Godless Sunday

Chimicurri Grand Finale

2008-07-13T14:17:00.000-07:00

Went to visit my dad in Southern California for The Fourth. Charlie got to hang out with his uncle, my cousin, Andy. I grew up hanging around Andy and his four older brothers. I was the only girl on my dad’s side of the family and of course I was tortured for it. Let us not forget the time they told me that a serial killer had escaped from the local penitentiary and that the entire Houston

I'm officially ready to guest star on the L word now.

2008-07-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

I guest posted here. I got to talk dirty about Kate Hudson and her boobies. It was exhilarating.

Conversations in the night

2008-07-09T13:03:00.000-07:00

So the other night I’m sleeping, well actually, my mind was sleeping. My body was doing its own thing. My husband who snores LOUDLY is often pushed SLIGHTLY by a very cranky atheist and told, “ROLL OVER.” This has been our routine for roughly six years now. Except for last night. When my hand (not being the brain that she is) decided to continuously push thumb against the middle of index

C3PO, British and Balless?

2008-06-17T13:16:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been remiss as of late. It's just that my son asked me a question and I have been using all of my free time contemplating it. You know how sometimes out of no where your children will hit you with a question that is so profound, so totally unexpected you just really have to sit back and marvel and the genius of their innocence? Well, last week I had such a day. When my son looked at me

Consumer Alert!

2008-06-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

Betty Crocker Super Creamy Chocolate Home Style Cake with frosting may secretly be disguising itself as a dessert but it’s not. It's really a laxative. I think they should consider renaming their product so as not to falsely disillusion us to its potential. Here are a few suggestions. Chocolate Colon Blast Cake Orderly Mandatory Evacuation Cake Stay Close to Home style Cake Home style Hoop Burn

While driving past the Mormon church on our way home from Starbucks

2008-06-07T17:36:00.000-07:00

"Mom! Look! It's the magic castle where they make all the underwear."

No, I won't pray for you. But can I interest you in a pedicure?

2008-06-05T12:45:00.000-07:00

When my Aunt Joanie called to tell me (in an uncharacteristically weak voice) that Lisa was sick, I knew I would be driving through the desert that night. Funny how the mind reacts when it’s our blood, our family, whose survival remains unknown. Had it been my husband’s cousin I cannot say whether I would have experienced the same sense of urgency. But it was my Lisa, my cousin, who was in the

Who ordered the Atheist Fashionista?

2008-05-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

I did the unthinkable. I agreed to attend bible study with my sister in law. Up until this point, I have been rather successful at coming up with reasons for why I cannot attend any of her church functions. However, this time she went so far as to line up a babysitter for me, so I pretty much just gave in and said, “OK, I’ll go.” And so I went. And I hated it. Surprised? Hmm, where to begin. Oh!

It must be the Italian in him.

2008-05-29T14:37:00.000-07:00

Charlie: Do I have a Luigi? Me: A who? Charlie: A LUIGI! You know when the underwear gets stuck in your butt. Me: Oh! You mean a wedgie? Charlie: Yeah, a Luigi. My Uncle Vito would be so proud.

Sold exclusively at Gold's Gym.

2008-05-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

Grandpa Alex (aka my dad) came to stay with us over the weekend. Grandpa is a cool cat from South America with a real penchant for barbecue and all things garlic. It’s a non-stop wave of fun from the moment of his arrival to departure, leaving our house imbued with garlic scent and littered with chocolate wrappers. The kids love having him here. I mean what’s not to love? Who wouldn’t enjoy

Reason trumps Religion.

2008-05-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

Well at least on my nightstand it does.

The irrational road to rationality.

2008-05-21T10:27:00.000-07:00

I am in graduate school. And so far, this program has been a huge lesson for me in "how to think rationally about being passionate." I just don't seem to have a penchant for tedious, mechanical, observational work. Because most of the time I am not good at being rational about my passions, science included. So if you ever want to dish to me about what it's like to feel intellectually inferior and

This is positively the last time we do "Martini Tuesday."

2008-05-20T17:38:00.000-07:00

My son is Jesus Christ.

