Hola gorgeous goddesses,

I found this picture today… and found it so very beautifully symbolic.

It’s me when I was 20, holding my nephew Joshua, standing in front of a painting I did when I was 17 that symbolises everything that is mamahood, sacred and family to me.

It amazes me… that seven years later, here I am, gestating my own little child, and gestating my own mama self.

Today is my birthing day.

Today, my parents have flown from the other side of the country to celebrate with me.

Today, we are going to see our child via ultrasound for the first time, and find out if we are having a little god or goddess (or twins!) - You are most welcome to place your own intuitive guesses in the comments! hee hee hee!

Today feels like the birthing day of not just my birth, but my child’s birth too… and a birthing of my mama self.

Thank you, Great Spirit, for this beautiful journey I am on.

Thank you, Great Spirit, for letting me share it with my one true love, Christian.

Thank you, Great Spirit, for my ancestors, my mama, my papa and my siblings. Thank you for my circle of soul-friends.

Thank you, Great Spirit, for every gift you have given me, lesson you have shown me, transformation you have taught me.

You have shown me how truly I am loved.

Thank you,

Hola beautiful women sisters,

It’s that pregnacious goddess tradition again… my own honest, crumpled, lovely diaries of being pregnant.

This week, I talk about being a flexitarian, and other very important sharings from the pregnacious journey… so important that I’ve since forgotten in the 24 hours between here and making this video.

I used to have the memory of an elephant, now I have the memory of a goldfish, but I don’t really care. I feel like I’m floating along in a big wide happy soft ocean, so anything else doesn’t really matter.

And, as always the rules are as such:

1a.) I will make them as honest as possible

1b.) I will not make things sound deeper/better/lovelier than they are

2.) I will do them exactly as I am (hello bed-hair and inside-out-pyjamas)

3.) I will try really, really hard not to make any excuses about them (that I frequently forget things during them, that I may not sound grateful for being pregnacious, that my fringe is untamable)

But first… Gigglefest!

We were given our first baby sling yesterday… and I thought I really should get some babywearing practice in!

Thus I invented a new sport! Puppywearing! hee hee hee!

Angelcakes rather enjoyed it, and she was the most quiet & soothed she has ever been… hmmm… there must be something in this hee hee hee!

My 19 week pregnacious diaries…

Mama Goddess Journey - Week 19 from Goddess Leonie on Vimeo.

If you’re wanting to catch up on all the pregnacious stories and videos, head on over to the Mama Goddess page.

And guessa whatta?

It’s the best week ever!

20 weeks pregnant… my parents arrive Wednesday, on Thursday it is my birthday, we have our first ultrasound & we see merchild for the first time AND we find out what we are having!!! Best birthday surprise ever!!! Then on Friday my lil sis arrives, and my family womenfolk will be communing with my women’s circle for a sacred blessingway ceremony they are holding for me.

I am so, incredibly blessed.

Hola gorgeous Goddesses,

Whenever I can, I answer an Ask Goddess Leonie question. To get your question answered, just add your question here.

A sweet and shining goddess asked this question:

Would you consider sharing some ways you focus on cave time?

I talk about having “cave-time” quite a lot… and it’s become even more important for me since becoming pregnant. I think we all need cave time - as women, and as souls, wherever we are on our journeys.

First of all… what is cave time?

When I was a kid, I did a whole lot of cave time - I’d go out into the world to go to school, then come back home and need some solitude to get back to my core again. I was a bit of a sensitive kidling {as I think we mostly all are} - I didn’t really enjoy too many outside connections, found it hard to make friends (I just wasn’t that interested) and would feel overstimulated when I wasn’t at home. I needed some of my own cave time at home everyday. My cave time meant reading piles of fiction books (Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl) , sitting in trees and spending a lot of time with my German Shepherd best friend Clancy, and my horses Dawn & Rebble.

