What in the name of Satan are you doing?

2012-12-13T01:00:00.001-05:00

2012-01-01T14:16:00.001-05:00

2011 sucked.

2012 has got to be slightly better.

2011-08-13T11:28:00.001-04:00

Eye Balls

2011-08-02T20:06:00.002-04:00

Today I went to the eye doctor. It was lots of fun. Read previous sentence with lots of sarcasm. I actually don't mind the eye doctor. Its the drops I mind.

I wasnt able to go to my regular doctor so I went to Pearl Vision. Other than trying to get me to buy glasses right then and there it was really nice. The doctor was very nice and helpful. I went in because I have been having a lot of problems lately and wanted to rule out my eyesight being the issue. My vision hasn't been ruled out but it isn't the cause either. Just an annoyance.

During my appointment I had all of the lovely testing done. The rather large puff of air in my eye balls, the checking of my glasses, the bright shiny lights in my eyes, and the drops. How I hate the drops. They are evil!

All in all my eyes are okay. One of them got a little weaker while the other got a little stronger. There are floaty things in my right eye and my eye muscles are weak. Silly eyes don't want to work.

Now I have a new prescription for glasses that I cant read. I also don't have the money to buy the new glasses at this particular time in my life. But I know that my eyesight my be contributing to my problem but it is not the root. I can move forward from here. The amazing headache and not being able to see correctly was worth it... eventually. I wasn't a huge fan earlier.

2011-08-01T18:52:00.001-04:00

Lets see if this works now... Silly Blogger...

2011-07-02T21:19:00.000-04:00

Florida June 2011

2011-06-23T15:24:00.000-04:00


Hogwarts.

Colleen.

Me!!!

2011-05-19T16:34:00.001-04:00

2011-05-16T19:00:00.000-04:00

FAME / DAVID BOWIE

2011-05-07T21:51:00.000-04:00

2011-05-03T10:31:00.002-04:00

Life as I know it.

2011-04-14T23:38:00.000-04:00

I found this is my email drafts. Its dated March 2009. I honestly don't know where it came from other than I put it there.

1. I have more than enough time to do what I want to do.
2. I am on a health regimen that helps me feel energized.
3. I look forward to every day.
4. There are no people in my life (at home or at work) who drain me.
5. I love my home (location, contents, the feel, the style).
6. I have no clutter in my home and/or office.
7. I live a life pursuing what I want instead of what I should do.
8. My work is satisfying and rewarding.
9. I take at least two week long vacations a year.
10. I do not work on weekends.
11. I get plenty of sleep.
12. I have plenty of quality time with my children and/or the people who matter to me.
13. I have at least one hobby or pastime outside of my work and family activities.
14. I eat foods that make me feel energized instead of sluggish.
15. I have the space to take at least 15 minutes of silence a day.
16. I have friends that are easy to be with and a joy to spend time with.
17. I carry no heavy emotional burdens or addictive behaviors.

I can honestly say that I only agree with two of these sentences. I know I should be able to say yes or agree with all of them but I don't. I do find my job satisfying and rewarding most day. I have good friends that are easy to be with and I enjoy their company. Everything else... not so much. I may have to come back to this tomorrow and see what I can work on.

100 Days to Weight Loss: day 1

2011-03-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

I am restarting my diet again. I have joined the website startyourdiet.com. On this site there are two membership options, free and deluxe. I am a deluxe member, its $29.95 for a year. I decided to go with this paln because it is a community site. Here I am able to go on discussion boards and chat with others that are struggling with their own weight loss.

Startyourdiet.com also gives you a detailed view of your weight loss for as often as you choose to weigh in. I am weighing in every Friday. Each week my plan projects how much I loose each week according to the settings I have chosen. I believe my plan is to loose two pounds a month. It also tracks my BMI, measurements, food and water intake. There is a place to have a journal to write about what is going on in your day to day life. I personally like anything that has charts, graphs, and planners.

