Going Redneck

Republic Wireless - My little plug for $19 unlimitted everything wireless

2013-08-03T08:36:00.002-07:00

OK, this may not sound very redneck of me, but let me explain. I do believe part of being redneck is not buying something you don't need or re-purposing things you have. My $15/month pre-paid cell phone plan was doing just fine. I rarely talked to anyone other than my wife, so my balance was sky rocketing, and I always had the piece of mind of having that phone. So why would I buy the phone and up my payment? Well...easy. I fully believe this little baby may help me score more business, that's why!

You see, it is a full up, semi-rugged Google smart phone. After doing the research, I am more that able to accept credit cards for my businesses on this sucker. AND I get the benefit of Google maps with GPS (gotta figure out how to get to the customers sites). Not to mention calling them if I need directions, and email/text for those folks that would rather communicate this new-fangled way.

And the best part about this is is that it is only a reoccurring fee of $19/month for unlimited voice/text /data!

So if you have any questions, feel free to post a comment or contact me in other ways and I would be happy to answer them. Otherwise, help us all out and get yourself a $19 credit by ordering it through my referral link:

Link to Republic Wireless Referral page.

How are they able to offer this stuff at this cheap rate? It's pretty easy actually. The phone they give you is designed to take advantage of existing wireless internet connections whenever possible so it doesn't have to eat up the cellular bandwidth. This has many benefits anyway...like faster speeds, clearer calls, and a LOT better coverage in the areas you need it most. The down side is that it doesn't seamlessly switch from cell to WiFi (or back), and you must make sure you manually add all of your known WiFi access points to your phone list (for obvious security reasons). But since I am by an access point for probably 75% of the time (like most people are) this is almost perfect! And so far...I am really enjoying my new toy with some bada$$ data rates!

Again...if you do decide to order, please help out this blog and gain a $19 credit for yourself by going through this site:
Link to Republic Wireless Referral page.

Enjoy your new redneck telephone!

Trainin' a Water Girl

2013-07-30T14:11:00.001-07:00

Before anyone gets any ideas, no, this is not a follow on to a Kevin Costner movie. Heck, my kids wouldn't even know who he is anyway. This post is more about a sense of pride a daddy gets from having a genuinely good helper around, including the fun that can ensue.

I don't know why this particular instance sticks in my mind, but it ranks right up there. I think it is simply that one moment when you realize your kids are not just a tiny little human that has not much purpose aside from a being a little toy that you can pick up, cuddle, play with, and when you set them back down they go back to doing whatever they want. You know...that one moment when you realize that your kid can actually be useful in the family environment. That one time when you give them something to do and they not only can do it, but for the most part they enjoy it because it is actually helping and not just "busy-work" to keep them out of your hair. The moment I am describing is the first time I took Middle Smurf out to help me get the water. She was desperately in need of some daddy time that was only with me, and this was a perfect opportunity to see if she could handle real responsibility.

When we got there I hooked up the water hose to the first tank in the trailer like I usually did. I simply tied the hose so it wouldn't come out. Next, I dug out the little step ladder I brought with me and set it up in front of the control panel. I went ahead and entered the login information and up came the big green button. I let her climb on the ladder and gave her the instructions about pushing the virtual button. Then I let her do it and it was basically a non-event. Then when the time came I hollered "1", "2", "3"..."STOP!". She pressed the stop button and all was done. No big deal if you exclude the fact that this was her first time with a virtual, touch screen button with no tactical feedback and she had all of the pressure of not letting the tank overflow while daddy was yelling "1,2,3...STOP!" at her.

Next I decided to give her a little more responsibility. I untied the hose and simply held it over the next tank with my bare hands. "OK...go!" A couple of seconds later here comes the flow. When that tank was approaching the top I started the countdown again.

One.............Two............Three............STOP!

Granted, this time I got a little wet because she didn't realize the amount of touch that was required (which the adrenaline gave her on the first go around)...so I took it for the team...no big deal. The impressive thing was that she kept her cool, pressed again until it went red, and that was it.

To this day I still yell that familiar "1, 2, 3...STOP!" phrase, but instead of doing it every tank I simply carry the hose from one tank to the next and let her stank in the "splash zone". She then runs back over to the ladder in time to hit stop for me. This way we both get soaking wet!

Update: I originally hadn't actually posted this article, I don't really know why. Maybe because I felt it was a little to sentimental to share. But now that I have the more efficient, larger, single tank trailer we don't get the "splash zone" anymore. Maybe that part I miss a little. Sometimes increasing efficiency has its drawbacks and while I have no reason to regret my decision to purchase this, I have concluded that this sacrificing of "fun time" in the name of efficiency is decidedly unredneck like. I have no plans to revert back, but this should serve as a lesson that every decision has a consequence and all decisions should be made carefully.

"Redneck" - Racist???

2013-07-29T21:57:00.002-07:00

Ok, Let's get the discussion game rolling a bit by being a little provocative for a change. I never even thought about this until a recent news article about Queen Creek High School (very close to my stomping grounds) celebrating national redneck day. My first thought was "Hey great! Finally a holiday for me!” Then I continued reading and discovered the federal nose-pickers...uh...government...was investigating the school because it determined that could have been a "racist" thing to celebrate. Note that it wasn’t a state decision, but a federal one to investigate.

I never would have though this could be. I head down to the water pipe to fill up my trailer. I talk with a lot of my neighbors. Most of those are Hispanic people, a handful of white people, and a few black people. Notice the group I listed first in this list. Hispanics are BY FAR the most predominant...and yes, I classify them as rednecks as much as any others. Those guys probably redneck better than most just because it is so engrained into their beings!

Even in the picture I saw with that particular news story where a white kid was wearing a confederate flag. The confederate flag is nothing more than a symbol of southern pride. Where do the majority [not all admittedly] of rednecks come from? That's right...the south. Does the south have a history of slavery? Yes, but that has nothing to do with the confederate flag. As a matter of fact, one argument that has been presented is the mere act of associating the confederate flag with slavery is in-and-of itself an act of racism. So congratulations all of you who associate the flag with racism...by that definition you are being racist whereas the white southern kid is simply showing pride from where he came. This show of pride, by the way, is something we all do every time we fly the stars and stripes. I will take it a bit further and point out that to many outside nations our flag brings hatred and ill feelings because of the things we STILL DO. Does that mean we should get rid of this flag as well because it might offend those nations? I highly doubt anyone would agree with that, so why destroy a piece of our past and history by removing the confederate flag? BTW, even black people have been known to sport the confederate flag.

It is worth noting that along with the picture I chose above came the excerpt:
"Confederate Flag defender, political activist, former President of the Asheville chapter of the NAACP and 52-year-old black man, H.K. Edgerton was recently accosted by two black men while standing by his confederate flag in front of Asheville High School. Though he was appalled by the alleged violent actions of 19-year-old high school drop-out Andre Dewayne and 32-year-old Kevin Miller, he concedes, "I know and understand their pain because they've been lied to for so long. A lot of people know nothing about that time in history." Source: http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/u-s-politics-issues/virginia-governor-declares-confederate-history-month-page2-127054.html

So I ask you fellow redneck followers...Does the term "redneck" imply racist thoughts either directly or indirectly and if so, please back up your responses.

Could This be my New Religion?

2013-07-29T12:33:00.003-07:00

Ok, so mustachianism doesn't actually exist. That doesn't mean it isn't extremely important!

Lately I have been following the Mr. Money Moustache blogs. This guy could be a clone of me in a different life. He is a Software Engineer that retired early (yes...I'm still working on that one...but getting closer). He believes that the way to financial independance is though frugality. He likes to blog. He found the book "The Magic of Thinking Big" to be life changing. And finally he writes in: "a scratchy and compact font done entirely in capitals" that are presumably difficult to read (since he is an engineer after all). Ahhh yes...a man after my own heart.

And so we don't get to wrapped up in a bromance with a guy I have never met: Let's just say that I have given him a lot of my attention and his "prechings" are after my own heart. I hope that by including a link in my blog more people learn from his wise teachings.

Thank you Mr. Money Mustache, and keep up the good work!

Visit his pages here:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com

I'm Living the Liberal Life - Benefits of Living Like a Redneck

2013-07-28T21:08:00.001-07:00

Ok, before people get all bent out of shape and say things like "Hey Tekno...that's not very redneck like!" or "Aren't rednecks typically supposed to be gun-toting, hard working hill-billies?" Well...yes...you are correct. And I'm not even going to argue it. I'm also not going to try to convince anyone that I am liberal or conservative or any other dumb-a$$ political affiliation. I don't like politics or discussions about them. I know what I believe is right and wrong, and this blog is not going to "go there" deliberately.

With that nonsense is out of the way, let's get on with the good stuff...shall we?

Why the title? Well...because that is the comment I made today that almost made my family spit water out of their noses. It all started by me describing what it was like to have converted to redneckism. I then went on to list some of the benefits that we have gained, which is in no small part a chunk of the reason WHY we are doing this redneck thing.

As I have mentioned before, we weren't forced into this lifestyle. We were not forced out of our house; we were not going hungry because of our overblown payments or anything. We had all of our cars paid off. Etc. Etc. Etc. We chose this because we wanted to. The main deciding factors were (among other things):
1) We wanted to make sure that in the down economy, if I were to be laid off we could survive a long time on the savings we have accumulated.
2) I wanted to retire as soon as possible. This means we have to have everything paid off and our bills as low as possible. The only way to do this was to buy a house that we could get paid off A.S.A.P. The market was ripe, so that was the time to pull the trigger.
3) I hate gym's and workout memberships. If I need to wear myself out, I feel I should be doing it by using that energy constructively. Yea...about 2.5 acres should cure all of my workout needs.
4) We wanted to cut back to a bit of a smaller domicile. It turns out that two levels in a 3000 sq. ft. house was just not for us. It was too much to clean, but not enough room to do anything.
5) Restrictive HOA's with double-standards were about to make me "go postal".
6) My garage "shop" and tool collection were just outgrowing that 3-car garage...I NEED LAND (and a barn) BABY!

So we found it and bought it while the getting’ was good.

Next came the unexpected part...and this is where I start going against some of my values, but only because it "makes sense" and fits right in with other parts of my values.

