23Then why did you not put my money in a bank, so that on my return, I might have collected it with interest? 24And he said to the bystanders, Take the mina away from him and give it to him who has the ten minas. 25And they said to him, Lord, he has ten minas [already]! 26And [said Jesus,] I tell you that to everyone who gets and has will more be given, but from the man who does not get and does not have, even what he has will be taken away. 27[The indignant king ended by saying] But as for these enemies of mine who did not want me to reign over them--bring them here and slaughter them in my presence!

OK. Ready?

First thing I noticed is that it doesn’t say if he called them by name, or if he just said “10 of you come here” and a miscellaneous 10 came. So based on what normally happens in most workplaces I figure that either way he comes up with the same 10 guys and here’s why. In every workplace there are the ones who have done the best, achieved the most, and become the most trusted. They always seem to stand out from the crowd by being in the front, or at the top of the list. Of course, there are always some rather hypocritical “wannabes” in that group and they need to be “weeded” out. Those are the guys who cheated to get there. They stole another guy’s idea to get recognition, or they lied to the boss to make him think they were special, or they were just plain “weasels”. You know the type. Well, when you are the boss, you try to figure out who those guys are, because honestly they don’t respect you; they aren’t there because they believe in their company or respect the goal of the company; they are only there because they are greedy and ultimately everything they do undermines the company and the people.

Granted, all the parables seem to fit into many different situations and explanations; but it’s always interesting to listen to the Holy Spirit and see what He reveals to YOU. This is what He revealed to me.

This parable is about getting the hypocrites and unbelievers out of the kingdom. I say that because you will see two things going on here. One is the 10 servants “thing” and the other is the comments about the people of the city – they are an important part . And at first I wondered why. But if the goal is to find the unbelievers and hypocrites, then the people belong here.

He gives those 10 guys, 10 coins and tells them to “buy and sell” with them.

Then he mentions that his citizens hate him and don’t want him to be their ruler. This is obviously in direct correlation to the fact that Jesus came to the Jews first and they rejected Him. He became King anyway – as he does in this parable.

When he comes back from his journey, he checks in with the 10 guys first to see what they have done. You will notice that you only hear about the first 3 guys results. What happened to the other 7? Apparently we are to assume that the same results continued. I don’t think he had to continue the story after #3 because this was the “weed” in the group – he was found out. There typically isn’t a LOT of them.

But did you wonder why he got so angry at the guy for just burying the coin? I did. At least he didn’t just spend it for himself. But, then the Holy Spirit told me. This guy didn’t do what he was told to do. He didn’t obey.

Jesus is really BIG on obedience. It is one of the two things He talks about the most; Love and Obedience.

This guy didn’t do what he was told because he either didn’t listen, because he was too wrapped up in his own agenda; or he didn’t think it was important to his agenda; or as he said “he was afraid”. Well, that goes back to the Love. Remember, “Perfect Love casteth out fear”. Apparently the other guys weren’t afraid. And I don’t think the remaining, unspoken 7 were afraid either, or they would have been mentioned.

Another thing I noticed; Jesus doesn’t mention if any of them DID NOT make any money. We all know that when you buy and sell, you don’t always come out on top. Sometimes, you end up losing. He doesn’t mention any of those; not to reprimand them, or to reward them. That doesn’t mean that they didn’t exist. It just means that they don’t apply to the point He’s trying to make.

However, he does says at the end “he who gets and has will more be given, but he who does not get and does not have, even what he has will be taken away”. This is the Amplified Translation. I like this one because it adds that word “gets”. And that seems important to me. Why? Because out of all the servants, these 10 are the only ones who “got” something. They received the coins. I’m sure he has more servants. So, do you think he means that all the rest of his servants are “bad” just because they didn’t “get” any coins from their master? I don’t think so. Anyway, this says “he who does not get and does not have . . .” so how does that apply to this “wicked” servant. He was given a coin just like the other ten.

The main thing I see in Jesus parables is that you can’t really understand them with your own intelligence. If you do it that way, you will completely misinterpret them which is why Jesus told them in a parable. You must go thru the Holy Spirit to “get “it.

Watch this, “he who does not get and does not have, even what he has will be taken away”. To the human brain, that statement doesn’t even make sense. If a guy doesn’t have anything, then how can he have something to take away? We always skim right over that, like Jesus said it wrong. No, He didn’t. He was talking about two different “things”.

So, lets go back to the “wicked” servant. What did he NOT have to begin the story? Well, he didn’t have a real relationship with his Master. He didn’t really know who He was. He didn’t trust Him. He didn’t BELIEVE in Him.

In order to be obedient to your boss you have to believe that he has the authority to tell you what to do. In order to trust him you have to have some relationship with him that has been tested in your heart and found trustworthy. This guy didn’t have that. He didn’t believe in the Master’s authority – that’s why he didn’t obey him and “buy and sell”. And it’s why he told the Master that He was afraid of him because “you are a stern man; you pick up what you did not lay down, and you reap what you did not sow”. In making this statement, he was actually trying to “kiss up”. Think about how a hypocrite tries to ingratiate himself to the boss – by “Superman” flattery. That was what this guy was trying to do. He didn’t actually believe what he was saying. He thought this was what the Master wanted to hear . . . that he was a conqueror; a tough guy.

Did it ever bother you that this man describes the Master in those terms? This Master is an example of Jesus. Jesus doesn’t reap what he doesn’t sow. Jesus doesn’t pick up what he doesn’t lay down. Jesus is not greedy nor a thief – Satan is the thief. I believe that the Master’s reply is SARCASTIC. Because He answers him; “You knew {did you} that I was a stern man, picking up what I did not lay down, and reaping what I did not sow?” Notice there is a question mark at the end of the statement. That’s because it’s not a statement. It’s a rhetorical question – a sarcastic one; meant to prove the servant to be a liar.