When I went to boarding school when I was 16, I was in a dormitory of 20 other girls - we didn’t have rooms, we had dividers. Holy energy overload batman! I found cave time again by making my own little divided space a sanctuary of my own artwork, photographs, quotes and beautiful things. I’d escape back home to the farm whenever I could to eat hot bread with mum, sleep and be out amongst nature again, away from everyone else. It was like coming back home to myself.

I didn’t have a name for what I was doing - I just did it instinctually.

The Medicine Wheel

I first heard the words “cave time” in my first women’s circles. Finally - a name for that Thing I Knew.

I was taught this:

In the Native American spiritual tradition, the Medicine Wheel teaches us the four directions of life.

North - the place of earth - where we learn to walk our talk out in the world, supported by our ancestors.

East - the place of air - where the new day is born. It is the place of inspiration and new ideas.

South - the place of fire - the place of passion, energy, fertility. The hot summer of the wheel.

West - the place of sea - the place of introspection.

With each circle of the medicine wheel - where we walk our talk, gather new ideas and bring them to fruition, we return to the West, to go into our caves.

When you know it’s time to go to the Cave

Once I learned the teachings of the Medicine Wheel, those feelings & knowings that had always been inside me made sense. And as I began walking the Medicine Wheel within those circles, I learned how each direction felt. I’m a soul who loves to share and be out in the world, connecting & gaining inspiration. But after a while, my spirit begins to feel as though it has been out in the sun for too long. A little bit of soul sunburn maybe? hee hee hee!

How do you know when it’s time to go to the cave?

You might have feelings of rawness, or soul sunburn. You might be taking on too much of other people’s energy/story/worries. You might feel like you’ve forgotten your soul’s own song and that you’ve been listening to others too much. You might feel exhausted and depleted, with nothing left to give to others or yourself. You know you’ve reached Cave Time when all you want to do is pull the blanket over your head, and hide out in bed for a while.

When I have those feelings of soul sunburn, I know it is time to gather my bundle, and head West again… to find my cave, to sit in silence, to be introspective, and feed myself first.

Then… when the time is right, and I feel restored in my soul, I feel the callings to walk North again. After time in the West, North feels like remembering how to walk my talk and stay in my own spirit.

How can you do cave time?

Cave time is a way of honouring your body and soul’s need to not be “out there” in the world permanently - and a way of remembering your own spirit, essence and wisdom.

I’m not a girl who does 100% retreats - the idea appeals to me, but if I waited for the time/energy/opportunity to do a silent, solitary retreat for three days, it just wouldn’t happen.

Instead, I do cave time intuitively, instinctually and as simply as I can. Usually it involves not answering calls, taking a few days away from answering emails, not doing any “shoulds”, staying at home, not reading websites and just being quiet.

Here’s some ways you can “do” cave time:

• Give yourself a break from answering phone calls. Or let the phone go to answering machine, and only pick up if you really want to talk.
• Put an autoresponder on your email explaining you are on retreat and will answer emails in a week (or however long you need).
• Only watch TV that you know will be nourishing to you - watch inspiring documentaries, hilarious comedies or spiritual movies.
• Stop reading other people’s websites. This is a big one. Stay in your own energy for a while.
• Have a total media break.
• Book in HOLIDAY on your calendar for at least a day. This means you can’t schedule anything in on those days.
• Baths. Quiet time. Sitting in the sun. Meditation.
• Feel free to not contact anyone at all. Maybe you’ll still want to contact your small circle of friends. Maybe there will be a circle of people you don’t want to contact at all. Honour what you need.
• Read, write, journal, paint - but not for outside consumption. Just for you.
• Give yourself a big permission slip to not care what other people think or feel right now.
• Have what my love likes to call “LBWs” (Lazy Bastard Weekends). LBWs are sumptuous and fun. The rules: Do only what is lazy.
• Close off as many outside connections as you can to replenish your own energy, and remember your own gifts.

But how do you actually make time for the cave?

Making Cave Time a cycle for you

I forgot about Cave Time earlier this year and had the suckiest of burnouts.

