God's Own Blog

Latest

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 10:33:00 +0000

Our latest reincarnation just made a fifty in Bangalore.

May We bless him!

New Look

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 05:08:00 +0000

Do you like the new look of Our blog eh?

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Wait, wasn't this my blog?
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ThisBloke, shut up. You are just a conduit!

Mighty Big Question part deux

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 11:57:00 +0000

We would like to ask you all a question today.

Are you listening? No? Then this lightning bolt should be able to get us your attention.

Are you listening now? Good.

So listen. Men are superior to women. And married women are superior to unmarried ones. Or so you all think is the deal. Don't you?

Why else would you not let unmarried women in your communities talk to men, other women, go to college, wear clothes they like, work for a living, or carry mobile phones?

We are waiting for an answer.

Stop it!

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 16:04:00 +0000

Stop making a ruckus the two of you! You are disturbing Our sleep!

We are bored

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 08:09:00 +0000

Living alone up here in this vast emptiness is boring as hell… err sorry for the ironic reference.

We think We will destroy Ourselves to reduce the boredom some.

*Poof!!!*

My head hurts

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 09:00:00 +0000

A mobile phone has been ringing for the last 3 minutes and no one is picking it.

And it is only adding to my already unbearable headache. Will somebody please answer the frikkin’ phone??

I’ll have to get up from my hammock and start looking for the irritating phone. I think it’s behind the big flower vase. What kind of a moron keeps their phone behind a flower vase?

No it isn’t. The amazing acoustics of this room ensure that no sound appears to come from where it truly is coming from. Is it behind the sofa then?

Or in the dirty corner just below the big ugly spider-web?

Maybe it is in the next room.

Aah it’s on the floor behind the door to the room!

Now I have to look for the button that silences it, or better still, just disconnects the goddamned call.

Wait a second. The caller ID shows “WeAlmighty”. Who might that be? Is someone playing a prank on me?

Let me take the call and see who it is. What could possibly go wrong?

“Hello…”

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Hey you! Yes you!! Pay attention to what We are saying now.

Don't mind ThisBloke. He was not supposed to communicate with you. And he won’t after today. We will take care of that.

We apologise for the inconvenience.

This is one-third

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 11:42:00 +0000

This is one-third of a post.

Request

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 09:14:00 +0000

Now listen carefully.

We were born on a piece of land in Nevada three hundred thousand years back.

Oh, in the city you call… Las Vegas? Yes, Las Vegas. Can’t remember much nowadays - We are growing old it seems.

So where were We? Aah Las Vegas. There used to be a shrine for us, tiny one. Not too fancy. Just a small-ish shrine. And Our name was written on it, in Our memory.

But then, those palefaces came along, and tore it down (not that there was much to tear down), and built their Caesar’s Palace Casino right there!

Will you please go and demolish it so that you can build a huge shiny shrine for Us right there once again?

And if the gamblers stop you from demolishing that building, go ahead and slaughter them. Or rob them of their chips. That’ll kill them alright.

Don’t worry about law & order — matters of religion anyways take 18 years to sort themselves out in courts of law. Just look at what you all have done in India.

Thank you,

XOXO

New Prophet

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 17:35:00 +0000

Seventy-five million years later from today, We will have a cup of steaming almost, but not quite entirely unlike coffee.

And then We will play a round of checkers with Our good old friend Shertum, and defeat him (We made the rules you know).

And then, We shall appoint a new Subprophet.

Why? You see, This Bloke has become a bit too relaxed - has been growing a brain We think - and not been listening to us that often as he used to do five thousand years ago. So well, We got an application yesterday for new Subprophetship, and well yeah, We, well, decided to go ahead with taking him for the post.

So, here you go. Go check out the Subprophet’s blog.

The Mighty New Question

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Wed, 05 May 2010 07:54:00 +0000

The Mighty Us have a new question for the puny you (yes with a small y. Shudder in fear).

When faced with a choice between living people and dead people, whom do you choose?

Part Deux: Drawing lessons

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 18:19:00 +0000

Ok. Four days ago We wrote the first chapter of this blog. Did you read it? Properly? Memorised it? You did? Ok, now stand on the bench and recite it word-to-word without looking at it. See, We didn’t think so.

Anyway, Rule#7. Eh, what? We’re sure there are the six previous rules here somewhere. We’ll tell you those as soon as We find them. Now don’t interrupt and listen!