First we had to deal with the old house. We have to sell this monster. Of course it will be a short sale because before I wisened-up to the ways of living frugally, we purchased it at the height of the bubble. Now it was worth less than half what we owed on it. Well...short sale it is. So we listed it and found a buyer. Of course, the bank wasn't going to play nice...why would they? So we put a stipulation on our realtor: "Do NOT, under any circumstances, request an extension to the short sale before the bank forecloses". Why would we make such a stipulation? Well...it all boils down to taking advantage of incentives that are available to us. While I don't necessarily like the fact that all of this stuff has been made available and easy for the general public, since it is here I won't turn it down. See my conflicting values at work here??? What we determined is that it would actually be MORE BENEFICIAL to go into foreclosure by the end of that year than it would be to have the bank drag their feet for that extra two months and foreclose the following year. It was a simple tax decision. If we unloaded the house that year as opposed to the next year, we would be taking advantage of the laws that said we would not be responsible for the taxes associated with the capital gains we would have acquired on the house price difference. Basically, that would have equated to something along the lines of $30,000 to $40,000. That is worth the credit hit since we don't plan to use credit anymore anyway.

The next thing we are enjoying as part of this new lifestyle is all of the "freebies" we are getting. I know what you are asking: What... How... Why...? Yes, I said it. We are getting a lot more freebies. I'm not going to go out and ask for anything. I actually find that very, very hard to do and it makes me physically sick to my stomach. The way we end up with this stuff is because people, mostly liberally minded people, ASSUME way too much! And I am certainly not going to pass opportunities like that up!

Why did this freebie parade start happening? It's pretty easy actually. All you have to do is pretend to be poor. When we took on this redneck lifestyle, we sucked it in lock-stock-and-barrel. I typically dress like I am working hard. You know greasy shirt, torn jeans, and crap all over my face and arms...then I go to Wal-Mart and ask for a price-match on milk. Eight times out of ten the cashier will go ahead and price-match every item they know about that we are purchasing. However, if I stop by after work in my dressier clothes, this generosity rarely happens. The same thing happens with Mrs. Smurf. If she puts on makeup and is by herself there is not much cooperation from the cashier. However, if she goes in wearing cutoff jean-shorts and a tank top with three kids and no makeup...bring on the unsolicited price matching! I equate this to the begger on the street, but not to that extreme. Again, I cannot go asking/begging, but if someone were to walk up to me on the street and hand me $5 and say “here…go have a hot meal”, I would probably not turn it down.

There are other things that happen as well: discounts on carpet installation, discount on kids classes, etc, but I don't want to bore people to sleep, so we will leave it at that. Needless to say, when I say that we are "living the liberal life" I don't mean we are choosing political sides. All I am saying is that I am going to take advantage of the generosity offered by not only our neighbors, but also our government. I just can't bring myself to pass up some of these kinds of opportunities when they are just sitting there asking for me to bite. I did not ask for them, or vote for them, but I would be a damn fool to not take advantage of what they want to give me.

The Fly Ninja

2013-07-28T20:00:00.002-07:00

One of many things that has always fascinated me about Mrs. Smurf is her uncanny ability to kill flies and other bugs. She has long become the de facto bug killer of flying things in our house. While I maintain the official title of the crawly creature get-r-rid-r, she is definitely the more adept as knocking things down from the atmosphere.

Why the "Fly Ninja" designation? Well...let’s just say the flies never see it coming! Once she gets that fly swatter in hand, she has the perfect combination of grace and speed to very gently sneak up on a fly from any direction until about a foot or two away and then...WHACK! That poor trespasser never saw it coming!

But it doesn't stop there...

I have seen her on numerous occasions walk by something that was flying and simply pluck it out of the air! Not kill it...just grab it in one hand and toss it outside! I think maybe I have done that trick one time my entire life and that was pure luck. This chick does it repeatedly...maybe not perfectly, but certainly notably often.

And what if a fly does happen to get the best of her because it won't land anywhere "swattable"? Well...that has a simple ninja-like solution as well. Just knock it silly so you can subsequently swat it! It's a matter of just swinging so hard you would think her arm would fly off. But wait, not only does it stay attached, that fly is now dizzy and falling to the ground like a vertically throw knuckle ball. It must be those bony hands of hers. I am significantly more strong/powerful than she is, but I have NEVER ONCE swatted at a fly with my hands and had it drop to the floor in a dizzy, almost blacked out state. Yet I have seen her do it numerous times with her hands or fly swatters or slippers or rolled up magazine, or whatever was handy. Granted, on a couple of occasions a light bulb has become an unwitting recipient of a pretty nasty beating because of this action, but it is only because of the Fly Ninja's state of hyper-focus when tracking the flying intruders.

I am not sure how Mrs. Smurf acquired her superpower. Could it be the fact that she grew up as a kid in an area that did not have air conditioning, was forced to keep the windows open, and didn't have many toys to play with? Could it be the fact that she blows up like a balloon with every mosquito bite and thus it is a self defense mechanism? Is it maybe the sheer thrill of having ultimate power over an intruder that has invaded her castle? What about the possibility of being bitten by a flying animal that was exposed to nuclear material and now she has the power of Fly Ninja?

Whatever the cause/reason, it is evident that she thoroughly enjoys combating these annoying dive-bombers and I am more than happy to let her.

Happy Hunting Mrs. Smurf!

Greasing the wheel [bearings]

2013-07-26T22:06:00.001-07:00

As you may already know, we live on a hauled-water property. What does this mean? It means we have to bring our own water in. No, it is not an area where we have to go down to the stream and bring pans of water up to the house just so we can heat it over the fireplace and use that for everyone’s bath that night. What I am talking about is that we have a 2500 gallon water tank on our property that is pumped into our house just like city water would be. The only difference is that we must keep that tank full ourselves.

There are two options for doing this. 1) We can pay $25 for every 1000 gallons to have it hauled in for us, or 2) we can haul it ourselves with our own water trailer. I am not confident enough in having someone else provide this service of such a life preserving resource, nor am I confident that they won't piss in the tank if they get ticked at me. So I handle this task myself. It isn't difficult, I purchased an old water trailer, strapped a couple of IDC containers (totaling ~500 gallons) and a cheap water pump on the front. From there I simply drive it about 1/4 mile down the road to the downspout provided by the water company, have my daughter, middle smurf, press the go/stop button for me while I hold the hose in the tank. Then we bring it home and connect the discharge hose to the water pump, fire it up and wait 2 minutes for the transfer into the big tank. Then repeat the process 3 more times. This takes between one and two hours depending on the amount of traffic at the downspout and how cool the weather is that day.

I have made many tweaks to the overall process since the beginning. Small things like attaching the main hose to the tank and putting the quick connect end on the pump so I could simply leave the hose on the ground instead of rolling it up between every trip, putting a wooden pallet under the tanks to raise them about 6 inches to reach the hose easier, etc.

Unfortunately with all of my efficiency improvements it wasn't quite enough as I cannot get around the fact that I only have 500 gallons that I can carry and the fact that I can only fill one tank at a time (remember there are two on the trailer implying I have to pull the hose from one to insert it into the other on every fill-up trip). What I really need is a 1000+ gallon trailer with a single water tank. I don’t want much more than 1000 gallons because that alone would be 8000 to 9000 lbs. That’s a heavy load for any truck, especially my lowly ’91 Ford F250.

After searching for about 2 to 3 months through Craigslist and on corner lots I never found one that was reasonably priced. Then it happened...like an angel playing the violin after a rain cloud just passed...and it was on MY corner lot right as I was driving home. 1100 gallons for a VERY reasonable price! I did a precursory inspection, called the number, made a run to the bank and met the guy at the trailer. I looked over everything and found one of the four wheels was VERY wobbly. I mean about to fall off wobbly. It could only be bad (or non-existent) bearings. After listening to the guy's "Yea, it was that way when we bought it...it has been doing that for over a year...it's a little wobbly going down the road, but it works just fine" BS speech, I talked him down some on the price and told him he had to deliver it to my driveway (which was just a few feet away). He accepted and we were done.

After taking apart that wheel about a week later I found that while there were pieces of the bearing in there, it was reduced to a small handful of the rollers, hair thin strips of metal, and a pile of shavings that used to be something that resembled a wheel bearing. There wasn't anything big enough for a part number in there! The entire wheel was being held on by the inner bearing's oil seal and the nut and washer held against the outer bearing's race! Luckily the axle itself wasn't abused too badly. At least the situation overall was salvageable.

I was able to pull the races and inner bearings and seal out and take them to the auto parts store. I won't mention which store I went to but it is very Irish. Would you believe they actually had ALL of the parts I needed in stock! Granted, I cleaned them out by buying a set for each side (heck, if I'm doing one I might as well do them both since the other can't be far behind if the first was that bad) but they did have them!

I took them home, got the one wheel put together and started the next. When I dug into this second wheel, the bearings didn’t' look perfect, but might have been usable still (saving $50). Unfortunately some numb-nut decided to mix greases when they did this wheel the last time! It was pretty obvious because of the two different colors of grease present and the "boogers" that had formed into various harnesses of little rock hard granules as the two compounds reacted (apparently). This would explain why the bearings looked pretty decent (compared to the other side) but not perfect. This wheel WAS recently redone, but the boners that did the job goobered it up so bad there was no telling how much longer it would last. Needless to say I made the decision to go ahead and do it anyway.

So...all you future rednecks: Please...help out the next guy. I understand not wanting to do both wheels at the same time if you don't have the money. Heck, I even understand using the wheel as-is when you clearly know it is thrashed. But if you are going to take the time to do the job, AT LEAST do the job correctly enough so you don't have to do it again in the near future! Simply spending that extra half a penny on the extra grease it would have taken to make it single-type would have saved the next guy (me in this case) that extra $50 in bearings!

Mommy, Daddy Has a Red Neck!

2012-09-19T21:14:00.001-07:00

Finally, we had some decent weather (not 110dF for a change!) so I decided to get a bunch of things done outside. We started with digging out the pink paint and helping the 5 year old paint the teeter-totter we built the previous weekend. While she was doing that, I took a pretty good run at some weeds that had been bothering us (and were about 4' tall). When that was done, I helped her finish up the painting (yes, the VERY pink paint...and the white posts), and then I decided to finally build my teppanyaki grill.

So, this teeter-totter was born in typical redneck fashion. First, she hounded me about it for over a week. It sounded pretty much like this: "Daddy can we build a teeter-totter now? Daddy can we build a teeter-totter now? Daddy..." I think you get the point. Eventually I agreed that we could do it in the very early morning of the next Saturday. That gave me a couple of days to figure out exactly how I was going to pull this off.