And it was a redundant question with continued sarcasm for him to say “then why did you not put my money in a bank, so that on my return, I might have collected it with interest?” This comment is not to say that it was acceptable for the servant to put the money in the bank, that would still have not been obedience; this comment is to prove the servant to be a liar. If he had truly thought the Master was such a thief, wouldn’t the money have been safer in the bank? And if he thought the Master was so greedy, at least in the Bank he would have earned interest. No, he actually didn’t think the Master was any of those things. He was lying. The truth was that he didn’t care about the Master at all. He didn’t respect Him and didn’t acknowledge His authority. This guy was a real jerk. He didn’t do what he was told; then when questioned – he pulls out the old “kiss up” act.

That is why he was a “wicked” servant.

In the middle of that statement was another statement “I will judge and condemn you out of your own mouth”. Since this servant judged the Master as a greedy thief, then the Master treated the slave as a greedy thief.

The key to this whole story is the reward that is received in Jesus kingdom. I will sum it up in Jesus own commandment. “Love one another as I have loved you”.

If we don’t “get and have” LOVE, then everything else we have will be lost – including our life – which is what happens to the citizens who didn’t want him to be their King. If we receive the Master’s Love and have His Love living inside us, then we will receive more and more of His love lavished upon us.

Unicorns and dimensions

2014-12-23T10:37:00.003-07:00

October 13, 2012 at 3:46pm

Did you know there are unicorns in the Bible? Ha! I'm laughing cause I can see your surprise. Probably the same look that was on my face when I found out. Yep, they are mentioned 5 times. So, my next question to you is this. Will you write those 5 mentions off as the beliefs of some uneducated ancient peoples and skip around them when you read the Bible? Or will you just embrace the old standby 'we don't understand everything yet'?
I asked myself those same questions and made a couple basic decisions. If I write off any piece of the Bible then I have to write all of it off. Therefore I'm left with the second statement. Unfortunately, that statement has never, ever set very well with me. I'm never satisfied to 'not understand'. It doesn't fit with my relationship with my Lord. He's very personal to me and seems to answer every question I ask Him. He's never told me 'you can't understand now' and left me in the dark. Just the opposite happens. Not only does he explain, but often if I'm not mature enough to thoroughly understand, then He opens the door to a situation that simply shows me what He's trying to say. No, I don't believe He ushers me into suffering and pain in order to teach me a lesson. That's just plain sick Theology to believe He's twisted that way. He's more loving that we can imagine. And . . . well, I have to release that point or I'll be babbling about it for an hour. Anyway, back to my point. I don't believe we aren't meant to not understand. I believe what Jesus said 'seek and you will find'. So I look around - with His help.
My first step is to ask Him. So I did. "Jesus, what about unicorns?"
His answer was actually pretty simple, "anything that you can imagine, exists in another dimension. Mankind is quite exclusively arrogant to think they can create a thought, or a myth, or a story completely of their own volition. If a thought exists, I knew about it long before you thought it. If an idea forms in your mind, it was in my mind long ago. If you create a picture or a story; I created it before you were born. So if the tale of unicorns has been around for centuries, guess who thought of it first? Don't you know that when I think of something, it becomes a reality somewhere? Just because you don't see them in your dimension doesn't mean that people haven't seen them. Sometimes the dimensions overlap a bit. Sometimes people have glimpses into them. You believe people have seen heaven in near-death experiences. You believe in the Spirit and yet you can't see Him. Yet you hesitate at the existence of other dimensions. What do you think heaven is? It is another dimension. Even science is catching up to these facts and beginning to understand them. You should never be afraid of learning. You should never be afraid . . . of anything. Open your heart and mind to me. Remember I said "eye has not seen, ear has not heard, nor has it come upon the heart of man, that which God has prepared for those who love Him". If you can be shocked at unicorns, imagine what my other surprises will do to you." I felt Him smile.
So there you have it. My conversation with Jesus about unicorns. You don't have to believe it. You don't have to embrace it. You don't even have to read this. Sometimes I enjoy sharing the experiences that blow religious mindsets. It makes me giggle. Yeah, I know how they roll their eyes at me anyway. The fact that I talk to Jesus and He talks to me makes them put me on the fence of "too far out there". That's OK. After all these years and all the things Jesus has told me that I could have never known otherwise, I'll just keep listening to Him. Plus, I really enjoy His company. So, if He tells me that unicorns exist in another dimension, then I'll just accept that as fact. It seems silly but we struggle to understand all the serious stuff so it's kind of fun to understand something silly for a change and know that God has that side to His character.
If you don't have conversations with Him, yourself, you should. Just start talking to Him all the time throughout the day. Babble about everything you think about, wonder about and question. Somewhere along the way, He'll answer you and you'll hear it. That's a day to remember!

So Alone, Not Alone

2014-12-23T10:31:00.001-07:00

Epiphany.
I am not alone unto myself; not in this body, not in my spirit, not in all the dimensions and realms that exist. The Bible says we have a great cloud of witnesses. Never knew what that really meant until now. Not only is it all the people who are vested in my life either by the word of a book, the inspiration of a song, or a relationsh...ip of love - these are vestments we have in each other, or in our favorite things, the things that "speak" to us, but also by those who are gone to another reality but have touched my life. They are all my cloud of witnesses. They wait, and watch and cheer for me.

We each have one. It is actually quite vast compared to the relevance we believe we have. We believe we influence very few. We believe that influence is rather miniscule. We think that influence is only on a very few closest to us. But the truth is, we have a cloud watching. They invested themselves into us through their writings, their music, their love. It touched us somewhere. And it became a part of who we are as a whole. We are not alone. They are all here. They are all watching. They are all hoping. They are all cheering.

Not only them. There is another group who have invested in us through their DNA. It is that long, line of relatives; many we never know either through time or space. However, their investment is there. We twist our nose to the left in nervousness and that was the investment of a great uncle long, long gone. We have a strangely, slow gate to our syllables when a cool breeze hits. The investment of great, great grandma who never knew us. Yet that investment lives. It exists. It isn't known to us. But she sees. He sees. They stare in wonder as they watch our reenactment of their life in this place. How fascinating. How familiar. How irretrevably connected. Deeply connected.
You are me. I am you. We are us. And we've been here, how long?

Do we repeat the same patterns over and over, endlessly? Do we think the same thoughts? Do we wonder at the same marvels?
Who are you? Are you one of us?