And then I remembered: There are four directions. Instinctually, I need to honour that a quarter of my time needs to be spent in varying degrees to the West.

How I make this a reality is that every month, I have a week where I don’t take appointments. I go to my cubicle job, but I don’t make a crazy to-do list outside of that. I don’t do coaching calls that week, and I don’t do too much work that requires me to give out too much energy into the world. I just get to sit and breathe and look at my journey from the safety, gentleness and protection of my cave again.

Here’s some ways you can make Cave Time part of your cycle:

• Do Switch Off Sunday on weeks that you can.
• Make it a priority. Repeat after me: Burnout sucks. I will not go there.
• Have a LBW at the turn of each season.
• Can you somehow incorporate some cave-time for 25% of your time - a day and a bit each week, or a week each month?

Passing the Talking Stick to you…

I so hope this helps you sweet soul…

and I’d love to know:

What does your experience of “Cave Time” look like? Do you do it? What does it look like when you are in your cave?

brontosaurus-sized hugs,

I’ve been craving circles of women who have experienced birthing, wanting to hear their sacred stories. I’m so grateful & blessed that mamas from around the globe have agreed to speak their stories to me, and to us… I want to weave a woven wicker basket of mama’s birthing stories for us all to hear in our hearts.

This week, I’m so excited - the precious Goddess Nina Beana shares the beautiful birthing stories of her three chillens. Goddess Nina is a mama, doula, lover & artist.

I’ve been blessed to have three very different, very magical births.  Each child was born in a different city, in a different hospital, with a different caregiver.  Each birth says a bit about my child and their personality, and a bit about where I was at on my own journey as a mama.

My first birthing : Gray

Gray, my first, arrived almost 9 days late, and quickly. it was intense, and a journey that involved me learning to trust in the unknown.  As I was walking into the hospital lobby to be induced, which I was kind of bummed about, my water broke with a huge splash. I will always remember that wonderful feeling of release, and the bright red skirt I was wearing at the time.  I still think of that exciting, there’s-no-going-back feeling that i had at that exact moment.  I was clueless when it came to all things birth, but by choice.  During my pregnancy, I avoided any shows, books, or magazines about the birthing process.  I desperately wanted to trust in my intuition and not be influenced by any outside sources.

I was so grateful to have my husband, a beautiful scottish nurse with a thick accent, and a midwife who kissed my face at my lowest moments (sounds inappropriate but really saved me).  What worked best for me was closing my eyes the whole time, and going to a deeply primal place.  There’s something so amazing about being handed your first child on your chest-  I remember feeling this huge “here she is” kind of feeling and having all the pain being swept away as soon as I saw her.

My second birthing: Joey

Joey, my second babe, began his journey a bit early, while I was Christmas shopping.  I look back and laugh because I remember being in the store, knowing I was in labor, and just thinking “I have to get this one last gift!”.  Then, still knowing I was in labor, I went to a pizza party, and then proceeded to make my best friend look at my bloody show in the bathroom (totally best friend worthy material!).  This time around, I knew what I was getting myself into as far as labor and delivery and I was pretty stoked.  I took a shower and labored in the bathroom at home while my husband ate leftover pizza from the party and my best friend gathered up magazines and things to take to the hospital.  I kept jokingly yelling through the bathroom door “I’m in labor here!  But you guys just chill out and eat!  No problem!”.

Joey also came fast and furious once we arrived at the hospital.  This time around, I used lots of walking around and depended on the kindness of the nurses to get me through.  I used an OB for Joey’s birth and it was a very different kind of experience for me, especially since I had been trained as a doula.  His birth was special and unique in its own way, teaching me to cultivate strength and courage from myself and a support team, other than the OB.  I learned the importance of having a loving support team in place!  The second time around, I felt more confident and less afraid of what lay ahead.  Joey has a big, beautiful head and I still remember thinking, “If I can birth him, I can birth anything!”.