Saturday came, and what I came up with was fairly simple. First, I grabbed a piece of old galvanized 5/8" rod that was left over from another project. That was to be the pivot point. I then found the center of gravity on an 8' long piece of 4x4 that I had laying around, and drilled a 5/8" hole in the center of it. Following that I took a leg from an old swing set that was left on the property when we moved in, and cut it in half. I then drilled 5/8" holes in both halves, about 2" down from one of the ends. Then, I buried the other ends in the ground about half way, and filled them with rocks and dirt.I then put the 4x4 in between them, and put the 5/8" rod through the whole shebang (yea...I said it...SHEBANG!). After that I took a couple of 3' pieces of 2x6, and laid them lengthwise in line with the 4x4, and overhung the ends of the 4x4 by about 1' to 1.5' and screwed them on. These are for the seats. I have not added handles yet (I keep promising that...I should get on it) but at least it is functional and we can paint it! Here is the after picture:

After getting her started on the painting, I went off to cut some weeds. My weed eater wouldn't start, so I attempted to hack them down with a garden hoe. Well...as you can imagine, that didn't work out so well, so I fired up the lawn mower. That worked MUCH better, and I ended up with 2 wheel barrows full of weeds. That's what fire pits are for!

When I was done with that I decided to finally make my teppanyaki grill. This is something I have been wanting to do for a long time, and even more so after taking a class at Benihana. As with most of my projects, this too was about as redneck as it could get. I scored an old barbecue grill from a buddy (for free) and I gutted the insides (yes, I kept all of that scrap metal). I went to the metal store (no...this was not something I had laying around already...and is the only cost associated with this project) and I purchased a piece of 1/4" aluminum plate. I cut that sucker to the correct size using an angle grinder and smoothed the edges with a flapper wheel. It dropped right in! I then cleaned and scoured the crap out of that aluminum, and heated it up to as hot as I could get it. NO WARPING! Exactly what I was hoping for! That night we had an AWESOME dinner! Here is a picture of the grill top and the veggies:

and some ham:

Yea...I'm awesome!

Since that day, we have used that grill at least every other day. It is fast for cooking, and allows me to cook a lot of food at one time. Being able to use oil and other liquids is a big boon to cooking. I have even made a very large batch of breakfast burritos! This thing is awesome at heating up tortillas as well! I have not even touched my other grill...sorry old faithful...

So...at the end of that day, we were sitting in the living room floor playing, and my middle daughter looks at me, turns to mommy and says: "Mommy, Daddy has a red neck!" Yep...I guess that pretty much sums it up.

MORE POWER!! (Poles that is)

2012-08-18T21:14:00.002-07:00

Mrs. Teknosmurf and I were driving some time ago and the topic came to the front drive and what we are going to do with it. After driving by some local properties we saw something we both like. It was a ranch style entrance made out of old telephone/power poles. Since then I have been on a quest to find something similar and suitable.

After acquiring the proper truck (an older Ford F-250 flatbed), a triple axle trailer, and a chain saw (wow...this is an expensive project already! Just kidding...this is all stuff I wanted to get anyway) I finally found someone that had a bunch of poles he was getting rid of, and he was 20 minutes away. As it turns out, the owners of Sossaman Farms (at the corner of Ocotillo and Sossaman roads) acquired these poles when they were doing some street widening. They were willing to cut me a discount if I purchased all of them. Of course I had LOTS of projects in mind, so I told them I would take them all.

So then came the logistical part. That is a lot of poles, and they are HEAVY! I asked if I could come after work the next day to take a look. Of course the answer was: "Well...can you do it tonight, or early in the morning? We are heading up north and won't be back until Wednesday." My response was: "Sure...but I will have to take the day off tomorrow, and you are going to have to have a tractor or something to help us. I can't do it all by myself and I won't be able to get help. I do have a chainsaw to cut them." "Yes, I have access to a front loader that we can use". OK...now we have a deal!

The rest of that night I get the trailer hooked up, air up the tires, get all of my tools that I might need, and heavy duty straps and what have you. By the time I was done getting everything together, it was 10:00, and I had to be at the guys house by 5:00am. I also realized that with this load my truck lights wouldn't be visible. So maybe I should get some magnetic lights tomorrow at Walmart.

I get up early and start to head out. Of course, it's raining pretty good. Great, this is going to be FUUUUUN! I get to Walmart and park on the side of the building (because of the trailer) and of course, all doors are locked. OK...drive around to the front...still locked...great...it says 24 hours, are you kidding me! Then the guy gathering carts points to the other door. By this time I am soaked and it is 10 min. to 5:00 already. I text the guy, and he was actually relieved because now he could get his cup of coffee while he waits for me.

I walk into Walmart and get to the lights...sure enough, $50! Really? These silly things are $20 at the other store...what gives...isn't this Wally-World! I relent and decide that I can bring them back if I don't use them, so I will do everything I can to not use them.

I finally get there and we head back to the poles. Hmmm...this doesn't look to bad. HA HA, famous last words!

The guy calls in one of his off-duty farm hands. This guys had plans this afternoon, and was sleeping in because of the rain, but he finally reluctantly came in. Turns out, he was the PERFECT guy to drive this front loader! He was a native Arizonan with a Native American ancestry. He was VERY dark skinned from working in the sun, on this farm, for the last 20 years.

The front loader already had hooks welded to the top of the bucket, and the chains were sitting in the bucket. Hmmm..maybe they have done this before? I guess so...they had so many tractors, both "normal" sized and VERY VERY LARGE ONES! I about wet my pants when I saw all this hardware! I was like a kid in a candy store...only it was like mom being there telling me to keep my hands off. Oh well I still had a blast!

So we start loading these things on the trailer and it becomes apparent very quickly that we will have to make multiple trips. The guy decides to get his truck hooked up to his car hauler and we also load that trailer. Great, he is going to follow me down, now I don't have to worry about the lights. The only problem is I will have to come back and get the last of it because they didn't even fit on two trailers! BTW, did I mention it is about 9:30 at this point? He has to leave at noon and his farm hand has to leave at 1:00.

So, we get down to my place with the first run. Now the fun part. How do we get those logs off his trailer with no tractor! Well...this turned out to not be a big deal either as we had a Bronco and some chains. Yep, you guessed it, a redneck moment is about to hit again! Wrap the chain around a log and yank! We got them all off and headed for my trailer. Mine was MUCH easier as it is a flat bed. They just rolled right off!

Now we head back up to his place. I stop by the bank on the way because I haven't had time to get the cash yet. I pay him and we get to finishing up. We start cutting the first log and would you believe the newly sharpened chainsaw chain is dull again. Crap, now what do I do. I convince them to take me up to True Value down the street, and sure enough, they have 3 brand new chains for my saw in stock! I bought the farm hand a coke and took the entire stock of chains. Yep...I'll just bring back what I don't use, but I can't afford to have this be a problem again.

Now...here is a good point to tell you that all morning I have been having problems getting straight cuts. I told the farm hand after the first cut that I must need some coffee or something. He said: "Yea, I know, there's a McDonald's down the street to get an ice coffee at". Of course I answered something to the affect of how "anti productive" THAT would be...first off, it's an ICED COFFEE. That in-and-of itself is an oxymoron in my book! Anyway the second cut was also crooked. This time I blame it on: "my eyes must be crooked". To that he was just about rolling in the dirt from laughing so hard. Then the third one and I start blaming it on the chain being dull or something. Any bets on if he bought that one or not? Yea...I wouldn't take that bet either. Anyway, after we got the new chain I had a particularly crooked cut. He comments: "Well...at least the cuts are getting straighter!" Of course I immediately come back with: "Either your eyes must be getting crooked too, or you are getting more full of sh*t!" He just laughed and walked away. I am beginning to really like this guy and his sense of humor.

Anyway, this new chain cuts like butter! We get it done and load up the last of my trailer. By the time I am done, the new chain is almost dull again. These things are not very gentle on chains!

The guy offers to follow me down since I don't have lights, but I assure him that hand signals will be fine, and I take my chance. Sure enough, I have no problems. As a matter of fact, I absolutely love my new truck, trailer, and saw! These things perform very well, and this truck is a hauling monster! You can hardly tell there is anything connected back there (until you try to stop, but who needs to do that ;) ).

Anyway, now I have a stack of poles as you can see below. I am about as sore today as my muscles would allow (a good hurt). Now I have to figure out what to do with all of these! I do know we want the entry, and maybe even 3 entries. I also know I want a gantry at the entrance of my shed. This is to hook a block and tackle up to for lifting things off the trailer. It will also make a good door stop for the shed doors, and provide a little bit of personalization to the property. Finally, we are going to line the drive with them to help keep water directed away and also provide a more "homey" feel.

Here is the picture of most the days stash (note there is another pile on the other side behind the trailer):

Yep...one big job leads to another set of big jobs! I can't wait to start placing them!

Angels are looking after you

2012-08-01T21:50:00.001-07:00

This story actually started a couple of weeks ago when I found out about a website called freecycle.org. I'm not advertising for or against this site, but in this case it worked out for me. When I first signed on, I ran across an old post advertising mobile home wheels for free. Since I use those on my water trailer I decided to pick them up...the worst that could happen is I would have to get rid of them. I got them home and immediately threwthem in the shed, not needing them right at the moment.

Well...a couple of days ago I traded my Chevy Astro for a Ford F250 flat bed truck. In the course of doing the transaction, and talking a LOT (we are both chatter boxes apparently), the guy mentioned that I could have an old water storage tank he has sitting around, and that he had an old towing receiver hitch for the F250, and that he would simply give those to me if I could use them. SCORE!

Well...we continued talking and discussing things that we could trade. He mentioned a big ol' trailer that he has, and I said...hey...wanna trade it? His wife was standing right there and lit up. Apparently this trailer has been there for quite some time, and her and their son were ready to get it out of there. He was hesitant, but I sent him my list of stuff, he picked out an old utility trailer, a cargo carrier, and an air compressor in trade for the trailer. He was also willing to give me a brand spankin' new 10,000lb winch for it for $300. Hmmm...let me think about that for all of about....oh....1/3rd of a second! HECK YA!

So this thing is a triple (yes 3, not 2) axle trailer that has mobile home wheels on it. He is pretty sure 4 of the wheels are good, but 2 are questionable. Well...today comes and I load up any decent spare mobile home wheels/tires, all of the things he wanted, my bucket of tools and my bucket of tie downs and head over there after work.