My Thoughts on Dreams

2013-01-14T19:13:00.000-07:00

Dreams are a rather personal tool of communication between me and my God, since He has used them many times in my life to relay information or messages to me. They were always comforting in their reassurance of His love and His attention to my cares and often the solution to a problem in my life.

There is such a plethora of books and articles on the subject that it could occupy one’s life exclusively as a life study and I relegate that choice to the same area as great studies about Angels. Both topics are helpful in our journeys, but rather like spending tremendous time in the study of street signs. Street signs are extremely important in our travels, but I can’t justify the need for more than one small book of instruction on that topic. And yet, every year more books and articles are written on the subject of Dreams.

Quite a few of these are books dedicated to learning interpretation of dreams. I even joined a group at one time dedicated to learning interpretation. Eventually I exited the group because the goal was to put individual dreams under a microscope and then confer with the many texts of interpretation to discover the hidden message or meaning in the dream. Again, it seemed like a great deal of fuss over a road sign.

But I’m not the average person. I’m not even the average Christian. This has become painfully apparent to me in recent years. However, God has presented me with His blessing over my uniqueness and even a bit of humor and appreciation of it (to my pleasant surprise). Anyway, in my uniqueness (lol) and experience, I have found Dreams (and Angels) to be wonderful tools at my disposal. When they present themselves in my life, it is for purpose – a purpose that usually blesses me greatly. But I primarily regard them and their messages as personal and for that reason I rarely find helpful information in a book or an interpreter. If the meaning is not blaringly obvious, then I ask the sender – God – to explain His message to me clearly.

I’ve always been of a mind to think that if God would send me a message, it was because He wanted me to understand something. If I don’t immediately understand that message, then its purpose in coming to me was wasted. And this is absolutely not what God is about. He is not a waster. Therefore I ask Him when I am unclear. Every time I’ve asked Him, the answer was forthcoming. He doesn’t leave me wandering around wondering what He means. This doesn’t preclude the involvement of another person. One time, He sent me to a particular person who had the message I needed. But that was only once out of hundreds of messages. Most often the answer is direct and reasonably quick.

I’ve had a few instances of consulting books on Dreams and was left heavily unsatisfied. Lists of meanings fill large volumes and are frustratingly vague. One word or color or object can literally have 20 different meanings depending on the author. There are bodies of readily accepted meanings too, and everyone seems to be studying them. I may be completely off my noodle in what I’m about to say, and if that proves to be the case down the road then I’m open to change. After all, change seems to be a constant for me. J

I’ve also watched dream practitioners and left unsatisfied. Their repertoire of interpretations seems to come from years of studying dreams, which I won’t condemn but again, I don’t understand. Here’s why. The color red in my dream will have a particular significance for me personally. The very same dream for another person should have particular significance for them. The personal message is unique to each person and to their relationship with God. A list of meanings or study of them can only be vague at best and will most definitely not be very personal.

It appears to me that people line up like cattle in a pen, standing in lines, to receive interpretation for personal messages and leave with the same situation in which they arrived. They haven’t gone to the sender to get the message. This is a conundrum to me because they have the same option that I do. Speak to the sender and receive His direct response. I don’t flatter myself with a special gift of hearing from God. However this seems to be the bottom line in this topic and many others. If we will not spend the time to hear from our Father personally, then we will always be chasing our tails in a foggy world looking for meaning and often picking and choosing meaning from public consensus that satisfies our egos, which is still not the intended meaning.

Daniel was a great interpreter of dreams. Some people think it was because of his years of study in Pharaoh’s court. But I see that Daniel was receiving interpretations before that. And they came directly from God. They were personal and they were unique to the person and the message. I don’t believe Daniel learned to interpret dreams. I believe Daniel learned to have a relationship with the sender.

We can sit in a room with a stranger and hear him talk and completely misunderstand simple statements. Or we can sit in a room with a friend and completely understand his simple statements because we know him and understand him. We invested time in this relationship and thereby understand and know his personality and thought patterns and communication habits. This is personal. And it takes time – lots of time.

A baby doesn’t learn to walk by studying walking. A baby learns to walk by trying to walk and falling many, many times. It’s the same with relationship. We don’t know and understand anyone in the first few visits with them. It takes years of interaction to know someone well. Even then, we can still be tripped up because personalities are so deeply unique and emotional.

God is a living Spirit with character and personality. He is completely unique and immensely complex. But because of His great Love for us, He welcomes our relationship with Him. He actually precludes all real understanding of Him based on this relationship. He allows people to wander around in a foggy world if they have no incentive to spend time in relationship with Him. We must stop being lazy about spending the time with Him to participate in this relationship. Otherwise we can continue walking around in a foggy world, never receiving the personal messages He is sending.

However, staying in the foggy world, the lazy world, does keep a large horde of preachers well paid and supported for being the “go-between”.

Drink of His blood and eat of His body – this is personal – or we have no place with Him.

Dig in – eat.

Aliens, Nephilim and other long earred characters ^~^

2013-01-01T19:51:00.002-07:00

It was a great afternoon for a ride, especially one alone with Father in a quiet, uniterrupted talk about the existence of aliens, light orbs in the night, and crop circles.
It began in my usual way, sinking into His presence and thanking Him for just being awesome and being mine. I love this part and often get sidetracked from my issue at this point. Soon, I pressed on. "Oh, talk to me, Jesus. Tell me about the mysteries of these things. My heart is open, my mind is receptive and I'm all ears." But the sweetness of His presence was billowing in waves over me and I lost track of the issue again. Who cares what aliens are doing when Father is hugging and squeezing?
I arrived at my destination, finished my business and began my return ride. The day was pleasant, peaceful and quiet. I love mellow. It agrees with me tremendously.
About half-way back home, His Spirit flipped the switch and I could see. It was so simple and clear. Well, of course it was, it always is when Father is involved.
I could see all the many species of animals, birds, and fish on our planet and the words "but you are my favorite". Then I saw all the millions of planets throughout the universe; all the stars; all the galaxies; and the words "but you are my favorite". Then I saw the angels in heaven around the throne; many kinds of seraphim, cherabim and angelic beings everywhere, along with creatures of sorts we've never imagined; some around the throne and some scattered all through the heavens, and some fallen and gone to dark places; and the words "but you are my favorite".
Then I saw a tiger and the question "will you study tigers thouroughly because you may meet one and be attacked someday?" And my answer was "probably not, because the chances are extremely minimal that I will see a tiger in my suburban home".
Next I heard the question "have I prepared you before, during and after every battleground in your life?" And I answered "absolutely! You never leave me and have always given me messages and answers through all the times I needed them".
"Then, if you trust Me, why worry about studying tigers when you'll never see them, it's a waste of time for you and if you are to meet them someday I will prepare you with all the information you need."
Next I saw the variations of all these species and the mixture of good ones and nasty ones; the ones loving, kind and sweet; and the ones shrewd, coniving and vicious. I saw no words this time. I only knew. I knew there are good and bad mixed through and through everywhere we look. I knew there are good tigers and bad. There are good worlds and bad. There are good angels and bad. There are . . . . *sigh* good aliens and bad.