My third birthing : Lulu

I’m still reeling from Lulu’s birth, my third.  She’s just nine months now, so it’s still somewhat fresh.  It was the kind of birth I had always dreamed about.  The third time around, I had gathered my tribe, and was supported by my friend Shannon (mama of four little ones and acting as my doula), my nurse (who was also a mama and a doula), my husband (who was a seasoned birth coach at this point), and my new midwife who was literally sent from above.  I also collected objects that I could draw power from during the labor from mamas in my life -  a bundle of sage, a necklace, a mama bear bead.  Just having these things next to me while birthing made me feel stronger.

While things didn’t go as planned (i was induced, had high blood pressure, and there was some worries about Lulu’s health), I learned to bask in the help offered by my team, and to let my body be open to any possibilities.  We walked as a group, we used the birthing ball, we all rocked together.  I had visitors in and out during my labor - my dad even came in at one point to give us some laughter and town gossip!  It was pretty magical, if I do say so myself.  Lulu arrived after a brief, very intense active labor.  Safe, healthy, and much bigger than originally anticipated.  Her head, however, was smaller than Joey’s (of course!) and she felt much easier to push out.  My midwife snuggled in my bed afterward, debriefing about her birth.  Her taking that time with me, even though it was 2am and she had to be at her office in the morning, made me realize how lucky I was to have found such a perfect midwife the third time around.

What I’ve learned from birthing…

After birthing my own children, my work as a doula feels so much more intense, in the best way possible.  While circling my friends and clients during their own births, I feel myself opening up for them, feeling along with them.  It’s really one of the most powerful things I’ve ever experienced in my life.

Through each of my own births, I found that my best technique was trusting in myself.  When I learned to trust in the process and say affirming things like “I can do this,” instead of negative things like “I can’t do this any more”, birthing felt easier.  Trusting that my body knew what to do made the process feel more manageable.  And of course, holding those sweet babes on my chest at the end of labor was the sweetest, sweetest reward.

Thank you so much dearest Goddess Nina… for your wisdom, honesty, authenticity and courage. Your stories are precious, and touch my heart. Thank you for adding your birthing stories to this womens wicker basket so we may all learn from them, and hear what we need from them…

To check out more Birthing Stories and the rest of my mama goddess posts, head over to the Mama Goddess page.

Women are amazing!

Hola gorgeous goddesses,

Whenever I can, I answer Ask Goddess Leonie questions.

I’ve still got a couple of questions backed up for me to answer, but here’s your chance to leave a comment and get your questions answered when I can about creativity, spirituality, spirited business, being a goddess, how I got to be doing what I do, living a joyful life - anything you’d like to know.

You can ask the question as your name, or post under a different name if you’d like to be anonymous - it’s all good.

Also, you might like to check out my new FAQs as well to see if I’ve already answered

So much love & magic to you!

Tonight I went back and found one post from each of those Novembers that are signposts from my journey.

In November 2004, I walked a labyrinth.

It was my first time in a woman’s gathering, and we walked a sacred labyrinth in the bush on a divine, womb-like retreat.

Joining that women’s circle is the single thing that has changed my life. It awakened within me a knowing that women’s work was what I would do for the rest of my life.

Blissful and soulful and true.

In November 2005, I had my first day at work as an artist.

After wandering around my dreams, I took a big, deep breath and a leap.

I started working part time so once day a week I could paint, and write, and grow, and share… doing the thing that filled my heart with bliss.

In November 2006, I celebrated my birthday on a mountain.

(Picture above)

I had started running my own circles, and was becoming my own best friend.

I did what any best friend would do, and organised a birthday celebration in the mountains.

In November 2007, I posted namaste from India.

My dream come true.

I remember writing that post:

We were staying in a marble hotel in Agra, the home of the Taj Mahal. Across the road, there were families living beneath tarp, and dredging the gutters with water buffalo. The internet access was a tiny shack beside the hotel where most of the computers didn’t work, and the internet kept dropping out.