I get almost to his place and to an ATM for the cash part, and I get a call from him. He says he has been working all day to get that out of his yard (he had various problems) but he succeeded and got the 5th tire to hold air. The 6th one was in decent shape, but the bead was broken, and he can't get it to seat. Well...no matter, we'll see if mine fits, and if not, I am sure it will be just fine to get home on 4 tires, or even two. Well...low and behold, mine actually holds air, and is the correct size! I let his son slap that puppy on the trailer and it looks great! I actually have all six tires usable!

We get all the formalities taken care of, titles swapped, cash traded, etc, and he says that I can keep the tool box that's on the trailer (SCORE 2). It fits nicely on the tongue. Next he has his son, and a couple of friends that happened to be over at the time, pull all of this pool fencing out of the back yard and load it on the trailer (SCORE 3). Mrs. Teknosmurf wants it for her garden. Then, he says his neighbor down the street is getting rid of one of those 1-Step slide/playground things for free. Guess where we headed next...SCORE 4! I tell you what...this guy is really making my week! At the very end he comes out with a brand new, heavy duty trailer jack AND a rotating mechanism for it, and hands it to me. Really? THANKS DUDE! SCORE 5!

Well...I leave to go pick up that play set, and realize that at 20mph there is a substantial bouncing from the trailer. I slow back down and it stops. I confirm one more time. Then I think...maybe this is just a one speed thing. Sure enough, at about 25mph it stops completely and is smooth sailing. I still check the wheels when I stop at the play set...just to be sure. It is pretty obviously an "empty trailer bounce" and at that speed, everything lines up, synchronizes, and oscillates just right.

After loading up the play set we say our goodbyes and I start strapping it down. While doing so, some lady drives by and rolls down her window and says: "There is another one of those play sets down the street and round the corner if you are interested...go get it". OK, cool, thanks! Well...I couldn't stop by because I needed to get to the kids Gymnastics, followed by an appointment for Mrs. Tekno. Besides...one was enough. After strapping it down, I ease out onto the road, and increase speed slowly on the major street...yea...I'm holding up traffic...I also have a Ford Bronco and a massive triple axle trailer, what you gonna do 'bout it???

Well...everything is fine, and I even am able to basically do 60 or 65 down the freeway with no problems. Trailer tracks straight as an arrow, it's just really friggin' heavy! As I said, everything is fine...until...

...I get about 5 miles from the Little Tekno's gymnastics (which is clear across town at this point) and the temperature gauge on the mighty Bronco starts climbing rapidly...hmmm...that's not supposed to happen. I immediately turn off the Air Conditioner and start to pull over to the side and the engine light comes on...hmmm..really not good. I see a small side street ahead, so I make a bee-line for it. Just as I turn the corner, the engine completely shuts down and I coast to the dirt side. OK...this just got interesting. I have a humongoid trailer attached (and did I mention the jack is broken at the moment, so I can't disconnect it easily?) a dead Bronco, and an appointment that I have to be at for Mrs. Teknosmurf in an hour and a half. Better start making some phone calls.

I find the broken coolant hose buried deep in the engine compartment (it can't be on top of course...Murphy works very well with rednecks!) coming from a small manifold. I get Mrs. Tekno headed this way with some extra anti-freeze while I start looking into what I can do to fix this problem. The crack was right at a bend in the hose. I did everything I could think of including cutting some heater core hose out and wrapping the leaking hose, plastic bottles cut into strips to wrap around the crack, shortening the offending hose and stretching...nothing was working. By this time Mrs. Teknosmurf is here and waiting for me...so at least I won't be eaten by vultures or something stupid, and someone will find my body if I die of heat in this 108 degrees!

Well...I start to pack things up and close up the hood thinking that I will just leave everything and go to the auto parts store on the way back from the appointment. I turn around, and see something sticking out of the ground. I pull it up and would you believe it is coolant hose about 4 feet long, and basically brand spanking new! I dig the cracked hose back out and low-and-behold it is the correct hose! I can't believe my friggin' luck here! I dig out my safety wire and twist pliers I have in my tool kit, and use that for hose clamps. Apparently the clamps that were on the old hose were one-time use only as they distort when they are used. I fill up the radiator with coolant...spilling half of it on the ground because of a lack of funnel, and fire it up. IT IS HOLDING! I turn the "rig" around and park it better so I can leave it for a while. It's going to be cutting it close to get to that appointment now.

OK honey...let's go...we'll stop by afterward and pick this stuff up. We race (and if any cops are reading, I mean we did the speed limit and no more) to the appointment. She walks in and they tell her that the doctor had an emergency at the hospital, and is not in the plant. We will have to reschedule. OK...it would have been nice to know BEFORE this stuff happened, but at least we can deal with the Bronco in the daylight!

Sure enough, the redneck fix holds pretty well, and gets us home (with a pit stop for some food). The trailer is working out well...but would have been better, and actually been used for what I am intending it for if I had the receiver the guy gave me was actually ON the F250 the guy traded me, and the working jack that they guy gave me was installed so I could put the trailer from one vehicle to the other, and the winch (yep...that the guy gave me) hooked up so I could winch the Bronco onto the trailer and simply drive it home. Oh well, I guess we will have to go that route the next time the Bronco fails (knocking on wood).

I relayed the short version of this story to the guy via text with emphasis on the whole finding of the correct hose laying at my feet. His response was "Angels are looking after you". I guess he was right. Someone really had my back today! It's just a really good thing the wife had her phone charged and actually had it on her today! Thanks Babichkin!

A Typical Redneck Day

2012-07-19T22:41:00.001-07:00

A couple of days ago was apparently a very typical rednecky sort of day. I say this because after telling the story to my brother, he was laughing out loud and flat out said that was the most redneck story he has heard in a long time. So here is what happened, complete with pictures.

It all started at about 5:00 in the morning. I left the house and immediately stepped on a board in the deck that was pretty rotten. We have known this was a problem for some time, but haven't gotten around to replacing it.

As you can see from the picture above, the end of the board is in pretty bad shape. Of course, as soon as I stepped on it, my foot and the board went all the way to the ground. Luckily, I did not even touch any other board with my leg, so not only did I not get hurt...I didn't even dirty that part of my pants! Can't say the same about the back of my pants...but that's another story ;)

So, after picking myself up out of the hole, I head over to my car. As soon as I was about to put the key in the lock, I hear a "click, click, click..." sound. I thought it was pretty odd that the pieces of board would still be moving, so I went to investigate. Great...a water leak under the same deck...just what I needed. And to answer your question no, neither the board or I landed on the piping...it simply was dumb coincidence.

So...I need to go to Home Depot to pick up an electrical box to put a power outlet on the side of the shed that the RV can plug into...I guess all of this just solidifies the decision! Darn...I have to go to the big boy's toy store....what a shame. So...after work I head to HD and pick up the electrical box, the conduit and wire, various pieces of wood, and various pieces of PVC piping that I *think* will be what I need to fix the leak.

Anyway, I get home and start working on the water leak. Since I am the one hauling the water in (which reminds me...I need another blog to update on that progress) I am not going to let any more go to waste than needs to. This problem is getting fixed TONIGHT!

In this picture you can kind of see the puddle below the galvanized union. I start by getting my pipe wrench and trying to unscrew the union. Hmmm...not happening...I am turning the entire pump, PVC piping, and everything. Darn...I don't have another wrench that big. I guess I have an excuse to buy another tool! Off to Walmart!

As you may know, Walley World doesn't have a great selection of tools. I acquire the largest pair of Channel-Locks I can. The jaws on these things open to about 4 inches! WOW! I get them back home, hold one side of the union while cranking on the rotating part. IT STILL WON'T BUDGE! Seriously? Am I getting that weak or is the union corroded together so badly that it won't budge? Well...no matter, it's coming off...this silly thing is getting fixed TONIGHT!

I cut the PVC, unthread the cut piece from the union, and the union from the galvanized pipe. Yep...it's corroded so badly that it can't move. Yuck...this is our water supply! Oh well...I guess that's why we filter it. Note to self...replace all galvanized pieces when it is feasible (in other words..that was a wasted thought...there will never be a "feasible time"). Anyway, I try threading on the PVC piece onto the galvanized pipe that will be joined to the union...CRAP...the galvanized pipe is 1.25" where the rest of the pipe is 1.5" I got the wrong one! Hmmm...time for some innovative redneck thinking...ok...here we go...I can do this...I have been a redneck long enough.

To make a long story short, what I came up with was to thread the old galvanized union back on to the galvanized pipe...this gave me my thread size change. Then I threaded the old PVC connection back into the galvanized union. This time I made sure to actually tighten the threads (I swear the previous owners were drunk when they did this job...like every other job they did). Then I glued a coupler, with a piece of scrap 1.5" PVC pipe, and the PVC union onto the 1.5" PVC pipe to join them. I let it dry and voila! No more leak!

Above is the picture of the finished, non leaking solution. Not the most elegant, and not the most correct, but functional!

While the glue was drying on the PVC, I decided to tackle the deck board. You saw the rotted board. Now here is the fixed board:

Of course it is out of place being all new lookin' and ever' thin'...but at least it is in and I used screws instead of nails. We are tired of the nails coming out. I have not treated it or anything, but that will come in due time.

As a final project this day I needed to get this silly electrical box in place. Recently my boss from my previous job called and asked if I would do some contract work for them. In order to do this, I need a place that I won't be bothered (as is evident by the fact that my 5-year old is talking to me as I write this sentance completely oblivious to the fact that I am not paying attention to her). In order to get this isolation, I decided the best thing to do would be to come up with a redneck office...my RV! For this, I can't run the generator all the time so I will need a constant source of power to run the AC and laptop (and fridge for drinks of course ;) ). Hence the reason for the electrical box. You can [barely] see the electrical connection on the side of the shed, as well as my new [redneck] office building in this picture:

Well...I crank out the electrical box in about 45 minutes, half in daylight and half in the dark as I (of course) have the power turned off. Well, I got the electrical done, the board fixed, and got the water leak fixed, all in the amout of time I originally told my wife that I would get the electrical done. What was it we bet on babichkin?

Well...now off to get the final bathroom finished up. We have guests coming this weekend and it would be nice to have a convenient toilet for them to use. Although I am sure the bushes would be just fine, Mrs. Teknosmurf thinks it is a little tacky.

I think this is a perfect time to sign off with a quote from a great commedian...Today was definitely the day that prompted the saying: "Get 'er done!" by Larry the Cable Guy.