It was clear now. It isn't about whether aliens, nephelim or long earred characters exist or not. There are many, many creations that we know nothing about. Some from the past. Some from other dimensions. Our question is really about them being good or bad. Are they or aren't they? And the answer is the same as it is here. They are both. Some are and some aren't. And our only consolation is our Father. He knows them all. He created them all. Nothing was created that wasn't created by Him. There is no other Creator. Only Him. Therefore, in knowing Him lays our safety, any safety at all whether here in our homes, out there in the world, farther out in space, or in the next dimension. It's all about knowing Him.
My conclusion is that unless you live in Africa, you probably don't need to study tigers. Unless you live in Arizona, you probably don't need to study UFO's because that's where they predominantly show up. So, only Praying Medic needs to get busy. *lol* jk. (I don't really know where they predominantly show up.)

why were you sad today?

2012-08-09T22:15:00.001-06:00

"I was sad today, Father." I told him matter-of-factly.
"Why?" He responded curiously.
"I said goodbye to something I deeply enjoyed for many years." I returned.
"Was the joy it gave you erased?" He replied.
"No. No, it will never be erased in my memory. I will always cherish those memories fondly." I answered.
"Then why were you sad?" He asked again.
"Because I won't be spending anymore time with it in the future. Those memory making times are over and ended." I explained.
"Will there be nothing else in your life to make good memories?" He prodded farther.
"Oh, of course, not! I have many things that give me good memories to keep." I retorted.
"Then I don't understand." He flatly stated. "Do you remember the time when you were being rejected and abused by people who should have loved and protected you?" He pushed farther.
"Yes. I do remember that. It was so wonderful to have my special treasure to enjoy after their abuse. It would pick me up and make me feel good again." I mused.
"I knew that. That's why I sent it to you and gave it to your hands. I knew the effect it would have on you. You didn't even want it in the beginning as I recall." He reminded me.
"OH! You are right. I didn't think it was the sort of thing that I would enjoy. As it turned out, it really was such a very special treasure." I remembered.
"You don't need it anymore. Those days and those people are gone. You are in a much better place in your life. You have moved into a new era." He pointed out.
"Wow!" I studied my current lifestyle in my mind and realized how accurate He was. "I never thought of it that way."
"I have new things to give you. They are new treasures that will also give you joy. It is different. It isn't the same. The past must go into the past before the future can step forward. Like a river constantly flowing ever forward. You must move forward. Don't hold on to the past. It had it's time and it's season. It's time now for the future. Look forward." He softly encouraged.
I lingered on His last words and held them close to my heart. A few tears leaked down my cheeks as I released my treasure. It was OK now. It was still a treasure and always would be.
"I love you so much, Father. Thank you for being here with me; for not condemning me; and for helping me make this transition. You know me so well. I love you so much." my heart swelled with the fullness of this Love.
"I love you too. I said I'd never leave you. I won't. Ever." He promised - again.

Yeah, I wanna eat the whole thing

2012-07-29T18:29:00.000-06:00

Father, do you know how frustrating it is to try to understand you with my brain?

Here's how the scenario goes. You give me a Revelation of some kind or other and it's thrilling, exciting and momentary. I know there is more. I know I only saw a glimpse. I know the piece I saw is just a piece.

I want more, more, more, more. So my brain takes over and starts searching, searching, searching. I go to the Web. I go to the Bible. I go to other Believers. I go to every source of information that I can.

Eventually my search leads to small embellishments of the Revelation You gave me, but that's all it is - a small embellishment.

Suddenly I feel frustrated. My joy is gone. The thrill at receiving the Revelation has dwindled. I am sad.

WHAT? How can I be sad? Because You give me nibbles and I want gobbles. I know that YOU KNOW how much to give me. Therefore, I must be only ready for nibbles. AHHHHHCCCHHH!

There I am. Frustrated. This isn't right. Then suddenly I know why Satan rebelled. It's the same thing. He wanted to rush forward, headlong into the Glory. He wanted it all. So he got angry and stomped and stomped like a small child screaming in Your face. All the while You loved him. You love us.

It leads back to the beginning. Surrender. Again I must surrender to Your Will, Your Wisdom, Your Knowledge.

Again, I must Trust You. You know how fast to go. You know how much to give. You know my level of maturity.

*sigh*. . . . . . *small smile*

I'm glad You know. You saw me enjoy that whipped cream until I ate the whole thing. You saw me, huh? *sheepish grin* You also saw me rub my tummy all evening too.

I know You're smarter than me. I Trust You. Thank You for still loving me.

Flowing

2012-07-28T12:38:00.000-06:00

For several months I was silent in my writing. I saw no interest from others and interpreted that to mean I was babbling in the dark, alone.

Then as Father continued to speak and show me marvelous things, I realized that I cannot be silent. It's like trying to dam up a river. Impossible. The water flows and never stops . . . it flows; bubbling, roiling, glimmering, flashing.

It was the same way the day Father began pouring His Love into me. He started pouring and within minutes I broke down and asked Him to back off because I was going to physically explode. I couldn't contain it. It's too much. It's too big.