All my life, I knew I had to go to India.

And I was finally there.

In November 2008, I ran my first Creative Goddess workshop here in Canberra.

After running my first three-day retreat, then one-day retreat, the Creative Goddess workshop was born in Canberra one year ago.

It was a precious day filled with paint and children and circles and revelation. Pure joy.

That workshop became the inspiration for the online Creative Goddess e-Course, which began Goddess School… and the beginning of a whole new story for me and my spirited business dream-come-true.

All these things… all happening in November, my birth month.

From one small labyrinth, a whole journey of spirit and art and love and dreams-come true unfolded.

I couldn’t have known how my life would be changed in five years, and what blessings I would find.

And I cannot know where the next five years of this journey will take me either… I only know that wherever it takes me,

it will change me,

and it will all be perfect.

It’s true.

Hola gorgeous Goddesses!

I’m so so so so so so so excited to announce the next big beautiful dream that we are creating!

It’s bigger than big… wild big… ginormous big…

My family is converting part of our farm into a spiritual community with acreage blocks that people can build their own sanctuaries on… and eventually, I’ll be living there too and creating a retreat centre!

Our little place in the world is such special land, and we really believe that it would be so beautiful to be able to share it so that others can live there too and experience it and be blessed by it. I know that land forms a huge, huge part of who I am, and it has been a healing place in my life since I was born. And it would be amazing to create a spirited, joyful community there - of healers, artists, teachers, families, spiritually-minded people and people who are passionate about natural living.

Crystalbrook Retreat video

Crystalbrook Retreat from Goddess Leonie on Vimeo.

Part of Crystalbrook Retreat has been reserved for a retreat centre that will be used for workshops and retreats. Eventually, we would love to host teachers from all over the world to bring their beautiful teachings & healing work to Proserpine.

We’ve already created a meditation labyrinth and crystal grid at the retreat, and we are working with the animals, trees and angels of the land to make it the most joyful, spirited space.

How you can be a part

You can buy your own part of Crystalbrook Retreat and build your own sanctuary there. Blocks available for sale range in shape and size from 5-15 acres and include rainforest, woodland, bushland, watercourses and open land including areas for council approved house sites.

If you know of anyone that is looking for their own sanctuary or might be interested, please, please do let them know about Crystalbrook Retreat. We really, really want this beautiful dream to become true!

You can also become a fan of Crystalbrook Retreat on Facebook.

About Crystalbrook Retreat

The retreat is nestled against the Clark Ranges, near Proserpine and Airlie Beach in the beautiful Whitsundays.

Crystalbrook Retreat is a special place - it is a haven for native wildlife including the endangered Proserpine Rock Wallaby, butterflies, lizards, possums and gliders. We’ve also got so many gorgeous birds - including rainbow lorikeets, kingfishers, kookaburras, parrots, honeyeaters and rosellas. The retreat land has seasonal natural watercourses, a healthy ecosystem and untouched virgin fertile rich black soil.

You’ll be able to grow your own vegetables, keep horses, be hobby or organic farmers, create habitat for wildlife… or just keep beautiful space & earth around you.

We so believe that we need more communities of conscious, joyful, positive people… living closer together & closer to the land.

We’re really excited to be able to open up our farm for other people to share in… and believe this is the beginning of a big, precious new destiny.

Want to know more?

To find out more about Crystalbrook Retreat and the community we are creating here, check out:

• What it’s like to live here
• Land for sale
• Photos
• Our Vision
• About the area
• About us
• The Crystalbrook Retreat blog
• Subscribe to our mailing list.

And if you’d like to know any more information, or find out about how to buy your own part of Crystalbrook Retreat, please do contact us.

To big, big dreams

Thank you so much for being you…

I’m so excited and blessed to share this new unfolding with you ~ do let me know what you think!

Big love,

Hola gorgeous Goddess,

It’s that time of the week again… Switch Off Sunday!