I gotta get me a gopher gun.

2012-06-04T22:52:00.000-07:00

This adventure started when one day both my wife and I drove home and about 20 little [generically] gophers spread out and ran back to their holes. I started looking around closer and realized a bunch of little holes all around the mailbox, underneath a large tree right beside the house and around the large, 2500 gallon water tank. You know...it really can't be good to have a tree fall on your house or your water tank tip and fall into a hole. Guess I gotta find a way to get rid of those suckers.

Attempt one, a couple of gas bombs that the previous owner left. I read up on them online and found that you light them and drop them in the hole. So I did this and covered the hole. It turns out the "network" of tunnels I expected simply did not exist. The smoke from the bombs simply seeped out of the ground where the main hole was as well as a couple of leaks in the dirt above the hole. Not very effective if you don't know if the little guy is home or not.

Next was just talking it over with people and a lot of Internet searching. The overwhelming consensus was that you really can't get rid of them easily. Then one of my buddies said, "Just sit on your porch one morning, drink a bear, and shoot 'em! It's fairly effective, and fun to boot!

So that settled it, time to look about legal ways to shoot them. The only way I found was a pellet gun. As best I can tell (the laws are a little vague when talking about laws out in the county) it is legal to shoot a pellet gun on your property. So....I go to bass pro shop...AKA Mecca...

At the store, there were four guys, including me, around the pellet gun rack talking to the salesman. Then one of the guys leans over to me and asks, "So what are you getting it for?" I said that I needed something for gophers...he says "ME TOO!" I guess I'm not the only one that hates those little pests.

I ultimately buy the quietest one they have, the GAMO Whisper CFR. You can see it in the picture above. This thing is so quiet that I was outside shooting it all afternoon and the folks in the house had no idea I even fired! I ended up getting that scope sited in so well that I hit the O on a Coke can from about 50 yards away. Yea...that will do. Then I start camping out looking for gophers.

Well...wouldn't you know it that as soon as I am ready for them, they stop coming around. I took the pellet gun inside and decided to take a bunch of paper out to the burn pile. I open the front door and I couldn't believe it...strolling right by in front of the mail box...is a GOPHER! I run back inside, shutting the door very carefully, and get the gun. I line up in the door frame, using the frame as a rest, warn the family that is sitting in the family room right next to me, and I let one fly. BULLS-EYE! I hit that sucker right in the back of the head/neck. I didn't post a picture because, well, let's face it...splattered gopher brains are not exactly a great dinner topic.

Anyway, that gopher got a proper cremation, and I am ready looking for another opportunity. And for those of you "purists" out there. Yes, I did make the tip of the rifle orange. I didn't want police/traffic that drove by to think it was a real gone. I have no idea if doing this is legal, but I didn't find anywhere that said it specifically was illegal, and I don't plan to let many people know when I am shooting it, so I don't see any harm in it at the moment. It's just that we live on the corner of two major cross streets (for this area) and not all traffic are my good-ol'-boy neighbors. I don't want those city folk to think I am aimin' for 'em!

Shoppin' Like a Redneck

2012-05-27T21:53:00.001-07:00

Yep...that's me. I borrowed a trailer in order to move my powder coating oven (which is an adventure in-and-of itself since it weighs 1100 lbs!) and convinced the people to let me keep the trailer for a couple of extra days.

The story goes like this: I was talking to my redneck co-worker about the problems with my water trailer. The trailer itself works great. I can haul 500 gallons at a time and it has no problem, however, the utility company's stand pipe only goes into the opening in the trailer by about one inch. The problem is that there is so much pressure that it doesn't matter how hard I tie, strap, bungee, or hold that pipe into the opening, the first couple of times it will find a way to force itself up that extra inch and the next thing you know the car, trailer, water pump, and the dummy running the pump are all getting drenched! On the hot summer days this may not be a big deal, but it could get pretty miserable in the winter.

Well...the brilliant idea that my buddy had was simply "raise the tanks so the hose goes in further". Really genius? I think I could have come up with that answer. HOW do I do it? Then I started rattling off my brilliant ideas, and he stopped me and said: "Why don't you just get one of those large pallets they deliver our CNC machines on"? Well...now we are getting somewhere. He further explained that they are made of 4x4's, 4x6's, 2x8'x, etc, and that they are about 8' wide and up to 24 feet long. How perfect! Then he says they get rid of them here at work when we get the machines...make sure to keep my eyes open.

So I left the manager of the machine shop an email. "Dude, if you have any more of those pallets, I want them!" His response was that they probably won't get them in a while, but he will call the rigging company to see if they have any they want to get rid of. 10 minutes later I get a response: "They have some...call him tomorrow to schedule a time". DONE! I call the dude, he says he has a few, and come get them before 3:00 because he wants to leave early. DONE!

So I take that big-ol car haulin' trailer to work and park it in the parking lot all day. Mind you this thing has horse hay all over it, scratches more than paint, and for tie-downs, horse-shoes welded to the side of the trailer. Those horseshoes were both a blessing and a curse as you will soon see. Anyway, I had to come up with a way to get those pallets up above the wheel wells because they were wider than the trailer at 8+ feet. As luck would have it, my place of business did have a few extra small pallets laying out back they were getting rid of, so I stole all of the good ones and made an raised bed.

I get to the guy's rigging shop and see the stack of pallets, and holy cow! These things were a lot like they said, but I didn't fully anticipate the scale of them until I got there...and they are just throwing them away! I tried to lift one (just for fun...I knew I couldn't do it) and I anticipated they probably weighed about 600 lbs. I have no idea if I am correct or not, but it sounded good. The guy estimated about 800 to 1000lbs, so I told the guy that I wanted at least "these two" and probably "these two also", and "any more we think we could reasonably fit". Well I got my wish, and I got the four I was hoping for, but it took him 2 different forklifts to do it. The first one blew a seal while lifting the stack!

Well...he stacks the original four onto the trailer and the poor trailer and van start to sag quite a bit. I tell him that is all I dare take, and he agrees. It took me 30 minutes to get it all anchored down, supported appropriately, and all of the magnetic lights put on the trailer. When standing from the back, you couldn't even tell what kind of vehicle was pulling it!

After dragging this thing to the entry of the freeway, and realizing the electric breaks on this trailer do not work, I decide that slow and steady is the way to go, and the freeway during rush hour is not a smart choice. It took me 1.5 hours for my normally 30 minute trek home.

So I make it home. Now for the fun part: How the heck do I get these monsters off the trailer! I don't have a forklift, or even a tractor yet. This could be seriously fun. I realize really quickly that I am going to have to redneck this thing off the trailer. So I go grab an old loggers chain that my dad used to pull out bush stumps with when I was a boy. I tied the chain to the bottom-most 4x4 of the bottom pallet, and around the base of a light post that was on my property. The plan was to simply drive off and leave the pallets where they stay.

So I start driving, and it starts to go...for about 2 inches before the tire digs a hole into the dirt. Darn...why doesn't that work? Well...I go back and look at it and those horseshoes that were so awesome when anchoring down the pallets, are now blocking them from sliding off. Even though the pallets clear the wheel-well, they do not clear the horseshoes that are welded to the top of the well. Time for more redneck thinkin'.

Now I go grab some 4x4's that I have laying around, and my 3.5 ton jack. I use one small piece of 4x4, about 2 feet long, and stand it on end on the jack and underneath the edge of the pallet. I use this to lift the entire stack about 5 to 6 inches up, and slide one of the long 4x4's onto the smaller pallets so as to provide a sliding surface for the stack. I repeat for the other side.

Firing up the van again, I back up to get out of my hole, and get a little bit of a "running start". This time the stack moves quite a ways before the van buries itself up to the axle in dirt. CRAP...must have hit a soft spot in the dirt. Unfortunately, the stack is now half on the trailer half off the trailer! It turns out that a couple of the smaller pallets broke and the bits and pieces got jammed into the stack of pallets above.

So...after digging the van out of the massive hole and using an old 2x4 and some plywood as a new foundation, I now focus my attention on this very awkward, 2000 lb stack of wood pallets. I again use my small jack to attempt to lift the stack from all different angles. The best way being on top of the smaller pallets resting in a hole where the smaller pallet broke. Oh yea...did I mention that it is now dark and I had to bring out the halogen lights to do this? Great....why do I feel another hospital trip coming on? I sure hope the wife comes and checks on me if I don't show up for a while.

Anyway, I get all of the sliding 4x4's repositioned to get over the broken pallets, and try again. This time as I reach the end of the chain...SNAP...CRASH. Holy crap...what happened...the pallets are still half-on, half-off the trailer! Apparently it is possible to splinter a 4x4 if you put enough direct pressure from a chain onto it. That whole 4x4 support on the bottom pallet gave way right in the center. Darn...that was one of the good ones too!

Oh well...re-mount the chain, dig the van out one last time, and try again...we have been doing this about 4 hours now. Time to get it done. This time, I hit the gas on the van and it just pulls away like no problem...I did it! Well...almost.

Now that the stack is on the ground, I really need to have it elevated to keep the termites out, and to make sure the water drains. Luckily the jack will fit under the main deck of the bottom pallet because it is standing off the ground by it's own 4x4 framing. I jack it up and set it on cinder blocks. Now I have a massive pile of very good, usable wood that I can disassemble and use for projects like raising the tanks on the water trailer and building a tree-house for the kids. Not to mention building a gantry for a hoist that I can use to pick stuff off the trailers.

Anyway, I return the trailer to it's owner and tell him that he needs to get those electric breaks fixed. His comment was: "Why?". Well...because of people like me!. His response: "Well...if you would pull it with something that isn't a toy you wouldn't have that problem!" Then I tell him about my adventure getting the pallets off. He said: "Why didn't you just cut the horseshoe off and re-weld it when you were done?". I told him that I had seriously considered it, but didn't want to tear up his trailer if I didn't have to. He was literally laughing at me after that one, with a response of: "Next time, just cut the damn horseshoe off!" YES SIR!

Anyway, that turned out to be a bunch of redneck projects all wrapped up into one big project. Yes, I still think I can handle this redneck thing and I will enjoy it! BTW, I still have this mobile home carcase and a couple of axles (with breaks). I think one of my later projects needs to be a big-a$$ trailer. I have borrowed two different ones lately I am loving those things. I think it is time for my own. Heck...it's not like I don't have enough wood to cover the deck of that trailer now too!

Sometimes you just don't get no S*!T done!