Then He said "You aren't a container, you're a conduit. Let it flow THROUGH you, and you'll be alright."

So, I flow. And it's Good.

Isolated, and yet never alone

2012-07-22T21:35:00.000-06:00

You didn't tell me, 20 years ago, Father, that my enforced isolation with you would open the door to such a personal relationship; one that would make me so different from everyone at church, or anywhere else, that I would virtually be alone (except for a few friends in the single digits, who seem to communicate with You also ;-) and yet, I'm never alone because I have You here 24/7. It's the most amazing relationship of togetherness and yet apparently the weirdest, if I paid attention to the looks I get from people when I remark "Jesus told me. . . . ".

I'm a BRIDE!

2012-07-13T12:26:00.001-06:00

A cloud hung over my head. It seemed like a fog of white. Almost the same as when flying in an airplane and swooping through the clouds up high. This one seemed to hum with intensity and energy and whiteness. I asked "what is this?" and immediately I saw a young lady in a long flowing white gown walking up a long incline of a hill. It was lush and grassy; beautiful and green. She kept stepping firmly upward, one step after another. Her gate was regal and sure. On her head was a beautiful crown with a veil hanging down the back. She held her head in a confident, assured pose looking upward as she climbed steadily forward.
"Who is this?" I asked.
"My Bride" was His answer.
"Is is me?" I pressed further with some strange feeling of knowing.
"Yes, it is. You and many others." He said.
Suddenly I saw Jesus step up before her. They shared the most beautiful look of Love as they gazed into each other's eyes. Then He slipped His arms around her and they began kissing in a way that almost made me want to turn away and give them privacy. It was the kind of intimacy between a husband and a wife. And as it became more and more intense, they seemed to meld fuzzily into a moving being of such oneness that they were indistinguishable from each other. They were no longer separate beings.
Then Father God, Himself was before me and sternly spoke.
"This is who you are. This is your identity. It takes precedence over everything else that you are. All your gifts, all your dreams, all your being are secondary to this one identity. You must remember this. THIS TAKES PRECEDENCE!" And then He retreated.
I stood and waited in awe at what I'd seen and then asked, "should I tell them?"
And His answer came, "yes, go tell them. This is who they are."

You're here for the duration

2012-06-20T20:02:00.000-06:00

Lord, I say to friends "you can talk to God and He will talk to you, just do it". Some come back to me later and say, "I heard nothing, I got nothing, what am I doing wrong?".   It just isn't logical for me to keep saying this to them just because I've come to a stage where I can finally hear You. I forgot how long it took for me to get here.  What was it? 20, 30, 40 years? How long did I scramble trying to get answers from You when the question was weighty and important? How long did I search for ways to get those answers? Each search seemed to gain a tiny nugget of Truth that I carried into the next search as I continued onward, always seeking. Each nugget gave me insight but didn't give me answers. Some nuggets lead me to other searching that appeared to give me answers only later to discover that there were answers I thought were true which turned out to be my own musings.
It was difficult, Lord. It was truly difficult. As I look back on all those years and see me stumbling around in the dark like some blind woman with Tourette's it strikes me as comical on the one hand, bizarre on the other, and yet I begin to eek out a strange path that oddly pieces together intricately and uniquely personal to my own character.  Suddenly I am amazed by the genius pattern that emerges as I see Your hand in each stumble, each straying, halting step, and each misguided search.
You let me wander on my own personal adventure completely unhampered by restrictions and yet never leaving my side for one moment while slipping steps in front of me that would eventually lead me to You. I didn't always take them, but You kept slipping them in there. One after another after another, each leading in a positive direction but completely my decision to chose each time and never condemning me or being insulted Yourself if I turned away from one and took the wrong step. You only added another and another.
Now here I stand before You able to hear Your voice, feel Your presence, and 'know' Your intentions in a way that I cannot put into words adequately enough to help another find this communication. I can't tell the secret because it was not my achievement. It was Yours. It was Your heart in response to my need to hear You. It wouldn't die. No matter how far off the mark my arrow shot; no matter how disappointing my 'near revelation'; after the tears fell again, I came one more time to the beginning stepping stone; the same one I visited over and over - named 'I need to hear God', and began again. Except each time, I had another nugget of Truth in my repertoire of knowledge. I hadn't a clue with to do with it, but I knew it would be important so I kept it.
Like the one I learned from witchcraft; the lie is hidden in the predominance of Truth. What does one do with that nugget? It is True and it is there somewhere but it doesn't help to find it the next time. The only thing that helps to find it is to be able to hear from You. Funny, how I needed to learn the pitfall before learning the solution.
I ache to tell the secret. If only I knew a simpler way than the one I took. What can I say? "Chase your tail like I did for 40 years and if you still want to hear His voice, you'll get there"? No. That isn't always true, either. I know people who learned to hear Your voice quickly. They didn't have to chase anything.  Somehow they 'took' the right steps You laid in front of them and arrived quickly.
I shake my head it amazement and chuckle. They are so far ahead of me. Yet, are they? Ha ha! It isn't always what it seems to be. There's another nugget of Truth.
Oh, well. I'm so overwhelmingly grateful and thankful that I can sit in Your presence. Nothing, nothing, nothing can shake that away from me. It's like granite. Once it's placed, it would take an awfully large crane to move it; and if it's a big enough piece then there just isn't a crane big enough.
Like Easter Island. Remember those statues? We don't have anything in our modern world that can handle those babies.
That's what You are to me.  A statue on Easter Island. You're here for the duration.
Thank you.

Knock down the walls

2012-05-30T11:25:00.000-06:00

Lord, I'm willing. It doesn't matter if I'm known. I'm willing. I will be silent in the background or I will stand up in the foreground. I will move the mountains You tell me to move from the front or from the back; because I know that if You tell me, then You will supply the power to back it up. I'm willing. I will cry for the broken. I will hurt for the lost. I will join them in the pit because I've been there. I know You are the one who brought me up out of mine. I know You are the One who will and can do it again. I know You don't need me to accomplish Your Will, but that You Love me and call me Your Friend. I know You can do and will do whatever You determine in the direction You have determined. And I know it is already determined in Your mind.
It is Freedom.