2008-05-18T14:05:00.000-07:00

Years ago I tried to be a loan officer. So I took a job as an assistant to this man that owned a mortgage company. Part of my job was to take these long pointless trips, seven to eight hour trips, in a car, alone, just my boss and me. And he was a troll, an absolute troll. Blue lips and everything. He use to enjoy telling me stories. Stories that always involved him being cast in either A) the

How much you wanna bet Barack Obama wishes for the same thing during his debates with Hillary Clinton?

2008-05-17T12:37:00.000-07:00

The other night we had Riley over for dinner. Riley is Charlie’s bestest friend in the entire world. Me: Okay guys. What do you wish for? Riley: I wish I could run faster than anyone. Me: I wish the war would end. Husband: I wish the economy were better. Charlie: Ummm. Me: Just make a wish Charlie…it is simple. Charlie: Uhhhh. Me: Perhaps you are over thinking this one son. Just close

Big booth next to the bar please.

2008-05-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

This is a response to a post from Pastor Dwayne Norman . Although I am thrilled that a pastor stopped by to comment on my blog, I’m not thrilled that I'm having to hide under my desk while I write this (just in case lightening strikes). Although, I agree with you that there are some (perhaps MANY) Christians who unfortunately hate gays, ignore science, deny reason, and have a moral superiority.

Smart and Fart, they rhyme FOR reason.

2008-05-12T18:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Science, I just want to let you know that I really like you, Science. You are amazing, Science. Thank you for all your great research and your skeptical approach at debunking countless irrational claims, Science. And you're right! I really am happier no longer believing that coffee enemas prevent cancer (because that was getting weird). Life is better now that I can look at a coffee pot

Dude, Caller ID, that's all I'm saying.

2008-05-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

My nephew just graduated from Bible college. And so we went over there to exchange large sums of money for a large plate of cheese casserole. Sounds like a fair deal, right? And my nephew is the quintessential perfect christian kid, god bless him, and now (poor dear) he is trying desperately to figure out what he has been called to do. "Okay, wait a minute." I said. "What does it mean called to

Most compelling clip of the day.

2008-05-09T16:55:00.000-07:00

Fossils are hot.

2008-05-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

My husband had a conversation with a friend last night and while you enjoy the following dialogue please keep in mind that during this exchange I banished myself to the bedroom. Because God (a descriptive I have learned to live with) forbid I jeopardize the possibility of my husbands weekly beer ritual. Besides, no one wants to watch a thirty-two year old woman motion repeatedly to her crotch and

Prickly little bitch

2008-05-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

This is Sophie. About a month ago she chased a bird (or a squirrel) into a cactus. We live in the desert so the succulents are abundant. My son came running frantically up to the sliding glass door, “Mom! Mom! AMUR-GIN-C!” And there was my husband walking up the trail with my little pincushion of a puppy. The vet said: I have never seen this many thorns in one dog before. My brain said: Shut yo

Talking sheet to mom

2008-05-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

Me: So, what’s new? Mom: Not much Dolling. (which sounds like Door-ling because she’s from Brooklyn). Me: What are you up to? Mom: Today was laundry day. And I like to hang my sheets outside so they have that fresh wind smell. Me: Fresh. Wind. Smell? Mom: Yes Doll. I like things blown really good until they smell like a nice wind. Me: You like things blown really good until they smell like

I'll take a medium.

2008-05-06T12:24:00.000-07:00

I swear.

2008-05-04T18:50:00.000-07:00

Like any respectable mother, I spend most of my free time reading other mom blogs. One of things I try to take note of are the commonalities among us. And while the differences at times can be as trivial as they are abundant, one observation remains constant. What the fuck is with all the cursing? You can go to most any other mom blog and get your daily dose of the shits, fucks, and asses any

Afternoon Delight

2008-05-02T20:29:00.000-07:00

Charlie: Mom, why you don't you feed Henry from your boobies anymore? Me: Why do you care? Charlie: Because it was really cool. Me: Why? Charlie: Because it was like rockets shot out of your boobies. Me: I guess my rockets all dried up.