Each Sunday, I take either the whole day or the afternoon off from being online.

This Sunday, I’m going to try something revolutionary.

I’m going to take the whole day off! HURRAH!

Welcome back, sacred Sunday!

Last Switch Off Sunday recap

But first… how did my last Sunday go, once I actually got off my ass and switched off my laptop?

My hunky met our friend Kayles at a Medieval Fair, and we had a hilarious time watching knights & ladies racing their steeds along & cutting the heads off cabbages on sticks. We also made up rather elaborate stories of our roles in the whole fair. Chris was Mervin (Merlin with a name-update), I was one of the Priestesses of Avalon who took Merve as a consort, and Kaylia was another Avalonian Priestess who was spying out the knights to decide who she should take as her Stag King for the Night of Betadine.

Oh yes, we were silly, and it was FUN.

Other points of miraculousness from my Switch Off Sunday was making more headway in our Mission Make Room For Baby. I’ll do a post all about that this week!

So today…

You are so welcome to join me in switching off, for the day or the afternoon or two hours… and re-discovering the joys of being switched onto life outside the laptop.

Facebook, Google Reader, Twitter, blogs and your inbox will all be there tomorrow waiting for you. But Sundays are for beautiful recharging

Here’s some ideas for what to do to make today your own Switch off Sunday:

• Make a herbal healing bath… crush up some lavendar heads, or drop in some chamomile tea bags… scrumptious!
• De-clutter. Get rid of something. You will feel SO much lighter!
• Do some space clearing in your home.
• The Meditationap is your friend.
• Sort your bookcase by colour, theme, or alphabetically.
• Watch an inspiring movie.
• Write your Things To Do This Life list.
• Perfect the Art of Doing Nothing.

Sounds divinely delicious, no?

My plans for my Switch Off Sunday:

After The Week That Sucked Big Donkey Balls (read: trying to settle buying a house, family stresses, and wrangling with a bank who I Now Officially Hate), I am allllllll ready for a Sunday that is silly and sacred and sweet and soft.

So here’s my plans:

• Meet up with dear friends at the markets for the morning. It’s pretty much the most wonderful markets ever - they are held in a big paddock, under big eucalyptus trees, filled with stalls of delicious food and craft and food and did I mention there will be food there? I’m planning a tour of gastronomic delights! That, and hugs. Hugs required this week!
• Continue on with Mission Make Room for Baby… keep sorting through some old projects and get our two spare rooms sorted into Baby Space & Guest Space. Sounds boring - but it feels utterly sacred and life changing for me. Along the way, I’m letting go of so much old stuff… to make room for all the beauty that is coming.
• 
  Read some more of Living the Good Life: How One Family Changed Their World From Their Own Backyard.

Time to switch off… and sup on this sumptuous day.

What are you planning for your Switch off Sunday?

love you big time,

I’m not gunna lie. This week has been a big one. When I say big, I mean sucky, as in: “I-suck-donkeys-balls.” Yes, I just went there.

It’s been a cosmic, mundane combination of weird stuff happening and other stuff going wrong, and Leonie getting cranky, tired, burst-into-tears-ish, all mixed in with Transformation Cycle (those 40 days leading up to your birthing day that tends to bring with it a whole bundle of old karmic crap to be dealt with). Oof.

My dear friend Sone & I joked that we would call it the “Week of WTF!”

I’m really, really ready for it this week to be complete.

And I’m really, really ready to get back to smooth, happy sailing aboard the Good Ship Goddess.

So I’m gunna cheer myself up… by collecting some Gems of Joy in a soft basket. I’d love for you to add your own gems that have brought you solace & goodness.

Remember the Night Rainbow

A darling friend sent this one out this morning, from a children’s book. Utter perfection.