It is Love.
It is Your all-encompassing, all-inclusive Love. I know that Your determination brings Glory to Your Love. And I know that the Power comes from and dwells INside Your Love.
Where You are, that is where I want to be. Whatever "there" involves. I am IN You. You are IN me. We are One.
You asked me to Marry You. And I answered Yes. It is my choice. My Freewill to say Yes. And it is Your pleasure to hear that choice from my lips. Yes. YES! I am Yours.
Unto You I pledge my life; my heart; my soul. In all that I am, I am Yours. Use me, bend me, mold me, guide me. I choose freely because I know that in Your bending and molding and guiding, You are more gentle, more Loving, more Kind, than any Friend, than any Lover, I have ever known.
This is why I can say YES without hesitation. Because there is no Fear. I don't Fear Your choices, Your decisions, Your guidance. They lead to a greatness of perfection that far surpasses any of my wildest dreams.
YES. I will knock down walls they don't even know exist. I will stomp on principalities and powers they cannot see. I will move the mountains that stand in their way. Because You said to. Because of You.

I will suit up. I know who I am. I will go. Point the way, Lord. My sword is drawn. My armour is buckled. My helmet is secure. I AM YOURS. Who can separate me from Your Love? Who? There is None. No One. Only You.

I want to see

2012-05-20T09:59:00.000-06:00

Lord, you have given me so many miracles in my years and sometimes I wish I had written them all down. They come back to my remembrance now and then, but mostly when You remind me of them because they relate to a present situation. "we are overcomers by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony" as You have told me, is a KEY. When I see or experience a situation and begin praying, I often remember another situation from the past that was similar and I remember how that situation ended because of prayer. It was always victorious. So I retell that story to myself and the angels standing around me that I can't see. I know they love to hear the stories. And if there are any "uglies" standing around me in the spiritual, unseen world, it tells them where my Faith is, and how I believe, and that I have this "proof" from my past as a witness to Your power and faithfulness in answering prayer.
But there are also those moments when I know "something" has happened in the spiritual world; something changed; but I don't know what it is. I've had several of those too. They are moments when suddenly my spirit feels great peace after being in travail for minutes or hours, or even days.
Once I remember being involved in a powerful, emotional prayer for my mother-in-law. She was such a cold, calloused woman who wouldn't allow the mention of You in her home, except as a curse phrase. All the while I was praying, I could hear a drumming sound in my ears. It was a bit noisy. And as my prayer rose in urgency and intensity, so did the drumming sound. This went on for about an hour. Then suddenly it stopped. The "stopping" of the noise was almost as dramatic as the sound had been. It was almost as if a gong had sounded, signally the end of a large production. And the silence that followed would have seemed eerie except the peacefulness was like sitting next to a calm, quiet pond with no breeze.
I knew something had happened in the spiritual world and I knew that it changed things. I knew this in my heart and soul, but I had no idea what it was. So the next day, when I saw my mother-in-law, I expected to see that something had dramatically changed about her. But I saw nothing. Everything seemed exactly the same.
However, over the next few months, she did change. It was almost imperceptible in it's pace, but it culminated the evening she asked me to pray with her. I almost melted in tears and could barely get the words out of my mouth as we prayed. From that moment until her death, she and I shared the sweetest, most tenderly loving relationship. And we prayed often.
I was reminded of this incident last night as I wept and prayed for my son, who is in the middle of major, and very unpleasant life-changes. My heart was aching so overwhelmingly for him and this "thing". It was so tremendous that I clutched my chest with the actual pain of it. And of course, I reached out to You. The aching seemed to increase to a point of crescendo and I felt my "spirit" lift out into the dark night in a scream "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
And that was it. It was over. Suddenly. Just like that other time. And all that was left was quiet, peacefulness. My heart wasn't aching anymore. The tears stopped abruptly. I shook my head in wonderment and thought "wow, was that all it took?".
This morning I have asked You to "show me" the spiritual world around me; to show me what these "prayers" accomplish at the moment of the change. I want to know and understand truly and completely. Really I do. I mean, I'm willing to be in the dark about it, if that is what it takes for the change to happen, but I don't think my "knowing" would actually change anything. Would it? Would I be too shocked by a visualization to be of any use to You?
I remember a story my parents told me of a time when my sister (who was a small child at the time) was having nightmares every night. They were apparently very traumatic and horrible as she would run into our parents bedroom and wake them in tears and desperation each time. So, being Believers, Momma & Daddy spent a few moments praying together about this disturbing situation. When they finished praying each of them "saw something". Momma saw a tiny little white butterfly come into the house from under the front door and fly up the staircase to my sister's bedroom. Daddy saw 2 ugly little critters, something akin to "elves" come jumping from step to step down the staircase and crawl out under the front door. Momma & Daddy each said "wow" at about the same moment and looked at each other to say "did you see that?". But when they compared thier stories, they were different. My sister never had another nightmare from that time forward.
OK. So they saw something of a represention, or actual visual of what was happening in the spiritual world. It makes a cool story. I always loved that story. But the point is that not only did they feel peace after their prayer was finished, they saw something that told them a change had actually occured. Something ugly had left and something good had come.
I see nothing. I just "feel" the almost violent "change" in the "air". That seems to be the best way to describe it. But I would like to really know "what" that change was.
Yes, I hear you asking me if I could possibly think the change was for the worse? No, I suppose not. How could it be when You are involved. In You is only Good and only Love. So basically, You're telling me that "seeing" something is only my own natural self, desiring an amazing experience; when the truth is that my spiritual self, already had the amazing experience, I just can't describe it in physical terms. Which is more important?
Well, when You put it that way it sounds like I just want something sensational to tell others about when You want me to just be obedient and have nothing to claim credit for. Ha! Boy, Lord, you sure get right to the nitty-gritty of me!
OK. I'll do it Your way. It's worked all these years just the way you designed it to work in me. I know You work in each of us differently depending on our various abilities and needs which You already know about so intricately.
I'll continue to Trust in You completely. Thank you for this lesson and this fine morning.