Rule#7. You don’t draw Us. Or this bloke here. Why? Because drawing is the work of this fictitious character We had invented called Shertum. Shertum? You don’t know Shertum? What religion have you been following? Hmphhh... the people here I tell you. Go study about Shertum, in another chapter We’ll write later sometime when We get the time.

Ok, so the deal is, if you draw Us or this bloke, We’ll smite you. Reaaall baaaaadd. Mind it.

Shivering now, eh? We thought so.

And give Us that pencil you’re holding!

Le Chapter De Uno

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 19:06:00 +0000

{ yawn }

Oh, you guys? Don't you have any other work? You spend so much time and effort and money and food trying to please some deity masquerading as a version of Us... We pity you. Really.

Well, We just woke up - after a good night sleep - and no, it does not mean a century long sleep for you. That one's just a hoax perpetrated by those idiots you call "priests". Our night is of a different length than yours, but We shall not discuss that here.

Aaah... We forgot We were writing a blog here... so here goes:

Creation - of everything that you can and can't see, can and can't hear, can and can't smell, can and can't feel, can and can't imagine...

There was a dot. And next moment the beautiful sky gave birth to the lovely earth.

Lovely isn't it? Like hell it is. But it's all fake. We know you people love stuff like this, so that when something stupendous like The Big Bang Theory is proposed, you can quote such stuff and claim that your religious book already knew about this. Tell Us one thing, what will you do when The Big Bang Hypothesis is disproved? Will your holy book automatically remove the quote which you claim is a "prediction" of this hypothesis? Oh wait, We forgot, you'll either just change your interpretation of that verse or just stop mentioning it again, hoping that people forget your faux pas.

Anyway, what were We talking about? Aaahhh creation... well the truth is, there ain't no "creation". Have you ever seen something being created ex nihilo? We guessed not. So isn't it idiotic to think that everything must have been created sometime in the past? Study more science and logic. You'll understand.

So where did it all come from? See We're a little new to the system - the universe is older than We are - some billion years, compared to just half a billion for Us. So Our guess is as good as yours on this one - that 'it' has always existed, 'it' being everything that We wrote in that stupid little parable up there.

Now, with this First Chapter of The Holy Blog out of the way, We shall go have breakfast, while you go chant your prayers 3.84 times a day with your hands up in the air. What the prayers are, We shall tell you in a subsequent post. And if you fail to follow Our instructions, you shall burn in hellfire for twice the eternity... naah We're kidding. Really, nothing will happen. But We shall be very very angry... take heed if you care. Otherwise what the hell can We do, eh? :-)

Mercy & Vengeance,
Asura/Ahura Mazda

Latest Development

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Tue, 04 Jul 2006 08:30:00 +0000

We have realised that some miscreants would claim that this is not the blog of God. So We challenge them to produce a blog exactly like it, or accept this as Our final word (version 1.0 as of now).

Mercy & Vengeance,
We

Listen to moi...

noreply@blogger.com (Hypnos) — Tue, 04 Jul 2006 08:13:00 +0000

Hey you!

Yes you! I'm talking to you... listen to moi carefully.

This is the blog de God. God Himself. I mean Myself. Sorry, We Ourself.

There ^^ you had the proof that this blog is created by Us - God, and not some human being. Definitely not by the bloke that goes by the name of Hypnos/Lucifer/klueCIFER/Sand Viper (We shall call him "this bloke" from now on, as a shorthand). That's because this bloke does not like this template. It's Our choice to select this template, not his. How the hell could he get a choice in selecting the template for Our blog? Get that into your damned thick head. Okay?

Now how've you been? <-- see? We care about you all. Okay, with that out of the way, let's clear a few things. These stupid books out there that you people keep brandishing around to prove each other wrong and find excuses to kill each other - they're all fake. Or changed by humans. Whatever. We couldn't care less to be worshipped, revered, invoked everytime you slay another human/goat/pigeon. And those stupid "scientific miracles" that you keep finding in your holy books aren't. They're just parables, which can fit anything if you just try hard enough. And We see you trying hard enough to fit the big bang in a smoke-filled aayat etc already. Sane people don't do that. But what would one expect from people who can worship something they've never seen or talked to? Well, only a few people really talked to Us. This bloke is the only one in the last 3000 years to have done that. Actually it's We who's been talking to him. He probably wouldn't realise this until We make him press the Publish button here. Now, some ground rules. You shall not deny this post nor this blog. This is word of Us, God, as already proved earlier here. Anyone that rejects that shall be sent to Hell - in his dreams (since there's no such thing as Hell - well We shall talk about that in a later post).

Mercy and Vengeance,

God.