One of the other reasons I picked this plan is because it has a 100 Days to Weight Loss feature. Each day you get a new lesson. Each lessons aim is to help you understand why you haven't been successful in the pass and to help you over come these obstacles. Here is day ones lesson (My first lesson!):

Day 1: I used to be that way...

You are so determined to make this program work. This time, you really want to stay on your weight-loss plan and reach your goal. But deep inside, you may be afraid you haven't changed at all and that you'll quit your program long before the 100 days are up.

Perhaps a tiny voice is reminding you of your past failures with dieting. In the beginning, you're always very excited and motivated. But after a few weeks, your enthusiasm drops, and without meaning to, you slip up.

Maybe you sneak an extra candy bar or a bowl of ice cream at the end of a bad day. Then you reason that, since you've already blown it, you can go ahead and eat more. Soon you get discouraged with your behavior and eventually you quit your diet completely, just like you always do.

Change your thinking

Stop right there! Your past does not determine your future. In fact, your previous failures have absolutely no effect on your ability to succeed now. Starting today, eliminate the belief that things always go a certain way or that you never stay with your goals. Whenever those doubts creep back in, immediately give yourself this new message:

I used to be that way, but now I'm different!

This powerful statement completely ignores whatever you did before and instead, it promises you can change your outcome entirely. Rather than being fearful that you'll repeat the past, build a new way of thinking.

Make up a new ending

Because now you're different, you can do anything. You can even create different endings for your old negative patterns. Suppose you've been worried because you "always gain your weight back." Come up with a new statement that describes what you can do to prevent this.

For example, you might say, "I used to give up on a diet after a few weeks. But now, I pull out my journal every day and use writing to keep myself on track."

When doubts creep in, remind yourself that now you handle life differently. Go ahead and invent entirely new outcomes for your goals, then remind yourself often about your ideas. Over time, these patterns will become permanent, and your dream of success will actually come true.

Make a list of any fears or negative behaviors that have hurt your weight-loss success in the past. Read each one out loud, and then say, "I used to be that way, but now I'm different."

Then write new endings for them by completing this sentence: I used to ________ (fill in your old behavior), but now I ________ (write in your new ending).

Read these new outcomes often, and then live in a way that makes them true.

disclaimer: I have cut and pasted this from startyourdiet.com which I am a paying member.

Task 1:

Fears

Not being able to succeed.
Not having the support I need.
Not being able to handle working, eating right, and exercise.
No one noticing the results if I do succeed

Negative behaviors:

Binge eating
Continuing to eat junk and drink absurd amounts of soda.
Quitting the gym after just a few classes.
Not being motivated.

Task 2:

I used to give up easily and quickly , but now I am going to stick with it for the sake of my heath and general well being.

The 100 Days of Weight Loss lessons are also available from Weight Loss Joy. Here you can purchase the book 100 Days of Weight Loss by Linda Spangle.

Pepsi-cation

2011-03-03T14:19:00.002-05:00

Today is the beginning of my Pepsi-cation.

I failed.

I'll try again tomorrow.

2011-02-18T18:29:00.002-05:00

Colleen's teeth came out.

Now she is barfing.

I am not okay with this.

I may barf.

Oh, greatness!

2011-02-07T19:28:00.001-05:00

The video that was here was a lovely Bob Ross video.

Sadly YouTube took it away. Something about copywrites. If it aint kosher Im not keeping it.
But Im not too upset. There wasnt a damn happy little tree or happy little cloud in all 27 minutes.

Snow.

2011-01-31T16:23:00.000-05:00

Some random street in Wareham after it snowed once again.

There are two many cats.

2011-01-29T15:22:00.000-05:00

Today is a good day. I am hanging out with Vanessa. I am actually laying on her living room floor typing this as she talks to Josh. This morning I woke up and went to the gym. I exercised for 44 minutes. It is evil. After that I met Vanessa at Walmart and shopped. We shopped right over to Micheals so I could buy yarn because Dot the awesome lady she is said she would make some baby things for Kelsie's impending baby. Then we came here and I am going to look up prices of chairs for my "home office".