why I can't stay in church

2012-05-16T10:32:00.000-06:00

Ahhh, the smell of the wooden pews and the soft Christian music playing in the background whilst people chatter all around the room. This is how "church" begins. It's not a bad beginning either. I like the music and I enjoy the chatter. I just can't "do" the structure anymore. You know, being told when to sing and when to sit down and who to listen to and . . . well, you know; the structure.
I was a PK (preacher's kid) and grew up sleeping in the pews, under the pews, in the back room and in foyer chairs. I got "saved" when I was 7 yrs old. I had a wonderful relationship with my God. But it wasn't wonderful enough to keep me from searching other "avenues" for several years. Why? Well, because I did not know HIM as a real person. He was just a faceless icon in that big unknowable book called the Bible. That's not to say that He wasn't "with" me. Oh no, He was definitely "with" me. He went right along with me through all the searching I needed to do. And most of that searching would have Christians gasping in shock and declaring vehemently that God WOULD MOST CERTAINLY NOT follow me there.
Well, not only did He follow me, He actually guided some of those steps and saved my bacon several times. I didn't know it was Him until later. Then when I turned my head slightly and asked "are You here?" - BAM! There He was. He had never left me for a moment.
But something was different than it was before. Now I could actually "talk" to Him and perceive Him as a person standing beside me/ inside me/ all around me. And gradually He showed me that He could talk back. AND I COULD HEAR. Wow. That was when the relationship changed dramatically. I could get to know Him as I would a friend. I could discuss things and actually hear His side of it. I could share my feelings and get His "feed" into it. It was real relationship, not one sided with no feedback. The was no searching through the Bible for answers and saying things like "well, based on this story or scripture I think God would . . ." That was guessing based on my intelligence about the Bible. No. This was no more guessing.
I found that for the next several years He shared with me, we walked through them together and He wasn't stingy about being my best friend and best confidante. And He never steered me wrong. Even when it "looked" wrong (which happened many times) and appeared to be against the Word (which it never was) and even when I knew that any self-respecting church member would have berated me (which they most definitely WOULD HAVE). This direction and guidance; and mostly His friendship went with me through the most profound situations and saw them through to equally profound miracles. Lots of them. They are my treasures.
All of this was done "away from church".
After many years, I began to think that I needed to take this relationship to the next level and make it legitimate before man. So I began Bible college and found a church. After everything He had done with my life, it was time to share it with others. I thought surely they would want to hear about it. All this wisdom and guidance shouldn't be held in silence just for me alone. After all, these were some of the most provocative miracles I'd ever heard before. They astounded me and thrilled me.
Funny thing happened, though, every time I opened my mouth to speak, I'd start with something like "God told me" and the stares from everyone was almost palatable. I was weird. I didn't fit. Gradually I began to realize that everyone was in the same place I had been way back when. They didn't have this kind of relationship with Him. And for some reason that shocked me. Silly me. I took it for granted that as I had grown, so had everyone else. And then the worst part was sitting still in the church service. I would "join" in with the worship and then BAM it was over and we were all sitting down. Then we would have "communion" and it was solemn and sad instead of joyful and exhilarating like I had come to find "actual communion" with Him to be. But one of the worst moments was when a well respected member of the congregation, spoke. It wasn't his speaking that bothered me. Nor was it his humble, sincere heart. No, it was when he began talking to us about a harmless story of finding money on the ground. Would we search for the owner or walk away with it in our hands? Now I was in the biggest shock of all. Why? Why would a teacher in a church ask the congregation such a question? Were they truly at such a place of knowing their God? Was this really a question? To be or not to be honest? Seriously?
My heart fell. I walked out. Sadness permeated my whole body. Who were these people who had spent their whole lives going to church and never finding God? These people who could raise their hands in praise but not know what it is like to "talk" with Him and get answers. Why did they NOT know God after all these years? Why was He still an unknown stranger?
I have a friend who hasn't been to church since she was 14 yrs old. But she and God talk often. I have another friend who is a manic depressive with only a few ties still holding on to sanity. But she and God talk often. I have another friend who has gone to church somewhere every Sunday for her whole life. Not always the same church. All of them different. She and God talk often.
How do I know God actually talks to these people and it isn't their imagination? Because they tell me about the conversations and I hear His reactions. They are the same. God is the same. He isn't different to different people. He really is the same. It is absolutely amazing to hear and realize that truth. And yet it is so very, very basic. God is Himself. And He is Himself with anyone who wants to have a relationship with Him. He doesn't require anything except that we believe.  He doesn't require church. He doesn't even require the "sinner's prayer". Nope. He just requires that we believe and WANT to have a relationship with Him.
Now I'm at another new level. I stopped going to Bible school and I stopped going to church. Why? Because I actually get more questions answered from Him directly.  The school and church were only my attempt to be accepted by mankind. It was another lesson in a very real fact. All I need is Him. I don't need to be accepted by mankind.  And I can't live without Him.
I can sit in my pj's on Sunday morning and learn some of the most awesome mysteries, directly from the Teacher, Himself. And He doesn't preach TO ME. It's "interactive" dialogue. I can ask questions anytime. I can "talk" as much as I want. I can "share" my stories with Him. I can just "listen".
I imagine my ideal "church" setting. The pulpit would be gone. The stage would be gone. The pews would be comfortable chairs and they would be arranged in a circle. No one would tell us when to sing and when to pray and when to listen. The Holy Spirit Himself would lead the gathering and I imagine NO ONE would fall asleep. Everyone would have something to share and no one would go home without being personally involved in some way. Learning about God, Himself would escalate astronomically. People would come to KNOW Him personally - REALLY - not just the certificate that says they repeated the "sinners prayer". And growth would actually happen.
Oh, remember that verse everyone quotes about not neglecting assembling together? Its from Hebrews 10:25.  I looked it up in the original text. It actually translates "on-together-leading of-themselves". Yeah that seems a bit convoluted at first, but if you say it again and again it begins to form. It sounds more like a group that seems to naturally gather almost anywhere. No ONE is in charge. And then if we look at how the early church people actually gathered, it was like that. In homes, in marketplaces, or where ever they met each other - a group would break out. Sometimes they had a specific time and would meet at someones home, have dinner and have lots of conversation. Everyone joined into the discussion AND the worship. Everyone shared what God was doing in their lives. Everyone lived in community.
It was simple. It had no pressure. One guy didn't have the whole ball of wax piled up on his shoulders to be the "shepherd". God was Father, Jesus was the shepherd and the Holy Spirit was the guide; and they didn't need the believers to organize and structure them for meeting.
That was and still is all we/I need. So all I'm missing is a group to "share" with? Not really, all these friends who "know" Him are my group. They are awesome. We don't plan any meetings. We just talk when we need to talk. When I have miracles or messages or new mysteries open; I call. They listen. We share back and forth. I learn from theirs and they learn from mine.
Yes, I miss the people at church. They are nice people. I think some of them actually might have a personal relationship with God. But they sit in silence. Stifled. I'm a little sad for them. But not too much, cause I know God. He's still right there beside them. He'll give them as much as they desire.
I love them all. I just can't sit there anymore.  The structured silence is a bit painful for me now.
I also know that just because this is where I am in my walk with God, it doesn't mean that this is the place everyone should be. Walking with God is a process. And that journey has tons of levels and stages and facets and growth. It's designed specifically for each one of us. God is awesome like that. He knows what each person needs and exactly when they need it. He isn't stingy that way.
How awesome He is. I'm so very, very thankful I know Him.