If tomorrow morning the sky falls… have clouds for breakfast.
If night falls… use stars for streetlights.
If the moon gets stuck in a tree… cover the hole in the sky with a strawberry.
If you have butterflies in your stomach… ask them into your heart.
If your heart catches in your throat… ask a bird how she sings.
If the birds forget their songs… listen to a pebble instead.
If you lose a memory… embroider a new one to take its place.
If you lose the key… throw away the house.
If the clock stops… use your own hands to tell time.
If the light goes out… wear it around your neck and go dancing.
If the bus doesn’t come… catch a fast cloud.
If it’s the last dance… dance backwards.
If you find your socks don’t match…. stand in a flowerbed.
If your shoes don’t fit… give them to the fish in the pond.
If your horse needs shoes… let him use his wings.
If the sun never shines again… hold fireflies in your hands to keep warm.
If you’re afraid of the dark… remember the night rainbow.
If there is no happy ending… make one out of cookie dough.
- Cooper Edens

Do The Dance

My love found this this morning… a reminder that healing can happen… that music and dance and art can be the healing-bringers…

Art Every Day

I always want to participate in Art Every Day Challenge in November - or Nanowrimo. Alas, November is my sacred month of birthing days (both my love & I) and I know it’s not the right time to be trying to push stuff out into the world while I’m in the throes of transformation and then celebration.

Still, I can feel these surges of creativity coming up inside me… hankering for a new project.

I’m really excited about my darling friend Leah creating the Art Every Day Month Survival Guide…

hmmmmmm….. what shall I create next?

Nothing makes me happier than thinking about my next project :).

Photos of Love

I’ve been editing photos from a beautiful maternity session with the precious Goddess Kristin & her lovely husby.

Two so in love + growing a new little soul + surrounded by nature = good for the soul.

(Full post to come soon)

Your gems?

What brings you solace & joy, dearest?

I’ve been craving circles of women who have experienced birthing, wanting to hear their sacred stories. I’m so grateful & blessed that mamas from around the globe have agreed to speak their stories to me, and to us… I want to weave a woven wicker basket of mama’s birthing stories for us all to hear in our hearts.

This week, the precious Goddess Lis shares how her daughter came into her life through adoption, and the birthing of their family…

How my daughter came into my life: wow.

I think a lot about her story and how to tell it to best express the magic and the love of the Universe in providing us with gifts beyond the scope of our imaginations.

I guess I should start by saying my husband and I were not sure we were going to have a family and then at the age of 41 I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant. And while that soul was not to manifest through me, I always believed that it had been sent to pave the way for the child that was destined to be in my life.

We went about things the old fashioned way, but at 41 - 42, time was an issue. I was ready to be a mama and a year into trying, I realized maybe I was praying for the wrong thing. I was at my friend’s temple (called the Power of Love Temple built to honor her guru, Swami Kripalu; I was trained in the same yoga tradition) and it was the Harvest Moon. Someone told me I should make a wish while standing under the full moon, so I thought for a moment and instead of asking to become pregnant, I prayed for a healthy baby. Three months later, I had my third miscarriage.

It’s hard to explain, but somehow I knew the way we were going about things was not the right path. Shortly after this, international adoption kept popping into my world. There was an article in the morning paper and then driving to work the radio announced an informational meeting for families interested in adoption. I jumped onto the computer and started researching adoption and finding all these blogs written by families while in China to adopt their daughters. The more I read, the more I realized adoption was the way to make our family. It just felt right in a way that pregnancy had never felt to me.

The whole process from paperwork to receiving the referral for our daughter took about 18 months. During the wait I was teaching prenatal yoga classes and was blown away by the similarities between my students and myself. While I was not physically pregnant, I was moving through similar emotional and energetic experiences to my students. I would be obsessed with cleaning out closets and then go to class and my students would talk about their cleaning and nesting! It was an amazing gift to be part of that circle and to realize we all were transitioning into a new role and our feelings were the same even if our processes were different.