The end.

Just saying.....

2011-01-12T14:37:00.002-05:00

2011 will be a good year. If it kills me.

Weather

2011-01-11T16:08:00.000-05:00

The WCVB app on my iPod tells me that the Southeastern Massachusetts will get roughly one foot of snow between today and tomorrow. Do I believe it? Not so much. Should I go buy a shovel just in case? Probably. But I am not going to. I am going to find all of my electronic devices and make sure they are fully charged just in case the power goes out. I should probably go to the dollar store and see if there are any candle sticks so I can see when the power potentially goes out.
What to do. What to do.

Amanda's year.

2011-01-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

Stuff happened!

Happy New Year !!!

Life

2010-12-03T10:59:00.000-05:00

Work is going well.

Sleep is going well.

Now all I need to do is

stop hyperventilating randomly.

Happy Hanukkah!

Dooof

2010-11-23T13:28:00.000-05:00

Last night I woke up to remember I forgot to pay the cable bill. I went back to sleep. This morning I woke up to the cable shut off. I went back to sleep. This afternoon I woke up to Shawn telling me the cable was out. I gave him money and sent him to turn it back on. I stayed away. I texted Shawn when the cable came back on. Later Mum called me and said she paid the cable bill. I told her Shawn already paid it. Now the cable bill is up to date. More importantly we can internet again.

This evening Colleen and I are going to the movies to see Harry Potter. The theater near us has matinee prices all day Tuesday. Only $6.50 each! Colleen can so pay for me! I was told the movie is really good. We will see.

I want mac and cheese and hot dogs.

Boo you!

2010-10-19T23:59:00.000-04:00

I am currently sitting at work. I just helped someone with directions. I never give directions because I am horrible at them. But today it was different. They want to go down route 84 through Connecticut. Something I am an "expert" I traveled up and down 84 for an entire year. I knew that year in school was good for something. I can get you from Plymouth to Waterbury without even thinking about it. I can barely even get you to my house.

Ah I feel good again.

Koko's Kitten

2010-10-19T01:12:00.000-04:00

While I was cleaning I found my copy of Koko's Kitten. I have read it a bunch of times and almost every time I forget how sad I find it. Today when I found it I was going through the books on my TV stand and deciding which ones Colleen needs to put away and which ones I want to keep out. Since most of the books are test books the put away pile is rather heavy.

When I found this particular book it actually took me awhile to decide where it should go. Do I keep it? Do I put it away? Do I read it? Ultimately the decision came to keep it out even though no one reads it. I put it in my pile of keep books and went on putting the movies on the TV stand and putting the books on the book shelf. Prior to my cleaning spurt they were swapped.

Finally I had cleaned everything I was going to and put all of the save books in a neater pile. I saw Koko's Kitten again. I thought dont read it, you dont like it, its sad. So what do I do? I read it. Poor Koko, I would be so upset if my Travis died. I always feel very bad for her when I read this story.

After I read the story and ate dinner I came back in my room and the book was still laying on my bed. I opened up and looked at the copy write date. 1985. Younger than me. Older than Colleen. What happened to Koko? I thought. Google knows the answers, he always does. Google sent me to Koko.org / The Gorilla Foundation.

At koko.org I found out another sad thing. Koko's "brother" Michael died. Granted he died ten years ago but its still sad. Poor Koko first her kitten All Ball gets run over then her brother dies of heart failure. But I think she is doing better now. She has a new friend (I have forgotten his name since I left the site 30 seconds ago, it starts with N) and is moving to Hawaii. I think her future is better than mine.

	Make a list of any fears or negative behaviors that have hurt your weight-loss success in the past. Read each one out loud, and then say, "I used to be that way, but now I'm different."
	Then write new endings for them by completing this sentence: I used to ________ (fill in your old behavior), but now I ________ (write in your new ending).
	Read these new outcomes often, and then live in a way that makes them true.