sharing suffering

2012-05-10T21:24:00.001-06:00

How ironic it seems that one day You are showing me the absence of "sadness" within You and then the next, You turn me around and show me the suffering You want me to share.

May 8th, 2012

As I herded the massive display of balloons into the elevator, another passenger smiled and asked which floor.

"Ten, please" I replied.

These were going to a member of the Sheriff's department. Co-workers and friends contributed to the collection of balloons since flowers weren't allowed in this particular hospital unit. And I was performing my daily task of delivery. When the elevator stopped and the doors parted, I ushered my entourage through the opening and into the hallway. Turning to the left I saw the sign indicating the room number where this patient was staying. Then I saw it. "Welcome to the Oncology Unit" in big, bold letters right before my eyes. My heart drooped as I walked forward and knocked softly on the door to #1006.

"Delivery for Alex" I said softly.

"Come on in." the voice answered.

I pushed the door quietly open and saw a Doctor administering medication. The patient was in his late twenties or early thirties; a very strong and muscular, handsome man. But he appeared in a daze as he looked my way. So the Doctor explained to him as he took the balloons from me.

"Some of your friends wanted to send you flowers but we don't allow them on this floor, so they sent these balloons."

Alex mumbled acknowledgement and turned toward the window as I left quietly thanking the Doctor.

This encounter lasted 2 minutes; maybe 3; but it gripped my heart with a vise as tears welled up. I returned to the elevator as a remote robot while I searched my heart for how and what to do with this scene. Somehow I made my way back to my vehicle and as I turned the key I looked up to heaven and pleaded.
"Jesus! You made healing available to us all. I don't know if this is allowed, but I Appropriate Healing on behalf of Alex! And I ask that healing angels surround him and whatever it takes for him to be healed come to him now, in Jesus name!"
And now, my Lord, you have placed this young man, Alex, into my heart in such a way that I cannot turn away. I may never see him again. I may never know what happens to him. But I carry him.
My heart hurts because of his presence there. I weep for him. I ache for him. I hope for him. I long for his release from this cruel, evil beast.

Again, it seems amazingly ironic that You show me how no sadness lives inside of you and then You share with me the suffering. My mind is in a quandary over this seemingly contradictory aspect of You. Help me to understand.

Much later in the day as I bumbled through my other deliveries, I heard Him. His small, quiet, still voice; so peaceful and serene. "You will know someday, how sharing his suffering changed things."

The Love Vine

2012-05-10T09:05:00.000-06:00

Love; the sweetness, the wholeness of all; see how it expands and fills up. This expansion and filling is Growth. Then comes the Bearing of Fruit, or the producing. This is how the Kingdom takes over the world, our minds, our thoughts, our emotions, our lives - everything. This "whole love" growing and filling and producing. See it as you see a vine, first growing roots and when they are established then the stems begin to grow and leaves grow until the vine fills the ground around it for a large area. Then it bears the fruit, veggies, flowers etc. This is what Love does to evil surrounding us in the world. It builds and grows the roots inside of us until it is firmly established and won't be moved. This action takes time and takes up a lot of area underground in our hearts and minds. Once it is established then the outward vine begins to grow, spreading out gradually all around us, creeping into every nook and cranny of every fixture and every object. It produces the leaves, sometimes big and shady which cover the objects and fixtures. These objects may be old and weathered and ugly. They may represent the ugliness around us in this life; sometimes they are things in our environment at work or at home. Whatever they are is "embraced" by the vine of Love and "enclosed" by it - "wrapped" in it and covered by the leaves until it is hard to find that object. It actually becomes concealed IN and UNDER the vine "Love". If this process is allowed to continue for a great period of time, that item will eventually break apart and begin to disintegrate with the slow, invading pressure of the vine. If we equate this as bad habits or bad environment we can see how those things of evil don't disappear with Love, but are "covered" by it and then "broken down" by it. Eventually the object turns into dust and becomes part of the soil.
In the growing and spreading out process, the fruit and flowers come. But they are on top. They are displayed on the "outside" rather than hidden under the leaves. When they arrive, they are "offered" to the passers-by freely for the picking and enjoyment of others. And the fruit carries the seed for reproduction. But the fruit is almost the "after-thought" and not the primary purpose. And yet it is essential for life. However the main intent of the vine seems to be the covering of the ground and expansion for as far as it is not constrained. It will spread and grow and expand as far as it is given the nutrients from the roots. This seems to be its primary goal - to spread and expand; covering over everything in it's path until all that is seen is the Love. Nothing else is visible. An ugly object may still exist beneath the leaves but only the Vine leaves are seen while that object is slowly dismantled and dissolved.
Let the Vine grow. Remove constraints and give it wide berth to cover and spread out everywhere in sight. The wider the area, the more plentiful the fruit.