2012-04-19T09:42:00.004-07:00

OK, maybe that title is a little bit of an exaggeration (as you probably know, that's just the way I rol'), but still...nothing much done on the house. What we have gotten done is:

Sunday I show a guy my airplane. That took most of the day but at least he is very interested in buying it. We subsequently took him to dinner. After that, I finish up with him while the family heads home. I get home a few minutes later to my wife telling me about the trip home. Apparently they pull into the driveway and start unloading. At that point the youngest is screaming at the top of her lungs, the oldest starts projectile vomiting, and the middle starts telling the neighbor that she needs to go potty...really bad. Of course the neighbor looks at my wife and says: "Uhhh, you are going to have another problem here...anything we can do to help?" Luckily I drive in the driveway right after she gets it all taken care of....shew...narrowly avoided that disaster! Gotta love mommies!

Monday: since we were up all night with a puking kid I decided to take the day off to get some stuff done (and sleep in)...well, at least I take the RV to get it emissions tested (as redneck as I am getting unlicensed cars are a problem for the county). Of course it failed. Unfortunately we had some appointments to get to so I put the RV in the driveway of our old house (nothing like trying to redneck up a suburban neighborhood while we are at it). About this time I get a text (yes, a text, we are rednecks with a knack for technology) from my step-dad that he is down at the new house to get some work done: "Call me when you can, The camper was broken into. House looks OK". So I call him a half an hour later. At that point he tells me that the Sheriff responded in about 10 minutes but nothing looks like it was taken. Mainly just vandals. Great, that's the THIRD time the Mr. Officer has been out there and we still haven't moved in! Should we be getting concerned??? Apparently no. Mr. Officer said this is very rare, and the guys that did it (and the same thing to a few cars down the road) are very lucky: "People around her shoot. They are lucky they didn't get themselves killed". Good...glad to hear it's somewhat rare and the neighbors tend to take care of the problems. That doesn't negate the fact that the Sheriffs are getting to know our property as good as we are!

Tuesday: Stop by my parents house to help move a concrete fountain base so it can be acid washed. I drive the camper (again, trying to redneck up another neighborhood...this stuff is infectious!) so we can go drop it off at the repair place (yes, I know, rednecks should fix crap themselves...well...as you can see it's a busy week!) after our Dr. apts. The parents are nice enough to watch the kids for us while we do all this. We took care of that stuff then went to Benihana for dinner. After that we went back to the parents house to get the kids and help move the newly acid washed concrete base. I pick up the base with gloves on of course, but rest it against my arm in the process...hmmm...maybe THAT wasn't a good idea! I go clean it up, but sure enough, a couple of small "spots" on my arm the next morning. Luckily no pain or anything and the next day it clears itself right up.

Wednesday: after work we go get the oldest from school. This is her first day back after being sick. Then we take our minivan to the emissions place to get it tested while we are waiting on the fix-it place to finish up the RV (the state of AZ is getting a lot of our money this week!) After that I take the camper back to my parents to help them move the now finished base one more time. No more acid washing my arms :D. At this time they need to go pick up my brother at the airport. I hop in the camper and start driving to the new house to put the camper away, and I drive over a water trench in the road...not fast, and I didn't hit it very hard, but the next thing I know I hear a very loud bang and am dragging something. I stop, get out, and the nearly full propane tank FELL OFF THE RV! HOLY CRAP! Good thing that didn't happen going 70mph down the road! I have some tools, but my parent's aren't that far away and all of my "good tools" are back at the new house. I call the parent's back to bring wrenches to take the tank off completely so I can drive. Sorry bro...you just gonna have to wait at the airport! Finally I get the tank off and have my step-dad help me carry it to the camper for transport. His first words are "You should really wear shoes" (I like my crocks!), to which I reply "why?" of course. At this point I am completely covered in road dirt, looking as blue collar as possible and we get the camper to the new house. Now I gotta do some serious welding to fix the broken bracket.

Thursday morning: I wake up, put my pants on, and go to work. About two hours into working I look down at my lap to brush some breakfast off my shirt and notice...I have on the nasty, laying in the road, blue-collar looking jeans that I wore last night! Well...no one can say that I'm not giving this redneck thing my best effort.

More to come...hopefully tonight we can actually get something done on the house!

Paintin' Doors and My First Unregistered Vehicle!

2012-04-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I dragged my step dad down to the house to help us paint the doors. Everything else in the house has been painted, now it's time to do the doors and baseboard. We had this grandiose plan to put screws in the end of the door, hang it horizontally, and I would use a handheld sprayer while he cleaned the next door. Once I was done spraying, we would use two pieces of rope to lift the door by the screws and pull it off and set it on the sawhorses in the back of the shop. There they would hang by the screws until dry. Well...you know what they say about best laid plans!

The next morning, he shows up with some lumber and says: "I bought another sawhorse kit so we can do the baseboards as well." Great! Let's whip those babies out! He measures and I cut 4 legs, and we start assembling. One side done...where is the other one? "Seriously? I forgot the second set?" I guess so. Now he runs to Wal-Mart (for the first time today) to get another set. No luck. Wal-Mart doesn't carry them. "Well...no matter, lets just get the doors done and I will get the other set for next time. The baseboards are already primed anyway".

Next we thinned the primer way down, and then put it in the sprayer. We were able to get through 1.5 doors...the sprayer popping and spitting the entire time before we decided this wasn't going to work. Now what do we do?

Well...we decide that doing the doors by hand was the next best option. The only problem is that we got rid of all of our "by hand" stuff when we were done with the kids rooms (we didn't think we would need it again any time soon). So off to Wally World we go again.

At Wal-Mart we were looking for pads, no not those kind, the kind you paint with! My step-dad has a bunch of pad brush things that we were going to use because they were just about the right size for the doors. Unfortunately Wal-Mart only had one pad refill. We took it and bought another brush that came with a pad. This should get us going, but we also needed some brushes. I started looking for a three-inch brush, and found a cheap one that would be great for using and then throwing away (I hate cleaning brushes). This cost $3.57. Then I glanced at a pack of brushes...same exact make/model and had a 1", 2", and 3"...the price??? $3.27...ummmm hello. So I bought two packs of brushes. This turned out to be a good decision because, the 2" brush was just about perfect...the 3" would not have worked as well.

Now it's time to check out. We walk all the way up to the front of the store and my step-dad mentions that we should probably see if this pad works on his brush...sure enough, no joy. All the way back to the paint department to get another full-up brush with pad assembly. Now back to the checkout line.

At this point it is 12:30ish...and I am getting hungry. "Should we stop at subway and get some lunch?" "Sure". Which we did. This was also a great time to rethink our strategy of how we are going to do this. After about 10 back-and-forth ideas later, we decided to simply screw another set of screws into each edge of the door (now we have 4 screws on each door, one per corner) and go ahead and hang it in the same spot. We then screwed a block that could rotate out of the way to capture the other screws so we could both push on the door from either side without it swinging. This worked surprisingly well, and you can see my step-dad working with the pad/brush thing on one side of the door in the picture above.

So...5:30 at night we finally get all of the doors primed. Hopefully just one coat of paint will do the trick and we will have them painted and completely done next Saturday. Knock on wood! This week I will make another saw horse, and attempt to get the baseboards painted. This shouldn't be too difficult and might even be a one-person job. If that works well, we will only have doors to hang next weekend...which would mean we can start moving in the following week (or possibly the week after depending on a lot of things).

Unfortunately I also have to take care of another redneck item this week. For whatever reason, we never received a notice in the mail that our camper registration was due. So now we have a unregistered camper, sitting in front of our house, and the tags were due 2 months ago! I don't know why we now got a letter saying it was expired...but we did get that one, just nothing prior to that. Unfortunately the emissions are due as well, so now I have to deal with a 3-day tag, the emissions line, then figure out how and what information I need to take to the DMV in order to get the registration renewed. It's awfully hard to just mail it in without an official letter! I guess it will be figured out soon enough.

So there it is, I have turned my shop into a paint booth, and I now have unregistered vehicles in my front yard. Redneck transformation is still in full swing!

All Jacked Up

2012-04-06T23:50:00.000-07:00

So...this is just another story I feel like telling. It has actually been requested by a few people.

A couple of weeks ago...on a Sunday afternoon/evening, I was doing a bunch of stuff around the house when my mom called me out to the yard to help with something. At the time I was working inside getting ready to paint, so I had my hands full, but I figured...what the heck. So I go outside, and the next thing I know I am hooking up a trailer and filling it with piles of concrete blocks that she decided she needed moved. Not exactly what I needed to get done, but oh well...I guess I am a sucker.

Anyway, we loaded two types of these blocks, ones that were somewhat shaped, but broken, and ones that didn't resemble any kind of shape, either broken really badly, or were just old concrete that someone had broken up by hand. We were taking the shapely ones to the fire pit to build it up a little taller, and the misshaped ones to a pile behind some other rock on another piece of property.

After we are loaded, I drive over to the fire pit, pull up to it, and start looking backward at mom so she can tell me where to stop backing up. We park, build up three rows on the fire pit, and then load everyone in the trailer (the kids wanted to ride to the other pile). I get in the car, put it in gear and start driving. About two feet after I start moving I hear a scrape. "No problem" I think: "I am just dragging the trailer receiver on the ground as I come out of this ditch. Then, out of nowhere a big cloud of dust is covering the trailer, my wife, my mom, and my kids. "Hmmmm....why isn't the car moving any more". I get out, and look under the car. Sure enough, a big decorative boulder is lodged in front of the rear axle, right by the left shock. Great...the grinding was the rock making its way to the rear axle...this can't be good...hey...how did that rock get there? It is a long ways from the rest of the decorative rock line! No matter...it is there and I need to get it out.

So...How do I get it out? I just took the big flat jack out of the van and left it at the other house. I know! I have the HI-LIFT jack that I am borrowing from Brad. I can't lift the wheel/axle, but I can probably lift the frame by the trailer receiver enough to get that rock out.

I go get the jack, and test it's functionality. I lube it up really well with WD-40, and test it out. It looks like it is mostly working, but the direction toggle isn't staying in the up position. It is probably the fact that I need to have at least 100# on it for it to work correctly. So I stick the jack under the receiver, and start cranking. Sure enough the van is lifting...GREAT I this should be easy!