When we finally received the referral for our daughter, I was so scared! She was so beautiful, but so solemn and serious looking in the photographs. I could tell from her picture she had a very VERY strong personality. It’s all very surreal because you are given just little bits of information and 3 pictures. So we knew she liked to play with a red ball, or she would watch others carefully before joining in and would show signs of happiness when she would see her bottle coming. When I saw her birthday, I quickly pulled out a calendar and realized she was born 2 days before the Harvest Moon when I had prayed for a healthy baby. And here she was!

After you get your referral, you have to wait for travel approval and for more paperwork to be filed. We waited 2 long months before we could travel to China. We traveled all day - I don’t know how many hours - and arrived at night to our hotel. The next afternoon we would be receiving our daughter!

Again, it is hard to put into words the sensation of being handed a child - your child! - with a simple “here she is” from the nanny. She was placed into my arms and she immediately grabbed on to me like a baby koala clinging to its mother. Only later, when we got to know her real personality, did we realize how subdued and in shock she must have been those first few days. But she gave herself over to us, trusting us in a way that is really unimaginable to an adult mind. She is someone who lives her life going forward and that was apparent from the start.

That first night, she fell asleep on her daddy’s chest and we were a family. Every night she would lie on top of one of us until she drifted off and we could put her in her crib. But before she fell asleep she would just look into your eyes with such wonderment and amazement, like we were her miracle. I vividly remember one night when she gazed at me with such tenderness, stroking my cheek and cooing and I knew we both had fallen in love with each other. A few days later, we had her down in the hotel playroom. She had not walked yet and while she was old enough to be able to walk, we were not sure she could. I stood her up on wobbly legs, scooted a foot or so away from her, held out my arms and said ”come to mama!” And she toddled towards me, a huge smile on her face, and collapsed into my arms with her first real giggles. We repeated this over and over and my husband later told me, in that moment he knew we were all going to be okay.

There are so many moments from that trip that constitute our “birth story.”

Our family was birthed over several weeks in China.

We still look at the videos from that trip and our daughter laughs to see herself as a baby. I think the range of emotions and experiences that play out during birth and delivery take place similarly in adoption, but just over a longer period of time. There is the fear, the doubt, the concern “am I up for this” and “I don’t know what I am doing!” And then your child teaches you to trust your instinct, to just love and to know that that is enough, that you are enough. My daughter is my greatest teacher, my greatest love and my greatest challenge. I cannot imagine loving anyone as much as I love her. As she says to me, “I love you to all the gassy and nongassy planets and back again.”

She has taught me that Love is truly the vibration that set our Universe into motion.

Our family birthday is August 22, 2006 so we’ve been a family for a little over 3 years now.  Our daughter, Clara, was 23 months old when we adopted her.

The medicine and lessons my daughter has taught me: I joke that she is polishing my rough edges, but really she has shown me the places where I need to work on myself: my attachment to needing to feel in control, being right, looking “right” to the outside world.  Now I see this life as such a gift; our being together a precious thing that should be celebrated everyday, which may mean joining in when she spontaneously starts dancing or singing in public!

The biggest lesson or gift she has given me is a renewed trust and knowledge that the Universe always provides what is in our best interest.  I now fully embrace the idea of karma yoga in the sense of doing my job, doing my best and then surrendering to the Universe the outcome of my actions.

Even when the outcome is not what I anticipated, whatever does happen is a blessed gift greater than anything I could have envisioned for myself.  My daughter is proof of that.

Why did we choose each other?  I definitely believe she called out to me, sparking my prayer to that full moon.  I think we needed each other to reaffirm the power of love to heal all wounds.  Her story is still unfolding, but I hope that the love we shower upon her is teaching her that her life is cherished, secure and full with possibility.  I know she inspires me to be the best me I can be.  She is such a strong person, a powerful force, she has taught me to embrace and express my power.

Love, trust and joy: those three words describe our relationship and I think we came together to experience those gifts.

Dearest Goddess Lis… thank you for sharing your beautiful, exquisite, family-birthing story with us… I am so very touched by you, your family & your experiences. You are a magnificent mama goddess!

Hearts wide open to miracles,