I get the van up to the point where it might be enough, I let go of the handle, and everything looks good, so I start to turn away. Right as the jack is out of my field of vision, it slips down a notch with a thud. The next thing I know, I am punched in the face with the handle, and I no longer know which direction I am facing. Next, I turn around and my mom and wife are yelling at me that they think I should be laying down. OK...I'm not sure why, but what the heck...I feel like a nap anyway. Then, mom comes over and starts putting her hands all over my face! I say...what the heck are you doing? Ummm....you are bleeding!!!

I found out later, my wife said it looked like blood was gushing out of the corner of my eye. Luckily (and I mean I was really darn lucky) it wasn't. It missed my eye by about 1/8th of an inch!

Well...I lay on the ground for about 30 to 45 minutes while my step dad goes to the store to find "Steri-Strips". Unfortunately they don't have any, and the stuff they have doesn't hold worth a darn. We ended up using gauze and Band-Aids anyway. At least we had some time to keep pressure on it to slow the bleeding.

Now that we have it patched up, I sit up, and notice my 3-year old is sitting in the corner of the trailer, knees to her chest, and tears rolling down her face. I realize at that point both of my daughters had seen the whole thing. To make matters worse, we just took them to their first funeral the day before. I can only imagine what was going on in their heads. At that point...against my moms better judgement, I stand up and rush over to the trailer. At the point I stood up, all was well again! The 3 year old lights up, and the 5 year old runs inside "Daddy is standing...he's going to be OK!" I help the 3 year old down from the trailer just to show her that I really am just fine, and we all start getting in the car...time to head to urgent care.

On the way to the urgent care, I try to call them. Mind you this is difficult when your eye is swelling shut and you aren't the one driving, and you fell like Mike Tyson just punched you in the head. Anyway, I make the call, and tell them to put me on the list (they have a call in program where you can call ahead and wait at home for the return call before coming in). I told them not to bother calling as I was already on the way in, and I would rather just bleed in their waiting room than at home. They took my info, and put me on the list.

As it turns out, there wasn't much of a wait and I got right in. Apparently looking like I did in the picture above (taken in the waiting room) makes them move reasonably fast!

So now I go talk to the nurse. One of the first things she asks is "Do you feel safe at home". It was all I could do to answer honestly! "Hey lady...look at my face and tell me what YOU think!"

Then I get to see the doctor. She peals everything off ans starts poking around (more like playing with her own life if you ask me...that nonsense hurt!) and asking me if this hurts or this, or this. At one point she stops and says: "You aren't going to like hearing this, but I think you need to go to the emergency room". The only thing I could think of at this point was exactly what I said: "Well...I am going to have to pee first". That was NOT what they were expecting and the entire room started laughing! Then she continued and said that she was afraid my sinus cavity may be broken...it didn't feel like it, but we couldn't be sure without a CT scan.

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to the ER we go (after a good pee of course)!

We show up at the ER, and they were basically expecting me because the urgent care called ahead...how nice of them! We got right in with only a few minute wait. They basically took me right back and started asking the same things again. When they assigned me a room, the first thing I noticed was amazingly clean, white sheets that I was about to get as messy as possible. Anyway...they wanted to start with a vision test. I told them I could see just fine, but they wanted a baseline, so they took me to the "wall of letters" and said: "read the lowest line I can". OK...A-X-C-D-V-B-blah blah blah (yea right...like I really remember what the letters were) all are on the last line. Nurse dude looks at me and says: "that's the 20/10 line and you just read that with the busted eye? Are you a fighter pilot or something?"

We go back to the room, and they have me keep ice on it for while waiting for the CT machine, which didn't take long. We did the scan, and I had to wait for the results. They wouldn't let me eat or drink until that was all interpreted, so by this time it's about 10:00 and I haven't had dinner or anything to drink after working hard since before sun down! Oh well...it won't kill me. They come back and say that everything is fine and nothing is broken. Now I can say that yes, I have had my head examined, and they didn't find anything...or maybe I should wish they did find something...

Anyway, they come in and start shooting me up with drugs to numb everything. Well...it sorta worked....after she pumped twice the amount of numbing agents in as she normally would without getting the desired affect, she asked a different doc to come in a confirm. They decided to start, and got through two whole stitches before I started hollering: "Hey...I can feel that!" She stopped, and the other guy pumped a different drug in me, and started the test probing...nope, can't feel a thing...EXCEPT WHEN YOU SOW THE STITCH! Dude...I think it's not fully numb. Well...I let them power through one or two before they get out of the sore spot, and can finish up. We still don't know why that area never numbed, but oh well...it's done now.

Nine stitches later, with a couple of them redone (she was quite a perfectionist) I am all stitched up, and it looks great! Nice and even and will heal very well.

Being 1:00AM, I decide to take the next day off. Later that day I start seeing some very positive things from having these stitches. We go eat and I get all kinds of weird looks. Mostly just double-takes from women, and head nods from guys. Also, I noticed the service was GREAT! Hmmm...I may like having this look. I did look pretty much like a bad-a$$! Well...that lasted for a couple of days anyway before it started healing.

The next day I was back at work, and the stories started flying. My favorite: "Don't mess with my wife!" Others I heard that day were:
"Jeff [my boss] said never be late with another project"
"I was in a bar fight...and the bar won"
"Dude...no means no. Haven't you learned that yet?"
"What did you do to piss her off?"
In a meeting...someone walked in and said: "I want you all to look at him and see what I do to the people who hold up my projects"

Anyway. The scar is looking very good and clean at this point. I am starting to get back into that "bad-a$$" look again. I kinda like it, and why not, if I am going through all that work and pain, I might as well have a badge of honor to show for it!

Wheelin' and Dealin'

2012-04-06T22:40:00.001-07:00

This picture has nothing to do with the story below, but I did take it today as I had to move the camper back to the front of the house since I am going to use my shed to paint in. The shed and the front of the house are the only two places with outlets in cords reach. Yes, there is a reason for parking there as opposed to somewhere else. It may be redneck, but it is redneck with a purpose! Yes, the house still looks very redneck from the outside, but we at least got some screens put on. Also, part of what I need to paint/prime is the new skirting. Once that is done, things will really start looking much better!

Today was rather uneventful. I took the day off work to have the microwave and dish washer delivered. I did not pay for installation because in the past I have gotten away with not getting the installation and the guys decided to install anyway. Well...not today, but I was still able to redneck it up a bit.

First, a side story: As part of the junk left behind by the previous tenants, there were two small refrigerators in the office on the side of the shed. Back a few weeks ago, when my mom and wife were cleaning up the shed and office, they decided to open up these fridges. In the top one (they were stacked) there was nothing but a pickle jar with (I believe) one pickle left in the juice. However, as soon as they opened this fridge, they both about passed out on the spot. The smell coming from this fridge made a hazmat suite seam very attractive. The bottom fridge had what appeared to be a wine cooler (or something...I forget exactly what it was) still nicely wrapped and capped. This fridge didn't smell quite as bad (although a pile of cow poo would probably make it smell better) but it was so nasty they didn't even want to touch it with gloves on! The inside was completely covered in mold and grime.

Anyway, now that the appliances were delivered, I gave the old microwave to the guys. In the dealings, I started discussing what they do with them and learned that they actually get paid for the appliances they bring back to be recycled. It isn't much, but it supplements their income. So I told them: "Hey, I have two more fridges in the back if you want those as well, you are welcome to them". Then, I asked them if the installation kit to the dishwasher was included in the box (knowing full well it wasn't). Well...it just so happened they had extras on the truck! I just successfully negotiated the removal of two rank refrigerators for a free installation kit. Now that's how they do it in BFE! Maybe I will get the hang of this redneck thing after all :D

So I end up taking them back to the shed, and point them to the fridges. I tell them: "If you want to open these, buy all means...but you must take them outside first! I don't want them opened in here." They looked at me funny, but then I told them about the pigs that lived here before...they understood. They never did open those...but who cares, they got a bit of a tip!

The end of the nastiness...almost

2012-04-04T21:54:00.000-07:00

Today was mostly spent working on sealing the new floors. This is a very big step as it is the last thing we are going to do to remove the nasty smell in the house. I can't even begin to paint an image of how bad this house wreaked, and how nasty it was in general. It was no wonder the sellers were willing to take a price that was basically equal to the price of the land, excluding the house.This house is only 6 years old. When we bought it you wouldn't know it. The previous tenants, we will call them tenants for now, managed almost destroy it.

Let me paint a picture: Imagine seeing house pictures online that a realtor posted, and this house had a great layout, but even the "selling" pictures showed what amounted to hoarders living there. Then, because we are completely insane people, we decide to look at the land and house anyway. When we (us and the realtor) got to the house and walked inside, the smell was so bad that we almost lost our lunches...all of us. It was absolutely putrid. Furthermore, my allergies started acting up, indicating there were obviously cats in the house. It was also obvious that more animals had to be in that house because of all of the bodily waste smells, and the massive door and floor-board scratches that were present. I am guessing big dogs were locked in one of the bedrooms, likely for days on end. Needless to say we determined that we were not going to pay for the house. We then put together a price based on the land and the other features present, and made the offer. Low and behold, they took it! Great, now what do we do with this nasty house, which, by the way, has an awesome floor plan? Well, after lots of consideration, we decide to see if it was salvageable. It is only 6 years old, so possibly the "guts" of the house were still OK. Lets get our good friend Mr. House Inspector out there to give his thoughts.

Mr. house inspector did find a laundry list of items...well duh...but one thing in particular that concerned us was the mold. Yes, there was mold. How the heck does one get a mold problem in a 6 year old house. Well...rednecks as they were/are, I guess nothing should surprise us. After consulting with our agent, we agreed that we could probably take care of the mold problem ourselves. It was only a little spot on a ceiling, surely we can whip that out. Long story short, a few weeks later (and after lots of sabotage attempts by the current owner...I will elaborate in another post), we were the proud new owners of a POS house with a ton of potential. Time to get to work!

First things first...get that nasty carpet out! Great, the house is better already, but now the yard also stinks. How to get rid of that? Well...see the post about Sheriff visit #1. It didn't get rid of all of it, but I got a good portion of it taken care of!

Second: 15 gallons of Odoban. Yea...15 gallons. This was just sprayed everywhere in the house and on the walls with a pump-up weed sprayer.

Third: Mold. Let's cut it out of the ceiling. OK, done, but wait, it goes on further...hmmmm...maybe a little further...darn...all the way to the floor...now it spreads...holy crap...the entire wall is gone, and we are moving into the next bedroom! Thankfully it stopped there and it wasn't bad enough to have to replace any wood, just clean it up. But now we are cleaning up a truck load of Sheetrock, insulation, bull-nose cornering, etc. This is about the time my step-dad stepped up. His OCD comes in really handy when doing things like trying to make a wall so it looks like it has been there forever. It's difficult to make it perfect, but it is really darn close.

Fourth: Seal the floors. 20 gallons of water protector and sealant. Smell again makes huge leaps out of the house...but still there.

Fifth: Linoleum goes out. This should have been planned with the carpet, but we though "oh...we will just put the new floors on top...no need to rip it out". WRONG! The laminate was contributing largely to the smell. Out it goes! Now we have completely bare floors in the entire house, except for the sealant. (Side note...the animal waste was so bad in one room that we had to quadruple up on the sealant, and then later put a very thick layer of kills down prior to the carpet being installed).

Now that we have all of the mold gone, and the biggest majority of the smell, time to start putting things back together. My step-dad did a great job with all of the patchwork through the entire house (not just the rebuilding of the whole walls), we had new carpet installed in all of the bedrooms, and this last weekend I did the installation of all of the laminate floors. I am proud to say that I think we have conquered the smell! I am putting caulking around the entire perimeter of the laminate for two reasons: 1) to make sure the stink stays under the floor, and 2, to make sure any spilled water or anything else does not get under the floor. Hence the reason we are "almost" done still.

Just for fun, below are some pictures of the before, and one during, just to show off the amazing cleaning job my wife and my mom did on the bathrooms. That job in-and-of itself was an entire weekend just for bathtubs and showers!

This is the before picture of the nasty shower!

Here is after they cleaned it. I believe this was about a one full day job!

Interior of the house before...notice the carpet in the family room is just a piece of outdoor carpet laid on the floor with the bare sub-floor showing about a foot around all sides?

The initial living room. I love the redneck drapes!

I'm lookin' for Reno...

2012-04-03T21:55:00.003-07:00

Now the story of the second Sheriff visit. Mind you this happened only two weeks after the first visit.

This happened as I went out to the camper (the one that we immediately parked out front of the house), used the facilities, and was walking back inside. Right in front of me and the house, a tiny white car comes speeding through our rutted, pot-holed drive and is stopped by a ditch created by the draining rain water. This car hit this ditch with such force that I wondered if he broke anything. Mind you this ditch was right behind a huge mesquite tree, so at the speed he was going, he likely couldn't see that ditch. If this POS car had airbags I am sure he and his ~15 year old daughter (in the passengers seat) would have had a face full.

Anyway, after he hit, his window already rolled down, he starts yelling at me: "Hey...I'm lookin' for Reno".
Me: "Ummmm...is that a person? You missed the city by about a couple of states".
Him: "Yea, he lives here"
Me: "Nope, sorry man, we just bought this house 2 weeks ago, and there is no Reno that lives here"
Him: "Yea...he lives here, I just want to talk to him!"
Me: "Sorry dude, he's not here and he probably shouldn't show up here"
Him: "Where is he?"

About this time the Sheriff's SUV comes strolling up the driveway. Mr. Officer gets out, adjusts his gun belt, and looks at me standing about 5 feet from the intruding car and asks: "Do you know this guy?". I said: "Nope". Mr. Officer: "I didn't think so. [turning to the intruding car] Sir...do you know why I pulled you over?" By this time I understood...he was just running!

I let Mr. Officer handle business out on my front yard. I check on them about every 20 minutes. The second time out there, I see a second officer, and another car. Mr. Officer gives me a finger (no...not the middle one...the index finger) and I pause, and wait for him. The second officer comes and meets me as I indicate the first officer "fingered me"....yes...he got a laugh too...and then he proceeded to tell me the story. "Well...this guy has a suspended license. The other car is the girls mom. She came to pick her up. We will be towing his car away in a few minutes. We won't be much longer" "OK, thank you officer, take as much time as you need".

About the time they start putting the guy in handcuffs, I take this as a learning opportunity for my girls. I take them out on the front deck, and give them front row seats to an actual police arrest. "Now girls...this is what happens when you don't follow the rules. Do you understand now why you have to do what you are told"? OK...maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but I would rather do it now and hopefully not have to do it later.

After two or three minutes, a tow truck shows up, and they watch the guy load the car onto the truck. The officer tucks the guy into his SUV and then turns to us and apologizes for having this all happen in our front yard. And then my redneck moment came out: "No problem at all officer. I am actually glad you were here. If you weren't...I can guarantee you that I would not have been so nice!". Great...now I am threatening a guy not just in front of a cop, but TO the cop! Luckily, Mr. Officer just shakes his head, chuckles a little, and then gets into his car and drives away.

The real kicker of this whole story...two days later we get a letter addressed to Reno...I guess he wasn't just trying to get away from the cops! Oh well...we had a good laugh about it and moved on. BTW, that's another good story. Reno XXXXXX makes the fifth last name we have found addressed to this house...how many redneck families can you cram into a double-wide mobile home??? As many as will fit!

Ummm...the Sheriff is in our back yard!

2012-04-03T21:35:00.002-07:00

Today wasn't a very productive day with regards to working on the house. As a matter of fact, every Tuesday appears to be the "day off" from physical labor of that caliber. Given that nothing was done, I figured I would share about the first visit from the Sheriff.

Obviously, being a city boy most of my adult life, I am not accustom to the "ways of the county". There is a lot of conflicting, erroneous, and sometimes just plain wrong information. One such conflicting set of information was in regards to "burning your trash". Let me start by saying that YOU CANNOT JUST "BURN YOUR TRASH"...EVEN IN THE COUNTY! As with everywhere else, there are rules. Ask me how I know...

How do I know? Well...I was told...by someone that could do something about it. But before I tell you how/why I was told, let me take you down the path of "discovery":
First, when discussing with my realtor: "Yes, out in the county you don't have to abide by the burn days that Maricopa county enforces. You can simply burn your trash whenever you want"

Second, a friend at work: "Yea, just last weekend I went with my buddy out in the county and we burned an old couch. His comment was that this one burned much better than the last...that implies he has done it before!"

Third, my thoughts turned to how to get rid of all of this nasty old smelly carpet (the description I will leave for another post...this house was amazingly disgusting...to put it mildly). It would take forever to get rid of a trash can at a time and it was cost prohibitive to rent a dumpster or have someone haul it away. So I looked up burning carpet online and found that congress is actually funding studies to figure out how to reduce landfill waste, and one of the more promising studies indicates that burning old carpet actually helps coal burn cleaner because of the heat it puts off. So of course I'm thinking...if it's good enough for congress, it must be OK for me.

Well...let me tell you, not only is burning carpet and pad a little scary (I can't believe the flammability of this stuff...and it covers a large portion of every house I have ever owned!) but when it burns, it emits a black smoke that stinks very badly. In this particular case it could have been animal pee and poo or the carpet, but either way, the neighbors did not like it. The next thing I know I have a fireball about 15 feet high, in light wind, blowing likely toxic smoke in the direction of the neighbors houses.

Needless to say, about 10 minutes later my wife yells: "Ummmm....yea....there is a Sheriff in our back yard!"

Well...I go meet the guy. One of the nicest, largest men I have met. He asks me what I am burning. My reply: "Just a bunch of trash."
Sheriff: "The neighbors are complaining."
Me: "I'm sorry about that. It got a little bigger than I had realized. I will make sure to keep it down in the future"
Sheriff: "Yea, that would be a good idea. What are you burning anyway"
Me: "Oh...a bunch of cardboard and a couple of scraps of carpet"
Sheriff: "Well...you probably shouldn't burn that, or those tires over there (note...there were no tires in the fire). If the environmental guys hear about it, they won't be very happy, and you don't want them on your bad side".
Me: "Ahhh....good to know. Anything else?"
Sheriff: "Yea...you should probably keep it to things like wood and paper and stuff."
Me: "Oh...OK, I will do that. Thank you sir"
Sheriff: "You have a good day, and keep it under control".

Needless to say...I now know the rules about burning. Sheriff visit #1 complete...transition to redneck in full swing!

Hello and Introduction!

2012-04-03T06:23:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,
Welcome to my new blog "Going Redneck"! This blog is a little late in starting as the migration/transformation has already started, but I will fill you in gradually as the days move on. But first, a little history of what prompted me to start this. As you can see from the text below, we are a pretty typical family in this day-and-age, and we feel we are at that tipping point that so many have already fallen over. What makes us different is how we chose to deal with this tipping point pro-actively.

As it stands right now, I am a highly paid software engineering manager for a major communications company. My wife is a stay at home mom, and we have three beautiful girls. I grew up in the Midwest (Kansas) and my wife grew up in Tajikistan (a former war torn USSR territory). My wife moved to the states when she was 14 and has since learned English, completed high school, got a finance degree from Arizona State University, and then went on to get her teaching certificate (and a masters degree) in special education before deciding to stay home and raise our children. I, on the other hand, do not have a degree, but did graduate from an advanced (science/technology oriented) high school, and taught myself engineering.

We currently live in a "typical" 5-bedroom, 3-bathroom, 3000 square feet house in the Phoenix Metropolitan area. At the recent downturn (and arguably "collapse") of the economy, we started thinking long and hard about what we would do should I lose my job. Not that I am afraid of that possibility, but with no degree to get me in the door anywhere, we would be really "up a creek without a paddle" if that were to happen. To compound that, our mortgage on the house we are currently in won't break even for about 10-15 years (rough estimate). So we are essentially paying a very high rental rate for something that will likely never bring us the investment potential we were lead to believe when we bought it. Furthermore, since we are "good people" and pay our mortgage on time and blah, blah, blah, we don't qualify for any of the government assistance that others may get.

So...to kick this blog off, I will give you the teaser of what has happened so far (I will expand later): We just purchased 2.6 acres in southern Queen Creek Arizona, and it has a newer (2006) double-wide mobile home on it that was completely trashed (are rebuilding). We haven't even moved in yet, and already I have been to urgent care and the emergency room, the sheriff has been to our place twice (including a car towing and arrest), we have found needles wrapped in a paper towel, and have had to deal with more scorpions than I have ever seen in my 15 years here in AZ, and a snake. Oh, and I should mention that the first thing we brought to the new house was a 1980's era mobile home and immediately parked it in front of the house.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to sharing more as our adventure continues!

Stay tuned for our updates on how we are essentially "going redneck" in order to live debt free with a lot of land for all of my and my families toys.